#Literally just control yourself

[metalyre]

and then infinite googles "how do you exorcise a chaos energy demon and make sure it goes to hell"

also. bonus panel:

#cw blood #cw gore #<- just in case tee hee #my art #fleetfinite #fleetway super sonic #infinite the jackal #eggman #dr eggman #sonic forces #sonic forces au #sth #and it was in this moment that infinite realized hes not the one in control here... #i mean he already knew it but literally watching yourself get brutally ohko'ed changes something in you #at least fleetway was sexy while he did it #im glad fleets' expression in that kill panel came out so well. i wanted him to be unsettlingly focused #a rare occurence for him #bc it shows that hes not just crazy all the time #hes actually acutely aware of his actions and behaviours. the crazy part abt him is that he just doesnt care to restrain any of it #hashtag just girly things :3

[beanghostprincess]

it wouldn't surprise me that, despite sanji being the literal cook of the crew, he had an eating disorder (ofc trigger warning here for eds, child abuse, starvation and, y'know, sanji's background in general).

he experienced the most traumatic years of his life trapped inside a fucking cell, with a metal helmet around his head and only eating when his father let him. which was 'only when the kid needs it', probably. which leads to judge saying 'i couldn't even kill my son' and it can translate to 'at least i kept you alive'. and not to turn this into irl trauma, but abusive parents constantly use the 'keeping you alive and giving you food' excuse (the bare fucking minimum) to guilt trip you into thinking that they're good and that you're exaggerating how bad they treated you because, well, at least they kept you alive, didn't they?

so here, sanji sees food as a form of loving but in the sense of 'at least my dad didn't kill me. that's something'. so his vision towards food remains positive but only because of his mom. only because his love language is acts of service and his mom took everything he gave her, even if it was horrific, as a way of saying 'i love all of you. you're perfect because you tried and the fact that you brought me your food is enough to make me feel loved. you're not a mistake' despite his brothers and his father saying that he was, indeed, a mistake and weak for wanting to give food to others instead of just taking it for himself.

both ideas of 'someone who loves you wouldn't let you starve' and 'offering food to others is opening up your heart' coexist inside little sanji's brain.

so it wouldn't be crazy to think that, although sanji loves cooking and his best early memories of it are that book that kept him dreaming while he was locked up, and his mom's words, has a hard time eating food.

besides, sanji is used to giving, not taking. he's not selfish, but actually extremely generous to the point of forgetting about his own well-being. i don't think he actually thinks about how hungry he is until it hurts. until he needs it. he only ate whenever his father let him so he wouldn't starve, and the only thing that made him feel well about food was the fact that he could give it to the one he loved and needed it.

sanji doesn't have good experiences eating food, but only cooking it. it's a great representation of his personality as a whole, to be honest.

then the whole zeff thing happens, and he actually almost starves to death and learns what hunger feels like. but once again, zeff saves him and he's the one to be hungry for not letting the kid starve. which might seem similar to what judge did, but 'not letting you starve because i couldn't kill you' isn't the same as 'not letting you starve because i don't want you to die'. sanji learns the difference that day.

he didn't know somebody could be that kind. especially to him, someone who doesn't deserve it (he thinks he doesn't) because, in his house, love only came when you earned it.

and, you know, sanji's like that. sanji's selfless. sanji does everything for others. and so the guilt eats him up first. what zeff did is beautiful and amazing and we love him for it, but we don't know about how that affected sanji at a young age. which only makes him even more selfless and more of a better, kinder, generous person. and that might be bad, considering how little he thinks about himself already-

he learns that throwing away food is awful, and that you have to be grateful for being able to eat. grateful for living. so his don't-waste-food policy is obviously a big part of his personality due to almost dying of starvation and also owing his life to his dad (zeff, the real one, of course. fuck judge).

but that can almost be dangerous because refusing to waste food leads to forcing yourself to eat only because of his concept of what food means.

and then we have luffy in wci saying the whole 'i won't eat anything that you haven't cooked' which is precious and something very beautiful to say to your cook, but that only brings sanji back to 'starving is a form of loving' and 'you can't let someone you love starve'. and no matter how much he wants to force himself to push luffy away, he gives him food because he knows his captain will keep his promise.

sanji feels guilty, once again, but he ends up fixing it.

the thing is, after everything i've said, i don't think it would be weird to think about sanji viewing food as something external. something that isn't for himself. something that he only has control over because it's for others and not for himself, and it's a concept, a form of love, and not a need. because he does not feel hungry. when it comes to food, he feels responsibility and guilt and love... but never hunger.

hunger is, by all means, a form of selfishness sanji isn't used to unless his body is about to give up completely. he can eat out of pleasure and satisfaction and love for food, but he does it to train a selfless skill that may or may not also be selfish in the sense of 'wanting to be loved and useful'.

so here we have:

seeing food as a form of love because at least his dad wouldn't let him die, but he probably learned to push away the concept of hunger

seeing cooking as the most beautiful way of showing your feelings and efforts and taking care of people

not knowing the concept of hunger due to his own selflessness

scratch the first one, actually starving for others is a form of loving. he will never let the people he loves starve even if it means he dies in the process.

he can't waste food because that would be insulting and disrespectful. no matter the context.

and i'm just saying (and this whole thing is extremely self-indulgent and me projecting again and again) that it wouldn't be surprising to me if he had some issues when it comes to eating and making food for himself.

it's not that he thinks he doesn't deserve food, it's just the thought that he doesn't need it. going back to his past it could be seeing hunger as a form of weakness (not when it comes to others. never when it comes to others), both because of what his family taught him men should be like, and the fact that the manliest man he knows used starvation as a form of love.

so it's seeing hunger as something that makes you weak, but only when it comes to himself because of course, he wouldn't apply the same rules for him as for everyone else. he's just like that.

he thinks about others first, and himself second. always second. and the thought of eating and needing it only comes when it's too much. and when that time comes, the voices in his head tell him that he's weak. and again, i don't think he sees himself as undeserving of food because he has this whole thing about everybody deserving to eat. but he has never played with the same rules as the rest, always a few steps behind, so if he can't fight the thoughts in his head contradicting his morals, that's just how he is.

not to mention the 'don't waste food' part which also would make him feel guilty about not being able to eat if the thoughts of not deserving food and being weak for needing to eat become too much. he can't eat because he doesn't deserve it and because he's weak. and he can't starve, because that would mean wasting food.

so, you know, sanji is out of options here.

if some days sanji just casually decides not to eat- forgets to prepare himself a meal while his crew enjoys his food... that's just the way he is, isn't it? and if he lies about it, it's just another form of love, keeping them away from his problems.

besides, controlling hunger and controlling food is the only way he has to take control of his messy life. when something is out of reach, the unstoppable thing called life he has never been able to control, at least he can choose not to eat. he can choose to starve, this time, with the comfort of knowing he won't. he can choose not to eat this time, not like all of those times when food was controlling him instead.

at least the strawhats will never, ever, starve if he's around. but of course, nobody thinks about asking the cook if he wants to eat. that would be absurd. and it's impossible to think sanji would have some sort of issue with it! sanji, the cook, who keeps telling them not to waste food, not eating? that would be absurd and too selfless to make sense.

that's just the way he is.

#this headcanon is literally just me projecting my shit onto sanji ngl #*holds sanji gently* you've changed my life darling i love you so much please take care of yourself #why's he such a good person and why do people always treat him like shit i am violent #i swear all of this makes sense in my head #like he's a person who's always taking control of the situation only bc he feels like he can't control what he's feeling #and yknow feeling is for the weak and men aren't weak and yadda yadda yadda fuck the vinsmokes #his eating disorder is also heavily connected to his views in gender but that's for another day #tw eating disorder #sanji #black leg sanji #vinsmoke sanji #<- i hate this tag btw only using so it gets to more people bc i spent my time writing this ngl #red leg zeff #one piece #op

[somecunttookmyurl]

my body alert me to having an entirely full bladder with more than 30s warning challenge (impossible)

#it! is! so! annoying! just! be! normal! *screams* #genuinely i did piss myself as a kid a LOT until i was like. 10. no lie. #bc i would not know - at all! no inclination whatsoever! if i went anyway nothing would come out! - i needed to pee #until we hit 'you are going to piss yourself immediately' #just 0 to 100 in 0.35 seconds #and i did not have the control or muscle strength or whatever to not just. piss myself if i wasnt in immediate reach of a bathroom #i went though two. years. of 'bladder retraining' therapy #which is MEANT to retune you into signals or whatever so you know you need to pee with a fucking resonable amount of warning #spoiler: it did not do this #it did not improve the signalling at all whatsoever #what it DID do was develop the necessary strength and control to become doubled over with sudden OH GOD RIGHT NOW pee pain #BUT be able to hold it off for 5-10 min if necessary #which to the adults around me was a success bc it looked like i knew how to pee properly now #i don't. i just know how to NOT pee MYSELF and make it embarrassing. difference. #look man i'm 33 presumably there will literally never be a point in my life where i will know 'oh i kinda need to pee' an hour before #i will always be playing Highway To The Danger Zone every day forever #i just live like this #CHRIST it's so FUCKING annoying though #i mean this applies to all functions i have no internal signalling for anything until it is Super Right Now Urgent #my body notify me of anything at all ever challenge (impossible) #god if this aint the most annoying one though

[sleepless-crows]

i wish that when people say "i want someone who's like this and this and this" and constantly raise their standards and say they'll never find someone like that in real life, instead they'll ask themselves what do they like so much about that person they've built in their head and decide "if i don't see anyone who's like that, then i'll become that person". that perfect person that you want to meet in the future, that person that you want to be yours, that is you! that is everything you like in a person so become everything you like in a person! not only will that help you continuously grow as a person but you also attract who you are! become that person you want. i think that's a brighter and more productive mindset we could all use

#that is what i want to say to my friends but its been minutes and i would be very off topic but i think its something people should hear #i literally have zero experience with relationships and im aroace but i just think that we should all focus on being the person we want #instead of waiting for our ideal people to magically appear. because the one thing you can work on and control is yourself

[chilapis]

Last post before I crash and no-one hears from me until I return from my first final the morrow’s eve (a changed man no doubt) but there’ll never be anything funnier to me than consistently being viewed as a composed and calm saviour by peers while I’m, actively and uncontrollably losing it.

#not said sarcastically or as a vent by the way I genuinely find it so terribly amusing. you think I have it together ? aw <3 you fool. #i’ve been pacing around my room like a starving lion since the past week in whatever free time i’ve had. #and i keep getting people in my messages begging me for last minute help ? which is endearing but. i’m hanging on for dear life myself #helping isn’t foreign to me; i have 4 (?) people in my class who almost exclusively refer to me as ma’am and even refer to me as a teacher. #but helping last minute is so. deeply chaotic. #and I have this issue with me where having others around me makes me immediately drop into a ‘role’ of sorts? #i’ll be freaking out but then someone else starts freaking out around me and my immediate response is to just. #hey. we are going to make it out of this. it’s easy as pie. do you see me worried? no right? <- on the verge of hyperventilating #there’s this one guy in particular who got so excited to find out we have the exact same examination set-up tomorrow. #i gave him like basic pointers and i don’t think i’ve ever been thanked so earnestly and desperately in my life. #i remember during mocks my friends would message me what I wrote in questions and then they’d immediately go oh thank Fuck. #they’d literally just act like they’re absolutely going to pass now just because we had points ​in common. #as if i’m some sort of fucked up correct answer sheet incarnate. #it’s genuinely really sweet to me though; like i’m not posting this ranting or such. #having so much faith in another to the point that you can put yourself completely at ease says. alot i think. #and i’m glad i can be that person for so many. #and I feel like it helps me in a way too because i become so concerned with others that I forget to drown myself in my worries. #i forget that I’m worried because there are others to care about and console and help. so i suppose they help me in a way as well. #but also who is going to be that person for ME. who is going to console ME. im going fucking neurotic /jest #<- woman with ego issues & control issues who would rather die than accept help. #sigh. oh well. I’m sure we’ll do just fine. cannot wait #🥀🍷 — colloquy.

[lesbiansanemi]

I am so fucking sick of living with my roommate and his fuck ass boyfriend. Also watching my roommate burn every single one of his (already rather minimal, I might add) bridges for this guy is also kind of painful but also his relationship with me is one of said bridges so I'm almost past the point of even feeling bad for him lmao

#i have had to piss for probably the better part of an hour now #because they decided to take a shower together and have been in there for well OVER an hour now #and this is a nightly occurence atp sometimes MULTIPLE times a day #we have one bathroom.... can yall not be considerate enough to not be in there for up to TWO HOURS AT A TIME??? #also it's such a waste of fucking water.... #idk we've hit a point where i literally hear the bf doing anything and i get pissed off #but also tell me why i'm sitting in my room (which shares a wall with the bathroom) and i can hear this man hacking and spitting shit up #and this is also something that happens multiple times a day #like.... dude.... why are you spitting up toothpaste so fucking loudly oh my fucking god #but yeah no i'm like my roommate's only friend atp and he's about to not have me lmao like we're about to reach #'i'm cutting you off when i move out' levels of me being pissed off with this whole situation type shit #and apparently the bf convinced him to come out to his family which his mom was chill which is good #his dad's side of the family though....? not great. and my roommate KNEW that would be the case cuz we'd talked about it before #also love that my roommate has constantly talked about moving out of the city we live in because he hates and also there's no good career #opportunities for him here (which is true) #and now. MAGICALLY. he's like 'idk i think it'd be best for me to stay here' #like oh my GOD???? are you hearing yourself???? are you fucking stupid???? you fucking hate it here??? #but sure throw your life away and ruin all your meaningful relationships for a guy you met six months ago jfc #and the thing is i *know* my roommate we've been close CLOSE friends for nearly a decade now #i know he is not like this.... like yeah he's being insane by allowing this but also i know these aren't the kinds of decisions he would ma #and also i know he wouldn't treat me like this all on his own #it's the deranged fucking control freak of a guy he decided to date and my roommate has too many of his own issues to put his foot down #about certain things and tell the guy no so he's just allowing him to completely take over his life #and fuck everything up until the bf is the only thing he has left once it's all said and done #and yeah. it's painful to watch. but also wtf am i supposed to do because obviously my opinion is not respected nor wanted regarding this #that has been made PAINFULLY clear #ugh this is so fucking horrendous #what is it with ppl who start to date someone and then go clinically fucking insane and destroy their lives all for this one person #who. realistically. they barely know in comparison to all the other ppl in their life #like explain it to me jfc

[imflyingfish]

Honestly i dont like sculk spreading/corruption storylines theyre really boring with a few exceptions

#at least make it MEANINGFUL. OR AN ALLEGORY SURE #but a lot of thr timr its just like #augh... ohnoo... thr sculkk.. its spreading and taking me ovrr.... fukkkkk..... #and then its either like poof all better now or oops fuck everythinfs dead the end #i just dont think theyre cool unless they have a specific meaning #like cub's sculk arc? that was really boring man ur not even from that server and ir didnt like do anything #i mean its funny from a 'its cub' pov but aside from that ehhh..... nah...... #The corruption from s1 esmp was cool however but more because it served an actual function it was a good mass server event not caused by a #specific player but instead a mass storylune and players got to interact with it in interesting ways #but also there was never the threat of oh.... noo.... the entire world will become corrupted it was more WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS BIGASS PLANT #DOING HERE #and it tied into very nicely xornoth and that #esmp2 ALSO kind of had a corruption line with the fae but like.... what was that even.... i literally dint remember and i was there..... #it was boring...... #oh and also owens nlsmp corruption storyline.... sigh.... #there was so much potential for Sparrow and that storyline and i wish Owen had just gone 'okay i need people to roleplay as online for this #narrative' like Oli does #like u cant really do long term storytelling on what is a short term server if you arent ready to direct people and allow yourself to #control YOUR story the whole sculk spreading thing just seemed like a copout due to the server ending #where i think owen should have put his own content above what is technically true #its roleplay #like owen does roleplay well. but the difference is on the POW servers is that theres a set time and most people are on at the same time #but that just doesnt occur so much on youtube based smps and thats why i think until owen is able to direct more (outside of shared rp with #scott specifically) he's probably better suited towards streamed roleplay later edited #idk sculk storylines are boring basically they can work but only in an active server i feel #like with owens it was like 'oh fuck the sculk is spreading i have GOT to stop this!' meanwhile everyone else on the planet is like already #dead following his videos like idk man just didnt hit #there was also no specific defeat or true responce to the sculk either like ik there was the vault but idk #like overall. it was fine and i enjoyed it but thst doesnt mean i like sculk storylines

[jaypgartifacts]

october is coming. which means, of course, that it is time for the horrors. tfw the dream self must confront the Nightmare Self

#body horror // #homestuck #YES i am invoking tarot symbolism and YES i have reasons for choosing the cards i did and YES i AM just making things up as i go. im normal #symbolism runthrough real quick. consider this an Artist's Statement of sorts. #The Tower: ambition built on a flawed premise. guy who always thinks he knows better than you in dire need of a wakeup call #strength: the journey of the self vis a vis finding the courage to act & tapping into latent potential that always existed #& simply needed to be accessed. note: dirk in this card is brain ghost dirk specifically. #(an illusion constructed by jake because he didn't believe in his own repressed abilities - drawn here as The Horrors.) #the devil: you are maybe not the CAUSE of all of your problems but DAMN you are making them worse for yourself. #this card is SO heavy on unhealthy coping mechanisms. symbolism here - very literally holding self down #sure it feels comforting in the moment but eventually you are going to drown. #the chariot: this one's not super clear visually but i do have a method to my madness #the chariot is the card of willpower; control; forward motion; resolution. #by the same token i think it is also a card about being really really stubborn - blinded by a goal. #holding onto the reins and refusing to let go even when holding them hurts you & others around you. #honestly i think some of the minor arcana fit better for a few of these cards but i wanted to stick w majors #for the sake of Icon Recognition i guess. #anyway [putting the alpha gang in the Narrative Wiggler to work through their problems] #they are going to the Dream Realm to meet their weirdest selves (and friends) in combat. unless...? #(it was never about fighting it was about healing. SYMBOLISM)

[suzakus-canon-wife]

Ok the fact that Kabru and I have very similar disorderd eating for very similar reasons is making me so emotional. Like I cannot even begin to describe how it makes me feel

#ive had anorexia for over 10 years #i dont wanna tramua dump but it was a mix of wanting to control something giving myself what i thought was the best appearance #byt the biggest thing was wanting others not to worry about me #i wanted others to have my portions over me cause jt made me feel useful when i felt i had no purpose #i still struggle wjth jt a lot #and seeing kabru go through something like that aomething i would never wish on anyone especially him #it makes me just so sad and heartbroken ya kno #you cant pour from an empty cup ya kno ? #if u wanna help take care of kthers u gotta take care of yourself #ill still go days without eating on occasion hell i still dont feel hungry most of the time #but i have people who love me and want me tk be here so i do jt #and to see him going through something so similar it is beyond heartbreaking #im literally crying i just #im emotional im so goddamn emotional #i need to go to sleep or at least try cause im crying but yea #eating disorder tw

[tragedykery]

I fucking love werewolves they’re sooo versatile. they can be serious or silly or even sexy. they can be a metaphor for literally anything. creature of all time methinks <3

#regarding metaphors I’m particularly fond of them being used as one for disability but as previously iterated literally Anything goes #they’re about ​queerness. anger. generational trauma. Otherness. transformation/change. (loss of) control. repression. fearing yourself. #the lines between humanity & monstrosity (and blurring thereof). just really fucking wanting to bite someone. etc etc etc #elli rambles #lycanthropy

[thethingything]

local man discovers he's gotten into the habit of using DBT techniques without actually being taught them because at some point he realised that the things we get the urge to do when we have strong emotions often aren't healthy and that he doesn't like how he feels afterwards so he started noticing when that was happening and going "fuck that shit" and doing the opposite instead

#personal #thoughts #Lucy post #talking to 🍬 about various stuff we do because of our social anxiety and what are probably undiagnosed BPD symptoms #and we realised he's gotten himself into the habit of paying attention to how his emotions affect his judgement #and trying to take a step back when he's experiencing an emotion that he knows gives us the urge to do stuff that's not healthy for us #and he said he felt bad about having those emotions and urges to do unhealthy stuff #at which point I was like ''okay but you're choosing not to act on that and to take a step back and do something healthier instead #which is what actually matters here and is also something that takes a hell of a lot of self-awareness and self-control'' #this is shit they teach you in therapy that's difficult specifically because you're going against your brain's instincts for a situation #and we were never taught how to do it so you've just fucking taught yourself to do it instead #without actually knowing it's a specific technique that has a name #I was aware of it but had never actually looked at the instructions properly because when I stumbled across it #it was at a point where being told to go against what my emotions made me want to do felt invalidating and upsetting #I've literally just pieced together that ''oh right that's what that is and how it's supposed to work #and how it's meant to feel when you do it right'' #anyway all this is to say that I keep being impressed with the amount of progress 🍬's made on learning healthy coping mechanisms #including things I could never seem to get the hang of when I was fronting more and handling more stuff #and I'm really proud of him and 🦋 and everyone else who's been handling stuff within the system and keeping things running #but also nobody in here seems to realise how much progress they've made with anything until someone else points it out #I just realised I should tag this as #happy posting #because I'm talking about stuff that's going well and where we've actually made a lot of progress

[iscariotapologist]

thinking about how atrocious it is that so many people are taught to dwell on how god loves them Despite Their Sins. you must see love through the lens of self hatred, you have to believe you are evil before you are loved. the foundation of your perception of god and yourself is that you are inherently bad and deserve nothing good. figuring out how to deinternalize this is probably the hardest thing ever

#'love your neighbor as yourself' but you had better fucking hate yourself! #ps have you considered today how you are evil beyond your control and the reason god is so good is because he has the mercy to not smite #you for being born as an evil wretched human being #sorry i know theres more nuance for some people etc but i have been in therapy for so long. good fucking lord #and the words evangelicals will string together to try to justify this or make it seem less awful are insane #im sure i've talked about this before but im literally just sitting here. raising my blood pressure about it #anyway this is an anti original sin blog #me

[naranjapetrificada]

I complain about the tumblr android app but it just crashed, saving me from reading what looked like it was going to be an emotionally devastating fic that I lack the impulse control to protect myself from

#ofmd #I literally only created this account to have somewhere to yell about how sad “end of life” fics are #and how I kept accidentally stumbling upon them #and how it was both emotionally and existentially devastating #and the worst part is #if that fic does show up in my feed somehow #I'll run to read it like my hair is on fire #because I have to look into any abyss I find #and worry at shit like a lose tooth #by all accounts it looked like exactly the kind of life and ending we'd want for Ed and Stede #they reconciled and retired and lived into their 80s #but then they did a Last of Us ep3 #and that's just beautiful #but I'll never be emotionally ready to read that and the impulse control part of my brain hasn't gotten the message #so I poke at the sore spot until it bleeds then get all surprised pikachu that I'm bleeding #our flag means death #ofmd fics #go ahead and grieve yourself

[jitteryjive]

people have gotta take aspec characters more seriously. i don’t care when aces sexualize ace characters or aros romanticize aro characters, that’s the world’s most free pass, but it is so annoying when people who aren’t aspec in any way do as such to the respective character and when there’s any objection it’s like UM WELL THEY’RE FICTIONAL AND IT DOESN’T MATTER IF THEY’RE ASPEC. ok i guess it doesn’t matter when a straight man lusts after a lesbian character or a straight woman lusts after a gay male character then

#literally if you can’t control yourself with the one in a million aro a/or ace character just make an oc. it is Not that hard #also to clarify both fucking suck because that’s weird as shit. Be normal about queer people challenge #edit: the lusting part is like. when people make art of shipping men/male characters with the lesbian

[comas-are-for-sleeping]

bc it's like. and i was GOING to talk to you about the religion aspect of it because it is also partly a letter to God where i am like bro fuck me why is everything so hard; but also like. u know that already i could talk myself into the ground about that already so like yeah. i never posted this one bc it explicitly mentioned my age in a way that i Do Not have the heard to change and also i am emotionally fragile about it and it was probably one of the last songs i wrote before the one i made for tater last year... and it's SO SAD man. it started out as a poem about me hating summer now and the fact that i hated hating summer now because it used to be my favorite season, but then every single thing that made me love the season got taken away from me--the place i was in when i got to experience it, the people i got to be with, the friends and the family and the spending time with all of those people who were so important to me--and then it kind of slowly turned into me going why is everything that i am fucked up how do you even wait for me when i'm like this why must time pass and why does the hurt only get worse. and there's like no real point to me talking about this song i do not think i am going anywhere with this but it is SO IMPRESSIVE how badly i did not want to listen to it until like. over a year later. and now every time i listen to it it's wild because i always get to have the fun realization that this fits literally any breakdown i could have that would have me listening to sad music like goddamn it is it a versatile little fucker of a song.

but also it is interesting because there are parts in there that i've grown a little about and i can look back and be glad that i have moved on from it. it's like a little marker fr like one day when i'm like fifty i can look back on this song and be like haha fuck you life i won. so i'm kind of just. drifting along waiting for that i think

FJFJRJR ALL OF THIS IS SO REAL DUDE IM

bc literally same omfg DUUDE. *shakes you and then hugs you and then shakes you again*

#its like. and idk if this is rlly related to what ur saying actually but for me these two things have major overlap #of the like. how much of what is ‘wrong’ is my fault and how much of it was not at all in my control and just #LIVING with mistakes or even just perceived mistakes #and forgivinh yourself and others OHKHGKGKGL #IT IS ROUGH OUT HERE OH THERE IS THIS SONG #i actually ended up making a playlist of all the songs that leave me emotionally devastated and there is one #that is like ‘i hate myself for hating you because you didnt really do anything wrong so why do i hurt so much’ #that my roommate played on the speakers one night and i was just. sat on my bed like WTF??? #BUT THEN ALSO THE GROWTH??????? and like the knowledge that it will continue to get better even tho it feels so fuckinh slow #and endless but you literally have empirical evidence that it gets better #*runs up the walls and bounces around in a feral manner* #ALSO HELLO THIS IS LITERALLY ONE OF THE LIKE. THREE THINGS BOUNCING IN MY HEAD RN SO UMM. WOW TWINNING #just so so much unnamed and indescribable emotion that i want to DRAW but people are SO fucking hard #ask #soryasongsaa #pen and ink

[scaredofthetimes]

the information is out there and ready to read :)

#health IS important #diabetes is really serious #dont give yourself health issues just because?? #ignorance LITERALLY kills #having discipline is necessary you need to learn to eat like an adult #when youre a child and you dont have the ability to control your diet at all you cant help it #ive been there #but its your responsibility as an adult/older teen to actually gaf about youself #dont do urself a disservice #no ones going to do it for you please be mindful #side note: this was just the short answer if you click the link it will tell you every detail of different types / all causes