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one-idea · 2 months

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Shanks raise ASL part 6

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So Ace squares his shoulders and raises his head to meet Shanks’ eyes. And he asks only one question. “What would you do if you found out Gol D. Roger’s had a son?”

The little boy braces himself. He’s ready, or so he thinks. He’s ready for this man to hate him. To tell him that his father was the devil and that his offspring are demons. That Ace shouldn’t exist. Maybe he’d kill Ace right where he stands. Tell Luffy and Sabo that Ace ran away for good and just continue on with life without the burden that is Ace.

What he doesn’t expect is for Shanks to walk towards him silently. The man’s eyes looking intently at his face, studying his features, looking for… something? Ace had no idea what. Did he think he was lying? Was he looking for proof? But then Shanks eyes welled up with tears and he dropped to his knees in front of Ace, throwing his arms around the boy and holding him close.

Ace has never been so confused. He expected to be shun or hit. Instead he was held like he was something precious. One of Shanks’ arms was firmly wrapped around his waist while the other hand was buried into his hair forcing Ace close to the man as he cried into Ace’s hair.

He could feel Shanks’ shaky breath as the man calmed down. “What would I do if I found out that Gol D. Roger’s had a son?” Shanks voice was gentle yet despite that Ace still tensed. He had no idea how Shanks was going to respond. Most adults mocked or hit him by now but Shanks was still holding him so tightly.

Shanks slowly pulled back just enough to look Ace in the eyes as he answers “I’d find him and protect him with my life just as his father protected me.”

“What?” Ace couldn’t understand. What did Shanks mean. Gol D. Rogers had never protected anyone.

Shanks could see the disbelief on the kid’s face. Which made sense. He had to wonder just how much Ace truly knew about his father. “Gol D. Roger’s found me in a treasure chest when I was a baby. He took me in and raised me as his own. I owe him everything.” Shanks said as he look Ace over again. Now that he was looking for it he could see Roger’s silver eyes. The dark hair was the same color as his captain’s, but the wavy texture was all Rouge, as were the constellation of freckles on the young boy’s cheeks.

“No that- you can’t be-” Ace didn’t know what to say. The man Shanks was describing, and the person that Shanks was were not compatible with his understand of who Roger and his crew were. “You can’t be a Roger’s pirate. They were monsters!” He couldn’t make his metal image of Roger and his crew and his memories of Shanks playing with his brothers and protecting them line up in his mind. There was no way this man who was so kind and doting to his brothers could be one of the bloodthirsty Roger pirates. He just couldn’t be.

“Now who told you that?” Shanks’ heart hurt to hear his captain’s son refer to their old family as monsters.

“Everyone. Everyone says that Roger was the devil and I’m his hell spawn.” Ace told him angrily. How did Shanks not get it. Ace was a monster and so was Roger. “I shouldn’t even be alive.”

Shanks pulled him close again, curling around the boy, shielding him from the world as best he could. Who did this? Who told his captain’s son all of these lies? Who told Ace he shouldn’t exist? Shanks was going to rip them apart for this. Ace should have been raised in the Oro Jackson surrounded by a loving crew that would protect him until death took them. But that wasn’t possible. He remembered why his captain handed himself over. Did Ace know about that?

“Your father was one of the greatest men I have ever known.” Ace started to argue but Shanks gently shushed him. “Let me finish. He was brave and kind and brought joy to those around him. And he fell in love with a wonderful woman, Portagas D. Rouge. But he was sick. He knew he didn’t have long. And when he found out your mom was pregnant he made a decision. He turned himself in to the marines.”

Ace’s heart was pounding in his chest. “What, what do you mean. He didn’t turn himself in he was caught by Gramps.” Shanks had to pause and breath through his rage at that one. Garp had been ‘raising’ Ace? That answered a few questions, but not all of them. After all Roger considered Garp a friend, but Shanks had disliked the man since he stood by and ordered Roger’s execution.

“He turned himself in to Garp, but he made him promise two things. One that the marines wouldn’t hunt down the rest of his crew after his executions, and two that you and your mom would be safe.” Shanks held the boy a little tighter. His captain gave up everything, and for what? If Roger’s could see them now would he think his sacrifice worth it?

“But why- how- I don’t understand.” Ace couldn’t wrap his head around what Shanks was telling him. Roger’s had been caught and executed for his crimes. What was this nonsense about noble sacrifices?

Shanks couldn’t blame the kid for not understanding it. He hadn’t understood his captain’s actions for a long time. But now as a captain himself, as someone who has a lover he would burn the world for, and as a freshly minted father of three, because these are HIS boys, he thinks he’s finally starting to get it. He would do anything to keep his crew, Mihawk, and the boys safe. Parting with his own life would be a small price to pay to guarantee their safety. But Shanks also knew the rest of his captain’s story.

“The marines lied kid.” He said with so much bitterness. “They lied to Roger. Promised they wouldn’t hunt down the crew and the people he cared for.” He let out a dark chuckle. “His body wasn’t even cold before they turned on us. Chased the crew all over the sea. Luckily we all disbanded before his execution or they would have got us all in one fell swoop. I was 15 and they chased me like rabid dogs. At the time I knew Rouge, your mom, was pregnant, but I had hoped that information was a secret. Apparently not as they launched a full hunt for you and your mom.” Shanks paused.

He was still furious he hadn’t been able to help Rouge at the time but none of them could have. He wasn’t lying about the marine pursuit being relentless for the first few years after Roger’s execution. It was a miracle that so many of them survived. But the price that he lost contact with his old family. He hadn’t talked to Buggy since Lougetown. He had run into Rayleigh a few years back and had sobbed like a child at seeing his second father again.

“I didn’t hear about the man hunt for the two of you until years later. By then I had to assume you both were dead.” Shanks tightened his arms around the silent boy. “I’m so glad you’re alive.”

Ace sat there is silence processing the new news. His father had died….for him? That couldn’t be right. Roger was the King of the Pirates he was selfish, he wouldn’t sacrifice so much for them.

“Your mom, do you know what happened to her?” Shanks felt awful asking, he had a feeling he already knew the answer, but he had to know. If Rouge was alive she was coming with them. No if ands or buts about it.

His hope didn’t live long. “She died giving birth to me.” Ace’s voice was hallow. He was still processing all of this news. His mom’s death was a fact. He killed her. The very first sin of his existence.

Shanks sighed and held Ace close. “She loved you so much. I’m sorry you didn’t get to met her.” They sat there in silence for a bit. Just taking in all that they had learned in the past few minutes.

“I don’t understand.” Ace finally said. “Everyone says that Roger was a monster, but the way you talk about him….” Ace just couldn’t wrap his head around everything he had just learned. Shanks thought for a second. He had an idea but Ace wasn’t going to like it.

“Do you think Luffy could ever be a monster?” Ace’s head shot back and he shoved himself a way from Shanks.

“Never! What are you talking about. Luffy is the kindest person I know. He could never be-”

“King of the Pirates?” Shanks finished Ace’s sentence, but not the way Ace would have. The boy was going to say monster, but Shanks’ interjection froze the boy in his tracks. “I believe that Luffy is going to be the next King of the Pirates. And with that, there is going to come a lot of lies from the government. They’re going to tell the world that Luffy is a monster. That he deserves to die. So I’m asking you, will you believe them when they say that about Luffy?” Shanks looked Ace dead in the eyes. Never wavering in his question.

“Never. Luffy just wants to be free.” Ace responds unshakable in his beliefs.

“So did Roger.” Ace froze again. He hated comparing his father to his little brother, but he also finally understood what Shanks was getting at. “Look you don’t have to like your dad, but you should know the truth about him. And the truth was he adore you. Enough to die for you without a second thought.”

Shanks sighed as he stood up. This was good. He’s overjoyed to know who Ace is and that he’s alive, but he’s also full of fury and wants to hunt Garp down, because what was that man thinking? Letting Ace believe all of the government’s propaganda. He’s exhausted from the emotional rollercoaster he’s been on tonight and he can see that Ace is to. But there’s one more thing they need to talk about before he can end this conversation.

“And I would to.” Ace jerks to met Shanks’ eyes. “I would die for you and your brothers in a heart beat. Not because you’re my captain’s son. But because I’ve come to see you as mine. I wasn’t lying when I said I wanted all three of you on my crew. You’re my kids. I would fight the world for you, the government and anyone else who tried to hurt you. Because you are Ace and I love you.” Shanks never broke eye contact with the boy. “Not because of who your dad is and not despite of who your dad is, but because of who you are.”

Ace felt tears well up in his eyes as he rushed towards Shanks. The man bending down to scoop the boy up and hold him close as he cried into his shoulder. Someone wanted him. Someone wanted Ace around. Shanks knew who his father was and didn’t hate him. He loved him, he said he did. Has anyone besides Luffy and Sabo ever said that to Ace before.

“I got you. It’s okay. You’re never going to be alone again.” Shanks reassured the boy as he held him close. “One day when you’re ready to set out on your own you’ll have my full support but until that day comes I’ve got you.” Shanks promised as he started to make his way out of the little shack. “Even after that you’ll still have me. I’ll always have your back, until the day I die. If you and your brothers need me I’ll be there. I swear this to you.” Shanks looked up at the moon as he started making his way back Foosha village. Back to Mihawk, Luffy, and Sabo. Back the the Red Force and his crew. And he made one more promise.

‘I’ll keep your boy safe Captain. I’ll raise him as my own, give him all the love you gave me. I won’t fail him. I couldn’t protect you but I’ll protect him with my life. I promise.”

Finally the bonding moment the two of them need.

Next time:

The return of a mountain bandit.

Shanks promise gets put to the test.

#the fact that Ace hates his father but adores Luffy when they share the same dream is one of my Roman Empires.#it needs to be talked about more.#shanks is such a dad #shanks is luffy’s dad okay.#monkey d. luffy #portagas d. ace #revolutionary sabo #shanks #asl brothers #asl trio #mishanks #dracule mihawk #I’ve been going mental over the parallels between Luffy and Roger and hiw Shanks sees them vs Ace and now you get to to.

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harrywavycurly · 24 days

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If it was me I’d be jealous Steve knew before me🤣 this series has me hooked Sarah thank you😍

Hiiii lovey!! Oh same, like I don’t care why he knew before me but it’s the fact Steven Harrington knew my husband was a damn serial killer before I did🙈 so I thought it would be nice to give you a conversation between you and Eddie about it so we can get a little more insight into how you feel about it all! Also I’m so glad you like the series it’s one of my faves 🥹💖

-find all things A Killer’s Love here✨

A/N: this is set in the future when Eddie is retired so imagine like mid/early 50’s

“Did you have a good time tonight baby?” “I did…thank you for still wanting to have date nights with me…even after all these years.” “You don’t have to thank me…you know I love any reason to show you off…here let me help you with your shoes.” “Thanks honey…” “what’s wrong?” “Nothing.” “Really? So…wanna tell me why for the first time in over twenty years of marriage you didn’t take the opportunity to mess with my hair while I was on my knees in front of you taking your shoes off?” “I…I’m sorry I…don’t…I-” “sweetheart…what’s wrong?” “Why’d Steve get to know before me? Do you trust him more…than you trust me?” “Oh baby…no not at all I don’t trust anyone more than I trust you..Steve found out because…well he kinda…caught me once.” “He caught you?” “Yes…it was one weekend you were out of town and I was…meeting with someone and he came over thinking I was just home alone and well…yeah that’s how he found out…I didn’t tell him because I wanted to sweetheart…I was forced to.” “If I wouldn’t have asked about Nick would you have ever told me?” “No.” “But Steve would get to know?” “Baby…are you…jealous that Steve knew before you? Is that what this is really about?” “Yes you…you…jerk.” “Oh Princess…look at me…baby please look at me…I swear if I was going to ever openly tell anyone about…what I’ve done it would be you but I never wanted to burden you with that…it’s for me to deal with and I didn’t want you to ever look at me like you were afraid of me…because…I love you so…so so much baby and I really am so sorry….so so sorry.” “I’d never be afraid of you Eddie you’ve…always had this look about you that has let me know you were capable of….things…and it’s not like I haven’t seen you knock someone out at a bar before.” “You know how my temper gets when people bother you…” “I know honey…and I do understand why you wanted to keep this to yourself…I just…god it’s so annoying that Steve knew for so long and I don’t know why it bothers me but it does.” “Want me to kill him?” “Edward James Munson.” “Sorry…I’m kidding…too many people would notice he’s missing.” “I’m sorry I made this into such a big deal I just…I don’t like someone else knowing something about my husband before me…that’s all.” “I understand baby…I’m sorry it bothers you and I wish I could do something or say something to make you feel better…but please just know Steve is the last person I’d ever tell about..what I did…he was so annoying and constantly asking me to…deal with people for him it was…stressful.” “You know what? Knowing that Steve made you annoyed the whole time he knew kinda makes me feel better.” “I’m glad…now how about a shower and a cuddle in bed? Or did you want some alone time?” “Will you wash my hair for me?” “Sure baby.” “Then a shower and some cuddles sound lovely.” “Good…I love you Princess.” “I love you too honey.”

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archiveikemen · 11 months

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'Secret in Your Heart' Collection Event: Ellis

I do not own any of the Ikemen Series content being uploaded on this blog, everything belongs to CYBIRD. Please support them by playing their games and buying stories. Not 100% accurate, expect mistakes.

read this before interacting with my posts

thank you so much @candied-boys for sharing this story + the screenshots with me ♡♡!!

When I was about to go shopping on my day off, Ellis offered to come with me.

Ellis: Kate, let me carry your bags for you.

Kate: That’s alright. You’re already carrying the things I bought earlier.

Ellis: I still have one free hand.

Ellis: Moreover… I’m physically stronger than you.

Kate: Of course you are…

Ellis: I want to pamper you. Can’t I do that…?

(Uh…)

Kate: … Then I’ll accept your kind offer. Thank you, Ellis.

Ellis: Mm, you’re welcome.

(... Ellis is so kind, as always.)

Ellis was always excessively kind towards me, as if I were his lover.

But it wasn’t because I was special, Ellis was kind towards everyone.

Whenever I was with Ellis, my heart felt lighter.

Ellis: — Hey, how happy are you right now?

Kate: Hmm… this is the happiest I’ve been since I woke up this morning.

Ellis: … I see.

(This question again.)

— “How happy are you right now?”.

He would ask that question to me and everyone around him at every opportunity.

Initially, I thought that it was just a habit of his, but—.

(I feel like there’s specific meaning behind it. Something very important to Ellis.)

There was a sense of uneasiness that felt like being choked by a ball of cotton.

As I pondered about the question I couldn't find answers to, I heard small footsteps next to me.

(...?)

Little Boy: Because I like you, I’ll tell you my secret!

Little Girl: Then I’ll also tell you a huge secret because I like you too!

The little children held hands and ran off giggling.

Kate: Fufu, how adorable. It must be nice to have a close companion.

Ellis: Shall we tell each other our secrets?

Kate: Huh?

Ellis: I want to get closer to you.

Ellis: Maybe we can get closer if we tell each other secrets. … What do you think?

His cute child-like suggestion made me smile.

Kate: Okay.

Ellis: … Great.

(What secret should I tell him?)

Ellis: Someone once said to me that if you tell someone a secret you’ve never told anyone else, you’ll get along very well, but…

Ellis: … Don’t go too far because you're going to end up having a hard time.

Kate: … Ellis?

Ellis: Which one is better? A secret that will hurt, or a happy one?

— It felt as if the bustling city suddenly stopped.

(Huh…?)

Kate: A secret that will hurt?

Ellis: Mm-hmm.

Kate: … Am I the one who will get hurt? Or you?

Ellis: Both of us, I guess?

Ellis: It’s a secret I’ve never shared before.

(How should I respond…?)

If I chose the painful secret, I might get to find out the reason behind his disturbing aura, and the meaning of that question he always asks.

(But once I find out, there’s no turning back.)

Ellis: I’d hate to make you sad.

Ellis: So I suggest you choose the happy secret.

Ellis: … What’s your decision?

(...)

(I…)

Kate: Then… I’ll do as you suggested.

Ellis: Mm, okay.

I decided to go for the escape route Ellis offered me, and he brought his lips to my ear.

Ellis: To be honest, I’m in a bit of a fix because both my hands are full.

Kate: Huh?

Ellis: I realised that I can’t hold your hand because of all the bags I’m carrying.

The unexpectedly adorable secret made my heart feel lighter again.

Kate: I didn’t notice that.

Ellis: Fufu, I did my best to hide it.

Ellis: Anyway, what’s your secret, Kate?

Kate: Don’t laugh at it, okay?

Ellis: … I might laugh because of how cute you are.

Kate: Then I won’t say it.

Ellis: Just kidding, my bad. I promise not to laugh.

Ellis: So tell me more about yourself, Kate.

His words and actions never failed to make me feel like a large weight had been lifted off my heart.

However, I had a hunch that I would someday be consumed by the dark secret he was burdened with.

It would be like I’m paying the price for overlooking it.

#ikemen villains #ikemen series #cybird ikemen #cybird otome #otome #ikevil collection event #ellis twilight #niki translates

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loquatenjoyer69 · 24 days

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Natori and Wavering

Foreword:

As it is my tendency to over explain, I will mark my actual conclusion with “TL;DR” in bold, so anyone who doesn’t want to read all the context I provide can just see what I think. The following is a collection of scenes from the manga that are relevant to my conclusion, summarized and interpreted by me. Also, if you read this, I will assume you have read up to chapter 116, as I include the arc which ends there as a large part of my analysis.

This all started with the Miharu arc, once again. After Natsume asks Matoba the famous question, (have you ever thought about quitting exorcism?) and hearing Matoba so confidently state he's never considered it, he thinks

「名取さんは堂だろう。いつもゆらいでいる優しいあのひとは」

"What about Natori-san? That kind person who is always wavering."

The verb being translated as “wavering” is 揺らぐ. This word refers to a swaying or rocking motion, something going back and forth, or shaking/trembling. The reason this line stuck out to me is that it made me wonder "Why is Natori wavering? What does it mean to be wavering?" Thankfully, my questions were answered when I went back through the past exorcist chapters.

The concept of Natori feeling unsteady or his world feeling unsteady comes up in special chapter 15. When Matoba tells Natori about the history of the Natori clan, how even though they should have been especially able to deal with kami, they still fell, so "you never really know what will happen," Natori responds with "The Matoba clan might not always be on top either," and Matoba laughs and says "Who knows… I won’t let it fall."

This is probably when Natori stops seeing Matoba as merely the spoiled prince of a wealthy family, one who has everything Natori wanted growing up, and realizes what kind of burden he has on his shoulders. Indeed, after this exchange, Natori thinks "I don’t have anything like that resting on my shoulders. Maybe that’s why this unsteady/shaking/bubbling world seems to waver." (This is not how any English speaker would say this, but I want to convey the picture that’s being painted. He uses the onomatopoeia ぐらぐら which denotes boiling/wobbling/unsteadiness to describe the world). Again this verb 揺らぐ comes up when Natori says the "world seems to waver." Natori feels like he doesn’t have a defined place in the world the way Matoba does. He doesn’t know what kind of person he should or will be, unlike Matoba, who probably grew up seeing exactly what he would become in the previous clan head, down to the long hair and eyepatch. For Matoba, the world is steady, unmoving, and almost preordained. For Natori, everything is uncertain, including his own identity.

I’m going to take a brief detour from the “wavering” idea to touch on something Yorishima said to Natori in chapter 80. Seeing that Natsume is emotionally affected by the story of the enchanted scarecrow, Yorishima remarks that Natsume’s heart has been pulled in by ayakashi, or in other words, he’s become emotionally involved with them. He tells Natori "A savage exorcist like you shouldn’t drag a (this kind of) kid around," and then "Natori, lately you’ve come to resemble the Matoba brat." Keep this idea in your back pocket. It’s a surprise tool that will help us later.

Then, as I said before, in the Miharu arc, after Natsume hears Matoba say that he’s never considered quitting exorcism, he wonders how Natori, who "is always wavering," would answer. And of course, later in that arc Natori himself asks Matoba the same question, though this time Matoba doesn’t answer. Although the focus is usually on Matoba’s answers to this question, I’ve also thought it significant that Natori asks Matoba this. He seems to initially want to ask it after Matoba ponders about the previous Matoba head who failed to protect the Miharu family, but gets interrupted by the spell on the room.

When Matoba starts going on one of his "you should make use of useful things" monologues, he asks it for real. It’s still not entirely clear to me what makes Natori want to ask him if he’s ever thought about quitting, though all I can really think of is that hearing Matoba talk like this reminds Natori of how tiring and cutthroat this life can be. Natori, the one who wavers, has probably thought a few times about giving up, and hearing Matoba talk this way makes him wonder, "Haven’t you ever thought about quitting?" Just like how Natsume asked Matoba after Matoba told him how many people are out to usurp the Matoba clan.

Finally we come to the Younger Cousin arc. When Mitsuru tells Natsume about how she met Natori, she says that she didn’t care whether she was going to be exorcised or not, she just wanted to know (and say) Natori’s name, so when he saw her, she told him her name (which is Mitsuru, but written differently than either of the names that would have been given to Natori’s cousin), and she saw herself reflected in his eyes, "wavering" (揺れて). So Natori’s heart was shaken, to put it another way, when it seemed for a second that he could have what he had always wanted. For a moment, he hesitated, and this was the weakness that the ayakashi latched onto. She read his mind and created a false reality where she was the cousin he wished he’d had.

Natsume believed she was not malicious, and went to hear her out before Natori could exorcise her for real, but Nyanko-Sensei warns him "Those who can’t heartlessly dedicate themselves are unfit to be exorcists. If you support ayakashi, Natori is just gonna waver." Here, he uses the verb ぐらつく which is related to the onomatopoeia from special chapter 15. Nyanko-Sensei is telling Natsume that if he tries to stand up for ayakashi, Natori will just become more conflicted and eventually be unable to "heartlessly dedicate" himself to exorcism.

When Natori and Mitsuru finally face off, Mitsuru tells Natori that she just wanted to help him. Natori tells her

「親切ごかしはもういい。どちらが化物だかわからなくなりそうだ。」

which is something like "Enough playing nice/Stop pretending to be nice. I might not be able to tell which of us is the monster." Mitsuru then makes the final offer for Natori to stay with her in the illusion and be happy together, but Natori, now firm in his resolve, says that he was weak for wanting a cousin who could see the same things as him, that he doesn’t need that anymore, and that Mitsuru is an ayakashi, which is what he’s chosen to spend his life fighting. This is where Natori makes the decision he faltered on when he first saw Mitsuru. He throws away what might have been, knowing that it never could be, and decides to stay firm on his path as a heartless exorcist.

At the conclusion of this arc, Natsume apologizes to Natori for trying to stop him from exorcising Mitsuru. Natori smiles and says "Ah, you really couldn’t be an exorcist," probably realizing now that he’s set himself on this path, that Natsume could never be "heartless" enough to follow the same path. Natsume seems to pick up on this difference between them, because he starts to ask about Natori, who tells him "Don’t worry. It’s not something I’m burdened with. It’s something I chose. I’m not bound by anything." By the way, he uses the same "burden" word here that he uses when he tells Matoba in the Miharu arc that he doesn’t know the weight of inheriting a burden.

TL;DR:

So, after all this, what I think happened is this: Natori is "wavering" from the beginning, unsure of what he should do or who he should be. Even as an exorcist, he has doubts and hesitation, which eventually causes him to slip up and be taken advantage of by Mitsuru in the Younger Cousin arc. Having been confronted with his "weakness," he decides finally to "heartlessly dedicate" himself to the path of exorcism. In this way he has become more like Matoba, which Yorishima seems to have had noticed the beginnings of much earlier. A savage, heartless exorcist: something Natsume could never become. After I originally came to this conclusion, I wasn’t sure if I was reaching, but then I read Midorikawa’s afterword for the Younger Cousin arc, which I translate thusly:

"...I’m glad I could draw the world that Natori-san, for whom the boundary between ayakashi and humans wavers more than even Natsume, sees even a little, as well as how ayakashi see it. Natsume has really only had limited experiences in his small world, and in contrast, Natori-san has a greater deal of freedom, but feels trapped. If I was able to draw the path that Natori-san came in on, and the path he’s going on, I’ll be happy."

This pretty much confirmed to me that I was right about Natori’s arc, provided I am interpreting Midorikawa’s words properly here. I believe she is saying that Natori until now has been much more unsure of himself and how he should feel about ayakashi and humans, even more than Natsume, who also has this issue. Appropriately, this issue was resolved in the arc which also highlights their similar beginnings. And it sounds like Midorikawa also wanted to show that a significant event has happened now with regard to the path Natori is taking. Like I said I believe he has become more set on being an exorcist and all that entails, but Midorikawa doesn’t say, so I’ll just have to see.

#my meta #natori shuuichi #WHOOF.#again i feel like this wasn't written very well but oh well #having a hard time making the thoughts flow but this is my basic thought #hope it was not too hard to read #also please let me know any thoughts or disagreements or agreements or anything #i worry i write these things and people are either like 'yeah everyone knew this already' or 'wtf are you talking about'#anyway! yeah lol

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tsunami-of-tears · 6 months

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A Court of Shadows and Sunshine — Part Five

Azriel x Aurora (OC)

Summary: The batboys (and everyone else) learn of Azriel’s mate. We start to learn more about Aurora’s past as she opens up to her new female friends. The IC throw a party for Rhys’s birthday.

A/N: As a fairly new writer, I cannot express the amount of dopamine I get from every single interaction. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Word Count: 3K

Warnings: General mental health issues, allusions to previous trauma (SA, no detail given), alcohol consumption/abuse, SH (harassment - described)

Part Four

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧

Azriel

“Brother, when were you planning on telling us about your lovely mate?” Rhysand’s eyes glimmer mischievously.

Azriel is shocked by the question, he hadn’t let himself believe it could be true. “How do you…” He hesitates. “Wait is this the urgent matter? Are you kidding me, I thought I was going to have to run off again.” Azriel expels a breath and runs a hand through his hair. “How can you tell?” he asks softly, without looking up to meet either brother’s eyes.

“For a spymaster, you’re not very good at hiding your emotions,” Cassian jests. Azriel frowns at the comment and Cassian scoffs. “Do you think I don’t notice you shooting daggers with your eyes every time she touches me?” He laughs and pulls Azriel into a hug. “We’re all happy for you, she’s really special.”

When they break from the hug, Azriel touches the centre of his chest with his palm, staring off in between the two males. “I never thought I’d get a mate.” Azriel glances down at his scarred hands. “It could be a mistake. She’s so lovely, and bright, and I’m the total opposite. It can’t possibly-”

Rhys interrupts Azriel, placing both hands on his shoulders. “Az, stop. You are kind, and loyal, anyone would be lucky to be your mate.”

“Do you think she knows?” Azriel turns inward, grasping for the bond. The thread is glowing the same gold as her power. He gives it a slight tug, hoping for a response.

Azriel feels the sobs reverberating down the bond. He tries to get out of Rhys’s grasp, but he holds him firm. Azriel lets out a warning growl.

Cassian is the one to speak, “Nesta said not to come out yet. Aurora, she uh, she’s upset. They are taking her upstairs.”

Dejected, Azriel slumps into one of the armchairs. He knows his mate is safe with her friend, though he wishes he could be the one to offer her comfort.

Azriel’s mind wanders, what darkness could be plaguing Aurora? Maybe she was more like him than he thought.

————

Aurora

You’ve always been different.

You figured out at an early age how to hide it. You learnt the behaviour expected of you - the ‘correct’ body language, how to keep eye contact, how to perform the ridiculous small talk. You have a catalogue of scripts in your mind so you don’t slip up your words.

Yesterday, that mask dropped.

You awake in an unfamiliar room, in clothes that aren’t yours. In the dim light, the events of the previous night flood into your mind.

You rise from the bed with a sigh. Your entire body hurts, your mouth is dry and you have a throbbing headache. Feeling embarrassed, you swiftly change into your own clothes and make the bed. You’ve been enough of a burden so far, you hope that you can slip out undetected.

Tiptoeing down the stairs, you can hear soft chatter and clinking cutlery coming from the kitchen. When you reach the bottom, the chattering comes to a stop.

You’re met in the hallway by a smiling Feyre, still in her dressing gown.

“Good morning, Aurora. I hope you slept well. We’re having breakfast, would you like to come join us?”

Not wanting to be rude, you nod and follow the High Lady into the kitchen.

Warm sunlight streams through the large windows, highlighting the room in a bright glow. Mor and Rhys are sitting at a round table, Mor is cuddling baby Nyx.

Feyre takes your hand and leads you to the table. You take a seat next to Mor, facing out towards the garden. Feyre picks up Nyx and slips into a seat next to you.

Rhys gives you a warm smile, “Did you sleep well?”

You try to speak but your mouth can’t form the words. You nod in response, cringing internally.

Feyre puts her hand on your arm in a comforting gesture.

Rhys speaks again, but this time into your mind. “If it’s easier for you, we can communicate like this. Just think what you want to say.”

‘Thank you, this helps. I am sorry for my… behaviour.’

“It’s okay, I understand. My sister, Vespera, was like you.”

Your eyes snap to Rhys at that comment. You’ve never met anyone else like you. He nods and gives you a sad smile.

“It’s very uncommon, there’s not a name for it, but you aren’t the only one.” You feel a mix of shock and relief. There is no judgement for the way you are.

“This is a safe space, Aurora,” Rhys says out loud.

‘Home. It’s home.’ You meet Rhys’s violet eyes and know he heard you.

————

After a quiet breakfast, Mor walks you out. You can winnow, but love walking around Velaris so much, and it helps to process your thoughts and regulate your emotions.

An icy blast of wind hits your face, the turbulent weather mimicking your internal turmoil.

Mor gives you a tight hug. Pulling back, her hands are on your shoulders as she asks, “Are you going to be okay, Rory?”

“Yeah, I will be. I know I don’t say it enough but I’m really grateful for you, Mor. I don’t know that I can ever repay all that you’ve done for me.

“Oh Rory, I’d do it all again. After everything you’ve been through, it’s understandable that you have walls up. I’m really glad they are starting to come down.”

Mor pulls you in for another parting hug, and she waves to you as you walk away from the house.

————

The following day you’re back in the studio, catching up on some paperwork when the door opens. You look up from your work to see your friend, Nesta, standing there.

“Hey Aurora, I’m heading to the bookstore. I was wondering if you’d like to join me?” She asks.

“I’d love to,” you flash Nesta a smile, you’re quite happy to take a break from your work.

The pair of you walk in silence for a few minutes, the only sounds made by your feet on the pavement and the leaves rustling in the trees.

Nesta finally speaks, turning to you, ‘Rory, if there’s anything you want to talk about, I’m always here to listen.’

“Thank you. I’ve, um, always been quiet and… I struggle to open up to people.”

Nesta laughs, “You and me both. I don’t think quiet is the right word though, you’re practically mute,” she teases.

Grateful to your friend for lightening the mood, you jest back, “Unlike most people, I don’t feel the need to make noise for the sake of it.” You both laugh out loud, linking arms as you continue to walk down the street.

“I’m going to tell Cas that you said that.”

After your shopping trip, you head to the River House to meet with Feyre and Mor.

————

Curled on the lounge with a mug of tea, surrounded by your friends, you feel content. You’re quite happy to sit and listen to their tales, enjoying a glimpse into their lives.

Mor mentions that she is travelling again soon for missionary work on the continent. You nod in acknowledgement as she rattles off the territories and cities she’s to visit, having seen most of them yourself with your father.

Feyre chimes in, “Rory, you’re from the continent, aren’t you? Do you miss it at all?”

You shudder at the comment, thinking of your birthplace. “Gods no. You know who they sided with in the wars. Most of the lords still hold onto their old values. Anyone that isn’t a fae male is considered less than.”

Mor winces, knowing exactly what it’s like to grow up in such a place.

“I do miss my family, but I do not miss Vallahan. It never really felt like home, I didn’t fit in there.”

After a moment of silence, Nesta asks, “Where did you learn about yoga?”

You smile softly, recalling the old spiritual leader you had the privilege of training with. “I was introduced to the practice in the mortal lands of the continent while travelling with my father. I studied under the Grand Monk for a few months, though I didn’t know at the time it would give me so much purpose.” You wrap your arms around yourself as you relay your memories to your friends. You don’t often allow yourself to reminisce about your travels.

“So you’ve travelled a lot then, huh?” Nesta asks.

“Yes.” You pause, considering the best words to explain your tumultuous past. You release a deep sigh before speaking again. “My father refused to leave me alone in our homeland. Even travelling, it was safer with him.” Mor, sitting beside you, puts her hand on your forearm in a comforting gesture. The action says more than words ever could, you can feel the empathy, support, and a hint of female rage in the touch of her palm.

You force yourself to look in her eyes as you grab her hand and give it a squeeze. Expressing everything in your heart. Mor may not have mind-reading abilities like Rhysand, but you know that she understands.

After the serious moment, you sit quietly as the females keep chatting.

Feyre turns back to you, “We’re throwing a party for Rhys’s birthday next week.”

“Oh, that sounds nice,” you reply. “I hope you have fun.”

Feyre bites her lip to keep from smiling at you. “Rory, that was an invitation.”

“Oh…” You cover your face in embarrassment but laugh through your hands. “In that case, I’d love to come, thank you for inviting me.”

Nesta claps as Mor cheers, “It’s going to be so much fun!”

————

Azriel

Azriel lets himself into the River House, the last of the Inner Circle to show up for family dinner. Rhys and Amren are in the large armchairs going over some papers, always working. Cassian, Mor and Nesta and sitting together on the big lounge, playing some kind of drinking game.

At his arrival, Feyre comes to Azriel’s side. “You just missed her.”

Before Azriel can say anything in response, Mor is at his other side, flashing a wicked grin, “He’s a spy, he did it on purpose.”

Looking around the room at all his friend’s faces, everyone is sporting a similar smirk.

“Gods, do you all know?” Azriel exclaims, already knowing the answer.

Mor just laughs, grabbing Azriel’s hand and pulling him to sit with the group on the other lounge across from Nesta and Cassian.

Feyre plops down next to her sister. “You should know Cas can’t keep his mouth shut.”

Azriel sighs and shakes his head. He’s not really mad at his brother, he knows it’s all done with love.

Nesta sits forward, grinning from ear to ear. “I have to tell you what Aurora said today.”

Everyone, including Rhys and Amren, looks on in anticipation as she pauses for dramatic effect.

“She said, unlike some people, meaning Cassian, I don’t feel the need to make noise just for the sake of it.” Nesta grins even wider and gives Cassian a pat on the shoulder. His mouth gapes in surprise but his eyes glint with amusement.

“Well, she’s not wrong.” Rhys shrugs.

“I think like this girl,” Amren states before taking a sip of her wine.

Azriel chuckles, imagining Aurora’s eyes going wide with the hint of mischief that she usually keeps hidden. His cheeks flush at the thought of her.

“Awwww look at him.” Mor pinches Azriel’s cheek, causing him to scowl.

“Busybodies, the lot of you.” Azriel mutters.

“Aurora said she’d come to your birthday, Rhys.” Feyre says, moving to sit on her mate’s lap. “She actually didn’t realise I was inviting her at first.”

Rhys reaches up to tuck a strand of Feyre’s hair behind her ear. “She’s so much like Vespera.” Rhys turns to look at Mor and Azriel. “Do you remember how difficult she found social things?” Mor nods in response.

“Vespera was always very naive though,” Cassian says.

“Age does play into it, but they are cut from the same cloth.” Rhys responds.

Azriel’s hands ball into a fist as he tries to quell his growing anger. His wings flare protectively at the thought of someone, another male, taking advantage of his mate, harming her in any way.

Azriel lets out a warning growl as he feels hands wrapping over his fist. Mor forces him to look at her, “Hey, she’s safe. It’s okay.” Azriel replies with a curt nod, he can’t fully shake the feeling of dread.

————

The day of Rhys’s party was here, and Azriel couldn’t wait to see Aurora again.

He had seen her at training earlier that week, but the interactions were brief and he didn’t mention the bond. He got no hints from Aurora whether she felt it too.

Cassian and Azriel sat in the kitchen as everyone else was getting ready, Aurora was upstairs with Mor and Nesta. Azriel’s shadows were in a flurry around him, both excited and nervous for the night ahead.

Cassian gave Azriel’s shoulder a reassuring squeeze as they waited for their friends and mates.

It wasn’t long before everyone joined them. Mor first, looking glamorous as always. Followed by Nesta, who was swiftly picked up and twirled around by Cassian. Then Feyre and Rhys, arms linked.

Finally, Aurora entered the room. When Azriel laid eyes on her, he felt the world stop. Everyone else in the room faded into the walls. He no longer needed air, or water, just her.

Azriel sucked in a breath as she moved closer to him. He slowly took in everything - her sparkling dress, the way she moved, her intoxicating scent - until his eyes landed on the delicate pendant gracing her neck, and the stone in the center.

It was cobalt blue.

He looked at her face and Aurora peered back from underneath her thick lashes. Despite wearing heels she was still much smaller than him.

“You look beautiful.” Azriel whispers.

Aurora’s cheeks flush a pretty shade of pink and she bites her lip. “Thank you. You look handsome too.” Her hand moves up to her necklace, fidgeting with the blue stone.

Both their heads whip to the side at the sound of a male cough. Azriel suddenly remembers they aren’t alone in the room.

Mor links arms with Aurora, “Come on, let’s get a drink.” Mor says, winking at Azriel as she walks past.

————

Aurora

It didn’t take long for you to remember why you usually avoid parties.

The incessant chatter and raucous laughter, the clinking sounds of glasses, blaring music that you can feel pulsing in your chest - it all blends together into an awful roar, making it very hard to distinguish the words being spoken to you.

Drinking helps make it more manageable. It helps you to cope better with the extra noise. It also gives you a nice little confidence boost that makes conversing easier. That is until you push it too far like you have done tonight.

You try to avoid drinking for this exact reason. You don’t know when to stop. When you’re having a good time, it’s so easy to keep going, to keep pushing until you’re too far gone and there’s nothing you can do but sleep it off.

You’re not quite at the passing out stage, but you’re certainly not far from it.

You excuse yourself to get a drink of water and step into the kitchen. The noises are muffled through the walls, so you take the time to have a quiet minute of solitude before braving the party again.

You lean against the counter, bracing yourself as you wobble in your heels. You had cursed at Mor when she suggested them, but you couldn’t fault her - they did make your legs look incredible.

“What’s a pretty thing like you doing in here by herself?” A deep voice asks from behind.

You tense, turning to face the male. Despite being intoxicated, you still retain a semblance of control. “Have we met?” You ask the stranger.

“We have now.” He purrs, stepping closer to you. Trying to maintain the distance, you press your back into the counter. “My name’s Edward, what’s yours?”

“Aurora.” You say flatly, as you slide to the right along the counter to avoid getting pinned where you stand.

Before you can move too far away, Edward grabs your wrist. “Don’t go, I just want to get to know you,” he slurs, however, the look in his eyes tells you he’s not interested in talking.

Your heart thunders in your ears and everything slows down. You only have a moment to decide your next move. Cursing your heels, you yank your arm away and bolt. Your legs carry you much faster than they should, considering the volume of liquor you’ve ingested, but you fly down the hallway until you hit a wall.

No - not a wall, solid muscle. Two strong hands grab your shoulders and steady you. Azriel.

A wave of relief washes over you and you fall into his chest. His arms wrap around you, holding you firmly.

“Hey, what happened?” He asks, stroking your hair. You bury your face in his shirt and shake your head.

Azriel lifts you up with ease and carries you outside to a private balcony, away from the party and any prying eyes.

He sets you down gently and takes a step back from you. His brows are furrowed in concern.

Your whole body is shaking now, your heart rate has eased slightly but you can still feel the adrenaline coursing through you. You turn away from Azriel, wrap your arms around yourself and crouch on the floor, trying to make yourself as small as possible.

Azriel kneels down beside you, placing a comforting hand on your back. “I’m here, you’re okay. Just breathe for me.” You listen and take deep breaths until your body stills.

You tilt your head up to look at Azriel and admit, “I’m sick of being a timid, little mouse. I want to be able to stick up for myself.”

You rise, pulling Azriel to stand with you, “Teach me.”

“Uh, wha-” He stutters.

“Teach me how to fight back. I don’t want to be the prey anymore. I want to be the hunter.”

Azriel’s thumb grazes over your cheek, “Okay, I’ll teach you.”

Part Six

#azriel acotar #azriel shadowsinger #azriel fanfic #azriel x oc #a court of thorns and roses #azriel #azriel fic #acotar fanfiction #acotar fic #acotar #acomaf #acowar #acosf

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red-dead-do-over246 · 1 year

Note

I don't know why but I always crave angst with a happy ending

Arthur is stressed and shouts at reader ( can be a kid or adult) and she runs with her horse to clear her mind for a few days and Arthur panics when she doesn't come back after 1 day

Just came by your blog and love your writing

Thank you! And angst with a happy ending is always a fave of mine, so I get it XD Hope you enjoy! 💖 *slight angst* with adult reader.

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Like a Bear

Arthur knows he can be as terrifying as a grizzly when he gets mad, but the real deal can do a lot more damage. He soon figures that out when you don’t return.

Dutch is always making Arthur’s life a living hell, even if he doesn’t realize it. Do this, do that. Not only him, but others have been on his back as well. Mr. Morgan, have you put anything into the box recently? Arthur knows someone is going to hit a nerve at some point. It’s like the old saying goes; don’t poke the bear.

Well, you poked a little too hard, and Arthur let you have it.

“Can’t I just have five minutes to myself! Without anyone comin’ to bother me!” Arthur shouted at you, much to your surprise. The man was always so kind-hearted and calm despite his upbringing. He would only act aggressive towards those who harmed those he cared about.

Not you. Never you. But here he was.

“I just wanted-” You started to say, but he cut you off.

“I can’t right now! I just can’t! Leave me be!” Arthur shouted at you in a way he’s only done to someone like Micah. Everyone in camp was now watching, some looking more shocked than others. You didn’t even have the energy to say anything else at this point. The whole point of your conversation was forgotten, obviously not important, and you didn’t want to face Arthur like this anymore.

So, you ran towards your horse and sped out of camp, everyone watching.

“Was that really necessary, Arthur?” Charles asked the young man, but Arthur just brushed him off with a wave of his hand.

“I don’t care right now...” He said before storming off, not even worrying about where you went. Arthur had his own problems, and he needed to deal with them on his own. But perhaps he should’ve worried more about you, and where your clouded head will take you.

Outlaws are fierce, but mother nature is much fiercer...

Around one day later.

“She’s been gone for a while.” Arthur mentioned, his head now clearer and emotions much kinder.

“A day is not a while, Arthur.” Micah commented from his place against a tree. I know we all hate to hear this, but he’s actually right. You usually are gone for several days when you need to clear your head after a tough day. So this wasn’t so unexpected.

But Arthur was worried. He had a bad feeling.

“Somethin’ just doesn’t feel right...” Arthur said and Micah scoffed, putting his knife away. He walked towards the other man.

“Somethin’ never feels right with you, Cowpoke.” Micah sneered and Arthur shot him a glare. He doesn’t have time for that rat right now. Arthur was more worried about you. Everything in his body was telling him that you were lost or hurt. Normally, he wouldn’t listen, but when it came to you, he was willing to take a chance.

Plus, you were owed an apology.

“I’m going to look for her.” He said to no one in particular before going to his own horse. Once he was in the saddle, Arthur tried to think of all the places that you would go. There was one place in particular that he thought of, but it was a bit of a ride.

Either way, he was headed towards the mountains...

Once he was lost in the wilderness, Arthur began to feel guilt overtake his panic. Despite any stress he was feeling, he shouldn’t take it out on you. He’s taken on plenty a burden before, so what’s any different now? You mattered to him, and he wasn’t going to let that go.

“Y/N!” He called out your name. Suddenly, his horse jumped a bit in an uneasy manner, and Arthur could sense the springiness in his horse’s hindquarters, like they were ready to bolt any second.

“Easy there, girl. You’re okay.” Arthur said while patting the horse’s neck. She whinnied slightly, pawing the ground a bit before Arthur urged her to walk again.

As he did so, he completely missed the deep gouges on the tree high above his head...

“Y/N! Where are you!” Arthur called out desperately as he continued to urge his horse deeper into the forest despite the protest he got for it. That should’ve been Arthur’s first warning; when his horse started to act up.

“Y/N!” He tried one last time, stopping his horse at the edge of a clearing.

“Over here...” A timid voice, one that was unlike yours, sounded from behind a boulder. Arthur’s heart leapt with relief as he rode his horse through the grasses and wildflowers to get to where you were. He couldn’t have been more grateful seeing your form curled up on the other side of that rock.

“Thank goodness...you’re alright.” He said while sliding off his horse, a rifle swung over his shoulder. You were curled up, seemingly afraid but not hurt. When you slowly looked up at Arthur, your eyes were full of tears.

He felt so much guilt that he didn’t even register that your horse was nowhere in sight.

“Oh Arthur...you...” You were so shaken up, but Arthur moved quickly to kneel before you and bring you into a hug, causing you to shriek.

“I’m sorry Y/N...I never meant to shout, I was just-” However, his tone was cut off by you wiggling to grab his shoulders, forcing him to turn around. He took note of the fear in your eyes.

“Arthur, it’s okay, but right now, we’re in danger.” You said in a shaky voice, and that’s when Arthur heard the noise. It was a huffing noise, made by something very large. Arthur got to his feet and turned fully to see the thing that was actually frightening you. The thing that scared your horse.

A very large grizzly bear.

It was walking over a rise in the plains, making it slowly reveal itself. It was like the bear came from out of the earth before it clearly saw Arthur. The grizzly huffed once more before roaring and lunging at the outlaw.

You let out a squeal of fear, but Arthur was prepared. His horse fled, but he knew he grabbed that rifle for a reason. The outlaw didn’t think twice before lifting the gun up and taking several shots. On any other occasion, he would’ve tried to leave the situation, but the bear gave him no choice.

It soon lay dead due to Arthur’s deadly accuracy.

“Now...are you okay?” Arthur asked with a slight grin, offering his hand to you. You nodded slightly, taking his hand and allowing him to help you up. Arthur then sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck.

“Again Y/N, I’m sorry-” But you cut him off by throwing yourself into him for a hug.

“You coming to save me said enough.” You told him softly with a smile. Arthur, getting as flustered as he can, hugged you back with a slight laugh. After giving you a couple pats on the back, you released him. Arthur then whistled for his horse, you following, glad things were cleared up.

“What did you do to anger that bear?” Arthur asked as you guys waited for the horses to come back. You stifled a laugh as you came up with an answer.

“I guess that bear was just like you when your grumpy...I got in its space on a bad day.”

Arthur laughed more than he did in ages. He was glad things were back to normal and you were safe and sound.

#red dead redemption 2 #red dead redemption 2 x reader #rdr2 #rdr #rdr2 arthur morgan #arthur morgan #arthur x reader #arthur morgan x reader #arthur morgan imagine

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undertale-writing-times · 6 months

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“I’m a burden, aren’t I?” with Stretch, please?

Thanks for asking! This was fun.

Sometimes Stretch didn't, no not didn't; he couldn't force himself to get out of bed. Those were the bad days, days where he wouldn't want to do anything. Hell, sometimes he has a hard time even breathing during those days.

Blueberry would often call him lazy, and tell him to get up, but he would just joke and brush it off and Blueberry would stop bugging him after a bit. It made Stretch feel bad, but he knew that he couldn't handle it! He couldn't handle talking to people or just getting up.

It was troublesome.

Today was one of those days.

He laid on the bed, with his head resting on his arms, his eyes shut. He's been having bad dreams again, things that he thought he's gotten over... or at least things that he thought he could brush off now. Dreaming of resets. Ha, of course.

Ugh.

He hated that sorta stuff. He hated how many times they had to be killed over and over again. Did he blame the kid? Maybe? He didn't really know, not anymore.

While he was laying there he heard footsteps, then knocking on the door. Stretch lets out a slow breath and moves a pillow over to hide his face in it. Go away Blue, he didn't wanna talk right now.

The door opened and he heard a voice he wasn't expecting, "Stretch? Are you okay?"

His bones locked for a second. Wait... that was Y/n? What was Y/n doing here? They weren't supposed to hang out today, were they? No, he didn't remember them making plans or anything.

He lifts his head to look over at them, frowning slightly, and asks, "What... are you doing here?"

"Your brother called me, he said that you're not feeling real good," They walk over, sit beside him on the bed and they start to rub his back, "Do you want to talk about what's going on?"

“I’m a burden, aren’t I?”

He sees Y/n's eyes widen, and they tilt their head, asking, "What do you mean?"

"Sometimes I just can't get up out of bed. I should be able to do more but I just... can't!" he holds up his arms, then drops them, sighing. "I just feel like I'm being a burden."

"Stretch," They mumble, frowning and they reach over to place their hands on his cheeks, "You aren't a burden at all. You do things at your own pace, and you're trying to do your best and that's amazing. Sometimes people have bad days... I don't think anyone blames you for that." They rub their thumb against his cheek as they spoke, his eyesockets shut.

Well, what about Blueberry? He just thought that Stretch was lazy, and sure, he was a bit lazy, but it was normally just cause he couldn't handle anything else. His emotions would work against him.

Y/n continues to talk, "Hey, why don't we just spend the day together in here? We can lay together and chat, huh?" He looks at them, their smile, and couldn't help his own little grin. He nods in approval and pulls them into a hug, falling back onto his bed hearing them laugh, telling him to knock it off.

Stretch, of course, wasn't at 100% but he had a feeling that Y/n would be a lot of help...

#Underswap #Underswap Papyrus #Stretch #Stretch X Reader #Reader X Stretch #Is this angst?#Maybe Angst?#Angst #Light Angst #undertale alternate universe #undertale alternate timeline #undertale ask blog #undertale au #undertale imagines #undertale headcanons

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littleliquor · 1 year

Text

When Daylight Fades (pt. 3)

Note: Wednesday’s coming in part 5 (posting later so stay tuned)! I figured out how to head into her story over my lunch break. This chapter is going to be a bit of a bonding time. A little lighthearted (or not?) Feel free to leave me a message if you want more :)

Summary: Witch!Reader receives an unexpected visit from her “Coven family” who delivered a word of wisdom that upset her. Tyler opened up about his anger towards his mother’s passing and outcasts. The two bonded over the treatment towards Hydes from the outcasts.

Warning:

Part 1 Part 2 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7

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No one ever told me what to do when your sunshine in life became darkness. No one ever told me how addictive and how much I’d want it more as the darkness crept over him. Tyler was the light in this life to guide me through the clouds and shadows. But the more the darkness of Hyde became him, somehow I wanted more. I wanted more darkness, more shadows, on him and finally onto me. It felt as if a lifetime of bloodlust that lurked within me had finally gained its vicarious outlet.

It started off as vengeance, when normies stormed into my village with flaming torches and pitchforks, killing my kins like lambs to their slaughter. So I hunted them down, one by one, until I was strong enough. Then I took their entire village same way they took mine, sparing no souls behind. At one point, I grew weary and fearful of what I had become. But then I began to enjoy it. Each life I took, I took joyously. The scream of the dying made my heart race and my blood boil.

Until I met Tyler. For the first time in many lives, I remembered the smaller things that brought me so much happiness. Playing make believes in treehouse, skipping rocks by the river side… For once, I wanted to be normal, without the burden and the sickly urge to harm.

Chatters in the quad were usual in the morning. What was unusual was the unsettling and worrisome atmosphere surrounding it.

“Y/N!” Bianca waved at me to the fountain. “Where have you been last night?” Her clear blue eyes had concern written all over them.

“I spent the night at Tyler’s. What’s wrong? Wait, you didn’t tell anyone I wasn’t here, right?” I lowered my voice.

“Of course not! What kind of friend do you think I am? Haven’t you heard? Some kids were murdered in the woods last night. I thought you were one of them.” She showed me the news on her phone.

“Can’t say I have heard.” I denied swiftly, frowning at the news content.

Gruesome Murder of Four Teenagers Found in The Woods.

“Speaking of, judging from your constant sleepovers, it’s safe to assume that your dates’ been going well?” Bianca’s lips curled up into a sly smirk. “I didn’t even know when you guys started!”

“It was, dramatic.” I laughed dryly. Whatever happened in the cave wasn’t something you could just share to everyone.

“Not the type I’d imagined you’d like but I’m happy for you.” Bianca shrugged, giving me a cheeky wink before walking to her class.

At our herbology class, I couldn’t help but noticed that Thornhill’s eyes kept flowing to my direction, colder and colder with each glare. If I was an innocent teenage girl, her looks could send some proper chills down my spine. Luckily, I was not.

“I heard you got closer to the sheriff’s son.” Xavier turned around to my desk, whispering in a tone which I could only identified as disappointment.

“The rumour’s true.” I spun my pen in between my fingers with a carefree attitude, though deep down, I felt apologetic for dating the person who ran with his bullies. “I’m sorry what he and his friends did to you…”

“No, it’s cool. I just want to… warn you. He’s bad news.” Xavier sighed, shaking his head with a bitter smile.

“You do realize the more you tell me not to do something, the more I want to do that right?” I joked lightheartedly, hoping to lighten up the atmosphere.

“I sure do. Just be careful.” He scoffed quietly.

I went to the Weathervane after the fencing practice. Seemingly it had become a part of my daily routine to sneak off to see Tyler. Weathervane at the late night hour was about as quiet as a graveyard. As I walked through the door, his eyes shot from behind the counter. A big, stupid grin crept onto his face.

“You’re late today!” Tyler leaned against the counter, beaming with my usual order in his hand.

“Do you say that to every customer?” I gawked, brushing his hand while picking up the coffee.

“Only reserved for my special VIP.”

As I turned around, I noticed a certain familiar figure sitting at my usual booth, one I could never forget, as much as I wished. Draped in her tightly fitted leather jacket and six-inch killer stiletto heels. A wide grin pulled her red lips ear to ear as I reciprocated to her anticipating gaze. I let out a long, somber sigh, sitting down across her.

“Joy, what are you doing here?” I pursed my lips together in an unconcealed annoyance.

“Y/N, I’m doing fine. Thanks a lot for asking.” Joy didn’t not find my aloofness to be strange. I didn’t want to see her and she was well-acquainted with my disdain towards most members of the Coven. The idea of “big family” didn’t quite sit well with me.

“You didn’t come all the way from Europe for small talks, did you?” I crossed my arms in front of my chest, leaning back to the chair.

“I believe it would be even more torturous to you if my answer was yes. Luckily, no.” Joy swept her hair behind her shoulder, speaking in a volume only we could hear. “I’m here to warn you. I’m worried. I’d seen how hard you’ve tried to steer away from your history. I just don’t want you to repeat it. Being close to a creature of violence and darkness will only derail you from the path you’ve been building.”

“I already told you, I know what I’m doing. I don’t need your lecture.” I said, stirring my coffe in a swift, clockwise motion.

“Think about it. Centuries ago, you wouldn’t let yourself be in a crowd of normies without killing at least a few. Right now, you have the power to wipe out this entire town or turn them against one another in the blink of an eye and yet you didn’t. That was more self-control and determination than I’ve ever seen in a lot of witches. I don’t want you to let that all go to waste. I know you don’t believe you need any of us but…” Joy propped her elbows on the table, looking into eyes with a candidness that I didn’t believe.

“Where were you when I needed saving? When they burnt me on the stake, I called for you. No one came. Now you expect me to believe a word that came out of your snake’s tongue? You have no rights to come up here in the first place.” I narrowed my eyes. In front of her, I could barely hold the rage that burned from the depth of my stomach. A rage that I’d been repressing for longer than I remembered.

Joy opened her lips for a moment, but then decided against it. She sighed in dejection as she stood up from the seat.

“Say what you want. If you need me, us, in anyway, you know how to find me.” That was the last words she left before the clacking sound of her heels headed out of Weathervane.

I placed my palms over my face and took a deep breath to regain my poise. I knew Joy cared about me truly but I would give up the world before I give up on Tyler. I wondered if the path of darkness was the only path I could walk with him by my side, or could things be different.

The moment my father found out about my abilities, I noticed the way he looked at me changed. I wasn’t the innocent little girl he nurtured, but a creature that sends chills down his spine the more I stayed under his roof. He didn’t desert his responsibilities, of course, no. He merely avoided anything more than that.

I was left on my own for a very long time, until the Coven recovered me. They took me in like one of their own. Yet, none of their pretentious kindness could repent for their indifference when I called for their help at my demise, last demise.

As I placed my hands back on the coffee, my eyes were met by a pair of turquoise ones. I jumped slightly out of shock.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you. I thought I saw you guys arguing over something. You look pretty upset there.” Tyler placed a freshly baked scone in front of me. Even the plate was lukewarm. The chocolate scent was enough to make anyone’s day.

“It’s just some… family business. She means no harm.” I smiled dryly, poking the pastry with a fork. Tyler’s look softened when I mentioned “no harm”. Part of me was relieved that I didn’t accidentally murdered the Supreme of my own Coven. “Joy is the leader of my Coven. She just dropped by to see if I was doing alright in Nevermore.”

“Not much of a happy kind of family reunion?” Tyler asked, fingers twitching lightly in a quiet, nervous disposition.

“In case you haven’t noticed by now, I’m kind of the rebel in the family. Surely even my dad has talked to yours about just how much of a headache I am.” I shrugged. It didn’t bother me much that my troubling nature had been found rather unbecoming by many more around me. Not that I cared enough to change.

“I might have overheard. Not to me though, you aren’t.” He gleamed comfortingly.

“Then you clearly don’t know me well enough.” I bit down on my lower lip. There were many secrets to a person that should never be uncovered. Some past were too grim to be heard of on this earth again. Tyler’s look lingered on me, searching for a non-existing sign that I was joking around.

“I don’t want to pressure you. I think, when you’re willing to let me in, you’d be surprised.” He was reluctant to give up on pursuing for the skeletons I kept behind my closet, but my silence and unsettling did seem to worry him.

“I could say the same about you. You know, therapist aren’t your only outlet. I’m always here if you need me.” My fingers danced along the veins on the back of his hand, expecting him to become defensive and withdrawing just as the first time I visited him after his mother’s wake. The image of him slamming the door with a stone-cold look was burnt in the back of my mind. At time, I stopped talking to him altogether to avoid agitating him further, in hopes that he would be in good hand with his father. However, it didn’t seem to be the case at all.

Tyler didn’t shy away from my touch or my attempt to opening him up about his mother this time. He turned his wrist up, smoothing over my pulse point.

“I’m angry, had been since she was gone. He… uh, doesn’t want to talk about her at all. And you, you stopped talking to me for some reasons. Somehow, I’ve never felt more… alone.”

“I thought you needed your peace when I visited after the wake. I’m sorry I didn’t come check up on you sooner.”

“I did slammed the door… You have every right to keep the distance from me. I should be saying sorry to you. But that’s not what I was angry about.” Tyler shook his head. He was smiling but tears were glistening in his eyes.

“Then what is it?”

“You see, a while after she passed. Your teacher came to me, claiming that she knew the true reason why Mom made that decision. Mom used to go to Nevermore, but when she needed their help, they never gave her any help nor guidance. They were all too scared. Ironic, isn’t? Outcasts fearing another outcast. It’s their rejection and isolation that pushed her off the cliff. All her life, she thought that was a place where she belonged and it betrayed her when she needed them most.” As Tyler explained, his expression darkened with a ghastly shadow, cold, angry, almost sadistic. It was a look that I’d never seen on him before, except for the time when he looked at my bullies outside of Weathervane.

“Fear makes people do things. As far as I know, several Hydes were accepted in Nevermore throughout its long history, until they were banned for being too violent, unpredictable and uncontrollable.” I pursed my lips in disapproval, having known far too well how fear makes the worst in people magnify in the most catastrophic way. “That’s a crock of shit. People fear things that they don’t understand, but they don’t seek ways to understand it.”

I had gone through some readings about the school’s history for leisure entertainment. The accepting and inspection on the species stopped after a terrible incident inside the school. A whole hall student population was wiped out overnight as a Hyde lost control. They did nothing to help, simply keeping all Hydes out as if they never existed. I’d seen it far too many times. A fate like this often happens between human and outcasts. Luckily, outcasts built themselves a safety haven that was Nevermore. Casted out by outcasts? That was the true tragedy.

“You think there’s a way to control… it?” Tyler’s eyes shot up to mine, gazing into mine with disbelief.

“There has to.” I rested my face on my palm, reaffirming with a seething determination.

#tyler x reader #tyler galpin #tyler galpin x reader #wednesday #netflix #when daylight fades

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writerfae · 5 months

Note

I am very talkative today, it seems! I hope you don't mind!

I have an interesting question, because though I don't know the answer, I have a good guess!

But Endre would want to know this way more than me.

To Endre Henry would seem like the ideal big brother (cause he is). Even knowing that he left Aiden, he'd still seem perfect to Endre because he sees how they act around echother. He sees how Henry still looks out for Aiden, and he hears about how they were as kids.

And Endre, who's trying to be a better big brother, who regrets the way he treated his siblings in the past would really admire him.

But in one of his guilt fuled, self-deprecating moments, he would surely ask something like this, and I want to hear what Henry would answer:

Endre: H... how did you do it? You were carrying so much pain. You were out of place. Your mom died. You bacame a vessel for your father's grief, just because you looked like her. You had to care for both him and your brother and Aiden... he didn't have to carry as much. You had to make sure he didn't. You did make sure he didn't, so how did you never get jealous? How come you never wanted to switch places? How did you never take it out on him? How come... how come I wasn't more like you?

Please answer as Henry if you can!

I don’t mind at all! In fact I’m happy for every ask I get from you ^^

I feel really sorry for Endre. I think Henry would too. He’d probably tell him something like this:

I am not an heir like you. I didn’t have a whole kingdom to worry about. All I have is my family and they are everything to me. I was taught from my mother from a very young age on to do what is best for my family and that stuck with me. Especially after losing my mom. I had to keep looking after them, like I promised her.

It was really hard, yes, and often I hated it. But for me, it was something I had to do. Someone had to keep this family from falling apart and I did it. Because I’m the eldest child. Because I love my family. And no matter how hard it can be, love is not a burden. I had to take responsibility. My father couldn’t and my mother was gone and Aiden was just a child.

And I wanted him to be a child. See, the thing is that unlike you (I assume), who had to prepare for a reign all your youth, I had a pretty carefree childhood. Sure, there was this secret I carried, but still, I was happy. When I was eight, I got to learn and play and joke around. It wouldn’t have been fair if I didn’t let Aiden have the same experience. I’ve never been jealous of Aiden for getting to be a child, cause I got to do it as well when I was his age.

And that makes the difference, I think. You never were allowed to experience being a child in the way your siblings did. I get why that would make you jealous. You know, I never told anyone but Callan before, but when I was younger, I sometimes found myself envying Aiden for being our father’s biological son. It’s not like Milan loved Aiden more, he’s always treated me the same gentle way, yet the two had a sort of connection that him and I didn’t have and it was obvious to me. So it is not like I never got jealous, but jealousy is an ugly feeling. And like all negative emotions, it needs an outlet, so it won’t eat us alive. Again, that’s something my mother taught me. (What we learn from our mothers really shape us as a person, I think.) For me, that outlet was going to the woods. It cleared my head, sorted my thoughts and made me calm down.

I don’t know how you were raised and I can only guess from what I know from Callan how much pressure there was on you ever since you were a child. But if I had to assume, I think you lacked such an outlet and to protect yourself, you started letting your negative emotions out on your siblings. You know as well as me that that’s not the right way, but you didn’t know any better. Growing up takes time for a reason. If you have to grow up too fast, like you and me, you can act mature all you want, but certain things, certain emotions and processes simply aren’t fully developed yet. Deep down you’re still not an adult, you are just a child keeping up an act all the time. Not just in front of others, but also in front of yourself. And that can lead to miscalculations and wrong decisions.

Like you mistreating your siblings. Like me leaving behind my brother. Because that’s the thing. I am by far not perfect, I haven’t always been the best brother in the past. But Aiden has forgiven me for that, just like your siblings forgave you, so all that is left is to do better in the future. Give yourself time to grow. You have acknowledged your mistakes and your mistakes have been forgiven, so now it is time to forgive yourself. There is no need to look back, look ahead instead. Look at your siblings, meet them eye to eye.

#I hope I didn’t forget anything #Endre and Henry are completely different in the way they were raised the circumstances they faced and the way their personalities are #so I think it’s hard to compare their situations #Endre was raised after the standard of everything for our people #Henry was raised after the standard everything for our family #I don’t know if I could really bring across what I wanted to say or if it made sense at all #but I tried. well Henry tried #Henry seems like the perfect brother cause we see him through Aiden’s eyes. but he has his flaws too #still he never would’ve wished for Aiden to switch with him #Henry pretty much has self-sacrificial tendencies (lies in the family) that’s why he’d never do it #writer speaks #writeblr #wip: the knights of the alder

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knowlesian · 2 years

Text

i was chatting about this over messages and hadn't seen anyone else post about it, so i figured what the hell: why my fourth favorite joke might be izzy’s pissy little ‘i do this, i do that, you're so erratic’ rant, and the subversion/setup/foreshadowing it provides.

(third: montezuma’s revenge joke via izzy the metaphor colonizer. e5 setup, e9 punchline. now that’s some next level comedy writing.)

anyway! let’s take it line by line.

For years, I’ve followed your every whim. I’ve managed your increasingly erratic moods, I’ve massaged this crew when they were worried about your judgment.

Mmm. Sounds stressful, Izzy.

so! it would be very easy to just take izzy at his word and create scenarios to suit, where izzy is a reliable narrator and actually doing all these things.

(and just as a structure nerd note while i’m at it, since i think that term gets used colloquially so often that much like filler, it needs clarifying sometimes: unreliable narrator doesn't mean never right or always lying. it just means unreliable, and their ultimate narrative purpose is to force an audience to think critically and examine the text as a whole to try to find what is empirical reality and what is not, instead of sorting them into liar or honest and leaving it there, thanks for coming to my tedtalk & etc)

izzy himself is urging an audience to fill in those gaps, to create pre-canon scenarios that support izzy and silence ed. to make us imagine an ed who is out of control and in need of a constant exasperated minder; to implicitly and thematically render him a violent, angry child and not a full man in his own right. an ed who cannot face the world or make his own choices, unless izzy is there to guide him and set boundaries so he does not ruin his own life.

and izzy feels so, so burdened by this. he tells us so!

hmmm. a burdened white man... which would make ed a white man’s burden.

now, where have i heard that before? it’s on the tip of my racist system of genocidal white people of all classes rolling up into places where people are living and dying and making good choices and bad choices alike all on their own just fine thanks and saying, party’s over kids. daddy’s home now, and you better listen up because father knows best tongue.

that’s izzy’s purpose in the narrative, at least when it comes to the specific angle of implicit bias and the stressful and constant unavoidable racial power dynamics that come into all our social interactions whether we like it or not. because if we are honest and genuinely want to dismantle white supremacy, we need to name the beast so we can fight it. that means admitting even when class is figured into the matter, white men of a certain age who act like izzy acts and say the things he says are unconsciously processed as being logical and in control no matter what, and people who are not white get the exact opposite treatment.

it’s the rule of who would the cops believe. (or, in this case, his majesty’s royal navy.)

izzy holds social power ed does not, alongside institutionalized power. this show is playing out very modern racial dynamics with izzy, so he’s blind to this power— we as an audience can’t be, or we’re... izzy.

and to be very blunt, because i feel i need to be: if you think being izzy is a good thing, then oh boy. time to think about why a white man who makes the black crew members do hard labor and none of the white ones is someone you are cool making excuses for.

i do not believe izzy cannot change his ways; i do believe he very, very much needs to change them.

which brings me to the undercover joke.

so, the first line is doing a lot, right out the gate: izzy says he's followed ed’s every whim.

first layer: izzy, hon, this is ed’s ship. he’s captain. his whims are what you literally signed up to follow. if you don’t want to follow them... go find a different captain, or be your own captain! these are very, very easy things to do, especially as the things canon backs izzy up on is that he’s a competent sailor and a fantastic fighter, when he's fighting people who actually play by traditional rules and not stede and his hijinks-heavy style of fighting.

(and just to say it: izzy losing to stede does not make him a bad fighter. it makes him an inflexible one, who is not good at improv’ing solutions outside blunt force ‘uhhhh we could kill things about it????’ type answers, and one who didn't see that cherrywood mast coming when he popped stede’s getting stabbed cherry. skilled people fuck up sometimes even before you get to not being able to predict new factors in situations you think you have thoroughly prepared for; it’s not impossible to lose, even when you are very very good at something and you prepared as well as anybody could. even serena williams has off days, and izzy hands you are no serena.)

second layer: uhhhh, do you follow his whims iz? because we see you push back, all the time forever, several times to the point of just saying fuck you, i won't let you make this choice and i am gonna make it for you.

third layer, crunchiest of all? actually, ed ends up where he's at by the end of the finale because he decides to follow izzy’s whims, and just give that sad little man the blackbeard he asked for: a cartoon legend who cuts off toes for a laugh.

then we get to the next claim: he's managed ed’s ‘increasingly erratic moods’.

now, don't get me wrong— we see ed respond to bad situations with sometimes outsized despondency, he gets real mad at racists and yells at nature/snakes, and when specifically triggered by very literally his worst memory that was also the moment that convinced him he's a bad person he cries in a bathtub and decides he’d rather not repeat that action, especially not when this time he’d be directly killing a man he's starting to love.

so i’m not like, ah yes. edward teach: famously always on an even keel and doing just fine.

but what's actually erratic about those things? erratic means unpredictable, not dramatic. he’s responding to bad situations in ways that indicate he's nearing the end of his desire to keep juggling all the plates he’s got in the air and that weariness combined with a certain amount of arrogance is making him stop double-checking for mistakes, but we see nothing that says he’s losing the ability.

only izzy tells us that. izzy, who is constantly being managed by ed throughout the run of the series. izzy, who seems to exhibit somewhat erratic behavior and mood swings of his own; izzy, who calls down the royal navy upon them all because he's butthurt and jealous and all his cds are in the car, regardless of what he tells himself about protecting ed from ruin.

izzy is shocked ed would sign the act of grace, but if he actually knew ed that would be a somewhat predictable action; anybody can see that ed really fuckin’ likes stede. he tried to stop izzy from the duel, and then when stede won he stuck to his guns and kicked izzy off the ship. ‘i wonder if he’ll just give up on this guy if i track down his crafty frat boy ex and get him to do a reverse parent trap’ is sort of a stupid plan, unless you’re assuming ed is genuinely just longing to go back to the old days and need to be shocked back into reality.

you know what i’d argue is actually fairly erratic, because erratic actually means unpredictable? that fucking plan of his.

how on earth would anyone be like, ah yes. jack was sent by izzy to break them up and lure ed off the ship so the royal navy can come crashing down on all their heads. nobody could have immediately predicted that, right after the sandwich bonked izzy on the noggin.

because izzy expresses horror that ed would lick the king’s boots: the unspoken there is there would be no boots to lick if izzy had not gone and fetched said jackboots and licked them to a shiny gleam first himself.

so when izzy is like, ewwww ed. you'd work with the KING??? we as an audience need to remember: izzy is a textual hypocrite. izzy still has the taste of bootleather on his tongue, and he’s got the gall to get all snotty at ed about the act of grace— a choice ed makes under duress with a literal gun to stede’s head, where izzy made a choice of his own free will out of misplaced emotions and a condescending colonizer mindset that tells him he has the fucking right to look at ed and see a burden to be shouldered and a man who is half-insane, not a fucking genius at the top of his game who keeps telling izzy to please just knock it off and stop being so fuckin rigid.

which brings us to the third part, and the text’s subtle confirmation that everything izzy says he does for ed in that speech, ed actually does for izzy.

he’s massaging the crew when they doubt ed’s judgement, izzy says.

we know that’s not true. fang and ivan don’t respect him for a myriad of reasons, and anytime ed is gone and they can express it they do.

then, once they think ed is gone for good— it's curtains for ol’ izzy. fang and ivan would rather sail under the leadership of one oluwande boodhari, Genuinely Good Captain Material than spend one single more second dealing with izzy’s version of the same.

what saves izzy from meeting the devil at the bottom of the deep blue sea?

ed’s arrival, and ed’s desire to have a familiar face bring him tea. because he'd rather it be stede, but he doesn’t want to be alone; and izzy is still there while stede is gone, potentially forever as far as ed knows.

so, the text tells us: if there was any massaging of the crew going on, it was ed’s legend and the idea of what ed would do if he woke up and somebody had shoved his purse dog overboard keeping izzy afloat.

we know that, because they showed us.

so what the text shows us is ed, keeping him around even though nobody else has faith in him, managing izzy and knowing his mind well enough to do so successfully. we see ed ask izzy for tea once; to make up scenarios where izzy did that for so long he’s just tired of taking care of ed at long last is to ignore what we see, and just listen to what izzy tells us.

because what does ed say? that sounds stressful, izzy. sounds; not is.

i just wanna TALK to these writers, you know? jesus fuck.

he’s mocking izzy, because ed knows what the fuck is going on. he knows everything izzy claims to do and wants to take credit for, ed is actually doing and deserves the credit for. this is what it is, to exist in the world and look like ed: there is always, always a white person ready to take credit for your labor while they devalue you and say it's for your own good.

heartbreaking part loud: most of the time, they fucking believe it is. racism is also an unconscious reflex action, floating along in the cultural bloodstream, popping up in ways people don't often see in themselves, or care to investigate at all when someone points it out to them.

to wit: we know ed asked izzy to bring him lucius. he did not want izzy for comfort; we do not see izzy witness him cry, not once. pointedly: ed cries alone, once lucius is gone.

to ignore that and to assume izzy has been watching that happen, over and over and over because ed is erratic and lacks control and surely could not hide things from izzy, World’s Least Emotionally Intelligent Man, is to ignore ed’s version of events— and the version of events we see play out in front of our eyes— because we heard izzy’s point of view before we got the truth of the matter.

to take izzy at his word at first is understandable; he literally spoke first, and the action then showed his version of history to be untrue afterwards, episode by episode. these are careful writers and subtle ones to boot, so it’s easy to forget this is not a show where the curtains are just blue, leave the matter there and then filter all future action through what izzy told us to see.

and beyond that, we are all trained to see men like izzy as reliable sources and arbiters of empirical reality and history via the dominant culture set by those who most benefit from these assumptions. sadly, most media has at best a surface desire to break that narrative pattern. i very much know that in most shows, izzy would be reliable and ed would be erratic, and it would be a pattern repeated on accident without malicious will or conscious intent ever entering the chat— that’s what makes defeating it so hard to do. people genuinely do not mean to do these things, so they tell themselves they could not be doing it at all.

antonio espera (aka, poke) gives a whole speech about this in generation kill, another piece of media that considers these issues and (due to the subject matter and the real men it portrays) has the approach of presenting us a rainbow of izzys to understand, see them as fellow complicated humans worth empathy who have a specific history that made them what they are, then hold them to narrative account for the horrible things they do, anyway.

white man’s gotta rule the world, says the conventional wisdom via a us marine who combines dark humor and honesty when discussing his lack of ability to be a powerful white man and his job enforcing a broken fucked up power system for them. it’s just a job; and that’s just destiny.

on ofmd, they’re far more interested in building a world where none of that is the case at all.

#our flag means death #i want to be super measured and understanding on this one #but people who take izzy at his word and defend him and ignore canon to create a world where ed is literally a white man's burden?#it's just Not It #and i love the text in part for knowing that #seeing so much of fandom ignore it lowkey breaks my heart #also makes it an unfriendly space for poc fans #which ...sucks! very much sucks #this show is the rare show that knows implicit bias exists in the everyday #and not just in huge outsized monsters #they are engaging with racism and the toll it takes to deal with white people who mean well but don't get it yet #i really wish fandom could do more of the same #my ofmd meta

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cloudcountry · 1 year

Text

because you would do the same

Genre/Tropes: You already knoooow it's hurt/comfort!!! Panic attacks!!! The whole shebang!!!!!

Summary: You're having a panic attack in the school bathroom, and Ortho finds you. Good thing Idia installed all that helpful medical software, huh?

Author's Comments: Hello this is my anxiety disorders having ass writing about panic attacks again!! There's a lot of self deprecation happening here so be warned if that could make you uncomfortable. Also descriptions of panic attacks obviously AJSHDJAS I tried my best to put the feeling into words. THIS IS PLATONIC.

~~~~~

Everyone knows that the ideal place to have a panic attack would be the bathroom. It’s usually pretty empty during classes, and there was no way anyone could see you when the stalls were blocking their view. Your only concern was what the people on campus with sensitive hearing would pick up, but since the classrooms were farther down the hall, that shouldn’t be an issue.

However, you failed to account for the singular robot wandering around campus.

“Hello? Prefect?” Ortho chirped, the bathroom door slamming shut behind him with a dramatic thud, “Is everything alright?”

You immediately silenced your hyperventilating as best you could, curling in on yourself. Your eyes were wide as you watched the stall door nervously, praying he’d give up and leave you alone. As he shuffled around just a little ways away from you, you realized that no, he wasn’t just going to leave because you didn’t respond. Ortho was always dead set on helping people, so all you could do to not burden someone with your problems was to clenched your eyes shut and wished for him to go away even harder.

“Prefect, your heart rate is abnormally high. You’re exhibiting higher respiration rates and shortness of breath. My systems are telling me you’re either in a panicked state or you’ve done some intense exercise.” Ortho mused, “If anything is wrong, you should tell me! I want to use my various medical functions to help you!”

Great Seven, you felt like throwing up. There was too much going on in your head and Ortho’s voice was only stabbing at what was left of your mental stability. You knew he only wanted to help, but there was literally nothing he could do when it was hot under your skin and your brain felt like it was getting doused in icy water and your stomach was seizing and cramping with every breath you took. You rubbed anxiously at your thighs, chest heaving with each repressed, shuddering breath you let out.

“Prefect, it really doesn’t sound like you’re doing well! Are you perhaps too weak to open the door?” Ortho asked, “Commencing door breakdown program!”

“Please don’t.” you choked out, “Please, please don’t.”

“Hm, would you like me to try a different method?” he hummed thoughtfully, “I can start a breathing exercise program, or I can take the door off of it’s hinges instead of shooting my laser-”

“Please just leave me alone.” you begged, “I just want to be alone.”

A moment of silence.

“I can’t do that. Your vitals are still irregular.” he mused, a loud clunking sound from the other side of the door only worsening your unease, “I’m obligated to help those who show signs of distress. That’s what my brother programmed me to do!”

You could feel your breath speeding up again as the sound of a drill filled the bathroom. Ortho wasn’t kidding - he was actually unscrewing the door. Panicked, you pulled the sleeves of your hoodie over your hands and dabbed at your eyes. Man, why did everyone in NRC have to butt their noses into other people’s business? Ortho was sweet, but you really just wanted to be alone right now. It wasn’t that hard to understand.

The door tilted towards you as the last screw was released, and you jerked back as it began to fall onto you. A small robotic hand caught the edges of it, pulling it back and turning it towards the sinks. A cheerful Ortho set the door down on the ground with another loud thud, his hovering replacing the irritating drilling noises with a gentle white noise.

“Now, what’s wrong? I can help you!” he chirped, zipping over to you with wide eyes and hands clasped in front of him.

You said nothing, ducking your head in hopes that he would just give up. With your red eyes and dry mouth and heaving chest, he’d be able to pick up every single visual cue that you’d been struggling with. Weak, weak, weak.

“Your eyes seem red! Were you crying?” Ortho hummed as he stalled for a moment, which you could only assume was him gathering information, “The inflection in your voice indicates that you are emotionally distressed. Were you having a panic attack?”

You shook your head frantically, lips screwed shut. The sharp pain of nails digging into your thighs was the only thing keeping your swirling whirlwind of thoughts from causing another round of hyperventilating. The soft whirring of Ortho’s hardware felt like incessant screeching in your ears as you tried to gulp in air.

Weak, weak, weak!

“You’re not weak!” Ortho insisted, as if he could read your mind (and man, you hoped he couldn’t), “You’re really strong! Can you count with me, Prefect? Do you think you can do that?”

Can’t even handle a panic attack by yourself! No wonder you were so useless!

“In…out! In…out!”

Twisted Wonderland would be better off without you, you were only here because there was no place with you back in your world. Nobody here needed you either. EVer since you came people have been Overblotting time and time again. It’s all your fault. You don’t even have magic…how long were you going to spend dragging Ace and Deuce into your messes? What about Grim? He would be better off on his own-

“Prefect?”

Great Seven, you couldn’t be more useless. There was nothing you could do right. Nothing. You ended up worrying Ortho too, and now he’s distracted trying to help you. Get up. Get up!

“It’s fine, Ortho. I’m sure you have better things to take care of right now. I’ll be okay.”

Except you couldn’t speak through your sobs.

Useless.

A cold breeze brushed against your warm, tear striped face. For a moment, your brain felt like it’d been dumped in cold water as your breath stuttered.

“Please take a second to cool off! Drink some water, too! We can try breathing again in a minute.” Ortho smiled, pushing a plastic water bottle into your lap, “Please drink. It doesn’t have to be a lot.”

You hiccupped as you brought your hands to the water bottle, fingers shaking like leaves in a hurricane. The breeze you felt was actually a fan Ortho had produced from his arm, a function that would have made you laugh in any other circumstance. Ortho said nothing as you unscrewed the cap (it seemed like Ortho had already opened it for you, the saint) and drank. The water felt like sludge as it slid down your dry throat. Your brain still felt all hot and prickly, but your breathing had calmed down just a bit.

“Good job! Do you think you can breathe with me now!” Ortho cheered, eyes crinkling in the corners as he smiled.

Why was he so proud of you? You couldn’t even do the bare minimum.

“Ready? In…out! In…out!” he chanted, coaxing you to keep breathing with gentle head rubs. “That’s it! Good job!”

Your brow furrowed at the praise, a sinking feeling in your gut building with each kind word. You shouldn’t be getting praise for doing the bare minimum. What you were doing wasn’t impressive at all.

“You’re working through the panic really well, Prefect.” Ortho hummed, “Just keep breathing like that. Do you think you could point out one object of each of the six colors of the rainbow in this room for me?”

Of course he would have more coping mechanisms.

‘You’re…blue.” you choked out, staring down at the floor, “Um…my socks are red, the soap dispenser has orange soap, the…door is green, my bag has a purple pencil in the side pocket, and…your eyes are yellow.”

“You’re right! How do you think you’re feeling right now?” Ortho tilted his head downward, trying to catch your eye, “Your heart rate seems to be gradually slowing to a normal rate.”

“Um…I’m sorry for taking up your time.” you apologized, fingers wrapping tighter around the bottle, “I didn’t mean to distract you from whatever you were doing. I’m sorry.”

“Oh, you don’t have to apologize! As long as you feel better, that’s all I need!” Ortho chirped, dropping a small hard candy in your lap, “I hope your day gets better, Prefect! Please tell me if you need anything.”

“Uh huh. Sure.” you mumbled, guilt crushing you like a brick.

“Prefect…you would do the same for me and my brother.” Ortho patted you on the head again, and it was only when he started massaging your scalp that you noticed the absence of the cool air being blown your way, “So don’t sweat it. I know you think it’s different when it's you, but it's not. I promise! You deserve a safe space just as much as the next person, magic or not.”

You could feel tears bubbling up in your eyes again as you nodded, far too touched to say anything else.

#auburn's fics <3 #disney twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland #ortho shroud #twst ortho #tw: panic attack #tw: anxious thoughts

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val-ur-pal · 8 days

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IN SEMI-DEFENSE OF JACKSON <3

Jackson hate is a little forced imo cause he’s really just a teenage boy battling depression and grief and is constantly stressed and anxious about things being out of his control for really no reason. Like you have to remember Jackson has known these people for only a couple of months at this point and they bullied him and Exer made his life shit for a good bit of it 😭 now I love Exer that’s my princess and Jackson has made mistakes but it’s what makes him an interesting and dynamic character, people complain all the time that Jackson is boring and one note but he’s really not if you pay attention to his flaws as character traits and not just “oh Jackson here we go again 🙄”

For just season 3 stuff so far he’s kept 1. leaving therapy a secret from Pam 2. Not telling anyone about the diary and Used the diary to manipulate Exer (both consciously and unconsciously) and 3. Spent time with the reds as a form of getting information and its kinda manipulation tbh so I just wanted to give my 2 cents on it in defense and criticism of Jackson cause he’s paralleling Exer in a lot of ways and it’s unfair that he gets shit on so much when Exer is loved and praised by the fandom (again Exer is my favourite character).

1. Leaving therapy a secret from Pam is not a good thing Jackson is doing, he shouldn’t have kept it from her and he shouldn’t have lied that it wasn’t that big of a deal because a big theme in this comic is that keeping secrets and lying really hurts people and relationships and you need to be open and honest with those you love. That being said it’s a really hard subject that he’s still getting over himself, therapy was a safe space for him where he was finally in control and was heard not just listened to. He’s still getting over this and he could barely even talk to Harry for weeks without feeling horrible so yea it’s a really troubling thing for him to think about. He told the detention kids because sometimes it’s easier to be open with friends who get the situation than your girlfriend who you don’t want to disappoint because she was so happy you were getting better and how do you tell her your world fell apart all over again and you’re scared. I’m not saying this excuses his actions I just think there needs to be a bit more understanding here, Jackson should have told her sooner and tell her that he’s not happy about it but he’s also not ready to talk about it just yet, it’ll be good for him to open up to Pam more instead of trying to keep up an illusion that he’s doing great but it’s a hard thing to shake.

2. Telling anyone about the Diary, especially Exer is not fucking easy at all. Some of you are making it sound like if he just told them everything would go smoothly and well and that he’s the bad guy for keeping it hidden. So go on and tell me how exactly you’d tell the person who bullied you over petty reasons that you might have accidentally manipulated and fabricated their feelings and that you’re the reason he apologized, you’re the reason he got a job and started over, you’re the reason he confessed as is dating his boyfriend and that none of it is real and that you did it all by accident. Because that’s exactly what Jackson thinks he did, while I don’t agree with Jackson’s theory he’s convinced of it himself. For all Jackson knows Exer really is that prick back in season 1 and the only reason he changed is cause he wrote it down. That’s a lot of weight on your shoulders especially the whole romance thing I mean Jackson wholeheartedly thinks he accidentally manipulated Exer into falling in love with someone and that’s a very heavy burden to carry cause wtf do you do with that as a 17 y/o depressed child. Not to mention that the Diary is his therapy journal so that’s his one healthy outlet destroyed and he feels guilty about ever coping using it so that only fuels his self hatred and mental health issues. All of this without mentioning he’s still grieving over his mother who gave him the damn thing and now he can’t even have that once connection he has with her because of course it’s tied to Exer the person who’s made his life so difficult up till now. NOW!! Pause, this does not excuse his actions but it does explain them, Jackson is not in the right here because at the end of the day he does need to talk to Ex about it because, accident or not, he’s manipulating him and he needs to know. It’s actually incredibly interesting how much this parallels to season 1 Exer, Exer who started purposely using his magic to cause harm and then slowly losing control and doing it by accident (all while not telling Jackson he has magic which made it hurt so much more) versus Jackson’s harm being on accident at first but now he’s experimenting and knowingly causing changes to Exer. This is a big flaw of Jackson’s, he wants to understand before he takes action but only in ways that benefit him. He wanted to understand Exer’s magic before he told Pam and now he wants to understand his own before he tells anyone and we all saw how that turned out with Pam and the others in season 1/2 so Jack’s definitely going to learn his lesson. Remember that if Exer got that mad cause he was jealous over petty things how do you think Jackson, who thinks he’s one of the only reason Exer became nice, thinks Exer is gonna react to something as big as this!!

3. This is a bad thing aaallll around and Jackson needs to stop 😭!!! Jackson hanging out with the reds just because he wants to study Exer is not a good thing but it’s an interesting character flaw!! This goes back to what I was saying earlier, he wants to know and understand and will fixate on it so bad he neglects the consequences. Not only is he harming the reds by manipulating them into thinking he cares and is friends with them he’s also really hurting himself. As much as I would love for them all to be friends again, Jackson just isn’t in that headspace right now where he can. He’s so obsessed with the magic and how it’s affected him that he can’t get over the bullying, he can’t get over how Exer used his magic to hurt him, he can’t get over him hurting Pam, he can’t accept the many apologies, he hasn’t even accepted that Exer wasn’t in control all the time. He just can’t move on. He needs to move on and not because what happened wasn’t hurtful and is all in the past now (it’s been like 2 months since Halloween mind you) but because he needs to let go and prioritize himself instead of holding onto all this anger. He’s not just an asshole who can’t get over being bullied (which like even if he was that’s valid to a degree), he’s so obsessed with regaining control of his life and understanding what the fuck is going on that he’s actively choosing to hurt himself to hang out with people he doesn’t like. He doesn’t have to be their friends and he doesn’t have to forgive them, yes they’ve gotten better and yes they’re sorry but tbh if my bullies apologized and everything I would not forgive them and I’d certainly not be friends with them. They just need to go their separate ways until Jackson knows what he wants. But it’s hard. Being 17 and struggling with mental health (IN THE 80s!!) is very very hard and that’s before you even begin with the magic shit so cut him some slack.

Anyways this was so long and rambley I’m sorry, I just don’t love the Jackson hate I see when he and Exer are so similar but he doesn’t get the grace of being adored and pawed at. Do I love Jackson? Not as much as I do Exer but I get him, I get being a teen trying to save myself while everything around me keeps trying to push me down so I respond in anger and I’m so over everyone being so mean to him. I could go on for ages and make more points but that’s it for now so!!!! Anyways support Paola on patreon 🩷🩷🩷

#jackson’s diary #jacksons diary #webtoon #Jackson smith #I didn’t proof read this #ramble #I’m dyslexic #also autistic over this comic if you couldn’t tell #idk what to write here tbh #can you tell I don’t use tumblr #man I was supposed to draw fanart before yapping away #it’s a webtoon it’s not that serious BUT IT IS TO ME SO #exer campbell #pamela lopez #comic #Jackson #sighh idk let’s leave the poor boy alone #people can hate him just like let him get up

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whorkn33 · 2 years

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I’m So Gross (Won’t Stop Me, Tho)

genre: fluff + smut words: 8,548 warnings: non-despair AU, masturbation, maid dresses, a complete lack of knowledge on how OnlyFans works, oral sex, blow jobs, reader is kind of a simp, slightly possessive reader summary: You never thought of Komaeda as the type to have an OnlyFans, and yet here you are.

read it on ao3, where the formatting isn’t complete shit

☆~☆

The sound of your footsteps is muffled by the carpet under your shoes. Every step feels like dragging yourself out of bed with a hangover, your head pounding and your limbs heavy as lead. Classes had kicked your ass lately, along with work, and you were ready to fall over at this point.

The last thing you needed to do today was head over to Komaeda’s place and give him the notes from your marine biology course. He’d texted you that morning saying he was feeling too sick to leave the house, and with an important test coming up, going without the notes would leave him helpless. You agreed, although reluctantly, and copied your notes onto a separate sheet of paper, now clutched tightly in your hands as you knock on his door and try not to fall asleep standing up.

Komaeda, from what you could tell, was nice and considerate, but pretty timid. He never went to the professor when he was confused about a question. He was lucky you were perceptive enough to figure out when he was confused and give him a hand. After a while of helping him, he slowly opened up to you, and from there you were fast friends. He was good company, even just sitting with him in silence while you read or played on your phone was comfortable.

However, you knew that his timidness stemmed from his self-loathing. He really seemed to dislike everything about himself for some reason, pointing out perceived flaws that didn’t exist to you at all sometimes. He made himself small to avoid being a burden, and it made you feel for him. There was a point in your life where you felt like that, and you needed someone to step in when you needed help. Maybe it’s selfish, but part of you wants to be that for him. The one who teaches him it’s okay to ask for help.

So that’s why, even when you’re so tired you can hardly keep your eyes open, you’re waiting outside his apartment this late at night with a stack of notes detailing how a whale shark’s digestive system works.

The door to Komaeda’s apartment creaks open and he greets you with a smile. He’s wrapped in a blanket, holding it closed under his chin, hiding under the fabric. All that sticks out is his face and a couple tufts of white hair. He reminds you a bit of a caterpillar, all cozied up under there. You offer a tired smile. “Hey. Here’s the notes you asked for. Sorry you aren’t feeling well.” You extend the stack to him, trying to ignore how jealous you are of his blanket wrap.

His eyes light up as his hand slithers out of his cocoon. “Ah, thank you so much! I really do owe you for this.” You glance down at his hand as he takes the papers, glancing them over. You hum softly. “When did you paint your nails?”

“Huh?” He glances at his hand, nails painted red, before pulling his arm back into his burrito wrap. “Ah, one of the kids I babysit did it for me yesterday. If I take it off, she will definitely notice when I watch her again, and I’ll never be forgiven, haha.”

You raise a brow. “You babysit?”

“Yeah, I used to be part of this program for kids who had a rough home life.” You can see him shift slightly under his swaddle. “Sometimes, when a kid needs watching and they don’t have anyone else, they call me. The kids are nice enough, even though they’re pretty rowdy sometimes.”

“Makes sense.” You shrug, biting back a yawn. “Try to get better soon, alright? I’m gonna go home and crash, I’m exhausted.” He nods as he retreats back into his apartment and closes the door, and you turn to head home.

Less than an hour later, you were crawling into bed, dragging the sheets over your exhausted body and closing your eyes, ready to finally crash for the night.

Another hour later and several attempts at contorting yourself into a comfortable position, you’re ready to start screaming. It’s not like you weren’t tired, but for some reason your brain just wouldn’t shut off. You were still thinking about the anatomy of a whale shark at almost midnight and every cell in your body hated it.

Groaning in frustration, you decide to rub one out to try and get your mind off sharks. You’re tired of thinking about sea animals, it’s time to be horny. If it doesn’t work, you can always take some melatonin. You unplug your phone and start searching for something to put on - even if you don’t like the porn, maybe making fun of it will distract you long enough to get some sleep.

Opening Twitter, you log into your NSFW account and start scrolling. You haven’t followed many accounts yet, usually because you’re too embarrassed to give them the notification, but one account you follow has been retweeting some of their follower’s OnlyFans while they’re on hiatus. You click the pictures on the first one you see.

He’s thin, with pale skin, veins visible just beneath the surface. His face is cropped out in all the pictures, which makes sense. In the first, he went for a pastel, feminine vibe. Pink and white striped thigh highs, a bikini top that left only the color of his nipples to the imagination. His crotch was censored - gotta protect the goods, I guess. In the second, there’s a leash hanging from his neck, clutched in his hands as he holds it out to the camera. He’s sitting cross-legged in nothing but a pair of black and white checkered boxers.

It would be hard to deny how hot this guy is, so you click on the link to his page, noticing he’s live as it loads up. How convenient! Working your hand into your underwear, you tap the live and give it a second to load. The title is ‘Refusing to cum until I hit 100 followers’ or something like that. You didn’t really read it, more focused on nutting and then getting some sleep.

When it loads, the room is filled with soft lighting, fairy lights overhead bathing him in a gentle yellow glow. He’s wearing a maid dress, and while it’s a bit of a cliche, you can’t say he doesn’t look good in it. The black thigh highs really tie it together, you think.

He’s laying back, head still out of frame, skirt lifted and legs spread. There’s what you assume to be a vibrator in his ass, a bottle of lube nearby. His cock is at full attention, tip red and leaky. He’s gripping the bedsheets for dear life, so tightly you can see his fists shaking as his chest heaves out breathy moans and curse words. His cock twitches, and it’s then you realize he’s wearing a cock ring. It looks like silicone, if you had to guess. It’s pink, complimenting his pale skin, and firmly placed at the base of his cock.

The chat’s going crazy over it - you’re not sure who has the balls to enter chat during a porn livestream, but it’s more people than you expected. Some people seem to be feeling for him, telling him that it’s been going on for too long and he should call it a night, while others seem to be egging him on. You wonder if he actually reads chat as another message pops up.

Kisskiss69: you’re at 99, only one more and you can finish bb

The way people give him nicknames like he’s their boyfriend feels a bit weird to you, but hey, you aren’t here to kinkshame. His back arches as he lets out a long, loud, desperate-sounding whine that hits you right in your lower belly. You aren’t sure exactly when your hand started moving, but you aren’t complaining. He’s making some very pretty noises and every one of them is sending waves of warmth to your crotch, tightening that coil that lets you know you’re getting close already.

Another whine, and along with the heat you get a pang of guilt. You have no way of knowing how long he’s been at it, but you can guess it’s been a while based on what chat has been saying. Deciding to give him mercy, you tap the follow button, and a moment later a chime rings out on stream. He takes a moment to notice, or maybe just process what happened, but then his chest shakes with laughter, and your heart stops as he speaks. “Thank you, thank you so much to my 100th follower! I hope you enjoy such a talentless performance!”

That voice… there’s no way, right?

He removes one hand from the sheets, removing the cock ring and pumping his erection with his fist at lightning speed. He’s panting hard, glistening with sweat, his noises rising in pitch as his legs shake. Your own hand speeds up unconsciously, and a moment later your orgasm startles you, crashing into you like a tidal wave and making your hair stand on end. Letting out a breath you didn’t realize you were holding, you watch as cum spurts out over his legs and skirt, and you realize something.

His nails are painted red.

Before he can say or do anything else, you close the app, plug in your phone and quickly roll over, facing away from it, like it was at fault for what you just did. You definitely feel less relaxed than before. At least you used some auto-generated username, so there’s no way he’d figure out it was you.

But that wasn’t the issue. No, you’d just jerked off to your friend. Sure, he put it online for people to see, but this felt like a serious line to cross. Even if you didn’t know it was him, how could you objectify him like that? You feel disgusting.

One long night of restless sleep later, your alarm goes off and you drag yourself out of bed. Getting dressed, grabbing some coffee and your bag, you head out the door to get the day over with.

Your morning is normal, classes, talking with friends and exchanging notes for upcoming tests. It’s so on-par with your typical daily activities, you almost forget last night. That is, until you get to marine biology at around 3 PM.

Komaeda’s there, in his usual seat, and suddenly your heart races. You typically weren’t ashamed of masturbating, but this was different. Komaeda was your friend, and you felt like you had somehow betrayed his trust. He didn’t send you the link, he had no clue that you would see.

You plop next to him, doing your best to act casual as you pull out your notebook. He smiles his usual smile, his messy white hair pulled back out of his eyes in a loose ponytail. “Ah, thank you again for giving me those notes last night. I know you have a busy schedule on Tuesdays.”

He was doing that on a Tuesday night?

“Uh, yeah, no problem.” You mutter, flipping to a fresh page and clicking your pen. Your face is warm, and you pray he won’t notice. You clear your throat. “Feeling better today?”

“A bit, yes. Better enough to come to class, though I am a bit shaky…” He chuckles softly. “I appreciate your concern, but please, try not to worry for me. I’ll be just fine.”

You nod. “Of course. Let me know if you need anything.”

A moment passes and the two of you sit in silence - class hasn’t started just yet. Maybe the professor is late? He would’ve let you know if class was canceled, so you’re confident it’s not that. You hope he comes in soon. You desperately need a distraction from the guilt eating away at you. You don’t want Komaeda to feel like you’re pushing him away, but you also don’t want to tip him off about what you saw. It wasn’t your fault, right? You didn’t know it was him, so why be ashamed?

“Pardon, but are you feeling alright?” He asks, gently pressing his wrist to your forehead. “You feel a bit warm, and your face is red. I hope you didn’t catch anything…” His brow twitches, eyes narrowed as he seems to focus on your face. You swallow thickly, turning your head away. “Oh, I’m fine, don’t worry.” You answer a little too quickly. “I was really stressed yesterday, so maybe it’s catching up with me?” You laugh nervously as finally, the professor enters the room.

Komaeda seems to reluctantly drop the subject, turning his attention to the whiteboard as class begins.

The class goes by normally, and gradually, you calm down. It’s not like you look at Komaeda any differently after seeing that side of him, but… it’s just so unexpected. To you, he’s always seemed shy and reserved, keeping most of his thoughts to himself. When he does speak his mind, it always seems to be something negative about himself. He just seems to lack the confidence needed for things like that.

… Then again, didn’t he call himself trash near the end? It was something negative about himself, saying it was… right, ‘a talentless performance.’ So maybe it does tie back to his less than spectacular self image? Maybe he enjoys the positive attention? The money certainly couldn’t be a drawback, but as far as you knew, he was fairly well-off. You’d overheard people saying he was completely loaded, so he certainly didn’t depend on making porn to support himself.

Whatever his reasons, he’s your friend, and you don't want him to feel embarrassed or ashamed around you because you’ve seen him like that. You aren’t quite sure how he would react if he found out, so despite some part of your conscience still feeling guilty about it, you ultimately decide to keep it to yourself. Especially the part where you came to the sight of him jerking off. You’ll take that one to the grave.

After class, you and Komaeda part ways, and a few hours later you’re back home, crawling into bed once again. You still feel guilty, but it’s not nearly as bad as it was last night. You fall asleep pretty early and you’re out the rest of the night.

The next morning, when you check your phone, you notice a notification from OnlyFans that Komaeda posted something new last night. You honestly forgot that you had followed him. You stare at the notification for a long moment, thumb hovering over it, ready to tap or swipe it away. Biting your lip and cursing at yourself, you tap the notification and feel your face heat up as the pictures load in.

It’s a celebration post for reaching 100 followers, and in the photo, he’s wearing the maid dress like he was the other night. Are these screenshots from before you found the stream? His face is cropped out, as always. His hands are holding his knees up to his chest, putting everything under his skirt on full display. You swallow hard, reading the text to distract yourself, only to find out he’s going live again that night. You close the app and hurry to get dressed to start your day.

3 PM rolls around, and again, you sit next to Komaeda, much less flustered than yesterday. You shoot him a smile as you take out your things. He returns it. “Good afternoon. Feeling better?”

Confused, you pause for a moment before shooting him a look. “What?”

“Yesterday,” He rests his chin on his palm, using his elbow to support his head with his usual, nonchalant smile. “You said you were stressed and it was making you feel unwell. Has that been resolved?”

Shit. You forgot that was the excuse you gave him. “Oh- uh, I’m… a bit better, yeah.” You nod, pursing your lips. “But I should be the one asking you how you’re feeling. Shakiness gone?”

“Ah, yes, thank you.” He clicks his pen, clearing his throat. “I made sure to take it easy yesterday.”

“I’m glad.” You lower your voice to an almost-whisper as the professor enters the room, and the two of you fall silent.

After the lecture is over, Komaeda gently touches your forearm as you stand up, signaling for you to stay a moment. He gathers his things, throwing them haphazardly into his bag, before smiling up at you. “Would you like to grab lunch with me? I mean, since you’re stressed and all.”

You chuckle softly, raising an eyebrow. “Lunch? It’s 4 PM.”

“And have you eaten lunch today?”

You open your mouth, then close it again. Damn, you’re caught. “Listen, I have a busy schedule, okay?” He just laughs as he stands up, gently tugging you by the arm towards the door. “Come on, I know a place I think you’ll like.”

The restaurant is a short walk from campus, thankfully. It’s a quiet little cafe, its name a word in French you wouldn’t be able to pronounce correctly if there was a gun to your head. Why do they have so many vowels?

You and Komaeda sit at a small table in the corner, your back against the wall while his back is to most of the restaurant. You sigh softly. “Thanks, Komaeda. I really appreciate you worrying about me. With all these tests coming up, I’ve kinda been forgetting to do some self care stuff, y’know?”

Leaning his chin on his hand, he chuckles. “Yeah, I get it. No worries - that’s what friends are for, right?” He shrugs. “Besides, I have to repay you somehow for getting me those notes.”

You wave a hand around dismissively. “Eh, it wasn’t that big of a deal, I promise. I just copied my own notes. Did most of it on the bus. Sorry if the handwriting is sloppy.”

“No, no, it’s lovely. Thank you.” He smiles a different smile than usual - this one reaches his eyes, makes them twinkle a bit in a way you haven’t seen before. His nose scrunches up like a bunny’s would, and you swear you see the faintest hint of a blush on his cheekbones. For a moment, you’re captivated by that smile. It feels much warmer, more genuine than the polite ones he gave you during class.

You’re taken from your thoughts when a waitress approaches you, little notepad in hand to take your order. You get a sandwich and some fries, and watch as Komaeda’s smile fades back into his usual one while he orders the same thing you got. Your heart hurts a little. You like that smile. You want it back.

“So,” He starts as the waitress walks off. “Anything interesting going on with you?”

You think for a moment, puffing out on cheek and drumming your fingers on the table. “Well, I’ve been pretty swamped with school lately, upcoming tests and all. I haven’t really had time to do much else. What about you?”

“Ah, I’m not too worried about the tests.” He shrugs, folding his hands on the table. “I’m actually a pretty good test-taker, and when I don’t know a question, my guesses tend to be right. I suppose not everyone is as lucky as I am, though.”

“Yeah, I kinda suck at taking tests. I hate them with a burning passion.” You laugh softly to yourself. “I always clam up and forget everything on the spot. Once, in high school, I took a blanket with me to the standardized testing room and just slept through them all. I didn’t even wanna try anymore.”

“Really?” His brow furrows. “Forgive me, but that seems a little… excessive. Why not just stay home at that point?”

“Eh, my parents never would’ve let me.” You dismissively wave your hand again. “They were always pushing me to be the greatest in everything. Didn’t matter what. I think they were trying to encourage me, but… they kinda sucked at it. I started and stopped a lot of hobbies growing up because they sucked all the fun out of them. I still have my old choir medals from elementary school.”

“You sang?” He chuckles. “Sorry, you just… don’t seem like the type. Not confident enough for it, I guess.”

Look who’s talking.

“Yeah, I did. Even made it to a state competition once, but…” You sigh softly, grimacing at the memory. “I cracked under the pressure. Forgot a line. I powered through, but didn’t make it to nationals. My whole family had come out to watch me perform, and I choked on the last song. I was so ashamed and anxious I was sick to my stomach the whole car ride home.”

“I’m… sorry to hear that.” He frowns as the waitress approaches with your food. You make sure to smile and thank her, looking back to Komaeda as she walks away. “It was a long time ago. I’m over it now.” You bite into a french fry as you blink the memory away.

“Haven’t I heard you mention siblings before?” He asks, sipping his drink. “Did they treat them the same way?”

“Oh, my siblings are all much older than me.” You shake your head. “By the time I came along, the two older ones were already moving out. One’s an alcoholic, one’s a drug addict, and the last… they just didn’t get a fair shot.” You pop another fry into your mouth, staring out the window thoughtfully. “So our parents tried really hard with me. Did everything they could to make this one come out right. To make their last kid actually amount to something.”

“And that reflected in the amount of pressure they put on you for even the tiniest things…” He nods slowly as it seems to click in his head. You nod back, short and curt. “Yeah. I loved singing, but they pushed me to pursue it as a career so I stopped. I loved art, but they signed me up for painting classes when I wanted to draw anime girls in cute, frilly skirts. It was about their idea of what I should be, not what I actually wanted for myself.”

“I see… I think I understand.” His frown only deepens, his bottom lip sticking out slightly like he’s pouting. It’s cute. You pointedly look away. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to drag the mood down. You brought me here to liven me up, didn’t you?” You pull your lips back into a smile, shifting slightly in your seat as a pang of guilt shoots through you. Komaeda shakes his head. “No, it’s alright. I appreciate you opening up to me. I just wish I knew how to help.” He chuckles softly. “I wish I could give you some new hobby they haven’t already spoiled for you.”

“Oh, don’t worry about that. I’ve been away from them for a while now. I’ve found things I enjoy.” You sip your drink as his face seems to relax a bit. “Really? Do you mind if I ask what?”

“Well, I enjoy writing.” You lower your class, cupping your hands around it and staring into the liquid. “I’ve been writing short stories since I was 11. I had the good sense to hide it from them, so they never got the chance to completely ruin it for me.”

“Can I ask what you wrote?” His head tilts, loose strands of hair falling into his face. You nod. “Depends on the time period. When I was young, mostly fanfiction and stuff for stories I liked. Then in high school, I got really into writing short horror stories and posting them online. Along with some fanfiction on the side. And now, it just depends on the mood, what I’m feeling that particular day.” You shrug. “I’m glad I kept it from them. They’ve never read any of my stuff, and they never will. This is mine. I plan to keep it that way.”

He nods, a soft smile gracing his face. “I understand. I’m glad you have something. Shows how strong you are, to still find joy in creativity after it’s been taken advantage of.”

“It’s not that big a deal.” You shake your head. “Tons of kids had it worse than I did. I’m sure my siblings would say I had it easy compared to them.” You pop another fry into your mouth. His frown returns. “Don’t say that. Just because others had it worse doesn’t mean you didn’t struggle at all. You should acknowledge your achievements.”

You laugh softly. “Says you, the king of casual self-deprecation.” He tilts his head to the side, brow knitting together in what you realize is genuine confusion. “Huh?” You sigh softly.

“Look, I’m no psych major, but you’d have to be deaf or stupid to not hear all the nasty things you say about yourself. You’re always saying that you’re worthless, trash, talentless...” You shrug. “I dunno. You don’t have to tell me anything, obviously, but maybe consider taking your own advice. People don’t typically develop such a bad self-image out of nowhere. If I should acknowledge my achievements, then you should recognize that you’re actually worth something, y’know?”

You realize you’ve been staring at the table this whole time and finally raise your eyes to his face. His eyes are wide, lips parted, staring at you in silence. You can’t read his expression. A pit forms in your stomach, and you’re about to frantically retract your statement when he smiles again, and his nose crinkles. Before you realize it, you’re smiling, too.

“Thank you,” He says. “I’m not worthy of such kind words.”

He’s exhausting.

After lunch, you finish your day and end up at home, flopping into bed as usual. The blankets are warm, your pillow is soft, and you’re ready for dreamtime.

Then your phone buzzes, and you pick it up lightning quick.

It’s a notification from Komaeda’s OnlyFans. He’s live again. You’d almost forgotten about the post he made this morning saying he was going to do that. You tap the notification before you can talk yourself out of it and immediately feel your face heating up. Why did you click it? Did you want to see him naked or something? This is wrong, if he wanted you to see him naked he would’ve-

The stream loads. He’s wearing a black crop top and gray sweatpants, a tiny strip of his midsection all that’s exposed for now. Keeping it simple tonight? The soft glow of the fairy lights makes him look nearly angelic as he lays back, keeping his face out of frame.

He lays there a moment, breathing deeply and fidgeting with the waistband of his sweats, probably waiting for more people to join before he starts whatever he has planned. Slowly, the chat starts going.

Kisskiss69: another live? you’re spoiling us recently babe

Mythicluvr: You’re so cute, I’d love to marry you

Sinkfukr420: princess is back for more~ ;)

For some reason, they’re really pissing you off by talking to him like that. They don’t know him, why call him pet names and shit? You clench your jaw. They have no right, they’re strangers just looking to get their rocks off to anything they can get their hands on. It was a little annoying when you thought he was a stranger, but now it’s a lot more than that. You take a deep breath to avoid causing a scene in chat. You don’t wanna be that guy.

Seeming to decide enough people have joined, Komaeda starts palming himself through his pants, letting out a sigh as he spreads his legs a bit. He’s not being very loud yet, but he’s only just gotten started. Still, the small gasps and hums you can make out send fire to your crotch. People say the ones who make this kind of content must be sluts or something, but with how ridiculously horny you already are, you get the feeling they’re projecting.

You lay on your back, tugging your bottoms off and tossing them to the floor. You can grab them in the morning when you get up. For now, you focus your attention on Komaeda as he pulls his pants down his legs, his cock springing up against his belly. It’s not as red as it was last night, but you don’t know how long he was at it. He wraps his fist around the base and drags it up, the foreskin stretching and covering the head before he drags it back down. A soft moan escapes him and he squirms a bit, dragging his shirt up with his other hand, giving you a view of his bare stomach and chest.

Mythicluvr: You make such cute noises. Can we get dinner some time?”

Kisskiss69: god even when you’re not all dolled up you’re so hot

Irritated, you tap the ‘hide chat’ button. They shouldn’t talk to him like that. They don’t even know him. They don’t know that he’s kind and shy, and a good listener and ridiculously smart. They have no clue who he is. They’ve never seen his face. They’ve never seen his smile.

Your hand speeds up, and as if he somehow read your mind, so does Komaeda’s. He’s getting progressively louder, the hand that isn’t pumping his cock circling his nipple and then pinching it hard. His voice catches in his throat as he cries out, slick sounds coming through your phone’s speaker along with his voice. The spring in your lower belly bends again, muscles tensing, and you drop your phone to grip the sheets, squeezing your eyes shut and focusing on him. Imagining planting kisses on his cheeks, his neck, his hips. Just as you’re about to snap, you hear it.

It’s a quick, breathy, muttered sound, but you recognize it instantly. It would be easy for anyone else to completely ignore it as blissed-out babbling. But not you.

That was your name.

You cum hard, gasping as white hot waves of pleasure roll through you, every hair on your body standing on end. As you start to come down, relaxing into your pillow, he reaches a high note you haven’t heard from him before. Picking up your phone again, you see cum splattered across his stomach, his chest heaving. He lets out a content little sigh as he reaches off camera and grabs a tissue to clean the cum off his body.

You want to lick it off.

You close the app and plug your phone in, staring at the ceiling as the guilt sets in. Last time, you had no idea it was him, but now you had no excuse.

In the morning, you go through the usual motions a bit slower than normal. How could you? Komaeda was your friend. He would be disgusted with you if he knew what you had done. He would probably never talk to you again.

Exhausted, you pick up an energy drink on your way to marine biology. The vending machine rattles and two cans fall out. Huh. Must be your lucky day.

Placing the extra can in your bag, you walk into the classroom later than usual. Komaeda is already there, and he smiles when he sees you. Your stomach churns with guilt - and much to your disgust, a warm pool of arousal settles there as well. Your face is warm as you sit down next to him, taking out your notebooks and getting ready for class.

“Good afternoon,” He greets as you click your pen. “Feeling alright? You look flushed.”

“Hm? Oh, uh, it’s nothing.” You shake your head. “I feel fine, really.” You sip at the energy drink, and he raises an eyebrow. “Are you sure? Because normally, you’re more of a coffee person.”

You look down at the can. It’s true that you prefer coffee over this. You didn’t think he noticed that. “I just… didn’t sleep well last night. Decided to grab one to get through the day.” You shrug, reaching into your bag and pulling out the extra one, setting it down in front of him. “You like these, right? Here, the machine gave me an extra one. You can have it.”

“Ah, that’s very kind of you, but you don’t-” He starts, but you shush him as the professor walks into the room. You’re pleased when he cracks it open a few minutes into the lesson, taking a small drink.

After class, he watches as you pack your things. “Would you like to come over to my place tonight?” He asks, his voice nonchalant and syrupy sweet. Shrugging softly, yo zip your bag up. “Sure. What time?”

“Any time after 6, I’ll be home then.” He replies as he stands, gathering his things. “Just drop by when you have the time.”

Giving him a short nod, you part ways, heading to your next class. Your face burns as you realize you just agreed to hang out alone with Komaeda after what you did last night. How could you be so selfish? If he knew what you had done, he would never want to look at you again. You’re taking advantage of the fact he doesn’t know for your own personal gain, and it disgusts you even further.

You’d have to come clean. To ease your own mind, to give yourself a chance to apologize. Even if he hated you afterwards, it was better than living with this guilt.

You end up at his door around 7:30 PM. You stand outside, staring, trying to convince yourself to knock. You had to. He deserved to know. Holding your breath, you knocked twice. Was that enough? Did he hear it? Did you knock hard enough?

The door opens and Komaeda’s standing there in his pajamas - the same ones he was wearing yesterday during the live,or at least a similar pair. He smiles. “Ah, you’re here. Come in, come in.” He steps back, allowing you room to step inside.

His apartment is small, but cozy. It’s very clean, you notice, like everything’s been dusted recently. He gestures to the couch. “Please, sit down. I’ll go get you something to drink.”

You sit as he wanders off into the kitchen, the distant clinking of dishes the only sound. This room smells like him. It makes sense, considering he lives here. Oh god, you’re being creepy now, thinking about how he smells and shit. You have to put a stop to this.

He comes back, two mugs in tow. “It’s chamomile tea.” He says as he hands one to you, sitting down at the other end of the couch with his leg folded underneath him. You blow on the liquid gently before taking a small sip. It’s good. You smile at him. “Thank you. But… I wanted to talk to you about something, actually.” You hold the mug tightly in your hands as he raises an eyebrow. “Really? By all means, go ahead.”

“I… um…” You shift slightly in your seat. “I’m… not sure how to say this, but… I found your OnlyFans the other day, and I did some… things I don’t think you would be happy about.” Your face is burning, but you swallow the lump in your throat and press forward, staring into your mug like it’s the one solid thing in the room. “I’m sorry I didn’t say anything, and I understand if you don’t want to speak to me anymore.”

A moment passes, and the silence weighs on you, getting heavier by the second. You’re ready for him to raise his voice, call you scum, kick you out of his apartment and never speak to you again.

But he doesn’t.

Instead, he tilts his head, chuckling softly. “Why on Earth would I not want to see you anymore?”

“Because… because I looked at you… doing those things, without permission.” You swallow hard, refusing to make eye contact. You might explode if you look at him. “Y-you… you must think I’m some kind of pervert, trash you should throw away on the sidewalk. You shouldn’t even waste your time with me, seriously, hell I should probably just go before you-”

He cuts you off by gently placing a hand on your leg, snapping you out of your flustered rambling. He’s closer. When did he scoot closer? Slowly raising your eyes to his face, you find that smile from the restaurant, the one where his nose crinkles, and you melt. He’s laughing. Laughing at you.

“Is that what’s been going through your head this whole time?” He asks, still chuckling. “Angel, I posted those things online because I wanted people to see them. Just my luck that someone I know would happen across them. But, as long as we’re being honest… I already knew you had happened across them.”

Your brain short circuits. “You… huh? How?”

“Well, at first, it was just a hunch…” He swirls his mug around nonchalantly, the steam spiraling up into his face. “... but then, at lunch, you slipped up. Repeated a word I only used while performing. Honestly, I was more surprised that you were continuing to interact with me, after seeing that.”

“Why would I stop talking to you over this?” The mug of warm tea shakes in your hands. “I just didn’t want to make things awkward between us. I was worried that if you knew, you would hate me for looking at you that way.”

“In… what way?” He asks, raising his mug to his lips and taking a long, slow sip, never breaking eye contact. You swallow hard, looking away. “U-um… well, you know.”

“I don’t think I do.” What you might call a smirk plays at his lips, never fully forming but ever present. “Please, enlighten me. How exactly did you look at me?”

You lift your eyes to his face nervously, feeling warmth bloom on your cheeks. Unsure of what to say, you let your mouth drop open, but no sound comes out. You can feel his eyes on you, observing your every move, every tiny muscle movement in your body as you tap your fingers along the mug, thinking, trying to come up with a response. All that comes to mind is the image of him in the maid dress, vibrator in his ass while he jerked himself off, hands and legs twitching as he got closer and closer to cumming. You swallow thickly.

Setting his mug down, he scoots closer, rising to one knee to hover over you. Instinctively, you lean backwards, and before you know it you’re on your back and he’s stuck out a hand to support himself. His mess of white hair falls into his face and he looks down at you almost smugly, shifting his weight a bit. You can hear every breath escape him, and now that he’s closer you can see the slight pink tint on his cheeks. His eyes flick over your face, taking in your expression. “Forgive me for being so forward, but were you thinking something like this?”

Mouth hanging open, you nod without realizing, staring up at him with wide eyes, still clutching the mug of tea over your chest, though now it’s at an odd angle to avoid spilling it all over yourself and his couch. He gingerly takes it from you, setting it down on the coffee table. You’re grateful, because your wrists were starting to hurt from the awkward position, but now your hands are empty and you aren’t sure what to do with them. You know what you want to do with them, the thought making you blush harder.

His head tilts slightly to one side, his hair bouncing around his shoulders with no regard for the laws of physics. “What’s wrong? Is this… not okay?” He starts moving like he’s about to sit up, and you panic. “N-no! No,” You sputter frantically, reaching up and wrapping your arms around his waist. “I-I just… wasn’t sure how to react. I never thought that I… that we would… y’know.”

“Ah. I see.” He swallows hard, and you notice he’s breathing just a tiny bit harder. You realize your hands are still on his waist. Hesitantly, you move them downwards to grab his hips instead, and he gasps softly, lips parting, eyebrows raising. You hear his breath hitch in his throat, something like anticipation swelling in your chest. You don’t know what to do. You aren’t used to taking the lead, but it looks like he isn’t, either.

Squeezing his hips in your hands, you tug him closer, until he’s flush against you. A soft sound somewhere between a whimper and a moan rises from his throat as he lowers his top half, burying his face in the crook of your neck. He grinds against you and you sigh into his hair, shifting your hips and legs so you can slot together easier. His hips press against yours and you can feel his erection starting to form, prodding you through the fabric of his pajama pants. Komaeda groans into your ear, a shudder rolling through you.

“I… I wanna…” You mumble into his cloud of hair, making his hips stutter and pause in their movements. He turns his head, panting into your neck as he looks up at you with half-lidded eyes. His hot breath against your skin makes all the hairs on your arm stand on end. Biting your lip and taking a deep breath, you avoid eye contact. “I wanna… use my mouth.”

“Oh? To do what?” He chuckles softly, and you huff. “Come on! You know what I mean.”

“Alright, alright.” He relents, pulling himself off of you and sitting back on the coach. “Though I have to say, this is surprisingly forward, coming from you.”

Sliding off the couch and settling on your knees, ensuring your hair won’t get in the way, you keep your eyes on the carpet. “I’m not sure what you mean.” Shuffling forward and settling between his knees, his legs spread. His erection is causing a bulge to form in his pajama pants, leaving little to the imagination.

“You’re in my house, on your knees, about to suck me off.” Komaeda states so matter-of-factly that you choke on your own spit, voice raising an octave. “K-Komaeda!”

“I think we’re on a first name basis, at this point.” He shifts slightly, glancing away for a moment. “Unless… you don’t want that, of course.”

Eyes blowing wide, you shake your head. “N-no! No, I would love that, actually. Nagito…” It feels strange, using his first name after calling him by his last name for so long, but you could get used to it. Speaking of things that feel strange in your mouth, you hook your fingers in the waistband of his pajama pants, giving them a slight tug. “Lift, Nagito.”

He swallows, “Right.” and lifts his hips so you can tug the fabric down to his ankles, staring at the slit in his boxers. You can catch a glimpse of skin through it, along with a few stray curly white pubic hairs. It’s not like you haven’t seen it, but it’s different now. Now, you’re going to touch him, and he’s going to touch you, and you’ll finally get to taste him… The thought sends waves of heat to your groin as you tug his boxers down, his cock springing out. He lets out a puff of air, watching you closely.

Hesitantly, you wrap your hand around the base and stroke upwards, a soft whimper leaving him. You lean forward, the tip brushing against your lips, the musky smell of sweat and hormones making your mouth water. You stick out your tongue and drag it along the tip, circling the head before taking it into your mouth, letting one hand rest at the base while the other holds onto his hip. He moans softly, one hand coming up to push his fingers through your hair. The other shakily comes up to cover his mouth as he stares down at you, watching as you start to bob your head. “H-haah… you’re so… i-it feels- ah-” He twitches in your mouth and you squeeze his hip in response, dragging a whimper out of him, muffled by his hand.

You start going lower, taking more of him into your mouth, curious how far you can go before you gag. The skin is smooth and salty, a strange taste that you don’t necessarily mind. His legs twitch at your sides as you slowly take more and more of him in, testing your own limits. His pants and gasps interlaced with his moaning make your sex throb - these noises are entirely different from the ones he made on stream. More breathy, softer, more real. You remove your hand from the base of his cock and swiftly unbutton your pants, making enough room for you to slide your hand into your underwear and start rubbing yourself. You moan against him and his back arches, legs shaking.

The higher pitch to his noises and the tightening grip on your hair clues you in that he might be close, so you pull back a bit, slowing your movements and watching him start to relax again. Swallowing thickly, he lowers his hand, gripping the fabric of his shirt in a tight fist. “Y-you’re very good at this, you know…” He mumbles, eyelids fluttering as he struggles to not let his eyes roll back. “I-I- have you done this before?”

You hum a soft ‘nuh-uh’ sound into him, and he shudders. “R-really? I-it definitely doesn’t feel- ah!” You cut him off by pushing your head down as far as you can take it, the tip brushing the back of your throat as you suppress a gag. His back arches and he pulls your hair, tilting your head slightly to the side - weirdly enough, being at an angle makes it slightly easier to take this much of him in. He cries out, hips bucking, tossing his head back. “F-fuck! Shit, don’t- don’t stop, please!”

You obey, rubbing yourself faster as you work your tongue around him and he squirms under you, hips bucking, each tug of your hair sending every hair on your body standing on end. You moan against him and he whimpers, legs tensing as he calls your name. “I-I never thought…” He starts breathlessly, cut off by a broken moan before continuing. “Never thought you’d be doing this… and enjoying it… oh, oh fuck, I’m gonna…” His hand tightens in your hair and you whine, speeding up. He yanks you downwards hard, until your nose is buried in his curly white pubic hairs. A muffled noise escapes and that spring in your lower belly tightens, threatening to snap at any moment.

He squirms, his thighs closing on either side of your head and squeezing as he cums down your throat, his back arching as a high-pitched cry leaves him. The pressure on your ears and the burst of hot liquid in your mouth is what sends you over the edge and you groan against him, hand and jaw both cramping, but you can overlook the pain and focus on his blissed-out face, the whimpers leaving him as he watches you struggle to swallow around him. When you think he’s done, you pull off him, drool and cum dribbling down your chin as you cough and splutter, trying to catch your breath. He pants, staring at you for a moment, mesmerized.

“Oh! Uhm.” He blinks himself out of his post-nut haze, grabbing a box of tissues and tugging a few out. “Here, let me-” He reaches out, wiping off your chin as you work to swallow what remains in your mouth. Once he deems you clean enough, he pulls away, and you let your mouth drop open to breathe heavily, staring up at him. He swallows, blush darkening slightly as he wipes up a bit of what got on him.

You tug your hand out of your pants, cringing at the cold wetness coating your fingers. “Uh, could you hand me one of those?” You ask, still slightly out of breath. He hands the box over so you can wipe off your hand, before tugging the waist of your pants and underwear away, looking down and cringing again. “Ah. It would appear that I have… made a bit of a mess.” You laugh awkwardly, and he chuckles in response. “Would you like to borrow something to wear for the night?”

“Yeah, if that’s alright.”

“Of course it is.” He stands, and you notice his legs are wobbling a bit. A flicker of pride shoots through your chest as he tugs his pants and boxers back up. “My room’s just over here.”

You follow him into his bedroom, which is just as clean and cozy as the living room was. There’s a succulent on his nightstand. He digs through his drawers until he finds a t-shirt and some boxers that seem like they’ll fit you, turning around and handing them over. He smiles softly as you take them from him. “You can sleep in here, if you’d like. I’m happy to take the couch.”

You blink in surprise. “What? Dude, I’m not kicking you to the couch in your own apartment. That’d be like, super douchey.”

He rubs the back of his neck, averting his gaze. “Ah, I just thought since the couch is less comfortable…”

“Why don’t we just sleep together? Unless… you don’t want to?” You try not to let the disappointment seep into your voice, but you do a piss poor job at it. His eyes blow wide open and he stiffens, sputtering for a moment. “N-no! No, that would be…” He struggles to find the words, clearly flustered. “Th-that would be lovely. I just thought you wouldn’t want to be that close to me.”

“I had your dick and cum in my mouth not five minutes ago.” You deadpan. He swallows hard. “Ah. Fair, I suppose.”

You go into his bathroom and change, tossing your clothes into his laundry basket. When you return to his bedroom, he’s already lying down, so you crawl in next to him, letting him pull the blanket over the both of you. You lay on your side, facing him, staring at his smiling face. His nose crinkles and he laughs softly. “What? Do I have something on my face?”

“Ko- Nagito… does this mean you’re my boyfriend now?” You ask, glancing away in slight embarrassment. He hums softly in thought. “Well, do you want me to be your boyfriend?”

“Do you wanna be my boyfriend?” You ask, tugging the blanket tighter around your body. You mentally prepare yourself for rejection, for him to tell you that this was just a one-time thing and he didn’t want to keep seeing you. But that doesn’t happen. Instead, he wraps his arms around you, tugging you closer. “Hm. I think so, yes.” He mutters softly, nuzzling the top of your head.

You smile, leaning into him. “Cool.”

He reaches over you and turns off his bedside lamp, plunging both of you into darkness. You snuggle up to him, letting your eyes drift shut. For the first time in a while, your mind isn’t on how busy your schedule will be tomorrow.

#Nagito Komaeda #komaeda nagito #nagito komaeda x reader #sdr2 #smut #fluff #writing tag

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