#I'm extremely depressed from this.

[faragonart]

So it turns out my longer posts (where I make comic-style stories about my character) get blocked from tags entirely...

I guess I can't post comic drabble stuff anymore? @staff why did you set it up like this? Who is gonna be able to see my posts if they're all just blocked from the tags? I can't express myself or my work on here anymore? Do I have to find workarounds now???

This is extremely disheartening...

#ffxiv #tumblr #staff #tumblr staff #art #comic #your site is really getting anti-artist and that makes me sad. #Imma have to move my work somewhere else now #this sucks man. #sorry I don't rant on my art blog often I try to keep it to a minimum but this is really saddening. #I have been setting up a lot of comic drabbles and they all make long posts #Why does tumblr allow longer art posts if they're just gonna block them from the tags? Why is that? I don't get this! #I'm just gonna have to make hybrid posts or something now I guess? #I dunno #I'm extremely depressed from this. #Rant over sorry #go back to your scheduled programming.

[britneyshakespeare]

i feel bad for raquel lee bolleau and i feel like what she's saying about the lack of transparency behind quiet on set is a bigger issue that the consumers of this type of content don't want to talk about or criticize. social media has led to a huge boom in tragedy porn and trauma porn about the entertainment industry but especially the children's entertainment industry, especially especially from the eras when the largest demographic in that audience were consuming it themselves.

it's already been problematic in itself that there is an oversaturation of unresearched and repetitive videos on the exploitation of former child stars. it seems like the creators and audience don't often ask themselves "have we gotten enough of this? do we need another take on it? is another video full of dan schneider rumors and gossipy forum posts really adding to the public discourse?" i don't know quite at what point it becomes exploitative that this content continues to be made, and be evergreen in social media algorithms. the volume, the reach, and the general lack of quality control are the evil triad. because we are far past the point where i really believe everyone consuming this stuff cares about exploited children. there's far too many people gawking and not reevaluating the systems of power involved. or, to put it more concretely: how many times do we all need to watch those clips of ariana grande squeezing the potato and spilling water on her neck? at what point is this just personally disrespectful and retraumatizing for the victims that for the most part we, the consumers of internet content, are claiming to advocate for?

quiet on set is the first time traditional media got involved in this niche. there is still a lot of value in some of the discoveries made by the series. but it does not have completely clean hands in this either. it does not feel like everyone involved in making the executive decisions cared nearly enough about the vulnerability of former child stars they recruited to share their stories, or hell, whose stories were told without their involvement, such as amanda bynes and racquel in episode 5. these people did not even give statements.

the focus of this docuseries was far too broad and not coherent enough at the end of the day. and they did not give enough support to all of the people they roped in to tell their stories about childhood trauma. i have a hard time trying not to be completely cynical about its whole production, because i really want to believe that many of the people who worked on it do care. not every individual involved knew or had control over the injustices that happened in its own production. but the executives? fuck em. they greenlit this thing, and probably incentivized the creators to make these episodes as fast as possible, because they knew it would be a cash cow. something as sensitive as THIS series should not be so poorly produced just because it will be a guaranteed smash.

#i am not going to watch episode 5. not unless investigation discovery addresses raquel sufficiently #text post #quiet on set #in many ways i think i'm just elaborating on what raquel has said herself. go watch her personal tiktoks #i think mainly where i deviate from her is that we all should be way more critical of the system we're contributing to #i already had criticism for how they talked about drake bell without any balance #i understood that they needed his involvement of course. it'd be extremely unethical not to have him #and i think for the most part his episode is the best part of the series. except for the very end #it's clear they had some favoritism with the former childstars they used for this #i think bell had such a good experience himself is because they knew they needed him. bc of how much he adds to it. #much of the series is really poorly placed together. like 100s of 'dark side of nickelodeon' youtube videos have been #but at the VERY least these youtubers have an excuse of not being professionals or journalists #this shit? should be doing WAY better. #and it's not. that's depressing. can we stop demanding all of these victims should come forward if this is the best they get?

[spicyvampire]

THE ECLIPSE (2022) EP.5 // EP.9

#the eclipse #the eclipse the series #akkayan #firstkhao #asianlgbtqdramas #lakornet #asiandramasource #mjtag #tonanons #becauseigtf #tuserchlo #tansgifs #gifs:te #literally cannot tell what this looks like cuz i can't see through my tears and runny nose #love being sick but tbf i could only gif this cuz i'm sick #i feel kinda delirious but ayan has no friends from his old school #or just any friends at all? #his life is entoured by adults his mom his uncle p'golf at the diversity cafe #he is an extremely lonely and depressed teenager #and other than the talks with his mom these moments just remind me that #anyways someone with a brain that's not currently coming out of their nose pls analyse this better #also growth on akk's part #[throw parallel at you] my job here is done

[b4kuch1n]

done with the current dip pen comm queue (just in time for another Nib Accident too lol. I’m learning how to take care of the tools as well) so uh! it’ll take me two days to get a replacement and get some other stuff done. which means slots will be available again this saturday!

#bakuspeech #thank you my first pen nib (in all manners that count really). you've served me extremely well #especially for how I treated you lmao #you know what. gonna pin it to my corkboard later. it deserves a place on there #I think it's specifically because I'm using a pretty thick non-water-based ink I got a Long time ago #for brush inking when I was doing that. and boy oh boy does it dry Thicque #and it dries really fast. so by the time I get to wiping my pen it's already caked there lol #so I might have to try using other inks as well. knowledge! learning! #I'm thinking opening for comm at noon instead of night like last time? so folks with different schedules can see it lmao #but yeah. I'll take my time! I'll mess around with it. its been real #I wanna start drafting the comic proper and stuff... Im so glad I'm still so excited about doing this after over a week lol #really kinda what I needed after the March Madness (adhd induced nonsense depression) #hope folks who've got a comm from me so far enjoyed what I drew!!

[skinnypaleangryperson]

It's interesting, the contrasting difference between the way that Rick sees and thinks about things versus being someone like Jerry ( this concept that the episode presented is incredibly philosophical in terms of what the difference is between a mind and a brain already.)

But generally, I think this definitely suggests that Rick is either completely miserable inside of his own brain so much the point that in mind like Jerry wouldn't be able to handle it for even one minute from the way that he sees and knows things, which has definitely been suggested throughout the series-and likewise, that he wouldn't be able to handle being inside of a simpler person's brain in for some sort of deeply emotionally and psychologically traumatizing reason that comes along with being wired the way that Rick is. Which I think is interesting, if there's anything to go by from the more nuanced and eccentric people that I've met throughout my life, who have all been completely miserable in contrast to the simpler people around them.

I think it's interesting because it seems to relate to how intelligence or at the very least being a unique thinker than the average leads to someone being completely miserable, and this is a good comical somewhat exaggeration about how mad it would make a person go to be someone who has all of the heaviness that goes on in their brain and the things that they know from intelligence, or maybe not even intelligence but even just being a unique thinker and seeing human life and existence in general in a certain way that might make them different but miserable, and contrast it to a mind like Jerry. I don't know if it was intentional or not, but I definitely see this as an interesting commentary between the contrast between simpler-minded people and more "full-headed", tormented people like Rick-or at the very least, people who are more neurodivergent, versus people who are more content and simple, and how the two would be incredibly dysfunctional coming together.

Mainly watching only the show for any kind of hint that we have towards what it's like to be Rick and his brain, and his emotional state in general, since I find him fascinating and what he represents is a character, I definitely think this is an interesting contrast about how much differently he thinks and sees things in contrast other people, and how much this portrayal is such an abrasive difference between the way that he say things and miserable he is for it and miserable it would make someone like Jerry, the "mind" of Jerry, so to speak, that he wouldn't even be able to hate to stand having that kind of brain for even 5 minutes. Speaks true to reality to me, for some reason, lol.

The reason why this fascinates me so much isn't really so much because of intelligence or anything like that, but more so the contrast between the neurodivergent and the mentally ill versus the more neurotypical and the more simple. As someone who has been miserable their entire life and has seen things very differently from the people around me and has always wondered how people are so happy and content with the way that things are compared to the way that I see them, for me, this feels like an odd contrast between the neurodivergent and the neurotypical, and how completely miserable the neurodivergent are for the way that they see the state of the world and humanity in general. The thoughtful and the heavy-minded and did the people that are constantly seeing day-to-day life with a certain kind of interpretation that is much heavier and more complex, and with self-reflection towards themselves and existence as a whole and ways that are almost incomprehensible with how much they're constantly turning over in their heads life everyday, versus the brainless and the easy minded, so to speak.

#I'm really trippy and manic depressed and in love with Rick so #I'm going to dissect every little character based hint that I can get to try to understand my husband but #*better #Plus I find this episode already oddly philosophical in contrast to how certain people think versus others and how certain people are compl #completely f****** miserable for things that are technically supposed to be considered gifts #especially bu more simple minded people #as someone who is completely f****** miserable themselves #It's one of the reasons why I ship with Rick #not because I think I'm talented or smart or special #but I do feel very extremely separated from the majority of people that I meet and I'm completely miserable for it #rick and morty #rick sanchez #there's a lot of philosophy in Rick and Morty that I don't know is intentional but speaks to me almost instantly a lot of the time #especially as a mentally ill person that struggles to relate to people or function in society as we know it #I can't even hold conversations with most people a lot of the time

[thunderheadfred]

Doubling up my sertraline dose for this last trimester and postpartum, on the recommendation of the midwives. I do think I've been feeling the new imbalance over the last few weeks especially. Extra weight and blood volume means that the low starter dose I've been on for years just isn't cutting it anymore. I've been doing so well with my capital-D Depression for the last few years, I sort of forgot what this lack felt like. Today I said to my partner, that even after having a spiritual awakening or whatever the fuck happened to me last summer, I still have to recognize my physical body has this chemical imbalance. The inherited biological wackiness of my brain is not magically fixed by wisdom or meditation or... really much of anything except a re-balancing of chemicals that it fails to produce on its own. I can help that along holistically with diet and other habits to reinforce a healthier hormone balance, but the majority of the weight is pulled by a single tiny pill. It's good to remind myself of this, and to remember to take the damn pills so you can remember why life is worth living???

#it's good that I have years of experience #so that now I can recognize Depression from miles away #before it gets so bad that digging back out is its own mountain to climb #now it's just... “oh the brain is doing the sick thing time to adjust the Medicine” #whether that's literal prescription medication or more sunlight or better food or time with plants and animals... there are many helpers #but the drugs are very important and I must not forget #I'm dwelling on this because with my mental health history I'm rightly paranoid about an extreme postpartum relapse #and I don't want to perpetuate the abuse that was done to me by mentally ill parents #so #a lot of self checking #fred is pregnant

[clowngremlin]

basically made dinner all by myself today (older brother only seasoned our chicken breasts and i did the rest of everything)......i cooked raw meat which is something i don't do very often and was worried about, but everything turned out great!!! i also did my laundry today, took the dog for a walk and fed him and have been on top of making sure his water dish is always full, loaded the dishwasher with dirty dishes (idk how to turn it on, i'm gonna ask my dad how to do it when he gets home so i can begin to do it by myself!), did some drawing, wrote in my journal, and pulled myself out of a depressive spiral i was having earlier in the day!!!! really beating the "spencer can't take care of himself or do anything ever" allegations......

#the wretched gremlin strikes again #sometimes i'm like i don't think i was THAT unwell #and then i realize that like i was in fact that unwell #now that i'm like actually doing better #i know this probably all sounds kind of silly #because i'm almost 27 and have only just begun to do these things #but keep in mind i was dealing with unmanaged mental illness since i was like 14 #and also my dad is kind of a control freak so he never taught me how to do anything because he thought i'd do it wrong or not on par #with what he could do #like i've known how to do laundry since i was 13 BUT i also had no motivation to do anything like that due to my mental illness #sometimes i'm like i'm not doing better because i still sometimes hear faint voices or have paranoid thoughts #but like it's only been under extreme stress or like when i was really tired from not getting enough sleep #and also like i used to be like that all day every day #and i had a lot of problems with like negative symptoms and depression #like my room was a mess and i had piles of dirty laundry and garbage and even like rotting food in my room #and i was constantly being tormented by voices and seeing scary things and my delusions and paranoia and having panic attacks #and like the voices are a lot quieter and more faint now #and i don't see anything or feel bugs crawling on me anymore #and i only hear voices and have paranoid thoughts under extreme stress or tiredness like i said #ANYWAYS I'M RAMBLING SO I'LL STOP #tldr i am doing A LOT better and i am soooo proud of myself <3

[moonybadger]

Nearly done with this reread of The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes, and I had forgotten how much Snow like... actually did love Sejanus? He whines about him a lot in the first half of the book but like... he does really stick his neck out for him a LOT. And even hugs Sejanus when they meet again in District 12! Once they’re peacekeepers together, Snow’s thinking of him shifts from being annoying to being a friend, at least until Sejanus starts hanging out with the rebels. And even then, Snow is extremely conflicted about his decision to record him with the jabber jay; it’s more an instant of panicked self protection then I remembered. He’s definitely burying his head in the sand about the ramifications of what he did right up until Sejanus is arrested (Snow convinces himself that Sejanus’s father will swoop in and save him again, but like come on dude. Definitely just not wanting to accept that his actions will result in Sejanus’s execution) And then later he refers to Lucy Gray as something along the lines of “the only person left he loves”.

Don’t get me wrong, Snow is absolutely 100% at fault for snitching on Sejanus; he just did what he does throughout the entire book. He chooses to save himself at the expense of other people and this the penultimate moment of that that’s been building the entire time. But it really did strike how much he actually cared about Sejanus in this read through. Not that it saved him in the end, but the love was there.

#the ballad of songbirds and snakes #the hunger games #it's been awhile since I first read the book and I was remembering it as a much colder and more calculated move #but like... Sejanus is the reason Snow was able to graduate and his presence helped stop Snow from potentially killing himself #I'm not sure if he actually would have gone through with it but Sejanus's appearance did snap him out of a deep depression #bored badgering #I also forgot what a shitty boyfriend Snow is tho lol #before we get too sympathetic to the guy #he gets like one day with Lucy Gray and almost immediately starts suspecting her of running off with her ex that she hates #and that's not counting all the extremely possessive language he uses about her belonging to him and her being loyal to him #and wanting to kill her favorite birds

[mainfaggot]

i feel ill

#i feel a lot of things at once sometimes and that would be normal if it wasnt due to the fact that i was glossing over my feelings for #5 days straight #i dont even know how to put it into words anymore im moving forward i swear i am #but there are pieces of me everywhere and i keep falling backwards and #i still drag myself along and i want to be far away from everything and everyone #and i fear that's actually because i want to be extremely close to everyone and everything #but i wont let myself because i dont know how to do that #i sound crazy. i sound like the average 20 something with a depressive disorder #im literally fine I'm chilling #z.post

[ruthlesslistener]

Not to medicalize or religiousize my transgenderism or anything, but I'm convinced that the proof that God did not intend me to be female is the absurd fucking rock-and-a-hard place they stuck me in reguarding uterine health and estrogen processing. I don't believe that the divine have any plans for us other than to live with the conditions we were given but there's no fucking way what's going on right now isn't some sort of cosmic oopsie

#currently stuck with nonstop medically significant bleeding. asks doctor how to stop it (progesterone has stopped working) #doctor says estrogen is the most likely option for stabilizing the endometrium. problem is that family on my mom's side gets sick on it #(symptoms include awful migraines #extreme fatigue #depression/suicidal thinking #muscle weakness #and hot and cold flashes) #which gender dysphoria aside is not something I want to deal with rn when im taking FUCKING BIOCHEMISTRY #but the bleeding is a genuine health concern so I'm out of options #BUT this is the only thing stopping me from going on T- #AUGH #also i need to get an ultrasound to check for tumors (grandmother had them) #but the clinic with equipment is 23 miles away and I dont have a car #AND this is my most busy quarter so far #A UGH

[skyborneveggie]

.

#feeling so entirely disillusioned with life rn #the current ai situations is already shitty but the true ai wave hasn't even started yet. we have no idea whats coming but we are so fucked #at least a quarter of all the software job postings are for AI development now #if we're in capitalism hell rn then we're about to enter mega hell #i was only feeling a little depressed today after job searching but then #i went on youtube & was hit with the memory of what yt used to be before 2010 #& seeing all those slick & shiny hd seo-optimized yt thumbnails suddenly disgusted me #but ai is about to make the internet a whole lot worse #ai is about to make art a whole lot worse - and not just visual arts. ALL the arts #(sf ballet (aka. the most prestigious ballet company on the west coast & who plays to 3k+ ppl per night) has no fucking artistic solidarity #& designed all their commercial art for the nutcracker this past xmas using ai) #ai is about to make the job market a whole lot worse #i don't want to be a raging fear-mongering type of person but i am extremely pessimistic & depressed about the future #or the near future anyways. i'm hoping that once the consequences of unrestricted ai reveal themselves further #that legislators will finally start taking it seriously & start doing something to protect workers from it #but somehow i feel it will be too little too late #personal post

[aloharyda]

that good luck post didn't work on me at all, in the past week i got nothing but bad news after bad news.

#like extremely bad news #borderline i'd off myself right now if i could bad news #for legal reasons offing myself is a joke don't call no one on me #it's actually funny in a depressing way #also the job position i applied to and got past 3 interviews decided to go with someone else #and i'm like severely broke like 50cents in the account broke #kiawe speaks #dunno how i'll bounce back from this honestly

[rattusn0rvegicus]

Bro they really be trying to put four year olds on antipsychotics... crazy shit

#Look I have very mixed and confusing feelings about the fact that I didn't receive any psychiatric treatment at all until I was 19-20 and #didn't get antipsychotics until I was 22-23. But like... #The pendulum can swing way too far in the other direction too #I'm reading Anatomy of an Epidemic and oh I'd love to have a conversation with Robert Whitaker about my case #<- grew up fundie Christian and very extremely anxious and then obsessive compulsive and then psychotic and depressed #(but did not receive any medical care for it whatsoever) #While I think meds would have helped me I also think that the average modern American psychiatrist solution of like #'throw more and more drugs at the problem until they go away and throw drugs at the side effects of those drugs' is. Bad #Idk what I'm saying tbh #I know for a fact my issues (aside from at least part of my emotional numbness) aren't iatrogenic. I was Very Mentally Ill from the start #And while I do consider my utter lack of care as a kid/teen/young adult to be some form of neglect it's like #The alternative (the modern American psychiatric system) was NAWT good either #I don't know a single person who's on meds who doesn't have some sort of complicated relationship with them and all I'm saying #is they shouldn't be treated as a magic bullet #Hell *I* have very complicated feelings about my meds and I haven't really been *harmed* by them just... Chilled Out Too Much #ANYWAYS #This book is kind of shitty towards ppl on SSDI (kind of implying that they're a Burden To The Country) which is gross #but otherwise I'm enjoying it

[suddenly-sara]

I'm just fundamentally unhappy with ... everything right now. I'm having so much trouble making my brain produce enough happy-chems about anything I love.

And of course, my dirtbag brain that loves suggesting I make my grand exit is just repeating to me that now's the fucking time. So I gotta listen to that shit now too.

#tw : Suicidal Ideation #depression #I'm just so tired #Don't worry I'm fine #it's just ideation I'm not planning anything #but that doesn't stop my brain from suggesting it as a solution to literally everything #Extreme version of “If it sucks hit da bricks” #brain just wants me to hit the bricks EXTRA HARD

[blunderpuff]

my mom hates the house, hates the neighborhood (can't walk to anything/have to get in the car for everything), can't find stuff she packed, doesn't have good places to put her stuff, her big desk doesn't fit in the "office alcove", the cat is days away from being put down and so he's clingy and sad...

MA'AM. YOU WERE THE ONE WHO WAS DESPERATE TO MOVE. BUYING THIS HOUSE HAS BEEN IN THE WORKS SINCE JULY OF THIS YEAR. "MOVING" AS A CONCEPT HAS BEEN THE SUBTITLE OF MY LIFE FOR THE PAST 5 YEARS. YOU DO NOT GET TO BE A PISSY TODDLER NOW. THIS IS LITERALLY ALL YOUR DOING.

#the secret world of merry mac #and she keeps yelling at Arthur to leave her alone but he's fucking dying. he barely eats and he's cold and has balance issues #the poor cat is existing in his final week on this planet and she's just mad at him and taking it out on him #i have basically no furniture (none of it matched and so i didn't mind giving it away/selling it) #so that means my things are all shoved into precariously stacked boxes and i'm sleeping on an army cot #i'm depressed too!! i left a decent paying job doing something i really liked! i would have been fine moving to a different house in town!! #she wanted (1) trader joe's (2) kaiser permanente and (3) her own swimming pool #she got (1) trader joe's 2 freeways/30m drive away (2) no kaiser and (3) no pool #this is how we always move; my mom gets the itch and then we leave. it's not that she wants to move TO somwhere-- it's just AWAY from here #(wherever 'here' is) #so i spent my entire last paycheck on furniture that won't even be here for a week or more #i also hate the (brand new) fridge that came with the house. it's a side-by-side and it's simultaneously stupidly spacious #but also the space is used in such a stupid way that you can't even lay a frozen pizza flat on a freezer shelf #she also collects screws/nuts/bolts/nails/washers like a fucking magpie and so no two are the same #and she doesn't use the correct things for the job and she just put two ROOFING NAILS into the wall to hold a magnet board up #she sucks at home repair (made worse by the aforementioned WRONG TOOLS FOR THE JOB) and so everything is done #with extreme frustration and it turns out half-assed and looks bad #she doesn't wait and/or think about where she wants stuff to go so she's just spent the afternoon hanging things up badly #and the house is going to look like it was decorated by some clown who needs to hang every piece of art they own all at once #we have picture rails so we can swap artwork/photos according to mood/season/etc but no... she just puts EVERYTHING out all at once #anyway i'm so sad and tired and frustrated and angry and it feels really unfair to keep my mouth shut when she says 'i wish we never moved!

[hurricanek8art]

I was cleaning up some old boxes and stuff during a major depressive episode yesterday (like really bad, I don't want to talk about it with anyone but my therapist kind of episode, if ya wanna send prayer/good vibes/whatever you're comfortable with I'm not protesting y'know?) and. and guys.

I FOUND ALL BUT ONE OF MY FIRST SIX SKETCHBOOKS. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Seriously. All but Sketchbook #2. Nearly every drawing I made from around Christmas 2011 to 2014. Baby's first fan art is in there. Baby's first OCs are in there. I hadn't been able to find these in ages, I thought they got lost in one of the moves! And now I keep looking at them and sobbing because the 12-year-old me that drew this stuff would combust if she saw my art now. Like the Inquisitor pieces from a few days ago? Holy @%!$ I never dreamed I could do something like that. Just—here, look!

Left is basically my first SW OC from 12/23/11, and right is a WIP of my SWTOR Jedi Knight I've been fiddling with the past week or so. They're not the same character but I realized a few months ago that Aja (my Knight) basically evolved from said OC subconsciously. I woulda picked something finished for Aja but the face/anatomy on this one are already done, it's just the outfit that's the WIP, and I love it so much already, that's her.

Look at that, though. I have fine motor skill control issues because of my autism/dyspraxia. Art has been hard for me. And I had a tendency to beat myself up over not progressing as fast as other artist my age seemed to. But look at where I started from versus where I am now, almost 12 years later. I've grown so much. I'm still growing. I think something in me healed, just a little. 😭😭😭

#K8 Rambles about Art #K8 Rambles about Personal Stuff #K8 Rambles about SWTOR #(well Aja art shows up so :P) #K8's art #tw: depression #tw: depressive thoughts #tw: depressive episode #this is mostly a happy post but i'm adding the warnings just in case y'know? #been a mental health roller coaster week...well month. two months? it's been a lot #i'm okay then i'm not okay then i'm *kinda* okay i dunno #i'm better today but it comes and goes so i'm just trying to ride it out #anyways! i need to stop oversharing the brain stuff because this is a happy post! this is a celebration post #i'm so happy i found these i'm serious it's insane #these drawings are all character ideas from when i decided i was gonna be a writer #they're from when i was figuring myself out as a person after all the stuff w/my dad #like. *extremely formative art pieces*. i'm so glad they're okay! #art progress #art stuff #my art #star wars #(it is sw art. so) #SWTOR OC: Aja Verdona