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onboardsorasora · 7 months

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Renovation AU

Ok I tried to stop but I couldn't stop thinking about Renovation AU (especially considering I was literally going to write it then got derailed by Enchated AU: Christmas). And then when I wrote this little snippet it was like floodgates. so here it is Renovation AU in all its outline glory all 2k words of it 🥴🥴🥴I'll just put it under the cut

Max is a handyman/contractor. I know I know. We know how his hammer skills are and how he looks holding it and an axe. But let's just pretend he actually learned this skill and he's fucking hot about it and it triggers every competency kink.

He's built, he was able to grow into his stockiness and he's strong (I'm thinking like that tree splitting tiktok guy but not as Thor thick)

Christian hires Nyck as an interior designer and Nyck hires on Max and his small team. They get shit done. Geri wants to redo the whole cottage and they have until the start of the riding season? to get it done. (Don't question me. I know nothing about riding)

So anyways– they’re behind and Christian doesn’t think Nyck can manage the scope of the job so he fires him and hires on Daniel. Daniel’s a little bit more eclectic than Nyck– but he came highly recommended by Lewis and Seb and Geri loved what he did with their house in Switzerland so she had no problems changing directions a bit.

The problem becomes clear because Max and Nyck work well together, they know each other. Max doesn’t like big change and Daniel is a big change. He’s also good looking but that doesn’t matter. He’s annoying and picky and refuses to go by Nyck’s old plans and his laugh is funny and endearing and his face is pretty and his tattoos are cool.

But none of that matters. None.

Daniel is excited to get working, but he thinks Christian could have been a bit more forthcoming about how far behind they were. Daniel was expecting that maybe he’d be starting on some walls or something, he came with with swatches and tiles and everything. But no….the house is still pretty husk-like. And he’s annoyed cause now he’s standing there in his shorts and sneakers looking like a dick on this construction site.

Anyway, it doesnt matter because he comes prepared! He has like overalls in his raptor. So he grabs that and changes right there in full view of god and everyone. Why yes he is wearing his hot pink hot pants, thanks for fucking noticing. The creative juices always flow when he’s wearing them!

So he goes to Max– who is fucking hot– and also very angry with him. And Daniel gets it, because he and Nyck were friends and there's nothing worse than seeing your friend get fired for things out of their control.

No matter, Daniel is profesh. He can work in almost any environment and he’s not going to embarrass Sewis like that. They’re long time clients and friends. And their recommendations are always highly regarded.

So Daniel gets to work, first he’s helping this guy named Simon update the bricking outside, Geri wanted a whitewash on the southern side so the garden doesn’t get too hot and it’ll match with the new patio going in. Then he’s helping a guy named Genty inside the bathroom– a couple of the pipes needed updating. There weren’t any leaks but no one uses lead pipes anymore for reasons. And then he helps GP lay some new tiles in the bedrooms so that the floors are heated in the winter.

So this is going on for a few days, Daniel helping members of the team, building a rapport– keeping a wide berth of Max. Because Daniel knows when to not ruffle feathers. But he can’t avoid him forever, so finally when all the walls are up and the electrical is done. Daniel goes to Max with the new plans– because his part of the show is about to start.

Max…isn’t happy. Sure the changes aren’t that major, and it's not like they’ll be undoing anything his team has already done. But how dare this guy with his hot accent and laugh come in and befriend his team?! If Max had to hear one more inside joke that he has no clue about or hear his crew talk about Daniel this and Daniel that, he was going to throw a hammer.

So when Daniel comes to him one evening to go over plans, Max doesn’t really want to hear it. He’s come here in his shiny truck (untrue, the truck is dirty as fuck– they work in a construction site), in his tight fucking pants (ok true, Daniel’s work pants are a tad on the skinny side), and his fucking city boots (it was one day the first day. And Max will never let it go), and his gelled hair (ok fine, he makes sure to use his curl cream. Daniel is vain), and tries to take over Max’s job site.

So Max lays into him, letting out all his frustration and pent up sexual tension for this guy that he’s barely interacted with but hears all the time and sees his team– his friends enjoy his presence and maybe he also feels a little left out. And Daniel just stands there and takes it, doesn’t interrupt him, doesn’t fight back. Even when Max is saying blatantly untrue things– but he got a good rant going and Daniel wasn’t stopping him so he was just gonna keep going.

“–and your fucking hot pink–” Max cuts himself off because there was no reason to finish that thought. And Daniel gets this smug fucking grin on his face that Max just wants to kiss off.

“My hot pink what now?” Daniel raises a brow in a challenge that Max is so not going to take. But Daniel is nothing, if not a little shit. “Were you checking me out when I was oh so privately changing that one time Maxy?”

“You stripped in the middle of the driveway while everyone was working. That was hardly private, I think Daniel.”

“But no one else has mentioned my hot pink underwear Maxy Max. Did you like what you saw?” Daniel is dragging a finger along Max’s shoulder at this point and Max is just..frozen in place because how did we get here????

“I– well–You are changing in the middle of a site Daniel. You, of course, cannot be crying modesty now!”

“You wanna know what other colours I wear?”

“Don’t be silly Daniel.”

“Of course not Maxy, yesterday when I was tiling the guest bedroom with GP, I wore my favourite bright green pair that has some smokey black watercolour pattern. And when I was outside doing the patio I was wearing this pretty yellow polka dot ones.”

“I think that's enough Daniel, maybe. I do not–” Max is trying to push him away because when did he even get cornered by this wall? Who put a wall here??

“Oh but I think you’ll like the pair for today, you’re Dutch right? Do all Dutchies like the colour orange?”

“That’s enough Daniel I think! We–we can do the plan your way! It should look great–Geri will love it! I–I think I should go. Have a good night Daniel!” And Max manhandles Daniel out of his way and gtfo’s. He does not think about how Daniel’s waist felt under his arms because why did he even grab there??? He does not think about the fucking hot smirk on Daniels stupid face and kissable mouth and he absolutely does not think about Daniel’s ass in orange hot pants. Nope. He doesn’t.

That changes everything of course. He’s way more aware of where Daniel is in the house now. And its not like Daniel is going anything different. They speak now, and Daniel teases him with tool puns and very bad jokes and Max laughs at every single one because he’s down so bad. And everyone knows it.

Daniel makes random comments when they're alone, pouring over the blueprints and notes, about how Max’s thighs look like they can crush things and the he’ll make a loud offhand comment to the guys about having thighs wrapped around his face when they’re all making increasingly lewd sex jokes at lunch.

Daniel tells Max that he likes his thigh holster and Max internalizes the implications. So what if he’s blushing while they install the kitchen– he’s exerting himself!

Anyway they’re getting closer to the deadline, they have furniture delivery coming soon and there's still so much to do. Daniel has the team painting and wallpapering and Genty is doing the crown moulding and GP is finishing up the fireplace in the den and Max and Daniel are arguing about a chandelier that Geri wanted last minute.

“We can extend it a little lower by three maybe four inches, c’mon Max it’ll really change like the look of the room. If it's too high then it’ll look too small and throws everything off.”

They're standing in the middle of the formal dining room, surrounded by chaos. Everyone is tired and a bit cranky because they’ve truly been going non-stop to meet this deadline.

“It’ll be too low Daniel and the weight distribution will be off." Max sighs because he’s tired of arguing about this.

"Well if your guys installed the fucking beams–" Max had enough, he was tired, he was annoyed and he would not have Daniel complain about his team and fucking beams so late in the build. He sees white and he pushes Daniel’s chest. He’s mad, you don’t talk about his guys. He’s mad and Daniel is annoying and fuck. Max presses Daniel up against the wall and kisses him hard. And Daniel grips his shoulder and kisses him back.

And literally no one bats an eyelash because fucking finally. They can get shit finished now.

So they compromise on 2.5 inches lower. And Max is now wired because now he knows what Daniel feels like under him, pressed against him. Now he knows how his lips and mouth taste and what Daniel’s stubble feels like against his jaw.

It's late another night, the guys have all gone home and Max is with Daniel in the finally finished kitchen, going over what’s left to be done. Daniel’s team would be coming with the furniture install in 2 days so they needed to have everything done for them to take over.

Their time together is coming to an end and Max can’t stop looking at Daniel’s focused face while he makes a list and tries to figure out the best way to make things work. He’s staring at Daniel’s lips, at his nose, at the furrow of his brows.

Daniel looks up at him like ‘what?’, eyes wide and owlish? They really haven’t spoken about the kiss– not about it or what it meant or anything.

And then Max is kissing Daniel again and Daniel is all in. And it’s a push and pull between them and it’s hot and messy and they fuck right there in the kitchen. Daniel sucks Max’s dick in the nook that the stove’s supposed to go in and Max bends Daniel over the countertop (which they had argued about whether it was the correct height–it was).

Anyway so the house is finished, Geri is in love. Christian is happy with it all and life goes on. Max and Daniel go on a few dates, they fuck a lot and when Daniel got hired for another big job, he hired on Max as his contractor.

It kinda went that way for a little bit, them doing jobs together, their teams merging until they make the leap to start a business together. Which incidentally happened before they took the step to move in together. Which is funny because they technically already did. A lot of Daniel’s stuff– clothes, plans, swatches– are already strewn around Max’s place and the cats know to leave the tiles and swatches alone. But moving together is a big step. Starting a business together is just smart. Anyway, they love each other and are grossly in love and their guys tease them about it daily. And Daniel now starts every job in his hot pink hot pants.

#there! its finally out of my brain #Its beautiful I love it #I hope you guys like it #renovation au #max/daniel #maxiel #my fic

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thedreadvampy · 11 months

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btw about Neil Gaiman I periodically agree with the 'Neil Gaiman is annoying' stuff bc I feel like both he and Amanda Palmer seem like people who I would go insane stuck in a room with bc we have very different ideas about art and suchlike. and I also do think that the career trajectory he's on lately is cynically redoing his greatest hits and pretending that was the dream all along when it clearly was not. which is at best meh.

having said which

as far as I can tell by far the most common complaint about Neil Gaiman is "Snow, Glass, Apples is problematic/gross/it's got incest and rape and frames the child as the aggressor"

which strikes me as a weird complaint to pull out of a 40 year body of work tbh when that short story is pretty clearly coming from a place of 'how far can I push this'. like you don't have to like the story. I don't really like the story. but it is. a horror story.

like and this is the thing with particularly 90s alt horror right? a lot of the interest is in transgression and sitting in the worst possible perspective and seeing what happens if you pull those strings. like I really like Clive Barker for example but there's a good chunk of his short stories that I'm like I'm not picking up what you're putting down Clive this seems Kinda Off. but that willingness to write some trite or Bad Message horror fiction that doesn't land is imo a side effect of being willing to try writing uncomfortable and unpleasant fiction at all. which is what horror is for, among other things, it's for creating discomfort as a form of catharsis or engagement.

like I am not a huge fan of the type of sex-horror that pops up in a lot of Gaiman's work and other contemporary horror writers - to me I don't find it upsetting or horny it just ends up feeling kind of edgy and tryhard - but I'm also a bit like. it does seem like a lot of people's beef with Neil Gaiman is that In The 90s He Was A Horror Writer

and this approach to Problematic Horror in Snow, Glass, Apples I find kind of microcosmic of how The Discourse often approaches art in this kind of 1:1 way. if you write a story which seems to line up with rape apologia it can only be because you agree with it. if you write a story about transphobia you're a transphobe. if you write a story that makes me genuinely uncomfortable you're attacking me.

but artwork, especially art like horror that's not necessarily trying to provoke enjoyment as its main response, is necessarily hit and miss. and if what you're shooting for is discomfort then whether it works, falls flat or goes too far incredibly depends on your audience. and making good art - as in art that makes its audience think, art that opens the audience up to discomfort and catharsis and sticks with them and changes them - requires the space to experiment and tbh the space to fuck up. like they aren't all going to be winners and they certainly aren't all going to work for you as a singular audience.

personally I don't see the appeal of Snow, Glass, Apples, less cause it's nasty and more cause it's hack. ooh an edgy monstrous version of a fairy tale where there's lots of rape and cannibalism? you're soooo original Neil. but like. that's fine. I don't really vibe with like 70% of Neil Gaiman stuff I've read but I still like Neil Gaiman because the stuff that works for me really works for me.

idk I think there's a lot of folk on this website who shouldn't interact with horror cause they clearly aren't interested in being horrified. that's not everyone who dislikes Snow, Glass, Apples, but it's a real undercurrent to a lot of the criticism and tbh this kinda vibe is shit for art. making standout art What Is Good also requires being ready to make art which stands out for the wrong reasons. sometimes they'll be the same art to different people.

#red said #not to Cancel Culture this but isabelle fall springs to mind in a lot of how folks talk about stuff like this #like she wrote a transgressive piece exploring her own negative feelings about transness and her anger around a transphobic trope #and she made something which i found really resonant and interesting #and she got torn apart for it because it Might From Some Angles Agree With Transphobia #and I'm not making a direct comparison. because i think attack helicopter is a really GOOD story and i think SGA is gratuitous and hack #but that's the thing right? transgression and discomfort and speaking about unpleasant things in an openended way are KEY #to making art that engages directly with your own pains and angers and discomforts #and that's hard to mediate tbh. but it's also very necessary.#i think as well thinking about Gaiman this is also a thought I've often had about Amanda Palmer #who over the years has written a lot of songs about things i find genuinely uncomfortable or offensive.#and i can engage with 'it's fucked up to tell your ex they transed their gender At You' or 'your partner's suicide is not about you' bc yeah #but #you can't celebrate someone for making confessional music then get mad because you don't like everything they confess #if you only take about your socially acceptable thoughts it's not really confessional is it?#if you only talk about discomforting things that people are comfortable hearing about its not really discomforting #and you can only really discern what's Good Transgressive and what's Damaging Transgressive through doing i think #so if you want challenging art you are going to have to get some art which challenges you and you go hmm no i still disagree #is what i think #so yeah you can hate the artwork but when an artist is specifically setting out to make challenging art it's weird to hate them #for making 50 pieces of art you like and 1 you hate

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misc-obeyme · 1 month

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I absolutely sit on my hair all the time 😭 sometimes I'll lean forward to grab something and then get yanked back by my own hair

Tying it back just keeps it from falling into my eyes and obstructing my vision, but the rest of the ponytail will totally fall over my shoulder and smack me in the face. Braiding it helps keep it more uhh, contained? It tangles less that way, because man it's WILD. I miss my friend/coworker at my old location because she used to untangle it for me at the top since I couldn't always tell

I also have a bad habit of running my fingers through it when I'm nervous. Like when I'm with a big group of people I'm not close to, I'll pull it over my shoulder and just start rapidly doing that 💀 Or place my hands behind me back and mess with the ends. It's only frantic when I'm nervous, otherwise I'm chilling trying to genuinely detangle it bc it's kinda soothing, even if it's tedious

That'd be nice if the characters picked up on that. Like a random demon approaches me and at first they wanna be like "she can handle herself, maybe i shouldn't intervene - oh shit she's doing the hair thing, MY TIME TO SHINE".

But I'd also totally do that if Lucifer was scolding me or grilling me for info 😭 IT'S SUCH AN OBVIOUS TELL NOW THAT I THINK ABOUT IT NOO I'M DOOMED

okay but one funny thing, I've accidentally smacked my brothers in the face when redoing my ponytail. I don't mean to either but it's hilarious. Rip to whoever is near me when that happens

As long as Solomon doesn't change my hair length permanently, we're golden. Glitter hair sounds sick, as long as it doesn't transfer

ALSO MATCHING HAIR WITH 13 AAA I NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT THAT, THAT'S SO CUTE 😭 FUCK IMAGINE TRADING SCRUNCHIES WITH HER, I DON'T WEAR THEM, BUT FOR HER I WOULD

I don't think I'll ever go back to short hair. Sometimes i get that intrusive thought about chopping it all off, but I like it too much now. Honestly, the silly reason I keep it so long is because it gives princess vibes/makes me feel like one. That's it, LOL.

I feel like Lucifer might chastise me after seeing everything I go through with it and then I meekly admit my reasoning to him and he just sighs. And then immediately sits me down to do my hair.

OKAY I NEED TO STOP RAMBLING AKWKFJ, I GOT A NEW BOOK TODAY, I'M RANK 120 AT THE TIME OF TYPING THIS, I'VE KEPT MY DRAWING STREAK, AND MY STORE OPENS FRIDAY SO PRAYING IT GOES WELL

- ✨ anon

If I may say so, I don't think your reason for keeping it long is silly at all! The only reason I've ever grown my hair out was for the way it made me feel pretty (minus the pandemic situation obvs lol). If keeping it long makes you feel like a princess, that's an excellent reason and you need nothing else. I think that's kinda the whole point of having your hair how you like it!

My reason for having short hair currently is definitely more related to my gender expression... i could get into it, but that's more info than is needed lol! But in the end, it still comes down to, I have it this way because I like the way it feels!

Anyway, I'm so sorry but your description of sitting on it made me laugh. And so did the part about accidentally smacking your brothers in the face with it.

I'm just imagining you doing the same to the brothers - some of them would be annoyed, but I think some of them would secretly like it. *cough* Mammon *cough* Like they'd say hey MC watch where you're flingin your hair! But in their mind their like yes please whack me with it again... sldfksdfjf I just find that so cute lol.

And OKAY I love the nervous tell though! I definitely think all the characters would pick up on it eventually, some faster than others perhaps. Like if Lucifer was scolding you and you started doing it, I think it'd make him feel bad. Like actually seeing you do that would make him realize he was stressing you out and he would probably just hug you instead. Lucifer is a big softie under all that strictness so I think that's how he would react.

I'm definitely imagining most of the brothers being like, oh the hair thing, time to step in! They would do that for sure!

I don't think any of Solomon's hair magic would be permanent lol and if you were like, do whatever you want but don't mess with the length, I think he'd do just as you asked~

Rank 120?? Like in the event??? I was like in the 250 range for a little bit until I got everything I wanted and stopped grinding as hard. I think I ended up like 2,000 something lol.

And yay drawing! I hope it's going well for you still!

#the creativity motivations comes and goes for me so I'm always thrilled to see other people able to maintain it #obey me #obey me nightbringer #✨ anon #misc answers

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anamenooneowns · 3 months

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Healed

A/N: hi! i've started watching the OBX and i wanted to just write something platonic for rafe bc i feel like a lot could have been prevented if this kid just had love in his life, lmao. uh, so previously this was with the reader as him mother but i'm changing it to just be a woman who is his stepmother and black. anyone can read this though.

Warnings: light talking of animal abuse, talk of therapy, she/her pronouns.

This is entirely platonic.

IN WHICH: Rafe is Loved.

-Coming into Rafe’s life when he was starting to go through his issues at ten. He wasn’t stupid, he could see that his father was focusing more and more on Sarah and less on him

-So what did a young kid who wanted his father’s attention do? He tried harder. He tried harder because trying harder must have meant he just wasn’t doing enough in the first place. He stopped playing video games, studied 24/7, read books in his free time, took care of four year old Wheezie and of seven year old Sarah

-His stepmother saw how desperate he was for approval. Waiting for even just a splinter of a bone, like a dog, to take away and nurture secretly from everyone else’s eyes

-She also realized that when he saw good things weren’t getting his father’s attention, he turned to bad things… really bad things

-Starting fights, locking Sarah in places like the basement or closet if she got on his nerves, telling Wheezie scary stories that made her too afraid to leave her bed and gave her nightmares she couldn’t sleep from, catching him outside one day torturing a poor stray cat that was always near the house by pulling its tail until she found him

-Rafe was still wary of her: the stepmother. Maybe not as wary as he was filled with pre-conceived notions. She had to think he was just a nuisance, an annoying boy who got into shit and was just acting out and being a spoiled brat. Rafe saw nothing meaningful in being a child because the adults around him were always staring at him like some big disappointment, whispering condolences to Ward as if he had died as a kid. That it was just a phase and when he was older it would stop

-That was where Rafe’s desire to become a man had blossomed, until she stepped in and squashed that bullshit right in the bud.

-She opened her heart to Rafe in a way that scared him. This had to be a trap. What did she gain from being so nice and sweet? Brownie points with his father because she was a good step-mom? A good reputation among the other parents for stepping up for these motherless kids?

-He responded the only way a wounded dog could. By biting.

-He was nasty and rude and mean in a specific way branded to her. Hitting where he felt it would hurt the most, wanting–needing–to drive her away because he knew if he didn’t then he’d have to face the most painful truth of all

-That someone loved him

-And she did love this precious boy. This ten year old boy who was a maelstrom of pain and hurt and anger and confusion and a bone-aching loneliness that she swallowed for him with every smile, every defense of his actions, every meal, every ruffle of his hair, and every unsaid ‘I love you’

-The early grieved childhood of Rafe Cameron turned around with the help of one woman who made being a kid have value again.

-She was incredibly patient. Soon, very early mornings became ones of meditation for her and Rafe, silence befriending both as them as they sat outside on specific, comfy pillows to start the day. Incense in the air from fragrances like lavender and vanilla to frankincense

-Rafe never thought himself to be the creative type, but he shyly found himself really enjoying pottery with her. Painting too

-He liked the idea of being able to make whatever he wanted and give it new life and redo it if he made a mistake

-He loves listening to old-school R&B and Hip-Hop with her while doing it. He has one of those reversable plushies so if it’s smiling then he wants the session to be a talking one, if it isn’t then he doesn’t want to talk but it can change mid-session too

-Rafe also never says anything about it, but he adores her curly hair and she only knows because she caught him trying to peek discreetly at her while she was doing the last braid of the row she was on

-He’s so sweet and shy too, telling her that he likes the products she uses because they smell really good and just quietly watching her do the rest

-As Rafe grows older, it’s clear he’s changed a lot but she actually forced Ward to do something about this disconnect that she sees he still has. Rafe isn’t a bad kid but he still doesn’t see that when he does certain things, they hurt people’s feelings, and his empathy isn’t fully there

-Rafe initially resists it because his thought process is ‘they think I’m crazy’ until he actually attends with her–for support–and really enjoys it

-Rafe is kinder to his sisters and is more like a big brother now, bothering them by going into their room for no reason, messing something up, then leaving

-Rafe is always in the kitchen when she is, watching her cook and helping too at her gentle instruction

-Rafe’s best friends have been Topper and Kelce his whole life but with her intervention, he finds himself not caring at all about ‘Kooks vs. Pogues’ similarly to Sarah and I see him not choosing to be friends with them anymore because he doesn't want to become the same rotten apple. You know what they say-one (two) rotten apples spoils the whole barrel.

-Healed Rafe is completely about protecting his peace. This kid meditates, drinks tea, has been learning to not react impulsively, and is super responsible

-Rafe actually going to college and not just fucking around with Ward's money and doing drugs, all because someone saw him and helped him instead of just watching him drown

-Rafe chooses to head to college outside of the OBX and North Carolina in general to just get away from it all and on the last day, all moved into his dorms in NYC, he hugs her tightly and for the first time in the decade she's been in his family he says, “Thank you, mom, for–for everything, okay? … I love you. Sorry I didn’t say it sooner.”

-There’s a lump in her throat as she hugged her son, her baby, and just held onto him a little tighter

“Don’t apologize, baby. I already knew.”

#obx imagine #rafe obx #rafe cameron #rafe cameron imagine

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adr-n-sketchy · 11 months

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I caught you burning photographs Like that could save you from your past History is like gravity It holds you down away from me

I saw @muzarry’s Huntlow Wedding Waltz art challenge and I wanted a piece of the action. I hope this wasn’t too far off from the initial prompt of a ballroom waltz but I imagined them having and outdoor cottagecore-esc celebration.

Some of my reference materials are below the cut along with me rambling way too much about what I’m nitpicking about the piece now that it's posted and all my mistakes are glaringly obvious (ah the power of publishing your art).

Thanks again for the fun prompt!! I already have ideas of how I’d like to redo this bc they’re just so fun to draw

Materials/references - Willow’s dress was a combination of many many Pinterest searches of embroidered flowers and about three dress ideas smushed together

First things first how obvious is it that I hate drawing shoes? Lol if I’d planned this better, I probably would’ve just cropped the pose around their calves but then I was too far in to fix it.

This piece was really fun!! I’ve been on the procreate tutorial side of tiktok while I’m still figuring it out and I actually got to try out some lighting tips on this. Idk if I did them right but it was fun to try. I fish I'd gotten the colors a little warmer like the initial prompt image. Also still figuring out different shading techniques and styles I like. I'd like to title this piece's strategy "slap on a shading layer and then smudge the shit out of it until you get something passable."

I definitely did not draw enough flowers as a child and was running out of ways to draw leaves and petals lol. Phew that dress was a slog, but also so so fun. I have a little headcanon that it was embroidered by Darius and Camila. I've never illustrated any sheer fabrics, so this was me BSing myself throughout the entire thing, but I can't say I'm mad at the response. Clothing folds are still a headache for me, but somehow this is, better?

Also, Willow’s flower crown is made up of the red grass and flowers that Willow first greets when they get back to the demon realm — y’know, the adorable gesture that squeezes the first smile out of Hunter post Flapjack. Also, Flapjack-red tie for Hunter because obvi.

I'm afraid I made Hunter's outfit a little too close to Caleb's, but from the references of outfits and background, we ended here. So maybe his ability to wear things this close is proof of therapy and progress? y'know, if you squint past my blatant art and fashion block. I also just realized I think I was supposed to color the buttons on Hunter's vest but now I'm pretending that was purposeful

Another thing I'm weirdly nitpicky about it Hunter's hair noodle. Idk there's been something that's bothered me about it throughout the entire process but could never quite put my finger on it/fix it.

I had the idea that Willow and Hunter's rings would look like elongated versions of each other's palismen. Kind of like those little dragon rings that look like they're clinging to your finger, but I couldn't get the shape right, and Willow's ring isn't visible anyway. So maybe next time.

That may be it. Might add more as I find more and more things that annoy me. If you made it to the end of my perfectionist rambling, congratulations!! Your service and sacrifice is noted lol.

Don't forget to hydrate yourselves and have a lovely day!!

#huntlow #winter toh #willow x hunter #willow park #toh willow #hunter park #toh hunter #hunter deamonne #the owl house #toh #muzarry1kdtiys #art challenge #my art #come to me #the goo goo dolls

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piratefishmama · 1 year

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Happy Belated Birthday!!!

I meant to send it on the day but I forgot because I was also playing Zelda

sdfjhasjhdfvajhsvd this is beautiful thank you so much 🤣🤣💖💖

I'm so mad at this game, mainly because while it's so fuckin fun, i've 100% forgotten where EVERYTHING is on the BOTW map and i have to redo all the shrines and the KOROKS SHJGDVFJHAGSCVDFASDF i was 1 seed away from all 900 in BOTW, now i'm starting from scratch, like fuck u koroks and ur shitty golden shit.

hope you're enjoying zelda as much as i am!! it may annoy the bejesus out of me but it's still stupidly fun to make random shit with this fuse thing 🤣

#pirateanswers #birfdaaay

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marley-manson · 1 year

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Im realizing i didnt do this ask game properly at all???? I barely mentioned if i agree or disagree you just have to glean it from my answers... ANYWAY

☕️ potter is the fucking worst

☕️ hawkeye is pretty well-adjusted and doesn't lack confidence

☕️ GFA highlights the negatives of the Hawkeye-BJ relationship rather than the positives

lol fwiw I feel like it was mostly pretty clear whether you agreed or disagreed. Ty! lmao I'm sure you know my answer for all of these, but it's always fun to get an excuse to go on about them!

☕️ potter is the fucking worst

Agree, of course. He's the worst in that his addition to the show killed one of the things I enjoyed most about it, he's the worst in that his character is often extremely obnoxious, and he's the worst in that the show could've gone in such an interesting direction with him and it just decided to make him a nice grandpa army man instead 😔 The way the show ignores his flaws or treats them as cute quirks (army man mainly but also throwing around his authority in petty ways, lashing out when he's in a bad mood, etc) rather than interrogating them is such a tragic missed opportunity and really makes me hate him when otherwise I might be indifferent. It always annoys me so much more when the narrative is presenting a character in a way I don't agree with.

☕️ hawkeye is pretty well-adjusted and doesn't lack confidence

Absofuckinglutely. A major point of the show as far as I'm concerned, at least through the thematically on point first half, is that the war hits the most emotionally healthy people hardest. The reason Hawkeye is the most affected is because he's the most "sane," a la Hawk's Nightmare. It's one of the fundamental basics of the satire. The only sane reaction to being thrown into a warzone is to go insane. If you want to be there, that's what makes you crazy. Klinger's section 8 attempts only prove he's sane. etc etc. that catch 22 shit.

And of course from a strict character perspective rather than thematically, he's just... a fun, confident guy who has his shit together. It's hard to argue this case because it seems self-evident to me lol. He achieved his difficult life goal of becoming a surgeon, he's flirty and sexually experienced and despite some negative relationship experience isn't jaded and is still looking for love (though not so much in a warzone), he's optimistic, he acts on his principles heedless of corrupt authority and regardless of whether the odds are in his favour, he goes through life with a sense of humour but doesn't use it as a shield, he's very emotionally open and encourages everyone around him to be - and he listens and supports them when they are, he knows who he is and won't change to please anyone, but he will change his mind and work to do better if someone makes a good point about how he's wrong, he assumes a leadership role whenever he knows what to do and someone needs to do it but he's also happy to defer leadership to others more qualified, he's politically aware, he actively seeks out banned media, and just generally thinks for himself, he's willing to learn from people with more experience than him, he's happy to pass credit along to others, he's empathetic, he's willing to cry and admit to being afraid and talk publically about his mental health and discuss his nightmares with people and just generally doesn't bottle anything up... yk etc etc etc lol.

He has plenty of flaws, but they're not insecurity or reticence or feeling like he isn't good enough.

☕️ GFA highlights the negatives of the Hawkeye-BJ relationship rather than the positives

GFA is like the Hawk/BJ issues highlight reel and I love that lol. From BJ being the first one to toss the phone away to triggering Hawkeye when he should know better to not only not saying goodbye or having any alternative prepared but wanting Hawkeye to do the heartfelt goodbye for him despite Hawkeye not knowing he's leaving, to Hawkeye begging him for a goodbye when they get a redo and BJ refusing, to Hawkeye doing the heartfelt goodbye for him himself finally and extremely graciously considering how much BJ has jerked him around... I don't think the grand gesture "note" was a negative but I do personally see that as another incompatibility between them to add to the list lol.

send me controversial or unpopular opinions and I’ll tell you if I agree or disagree 🐸 ☕️

#ask meme #mash #marley on mash #hawkeye mash #mash s11 #potter mash #thanks this was fun!

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emilythezeldafan · 8 months

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Waiting In The Wings [Hello Puppets]

Warnings: abuse alluded to, feeling overshadowed, I got kinda lazy LMAO, ignoring the fact puppets kinda need human hosts to get around and do this shit. Might delete this and redo it later honestly smh.

@graceandtheidiotsquad

@ anyone

"BELLA!" The Ballerina Marionette was distracted from her thoughts by the rather loud voice of the resident artist who she happened to share a room with. Great. She really didn't know if she wanted to see him right now - not that she had anything against him, no, she loved him like a brother - albeit a slightly annoying one - she just...didn't feel her best today. And getting near deafened wasn't exactly helping. Using a hand to push back her curtain, she greeted Nick with a tilt of the head. "...Hello, Nick."

"Is something wrong?" Of course, he would notice something wrong when she didn't want him to. "There's nothing wrong." The reply came out shorter and more impatient than she intended it to, she could try leaving, retreating back behind her curtain as she usually did when faced with confrontation, but Nick was a persistent one, when he wanted to be. "Are you su-"

"I'M FINE, NICHOLAS!" The Ballerina yelled, immediately feeling guilty - she knew how Nick could get when someone raised their voice at him, although she had yet to discover why. "...If you're really determined to find out what's the matter with me, I suppose it's your right to know. I don't know how to say this...so I'll just have to do it your way." The Marionette inhaled, and started to...sing?

"Guess we all are born with parts to play

Some of us are stars, and some are just in the way

I know I was meant for glory

But that's never what my story brings

And yet I keep on waiting..."

She took a breath, not that she even needed to breathe, and continued.

"When you have the passion and the drive

You expect your moment center stage to arrive

I show up with heart ablazing

Ready to achieve amazing things

But I'm left waiting in the wings...."

"....Is this how you really feel?" Nick was...shocked to say the least, he'd had no idea what Bella was feeling this whole time.

"I hear my cue, and yet I'm kept there waiting

Know what to do, and still I stand there waiting

It's always someone else who sings

While I'm left waiting in the wings

And so I keep on keeping on....

My chances come and then I blink and they're gone

Always overlooked unfairly

While pretending that it barely stings

But it stings, yes, it stings....!

And I'll shed no tears, I'll only keep on waiting

If no one cheers, well, I can keep on waiting

Who cares how loud the silence rings

You'll find me waiting in the wings..."

"I was never meant to be a star. I mean, look at me- you're the showman, the one who catches everyones' stare. ...I'm just there." Bella sighed, turning to go back behind her curtain, but Nick grabbed hold of her arm. "....For once, I don't know what to say. I had no idea you felt this way. I never meant to make you feel second rate. Without you, this place would probably be torn apart by hate." Truthfully, he felt guilty. Sure, he knew he was amazing he hated himself, even though Mortimer didn't seem to think so, but he never meant to make anyone feel like they were inferior! That wouldn't be very nice of him at all.

"....If you start self-blaming, I'll slap you." She weakly chuckled, breath still shuddering slightly - feeling at least a little better - enough to notice something. "...What happened to your face? I'm pretty sure that wasn't there before." ...There was a crack on his face. Not unlike the ones running across her body, and something about it being there made her feel slightly sick.

"Nothing." The answer came quickly. A little too quickly. "...I'm going to find out one way or another." An overdramatic sigh.

"...It was Mortimer."

#hello puppets #hello puppets: midnight show #nick nack #riley ruckus #daisy danger #hello puppets!#bella the ballerina [oc]#Mortimer Handee #Mortimer Handee slander #not a ship btw!#they have a sibling relationship #GOD that sucked #I'm probably gonna rewrite this whole thing I cannot bear to look at it #might write the confrontation with Mortimer separately

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vole-mon-amour · 8 months

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i've slept on my yesterday's run with paladin oatbreaker durge and i've still so annoyed at it. screw Minthara and her the absolute nonsense. the best i can do is kill Orin after Gortash asks and become friends with him. oh, and be friends with Raphael and i'm so fucking saving Halsin and the tieflings, fuck off. like, the empty Grove with the rivers of blood and the goblins destroying it looks so fucking bad and unsettling, it makes me mad.

Minthara is my Lae'zel #2, it seems. she opens her mouth and I want her to shut up (just maybe not the same second but a second later because of the nonsense she says.) the only perk of her storyline is her sex scene (and that spider-thing that obeys her.) i'm sure her storyline makes it easier to get through shadow-cursed lands, but i don't think i'm willing to stick with it.

i'm yet to decide if i want to continue with the dragonborn as durge or to redo it and play as an elf again (<3), but yeah. villains that i want to stick with are FUN (handsome jack? dude is absolutely deranged, let me be him best friend). villains that only annoy me get killed. or i get killed by them (Vlakith is one of the examples. die, you cultistic piece of shit.)

and while i'm at it, how nice it's not having to deal with Lae'zel! I go to camp and she's not there. there's no one to growl at me. peace in the camp at last!

#natisplaying #bg3 #minthara #anti minthara #lae'zel #anti lae'zel #handsome jack

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ballwizard · 8 months

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excited to see your thoughts on last spectre :-D

this has been sitting in my inbox for like a month now but I FINISHED the game so HERE are my thoughts.

i really liked last specter!!!!!!!!! i really like emmy and little tiny luke they were both really fun. i LOVED the black ravens... huge enjoyer of Weird Street Kids. crow and the siblings especially (even though crow's Very Much Not A Little Kid voice freaked me out lol). arianna and tony and loosha were so sweet as well .. my only complaint is that either i played super weirdly or the puzzles were distributed strangely, because in between chapters 8&9 i ended up with nearly two full puzzle house pages of missed puzzles somehow ?? and then i went around the town during chapter 9 and it seemed like almost every npc had ANOTHER puzzle for me. I still haven't gone through and 100%ed so i can't say for certain but there didn't seem to be a lot in the way of hidden puzzles, and moreso puzzles were given through npcs. which, whatever! it was fun solving them either way.

speaking of solving, the mini games were fun, but i don't particularly like how the puppets one played -__- it was annoying to have to redo the entire play every time i wanted to try out a new action i got. but the art was cute so I did it anyway (and for my 100%...) the fish game was a HUGE improvement on the parrot game of unwound future, especially once I noticed the fish follows the diagonal lines in the background of the tank. the thing that ground my gears (pun intended) about parrot was that the movement was very unpredictable and felt inaccurate/hard to map out. the fish mini game is so much better with this for me :-) and toy train was fun! i will say, I liked toy car better, and really disliked the levels where you have to keep track of another train. those were Not fun for me (same issue as parrot; hard to predict), and i did end up looking up a solution for the last one. overall the mini games weren't my favorite, but they weren't bad!

now. Descole. Descole. I Get it now. I Understand. At least from a surface level, until i get to Azran, lol. What a fruit. What a freak. I need him dead. I need to grab him and wring him out like a wet rag. Why does he travel in a fucjing horse drawn carriage. They have cars . His dramatic ass. I love his voice too it's so dramatic. the way he pronounces shit is so funny it's very. Sharp. Distinguished. Overly prose-ey. Love it. Hate this weird guy.

Ok that's it for now because I'm tired. I love you

TLDR: It was fun :-)

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colethewolf · 2 years

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I assumed at first that Crystal's age would be like those 80's movies where we all just ignored the obviousness that a full ass adult was playing a teenager and that she'd been dead all this time. But now I'm seeing posts saying she's been alive all this time?

Like...first off, bringing back THIS story line without Dylan and Arden is kinda a slap to their faces. Not surprised. Part of it I also agree is laziness in Jeff's part. Another part is just the narcissism of him thinking he could redo the favorite season of a lot of people without the reasons why it was people's favorites.

All the while retconning and ruining characters and their relationships. In this case....Lydia. She felt Allison die. Of course it could be said her powers were still developing and new and Allison could have been engulfed by the powers of the nogitsune and so close are death and grief and strife that she could have been fooled. BUT...that's the kind of detail only fanfic authors would care to give a character other than Scotty. I don't think nor will I give Jeff that kind of creative credit into thinking.

But also...they were "sisters". Best friends. Regardless of how much influence the nogitsune has had on Allison, if they just have Lydia accept her back into her life...it's just another show that Lydia is nothing more than a pretty thing to keep around and if she had any character development it was accidental or only done on purpose if it moved the plot along so Scott could get his next power up.

She can miss Allison. Of course. But if they don't show her feeling guilt or betrayal...by allison's actions or even her powers, then it's a failure on Lydia's character and because it's a movie not a show, I can easily see her mental state of all of this not even being mentioned.

I don't think she's been alive this whole time. I think he's been revived somehow by the nogitsune or nemeton. My best guess is that Jeff was too lazy to actually think up an original idea for this movie, so he just pulled a bunch of leftover script ideas from season 3B.

Back during 3B, I think there were obvious plans to have more than just 1 trickster spirit. They specifically referenced the fox, raven, and coyote. Stiles was the fox, Malia was obviously the coyote, and that would've left Allison as the raven. And consider how Allison also opened the morgue door in her dream (like how Stiles opened his bedroom door and let the nogitsune in) I think Allison was supposed to be possessed as well.

But for whatever reason, Allison wasn't possessed. And Malia, who was clearly set up to be a villain, was changed at the last moment to be a good guy and then they brought her onto the show to fit Crystal's absence. So, I'm willing to bet that Jeff just took "evil Allison" from his list of shit he never got around to doing and stuck it in this movie.

Allison returning doesn't have a genuine emotional impact because Jeff Davis refused to allow any characters to actually mourn. Sure, you had a few scenes where Scott was sad, but they largely just moved on. The same way they did with everything else that should've caused some kind of trauma ie. Derek's abuse and Stiles being possessed and forced to kill innocents.

I remember back during 3B where Crystal said that she was initially told that she couldn't have Allison say "I love you" to Scott in her dying remarks because Allison was "with Isaac now", so Crystal fought them on that.

And I also remember how Jeff's reason as to why he refused to write Allison a funeral episode (and why he wrote a time-jump into s4 to skip all the mourning) was because he felt that characters being sad wasn't entertaining and he didn't want the characters moping around.

It's so annoying how Jeff puts such little effort into his work and yet remains confused as to why people don't like him/respect his craft. He can't be bothered to do the bare minimum like allow characters to work through the traumatic events they've lived through or even take the time to mourn the loss of a character who was literally there from the beginning. And then he gets to do a movie & he just stuffs it full of old story arcs we've already seen before.

Wow! A character who previously died comes back from the dead? A villain from a past season returns? Scott works at a vet clinic and hates being a werewolf and wants to live a normal life? It's so repetitive and unimaginative.

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fearecia · 1 year

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Ah yes, the incompetence of the medical field.

See the PCP to try and get appropriate referrals because I really need one person managing my HRT and hashimotos, since the former directly affects med dosages of the latter. I also want to try and get a handle on the constant inflammation issues that are most likely not related to the hashimotos.

Doc is running behind. No one gets a medication update from me. Manage endo referral and get inflammation panel ordered, but get rushed back out of office without half the things on my list addressed.

Doc runs blood work. Blood sugar comes back a little elevated, cholesterol is completely whacked, WBC count is, as usual, nicely elevated, and inflammation makers are pissed off as expected.

I get a call stating that they are all concerned about the blood sugar and the cholesterol. Want to repeat labs in a week. Oh, and they ordered an A1C.

Bitch, I'm on accutane. That shit fucks your cholesterol. I also have needle poke anxiety, so the blood sugar always spikes. Chill. It's fine. Please redo my T labs because they came back stupid high, and it's probably because I had applied the gel maybe an hour before having blood drawn.

A1C comes back pre-diabetic. Huh. That's odd. I'm usually really darn good on that one. Oh hey, look at this. Turns out that accutane will raise your A1C noticeably around the 5 month mark (hi, that's where we're at). Well that makes sense. Cool.

Repeated CBC comes back with yet further elevated WBC. Surprise surprise.

Get a call from the assistant. "You're in pre-diabetic levels. Doc wants you to eat a low carb diet and we'll recheck in 3 months."

"I'm on accutane. It will raise the A1C. Yeah, sure, we'll redo labs. Whatever."

Bitch, I've been on a low carb diet for at least the last 5 years. Like, cool it. And maybe have half a brain. If you'd bother to look at the previous recorded result, you'd see that I'm usually golden. Also maybe look at things a bit more holistically? Like, I'm losing weight, for gods' sakes. Did you bother to notice that I weigh less than last time you saw me? Did ya? Nah. Didn't think so.

I'll let you run labs in 6 months. One, because I probably have another month of accutane left. Two, the A1C reflects the last three months of blood sugar, so we need to give my body time to recover. Three, because chronic inflammation also affects all that shit, and my body needs time to calm down.

Also, how about you address the elevated WBC and inflammation markers like I asked you to? HMMMMMM?

All this followed by an automated email from planned Parenthood stating that my hormone levels came back high and they want a SHBG run.

We ran the SHBG alongside the testosterone. 🤦

And yes, the second round of T labs did come back lower, but still higher than I was expecting. Combined with the SHBG, things are a little high, but we'll adjust and be fine.

Nothing like having to educate and manage your own damn doctors. Constantly. And nothing like having to wrangle referrals from said doctors because you need specialists for your care, and said specialists won't take new patients without said referrals.

I'm annoyed and bitching. Because chronic health conditions also means chronic doctor management. And I'm tired of it.

#chronic health issues #hashimotos #accutane #side effects #stupid doctors #ranting #chronic pain

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cosmoforia · 2 years

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just watched episode 4 and ... I've got some things to say, but first my opinions about the first 3 episodes:

They're fine, it had its ??? moments and the its supposed to be a serious scene but you just end up laughing your ass off

Like when louis's brother last words are: " I ate too much checkered cake " and he fucking throws himself off the roof like 😭???

Also the scene where lestat in a jealous state brings soldiers to louis's brothel and he says: well i thought we could have an orgy you could fuck them and i could eat them, and then later he says: I HEARD YOUR HEARTS DANCING! 1!1!!1 💀

I'm sure there are more but i really can't remember them rn lmao, but now let's talk about episode 4 :

The whole plot is based on the knowledge that Daniel and Louis are redoing the interview they did back in the 70s bc Louis is a big dumb dummy head who can't seem to get his life right and now he wants a second chance for some reason, right?

So what does Daniel mean when he says: for a killing machine i kind of like her??? You are already supposed to know who she is? And yes i considered his parkinson's disease but he clearly remembers louis and lestat's shitty relationship and keeps shitting louis for changing the story so why would he forget about claudia? that's just lazy plot-convenient writing.

Also about claudia .... I don't want y'all to pull the iTs hEr FIrsT rOlEee!!1! card bc it was also 11 year-old kirsten dunst's first role and she did THAT performance in the 1994 movie and she even stated that she didn't really understand claudia very well but she still did a jaw-dropping performance, and bailey bass did not understand the assignment very well, and neither did the costume designers -_-

But that's not all, why didn't claudia get her gut-wrenching + " the spark" transformation like Louis did? Bc the instance she turns into a vampire she's already so into it in an annoying way, canon claudia is simply fine and cool with her transformation since she didn't quite know what she fully was yet, all she knew was that she wanted and needed to feed. She was just a 5 year-old kid.

Now I'm sure bailey bass gave her all in this episode and sorry but not sorry ... her performance comes off as annoying and too much for me, i get the fact that she's a 13 year-old girl but we all know that that's not how canon claudia acted right? Even for a 5 year-old kid. Also a scene that pissed me off was when claudia asks for more blood and Louis says: you want more? UM LESTAT SHOULD'VE SAID THAT?? LOUIS WOULD HAVE PROBABLY GONE CRYING TO HIS COFFIN HOLDING CLAUDIA IN HIS ARMS LIKE A DOLL THE INSTANT HE WOULD'VE HEARD HER SAY THAT

Also they way this episode tries to gaslight me into thinking that she actually looked like a 13 year-old girl... nobody's fooled amc. And i kinda don't like the way they seem like a wholesome cutesy family ... they were nothing like that??? if they ever spent some "family time" it would be at operas or goint to finish off families with lestat, not going to kill couples fucking in the middle of nowhere.

And the part where daniel says that claudia was a bandage for a shitty marriage, yeah we know that but before claudia came louis and lestat already had a happy active sex life and louis just brought claudia bc he just can't live in peace for a minute.

And for last, the final scene where claudia goes: i'll forever be stuck in this flat-chested, thirteen year-old, hairless crotched, baby doll body.

Girl. You just fucked your crush and accidentally killed him in the process and i don't think he was bothered by your "flat chest" and "hairless crotch". 75 year-old in a 5 year-old body claudia wouldn't have even gotten a smooch on the cheek unless if it was a kind of what a wonder of a child! situation.

As my final words, I only hope that claudia better start acting mature and fast bc this is nothing what I expected for 2022 claudia to be.

#amc iwtv #iwtv #claudia iwtv #lestat de lioncourt #louis de pointe du lac #loustat #anne rice #the vampire chronicles #amc interview with the vampire

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portablechemist · 6 days

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So a huge thing I've noticed in the initial separation is that my partner was a FIEND for cleaning, which I knew, but like... everything all the time had to be swept, wiped down, straightened up, etc. He'd sweep 3-4 times a day - once in the morning, after every meal, and sometimes as we were watching TV at night. He said it was to help with his anxiety, but if I let him do it on his own for too long (i.e. a few days), he'd yell that I never helped him (which is so funny, cuz I did all of the other chores except vacuuming). My cleaning was never good enough - he'd alway redo it, following up a few minutes after I cleaned. I couldn't leave mail on the table for more than a day, or I'd get a "when is this going to be picked up?"

Now that I'm not there anymore, things can just be... messy. And I'm not talking about unsanitary - just lived in. There can be some spillage from the cat litter and the mat doesn't always have to be aligned under it. I can leave a glass of water out to use the next day. No one yells at me or makes me feel guilty if I leave a cup of coffee out on my desk overnight. My grandma leaves crumbs on the table and reuses our napkins from one meal to another. She's left bread on the counter for the last couple days! And yeah, we wipe down the table after we eat and she does chores on Thursdays, but like... I left a wrapper out all night and no one 1) noticed or 2) got mad at me for it.

I woke up this morning to the cats having torn into their dry food overnight, and they made a mess, and y'know what I did? Lightly chastised them and cleaned it up. If that'd happened with my partner around, he would have yelled about it all day - at the cats, at me - for "not preparing for this" or "being too lazy to not do something about it before it happened". It'd set him off, and the rest of the day would be markedly worse because of it. But instead, it can just be a thing that happened. The day can still be good.

I'm noticing other things too - like, after the first weekend, I'm sleeping better and getting up earlier. I'm having more fun out and about with people, both in the sense that I'm doing more and I'm having more fun doing it? I'm singing more. I'm not driving as fast. I have more patience with the cats during the day (they're menaces when I'm working). My acid reflux has calmed down. And yeah, I still feel guilty, but it's really dropped off. I don't worry that someone's going to yell at me for something I didn't know I'd done or interrupt a meeting to talk about something banal. I don't have to reassure somone six times a day that I do, in fact, still love them. I don't have to worry about having one thing on the calendar for the weekend and that being "too much."

A lot of this sounds really nitpicky. Normal relationship shit that annoys anyone. But there were also times where he would freak out for hours on end - tell me how he didn't love me anymore, was thinking about getting a divorce, wanted to leave me. How - during the midst of my chemo treatment! - I was a child and couldn't do anything for myself and was the worst of my siblings and he was only staying with me so they didn't experience another heartbreak this year. How he couldn't control any of the shitty (and eventually, as I realized, abusive) stuff he said or did. How it was asking too much of him to ask him to stop hitting walls or himself, cuz how else was he supposed to get out his anger? His therapist said he needed to be able to express his feelings. Come to find out he'd never told his therapist (or anyone in his intensive group therapy) I'd called him abusive, because he didn't want opinions of him to change. Because everybody hates abusers. Because he didn't see himself as an abuser. Because my opinion, my perspective, my feelings didn't matter as much as his did.

Turns out, when you've got a reputation for being level headed and nice to most people and perhaps you put up with too much, if you tell people that you're leaving your partner, their first assumption is "whoa, he must have really fucked up." Which, when you've spent at least the last 5 years doubting your own feelings and perspective, is very validating.

#personal #rambling #the things that I'm noticing are WILD #tw: abuse

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nathank77 · 14 days

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5/28/24

9:21 p.m

Concern one: my testosterone prescription was canceled. I put back in the order. I recently got my levels pulled. It was low... maybe I put in the order too early. If she tries to lower my dose I'm going to have to go back to circle care center cause the dose is right... and I'll have to start doing my shot at home which will be AWFUL. I'm not trying to jump the gun but of course I'm worried.

It was 374. That's very low but good enough for right before the injection. Maybe I just ordered it too soon? I'll have to call about it soon if it gets canceled... if she tries to lower my dose I will actually have to do them at home and get to circle care as soon as possible. They don't pull other levels such as human sex globulin.

I'm worried cause the dose is right. We can't go lower than 1ML every 2 weeks. I will be forced to do it at home and drive all the fuck the way over to Norwalk for him to confirm my dose is correct....

This happened before but at another prohealth. The quack said my body will start producing testosterone by itself. Ummm no it won't I still have all my parts and even if they were removed..... I don't have testicles.... so yea I won't make enough testosterone that's why I need the injections.

Concern 2:

I hate my family. I'm at a pivotal moment in my weight loss journey where I'm about to go to the gym..I asked my mother to take photos of my body all angles.

She was yelling at me the whole time. Some of the photos came out okay...but most I need to redo... cause of lighting and shit...

She was seriously yelling at me the whole time cause watching her movie was more important and it's like I can't get these photos without someone else taking them. The lighting matters. The angles matter.

They aren't "sexy" photos they are going to be my comparison photos. I got some in my bathroom that are okay but I want my back/chest/side angles done correctly. With lighting and angles.. why?

Cause once I go to the gym, I need them redone and then I can compare my results.... its important...

I'm going to have to ask her another day to do it in the kitchen as she yells at me the whole time bc it's an inconvenience to her. But I need these shots BEFORE I go to the gym.

I'm just annoyed that I ask for so little and I get yelled at for it and if I had a gf I mean she would take the shots and make sure they are perfect.

Stacey did it my entire first year of being on testosterone. She got amazing perfect shots. And I really appreciated it cause if my body transforms even more...I can use those photos as well as the ones I still need to get before I go to the gym.

I could get really big on YouTube for my body transformation but I need good photos...

Anyways I'm sexy and I have anxiety about my testosterone, about getting these photos, about being so utterly alone, and just my mother is always crawling up my ass. I have had the stove on for 30 minutes and she's always banging on my door or yelling at me about it.

When I was doing laundry the other day she had to pee and I'm working with my ocd and she's yelling at me and making it extra difficult...

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