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reimeichan · 8 months

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Advocating for your care in Therapy

Something I've noticed in a lot of mental health spaces are people who are afraid of speaking up against their therapists. They believe that since their therapist is a trained professional or a specialist, that they would know what's best for their care. Or, they're afraid of speaking up if something feels "off", and afraid of confrontation. Or something else.

I'm here to say that it's okay to question your therapist or to try to correct your therapist.

Therapists are still people, after all. They're bound to make mistakes, or overlook something, or think they know best and not question themselves. You, as the client/patient, are paying for their care, so if something feels off... it's okay to ask about it and question it. And if you still have misgivings, don't just sweep it under the rug.

Therapy is something that you, the customer, are paying for. And your therapist is both your support and also a professional that you are paying a service to. It's good to question a therapist, and a good therapist would take the time to work through your feelings and your misgivings with you. Sometimes, you may even help the therapist learn something new.

We've had to stand up for ourselves with each of our therapists at some point, and I can tell you that each time, it's made our therapy sessions better, not worse. We had a therapist, a very good therapist, who asked us to write a trauma timeline for her early on so that she could better understand us. Our main gatekeeper told her that he was unwilling to write out a trauma timeline because it would cause too much destabilization for our system; instead, they worked together to slowly piece together the trauma timeline over the course of several sessions, while also knowing that some key pieces would not be shared, not because he didn't trust her, but because he couldn't risk the rest of the system finding out at the time. We had another therapist suggest starting EMDR work on our system. From what we learned about EMDR from online resources, our partner's own experiences, and our previous therapist's expertise, we knew that unmodified EMDR was unsafe for people with a complex dissociative disorder like DID, and told her that we were unwilling to go into EMDR with her until she got specific training for utilizing it on DID patients. And she listened to us, and she's taking the time to learn how to do just that.

And we're lucky that our therapists were willing to listen to us each time and meet us at a point that we were comfortable with. It helped us build trust with them, and allowed us to open up more to them so that they could help us more.

Some therapists are not as willing to work together with their patient. I've heard of so many horror stories of people who tried to work with a therapist but ended up worse for it afterwards, trusting that the therapist "knew best" even when they didn't feel safe moving forward. Or when they brought up their misgivings, their therapist was dismissive and went forward without their patient's trust, hurting the patient in the process. If you find yourself with such a therapist, it's okay to find a new professional who would be more willing to work with you. You don't have to stick with someone simply because they are "nice" or a "specialist" in their field. Again, you are paying for a service. It can take time and effort to establish a new therapist-client relationship, and I know how scary that can be, but it's worth it in the long run to have a therapist who will actually work together with you to get you the help you need.

#therapy #mental health #psychology #dissociative identity disorder #did #actually did #actuallydid #did osdd #osddid #by pink

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aa0akaace · 7 months

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Okay I'm impatient and no one sent the ask yet so fuck it I'm gonna talk about the time an scp fucked up my brain and made me so traumatized that to this day I still fear big highways, big traffic in general, and tunnels so this is your only warning before I talk about that scp in particular, but because I don't think I can do the scp justice with my words I don't think this post will traumatize you but warning anyway just in case okay? okay.

So basically one day I was just chilling and suddenly a notification pops up for that one scp Chanel I forgor how to spell the name of, and I was thinking to myself something like; "well it's been a long time since I've read an scp or listened to someone read an scp to me, wouldn't hurt to try listening to one again, after all when I think of scps I think of spooky rather than scary things at least when it comes to the more popular ones I know and even some of the less popular ones I've read up on weren't that scary, just a fun spooky thing to read right?" Haha. WRONG.WRONG.WRONG.WRONG.WRONG.WR- also I forgot the scp number so I am so sorry for anyone trying to find it 😭

and I won't go into too much detail but basically this guy goes into a tunnel on his way back home and then suddenly through the other end there's immediately very thick traffic at the other end of the tunnel and there's just smog and car fumes everywhere he can't even go outside for too long without going into a coughing fit, anyway he's stuck in traffic and the cars barely move at all, he gets a plan and makes everyone come out of their cars so they can all just talk to each other instead of angerly honking at each other not allowing anyone to sleep just so they can move a few inches forward. Anyway a truck driver I think hands out water or some sort of drink to everyone, the main guy takes a motorcycle and tries to drive against the traffic going backwards to find a way out, but the tunnel is somehow gone, the traffic goes on forever, he drives for hours and eventually gives up and goes back to his car, he and a few others leave together to just keep moving forward, long story short-ish-ly summed up; eventually traffic gets faster they sit at the side of the road and one girl walks into the traffic the three remaining members drive forward more the girl's sister being in a separate car but the two men forget to keep track of her car and loose her in the smog the main guy no longer trusts the other guy he's driving with and keeps saying he's the one with the gun and eventually takes a different car and leaves the other guy behind, eventually the main guy finds a pile up of cars blocking the road, climbs over it gets in a car on the other side and drives forward more, eventually there's another path in the road, it just goes up above the smog and everything, he drives up there but eventually the road gets so thin that he can't open his car door, but he can't go back. There's another car behind him. Pushing him forward. There's cars in front of him too, he's in traffic again, and the road leads to a tunnel full of so much smog that it looks dark in there, he sends a final message, probably from inside the tunnel, but nothing he could have been saying could be heard through the sounds of screaming.

Anyway after I listened to that I had a fucking hard time sleeping, and it still effects me to this day as just a few days ago I had to go through a tunnel and I had to focus on the green trees on the other side in order to keep myself calm, I HATE that scp, like yeah good writing made me traumatized it was so scary but like, unexpected because like most of the scps I read up until that point where more spooky than scary and spooky horror I like more than scary horror, I like being spooked not made to be afraid to ever go on the road again jfc

#its probably appropriate to tag this as scp #scp

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rayons1only1started · 5 months

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Again, the Pain

...happened? I leave you alone with him and-...

...can't tell a thing...

but pain...

voices spinning around me...

eyes open... blurry... shaking me... saying... something... trenton... but I'm red... or wait... both... a figure's saying... something like... wake up...

can't...

pain...

...who's he... the figure... he's screaming something... can't comprehend...

...going black... gone...

"Trenton! Wake up! You've been out for so long!"

"...I don't think he can."

"THEN IT'S YOUR FUCKING FAULT!"

"How was I supposed to know?"

My eyes flew open. Everything was blurry... thoughts scattered... unfocused...

"Trenton! Stay with us!" a figure said... am I...

"Thank-goodness! The amount of painkillers you used, would've-"... the voice shut up...

...first figure sighed... "I wish I didn't have to drug him again"...

... everything faded...

..."-can't keep doing this! I'm practically insane, watching him, hoping he'd wake up ok, and when he doesn't,- I can't keep up like this!"

The pain was back. Not all of it, not enough for me to get unfocused, but enough to be unbearable.

I opened my eyes, and saw Davis sitting next to me, looking at Tawy. "He's awake!" Tawy said excitedly, and Davis turned to look at me. His expression was a very tired one, but it softened at me.

I spoke before he even got the chance to open his mouth. "Give me a knife."

His expression changed to a shocked one, but he said "No! I can tell you are in pain, but killing yourself won't help!"

I whimpered; the pain was getting worse. The painkillers must have been wearing off.

He stood up, and walked over to me. Put a hand on my shoulder. I gasped at the contact. It didn't hurt, but I couldn't tell at this point.

"Don't think about the memories. Think of something else. Something good. It helped last time." I couldn't focus on his voice; I only heard snaches.

"...Maybe you should give him a pain-" someone started saying, but was interrupted by Davis.

"I can't, I've given him too much already, any more would be bad for him!"

My eyes closed slowly, but I was still fully conscience. And in pain. At some point, it stopped getting worse.

"Trenton! Don't fall asleep! It'll hurt more when you wake up!", a voice said through the haze of pain.

I slightly nodded, but didn't open my eyes.

"So... should I continue telling my story or...", another voice said.

"Just re-tell it, but without any... violence, or description of Ash."

"Got it. So, it all started with this human-", the second voice started telling me this, haven't I heard it before?

The hand on my shoulder lifted, and I could hear footsteps going away from me.

After a minute or so, the voice ended the story, and just started telling me things about a Rainbow Friend, her name being Tawny. I remember a few things, about this Tawny, but I wasn't really paying attention to the voice.

Her voice was toned out, by my thoughts, and then sleep. The pain faded.

-------------Davis POV------------

Tawy's story was pretty long, and by the end I was half-asleep. I hadn't slept in days.

I remember being prodded awake. "Davis!". That's weird, that's not Tawy.

"Davis!"

I opened my eyes, to be greeted by Blue standing right in front of me, holding Trenton up by his lab coat. Trenton wasn't very happy about this, or rather freaked out.

"I found Red trying to hang himself. What the fuck is going on?" Blue wasn't happy.

I rubbed my eyes, to make sure I wasn't dreaming. I unfortunately wasn't.

"Sorry I didn't tell you earlier, Tawy and Trenton have been keeping me really busy lately." I said looking into Blue's eyes.

"Also you might want to put Trenton down, he's terrified of you.", I said, sighing. Why are you so suicidal?

Blue's face turned into a mask of surprise and horror. He set Trenton down, and Trenton ran over to me.

"So... Ash kinda had Trenton go insane, and... be afraid of everyone. I helped him get better, but now all the way, then Tawy woke up, and I left for THREE FUCKING MINUTES before coming back because Tawy was calling my name; she SOMEHOW told Trenton something that made him pass out, and when he woke up he was in too much pain, and I couldn't use any more painkillers, then he woke up again and was a bit better, so I fell asleep, AND HE TRIES TO HANG HIMSELF!" That was a very rough outline.

Blue looked like I'd just told him his greatest fear, which I probably have, and said, "Oh... Uhm, want me to watch him so he won't try and... kill himself?"

"Yes, please." I exhaled.

Blue nodded, and left, still white in the face.

I turned to Trenton, who was still shaking from Blue's presence.

"I know you are in a lot of pain. But please don't kill yourself. Tawy and I, and even Blue care about you. We'll be very sad if you kill yourself, because you are our friend and creator."

Trenton just stared at me, with his huge eyes, shaking.

"You won't see Blue in here again soon, so you can stop shaking." I told Trenton, knowing he won't believe me.

He didn't. How unexpected.

"C'mon, you look like you'll collapse any moment." I said, taking his hand and leading him over to his cot. His legs gave way in a moment, and he fell face first into the cot. Unconscious. I sigh, rub my tired eyes, and sit back in my chair.

"What happened?" Tawy.

"I fell asleep, and the little ray of sunshine over there tried to hang themselves."

"Aw, you're giving your boyfriend cute nicknames." said Tawy, completely missing the part where Trenton tried to hang himself.

I was too tired to respond.

"I'll watch him while you sleep. But you are in charge of helping him." Tawy said, as I was nodding off to sleep.

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gentlemonst3r · 2 years

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Here's a story I originally wrote on wattpad and in spanish, I liked it so much that it thought it was worth a shot to try and translate it to english. It's based on the concept of a monster breaking into the reader's house to scare them, only to find out that they're a huge monster fucker.

While reading this story, keep in mind that english is not my first language.

If you'd prefer to read the original story in spanish, here's the link!

Pairing: Male! Submissive! Monster under the bed x AFAB! reader.

Warnings: Some horror at the beginning I guess? Trespassing of your home, threatening behavior.

A change in roles (NSFW)

"Wake up"

A deep and dark voice woke you up in the middle of the night, leaving you disoriented in your bed and the dark of your bedroom. Seconds passed, and that voice didn't come back, letting you believe for some terrible moments that it had been just a hallucination.

"Find me"

There was that voice again, followed by a macabre and soft laugh that made your blood run cold and froze you in place.

"Don't make me come out early, find me, I'm growing inpatient"

Now your instincts had taken a hold of your body before the possibility that someone had broken into your home, that you could be in danger of dying or worse. Your legs reacted on their own when you tried to run towards your bedroom's door, only to fall to the ground when something pulled you by your ankle with strength.

You kicked and screamed, calling for help, but no one could hear you, and the laughter of that intruder became louder in your room.

"That's right, scream for me! Fight me! Make this fun!"

You scratched the ground and kicked the air in hopes of freeing yourself, and out of bad luck, or maybe, good luck, you turned around to face your aggressor. The hand around your ankle was huge, with claws instead of nails and covered in black fur, you could see a pair of glowing, almost feline, yellow eyes from under the bed, and a smile full of sharp white fangs.

It was just like in those stories you read, like the fantasies you had before going to sleep, like those creatures in movies that could make you feel in a way no human being could... Your efforts for running away ceased, at the same time that heat started growing between your legs, making you rub your thighs in an effort to calm yourself down. Oh, if it had been a mundane intruder, you would have been terrified, but this was your biggest sexual fantasy.

The smile you had been looking at disappeared, being replaced by a disappointed pout.

" Why did you stop fighting? Why did you stop screaming? Why aren't you afraid of me?!"

The frustration in his voice was almost comical, so much so that it made you laugh, making the being loosen his grip as a shiver ran down his body.

"Ah, you're right, I should run away from you, right?"

"You should!"

You laughed again, and the creature growled with frustration and anger. He seemed so angry because you were enjoying the situation, so much so that you found it rather cute.

"Do you promise to be gentle once you catch me?"

"I'm not gonna promise anyth-! Wait..."

He seemed to not understad what you meaned for a few moments, keeping quiet for a few seconds. Then, you heard him gasp as he let go of your ankle.

"How can you be thinking about such things in a situation like this?"

Now that your leg was free, you kneeled down next to the bed, putting your hand under it. When you found his wrist, you felt him fight as you pulled for him to come out.

"Come on, get out of there... Aren't you a big, bad, scary monster?"

"I'm sorry for trying to scare you! Now let go of me!"

You made a disappointed pout. Wasn't he going to chase you till your lungs ached and dominate you till your legs hurt? Or well, at least that was your fantasy.

"At least let me see you... I've wanted to meet a monster for quite some time"

You heard a hiss followed by movement under the bed, then he peaked out and got up before your eyes. He was twice as high as you were, his body was covered in black fur, had a tail that trailed down to the ground, and horns like a goat that spiraled around his pointy ears.

"Ah... Beautiful..."

He lowered his head before your words, embarrassed by the situation.

"Don't say things like that..."

You got up from the ground, looking at him with a tingle in your eyes. He seemed confused, maybe even uncomfortable, but you wanted him to be satisfied with the situation.

"I'm gonna run and pretend I'm scared, alright?"

"It's not fun if you're not really scared..."

He sounded disappointed. His eyes adverted your gaze and he had started fidgeting with his own fingers. Damn, he was adorable, had you really been scared of him?

"Then, I'm going to chase you"

The creature looked up before such a proposal, looking confused and even offended that you had even thought about such a thing.

"You? A tiny human? Ha! And what are you gonna do if you catch me? Tickle me till I explode?"

You bit your lip, looking at him more carefully. He had digitigrade legs that ended in a pair of hooves, his hands had claws that could destroy you in a matter of seconds, and his sharp teeth seemed perfect for tearing the flesh of whatever dared to oppose him... Damn, you had thought about what to do once you catch him.

"I'm gonna fuck you so hard you'll forget about any other person you'd been with"

A visible shudder ran through his body and you could see him swallow.

"That's... Ah... I guess..."

You laughed when you saw him fiddle with the idea, he was really considering it.

"You like the idea, isn't that right? Go, I'll give you a three seconds headstart"

"What? But-"

"One"

His eyes seemed to panic as you started to count, and he quickly ran out of the room. You could hear his hooves hitting the ground and going down the stairs to the first floor.

You had a wicked smile as you counted up. Once you finished, you got out of the room in the most silent way you could. Finding him without turning on the lights would be hard with his dark fur, but you didn't want to turn them on and risk ruining the atmosphere of the chase.

You walked down the stairs careful not to make them creak, as you observed the living room with the most clarity as it was possible with the lights turned off. The curtains were still, there didn't seem to be anything on the couches besides the cushions that were always there, and all the decorations were in their place.

Once you reached the last step, you saw a shadow slithering past the kitchen door and, without a doubt, you quickly ran towards that direction.

When you reached the kitchen, the room seemed as still as the living room, or that's what you thought until you saw the tip of a tail peeking from under the tablecloth.

"Oh, I wonder where he is"

You said mockingly as you pretended to look around other parts of the kitchen. Without giving him time to react, you threw the table around, without worrying about ruining the tablecloth, you could deal with that later.

There he was, he had turned around to look directly at you. His eyes were open wide and his pupils were slit. He breathed rapidly and looked more nervous than ever.

You didn't wait a second to get on top of him, placing a knee in between his legs and getting closer to his ear to whisper.

"I win, now I shall claim my prize"

There was hunger in the tone of your voice, desire and desperation for what you were about to do. You licked his earlobe, feeling him shudder beneath you, and you pulled away from his ear to dedicate him a lustful smile, you were practically drooling with expectation.

You got out of your nightgown and pulled down your underwear, shaking your head as you noticed that you were already wet.

"Look at what you did, you got me all wet, I should punish you for being so naughty"

You started rubbing your knee against his crotch, laughing as you heard him pant. The being sighed, trembling, and moved up a hand to place it on your hips, which you responded by lightly hitting the back of his hand.

"No, I'm the one who decides what you can or cannot touch, control yourself or I'll have to punish you"

"Please- I'm tired of waiting"

It was adorable to hear how pathetic he sounded when he begged, and you could feel on your knee how a dick had appeared where there didn't seem to be one before. He really must have been desperate for some pleasure.

"Be a good boy for me and I'll give you what you want"

You trailed down a hand to catch his cock, slowly starting to masturbate him. He started bucking his hips up in order to feel more stimulation, but you stopped him by placing a hand on his abdomen.

"I decide how much pleasure you deserve, not you, is that clear?"

He nodded repeatedly, panting every time you moved your hand against his cock.

You lowered your gaze until it was next to his dick. It was reddish in color, had little bumps around his length, and was already leaking precum. You sucked air between your teeth, it'd definitely feel good inside of you.

You gave him a lick from his base to his tip, smiling as you heard him moan softly. You put it inside of your mouth, starting to move your head up and down.

"Ah- F-faster, please!"

You had to hold in your laughter as you heard him, desperate as he was. But you weren't bad enough as to deny him when he had asked so kindly. You started moving faster, from time to time stopping to lick around his tip and then continue sucking him off.

"Y-yes! Almost there!"

He exclaimed a few minutes after, only making you stop and take his cock out of your mouth. He looked at you with confussion that quickly turned into anger.

"W-what? You pathetic human, how dare you toy with m-!"

You didn't let him finish, your right hand went to grab his neck, squeezing with some force, but definitely not enough to hurt him. He gasped and immediately went silent.

"What did I tell you about being a good boy? You have to behave if you wanna feel pleasure, I don't know if I should continue after you talked to me in such a way..."

His eyes went wide open, as if he was panicking.

"N-no! I'm sorry! I'll be good, please, don't stop!"

With your other hand you grabbed your own chin, pretending to think about it. Your right hand squeezed him harder.

"I don't know... Will you really be good this time around?"

He nodded repeatedly, his breathing sounded as if he was about to start crying.

"Please! I won't insult you again, I just want more, I was so close!"

You loosened the grip around his neck, now using that hand to softly caress his jaw. The way he leaned into your touch made you smile and, without saying a word, you positioned yourself over his cock, aligning the tip with your entrance, and lowered your hips until he was fully inside of you.

You both gasped at the same time. You were right, those bumps did feel good inside of you. You started moving your hips up and down, still getting adjusted to the feeling of being full, and oh, those bumps touched all the right places.

Your partner's hands trembled, doubting if he should grab your hips or not, he feared you might stop if he did. You laughed between pants when you saw that.

"I-its fine... You can touch me"

"T-thank you, thank you!"

He grabbed at your hips, using his hands to move you faster. At that point, you didn't care about punishing him anymore, you just wanted to reach your own pleasure, so you didn't resist and started moving your hips faster.

Every time those bumps touched that bundle of nerves inside of you, you couldn't help but moan with gusto, smiling in between your own pleasure. He moaned underneath you, making sounds that were like music to your ears.

Eventually, you reached your orgasm, moaning harder as you did. The contractions inside you made it so your companion didn't take long to reach his own high, coming inside you.

Exhausted, you let yourself fall on top of him, getting close so you could leave a small kiss on his chin.

"Good boy..."

You said in a soft tone, and this time, you heard him laugh.

"You know... It's the first time that my attempts to scare someone end up in sex... Maybe I should visit you more often."

You smiled, gently caressing his chest.

"I hope that's a promise"

I hope you liked it!

I might translate some of my other stories if you guys want me to, let me know what you think!

#exophilia #monster #monster lover #terato #teratophile #monster fucker #monster love #exophile #monster boyfriend #monster x human #monster x reader

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sorry-i-ship-drarry · 3 years

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Hey darling, how are you doing ? I'm Only left with one last request of yours. hope you enjoy @sunflowerishdolphin

After the Autumn

Dialogue Prompt- 29. Love isn't supposed to hurt this badly | TW- ANGST | HURT COMFORT | EMOTIONAL ( I guess )

It was a defence mechanism, to shield himself from any upcoming events or actions that might Rip him apart or leave him fragile, to prevent future heartbreaks. It was all a wicked game; part of self-preservation to not fall and not to feel bad when he got out of it. The thing was if he didn't protect his heart then he would have nothing of his own and he was afraid of love. When growing up he was embedded that love leaves you hollow, you tend to defy love ever in future, not necessarily of course but it plays a major role in not allowing yourself to love. He was taught and learnt that love was for weak hearted, for fragile and vulnerable people and not for someone like him but over time it changed into he understood he didn't deserve love.

And so just like that he left the dark apartment that one late night after he had felt his heart rapidly beating causing a horrendous stampede in his chest, he left him, he abandoned him.

And he didn't return, leaving with only a glance behind, a single flicker of hope burning until it extinguished.

But like all the dry, shredded trees that grows in forest becomes alive one day with just the little of sunshine after the Autumn, he met him again, 4 years later when he had subtly walked into work and was introduced to the newest member of the DMLE.

" Draco, meet Harry Potter, of course, you must know him, all the rivalry I've heard of too " and the words had left him frozen.

Draco refused to look up from where he was looking at his desk because he never knew how to, how could he have looked up and watched the man he had abandoned in the apartment because he was afraid he was falling in love with. He didn't dare but he heard in silence the Chuckles and stories told.

Robard might've stayed there for a few more minutes telling him about Harry but all he could think of was the past, the horrors that hurled within him with it but when they Walked out through his door, out into the hallway, Draco finally lifted his gaze, Harry didn't turn around to see him, he didn't.

Where had the months flown since harry joined, Draco never really realised. Harry had become everyone's friend, a nice colleague, a good host and yet Draco hadn't spoken one word, nor had Harry and for some obscure reasons Harry didn't try to initiate anything either, he didn't even try to acknowledge his presence or his absence as though he didn't care anymore but Draco was bothered because he wanted Harry to be angry with him, to yell at him, to give me stone-hearted look, to look at him in any way except as strangers.

He waited months for Harry to snap until he assumed Harry just didn't care enough to bother with Draco anymore, even a little, who would, but it still hurt Draco somewhere that Harry was pretending that they didn't have a history or that Harry had simply forgotten which Draco was Afraid of because Harry was the best he ever had, in everything.

" enjoying work ?" Draco finally initiated reluctantly one day while he was in the office library in the same aisle as him.

" I am, thank you" harry gave him a firm smile before he left the aisle and never returned. Draco sighed, hitting his head against the bookshelf.

And they didn't talk again and it was somehow leaving Draco feeling hollow. He would see across the room and Harry wouldn't even bother to look at Draco, not so much so even a glance at him or he didn't even try to talk or he didn't even try to hate him, it was like Draco didn't mean anything to him and as much as Draco should've loved that, he didn't. He was left feeling upset, sad and Empty like harry was scooping his heart out and keeping it with himself. All Draco could think of was unimaginable unrealistic scenario's that harry obliviated himself, all the memories with Draco and it hurt more than it should've.

But Draco would question " isn't this what he wanted? For harry to forget him ?" But maybe he thought he wanted that but it hurt more every time he'd look at harry and he was reminded of the steps he took out of his apartment hoping that harry would realise Draco wasn't in the bed and would run and stop him. But harry never did, even in his dreams, nor in nightmares.

And then as if autumn came with a different aura harry had whispered something to Draco when they were standing on the roof of the office building enjoying the soft breeze with Draco retaliating about his past.

"pardon ?" Draco frowned

" I asked, you want a cigarette ?" Harry repeats puffing out smoke from between his lips in The most elegant ways possible.

" I don't smoke, sorry " draco shrugged. Harry nodded frowning taking another drag then turning to draco, leaning against the railings.

" I didn't used to " harry said

" then why did you start ?" Draco asked.

Harry looked at him long enough as though he was conveying him an answer before he shrugged and took another drag.

" you don't talk much " it was not a question, nor an answer but a statement. Draco didn't talk much.

Draco gave him a little side smile before he stared ahead at the metropolitan city replying " I like the silence "

Harry nodded and he didn't speak up. He didn't even say a good-bye after he was done smoking, he just like the smoke left, without a scene, without a residue except for the ashes and the burnt cigarette put out against the wall now lying on the ground. Draco watched that burnt-out cigarette until the last of the sparks had died and he too walked in, an unsettling feeling whirled again inside of him.

Draco met harry there 3 more times with little conversations until in unknown ways he became addicted to wanting to meet harry there for small conversations but after the third time no matter how long Draco stayed there, no matter how often he came to the roof, he didn't meet harry again as if he purposely didn't come to the roof anymore yet Draco stood there over the roof every day waiting for harry to show up at least one of these days.

He never showed up and it was only in mistake when Draco was walking down the wrong floor when he saw harry smoking on the balcony of that floor. Harry watched as Draco swiftly passed by with a pained look on his face but harry didn't dare stop him or try to give any explanation or even say a word. He let him watch, he let him go.

In that little glance at harry, Draco had met with revelations that his self-preservation never really worked, that his defence mechanism to save his heart, to shut his feelings never really worked, he was stupid to have walked out of the apartment that night because Draco had inevitably already fallen for harry long ago and the more impending truth was he never fell out because he never knew how to. History was proof that you can fall in love but had no one taught how to fall out and Draco suffered contagiously in the living history. He knew when he saw harry that he was never going to fall out and he would perhaps never understand why but he knew he understood the answers of all these four years that had been Buried somewhere deep inside him. Why he didn't date anymore, why didn't he find anyone attractive anymore, why didn't he ever meet someone intriguing, why didn't he ever have an answer for the question if he was ever in love with harry and the answer lied here, he was, is and will be in love with him and it was something he would have to live with until he learns to unlove harry potter.

This time Draco knew he was repaying his debt for the sin he committed ages ago when he abandoned harry. Harry didn't meet Draco or didn't acknowledge or treat him as a stranger because he knew it hurt Draco. He knew that Draco would be hurt if harry didn't bother him and so he did it on purpose. Draco didn't bother harry anymore either, he couldn't even if he wanted to.

"Love was never supposed to hurt this badly" Draco whispered to himself; his eyes watered with the reflection of the growing metropolitan city.

( Might do part 2 on request. )

300 followers appreciation dialogue Prompt requests open

Angst Prompt requests open

( Also my regrets and apologies for having been inactive and missing 3 updates in a row )

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lovelahela · 4 years

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❛ love of my life ❜ ─ bryce lahela, part two.

⇢ entry for choices february challenge !

⇢ pairing: bryce x f!mc (sunny soo)

⇢ genre: angst

⇢ prompt: heartbreak

⇢ song: love of my life, queen.

⇢ description: in which sunny finally confesses, but bryce is too afraid of hurting her.

love of my life, you've hurt me

you've broken my heart,

and now you leave me

love of my life, can't you see?

bring it back, bring it back

don't take it away from me because

you don't know what it means to me.

⇢ notes: keep reading tag will be added in the future. if u want to get tagged for open heart stuff tell me!! i hope u enjoy it ♡ feedback is appreciated!

Love.

It was a very strong word, but it's meaning and effectiveness have been diluted over the modern years. A word carelessly thrown around. Regardless, hearing three words that let you know you were loved was heartwarming, to say the least.

But saying them? That was a whole diffeŕent story.

And acknowledging that you are, in fact, in love with someone was a slap in the face in itself.

Sunny stood in front of her stove, humming some popular song she heard on the radio on the way to her apartment. Bryce stood beside her, leaning against the counter, careful not to stain his clothes with the sprinkles of BBQ sauce on the surface. He watched her with the semblance of a smile on his handsome features, admiring the way her hands skilfully prepared the traditional Korean dish she was so excited to let him try.

"It took me soooo long to get this recipe down. My mom was a mean cook, and I was a fire hazard in the kitchen up until I had to drop my unhealthy habit of living off instant ramen," laughed Sunny, sparing him a side glance. She sighed in content moments later as she appreciated the calming sound of rain drops pounding on whatever surface they could find.

"And you're sure you got it right this time?" Bryce grinned teasingly. Sunny gasped melodramatically and spun on her heels to face the surgeon she grew attached to over her hectic first year as a medical intern.

"Listen here, you little shit!" She pointed an accusatory finger in his laughing face, knowing he found her ridiculous rather than intimidating considering she had to look up to meet his eyes. A mischievous glint in her doe-like eyes and the evil smirk that stretched across her plump lips told Bryce that he was done for.

Sunny grabbed the spoon she had used to stir the ingredients in the pan, covered in tiny food particles and BBQ sauce, and smeared it right across his cheek. His eyes widened at her unexpected action and his lips, despite his horrified shock, stretched into an amused grin. She doubled over in laughter at his reaction, clutching her stomach after her abdominal muscles began to ache. Jovial tears streamed down her cheeks.

Bryce seized the opportunity and snatched the spoon out of her hands. He retaliated to her act of war by staining her mouth with the same substance his cheeks were covered in. She shrieked in horror and playfully punched his chest, dissolving into giggles yet again.

His heart fluttered when her laughter reached his ears and his gaze fell upon her lips, suddenly very eager to kiss her. Conflicted feelings arose in him, unsure of whether or not to act on his urges, knowing that once he did it, there was no going back.

But when she stared up at him with those wide, sparkling eyes and the most beautiful smile he had ever seen, logic crumbled under his impulses, and before any of them could process what was happening, Sunny Soo was in his arms with her lips locked with his in a kiss they had both only dreamed about before that moment.

His hands had gripped her waist tightly to keep her safe and steady against his larger body. She mustered the little physical power left inside her to stand up on her toes to relief the uncomfort from her craned neck.

And then, she muttered four seemingly harmless words against his lips that snapped him back to the harsh clutches of cold, hard reality.

"I love you, Bryce."

At that point, Bryce didn't know what to do anymore.

When they pulled apart, faces barely inches away from each other and breathing heavily, his heart broke at the hope sparkling in the gorgeous brown eyes he had fell in love with.

"Oh God..." The devastated whisper left his lips before he could process it. Sunny frowned, the light in her expression dimming by the second. Oh God? What was that supposed to mean? Was he... disgusted by her? Did he... not love her?

"Bryce?" Her cheeks were still burning, but her eyes had begun to glaze over with a thin coat of tears. The sound of her voice breaking damn near shattered his weakening resolve.

Words fumbled around in his brain in a confused mess. He stammered unintelligibly, eyes wide and breath quickening. He was panicked. For the first time in a damn long time, Bryce Lahela was speechless - clueless.

"I - I'm - I shouldn't have done that. I should not have done that."

Was he convincing her, or himself?

"What - What's that supposed to mean?" Her voice was growing weaker by the second. She took small, subtle steps away from him, beginning to feel smaller than she already was. Suddenly, they were both hyper-aware of the violence of the rain pattering against the window and the ground outside, mimicking the loud thumping of their rabid hearts.

"I... We can't. I don't... You deserve better. You deserve better." Sunny watched in surprise as he repeated those last three words in a hushed tone, as if attempting to assure himself. He ran his fingers through his hair, ultimately messing it up.

"I deserve better?" She laughed incredulously. "Bryce, I've spent the last few months convincing myself that I didn't even deserve to have you in my life, let alone love you."

"Are you - Are you fucking serious?" He rubbed his face with his hands and aggressively chewed on his bottom lip. God, I really messed up, he thought. "You're the most incredible person I've ever met. I'd move mountains for you - God knows I've tried."

He said the last sentence in a whisper, barely loud enough for her to catch - he didn't mean her to, really. Her eyes softened, but were still stained with the bitter pain of heartbreak.

"Bryce, please."

Pathetic, she felt. She was standing in her own kitchen, asking to be loved. How humiliating. The mortification overwhelmed her and pushed a steady flow of salty tears to run down her frowning face. She hugged herself in an attempt to feel less exposed under his watchful gaze.

Silence washed over them. He was racking his brain for ways to soften the blow to her, but part of him knew nothing could make the rejection she would face any easier. But this was for her own good, right? She was away from his buried feelings, away from the toxicity of his past, away from his unwanted trust issues. Sunny deserved someone who would grant her full, raw honesty and a stable relationship, because he could never give them to her.

"I can't. I can't do this, I'm sorry." His throat was constricted and strained the tone of his voice. She shut her eyelids as the words she was waiting for finally broke the silence that suffocated them and tested their diminishing patience. Despite her closed eyes, her cheeks were covered with a new coat of tears and her bottom lip trembled. She sucked it into the grasp of her teeth to try to keep it steady and hide how much his rejection truly affected her.

"Can you at least tell me if you felt anything at all?" mumbled Sunny weakly. "Is it just your insecurity holding you back, or do you really not love me?"

Nothing could prepare her or him for his answer. Bryce took a deep, shaky breath, mulling over whether or not he should tell the biggest lie he'd ever utter or yell the truth at the top of his lungs. Sadly, in the end, he knew better than to give her false hope for what never will, and did the only thing he knew would ensure he would never hurt her after that devastating moment.

"No, Sunny, I don't. I never did."

possible part three?

#choices stories you play #playchoices #choices fanfiction #bryce lahela #bryce x mc #bryce x reader #open heart #oph choices #choicesfebruarychallenge

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gracie-p8-officialblog · 4 years

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Defending Christine Daae

I never thought I'd have to write a post with that title, let me tell you.

Because when I first heard of Phantom of the Opera, I was under the impression that everybody loved Christine just as much as I did. I mean, how could you help it? Well, I was wrong. It would seem that there are, in fact, people out there who don't share my exact opinion (shock of shocks) and who dislike Christine for various stupid reasons.

Now, I'm not here to point fingers at anyone or to belittle anyone's opinions in anyway, and blah-de-blah [fill in the rest of long boring disclaimer any way you wish]. But I AM here to defend one of my favourite female protagonists in a work of fiction! And defend her I WILL! IN THE NAME OF THE MOON!

Um, pardon me. Don't know how that last sentence got in there.

Now, on the internet, I've heard some flak about Christine, and though I'm not here to make anyone feel bad (see above) I do want to refute those points about her, point-by-point. (Hmm. Redundancy.) One of the biggest points against Christine is her choice to be with Raoul instead of the Phantom, who *ahem* TOTALLY needed her because he had a bad life and he taught her to sing! My opinion?

I don't think that means Christine owes him love. Appreciation and thanks, yes. But not love. The only thing he ever did that was worth any kind of love was letting Christine go. And she isn't some sort of consolation prize! It's NOT her job to fix the Phantom, only he could fix himself!

C'mon people! The two pretty much fit the qualities of an abusive relationship (emotional manipulation, throwing her around, restricting her from seeing other people etc.) And it’s kinda disturbing. “BUT!” You cry, “CHRISTINE REJECTED THE PHANTOM FOR A SHALLOW REASON! HE WAS UGLY!”

While I do understand what you’re coming from, I would like to inform you that it was actually his toxic behaviour towards her and murderous qualities that drove her away from him and made her choose Raoul. In “Final Lair”, she said one of the biggest burns in Gothic thriller history “It’s in your SOUL where the TRUE distortion lies...” The Phantom's problem isn't with his disfigurement. No, the problem is with what he's allowed his disfigurement to make him. He's become so obsessed with the idea that no one loves him and no one will ever really care for him that he believes anyone who stands remotely in his way is just out to get him. So what does he do? He murders people whom he gets annoyed with. First Buquet, then Piangi, and finally (almost) Raoul. And that is DEFINITELY not okay!

I think Christine saw him as more of a teacher, or a friend, or a... father figure, in a messed up way... which is more evident in the book on how she is both afraid and sympathetic for the Phantom.

While not condoning his actions, I do wish the Phantom could have found someone to love him. Good gracious, his final lines “IT’S OVER NOW THE MUSIC OF THE NIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGHHHHHHTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” makes me tear up every time. Gah. I'm in danger of sobbing, too, but I really want to get this post done, so I will conquer myself and think of something Funny instead. *thinks* I know! Gerard Butler’s version of the “All I Ask Of You (Reprise)”. That’ll cheer me up and make me laugh XD!

In all seriousness, I know that Erik is unstable and violent. But I also know that he really IS a gentle, misunderstood soul. You can be both, you know. The unstable and violent side of him, unfortunately, triumphed- and his dreams, his desires for love, his castle on a cloud came tumbling down because of it.

And so... onto the next point, another common argument used to bash Christine is that she’s considered to be flat, boring and goes through ZERO development! But in actual fact, there’s so much going on in her head and goes through quite an emotional travesty that it’s almost impossible to call her bland!

She is deeply wounded by the loss of her father, and has this incredible musical talent which stayed in a state of diamond in the rough before being discovered by her “Angel of Music”. He trains her, not realizing that she is becoming the center of an unhealthy obsession, genuinely believing in her naivety that he is some benevolent spirit sent by her father, therefore bringing her a sense of comfort. She is a pious girl, after all, and being religious myself, well, such a reaction from someone who believes like her is believable though naive. Can we blame Christine for that? NO. How is she supposed to guess?

And now, let's talk about "Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again", aka. The Christine Empowerment™ song! I feel like the difference between a good portrayal of Christine and a great portrayal of Christine, is based on how good their rendition of this song is. It is a crucial part of the plot. One of the reason The Phantom and Raoul appeal to Christine is because of the connection they represent to her dead father. Of course, Raoul actually knew her father and the Phantom uses his memory to manipulate her. At this point in the show, Christine has become disillusioned with Raoul and is afraid of the Phantom. She realizes through the song that the only way she can’t move forward is through letting go of the past, and getting over the death of her father. This fuels her actions through the rest of the show as it makes her realize that if she wants her happy ending, she must take charge of her destiny and earn her own agency! And the Phantom, trying to use her in the moment where she was probably at her most vulnerable since she is questioning herself about her entire life, only catalyses her decision. She performs in Don Juan Triumphant, because she knows that everything is up to her, and that she cannot let the Phantom keep on destroying her life.

As for her unmasking the Phantom in "Point of No Return", Christine did this in a way to show him that she refused to be controlled by him any longer. It is certainly not the most intelligent thing to do, nor the nicest, but again, her behaviour is explainable. But as said above for Erik, it doesn’t excuse her. And it shows how she was beginning to be able to resist his pull/spell/enchantment/whatever you like to call it on her!

I adore and admire Christine Daae as a character so much, and it was her actions and story arc that really started my love for this story. Christine's ability to love unconditionally and selflessly is so profound. Even though the Phantom put her and everyone else through lots of horrors, she still doesn't hesitate to show kindness towards him but makes sure that her abuser NEVER hurts anyone EVER again. She loves Raoul so much that she's pretty much willing to sacrifice her freedom and happiness so Raoul could be free. No matter what circumstances she is given, she will still put the ones she loves before herself no matter what, even if it means giving up a chance to save herself. I know most of us won’t ever be put in such an extreme scenario but Christine is such an inspiration of how to love others and believe in them despite flaws and bad sides. She inspires me to see the good in people. It’s so easy to be cynical and hardened in this world, and I think that Phantom of the Opera reminds us to have kindness and light in our hearts, even in challenging circumstances.

I would also like to add another moment of character. Think what it must have taken to prepare for the female lead role in a 3-act opera. Christine wasn’t even an understudy. In a matter of minutes, she went from member of the ballet corps to the lead role, and she had to rehearse and remember new music, character, blocking, and vocals. Not only did she prepare in time, she performed so well that she became a hit. This reveals, not only the skill and beauty of her voice, but also her concentration, diligence, and acting capability. Everyone hails the Phantom as the ultimate musical genius—and he is—but they overlook the implied extent of Christine’s skill.

She went through the loss of both parents, manipulation, being stalked, and knowing that the person she loves most has his life on the line - because of her. And then she literally gets off of her knees and shows her abuser the first form of kindness he has ever known. Not even the Phantom was strong enough for that; he gave up on the world far too early. Christine is the embodiment of courage and kindness; she teaches us to love and forgive those who have been awful to us, and to protect those we love even if it means our own suffering. But she no longer succumbs to the Phantom and makes sure her abuser never hurts anyone EVER again. Seriously, this girl is AWESOME! And this was in the 18th century! It's really sad that such a great character is overlooked by many...

It seems that Leroux really understood women... That we can be emotional, we are vulnerable but not weak... And emotion really helps us when we keep them in control!

Christine, in a nutshell, is a kind, observant, compassionate, trusting young woman–a too trusting at first–but with a spine of steel and determination once she’s drawn the line. She loves people deeply, but she picks up quickly on the realities of the situation. She has the strongest character arc in the story and makes the choices to grow and to move on. Yet she remains gentle and compassionate, uses her love to bless and not manipulate. She’s a layered character who grows. And there’s so much more to her than meets the eye.

#christine daae #Christine daae defense league #phantom of the opera musical #phantom of the opera #the phantom of the opera #poto #character analysis #I'm in the mood to talk about her rn #She's seriously awesome #And it's sad not many people see her like that!

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