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champhangman · 4 years

Text

Scars

Characters: Seth Rollins X OFC / OFC x Drew McIntyre Summary: You're like a shooting star in the rain, you're everything that feels like home to me. // Her past. Her present. Her forever. Word Count: 6,831 A/N: This story is…different for me. A little, at least. Special thank you to Ashley ( @cowboysht )for the beautiful banner. Also, thank you to her and my beloved Emi ( @adampage) for their unfailing screeching, overuse of exclamation points, abuse of the phrases "what the fuck" "fuck off omg" "AAAHHHHHH", for assuring me that this is SUCH GOOD SHIT, and, above all else, for being the two biggest cheerleaders an old lady like me could have.

Tag list under the cut!

@baysexuality / @lilmisswhiskeygypsy / @evilangel84 / @bigpixiefoot / @mindofasagittaruis / @sadcountess / @kallravenne / @baronsbelleevangeline

***

Part 1/??

"Sadie?"

At the sound of his voice, Sadie Gibbs looked up from her hands. "Hey," she said. Her smile was brief. "How'd you find me?"

Seth Rollins smiled and leaned against the wall across from her. She was practically hunched on a crate at the end of a quiet hallway, well out of sight of anyone. Entrusted with the secret of her surprise return, he'd immediately gone to the small room she was supposed to be hidden in until her surprise later. After finding it empty, he'd had an inkling that he would find her as far away from the pre-show action as possible while still in the building. Which he had. He doubted anyone knew the dead-end hallway existed save for the crew that had pushed the empty crates into it. "You always find the quietest spot to hide," he finally reminded her. "Welcome back."

This time her smile lingered a little longer. She pushed her hands into the pocket of the hoodie she wore. "Who told you I was here?"

"Hunter."

"Still his favorite, huh?" she teased.

"Eh." Seth shrugged. Hearing voices at the end of the corridor, he straightened, reaching for his phone so he could pretend to be in the middle a call if someone looked down.

She leaned forward slightly to peer around the taller crate beside her, then slipped back, patting the space next to her. "Come on, hide with me."

It was as though the past four months had been just one night. Shoving his phone into his pocket and climbed onto the crate next to her with a grunt, making sure to pull his feet out of view. "I feel like I'm playing hide-and-seek."

"Hopefully no one's seeking us," she whispered.

The voices faded and, aside from distant music playing and the clatter of equipment, they were left in relatively silence. He felt her sigh and let his head rest against the wall. "You okay?"

"Clean bill of health," she announced.

"Sadie," he sighed. "How—"

"I don't know how he is," she whispered.

"Drew? You haven't talked to him today?" he guessed. It would make sense. Between travel and sneaking in without being seen, not to mention managing to sneak around to meet with Hunter and Vince, he would be surprised if she'd had time to take a piss, much less call and check on her boyfriend. "You—"

"Yeah."

Her voice was flat. He tried to gauge her expression, but she still had the hood pulled over her head, blocking his view of her face. He could sense the storm of emotions, though, before her lips settled into a firm line. "I'm lost, Sadie Jo."

"It's nothing," she said briskly, pulling her phone from the pocket of the faded Demon Bálor hoodie she wore and checking the screen.

"You know, I wouldn't be so lost if you answered my calls once in a while," he muttered. Then, sighing, he slung his arm around her and drew her in. "But I understand why you didn't."

"I wasn't ready to talk to anyone." Her arm slipped around him and she squeezed when he did. "I even sent Hunter to voicemail."

"Ouch. And you still have a job?"

She chuckled. "Amazing, isn't it?"

"Guess you're still his favorite," he mocked.

"I missed you," she said after a moment.

He pressed his lips to the top of her head, smiling at the faint scent of fabric softener. "Missed you too."

He held her to him, sensing she needed the comfort of an unquestioning embrace. Even though he had questions. At least several dozen. Gently rubbing her shoulder, he frowned when he heard her give a sad sigh. "You wanna talk later?"

He had an inkling that she didn't. Not about what she had to know he wanted her to talk about. She was already beginning to nod, though. "Sure."

"Did you drive?" Frowning when she tensed, he grunted as she pulled away from him abruptly. "Sadie?"

She closed her eyes tightly and ducked her head. "I don't drive."

He almost asked why. Before he could form the question, though, he remembered, and pressed his lips together. His gaze dropped to her hands. The sleeves of the hoodie were pushed up and he could just see the faint scarring on the inside of her right wrist.

"I got an Uber from the airport."

"Okay. Hey," he said softly, drawing her into another hug. "It's okay."

"Is it?"

"It will be."

She exhaled sharply, tilting her head to look up at him. He suddenly noticed the fringe of bangs slanted across her forehead. "Yeah?"

"You can ride with me."

"Because that's such an upgrade from an Uber," she snorted.

It occurred to him that maybe she'd wanted to ride with someone else. Maybe she'd wanted to take another Uber. Maybe she'd already made plans. He nudged the hood back, wanting to see the change to her hair, and couldn't keep the surprise form registering on his face.

"They had to shave the side of my head for stitches," she murmured, self-consciously smoothing her hand over the short cut.

Seth inwardly winced in sympathy. She'd loved her hair. At least twice a week she mentioned having some treatment or other done to it to keep it thick and healthy and strong and soft. He could well remember it falling nearly to her waist in alluring waves. Now, though, it was shorn close on the sides, the top styled in a pixie cut, slightly longer in the front, where her bangs slanted over her forehead. "Where were the stitches?"

She pulled back the bangs and he saw a jagged scar just above her right eyebrow. It extended into her hair, and he traced the length with his fingers. "It was the GPS," she explained. "One of those ones that hangs on the windshield. Fifteen stitches. As soon as I got home from the hospital, I shaved the rest. And it was easy to take care of, with my arm in a cast and not being able to hold a brush and hair dryer at the same time—"

"It looks great," he promised. He hoped his voice sounded sincere. It was a shock, yes, but the shorter cut highlighted the features of her face. Funny, how he'd known her for over two years and had never noticed the slight cleft in her chin "It really does, Sadie."

"Thanks." She smoothed the bangs back into place to conceal the scar.

"And you'll ride with me?" he asked.

She gave a brief nod and pressed her face to his shoulder. "Okay."

He held her to him for a long while, finally sliding his feet off the crate and reaching with his other arm to give her a proper hug. Aware of her fingers curling in the front of his shirt, he continued to hold her, ignoring the buzzing of his phone when it began to vibrate.

"You should probably answer that," she mumbled, sniffling.

"In a minute." Fearing she was crying, he slid one hand up to cup the back of her head, sighing when she sniffled again. He murmured what he hoped were soothing words, questions doubling and tripling. And when she lifted her head, he quickly brushed a tear from her cheek. "Sadie… Is it that bad?"

"Worse," she admitted in a whisper.

"We'll talk later," he promised, kissing the top of her head one more time.

She nodded, drawing back slightly to fumble in her hoodie pockets. A slightly crumpled napkin appeared in her hand and she dabbed at her eyes. While she did so, Seth checked his phone and groaned.

"I gotta go. Need to film some backstage bits."

"Okay."

But he didn't move immediately. Instead, he drew her in for another hug, needing to know she would be okay before he left. When her sniffles faded, he pressed a kiss to the top of her head, then reluctantly released her and slid off the crate. "I'll find you later."

***

They hadn't forgotten her.

Seth knew she had worried about it. Even though they hadn't spoken while she'd been out, it was a common fear. Every night not in the ring was one more night that gave another wrestler the opportunity to shine. Every week at home was another week without your name mentioned. He knew because he'd witnessed so many others experience the same worries through his years in the business. Had experienced them himself. And when one avoided social media while they were out, as Sadie had, it was likely that interest in them would wane.

But the crowd hadn't forgotten her.

He knew her name had been in the dirt sheets in the past month. First when she had been spotted arriving at the Performance Center in Florida. The fans knew it was nearing time for her slated return. Signs with her name had been spotted in the crowds for two weeks. Not many, but enough to make it clear that some people wanted to see her return. And although there had been no further sightings, not even at a house show as was the norm, the rumors had swirled that her return was just around the corner.

At the first strains of her new entrance theme, the confusion was obvious. The lights in the arena dimmed, a lone spotlight shining on the stage as she stepped out. Seth could barely hear her theme over the reaction from the crowd. He couldn't help but smile as he watched her on the backstage monitor as she remained on the stage until the lights came back full force. He couldn't keep from appreciating the way the clothes she wore flattered her figure, either. He was used to her in jeans and a t-shirt, or sweats, or yoga pants. He'd never seen her in leggings, now he thought about it, and he decided she looked so much better in solid white than anyone he'd ever seen wear the color. Her white tank top was arranged so just a glimpse of skin showed at her abdomen, and he silently agreed with the men standing near him that she should wear leggings more often. The woman were oohing and ahhing over her new hair, and the guys were murmuring appreciatively over the rest of her.

She strode down the ramp with confidence, and she had made it three steps when Seth gathered that she was returning as a heel. It was in the way she held herself, the way she glanced to the fans on either side of the ramp. Her bubbly, girl-next-door persona of the past was gone. She had always bounded down the ramp, greeting fans with high fives and a sunny smile. When she reached the steps she paused, shoulders lifting and chest expanding as she breathed in deeply. Then, as the cheers continued, she skipped the steps and pulled herself onto the apron, circling the perimeter of the ring so she could demand a microphone. The fans still cheered, while Charlotte and Asuka, standing in the center of the ring, their confrontation interrupted, stared at her.

He watched while she finally stepped into the ring. While she stood, letting the crowd continue their happy reaction to her return. While she raised the microphone and announced, voice somehow sultry yet sweet at the same time, that she was back. He stayed to see what she said, and when she launched into a passionate speech about recovering from injuries and working her ass off to return in time for WrestleMania. And how she would be damned if she'd returned to sit backstage and watch Charlotte have another Mania moment. She had been on the cusp of winning the title hanging over Asuka's shoulder, and she refused to go to the back of the line and claw her way to the top again.

Seth knew what was coming. She would be given a match against Asuka, or Charlotte, or possibly a triple threat, and if she won, she would be added to the women's title match at Mania. A predictable outcome to her return. When the women began to bicker and argue he smiled again. The arguing dissolved into a brawl and, confident she had been given a match later in the night to prove her worthiness of being at Mania, he headed off to get ready for his match.

He had barely stepped into Gorilla when he heard the news. Sadie was having a gauntlet match the next week. She would face all the women on the Raw roster, with the possibility of surprises from NXT, ending with Charlotte. If she won, Charlotte would be giving up her spot at WrestleMania and stood in line to go for the title at the next pay-per-view. If she lost, she went back to the end of the proverbial line. Every one of the women he ran into while making his way to Gorilla was abuzz about the news. A women's gauntlet match was rare, and usually only involved a few competitors. Sadie's was practically historic. And there was already the whisper that it would be the main event of Raw.

He wanted to find her and discover for himself if she was up for the challenge. He didn't doubt her physically being ready. One had only to look at her in the skintight leggings and tank top to see she was in top physical condition. Her muscles were more defined. He made a mental note to ask about her workout while she was recovering.

But was she ready mentally?

It had been just over four months since she'd been in a ring. Four months out could do a lot to a person's psyche. He knew firsthand that the mental anguish over being sidelined was just as bad, if not worse, than the physical pain of injuries and recovery. When he had been out, he hadn't been able to even watch wrestling until the week before he'd returned. And Sadie, who'd he always thought of as more than obsessed with wrestling, had probably done the same.

He couldn't shake the ever-present worry over her. Even though she was back and obviously deemed ready to make her return, he knew something was wrong. The Sadie he knew was vibrant and cheerful and always looked for the silver lining. Sudden thunderstorm with torrential rain caused her to pull to the side of the highway to wait? Perfect opportunity to fine tune her driving playlist or play a round of twenty questions with whoever was riding with her. Flight delayed due to snow and stranded at the airport? Time to talk someone into a race around the terminal, or pull out one of the decks of cards she always carried with her for a game, or time to hit the airport giftshop and spend way too much money on a board game to pass the time. Even backstage while waiting around for her matches or promos or whatever, she always found something fun to do. Impromptu social media Q&A with her friends, or backstage crew, or even venue staff. Sneaking outside to greet fans. Yes, she did seek out somewhat quiet spots to center herself, but even then, she was happy.

That was it. Sadie was a happy person and now… Now she wasn't.

Bouncing in place to hype himself up for his entrance, he couldn't shake the feeling that she had left that wreck with more than her wrist broken.

***

As soon as she'd found her way to the locker room after her segment, Sadie had had the feeling the women had been talking about her. An eerie quiet had fallen when she'd entered, clutching the handle of her suitcase. It had lingered until she'd sat down on a bench and begun to untie her shoes. Then they had all begun to chatter in that way that made her know they'd been talking about her. Because all of a sudden everyone was chatting about eyeliner and 4th of July plans, even though the holiday was months away. When she'd slipped off her shoes, they'd all congregated around her with hugs, welcoming her back, asking how she was feeling, raving about her hair. She could tell by the looks they sent each other that they all wanted to ask that question but no one had the guts to voice it. She felt welcomed though, especially when Becky and Liv sat with her to discuss ideas for the gauntlet match the next week. After a few moments, the chatter was normal.

"You look so amazing with the short hair," Becky enthused, playfully tousling it after Sadie changed into jeans and a tank top. "I tried short hair ages ago but it makes my jaw look huge."

"Did Vince say anything about it?" Liv asked, crisscrossing her legs while beginning to braid her own hair.

"He said…" Sadie screwed up her face in thought as she recalled her meeting with Vince that afternoon. It had been the first time he'd laid eyes on her since the wreck, and after his warm hug and enthusiastic welcome back, he'd gruffly complained about her hair. "It's not a direct quote, but something like 'Goddammit, Sadie, why the hell didn't you tell anybody you kept it so short? Can't the hair and makeup girls do something with it? You fucking want it that way? Why? Long hair is better! Ah, fine, whatever, but I fucking hate it, goddammit!'"

Becky snorted on a laugh. "Not a direct quote?"

"You sound just like him," Liv laughed. "No one imitates him better than you, Sadie!"

"It's a gift," Sadie replied with a shrug, then glanced to Becky. "And it might be a direct quote. I'm sure there were a few more goddammits in there."

"I've never heard him say that," Liv announced, finishing her braid and taking the hair band Becky offered. "At least, not to me. I'm almost jealous."

"Just get Sadie to imitate him?" Becky suggested with a grin.

They all laughed, and Sadie glanced up from zipping her suitcase when she heard a knocking at the locker room's door. An instant later her phone chimed and she pulled it from her pocket to see Seth's text.

Ready to go whenever you are.

"I'm gone, y'all," she announced, smiling when she was dragged into a hug by Becky. "See you tomorrow."

"Breakfast," Becky insisted. "We need to catch up."

Sadie nodded as they parted, almost sighing with relief when she heard that Seth was at the door. She exchanged goodbyes and made promises to work out, have lunch, and chat with some of the girls the next day. Stepping out into the hall, she grunted when she nearly walked into Seth.

"C'mon," he murmured, reaching for her suitcase.

"Where's your stuff?"

"Already loaded." He walked beside her down the hallway, pulling her suitcase along behind him. "I pulled the car up to the door. There's a crowd around the lot."

"There's always a crowd," she couldn't help but point out.

"It's different this time," he muttered.

She shrugged, not wanting to get into a discussion about how the crowd was different. She wouldn't have to face the fans tonight. She would be able to put it off for a little longer. She hadn't had the nerve to check her social media after her segment. She didn't want to read what they thought of her, bouncing back as though nothing were wrong after months of complete silence on all fronts. A stupid thing to do, she supposed, steps slowing when she saw Stephanie and Hunter. She should have posted something. Discussed her recovery. Discussed her worries. Kept it purely kayfabe and assured everyone that she would be back to take her rightful place. But she'd been scared. She still was. Because she knew what the replies and comments would be.

How's Drew? Is he okay? What happened?

Sadie looked up when a gentle hand landed on her shoulder. Looking up at Stephanie, she drew in a deep breath when she tilted her head to one side and stepped away from Hunter and Seth. She followed because it was Stephanie, and moistened her lips, unsure what to expect.

"Are you sure you're ready for this?" Stephanie asked softly.

Sadie blinked. Not quite what she had begun to thought the woman would say. Puzzled, she blurted, "Huh?"

"This." Stephanie gestured to the backstage area. Not as wild as it was during a show, but still busy. Crewmen loading equipment. Production staff darting around. Wrestlers chatting and laughing as they hung around.

It was an atmosphere she had craved during her long months out. One she prayed she would be able to get used to now she was back. Sadie glanced around, smiling faintly when Dolph waved at her. She returned the wave before focusing on Stephanie. "I kind of have to be."

"Yes," Stephanie allowed. "The storyline is set. But… You could have stayed out longer if you needed."

"I couldn't. I can only work out so much. I can only clean so often. I can only watch so much Tv." She fought the urge to cross her arms and settled for pushing her hands into the pockets of her hoodie. "This is my life, Stephanie."

"I know, honey." Stephanie's voice was warm with understanding. She glanced behind Sadie, who turned to see Seth and Hunter watching them.

Her stomach twisted when she saw the worry on the men's faces. "I had to come back," she said after turning back. "It's where my friends are. My family."

"No one knows about you and Drew," Stephanie said softly. "Hunter and I didn't even tell Dad. It's up to you when to let people know."

"It's none of their business," Sadie muttered with bitterness. It was one thing she couldn't get used to after becoming somewhat of a public figure. It was bizarre, people wanting to know everything about her life. The questions about her childhood and her food preferences. The overt questions about her relationships. And the internet's uncanny ability to determine she was sleeping with or dating someone just because they'd been spotted together.

"Everyone will find out eventually." Stephanie sighed. "Have you talked to him? At all?"

Sadie shook her head. "Not since…"

Not since the night she'd called Stephanie, sobbing. Not since she'd what she'd thought was real had shattered like an interrupted dream. Not since she'd sat in her car, unable to even get into the driver's seat, and watched Sheamus drive up to be with Drew. Not since she'd been unable to answer the Irishman's questions before he finally went inside. Not since she'd finally called a taxi and texted him that last time.

I'll get my things tomorrow while you're at the doctor. I'll leave my key.

Fifteen months reduced to impersonal words. She might have been the cleaner that came in once a week.

"Oh, Sadie." Stephanie pulled her into a hug. "Are you still at the extended stay?"

She nodded, biting back the urge to cry. "I'm moving into my new apartment this week."

"If something comes up, promise you'll take mine and Hunter's condo."

"You mean y'all's Florida sex dungeon?" Sadie shuddered dramatically. "Gross."

"We don't have sex in the guest room…"

"Yeah, but I wouldn't be able to fix my morning coffee without picturing what pornographic things y'all have done on the kitchen counter." She narrowed her eyes slightly when Stephanie grinned. "You totally had sex in the guest room, didn't you?"

Stephanie smiled sweetly.

"Disgusting."

"Anyway." Stephanie cleared her throat and straightened her shoulders. "At least promise you'll think about it."

"I'll think about it," Sadie intoned robotically.

"Will you at least come up for a visit soon? Dad's worried about you. He doesn't like that you've kept yourself shut off all this time."

Sadie's stomach twisted. "I know he is. But—"

"And the girls think you don't like them anymore."

Gutted with guilt, Sadie blinked rapidly to keep from tearing up. True, she hadn't made her usual trips to Connecticut to visit Stephanie, Hunter, and their daughters. But she had called often. There had been FaceTime sessions and countless texts. "You know I love them more than anything."

"I know, but they're kids. When they find out you were here tonight…" Stephanie winced.

"Ugh." Sadie could only imagine the scene. "Of course I'll come up for a visit. But you're not playing fair."

"Have I ever?"

"I have it on good authority that you were a sweet, loving child." Sadie pursed her lips. "Of course, that good authority was Shane…"

"Call me in the morning, okay? I'll get your flight arranged. You can stay with us."

"I will." As though she'd stay anywhere else when she was in Connecticut.

"I love you," Stephanie murmured, drawing her into another hug. This one was longer, tighter, and ended with a sigh. "Be safe."

"Love you, too," Sadie promised. Turning, she grunted when she nearly walked into Hunter. "See you later, H."

He placed a hand on her shoulder before she could slip away. "Is she coming up for a visit?"

"Next week," Stephanie announced.

"You guilted her with the girls, didn't you?"

"It worked, didn't it?"

"We can bring the kids to the house shows this weekend."

"They'd like that."

"She would too. Did she promise she's coming up?"

"She didn't have to."

"She's right here," Sadie blurted, scowling at the couple. "I hate when y'all do that."

Hunter chuckled and lightly tousled her hair before pulling her into a one-armed hug. "Go on, get out of here. Seth's waiting."

"Night, guys," she said, slipping away and rejoining Seth. "Sorry, Steph had to play mother hen."

Seth merely nodded and they continued walking to the exit. When they reached the door, he placed a gentle hand on her back. "Let's go."

The car was barely five steps from the door. Sadie could hear the fans, and when she stepped out into the pool of light just outside the door she held her breath, expecting to be spotted. But the car shielded her from their view and she climbed in with a sigh of relief. The windows were down and she knew from the cheers when Seth had been seen. She heard the trunk open and then close with a thump. She was buckling her seatbelt when he opened the drivers' door and got behind the wheel. The car was already running, cool air blasting from the vents, and she opened her mouth to speak when the GPS suddenly shrieked that they needed to drive the highlighted route.

And, for some reason, it made her laugh.

***

Sadie was surprised that Seth didn't turn on the music one they were on the highway. But, she reflected, picking through the bag of snacks she'd bought at the gas station to find her Cheetos, he wanted her to talk. That was the whole reason she was with him. Well, no, she was with him because they were friends. Kind of? Maybe? She didn't know if she could still call herself his friend after practically ignoring his existence for months. Sitting back with the bag in hand, she adjusted her seatbelt before opening the bag. She savored the aroma and was reaching for one when Seth's hand dove in. Gasping when he brought out a handful, she glared at him. "Seth!"

"What?" he asked, tone oozing with innocence. "We agreed to share the snacks."

"Doesn't mean you can take half the fucking bag at once, goddammit," she grumbled.

"I didn't take half the fucking bag at once." Although his words were garbled, mouth crammed full of Cheetos as it was, she understood him perfectly.

"A third of the bag, then." She popped one into her mouth and chewed thoughtfully, watching him struggle to get the rest from his hand into his mouth. Able to see several fall, she giggled when he cursed and began wiping his fingers on his jeans. "Serves you right."

"It's nice to hear you laughing again," he said after a moment.

Levity fading, she focused on chewing another Cheeto. "It hasn't been that long."

"Has been for me," he pointed out.

"I'm sorry I never called you back." He'd called at least two dozen times that first week after she'd been released from the hospital. And left half that many voicemails. Twice as many texts. Asking how she was. If she needed anything. Why she wasn't at home. Over the weeks the frequency had waned, ending with one text that had left her sobbing into her pillow and cursing her inability to talk to anyone connected with work.

When you're ready to talk to me, I'm here.

After that, he'd texted her sporadically. No questions. Just pictures of stupid signs in public places with horrible grammar or spelling. Pictures of his new puppy, Twisty. Then, the day after she'd gone to the Performance Center to begin training for her return, two words that had once again left her crying.

Miss you.

His hand came over, but instead of reaching for more Cheetos, he plucked the bag from her hand and laid it on the center console before taking her hand in his. Giving a gentle squeeze, he sighed. "Sadie…"

"You can start asking all those questions you have now," she said, looking down at their joined hands.

"Are you and Drew okay?"

She sucked in a breath. "We're not together anymore."

"What happened?"

"I don't—" Sadie cut off with a sigh. "Okay, I do know. Nothing was the same."

Seth gave her hand another squeeze.

"I didn't expect it to be. He was severely injured…" She closed her eyes briefly. "He had so many surgeries. I knew things would be different. But even before he came home… He didn't want to see me. At first I thought it was because he didn't want me to see him looking as he did, but…"

"But?" Seth prompted gently.

"I figured out that he was still mad at me."

"Still?"

"We were fighting that night."

"At the hospital?"

"The night of the wreck," she whispered.

"Fuck. I'm sorry."

"He wanted me to go Scotland with him for Christmas. I'd already made plans with my stepdad," she explained, allowing herself a moment of something akin to happiness at the thought of her stepfather. One of only a handful of people she'd kept in contact with while she was out of work. "He was… I don't know. It was my fault. I could have come up with a compromise. I see Arthur a lot. I'd only met his family twice, and only once since we'd begun dating. But I was being stubborn and I let the argument keep going. It got petty."

Seth's sigh was one of understanding.

"We both started criticizing things about each other." She swallowed anxiously, remembering words flung with venom. Petty words that had turned vicious. And when the argument had reached its peak, words that had changed everything. Inhaling slowly, she moistened her lips. "I didn't see the red light until it was too late. I was so angry and upset. We were yelling, and it was snowing hard, and when I tried to brake, I skidded. Then I felt something hit the back of the car and the car began to spin…"

Spinning. Screaming. A deafening crash that had echoed like a gunshot inside the car. The sickening crunch of metal. The airbag against her face as glass sprayed. The taste of blood.

The sight of her boyfriend, body twisted and bleeding. Silent. His hand reaching toward her.

"Sadie."

She jerked her head up. The car had stopped. Above the blood rushing in her ears she could hear the clicking of the hazard lights. She could feel his hand still clasping hers, their fingers twined, and slowly looked down to see she was clutching him so tightly her knuckles were white. "The policeman that responded asked if I was having trouble seeing because of the snow. They found spots of black ice near where I hit the brakes, and they chalked it up to the snow and the ice. I didn't tell them otherwise."

"Sadie, it wasn't—"

"It was my fault," she insisted. "I know it was. If I'd been paying attention—"

"You still could have hit that patch of ice and skidded across the intersection. You don't know that you'd have missed it."

"If it wasn't my fault, why do I feel so guilty?" she asked, hating the weakness in her voice.

"Because it was a horrible accident." He sighed. "And because, even though you were arguing when it happened, someone you love was hurt."

"He wasn't just hurt. Half his body was broken," she whispered. "Why, Seth? Why did his side of the car have to be the one that slammed into the light pole? Why did he have to be the one whose body was destroyed?"

"Would you prefer it had been someone else?"

"I wish it had been me."

"No. You don't."

"Yes, I fucking do! If it had been me, maybe I'd have—"

"Don't you dare fucking say it," he warned.

She reared back. "Seth—"

"You can't let the guilt eat at you. You can't," he stressed when she opened her mouth to argue. "The guilt is worse than the injuries you had. It's letting you not be happy that you survived. You both survived. Yes, half his body was broken. All the injuries he had are horrible. But he survived. That's the important thing. It doesn't matter if you were paying attention or if he had been driving or if you hadn't been arguing. It still could have happened. It could have been so much fucking worse than it was. That's why it's called an accident. Because it's horrific and it doesn't make sense. Beating yourself up isn't going to change the fact that it happened. Remember Finn's injury at SummerSlam?"

Surprised by the sudden question, she could only nod. She had been in NXT at the time, but she'd been backstage and had seen the immediate aftermath. The shock. The horror. The realization that the injury was bad. And she had seen the grief and remorse on Seth's face when he'd come, wide-eyed and pale, backstage. "That's different."

"No it's not."

"Yes it is," she insisted. "We all know when we step into the ring that an injury can happen. No matter how careful we are."

"That's exactly my point. We all know it can happen. Just like we all know that when we get into a car and go for a drive that a wreck can happen. A plan we board could crash." He leaned forward, giving her hand a gentle tug so she would look at him. "You think I didn't beat myself up over it? You think I didn't sit up every night for weeks going over that moment again and again, telling myself what I could have done differently? I fucking stopped his career right when he was being pushed to the fucking moon."

"It's different," she insisted. "Because he didn't blame you. Did he?"

"No, he didn't," Seth sighed. "But that didn't make it any easier."

"Drew blamed me." She felt Seth's hand tighten. Could feel the tension creep up his arm and through his body. She saw his jaw clench before he pressed his lips into a tight line.

"What?"

"He blamed me. He still does." She ducked her head, hoping to shield her sudden, hot tears from his gaze. "That's why we broke up."

"He blames you for the wreck?"

"He'd just been released from the hospital. He was in pain. So much pain. I did my best. I was mostly healed up by then. I did everything I could think of to make him comfortable. I was just so happy that he was gonna be okay, you know? I knew it would take a long time for him to heal but I knew that he could do it. And I was prepared to stay by his side. I was ready to take him to all his appointments and make sure he did his PT. I memorized the doctors' instructions about rest and hydration. How to clean his stitches. I asked a nurse at the hospital to show me how to help him bathe because he couldn't stand up to take a shower. And he refused to hire a nurse to come to the house to do it for him." She inhaled sharply, using her free hand to dash away the tears before they could fall. "The first few days people were in and out. Then suddenly it was just the two of us and I realized…"

"Realized what?" Seth whispered.

"That I wasn't wanted. He was so angry. I expected that. I've seen enough people recovering from injuries to know all the stages. But… The anger didn't go away. I know it takes time, and that's one reason I delayed my return. I didn't want to leave him while he was still so mad. And he was depressed. He didn't want to talk. Didn't want visitors. Then one day Hunter dropped by, and…" She groaned, recalling Hunter's weary expression when he'd come out of the bedroom after speaking to Drew. "Afterward, we got into a huge fight. He kept telling me to go back to work, that he didn't need me hanging over him. I was getting on his nerves. He could manage without me. I got mad and told him he could barely wipe his own ass without help, and that just made it worse."

Seth gave her hand a gentle squeeze. And waited.

"I know now that I should have walked away and given us both time to cool off. But I was so mad, because I was there to help him and he didn't want me. It got so bad, Seth."

"How bad did it get?" he whispered.

"Things were thrown," she admitted. Then, feeling him tense up, she hastened to explain. "Not at each other. He didn't hurt me."

At least, not physically. But the glass shattering against the wall had mirrored the splintering of her heart.

"Then he told me to fucking get out and never come back, that me babying him wouldn't make up for the wreck. Something snapped inside me and I left."

"To give him time to cool down?"

She shook her head. "For good. I went back the next day when he was at the doctor and got my stuff. I deleted his number from my phone before I left the house. I left my key. I-I left the ring he'd given me."

"Ring?"

"He proposed the day before the wreck." She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to force the memory away. But it reared above her attempts and filled her mind. She remembered the happiness she'd felt that day, even before his proposal. Laughter as they worked together in the kitchen, music blasting. Stopping to dance when their song had begun to play. The smell of paint as they finished their project. Turning from washing her hands to find him dropping to one knee. His voice, accent thicker than she could ever remember hearing it before. The words of Robert Burns.

"'Till a' the seas gang dry, my Dear, / And the rocks melt wi' the sun: / I will love thee still, my dear, / While the sands o' life shall run.'"

The brilliant diamond glinting when he slid the ring onto her finger had paled in comparison to the glittering in his eyes. The taste of tears and the sound of joyous laughter and the knowledge that she had found her forever.

She had worn the ring for less than twenty-four hours. Had slipped it into her pocket when they reached the venue for the house show, because they didn't want to announce it so soon. It was their little secret. They'd tell the world of their engagement after the New Year. But the girls had known something was up. She was giddy and glowing, and tentative plans had begun to form in her mind. Of an intimate wedding in his beloved Scotland, of dresses and flowers and cake and forever…

Plans that had disappeared when the rental car had spun out of control.

She hadn't touched the ring again until the morning she'd returned to the house to get her things. She had thought of leaving him a note but hadn't had any idea of what to write. Instead she had left her key and the ring on his nightstand, where he would be sure to find it when he returned from the doctor. And she had left, slamming the door on what was supposed to be her happily ever after.

"Can we go?" she whispered, using the sleeve of her hoodie to wipe her tears away.

Seth gave her hand a heartfelt squeeze. "Yeah, we can."

#seth rollins imagine #wwe imagine #holy shit it's been so long #multipart:scars #k thx bye #my fics

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chromium7sky · 4 years

Text

The Devil wears Armani | chapter 8

A/n: lol resume the fashionista au yay. By the way, it was actually after this part https://xaphrin.tumblr.com/post/189956299511/chromium7sky-asked-for-some-smut-for-her-fic-the by @xaphrin

Please follow #damirae , #devil wears Armani , and #fashionista au tag and enjoy!! ❤️❤️

It's been a while Jon haven't seen his best friend since hes working at daily planet at metropolis. He did send message with him but he seem so busy.

Then what puzzled him is Damian in a sudden asked him how to woo a girl. Woo? Who the hell use that word in this era? Jon chuckled. Ohh, Damian has found a girl!

It's lunch time and he already told to his superior that he's going back early. He use this free time to pay a visit to Damian for a talk. 'Oh, What a good friend he is.' He compliment himself.

As he walk into the building, he walk towards the receptionist. "Hi, Is Mr Wayne in his office?"

"Mr. Wayne currently having meeting but I think it would be over soon." The receptionist answered him.

"Oh? It's okay, I'll just go up there and wait for him." Jon smiled as he went to the elevator.

"But sir... He-" before the receptionist finish her words Jon has already step into the elevator. He press the button that lead to the top floor, to Damian's office.

-------

Raven were tidy up the sample of colors including her tools on wooden desk. She straight up her blouse and jacket, try not to look obvious including her braid.

As she's busying herself, Damian with shirts without his blazer stood behind her and kiss her nape which makes she gasped.

"Damian..." She eyed on him as his hand rested on her waist, facing her.

"What?" He smirked. "Don't tell me you want another?"

Heat start to creep on her cheeks as she remember what happen before. She looked away and nervously tug her loosen hair behind her ear. "Well, I should probably going."

"Ah..." Damian smiled then caress her cheek. He gives is a quick kiss on it then her lips. "Don't get lost, alright?" He teasing her.

Raven blushed then realise his word, she puffed her cheeks. " I'm not a kid, Wayne."

Damian scoffed. " I know." Then he kissed her forehead.

Raven take one last look at him then she walked out from his office.

As she walked out, Damian sighed, feeling full and stupidly happy humming towards his desk to continue his As he looked at the file beside his computer, he saw something.

Her necklace. Must be she forget about it. Damian close his eyes and smiled. "Guess I have to see her again."

---

Raven walked down the alley toward the elevator then she suddenly stop. She realise Her neck felt lighter than before, so she put her hand where it used to be.

Her necklace wasn't with her. She begin to panic and tried to find it in her tool bag.

"Who knows it was so good that you tend to forgot your necklace?"

Raven turn around as she heard a voice.

Damian smirked as he stood behind her with her necklace in his hand.

Raven sighed in relief then walk towards him. " I thought I've lost it." She bit her lips.

"Come here. Let me put it on you."Damian beckon her to come closer. She followed.

As Raven stand closer to him, Damian open the lock of the necklace and put it around her neck.

"Thank you." Raven sheepishly gratitude as her cheek stained with rosy tint.

"Don't I have a reward?"

"Reward?" She absent minded repeat his word.

"For returning your necklace?" He got closer.

Raven bit her lips as she thinking.

Damian smiled as his hand touched her waist bringing them closer.

Raven slowly reached his face with her hands and chastely brushes her lips with his. "Dinner."

"Oh?"

"After I finished your suit, we'll have dinner at my place." She wet her lips.

Damian stared at her then give a quick peck on her lips. " Deal."

----

He can't believe what his saw. Jon was at hidden corner besides the elevator. He witness his grumpy best friend just having a moment with a girl!

Last time he remember when Dami talk about girl is when they were in the same dorm at university. He said that, he might not see her again as soon as he went to the Middle East.

Jon did advice him to find the girl, ask her out , let her know his feeling at least before it's too late but the last thing remember as he send Dami to airport, Dami has her notebook at the lecture hall. He looks solemn though he tries to deny it.

After he got accepted into Daily Planet, a place where both his parents used to work, he started to keep in touch with Wayne Enterprise community project by constantly interview Damian which always end up with no comment whenever he tried to ask about finding new girl.

On a certain occassion, he's in fashion section as he cover one of his colleague who went on maternal leave.

Jon protest at first because it's not his in his 'field' to write fashion inspire but editor said it's for his experience. Jon of course has to accept it to broaden his style in writing.

At some point he has been invited to a fashion competition to write an article about the latest issue about how fashion inspired by innovation based on common problem.

Lenore collection clothline gained his interest as it involved with winter season apparels. Coincidence, the collection has gaining favors from the judges and won the award and Jon were eager to write about it.

By that time, He meet the mysterious designer, Raven, as she collaborate with a newly establish company, AMZ.

Shortly after he wrote about the winning winter apparel collection, Damian contact him about the article.

"Hey, Dami! Haven't heard you since I've interview about Wayne's community project! How are you?" Jon excited as he answer his call.

"Miserable as always."

"About being in middle east?"

"About mother always asking who's the one drawing me on the notebook." Jon can hear Dami's heavy sigh.

"You should be lucky to have secret admirer who has same talent as yours."

"There's a sketch of me, nude on the page."

"... Well, she tried." Jon tried to hold his laughed.

"Anyway, since I'm reading your article about the winner for Fashion award, do you have any information about Raven?"

"As far as I know, she has associate with the company called AMZ." As Jon read his interview before.

"A newly operated company."

"Yeah." As Jon skimming the article. " You are interested in the clothing apparel design right? Perhaps thought for a collab?" His voice slightly higher as he excited.

"It's for the refugee and besides, it's someone from the same class with me."

"Let me guess, fashion drawing?"

It was along pause but Damian make a "hm" confirmation noise.

"Was it that girl?"

Another silent on the phone.

"I knew it!!!" Jon shouted.

"You're not helping, Jon." Damian grumbled.

"And I fucking hate you."

Jon making sound of victory as he figured out Damian's mysterious girl during their study time.

"Don't EVER tell Maya and Colin about this." Damian give a fair warning.

"I don't know, maybe it'll spill accidentally." Jon teasing him.

"I swear I --" the line cut off. Jon looked at the screen then shrugged.

Now, he has seen the girl and he recognise her. Rachel Roth, The head of AMZ company also speculated to be the mysterious rising star designer, Raven.

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verved · 4 years

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I really like how you color things! Do you think you could make a tutorial, maybe? I'm trying to get better and I'd really like to learn from you :D

Thank you! I’ve never made a tutorial before, but I’ll try. I experiment A LOT with every piece, so I don’t have a 100% set in stone process. (Always experiment! You might find something new that works for you!)

First off, make sure you’re working in RGB color mode. This is so you can abuse Camera Raw Filter later, and you really should be in RGB mode anyway unless you plan to make prints.

So start with your line/sketch on a multiply layer, or even just a normal layer mode if you want. My lines are usually dark blue but I often change them later on.

Use the wand tool (w) to select the negative space around your lines, invert your selection (command>shift>i), and on a new layer use the bucket tool (g) to create your base layer. On this layer, go to (filter>other>maximum) and set the radius to one or two pixels. This will clean up the base a bit so you don’t get a weird halo around your lines.

Before you start adding colors, change the background color to a mid-tone grayish color. This is to better judge tones and contrast. This doesn’t have to be the end color of your background; you can change that towards the end. If you actually are drawing a background, you might want to choose the general color of that background instead, but checking your colors against a gray background periodically can still help.

Now is when you start using clipping masks. Make a new layer directly above your base. Make this layer a clipping mask by right clicking on it and selecting “create clipping mask” from the pop up menu. Do this for every base color.

As you choose your colors, try to visualize what you want the end result to be. If you want a warmer or cooler piece choose colors accordingly. I do this mostly by eye, so I don’t have a specific process. You can play with each color by going to image>adjustments>hue/saturation.

Once you’re happy with your base colors, create another clipping layer over all the base color layers (except for glowey bits like optics/biolights), and set it to multiply (sometimes another layer mode will be better but I usually go with multiply). This will be the shading layer, so now is the time to figure out where your light source is. You can add your shading using the brush tool, but I tend to visualize lighting better by erasing where the highlights are, so I just fill in the entire layer with the bucket tool and start erasing. Change the opacity of the layer to whatever you think is best. A higher opacity creates more dramatic lighting and a lower opacity makes softer lighting. For the shading color I usually choose a darker, desaturated color, like purple or brown, but again you can just play around with the hue/saturation until it looks right. Sometimes I will make a second shading layer to add even darker shading in areas.

So now the shading is done! If you want, you can make another layer for highlights but I don’t always do this. I don’t have a specific way I do highlights except that I usually add them only in the most intense lighting or on the most reflective areas, but do whatever works best for YOU. If the subject is backlit, adding highlights around their silhouette can add a dramatic effect.

I usually leave my lines as a single color, but sometimes I will use multiple colors over each base color. I did that for my last piece of idw Blurr. To color your lines, lock the transparency of the layer using this button, or make another clipping mask over it. A lot of the time changing the layer mode to overlay will make the new colored lines look nicer. You may need to touch up some of the darker colors though.

Next is when we start getting really experimental, by which I mean I have no idea what the fuck I’m doing. I make one or twenty new layers with various gradients over all the colors and play with layer styles. These layers are to soften the shading, bring colors together, etc. Something fun I do a lot is set the gradient tool mode to dissolve and then play with the layer mode and opacity on that to get a textured effect. If you still have a gray background switch to your actual desired bg color. Upon doing this you might want to make even more adjustments. If you have any glowey bits like optics, make a new layer for that. I usually use the gradient tool or a blurry brush at a low opacity around the glowing parts and set the layer mode to screen, but again experiment. You can also add reflected light from these secondary, less intense light sources onto the surrounding surfaces.

I don’t always work with clean lines and end up having to render and clean up a lot towards the end. I do this on a new layer above everything. Rendering is tedious but can make the end result look a lot softer and painterly, or sharper and more defined, depending on how you do it. Make use of the dropper tool (alt+left click) here to grab colors as you go and define shapes. This step is only necessary if you are going for a painterly look (or you were lazy with the lines and now regret it like I often do). This step must be done only when you are as certain of your color choices as you can be, because after having used the dropper tool to color grab, you will not be able to adjust the layers individually.

So hopefully, you’ve chosen colors that work well and you are happy with how they look at this step. If not (like I usually am), you’re going to cheat with Camera Raw filter. It’s like hue/saturation adjustments but better. Make sure you’re happy with how everything other than color looks here because we’re going to do the thing where we suddenly work deconstructively and probably regret it later. You might even want to do this step on an entirely new canvas so if you fuck up you still have the version with all your layers. There’s always control+z, but if you end up playing around a lot it could be annoying to go back.

Flatten your image. You can do this by right clicking any layer and selecting the option from the pop up menu. Now that everything is merged into one layer, go to filter>camera raw filter (or command+shift+a). There is a lot you can do here. You can change the temperature of the whole piece and play with values and clarity until things look nicer. You can even go into HSL adjustments and tweak individual hues. I also use camera raw filter to add grain or a vignette sometimes (not color-related but still nice to mention). Also, when I want the piece to look really soft, I lower the clarity to give it a soft, glowing look. I did this for the idw Blurr also.

So now hopefully the colors you weren’t happy with look better, but you can still play with gradients even after this step. Sometimes this last step barely changes anything and other times the colors will be wildly different from what you originally had planned.

So to be honest, my colors are mostly all experimental. I’m constantly changing and adjusting colors as I go along. Try to put thought into your initial color choices, but also it’s fine to change things if you need. I mostly go on instinct, so I’m sorry if this is a lackluster explanation.

If you have any specific questions or don’t understand something I said here feel free to ask! I’ll try my best to clear things up!

#Anonymous #tutorial #my art #it's also like 6 am so this probably is confusing im sorry lol #my art process is mostly me doing something and being pleasantly surprised it worked lmao #the images look like shit on desktop but fine on mobile????#ok tungle thanks

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goth-giraffe · 4 years

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🖊 + your cyborg character (I mean? Cyborg?? Tell me more! xD) 🖊 + for any of your OCs (I'm just really curious to get to know more of your characters :D) I wold also suggest another one for Meredith... (if you want to ramble more about her xD)

Oh awesome! Yeah I always love to ramble about my OCs, I just wish I had more motivation to draw them haha xD Maybe this’ll help though- thank you!

Kaedyn~

Ah- my cyborg character is a pretty underdeveloped, for instance I’m not entirely sure on all their technological enhancements. They basically have really fancy prosthetics in place of at least one leg and one arm too. But anyway I’d love to ramble about them anyway! Their name is Kaedyn and they’re nonbinary! (I use neutral or feminine pronouns with them, I’m currently trying to use they/them but sometimes I slip up- it’s mostly because of my indecisiveness, but I don’t know, maybe they’re genderfluid?) And they live in a futuristic setting which is part of the reason they’re a bit underdeveloped compared to some of my other OCs, because I’m a dummy that wants to create characters in weird settings in theory, but then you have to come up with all these things about the setting to get to know the character better so… haha yeah.

But anyway! Kaedyn is really smart about some things but also very competitive. Not the type to back down from a dare. Whether it’s eating something gross or fighting the Hulk, to be honest… (And that may have had something to do with them losing a couple limbs, but who knows.) They call themself a cyborg mostly to intimidate people to be honest… there are still a lot of prejudices about cyborgs. And they do have at least two fully functioning robotic limbs so. Anyway they get kind of a “Don’t mess with a cyborg” attitude when people look at them weird or are just in general being rude.

They’re dating Numbers, who’s kind of the opposite of Kaedyn - she’s more of a brooding genius type. And she works for her eccentric aunt’s robotics company. They supply robotic prosthetics and other medical stuff like that, and yeah I imagine that’s how they met each other- Kaedyn calls in for tech support and talks past the remote control hologram or whatever, and immediately starts flirting when they start talking to an alive being… which was Numbers. Numbers speaks exclusively in number code though, and she doesn’t talk to a lot of real people (she lives with robots and her aunt Madlin) because a lot of people don’t understand her. But Kaedyn is smart, especially with mathematics and deciphering things so it doesn’t take them long to understand, and they think Numbers is adorable so, basically their relationship is the “extrovert takes introvert under their wing” trope.

Anyway, they like inventing things together. Kaedyn has a degree in engineering (or something? details fuzzy, sorry) and loves tinkering with stuff or rather tearing stuff apart pbbt and Numbers brainstorms schematics for new robots and stuff. Kaedyn is actually really smart, you just don’t see that a lot with their beat stuff up until it’s fixed attitude. (I don’t know if anyone here has seen The Red Green Show but Kaedyn’s motto? “If it ain’t broke you’re not trying!”) Besides that they cuddle or deal with Numbers’ mood swings… and eventually Madlin disappears and they have to take care of this prototype robot which is basically an experiment in artificial mental illness. …Which is not as fun as it sounds. xD

Oh. And Kaedyn refers to Numbers exclusively as “babe”. (Numbers is a nickname but her real name is actually undecided so…… Kaedyn just gives her another nickname haha.)

Okay. I get the feeling I am making absolutely no sense, I’m sorry. Mostly this is like, a vague comic idea I had? Mad scientist aunt disappears, no one really knows where. Her introverted niece has to take care of a prototype robot who thinks he’s a child and is kind of scared of everything… and cope with her partner who picks fights with anyone. …Yeah when I think about this goofy little story I for some reason imagine them in a black and white comic style. Like, Kaedyn’s got their tools and a broken robot on the table and they’re like “Babe where’s my wrench” while they’re scratching their head with it. Very smart but also very stupid is one of my favourite tropes ahaha

Okay I’m not sure who to ramble about next?? My characters are so underdeveloped, good golly.

Nicholas~

I’m gonna ramble about him even though I have seriously been thinking he needs a lot of work, I’ve actually been considering giving him a new name but, anyway.

He’s in a weird fantasy setting and he’s a dragon! His race of dragons though are basically humans that have can transform into dragons. Except the horns, tails, wing stumps, and some of them have weird eyes. But dragons have some magic and if they master it they can hide those things while they’re in their human form. Nicholas himself though has really only figured out how to get rid of the wing stumps. Still sleeps on his tummy out of habit though.

Nicholas is probably the most innocent character I have, to be honest. He’s very soft- he really likes flowers, braiding his hair or having his hair braided, also he’s very curious about humans. Which is weird for dragons, most of them think of humans as either very dangerous or mid-afternoon snacks. But Nicholas was raised differently, so he’s curious. Not to mention lonely. Dragons are actually pretty rare and he only ever met his parents, but he doesn’t remember his father very well (who died when he was young) and since his mother died in his teens he’s been alone.

I imagine at some point he befriends a witch and they possibly become a love interest for him but this is where it gets fuzzy and undecided. I do like to imagine he meets a human character and becomes close to them, I just haven’t really decided how that happens or if he meets just one witch or a family/household or what. But he also finds out he likes poetry, but he’s illiterate so he has to have someone read it to him. I imagine this in medieval times, so not many people can read but that’s also why I imagine a witch character because. Learning from spellbooks I guess. And just generally not really being part of the human population… and not being scared of dragons. Even though Nicholas would probably not scare many people pbbbt. xD Yeah, anyway. He likes to be read to.

I don’t know, most of my characters are just kind of vague ideas. He’s just a cute little forest creature who happens to be able to grow really big and breath fire. xD I’ve thought about making a more modern AU which would probably be easier to develop but yeah I really can’t decide.

Anyway, except for a couple forgettable doodles I haven’t actually drawn Nicholas… but fortunately, I do have an awesome drawing of him by @iridiscreate! I hope to do a serious drawing of him myself sometime, but I’m actually okay with that being his main reference for now- he looks very pretty! :D

Meredith~

Oh I’ll pretty much always take any chances to ramble about Meredith! Haha she’s the OC I know the most about to be honest xD

The first time her hair was cut short was because her mom was tired of having to chase her down to brush it. So there was a time when she was pretty young that her parents made her wear these big bows in her hair when she went out… she hated them, she still hates them, and her mom still tries to convince her to wear them when she comes to visit, because she cut her hair again. (Yeah… she has some family issues…)

Okay, Meredith loves music. She has kind of a complicated relationship with it, but she loves music. She usually has classical music playing in the background at her apartment, while she’s reading or whatever. She also plays violin, but she’s weird about that, she doesn’t usually listen to it when she plays (she wears ear plugs), and she mostly uses it as an outlet when her emotions get the better of her. She was much more enthusiastic about violin when she was a girl. She’s always had a love of music, it kind of runs in her family. She originally wanted to play piano like her grandfather (who was a singer/pianist in a bar) but her father wouldn’t allow that. Though when the violin option was allowed she was very excited, and when she was little she dreamed of being a concert violinist. Her parents mostly favoured violin because of the discipline it would require to learn and practice, and their past attempts to discipline her? Ehh, not so great. xD In the end though her parents killed her enthusiasm for violin. Their habit of displaying their daughters’ talents to their friends but otherwise having little interest was a bit discouraging… and for Meredith, very damaging. The older she got and the more she thought about it she felt her parents were disinterested in her from the start, so that led to a very rocky teenage years. (For instance she spent ages two to six (ish) being sent to her grandparents’ house a lot. Not with her sisters, no, just her- because she was being difficult and her parents were tired of her. So that hurt when she really thought about it.) So… anyway now she kind of loves and hates violin. Now when she plays it still brings her back to being the trophy her parents preferred to keep on the back of the shelf, but it also brings her back to being the little girl who was in love with music… so. Mixed feelings there. …

Did I have way too many Meredith feels while I was writing this and have to edit out most of my emotions later? NO absolutely not I’m not crying you are SHUSH

Oof I know I’ve already rambled a lot but one more thing. Just a cute little fact, not exactly about Meredith but still. She is her nephew Aidan’s favourite aunt. He’s like four years old and has blonde hair with bright blue tips, because he begged his mother (Meredith’s sis Jessie) to dye his hair blue. Anyway yeah, Meredith is pretty good with kids… they probably like her because she’s so weird. Funny though, because with her looking pretty much like the insomniac goth mess she is, she definitely doesn’t give off any maternal vibes to anyone else she meets… except kids. (It’s the blue hair again, it has magical powers. Haha okay I’m kidding. xD)

Anyway! Sorry for getting this answered so late ahh!! I swear I wasn’t avoiding this ask (I was actually very excited about it) but I kept getting interrupted in the middle of rambling so.. yeah. Anyway thank you again for the ask!! Sorry I rambled an ungodly amount!! xD

Send me a 🖊 to make me ramble about my OCs! (yeah no kidding about the rambling)

#I'm really sorry this took so long #I have not been able to focus the last couple days ahh #anyway thank you!#sorry again for having such angsty characters but I guess this time it's limited mostly to meredith ahaha #my poor meredith....#anyway. nicholas needs more development but he's a very soft baby and I love him #giraffe rambles #inbox games #leaphia #my ocs #meredith #kaedyn #nicholas #long post #echo answers

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kingofthewilderwest · 5 years

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I have a super hard exam Monday morning and I really think I can't make it. I have been studying, but I can't understand a think! I thought It was the way I was studying but it's too late to look for alternatives. I have been reading my notes crying all day (I'm doing it right now and sobbing) but still no light.

I’m really sorry about the stress you’re going through. Exams can be extremely tough and I feel for you on that one. I’ve cried over tests and schooling and all that as well. It sucks to feel this stress. Academia many times pushes us to the brink beyond what we should be given, and I hope that you come out of this on the other side feeling relief.

When I was in school, one of the ways I calmed myself was to think about long-term. In less than 48 hours, this stressor will be completely gone from your life. It’ll no longer exist because you’ve taken the test. It’s a stressor, but it’s one for a VERY short time frame in your life. In the long scale of things, it’s very soon going to be out of your life and over with. And while tests can change our grades and that’s important, in the very long scale of school and academia… it’s not a big impact on our life. We can retake a class if we need to, or do better on the next test, or any and all sorts of options that will all result in a happy, fulfilling, awesome life of many years to come. This test is a very, very small part of the grand scheme of your life, and it’ll be completely over with and out of your life very, very soon. Whether you get a good grade or a bad grade here, your life will move forward, and provide you many great experiences to come. My happiness for the decades I will live is not reliant on one number on a sheet of paper.

I don’t know if that helps you, but it always helped me: once I remembered how small this thing was in the grand scheme of things, and how soon it’d leave my life as a stressor… it helped me realize… it shouldn’t be a stressor even now.

I hope I don’t sound like I’m brushing aside what you feel, because I mean the opposite. I know there’s many situations going into why academia feels SO IMPORTANT in our lives, both for our personal situation, and in the way society trends go. I do hope it helps to say that, in the grand course of whether or not your life will be complete on one test grade, it’s a minuscule thing, and I hope that that perspective can give some ease.

You’ve done your best. You’ve been studying. You’ve been working extremely hard and I want to commend you for that diligence. You’ve rocked that. And that’s something important. You have already shown a lot of character and drive working on this, and that’s better than any number you get. You’re already a hero and a succeeder in my eyes.

And, it’s not a shortcoming on your end that you don’t understand things. We all need time to understand anything; all information we first hear is something we don’t understand at first. That’s okay. That’s the nature of it. Every single human on this planet doesn’t understand things and may take a while to understand something; you are not ever going to be a failure for being confused, even if it feels understandably frustrating to not understand.

It’s always fine to talk to instructors about your struggles. I don’t know if you have or haven’t yet, but honest conversations with instructors can work wonders. I’ve taught college courses and have definitely played the mercy game with my own final grades once a student has come to me. I’ve been on the side of mercy with professors, where they’ve been willing to extend deadlines or work with me one-on-one to succeed. Many, many teachers want you to succeed, and will extend extra help and understanding to you if you talk to them. I know how much mercy can be given once they understand how much you want to succeed, and show you are willing to talk to them about ways in which you can. And I hope your instructor is one such person who will listen. It’s always worth talking over, and it can ease buttloads of stress.

Also�� though you are on a time budget… if you’re really feeling this stressed, please give yourself a break. Please give yourself sleep. Please give yourself something nice, even if it’s eating a special treat for dinner or watching half hour of your favorite comedy show. Your mind in this state won’t learn the material most productively. Stepping back away from studying will actually help you and make a more efficient and productive study schedule.

I know it’s late in the game and you think there aren’t other ways to study, but if you want, I’m happy to list off some of the ways I’ve studied before. I hope I’m not overextending my bounds. I know you came here to vent and you might not want advice, but if you want some studying suggestions, here’s things I’ve done. We all learn different ways, and you’ll notice I tend to be text-oriented (with some hearing-oriented)… but maybe something here will click. Some of these studying strategies are time-consuming (not helpful for you right now), some of them are fast, but they’re different ways to work at the same material:

Do NOT just skim read notes or engage in “passive” reviewing. If you’re just looking over the books or old homeworks without engaging, it’s less likely for it to stick. Rereading is one of the least interactive ways and least demanding ways to try to “study,” and thus is often not effective for long-term retention and mastery of concepts. Make your study sessions as engaging as possible without destroying your brain cells and giving you a migraine.

Build up. Start simple, with easier learning devices, and then make it more challenging for yourself. For instance, for foreign language, I might start with flashcards or matching tasks. Then, I’ll eventually get to the point where I will try to write my entire vocabulary list from memory. Build up from easy to harder.

Multiple study sessions throughout a day or throughout the course of a week (when you have it) will almost always be better than one massive study session. Repeatedly engage with the material.

Repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat frankly is always the way to go.

PRIORITIZE. Focus on problem sections. Focus on sections that are most likely to be on the test in large quantities. Prioritize what you work on. You don’t need to know every tiny detail to get a passing grade; you just need to know what big stuff is most likely to be hit.

Tackle one section at a time. Don’t think about the full breadth of the unit. Master one concept at a time. Smaller chunks are always more manageable, more efficient, and more effectively learned. If you don’t understand the full breadth of your test, start with the smallest thing you can, work on that, and get that one thing right first. Just that one thing.

Try to engage in the different styles of learning. Reading. Speaking. Acting out. All these will help you retain the information in different ways. For some subjects, this may be easier than others. But do what you can.

Flash cards. When you go through the flash cards, don’t go through each card once. Put aside the ones you get wrong. Rework the ones you get wrong a second time… or a third time… until you get them right. Then put them into the big pile again of every flash card and restart. ENGAGE with these things rather than quickly skim over the fronts and backs.

Draw diagrams. Venn diagrams. Tables. Charts. STUFF. Organize your information in new ways.

Make tests for yourself. Create tests that are multiple choice, fill in the blank, short essays, anything. Then, after you make those tests, give yourself a break, go back, and take your tests. See what you do and don’t remember.

Make memory devices! Memory devices for the win! Make them silly and absurd! Make it fun! Make memory devices from puns. Set key phrases to musical melodies. Make silly analogies. Do whatever you need to to memorize the material, even if in a dorky way. Like, I first learned the kanji 白 was ‘shiro’ because it looks like the character Shiro from Voltron. It’s got a square face with a scar in the center, and even a little tick at the top to represent Shiro’s WHITE hair floof (and ‘shiro’ means ‘white’ woot victory!). Other times, I’ve memorized numbers by setting them to tunes.

Rewrite your notes or key pages from your textbook. Type up your notes from class, or rewrite them, or take notes from your book again. Note that you can rearrange your notes as you do this; maybe you could make a page that’s all about X topic?

Study with friends! Quiz each other, talk to each other about problematic points, try to figure out difficult sections together. And don’t skimp, but don’t be afraid to make it fun. Learning goes better when it’s fun.

Write a “study guide” or “cheat sheet” for yourself of all the most pertinent material.

Talk out loud as you reread your notes. Engage with the material both with eyes and ears.

Try to quote your notes. Talk to yourself about what you remember. Then look and see what you didn’t talk about.

Try explaining to someone else what you’ve learned. This is a really good one. This will help you really pinpoint what you do and don’t know, and will mentally solidify the things that you do, in fact, understand. Nothing says “learning” like having to tell someone else what you’ve learned.

Especially if it’s mathematical, but also for other subjects, rework problems from your textbook or homeworks, get new problems from textbooks, or go online to find other problems with solutions.

Find tutors. Or talk to teachers. Seriously, talk to teachers!

Any academic videos on YouTube explaining concepts? What about Wikipedia? Other websites on these topics to help you see the information presented in a new way? My ass got saved in Mathematical Logic due to a good logic wiki.

Give yourself breaks. Everyone needs different break points and has different levels of concentration ability, but one not-terrible-rule to consider is 50 minutes studying, 10 minute break. I personally prefer longer sessions and will do something like 2 hours, then 30 minute break. But that’s for you to decide with yourself.

SLEEEEEEEEEEEEEP. You do no favors for yourself if you don’t sleep. Sleep as best as you can. Fatigue prevents us from using our full mind, will prevent the recall we could have had if we were more awake. Fatigue prevents us from learning and retaining information we would have learned faster in a more rested state. Sleep allows us to process the information we’ve just thought about; we’ll wake up with a more solid understanding of materials because there’s been some unconscious processing. I know you want to maximize those study hours, but you’ll be wasting those 75% of the time if you’re up to 3 AM trying to work on something and can barely keep your eyes open.

Make it about you. What is it about this material that you can care about? Find ways to relate it to what you care about, whatever the subject.

I know that’s not a very widespread list - I could write a lot more - but unfortunately I have to get going to my own time crunch for work. And I know I’m not covering every angle in which this is a stressful situation and how we may engage with it, and how people with different learning styles and minds and social situations interact with materials… but I hope that something in here helps you nevertheless.

Please give yourself a break right now.

To say the least, I’m wishing the absolute best for you. I’m rooting for you. I’m sympathizing. My heart feels for you. And I hope that you can find a bit of stress-relief in the midst of this. Take care, friend, and please take care of yourself through all this.

#blabbing Haddock #non-dragons #ask #ask me #awesome anonymous friend #Anonymous #I know there's family pressure factors and neurotypical factors and all sorts of things so please no one grill me on that #I can't cover everything

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