sometimes i think about The Kiss too much and i need to lie down
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trying to sleep but I remember the pigs head decomposing outside
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weird pigeon-cat stares blankly in the void, what are they thinking about
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Pain should not be a sign
of a pleasure and bliss
that those flickering moments were.
Yet you pierced through my heart
with a silver weapon
and you stayed so close
I could still hear
confessions and supplications
of your soul.
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I love doing a 50 mile round trip for work, especially when the paperwork isn't ready 🙃
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if i could draw you guys would be SO SICK of my mike murdock era if you arent already
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Absolutely getting desperate for more Sevika fics 😩
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staring at higgs-amelie just thinking how hot the design is and then being read with pathological “reading the signs”
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I don’t think I’m a good person
I don’t think I’m a good person. I don’t talk about my feelings, and this is going to be really hard to talk about because I don’t want people to look down on me for struggling, but I’m tired of bottling it up. I’m not looking for pity, I just need to put this out there before I go. I’m like an abused puppy, where I just get violent when confronted. I can’t even handle physical affection because of all the physical and sexual abuse. Prior to my ex, I’d never experienced comfort around another human being before. I feel so alone. I feel so incredibly alone and broken and it’s all my fault. It always feels like everyone is out to get me. I feel so misunderstood and that no one will ever really know me, but it’s my fault for driving people away and being introverted and socially awkward. I hate being neurodivergent. I can never get my words across properly, I just get so defensive and overwhelmed, and react so poorly to confrontation, going into these horrible meltdowns. I get triggered and experience fits of vertigo when I’m confronted, and I understand this is due to abuse and trauma. I NEVER want to hurt anyone or cause anyone pain, but it still happens due to misunderstandings and in a desperate attempt to clarify it, my pride gets the better of me and I come off as condescending, because in my mind I never meant to be hurtful so it must somehow be the other person’s fault for feeling hurt and I need to do whatever I can to fix that. I think back on it afterwards and beat myself up because holy shit I’m such a prick. That’s such an awful mindset to be in, but it happens every time because I can’t take a moment to recognize that I’m having a meltdown and am not in my wise mind. I feel like such an awful person. I’ve driven away the one person I ever loved, the one person who ever loved me because I would just get triggered from confrontation or yelling, and I couldn’t step back and hear what they were really asking for behind their words. I couldn’t just say sorry for hurting them and move on, I needed to try and clear up the misunderstanding as well. My pride blinded me to the fact that they were in pain. I’m such a terrible person. I can’t keep going on.
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life hack : the trick to get over someone is to end things so badly that the option of reconciliation isn't there anymore ✨ shit forces you to accept that it's gone and move on 🌝
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