#Kaito would not forgive me for such an image of him

[breadmecoshy]

I lied to you

In fact, this will not be a oumota comic, but a comic about Kaito on the verge of a heart attack for 20 pages

#I say that I love some characters and then I make a complete mockery of them #Kaito would not forgive me for such an image of him #But he gets so ridiculously scared....... #His illness will clearly begin to progress dramatically after so many shocks in one day #I'm sorry #I'm really always sorry #But that doesn't mean I'm going to stop doing it #danganronpa #danganronpa v3 #drv3 #drv3 kaito #kaito momota #oumota #danganronpa oumota

[kyanitedragon]

My Thoughts on the Harmony & Wrathful routes

(Spoilers for those 2 routes plus the Moral route!)

For context, my first playthrough was Moral. Then I played these two routes.

Harmony:

I was glad to finally get Miu and Kaito's backstory! And I was certainly not expecting to completely agree with Kaito beating that guy up!

Although, I'm still curious what Miu meant when she claimed that Kaito is "always violent". It felt like there was still a lot more to their stories, and especially Kaito's thoughts and reactions beyond the extreme threats to Miu's safety.

I felt like Miu's death was the weakest of all the character deaths in the game. It felt way too fast, and wasn't enough time to build up the tension and horror like the other deaths. I wanted to feel sad about it - Miu is my favorite character! - but I didn't really care about her dying.

But! who I did surprisingly care about, was Kaito.

Full disclosure: I really don't like Kaito. His overprotectiveness and ego annoyed me, and I won't forgive him for slapping Miu in that one scene.

(*As a person. As a character, he's great! I love to hate him!)

That said... Kaito's reaction to Miu's death hit me hard. It was such a cruel blow to his character, and it was brilliant writing. He was all about protecting her, but when it came down to it, he froze and let her die.

It really got me, when the next chapter at the school, Kaito leaves to go outside and be alone. During the Free Actions, you have the option to go follow him, so I did. When you spend a Free Point on him, you are given a few options - one to talk, and one to leave him alone. I chose to leave him alone, and that turned out to be the correct choice that gives affinity. Because he wants to be alone, and he doesn't want to talk, but he's genuinely happy that you cared enough to check on him.

And I... oh...

[ID: A reaction meme showing a bipedal pixelated cat, supporting itself against a wall with a paw, and crying with sparkling tearful eyes. Text on the image says “wait. hold on a minute. i think i need a moment wait. wait, wait. hold. i need a moment. i need. to sit down i think wait. wait. old honh on, wait, please i am breaking down. hold on, wai”. End ID]

Further, and in the opposite direction lol, I love corruption arcs! So I was really excited to see how it all went down with Kaito. It was all just cruel blow after cruel blow to him - it's really no wonder he snapped.

The jogress to BoltBoutamon was chilling. How they describe it as Piemon "eating" Dracmon. How Kaito accepts this. How Dracmon is okay with this because Kaito is his partner. How he and Kaito say their final goodbyes - already speaking in the past tense.

It's so messed up, and so intruiging. I've always been interested in the concept that digimon partners can't really say no to their partners. How in Adventure, Gabumon was immediately willing to kill Agumon and Taichi. And how In Zero Two, Wormmon didn't agree with Ken but went along with it, until it became too much and he felt he finally had to do something. It's such a messed up element of human-digimon partnerships, and its yet another story element that would be too dark to go further with in the kids' anime, but they absolutely can here!

And Kaito's emotional goodbye to the group right before his death...

I was hoping this game would make me like Kaito after playing the other routes, and it definetly delivered!

Wrathful:

I wasn't sure what to expect, after thinking that Miu's death was underwhelming in Harmony, and although Kaito's speech before his death was heartbreaking, the actual visuals for his death were lacking as well. It was just a fade-out.

But Saki's death. Wow. That was rough. It was so horrible. It was so good.

In every playthrough, it's clear that Saki was the one kid who feared death the most. And in this route, we got so much more information. A huge reason why she fears dying in the digital world is because she's already felt that fear in the real world. She's avoiding it in the real world, putting off surgery that comes with risks.

And so to have her willingly give herself up to save the others. That's amazing. It's so sweet and so sad.

And after this scene, things get a bit interesting if you played Harmony first. Kaito considers what he would do if it was Miu in that situation instead of Saki. Which is exactly what does happen in Harmony. I thought that was a nice touch.

Kaito doing his best to help Aoi was also really sweet. And I appreciate how the game didn't imply it was romantic.

Aoi's downfall, that hurt too. And it felt so realistic to me. In a horrifying, sad, and traumatic situation like that, of course your memory isn't going to be 100% accurate. Of course Aoi doesn't remember all the details. Of course she thinks that she let go, that it's her fault Saki died.

Aoi's death scene was brutal. I was spoiled on the strangulation image with Piemon so I wasn't surprised by it happening, but I was surprised at just how graphic and drawn-out it was. I thought it would be another, "show the image, fade-to-bloodsplatter, have the rest of the group be horrified and discuss it." I was NOT expecting to get Aoi's reaction. The betrayal, the pain, hearing her heartbeat get slower and slower as she realizes she's dying and that she doesn't want to die. And then the voice acting of Labramon, also dying and using all her strength to call out to Aoi, that broke my heart. How they wanted to hold hands in their final moments. "Let them be. They're partners. Let them hold hands."

I also took a look at the TvTropes page for Survive, and it pointed out that... Aoi and Labramon were the team healers. Miu begged someone to help and save them, but Aoi and Labramon themselves were the only ones with the power to do that.

Just think about that for a second. Literally every other character death was fast. No time to act, no time to save anyone. But Aoi's? Only her death scene was there time to save her - but no one had the ability to do anything about it. That's cruel irony and brilliant writing.

Just. Wow. I thought Saki's death was the saddest. But no, it's Aoi's death by far.

And the bio-merge to Plutomon. Aoi's distorted voice. It's all so good. We haven't had that many villains merging with digimon before. Certainly none of the protagonists-turned-evil. Just another dark idea that Survive takes and runs with and executes perfectly.

The ending for Wrathful also threw me for a real loop. I felt that in Harmony, in a way it was a happier ending than Moral. Moral they ended up seperate but hopeful they'd meet again. In Harmony, they might struggle with keeping the peace, but they're with their partners forever.

So when Wrathful began to wrap up, and Takuma mused that maybe the gate staying open would grant Aoi's wish in a way, I assumed it would be a similar (if not the exact same) ending as Harmony.

Boy was I wrong! Immediately you're hit with the information that the world is full of "chaos and destruction" and "[digidestined] are discriminated against".

My only issue with Wrathful, is that the end fight with the Master could have used more explaining. Harmony fully explained how and why BoltBoutamon merged with the Master. In Wrathful, the Master absorbs Plutomon and then with no explanation you fight a fusion of them that has Aoi's voice. And then after the fight, everyone is surprised that Aoi is still around. If I hadn't played Harmony first, I would have been very confused.

I thought it was really cool how Harmony and Wrathful parallel each other. In Harmony, Kaito wished to destroy the world. In Wrathful, Aoi wished to "fix" both worlds and "end suffering".

To take it even further, I saw someone point out that you're actually fighting against the opposite in each route: In Harmony, you're fighting against Kaito's wrath; In Wrathful, you're fighting against Aoi's harmony.

This game's writing is so good.

#digimon #digimon survive #digimon survive spoilers #survive spoilers #survive

[zuffer-weird-girl]

So from what I’ve read (from your works), Haru and Kaito are low key dating. I was wondering if you, dear author, could give us some head canons or maybe a scenario of how they started dating. I love your AU and your works❤️

Sorry for the delay! I was trying to elaborate a cute scenario at least for these two

Btw thanks for the help @mistysandwichfeather

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Always on his life he kept seing his parents affection towards each other, subtle or not.

As a toddler he would always point it out how gross it was to seing his father sneak a kiss on his mother, leaving him a but jealous since he was VERY attached to his mom.

But when the years went by, he saw that this was quite normal. Despite his dad being a mysophobic and clean freak, he always joked about hiw he reminded him of one of his favorite characters and every time Chisski would scowl at his son, completely offended.

Many times Kaito doubted that his father really loved his mother due to his personality... but now he noticed how wrong was he.

Dad was brute, bold and even acting like a soulless being in front of others, especially strangers; Pops and uncle Kurono he was a but more vanilla but he never once saw him smilling or not spilling a sarcastic or even rude comment at them.

With mom though? God how he changed. He had that soft and little dpark on his eyes whenever he only looked at her, bathed her in gifts even despite her protests. Even having his mysophobia, always checking his family to see if they did their basic cleaning, he would always touch you without a second thought.

Pops and uncle Kurono often sayed that she kept him 'grounded'. His grandfather always letting clear that (Y/n) saved Kai from a possible dark path on his life, that she was his Yin and Chisaki was her Yang.

He snickered often at that, remind that his parents had matching hidden necklaces with those symbols. Not believing that such a thing was possible to even happen again.

His parents were a exception. His mom and dad, even despite being completely opposities, they were together and still had that same fire on their relationship.

So much as a proof that he had a little sister later....

But... now? As he looked at his childhood friend simply talking about how her father, his godparent, had teached her how to use a gun just yesterday, he noticed something... different spreading through his chest.

He felt... weird per see. Haru was just talking for God's sake, yet he was paying attention he felt more attracted by the way her eyes lifted up.

He made the mistake of going to talk with his father about it, not mentioning still who it was that made him feel like that.

Chisaki just stopped abruptly his reading as he let the taxes on his hands fall on his desk.

"... You're sick." He answered, making Kaito freeze yet emit a cinfused as fuck sound, and a bit offended.

"You've got sick. The same illness that I got some years ago." He said nonchalantly while staring at his son numbly.

"What the hell dead? No, im not." He answered with the same expression, before he open his mouth on a 'O' shape when Chisaki sighed in irritation and showed his son the ring that was on his hand.

Shit. That illness.

It couldn't be. Haru was his childhood friend as long as he could remember. And the comments of buying things for her coming from his father didn't helped one bit.

He found himself completely lost. But still went to talk with his mother, someone who could talk feelings better than his dad for sure.

The laughter she gave when he told what his dad commented about the illness had eased him up a bit. His mother was always not only his but the sorce of comfort for the Chisakis in general. His sister, his father....

Although for his dismay she had agreed with his dad. He was in love.

"Dear gosh my soldier even with dealing with feelings you are the spitting image of your dad!" She giggled while carresing his dark brow looks.

"Don't say that mom. Please." He grimaced.

He wasn't that similiar with his father.

Now, with both his parents opinion... he needed to prove that. He needed to be sure he truly was feeling those strange yet suffocating feelings his mom and dad had told him about.

Haru was just talking about the aim of a gun or something about how she was practicing parkour and almost scared the shit out of her dad... before he brought his hand to her chin, noticing the sudden blush on her cheeks appearing at his action.

"U-uh... Kaito-kun?" She asked with uncertain.

She had developed a huge damn crush with the boss's son. Even dsring to talk about it with her auntie and Kin... but never really had the courage of saying to the boy himself.

He squinted his eyes a bit as he seened to examinate her face with caution... before he slowly aproached and placed his lips over hers.

The joilt of electricity he felt was strong. Really strong. But yet... good. He worried for a second when Haru had gasped but soon melted, bringing caustiously her arms to wrap around his neck.

He grunted when she accidentally gripped abit too tight but had awkwardly used his free arm to envelop her midsection while his hand was still on her chin.

When both separated Haru was just as red as a rose, taking her arms off from Kaito to cover her mouth as she started to make scream on then.

"... Dramatic." He pointed out numbly as she looked at him with wide eyes.

"W-what was that for?!"

"Is true." He breathed out, smirking a bit after before looking at Haru "I am in love with you. Forgive me for taking too long to notice Haru."

She gagged, takinga few minutes to breath in and out to regain her composure. With a embarrased smile she returned to look at those soft yet serious (E/c).

"Really?"

"Yeah. Its been months already that I'm trying to figure it out." He said while bringing a hand to scract the back of his neck. "Might as well talk with uncle about me wanting to be your partner or else he will shoot me." He snickered at Haru's laugh.

"You bet. But I guess I am in the more prejudicial side. After all you are the son of Overhaul, auntie (Y/n) and Kin already know but your father might be a-"

"Wait wait. Hang on" he lifted his hands up for her to stop as his face looked normal but his eyes spotted how hotrified he was "My mom and sister knows about this?"

"I might have told them that I had a crush on you when I was 10?" She shrugged with a uncaring expression.

"... you caved my grave woman."

Bonus:

You and Pops dropped the cups of tea you both had in your hands while Kai and Hari's eyes almost fell fron the way they had widen. All the adults with their jaws wide open while Kin yelped in joy and went to give her sis sis a hug.

"...Uh. saying something would be... apreaciated?" Kaito spoked with worry on his voice at seing the reaction of his parents while Haru looked at her father with worry as well.

Suddenly you yelled 'YES!' In joy laughing while Pops got up from his own seat with chuckles saying something about that they had won... while Kurono and chisaku were simply frozen.

"Huh?" The both young teenagers spoked in confusion, not getting why the elder and the woman were celebrating about.

"To explain for both of you, we all made a bet if you teo love birds were going to be together or not." Pops sayed while making his way to get a broom to clean the mess while chuckling.

Luckily there wasn't any tea on those cups....

"And we won!" You sayed in pure joy, giggling at your husband's pretified expression along with his childhood friend.

"So as I can probably tell uncle and dad betted that we weren't going to end up dating?" Kaito sayed, genuily scared and worried for the mans he was usually so used to seing calm and collected with wide eyes.

"... why of all the people it had to be block head's brat..?" Kai suddenly muttered, only you and Chrono were able to hear it though.... the comment making Hari snap out of his shock.

"What was THAT supposed to mean?" He said with a frow, not even bothering with the death glare Chisaki sended him.

"You know what I meant. Chronostasis."

"Stop with that attitude both of you. Accelt that both lost." Pops sayed right after he came back, accepting your offer to help with a smile.

Kaito and Haru changed looks... did they had caused the third war without thinking?

#bnha x reader #bnha imagine #bnha characters #bnha villains #bnha ocs #kaito and kin #kaito chisaki #kin chisaki #haru kurono #my writing #zuffer writingz

[commentaryvorg]

Anonymous asked:

Not sure if this was ever brought up, but I was reading your meta on V3 and that one bit during chapter 3's trial where Kaito says to Himiko that he understands how she feels, I think he's talking about Ryoma there. Near the end of the investigation in ch.2 Kaito admits to Shuichi that he was too harsh with Ryoma and indirectly says he regrets it. He might not have been close to the guy, but I think he still related to Himiko's feelings of wishing she had dealt with Tenko better.

Huh, interesting take that I’d never considered!

My own take on this moment, as mentioned in the commentary for that bit, is that this is Kaito thinking about when he lost his parents as a kid. And, thinking on it some, I feel like the option of it being about Ryoma, while not obviously implausible in any way, still doesn't fit for me quite as well as it being about his parents.

Kaito:  “Yeah, seriously! It’s way too late to realize that now.”

This first thing Kaito says in that moment after Himiko's lamented that it's too late for her to say anything she wants to say to Tenko - this does fit well with the idea that it could be about Ryoma. Everything about how Kaito felt with regards to Ryoma after his death was the same kind of thing: regrets that he never said the things he should have said and now it's too late.

(Though I also feel like this still could make sense with it being about his parents, too. I can imagine a younger Kaito, distraught at having his parents unexpectedly taken from him by an accident, wishing he'd said more to them and shown more appreciation for them while they were still alive. Kids often take their parents for granted. He might not have truly realised how great they were or just how much he loved them until they were gone.)

However, some of the other things Kaito goes on to say in this moment don't fit quite as well for me if I try to imagine they're about Ryoma.

Kaito:  “Our only option is to face her death head-on!”

This is usually an extremely Kaito kind of outlook, but... not so much when it's specifically about Ryoma. Although Kaito did regret not doing enough for Ryoma and seemed to manage to admit that to himself, "facing it head-on" in that determined Kaito way isn't quite how I'd describe what he did. He never mentions Ryoma again at all after chapter 2, not even indirectly except for potentially here. It seems more to me like Kaito admitted to himself that he'd screwed up with Ryoma and then... stopped thinking about it and continued to doggedly focus on the things he could help with, like Shuichi and Maki.

Really, there is one very valuable lesson that Kaito could potentially have learned from his failure to help Ryoma, if he'd faced it and reflected on it as much as possible despite the pain it brought. Said lesson would have been, "everyone is allowed to be weak and deserves support, even if they're a hero". So it doesn't seem very likely at all that he did think too hard about Ryoma beyond admitting to himself that he regretted it.

Kaito:  “Himiko�� I understand what you’re going through.”

And, for me, this still feels like too much for Kaito to say here if it’s about Ryoma, even accepting that there's similar feelings of regret and it's-too-late-now going on. Regrets or not, it’s the loss of that personal connection Himiko had - or, well, could have had - with Tenko that’s really the biggest thing she's “going through” here - and, like you say, Kaito wasn't that close with Ryoma. It reads as a little bit too self-centred of Kaito to say out loud (even if this is only really to himself because nobody else would know it's about Ryoma) that his thing with Ryoma was particularly equivalent to Himiko's thing with Tenko at all.

There's also a lack of equivalence in that, while Tenko was trying to help Himiko except she didn't listen until it was too late, Kaito was conversely the one who should have been helping Ryoma out and didn't until it was too late. These two situations are technically complete opposites, reversed in a way which really matters in Kaito's worldview with its very strong dichotomy of heroes and sidekicks. Kaito would never think to openly parallel himself in this way with the one who's needing help.

Heck, going through a process of significant grief and regret is not usually something Kaito would even implicitly admit to in general, because that's basically weakness, and he's supposed to be invincible. (Of course he did go through a good amount of that with Ryoma, and he did manage to admit it to Shuichi - but that was privately, very indirectly, very briefly, and then he never brought it up again.)

In fact, now that I think about it, it's pretty notable that, whatever he might mean by "I understand what you're going through," this is the only time in the whole game that Kaito is using his own suffering as an example. He’s actually mentioning it in order to help inspire someone else to be as strong in the face of suffering as he managed to be! Of course, he's still only admitting to said suffering in a very vague and indirect way, but even with that, this is actually some remarkable levels of who-are-you-and-what-have-you-done-with-Kaito going on here.

But, if this is about his parents, I think Kaito would be slightly more willing to admit to his pain over this than he is for any kind of pain he's suffered during the killing game. Every kid's expected to grieve for their parents, right? That's just normal. (And probably a lot less connected to the idea of invincible heroes in Kaito's mind.) Plus, this was years ago, and he's fine now, so it's not nearly as much of a risk to the heroic image he's trying to maintain.

So, if ever Kaito was going to vaguely admit to some vulnerability of his, not just reluctantly but to actually use it as an inspiring example to others (like he should always be doing but never does, goddammit Kaito)... I think this is the one thing he might just allow himself to do it with.

Kaito: “Abandoning someone who died and only thinking about your own survival… That’s just as bad as a hit-and-run! I won’t forgive something so messed up!”

...On top of all that, there's also just this line here. Bringing up hit-and-runs like this would be so weirdly specific and out-of-nowhere if this was about anything but him losing his parents. I am inordinately fond of this line because of how much Kaito is unintentionally revealing here if you assume he's already thinking about his parents; I don't think I'd ever be as happy with an interpretation of this moment that assumes the hit-and-run mention really is just a random example plucked from thin air.

  Still, though I personally don't quite agree with your interpretation here, I do think it's neat that you thought of this! I'm very happy to see that someone else, entirely separately from me, is thinking about Kaito’s deal with Ryoma and realising how genuinely upset he was about that. It's an easily-overlooked but very fun part of Kaito's issues.

#danganronpa v3 #danganronpa v3 spoilers #reply #thanks for sharing! #this got so long because i kept trying to articulate why the ryoma version doesn't quite fit for me #still not sure i completely got it across #but in the process i thought a lot more about kaito's hero issues as applied to this moment #which i never really did before #so it's all good #thank you for prompting me to do that #Anonymous

[elyvorg]

How (not) to draw Kaito in left profile view: A Kaito Fanartist's Lament

If you're familiar with my blog, you'll know that I've drawn Kaito a lot. And contrary to apparently a large proportion of this fandom, I actually enjoy drawing his ridiculous hair! Usually. From a lot of the more commonly-used angles, it has a very distinctive shape to it which I find fun to get down.

But from certain angles? Not so much. In particular, it is not a coincidence that none of the drawings I've done of Kaito have ever been composed such that he's in a left profile view. Because I am not at all comfortable with drawing his spiky fringe from that angle. The rest of his hair is still fine - it is always very UP, just draw a lot of spikes going UP and you can't go too far wrong - but his fringe, from this angle, is a Problem. Here is a chronicle of my adventures in trying to figure this problem out.

First, let's look at some sprites of Kaito from the angles that give his hair its most distinctive shapes, in order to get a sense of the shape his fringe is "supposed" to be.

Front:

Pretty straightforward, and pretty consistent between the sprites and various illustrations drawn from that angle, give or take a spike or two. Kinda downwards, about as far as his nose or mouth for the longest spikes, and also pointing about 45 degrees to his left.

Right 3/4 view:

Also pretty straightforward and consistent between different depictions. I personally consider this the most distinctive and iconic shape of Kaito's hair, so if any angle should be considered "correct" and the thing to use for reference in case of inconsistencies, I think it should be this one. Note how from this angle we can see more than we could from the front that his fringe spikes not only point to his left but also outwards from his face at least a bit. They do not fold back around to the left side of his face towards his left ear.

Right profile view:

This still seems fairly consistent with the other sprites we've looked at so far, at least as far as one can tell considering that his fringe spikes are partially hidden behind his face and pointing away from the camera. All of them are fine to look at, because any awkwardness in foreshortening of the spikes is mitigated by the fact that they're pointing away anyway, and they're not getting in the way of his face from this angle. There are however slight inconsistencies here between the different depictions of this angle, in exactly how far outwards from his face his fringe spikes are angled, and how long they are.

I personally like drawing Kaito from this angle a lot and have done it a bunch of times. It's pretty surprising to me to realise that the official artists almost never have (this was basically all I could find; that third one is some merch something or other from the wiki using what should be his opposing Debate Scrum sprite but for some reason the actual one they use in the game is a mirrored version of his left profile view, grumble grumble).

Left 3/4 view:

Now we're getting into possibly being a liiiittle more inconsistent with the other angles. At this point his fringe spikes should probably be pointing a little less downwards and to the left and generally more towards the camera than they actually are. Not that I blame the artists for not drawing it that way, though, because foreshortening is hard, probably especially when it's spikes. Nonetheless, these are still all quite consistent between different depictions of him from this angle, so getting his hair to look right from this angle is still fairly simple as you just need to copy this basic shape.

(The arrows are pointing out something else of note, namely the only downwards-pointing spikes in Kaito's hair that aren't on his fringe, which are only found on the left side of his head. Illustrations of Kaito from an angle that should have these spikes visible are incredibly inconsistent on whether they even exist or not, so while I personally choose to include them in my depictions of Kaito's hair whenever relevant, I think it can be considered equally correct not to do so).

But now for the left profile view, which for some reason has been used in official drawings way more than the right profile view despite the fact that even the official artists clearly don't have a clue how to keep it consistent, as we are about to see. There are a few different approaches they can take.

The Too Backwards:

On its own, aesthetically, this looks fine. But that's not the angle that his fringe spikes go at at all! This is incredibly inconsistent with his hair as seen from most other angles, particularly the right 3/4 view, in which clearly those spikes are not going to end up anywhere near behind his left ear. The spikes are very straight and should not be bending around his forehead to point backwards like this.

The Too Short:

This time, the spikes are probably angled about right; mostly downwards, maybe a bit forwards, any “leftwards” would be pointing into the camera from here and so not visible, and not doing any kind of wrapping backwards around behind his ear. But if you look at any of his regular sprites, the spikes are meant to be long enough to be down about as far as his nose or mouth. These barely go down past his eyes... which has the incidental benefit of keeping his eye unobscured. As it happens, the Too Backwards approach also incidentally results in mostly not getting in the way of his eye. Hmm. Starting to sense a pattern here.

The Too Forwards:

Now this is a novel idea! Only one regular illustration in the whole game uses this approach, such that I had to dig into the closing arguments (which I otherwise left out of this because their art style is a bit different anyway) to find another similar example. This overlaps with the Too Short approach a lot in terms of angle, but these spikes are longer while still not blocking his eye from view. But maybe in doing so they've ended up pointing just a little more forwards than they really should be? The one on the left here, while seeming closer to correct than the rest we've seen, still looks a little off to me. (Maybe it’s just that there isn’t even attempt to foreshorten and imply they’re pointing into the camera.)

So if none of these are quite correct and consistent with the shape of Kaito's hair as seen from other angles, what should it look like? The best way to be sure is to take an image of Kaito from the right profile view, flip it, and then redraw the hair spikes to be on the near side of his face while keeping the silhouette the same, since that should be the same from either side. So I went and did this both by tracing one of the official right-profile sprites, and then with one of my own drawings of Kaito from a right profile view, and...

look at this ridiculous doofus how does he even manage to see anything that's approximately 45 degrees to his left (he probably doesn't)

...here we have the problem. The shape that Kaito's fringe is probably supposed to make from this angle blocks his eyes to varying degrees depending on exactly how you're angling it within the realistic bounds that it could be at. The Too Forwards approach kind of has the right idea but is probably exaggerating the forwardsness just slightly to avoid having that happen. I suppose it depends on which right profile image you use for reference, since they're all slightly inconsistent between the tiny handful of official ones that even exist.

I can try and do the anime artstyle cheat of having the eyes be visible through the hair anyway, but that's usually only forgivable because the fringe of hair blocking the view is probably thin enough that you'd be able to kind of see their eyes through it regardless. Here, though, there's such a large volume of foreshortened spikes in the way that I don't think one can reasonably get away with this. If the point of an art piece were to obscure Kaito's eyes and therefore his expression, then this particular angle would be great and incredibly useful. But otherwise, if he's supposed to be expressive? Eeehhhhhhh.

Leaving us with a conundrum of either drawing Kaito's hair correctly and how it should look from that angle but awkwardly obscuring his face in the process, or drawing something that leaves his face perfectly visible and readable but very clearly isn't consistent with what his hair is doing when he's seen from any other angle. This is also not even getting into the part where foreshortening is hard and I'm not sure how well I managed to do that when trying to draw the spikes "correctly"; they still don't look like they're pointing into the camera as much as they probably should, but how do you even???

So, to sum up, and to give the advice that I myself have been following all this time: how best to draw Kaito in left profile view?

Don't.

#danganronpa v3 #danganronpa v3 spoilers #kaito momota #the kaito hair mystery #i'm not even sure why this post happened it just kind of did #was messing around with drawing what it 'should' look like and figured i might as well share my Important Research Findings #maybe it'll help someone else who's struggling to draw this space dork's hair?

[amagirinne]

holy night.

hiya @airu27 i’m the person who got you for the @dcmkkaishinexchange!! 

[shakes] i worked really hard on this fic and i hope you like it...!! i’m so sorry for the delay my relatives pulled me to a last minute camping trip right before the 12th OAWJEGWOGJAWOGJ hopefully the length is enough to make up for it..! 🙏

here’s the a version of it on ao3! 

it also has a longer author’s note so heads up GOJEWAOGJEWOGW without further ado, once again, i hope you enjoy the fic!

ao3 link

―――

“OWW― Shinichi, you don't have to pull so hard!” KID whined as Shinichi pulled on his face for any traces of adhesive. Shinichi only pulled harder, making KID hiss with pain.

Shinichi had spotted KID loitering around the police station. If his sixth sense that was specifically designed for KID had not been enough, seeing a clone of himself out and wandering about was all the confirmation he needed. His double had tried to flee from him the moment he was caught in the act. However, Shinichi hunted him down like a hawk.

KID had hid behind a tree near the entrance. For a moment, he had thought he was safe and that Shinichi missed him. KID peered from behind the trunk of the tree to check if the detective was still around... only for said detective to clobber him with a snowball the minute he did. A huge one, in fact. It was like the time he threw a large snowball at Genta. Except this time there wasn't even a shred of mercy: Shinichi had planned on knocking KID out.

He was successful.

Shinichi dragged the unconscious KID inside. Not wanting him to freeze to death, he draped his blazer over KID and patiently waited for him to wake up.

“Maybe it'll teach you to stop using my face.” Shinichi pinched the thief's cheek harshly, causing KID to whine even more and somehow even louder than before. “How many times are people going to fall for it? I’m just glad Ran knows how to tell if it’s me or not now,” Shinichi muttered under his breath.

“Sorry, sorry, Detective-kun! Our faces are pretty similar and you’re very trusted to most people, so it’s only natural for me to use your face. Forgive me?” KID pleaded, clasping his hands together and staring at Shinichi with puppy dog eyes.

For a brief moment, Shinichi simply smiled.. all was well again, his apology accepted--

―Shinichi grabbed his cheeks and stretched them wide.

“SHINICHI-” KID shrieked. Shinichi managed to sneak in the chance to tousle KID's hair until it didn't look like his own before he was pried away from the thief. It was way too weird to talk to a spitting mirror image of himself. KID bore similar features to him, but he'd rather have KID look somewhat like himself.

“Why'd you keep me inside anyway, if you're gonna be like this.” A quiet ‘no fun, no fun’ followed up as KID pouted and ran his hand through his hair. Shinichi ignored him.

“Did you want to die of hypothermia?” Shinichi raised an eyebrow. “Besides, I did knock you out for quite a while. You may be a thief, but I have morals. I'm not just going to leave you out there where you'd be vulnerable.”

“Aww, so you do care about me.”

“Save it.” The thought of KID getting arrested so easily was anticlimactic. Plus, he felt like he'd have an unfair advantage over KID, and that would be insulting to the memory of their past cooperation.

… And, perhaps, just maybe, he might be a little biased towards KID as well.

He lowered his head as a thought crossed his mind. “Anyway, what was your goal here tonight?”

Normally KID was quick to reply, or give out such long-winded speech that Shinichi would often wonder, ‘Why haven't the security officers move yet, he's been talking so much that he’s exposed.’

Oddly enough, KID was taking a long time to respond now.

Shinichi snapped his head up and he spotted KID sneaking off with a pair of keys in hand.

“And where do you think you're going?”

KID temporarily froze in his tracks, then, the rustling of the keys grew noisier and more frantic along with his movements. Shinichi sprinted towards him with a frightening amount of speed and snatched the keys away.

“... stupid weather… making my hands more shaky…” KID mumbled. Then he tackled Shinichi and they began wrestling in an attempt to retrieve the keys. As they collided with some of the chairs and tables, a loud crash resounded throughout the room.

One moment KID had the keys.

Then Shinichi did.

Then KID.

Then Shinichi.

KID.

Shinichi.

Shinichi could easily keep fighting against the thief. However, the problem lied with KID's persistence, which could rival Shinichi's own hardheaded nature. KID was always unpredictable, and Shinichi didn’t know how long he’d keep up with this repetitive charade. Shinichi had to break the status quo before KID turned the tide in his favor.

He made a silent apology to whoever KID stole the keys from and proceeded to do something impulsive.

He threw the keys outside as he pushed KID away with his other hand, but not before he locked it and slammed the window shut.

KID’s jaw dropped. He raised a shaky hand to the window, words struggling to escape as anything but strangled noises.

“Anyway, get out of here before Inspector Megure comes around. I'm shocked he hasn't come over here with all the noise you made.” He released his grip on KID and looked around, expecting Megure to conveniently show up on cue.

“Right. Well, see, about Inspector Megure…” KID inhaled sharply. He sounded awfully nervous, and KID was rarely ever nervous. At least, in the public eye. If he was letting that show now, it couldn’t mean anything good. Shinichi felt something churn in his stomach as he eyed him.

It couldn't be―

“Where are you going with this, KID,” KID nervously grabbed at his collar and pushed out a forced chuckle. He looked off to the side, attempting to avoid Shinichi's intense stare, which didn’t help Shinichi’s worries at all.

“So Inspector Megure gave me the keys. I told him ― as you ― that I was gonna lock down the station today so he could go home early… so he gave me his pair of keys and left!”

Panic seized Shinichi's chest as he struggled to stay still.

“Oh god, oh no. Oh my god, Inspector Megure was supposed to lock the place when I was done.”

“You’re pretty well trusted around here like I said earlier, Detective-kun.”

“KID, those were the only keys.”

“Yes, they were.”

“And I threw them out the window. And shut the window. And locked said window.”

“You sure did.”

“KID.”

“Detective-kun!”

Shinichi dragged his hands down his face, trying to process the situation at hand. “Oh god, Sonoko’s not going to let me hear the end of it for not showing up to her party. But now it's gonna be twofold when she hears I spent the night with KID.” He already had a vague idea for an excuse, since he already knew he wouldn't make it due to the early heist note.

He figured he might be able to scrap some time to perfect it while they were cleaning up, and it'd soften the blow of Sonoko's rant, but now that plan had been thrown out the window.

“Can't you lockpick the door!? You've picked locks for complicated traps before! This is nothing in comparison.”

“I can't! I came in wearing your clothes, not my KID uniform. So I don't have my tools on hand. I didn't want to risk getting caught with that, that is, in case someone was around to give me a thorough search. I couldn't help but be prepared! But I certainly didn't expect… this to happen, of all things.” To prove his point, Kaito opened his blazer and revealed the plain, collared shirt that laid beneath it along with his tie.

Shinichi pinched the bridge of his nose. “Unless ― by some miracle ― someone comes by here, we’re stuck here until morning.”

“Specifically on Christmas night, don’t forget that Detective-kun!”

“Right… how could I.” Shinichi rolled his eyes. “Well, I didn't have any plans anyway, except for a party Sonoko planned on hosting that I wasn’t even going to attend.”

“I’d be so sure you'd spend Christmas with your friends rather than cooped up in this dark police station. But you continue to prove me wrong.”

“I got a heist note from you, and I wouldn't be able to sit still at the party knowing it had yet to be solved. Plus, I didn’t want Inspector Megure to be alone when locking up. Not that I doubt he could protect himself, but it’s lonely at night. Thought I’d give him a little company.”

Heist notes were a common weekly thing, but he had never gotten one personally. Typically they were sent to Division Two's inbox, and it wasn't everyday you went through your mail to find a KID card.

Shinichi immediately rushed to the police station and brought it up with his coworkers. He had stuck onto the note like glue, constantly working away until he fully solved it. Somewhere in between, he figured he might as well hit two birds with one stone and help out Megure with locking down the place for the night. He didn’t want to quit when the answers were so close.

“Why, Great Detective,” KID looked absolutely smug, “You were spending Christmas working on my note? That's sweet, I guess I'm just as important as your friends.”

“Stupid.” Shinichi was painstakingly aware of his growing affection towards the thief. But pride damned him from ever saying it, especially to a arrogant guy like KID. He refused to give him the satisfaction, at least right now. But when he was in private quarters, he allowed himself to imagine what'd it be like for KID to hold him close. What'd it be like to unmask him and get to know someone who's got similar intellect as him. What it'd be like to―…

He coughed, shaking his head before any of his daydreams had room to grow. “Of course I’m going to attempt and solve it, it's my job. I can’t let someone like you run rampant.”

In hindsight, he did spend his Christmas with someone he was falling for, just not in the way he had dreamed or one that could be realistically expected. “Better than spending my time hunched over his note and a mug of coffee... abhorrent to talk about in detail to Ran.”

The last thing he wanted was for Ran and Sonoko to decide he needed to find someone else and set him up for blind dates. It had happened before, and Shinichi would never make the two forget about the details of his date's previous love life, to the ex he clearly hasn't gotten over, to the blind dates the guy had gotten a little too attached to.

He shuddered at the memory.

“And here I thought we had something special.” KID sighed. “Oh well, I'll be your boyfriend for Christmas then!”

“Do you have any idea what you do to me? You drive me up the wall, both in a good way and a bad way.” Shinichi rolled his eyes, but brought his scarf up higher to cover his face. “I'd like the receipt so I can take this gift back, please,” he bit out to hide that he was heavily flustered.

Though KID didn't appear to be looking, much to Shinichi’s relief.

“Don't be rude! My mom calls me a national treasure, and mothers know best!”

“I'm sure the infamous Phantom Lady knows best.”

“She does! She's stolen the best gems after all.” Kaito began to peer through the desks, fingering the files and squinting to read the contents under the moonlight.

“You are not going through everyone’s things right in front of me!” He grabbed KID's wrist tightly before he could pick up another object on (what he assumed to be) Takagi’s desk.

“Oh let me have some sort of fun!” To Shinichi’s horror, KID’s hand detached with ease and another hand popped out. KID wriggled his new hand. Shinichi took a quick glance at the hand he was holding, finally noticing the odd texture. “Fine then,” KID said, “I won’t look through this one… but I’m gonna take a peek in there!”

KID opened the drawer to a nearby desk. A blue ribbon was sticking out. At once, Shinichi realized whose desk it was.

“Wait, KID don't look there―!” A sense of desperation had slipped into his tone, causing KID to halt in his tracks. The phantom thief immediately backed away, hands lifted in the air and wide-eyed. However, it was already too late. KID continued to side-eye the gift.

Unbeknownst to KID, the gift was his. It was originally bought as a Christmas gift, however, Shinichi didn’t want to make his intentions clear just yet and was going to pass it off as a New Years gift.

Rather than being a typical gift like roses or teddy bears, Shinichi had settled on something more sentimental: a milk puzzle with a message inscribed in it. Shinichi knew the thief would appreciate a challenge, so his true message was hidden in a code… which was hidden in the puzzle. Perhaps he went a little too overboard, but this was for the person who left an encryption inside another encryption on a clock tower.

He didn't think he was going to see KID so soon though. The contents of his heist note had revealed (well, through hints) KID's appearance would take place on December 31st. Heists often took a long time and occured in the evenings, and if it went on long enough, infringed on the next day.

Shinichi had elaborated a thorough plan to confess to KID, along a set timeframe. Though perhaps this was the danger in being too detailed, as one small unexpected error had compromised the whole affair.

“That’s my desk.” He said, trying to reason with KID. But KID didn’t appear to think that was a good enough reason and continued to shuffle through it.

“Oho, and who's this for…?” KID said, picking up the box lightly and carefully. It was sealed with white gift wrap and tied with a blue, satin ribbon. “Is it for the young lady you're always with?”

Oh, that's right. He supposed KID didn't get the memo. After all, you don't just start talking about your personal life with the criminal you're chasing.

“No, Ran and I aren't dating anymore.” He scratched the back of his head, “That's for someone else.”

“Really now…? Then who…” KID tilted the box in different angles, possibly looking for a name tag that addressed the giftee.

He might as well tell him. He couldn't use the excuse he had prepared for the heist anyway, now that KID saw it. “It's for you, actually.”

“It's for me!?” KID's eyes lit up, he pressed the small box tightly to his chest. “I didn't think you even considered me a friend... I'm truly touched, Dete― Shinichi.” He traced his thumb over the box, treating his gift with utmost care.

“I… It’s no problem, KID.” He coughed into his fist, “Anyway, you can find some way to entertain yourself. That doesn't involve rummaging through everyone's things. I'm gonna continue my work while I'm here.”

Shinichi settled on the floor, case files scattered about in front of him. When it came to actually looking at files then observing the crime scene in person, Shinichi preferred to lay everything out in front of him. It somehow imitated the actual crime scene in Shinichi's eyes, helping his focus. To read each page and constantly flip back for reference was just annoying.

He felt something warm against his back and craned his head to find KID peering over his shoulder, leaning against him. Shinichi nearly dropped his folders as KID's face drew much closer due to his sudden movement.

“Wow, that's brutal.” KID eyes were on the photo evidence. He remained blissfully unaware of Shinichi's panicked state.

“W...― What are you doing?” He tries his best to keep his breathing steady, as if it’d lower the pace of his heartbeat. KID was so close to him that Shinichi was afraid that KID could hear everything Shinichi ever thought about him if he remained there for too long.

“I’m cold.” KID spoke up after a couple of minutes. “Shinichi! Do something about that!” He sounded like a bored, dissatisfied child-- not an inaccurate description of him.

“Well, I can't exactly control the weather, can I?” KID pouted at him, but Shinichi continued to stare a hole through his case files. Anything to divert his attention away from Kaito. “Besides, the heater is broken, tough day to get locked in overnight.”

The heater broke during an argument between him and Hakuba, actually. Hakuba rarely ever showed up, and this was the one time they had argued. They shared similar interests, but a discussion of the best Sherlock Holmes book hand resulted in Shinichi getting a bit too intense. (It was only a matter of time before Hakuba and him disagreed on something.)

Hakuba thought “A Study In Scarlet” to be Doyle’s best work for the series, while Shinichi believed “A Sign of Four” to be the best one, arguing that not only did it have a classic mystery, but it further developed Watson and Sherlock's characterization.

To prove his point, Shinichi attempted to set up one of the elaborate traps in the Sign of Four so he could show how tricky yet clever it was.

However, it ended up backfiring completely and greatly damaging the heater in the building. He had sworn he would pay for it.

“You’re the detective here! Figure something out! Shinichi―” KID hugged him from behind and shook him back and forth. This time Shinichi did drop his papers and let out an unappealing squawk in the process.

“You made me drop my files!” He managed to say. Was KID normally this touchy? He was pretty sure he wasn't, with the whole ‘I'm a Phantom Thief who's untouchable!!’ shtick. Outright hugging him clearly went against that philosophy, not to mention making Shinichi's mind go through dizzying loops. “Go find something to warm yourself then! I’m busy!”

“You're the closest thing to warmth here, Detective-kun!! What, do you expect me to hug an oven or something?” He pressed himself closer to Shinichi, to the point where Shinichi could feel his breath on his cheek.

“I… Uh…” Shinichi’s eyes darted across the room in rapid motion as he tried to think of anything but how close KID was. How he wanted to turn around and hug him back, pretend that he was suddenly cold as well. Truly, he wished he didn't have such romantic feelings. It was clouding his perspective.

Kaito’s words flashed in his mind, and “stove” offered him a way out of his current predicament.

“Coffee. There's coffee in the break room, we can drink that to stay warm.” He pried KID's hands off a little too fast for his liking, both because he didn't want to seem too suspicious and also because he may have wanted to indulge in it a little longer.

A look of disappointment flashed across KID's face. Shinichi tried not to overanalyze the situation, his heart fluttering at the thought of KID actually reciprocating his feelings. Feelings he tried to undermine so that he could prioritize their status as thief and detective.

“You can see how well that's working for me right now.”

“Ah… Coffee… yeah! Good idea Detective.” KID beamed at him and got up, taking care not to trample over Shinichi's papers, which Shinichi silently thanked him for.

“That’s probably why he seemed disappointed. He probably hates coffee, someone who makes as much mischief as him probably likes something sweeter. Like hot chocolate or whatever. Sonoko mentioned some KID forums theorized that.” There was no one he had to prove that too, and yet he continued to make excuses on how KID couldn't possibly have meant that that as a romantic gesture.

There was absolutely no way.

“Most men would rather deny a hard truth then face it.” A small voice in his head chided. It sounded eerily similar to his mom’s, and it was accompanied by a phantom pinch on his cheek.

Shinichi shook it off, though he rubbed his cheek for a little bit.

He was not in denial. Absolutely not. He was just being realistic about this. “What are even the chances of him liking me that way? I may be his most preferred choice for heists, but no one sane would fall for someone who could throw them behind bars.”

Shinichi walked to the break room, KID following suit.

Upon opening the door, the view wasn't anything spectacular. There was a counter with a sink, a microwave as well as a coffee maker on top of it. The coffee pot was clean but had traces of heavy use. A small round table that could seat four people was nearby, as well as a fridge.

He started up the coffee maker. “Sorry to disappoint, but we only have coffee. If you wanted hot chocolate, this isn’t the place.” He grabbed a styrofoam cup and placed it underneath the nozzle.

Shinichi had a slight preference for iced coffee himself. The chilled taste diluted the bitter taste by a margin. But  beggars couldn't be choosers. He didn't want to walk twenty blocks just to satisfy his want, especially when he could be using that time to catch a murderer.  (When he was hanging out with Ran and Sonoko, though, he’d always get his fix: they took their time in the changing rooms.)

“Huh? Oh, no I like coffee. I actually prefer it black. What made you think I wanted hot chocolate?” KID sounded puzzled for a moment, then let out an all knowing ‘Oh… OH!’ before Shinichi had the chance to explain. “Wait a minute, only the forums dedicated to me think that. You're even reading things about me?”

“Hell no! That's Sonoko!” Shinichi failed to notice how close the cup was to him and ended up knocking it over. “Shit,” He muttered, quickly grabbing a nearby napkin to wipe up the mess.

KID jumped out of his seat eagerly to help him clean. He gently held up Shinichi's hand afterwards and observed it closely. “Did some of that spill on your hand?” He looked over Shinichi's’ hand, eyebrows furrowing as he searched for traces of a burn.

“No, it didn’t spill over on me,” Shinichi assured. KID’s posture relaxed, but he kept clutching Shinichi’s hand.

“Okay, good. I wouldn’t want to scramble around for a first aid kit. Still burns are a nasty thing to endure.”

“I’m a little surprised you know about first aid. I thought you’d have your assistant do all the work.” Well, there went theory number eight that KID’s assistant possibly worked at a hospital.

“I can't exactly go to the hospital for any injuries I get as KID, you know.” He gave a sheepish smile, “Plus, Jii-san can only do so m―” KID suddenly let go of Shinichi and pressed a hand to his mouth., “Ahaha… forget what I just said!” He made a shush motion with his finger, but for a second, he genuinely looked distressed.

“Jii-san huh… so they know each other personally?” Shinichi could understand why he was being so panicky over that fact, if they were related. He could get a family member in trouble. Shinichi heard himself say, “Don’t worry, already forgotten. After all, I'm only interested in capturing you.”

He was about to berate himself for letting KID off the hook, but the smile that KID gave him and a mouthed ‘thank you’ made him reconsider.

Speechless, Shinichi looked away.

“Anyway though, how about I wipe up the spill while you remake the coffee…? I wasn’t kidding when I said I was freezing earlier.” KID shivered to emphasize the point.

“Ah, right. Sorry about that.”

The aftermath was quiet. Rather then it being awkward, stifling silence, it was comfortable, something Shinichi could find solace in. Shinichi only spoke to let KID know the coffee's ready, KID giving him a nod in acknowledgement and offering his thanks before settling back into peacefulness.

Shinichi brushed his shoulder against KID's when he sat back down.

“How many divisions are there? I mainly hear about two and one, but that implies there's more than those two.” Kaito asked, breaking the silence.

“There’s about five I believe…? One deals with homicide, two is assault and criminal affairs, three is theft, and four…” He remembered a detective around his age ― Saihara…? He nearly mistook his surname for Haibara's alias. In fact, his full name was like an odd combination of Haibara and Shuichi’s. ― had worked with division four. “Four has cases with infidelity. Five revolves around juvenile youth.”

Shinichi didn't think there was anyway he could manage detective work with Division Four. Murder cases? Easy. Catching thieves and dealing with theft? A bit more work, but he could do it. However, to deal with personal affairs like marriage and infidelity? He could probably give facts, but the matters of the heart were more difficult than any case he'd worked combined.

Murder case motives all ultimately sprung from the same sentiment. The culprit had been pushed to their limit due to something the victim had done.

Even knowing a human heart was so much more complex and fickle than that, Shinichi had a hard time understanding others people’s feelings. There was a reason he and Ran had skirted around the topic of dating, even though Ran had made it blaringly obvious she had liked him that way― even admitting it when he was Conan. Thanks to that confirmation, Shinichi had been able to be bold with her, but KID was a different matter altogether.

“What got you interested?” Shinichi asked.

“Oh uh, I actually don’t know a lot about the divisions. I thought Inspector Nakamori worked with theft, since he was the most adamant about me. So I left the note in his inbox because I didn’t know there was a whole division dedicated to it!”

Shinichi didn’t know why (the late hour, degrading his sense of humor, perhaps), but something in that statement set him off, and next thing he knew he was laughing at the simple mistake that KID made― and also dying inside because he inhaled boiling hot coffee in the process.

“Hey! I wanted you to smile because of me, but not like this!” KID protested, sulking in his seat.

“I’m sorry― I just―” Shinichi gasped, and each chuckle that escaped from his mouth only made KID sulk harder. Shinichi wiped a tear from his eyes and managed to collect himself, though a few more snickers spilled out. “I just, I’m used to the concept of you being this elusive phantom thief. I know that making mistakes is human nature, but you’ve always did a good job at covering it up. So hearing that you messed up something that every person getting into law enforcement knows, it’s a little funny.”

“Yeah yeah I can see you’re having the time of your life over there,” KID grumbled, taking a sip from his mug.

“But I do like this side of you, don’t get me wrong.” Shinichi said thoughtlessly. “I’d like to see that side of you more, it’s cute.”

KID spat out his drink.

Panic seizing in his chest, Shinichi quickly set down his drink before he spilled it on his pants again. “Forget I said that, sorry it’s late.” That wasn’t smooth at all, Kudou Shinichi, what are you doing. He desperately wanted to look away and save face, but seeing how KID reacted would let him know whether to give up on him or not. He steeled himself and kept his gaze on KID.

KID frowned, but the emotion on his face was the most unreadable it’s been yet.

“... whatever you say,” KID's voice was so quiet. Was he neutral because he didn't want to further embarrass him? Was he neutral because he was unsure what to retort?

“Be logical.” Shinichi thought, beginning to calm down. “I’m going to sleep, then. My tiredness is clearly catching up.” Shinichi downed the rest of the coffee before he gets up from his seat, pushing his chair away and throwing his cup in the trash.

He could feel KID’s eyes burning into his back.

“Shinichi, how are we going to sleep? I’m pretty sure the police station doesn’t have any beds, last time I checked. After all, they don’t want people to sleep on their cases!”

Just like that, they fell back into their usual dynamic.

“I was thinking of just sleeping on the floor here. I was going to use my blazer as a makeshift blanket.”

“On the floor…? But―”

“You’re welcome to sleep somewhere else.”

“No, no, I’ll sleep on the floor with you!”

“Suit yourself.”

Shinichi lowered himself to the floor and covered himself with his blazer. KID copied his actions, settling himself next to him. Minutes passed, then hours. Shinichi would have really liked to fall asleep.

Except he couldn’t.

He primarily blamed the coffee, accessorily the fact that KID was sleeping next to him.

He was sure KID had an easier time falling asleep, as he was silent when he'd normally be extremely chatty. Shinichi turned over and looked at KID.

KID's hair was the exact picture of a messy bedhead on a late day of school, but it looked soft to the touch and fun to mess around with. Shinichi rubbed his palm as he recalled messing up KID's hair earlier.

He also smelled of coffee and of a specific cologne Shinichi bought often. (It was an admirable feat for KID to pay such close attention to every particular detail a person had for the sake of accuracy, when normally someone wouldn't notice such a detail at all. He supposed that's what made KID's disguises more believable. On the other hand, Shinichi had better eyes, and he looked into the cracks that KID thought he could cover up.) His parents had favored coffee when they were at home, and the cologne had been a scent Shinichi was familiarized with. In a way, KID had the familiar fragrance of home. It made sleeping on the cold floor of a police department slightly easier.

Without thinking, Shinichi wrapped his arms around KID's waist, pulling the thief closer to his chest and nuzzling his head in the crook of KID's neck.

He froze, realizing how impulsive his actions were. He would’ve moved his arms away from KID, but he was already too close. “Please, please be a heavy sleeper.” Shinichi begged internally, his cheeks heating up and his heart beating wildly at the thought of getting caught like this.

KID soon crushed Shinichi’s last hope of getting away with such an impulse by shattering the silence. “Are you― Did you turn around? Are you hugging me...?”

“Sorry I'm― cold. Really cold. I have a tendency of hugging anything nearby at home when I sleep, and I moved without thinking. I'll move off.” He told him the truth, plain and simple, but omitted that this also happened to be a fantasy of his. What KID didn't know wouldn't hurt him… or Shinichi's pride.

Shinichi attempted to move away, but KID grabbed his arm and kept it in place.

“No it's fine. You can, um, do that. You're cold, I don't mind.” KID sounded a lot more tired and laid-back casual than usual. Shinichi no longer heard Kaitou KID, but the person who lied beneath it.

Even KID was human, and humans could grow weary after keeping up a grandiose act for so long, but seeing that side of KID made him feel a little closer. A bit more real, easier to reach.

And Shinichi just wanted to know more.

“Okay.” Is all he said, before adjusting his posture to get comfortable. He pressed his face against KID's neck and carefully wrapped his arms around him. Even if he was given the okay, he was still hesitant, too afraid that he'd cross the boundary of what would disturb KID.

Even with the panic thumping in his chest subsiding, the conditions for sleeping were far from ideal― but he felt surprisingly at ease, just lying beside KID.

“... Kaito..” He heard KID mutter. Shinichi was ready to lull into rest, his eyes drooping shut, but jerked awake at that.

“What did you say, KID?”

“Can you… Can you call me Kaito? Just― just this time.” Shinichi couldn’t see what exactly KID― Kaito was doing from this angle, but he thought he saw Kaito bring something up to cover his face.

“‘Kaito.’” He tried. He was used to saying it (After all, the full title is ‘Kaitou KID.’) but surprised. If this was Kaito's real name, his identity had been right there all along. “Kaito… okay, Kaito.”

He felt Kaito shudder under his touch as he repeated his name.

“Yeah like― like that.”  Kaito shifted around, Shinichi moving his arms away to make it easier. Shinichi’s met with Kaito's stare head on, though he's only given a moment to observe the vulnerability on Kaito's expression before Kaito pulled him close. Unlike Shinichi’s, Kaito's embrace was a lot tighter, bolder. He paid no mind to how Shinichi would react, yet his face was clearly heating up.

Or maybe that was just Shinichi’s. He couldn’t tell.

“Sorry. I'm cold too.” Kaito's voice was a whisper, almost wavering.

Shinichi thought that this was the farthest it could ever go, and started preparing for a plan to face Kaito after tonight. But Kaito’s hand slipped behind his nape, and Shinichi realized that Kaito had something different in mind. ‘The show’s not over yet,’ his eyes seemed to say.

“Do you like me, Shinichi?” Kaito drawled his name, his breath hot against Shinichi’s skin. “Because I like you. Very much. I'm fond of you, and I want you to be aware that I wouldn't allow just about any detective to get this close to me.” He reached for Shinichi’s hair, twirling dark strands around his finger.

“I’m pretty sure that you return my affections by how you’ve been acting, and if not, I’m not just a phantom thief for nothing, I can easily steal your heart. But I'd like to know if I have to make the effort first… or if your heart is already in my hands.”

…

What?

Shinichi’s heart skipped a beat. The room had already been quiet, but any possible noise was drowned out, as if Shinichi had been pushed underwater. Kaito’s words looped in his mind, their meaning not registering at first . Realization left him speechlessly staring at Kaito, who only stared back with utmost confidence burning in his eyes.

Shinichi was thrilled beyond belief.

“And by the way, detective,” Kaito pulled him even closer, Kaito’s mouth centimeters away from Shinichi's. Shinichi’s heart thumped in his chest erratically. “Your lips look cold.”

Kaito kissed him, feather-light and fleeting. It's enough to leave an imprint on Shinichi.

It’s Kaito’s turn to look embarrassed as he shifted his gaze to the side to avoid meeting Shinichi's eyes. He covered his lips with his fist, a ‘I can't believe I just said that’ look gracing his face. “I'm―” Kaito beginned, but Shinichi, a surge of confidence overtaking him, didn’t let him finish.

“Hey Kaito,” Shinichi grabbed the collar of Kaito's shirt and pulled him closer, “Your lips look cold too.”

Shinichi crashed their lips together.

At first, Kaito hesitated, ever the gentleman, and moved away as Shinichi drew closer, as though to confirm Shinichi was fine with this. But it didn’t take long for Kaito to cave as he parted his lips and gave more room for Shinichi to work with. Kaito clutched at Shinichi's shirt and sighed. Shinichi slid a hand behind Kaito's head to lock him in place.

Despite the chilling cold, warmth was the only thing that filled Shinichi's senses. Warmth, security, and a sense of completeness. Shinichi was alive, more alive than ever before.

He was the first to pull away, panting heavily as he pressed his forehead against Kaito's. He looked down, bangs shielding his eyes, and he let out a shaky sigh before catching his breath, “I have wanted to do that for months now.” It was embarrassing to admit, but seeing as their heart to heart had escalated into this, Shinichi figured it’d be a good time to put it all out there in the open.

Kaito looked dazed. “I― That was― Wow…”

“Mr. Phantom Thief is tongue tied? That's shocking, considering you were the one who had a whole lot to say.” He smirked as Kaito let out a groan.

“Well I can’t help it, you can’t just kiss me like that and then tell me you’ve been holding that back for months! God, Shinichi, I wished you kissed me the minute you thought of doing so, because past Kaito would’ve been very, very happy to hear you returned his feelings. Just checking, but… Can I take that as a yes to my confession then…?”

“Yeah… do you think I’d kiss just anyone?”

“Hey! I did say it was obvious! But I needed to make sure,” Kaito pulled Shinichi back into a hug, “Kudou Shinichi, my boyfriend… My boyfriend, Kudou Shinichi… who I’m dating...”

“You're so embarrassing.” Shinichi buried his head in Kaito's chest.

“Oi, we only just started going out and you’re being cold to me!? This isn't even me being affectionate! You’ve seen nothing yet!”

Shinichi said nothing in response.Kaito huffed.

A wave of drowsiness began to gradually take over Shinichi, and a loud yawn escaped his mouth, “I think I'm going to actually sleep, now.”

“Goodnight Shinichi, rest well.” Kaito pressed a kiss to Shinichi's forehead. “By the way Shinichi, I hope this makes up for breaking in the building.”

“Goodnight, Kaito.” Shinichi broke away from Kaito's embrace and turned over, his back facing Kaito.

“Oh come on Shinichi!! Also, no ‘I love you’...?” Shinichi could easily picture the pout on Kaito’s face. .

He turned over again and stuck out his tongue, “I love you, idiot.”

“H― Hang on I wasn't actually expecting you to say it―!”

“No ‘I love you too', Kaito?” Shinichi said, his tone turning smug.

“Hey! I'm the thief here! Don't steal my lines!”

“That doesn't sound like ‘I love you.’”

“You…! I love you too okay!? Give me a break here!” Kaito whined. He shut up the minute Shinichi kissed his cheek.

“And you’re forgiven.” Shinichi gave him a cheeky grin before closing his eyes again and settling back in his arms. Kaito grumbled, yet the corners of his lips curled upwards.

“Goodnight, Shinichi.”

―――

OMAKE

“... dou… Oi… ku...!”

Words were incomprehensible. Shinichi stirred in his sleep, moving his hand to swat whatever the noise was.

The shaking only got more insistent.

“Kudou-kun, why is there two of you!?”

That snapped him out of his drowsiness. He jerked upright despite the ache in his neck and looked around.

Kaito was pulling at his collar nervously, giving Shinichi a shaky smile. Takagi stared at the two of them questioningly. A crowd started to form near the door. Some were alarmed, while others tried to peek inside curiously.

“Oh god, why is his hair done like mine.” While his hair was a little messy from sleeping on the floor, no one could miss the sight of Shinichi’s characteristic cowlick on top of Kaito’s head. But Shinichi was sure he had messed with Kaito's hair to prevent that from happening.

“Uh―” He started, but KID spoke too, loud enough to drown it out.

“Inspector Takagi, that's KID! He knocked me out last night and tried to impersonate me, but I made sure I took him down with me!”  

Shinichi remained frozen in shock for a little too long.

Bodys began to pile on top of him, and Shinichi cursed as he watched KID walk away with a smug grin on his face. He mouthed an apology before dashing away, but that wouldn't be enough to quell the anger building up in Shinichi's chest.

Shinichi was going to strangle KID the next time they met.

#my fics. #kaishin #dcmk. #[wipes sweat off forehead] whew

[drmatchupmode]

Matchup #18

Let’s see… I’m fine with any of the games but if I need to be specific then NDRV3 please!

Girl, 5'10", questioning bi (definitely into guys. Still trying to figure out girls). I wear glasses. Which have a habit of falling down off my face…

INFP. I have trouble talking to people. Especially if it’s my first time meeting them. I tend to keep to myself and can sometimes seem a bit standoffish. I don’t mean to be rude or anything and I tend to apologize if I realize what I said seemed rude. Though I tend to apologize too much. I like when people are happy.

Once I start putting my walls down though? I’m almost the opposite. I tend to be much more talkative and wanting to hang out more. Though only with the person I let my walls down for of course. But sometimes I relapse. I’ll worry about annoying them and pull away for a while.

I like animals. Especially cats, tigers, frogs and anything fluffy. I really enjoy playing video games (except shooters cause I have horrible aim). I’m more used to playing by myself though so I won’t try and make someone play with me if they don’t want to. I also enjoy anime, manga and animated movies. Also bike riding. But only in places that don’t have too many big dogs running around.

I have a soft spot for cute things. And I like the idea of being pretty. Like, wearing a nice dress and just… feeling like a princess for a moment… But, well, it wouldn’t work.

I have low self-confidence, self-esteem, self-worth, self-whatever-else-I-made-have-missed. Plus depression and anxiety. But I am getting help. Even if it is slow going.

I’ve been hurt before. I tend to hide parts of myself that I think people won’t like (the therapy, the video games and manga, etc). To try and make sure I won’t give them another reason to hurt me. But again, you bring down the walls and that goes all out the window. 

As you can see I have a bad habit of rambling. A lot. A lot a lot. 

Sorry if this is no good… 

Omg this is like, a year late. I’m so sorry, like really, I am. I started wondering if I should close down the blog or something because I haven’t been able to accept requests since I first opened the blog, which was like a year ago, and this blogs probably dead but a promise is a promise and I’ll answer all of your matchup requests even if it’s the last thing I do. I’m not even sure if you are still into the fandom friend, but even then I still hope this matchup is of your enjoyment, even though the wait was probably not worth it :’).

Your match is….

Gonta Gokuhara!!!

(No, it’s not because of your avatar image I promise lol) Who’s the perfect partner for a princess? A gentleman of course! And who is more of a gentleman than Gonta? Gonta is not one to shy away from trying to make friends, so despite your initial standoffish attitude or apologetic nature, he would very much take a liking to you and try to befriend you despite it seeming as if you don’t want to. After managing to ease yourself around him, you’d find out how much in common you guys actually have. First and foremost, you both really like animals, which could serve as a great bonding element between the two of you. Though you both have affinities for different types of animals, introducing each other to the others preferred animal types could also strengthen and expand your love for all animals. Your talkative nature and rambling tendencies I believe would also be very much welcomed by Gonta as someone who is very curious and wants to know about different subjects. I think he’d also be very intrigued by your interests as well, such as manga and video games, due to his lack of cultural and technological knowledge. Gonta is also no stranger to low self-esteem and all of what it’s accompanied with. Perhaps he would not understand why exactly you feel this way, because in his eyes you are perfectly fine, but because he knows these feelings very well, he’d be very much a supportive companion. Depression and anxiety he may not be as easily comprehended by him, so his efforts at helping you at first may seem a bit fruitless, he might even get frustrated at himself for this, but this does not mean he isn’t willing to learn and familiarize himself with such topics to help you out. Just as he’s someone who is willing to support you along the way, you’d also be someone able to support him. Your more “mediator” nature would be very beneficial for him at times when he experiences fits of anger, as you’d be able to easily soothe him down, as well as avoid these types of incidents as well. Someone with a more open-minded and forgiving nature would also be best for Gonta, as he needs someone who can empathize with him and understand him. You both overall share some of the same values as well, preferring peace and harmony over chaos and conflict, which would be an overarching element that reinforces your bond. 

Headcannons:

Gonta first approached you due to the close interaction he saw you having with animals

Afterwards you and him naturally grew closer together

Most of your dates consist of either visiting zoo’s, insectariums or parks where you can get to take bike rides and maybe spot a few small doggos and birbs or other animals (he’ll protect you if there any big and rowdy doggos tho)

He’s like super fast on a bike though, so might have to do some catching up to do

Might even break bikes a few times due to the sheer force he uses

He looovess having conversations with you, anytime you start rambling about something you like he starts beaming with curiosity and interest

He starts asking you questions, prompting you to continue with the subject resulting in a never ending spiral of talking

One huggy boy I tell ya

You’re the perfect height for him to just embrace and snuggle without you completely disappearing into his arms

He might just hug a bit too tight at times though, just let him know and he’ll soften his hug 

You often change depending on the day on who is the big spoon and small spoon, though he’ll often be the big spoon because he is protective of you

The old glasses switcheroo, where you just sort of exchange glasses for the sake of it, shenanigans always ensue

Will buy you a  t o n  of dresses, jewelry and girly cute stuff since you are his princess and he’s your gentleman

Might at times even feel not enough of a gentleman for you, cause you are literally perfect in his eyes, but you always assure him he is alright the way he is

Also, you bet you are going to buy a pet together at some point, it’s only a matter of time

He is quite fond of playing video games with you, though he often isn’t very good at them. You still have quite a blast.

It’s become sort of a tradition you introducing him to a new anime or manga. He especially loves Studio Ghibli movies

Whenever you feel bad, he’ll become very gentle with you, getting you a blanket if you need one, a glass of water, something to eat and never leaving your side till you feel better

He gets confused at first as to why you become distant at times, and might even start to think it was something it regards to him, but he later comes to know you just need your space and understands it

Same case with depression and anxiety, he might not understand them at first, but trust me he will study everything he can to understand and help you through it

You are his princess, and he’s your prince.<3 

Other options: Rantaro Amami, Kaito Momota

Hope you enjoyed the matchup! If you feel like you weren’t portrayed correctly/I misinterpreted your information let me know and I’ll make the corrections!

#regularmatchup #17 #danganronpa #matchups #ships #submission

[sokikuro]

Just Hanging

Word count: 2665

The moon hung low and bright, bathing the world in its silver light. They swayed rhythmically to the uncanny beat of the earth, their bodies pressed together intimately, only their mouths were separated by a hair's breadth of distance and the air friction was the only force to hinder their otherwise eternal dance.

“Well, now I know how sardines are feeling.”

“Oh, very clever. S-sardines because of the net. I get it.” Kaito tried to sound sarcastic but probably failed miserably. His slight hysteric laugh at the end didn’t help either he guessed. He tried to clear his throat but it was rather hard in the position they were in. So he closed his eyes from the blurry image of a pair of blue ones belonging to one decidedly unimpressed Kudo Shinichi to get his Poker face back on track and took small, even breaths through his nose, focusing on just himself for a short moment. He needed to calm down if he wanted to turn their situation into his favor.

“It’s an experience you called upon yourself my dear Meitantei-san,” he tried again, hoping that his critic would forgive his earlier slip under these circumstances. He was, after all, basically caught, something that would never have happened to either of his parents. He could already hear his mother's merciless teasing.

What was he thinking? He was not caught. This just happened to be a minor setback. Nothing he couldn't handle, really.

He hoped that the detective would chalk up his little, tiny, not really worth to mention not quite loss of character up to exactly those thoughts, though.

“Smooth.” Of course he wouldn’t simply ignore it, considering he always was unforgiving towards his slips no matter how small and insignificant they have been to his overall scheme. “And it’s your trap.”

“You activated it.”

“You dodged.”

“Have you ever been hit by one of your cursed soccer balls?” Aggravating the detective probably wasn't a good move to reach his goal but he just somehow failed to take hold of the serenity that was, without a doubt, essential for someone like him.

Forget teasing, his mother would be scolding him in her uncanny way of not actually scolding him, talking in riddles and not just using double but triple meanings, so that no one that could possibly overhear could make a connection, especially a loudmouthed inspector and his violent but cute daughter.

Kaito was ripped from his short musing when he felt a silent, long drawn exhale against his lips, sending an unpleasant shiver down his spine. “Why would you even put that net there?”

“Why do you always appear on my roofs?” This time he had his voice completely under control and gave it a dash of mocking for good measure. Kaito flinched immediately, not being able to suppress the reflex caused by getting suddenly pinched in his thigh. “Someone is forward.”

“Someone went straight to bondage.” The detective answered in the same mocking tone.

“At least I didn’t plan on starting with chains.”

Silence followed the slight outburst. The swinging motion was slowly coming to an end but they started to spin a bit more around their axis, the movement not strong enough to cause them vertigo - at least for him, he wasn't quite sure about the detective, he hoped though, otherwise this would become a lot more unpleasant - and disgusting.

Kaito got aware that he digressed from his main problem and so breathed in deeply. He tried to clear his mind of unnecessary thoughts and focus on an escape plan while he strained his ears to pick up on any noises not their own. His traps could entertain his task force for only so long and he was pretty sure that he has seen Hakuba lurking around.

He exhaled slowly. If only his hands were free. A bit room for movement would also be nice, he hadn’t thought this through if he even had been thinking at all at the time. Why did he dodge this way? He needed to train on his reactions and reflexes a bit more, Aoko was due for a good teasing anyway and maybe he would even present her with some kind of long range missiles (the mop was getting boring, he could dodge that in his sleep by now, not that he wanted to test that theory).

The detective made a small wiggling motion, tilting his head a fraction, presumably to get a bit more comfortable. It simply reminded Kaito of just how close they were, made him aware of the warmth seeping into him, of a calm beating heart not his own.

A detective never should have been able to get this close to him and now here he was, stuck in a net with the smartest of them all.

Who actually owed him quite a lot. (Letting him go now and then could hardly count as a fair trade-off.)

And had his hands free. (Somewhat. More than him at any rate.)

And usually was quite reasonable. (Not like that prick Hakuba.)

And honestly was his biggest fan. (No matter how much the detective denied it.)

"Chocolate.” The simple word, ringing loud after their silence, sliced through his thought process, thankfully, he knew that he had started to go off track again.

“What?” The detective should be able to reach is back pocket that luckily contained the small stripe of metal which he had needed for his earlier trick. It should be sharp and sturdy enough to cut the net just behind his back, freeing them.

Or maybe he could even reach his card gun if he managed to get a bit more room between them. Way more effective-

“You smell like you took a chocolate bath.”

“Nothing wrong with chocolate,” answered Kaito absentmindedly. After a moment the conversation caught up with him and he mentally shook himself, his instincts screaming at him to not give anything about himself away. Why was it so hard to concentrate today? He normally had no trouble to think up a plan while holding a casual conversation full of deflections and misdirection.

“So you took a chocolate bath?” The detective sounded disbelieving, almost disgusted.

“No.” Kaito pronounced the word carefully a part of him still confused about his lack of concentration while the other part desperately tried to hide just that. ���That would be too much of a waste and I don’t want to imagine the cleanup. Come to think of it-“ A slight jab to his thigh cut his grand vision and rambling off before he could talk himself into an embarrassment. He really had to get a hold on himself, and fast. The blood rushing to his head, due to gravity's merciless pull, would soon hinder his thinking even more. At least the spinning came to an overall halt as well.

“Do you live on anything else?”

Kaito raised a brow, getting slightly annoyed by the constant distraction (at himself for needing it to stop his mind from wandering to countless places, which, actually, was his norm but he usually had a perfect handle on his multitude of thoughts, not like now), nevertheless his voice sounded cheerful as he answered. “The chase.”

Another jab to his thigh. This was getting old fast. “I wonder what will do you in first.”

“Aww, is my dear Meitantei-san worried about me? How touching~”

“Idiot.” And another pinch followed. Of course. “I’m just making observations you stupid thief.”

“Why do you always have to be so violent?”

“Must be your charm. I know around fifty people that want to punch you at least once – and those are only the pacifist ones.”

Rude. Everyone loved him. Then again, he had read somewhere, that people tend to turn violent towards beings that are way too cute for their own good, for whatever reason he found incomprehensible (sometimes evolution just sucked), and he was cute, specifically if he dressed up as women, who were always cute no matter what, even if they were homicidal witches with an ego problem.

Where was he?

“Or you just don’t know how to express your feelings.” For a moment everything was still and then Kaito gritted his teeth. “Would you stop doing that?”

"You're a moron. Not everyone is as repressed as you are.” He pronounced the words almost biting, emphasizing every odd word with yet another stab in his thigh. He would end with a big bruise for sure.

“You are the one who can’t stop touching me.” What was he doing? He had no time for this. Was the detective trying to delay him deliberately? He had to be, there was no other reason for him to act this way when they were trapped in a net like, like those f-finny things. In that moment, after all he had been through for this detective, Kaito felt betrayed. He knew that they weren’t friends, they couldn’t ever be, but he had thought that they shared a mutual understanding and enjoyed each other’s presence. He loved having his favorite critic crashing his heists. What if said detective has gotten bored of his shows and antics? The thought felt like a slap to the face, a slap his brain proved unwilling to process.

"Only because you're wasting time arguing instead of freeing us!"

Wait.

"It's been what? Five minutes?"

What? "As good as I am at impersonating him, I don't have Tantei-san's supernatural time-knowing-skill." His voice sounded dead in his ears. He felt numb, barley registering the long-drawn pain from his thigh or his own words.

"Whatever!" The detective sounded aggravated, and maybe a bit... worried? "Get us out of your stupid trap or do you want to get caught like this? Which, by the way, would greatly lower my opinion of you. Caught by your own stupid trap. That's not how I want to catch you, you stupid thief. Now do something!"

Oh. OH.

The numb feeling wasn't completely gone but Kaito could feel relief and a tad embarrassment wash over him. His body, stiff and taut until now, slowly relaxed and it was then that he noticed just how on edge he really has been, how much he has slipped. Why was he always such a mess around this detective, unable to fully keep a hold on his Kaito Kid persona? One way or another Kuroba Kaito always peeked through. And yet-

"I was trying to get up with an escape plan, but someone kept interrupting me." He injected every ounce of gratitude he felt into his words, strangely not feeling like a total sap.

"Could have fooled me. I was starting to think you like having me close and couldn't bear to separate." The detective smirked tauntingly. At least Kaito thought he did.

"Which self-respecting criminal would want to have you close?" A beat of silence. "No. Don't answer that. I don't want to know."

"Moron." The word was merely a sigh. "Can we get to the part of your great escape now? Or do you actually want to get caught because you couldn't stop flirting with a detective in time?"

Kaito's thoughts came to a screeching halt.

"My dear Meitantei-san, I'm sure it's not me doing the flirting but be assured that I am quite flattered." The detective turned red, he could feel the rise in temperature. A grin slowly stretched across his face. "No reason to be shy all of a sudden, in fact I seem to be in need of your boldness." To prove his point he curled his fingers slightly. His grin widened. The detective shivered against him, either he just found a sensitive spot or he was reacting to the change in mood. Both scenarios were kind of interesting, always good to know the weaknesses of his enemies no matter how small. The heart under his other palm quickened its beating.

"Don't." There was some form of hurt in the single utterance but Kid didn't care to interpret it, there were more pressing matters to attend to, so he simply hummed in response and curled his fingers a bit more. "Maybe I just should let them find us like this."

"Oh? But that would ruin our gentleman's game, wouldn't it not? And I clearly remember you saying that that simply wouldn't do. Not to mention, it just proofs that you little detectives can't outsmart me. What a shame that must be." His grin turned sharp. "Time is ticking, Meitantei-san, what shall it be?"

The muscles of the detective's stomach clenched under his hand and a low growl came from the direction of his throat. "Fine. Tell me what to do - Kid."

He dearly wanted to taunt him for giving in so easily, sadly he had no such time. "There is a stripe of metal in my right back pocket. Can you reach it?"

The detective hesitated for a split second before he moved his left hand carefully slow from his thigh to his pocket. "I knew that piece of metal looked out of place."

"Hm, too late for that now." Kid felt the detective turn even warmer while he traced his hand up his body.

"Wouldn't your card gun be more effective?" The hand reached his hip, mirroring his right counterpart.

Kid hummed thoughtfully. "I had the same thought, but I doubt we can move far enough apart so that you can reach my front, not to mention the risk of triggering a few of my probs."

"Or the possibility of me slicing your leg and gaining hard evidence against you." The detective mused moving his hand agonizingly slow towards his back pocket. "Why is the net so restricting?"

"True, and yet such an action would be beneath you." He let his voice drop into a sultry timbre. "After all, you want to have the pleasure of catching me in the act." The hand reached its goal but remained still. Kid waited a few heartbeats. "To hinder movement of course, which reduces the danger of the captive getting hurt or using dishonorable gadgets against unsuspecting, innocent thieves."

The detective snorted. "Of course." Finally, he shoved his hand down his pocket. "It also makes it impossible to see your face."

A bang could be heard in the distance. "My, my, you make it sound like I planned this." More banging. Kid supposed they had two to three minutes before the cavalry arrived. The grip on his hip tightened as the detective pulled out the metal. "Cut the net. You can't widen it by pulling but cutting it is really easy."

The detective did as he was told. "Everything you do is planned."

"What if I did?" Just a few more cuts and he could let himself fall out. "It happens to be an honest mistake, though."

"Not from you." The words were so silent, Kid almost missed them, he couldn't dwell on them since the detective continued louder. "Am I supposed to believe that? You could have dodged every other way instead of barreling into me. Doesn't seem very smart to run along the exact same line as the thing you're running away from."

"I only hear you complain about my actions in general, not about our situation, in fact, you are obviously enjoying it." He splayed his hands against the detective's torso. "My deepest apology for having to end it."

Kid let himself fall out the hole, pushing against the detective, losing his hat in the process, reflexively he activated one of his flash bombs, landing awkwardly on his lower back with enough momentum to roll to his feet. Behind him the detective had started to curse. He ignored it and simply acknowledged the arrival of his beloved task force by throwing a smoke bomb to hinder their vision and mask his escape, only after jumping down the roof and activating his hang glider did he finally open his eyes.

Kid could feel the piercing gaze of his favorite detective following him and enjoyed every second of it.

#detective conan #kaishin #kudo shinichi #kaito kuroba #kaito kid #kaitou kid #my writing

[elegiesforshiva]

Ghosts VII: Glass House

Masterpost

Previous | Next

For Sakura, time blurs into a stretch of a mellow trying.  Trying to get out of bed, trying to find an antidote in the labs, trying to remember her otousan’s words, Bad dreams are only bad dreams.  Nothing more.  

When she opts for soldier pills over breakfast again, a forgotten calendar on her fridge tells her it’s been over a month since Sasuke’s retun. Sakura supposes people didn’t catch on at first because of Sasuke’s introverted nature.  But soon enough, she starts to hear it everywhere.

His name is whispers in the hospital, the market, and any training ground that holds more than three shinobi.  It’s always the same when people see her.   Faces pop in front of her and start talking  to her about him simply, casually, just assuming he’s a topic of her interest.  Their faces are expectant—like she is supposed to care or something.  So Sakura gives them a trained smile and a cordial response, followed by a change in topic.  Then they give her a hideous, knowing look.  And she thinks she has never felt so naked in front of complete strangers before.

Because she does care.  She cares a lot.  But it isn’t the kind of care that people think and it sure isn’t the kind of care she wants to have.  It’s a care that carries bile—slowly building and oozing through her in a murky vortex of black and red and grief.  Sakura knows it is only a matter of time before she’s in the center of the spiral, only a matter of time before she snaps.  

She tries to prolong it.  Sakura grows uncharacteristically antisocial—orders delivery to save trips to the grocery store, wears hoods and hats or even puts on a henge on walks to work, reserves outdoor training for obscure hours of the night.  She’s pitifully grateful to be cooped up in the hospital’s poison analysis division during work.  Lab rats don’t ask her about past teammates.

And when she enters an empty lab to find a shinobi with a rabbit mask perched on the windowsill, she nearly cries in relief.  It can only mean one thing:  A mission.

If she can just get a week—just one week, she will be satisfied.  She needs to get away from Konoha.

When Sakura arrives slightly later than expected, she finds herself in a full room.  At once, she spots Shikamaru leaning against the wall on her right, with Kiba and Akamaru standing near him.  Kaito, the green haired sensor she worked with from the last mission is on her left.  Sakura looks straight at Kakashi then, who’s peering down at the staple orange book in his hand.  Something about this image is wonderfully refreshing, floods her with a hot nostalgia, despite the walls of papers on either side of him.  

Kakashi seems to finish a sentence before glancing up at her, eyes crinkling at the corners in welcome.  Sakura nods her head in return, “Hokage-sama.”

“Shikamaru and Sakura?” Kiba says then, his voice paved with awe.  “Damn, this mission must be some serious business.”  He eyes Sakura with a wide, canine grin, the enthusiasm matched only by Akamaru’s thrashing tail thrashing and labored breaths.

Sakura finds her smile is genuine, heated even, like his.  “Kiba,” Sakura greets with a nod of her head.  She looks over at Shikamaru, and can’t help but agree.  

The genius strategist himself is staring out the window, and she’d expect he’s just daydreaming like usual if it weren’t for the slight tension in shoulders, suggesting contemplation instead.  It takes Shikamaru a moment before he meets her eyes, but when he does he inclines his head respectfully to greet her.

She looks over at Kaito then, and his eyes seem to smile at her more than his mouth before he turns towards Kakashi.  “So what’s the mission?”  His is tone mostly calm, but the slightest undercurrent of eagerness is weaved in.

“We’re still waiting on one more,” Kakashi says and turns a page.  He doesn’t even look up.

“A five cell team?” Sakura asks.  

Kakashi hums in confirmation and Sakura looks over at her teammates then.  A strategist, a sensor, Kiba doubles as a part-offense and part-tracking, and of course, there is her—the medic.  This is no doubt a delicate and covert mission.  But the next nin will probably be another offense-type—a little insurance in case shit hits the fan.  

For a brief moment, Sakura hopes for Naruto.  It’ll be the perfect excuse to make up with him and maybe his endearing positivity will wedge its way into her sense of perspective.   But then she remembers how inexpicably awful he can be where stealth is concerned.  

“Looks like he’s coming now,” Kakashi says, his eyes still pasted to his book.

The next moment, Sakura is rigid.  She feels the strong, and all too familiar chakra signature approaching.  Oh gods oh gods.

Then she hears the muffled steps, shinobi sandals tapping just outside the room.  Her eyes fix on the windows, the very same white cloud she things Shikamaru has been staring at. Her heart pounds against her chest like it’s trying to bust open her rib cage.  Sakura registers the heavy creak of the door opening and closing.  And then he’s right behind her.

Her mind squeaks and whistles in disorganized panic.  Like pieces of broken glass swivelling around in a closed container.  Sakura’s eyes fasten onto the greyness of the sky and she centers every piece of will to avoid cutting herself on a thought.

Kiba whistles, loud and keen, and it almost combats the creaks in her head.  “Well fuck!  If it isn’t Sasuke Uchiha!”  He grins, facing Kakashi.  “Now I’m real excited!  This is going to be one hell of a mission!”  Sakura doesn’t dare turn.

“Kakashi.”  His voice roves over her senses with the greeting.  It’s vividly deeper than she recalls, though  it still carries the same gruff nature he always spoke with and her heart smacks against her rib cage more fiercely because of it.  With great difficulty, she retains the mask of her chakra, although the only point of it now is to conceal the uproar in her body.  

Frontal lobe.  Thalamus.  Hypothalamus.  Pituitary gland.  Optic chiasma...

Kakashi looks past her, eyeing Sasuke in acknowledgement.  She wonders if she has even an arm’s length of distance from her ex-teammate, or if he could chidori through her head right where she stands.  Stop.  Stop.  He wouldn’t do that.  Infundibulum.  Mamillary body.  Pons.  

Kakashi sits up on his chair and places his book down onto the desk with great care.  His eyes flit around the room to survey each shinobi.  They linger on Sakura’s face for a moment longer than the rest and she wonders if he can see her insides bubbling.  

“Let’s get started,” he addresses.  “First, I would just like to inform everyone here that this is an A rank mission.  It’s going to be some time before you’re actually deployed, mainly because we suspect there might be more intel coming in soon, but as of right now, this mission could last anywhere from a week to a month.  There’s a good chance you’ll be selected for a follow up mission right after you come back as well.  The only person this doesn’t entirely apply to is Sakura,” His eyes lock on her now.  “I’ve already spoken with Tsunade about the case you’re involved with.  We can talk about those details in a bit.” Kakashi then looks around the room. “But first, any objections so far?”

“Yes, actually,” Sakura is speaking before she can think, and she’s utterly impressed with how calm she sounds.  “If it’s alright, may I have a word, Hokage-sama?”

Kakashi looks almost as if he expected this, but it’s hard to tell.  He nods in acknowledgement.  “Would the rest of you wait outside for a moment?”

There’s a tense pause, and Shikamaru is the first to move, pushing off the wall and letting out an exasperated sigh.  Sakura would feel bad if she didn’t think he always sounded tired since his father died.  “Dammit, Sakura, it isn’t easy making these teams, you know.  What a bother,” he mutters.  Now she does feel bad.  

The rest of them shuffle out quietly, and she’s acutely aware of Sasuke’s chakra receding just enough for her to breathe normally again.  Then finally, the door closes behind her.

“Sensei—”

Kakashi lifts his hand, silencing her. “It’s okay, Sakura.”  He looks at her then, neither pity nor disappointment in his gaze and she’s surprised by that.  “It’s Sasuke, right?”

Sakura exhales, her arms coming around to hold herself tightly.  She wants to maintain some dignity but she’s in front of another man who’s gone through it all with her and she feels too pathetic to even stand straight.

“I’m not going to lie.  I really would prefer you to be on this mission.  I need a shinobi as versatile in combat and healing as you.  I wouldn’t have talked to Tsunade otherwise.”  Kakashi crosses his arms and sighs.  “But I suppose there’s not much we can do.”

A silence ensues, Kakashi lost in thought as Sakura nervously shifts her feet, eyes downcast. “I’m sorry, sensei,” she murmurs.

Kakashi closes his eyes, exhales.  “I get it, Sakura.”  He meets her eyes then, and she’s too guilty to find comfort in the gentleness of his gaze.  “They were his transgressions.  If you can’t forgive him, that shouldn’t be your burden to bear.”  Kakashi pauses then, and she sees the slightest narrowing of his brow and she suspects...  

“But,” he inserts.  And she’s right.  “I think you need to look for some type of peace between you two.” She represses the urge to shudder, cry, scream—because she expects it from Naruto but she hoped she didn’t have to hear it from Kakashi too. And gods it feels like everyone talks about restoration like it’s easy when it might actually just be impossible.  

“I’m not just saying that because you’re both elite nin and it would be much easier on me to not have to maneuver you two on different squads—although, that is true.  I’m not saying it because you’re an important part of the medical staff and gods know with how impulsive Sasuke and Naruto are, they’ll be visiting the hospital more often than either of us would like,” he muses, a hint of gaiety in his voice.  But Sakura couldn’t find anything less funny considering they both took each other’s arms off in the heat of their anguish and raw stupidity.  

“I’m saying this because I care about you.  You don’t have to like him.  But you don’t deserve to be tormented by the past any more than he did, Sakura.”  His voice is sympathetic now.  Sakura doesn’t know what to feel.  She refrains from chewing her lips to bloody pieces of tissue.   “I don’t think you’re giving either you or Sasuke the credit you both deserve.  You’re stronger than this, Sakura.”

Stronger than this?  Her stomach churns in indignation and bewilderment.  “But what if I’m not?” Sakura says.  “I’m not Naruto, sensei, I can’t just—”

“You don’t have to be,” Kakashi interrupts.  “It wasn’t just Naruto who kept us afloat all these years, Sakura.  You did too.”  Sakura can feel her mouth twist and she doesn’t know whether to shout or laugh at such a grand accusation.  “The three of you are the same in that way.  You’re blindly courageous.”   But that’s not true.  She was never on par with them.  And the whole world knows it.  Sakura feels wretched, unworthy, not a part of Team 7 at all and Kakashi must see this because he eyes her.  “Don’t give me that look.  You are, Sakura,” he says. “You can beat this.”

She’s rigid with upset.  And maybe she wants to believe him, his eyes shimmering with such naked faith, but she just can’t.  Sakura sighs in resignation and gives him a tired nod. “I’ll try, sensei.”

Kakashi nods back.  “I’ll take you off the mission.  You’re dismissed.”  Sakura murmurs a thank you, bows her head, and turns around to leave.  

She takes a quiet, but deep breath in preparation, tries to muster Kakashi’s imaginary perception of her before stalking through the heavy wooden doors.  Sakura walks towards the right, not even sparing a glance to her left, where the group of chakra signatures stood.  She can’t look at him, it’s too soon.  Her legs move at a calculated, measured pace and she feels Sasuke’s chakra above them all—invasive and piercing.  Sakura’s pulse quickens with every second.  “You can go in now,” she announces, her voice soft and controlled.

“What’s wrong?  Aren’t you coming?” She hears Kiba call back out to her, followed by Akamaru’s bark.

“Tch.” Her throat tightens at the all too familiar sound.  “She’s probably going to be too busy at the hospital,” Sasuke mocks with unveiled insult, alluding to his previous attempts to see her.  And his voice echoes.

Stronger than this.  Kakashi said.  But Sakura sees red, mouth twitching.  That jackass has no right.  

She considers stomping with a chakra infused leg, cracking the floor beneath his and her feet and watching the tower collapse on the two of them.  How sweet it would taste to die with him now.

But he would probably just portal to safety and she would be left to crumble in her morbid self-prescribed destruction.  Sakura keeps walking.

“Why’d you say it like that?” Kiba asks.

“Who cares,” Shikamaru’s says with an air of perfunctory.

Sakura hears their footsteps and then the Hokage’s door open and close.  She wastes no time then, bolting forward, and leaping out the closest window.

“Forehead!” Ino’s voice resonates from across the field, stilling Sakura’s clenched fist.  

Sakura studies the dented surface before her.  It once resembled an iron dummy but is now crumpled and distorted, having only maintained its metallic sheen.  She’s suddenly aware of her own soft pants and the cool air against her.  She notes how the dull throb in her knuckles helps satisfy the chafe in her head.

Sakura turns to look at Ino and is surprised to spot Hinata too.  Sakura makes her way over to them with casual steps.  She thinks she might just be exhausted enough to entertain civility for them.  She wants to try.

“Hey Pig,” Sakura greets.  “Hinata.”  Her lips stretch into a smile, and she’s pleasantly surprised it doesn’t feel forced.  “I haven’t seen you out as much lately.  How is everything?”

“You’re one to talk,” Ino jabs.  It pinches, but Sakura chooses not to dignify her remark with a response.

“Sakura-san,” Hinata’s smile is demure as she inclines her head.  She ignores Ino’s comment too, probably because she’s used to the backwards affections of bickering between loved ones by now.  “I’m doing really well.”  

Sakura can see the evidence of that statement.  Hinata’s cheeks are pale but full, and her dark tresses shine.  But what captures Sakura is the zeal in the Hyuga’s white eyes—a blinding energy that she only wishes she could emulate. “You look amazing,” Sakura breathes.

“Doesn’t she?” Ino says, awe in her voice. “I’m fucking jealous.  I better glow like that when I’m pregnant.”

“Thank you.”  Hinata looks away bashfully, color warming her cheeks.  Sakura’s lips turn into a gentle smile, only half forced.  Naruto and Hinata have come a long way, and most times it has her swelling with pride.  But today she just wants to crawl under her covers, close the blinds, and never think about love again.  

Hinata then looks at Sakura directly, “Sakura-san, I’m sorry to disturb you, but I came with Ino-san because…well,” Hinata says, looks down, searches for the words.  “…I know…Naruto-kun…” Sakura feels her stomach drop.  “He didn’t tell me all the details, but I feel awful about your argument.”  

Argument.  She wishes it felt as small as the word, and not like the only family any of them have left is being torn apart because of her cowardice.  She remember’s Naruto’s disappointment, and Sasuke’s chidori.  Sakura closes her eyes and stops herself from dry heaving in front of the two.  Her mind drips red, a liquid waterfall streaming into the bleak.

“It’s okay, Hinata,” Sakura looks away from the two kunoichi.  She pretends she’s something tangible, something that makes sense.  “You don’t have to apologize for him.  I’m sure he will on his own later anyway.  He never lets me stay mad at him.”

“What happened between you two?” Ino asks.

“Just another stupid fight about Sasuke.” Sakura crosses her arms, and tries to look more angry and annoyed than utterly defeated.

Hinata’s voice comes out shy, apologetic.  “I-I don’t know what is going on between you and Sasuke.  But I’m sure you have your reasons.”  Sakura jaw is tight, her teeth clenched behind the firm line of her lips.  Have your reasons?  Wasn’t it obvious?  “I try to discourage my husband from pushing you,” Hinata says, looking down disappointedly.  “I promise he means well though.”  Sakura feels sorry for her.

Then she sighs then.  Because of course Hinata would come out all this way just to apologize to her on behalf of her idiot best friend.  They’re both so effortlessly selfless and well-adjusted.  Sakura wishes she can be like that too.  “Yeah, I know.  That idiot always means well.”

“I thought maybe we could relax in the onsens,” Hinata says, her voice hopeful.  “And maybe get a bite to eat.”  Hinata looks at Sakura then, her eyes pleading and the pout of her mouth demanding adoration.  “You...you don’t have to worry about expenses.  I’d just really like to make it up to you.”

“Oh Hinata,” Sakura says, apologetic.  She covets the innocence radiating off the black haired beauty.  What she would do to be clean again. “That’s okay, you don—”

“That sounds great!” Ino chimes in, smacking an arm around Sakura’s shoulders, and tugging her close.  Sakura nearly yelps at the contact.  “We can all go!”

Sakura pulls away with a frustrated growl despite how pleasantly warm her friend feels.  “Pig,” she reproaches, brows drawn.

“What?” Ino asks, her tone too defensive to be innocent.  Sakura gives her an unimpressed look.  “Oh, c’mon.  Naruto’s been a pain in your ass with that Sasuke shit—you always complain about it.”  Sakura crosses her arms but refrains from huddling into herself.  She tries to vaporize Ino from existence with the heat of her glare.  It doesn’t work.  “If she wants to treat you, let her.  You’ve been too stressed out to pass up the offer.”

“Please Sakura-san,” Hinata says, her hand tentatively brushing against hers, her eyes beseeching—needy and nervous.  She sees a Hyuga boy with a wet, bleeding stump.  His eyes looked like that too as she carried him.  My hand.  

Sakura recoils from her touch, fighting the guilt.  “Okay,” Sakura acquiesces.  “I guess it’s okay.”  She nods to affirm her position, hoping to dispel that sour look on Hinata’s face.  “Can I have an hour? I—I want to get some more training in first.”  She’s exhausted and there’s a dull throb in her temples, but she needs something to focus on.

Hinata smiles then, genuine and full.  It almost makes her succession worth it.  “Of course,” Hinata responds and gives a graceful nod of her head.

“You already look half-dead, Forehead,” Ino says, delicate as ever.  “This isn’t some elaborate ruse to pass out before you hang out with us, is it?”  Her eyes study her, and she can see Ino’s mouth twist in disapproval.

Sakura grimaces.  “No, Pig, it isn’t.”

“In that case,” Ino walks out towards the field then, “train with me!” Ino exclaims.  “It’s been too long, and I want to see that monstrous strength of yours.”  

Sakura feels her chest ache.  She knows what Ino is trying to do—checking up on her in a seemingly innocuous way.  It’s not a request for a spar, it’s an interrogation.  Sakura knows this is why Naruto always engaged Sasuke’s violence when they were younger.  She instantly hates herself for the comparison.  

“You don’t have any gear with you,” Sakura says, elusive.  Ino is vigilant—sensors always are.  She hates that about her friends, all of them are great sensors, acutely tuned to her chakra.  They always know.  Especially when she doesn’t want them to.

Ino shrugs.  “You have plenty.  Toss me a pouch.”

Sakura considers protesting further, but knows it’ll give her away.  At least she’s safe from Sasuke.  He wouldn’t prey on her with Ino and Hinata around.  “Kunai or shuriken?”

Ino began to tie up her long silk strands.  “I’ll take shuriken.”  

“May I watch?” Hinata asks.

Sakura examines Hinata, and wonders if she’s in on it.  She almost immediately dismisses the idea as a figment of lingering paranoia.  Hinata wouldn’t play into these sick games.  “Of course.  Will you be comfortable though?”  Sakura asks, moving to unlatch her pouch strapped to her right thigh.

Hinata nods.  “I’ll be fine,” she assures, before moving to nest herself beside the trunk of a tree.  The sky is grey and she can hear the distant piercing cry of a bird.  Sakura scans the Hyuga over, looking for any signs of discomfort before she hands Ino a pouch of shuriken.  She’s glad her fingers aren’t shaking.

They get into position and Sakura takes a deep breath.  Then Ino bolts forward.  

Sakura starts off strong, hoping to knock Ino senseless and end this quickly.  She slams her fist into the ground, launching iron dummies, debris, and her opponent into the air.  Ino’s shoulder is bruised on one of the metal bodies, before she uses the mannequin to find her footing, propelling herself forward to dodge the others with acrobatic flips and twirls.

Sakura stomps as Ino finally lands, cracking the ground and successfully knocking her off balance, just in time to get smacked in the gut by a chunk of rock.  But to Sakura’s surprise, she quickly recovers.  

Still, Ino struggles to keep up with Sakura, who’s leveling the ground with every solid step she tries to take.  All she hears is the roaring BOOM. of her own stomps and for a moment, Sakura thinks her plan just may work.  But it only takes one shuriken flinging towards her, and she’s jerking to the side, distracted just long enough for Ino to get back on her feet.  

Sakura’s already wheezing, her limbs painfully heavy.  Fuck.  Sakura knows she is tired, but she hadn’t been expecting this.

Then there’s an entire barrage of shuriken thrown her way, and Sakura sees them coming, but her movements are sluggish and dislocated.  They whizz past her ears as she moves until a piece of metal lodges into her arm and then there are only waves of hot-white pain coursing through her.  She’s sure she cries out, though she doesn’t hear it.  

Sakura tries to recover, fingers moving to dislodge the weapons.  Her lungs protest as she gasps for air, before she looks up and sees Ino’s fist slam across her cheek.  The hit isn’t the most brutal punch she’s taken, but it still has her careening onto all fours.

“I know you’re faster than that, Forehead!” Ino exclaims, before taking Sakura’s momentary distraction to send her flying with a chakra clad foot.

Her breath escapes her when her back hits bark and Sakura chokes on a whimper.  For a moment all she feels is a ringing along her body, and she’s reflexively weaving chakra through deplted muscle, torn tissue, and bone until she can think again.  Spinal damage.  Definitely spinal damage.  She can already hear Ino’s footsteps coming closer, and while Sakura doesn’t expect any less of Ino, she wishes she had more time to recover.

Nonetheless, she somehow does.  She traps Ino in a basic and seamless genjutsu where she’s still on the ground, before breaking it with a fist to the blonde’s stomach, cracking several ribs and sending her flying.  Sakura’s panting hard, and there’s only mild relief in healing a few more of her wounds enough to continue.  Her head is heavy and aching and she’s at odds with her body.  I'm so slow.  She thought, pathetically.  When did I get so slow?  

She sees Ino lifting herself up with a groan, and Sakura remedies it with a kunai to her right shoulder with a callousness she nearly regrets.  Ino cry is loud and piercing, and Sakura cringes at the depth of the sound.  Just make it quick, she thinks.  Because she can’t keep this up.  She doesn’t want to.  And she bolts forward, determined to end this.  

Ino just manages to get on her feet when Sakura’s fist closes in on her right shoulder.  Then Sakura’s panting, chest burning, and Ino’s face down on the ground again, several yards away.

Their spar quickly spins into a taijutsu match, where Sakura easily overpowers Ino, though her body feels as stiff and heavy as the iron dummies she’d been practicing on.  Finally, Sakura settles their match by straddling Ino’s hips with a kunai against her throat.

“Not bad,” Ino groans, wheezing. “I wasn’t—” She winces.  “—expecting the genjutsu.”

Sakura tries to focus her eyes on Ino’s face but has trouble.  She moves her kunai, not trusting her fingers hold tight.  Sakura feels like she might drop at any moment.  She’s aching everywhere, and for once, she’s actually hungry.  She hopes Ino can’t tell.  

“You’re faster than I remember,” Sakura says, chakra pushing from her body into Ino’s.  “You didn’t use any jutsus.”  She can barely hear her own voice.

“You’re slower,” Ino deadpans.  “You’re not taking care of yourself, Sakura.”  Rattled as her head may be, Sakura can hear the concern in Ino’s voice.

She’s quiet, too tired to speak.  So tired.  Her head hurts.  And she doesn’t like that Ino’s shoulder is bleeding.  Sakura pours chakra into the wound assiduously.  She’s vaguely aware of Hinata approaching them from the distance.  “I’m just a little tired from training beforehand,” she says, voice monotone and head dizzy.  “That’s all.”

Ino frowns but stays quiet.

“You two were really good,” Hinata says with a gentle smile then, bending to help heal their wounds.  She’s obviously lying but Sakura doesn’t blame her.  There was nothing theatrical about their spar.  After seeing Naruto and Sasuke lunge at each other’s throats, she knows she’ll never be impressed with a shinobi again.  And she’s grateful for that.

Sakura tells Hinata to only tend to Ino, “I can take care of mine,” she says.  Because one person knowing about her body’s deterioration is more than enough.

The bathhouse is far more packed than Sakura would like, but she’s relieved to scrub off the sweat, grime, and disappointment she has collected during the day.  Tenten and a few other women are making idle chat over to her right.  Ino probably would have join them, had she not been so exhausted from their earlier spar.

Sakura notes that Tenten looks better than she remembers.  Her face is less gaunt, and her attitude is chipper.  Even the purple that once adorned her eyes is now a mere tinge of pink.  She wonders—between beats of her god awful headache—if Tenten still has to swallow the impulse to kill herself on occasion.

Ino curls around Sakura’s limp body, tiredly leaning her head on her friend’s shoulder.  To her mild surprise, the contact is welcomed, somehow making her feel lighter despite the weight.  Sakura tenderly caresses the blonde kunoichi, watching her best friend drift in and out of sleep as Tenten and another nin ask Hinata about the prospects of motherhood.  

Sakura runs her fingers through Ino’s hair and listens attentively as Hinata spares a few words.  Her responses are short, but her smile is bright and her cheeks are rosy, conveying a quiet adoration.  Hinata looks to Sakura for affirmation from time to time, and Sakura gives her a soft and encouraging smile.  

There’s so much about Hinata that is still a mystery to Sakura.  Her demure disposition leaves much to the imagination.  She’s seen her annoyed many times—but never angry.  She’s seen her very happy too, she is right now.  Still, it always comes out in a quiet mellow, softened beneath the shy quiver of her lips, and the pink of her cheeks.  But it’s there, bold and electrifying, right in the center of her eyes.

Sakura wonders if her quiet is a natural inclination towards reticence or if it’s the product of a cruel upbringing.  She often used to wonder this with Sasuke too.

Sasuke.  What a difference a few years has made, thinking of that name.  And in some ways, it’s not different at all.  Always an unnerving, ubiquitous presence in her head.

Sakura remembers all of it, the sole vivid colors of her feelings in an opaque world.  She had adored her Sasuke, loved him to her early death.  And oh, death was so unkind.  His absence—a lifelong winter.  

She remembers clinging to Kakashi and Naruto as if they would slip right from her fingers after he left.  She cried to her father.  Fought vehemently with her mother, who hated him.  More than her tousan, more than herself, even more than her, okaasan hated Sasuke.

“So training under the Goddaime, huh?” Mebuki had snarled, arms crossed.  Sakura could feel her mother’s smoldering gaze, sizing her up.  She’d had that slow simmering quiet since Sakura announced it.  Now Kizashi left the room and all Sakura had to buffer the coiling tension was the window’s view and the anxious tapping of her foot.  “What, are you trying to get in the bingo book just to get that boy back?”

“If that’s what it takes,” Sakura had snapped.  She rose to her mother’s challenges more those days.

“Sweet, sweet child,” Okaasan said, sounding as if she thought Sakura was anything but.  “You’re going to get what you deserve—choosing that nutcase over your own family,” Mebuki had said.  And Sakura longed to be somewhere else. “You should never have become a shinobi.”  

“Why can’t you just be proud of me for once?  Otousan is!”

“Your Tousan is a fool!” She cried, voice strangled.  “He shouldn’t be encouraging you!  That waif you’re chasing is a monster!  One look and I saw—”

“Shut up!” Sakura had screamed, face hot and head spinning. “You don’t know him!  You don’t know anything!”

And she didn’t.  Mebuki was wrong.  About almost everything.  About Kakashi, about Tsunade, about Ino, and especially about Naruto.  

So why couldn’t she have been wrong about Sasuke too?  Sakura hated when her okaasan was right.

But what a beautiful boy, Sakura had thought, the first time she saw him.  He mesmerized her, called her.  How could she not fall for him?  His boyish good looks, his midnight eyes, and that damned smirk that seized every piece of her being.  A cruel smile—happiness smothered by cynical despair.  You’re annoying.  He said.  

What a shitty term of endearment, she knew—but her heart sped up all the same.  At least it beats being bludgeoned to near death like he did Naruto.  Such a delusional brat she had been, falling for it all.  If only he had killed her when he left her on a cold bench.  Then she wouldn’t have nightmares about him doing it now.

Sakura hears his voice then, an echo of their earlier meeting in the Hokage’s office.  It was deep and alluring as always, but also matured somehow, despite the juvenile jab he made.  She tries to picture the last time she’s seen him, which seems far too long and still much too recent.  His hair dark and his eyes crimson pinwheels, raw and unnaturally beautiful.  His build is muscular, like any shinobi, but something about his physique and his constant, confident stature cries of power.  The stern set of his jaw as he looks down upon all of them cements the notion.  Her handsome demon.  

And with the new Rinnegan, he is deified.  The ominous purple hue and the swirl of that divine eye has her seeing flashes of Madara.  His dark incarnate—just as beautiful and painfully monstrous.  Gods the Uchiha were—here to cast judgement and claim retribution from Konoha.

Sakura is pitifully thankful she doesn’t know what Indra looks like in that moment.  She might picture him killing her then too.  The three of them would be having a dart throwing contest, except their darts are arrows of lightning and their dartboard is her head.  Their eyes bloody revolutions, their smiles keepers of grief.  Love lost to the wheel.

“Mm...Sakura?”  Ino’s voice chirps out, snapping Sakura back to the steam in front of her face.

Sakura jerks her head towards Ino.  Her best friend yawns, before pulling away slightly to nestle her head more comfortably in the juncture between Sakura’s neck and shoulder.  “You’re shaking, forehead,” Ino mumbles into her skin.  “Relax with me.”

“Oh.”  Sakura deeply exhales and she’s surprised by how much tension leaves in just that one breath.  She wraps her arms around Ino who sighs contentedly.

“I swear you two are gay for eachother,” Tenten says then.  “I’ve actually been being with a girl and we didn’t even cuddle like that.”

“Oh please, Tenten, that doesn’t count,” A kunoichi interrupts. “You two didn’t even fuck.  You were just experimenting.”  

And Sakura rolls her eyes.  If ‘experimenting’ secretly meant ‘fucked up and desperate to feel again because Neji is dead’ that statement might have been more accurate.

“Just saying.  We all know Ino’s bi, and you’ve never exactly dated anyone.”  Tenten looks at Sakura inquisitively, adorning a sly smile that was probably meant to be cute. “You sure you’re not gay?”

Sakura knows she’s teasing.  Tenten doesn’t mean to be offensive, but it feels like outsiders are trying to pry into her too much.  It’s been making her sick.  Sakura tries to keep the resentment out of her voice as she speaks. “Yes, I’m sure.”

“Oh...wait a second...” Tenten begins, the clever smile grows marginally wider.  ”Sasuke’s back, isn’t he?”  I just saw him in the market the other day.”  And while Sakura struggles to maintain composure, Hinata flinches on her behalf.  “Well?  We all know you were like in love with him.  You two aren’t…are you?”

Sakura pictures herself drowning.  Water filling her lungs and stealing her last, unwilling breath.  Okaasan probably died that way.  Suffocation.  She remembers her blue skin.  Opioid overdose tends to do that—slows the breathing until the unconscious victim is tragically dead.  Sakura imagines the clear liquid of the bath blurring her eyes until she sees only black, then white, and finally nothing at all.

Ino’s mumbles in the background of her hazy mind.  “Tenten,” Ino’s voice is drowsy, but she still answers for Sakura since she’s too busy fantasizing about death to open her mouth herself. “Shut the fuck up.”

And Tenten listens, because she never quite washed away the guilt of Jin.

#mine #sasusaku #fanfiction #ghosts #elegiesforshiva #homemade trauma soup #efs writes

[suchstarryseas-blog]

4/3/2017

I wish I knew how to deal with any of this, but the only people who understand what’s happened are dealing with it, too. I wish I could vent, wish I could just talk and process, but everyone is hurting, all at once, and we’ve suddenly lost so much and nothing at all at the same time. This isn’t something that should have happened, and I know each of us are blaming ourselves. 

Loryk is gone, and nobody in the world who doesn’t hurt right now will ever even know what that fucking means. A world, or an illusion of the world, is just suddenly gone. Vaxus is gone, Loryk is gone, and all the people there that I thought were my friends for all these years are just gone. They keep telling me I have to let go, to stop thinking of them as my friends, and I know they’re right. But it hurts and I know I’m not alone, but it feels like being alone. It feels like I lost yet another fucking family, and I suddenly have to not only lose them, not only never see them again, but hate them, distrust them, spit on the memories we shared and the adventures we lived. It’s so fucking hard. It’s too hard. It’s too much. I’m so tired of losing family. 

The brothers were there for me for so much. In their own ways, all of them, and not always in any normal way, or in a way that made sense, but they were there. Always.

Shyn would always be ready to bitch with me, to rant about the shitty things shitty people had done, listen to me rant and rave about everything, even the stupid shit, and I was there when he needed the same.

Kaisa was always there, ready to fight for me, ready to threaten people and ask me which house he needed to burn down or who he needed to publicly punch in the face for me, and we would go on runs together, and he’d talk about Rina and how much he missed her and how awful he felt about so many things.

Jack would be there when I couldn’t sleep. He’d tell me stories about things that never really made any sense, made of adventures and stories he’d over heard, he’d tell me what everyone had done that day, what everyone was up to, and when he’d get low, we’d make up stories together, things about fish that wanted to walk on land and a sun that turned into a girl.

Vayden was so low, after everything. He got so sad and so passive and just stopped caring, but even then, he’d sit in silence with me on my low days, just listening and waiting and understanding when I wouldn’t say anything at all. We’d sit together for hours and hours, just being not alone together.

Gen was always ready to go somewhere when I didn’t want to go alone, always ready to slink through crowds and guide me towards less populated areas, keeping an eye on me when I’d get overwhelmed, finding quiet spaces for me. He was always so calm, so kept together.

Itto was there for study days, before and after school. Any time I wanted to learn, he was there, ready to teach himself to teach me, to learn so that I could learn, even about things he didn’t really find interesting. We’d spend so much time researching and studying together, here and in Loryk.

Gale was there to lean on, there to give rational advice, to offer whatever help he could, to ask questions nobody else ever asked, and in return I listened to him about his broken memories, the nightmares, the thoughts that kept him up at night.

Haxex wasn’t around much, but even he was there when he needed me to be- the few days in a row I’d occasionally spend out at his farm, helping him work to get my mind off things.

Kaito was quiet, but always up to something, always ready to give me something to do, always ready to let me be some part of his plan, some thing to do, some reason to be around hen I felt like too much of a burden, and the times we shared messing with the others was always such a fun, easy time to exist.

Shyto was always, always there. He was there for the times I couldn’t breathe, for the times it felt like the walls were caving in, when it felt like I couldn’t keep going, couldn’t convince myself it was worth it. He talked me out of staying in Loryk so many times. It just doesn’t make any sense. He’d always hold me until I could go back, let me stay in his home until I felt like I was okay enough to go back to my own again, gave me things to do, taught me about the plants of Loryk and how to use them, how to listen to the world and use it to ground myself.

The brothers aren’t even all I lost. All we all lost. The Lorykians… Rydek, Thomas, Illiana, Hailee, Notch, Jace, Clara, Roska, Ash 2.0, Zagara, Pan, Fen, Rynn… The Vaxiens, too. The council, Courtell, Cyvell, Leaf, Lorelli, Ain, Crow, Vaius, Noda. Even if every one of them were an illusion created by some demon, even if every one of them were demons themselves, the memories, the good times, the things they’ve done for me… They’ve all been there, we all LIVED SOMETHING together the last few years, and I know…

I know all those moments, all the times we cried together, the death we all saw and dealt with, the work we put into making the worlds better for so many people…The meals we shared, and the nightmares, the pain, and dreams, the good days the days we’d all just go to the beach, or the forests, or even into town… I know now that they were probably all lies. Things they wanted me to experience so that they could win, or gain something, things that wanted to use against me, to convince me to stay or give me the body… But…

They were my family, for years. I hate them. I hate all of them so fucking much, and I won’t ever be able to forgive them. I trusted them. I was starting to think I could do that, again. I started making friends again, started talking to people about the things I’ve dealt with, started trying to do something positive with spirits and the things I see. Now There’s this paranoia that says I can’t do that. They were my family, and I don’t call people that lightly. But they were trying to use me. To use all of us. Mel, and Noah, Kayden and Ash, and now certain friends outside of us… They were all in danger because I trusted the wrong people, again. Again. It’s just that, over and over again, and I don’t know how I’m supposed to keep being okay and keep wanting things to get better when every time they fucking do it’s all just fucking bullshit.

 I just want everyone to be happy and I just want everything to be okay, and now on top of everything, Mel and Noah feel like they fucking DIED again. They each had lives, there. Friends. Jobs and dreams, goals they could achieve. Noah could have had a family there. So could Mel. Eventually, if Kayden chose, he could have, too. And now it’s all fucking over and they’ve lost so much and people keep saying it’s not my fault, that there wasn’t anything I could do, but the guilt is killing me and there’s nothing I can do to make it stop. They all basically had a shot at at least living the lives they never got to fucking live, and it’s gone, and it’s not fucking fair. 

Ash doesn’t understand why we’re all so fucked up right now. He’s all scrambled. Even as himself, he isn’t himself. It’s like he got stuffed in a blender with zag and the other ash and himself, and then a bunch of random bits just got scraped out. 

We all lost so much, so fast. We all lost so fucking much, and in five hours, I have to get up, shower, and go to work. In five hours I have to act like nothing happened, like my family wasn’t torn apart and left in shreds, like I can’t still hear Mel crying every couple hours, can’t see how lost Noah still looks, can’t see the worried confusion on Ash’s face.

I have to act like Kayden, the guy who’s basically the single closest person to me in any world, isn’t suddenly so fucking depressed. Like I don’t even see him, see the way he’s suddenly walking more slumped over, hear the strain in his voice or notice how his laughing suddenly isn’t lasting as long or isn’t as loud, and I can be here for them, for all of us, but there’s literally not a god damned thing I can do to help anyone right now. 

We’ve all lost so much. How are we supposed to keep doing this? They thought they had second chances, fuck, I was ready to leave, to let Kayden live whatever kind of life he chose in my body, its all gone, and the things we accomplished there were all just bullshit. 

I haven’t felt like myself in months. It feels like I’ve been away. But I haven’t. Someone was messing with my head. Now I don’t only have to deal with the loss, but reprove myself to everyone fucking around me, overcome the image that people got of me and who I was when I wasn’t really me even though I just lost a whole fucking world, a whole fucking family, while also dealing with the sudden removal of any privacy between the five of us.

I’m just tired and everyone is so fucked up right now that I can’t even think straight but I know I have to keep going because all of this is my fault, no matter what anyone says, and I have to make up for every single fucking shred of loss everyone is feeling right now. I don’t know how to want to be here. I never have. Maybe that’s why it was so fucking easy for them to use me.

#Ari #personal