#Listen man you can't unlearn some things

[bby-deerling]

Can you do a HC about living (as their gf) with their bad habbits? With Zoro, Law, Kid and Luffy 😊

this was so fun to write! here you go nonny :)

dealing with their bad habits headcanons

ft. zoro, law, kid, luffy

masterlist || commissions

luffy

he is awful about stealing food from your plate, to the point where it's hard not to snap and yell at him sometimes, even though he looks so darn cute when he makes puppy-dog eyes at you, the crumbs of your meal still stuck to the corners of his mouth. forgiving him is hard sometimes, but sanji is always willing to lock your captain out of the kitchen and make you another plate.

isn't the best listener. you'll be telling him a story, or something important or emotional and he'll either completely space out or get distracted by a bug, or a game usopp and chopper are playing. you'll have to learn to not take things personally—he doesn't mean to be rude, he just doesn't have the attention span for deep conversations sometimes.

luffy is incredibly stubborn. it's his way or the highway sometimes (most times), and he'll either pull the captain card or pout and whine incessantly to get his way. there's no getting around his iron will, and you'll have to learn to compromise with him and let him do whatever it is he's so determined to do (or call over nami to bonk him over the head and knock some sense into him).

zoro

he has the tendency to get really engrossed in his training. as a result, he often loses track of time and can end up missing important events; he's stubborn and unwilling to compromise when it comes to striving to reach his dream, so you'll have to make peace with the fact that becoming the world's greatest swordsman will always be his priority.

zoro drinks. a lot. he never gets drunk, but he can get tipsy at times. when he does he can get boisterous, which is cute, but has the potential to grind gears when it's three in the morning and he's still determined to keep the party going.

doesn't shower as much as he probably should. everyone else around him exaggerates how long he goes without showers, but he still lets himself marinate enough to the point where his scent of musk and steel is a little bit overbearing at times. if you're not a freak like me who is really into that, you'll have to get creative in order to entice him to bathe more often.

kid

god is this man loud. always shouting and never shuts up. when he drinks, it gets even worse, and he's always getting himself into trouble by running his mouth. it's never anything he can't handle with a few punches and a bit of magnetism, but you'll have to get used to the fact that he's brash to a fault.

he tends to prioritize spending time with killer over your relationship at times. he never notices himself until you're fuming mad at him, but if you talk to killer privately, he'll make and effort urge kid to hang out with you instead before things boil over too severely.

in addition to him being prone to just saying anything on his mind, he has no concept of a filter or privacy, especially if he thinks something is funny—anything that happens between you two is subject to being shared with everyone aboard the victoria punk, unless you really beat it into his head that certain things aren't to be blabbed about (and even then, he's forgetful sometimes—another bad habit of his).

law

he is prone to getting moody and emotional, and tends to distance himself from you during these periods. truthfully, he secretly wants you to chase after him and dote on him, but he's too prideful to ask for it, so you'll have to observe him closely to figure out what his real emotional needs are.

sometimes he slips into his "captain voice" when he's talking to you in private and will accidentally order you to do something that he's easily capable of doing himself. he doesn't mean to do it, it's just a reflex that he has to unlearn—though he still slips up at times, which leaves you a tiny bit miffed.

he forgets to put the toilet seat down sometimes, especially when you first start staying in his room. he's so used to having his own bathroom that the thought doesn't even cross his mind until you complain about it. he makes a conscious effort, but every so often you nearly fall into the toilet bowl in the middle of the night and have to swallow your annoyance.

#one piece x reader #one piece headcanons #zoro x reader #law x reader #eustass kid x reader #luffy x reader #roronoa zoro x reader #monkey d luffy x reader #trafalgar law x reader #eustass kidd x reader #law x you #zoro x you #luffy x you #one piece fanfiction

[loserdiaz]

april's fics masterlist! 💌

unbetaed, unedited, unhinged

This is a list of all most of my published buddie fics for the 9-1-1 fandom (will be updated as needed).

I hate accidents (except when we went from friends to this) | teen and up | 4.2k words

"What did you just say?' Buck swallows thickly and reaches for the marriage certificate, passing it to Eddie. "Don’t panic but I think we might have accidentally gotten married." He lets out a breath, bracing himself for the worst case scenario. 'Don't panic', he says, which is rich coming from Buck since he feels like all he'll be able to do for the foreseeable future is panic. Eddie doesn’t react, which is kinda great and definitely something Buck can work with, but he’s also honestly a little worried Eddie went catatonic. “Married?” Eddie repeats, in a hollow voice. from the tumblt prompt: "Don’t panic but I think we might have accidentally gotten married."

i'll heal eventually (but faster if you're next to me) | teen and up | 19.2k words

School Nurse Eddie and the idiotic Gym Teacher Buck that keeps getting injured.

we are a fresh page on the desk (filling in the blanks as we go) | teen and up | 29k words

Buck's a best seller author under a pen name, Eddie is an actor auditioning for the movie adaptation of his books, and somewhere along the way, they fall in love.

made my way to a life i would choose | explicit | 34.9k words

In which Eddie transfers from his station to the Dispatch Center to be the LAFD Liaison, change is hard, staying away from Dispatcher Evan Buckley is even harder and not falling in love with the man is god-damned impossible. Eddie makes his way to a life he would choose and to a family who will choose him back.

he never thinks of me (except when i'm on TV) | mature | 18.1k words

In which Eddie finds out years later that his unrequited feelings for his high school best friend were not actually unrequited, Buck is stupidly famous now and they pine. They get there in the end, they just need to get their timing right. Inspired by the prompt: “you’re famous and just got asked if you were ever in love this should be good– WAIT WHAT."

it can't be unlearned (i've known the warmth of you) | teen and up | 4k words

Buck gets attacked by hunters on his way to Eddie's, Eddie takes care of him and some revelations come to light in the morning.

spinning faster than the plane that took you | teen and up | 9.2k words

Buck flees to the other side of the world, they're both miserable and also pining idiots in love. Somehow it all works out in the end.

the way you move is like a full on rainstorm (and I'm a house of cards) | explicit | 2.7k words

Buck and Eddie play strip poker and things get a little out of control. It's for the best, though.

trust me to take you home | teen and up | 2.2k words

"Listen," Eddie clears his throat. "Thank you for doing this. I—" "Thank me after we get out of this alive." Buck leans forward, his face just a few inches away from Eddie's, he has a conspiratorial glint in his eyes and his cheeks are flushed— Eddie should get an award for how strong he's being right now, seriously. It takes everything in him not to close the gap between them and kiss Buck right then and there. He could do it, though, with the excuse of people watching. They need to keep the charade, right? When Pepa kept setting him up on awful, horrible dates, and Buck offered to pretend they were dating— well, how could Eddie ever refuse something like that? The chance to get a taste for what he's been aching and longing for since forever, even if it'll end up with his heart more broken than it already is. It seemed like a good idea at the time, alright? Eddie's never claimed to make smart, sound decisions. or: there's a wedding in texas, a meddling tía pepa and only one bed. somehow, it all works in the end.

called my bluff (and saw through all my tells) | explicit | 2.3k words

eddie knows exactly how long buck was dead for and buck doesn't really know what to do with that information— so he does the logical and sensible thing and fucks the guy.

believe in one thing (i won't go away) | mature | 24k words

"I think— I think we should go to therapy. Together." Eddie says one night and takes Buck completely by surprise. "Therapy? Together?" "Yeah, like, couple's therapy or something. Frank told me he can recommend someone for us." "Eddie…" Buck says slowly, as if he's trying to explain the hardest math problem in the universe to a five year old. "We're not, uh— We're not a couple." "No, I know." Eddie frowns and looks down, fidgeting with the beer in between his hands. "But we're partners." He says, this time a lot lower that Buck barely hears it. "Right?" or: the one where buck is figuring out stuff after waking up from a coma, eddie misses his best friend and they go to couple's therapy.

I woke up just in time, (now I wake up by your side) | teen and up | 2.9k words

"Fine, I'm his fiancé." Eddie rolls his eyes and ignores the stares of his teammates behind his back. "It's fairly recent, we haven't had the time to finish the paperwork. Are you really not gonna let me see my fiancé?" or: Buck is in a coma, the nurses are being difficult and Eddie pretends to be engaged to Buck so they would let him see his friend. prompt: what are the ethical implications of pretending to be engaged to a comatose man?

romance is not dead (if you keep it just yours) | teen and up | 2.8k words

Buck went on a mysterious date, he's being oddly secretive about it and his family is just too meddling to let it go. (Eddie is having the time of his life.)

i've spent my whole life trying to put it into words | teen and up | 4.1k words

5 times Eddie was in a car with Buck, trying not to tell the man he loves him +1 time he says it. prompt: you're in a car with a beautiful boy and you're trying not to tell him that you love him.

I'd marry you with paper rings | general audiences | 1.7k words

In which Buck has thoughts about Valentine's day, he makes paper rings and somehow ends up proposing to his best friend. It kinda works out for him in the end.

I'm so in love that I might stop breathing | teen and up | 5.5k words

In which Eddie's parents come to visit, Buck is an idiot and as always, a family dinner goes wrong. BTHB Prompt: Allergic Reaction

my hands are shaking from holding back from you | explicit | 7.5k words

5 times Eddie sees one of Buck's thirst traps/nudes. Inspired by the prompt: whoops I accidentally found a naked/sexy selfie of you on your phone and fuck how am i supposed to function around you now?

pining and anticipation (I don't want you like a best friend) | teen and up | 3.3k words

"So teach me. Show me the Buck 1.0 moves or whatever." He grins at him and moves his hand, brushes his knuckles against Buck's forearm— ghosting over his skin. Buck gets goosebumps and pulls away, nearly falling off his stool. When he straightens, wincing, Eddie is grinning at him, delight all over his face. "Who doesn't have game now, Buckley?" or: Buck inadvertently challenges Eddie to try to hit on him by laughing at the fact that the guy has no game. It ends up being the best thing ever.

the songs i wrote as your other (are the best i´ll ever sing) | explicit | 7.4k words

“Should we take this new romantic love song to mean there’s someone new in your life?” “No.” He flashes another smile, all teeth and confidence he doesn't really feel inside. But he feels the weight of the cameras on him and the weight of Eddie's gaze against the side of his face; he needs to keep the act up. “Trust me, you don’t need to be in love to write a love song. It’s ingrained.” He glances at Eddie. or; Buck and Eddie are in a rock band together and have this friends with benefits thing going on. They try to keep things casual... except Buck keeps writing love songs about Eddie.

this is my idea of fun (playing video games) | explicit | 5.1k words ( co-written with @cowboy-buddie )

Eddie’s just trying to enjoy a day off filled with video games, but when Buck comes home, well, he has a diffrent sort of game in mind.

it's what my rotting bones will sing when the rest of me is dead | teen and up | 12.4k words

the one where a call goes wrong and leaves everyone thinking eddie was dead, buck finds about the will through a letter and comes to some other revelations in the process. and in which eddie finds his way back home and finally gets to be happy with the love of his life. BTHB Prompt: Missing and Presumed Dead

situations, circumstances, miscommunications ( i just may like some explanations ) | teen and up | 4.3k words

from the prompt: We're best friends and have been dating for over a month now but you won't kiss me so should we just break up and just be friends? But turns out you didn't know we were dating

the night i nearly lost you (really thought i'd lost you) | teen and up | 2.9k words

"Buck! Buck, baby! Stay with me, okay?" Eddie. Eddie's voice washes over him like a warmth blanket, comforting and grounding even amongst all the pain and fogginess. "Buck! Buck!" The screams calling his name pierce through Buck’s skull like a freight train. The pain pulses behind his eye and echoes down his spine until it falls into the churning waters of Buck’s stomach. Nausea rolls through him and he groans, closing his eyes. or: The woman sleep driving her car into the station goes a little faster and hits Buck... Eddie doesn't handle it well. BTHB Prompt: Ambulance Ride

I'm the one on the phone as you whisper | teen and up | 1.2k words

Buck's date cancels but he has already made the restaurant reservation, so he decides to call Hen and ask if she'd like to take Karen there. He dials the wrong number. It all works in the end.

i don't want to keep secrets just to keep you | teen and up | 5.5k words

Buck insists on keeping their relationship a secret for longer than Eddie thought they would. It causes some problems... until he finds the reason why.

#okay fineee these are not ALL of my fics but i have a lot and i gave up halfway through #here's a mostly kinda completed masterlist tho ig #my fics #my writing #april writes #evan buckley #eddie diaz #buck x eddie #buddie #buddie fic #buddie fics #buddie fanfiction #911 fic #911 fics #911 fanfiction #911 abc #911 on abc

[ice-devourer]

YOU FOOL

pairings: akutagawa/atsushi (sskk)

synopsis: morning after chapter 110 where aya saves everyone without suicide and they all survive thank you i know it's canon.

note — this came to me while i was vaping for breakfast at seven in the morning, i’m gonna be using some lines from an incoming (devil knows when) sskk art and my poetry entry in uni bc it has been about sskk from the start anyway so. cr. for divider here. might cross-post on ao3 idk yet.

cw: implied smut ig but like implied implied idk man no in and out is actually described???

there’s warmth trapped inside atsushi. he can feel its movement like a burly beast. that's how he deranges the order of reality. what’s beneath above and beside ruined through one breath. his breath. it's like a new sound is invented. and akutagawa listens in a trance and what's left outside after contact is insensible, not a single thing as urgent as holding him, ingesting every single particle—every matter that brings itself to his fingers. collecting themselves under it like dusts of light.

atsushi, and his parted mouth. atsushi, and his sweat-streaked neck. atsushi, and his heated skin. Atsushi, and his eyes that tell him that he doesn’t need him to be good—to live good, despite growing a kindness in his sickly heart that no one else could create.

Atsushi who’s a promise, in himself, that dreams will always fall short of these moments.

And these moments, that soften and soften as their movements slow, nose against cheek, palm against chest. lips easing the ache in the other.

they hold each other, close their eyes holding each other. they never said ‘i love you.’ but really, after everything else—did they really need to?

then sunrise comes.

you. you. you.

this falls in and out, in waves, in melodies, in a small tremor between his shut lips.

while lines, forms, silhouettes gather in the small slit of his fluttering eyes—the violet-grey grains discoloring the walls, the misshapen sheets. then more nuanced senses awaken, there is atsushi’s chest, rising with warm breaths that crack open more of the indulgent fatigue hugging his body.

akutagawa’s thinking looses its restraints, he could say just about anything, right now. he could mean just about anything he says right now. and that's not what he’d always like, if he’s honest, but he's unlearning the resistance to tender things. tender, in the way that soothes. tender, in the way that bruises.

“jinko,” he breathes into the nape of atsushi's neck. one, two times, “jinko, it's morning.”

atsushi stirs, feeling akutagawa’s chin lodging between hus collarbone, “mm, what, already? wait, what day is it today?”

akutagawa sighs.

“even my boss cancelled all operations for at least a week, so you can shut up about work for longer than that.”

“well, thank you for kindly sharing with the class akutagawa—”

“you just saved the world, you just saved me. rest, jinko,” he interrupts, pulling back to tug on atsushi's shoulder as he complies, rolling over to face akutagawa, “and one more snarky remark and i’ll shut you up myself”

heat rushes to atsushi's face, and akutagawa realizes what it could mean. the weretiger is more expressive than he thinks he is.

“with rashomon, i mean, i’ll shut you up with rashomon.”

atsushi glances away with a small laugh.

“honestly, rashomon did a lot worse to me, so that's pretty mild but okay—” he glances back at akutagawa, saying in a teasing tone, “— i did just save you.”

he grumbles, “don’t push it, jinko.”

“but i love it when y—i mean, it's kinda funny, you know?”

“that i’m annoyed?”

“you don't look that annoyed, akutagawa, even when you say you are,” that's not actually funny exactly, it's more of. . .endearing. but atsushi can't say that just yet.

“just be quiet,” akutagawa averts his eyes, before looking into atsushi’s, before wrapping an arm around the weretiger’s waist as his cheek plants a soft kiss on and stays on atsushi’s bare chest, “let’s rest together, i’m tired.”

then he's there, dismantled on him, the weretiger’s heartbeat filling his ears in rivulets. he hasn't forgotten how cruel this borrow life can get, but he understands strength better.

because he knows, no matter how hard this gets, when he looks up at the corner of the room, when he drinks in atsushi’s sunlight-illuminated frame and he calls his name—he can endure it all. this is how he can endure it all.

“i resent you,” he mumbles, deep in thought and tucking himself into atsushi.

atsushi’s irises drift up to the upper corner of his lids, brows raised and mouth open almost in a small smile—akutagawa always knew how to start a sentence right. right and gently. “i see, is that the end of your sentence or. . .?”

it hits the mafia’s rabid dog a little too late, “god, you’ll never hear me say that again.”

“before, i mean. but i hoped too, that if i would die, it would be by your hand. by your side. now, i stupidly hope to live the same way.”

i don’t know what you’ve done to me, akutagawa wants to say but he doesn't.

i don’t know if i deserve to give you that reason, atsushi wants to say but he doesn't.

“still calling me that, you fool?”

“yeah, yeah,” atsushi inhales his laughter in, finger ghosting his under-eye, “didn't really even try to hope that i will, you damn lawnmower.”

“if i’m the fool, let me do the foolish things—don’t ever leave me again.”

#sskk #shin soukoku #bsd atsushi #bsd akutagawa #akutagawa x atsushi #bsd #bungou stray dogs #official receipt #i hope this doesnt suck ass 👍

[reinvent-and-believe]

do you think roy always knew he was into men or was he repressed until he realized he was into jamie?

oh anon. i started to answer this, then got inspired and started writing a fic in answer to it instead, then the fic turned into a bigger fic that's going to take me months to finish so i think it's best if i just answer the question. 😅

so thanks for asking, anon, i DO have some thoughts!!!! they are scattered and messy but i'll give it a go.

i don't know that roy has always known he's into men, but i think he's known quite a while. maybe not when he was younger - he might have known in the back of his mind that he liked boys, but he knew he wasn't gay because he definitely liked women, so that's that, no need to think about it past that, it's squared away. even if intellectually he knew about the existence of bisexual people growing up, he wouldn't have considered it an option for himself (and to be honest, i don't think it's a given that he did know it was really a thing. it was the 90s. bisexuality wasn't widely talked about. if you liked men, you were gay, and roy wasn't gay).

roy was born in 1982; he was in the academy and going through puberty and trying to figure out who he was in the 90s. things were not great for us in the 80s and 90s. i'm 8 years younger than roy kent would be, and the way i learned about the existence of gay people was aids and the rhetoric surrounding aids. and that was formative for me; it provided the only frame of reference i had as a kid of what gay people were. that was how i internalized that my queerness—the queerness i couldn't even articulate or understand—made me sick, dangerous, unclean. obviously that's not a universal experience, but it's also not a particularly uncommon one for our generation, and it takes a shit ton of work to unlearn. it would have been worse at roy's age, and i can see it being something that would shape his perception of what it means to be a queer man.

listening to roy talk about himself is fucking devastating and so telling. "sometimes i get concerned that i've been infecting you with the worst parts of me," he tells phoebe. infecting is a pretty loaded word, and it speaks to the deeply rooted shame that roy carries at the very core of his identity. we see over and over throughout the show that there's something about roy that he seems to truly believe is...rotten, repulsive. unlovable, maybe. a lot of people read roy as completely lacking self-awareness, and i get where that comes from, but i don't really read him that way. i think roy's sometimes plagued with self-awareness when he doesn't want to look, and he loathes the things he sees. he knows how he is. he knows the parts he hates about himself. and i think his queerness plays right into that.

ted lasso is, among other things, a show about masculinity, and roy's character arc throughout the show is, among other things, an arc about masculinity, so i think it only makes sense that his sexuality is tied up in that. because in his world, what could be more fundamental to your masculinity than heterosexuality? there's a shit ton of homophobia in football, and it certainly wouldn't have been any better during roy's formative years.

there's a lot you could say about La Locker Room Aux Folles and roy kent's sexuality, and i won't because this is already stupid long, but seriously, have you watched 3x09 while considering that the episode is about roy's repression as much as it is colin's? that it might be colin's coming out episode, but it's roy that functions as the episode's protagonist? that the message colin understands at the end when george hearn croons "i am what i am" is one roy can't let himself embrace by the end of the episode, not even by the end of the season ("i'm still...me"/"wait, did you want to be someone else?"/"yeah. someone better")? that colin may have escaped la cage by the end of the episode but roy's still in there?

the last thing that roy kent wants is to be what he is, and that kind of fundamental, foundational shame reads as very queer to me, feels very queer to me.

so, anyway, i do headcanon that roy sleeps with guys sometimes, at least by the time he gets to chelsea. i don't think it's particularly frequent and i don't think it's particularly healthy and i don't think he lets himself develop anything like a genuine connection, but i think it's what he's allowed himself. i think that's basically where he starts the show, occasionally sleeping with men, refusing to acknowledge it says anything about him. (i could also see him not having fucked a guy, although i like that less. regardless, i do think he recognizes he's attracted to men, even if he doesn't necessarily accept it.)

i definitely think that, when they finally get together, jamie would be his first boyfriend.

anyway, dear anon, you didn't ask for a 1000-word response to your 20-word question, but thank you for coming to my ridiculously rambling and likely incoherent TED talk about roy kent's internalized homophobia 😂

#thanks anon sorry this was 12 years long <3333 #does any of this make sense? idk #asks #ted lasso brain rot #my writing

[housekonig]

Beginning | Previous | Next

AN & Fun Fact: Thanks to a great friend who encouraged me to use flashback. In so many ways, it's great for Chris and Edward. Edward sometimes still sees his son as the 8-year-old on the receiving end of the media's hate for the first time. Similarly, in many ways, Chris sometimes still feels like that kid. His time with Drew and realization that he's so unsure and unlearned in many ways, and now this confrontation with his father reminds him of how little control he's had and has. It's the infantilizing nature of monarchy for Chris that he can't name--wildly as everyone screams he's an adult and that it's time to live and behave like one.

WORLDBUILDING FUN FACT: When Edward jokes about his father combusting, he's referencing one of Vernick's most famous children's books, Combustible Charlie. Children overwhelmed with emotions turn red and combust from the famous children's book Combustible Charlie. It was first published in the 1930s and has since been updated for modern audiences. There are several titles geared towards helping develop early literacy and social-emotional skills. Other titles include Combustible Charlie Gets Angry, Get Combustible Charlie Gets Sad, Combustible Charlie Gets Excited.

TRANSCRIPT BELOW:

Christopher: But it's not fair! I only waved at my dumb classmates! I promised them I would.

Cordelia: No, you showed off in front of your classmates, and today was about Gan-Gan and your father, not you.

Christopher: But it's always about Gan-Gan.

Cordelia: Right now, it's about your behavior during the investiture. 

Christopher: Fine. *mumbles* I'm sorry.

Cordelia: I'm not the one you need to apologize to.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

NEWS ANCHOR: The Duke of Henford's investiture was slightly derailed when Prince Christopher of Henford flashed the audience, causing quite the photo frenzy. Sources say Her Majesty is…

Edward: Fuck off! He didn't flash anyone. He's a damn kid! Seriously?

News Anchor: [On TV] Body language experts warn the behavior is a sign of future behaviors and that...

Edward: Dammit. They're not letting up.

News Anchor: [On TV] ...some attendees report being shocked by the normally well-behavior Prince who recently celebrated his eighth birthday.

Edward: What to say? 

Christopher: *whispers* Hi, Dad..

Edward: Your grandfather would have combusted of embarrassment* if I did what you did today. I can hear him, *poorly impersonating his father* "You desecrated a centuries-old ceremony, Edward. And for what? A cackle? A heckle? A chuckle? Don't be so pedestrian, My Boy". He would've gone on for hours about honor, duty, tradition, and my role. We–

Christopher: *better impersonation of his grandfather* "We Königs have a duty to make the mundane magical for the common man." *laughs*

Edward: *laughs* That was scary good, PB. Listen, I want you to forget about today.

Christopher: Forget about it?

Edward: Yup. Forget about it. I want to tell you that you can be whoever you want and do whatever you want, as most dads can. But it's not that simple, sadly. That's all already for us.

Christopher: Chosen for us? By who? 

Edward: The Watcher if you ask your grandpa and the people if you ask Gan-Gan.

Christopher: That's unfair…

Edward: *light sigh* It can be. I used to say the same thing, PB. But every family has something they pass on, and this is ours.

#housekonig #konig.story #ts4 royal #ts4 royalty #ts4 royal family #ts4 royal legacy #the sims 4 monarchy #the sims 4 royal family #ts4 royal simblr #sim: christopher #sim: cordelia #sim: edward

[crownmemes]

Elementary Sentences, Vol. 1

(Sentences from Elementary (2012-2019). Adjust phrasing where needed)

"Please don't get comfortable, we won't be here long."

"Consider every wretched hive of depravity and murder in this city my place of business."

"In case you hadn't noticed, I don't have meaningful connections."

"You can connect to people. It just frightens you."

"Why must you continue to act like you've never seen a dead body before?"

"I just think it's sad that you can't be honest with the man that, as far as I can tell, is the closest thing you have to a friend."

"You can't unlearn something you already know."

"Do you close yourself off to people and deny yourself things that might bring you pleasure because it's some sort of penance?"

"For future reference, when I say that I agree with you, it means I'm not listening."

"You're going to stay up all night again, aren't you?"

"I'd trade my dad for a Tic Tac."

"You tricked me. That doesn't happen very often."

"Are you here to kill me? Because I have to admit, I find the possibility very exciting."

"My advice? Don't dwell on that man's petty deceptions."

"I mean, how often do you meet a sexy doctor?"

"My favourite kind of patient is unconscious on a table with a tube down his throat."

"I must say, you seem strangely reluctant to follow a promising lead."

"If you are ready to talk about it, I'd very much like to know, but I'm not going to ask you about it anymore."

"The musculature of your legs and your shoulders suggests a certain elasticity that I find quite tantalising."

"I must warn you, a relationship between us could never go beyond the physical. No offence to you, of course. It's just not my way."

"Boredom is far more dangerous to my health than any fever."

"You make an effort to appear conventional, but I know that you share my love of all things bizarre."

"The only promise a puzzle makes is an answer. Liking the answer doesn't factor in."

"Sometimes you have to talk about things that make you feel uncomfortable."

"I'm smarter than everyone I meet. I know it's bad form to say that, but, in my case, it's a fact."

"Who the hell are you? Because you're obviously not the person I thought you were before."

"You haven't got to look out for me. I'll look out for you."

"Nothing makes a smart man stupid like a thirst for vengeance."

"I know that we're not the best of friends or anything, but do you honestly think that I might kill a man?"

"May I give you my professional opinion?"

"You have to look out for family, even when they disappoint you."

"I know that it's hard, but one of these days you've got to get over yourself."

"What happens when people figure out that we came in here and cut up a body in the middle of the night?!"

"I wish your word meant something more to me."

"Sometimes new eyes on a case can be just as useful as new information."

"There are ways to hurt you that do not involve hurting you."

"I will never allow any harm to come to you. Not ever."

"I've already told you that you're beautiful, and I can see the way that you're looking at me. Why would we need to leave this apartment to enjoy each other's company?"

"Is this what you want, or what you think you owe?"

"It makes the world quite dull, no? Looking at a man and knowing all his secrets."

"You look at people and see puzzles. I see games."

"What's the point in living with a former surgeon if you can't stitch the occasional bullet hole?"

"I apologise for the subterfuge, but it seemed the most expedient way to get you here."

"You're broken into pieces right now. I can put you back together and, once you're whole, I'll show you a different way to love."

"We both made the same mistake. Falling in love. We were both stupid."

#rp meme #rp memes #roleplay meme #roleplay memes #rp prompts #roleplay prompts #sentence starters #specific; #crime drama; #elementary; #filmtv; #sherlock holmes;

[pizzawendell]

Shrek Is Good, Actually

This is not what Shrek is about. Shrek is about superficiality. 

The obvious aspect of this is how people judge each other by their appearances. Shrek is judged for being an ogre and people don’t like him. Fiona is judged for her curse and is afraid that Shrek will do the same. Farquad is obsessed with cleanliness and having the ‘perfect’ kingdom, even though he is a little bobblehead man. Shrek says onions have layers because on the inside we’re all beautiful. It’s a classic anti-cinderella story. Pretty simple stuff, if fairly against the grain in 2001. I won’t dwell on this too much because it’s fairly obvious and something that you can get from most post-Shrek kids movies.

However, this movie has layers. Sure Shrek and Fiona are fine just the way they are and we should all learn to love each other despite our appearances, but the movie has more to say than that. This isn’t even a particularly deep reading; this is very much explicitly in the text. The characters in Shrek all use the misconceptions other people have about them to hide from things they don’t want to understand about themselves. They are all afraid to be known- most of all by themselves. The clearest and most explicit example is Shrek himself. 

Shrek

Shrek starts off the movie living alone in his swamp. He has signs up all around which declare ‘danger: ogre’ etc with scary pictures all around. As the opening credits roll, a mob of villagers group together to go and kill Shrek because they believe that he is dangerous. He goes on to use their fear of him against them to get them to flee. The first scene of the film is Shrek using what people think they know about him to push people away and stay alone- which is what he tells himself that he wants. 

Shrek then meets Donkey, who persistently refuses to accept Shrek’s claim that he wants to be alone. 

Shrek: Listen, little donkey, take a look at me! What am I?

Donkey: Ah... really tall?

Shrek: No! I'm an OGRE! You know, "grab your torch and pitchforks!" Doesn't that bother you?

Donkey: Nope.

Shrek: Really?

Donkey: Really, really.

We pretty quickly see that Donkey is right to think that Shrek does actually want to have friends, he just doesn’t want to admit it. 

Shrek: Look, I'm not the one with the problem, okay? It's the world that seems to have a problem with ME! People take one look at me and go "Aargh! Help! Run! A big stupid ugly ogre!" They judge me before they even know me - that's why I'm better off alone...

Donkey: You know, Shrek... when we first met, I didn't think you were a big, stupid, ugly ogre.

Shrek: Yeah, I know.

By the time they get to Fiona’s tower Shrek actively goes out of his way to save Donkey. As Shrek and Fiona begin to fall in love, Shrek and Donkey become genuinely close friends. When Shrek overhears what he thinks is Fiona calling him a 'big, stupid, ugly ogre' he reflexively reverts to pushing people away. He hasn't actually unlearned his belief that he is unlovable, merely temporarily put it to the side. This leads to the argument which holds the emotional core of the movie.

Donkey: You're so wrapped up in layers onion boy, you're afraid of your own feelings!

Donkey identifies Shrek's layers as the thing truly holding him back. Shrek knows that he's more than just a scary ogre, but he thinks of that perception as an outer layer which he uses for protection. However, he's so wrapped up in it that he can't actually escape. He has pretended for so long that he has come to believe it. Shrek does not deliberately draw on Frantz Fanon here, but there are parallels which we can draw. 

To be clear, Shrek isn't about colonialism or racism (beyond some of its broadest strokes). Rather, Fanon's psychological argument that oppression can be a dialectic which ultimately causes the oppressed to internalise some aspects of how they are perceived by their oppressor is relevant to Shrek's behaviour. His relationship with the outside world has caused him to subconsciously believe things which he thought he was only accepting out of convenience. By attempting to use superficiality to our advantage we weaponise it equally against ourselves.

Love

How then, asks Shrek, do we escape? The answer is emphatic: through love. Only by loving others and allowing them to love us back can we step outside of our superficialities and truly self actualise. We see this when Donkey issues his final refusal to allow Shrek to push him away.

Shrek: If I treat you so badly, then why did you come back, huh?

Donkey: Because that's what friends do, they FORGIVE EACH OTHER!

Donkey offers his unconditional forgiveness for the ways Shrek has hurt him. He does this for no other reason than the fact that he loves Shrek. This forces Shrek to confront the fact that he is genuinely loveable. This makes it possible for him to believe Donkey when he tells him that Fiona isn't disgusted by him and resolve to stop her sham marriage to Farquad. Donkey's love allows Shrek to see himself from outside his warped self perception.

Fiona

Fiona's journey mirrors Shrek's. Rather than keeping people away emotionally with physical and emotional ugliness, she does it with beauty and propriety. Fiona only allows people to see her when she is in her human form (which we eventually find out is not her 'true' form). When Shrek first meets her she acts 'properly' by expecting him to wake her with a kiss and recite a poem. She also offers him a favour, which he uses to wipe away his sweat. All of this serves to stop people from knowing who she truly is, which is her greatest fear.

Just like Shrek, Fiona can only escape the emotional prison she has built for herself by allowing someone who loves her to truly know her. On the journey back to Farquad's castle she starts to believe that this could be Shrek. She starts to open up in small ways. She shows him that she enjoys the same foods as him, that she can fight like he can. However, their misunderstanding causes her to revert to her usual defence mechanism. When he pushes her away and she believes that this is because of her true form, Fiona begins to act how a princess is expected to again. It takes Shek storming the wedding and publically declaring that he loves her for Fiona to accept herself for who she really is. Shrek and Fiona’s kiss is therefore the most literal manifestation of love conquering superficiality, as Fiona transforms permanently into an ogre in front of the whole kingdom while it takes place.

Farquad

There is one character who does not escape his superficilaity and it kills him. Farquad spends all of Shrek tring to hide his percieved inadequacies with appearances. Farquad banishes the fairytale creatures to the swamp because they aren’t perfect enough. He has machines which immediately tell new arrivals that Duloq is not only perfect, but that it has strict rules. When he appears at the tournament he is deliberately positioned so that his height is obscured. Most significantly, he sends Shrek on his quest because he wants to officially be king. There is no reason for him to want this beyond the superficial trappings of the title. He clearly has total control over Duloq and he never shows any interest in having a romantic partner. 

The tragedy of this is that Farquad is trying to cover up the fact that he is very short. Compared to every other human we see in the Shrek series, Farquad is very very short. Since this sets him apart from most humans, he is in many ways closer to the fairytale creatures than to his own people. The irony of the fact that it is Farquad who thinks of himself as so much better than people like Shrek and Donkey is repeatedly signalled by people making fun of him for his height. When he banishes the creatures it seems to partly be a manifestation of a degree of self loathing. Farquad clearly hates to see himself as he truly is (he literally threatens a mirror into showing him what he wants to see) and seeing other people who don’t conform to society’s expectations reminds him too much of himself. 

Farquad externalises his self hatred by trying to make everything around him perfect, no matter who it hurts. He can only make his kingdom superficially perfect, but this will never make up for the fact that he can never change what he truly dislikes about himself. The villain of Shrek is too far gone. He cannot be saved by love because he has created a political system which prevents anyone from truly knowing him. We see this at his wedding when guests are told how to emotionally react. No one can sincerely know Farquad and love him for who he is because anyone who might can never get close enough. In the end, we see the consequence of this: his death. 

Conclusion

This is not a particularly deep reading of Shrek. In fact, I would argue that this is the explicit message of the film. There are more subtextual readings, though. For one, there is the queer subtext which only gets stronger in Shrek 2. Shrek has deeper layers still about fascism, myth and, of course, Disney. Not everyone likes Shrek and that’s fine. You don’t have to like it if it’s not your thing. However, what I will not abide is anyone slandering this film by calling it vacuous. Shrek is a truly delightful story which tells its viewers to revel in who they are, to love and be loved and to know and be known. 

#shrek #shrek and donkey #shrek and fiona #lord farquaad

[fmab]

hi i see u blogging abt fhis “the left hand of darkness” and i am intrigued…. would u recommend it to me, a random stranger? (sidenote i am kinda bad at reading so would u say its a difficult book)

omg.. So i love The Left Hand of Darkness so much .. The gist of it is, the protagonist, Genly Ai, is a man who travels to this world inhabited by humans to convince them to ally with an interplanetary alliance with other worlds inhabited by humans. The people on this planet have only one sex, and therefore no concept of different genders. If you want an interesting sci-fi novel that really makes you consider how gender in society affects a Lot of things (perception of others, expected behavior and social norms, etc) and how the protagonist struggles to unlearn that, its good for that. It also examines the ways cultural differences may be untranslatable and create many barriers, but similarities, connections, and bonds can still exist. Its very interesting.. IDK theres a lot I could say. It was a beautiful and unique book and Ursula K Le Guin has written a lot of amazing things.

As for whether or not its difficult? I think it depends on what you may find difficult? Its very densely packed with information, a lot of it is information on the planet's cultures that the protagonist finds himself on. But if you like Learning Things, I don't think its bad? But i know some people prefer more action (tm). I have ADHD so personally I listened to the audiobook while multitasking because my ability to actually Sit and Read is.. lacking.. So if you think that may help you, maybe look into that option too?

I DO recommend The Left Hand of Darkness however I can't in good conscience recommend it without giving a trigger warning for an aspect that is relevant to the story; In this society incest between siblings is only partially taboo, and only is forbidden/becomes taboo if the relationship results in the birth of a child. This is relevant to some folklore from the planet as well as one of the characters' history.

I literally have no idea why people don't warn for this when they recommend the book, because some people, myself included, are really triggered by that kind of shit. Luckily I was able to keep reading because i DO believe this book is amazing and life changing, but coming across that abruptly with no warning was almost enough to throw me out of it completely. 😭 its neither portrayed in a positive light nor a light that condemns it, but there is a very plot relevant character who has faced the consequences of this taboo so it is mentioned a fair amount in relation to him.

tldr yes i would recommend it but if that is something that will trigger you just be aware of your own limits

#venus.txt #the left hand of darkness #incest mention //

[darkgreenfangirl]

My complicated, messy feelings surrounding my parents.

Sorry in advance for how rambling and messy this is. I just needed to vent/rant.

Trigger warning: I at one point bring up a really transphobia thing my dad said. As well this post does talk about transphobia, and homophobia in general as well. I also talk a bit about my suicide attempt. I do not go into detail about it but I do bring it up.

I knew that I needed to face my growing messy feelings about my parents sooner than later. But I was putting it off, I think somewhat of guilt. My parents truly do love me, they have supported me since I came out as gay. Hell their giving me a roof over my head with no strings attacted! Compared to alot of people I have it good! Where do I have any ground to talk about my feelings? Where do I get off complaining about them? Sure they aren't perfect, and yeah they say some shitty stuff but in the end of the day shouldn't I just shut my mouth because they give me a home to live and food to eat?

It was actually seeing a post here on tumblr about someone else doing a shout out to people with complicated realtionship with parents who aren't bad or entirely good. That you feel so many things, but feel so guilty about them because they love you, sure they sometimes show that it in a way that isn't okay...And the blogger goes on to say that no your feelings are vaild! You're allow to feel sad, and angry! So here I am expressing those feelings.

The thing is my parents have said, and done things that have hurt me. My dad...yells alot, both at me and my mom. He has always had this temper, and he has said some really shitty stuff lately. Lately he has been parroting back some anti woke shit that the right has been pushing...specially about trans people. I have fought back about some of that shit, only for him to go "oh no that is really happening" or saying transphobia shit like "If a man wants to become a woman all the power to him but he is still a man". Yeah even writting that down makes me ill. I have tried to fight back, but he wont listen. What makes this so sad to me was that he has been at pride, he has said he supports the LGBTQ people! He says he support Trans rights! He has a friend that has a trans daughter but then he says this shit. I don't know how to get him to listen to me. It also really scary hearing him parrot back some of this right wing shit, while I'm not cisgender. I haven't put into words what my gender is but now I fear what my parents would say if they knew I was thinking of my gender? The same mom that once told me when I kind of joke that I wasn't a boy or girl that I didn't know what I was talking about, and that I am a girl and that was that.

But at the same time, when I was younger they use to say alot of homophoia shit, but as time passed they stopped. They went out and unlearned alot of homophoia, and have been huge supporters of me since. So maybe I can get them to unlearn their transphobia? Maybe they would embrace me just as they did when I came out as gay? But can I risk that? Also I just want my parents to understand that some shit they say are just wrong. That eveyone should have their human right to live in happiness without worrying about other people's "opinions" about them. That this isn't a matter of opinion! WHEN IT COMES TO HUMAN BEINGS, AND THEIR RIGHTS THEIR IS NO DEBATE. EVERYONE SHOULD BE EQUAL AND COULD YOU NOT SAY THIS TRANSPHOBIA SHIT WHILE SAYING "oh I Support trans people".

But I can't say this, because I live with these people! I don't have my own income, or anywhere to go if they suddenly decide I'm not respecting them. Or they will remind me how they stand with me and LGBTQ Rights. That they go to pride, and support charities so they can't be transphobia.

Then there is the things they said to child me that still affect me, and my sister. But yet they support us both going to secondary schools, supported us when were sad, always were there to support our passions, and truly loved us with all their hearts. I still remember how hard my dad cried when I tried to kill myself years ago. How my mom cried, and hug me. How they got me help, and them themselves when to a class like thing to learn about mental health. How they have yelled at people when they say homophobia things, and how dad no longer supports the church for this reason. They took me to swim classes, band, choir, and drama club. They watch anime (something they had no interest in) because I loved it! They taken me to cons, and support my nerdy loves! They have given so much money to help out my sister and her family. They have supported charities, janeway, and work every day to support both of us. But yet they have hurt us to. They have yelled at us, called us stupid for not doing things a certain way, told me that I can't be so opinionated because how will I get friends? They have judged friends, talked about their friends and family in ways that made me uncomfortable as shit. I just don't know how to face these issues without them losing their shit at me.

I love my parents, but they scare me sometimes. My parents love me so much, but yet have hurt me. My parents support me being gay, but yet say some transphobia shit. My parents support the LGBTQ community with charity and going to pride...but again say some transphobia shitt and parrot back right-wing shit. I don't know what to do and how to feel about them anymore. I love them, but sometimes I really hate them and it hurts when I do. Because they are my parents. Their my mom and dad, i love them so much. But they are messy people and it hurts to have the reilzation that your parents are not perfect people. It hurts hearing my parents say shit against my community and not understand how it is hurtful.

Sorry again for how messy this vent/rant is. I just needed to vent somewhere.

#Personal Vent #A post about my parents #Parents #DGF Rants/Vents #Signal Boost #If anyone has any ideas on how I can handle my parents transphobia please message me #tw: transphobia #tw: suicide mention #Tw: homophobia

[lovemirrah]

10:43am, 25 December 2022

It's starting to become a really bad habit for me to check in only once or twice a year. I used to write so much and now, I hardly write at all. But yesterday, I started therapy for the first time in my life and my therapist encouraged me to start writing again. And so, I find myself here. Hello journal, I'm happy to be reacquainted with you again.

My last post was in January 2022, right at the start of the year, and a lot has changed since then. In September, I sold my car exactly a year after I bought it. I miss it sometimes, but I know owning a car is not something I can afford at this stage in my life. In October, I left BDA after 3.5 years with the company. Within a few days of leaving the team, I finally made that trip to South Korea where I was for close to 2 weeks. I ticked so many things off my list but a few were still left unfulfilled. The morning after my return to Singapore, jet-lagged and incredibly exhausted, I started a new role with WE. I manifested this; leaving BDA, going to South Korea, landing a new job with an MNC that brings better benefits and learning opportunities. I worked for it, prayed on it, and it happened. For that, I am grateful for all that the year had brought me.

During my session yesterday, my therapist asked why I decided to take on therapy. It was a good question, great one even. I knew that signing up for therapy meant that I had to be honest with myself for it to work. Without missing a beat, I told her that I'm always sad and I don't know how to fix it. Someone should've told me to bring a box of tissues when doing therapy because it only took one question to trigger the waterworks. For 45 minutes, I cried while my therapist listened. I condensed 28 years of my life, all that I've bottled up, into a 45 minute session and it just came pouring out. I couldn't cap it. It's therapy; I shouldn't cap it. I'm allowed to feel what I feel. What I feel is valid. I'm hurting and I shouldn't deny myself that.

Truth be told, I was crying even before therapy started. I was wallowing in my feelings all day. My mother returns home from her trip today, so I gave myself all of yesterday - one final day - to do absolutely nothing except to be myself. I slept it, ate food that's no good for my body, watched too much Netflix, slept some more, showered only when I finally have to, read a few chapters of a new book I bought but may not like, prayed, cried a lot, watched a few episodes of The Big Bang Theory to make me feel better, then I went back to sleep again. I slept so much, I wondered if I was depressed before I shrugged that thought away.

The one thing about me that I loathe so much is that I overthink. All my life, I considered myself to be an optimistic-realist. I think of worst case scenarios in every situation and prepare well for them, but I'd always hope for the best. It's how I've always carried myself through life - at work, in my day-to-day. I aspire to be like that in my romantic pursuits but having gone through a sexual assault so young, I see dating as a 'cup half empty' situation. I go into it, thinking that it's not going to work for whatever reason, and I believe it. I'm so afraid of tearing down my walls that I've become so good at detaching. Then comes along a connection I wasn't even expecting, and without realising it, I buckled. So quickly. I'm not saying I'm in love - God, I know I'm not - but I got attached to a mere stranger I barely knew because I trusted that connection. And... that was my fault. It's my fault for finally learning to open up my heart and be vulnerable again; only for it to be the wrong man. Y'know what's the funniest thing about all of this? History repeated itself and I'm exactly where I was 8 years ago - right down to timing. I can't shut down again. I've come so far since then. I can't unlearn all the healing I've done. I needed to do better, be better and put myself first. I will not chase someone who doesn't want me. I will not give my time for someone who won't even respond. If someone is showing you that you're not important, believe it.

So today, while everyone is out (or in) spending time with family and their loved ones on Christmas Day, I'm choosing to spend time with myself and put me first. A manicure, a facial and a cone of ice-cream. It's always good to start small - one step at a time, as they say. Even if I feel 1% better after, I'll consider it a win. As my therapist says, 'my time is now.'

I don't know if I'll write every day but I'll try to check-in every week. It might be a little hard at first, but writing was and has always been my first love. With time, I'll get back into the groove of things - writing and maybe, life too.

All my love, Mirrah

[savageday6]

you ever feel so unseen and invalidated by your own family sometimes........ that's me now

#i'm actually so upset rn i can't even fhdkfjfkfkgkfmfkdkfkmff literally on the verge of tears n it's over something stupid #like literally over some offhand remark my mum said about my interests n something i was watching n something in me just . snapped.... #bc she's been doing this my entire life and now that i've been watching a lot more media content to relieve stress she sees it too #and so she's been making a lot more of such remarks recently and it really just makes me so upset bc why would u say that about my interests #why would you say that about the people im interested in? why do you have to say that about the people who have tided me through- #-some of the worst times in my life? these people gratify me and make me feel like my worries are seen and heard and related to and that's- #-all you can say about them? reduce them to comments about their appearances or how they look? like man #i just don't get my family sometimes #which also reminds me i really need to go for therapy one day bc i am still unlearning so much of the toxic things i've been surrounded with #man i have not cried in the longest time but i might really just do it now. i just feel so upset and invalidated and disrespected #communication is not an option bc my asian parents would never listen to me whom in their eyes is still a helpless immature child #im just so tired #of having to defend myself n my happiness all the time. im tired of feeling guilty about what i enjoy #personal #edit: actually rather than guilt...what i feel is more of anxiety? abt being seen watching something n having to hear unwarranted comments #it still pains me the same tho. i don't think i have to fight to protect my own happiness. neither should i have to ask to be respected

[liinos]

pisses me off when I say smth about human behavior is messed up and my dad is like WeLL iT’S psyCHoLoGY like. yeah bro I know I’m literally minoring in it :| that’s not the point just bc it’s how we “naturally” behave doesn’t mean we have to behave like that. also if like. you’re aware that your behavior is the default and it’s not great then uh idk maybe change it??? we default to a lot of stuff bc it’s easy but that doesn’t mean we’re stuck in that way of thinking? like if you’re so smart then maybe you can use your brain to not be a dick <3 idk just some food for thought <3  

#yes people have ways that they act naturally and that are societally reinforced but like... bruh #also he just Misses The Point when I'm saying shit is fucked up like yeah the point of me saying it's messed up that people want to fuck #other people over bc they believe they're 'lesser' wasn't ingroup outgroup mentality. but *i'm* the one who doesn't listen <3 #i understand that back in the day it was beneficial to our survival and a lot of this stuff is biological but the way that it doesn't HAVE #to be how we think and he acts like we can't change it... you literally have to ability to do that tho <333 #it's harder but you can do it #you can unlearn not great ways of thinking no matter how 'natural' they are #also? a lot of it is also society my man idk why you refuse to acknowledge that #y'all the other day we were talking about the double standard for women #and he said some shit about how 'women are naturally more nurturing than men so of course the expectation #was that they should stay home' let me tell you the speed with which my mom and I were like wow shut the fuck up <3 #he said he 'didn't agree' and i don't think he believes women belong in the home but WHEW the sexist undertones in this household <3 #he stays trying to act like so much stuff is just 'well people are naturally...' bro shut UP #yes i understand survival blah blah blah but SO much shit is cultural and societal and you can't pretend it's not #you can't pretend that women being viewed as subservient and the double standard are not social issues #you're not born thinking man better than woman haha you're just not #and thats not even taking into account nonbinary or trans people so. #he's really been getting on my nerve with this whole 'it's psychology' thing lately #it's just like. you're literally missing the fucking point it's actually incredible #but no he knows best what the fuck would I know I'm not old enough to have an opinion even though I'm literally an adult #have lived my life with my own experiences and am interested in this and people as a whole <3 but yeah. i'm the one who knows nothing #and like seeing as I am a girl the shit he says about sexism esp just hits such a nerve like #i called him out on treating me different than my brother and he got mad and said it 'wasn't sexism' like okay it just is tho <3 #bc anytime any traditionally 'female chore' needs to be done even if my br*ther is RIGHT there he asks me to do it #my br*ther could literally be downstairs having a conversation with my parents and i'll be minding my own da #mn business upstairs and somehow I'll be the one told to help cook and set the table #he was complaining about 'shit needing to get done' on christmas when my sister and I were decorating and my mom was cooking #but did he ask my br*ther to do ANYTHING? no bc he never does <3 #but if you call him out on it he gets mad <3 #not that i've ever really listened to this man's ideas on things bc we do not agree on a lot and tbh given that he makes

[demonslayedher]

I lost a bet to myself and paid the price by making another demon sibling AU. Was originally just going to be headcanons and doodles, but I wound up writing the parts I felt like. The names of Tengen's siblings are entirely made up. This will come in two parts due to length.

Clicking each bone in his spine, Yogen stood to his full height, taller than Tengen remembered. It wasn't uncommon to go long periods of time without seeing his siblings when they were on their own missions, but Yogen shouldn't had changed that much. "I'll spare you. It wouldn't do for the Uzui clan not to have a head. Now you're the strongest one."

"...Yogen..."

"I wouldn't had been able to take you on, if not for the fact that you'd never have done it if you knew. You should thank me, Aniki. You know what I've spared you? Father was going to make us all have a fight to the death. You'd have done at least half of this."

"What have you done!?"

"I ate them," he laughed, something Tengen had never heard Yogen do in his adult voice. He had the most infectious laugh when they were children, and this rang with the same pleasure, however dissonant. "I was stunned too, at first. When I came to, I had eaten two of them, they were still warm in my mouth, their cells already nourishing mine. But you know what? I decided to eat the others. I was going to kill them anyway, what difference does it make that I should eat them?"

Tengen's face pearled back into a snarl, his eyes flaring.

"One, two, three... Eizen got away before I could bite him, though. That whelp would had done nothing for me. The one I really wanted to eat was the strongest," he said, his glowing white eyes shifting down to their father's fresh corpse. "And now, even he's nothing to me."

Tengen could stand no more of this. "Yogen!!" he screamed and gripped one of the swords at his back, and charged at Yogen all in one motion. A hard sickle burst out of the flesh of Yogen's arm and caught it, but when Tengen pulled his other sword down through Yogen's shoulder and chest, the sound of ripping sinews what different than it should had been. A look over to the injury revealed that the shoulder was repairing itself before Tengen's eyes. When had he learned any technique like that?

The momentary lapse in focus caught him, Yogen swiped up against Tengen's forearm. It felt too varied to had been spiked knuckles--those were his fingertips, he had grown claws. Tengen drew a sword up to lop off Yogen's forearm, and then his brother let out a shrill scream as his features lit up and revealed how contorted they had become. Yogen didn't look human anymore with how his veins bulged and burned. Burned? From what? Tengen took a look over his shoulder to the sun rising and casting light through the wide open door, and when he looked back, Yogen was gone.

---

Tengen watched the flames consume the house and the bodies of his slain family. He had combed it for any trace of Yogen, but his brother left none. Hope though he did that the flames may consume Yogen too, he knew in his gut that he was still out there.

Behind him, Suma sneezed in a gust of smoke that wafted into her face. Hinatsuru handed her a handkerchief, as she and Makio were already covering their faces in case of poison. Tengen didn't bother, he was resistent to most ninja poisons, and the scratches down his forearm were already less swollen. "You three should go back to your homes."

"No!" insisted Suma.

"We're already members of the Uzui clan," said Hinatsuru.

"Your revenge is ours," added Makio.

Hinatsuru made the most important point, they were already seen as his property. He could hear whispers and feel them all being watched; the other ninja clans knew what had befallen the most powerful family, and the Uzui name was now shunned. Even if Tengen wanted to stay, he had no place in the village, and neither did anything that belonged to him. The only thing left for him now was to track his brother down and drag him to hell.

Someone else was approaching, and Tengen reached for one sword. Uneven footsteps. One didn't have the splat of a foot, it was the thunk of wood--a cane, or two canes? A leisurely, but determined pace. Self-assuredness, even for entering ninja territory. A robust heartbeat. Who was coming?

"Well, is that what you all look like? I feel like I've wandered into one of those storybooks," said an old man. He had one missing leg, a full head of hair and moustache to rival it, a grin, and a telltale scar lining the underside of his left eye. "I had always left your kind alone, but I couldn't when I felt the presence of a demon over here."

"Who are you?" Tengen asked, stetching one arm before his wives while the other hand stayed at his weapon.

"You didn't chop its head off, did you, ninja boy? It's long gone by now, you know. It'll hide from daylight. Be even more trouble to find if it's one of your folk."

"How do you know about us?" Makio shot back.

"How do you children not know about demons? Aye," the old man huffed to himself as he set down a stool he carried. He planted his rump on it, then folded his arms. "The name's Kuwajima Jigoro, former Roaring Pillar of the Demon Slayer Corp. I figured this would be out of your expertise, so I've come to help."

Tengen felt in his gut he could trust that. He dropped to one knee and bowed his head, his wives all doing likewise behind him. Jigoro seemed to enjoy that, but insisted they do not. Instead of bowing, he'd appreciate the ladies rubbing his shoulders to display their gratitude, he said.

While Hinatsuru and Makio set about at each arm, Suma kneeled at his remaining foot with a gasp. "Aren't old people not supposed to be this beefy?"

"Can it, Suma!" chided Makio.

Hinatsuru said nothing, but could feel something was different in this man, not only in his physique. Whatever he had to say was going to change their lives more than the previous night already had. They all listened carefully as Jigoro orated about the existence of demons, how they eat humans, how they are near impossible to kill, but also the methods of those who hunt them, with specialized blades and an organization to support them. As he began describing Breath, however, Tengen stopped him. "I already know all that, that's ninjutsu basics. That's not giving me anything I don’t already have."

"Oh? I figured as much. Always made me curious about you pups. So you you've got the basics of Breath technique, huh?"

"It's beyond basic," he shot him an annoyed frown.

"I'll be the judge of that. See that tree over there? That's probably about the strength of the usual demon neck. Go hog wild on it." As much as showing off was against the ninja code, Tengen wasn't in the mood to argue and made short work of that tree, the only sound being the pop of it seperating into two halves. Jigoro gave him a clap, then stood with his cane. "Good accuracy. Spot on. Now you pick one out for me. Take some mercy, though, I'm only working at half-strength." He balanced on his foot and his peg, plopping the end of his cane in his palm to show off that he meant to use it in place of a sword. Tengen hated when other people tried to be show-offs, so he pointed to a tree a few rings thicker than the one he had cut.

The old man eyed it, then slid his good foot through the dirt, and as he leaned forward, clouds of steam rose from his lips. "Breath of Thunder, Fifth Form. Heat Lightning."

The sound hit Tengen so hard that he covered his ears, and the old man was gone--on the other side of the tree, which was not only cleanly chopped, but split itself in half vertically as it fell. A rarity, Tengen's jaw dropped. Jigoro looked back with a fierce grin, knowing he'd have left them all impressed.

Rather than one knee, Tengen planted his palms and face to the ground. "Please teach me this technique, Master."

"When did I ever say I wanted a student like you? You already said you know Breath technique, don't you?"

"You won't teach him?" Suma sat straight up, little tears in the corners of her eyes.

"I only want students with talents I can mold. You're already set your ways and would just try to make Thunder Breathing into what you want. You can't fill a full tea cup, as they say."

Tengen wanted to insist he's do anything to take his revenge, but the old man was right. As he was, he wouldn't be able to unlearn everything he always knew, it was as much a part of him as every experience and memory, like every scar, such as the ones running down his left arm.

"The true nature of Thunder Breathing would escape you, you'd get too caught up in how powerful it looks. You're too flashy!"

His cheeks flushed. "Say that again."

"You're too... flashy? I don't think a ninja should find that a compliment."

"You can't tell him all that and then not train him!" insisted Makio. "Please! There's got to be something you can do! Tengen-sama works really hard!"

"Tengen-sama works harder than anyone!"

"Please, Master. Tengen-sama can think flexibly, please give him a chance."

"I won't! I can already tell he's not the sort of student I'm looking for!" he barked back, and Suma burst out into sobs, while Hinatsuru hid delicate tears and Makio's face turned dark red. Jigoro flinched at the sight of the upset girls, then looked back to Tengen. "I--I didn't come out here to leave you high and dry, you know. I already told you about the Corp, didn't I? That's where you really need to go. I can't teach you Thunder Breathing, but if you really think you can pick up something new, there's an old scroll I've got of an off-shoot Breath. Someone like you might be able to pull it off. What do you say, ninja boy? How about I give that to you and you teach yourself Sound Breathing?"

---

From there, Tengen took much the same course as in canon. When he became a Pillar and had his meeting with Oyakata-sama, he was upfront about his reasons for entering the Corp. Oyakata-sama appreciated his frankness and assured him that the entire Corp would support him if they found any information on Yogen, but Oyakata-sama was also keen on the undercurrent of Tengen's heart; that he was relieved to leave the murderous ways of ninja, and that he wanted to live an upright life. This finally gave words to something Tengen always felt, but thought he had no right to wish for. He and his wives were moved and they swore loyalty to Oyakata-sama.

However, as time went on, there were no clues whatsoever about Yogen. Around the time they all got antsy, Makio finally couldn't stand it anymore and suggested they may never find him. "Think about it," she said. "This Corp is full of strong swordsmen. Someone might had already chopped off his head long before we got here."

While that should had come as a relief, Tengen couldn't help but find the idea frustrating. That revenge was his to take. He could think of only one person stronger than him who might had done it, so he described Yogen to Himejima one day and asked if he remembered seeing a demon like that. Himejima plainly replied that he was blind.

As they began to accept that they may never have closure, Hinatsuru proposed that they be satisfied bagging an Upper Moon. That should be enough for them to earn their peace, she said, and as much as it grinded away at Tengen's heart, he agreed.

In the course of performing Tengen's Pillar duties, they closed in on what was likely an Upper Moon in Yoshiwara. Hinatsuru, Makio, and Suma slipped in, but when he lost contact, Tengen went looking for some female Corp members to sneak in and see what was up. That's when he reencountered the boy whose head he meant to spill at the last Pillar meeting, as well as his two annoying buddies. Inosuke would had been satisfyingly flamboyant, if not for the fact that he was gross. The other whelp was named Zenitsu.

"You write that 'Zen' with the kanji for virtue?"

"Yeah. What's it to you?"

"Nothing," Tengen replied, never saying anything of it ever again. It didn't take long for him to notice that Zenitsu had ears on par with his own.

The boys managed to get in, and soon the plan went awry. Tengen's first encounter with an Upper Moon broke out, and that went awry in the most horrifically flamboyant of ways. Tengen found himself unconscious, needing to stop his heart to keep the demon poison from spreading, as it was many times more potent than any ninja or demon poison he encountered before. There was fire in the wreckage nearby, he'd be consumed if he doesn't move soon. In the odd space where consciousness was returning to him, his hearing reached into a deeper plain, where he could hear the most carnal thoughts pounding though the bodies of those around him.

Tanjiro was panicking.

No scent! No scent! Upper Moon Five--where did--but--no scent! No scent!!

Tengen could hear Upper Moon Six, in both bodies, but he couldn't hear any other demon. It gave off no sound. He struggled to look in Tanjiro's direction, and was stunned by the sight of a demon partway sticking out of the shadow Tanjiro has cast, guarding Upper Moon Six with a kunai stuck in his arm.

"Sakage!" growled Upper Moon Six. That is not the demon's name. "I don't need you here! Were you intruding on my thoughts?"

"I didn't need to. I heard the cacophony from ages away. You wouldn't had seen wisteria coming anyway."

Upper Moon Six looked to the kunai, while Tanjiro panicked that the poison had no effect on the newly arrived demon.

"Quit with all the fuss. I'd appreciate it if you hurry up and silence that Pillar over there," he turned his glance to Tengen. His eyes had writing in them, but that was Yogen. "I can't be bothered."

Yogen disappeared into the shadow as suddenly as he appeared, and Tanjiro fell forward with a stumble. He'd be a sitting duck like that, Tengen had to go save him, he pushed himself off the ground to--but--but his arm was missing--the scars were torn off-----

---

Yogen had been quick to learn some of the ins and outs of being a demon, but not all the finer details. He gathered from the surrounding demons' fear of the drum demon that the "Twelve Moons" were the most fearsome demons, closest to their progenitor, but didn't those other demons notice that the drum demon couldn't stomach humans as he ate them? That demon was weak, and Yogen wouldn't stand for it. He cut off his head.

It did not kill the demon, who screamed at him with the characters "Lower Six" in one of his eyes, but he shut up quick when Kibutsuji Muzan arrived. Despite warning Yogen that this was not how fights between demons were done and he should kill Yogen for acting without permission, Muzan smilingly decided to allow it, and instructed him to absorb the former Lower Moon Six and assume his role. Muzan did not care for how Yogen's name referenced sunlight, though. He renamed him Sakage on a whim.

Sakage went on to learn very quickly how to please Muzan, and how to climb the ranks. While not immune, he could resist wisteria poison, which Muzan was more than pleased to borrow from him and see how he could try to adopt it into his own cells. Sakage could move between connected shadows, and in spying on the Corp, he picked up on the hand signs the swordsmen used and quickly deciphered them, and openly reported so to the demons that outranked him. With hearing far more advanced that his brother's ever was, he listened to the information shared between crows, piecing apart their language to the best of his understanding.

Lower Moons Three and Two later, he used his spying abilities to identify his next target: Upper Moon Five.

Gyokko was startled by the challenge, and under Muzan's gaze, he could not refuse. Sakage made short work of him, and the other Moons all felt a chill. Akaza's chill was excitement.

Akaza wasted no time in chatting up the new Upper Moon, for Sakage likewise had a stated hatred for weaklings. While Sakage did find it a bit of a bother, especially since he knew he was a long way from ever being able to pose a real challenge to Akaza, he learned that the quickest way to stop Akaza from pestering him was to spar. Akaza loved to chit-chat even while sparring, though, and this became a useful way for Sakage to catch up on a hundred years of gossip about the other Upper Moons.

While it did feel they had somewhat of a friendship, one day they got on the topic of poison. "I hate people who use poison," said Akaza, between punches. "It's as cowardly and low as you can get."

Sakage, who could create a myriad of weapons from his cells as needed and always laced them in poison, was not offended, but disagreed. "I see no problem in being effective."

This gave Akaza pause, and an uncomfortable drop in his stomach. He excused himself, and bothered Sakage not so often after that.

Muzan was typically pleased with Sakage, which made Hantengu tremble that the ambitious demon had it out for him next. When Muzan was in a foul mood after Upper Moon Six's defeat, Sakage was likewise in a bad mood for the annoyance he encountered out there, someone who should had stayed hidden away instead of bearing free his inherently show-offy personality by joining the Demon Slayer Corp, especially since he was sure to have his ears set to the ground now for any new sign of him. He was certain Tengen witnessed him. But, for as much of an insult as it was to the Upper Moons that Gyutaro let him live, Tengen wouldn't be much of a threat anymore.

Still, Sakage knew to keep his cool. He had news to report, and he was certain of his deciphering. When he declared where the swordsmith village was located, Muzan had no doubts, and sent Hantengu alone. "Now why couldn't you find that, after all this time?" Muzan smirked to Nakime. She, not being of any rank, could merely apologize. Sakage took no pleasure or pride in looking better than a peer whom he knew he was stronger than. Muzan's mood could never be sustained for long, though, and he very soon frowned back to him. "You've brought no word of the blue spider lily."

"My apologies."

"Aren't ninja supposed to have knowledge of these things? Weren't you of a high ranking clan? Go back and order them to search."

And, at that moment, a dangerous thought escaped Sakage's inner filter, it leaked though to his mind at the same moment it leaked to Muzan's: But I can't show my face back there.

The way Muzan's face bent with disgust drove more terror into Sakage than when he was still a human and first encountered the demon lord. He felt certain of a swift death, but Muzan let him be. Sakage was still too useful. But, Sakage knew he'd have to crawl back to Muzan's graces by providing something of more use to him. He had to unveil a secret of more value.

--

Tengen, who remained active despite missing an eye and a hand, was present at an emergency Pillar meeting. Tokito and Kanroji were bandaged up, and they recounted how the swordsmith village was attacked by Upper Moon Four. With two Pillars and a few other reliable Corp members all working together they defeated him well before daybreak, but not before discovering an ancient ability known only as "the mark."

As he was now, Tengen knew he'd never attain this. What bothered him more was how the demons found the village, so hidden that he'd have to put his mind to it to have figured out where it was. He could had resorted to old tricks to figure it out, whether that be silently tracking the smiths after their deliveries or flirting with the Kakushi, but what recourse would a demon have had?

'I heard the cacophony----'

A demon may have had ears that rivaled his own, or were better!

Feeling sure of which demon it may had been, he set to thinking of what he would do next. If the demon moved in shadow, listening for the Corps' secrets, what would be a bigger target than the swordsmith village?

Oyakata-sama!

"Uzui-san, are you alright?" asked Himejima. "You seem quiet today."

"You look pale," added Kanroji.

"I'm jealous I won't get one of those flashy marks," he lief without flaw. "We all know I can't take any demons on like I used to. Maybe I don’t belong here."

"Uzui, what sort of talk is that?" Iguro looked to him with his flamboyant dichromatic eyes wide, and brows knit tight over them. "This isn't like you."

"I've got a different sort of mission to go on, I'll see myself out. You all stay here and keep each other company discussing this."

"Then I'll excuse myself here as well--"

"Not you, you've got no excuse," Uzui forced Tomioka back to a seated position by pressing on his head.

In conducting his own investigation, Tengen set his crow to work investigating from the sky. What the crow learned, tracing a few leaks and scolding the birds involved, was that their mid-air communications may had been what spoiled the secret location. This confirmed Tengen's suspicion about Yogen's hearing. He had a feeling about some other spoiled secrets too, and in following up with Corp members involved in previous mishaps, he concluded that the secret hand signals had been divulged.

--

(Read the conclusion reblog here.)

#please reblog from the conclusion post thx #tw blood #tw violence #tw cannibalism

[tsilvy]

SO. Reflection time. Bear with me because this is long and rambly and spoilery for episode 5 of Around the world in 80 days.

All under the cut.

I can't believe they did that. I really, really can't believe it. I'd have bet money they would do the heroic run trope and save Fogg from the lash at the last second. But they didn't, and that's as clear a choice as I can think of. But I'll talk about that later.

First, do we all agree that this is the worst thing that could ever have happened to Fogg?

Just to put things into perspective, notice how Fogg comments as soon as the police starts searching him. "I've never been more humiliated in my life," he says. This was already out of his league at the very suspicion of theft. This is a man who is never touched nor seen by anyone. This is a man who is uncomfortable with hugs. But most importantly, a man whose rights have never been violated in his life.

The reason I am iterating this is I want everyone to understand the significance of what we've seen.

Because the fact is, this is not the most life-threatening event happened to Fogg during the journey. He's been on the verge of dying twice and a half. But the brutality, it's unheard of. A brutality he's ill-equipped to come to terms with. What we're seeing here is a monstrous imbalance of power, with Fogg on the wrong side of a scale he's known for the entirety of his life.

I cannot overstate what kind of humiliation that is to the psyche and self-esteem of someone who is already as withdrawn as he is. And the fact that it comes right after another tremendous blow to his dignity, not even 24 hours later.

Granted, he's seen a lot of things and listened to alternative facts and unlearned some of his biases already, but now you know, you just know, he's not going to come back home the same person he was before. He's been on the other side now. He's lost every single shred of privilege, he's lost control, in the single most brutal and irreversible way there is.

This is a choice they did, a statement: sometimes things go a bit wrong actually. And some things you just can't undo. To make an omelette you need to break some eggs, after all. They made a choice to leave an impression on him (and us) of his time in Hong Kong. Like, from now on Hong Kong is going to be code for a complete mess. It's a point of no return, if I ever saw one.

But there's another choice, another statement, that put into context with the other elements of this show marks the significance, the wrongness, of what we've seen.

The fact is, this is the opposite of all the things he's feared could have hurt him. This is not some """inferior culture""" robbing or kidnapping or killing him. This is not adversity in a wild, hostile environment. This is not one of the dangers he was warned about. In fact, it's the one he wasn't. This man was never warned about the structures, the people he should trust, turning on him (Bellamy included, but that’s for another post).

This is his pals, the English, his very pals, the 'masters of their trade', as Fogg puts it, those who were supposed to bring civilization to the world. It's the English who are hurting him, who are abusing their power, who are acting out barbaric practices and human rights violations, who are reveling in cruel impulses because they're removed enough from England the empire can't see it, or doesn't bother to.

Look at Fogg in that cell listening to the screams of the man being flogged before him, with tears in his eyes. Even just witnessing something like that, is too much.

THIS is the worst betrayal. The whole episode is about betrayal, but this is by far the worst. And it's yet another step of Fogg realizing the lies he's been told, this time experiencing it on his own skin. Because no, this wasn't at any point about Abigail exposing him, or Passepartout doing something very stupid that ultimately put Fogg in danger. This is about tiranny, injustice, the disregard of precisely those rights that protect the people from incidents and errors of the law like this one. Coated in a veneer of respectability.

Now I understand, this whole bit felt insidious, the vibes felt rancid, precisely because they were among the English. They were among power like never before, and that's what power does, the moment it can: it oppresses, it hurts, it cripples. They stopped being safe the moment they went to that party. Ah, the irony.

And I'm incredibly impressed with this show for pulling all that, for daring to go there, for crafting the single most gut-wrenching sequence of both a failure and a victory. And there's no celebration, mind you. No obligatory toast, not even a patching-up scene. Because we can't even begin to imagine how Fogg is feeling, and we shouldn't have to.

#silvy watches atwied #atwied spoilers #around the world in eighty days #around the world in eighty days spoilers #ep5 #ep5 spoilers #around the world in 80 days #meta #atwied meta #atwi80d

[wehatejulietsimms]

I said there would be a part three on the WTHTD video and I decided to keep it quiet a couple days ago until my gut told me to post.

Please stick with this read as it will get deep into lore and connections

My conspiracy on the scorpion tattoo part two:

In the WDHTDANCE video

there’s two girls; one blonde and brunette.

At first, a regular person might pass it off as

“Oh, two girls in the background! MV standards.”

Sadly, no.

It’s Juliet and Angie before and after Andy found out about Scientology and their wickedness.

Let me explain and backtrack the beginning theory of the music video.

It starts with Andy walking into a hotel building with a monster holding the door for him. He walks into a dark movie theatre room that relives his past memories, AKA the AUDITING ROOM or what other people refer to as the *fake* Akashic records room. (A spiritual place that stores memories that many fake spiritual gurus love to talk about in *awakening*)

What’s with this room, you ask? Scientology is known to bring people into rooms to “clean their memories and get their stories straight.”

While Andy is watching on the screen, there’s two innocent girls, as previously mentioned before, living their best life and looking flirty at a party. Sources say Andy and Juliet met at parties/festivals back in the day with Juliets family near always, which includes her sister who was trying to become an influencer as well.

Throughout the video shot, Andy’s being watched by this monster man in the background, making sure Andy is watching attentively and he’s looking at the scenes worried in regret. Furthermore, these two girls turn into hideous morphed demonic beings at the foot of this monster.

Then shows the shot of an innocent woman drowning in water.

“Oh how don’t you drown in a rain storm”

He’s asking Juliet why she isn’t exposed from the spotlight from all the shit she’s put herself in. Hint, nobody knows who the fuck she is and Andy’s asking why karma doesn’t punish her yet. (It’s coming! It’s already been hitting her!) Why hasn’t she drowned in all the fucked up situations she’s created through the years.

During the auditing process, Andy is being purged of Juliet and the Simms family secret of darkness so he can view Juliet as an angel,

like how the women think they are the monster’s little wh*re princess (excuse my language) because they think THAT monster is in control of Andy’s wording and thoughts during the auditing process. Aka Scientology, and Juliet’s father.

I believe Andy is watching carefully around their father because they come from money as well as

Jeff is an A class narcissist himself and says “peace is everything when you can fuck everyone over!” and tries to make Andy something he’s not, which is an asshole.

We don’t have to dance, is a song toward Juliet saying I’m not going to make this relationship something it’s not up to be. I know who you truly are and it’s not something that I’m going to keep loving you toward, so we can still be in a relationship because I’m stuck with you but I’m not ever going to love you (.) like I did when I was young and naive ever again.

Record scratch (auditing) ; Steve Miller Band (the joker is one of their classics)

Tattooed necks and tattooed hands

(Facade to hide in and be the person that they want him to be, so he tries to be comfortable as much as he can. ALSO, the song THE JOKER BY STEVE MILLER BAND GOES INTO DETAIL ABOUT ALWAYS BEING IN MASKED PERSONALITIES and being seen differently by everyone, which Andy feels like)

Oh, how don't you drown in a rain storm?

(Previous statement above ⬆️)

Fresh regrets, vodka sweats

(He regrets meeting her and getting married so soon and he drowns her out with vodka getting too drunk and having night terrors)

The sun is down and we're bound to get

Exhausted and so far from the shore

(I think that line perfectly states how far they’ve tried to drive him out of his “let’s create a better world” mentality & bright eyed personality into feeling exhausted and enslaved, overall not like the inner child he once had. Fucking Juliet being an older cougar and taking advantage of Andy’s youth while his parents sold him out and Ashley was a weirdo who gained half the rights to the band, not only that but his record label’s pressure, band mates, crew, friends (which are mostly Scientologists) to always go along the dotted lines like a script, literally.) He was only 18-20! A baby! who was groomed up by old Hollywood cults for selling him a dream that left him almost dead.)

You're never gonna get it

I'm a hazard to myself

I'll break it to you easy

This is hell, this is hell

You're looking and whispering

You think I'm someone else

This is hell, yes.

Literal hell.

(The fan base used to think Andy was this confident almighty saviour because he cared about us, his young sweet heart cared about helping people and he was drowning in regret and shame from the fake industry and kinfolk behind him making him feel left out, delusional, and not belonging. He was feeling a moment of weakness in these lyrics and had to put on a facade that he was some big seductive rocker dude for financial and status sake, which in multiple interviews he feels bad about because HE HAD TO DO THAT out of survival mode and not because he wanted to! Now, today he’s seasoned and getting in control)

We don't have to talk

We don't have to dance

We don't have to smile

We don't have to make friends

It's so nice to meet you,

Let's never meet again

We don't have to talk

We don't have to dance

We don't have to dance

(This is basically an ode to meeting Juliet for the first time. Or getting into a relationship with her in the beginning. He’s writing what he now would have done instead of marrying her in 2012. Didn’t they say they both hated each other when they first met? He wanted to listen to his gut instincts and he felt deep regret in those lyrics)

Bottles smash, I raise my hand

How can you all even stand it

Why is there joy in this poison, oh

Faking smiles and confidence

Driving miles to capture this excitement

I can't take anymore, oh

(He’s asking why isn’t anyone caring about fake people including literally everyone he’s surrounded by, including us.

Why we used to not care about diving into the abuse and delusional shows everyone put out there, fake smiles and fake personas to keep fans alive and happy, which is coincidentally the most popular BVB was.

I wish Andy knew that for us, it wasn’t fake and that even though he was depressed and angry inside and still showed up for BVB army is a very selfless act, because he wasn’t forced to be nice to anyone but only put on a stage act by management.

Now he’s really shining and we get to see the person he has always been for us, a neighborly seasoned person who sings his truth and we, as BVB army fans, relate to the sad darkness and happiness overcoming it too.

He’s real and always has been, even if he’s had to hide and mask for his protection.

He gained popularity and support because he was authentically himself and showing up for him when he felt the shittiest (even when he thinks he didn’t handle it correctly with fighting and alcoholism,) still he showed up and gave everything in authenticity and pure emotion, Andy style. I think he’s come to conclusion that his stage presence is something special outside of his personality and that it’s okay to express your soul on stage even if it’s changing, he’s coming back to who he’s always been inside. I think he’s channeling it in such a badass empowered way on the IN BETWEEN tour.

Congrats Andy! That man IS a true soul warrior.

Dude was fighting predators, groomers, and multiple cults by himself and still showed up (AND bettered, healed, unlearned things about his surroundings and himself) even when he felt isolated and alone! Props to Andy!

I personally interpret the scorpion tattoo as death and not forgetting to go back to the place that he was left FOR DEAD even if he feels scared or lonely.

You’re not alone, Andy! We are here and we see you!

I’m so proud of him. He’s such a diamond in the rough. I’m proud to be a supporter and recognize what he’s done for himself and how it translates into his art.

.

[inessencedevided]

The Untamed, episode 45 - watching notes

I'm at this stage of fandom rn where it's really hard to concentrate on anything else 😅

Every song I listen to gets dissected for how it relates to wangxian

I need to concentrate on my thesis but instead I'm pondering how the untamed raises questions about collectivism vs individualism and how my western perception of that might differ greatly from a native chinese person or even the author's intention

Can't I just write my thesis about THAT?

Alas, I digress ...

Back to our regular programming :D

Last time one Sophie watches the untamed wwx went all Sherlock on us and used his formidable skills of deduction to expose Backpfeifengesicht's plan of killing everyone and blaming it on wwx

I've heard from several people that the next few episodes are their favourites, so no high expectations at all :D

Nobody wipes the blood on their chins away. Might be about the aesthetic

I adore detective-duo-wangxian so much!! Especially because wwx does 99% of the talking but then lwj will chime in with a single word and it's 100% devastating :D

If anyone knows any well written case-fics for these two, please, I need recs! (For after the show)

Backpfeifengesicht makes good one point and that is that jgy already is at the top of the cultivation world. So what does he gain from all this?

Or is it simply that he's afraid of wwx because he's a rebel and might act against him? (Don't answer that. I wanna find out through the show ;))

Wwx just casually revealed that he's been to cloud recess and that he handles went to the restricted section forbidden chamber. What will you do about, Lan Qiren? Huh? 😂

Oooh! Backpfeifengesicht is the ghosted faced man! I thought it was Jiggy himself!!! 😱

That makes way more sense though!

Lan Sizhui! Jin Ling! Oh you brave boys! 😭

Someone hold me 😭

But why does he not take zidian now? He's done so before!

"You little fool!" Is "I love you" in Jiang-Cheng-speak :D

"We're done for! What can we do??" - wwx *strips*

Sorry

Bahahaha 😂😂😂

I just burst out laughing waaay to loudly for the fact that I've got people sleeping in the room next to mine

But look at Lan Qiren when he sees wwx strop to reveal anat is probably his nephew's undershirt 😂😂😂

He's probably questioning every decision that's let him to this point :D

This is completely inconsequential,but I couldn't keep quiet about it anymore because I every time he makes this motion, it always sends a shiver down my spine!!! Notice that wwx (or rather Xiao Zhan) is one of these people whose fingers bend in the opposite direction??? I know it's just a normal thing some people can do, but I can't watch it!! It makes my fingers hurt just looking at it 🙈🙈🙈

Is he turning himself into a demon lure flag?? 😱

Lan Jingyi 🥺🥺🥺

Also does wwx now just transfer his self-sacrificing tendencies to lwj?

Nothing is as hot as these two together in a fight scene

Jiang Cheng doesn't want to leave them behind. He does care! :') he just never unlearned how to unravel his love from his anger

Sizhui running up to greet his dads :')

Look at them! I'm soft guys 💔

He called him Yuan!! 😭😭😭

So this is it. Any doubts I ever had about Sizhui's identity are gone

Will he finally recognize him??

Why don't you say anything lwj? This one time, I beg you!!

Sect Leader Yao still at his gossip shit even 16 years later 🙄

Lam sizhyi is seasick! Why is this so cute! 😭

Oh Wen Ning!! He recognized A-Yuan? Right?

I want to hug Lan Sizhui for his openness and kindness towards everyone he meets, no matter their status or what other people say about them! (Wen Ning now or who he thought was Mo Xuanyu the supposed mad-man) and I wanna hug lan Wangji right after for raising him to be like this :')

Oh Wen Ning! 😭

That's how I'd look at Sizhui, too, if I met him - poor unadulterated wonder :')

And just think about what that means for Wen Ning! He's not the last of the Wens! All their fight wasn't for nothing. This child, their legacy, survived 😭😭😭

"Can I call you A-Yuan" "Of Course." God I'm gonna burst into tears 😭

I'm actually bursting into tears!!

Isn't this the dream of anyone who has ever lost someone? :')

"He's like a brother and father to me" :')

And he raised him from when he was 4 or 5? So ... A-Yuan was about 2 when the Wens died? Right? Then 5 would fit with lwj's 3 year isolation

Ob god, it's the butterfly-toy!!! 😭😭😭

Wen Nings smiling through his tears! I can't! 😭💔And he's got the one from the market!

Aww, wax isn't wearing the white undergarment anymore. Too bad

Oh poor Jin Ling ...

So much grieve that he could probably never process. There so many lost kids in this story, hurt by things they had no control over 😔

I mean, I get it. That's the person who killed his parents (without being in control, but he doesnt know that) and everyone is just talking to him as if it's normal and that didn't happen. But he can't forget,but he doesnt really understand either and he has no outlet. Of course he'd just ... crash 😥

And who would have thought I'd ever try at a flashback of Jin Zixuan's death :(

For once, it'd be nice if the adults actually acted like the parent figures they're supposed to be and explain things to their children 🤦‍♀️

I'm so thankful though, that no one even thinks of scolding him for crying. Jismg Cheng only asked who it was that made him cry (and looks like he'll kick their ass). Generally, thus show has a very healthy attitude towards tears. Most characters cry when they are faced with tragedy, regardless of gender. Men being allowed to have appropriate reactions to grieve (instead of a single men tear or just punching things) is really nice to see

Oh Yao dude whose courtesy name I can't remember, shut up!

Thanks Ouyang Zizhen! You get me

I live for these children standing up to their elders

Meanwhile Nie Huaisang is just on the sidelines, enjoying the show :D never change!

The Lotus Pier theme song alone is making me cry rn 😢

Why can't wen Ning come in?

Oh Sizhui!

He many times do you want to make me cry happy tears today?? :')

Little turnip-baby ❤

But why doesn't lwj say anything ??? 😭

Lan Wangji raised A-Yuan smong a bunch of rabbits??? 😭

Now he's a turnip baby with a taste for carrots, how cute is that? :')

Holy shit, wwx and lwj are really joined at the hip these days of lwj won't enter the hall if wwx isn't allowed to :D

Lwj 😑 "no misbehaviour"

Someone. Knows. Their. Husband.

Okay sorry, but as painful as these cuts must have been and yes, while you do see scars on this prostitute's face, they in no way warrant these horrified gasps as of they had all seen a monster 🙄

Xue yang. Fancy seeing you here in this not at all disturbing sub-plot 😬

Okay that's creepy. That's really creepy

Shouldn't Jin Guangyao have a bit more compassion for these women?

On the other hand, he was born to menacingly stand behind a curtain 🤷‍♀️

W. T. F. ????

Jin Guangshan??? o___O

That's the most skin we've ever seen on this show and it's in a scene like THIS? 😬

THIS IS HOW JIN GUANGSHAN DIED? 😱😱😱

How?

How can you die from sex?

And then jgy made them keep going?

UGH

These poor women :/

So there's someone who set her free on purpose, right?

Bicao has really interesting eyes!

Oh wait, took me some time to catch up. This is about Quin Su and why she killed herself, right?

WHAT??

They were siblings o_O

They just went full game of thrones on this ...

Hey Jin Guangshan, screw you for raping that woman

Wait, is that why jgy had him die like THAT?

I'm so confused about how that happened btw

But why would Jin Guangyao merry quin su anyway? Was this some kind of political marriage that he couldn't call off?

This episode answered some of my questions but raised about a dozen more 😅

@sweetlittlevampire @fandom-glazed @elenirlachlagos @allhailthedramallama @luckymoony @kyrrahbird @i-love-him-on-purpose

5 episodes to go. I'm both happy because I can't wait to brows the untamed tag without looking for spoilers and extremely sad 🥺

Right now I'm planning to watch one episode each day until friday and then watch the last two on Saturday, hopefully quite early, so I can spend the rest of the day crying my eyes out over it, without having to worry about such trivial things as being a functioning adult or a responsible student 😅

#the untamed #sophie watches the untamed #wei wuxian #wwx #lan wangji #lwj #wangxian #jiang cheng #jin ling #lan sizhui #wen ning #a-yuan #(I'm so happy i can put this tag here again 😊) #jin guangshan #jin guangyao #ouyang zizhen #the untamed liveblog