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#I've been scared of this for so long and now it's happening

11cupid-tarot11 · 1 day

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Short Channeled Letters From Your Boo! 💜

🪽

Pile 1 -> 3

Dm me for private readings!

$1.11 per question, c@shapp- $minnieplant3

Tips appreciated! 🩵

Love y'all! -Cupid 𖥔 ࣪ ᥫ᭡ꗃ⋆࣪.

Pile 1-

Hi you! ;)

I want to get right to the point. I might be distant lately, I know we used to hang out quite a lot, right? I miss it too. I miss you. Literally every single thing about you down to the smallest of details and I think you miss me too. You see me everywhere, don't you? I see you too, in my dreams, every time I close my eyes. No one understands me like you do, no one knows what I've been through like you do, we're best friends so of course this separation would hurt you, it hurts me too, but it's the best thing I could think to do. I found myself falling in love with you, I felt scared and vulnerable again like a child and the feeling scared me. I knew it was something so much deeper because I love you enough to change, I love you so much I don't want my demons to ever hurt you, ever. I'll be back! I can't stay away from you too long, I've got plans ;)

Be talking to you soon sweetie :) take care!

Pile 2-

Hey my angel, how are you my love? It's been such a crazy journey, right? So many wild twists and turns, but we made it through! We're almost there now! I've been manifesting you for awhile, from far away, while you're with them. I pray and hope you're willing to accept me this time, because I'm ready and I really want all of you. All of your shadows. Everything. I really want to kiss you. I know I don't show it often, I'm not in the position to really show you right now anyways even if I wanted to, but I will be soon ;) I can't wait to spoil you rotten, pamper you and love you the way you should be loved, I can do it all, I'm very willing. I think we're soulmates, I can't ever imagine letting you go again, our future plays in my dreams like my little safe haven. 😇

Love you, angel!

Pile 3-

Meeting you would have to be one of the best things that has ever happened to me, even if it's not our time :)

When I think of something perfect I think of you, you're what I want, you're what I crave but I just can't seem to open my eyes to look for you, baby I might be a fool sometimes, if I'm being honest I'm a mess a lot of the time and that's the problem, who wants to hear that, though, right? But it's the truth, that's why I keep attracting every one bad for me, isn't it? You deserve someone who's your knight in shining armor, someone who matches your energy perfectly and I'm not going to touch a single hair on your head until I feel like I'm worthy to. I'm working on matching my energy up there with yours, in so many aspects and different ways. There isn't anything you should ever worry about, darling. You're going to be my last puzzle piece 🧩💕.

#18+ tarot #pac love reading #pac tarot #pick a card #spirituality #tarot #tarot cards #tarot reading #tarot love reading #tarot requests #tarot messages #tarot community #tarot advice

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theongp · 2 days

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Finally finished Dead Boy Detectives, I can rest peacefully now

Because the show is so good, beyond my expectation, been a long long times since I love a show with main characters who are teens this much.

I wanna write so many things right now

But first, let's talk about my main reason to watch the series, Edwin and Charles aka Painland 😭 It will be a very long times until we shippers could see them kiss *sob* But on the bright side, we still have Edwin's feeling realization and love confession in this season and tbh it happened earlier than i've expected. But still...the SLOWBURN, slow burn in fiction is great but in film (especially series)...I have a love/hate relationship with it, cuz it's possible that we won't see them be officially together because yk Netflix *shrug*, also they haven't been canoned in the comics yet (according to my research), so basically i'm just scared of the show being cancelled 😢 Beside, why I still love slowburn and need it because it's necessary, it makes their relationship more beautiful and imo slowburn makes romance better.

Secondly, the most funny thing in the series is that almost all of the characters were interested in Edwin, romantical way, platonic way, wicked evil way, all the ways lol

Thirdly, I don't really like the Cat King at first but now he's my favorite just after my dead boys. He's like Desire of The Endless and The Corinthian at the same times, he's not bad guy but also not a good guy, he's kinky, bitchy, sexy, and most importantly he has also been charmed by Edwin 🤭

And now we have to wait a couples years for season 2 I want to cry 😭

#dead boy detectives #painland #paineland #edwin payne #charles rowland #the cat king #now it's time to scroll and refresh their ao3 tag like crazy

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entomjinx · 20 hours

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ONE PIECE CHAPTER 1113 SPOILERS!!!

It's tagged, it's in bold, if you didn't see it that's on you, but I'm sorry. (I'm also a little sick so sorry for how this starts to turn a little insane at the end.)

The reveal makes perfect sense. I've seen a few people struggle to figure out where it came from, so I'm gonna explain why it makes perfect sense and then pop off with some silly theory.

The first hint at the fact that the One Piece world is sinking exists all the way back in Long Ring Long Island.

That seems like an odd place to start, but it's the first time we're shown how drastic the tides of the ocean in the One Piece world can change. It's enough to separate entire parts of an island, causing it to appear as separate islands, once every year.

This implies that the tides change drastically over the course of much longer periods than it does in the real world.

After that, we get to Water Seven and discover that it's sinking, and that the Aqua Laguna is getting worse every year. We also know that it's caused by the water receding at Long Ring Long island. We're also outright told that they want to make the city float to stop the sinking problem.

We also, much later, see just how high Wano is in altitude.

Knowing that the Redline is so tall that it cannot be passed by any ship, cannot be broken through, and that Mariejois is sat right on top of it only adds to why it makes sense.

The world isn't "sinking," those some islands technically are(Water Seven, modeled after Venice), the tides are going to rise exponentially, and fast.

The force of the water would instantly drown most people, and those who survived would be those who could get to higher altitude islands, the sky islands, Fishman Island, or the Redline.

And because I know someone will try to point this out: land bound plant life can temporarily survive underwater, so Ohara's 5000 year old library tree would be fine for a a bit while submerged. There's lots of places with high tides who's plant life is just fine. (This also could explain why they'd be so willing to throw the books into the water. Not only was it to save them from the fire, but many of them had likely been submerged for long periods of time before. They knew the books would be find in the end because they had record of it. And well, it's mentioned in the chapter that Vegapunk means to finish what Ohara started.)

This would also explain how thorough the government was able to be with wiping out information from the void century. If only a few places can survive, then few things that tell the truth will survive, and even fewer people.

Do I think I'm 100% correct about any of this? Or course not, it's Oda. It's One Piece. Things are pretty much never predicted with 100% accuracy. But that's my thoughts on why it makes sense. Now we get into theory:

I have several points to make, so I'm going to write out the shortest ones first.

-This would, completely unironically, explain some of the centuries long racism campaign against fishman. They have no reason to fear the high tides. They will survive no matter what happens on the surface, and that scares the humans who cannot.

-I think that the extreme tide is a part of why the bridge is being built in Tequila Wolf. I believe the bridges purposes is to connect all the highest points of the world so there's no need for ships to carry them. This way, the Celestial Dragons will still have access to more slaves, produce, and anything they can't get within Mariejois on their own during the time period when everyone drowns.

-and now we get to the big one:

I think that the reason the 20 kings and their people destroyed the ancient kingdom is because the ancient kingdom had a way to survive the high tide while keeping the maximum number of people safe in the process, and while being able to save many more people. They refused to ask for help, and were instead afraid of the power the ancient kingdom held, so they sought to destroy it.

I think that the ancient "weapons" were instead a means of survival, and the reason they were hidden is because the 20 kings would have used them as weapons instead. We don't know much about the ancient kingdom, so much of this is speculation.

I think Pluton was a large enough ship that it could carry the entire kingdom. We've already seen some massive ships in One Piece, and Iceburg intends to turn the entirety of Water Seven into a ship, so the idea of an island sized ship isn't all that odd.

If you continue to think about it, why did none of the Beast Pirates manage to find Pluton while searching for the poneglyph in Wano? I have two theories for this based on the fact that we're told Wano would have to open it's borders in order to get Pluton. If the walls would need to be torn down, then we can continue to assume that Pluton is massive.

Theory one is that Pluton is is hidden within the mountain itself, and that the mountain was man-made to hide the ship. Not only would the walls need to come down, but the mountain itself would have to be destroyed. They would also need a way to survive the high tide without it, so creating a mountain that is high enough in altitude to keep them safe would have been a necessity. I think this is the more believable of the two theories.

Theory Two is that Pluton is Wano. The entire island is the ship, and many of Wano's people descended from the people of the ancient kingdom or those they rescued. This one is much less likely, but it's still a possibility in my mind.

We know that Poseidon was the former mermaid princess, and that the current one is Shirahoshi. She can control the sea kings. Why would this be important? Because if everywhere floods, then the sea kings, who are already very large creatures, suddenly have an influx of room to move, food to eat, and places to lay eggs. It would cause a population spike. *However,* that would cause an ecological disaster within the food chain. The sudden influx of sea kings would be desperate for any food they can get their hands on, and many would likely die of starvation. This means they need some way to repel them from the large ship.

We don't know anything about Uranus yet, so I've nothing for you.

Another thing we know about the ancient kingdom is that they seemed to be friendly with everyone, or at least it's implied via how many friends Joy Boy made.

Fishman: Along with the bonus of having Poseidon, the fishman also have access to the tree resin from Sabaody. Should the ship(Puton) or the ancient kingdom ever need to submerge in order to keep people safe or to have a temporary air bubble, They'd be safe.

Lunarians: The people who originally lived on top of the redline. Sinee the redline is high enough to not sink, it would have made sense for them to be trade partners.

Skypians and Shandians: Another race with wings. if the tides really got too high, then they could join them in the sky sea for a time. They could also trade with them.

Minks: Zunesha was a friend of Joyboy's. We don't know much else about that situation, but it's likely that Zunesha is plenty tall enough to keep the minks from drowning, and they could have traded often as well. Maybe Zunesha was even able to do something similar to the giants.

The Giants: This feels like the most important one to me, and not just because of recent chapters. Obviously the giants think very highly of Nika/Joyboy, but it's also very likely that Elbaf is tall enough to survive the high tide, and if not, the the giants themselves are. If you look at what's known about current giants, some of them are tall enough to walk along the sea floor, and the ancient giants were so large that it's said they pulled and moved continents.

Why is that bit important? Because a ship the size of an entire island would likely need a lot more than sails buoyancy to move quickly. The ancient kingdom was pulled by the giants. They moved to different areas to rescue people and to trade so that life continued while the tide was at it's highest point.

Another random thing that supports this is the giant's vehement hatred towards Charlotte Linlin. She has Totto Land, which is supposed to be a place where all races live in harmony, but it would be a mockery of what the ancient kingdom was like, and for giants, who live about 300 years, that's only a few generations back. They would still have stories about the ancient kingdom and remember the truth.

Again, I don't think anything I predict will ever be 100% accurate, but I hope you enjoyed my rambling nonetheless.

#one piece #one piece chapter 1113 #one piece spoilers #one piece theory #nika #joyboy #one piece ancient kingdom #this kinda turned into stream of consciousness at the end #so I hope it makes some sense.#if you read all of it #thank you #I love and appreciate you #drink something eat something and take your meds today

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larluce · 2 days

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Merlin as Arthur's familiar/Arthur's shapeshifter falcon AU

@dsabian , @theplatanitosqueal , @stressed-but-chill , @gregre369 , @chaosofbelievers , @thelordofabsolutelynothing , @another-tblr-fangirl , @aceauthorcatqueen , tagging you since you liked the other parts ^^

LINK TO THE OTHER PARTS: PART 1 , PART 2 , PART 3 , PART 4 , PART 5

In Arthur's chambers.

Arthur: (sleeping peacefully)😴

Merlin: (flies above him, chirping and picking at him)

Arthur: (still half-asleep) Hmmm... Merlin, not now (covers himself with the blanket to go back to sleep)

Merlin: (changes to human form and falls on Arthur)

Arthur: (out of breath for a moment and shouts) What the-Merlin! 😠

Merlin: (very excited, jumping in Arthur's lap) It's happening! It's finally hapenning! 😄

Arthur: What is happening? (looks the sun isn't even up through the window) And so early? (rubs his eyes)

Merlin: The eggs! They're hatching! (gets off Arthur and runs to the window where the nest is)

Arthur: (getp up, drowsiness finally gone) What? Really? (runs to the nest too)

Merlin: (points at one egg) Look!

Chick 1: (gets out of his shell all damp with lots of bare, pink skin exposed)

Merlin: ...

Arthur: ...

Merlin: He... he is...

Arthur: Ugly?

Merlin: Was I like this when I was a chick?

Arthur: You are a magical entity, Merlin, you were never a chick.

Merlin: Oh, thank the gods!

Chick 2: (gets out of her shell)

Merlin: (smiles) Oh, this one is a female!😊

Arthur: How can you know so soon?

Merlin: Magical entity.

Arthur: Right. (waits a moment, but nothing happens) How long until the others hatch?

Merlin: It could take the entire day. (holds the eggs and the chicks carefully and puts them in Arthur's hands)

Arthur: (scared as fuck as he holds them) WOW! Wait! What are you doing?! 😨😱

Merlin: You have to keep them warm.

Arthur: (whisper yelling) I can't incubate them! I'm gonna crush them!

Merlin: You don't have to sit on them just hold them close to your body to keep them warm. Meanwhile (stretches his limbs and cracks his knuckles and neck) I'll stretch my wings for a bit. 😊

Arthur: You're leaving me with these little merlins just so you can take a fly?! 😠

Merlin: (suddenly serious) Yes, Arthur, I've been incubating them for a whole month without a single break and now I want to fly for a couple of hours. Is that too much to ask?

Arthur: ...

Merlin: (raises his voice) I said is that too much to ask?

Arthur: No, no, no, not at all. Go ahead.

Merlin: Awww, thank you 😄. I'll be back soon. (changes to bird form and flies away)

Arthur: ...

Arthur: (to the two chicks and the 3 eggs, holding them closely) Your mom is very scary, boys.

Chick 2: (chirps a little)

Arthur: And girl. Right, you're a girl. (walks to the bed very slowly, sits and yawns) There you go. Now I have to stay awake (yawns) until Merlin comes back.

3 hours later. Arthur is asleep again, the chicks and the eggs close to his bare chest.

Chick 1 and 2: (chirp loudly)

Arthur: (half asleep) Shut up, Merlin (about to move, but suddenly remembers) The chicks! (completely awake now, but doesn't dare to move and looks down fearfully, thinking) Please be alive, please be alive.

Chick 3: (comes out of his shell)

Arthur: (sighs in relief and smiles) Only two more left. (holds carefully the chicks and the eggs with his hands and sits slowly) Oh, you're fluffy now. (taps chick 1 and 2 on the head whose plumage now is white and downy) You're still ugly though. (Looks at the eggs closely, worried) Please tell me you made those cracks.

Merlin: (appears and lands on the nest holding a death bird with his beak)

Arthur: Oh, thank the gods you're back! (walks to him and puts the eggs and chicks back to the nest carefully) And you brought food.

Merlin: (sits on the eggs to keep incubating them and starts feeding the chicks)

Arthur: If you needed food you could've just told me. I would've sent my hunters for food.

Merlin: (chirps)

Arthur: But then I wouldn't let you take a fly. Very smart. (Yawns and looks through the window) Servants are going to bring my breakfast soon. You better use that invisible spell of yours before they do (yawns and goes back to bed)

3 days later, all five chicks are now out of their shell and are bigger. To Arthur, they look like fluffy little white balls with very angry faces. He takes turns with Merlin to keep them warm and to hunt for food. Today it was Arthur's turn to feed them while Merlin stretched his wings a bit.

Arthur: (scolds while he feeds the chicks raw meat using a tweezer) No! Don't steal your brother's food! Bad, bad! 😠 (someone knocks his chambers' doors and he hides the nest behind him quickly and demands) Who is it?

Morgana: (from outside) Morgana.

Arthur: (sighs relieved and relaxes) Come in.

Morgana: (enters, singing happily) Where are my favourite nephews! 🤗

Arthur: (blushes) They are not your...! or mine... I'm just helping Merlin look after them.

Morgana: (Looks at the tweezer in Arthur's hand) Is that Gaius' medical tweezer?

Arthur: They wouldn't stop pecking my fingers. Like this they won't take my fingers off when I feed them.

Morgana: (takes the tweezer) Let me help. (Starts feeding the chicks)

Arthur: Oh, not to 1. He already ate a lot.

Morgana: (confused) 1?

Arthur: Yeah, the one with a number 1 in his head.

Morgana: ...

Arthur: You know, because he came out of his shell first. And this one is 2 because she came out se-

Morgana: You named your children after numbers and put numbers on their heads with ink?! 😡

Arthur: They are not my children! 😠. They are not even 'children'! And how else was I supposed to identify them?!

Chicks: (chirp louder)

Morgana: Now you made them cry.

Arthur: They are crying because you are not feeding them. (Takes the tweezer and continues feeding them)

Morgana: I can't believe Merlin let you name them like that.

Arthur: He didn't want to name them at all.

Morgana: (Confused) What?

Arthur: He doesn't want to get too attached to them since they're gonna leave as soon as they learn how to fly. (Sighs, feeling guilty) And I guess he's afraid of getting attached again to any merlin since...

Morgana: Since you killed Claws?

Arthur: (looks at the window, frantic, and then back to Morgana) Shut up! Merlin could be back at any moment!

Morgana: Didn't it occurred to you that maybe Merlin doesn't want to get attached to them because he knows you don't want to get attached to them?

Arthur: What?

Morgana: He adopted those chicks, Arthur. For you they may be just birds but for Merlin they are more than that. How do you think a single parent feels when their current partner doesn't accept their children?

Arthur: I... didn't think of it that way.

Morgana: So you realize that if you want to be with Merlin you'll have to be their parent too, right?

Arthur: I guess... (looks at the chicks) Fuck.

Morgana: You despise the idea that much?

Arthur: Is not that. It's just... I'm barely 18! I didn't expect to be a father so soon. And I expected my children to be, you know, human.

Morgana: You also expected your one true love to be a beautiful princess and here we are. (sighs) So? Do you still want to be with Merlin?

Arthur: ...

Time skip. Merlin with Arthur in his chamabers.

Merlin: (in his human form, after trying a spell on the nest) I did it! (jumps happily)

Arthur: (gets closer, curious) What did you do?

Merlin: Oh, I improved the invisible spell on the nest, now no one who isn't us or Morgana can see the chicks while they are there.

Arthur: That's great!

Merlin: Yeah, I don't have to make the spell constantly anymore and you won't get caught by your father. They are even save from other raptors now. It took me a while to get it right. (his smile gets sad)

Arthur: (concerned) What is it?

Merlin: Nothing, it's just... They... they don't need incubation anymore, but I... I still want to embrace them. But I can't, there's no need anymore.

Arthur: Merlin-

Merlin: (his eyes tearing) I know I'm not supposed to love them, I'm not really his dad or anything. I'm not even a real falcon.

Arthur: Merlin-

Merlin: And I know you didn't want them here in the first place, but-

Arthur: (shouts) Merlin!

Merlin: (startles)

Arthur: (extends his hand to Merlin and says softly, smiling) Would you dance with me?

Merlin: (blushes, confused) Wha... what? 😳

Arthur: Would you give me the honor to share a flying dance with me?

Merlin: I... (still very red and confused) but you... you don't have-

Arthur: Humans can also dance, you know? It's true I have no wings, but I can make you fly if you let me.

Merlin: (smiles widely, eyes watering) I'd love to.

And they dance. Arthur discovers that, while Merlin is very agil with his bird wings, he's very clumsy with his human legs, but he lets himself be guided by Arthur all the time. There are stomps, there are laughs, but they soon find a comfortable pace and Merlin ends up with his arms around Arthur's neck, and Arthur with his hands on Merlin's hips, dancing slowly at the rhythm of the music of their hearts.

Merlin: (still dancing with Arthur, confused) Are we supposed to mate now?

Arthur: (laughs softly) There's no rush for that. But I want you to be my partner. My mate if you want to call it that way. I love you, Merlin, and I want to be with you and have a family with you.

Merlin: Oh... (gets a little sad) But we're both male, we can't... (opens his eyes wide) Or can we? 😲

Arthur: No, two males can't.. procreate, but we don't need to worry about that. (Points at the nest with his head) We already have a family together.

Merlin: (Gets so happy he might cry and kisses Arthur on the lips in a fit of joy)

Arthur: (In shock for a moment, but soon kisses back and they kiss for a long time)

Merlin: (separates the kiss, but keeps their faces close, catching his breath) Did I... Did I do it correctly? I saw some humans do that with their mates.

Arthur: (smiles wide) You did it wonderfully.

Merlin: Arthur?

Arthur: Yeah?

Merlin: I think I love you romantically.

...

Just so you know, this is how the chicks look:

#merlin bbc #bbc merlin #merlin #merthur #merlin fanfic #merlin fic #merlin prompt #merthur fic #arthur and merlin #merlin and arthur #merthur fanfiction #merthur fanfic #merthur prompt #Merlin as Arthur's familiar/Arthur's shapeshifter falcon AU

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endeline · 1 day

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We'll Be Alright

Paring: Paige Bueckers x Reader Warnings: Angst with no comfort, closeted Paige, breakups, edited and written at 3 a.m. Words: 1,403 A/n: This is my first fic so feel free to critique the hell out of it! (The woman is making me write, send help.) Summary: "I just can’t be seen with you for a while… I can’t be with you for a while," she whispered, her voice heavy with emotion. I watched as her face crumpled under the weight of her confession. She turned away, avoiding my gaze, and in that moment, I felt my world tilt on its axis.

‘I’ve heard her wrong,’ that’s my first reaction, the only rational explanation. ‘I had to have heard her wrong.’ And I almost want to laugh at the ridiculousness of it, because there’s no way this is happening; it’s not possible. Out of everything I’ve learned in this life, only one thing remains steadfast: Paige won’t leave me, not like this. We've been each other's anchors for too long, willingly entwined each other into every facet of our lives—school, family, friends, work; everything leads back to Paige. My life isn’t mine anymore, it’s ours. You can’t just walk away from that; ‘she won’t walk away from that.’

She holds all of me within her grasp. I've given her everything, laid my heart bare at her feet and begged her to take it. I’m not sure I can even remember how to function without her anymore, and I really don’t want to have to re-learn. At this, I have to take a breath - ‘she isn’t leaving you’—unclenching my fists, the pain of my nails digging into my palms fades into the background and I try to slow my pounding heart.

‘She isn’t doing this,’ ‘you heard her wrong, just ask her to repeat herself, she isn’t doing this’—I repeat like a mantra. I feel myself begin to open my mouth, but in my panic, I seem to have forgotten what to do next, how to speak, what to say. I don’t have to though; as I watch her bury her face in her hands, her shoulders shaking with silent sobs, I know I've heard her correctly.

One week earlier:

KK has perched her phone precariously above her stove, and she’s behind me. Her latest brainchild? A cooking show live, which is apparently just me awkwardly fumbling through a recipe in front of thousands of people, while KK assumes the role of my enthusiastic (if somewhat reckless) sous chef. She’s so busy scaring me half to death with her questionable knife skills and insistence upon dancing around the kitchen, requiring me to guard her away from the open flame and from knocking over everything on her chopping board (again), that we both miss Paige getting home.

I’m reaching to taste, and KK is preemptively handing me the salt as a familiar hand snakes it’s way around my waist, sending a shiver down my spine. Paige leans over me to take my spoon in her mouth. "Tastes good, babe," she murmurs. I’m frozen under her touch, staring at our reflection on the livestream when KK bursts out in fake laughter. "Damn, all you gotta do to get Paige is know how to cook.” I laugh too, now catching on to KK’s cover story, turning to Paige. "For real, Bueckers, if you wanted some all you had to do was ask. Don’t waste your rizz on me," I joke, removing her hands from my waist. Her brow is furrowed, and a confused look passes over her face briefly until she looks up and sees the livestream, which is now blowing up. She steps away from me quickly and forces out a laugh before she slips out of frame and disappears from view. KK wraps the live up soon after this, and I rush after Paige, but the damage is done.

Time slows to a stop as I stare at her, the very fabric of our shared existence unraveling before my eyes. She’s trembling, her form completely hunched over, elbows resting heavily on her knees. I strain to hear the faintest sound of her sobs, unsure if it's her or my own heartbeat drowning out the world around me. Everything goes numb, or at least I think I’m going numb; I might be dying. 'I think I’m dying.’

“I’m so sorry,” she sobs, wrenching me back into this harsh reality. “Paige?” I manage to choke out as I reach my arms out for her. I’m pretty sure I can feel my heart fall out of my chest as she pulls away, her head shaking in silent anguish. But she doesn’t leave. Instead, she’s kneeling by my bedside, where I’ve seen her praying so many nights before. But she’s not talking to her god now; she’s looking up at me, speaking to me, clutching my hands in hers like her rosary. “I love you, I’m so sorry,” she repeats, and yet, all I can do is shake my head in mute denial. “I can’t do it,” she gasps, desperation tingeing her words with raw agony. “I can’t tell everyone yet. I’m not ready, and I can’t put you through this. It’s not fair to you.” I flinch away from her now, curling up into the corner of my bed. But even as I cower away, her outstretched hand reaches for me, her eyes brimming with unshed tears.

“I’m so sorry.”

Summoning what little strength remained within me, I unfurl myself from the corner of my bed and reach for her again, ‘maybe for the last time.’ I brushed away the tears that stained her cheeks, my heart aching. “What does me not being seen with you mean?” I pressed on; my voice tinged with a desperation I could scarcely contain. Paige finally looks up at me; her gaze met mine, her eyes brimming with unshed tears. "I can’t handle the rumors anymore," she cries, her words a plea for understanding. "This is going to ruin everything isn’t it?" It’s my turn to look away now, unable to bear the weight of her gaze any longer, staring into my lap. And for the first time in my life, I shake my head and lie to Paige Bueckers “we’ll be alright.”

#paige bueckers #paige bueckers x reader #uconn wbb #uconn huskies #kk arnold #womens basketball #angst

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keeps-ache · 17 days

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there are a couple changes i would make to the keyboard if i could:

wiggly exclamation mark

bleeding heart emoji

varying snake emojis (more poses would be fun)

question mark with a little heart for the dot bc, well,

more explosions

and that is all thank you

#just me hi #i need these a lot #wiggly bc it makes a lot of sense #i am saying something but with a sort of ~~~~~~ to it!!#/bleeding heart because the other night (it musta been about 3 a.m.) i was looking for an emoji to really get my point across and i sadly #realized that i had imagined the existence of it. the disappointment was immense <//3 hfhs #/SNAKES. need i say more? :>#do i know a lot about them? not yet. am i scared of them? yes. but i love them a lot thanky #/i am asking a question but it's with love #<3 #/explosion emoji my beloved #we NEED to diversify hfhsvb #a mushroom cloud would be cool :3 or one that clearly has shrapnel in it #or one with a little heart that's like the exploding head emoji. because it's like that #i'm mentioning hearts a lot bc the heart is willing but the brain is. trying #//anyway in the other newsings i'm remaking those pi.e refs again lmao 👍#ik they're only so many months old but man i changed some of the designs a bit during those months hfhs #funny how i made refs because i thought 'oh i haven't changed their designs in forever - it's not like it'll happen anytime soon yea?'#and then..........#oath's design has changed the most minimally during these - how many ? two‚ three-ish years - so i thought Ahh nothin'll happen #but Then--#aura has morphed So many times - she was at least 3 different people before i actually Got her so hfvhs <3 #kinda knew that would happen. but she's actually changed the least so Lollll #hid's usual look has not changed at All - only his actual form‚ which i tweak every second day or something #and i've neglected kira so badly fvfsh - so now i've added and removed and swapped things for her in worldrecord time ! i think i've got he #in a way i like though so :D #but bc of all these changes now i gotta make new refs bc they are Inaccurate #not a big deal. but oh it IS #wonder how long it'll take me this time lol :) only one way to know ehegh #//anywho ciao ! i've got the things and stuffs to be doing.. ooo toodles :33

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mellotronmkll · 2 months

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cannot put into words how much finding out that women with autism being misdiagnosed with bpd is like a super common thing shook my entire understanding of everything I had experienced my whole life that was the real final nail in the coffin but it's crazy I somehow didn't know that until recently

#And like It Just So Happens #Anyway at this point...and now that my mother has started literally just sending me lists of all the traits that are obvious in hindsight a #things she missed and now is kicking herself I'm just like...well it's just like I'm documenting things and I really think once I just #have insurance you know . I've just been like What if I'm wrong for like a year now but to be honest #I think at this point after all the research I've done and discussions I've had it's like. There's no way bro #Like you have a multi page google doc of evidence #And like it's funny cos my mom will be sending me random texts out of the blue too like did I mention already the fact that you would #sit and study maps for hours as a kid and if anyone interrupted you you had a meltdown and I'm like well #But its like these texts constantly all day #And im like tbh you're going through the same realization process I went through but now you're also telling me things I forgot or didn't #even know that are just blasting any. Doubt of the water #But I think she feels guilty also that she never noticed and im just like shrug I don't know like #there's just many many many such cases so like #But its very helpful I was so scared to tell her about it for so long but apparently she'd been already wondering for ages too so like #And now she's also just like This makes so much sense it just makes everything make sense and I'm like see. That's what I'm thinking too

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beskad · 2 months

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me every day: yes, I understand that I have ptsd. yes, it will frequently disrupt my life in sometimes (seemingly) random ways. sometimes this will necessitate leaving work or disclosing things about myself to a supervisor or friend or bystander because it's freaking them out and THEY are now panicking and often wanting to call me an ambulance. this is just a fact. it's fine. i'm dealing with it. most years are easier than the ones before them. it's fine.

me when my ptsd is actually triggered: what is happening right now. why can't I breathe. why can't I stand up. why do I feel like I'm about to throw up and die. oh, I know!!! I must be having an allergic reaction to something!!!! I'm suddenly coming down with the flu in the span of 3 minutes!!! this is so weird!!!!!!!

#EDIT: talk of PTSD proceed with caution #it's morphed a little over the years lololol #used to present as very obvious and unmistakable panic attacks with crying and hyperventilating #10 years later and it's quieter. 70% of the time the whole world just shrinks to a 1 foot bubble around me and everything goes dark #at least i didn't actually throw up this time around #and i was able to pinpoint the trigger about 2 hours in #once i was able to think again #and it was a song. 30 seconds of a song.#noticed right away that something felt wrong so i hit stop #but it was too late lmao within 5 minutes it was hard to breathe and the room was spinning and within 10 i crawled upstairs and passed out #but yeah like in the moment i often don't understand what's happening #i don't realize until I've passed out and woken up again #i had to lay down on the floor in the backroom of my retail job once and it scared the shit out of everyone #i usually stay somewhat lucid but i rarely realize I'm reacting to a trigger until after I've recovered #which means then I'm laying on a floor woozily insisting I'm fine #and then have the SUPER FUN TIME of having to explain everything after the fact once my brain and body are working again #I have a few long time coworkers who realize I've been triggered before I do lmao #They're like. Bro. You need to sit down. Right fucking now or you're gonna fall #rray.txt

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thebleedingeffect · 22 days

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#okay I'm talking in the tags of this post cause shit is happening in my life and I gotta talk about it somewhere #one part of it is my step brother crashing and burning before my very eyes and there's nothing I can do to stop his own destructive actions #so it's just me watching this poor kid ruin his relationships and blame everything and everyone around him as he does so #despite the fact that he's undeniably been treated horribly at times- he's just turned that anger back onto others and himself #and I have no idea what to feel as I watch him get arrested. have drug problems. because I'm just waiting for the inevitable spiral #it doesn't help that my mom has been comparing us and saying that I'm the much better child and she wishes he was like me #not understanding that I could’ve been him if I was just more angry at the world at that age instead of being so sad and scared #and that leads me to my fucking mom cause like- I love her. we've been through alot of bad shit with her #I've almost done some really bad shit for her and I know that she loves me more than anything else #but it feels like its been getting more and more suffocating cause I'm not sure she's able to start seeing me as an adult #and start loosening her grip around me and let me breathe. to have my own experiences without her by my side #to be able to go places and imagine a future without her constantly by my side #she talks and it's like she doesn't even think to wonder that perhaps I want to form my own experiences #and experience the world on my own terms because I feel like I've spent my whole life having so little damn control #religious family. shit and neglectful father who turned into the exact opposite and nearly killed me. family who refuses to listen and talk #having to move and run immediately. put survival above all else. go to school. get out. and god I just wanna breathe #she loves me so much and I love her too. but I feel like I'll be sooner crushed if I stick here for long enough #I'm just mad that my life has been nothing but absolutely no love. sudden waves of intense love. absolutely nothing. sudden spike #and I feel like I'm just finally starting to form good. healthy relationships on my own terms and actually make friends #because I had no idea what I was doing when I was a kid cause I was so fucking lonely and hurting #now I just. gotta figure out how to tell my mom that I can't carry this expectation that I'll continue to stay forever by her side #it just feels like I'm her child first and a person second. and it sucks. it really sucks.#ough. spins and spins and spins and spins-

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the-busy-ghost · 1 year

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Constantly forget that the ceiling and windows are lower in the upstairs room, and think I finally know what people over six feet feel like

#I'm like a giant #Everything is so far away? The windows are lower? The fireplace is lower? I can't visualise furniture in there because my proportions are of #Not that I could get the furniture up the stairs anyway #Ah well that's the least of my problems currently I have one wall that was almost soaking wet the other night due to condensation #Which considering that that's really the only major issue in a house which dates back 400 years I'm trying to be chill about #But I am not succeeding; I'm just wandering around feeling like an utter failure because *checks notes* there is slight damp #which I already knew about because it was on the home report over a year ago when I moved in #And I had people come out and look at it and they told me exactly why and how and when it would happen #I just haven't been able to try their suggestion of the damp-proofing paint because it's winter #But then I'm also concerned because it may be because of a lack of ventilation in the chimney #But I'm going to have reduce the ventilation further because a slug somehow got in #I'm pretty fine with bugs- thank god I'm not scared of spiders because this house has the biggest I have ever seen in my entire life #And I've been to Australia #And there's the odd case of the wasps that kept coming in JUST to die on my windowsill #But slugs are a huge no; I detest them with all my heart and am only slightly better with them now #Because after a few years of mild gardening I a) know they can't catch me (haha slowcoaches) and b) they are good for compost #But they have no place inside my house LEAST OF ALL in the tiny tiny study room on the fourth floor of the building #I'm very very worried about that chimney but I can't open it up to have a look without opening a gigantic can of worms #So we're just going to have to try some tape and some paint and try not to think about the slugs #That's a long way of saying it's an absolutely darling little room and actually the issues on the chimney wall #are basically the only issues in the entire flat #So I really should NOT be complaining but yeah I still feel like I've failed myself and the house and everyone I know #Because a slug got in #The rest of the house is largely bug-proof and the windows the heating the water all work and I have a cosy bed #The roof I'm panicking about a bit but that's because I need to grow a spine and tackle my neighbours like a grown-up not long-term damage #I'm only responsible for part of the building and almost all of it is in good nick and I intend to keep it that way #But I'm still worried and if that little room falls apart it will be my fault but on the other hand it's been there since 1589 so not all me #But everything has been a failure there- none of the furniture fits up the stairs; the floor took three tries to finish; and now wet wall #First world problems EXTREMELY but also hard not to take it personally and feel like I've failed the house #Earth & Stone

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peskypescatarian · 2 years

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mad relationship anxiety today i dont want it!

#you found your person! you can rest now #i know all the reasons why #actually i will list them:#1) i am on my period and my emotions go fucking crazy every time i get my period #2) im still in the process of changing my self view... so falling back on sad view of self is bound to happen every now and then #NOOOO I AM MID-TYPING THE TAGS TO THIS POST AND HE JUST SENT ME A REALLY CUTE SONG WHILE HE'S AT THE AIRPORT #I LOVE YOU MATTHEW #3) our first anniversary is coming up really soon and i'm still a little Long term scared that i'm Not Good Enough for him #so milestones are a reminder that this is a long term thing WHICH IS GREAT BUT ALSO JUST SCARY!#LIKE IVE NEVER DATED SOMEONE FOR A WHOLE YEAR WITHOUT FIGHTING THEM EVER #I'VE NEVER BEEN IN A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP ... EVER ... MUCH LESS FOR AN ENTIRE YEAR #4) our plans for after college are approaching closer and closer! i'm thinking more about traveling together #and living together and marrying each other so of course i'm a little scared about it not being forever #5) he's going to a WEDDING as we speak so OF COURSE I AM THINKING ABOUT MARRYING HIM #6) we're further from the honeymoon phase so i'm learning how to feel loved without being infatuated all the time.#i'm learning to build my confidence without too much reassurance AND communicate my needs #THATS A LOT #I'M DOING GOOD #mostly my period though LMAO #its just when im in a moment like this i just want god herself to come down and be like #but it's not that simple and love is an active choice every single day #and i know that in a good way but i'm still so scared of the future #i just gotta stick thru these anxiety prone days so i can make it to the days when i'm not as scared #both short term and long term #like in the short term i'll have my more confident days after my period #and in the long term i hope this anxiety is something i can handle better #IM ALREADY STARTING TO HANDLE IT BETTER #ok im done i think lol #time to go listen to the song he sent me #i love u tumblr

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anirudhpisharody · 14 days

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i hate how i can literally feel myself sinking into a depressive episode and there's nothing i can do to stop it

#i've been extremely busy and stressed this past week or so and so have withdrawn from any friendships i have and now that's finally all over #but since i now have so much less to do it's become all the more apparent that i've been completely isolating myself and am entirely alone #and i feel like i've just been left to watch myself get more and more depressed without being able to do anything about it #and like i would try to get out and go talk to some of the people i was talking to before but i seriously just don't have the energy #and it doesn't help that all of these friendships are kinda shaky rn anyways either bc they're new or bc they're long distance #idk i'm trying to keep the neg feelings at bay but i'm scared i won't be able to much longer. and if that happens my life will be fucked. so #sorry actually the fact that i'm anxious about my future depression is so funny i hate this #shut up hanna

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avinox · 1 month

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I'm not sure how viable it would be, but I could try to get an assessment for disability because my OCD really does impair my ability to function normally. Like even when I think I'm doing fine I'm really not, it affects every little thing in my life.

My family would probably refrain me from trying to get that, even though that's what they suggested I do when I went to that job helping thing. They'd say that'll for sure make me unemployable, or that they're gonna fire me for that or something (obviously illegal). I'm not sure if I care about it as much as I do about wanting to know the exact degree that they think having this prevents me from having a life.

#my ocd has come up again STRONG. it's been a few weeks since it happened and it's the second worst wave I've experienced #i can't even maintain a conversation without being assaulted by thoughts #the worst wave lasted an entire month with full anxiety effects and then about 4 more months with medium anxiety and a year of base anxiety #it's still there most of the time but it's mostly an annoying voice that i can manage most of the time (except last summer)#how long will this one last??? unknown and that scares me #as you can imagine this isn't fucking normal and i don't have a life worth living right now #I'm curious about how bad they'd say it is but i actually want to work someday #so sorry for not being there for basically everything. I'm fighting my demons #and also running away from the most anxiety inducing stuff. which is bad for me but i need to be able to control my exposure #i only have money for 1 more visit to the therapist so I'm trying to save it for now #i just went a few weeks ago after a few months #help

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neverendingford · 3 months

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