ar-u-breathe

[ar-u-breathe]

[ar-u-breathe]

[ar-u-breathe]

[ar-u-breathe]

You’ve grown into someone who would have protected you as a child. And that is the most powerful move you made.

[ar-u-breathe]

Sometimes, it isn’t the one who takes your breath away, it’s the one that reminds you to breathe.

k.b. // by jennifer johnson

[ar-u-breathe]

[ar-u-breathe]

She's gone and erased pieces of herself,

Some of the most vulnerable,

The most beautiful.

The pieces that I loved.

But this isn't about me.

This is about her.

And how deeply I worry for her peace of mind,

For the way her heart is always breaking

Night after night.

And I lie here, just shy of 4,000 miles North-West,

Almost a three day straight-through drive,

Unable to hold her, to understand,

To make it all go away.

I stare at a screen, pieces of her being deleted,

And all I can do is hope she's really okay.

[ar-u-breathe]

I never really know what to do with all this love I have. I feel like I'm constantly writing love letters I cannot send.

[ar-u-breathe]

Imagine reading my love letters

Instead of sitting alone writing heartbreak poetry

Imagine my warm embrace against your back as you sit in my lap playing video games

Instead of cuddling alone with your pillow at night

You feel safe with me tonight

Imagine that

[ar-u-breathe]

I don’t know how i’m supposed to love a woman like a woman, but it felt like it was easy when we leant back against the beanbag in the corner of your room, curled up like friends in the tension of knowing there was something strangely romantic about it, amidst the lines of ketamine and blurred inside the posters we stared up at to avoid staring at each-other. There was always a man, but it’s not wrong if you’re both girls, we pretended we were just girls, i pretended it was nothing because we were girls. But you left the room and strangely it felt more confusing, admitting out loud the way your elbow touched mine made it feel like i was sinking. Your friend looked at me like she too could still feel the lingering imprint of your thumb against my ring finger.

[ar-u-breathe]

[ar-u-breathe]

in another universe i see you across the room in a bar, in the crowd at a concert, we bump into each other at the grocery store, we grew up together. anywhere in any universe we always find each other.

[ar-u-breathe]

I ask the traffic lights if it will be alright, they say

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“What is success? It is being able to go to bed each night with your soul at peace.”

— Paulo Coelho

[ar-u-breathe]

I know we look at the same moon

I know we wish upon the same stars

but the stars aren’t strong enough to carry our desires

the moon isn’t bright enough to light the path to each other

i’m tired of lingering in this darkness

it weighs me down more than you know

i’m gathering the courage to walk away, just as I am gathering the courage to stay

[ar-u-breathe]

Poem - Closure

This one is violently sapphic. Apologies.

Happy to get (constructive) criticism, but be kind

It’s one of those funny things- isn’t it?

You think you’re over someone,

But you’d still jump in front of a train for them

Give your life to them

***

Blurred lights matching my ever-slurring speech-

Since when did you become the responsible one?

A learned helplessness?

It’s like an addiction.

***

Walking through the still dark streets,

Running from our problems:

For two nights-

Three days where we don’t have to think about it.

Anything,

Only feel.

***

Nothing seems quite real-

The birds start to sing in the distance

And the horizon gets lighter;

How long we have been talking?

***

Your first taste of freedom-

My first taste of life!

Tripping over my words,

They’re falling out a little too well…

We both know why we’re here;

We both know where the past lives…

//***//

But closure comes in the form of your touch.

Breathing in sync,

Your shaky hand, my entirely unearned confidence,

“Our mothers can never know” said with a laugh.

That’s not now. That’s not here.

It isn’t real.

***

Call it poor decision making- my friend laughed when I told her.

Say we’re going to hell- at least you’ll be there.

The thought of it all is surreal-

How it all ended, started, continued, closed.

We know where we stand.

Put the weapons down,

And at last, say goodbye…

[ar-u-breathe]