THOUGHTS WHILE WATCHING GILMORE GIRLS-SEASON 3, EPISODE 1: LAZY HAZY CRAZY DAYS (PART 5)
Faces of Fear.
Bozo got an early flight home, bringing with him an immovable stench cloud that is hanging over the day's festivi-titties. The city of Chicago is letting out a sigh of relief, though.
In the middle of her crisis, Lorelai immediately abandons Rory, who is shaking in Dean's presence like a flu-stricken chihuaua. But not before reminding Dean how much she's missed him.
I heard there's a vacancy at the Shane and Jess Tree now, why don't you two make a reservation?
What the what! They're still going, in the same spot, completely uninterrupted! The Foreplay King and Queen! I am not worthy! Have they been making out in public so frequently that they just blend in with the scenery and hundreds of people walk right past them without even glancing? They've fused with the FuckTree. The 69 Pine.
Witnessing this peep show, Rory experiences an instantaenous full blown sexual awakening so seismic the earth threatens to crack open beneath her.
At FND, Emily and Richard take the news of the Lor & Crusty breakup just as well as anyone would have expected, which is to say, Not Well.
When Lorelai returns home...presumably after 8 pm,as it's pitch black outside but the summer festival is still underway, somehow, with hundreds of people roaming the streets. The Barbershop Quartet is still singing "Lazy Hazy Crazy Days" into the night sky, creating an eerie scene. This is like something out of the Twilight Zone. The festivals never end, Taylor Doose in his never ending quest for power and money is forcing the citizens of The Hollow to listen to the same song (actually, more like two lines from the same song) on a loop until they go mad, forced to sell corn dogs and cotton candy until they drop dead, while Shane and Jess are still making out against the Poke Oak.
Again, the last few episodes have been making me feel like something was missing, then I remember Luke still exists. Hi Luke! Why don't you put a light on or something, why are you working in the dark?
Looks like someone decided to put on her big girl panties and be brave.
With Lorelai breaking in and Jess always escaping it seems like Luke doesn't know what a lock is.
Lorelai states she isn't there to beg for forgiveness or have a conversation with him or to talk to him or interact with him in any whatsoever, but she had a bad night so she wants him to make her coffee. DIdn't you hear the man? He's closeddddd.
When Luke won't budge, Lorelai asks him to just pretend she's some other random customer she made up called Mimi, as if it's in any way possible for Luke to imagine this ridiculous woman as someone else. There's no way these two have ever successfully engaged in role play.
I guess he could pretend she's Kirk, both of them take up space for hours at his establishment and don't tip and make him want to lay down face first on the grill with his hand in the deep fryer.
Luke won't assist her, so Lorelai helps herself to a pot of tepid coffee, sits down at his counter and starts crying about all the fucky guys she's dated in the last two years.
"Crusty's gonna have a baby with this woman" True
"He's gonna be there for her when she's pregnant" False
"He's gonna be there with her to see his child grow up" False
"He's gonna be there for her while she does whatever it is she does."
You mean be super duper creepy? #CreepySherry
Am I supposed to feel sorry for you or something? Go cry to Dean Forrester.
You got a LONG wait ahead of you, sister.
Wah wah wah. I want a Tyrannosaurus to storm the streets of The Hollow and swallow your boyfriend Dean Forrester, then I want the t-rex to spit him out so he can be eaten a second time by another t-rex, but we can't always get everything we want, right Lorelai?
Here. Have a 14 hour old donut to ease your pain and hopefully make you go home.
Me, Outloud (Very Animated): What the what, she was about to pay you for the first time ever and you stopped her?!
A flipped script, but that's more or less the same reaction I have during A Year in the Life when Jess offers Rory money. “Why aren’t you taking her money” vs “why are you giving her money”
Is she gone?
Lorelai returns home to find Rory in the living room. It makes me verrrry nervous when Lorelai and Rory meet on the couch at the end of an episode. Shit always goes down on that couch. It's the Scary Couch. The couch where Lorelai imparts horrible wisdom. It turns out my intuition would be correct in this instance. So horribly, horribly correct.
Lorelai apologizes to Rory for reacting in the town square earlier, even though for once in her life Lorelai was actually the reasonable one who was totally in the right about Rory's behavior being slimy, and even if Lorelai is a hypcorite of the highest magnitude to try and impart on her child that you shouldn't mess around, cheat and play games. We can throw her a sprinkling of "Do as I say not as I do" points as long as she doesn't fuck it up in the last two minutes of the episode.... Hahahahaha. Ha?
LORELAI GILMORE GO 15 SECONDS WITHOUT MENTIONING DEAN FORRESTER CHALLENGE. GO!
Lorelai plops down on the couch with 2:58 left in the episode. *starts timer*
2 minutes and 43 seconds left. From sit-down to How's Dean was 15 seconds, she then asks "How was Dean" three more times.
That fucking couch!
Oh, and of course, after she took off and abandoned Rory earlier when Dean approached, Lorelai has yet to ask Rory how she's feeling.
Yay.
Unfortunately, yes. I called the T-Rex to eat Dean but she's booked to the gills, like, you really gotta know someone to get her to show up in your sleepy Connecticut town.
17 seconds from the last Dean mention to the next.
Oh..honey....
It's crazy NOW? No one tell her what a Three Ring FuckCircus the Jess Thing is going to turn into. She has to find out on her own. It's the only way she'll learn.
She says "I love Dean" with as much conviction as someone saying "Yes, I love walking around in wet socks."
But..ya kinda do, miss "just because you and Rory broke up doesn't mean we did, Dean." Lucky for you your daughter is a pathological people pleaser who won't dare to upset you or Dean, So you can rest easy knowing your precious Dean won't be going anywhere, for like, another 7 episodes.
He deserves to have his nuts crushed by a wooly mammoth.
You know what *deep breath* I'll choose to hear "In this alternate timeline, the HPV vaccination has already been invented in 2002 and I'm going to take you to the gynecologist to get it because I want you to be safe in case you one day decide you want to have sex with Jess" instead of unleashing Double T Rex's on Lorelai.
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