#and i only hear voices and have paranoid thoughts under extreme stress or tiredness like i said

[clowngremlin]

basically made dinner all by myself today (older brother only seasoned our chicken breasts and i did the rest of everything)......i cooked raw meat which is something i don't do very often and was worried about, but everything turned out great!!! i also did my laundry today, took the dog for a walk and fed him and have been on top of making sure his water dish is always full, loaded the dishwasher with dirty dishes (idk how to turn it on, i'm gonna ask my dad how to do it when he gets home so i can begin to do it by myself!), did some drawing, wrote in my journal, and pulled myself out of a depressive spiral i was having earlier in the day!!!! really beating the "spencer can't take care of himself or do anything ever" allegations......

#the wretched gremlin strikes again #sometimes i'm like i don't think i was THAT unwell #and then i realize that like i was in fact that unwell #now that i'm like actually doing better #i know this probably all sounds kind of silly #because i'm almost 27 and have only just begun to do these things #but keep in mind i was dealing with unmanaged mental illness since i was like 14 #and also my dad is kind of a control freak so he never taught me how to do anything because he thought i'd do it wrong or not on par #with what he could do #like i've known how to do laundry since i was 13 BUT i also had no motivation to do anything like that due to my mental illness #sometimes i'm like i'm not doing better because i still sometimes hear faint voices or have paranoid thoughts #but like it's only been under extreme stress or like when i was really tired from not getting enough sleep #and also like i used to be like that all day every day #and i had a lot of problems with like negative symptoms and depression #like my room was a mess and i had piles of dirty laundry and garbage and even like rotting food in my room #and i was constantly being tormented by voices and seeing scary things and my delusions and paranoia and having panic attacks #and like the voices are a lot quieter and more faint now #and i don't see anything or feel bugs crawling on me anymore #and i only hear voices and have paranoid thoughts under extreme stress or tiredness like i said #ANYWAYS I'M RAMBLING SO I'LL STOP #tldr i am doing A LOT better and i am soooo proud of myself <3