#IM JUST HAVING FEELINGS

[howdaretrashships]

Tried to bargain with the stars for more than half your heart

Sand - Dove Cameron

#feihua #dihua #mysterious lotus casebook #di feisheng #li lianhua #dont mind me #im just having feelings

[sideblogdotjpeg]

hello. everyone avert your eyes as i go into overthinking mode. idk. something rlly fucks me up abt the way sol quietly and resigned goes "but this isnt really you" and "okay" (at like 38 min 45 seconds or somethign. and then when they attack him sol has the alert feat and cant be surprised. hes not surprised. is it even a betrayal if you knew this was the way it had to go down. sol sees two versions of swag in his challenge room and is already steeling himself for what he has to do. anyway. obviously this is very small and insignificant . BUT. idk. with these themes of hope & potential vs denial & refusal vs acceptance & resignation. man it fucks me up okay. sol started out being so naive and openly trusting. now sols just mad at the world.

#this isnt my most objective analysis ITS NOT GOOD I JUST HAVE FEELINGS. #AND ITS SAD TO ME #... IDK HOW TO FEEL ABOUT IT . (I DO ITS FUCKED UP) #idk. its like the #i have to get through this challenge to save swag #to save swag i have to. kill swag. #....... #hugh. okay. typing that down. um. shoot me in the head man #anyway. not to say sol is a grizzled hopeless wordweary guy or something #he still talks to a knitted serpent on his scarf and ultimately his entire goal is still like. fighting against the inevitable #he has to save swag hes . he cant accept it otherwise #I FUCKING HATE THE DOOMED NATURE OF HIS QUEST #THE PEOPLE HE CANT SAVE??? #DENIAL AND RESIGNATION HOPE AND ACCEPTANCE #not gonna be any clean interpretation until his arc is actly finished is the thing so #IM JUST HAVING FEELINGS #ramble tag

[autisticmurraybauman]

i genuinely think murray bauman is the character ever. he’s a conspiracy theorist who turns about to be right about a decent amount of plot stuff. he’s shut himself away from the outside world and he refuses to reveal any personal information but he can effortlessly pick apart the feelings and histories of the people around him. he’s paranoid and he’s wary of new people but he falls in love with an enemy spy that he’s known for a day. his best friend is a woman he honestly doesn’t know all that well but he’d follow her to the ends of the earth. he gets nervous in combat situations and he doesn’t want to hurt people but he owns a gun and knows karate. he lives alone but at the first opportunity he cooks a big meal and puts on an apron and calls himself a housewife. he cares so deeply about his friends because they are his humanity, they are his connection to the world he’s secluded himself from, they are his normalcy, they are his feeling. he is such a solitary person and it makes him so unwaveringly loyal to the few people he trusts

#saph.txt #stranger things #murray bauman #im just having feelings

[dreadfutures]

#IM JUST HAVING FEELINGS #sending it off to duchess for edits #dead pasts dread futures #broken mirrors #THEY'RE MIRRORS

[stil-lindigo]

lead balloon (the tumblr post that saved me)

if this comic resonated with you, it would mean the world to me if you donated to this palestinian family's escape fund.

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no creative notes because this isn't that kind of comic.

I know I don’t owe any of you anything but I still felt compelled to write about my long term absence. And I feel far enough away from the dangerous spot I was in to be able to make this comic. I have a therapist now, and she agreed that making this could be a very cathartic gesture, and the start of properly leaving these thoughts behind me. I am still, at seemingly random times, blindsided by fleeting desires to kill myself. They’re always passing urges, but it’s disarming, and uncomfortable. I worry sometimes that my brain’s spent so long thinking only about suicide that it’s forgotten how to think about anything else. Like, now that I've opened that door for myself, I'll never be able to fully shut it again. But I’m trying my best to encourage my mind in other directions. We'll see how that goes.

I am still donating all proceeds from my store to Palestinian causes. So far, I've donated over $15K, not including donations coming from my own pocket or the fundraising streams which jointly raised around $10K. In the time since I made my initial post about where this money would be going, the focus has shifted from aid organisations to directly donating to escape funds.

If you'd like to do the same, you can look at Operation Olive Branch, which hosts hundreds of Palestinian escape funds or donate to Safebow, which has helped facilitate the safe crossing and securing of important medical procedures for over 150 at-risk palestinians since the beginning of the genocide.

#cw: suicidal ideation #cw: suicide #cw: self harm #cw: mental health #cw: depression #i made the balloon the main representation of my self destructive urges for a reason but im not going to explain it #i tried to keep a lot of the details in this vague #it would be my worst nightmare if this comic encouraged someone to hurt themselves #so. please dont #for a long time even the thought of making this comic felt so insipid and narcissistic #with the state of the world as it is #having the only threat to your life be yourself felt so privileged and trite and shameful #but doing this comic made me sit down and process things in full #and im just. very grateful i didn't give in to my thoughts back when i sincerely felt i'd be more useful to the world dead #i also feel the need to say that this wont represent everyone's battle with mental illness. its unfortunately different for all of us #there is no fix-all #and im afraid this might be one of those comics that either resonates a lot or misses the target by a mile #i made it for myself foremost. and now that its done im glad i did it #thank you for reading #and please stay alive #stillindigo art #stillindigo comics

[inkskinned]

because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.

you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.

you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.

don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.

if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.

you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:

how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!

aren't you happy yet?

#almost wrote the champagne line as ''effervescent'' but legit could not write it without saying ''effervescent like a snail'' #ah tumblr... #writeblr #warm up #idk . having trouble writing rn #ps i don't like to talk about it . it is my medical information. but before you ask. yes this is about being on the spectrum #i really don't like when ppl make my writing about how im [whatever ID]. i want it to ring true for the people who it rings true for #i don't want it to be like ''awwwww look at this person!!! she's the EXCEPTION!!! :)" ..... #no.... not really..... #idk something gross happens whenever i admit to certain conditions and i turn into like inspiration p*rnography #like yes they actually let us use keyboards these days #furthermore i just... dont feel comfortable talking about this part of me. i had too bad of a childhood. adhd is one thing... #this one im like. still coming to terms with. which is like. my own journey. #idk. just please be kind. some things are more private than others. this one feels private to me. #i do not know how to help others w/this . and i do not know how to help myself. i will talk about it if im ever ready. idk if that will #actually ever happen #ty in advance i love u im kissing you we are kissing somewhere on the spectrum

[gibbearish]

love when ppl defend the aggressive monetization of the internet with "what, do you just expect it to be free and them not make a profit???" like. yeah that would be really nice actually i would love that:)! thanks for asking

#yes i want things to be free like ??? that is not a weird desire #'but but it costs money to keep up' ok and? how is that my problem #the government has plenty of murder dollars they could reallocate a few to make internet services universal if they wanted #also these companies were perfectly capable of supporting themselves before the internet got drowned with ads so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ #edit: muting notifs on this post bc new additions have kind of petered out #so no one feel bad about adding something someone else has said‚ it is not bothering me im just trying to keep my #notifs page cleanish lol #also since i saw some people are being redirected to read my tags: firstly hiiiiii this is a special secret message for you:3 #secondly i have learned since making this that the reason they were able to support themselves previously was because #of investors bankrolling everything #and theyre now finally realizing that theyre never going to actually make a profit and arent as willing to invest #however thats just a minor correction and doesnt change my overall point #once again. so many murder dollars #so thats why im just adding it here in the tags rather than making an actual correction #anyways . love yall 💕 #origibberish #bigger gibbers

[aphel1on]

i have such a love for characters who descend into madness or villainy out of deep, deep empathy. characters who fundamentally cannot cope with the cruel realities they find themselves in and blow up about it in spectacular fashion. fallen angel type characters with tears of outrage in their eyes. characters who break before they bend, and break so badly they splatter blood all over their noble ideals. every variation on it gets me so good

#getou suguru #kaneki ken #abyss twin #i know there are others who im not thinking of rn #feel free to reblog with more examples #aphelion.txt #tropes #WAIT I REMEMBERED MORE #jaina proudmoore #dimitri alexandre blaiddyd #phosphophyllite #i just spent like half an hour trying to find this on tv tropes but it must be. Too specific of a thing i have in mind bc #I just kept finding similar and related but too broad categories #despair event horizon. fallen hero. well intentioned extremist. etc etc etc #like specifically i'm talking about when the character's EMPATHY is the CRUX of the problem. sosooo crunchyjuicytasty #edit: #also just know that i am reading every tag on this post #and enthusiastically scribbling down the names i dont recognizr #so i can check out their series later #edit 2 wow this post blew up 🫡 godspeed fellow villain likers #the amount of people tagging this as 'me lmao' is concerning to me #wwx #how did i fucking forget this was also yllz era wwx

[oars]

#i feel like tge fact im apprehensive about posting this is kinda proving my point #the way everyone talks about both weight gain and weight loss is just horrendous #like idek if i could fit all i wanna say in here especially while im at work but #i so badly wish people could be normal about weight gain and talking about it #its like if youre not in some constant state of wanting to lose weight people want to kill you #god forbid you want to put on weight to feel more comfortable in your body outside of muscles and a butt #fatphobia is a given thats a whole other few paragraphs #im grateful i have mutuals and friends who are normal but ill have or hear these convos and go #ok i feel sick. why do i feel this way why do you feel that way. #anyways i think fatphobia is one of the worst things to ever happen

[panthermouthh]

“Accursed creator! Why did you form a monster so hideous that even you turned from me in disgust?”

#Frankenstein #gothic literature #gothic lit art #victor frankenstein #happy new year lads #ive been thinking about nothing else but them for the past 3 days #been trying to figure out a decent design for victor and i think im getting closer #he needs to have a cruelness to him #and he needs to be kind of pathetic #someone who the creature could snap in half yknow #and i need to make the creature more Mean looking but it just feels right to draw him sad and despairing #THAT BEING SAID i think i did a good job here hehe #henry is next :))) #my art #illustration

[july-19th-club]

seriously have been thinking about this all night long. call me autistic but the fact that 90% of workplaces the point is not to get your work done and then be done doing it but to instead perform an elaborate social dance in which you find something to do even when you're done doing everything you need to do in order to show your fellow workers that you, too, are Working . because you are at Work . disgusting why cant we all agree that if there is no work immediately to be done. we just dont do anything

#i personally like to not be doing things constantly at all times. it stresses me out #i know there are ppl who thrive on cosntant activity #but me i like to chill out. #and the problem then becomes that i only ACTIVELY remember to do work and Find More Work To Do when im stressed #at the thought that others might want to see me working #if im ever relaxed i just dont look for stuff to do #catch 22 of modern work culture which permeates even ostensibly noncapitalist structures like public libraries #for instance: will it really kill anybody if the books get shelved by me now after a very busy day? #or shelved tomorrow morning by. well probably me since i'll be the one at the desk #not in the slightest #but it was work that wasnt being immediately done by me. therefore it was incorrect behavior #that i failed to identify because my instinct is to relax when not immediately presented with a Situation #this got me labeled as 'having no initiative' by my dad from a very early age #and even as an adult i still feel like im a child with no initiative

[newttxt]

leashes for zosan

#one piece #zoro #sanji #zosan #nico robin #usopp #ive had this comic sketched for… probably months. but i finally lined and finished it!! #eesh… three comics in three days… this rate is NOT sustainable #im just incapable of not thinking about one piece dkfkdkkckdkc #i normally dont draw at all nov-feb bc i feel unmotivated and sad but hey!! not this year!! skckdkckdkkcdk #anyway i have the nonblurry zoro. featuring more of his uhhh body. but thats not going up here any time soon

[gremnda]

Hello Ethubs nation :]

no text version

#gremnda art #this is the silliest thing i've drawn in a while and i am so happy w it #i just read a heavy angst fic with etho and bdubs #this is my way of coping guys let me have this #ethubs #hermitshipping #trafficshipping #ethoslab #bdoubleo100 #oo look at me go making ship art #guys im from dsmp fandom i feel like im committing an actual crime by drawing ship art #please be nice i will cry

[fallahifag]

palestinians don’t owe you anything

#like i shouldn’t have to say this but #we aren’t responsible for absolving your white guilt #please stop dming me weird shit it’s just going to get you blocked lmao. i already said i’m going through a tough time #your first response to that shouldn’t be #‘let me tell this random palestinian that i feel so bad about what’s happening i might *insert extremely graphic suicide mention* #please go to therapy. #like i’m a real person who’s dealing with real life things lmao #im not playing fr i don’t want this shit in my messages i WILL block you and i won’t read it #this goes for asks too.

[stil-lindigo]

the calamity.

a comic about being seen.

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creative notes:

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all my other comics

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#cw: blood + eye scarring #oh the inherent intimacy of seeing and being seen #just a comic about how the desire to be seen and shown love and compassion unites us all #also big scary monster lady pretty #girl power! the personification of disaster and strife uses she/her pronouns! #i also feel somewhat obligated to mention here that i dont have anything against christianity as a whole #i just think the concept of God is interesting #i went to a christian school for 12 years im allowed to make this comic #comic art #sapphic #yes. interpret the subtext #stillindigo art #heartearters #thats the name of the anthology this will belong to. whenever i finish it #stillindigo comics

[mienar]

the wandering painter, part one

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#artists on tumblr #illustration #animated illustration #animation #backgrounds #animated gifs #background illustration #myillust #landscape #plants #scenery #summer #hiii! just wanted to share an artwork i made that's super fresh from the oven ksfknsf #'the wandering painter' will be a series that consists of artworks that has elements that i struggle to draw and am trying to improve on! #ive always really struggled with the process of painting (for example) clouds fields grass grasslands flowers etc #despite the end result coming out satisfactory imo but i cant deny that it most of the time feels like a fluke #so this series would consist of my journey of improving how to draw said elements/areas more confidently :D #this artwork in particular - i studied and practiced how to paint/draw silver grass better along with grasses and clouds #i feel like im sorta getting the hang of it but theres definitely room to study and experiment how i can paint it better #so yeah! nonetheless i really hope you'll like this! and i hope you'll have a lovely day/night ahead <3333