#I'm not accepted yet or anything

[heartshattering]

Me: idk, maybe I'm not stable enough for grad school, my life feels like too much of a mess and I know it's probably only for people who have their lives in order and know how to cope well enough to handle it...

Me after looking at "grad school memes" where everyone talks about using substances, never sleeping, and constantly feeling a sense of imposter syndrome: Oh wow, maybe I actually will fit in after all

#grad school #I'm not accepted yet or anything #I haven't even applied #I... probably *can't* go tbh (at least not yet) #because my mom still needs full-time help and can't be left alone #but I still come up with hypothetical situations in my mind #like “if I *could* go... would I make it or would I just freak out and make an embarrassment out of myself in the first week?” #and so on and so forth #plus at one point I actually was basically doing (unpaid) TA work for my university lol #and if I'm just going insane in my room anyway why not go insane while doing a degree so at least I get something out of it in the end? #idk #sometimes I like to think I'm not that bad but other times I feel like a failure who isn't going anywhere in life so who knows honestly

[darkeneddawning]

Escaped clone au

You know all those fics where Danny and Damian are twins but everyone first assumes Danny must be a clone? How about an au where Danny is Damian's clone who escaped the League after he was assumed dead. Damian could even have been the one to have "killed" him, back when Danny was a newly created, fully brainwashed clone minion and trying to kill Damian himself.

Danny gets adopted by the Fentons and canon goes on as normal, until Dan. Witnessing what would happen to the world should he turn evil really drove home to Danny how dangerous he is.

Even if he was confident he could be trusted with his absurd amount of power (which he isn't), what if the League of Assassins found out about him? Does he still have programming triggers from his evil assassin clone conditioning?

So, Danny does the responsible thing: he goes to Batman to turn himself in.

Cue Danny showing up on Bruce's doorstep with ghost hunting equipment, intel on the afterlife, and an almost unbelievable backstory. Somehow he still managed to be more well-adjusted than Damian.

More thoughts under the read more

Here's how I'm thinking Danny leaving the League went down:

After surviving his wounds but failing his mission, Danny (then an unnamed potential Damian replacement) knew there was no point in returning to the League. As a failure, he was meant to be disposed of. He even thought of simply allowing himself to perish, since that was what the League would do.

But he couldn't help but feel as though that would be a waste of a resource. Surely he could be of more use to the League alive than dead?

That tiny bit of rebellious logic is what caused Danny to go into hiding, only living on based on the off chance he would find opportunities to further the League's goals. Obviously, that mentality didn't last long after being exposed to the real world and meeting one Jazz Fenton.

Being adopted by the Fentons was the best cover Danny could have asked for, since any odd behavior he couldn't hide while he was learning how to be "normal" was totally overshadowed by the sheer bizarre eccentricity of his new parents. He was still the neighborhood weird kid, but even that was a major upgrade from disposable tool, so Danny considered it a win.

Anyway, if anyone likes this idea, please feel free to have at it! Interpret it as you please :)

#dpxdc #dpxdc prompts #dawningwrites #Danny: I'm too powerful help please accept this 10 step guide that MIGHT give you a prayer of defeating me #Bruce: and you're saying that on top of all your potentially apocalyptic abilities you're also the ruler of another dimension?? #Danny: I know right?? they wouldn't listen to me when I said a teenager wasn't qualified. and technically I'm only 5 years old! #Danny's better adjusted than Damian bc he had Jazz to help him #and he didn't have to be anything other than a “normal” teen until his accident #whereas Damian had a bunch of traumatized and emotionally stunted vigilantes with a complicated family dynamic he walked into #Alfred did his best but there was only so much he could do without undermining Bruce or interfering with their vigilantism #Dan happened before Dani so she might not be in this (yet) #but if Danny's clones are still a thing I think he'd be even more traumatized by most of them melting #Dani: you don't know what it's like to be made by a rich supervillain to replace your original and then be discarded as a failure #Danny: ha ha so funny story #damian wayne #damian al ghul

[mobius-m-mobius]

OWEN WILSON as FATHER KENT in HAUNTED MANSION (2023)

#owen wilson #haunted mansion #asgjlsdgk no real time to make anything today but couldn't go without wishing y'all a happy hot priest day 👀👀 #please accept this hastily colored halloween set representing how bad i've been down for yet another one of this man's characters #as if i haven't known a moment of peace for years now lmao #god i'm so late giffing kent again but disney did me dirty streaming this the exact time loki started?? how can i not focus on mobius 😭 #back to the usual lokius gifs tomorrow! love y'all <33 #movieedit #owenwilsonedit #dianagifs #flashing cw

[thebreakfastgenie]

Some man on twitter took the opportunity of someone literally celebrating Ruth Bader Ginsburg's 90th birthday to push the "Ginsburg should have retired and this is her/Democrats' fault" line and unfortunately I have some time on my hands so you're getting this rant from me again.

First and foremost, putting the blame on a dead woman when there is a living man who is more directly responsible for losing control of the Supreme Court is profoundly stupid and while I doubt it's consciously misogynistic it does reflect a society that holds women responsible for everything.

I don't know how many times I can say this, but we didn't lose the court in 2020, we lost it in 2018 when Anthony Kennedy retired and Brett Kavanaugh was confirmed. A 6-3 conservative majority is certainly worse, but the Dobbs decision, for example, would have been the same.

You don't get to blame Democrats or Ruth Bader Ginsburg for the fact that you dismissed the importance of the Supreme Court in 2016. Whatever you think should have been done in 2014, you knew what the reality was in 2016. There was already an open seat on the Supreme Court during that election.

If Hillary Clinton had won in 2016, Antonin Scalia would have been replaced by a liberal justice, likely Merrick Garland, and Ruth Bader Ginsburg would have been replaced by another liberal justice. Anthony Kennedy would either have remained in his seat or been replaced by a moderate or liberal justice. The tentative 5-4 liberal majority we had prior to 2016 would have become a tentative 6-3 majority with a solid 5 liberal votes. This Supreme Court would not have overturned Roe and would not be threatening policies like student loan forgiveness and affirmative action. That is the court we would have if 50,000 people in three states had voted for Hillary Clinton.

Instead, Donald Trump appointed three Supreme Court Justices and there is a solid 6-3 conservative majority that will continue handing down horrible decisions that are nakedly political and barely even bother with constitutional justification. At the moment we're basically waiting for a couple of them to die and hoping there is a Democratic president and senate when it happens.

I think the position that Ginsburg should have retired in 2014 is heavily influenced by hindsight, but even accepting that it was a good idea, it's not as simple as people who began believing it in 2020 make it sound. First of all, I cite 2014 because Democrats lost control of the senate that year. This argument relies on Democrats seeing that loss coming. Even if they could do that, Democrats did not have filibuster-proof majority in the senate in 2014. At the time, senate rules required such a majority for supreme court confirmations. Harry Reid had only recently changed the rules to allow all other federal judicial nominations to be confirmed with a simple majority.

It's easy to forget now, but the level of Republican obstructionism during the Obama administration was unexpected. The rule change came about because there were so many judicial vacancies. Unfortunately, not all of them were filled even after the rule change, which allowed a number of Republican appointments during the Trump administration. I didn't have a position on senate rules in 2012-14 because I was in high school, but my position now is that I support ending the filibuster.

I think it's very clear that Republicans will simply change the rules to benefit themselves anyway the second they have power, so Democrats are not gaining anything by preserving the filibuster. However, I reached this position with the benefit of having observed Mitch McConnell's actions as Majority Leader between 2015 and 2019. Democrats in 2012-14 did not have that benefit. I don't know how predictable this Republican behavior was, but it's certainly not the same as having observed something that already happened. If Mitch McConnell had not already changed the rule for Supreme Court confirmations in 2017 in order to confirm Neil Gorsuch, I would have urged Democrats to do it in order to confirm Ketanji Brown Jackson. But I don't know if it's fair to expect Democrats to have done so in 2014.

It's also worth remembering that the open politicization of the Supreme Court is fairly recent. It's been obviously political at least since the 1980s, but for quite a long time both parties kept up a pretense that it wasn't. It's easy to see why Democrats might not have expected Republicans to keep a seat open for an entire year rather than even give a Democratic nominee a hearing.

I think "in hindsight, things would be better if Ruth Bader Ginsburg had retired in 2014 and Harry Reid had changed the senate rules so Democrats could confirm a replacement" is a reasonable take. But it's academic. There's no point in assigning blame. And Democrats clearly did learn from this, because Stephen Breyer retired and was replaced by Ketanji Brown Jackson.

And, once again, whatever you think should have happened in 2014, we all went into 2016 knowing exactly what did and did not happen. Few people were saying Ginsburg should have retired at that time, and even those who were would not have been justified in not voting for Hillary Clinton, or discouraging others from supporting her, or downplaying the importance of the Supreme Court.

#the way i feel about scotus is so weird like #if any of the people i spent 2016 begging to care about the supreme court came to me like i'm sorry you were right #i don't think i would feel anything?? #like tell me something i don't know!! #and yet it DOES bother me when i see takes like this on twitter #like you STILL refuse to accept responsibility and will blame literally anyone else huh? #i'm just angry that i'm living under the thumb of an unchecked right wing extremist court and it didn't have to happen #it's turned me into a person who cheers when an old man falls down and breaks his ribs #and openly hopes for several other old men to die

[coldercreation]

brb about to go down a research rabbit hole lol

Question of the day!

Why is showing ‘disinterest’ such prevalent thing when it comes to building friendships and relationships?

I have talked about this here before in my rants lol, but it just always frustrates me. Like, you know those arbitrary ‘rules’ in dating that you shouldn’t show too much interest or get in touch too soon, or be too ‘intense’ or interested? Like, obviously don’t be a stalker and read the room etc, but I mean if you're just a regular and safe 'well-adjusted' person, why is you showing genuine effort and interest seen as a bad thing (I don't mean love bombing, that's a whole different thing)? If you genuinely like each other, why is the social rule saying that you shouldn’t show that? Same goes with friendships, why is showing interest in the person you want to get to know sometimes, somehow, a bad thing? To a point that some people can get put off by that effort someone is showing to get to know them? Not saying everyone is like this, because I know there are so many people who aren’t. And plenty people also disregard these social rules because they aren’t actually concrete rules. 

This is just a social construct and I’m trying to figure out why it is, because it seems counter productive? By what logic does it work? How are you supposed to make friends/date, if them showing interest in you makes you exit the relationship/ghost/breadcrumb?

How long are we supposed to only talk in one line texts about surface level stuff, to avoid being too much/too intense, before it’s acceptable? How do you know you’re following the same social timelines with the people you’re trying to get close to, when there’s no actual set rules? Someone might think you have to wait three days after a date to get in touch, but someone else will get offended if you take longer than two. But the next day or the same day is too desperate to some folk? And I'm talking about this from the point of view of someone who doesn't have trouble reading social cues/expectations. Can't even imagine dealing with this mess if that wasn't the case. Like what's the point of having these 'rules' if it just makes things more difficult for everyone? :')

These rules, technically, don't need to exist at all. It's all made up, based on... Something? We can always dismiss them ourselves but I'd like to know why they came to be and why we keep upholding them. I want to know the social purpose y'know? Is it a safety thing? Protecting yourself and not wanting to be vulnerable? That'd be valid, of course. But it does seem self sabotaging as it blocks people from actually making the connections they say they want to have?

I’ve been trying to find any research on the social behaviour regarding this, but I’m not sure what to even look up lol. Especially because I think the way we interact and behave has changed so much just in the last five years even. 

I just find it so curious that there’s so many headlines about loneliness epidemic, but people also recoil away from others when someone does show them genuine interest and wants to talk to them.   

I’ve had this initial ‘disinterest’ stage happen in the friendship context more. Also sudden, out of nowhere, communication ending/ghosting disinterest when trying to make friends (like please hurt my heart some more I beg u lmao). I haven’t really dated in the last few years so I don’t personally know how that field is at the moment, but I know ghosting is really common and people actively try to hold back from showing interest at first, even if they are reallyreally interested.

Maybe I’ll try looking more into the effects on social media etc, there’s a lot about ghosting in that context. But I just feel like it’s not quite what I mean, because I feel this disinterest phenomenon thing is separate from ghosting. 

Anyway! Happy Sunday loll xx

#blah blah blah #xx #Or is this just me?? Like do you know what I mean with this?? Lmao :") #Not me writing a whole dictionary #and then realising that maybe I'm just an oversensitive butt #reading into things too much #and it could just be me lmao #but tbf #trying to make friends as an adult is a rough time!! #I have some now but holy shit I hate that shit #I legit feel like a damn golden retriever with the way I always just inherently like everyone until they give me a reason not to like them #Like everyone's just a friend I don't know yet ?? #And then I had times when I'd get confused #when people would be friendly but then suddenly just ghost mid-convo #It was a couple of years ago but happened a few times too many for it to be just a coincidence #As in - I couldn't keep thinking 'oh they have their own stuff that has nothing to do with me' #So I had to accept it was something about the way I acted or talked etc #Still not 100% sure why #But I also found pals who don't seem to mind anything about the way I am so I dunno what the deal is #I think I'm embarrassing myself with these tags lolll #Maybe I'm just annoying and my current friends are able to tolerate it lmao

[dazais-guardian-angel]

kinda wild to me that one of the most compelling aspects of both Chuuya and Kunikida's characters to me, that I never really see talked about, is how they're heavily set on a doomed crash course towards complete and utter destruction, and how I am so, so worried for them both.....

#bungou stray dogs #been thinking a lot about chuuya lately (shocking for me i know (said with no sarcasm truly lmao it is rare for me)) #cause of the 15 manga and also playing the fucking jeht quest in genshin impact ugh (where's the one dual genshin bsd fan who Understands) #but like this pressure has been building up for chuuya for so long due to being used and manipulated by all these people #first the sheep then mori then verlaine then still mori now #he was groomed since childhood just like dazai #but unlike dazai he didn't have an oda to help him get out of the mafia........ he's still stuck there #and his personality is different from dazai's. dazai was more self-aware imo (but still a groomed emotionally abused kid don't get me wrong #but chuuya's whole thing is needing to belong and wanting a leader to be loyal to but ending up in positions of leadership himself #which makes him feel pressured but he accepts and stifles any negative feelings just because he wants to belong #and all this crushed him with the events in the light novels and yeah he went through character growth but he's...... Still In The Mafia... #and that fucking scene asagiri added to the cannibalism stage play i don't think hardly anyone even knows about bc IT'S NOT DISCUSSED ANYMO #where mori emotionally manipulates him with the flags!!! and it deeply hurts him!!! and he presumably deals with that shit all the time!!! #it is WORRISOME. it WORRIES ME okay. #chuuya doesn't have anyone who can save him from the mafia (dazai is in no position to okay; it's all he can do just to try to save himself #and it's so so scary. it spells awful things for him. #didn't asagiri say he'd have a rough path or something??? and he added that fucking scene in the play!!! it haunts me!! #i fully expected this shit to hit a turning point in the meursault arc but we can't have nice things i guess #and as for kunikida a;lskdfl (took me this long to get to him oop) literally the ending of Entrance Exam (the novel) is just #One Big Foreshadowing for Kunikida's downfall #he's compared to the azure king for a reason. Sasaki saw the azure king in him for a reason. it's fucking worrying!!!!! #there hasn't really been anything like that since in the manga (just like for chuuya lol ugh) but he's TERRIBLE at coping with his trauma #and it only gets more apparent once shit hit the fan in the doa/hunting dogs/meursault arc #it's not good!!! i'm worried for kunikida too!!!! #even if the manga isn't focusing on this these worries are always in the back of my mind man #both kunikida and chuuya are doomed to hit some kind of breaking point eventually and i await those moments with dread yet anticipation #i want dazai to be able to save kunikida from the despair being too good a person brings the way he couldn't save oda #and chuuya.... if we get a scene with him & mori mirroring the one in dark era where dazai finds out that mori orchestrated the kids' death #oh man i think i'll fucking die (give it to me i need to cry)

[jaybren]

I Believe...Steddie

I normally don't mind angst (though I avoid drama fics in general). Miscommunication is the biggest trope in romance, so I'm all for it, but for some reason Steve x Eddie fics / drabbles where Eddie still thinks of Steve as Steve THE KING Harrington always sit weirdly for me. Sometimes, if the Upside Down didn't happen (AUs in general) or pre-UD setting, maybe -- sure, then that could work. But close to canon fics where Eddie lives and Steve legit confesses to him? Always just -- strikes me as wrong.

Finally realized why -- it's literally the antithesis of canon Eddie. Canon! Eddie is quick to acknowledge Steve has changed. He literally runs up to him in the Upside Down while a bunch of madness is happening and where he has every right to be consumed by his own shit-tastic situation, but instead, he's telling Steve how he is a great guy and has changed.

Can Eddie be bitchy and prejudice? Yes.

Does Eddie have grudges against jocks / the popular crowd? Yes.

But he also goes full on bowing gentlemen for cheerleaders (going out of his way to help Chrissy and make her smile) and he's quick to acknowledge Steve's not that same popular AH anymore.

With Steve's bitchiness not aimed at him, Eddie would be eating his Honeycomb and snickering when old habits popped back up, and maybe he'd feel conflicted about jocky Steve, complaining about going to games or something until somebody smacked some sense into him. Totally believe tension and disbelief about one liking the other or some bias about things, but I just can't see Steve proclaiming his love or whatever and Eddie assuming it is a trap or trick or prank or something.

Maybe he'd think Steve was confused. Maybe he'd assume they were doomed, but I can't see him blaming Steve for that or blowing up their relationship IF Eddie accepted the confession and they started dating. Eddie's way more down on himself.

If someone can explain how it makes sense, please do. I'd love to enjoy all Steddie tropes, and that one seems popular lately, but where my brain sees so many problems with them getting to the confession point or even a number of big arguments that could happen afterward due to outside aspects, those two strike me as highly tactile, highly clingy romantics who would be convinced they were the height of discrete while practically fused, constantly touching and being snide little judgy dudes together.

#steddie #Steve x Eddie #Eddie Munson #Stranger Things #Only way Eddie doesn't see how Steve's changed is if the Upside Down doesn't exist but then Steve might not have changed #the second Steve asks him out Eddie is 100% in #won't accept anything different #Eddie is a drama king but he's the the sort to be clingy and pushy and cause problems by being too tactile and obvious in a homophobic town #which is why I 100% believe fics where Eddie and Steve fight over Steve refusing to come out or leave Hawkins #Despite also 100% believing Eddie would understand #frankly I fall for all the tropes EXCEPT Eddie not believing (in a canon compliant Upside Down having universe)that Steve has changed #where are my double date fics with Eddie and Steve taking out two girls only to get dumped because they spent more time chatting themselves #What about the fics where Eddie sets Steve up with a metalhead girl only for Steve to be like 'wow I'm super into this' #but then he realizes partway through he is 100% imaging she's Eddie #Or Steve setting up Eddie on a double date only to have a 'oh no I fucked up' moment as he realizes halfway through that he loves Eddie #Steve: Cool Eddie might score (*and it was at that moment he realizes he fucked up) I don't want Eddie to score #Give me hooking up duo who 'just like making out' and 'just aren't ready to get back out there yet' who feel pressured to do so #and they end up throwing hands over it and banging #Eddie: So...that happened. | Steve: Do you think Dustin was right? | Eddie: No way that butthead is right. | Steve: But what if he is? #Eddie: Obviously we can't tell him. | Steve: But we can still make out right? | Eddie: Fuck yeah #Give me dumb bets between guys friends inspired by Steve trying to relate to Eddie like he used to Tommy

[creative-hanyou-girl]

In the 1st book series I can have at least a little bit of respect and hope for Athena being a caring mother (as caring as the gods can be anyway).

But TV Athena? I wanna march straight up to Olympus and have a little....chat, with the Goddess of Wisdom about being a somewhat decent parent, possibility of being smited be damned.

I like both of these interpretations of Athena btw, even if TV Athena makes me want to commit a crime (preferably against her).

#this is what I'm talking about accepting the PJO books and show as their own seperate canon #book Athena I can at least have some respect for #while TV Athena I wanna throttle😊 #its a win win really #how is it I'm not a mother yet I could school TV Athena (& Book Athena for that matter) on how be at least a somewhat decent parent? #or as decent as the gods can be as parents. #at least it wasn't until HOO that Athena REALLY started to get on my nerves #wheras with the 1st book series I could at least somewhat respect her and hope she's at least one of the somewhat not terrible parents #as not terrible parents the gods can be anyway #& I can at least try & delude myself that HOO Athena was acting as a worse parent bc she was all erratic w/ the Athena/Minerva stuff #not that its an excuse #but I at least want to somewhat believe if Athena was in her right mind. she wouldn't have been so awful to Annabeth in HOO #let me delude myself with book canon Athena ok? #how is it tho TV Percy's parent aka the deadbeat who hasn't done anything for him his whole life (that we know of)- #-single handedly became the better parent in one episode compared to Athena? #percy jackson and the olympians #percy jackson series #percy jackson #percy jackson tv show #percy jackson spoilers #book vs show #annabeth chase #athena #book athena #tv athena

[aeide-thea]

sometimes it really is just like. is this all there is. feeling oversensitive & undersocialized—too sensitive to socialize—forever, bc you never got enough ~affirmation~ growing up (poor, pathetic baby; how long will you persist in singing the same self-pitying song…), & so never developed the proper emotional cushioning against the heartache & the thousand natural shocks, &c, &c, &c, &c, &c…

#like—you can't get close to people if you're too raw to bear the inevitable grit of misunderstandings and small incompatibilities #we all fail one another. sometimes in a myriad of small ways‚ sometimes in big ones— #sometimes you and people you care about are simultaneously failing each other on separate but parallel tracks #and ultimately you have to be able to bear that and keep reaching out to people anyway‚ as you hope they will to you #and i just. i need so badly for something—someone—to be new and good and an easy fit‚ because i haven't got trying in me #but also frankly i wouldn't trust anything like that if it appeared to me‚ at this point #molly grue voice how dare you come to me now &c #i'm a fussy person whose capacity for delight has drained away #and i think it's SO important to be kind and yet still so often i don't manage it #despite biting my tongue SO often that it hurts‚ which has taught me to feel there's nothing acceptable abt my own reactions #and i never MEAN to be pompous or dickish or whatever but caring about precision and conscientiousness and whatnot isn't in fashion #so i'm pretty sure that's how i come off to most people #and there's no prospect of anything changing and it's just like. sometimes in the night i think. well. i'm basically already dead then. #like. the last‚ i don't know‚ almost-decade at this point has been a slow painful process of sinking ever deeper into exile #stripping away various social positionalities and connections in trade for—nothing. #alien nation. #all the norms are shit but outside them—what is there. #anyway. #feelingsblogging

[the-busy-ghost]

"Oh it would have been more satisfying if the humans had invented a technology which defeated the Martians rather than have them killed off by accident just when humanity's impotence in the face of disaster seems to be confirmed". I

To me that's just a fancy way of saying "Yeah but humans could totally handle the Martians and the writer has a duty to reassure the audience of that!"

Sir we cannot even handle climate change and I'm sorry to tell you that it's not entirely due to a lack of technological expertise

#In all fairness maybe we can handle climate change we don't know yet but it's going to take a lot more than a fancy new invention #As for war and genocide and all the other human ills that we can't seem to solve how do you think the atomic bomb worked out #And when I say technology or science I don't just mean in the normal STEM sense #As a history student you end up asking a lot whether your subject is actually beneficial to society or capable of solving anything #Or the political sciences- was the League f Nations or even today's UN a success? #Maybe if we just keep learning and studying we can solve it! Well maybe. But what will humanity look like when we're done? #Anyway I'm getting a bit far from the point of the War of the Worlds but maybe I'm just not enough of a science fiction nut for this convo #Maybe the image of societal collapse impressed itself on me more strongly than any delight over long-winded explanations of alien machines #Maybe it would be different if I'd read the book hoping for a good story about aliens #rather than to read one man's uncomfortable rather pessimistic views on what an alien invasion might tell us about human ity #I am simply asking certain fans to sometimes Dig a Little Deeper #Alright rant really over this time #...maybe #It's just that there are so many potential issues with that book but honestly I can't accept that the ending is one of them #Even the hint at the end that since the Martians proved it possible maybe some day humans might colonise other planets I just !!!!!

[bunnihearted]

📓🖊️🌧️🌫️

#just... ugh! im so frustrated nd need to vent a bit #sadly.. smth i havent accepted yet is that having avpd will be constant thru my life and it will have ups and downs #i had a pretty long run of not being *that* avoidant #for 2 weeks now i'm back in that suuuuuper avoidant place #like super avoidant. i dont even go for walks or go to the grocery store. or send emails to my teachers (important!!!!) #i cant look at anything thats important. i dont even clean my room T-T #this is the 2nd week im skipping school which is v bad. nd i havent done anything on my assignment in the course i need to finish in march #i dont open messages or reply to anyone bc i just cant it gives me too much anxiety #im simply avoiding EVERYTHING #and it's such an awful place to be stuck in i hate it so so so so much #worst part is I HAVE NO FKN IDEA HOW TO BREAK FREE!!!!!!! #i've never gotten any treatment for my avpd nd there is actually no information or research online so idk how to handle it #i just wait and simmer in this fkn.... sucky ass soup mess nd wait nd wait #until suddenly it just loosens nd i can start doing things here nd there #the problem is. i dont rlly have time #i dont have time to sit and wait!!! i have time sensitive responsibilities that i risk ruin if i dont do them #i just have no idea HOW to do anything rn. bc it doesnt work to just force myself to do them #it doesn work to make lists or schedules #it suxxx that there isnt rlly any treatment or accessible tips for how to deal w avpd bc im rlly... #im alone... out in the open sea... no one around as far as the eye can see... no life raft. no help skskksks #anyway #ig all i can do is wait nd *try* to do small things as much as i can nd hope i'll get less avoidant soon #i just hate this so much. i always feel so awful nd terrible nd it's so bad ugh

[ectonurites]

almost 4am can't stop thinking about the meaning of the idiom 'to have blood on [someone's] hands'—to be responsible for a person's death—combined with the fact that Zach is the one we are specifically shown with Daryl's actual blood on his hands (once for real and once in a dream)... Not Josh who had been holding the sword Daryl fell onto, but Zach who took the sword out.

#super dark times #+ part of it that's insane to me is: Josh COULD have easily ALSO gotten (literal) blood on his hands—we see him go to check for a pulse #after Zach did... but we don't see his hands during that—they're left out of the shot! we just see his face. and when we see his hands next #there's no visible blood on them (if any got on he theoretically wiped 'em off ig? similarly Zach's hands when seen AFTER the shot of him #touching Daryl ALSO don't rlly show blood anymore—we see his hands in the leaves tho so it prob went there) BUT SO there was a CHOICE made #to give us a close up shot of ZACH pulling his hand away from the wound with blood on it... but to NOT do the same/smthn similar with Josh. #and yet ZACH is the one who CAN'T ACCEPT THE ROLE HE PLAYED IN ANY OF ITTTTT!!!!!!! GAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! #this post brought to you by me rewatching the Zach + Charlie on the phone scene and needing to just. stop and scream at Zach being #like 'Josh‚ or fucking somebody else‚ they went up there and if they found Daryl alive—' LIKE BRO. YOU *KNOW* HE WAS DEAD. #YOU KNOW. YOU KNOOOOW. YOU WERE THERE. YOU KNOW HE WAS ALREADY DEAD. the denial. the trying to find any fucking way that #there could be even a sliver of a possibility that it WASN'T even PARTIALLY his fault.... shifting the blame entirely onto Josh... #[plus like. the 'somebody else' only added in after Charlie was giving him shit for trying to complicate this more—at first he was #straight up saying Josh was the one that fucked with the body]... aghghghsfd he makes me INSANE #also fwiw. i'm forever a 'Josh didn't harm anyone on purpose until AFTER his fight with Zach at Zach's house' truther. that provides #at least SOME sort of motivation to push him over an edge into... the shit that happens. anything before that just fuckin' doesn't make #sense. To Me. ive already written a lot on my thoughts about all of that though [uhhh in the tags of my gifset of the fight at Zach's house #anyways. im also NOT trying to say 'ah so we should Just Blame Zach' because nah nah this whole thing was a fucked up accident. they're all #to blame. plus Josh did horrible shit at the end On His Own there's no way of getting around that—but the messiness of how Zach handled the #initial incident and how that ripples out across the whole movie is simply soooooooo... ghghGHGhghGHGhghghgh. To Me. #in conclusion: im soooooooo normal about the characters in this movie (<- lying)

[icannotgetoverbirds]

so i guess once you're marginalized enough and/or in just the right way, there just straight up isn't a place for you in the us. world's greatest fucking country.

#Byrd's business #someone please tell me I'm wrong #someone please tell me there's a place for everyone and i just haven't found it yet #byrd chirps #byrd is crippled #or if I'm right give me something to do about it #anything at all except wasting away #anything at all except accepting defeat #something. there has to be something

[konfizry]

Anyway speaking of the sun did I ever tell you about the tales of arise eclipses

#im thinking about it again xyhdfgdchdchjh #do you think they like. considered it #i MEAN ofc they did #they cided that sun disappearing behind rena but dO YOU THINK #that they initially planned to have that actually impact like. the WORLD #in a significant manner? #with the actual luminosity level being affected and all #because like for cyslodia iirc this means no sunlight in the morning #(or cyslodia that we get to explore cyslodia's pretty big after all) #but like i can see how this is a problem like #you liberate cyslodia that is the One Realm where its always nighttime except when you end the renans' grasp on the region there #it still doesnt get a full day of sunlight because of astronomical reasons that we cant do anything about yet #also probably the region of the Central Ocean is in perpetual darkness as well but for those same astronomical reasons #like it GERS CONFUSING it would confuse everything idk #but heres the solution: you ditch that cyslodia in endless nighttime idea bc it was stupid in the first place #like. in calaglia they harvest fire astral energy so its a fiery place. theres fire everywhere. in menancia theyre harvesting #earth astral energy so its super lush and green. and so on and so forth #and in cyslodia theyre harvesting light astral energy so theres. theres no light. its dark. because theyre stealing it!!!!! #well why usnt menancia a barren wasteland then. why isnt ganoth super dry. wha #i COULD accept it if like. maybe. if like the completely stealing the light thing us like. ganabelt specifically. #like hes just a Special Boy and found a way to pull all the stops #and something like that has never been done before in the history of the crown contest #but no this has been going since the great conquest apparently so??? #like how arent the other lords doing something like that too? #is light astral energy like so fundamentally different that the harvesting process is the opposite of what happens in other realms? #and if thats the case why dont they ever explain it in the game. or just make a pasing comment about it. I'm not picky #aaaanyway. just get rid of that specific cyslodia plot point #and THEN you can focus on how living in the shade of rena influenced what parts of Dahna #like. to just kinda like. cement the world building a bit?

[dutybcrne]

Kaeya's made peace with the fact that Diluc resents him and anticipates him to act accordingly, having set off his wrath before. He is mildly afraid of actually angering Jean, and would do what he can to ensure he never sees it.

But the one that would devastate him the most would be genuine anger from the Traveler.

#☆ ┆ ( .ooc. ); #//Bc they; like Diluc; know his heritage #//They KNOW he's Khaenri'ahn; and even that he has ties to the Order #//And yet they NEVER thought to think of him as an enemy nor changed their view of him #//They are PRECIOUS to him for that #//A friend he can finally start trusting more and more of himself #//If he were to do anything that changes that; to make them so Upset with him for whatever reason? #//He would actually be so gutted #//The Traveler wasn't as close to him as Diluc once was; yet they accepted him so easily #//Granted; the circumstances of revelation were Very Different #//But it's still something enough to make them Safe in his mind #//Safer and more trustworthy than even Diluc #//No matter how much Kaeya wishes he could go back to that #//No matter how much Kaeya is tempted to try and bridge the gap and share what he knows with him again #//Heck I'm veering off course kjdrbg #//Tldr; Traveler very dear to Kae. If he ever make them Big Mad; he would be Hella Sad #//Makes his Abyss!verse hit all the harder juuust a bit #//He's so afraid of messing things up between them; but then can't help self-sabotaging sometimes #//Bc if something's already damaged; it'll hurt less once/if it breaks...right? #hc; kaeya

[bumblingbabooshka]

Something something the Janeway/Chakotay/Tuvok dynamic when it comes to religion, mysticism, spirituality and science.

#'something something' bc Chakotay's spirituality is exclusively filtered through a bunch of white people + a fraud* #so I'm more talking about in general. It's just interesting to me that Tuvok is shown to be so very into Vulcan mysticism/philosophy #Whereas Janeway is shown to be very staunchly on the boat of 'everything has a scientific explanation' #Sorry was thinking about Tuvok's line in 'Innocence' where he says: 'I believe there's more in each of us than science has yet explained' #*& I'm not native american & I don't know anything about any real world religions #there's something there with those three...... #Not to mention Janeway's God complex /lighthearted #something...........about devotion maybe?? #but more about how Chakotay & Tuvok are shown to be very devoted to their belief systems and how #in a better version of Voyager I wish they could have bonded or at least talked about it #I think it would have been interesting (in a better show) #However- I'm glad they didn't do this in canon bc of the first point I brought up. #But OH especially as an anthropologist? I feel like Chakotay would be very interested #SNRKAHAHAHA OH M Y GOD #I just looked up 'anthropologist' and when it said 'human societies' I was like 'oh so no other aliens? hm...' BITCH. GET A GRIP!!! HEHEH #PLUS they both rejected their own cultures in their youths then became...god what's the word??? #They rejected their cultures then went back to them and accepted them fully and found strength in that coming-home