thunderheadfred

[thunderheadfred]

filling out my birthplan and the form says, "please select which Comfort Measures you would like available during labor" and I'm like, first of all, I've never done this before, how would I even know which ones I want until I'm actively in labor??

and second of all...

#um yes I'll take one of everything??? #I hope to avoid drugs if at all possible (within reason and safety for baby) #but I'll take every weird yoga ball/chair/sling you can throw at me #I'll give birth on a pogo stick if it helps #fred is pregnant

[thunderheadfred]

do the most annoying kids in this class know they're on a hot mic before the zoom lecture?

guys. sshshhhshsshhhhhh

#I do not need to hear this yelling thank you #I'm just phoning in for the math credit #look I get that I'm too old to be in college but GOD these kids are young #I keep having nightmares about having to repeat high school and I cannot *possibly imagine why*

[thunderheadfred]

So Fox News ran a story about how they think libraries are turning into drug-infested sex dens and I am shocked, shocked that I was never offered any drugs during my 15+ years working in libraries.

#bonkers???? #you know what our library has? #a fuckin 3D printing lab for kiddos to make fun shit #computers and DVDs and comic books and other things for kids teens and tweens who need some Wholesome Activities #y'know... exactly the shit you claim to want? #wailing conservative weirdos

[thunderheadfred]

Partner and I just seed bombed the area behind our townhouse with some cheap pollinator wildflower mix. The dark spots are where we raked over them; it’s been wet and rainy so here’s hoping they take!

#Fred grows

[thunderheadfred]

Bonnie is just watching him while he sleeps

#she wants you to know this is very normal and not weird #the truth is he made banana bread and took a nap while it bakes #and now we can all smell it and we are all watching him sleep like #give us the banana bread #🍌 🍞 #Bonnie #bride of Fred

[thunderheadfred]

Church of Whale Fall

#this is my religion

[thunderheadfred]

I'm testing negative again, which is good, since partner can move back in upstairs where he belongs. However, I am now in the final disease stage: mucal incursion. This is when the snot starts coming out in smotheringly thick sheets, spontaneously forming new (closed!) valves in all your breathing holes, so one minute you'll be talking and the next you'll be spluttering for air and hacking up Slimer from Ghostbusters

#eeewwww

[thunderheadfred]

perfectly cooked shrimp

#Excuse me???? sir?? you cannot do this!!? it is illegal #being this cute: NOT ALLOWED #he is definitely violating some kind of city ordinance #jail for baby!!! #it's raining like crazy so it's a cat posting day #yogurt

[thunderheadfred]

127k notes later

and I just wanted to update you that moments ago, this big orange infant found himself on the wrong side of a baby gate, could not hork his lorge butt over it, and so just started WAILING until everyone in the house came to rescue him. Me, my partner, the dog, our other cat... everyone came to be like, "Barold, what's wrong?"

after this harrowing ordeal, he is now in my lap

my cat is incredibly sweet and wants nothing more than to be within a 5 ft radius of a person at all times, gently chilling in your orbit. he is also VERY, VERY DUMB 

it’s a slow morning so husband and I are reading, not making much noise. meanwhile, Barold goes downstairs to use his box and when he comes out, he starts yowling like his lil heart done broke. husband goes to to the top of the stairs all worried like, “Barold, what’s wrong?”

kitty zips back up the stairs and just oozes onto husband’s feet, purring high-powered lawnmower style. the realization hit us both at the same time…

this. boy. this itty bitty kitty boy. 

he couldn’t see or hear us for ten continuous seconds, forgot. we. were. home. and immediately burst into tears !!!!

#Barold #oh buddy

[thunderheadfred]

I’m washing all the bedding and Yogurt is higher than a kite about it

#kid are u ok #dial in those pupils buddy the cops are gonna suspect something #yogurt is somehow a cat made out of equal parts mouse + possum + rabbit #yogurt

[thunderheadfred]

Bonnie despises water, so whenever she's out on the deck while I water plants, she gets all skittery and spooked by the hose. Her first instinct when she's bothered is always to run straight to me for comfort... straight to me... the one holding the hose...

Honey?? just go stand on the other side of the deck where I am not watering anything

#mom help!!! mom is watering!!!! #dog trying to stand between my legs while also trying to run away from the hose #like my dearest darling doggie what are you doing #bonnie

[thunderheadfred]

There's some dude (derogatory) on FB who is PISSED people are pricing their farm fresh eggs at $2 and $3 a dozen instead of $4+, saying it's "disrespectful" and "undignified" and "I'm trying to feed my kids" like Sir, you are on a Facebook group page bitching about your neighbors egg prices because your pet chickens aren't earning you a living wage and you think it's your neighbors' fault, you do not have a leg to stand on here wrt dignity.

Also half the answers are like "I give them to friends and family free" or "I donate them to food banks" or "I'm making them affordable to folks who might not otherwise be able to get them now that they're so expensive in the store" and "if you think you're going to turn a profit keeping backyard chickens you have been wildly misled" and so on, and so forth, and I'm so living for it.

and I can tell you right now, he did NOT like my answer of "if you're trying to feed your kids, I hear eggs are edible."

#meanwhile i'm pissed because I can't have chickens in my city #I'm even in a (large!) snarky FB group solely dedicated to shitting on our city council for forbidding chickens year after year #I would love nothing more than to have too many eggs and have to give them away for free to neighbors #oh noooo what should I do with all these eggs???? #like literally my dream

[thunderheadfred]

Despite COVID I managed to get all my planters set up this week and today I finally did my direct sowing. This is my first year attempting to grow a kitchen garden from seed, both indoor starts and direct, so wish me luck!

#fred grows #I think I'm in the final phase of the plague #every hole is just expelling mucus in every direction #fun fun fun #a good reason to spend as much time outdoors as possible so as not to cover my house in germs

[thunderheadfred]

Baby just kicked so hard my boob jiggled

#girl calm down #lmao #at least COVID isn’t getting her down #I think I’m through the worst of it #hoping partner isn’t afflicted next #Fred is pregnant

[thunderheadfred]

When the window is open, Yogurt likes to sit on the sill

Just heard a neighbor walk by and go “hey cat!”

#yogurt

[thunderheadfred]

#it’s not even aesthetically pleasing is the thing #lawns are so ugly

[thunderheadfred]

Yogurt and Bonnie enjoying the return of evening deck times

#barold could not be reached for comment #he looks at the outdoors and is just like *mmnnope* #yogurt #bonnie