#LOVE IT WHEN TUMBLR FUCKS UP MY POST

[skylar102]

You Can Call Me Anytime

“All units be advised, a warlock has been kidnapped in front of his home. Looking for three males and an SUV license plate Echo Delta Three Seven Golf Kilo Zero.”

“Was it Magnus Bane?”

“...”

“It was Magnus Bane.”

“Not again.”

This was created for the Shadowhunter Bingo. Hosted by the @thehuntersmoondiscord

And also a very late birthday gift for @vaguelyrotten​

Prompts used: Cursed and Hurt/Comfort

Alec shakes out his hand as he drops the unconscious man to the ground. He looks around the room, still on high alert for any other goons still hiding and waiting for an opportunity to attack. When he doesn’t hear anyone, he lets his guard down.

“My, my Shade, thank you for saving me,” Magnus croons. The warlock is still tied up in the chair, which doesn’t have magic restraining cuffs on it. Alec couldn’t help but snort when he noticed that upon entering the room to rescue the warlock.

“This is the second time this month, Mr. Bane,” Alec sighs. 

“Is it?” Magnus questions. He rubs his hands where the cuffs were on his wrists. Alec doesn’t know why he would do that as they weren’t on that tight. “It seems like it's been weeks since my last kidnapping.”

“That’s because your perception of time is wrong,” Alec points out. He leaves Magnus to collect himself and starts collecting any salvageable arrows he can. It’s not like money grows on trees for a vigilante like him. 

“Well, when you have a schedule like mine, time seems to fly.” 

Magnus stretches his arms above his head. Who knows how long Magnus sat there before he arrived? He feels slightly guilty about not coming right away but there was a mugging and he can’t just ignore one crime for the other. 

Besides, he doubts that Magnus even cares when he’s kidnapped at this point. Alec has never met a man more kidnapped in his life. Alec is pretty sure one year the warlock was kidnapped ten times and each time Magnus came out mostly unscathed. 

Alec pulls the last arrow out of the wall. He looks at the unconscious goons on the ground and snorts. He swears these idiots are getting dumber and dumber as the years go on. It’s been almost a decade to the day that he decided to pick up the name Shade and began to protect the people of this city from people who would prefer to watch it crumble. 

Alec isn’t denying that there’s a lot of corruption in Edom, but going after the one man who’s in a high position of power and trying to change the system is not the way to go about it. 

Alec was wary of Magnus at first. It was clear the man had high standards and made people pay insane prices for his work. It wasn’t until later when Alec was scoping out the warlock that he realized Magnus only made wealthy people pay insane prices while those less fortunate barely had to pay a dime.

There are so many layers to Magnus Bane that Alec has yet to uncover.

“Well now that you’ve saved me from these mean old goons,” Magnus saunters his way over to him like a cat about to catch his prey, “How about we celebrate this victory with lunch?”

“Mr. Bane,” Alec sighs, walking around Magnus to the exit. “How many times do I have to tell you that I am on the clock?”

“And how many times are you going to avoid giving me an answer?” Magnus jabs back. “You have never said yes or no.”

“Maybe there’s a reason for that. You’re a smart man, Mr. Bane. I’m sure you’ll figure it out eventually.” Alec would never talk to anyone he’s rescued like this, but he and Magnus have a weird bond at this point. 

Magnus catches up to him when he realizes that Alec is not going to wait for him. He walks right next to Alec, close enough that their hands occasionally brush against each other. Alec has to resist shoving his hands in his pocket. He can’t let the man know how much it affects him. It would all go to Magnus’ head and Alec would never hear the end of it.

“Do you talk to all the people you rescue like that, Shade?” 

“Just you,” Alec replies, holding the door open for Magnus.

Alec sends a message to the commissioner about the knocked out people in the building and to send a patrol car to pick them up. Alec smirks at his phone as Raphael complains but agrees to send a car there. Raphael then sends him a message about a robbery that took place and asks for his help tracking the people down.

“See, you can smile,” Magnus jokes, pointing a finger at his mouth. “You know if you keep avoiding all my questions to get to know you, I’m going to start stalking you.”

“Whatever you say, gorgeous,” Alec says, grappling to the roof of a building. He’s pretty sure Magnus says something but he’s focused on the next crime. These assholes really don’t know when to quit.

It’s not until he’s already a few blocks away that he realizes what he said.

---

The next time Magnus and Shade cross paths is not the best encounter. He’s not even Shade, he’s just Alec. Just a regular person who happens to slowly be disappearing as the days go by. He doesn’t know what happened. He can’t think of when Shade was hit with magic. All of his recent vigilante endeavors have been mild; barely any magic used.

The only reason it was even spotted was that Izzy wanted to help him find a suit for the Commissioner’s reelection gala. Raphael doesn’t know that he's Shade, but he does know Alec runs a charity organization, Merlin’s Sanctuary, to help less fortunate warlocks. While magic is seen as high class by most of society, those without it hate anyone who comes into the power, even their own family.

Alec created the foundation during his early days of being Shade, when most of the “criminals” he went after were just kids kicked out by their parents when they came into their magic. Alec didn’t have the heart to tie them up and give them to the police— though he did take back what was stolen. After too many instances, he had enough of it and created the foundation. It was met with quite the backlash. 

Since he wasn't a warlock, people saw him as a suck up and a traitor. Little did the people of Edom know, the crime rates diminished at a pretty hefty rate after. Kids now had a place to stay where they could learn and grow into their magic without having to fend for themselves. Alec has an amazing staff full of warlocks and regular people who want nothing more than to help the next generation. 

It doesn’t surprise him that eventually someone would go after Alec to put an end to his charity work.

When Izzy let out a shocked gasp as he was putting on a disgustingly bright button up and rushed to his side, he had no idea what was going on. It wasn’t until she held his hand up to the light that he saw his hand was faded. She wanted to call someone to help, but Alec couldn’t miss the gala— not when it was important not only to his charity but to Shade as well. 

These galas always bring in the sleazy type of people who want to rub shoulders with Raphael to get away with their own crimes. Of course, none of them know how by the book Raphael is and it’s always a treat to see the shock on those rich bastards' faces when Raphael shuts them down.

Izzy wasn’t happy, but he promised her that he would keep an eye on it and wear gloves for the night and stay away from people— or should he say, he attempted to stay away from people. 

Even as Alec Lightwood, he finds his attention taken by Magnus Bane. The man is dressed to the nines like always, never one to be upstaged by others. He steals the attention of any room he’s in— or maybe that's just Alec. 

Izzy digs an elbow into his side as she catches him staring at Magnus more than normal.

“I thought you were annoyed by him,” Izzy teases.

“I am,” Alec defends. Izzy gives him a look and he rolls his eyes. “Or Shade is, whatever. Look, Magnus is a thorn in Shade’s side. Me,” Alec glances back at Magnus, “I can appreciate a nice looking guy.”

“So tell him,” Izzy says.

“Absolutely not! I am nowhere near his league,” Alec scoffs. “In case you didn’t notice he’s wearing a four hundred dollar shirt from Versace.”

“How do you even know that?”

“I had to listen to him complain about it when I accidentally got blood on his other one, saving his life.” 

Izzy cackles at the story. “Yeah that sounds like something he would do.”

Izzy and Alec continue to watch Magnus as he approaches other guests at the gala. The man seems to get along with everyone. Kind smiles, warm handshakes, flirtatious looks; if Alec didn’t know the real Magnus, he would assume that Magnus was a playboy. Alec snorts when Magnus gives Raphael a big hug, much to the Commissioner’s chagrin. 

Magnus has been the number one donor into Raphael’s reelection. Raphael and Magnus grew up together and have been friends since they were children. The only reason Alec knows this is because Magnus occasionally gets kidnapped to be used as leverage against Raphael. 

Raphael knows that Shade won’t let anything happen to Magnus and has been dismissive with the criminals who commit the crime. It makes Alec’s life as Shade a bit harder because the goons are angrier by the time he shows up and it takes longer to take them down.

He’s so distracted by the interaction that he almost doesn’t catch someone approaching him. Alec turns and realizes it’s Camille Belcourt. Alec has to stop himself from rolling his eyes as she comes his way. He would rather suffer the presence of Lorenzo Rey than spend a single second in hers.

The definition of a spoiled brat who hates when she doesn’t get her way, she’s been trying to get him to let her have a share of his charity for weeks now. Alec has refused her and her gifts every time. He knows that her family is anti-magic and has been secretly donating to organizations looking to rid Edom of everything magic-related. The only reason she wants a share of his organization is to shut it down.

Good thing Shade has been collecting evidence of their crimes over the years and is just waiting to have enough to go to the commissioner about it.

“Mr. Lightwood,” Camille greets. “I was wondering where you were. I have been looking for you all night and here you are just hiding in a corner.”

“I’m sure you were, Miss Belcourt,” Alec muses. “I assume you were looking for me to talk business, and once again I am going to have to decline your generous offer.”

He watches her hand twitch against the champagne flute and her smirk fade for a split second. She is frustrated that he didn’t let her try and butter him up like she has every other time. Izzy hides a laugh behind her hand.

“You really are a hard man to please, Alexander.” She steps into his personal space and runs a hand down his chest. Alec feels a disgusting shiver run down his spine. Her perfume invades his nostrils and he has to choke back a gag. “There has to be something I can do to make you hear me out.”

“You can start by stepping back,” a voice chimes in. Magnus Bane is suddenly standing next to Alec, grabbing Camille’s hand off his chest. Raphael is also on his way over, anger on his face as well. “For someone who touts themself as clever, you are still as dense as ever.”

“Magnus,” she purrs. “Come to save the day? Mr. Lightwood and I were just talking about his charity organization.”

“And that requires you to put your hands on him?” Raphael asks. “Not a very smart move to do in a gala full of cops, Camille.”

Clearly cornered, Camille walks away in a huff. Alec lets out a tired sigh and pinches the bridge of his nose. He wishes he could get a restraining order against her, but she legally hasn’t done anything wrong. 

“Good riddance,” Izzy grumbles beside Alec. She’s practically leaning into his side. If it weren't for the hand Alec put on her wrist, he’s pretty sure she would have fought the woman. Not that he’s worried about her. She’s been his sparring partner for as long as he can remember. Izzy may look small but she can get a man his size flipped over her shoulder and pinned on the ground in under a minute.

“What a psychotic woman,” Raphael comments. “Are you alright, Alec?”

“I’m fine, just annoyed. Camille doesn’t seem to want to back down from taking my charity away from me.”

“What does a snake like her even want with the charity? It’s not like she cares about it,” Raphael says. “If anything she would want to burn that place to the ground so that she can have her father build a condo or something.”

“I don’t know, but this is the fifth time she’s propositioned me,” Alec sighs. “She thinks that because she comes from money, I want hers. I don’t, and to be honest I would love to not interact with her ever again.”

“You want me to turn her into an actual snake?” Magnus jokes. The man saunters up to Alec and holds out a hand. “Magnus Bane. I don’t think we’ve been formally introduced. Raphael has told me about your charity organization.”

Alec takes the hand. “Alec Lightwood. It’s nice to finally meet the face behind my biggest donor this year, I really appreciate it.”

“Oh the pleasure was all mine,” Magnus says. “When Raphael told me about it, I wondered how I never heard of it before. I knew I had to donate to such an amazing cause. A lot of us older warlocks could have used that kind of place when we were younger.”

“I’m sorry there wasn’t something already in place,” Alec sympathizes. “Those kids only ever wanted a place to call home and I hope that I am providing that for them.”

“Well, I can already tell those kids are going to have some amazing young years with you at the helm,” Magnus declares. “You truly are one of a kind, Alexander.”

“Alec,” he corrects with a faint blush on his cheeks. “Only my parents use my full name.”

“But it rolls off the tongue so well,” Magnus flirts. 

“It’s like we’re not even here,” Izzy sighs off to the side. Alec breaks eye contact with Magnus and looks at Izzy, who has the most smug grin on her face. Alec already is dreading the conversation they are going to have when they leave. 

“I am used to this,” Raphael agrees. “You should see Magnus in an art gallery. It’s like I’m a ghost.”

“That is not true,” Magnus denies. “I just know you don’t know anything about the pieces and wish to impart some knowledge on you that isn’t narcotics or whatever it is you do as commissioner.”

“I really need to stop inviting you to these events if you’re not even going to know what it is I do as a commissioner,” Raphael states before turning and walking away. “It was good to see you, Alec and Isabelle.”

“Wait no, I’m sorry Raphael,” Magnus calls out. He gets three steps in the direction Raphael went before turning around to Alec. “It was a pleasure to meet the both of you. If you’re around for the whole night I’d love to talk about the charity again with you— wait, Raphael, stop moving so fast!”

Alec watches Magnus weave his way through the crowd with apologies as he tries to catch up to his friend. He can’t stop the smile on his face. Magnus definitely lived up to his name and Alec was happy to finally meet him. Izzy once again jabs an elbow into his side and he can’t even be mad.

“Yeah, yeah you were right,” Alec admits. “You’re the best sister.”

“Just as long as you know,” Izzy laughs.

“Can you survive on your own for a bit? I need to go to the restroom and check to see if my hand got worse.”

“I think I can fend on my own for a bit. I think I see Clary and Jace anyway so I’ll be over with them. You better let me know because we are heading home if it is.”

Alec gives her a quick hug and a thank you and heads off to find the bathroom. His hand still feels warm from when it held Magnus’. He tries to shake the feeling off, but there’s something about Magnus that over the years has captured Alec’s attention. The way he flirts with Shade and tries to get to know even a little sliver of information about him, about Alec. 

He knows it would be the worst decision to pursue Magnus while also being Shade. That would only end in disaster, especially if he still kept his identity as Shade a secret. Everything about the thought of dating Magnus has alarms going off in his head.

He pushes to the door to the restroom open and lets out a relieved sigh that no one is inside. He leans against the sink and looks at himself in the mirror, looking for any sign for change. Whatever is happening to him is only in his hands for now. He removes his gloves and inspects his hands. He lets out a curse as it clearly has gotten worse. The shine from the porcelain sink reflects through his hands. 

He has no idea why this is happening. He’s so careful as Shade now because of close calls with magic in the past. Izzy even helped him with his suit so that it deflects most magical spells. After he fell into a coma for a week from a teenager just trying to protect themselves, Izzy had made him promise to be more careful.

“Oh my god.”

Alec jumps at the voice, trying to quickly put his gloves back on, but he's halted when a ringed hand takes his. Alec looks up to see Magnus with a worried look on his face as Magnus flips his hand back and forth, inspecting it.

“What happened?” Magnus demands.

“It’s nothing,” Alec tries to appease, attempting to pull his hand away, but Magnus’ grip holds firm.”I promise. One of the new kids at the organization got scared and used magic on me.”

Magnus looked like he didn’t believe him for a second. “The kind of magic that would cause this would have to come from a powerful spell. I doubt that a child did this. Did Camille do this when she touched you? I swear I will go find her and turn her into a toad.”

“No Magnus, I promise it wasn’t Camille,” he reassures Magnus. He can’t have Magnus making a scene in front of a bunch of police. “Izzy and I spotted it this evening when getting ready for the event. We don’t know what started it.”

“Okay, do you mind if I try some magic on it and see if I can detect anything?” Magnus asks. 

“Go for it.”

The blue magic that covers his hand is cool to the touch. It sends a different type of shiver down his spine. Alec watches with fascination as tendrils crawl up and down his wrist. He's always found magic wonderful; ever since he was a kid and his babysitter would use magic to help care for him and his siblings.

Magnus lets out a curse and stops his magic. “Well, I have good news and bad news.”

“Give me the bad news first,” Alec says.

“I can’t fix this.” At the look of dread Alec gives him, Magnus quickly reassures him. “Right now — but it is curable. I can’t do it with just magic. It seems you’ve been cursed, Alexander.”

“Cursed?” Alec stutters.

Great, just what he needs in his life.

---

“Why is Magnus Bane in our house?”

Izzy stands frozen in the entryway with bags of groceries in her hands. She’s looking over at the eccentric man who is currently surrounded by close to twenty open books on their loveseat. 

“He invited himself over,” Alec groans from the couch.

“Well is he staying for dinner?” 

“Probably. He’s been in that chair reading while simultaneously poking and prodding my body with magic.” Alec rubs a hand on his stomach. “I’m pretty sure his last attempt rearranged my organs.”

“That sounds like something he would do.”

“I am right here, you two,” Magnus chastises, finally looking up from his book to glare at the siblings. He’s wearing a pair of glasses that have had Alec thinking of his grandma naked. “And to answer your question: I am here because it’s easier to try and break the spell if I have the cursed person in the same room as me. Alexander refused to come to my house.”

“Your house is like ten miles away from my work. I’m not about to make that journey every day,” Alec argues. “Besides, you can make portals to your house if needed.”

Magnus scoffs at his words. “Just because I can doesn’t mean I have to.”

“So how’s the research going?” Izzy asks as she puts away groceries. “Any closer to finding out what’s happening to my brother?”

“Sadly no,” Magnus sighs, removing his glasses and massaging his temples. “Since Alexander doesn’t know when or how he was cursed, it’s making it incredibly difficult to find the right counterspell. All I know is that the curse relies on touch, but that could mean a plethora of things.”

“Apologies, I didn’t realize that people would be so passionate about wanting me gone,” he deadpans. Izzy comes over to the couch and pushes Alec’s legs off the other end to sit down. He sends a light kick to her leg before sitting up.

“So what does that mean?” Izzy worries. “The curse has gone up most of his arms now. I assume it will spread to the rest of his body if we don’t stop it.”

“It means that if I don’t figure out what this curse is by the end of the month, Alexander will disappear for good,” Magnus states.

That gets both Alec and Izzy to freeze. She looks over at him with the same fear he never wanted to see again. Ever since that battle with Valentine all those years ago, Izzy has been like a hawk every night he comes home. She wants to check over even the slightest injury. He occasionally gets annoyed, but he lets her do it every time, no matter how tired he is. 

“But you can stop this right?” She asks.

“Yes,” Magnus assured. “I promise I will find a cure.”

“And I guess I will start dinner,” Alec says, getting up from the couch. 

Izzy tries to grab his wrist before he gets up but he’s quick to avoid contact. He can feel both sets of eyes on his back as he starts opening cabinets and pulling out what he needs to cook. He needs to be alone to process that information. Knowing Izzy, she’ll want to help Magnus in any way possible and ask a million questions.

It’s barely a week into the month, which means he potentially has less than three weeks to live if Magnus can’t get rid of the curse. His mind races with all the things he has yet to accomplish, not only with his charity but with Shade. There’s so much corruption in the city that still needs to be brought to light. 

His work against the Belcourt Family will be all for naught if he can’t finish his current investigation. Young warlocks have been disappearing from the city in the past few years, only to turn up dead whenever they were found. He knows the Belcourts are involved, he just needs more evidence.

He lets out a hiss as he accidentally slices his finger. 

“Careful,” Magnus scolds, suddenly appearing at his side. Magnus takes the injured hand in his and sends a gentle stream of magic to heal it. Alec glances over at Izzy who seems to be very invested in the TV.

“You know I have bandaids,” Alec says, inspecting his hand for a wound.

“Why deal with pain when you have a magical solution right here?” Magnus lets sparks shoot from his fingertips as he wiggles them. Alec lets out a quiet laugh at the display and goes back to cutting vegetables.

“You’re already going above and beyond to help me with my problem,” Alec reminds him. “And I’m sure your magic can be saved for more important matters.”

“Are you saying you’re not important?” Magnus leans against the counter and crosses his arms.

“I just don’t think your magic is needed for a paper cut,” Alec says. He focuses on the task at hand and not on the magical man next to him.

“I was hired to help cure you. Pretty sure that means paper cuts and all,” Magnus teases.

“Oh yeah?” Alec looks over with a smirk. “And whose money will you be taking, mine or Izzy’s?”

“I was thinking of making this a charity case.” Magnus leans closer. “Since you’ve done so much for my people. It’s the least I can do.”

“That so?”

“I’m thinking of calling it Bane of Your Existence,” Magnus jokes before turning serious. “I know you think your life doesn’t matter in the long run, but it took you starting your organization for people to realize that just because a person has the ability to use magic, doesn’t mean they are well off or are loved by everyone. We older folk really appreciate all you’ve done.” Magnus lays his hand against Alec’s still one on the cutting board. “It would be awful of me to not help knowing that I can.”

Alec feels his throat dry up at Magnus’ honesty. He knew his charity helped a lot of kids but he didn’t realize how big of an impact it was on the older generations.

“Thank you, Magnus,” Alec whispers. 

Magnus gives him a smile, squeezes his hand, and leaves the kitchen. Alec watches him take his seat in the living room, put his glasses back on, and get back to looking through his books. He shamelessly admits he stares at Magnus a bit longer than he intends to. For a man who is supposedly the toughest magic-user to hire, he sure seems to happily give his free time to those who need it.

He chances a glance at his sister. Izzy is giving him the biggest smirk he thinks he’s ever seen on her. She doesn’t say a word and goes back to watching the TV. He silently prepares himself for the late night talk they are going to have. He hopes she got the good wine when she went to the store earlier. No five dollar box of wine is going to make him spill his guts to her.

---

Two weeks go by and with no progress.

Whack.

Alec is starting to lose hope on there being a cure for this curse.

Whack.

The curse has begun to spread across his torso. It is terrifying seeing himself in the mirror after a shower and seeing through himself.

Whack.

He should just tell Magnus to give up.

Whack.

The kind man is starting to lose sleep over trying to help Alec out.

Whack.

But Alec wouldn’t be able to look Magnus in the eyes if he said he has given up.

Whack. Whack.

Alec releases the last arrow into the foam target and sighs. 

Magnus has been working around the clock to find an answer. He’s started sleeping at Alec’s house— or should he say passing out. There’s only so many times that Alec can come home from his vigilante work and find Magnus asleep on the couch surrounded by books. Alec does what he can to make the man comfortable; has even offered his bed to Magnus but the man refuses, stating that he has to buy Alec a drink first before getting into bed with him.

Magnus doesn’t see what Alec sees: the circles under his eyes from long nights scouring a book, and spending more time here than at his own house. Alec has asked if he had anyone wondering where he was, and Magnus had said that he magics Chairman his food every morning. Alec wanted to ask what that meant, but Magnus was on his fourth cup of coffee and he was afraid of the answer.

He walks over to the targets and collects the arrows. There’s only so much he can do about the situation, and making Magnus’ life harder is the last thing he needs. 

He looks over at his vigilante suit. It’s been a couple of days since he went out. There hasn’t been as much crime in the city since Raphael has implemented more patrols with the big city celebration coming up. It’s the one time of the year that Alec actually gets a break and some sleep. He wished that this stupid curse wasn’t happening so he could actually enjoy his time.

It probably also helps that Magnus is currently at his place 24/7. Alec lets out a snort. The man can’t be kidnapped if he doesn’t go out all the time anymore. 

Deciding to give in, Alec puts on the suit and heads out for the night. He sends a text to Magnus that he’s going to be working late tonight at the charity center and that he is free to eat whatever food is in the fridge. Magnus sends him a plethora of emojis and he turns off his phone. He takes the fire escape to the roof and uses his grapple to move across the skyline. 

He's forgotten how peaceful Edom is at night. Even with the crimes he’s intervened in, it doesn’t stop him from loving the city that raised him into who he is now. He would have never put on the persona of Shade if he thought the city was perfect. After what happened to Max, Alec swore to protect this city and its people from the same fate. And if he can get Belcourt arrested, he knows he did his brother justice.

He hears a scream a few blocks away and changes his trajectory. The wind screams in his ears as he goes as fast as he can through the buildings. He can already feel his adrenaline pumping through his veins at the thought of stopping a crime from occurring. He really shouldn’t have taken that break, even with the increased police patrols in the city. He grapples the edge of a building and swings into the alley the scream emanated from. He quietly lands on a fire escape and looks at the scene below, taking out his bow. 

Below him, it seems like a simple robbery: a citizen caught on their way home from a closing shift got cornered by a goon looking to make a quick buck. The guy looks like he only has a knife on him and isn’t threatening the other man’s life. The knife is pointed at the man but is not pressed against his throat. 

“Just give me your damn wallet!” The mugger demands.

“I can’t! I need that money for my child, please you have to understand,” the other tries to bargain.

“You think I care about your whiny little brat?” He scoffs and steps close. “Fork it over.”

The citizen shakes his head and presses closer to the wall. Alec commends the man for doubling down for the sake of his family, but judging by the mugger's change in demeanor, things are about to get worse.

“Guess we have to do this the hard way.”

“Not on my watch,” Alec announces, then fires an arrow at the hand holding the knife— not to injure the hand, but to graze it enough to get the mugger to drop the knife. 

As the weapon clatters to the ground, he drops down and kicks the mugger into the opposite wall. He turns to the citizen who’s staring at him, wide-eyed and frozen.

“You should get home now,” he informs the man.

“Right. Thank you, Shade.” The man books it out of the alley and probably runs all the way home.

“You asshole!” The mugger growls behind him. Alec prepares himself to go on the defense as he turns, only to catch a glimpse of a familiar blue magic shoot out at the mugger and launch him into the wall again. The man falls to the ground, knocked out cold.

He turns to the entrance of the alley and sees someone who also should not be out this late at night. He feels his heart rate spike— whether that’s from fear or from excitement, he’ll never know.

“Magnus,” Alec sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Why are you here?”

“You called me gorgeous,” Magnus simply replies, casually strolling up next to him. Alec lets out a scoff at the man’s answer. “I haven’t seen you in a while and when I heard the scream I had to help out. I saw you zip into the alley and just had to visit you.”

“You could have been hurt!” he chastises. “I was chasing after a dangerous criminal!”

“Please Shade,” Magnus snorts. “Give me more credit than that. I may not flaunt my magic like some of the other warlocks in this city, but I do know how to defend and protect myself.”

“That so?” Alec asks, crossing his arms. “Then pray tell, why the last few times you’ve been kidnapped you haven’t saved yourself? I know you notice that the restraints aren’t magic resistant.”

Magnus purses his lips at being caught. Clearly, he didn’t think that Shade would notice as if he’s not perceptive of everything around him at all times— it comes with his line of work. Can’t be caught off guard if he’s always on guard.

Alec doesn't say anything as he watches Magnus try to come up with a good excuse. He’s already fiddling with his ear cuff, which means whatever is about to come out of his mouth will absolutely be a lie— not that Alec minds. Magnus likes to play coy with Shade at times. 

Before Magnus can reply, it seems that the mugger isn’t as knocked out as he thought. He sees the man start to charge at Magnus. The man’s hands are glowing, which strikes Alec as odd that he didn’t use magic to mug the other man earlier. He quickly pushes Magnus out of the way and lets the man grab his hands. He lets out a hiss as magic burns through his gloves. 

Not letting the man get the upper ground, he grits through the pain and headbutts the man. He ducks and turns to bring the mugger over his shoulder and slams him on the pavement. The man lets out a painful groan and Alec gives him a swift punch to the face.

He curses under his breath at the unconscious asshole. He rips off the destroyed gloves to get a better look at his hands. Seems the fire wasn’t strong enough to get through the fabric but still ruined the outer layer. He’ll have to ask Izzy to make him a new pair.

A gasp to his left takes him out of his inspection. 

“It can’t be you.” 

He looks over at Magnus and sees a look of shock and recognition on his face. He touches his face to feel that his mask and hood are still on. Then how did… Alec realizes as he touches his mask that his gloves are off. His faded hand is in full view of Magnus. There’s only one person whom Magnus is dealing with that has this same predicament. It wouldn’t be hard for him to put one and two together.

“Magnus,” Alec says slowly. “I can explain.”

“You—” Magnus stammers. “You’re—”

“Not here,” Alec rushes out, realizing they are still in public, even if it’s just an alley. “I’ll explain everything just, not here.”

Magnus looks like he wants to say more but nods his head. 

“I’ll go wait at the alley entrance,” Magnus informs, tone different from mere seconds ago. “Finish up whatever you need to do here.”

“Magnus,” Alec starts but Magnus already turned around.

He gives a quiet curse and starts to cuff the mugger. He sends a message to the closest police car that he’s left the guy in the alley. Once he hears back from the squad car, he rushes after Magnus. 

Everything about Magnus’ stance screams to leave him alone. As soon as he stands next to the warlock, Magnus opens a portal and steps inside. He’s in deep shit now. Magnus has never been this cold with him, even when they first met. He takes a deep breath and steps through the portal ready to take on whatever Magnus throws at him.

As the familiar surroundings of his home come into view, his eyes immediately go to Magnus. The man still hasn’t turned around to him and instead walks towards the couch that he has made his research station. 

Alec starts to worry that Magnus is going to pack up and leave him to his own devices. He wouldn’t blame the man for doing so. He kept a pretty big secret from him these past few weeks. 

The more this silence goes on the more anxious Alec gets. He doesn’t want to ask Magnus if he’s okay and let the man have time to gather his thoughts. 

All that goes out the window when he ducks a book suddenly flung at his head. He watches it hit the wall behind him and turns to Magnus, shocked. Magnus looks furious, and before Alec can apologize, another book is thrown his way.

“Magnus!” Alec yells as he dodges. 

“Two weeks!” Magnus shouts at him as he chucks book after book. “Two weeks I have been working to find you a cure and not once did you think to mention you were Shade?”

“I didn’t know I was obligated to tell you my secret identity!” Alec argues. 

“Yes, you were! Do you know how much this changes my research? How many more possibilities there are?”

“What are you talking about—” Alec catches a book. “Would you stop throwing books at me?!”

“Not until I hit that stupid head of yours!” Magnus goes to grab another book and Alec takes the opportunity to move. 

As Magnus turns around with another book in hand, Alec grabs his wrist. Magnus smacks his arm and demands to be let go. Alec lets out a sigh and brings the book to his head, lightly tapping his temple.

“There, you hit me,” Alec says with a smile. “Can we talk now?”

“You are lucky that I was running out of books,” Magnus huffs and drops the book.

“Thank you, my head appreciates it.”

“I’m sure it does,” Magnus snorts. He waves his hand and all the books return to their original spot before the warlock threw them at him. “Alright then Shade, care to explain?”

Alec winces at the use of his vigilante moniker. This is exactly why he was happy not telling Magnus about his secret. Shade and Magnus have known each other for years. Alec and Magnus have barely known each other for a month. 

“Where do you want me to start?” Alec asks, taking a seat on the couch and invites Magnus to do the same. Magnus glares at him before sighing and sitting down next to him.

“How about why you became Shade?”

Alec can already feel his mood change. He had really hoped that Magnus would just ask why he kept this secret from him or why he never said yes to dinner. He pulls out the necklace he hasn’t removed from his neck for almost ten years now. 

It’s a small pendant that is nothing to write home about but means everything to him. It’s a sterling silver arrowhead that has a small message engraved on the tip. Umbra, Latin for Shade. Max had said that he chose the word because Alec was so tall that he cast a big shadow. Jace and Izzy had to really hold in their laughter knowing they helped Max get the gift. Alec couldn’t be mad, Max had been only ten years old.

He still remembers the day it was gifted to him like it was yesterday. Max had been so excited to give it to him after he had saved enough of his allowance to afford it. Max had even used his own magic to engrave the words. Max had been practicing for only a few months since he came into his powers and wanted to show Alec how far he had come. 

The engraving is an absolute mess, not that he ever told Max. He would take that comment to his grave. He refused to take the necklace off, not even in the shower. He asked a friend to put a protection spell on the pendant so that it never rusted or faded. 

“And then he was taken,” Alec rasps out after telling Magnus. “Izzy, Jace and I spent hours scouring Edom trying to find him. We went to every resource we could that would even help us a bit to find him, only to find out the police at the time had taken part in his kidnapping. By the time we were able to track him down, it was too late and I—”

Alec feels a hand take his. He didn’t realize that he squeezed his hand too tight around the pendant that he started bleeding. He can’t bear to look at Magnus’ expression, to see the pity he knows lines the man’s face. He takes a shuddering breath and slowly releases his hand. The pendant is covered in blood that barely lasts a second before Magnus heals the wound. 

“You don’t have to say anymore,” Magnus whispers. “I should have known with you being a vigilante that you wouldn’t have started doing it out of the goodness of your heart.”

“It’s alright,” Alec assures with a light laugh. “It’s not a subject I openly talk about. Most people know not to ask about Max anymore when it comes to Merlin’s Sanctuary. Everyone knows the story: kid taken by anti-magic group and murdered in cold blood. At least that’s what the police decided to roll with after they were paid off by the people who actually did it.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m sure you’re aware that over the past few years, young warlocks have been disappearing from the city only to turn up dead. They don’t happen frequently enough to raise any questions in the public eye but as Shade and from what happened to Max, it became clear that there was an underground anti-magic group targeting kids.”

The amount of children Alec had been too slow to save still haunts him. The bodies he as cradled to his chest as a kid took their last breath is forever seared into his brain. 

“Their ideology is that if they get rid of warlocks who are just coming into their powers, they can eradicate all magic users,” Alec snorts. “They don’t realize that warlocks can be born from two non-magical people, like how my brother was. My sister and I don’t have magical powers.”

“But even if the kidnappings are not consistent, Raphael would want to release a statement to the public,” Magnus states. “I’ve known Raphael since we were kids, he wouldn’t possibly keep this under wraps.”

“He would if he knew that it wasn’t his own people helping with the kidnappings,” Alec informs. “Raphael is the best thing to happen to Edom. He’s the only reason that the murders have been less as the years went on. But there’s only so much he can do until he clears out his people of the bad ones. As Shade, I help where I can, which is why he and I stay in close contact and he informs me of any rumors and I tell him the names of the officers I find participating in these heinous crimes.”

“Does he know you’re Shade?” Alec lets out a small laugh at the question.

“I think he has his suspicions,” he answers. “But I think he prefers to not know. Something about knowing my identity would change his feelings towards me and he already has enough people to worry about. His words, not mine.”

“That loveable fool,” Magnus sighs. “It’s not my fault I am so kidnappable.”

“It kinda is,” Alec shrugs. At the glare he receives, he explains further, “I know the last time you got kidnapped, you could have easily escaped.”

“Yeah well,” Magnus trails off, playing with his ear cuff. “It was the only time I got to see you, before you know.” Magnus gestures to Alec’s whole body bringing a blush to his face.

“That’s not healthy,” Alec blurts. “Going after a vigilante because you found him attractive.”

“Yes well, Raphael has always said that I have horrible taste in partners,” Magnus admits as he scoots closer to Alec. 

“You’re insane,” Alec deadpans.

“So I have also been told.” 

At this point, Magnus is shoulder to shoulder with him on the couch. It’s a comforting weight after recounting the worst moment of his life. He wants to be upset that Magnus knows that he’s Shade, but there’s also an incredible weight lifted off his shoulders that he hadn't known was there.

“Thank you for listening,” he says. “I’m sure finding out that the man you were helping out of the goodness of your heart is the same man that’s been saving your ass for almost a decade can’t be easy.”

“You’re welcome, Alexander, and to be honest, I am surprised at myself as well,” Magnus admits. “I was planning on turning you into a toad for a solid second there.”

---

“So your outfit,” Magnus starts and Alec already is letting out a groan. “Oh hush, you can’t blame me for being curious. You never told me anything about yourself.”

“For a reason, Magnus,” Alec reminds. He lets out a curse as the magic on his chest sends an electric shock to his body. He glares up at the warlock as his hands hover over him.

“Stop moving,” Magnus scolds. “This is a serious spell. And for your information, you are legally bound to tell me everything about Shade.”

“Legally bound?” Alec muses.

“Yes, since you kept it from me for the two weeks that I have known you, I get to ask any questions I want,” Magnus informs. 

Alec sighs and sinks further into the couch. He should have known that once Magnus knew he would poke and prod him for any information he could get. Both physically and metaphorically. 

“Is the outfit magic resistant?”

“Yes but to an extent,” he answers truthfully. “As you saw last night, that mugger’s magic destroyed my gloves. Usually when I am dealing with a warlock, they keep their distance so I can’t restrain them. But it's easy enough to close the distance and knock them out before they can harm themselves and others. Most of the time though, it’s usually kids who were abandoned by their families after they came into their power. In those situations, I bring them to the Sanctuary and my employees take care of them.”

“So making a profit while protecting the city, shame on you,” Magnus teases. 

“Would you rather they go missing and be found murdered days later?” Alec asks.

“Of course not, I was only teasing,” Magnus apologizes. 

“Besides, I don't make money from taking the kids in. I just want them to know they’re not alone and that there are people out there who care what happens to them.”

“You’re an honorable man, Alexan— dammit!” Magnus curses and the magic covering his body disappears. Magnus grabs the book on the coffee table and starts to skim-read it. “I thought for sure that would be the one. The book even says right here that those plighted with a curse can use the spell to break it. Do you feel any different?”

Alec raises his hands and inspects the curse. At this point only patches of his skin are visible. His hand is still here, he can pick up things with no problem. Magnus had told him that he wouldn’t disappear until the curse fully took over his body. He said it was a cruel curse as it forced the person to slowly watch themselves fade away bit by bit. 

Whoever wanted him gone, wanted it to hurt. He’s given Magnus every name of every criminal he encountered that week, but nothing came up. At this rate, he’s going to be gone by the end of next week. He can only ask for so many days off from Sanctuary. His workers are starting to get worried about him.

“No,” Alec sighs, dropping his arms. “Maybe we should just call it quits—Ow!”

Alec sits up and rubs his forehead from where Magnus smacked up with the spine of the book he’s holding. He glares at the warlock who glares right back. 

“I can’t believe such foolish words came out of your mouth,” Magnus barks. “I have not bent over backwards through my entire library for you to just give up.”

“Well, maybe it would be for the better.” He blocks his head from another attack. What is with Magnus and attacking him with books? “We haven’t made any progress on this. And look at you. You’re exhausted, I know you went to bed and woke up before me.”

“This curse isn’t going to fix itself,” Magnus argues, summoning another book to his lap. 

“But you should at least take a day’s rest,” Alec insists. He closes the book in Magnus’ hands, earning another glare from the man. “Look, I want this curse dealt with as much as you, but watching you slowly kill yourself doesn’t make me feel good about all of this.”

The warlock purses his lips at his words, hopefully thinking about it. He brackets Magnus’ legs in his and removes the book from his hands.

“Just one evening of rest,” Alec promises. “These books aren’t going anywhere. Let’s just, I don’t know, watch a movie or something. I’ll make you dinner so that you won’t even have to leave the couch.” 

Magnus glares at him before scoffing and moving to the couch.

He doesn’t argue about the break and Alec takes that as a win. He gets up and heads into his room. He’s not going to let Magnus sit in clothes that are not meant for comfort for the whole day.  Rifling through his dresser he finds the perfect pajamas for the man. 

He pulls out the unicorn onesie that Izzy convinced him to wear on Christmas for the kids at Sanctuary. As much as he grumbled about it, the sound of laughter coming from the kids more than made up for his sour attitude. He gets out of his own clothes and puts on a simple t-shirt and sweats. He walks back into the living room and tosses the onesie at Magnus.

“Here’s some pajamas for you.” Magnus holds up the onesie and looks about ready to die.

“You can’t be serious,” he deadpans. 

“I am very serious,” Alec says, attempting to hold back his laughter. “You are going to relax today and that means being comfortable.”

“But does it have to be a onesie?” Mangus pouts. “I have pajamas at home I can easily summon—”

“No more magic,” Alec scolds. “You are relaxing for the rest of the day. And don’t hate on the onesie, it’s very comfortable and made a lot of kids laugh at Christmas last year.”

“This feels like a cruel punishment,” Magnus grumbles as he stalks off to the bathroom to change.

Alec heads to the kitchen and gets started on dinner. He grabs the chicken and broccoli from the fridge and some wild rice from the cabinet. He sends a silent thank you to Izzy for stocking up the kitchen this week. He doesn’t have to look long before finding something to make. He and Izzy kind of have a silent agreement. She gets the groceries, which he does help pay for, and he does all the cooking. After Izzy’s celebratory meal of getting her doctorate, it was decided that Alec would do the cooking. A week long bout of food poisoning will do that to anyone, even the chef.

“Okay I take back my comment about this being a punishment, this is the comfiest onesie I have ever worn,” Magnus announces as he comes back into the living room. Alec has to stop himself from gawking at the man.  

The onesie is a bit long on Magnus, but the man’s arms look like they are about to bulge out of the sleeves. Most of the outfits that Magnus wears are snug on his arms. The first morning that he came out of his room to find Magnus doing shirtless magical yoga, he ran into the door frame to the bathroom. He blamed it on staying up late which was only a half-lie, but it was better than admitting he was checking out the man.

“Sucks that you don’t have one to wear with me,” Magnus pouts. “We could have had a pajama party.”

“I’m in PJs,” Alec defends, gesturing to his sweats and t-shirt. 

“And how boring those are,” Magnus drawls as he flops onto the couch. “Can I at least summon one of my big blankets? Then I promise no magic for the rest of the night.”

Magnus is giving him a pout and puppy dog eyes that look ridiculous on the thirty-three year old man. He pretends to contemplate giving in as he chops broccoli. He is going to say yes, but he can’t let Magnus know he gave in so easily. First, it will be the blanket, then who knows what else he’ll ask to get with his magic.

He holds up a finger. “Just this once. I know what your magic smells like when you use it so I will know if you do later.”

Magnus gives him the biggest grin and snaps his finger. The smell of burnt sugar wafts through the room as the biggest blanket Alec has even seen drapes over Magnus. The warlock lets out a satisfying groan and sinks further into the couch. 

“I love this weighted blanket so much,” Magnus moans. “Greatest invention society has ever made. While I normally love a good cocktail and steak paired with a steaming hot bath for magic depletion, I do love just laying in bed with this on top of me. Makes me feel safe and secure when my magic is low.”

“What does it feel like?” Alec asks. He adds the vegetables to the boiling pot and puts a lid on it. He checks on the chicken in the oven and lowers the temp on the wild rice.

“Just lethargic and tired most of the time,” Magnus explains. “On one occasion I was hospitalized with complete magic depletion. Catarina and Raphael chewed me OUT, but a child was saved so I can’t say I regret it.”

“Then it’s a good thing I made you stop for today,” Alec notes. “If you collapse trying to help me I will make sure that Isabelle is your doctor and she can hound you for doing too much.”

“I’ve learned my lesson, Alexander,” Magnus promises. 

“I hope so,” he murmurs as he leans against the counter. Magnus has his arm over the back of the couch and his head resting on the backrest. He looks comfortable and relaxed. More relaxed than he’s ever seen the man since this whole fiasco. “Why are you spending so much time on this?”

“What do you mean?”

“It’s just,” Alec gestured to the pile of books, “This seems a lot for one person.”

“Maybe,” Magnus agrees. “But if you think the world would be a better place without you, Alexander, you are wrong.”

Alec wants to argue that his life isn’t worth the cost of Magnus’ but they would just go in circles again. He trusts Magnus to reverse the spell— he does! — but watching the warlock bend over backwards to find the counterspell has his heart aching. It’s obvious he’s going to kill himself trying to help and Alec just doesn’t understand why.

“I told you before that the work that you’re doing is important,” Magnus continues, interrupting his thoughts. Mangus breaks eye contact and gets a distant look in his eyes. 

“My parents were horrified to find out their child was a warlock,” Magnus silently admits. “My mother was so horrified by me that she took her own life and my father tried to kill me. He didn’t succeed, obviously but sometimes I wish he had. After I ran away, my life was by no means easy. I had to fight tooth and nail to be someone I love and not look in the mirror and see a monster.”

Alec watches as Magnus traces random lines on the back of the couch. Small sparks shoot out of his fingers, clearly subconsciously, as Magnus talks about his past. 

“Everyone thinks the Great Magnus Bane had his life handed to him on a silver platter when it couldn’t be furthest from the truth. Just because I don’t show that the hushed whispers get to me doesn’t mean they don’t affect me.” Magnus looks back at him with a look in his eyes that Alec can’t read. “That’s why I donated to your charity. I don’t know how it slipped under my radar for so long, but Raphael was happy, well as happy as that man is capable of expressing, that you said yes to his invite to the event a few weeks ago.”

“How could I not? Raphael has done a lot to protect the kids who come to the Sanctuary,” he quietly admits. “It would be rude of me not to show my face.”

“Well I’m glad you did so I could officially meet you, even if with new information I had actually known you for almost seven years now,” Magnus chuckles. “You’ve saved so many kids, Alexander. I don’t think you realize that. That’s why I want to save you. So that another me can make it to Merlin’s Sanctuary and have a place to call home and people who truly love them.”

Alec ducks his head at the praise, taking a quick swipe at his eyes. He realizes that the look he didn’t understand was admiration in Magnus’ eyes. He feels his heart beating out of his chest at the words. 

“That means a lot,” he finally says, looking back at Magnus. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

Magnus looks like wants to say more but the timer on the oven goes off, signaling food is ready. Alec gets to preparing plates for both of them. Magnus has turned back around and is messing with the remote to find something for them to watch. Alec grabs the plates and drinks and makes his way to the couch. 

He hands off one plate and a drink to Magnus and sits on the opposite side of the couch. He sets his drink on the side table and looks at the TV. He lets out a snort as he notices Magnus is going through the romance section. Alec lets out a small resigned sigh, but accepts that he will be forced to watch some cheesy movie. Thankfully most of these he’s already seen thanks to Izzy’s obsession with them. On the few days she has off from the hospital, she spends it on the couch, drinking wine and crying into the glass as Ryan Gosling’s character confronts his lover. 

“Most of these are already watched,” Magnus notes. “Something to tell me, Alexander?”

“Izzy loves to cry on her days off,” he jokes. “She says I don’t understand what it’s like to watch two people fall in love. I had to remind her that I have had to suffer watching her and Simon get together. She threw a pillow at me.”

“Serves her right,” Magnus chuckles, taking a bite of the food. Alec watches as that smirk on the warlock’s face turns to awe as he stares down at the food. He takes another bite and realizes it wasn’t a fluke and starts to dig in. “This may be the best thing you’ve cooked for me so far. Where was this the past two weeks I was staying here?”

“Are you kidding?” Alec laughs. “You barely let me cook for you, anytime I came back home you had take out scattered around you. And when I did, it was only breakfast.”

“Well now I am going to ask you to cook for me every night,” Magnus says. “Have you thought about being a personal chef?”

“On top of all the work I do at Merlin’s Sanctuary?” Alec laughs. “I am already lucky I am able to mostly work from home for most of these past two weeks, but the team is starting to wonder when I am coming back. Apparently the kids are asking about me.”

“Why don’t you go in to see them?” Mangus asks, picking up the remote and pressing play on a movie. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees the words P.S. I Love You. 

“Because these kids are still coming into their magic. If they see me like this,“ he gestures to his almost transparent arms, “I’m afraid they are going to accidentally hurt themselves in the process of helping me. I’ve had to wear long sleeves and mainly stick to my office the one day I go in each week.”

“That’s adorable,” Magnus coos. He sets his empty plate on the coffee table and grabs his wine and settles in for the movie. 

Alec follows suit and grabs the throw blanket off the back of the couch. He settles in and starts to watch the movie. Alec realizes that he’s in for a bad time when the main character’s husband dies at the beginning of the movie. As he continues to drink his glass of wine, he starts to get more engrossed in the movie. 

About half way through the movie, he jumps at a sudden weight on his shoulder. Magnus is passed out. They must have moved closer to each other at some point during the movie. Looking at the man, he is fast asleep and probably wouldn’t even wake up if Alec called his name. This close, Alec can really see the details on the man’s face. His plucked brows, the shimmery remnants of his makeup, even the crows feet he denies are there. He’s beautiful.

Alec raises his arm and wraps it around Magnus, pulling the man closer. Magnus lets out a satisfied hum and pulls his legs up on the couch. Not one to wake a sleeping man, Alec continues to watch the film. He can feel tears prick at the corners of his eyes as the main character reads letters from her deceased husband. He can’t imagine the kind of loss she’s feeling. 

He’s finished his glass of wine and sets it on the side table. He feels his eyes start to droop as the main character listens to the last letter her late husband sent her. He falls asleep with a comforting weight on his side and with an idea he needs to talk about with Jace tomorrow.

---

“You want me to do what?” Jace asks, staring at Alec like he’s grown two heads. The letter he handed to Jace is getting crumpled as anger radiates off his body.

Alec can’t even look his brother in the face. He sits on the steps to his townhouse, hands clasped, looking at the ground. After last night and waking up with Magnus sleeping on top of him, he realizes that his appreciation for the man has turned into affection. And if the way that Magnus smiled at him in embarrassment when he woke up, the feeling was mutual. 

He only has a week left until the curse takes full effect and he fully disappears. He doesn’t regret making Magnus take the rest of the day off yesterday, the man needed the sleep. His drunken thoughts wouldn’t leave him when he awoke. 

“I said when I die, will you give that letter to Magnus?” he murmurs. Flinching when the envelope smacked the top of his head. 

“Are you an idiot?” Jace hisses at him. “There’s still a week left before the curse takes effect! Don’t give up so easily you idiot.”

“I’m not,” Alec defends. “I am just making sure that Magnus doesn’t blame himself if he doesn’t find a cure.” Alec lets out a long sigh and runs a hand through his hair. “You haven’t seen him, Jace. He’s literally killing himself trying to help me. I know that if he doesn’t figure this mess out, he’s going to blame himself, and I don’t want that for him.”

He can feel the heat of Jace’s glare. He knows it’s a lot to ask for. That’s why he stepped out of the house to talk to Jace about it. He told Magnus they were going to go for a walk— which was true. He and Jace went around a few blocks to get some fresh air while his brother teased him about Magnus as he retold the events of the previous night. One look at Jace’s face told him that he’s happy about the interaction.

“You really do have a hero complex don’t you?” Jace sighs, he kicks Alec’s leg to the side and sits down next to him. Jace looks more haggard than he did before. 

Guilt eats him up by asking Jace to do this. He didn’t want to go to Izzy with this task because she would attack him for such a simple request. Jace was the perfect one to ask because he was there the whole time they were dealing with Max’s funeral. He was the one who always found him when he would run and hide from everyone. Sit beside him as tears he held back would fall. He’s seen him at his most vulnerable and now here they are again.

“I assume that with this letter it means you’ve accepted that you’re not going to make it,” Jace inquires. “You wouldn’t ask me to do this if it meant you wanted to keep fighting.”

Alec nods his head, not ready to say it out loud. Even before last night, he knew that it wasn’t going to happen. He watched as Magnus got more and more panicked as the weeks went on with not an end in sight. The warlock must have gone through his entire library by now with how the books changed daily as he sat in Alec’s living room, eyes glued to the pages. 

“I’m sorry to ask you to do this, but I figured it would be better to get the letter from someone else than finding it later, after I—” he chokes on his words. Jace wraps an arm around his back and pulls him into his side. His jaw shakes as he takes in a breath, trying to get control of his emotions.

“I don’t want to die, Jace,” he whispers.

“I know you don’t,” Jace reassures him. “Anyone can see that. A part of you may have given up already, but the Alec Lightwood I know doesn’t go out quietly, and Shade would definitely want to see those damn Belcourts go to prison for their crimes.”

“I want nothing more than to see those bastards rot,” Alec says, before letting out a small laugh. “Can you believe that Camille thought I was straight?”

Jace lets out a bark of a laugh. “Oh my god, don’t remind me. When Izzy told me how she approached you at the gala, Clary had to hold me back from going over and making fun of her. You'd think she’d get the message after she delivered that ugly ass statue to the sanctuary.”

Alec laughs at the memory. That statute was the ugliest thing he ever laid eyes on. Camille clearly didn’t have any taste nor did any research on him when she brought that in. Maia actually gagged as Alec carried it to his office after an awkward goodbye from Camille. Her smile had too much teeth, and she was a bit too happy with him not accepting her offer for dinner.

Jace lets out a yelp as Alec springs to his feet. He’s such an idiot, how could he not have realized it before. Alec turns to Jace with wide eyes. Jace looks at him wildly before it clicks into place for him as well.

“That fucking bitch!” Jace shouts as he stands. “For someone who hates all magic, she sure seems to use it a lot.”

“I need to tell Magnus.” Alec doesn’t wait for a response and rushes inside to tell the warlock. He prepares himself for more books to be thrown at his head when he tells Magnus.

He misses Jace tearing the letter to pieces and tossing the remains to the wind.

--- “So it was the Belcourts this whole time?” Raphael asks. The Commissioner leans against the railing and frowns over at him.

“Looks like it,” Shade answers. 

He holds out a hard drive with all the evidence the man would need to make an arrest and ruin the Belcourt’s reputation. It was finally happening. The attack on Alec proved that the children under the care of Merlin’s Sanctuary were a threat to their empire and they wanted Alec gone for good. Not only that but he has the names of all the dirty cops who work for them. 

Once he hands this over to Raphael, it will be official. Max’s murders will be punished for their crimes, ten years later. The gust of wind glides across the rooftop they find themselves on. Shade can’t stop the grin on his face as Raphael takes that flash drive. 

“You realize that with this hard drive a lot of people are going to come after you,” Raphael informs him. “The Belcourt’s are powerful and have the money to get away.”

“They have no idea about any of this,” Shade says. “All they know is that I have been a thorn in their side for the past decade. They have no idea that I have been collecting evidence on them. I made sure to not leave a trace when I did my recon for information.”

Raphael raises a doubtful eyebrow at him. “I hope you realize this means I now have to be careful where I go.”

“No need to worry about that. I hear there’s a vigilante in this city who protects its citizens,” he jokes. 

For the second time that Shade can remember, he sees Raphael smirk at those words. The first time was when Shade complained about their mutual companion getting kidnapped too regularly. He may have been running on two hours of sleep at the time but he’s pretty sure he heard the man laugh.

“Speaking of citizens, Magnus hasn’t been kidnapped lately,” Raphael notes as he pockets the harddrive. “What did you say to him?”

“I didn’t do a single thing,” Shade answers truthfully. “Seems that he was preoccupied with a client that took his whole attention.”

“That so?” Raphael says, giving him a once over. “Well either way, it’s always a pleasure talking to you. Keep that device of yours on you twenty-four seven, I may contact you for follow up questions. I don’t know if you’re an organized man or not.”

Raphael waves goodbye as he enters the stairwell, going back down into the precinct. Shade lets out a sigh of relief and feels any tension leave his body. He had no doubt that Raphael wouldn’t take the drive, but that didn’t stop his anxiety about the exchange.

He walks over to the balcony and takes in the city. His work isn’t completely done yet. People are still going to be attacked and robbed, but now he won’t have to worry about another warlock child being killed at the hands of monsters.

A portal whooshes to life behind him. Shade can’t help but laugh — talk about being impatient. He takes one more look over the city and turns to step into the portal. A warm aroma is the first thing he registers. The next is that familiar magic working its way around his body as his outfit changes into a suit.

Alec lightheartedly glares in Magnus’ direction. “You couldn’t wait five more minutes?”

“It’s not my fault that you decided to have that meeting with Raphael on the same night as our date,” Magnus huffs, hands on hips. “I thought you were a better planner than this.”

“It was important,” Alec shrugs, making his way over to his boyfriend. 

The man looks stunning like he always does, but now there’s an air around him that feels lighter. Gone are the bags under his eyes and the tension in his shoulders. After they realized what caused the curse, Izzy forced Magnus to bed rest for a whole week. Magnus didn’t even argue as the spell completely drained him of his magic. She cursed him out for being so reckless and not waiting another day to do the spell. 

Alec had to catch him before he collapsed on the floor. He would have freaked out and called Izzy immediately if Magnus hadn’t come to mere seconds later with a triumphant grin on his face. Alec had kissed the ridiculous man right there and then. Jace had let out a gagging sound at the display, but he didn’t care. He had the rest of his life to make it up to his brother. 

“Yes well, I’m going to drag you through the portal myself if you do that again,” Magnus threatens as he wraps his arms around Alec’s neck. Alec smiles into the kiss and pulls him closer. 

“I promise to never help innocent children again on the same night as a planned date,” Alec jokes, earning a light tap to the back of his head.

“You just have to twist my words don’t you, Shade?”

“What can I say, Mr. Bane? You’ve been a horrible influence on me all these years,” Alec teases.

“Now, that I believe,” Magnus laughs. “I remember the first time you saved me you barely spoke two words.”

“Your beauty swept me off my feet,” Alec admits. “I couldn’t trust myself to not blurt out something dumb.”

“You’re adorable,” Magnus says, pressing another kiss to his lips. He pulls out of the embrace and snaps his fingers again. Another portal comes to life within his house. “Now I believe we are on a date and I’d hate for us to lose our reservation.”

“Whatever you say, gorgeous,” Alec teases, looping his arm with Magnus’ and stepping through.

#alec lightwood #magnus bane #shadowhunters #malec #fanfiction #my writing #who let me speak #vigilante alec #warlock magnus #hurt/comfort #cursed item #sh bingo #hunters moon #long post #LOVE IT WHEN TUMBLR FUCKS UP MY POST

[itscherryterry-again]

yea

#i had posted this everywhere and it occurred to me that i hadnt on tumblr. which seems like a crime #keith kogane #vld keith #vld lance #vld fanart #lance mcclain #voltron #klance #can i rant for a bit #grabs the microphone Id like to thank this huge step on my voltron healing journey to my mom #who said 'oh its that show that made you cry in frustration! the kitties!' #and i said 'yes mother i was 15' #i dont think ive ever felt so. like. bullied? i dont wanna say ridiculed but #by a shows' producer #not since fucking BBC SHERLOCK #and i dont mean oh of course it wasnt gonna be canon. Of cours it wasnt I dont mean that #what i didnt need was getting baited left and right #the show milked the shit out of. lets be real here. young queer kids and then turned around and pointed and laughed when they gained hope on #their silly red blue ship to get canon #bc lets be real if anything queer was gonna happen. ambiguous non binary pidge was already there #two skinny attractive teen boys is like low hanging fruit. diet rep #but it wasnt even abt that. at least i truly never thought klance was srly gonna b canon. i HOPED. but like. i never shipped 4 canon anyway #i LIKED voltron. i loved lotor. i had always been a multishipper allur//ce was rkly cute i couldve dug that #if they hadnt spent the last season looking miserable AND THEN DYING #tf u mean our female lead died TF U MEAN THE LATINO MC BECAME A FARMER? w the forever marks of his dead gf on his face? Are you joking rn??? #anyway. hit me up for more voltron opinions i got tons #(mic drop)

[beescake]

Sorry for the spam (^o^;) I just really like your blog

no need to apologize ayy!

in this corner we welcome all forms of enjoyment, regardless of whether you're a

happy to have yall here w me,

headin into homestuck 2024 :^)

#was debating if sollux truly was lurker type but then i rmbr'd him quietly reading all of karkat's memos for a good laugh HAHAHAHAAH #ask #aleemie #homestuck #karkat vantas #sollux captor #solkat #2024 #vioart #but o. regarding the etiquette learned frm other socmed #spamming here is safe+good! it does not harm the op by shadowbanning like instagram #and its not 💀 like twitter where ur likes/following are permanently set to public #ur tumblr experience is within ur control it can be as free/empty/curated as u want!! #((tho ofc i do encourage rbing for ppl who've been hoping to start that habit!! #s'cool to slowly work ur way up from the extra special posts that hv lingered longest in ur heart and quietly build ur cache trove :-) #for example back when i was struggling to rt on a new twt acc i just started setting nonsense criteria for myself LOL #like “breaking this void is scary holy fuck ok i shall start by rting posts w brownish/reddish clrs bcs its inspo vibes for my art” #and gradually after a while of deliberate sharing i gained more confidence to share a larger variety of posts that make me feel things!!!! #no more training wheels i may be scared but i love loving more!!!! #same goes for engaging w fics too it takes energy to think of how to comment and thats ok‚ do ur best to explore what works for u!!!! #take screenshots of ur fave paragraphs & start annotating in gallery/notes app if that helps!!!! #also tumblr's customizable queue means u can stack posts and bolt hgehehe. my preferred form of existing on the net))

[arundolyn]

more trans brisket showcase i actually REALLY like this one

#bridget #guilty gear #guilty gear strive #edits #mods #palettes #flags #tumblr HATED me trying to upload this so fucking bad and idk why. simply stop being a big baby. #im very pleased with how this turned out ngl. after like 4 straight hours of working on it hfjkdhklafgh #oh my fucking god it is 5:35 and it fucked up Again lets see how long this takes #please fucking let me post trans brisket why do you hate me sooooo bad. #AGAIN? FUCK. #figured it out tumblr fucking logged me out. as it loves to when i Post Images. hate this place #and its ONLY on the new post editor i forgot all about it cause i went back to the old one. #they want me dead! #anyway finally BIDGET #if anyone wants this on gamebanana just ask hfkjlfgh

[treasureplcnet]

also quite obsessed with karl being as detached from the story as he is. there's nothing that makes him have to be the detective that has to be involved, but he unknowingly dooms himself by agreeing to work with the KYAL cult. every other detective basically deals with elias head on except weissman, who only meets him right before he kills him. like he's right when he says "by my choices" because everything that leads him to being mixed up with the mannix cult is himself. it's the gambling debts and the choice to do the dirty work for an organisation he knows nothing about. he's the only one that doesn't encounter that body doing police work and it's specifically because he's told to cover it up. he gets himself into the mess and eventually fixes it but the fact that esther always dies in the doomed timelines and he's always too late even if he starts wanting to change things ("till this child. esther.") it just makes me very ill

#sorry jane who heard this on her dms but now im posting it to tumblr cause im having a category 5 woman moment. AND ALTERNATIVELY: #i am also EXTREMELY obsessed with how its a time loop and the idea (so sorry tumblr user whose post i have lost and was inspired by) #weissman was just so fucking hard to deal with that they made sure that he was in their pockets. i just like the idea of the loop-- #--having like. fixed points that elias would need to ensure the dystopia (body is covered up/the investigation closes/etc) but #how they get there is a slightly slower process and the earliest loops were the messiest/most unpredictable #and what we see in the show itself is like. the most streamlined version over hundreds of loops and attempts #so karl specifically. lonely that he is and determined to survive. AND with a cruel streak against people he doesn't like #kept nearly blowing their operation so they began to incorporate him in it instead #there's also another tragedy in there if /esther/ is what they realise works best against him.. #just love and kindness for a girl that weissman comes to see as family and they immediately exploit it after learning during an early loop #im ignoring specific plot points here (polly seemingly panicking when esther shows up at the station) but I DO NOT CARE. #THERE'S ANGST HAPPENING RN. IM CREATING SCENARIOS TO HURT ME #now if i could write coherently this would be written as a fic but im stuck writing too long textposts #karl weissman #bodies 2023 #bodies netflix #sorry to the other detectives. weissman in particular is my babygirl who i devote most of my brainpower to #personal

[the-dormant-ocean]

Qiao Ling: Lu Guang! Did you break the timeline?! Lu Guang: Yes. Qiao Ling: WHY? Lu Guang: Cheng Xiaoshi was gone and he was 85% of my impulse control. Also, life is meaningless without him.

#my prediction on the eventual discussion these 2 will have to have in s3 #Gotta love the fact that LG going 'FUCK THE TIMELINE' the moment CXS was gone is canon when he always insisted on protecting it #this is a follow up to my other post abt LG possibly only being calm and collected for CXS #since destroying the whole timeline was a rather unhinge thing to do #link click #shiguang daili ren #lu guang #cheng xiaoshi #shiguang #qiao ling #this post was inspired by the 'girlfriend being 85% of their impulse control' tumblr post

[girlgerard]

mommm white people on tumblr are misconstruing my posts again despite the post being entirely about how important wording is + how i don’t feel comfortable posting large statements when i haven’t fully processed them yet.

#if you want to put me on a blocklist for loving netanyahu you can! i don’t! and no matter how many times i get told i do #i still don’t! #i literally said i hope his balls get cut off IN THAT POST #i don’t know how that read as unclear. #perhaps there are no hidden genocidal messages behind the wording of my tumblr posts - who knows! #when i said i cared about every single civilian living in that land i meant it. if you decide that i actually don’t that’s not my problem #if you somehow took my words and decided that what i really meant is that i’m a government bootlicker who loves murder #you can do that all you want. it won’t make it true and it won’t help save any lives #i was in ramallah and jerusalem six months ago. have you gone? #if the answer is no maybe think about that for a second #moreover if you’re viewing this from a purely racial or religious framework you have no idea how to navigate this subject #i don’t view israel and palestine through which government i want to back. why the fuck would i do that #palestinians and jews and everyone else in that land is who i care about. i care about gazans #if that’s not enough of ‘a side’ for you i don’t really think there’s much of a conversation to be had. #do you think i wake up every day NOT thinking about gaza? do you think i wouldn’t feel nauseous every second of every day because of gaza? #do you think that within everything i’m saying that the most logical conclusion would be to post all of my thoughts on tumblr? #because if you think any of that we’re not going to have a productive conversation. i don’t take kindly to being told my own emotions

[booigi-boi]

The Best of You was originally supposed to be a Needy Beast song, right? It definitely feels more of a legit band song than the rest, and even if I'm lowkey sad they didn't go with this plan (cause I need more NMT references, lol), look at Needy Beast and then look at me and tell me if those guys look like the kind of band that would make that song, kssksk

Idk, maybe Thrash made the song for Courtney 🥺

#starkid #hatchetfield #nerdy prudes must die #nightmare time #nightmare time 2 #posting again cause bitch gotta show in the tags >:( #thrash my beloved hope you and skud are enjoying your hair dyeing dates #gimme more about the silly lil in universe band #edit: fuck the tags then only true ones (followers) get to see my fire posts #love it when shit don't show up in tags thanks tumblr owo

[missygoesmeow]

i rewatched arcane :)

#i drew fanart when i first watched it #and im so glad i wasnt v active on tumblr at the time #and did not post it because it was fucking terrible #at least now i can draw men lmao #my-art #arcane #arcane fanart #silco #silco fanart #silco league of legends #i do love me a character with a fucked up eye/face

[moongothic]

On the train of your last ask, what are your thoughts on dragons sexuality?

Personally I think he’s Demi something (more attracted to personality than looks or gender)

Honestly because we don't know that much about the guy it's kind of hard for me to form an opinion, and if Crocodad Real then we're going to find out his orientation eventually (since we gotta find out if that was a contributing factor to the Dragodile Divorce (assuming they're divorced)) so I'm kind of okay with not forming any headcanons, since the headcanon could get thrown out the window

If anything, what interests me is how Dragon's orientation could impact the story-- like when I've discussed the Dragodile Divorce I have mainly focused on speculating how Crocodile would've felt about it, but how Dragon felt about that is interesting too

Because if he's straight then yeah that probably contributed to The Divorce, but how did Dragon feel about it? Learning that the love of his life is now happier than ever before after transitioning and being happy for him, while also losing the version of Crocodile that he fallen in love to begin with? No longer feeling thet draw to him because of the thing that has brought him so much joy and comfort? Knowing that even if they did take down the WG the family Dragon had hoped to have would never come to be, because their relationship would now end? And that it would be on some level his fault, because he's not attracted to Crocodile anymore?

Like even if Dragon took things well and the divorce happened "on good terms", it would've been sad for Dragon too.

But then there's a slightly juicier option, because what if Dragon was bi, but the Divorce happened under unpleasant circumstances (be it Dragon lashing out or things getting violent because he couldn't recognize Crocodile) and he didn't figure it out until it was too late?

Because you'd still have Dragon going through some if not all of those previously mentioned feelings, of having to come to terms with the version of his significant other whom he had fallen in love with no longer existed, the family had pictured in his mind would never become a thing, that those things were be kind of his fault and that he had hurt Crocodile deeply in the process. But then he'd be looking at some news article of Crocodile's most recent heroic stunt, seeing his handsome face with that usual, unbothered expression, and realizing he still loved him? That he still wanted to be with him, wished they were together, even now that Crocodile was a far more handsome man than he was? And then the realization that he's bi hitting him like a fucking truck But it's too late. The divorce already happened. He already hurt Crocodile too deeply. Knowing Croc, he had probably already moved on. There was no fixing it, the relationship was over. At least for now, trying to go see Croc could be dangerous due to the WG and not wanting to risk the WG finding out about them and The Kid and Croc would probably be furious if Dragon even risked that at this point, after what he had done. Oh, and then Crocodile killed thousands of innocent people attempting to usurp a country by manufacturing a civil war. Something Dragon can't forgive. (Not to mention, hearing he had been taken down by their own son... Oof)

But what if despite all that, and not knowing the full circumstances behind what had happened (like the fact that Crocodile didn't know who the hell Luffy was), Dragon still loved Crocodile? What then?

#Moon posting #Asks #Dragodile #OP Meta #Answering an unusual amount of asks today because 1) Compensating for being AFK for a while and #2) The Tumblr News are deeply fucking upsetting and I need something to lighten my mood desperately ngl #So clearing my ask box it is wheeeee #Sorry this is a little incoherent lmao #Something about Dragon looking at Crocodile and being like ''why the fuck are you more handsome than me'' cracks me up okay #When your transgender husband gives you gender envy #I just love the story telling potential bi Dragon would give us because like. Yeah if they're straight then the relationship is joever #But if he was bi then there's that theoretical possibility they could maybe reconcile and get back together #And the fucking drama? The possibilities? I'm so here for that man give it to me #Luffy and/or Ivankov telling Dragon to get over himself and admit that he still loves Crocodile and wants to be with him? Gimme #Dragon taking a deadly blow to protect Crocodile because he doesn't want to lose him again? It's a trope for a reason #OR Dragon craddling a dying Crocodile begging him not to die because he still loves him? Oh yes #Crocodile trying to sneak away while everyone celebrates the destruction of the World Government #And Dragon showing up like ''I don't wanna lose you again pls don't go ;_;'' #And Croc telling him to either piss off OR to hurry up and get on the ship so they can leave before Luffy finds out #I am. Obsessed. Dragodile Retirement Romance let's fucking go #THE POSSIBILITIES MAN. Like I don't wanna get my hopes up because I doubt we'll get Canon Gay Dragodile BUT IT COULD BE SO GOOD

[averlym]

(it hurts it hurts it hurts )

#the original caption was “but i still fucking love you” but even though this is tumblr i don't like swearing officially #anyways in a bid to actually post something i present to you some oc art. i did a farrah portrait and didn't like it and then i did new oc #art but none of it seemed to fit for this blog.. i would say you can look for my insta but lately i have switched insta to like 10 friends #on private so.. here we go!! drew this a long long time ago when i was emotionally raw #and some one i knew. well. messed me up in some way! so this was vent art while i was listening and vibing really hard to olivia rodrigo >: #this is my oc by the way!! please don;t tag her as anyone else ;-;; idk fdshjagh anyways. moving on.. i think it still holds up as an #illustration bc i drew it at a really emotionally raw time and it shows i guess? i do my best work when emotionally invested maybe... hm .. #i can't say that the fandoms are hitting rn.. so this is me testing out original stuff. because this IS an art blog for myself not just a #fanart blog and ngl i love the fandoms that brought me here but idw to limit myself to them!! ah the fear.. #tags ? hm #soraeverse #soraeverse- helena

[llitchilitchi]

sometimes I wish this site had a mute option

#litchi.txt #theres a lot of people I follow who talk a lot about the recent situations and I dont wanna break the moot or god forbid block people but. #its stuff I do not want to be involved in at all and its taking up 50% of my dash #and as someone who is largely multifandom this past year and something I wanna stay on tumblr to see the stuff from other fandoms #and also I dont want to unfollow people from em see why tee because I still love yall but one of the main reasons why Im not really active #in this community anymore is that Im just really fucking tired of the discourse and scrutiny and just overall bad stuff and shit behaviour #Im not about to go around and tell people to oh please tag all this stuff #because first and foremost the tumblr filtering is shit #my entire dash would just be Word You Filtered #but I really want to just mute a couple people for a couple days. maybe until the end of the month #all while engaging with like peeps who post primarily about the smp or about my other fandoms #(or mute people in certain tags like call me selfish but I enjoy when they engage on my posts but their posts in the main tags annoy me) #anyways sorry for this one #my dash is slowly turning into the kinda stuff that made me leave my previous fandoms and Id really hate to leave this fandom #with a sour aftertaste as I go

[baeshijima]

it is now officially the 25th which means...

merry christmas everyone !!! regardless of whether u celebrate or not, i hope u all have a lovely day with whoever u spend it with or with urself <33

#sophie's idle chatter #this is scheduled so im HOPING it posts at 12 am.... prays.... #i havent been super active in the past month or two bc life is kicking my ass (<- has said this countless times already but its still true) #also !! i see asks and ill try and answer them when i actually have the time and energy 😭 ik i say this a lot but ive been drained good god #(not so) mini life updates : #the new lovebrush chronicles main story update has made me weep so much... ive done both clarence and ayns routes and.... #my god.... this story is darker and honestly im loving it AND i love how they did the chara roles in this world (alkaid... ourgh...) #my tear glands arent tho bc ayn ending 3.... what the fuck was that i couldnt sleep after doing that ending??? ITS WAS SO SAD AND FOR WHATF #currently having to wait until the 27th so i can do lars route 😔 #the recent ep of apothecary diaries.... ourgh my heart.... jinshi and maomao beloveds :(( #oh !! and ive gotten back into my ace of diamonds/daiya no ace phase and have been rewatching the series... #sobbing chris and yuki and miyuki my beloveds.... kissing ur foreheads and holding u gently..... #the way i got back into it bc im catching up on s2 of a clean sweep (a korean baseball variety show that i love with all my heart ;w;) #my mum is a traitor tho bc she watched every new ep that came out on tuesdays while i was in uni 🧍‍♀️ so now im catching up on the 30 eps #on my own 🧍‍♀️ #OMG AND ALSO DR STONE S3??? WHY WAS I NOT NOTIFIED THAT PART 1 CAME OUT MONTHS AGO AND PART 2 WAS MORE RECENT??? #i havent been doing that much writing recently tho bc the fingers wont type but the brain is exploding with ideas i cannot handle this #i do want to get back to the haitham sxf series tho.... and also my oc various x reader series....... #tbh ive been contemplating abt publishing the haitham series on ao3 once i write more chapters before publishing them #idk i feel like the series would be nice to have on ao3 as well as tumblr JHDG #thats abt it i think? #anywho if u read this far then know i am giving u a warm cookie as a condolence prize for getting through this life dump <33 #ill leave it off here but i hope u all have a lovely day !! mwah mwah merry chrysler everyone 🎄🫶 #queue... ueueue

[brittlebutch]

it's actually so fascinating to me that Brennan has created a character that maintains a pretty relaxed and mild-mannered demeanor and has said multiple times that the absolute Core of her is "FEAR" and how often we see this Fear manifest specifically in Avoidance; it really nails a relationship to that mentality where your brain fully Stops recognizing the emotion properly out of like, sheer self-defense from the stress of having to carry it all the time

I think this is also perfectly showcased in the way we tend to see Tula swing so suddenly from 'level and steady' to 'snarling Panic' and then back again - Just because your brain has detached itself from the Conscious Recognition of the emotion doesn't mean it can Actually stop itself from experiencing it. So the Fear is always there and always acting as a stressor, but because of that inability to Identify it there's no way to recognize or address it before that final straw hits and your bodymind jumps Straight into Full Meltdown Mode; but then once again, once you drop even a Little bit below that Peak Terror your brain ceases to process the emotion; it's like the most exhausting form of Poor Object Permanence in the world

And even if Tula is aware of this happening to her, that doesn't really make it any easier to deal with / address. Even if you're able to spot the symptoms Around the emotion -- chest pain, irritation, nausea, whatever -- because the Emotion Itself is basically impossible to find, you can't really Successfully Pin Down what the problem is OR a way to cope with it. If you can't figure out That You Are Anxious, then figuring out What Is Making You Anxious is impossible, which makes Find A Way To Make Peace With That incomprehensible. That's where the Avoidance comes in: you can no longer identify what might be a Dangerous Situation, which means that Anything New has a big potential to be Really Bad in a variety of ways (ranging "I don't Feel Good" to "Fully Lashing Out bc you've entered Fight/Flight and can't get out of it" to "Actual Outside Danger This Time") and that means the Only Way you know how to be Safe is to just Avoid Doing Anything New and Only stick to Familiar Situations, because anything unfamiliar is a monster of a gamble you don't know how to prepare for or cope with

#N posts stuff #one could argue ‘we see tula worry a lot tho’ but that’s bc Worry is an Action that can occur Separately from Recognizing Anxiety #now that I know tumblr will put a hard cap on your tags w/o telling you i'm resigning myself to posting rambling meta in post body #but i'm not happy about it; anyway i love how often life is full of Coincidences bc this is something I've Finally identified in myself #like. This Month. like this is brand new articulation for some of the problems i have in life; again knowing this doesn't help lmao #bc even when you know to look Around the shape of the emotion - like 'oh my face is Snarling rn. i'm probably experiencing Something' #like i said bc you don't know What that something is OR What might have caused it then the only solution you Ever get to come up with #is just 'fully retreat and go calm down somewhere else' which INVARIABLY means that you will wind up in that same situation again #and Still have no idea how to handle it bc you never could figure out what caused it so you don't know how to handle it any better than #'fully retreat and go calm down somewhere else'; so 'be somewhere else' is the ONLY way you can ever think to Help it #which usually invariably turns into 'Just Avoid Fucking Everything just in case'; which doesn't work! bc life doesn't let you do that #so then it's just a cycle of falling into the same pitfalls and feeling miserable all the time; gotta love it :) #if you're like me this also gives you Bad Bad Bad Memory bc your brain will Promptly hide evidence of Scary Situation instinctively #like 3 weeks ago this dude ran a red light and almost t-boned me Full Speed & managed to stop like. maybe 3 feet away. #and i like. Startled Laughed and said 'that was scary' and then within 30 seconds i had Fully Forgotten it happened & only remembered #like 2 days ago. Ha! believe it or not this Does Not Help with 'How can I Address the Problem instead of Avoiding It Entirely?' #dimension 20 #d20: stupendous stoats #tula #d20lb

[luck-of-the-drawings]

THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN (TO GET SPLATTERED) OOH MYSTERY! PANIC! DRAMA! EMOTIONS!! LOTS N LOTS OF MEAT, SCARES, AND DICK-OUT FUN! BLOOD IN THE BAYOU HAS GOT IT ALL BABY!!!

blood in the bayou would make SUUUCh a great campy horror movie, its real in my heart, so real.....

#jrwi bitb #jrwi bitb spoilers #jrwi fanart #cw blood #cw gore #cw body horror #EHEHEE YKNOW WHAT I LOVE ABT POSTING ART ON TUMBLR.... #I GET TO TAAALK N TALK N TALK YIPPEEE I LOVE TALKIN ABOUT MY ART!! espeeecially WHEN I THINK ALOT ABT IT #SO this is older. i actually drew this right around the time episode 2 came out. but i WAS kinda stupid slow about it #SOO its a lil old and i dont remember aaall the immediate feelings i had about this episode #OHH MY GOD THIS WAS THE EP WHERE THEY FOUND OUT WHAT THE MAP LOOKS LIKE RIGHT??? #DUDE I REMEMBER BEING SO GENUINELY FUCKIN C A U G H T BY THAT LIKE WHAT??? WHAT??? IT LOOKS LIKE A WHUT??? HUHN???? NHU???????? #OOH ohoh okay okay THE BARRIER right. have yall ever seen annihilation? that kickass movie with that weird dimension? just look it up #in the movie theres a Wall that separates them from the fucked up dimension. its glossy and strange just like a bubble. SOUND FAMILIAR HMMM #THATS what i imagine the wall looked like. gotta draw that at somepoint. i also used that texture for the background color. do ya see it? #i remember when i was first watching it. i thought that maybe it was actually worse outside #like they finally get past the barrier and its the same everywhere else. like the entire earth is already taken.sighh.... #CAN I JUST SAY I LOVE KIAN STONE BTW. AINT NO ONE ELSE HAD THER DICK OUT AS MUCH AS THIS KING. HONESTLY IM A KIAN APOLOGIST #KIAN STONE HAS DONE NOTHING WRONG EVER. HE FOLLOWS HIS HEART AND THE MUSIC DUUUDEE!!!!! HIS HEART AND THE MUSIC ARE ONE DUUUUDEEE!!!! #ILL HAVE MORE THINGS TO SCREAM ABT KIAN WHEN I POST MY EP 3 DOODLE PAGE. OKAY. IM NOT SOBBING LOUDLY. I LOVE N SUPPORT KIAN #AND RAAAND oh raaaand he loves his momma.... n his momma loves him.... hes suuuuch a sad lil disaster of a man.... #i wanna nurse him back to health like an injured little animal #wtf who said that #anyway ROLAN MY SMARTEST BOY IN THE WORLD #I remember listening to the first episode (right at midnight as i was sleeping) n thinkin #dawww rolans so baby :)) hes so baby girl n small and pathetic #and then i saw the official art of him n im like NO WAY #HE LOOKS WAY TOO COOL IN THAT how could this little man ever be that cool AND BOOY DOES IT PROVE ME WRONG. HOLY SHIT. ROLAN. BEAST OF A MAN #OKAAYAY teehee ill share more thoughts later. if u read this far tell me ALL ur thoughts abt bitb ep 2 #kk bye guys ill see u within the next rotatiion mwah mwah love u guys baaaiiiii. please survive for me.

[cowboyskeletons]

hc that willscam wasn't made with hermie's memories. so when he asked who hermie was it was genuine because he would have no idea who that would be.

but he was made with the idea of hermie.

so he has this vague, fluttering ache, this groundless attraction. has the stage directions and nothing else. and everyone else has the script, sees the one he's understudying and all the ways he doesn't add up. he's pulled on in the final act and he's never seen the play before

so he has to know. they're in heaven, so he wishes that he did.

and then he knows. it's not quite like becoming hermie, not like hermie being reborn into a new body-- it's like a parent telling you a story of something impressive you did when you were younger that you had forgotten. it doesn't really change anything about you, but now you've incorporated it into your memory.

so now he has context.

now he knows the nameless shadow, the ultimate goal, the boy that died among friends but died yearning and alone nonetheless. he knows every stray thought, every mindless interaction, every rejection, every act and reality.

and he sees that boy and he understands him. feels his brightness and his bitterness and his love. (sees that what he was given when created pales in comparison.) he mourns for that boy and what he could have had and what he did and vows to carry that with him from then on.

and when he was brought back from the dead and got the chance that hermie never could, it solidifies.

they're not the same person, but he vows to carry the legacy that had once been forced upon him. vows to be more and have more than hermie was ever thought to. because they both deserve it.

#dndads #dndads spoilers #......and then him and normal get together. and then break up. and that cycle continues until they decide to just be friends #but they are besties. do not get me wrong #quite honestly most of my love of dndads is actually love of Things I Made The Fuck Up #see my ramble to a friend that got them into dndads-- #it was about hero but 99% of it was hc #they're going to have a rude awakening once they get to s2 lmao #also everything i say about the close-foster-freeman-swift-likely-actually family despite my best efforts is at least half hc #...don't even get me started about what i did with birdie and sherwin #birdhorde supremacy!! #....also i feel like i keep repeating myself when i make willscam posts. like the same points keep popping up #then i remember it's tumblr and i feel very strongly about him. so it's okay