#I’m home with my family for Christmas

[deus-ex-mona]

rage is a ✨way of life✨

#found out that i successfully angered someone by not showing up to work on saturday lmaoooooo #and im just like… gOOOOOOD. BE MAD!!!!!!!!!!!! #mans has no room to be mad anyway. it’s his fault i had to ot for 7 hours to cover his work for him in the first place soooooooo #a nd he’s getting demoted next year and im ahauxucjsjjsjsjsjxjdhss #in other news im kinda annoyed by my mother’s (unfortunate) pressuring of me to go to the upcoming family christmas gathering :( #like no way manssssss i haven’t seen the extended fam since my grandma’s funeral and i’d like to keep it that way thanks~~~~~~~~ #and a c h r i s t m a s gathering of all places… m a n. im half expecting them to drag everyone to church to end off the gathering… #i wouldn’t put it past the hosting aunt to do that ngl. she had tricked me into attending a church service in the past and all… #like. man. there’s this local mall that has a similar name to said church service… #so ofc it’s normal to assume that said mall is what she was referring to when she said ‘let’s go to [insert name]!’ with no context right??? #and uggshdhdjjsjsjdjs i don’t wanna be introduced to my cousins’ kids as ‘auntie [insert nickname i hate]’ bc that’s lame #and m a n. i definitely don’t wanna interact with my cousins’ kids. i either don’t know or can’t pronounce (or both) their names #i only remember the oldest one’s name (bc he has a stereotypical frat boy name) and the one who’s named after a ninja turtle #but none of the rest. i think some of them have names from my cousins’ spouses’ home countries? dk about the others though #i’m 80% sure one of the girls was named something like ‘triceratops’ but that doesn’t seem right… #being named after a dinosaur sounds cool though… or any prehistoric creature really #if i could choose my own name i’d like it to be ‘coelacanth’ #just so i can say ‘i coelacan’t do it!!!!!’ if someone asked me to do something i don’t wanna do. the pun potentials are endless mans #huh. wow… i started this off with a mad coworker and ended it by turning into a coelacanth… how did we get here anyway…? #oh wells no one reads the tags anyway uehxudjdjdjsjsjss my secrets are ✨safe✨

[lesbiansanemi]

Do you think if I wish hard enough my mom will get electrocuted by a string of Christmas lights and just go up in a cloud of smoke. It’d be a Christmas miracle

#I’m not even DOWN THERE YET and I want to fucking KILL HER #I have to work Christmas Eve and the day after Christmas. I live four hours away from my family #I told her this MANY TIMES I said I’ll drive down after work on Christmas Eve be there Christmas morning but I need to leave by 3-4 to get #home at a reasonable hour so I can have time to unpack/catch up on a couple days of chores/get plenty of sleep #she called me last night and told me she didn’t schedule Christmas stuff until SIX PM #and when I said why tf did you do that I’m not staying that late #she got mad and upset and was like ‘it’s the only time everyone is free :(‘ #BUT THEN proceeded to tell me we were having lunch with her HUSBAND’S family at noon #(ppl I am not close with never have been literally don’t talk to) #and everyone I know is like ‘just leave when you said you were going to anyways’ #and like yeah I could but then my family is gonna be ENRAGED that I didn’t do Christmas stuff with them #and they’re like ‘well explain that your mom didnt listen to when you said you needed to leave’ #but the thing is. no matter what. they’re going to take her side #I should sacrifice my time and comfort to spend time with them because they’re FAMILY #never mind that literally not a SINGLE ONE OF THEM has EVER come up to visit me #IM always expected to drive down there. but that sacrifice doesn’t count it’s not good enough #but if I stay that late I won’t be getting home until AT LEAST midnight or later #cuz my family has no fucking concept of time so if it starts at six that means it doesn’t ACTUALLY start until 7 so most of them might be #there by 8 so I’ll be expected to stay until at least 10 to sufficiently catch up with all of them #I’m going to scream I’m going to cry #if I leave early I’m the awful ungrateful terrible bitch who never comes to see any of them #but none of them could adjust their days by just a few hours to see me before I needed to leave #FOR MY FUCKING JOB !!!!!!!! SOMETHING COMPLETELY OUT OF MY CONTROL #and like the thing is. my piece of shit manipulative bitch mother #I KNOW she did this on purpose #I know she didn’t plan this until six to FORCE me to stay longer because she was mad I wasn’t staying long #(again… because of work… something I can’t control) #so she’s orchestrated this to put me in this position #where I have to suck it up and stay and be exhausted and have tired migraines for a week cuz I get only a couple hours of sleep and then #or leave and make everyone pissed. I hate her so FUCKING much

[herawell]

.

#called my mom at 7am out of a desperate need for validation #had a 37 minute long convo that amounted to ‘you should look into therapy’ #(in a much nicer and more constructive way it was actually a very good conversation’ #and she told me that she’s been in therapy for the last year #and that it did wonders for her mental health #and that she went from being on the verge of divorce #to looking forward to spending her retirement with my dad and expanding her home business to cover health insurance #since my dad is currently unemployed and most likely isn’t getting another job (industry and & age related reasons) #and ofc I’m glad to hear that they’re doing better #but I’m wondering if she got thru everything she needed to in therapy #and if she’s sorry about last winter #when for two days in a row she screamed at me for hours on end #about what a failure I am and how much I’m a drag on the family #how I was responsible for their impending divorce #and she was going to gift my dad divorce papers for Christmas and it would be my fault #how I looked like a clown at my recent graduation #and a bunch of other things #if she’s sorry for how every year since I was 14 she’s screamed at me about how I’m responsible for their being on the rocks #how it’s my fault my siblings will grow up in a broken family and we’ll have to sell the family house of 25 years to pay for the divorce #for when in April 2020 she tried to [redacted] herself in front of me while telling me it was my fault and I’d pushed her that far #all while I whisper-screamed for her to stop bc it was midnight and my siblings weee sleeping in the next room #she has never apologized for any of those and I don’t want to bring it up now #bc I don’t want to relive the past #but I wonder #mother mention cw #negativity cw #divorce cw

[starscelly]

..

#ive been very lucky in that the last family member i remember passing away was when i was like 6 #like i’ve never really known any of them since #but my cat is dying from a really aggressive form of cancer #and probably only has a month at most #and now i’m having to go through this with my best friend #we got her right before christmas in 2015 #or maybe 14 #because our cat went missing and a man reached out thinking she was her #and she very clearly wasn’t #but the guy couldn’t take care of her so we took her home because we could #and she’s been my best friend basically since then #she’s always been there for me through the worst years of my life #she’s never left my side #when we took her home that first day she peed on me in the car lol #she still doesn’t like leaving the house #even though she used to beg outside of a gas station before us #and last night on the way to the hospital she peed on me again #so i guess it’s full circle in that way lol #idk what to do #we can’t see her until tomorrow #so i just have to sit here and act like my best friend isn’t dying #delete later #yap yap yapping #you don’t need to reach out or respond or anything i just. need to vent and i’ve exhausted everywhere else and i feel bad messaging friends

[zodiacsea]

ANOTHER coworker i love is leaving AND i have a bunch of shit i need to get finished at work before i go to vegas next week and not enough time to do it AND the zipper on my favorite jeans broke AND i woke up half an hour late this morning i actually want to go home and curl up in a ball forever. thanks

#漫言 #i want to be at home and i want to be playing video games and/or writing transgender vampire smut. is that so much to ask. #i have so much to do this weekend too tho. i need to pack for vegas and i need to shop for my family bc this is my last weekend at home unti #new years lol #and i prob need to go thrifting so i have things to wear in vegas in the first placd #a friend was supposed to be visiting this week but wasn’t able to last minute and i’m upset abt that #and like. this fucking thing i have to do at work i’ve only done one other time and it made me want to tear my hair out #on top of the other thing making me want to tear my hair out #and ramza isn’t coming with me to az for christmas AGAIN and that’s not its fault it’s bc of work but #i’m still upset abt that too. idk. i want to go home and take a fucking nap.

[deklo]

still testing positive 😃

#just cried so hard #i need to see my dog and kiss his forehead #i also need just #to not be here LMAOOO #at least my house is clean 😔 #gonna draw or play animal crossing or just cry more 😔 #i’m going to first. sadly eat a subway sandwich in my bed ☹️ #i might finally take a walk today but i am feeling very defeated!! #maybe i’ll slowly start decorating for christmas :( just a little :( nothing crazy :( #i did my makeup and packed a bag to go home to my family and i CANT. THATS SO SAD LMAO. MY SAD LITTLE PACKED BAG. ABANDONED

[k-atsukibakugou]

today is the one day this week i had a short shift n i’ve spent the entire morning doing random shit

#i’m off on friday so hopefully i’ll write a little then #every other day this week i work alllll day #i had to wait with my partner for their driving test n then we got home and organised some of our late christmas gifts bc we saw my family #and now we’re taking our old fridge and freezer to a tip bc they fucked themselves #and then we’ve gotta pick up the new one n get it home #and it’s just ughhhhhhhfhrbrbfn #i just wanna lay down for 6 weeks lmao #although i will say i do feel rejuvenated after lunar new year so i’m just saying this is the start of 2024 #that was a trial 2024 and it sucked so this will be the REAL 2024 and it will be GOOD #「mercury speaks」

[8nychta]

i hate being home for the holidays. best christmas i ever had i spent with a cult in india

#last year on christmas eve i went out with my boyfriend and friend in paris and we got free wine from the bar we went to #then i got a free sushi roll from the restaraunt #everyone always hates on the french calling them rude but they’re not #and then i spent christmas at my bf’s family’s home in paris even though i was dying of the flu #every year i’m in nyc for christmas i’m miserable #and my bf isn’t even here he’s at his parents home in LA #it’s always around this time every year i start thinking about running away to india again…. the us drives me into psychosis

[irrolyphant]

.

#tw death #[.] #it’s weird the things you find yourself obsessing over and prioritising when you’re given the chance to prepare for when a loved one dies #like i’m big into christmas. it’s my security blanket & i have an ‘emergency christmas’ playlist on my phone for when i’m melting down etc #& with dad’s health being what it is. i’ve become obsessed with the need to create a playlist for mum to listen to after he’s gone #i’ve spent countless hours creating a christmas playlist which doesn’t include any songs about loss or missing loved ones #please come home for christmas. lonely this christmas. #even have yourself a merry little christmas isn’t okay #so yeah. i don’t know if it’s normal to be prioritising christmas music in august when you know time’s running out but #when it happens. his absence will be everywhere. #the last thing i want is for her to not even be able to listen to music without it rubbing it in her face #idk #that’s what i’ve been up to lately 🤷🏻‍♀️ #sorry. i’m rambling at 3am #also #i lost my uncle and a family friend in the last two weeks and my mind’s been fixating even harder on christmas since then #the effort i had to put into NOT making gifs of tim in a santa hat in ‘go’ because it’s fucking august & not everyone is insane like me 🙈

[ifeelfreewithoutmyshoes]

“Oh it’s almost Christmas, you know what that means? We have to watch lord of the rings”

- my mom

#she isn’t even a huge fan of the movies or anything #but danish tv shows the movies around Christmas (and the hobbit) #so at this point they’re just Christmas movies in my family #so my mom and I are going to watch one of the movies when I’m home for Christmas #it’s always nice #me #last year she was like yeah lotr are Christmas movies

[herawell]

.

#negativity cw #mother mention cw #if there’s one good thing about last eeekend’s meltdown #now I know that even after almost a year of therapy which supposedly ‘saved’ her marriage to my dad #my mom still feels no compunctions about last year’s Dec 20 and 21 screamfests #where she told me she would be gifting my dad a divorce for Xmas and it would be my fault #for trying to [redacted] herself in front of me while I whisper screamed for her not to #for blaming me every year since age 13 for their marriage being in the rocks #after a year of therapy and imploring me to seek therapy myself #she still doesn’t regret any of it #I vowed to myself after last year’s Christmas meltdown that I would never get them any kind of anniversary gift again #not after a decade of being blamed as a child for their issues #and now I feel no remorse about that decision #no flowers no chocolates no cards no special surprises #I’m the eldest child and earning close to six figures and not a penny of it will go to celebrating their Union #and i don’t care how bad it makes me look #she can get a one-line ‘congrats’ in the family WhatsApp group chat and that’s it #you don’t get to scream at me every 18 months ever since I was 14 #that I am the one strain on your otherwise faultless marriage #that it’s my fault my siblings will grow up in a broken home #that it’s my fault we’ll have to sell the family home of 30 years to pay for the divorce #and never apologize at all even years down the line when I’m an adult and you’ve had your ‘character development’ #and expect me to celebrate your Union #it’s very very petty and idk if she’ll notice bc I’ve never really made anniversary gifts for them before #but that’s my revenge

[illbeoutofthewoods]

GOOD EVENING LADIES AND GENTLEFOLK

WHO WANTS TO CRY WITH ME TONIGHT

#im ok #just a bit feral cause I had a meltdown #going back to uni and existential dread and fear of failing after graduation and fear of having to move back home with no prospects #just the thought makes me sick #what was all this for then ???? #if I can’t make anything of myself #after all the bullshit #constant and for years #and always having to put one foot in front of the other even if you wanted to give up completely and just be done with it #and then not knowing if I should go home for Christmas or stay at uni or visit friends that are like family but lying about it to my own #family cause it would cause too much trouble if they knew and I can’t handle other people’s tantrums anymore #it would have to be in secret #and taht stresses me out #mind you I’m starting my 2nd year at university #Celeste talks #I just needed to word vomit

[feelslikegold]

#oh i’m crying #I get a week off for thanksgiving and my coworker asked what I was doing/if I was going home to see my parents #and I was like NO it’s too expensive etc etc #plus my family celebrates thanksgiving by cooking lithuanian food bc my mom hates this country 😚 #but it really is a fun family day plus we decorate for christmas after as a tradition 😔 #and I was really sad about being alone across the country and my coworker was like OH?? just come with me I have a big family <3 #:(((((((( #i’ve never spent a holiday with someone else/someone’s family especially an american family who genuinely celebrate like how it is in movies #i’m so???? sobbing actually #like i’m so used to just being alone especially after moving but that’s so sweet I think I will cry forever #my love language is. people being nice to me #anyways #what do I bring….do I just bring wine 🧍🏻‍♀️ #do I bring multiple bottles…….or is one enough 😳 #or is one rude HELP???? god #idk how I survived this long on my own tbh #anyways ignore me I am a hot mess rn

[sluttyten]

Praying begging pleading with the universe that it’s slow at work tomorrow so they definitely let me leave an hour early

#like I’m in the Midwest right we’ve got a shitty winter storm #@ any customers who decide to brave whatever snow/ice combo is happening out there right now #and then the negative or single digit temperatures in the morning on Christmas Eve Eve: fuck off #like we (my favorite coworker and I) have already decided we’re not doing shit tomorrow at work #we’re gonna show up open the store and hope that nothing happens all day #and then we’re gonna go home #and we’re gonna dress comfy while we do it #I’ve got stuff to do tomorrow bc I have a Christmas party tomorrow night and have to bake/make food for my family’s Christmas Eve #luckily I did my nails tonight #I need to write more for unholy which I did a little earlier while I was on my break at work but like…. I don’t know I find it so awkward/ #uncomfy to try writing smut when I’m sitting in public even when I sit in a corner where no one can see my screen #but fuck it if it’s slow tomorrow I might just sit halfway out of sight of customers and write on my phone

[thesunsethour]

trying to look at potential masters degrees for after i graduate and my father keeps asking me “why not do one in ireland so you can live at home”. how do i politely explain to him that if i have to live at home again for an entire year i would go crazy

#i’ve been at home for three weeks since christmas and i’m quickly reaching the end of my tether #i currently have a fucked up ear a fucked up hand a massive headache and i’m exhausted #so i didn’t set an alarm this morning #and apparently i’m SO disrespectful for sleeping in until half 11 #but. this is my house too and i am an adult with my own life if i want to sleep in i don’t think it’s the end of the world #oh also he lied to me lol. asked last night if we’d all go for a jog today (yeah we do family jogs shut up) #and he said yeah in the afternoon #reader they left at 11:45 #but what really grinds my gears is that i’m accused of not helping around the house enough #(even though christmas would literally not have happened without me) #all while my (ALSO AN ADULT) brother sits playing video games all day and nothing is ever said to him #… also my head still really fucking hurts

[pebblezone]

I need more haters I need violence and fighting

#talkingcore #fun fact! ​the horse was the first horse webkinz! #this is false I don’t have the confrontational skills for haters or maybe they just don’t have enough swag to be confronted by me #dude I figured out how to do animations and sounds in PowerPoint and I think it’s increased my swag by like at least 2. #finished one but fuck it man I’m making more I had more thoughts I need to solidify more thoughts #I’ll scoop back to The Beach Boys eventually (probably not) #In The Meantime Though trying to decide if seras would’ve been an animal jam kid or club penguin kid (real answer is none she’s be idk 26? #also Kenny chesney let me down man was doing so well and Bam suddenly I’m faced with wannabe Jimmy buffet cowboy Christmas album #GIRL STOP SCREAMING IN THE HALL IT’S TUESDAY YOURE SOBER GOD DAMN anyway I just wanted the sad alcoholic tunes #thinking about that dude who was like I made this drink that smells like sunscreen it’s bad But like I want it. I want to consume sunscreen #oh yeah dining hall had matzo ball soup. would I ever seek her out? no but she doesn’t taste like dog water! #happy passover! I’m not missing out on the At Home family experience because my grandpa got Covid. thought it was a cold. #refused to wear a mask. got my mom and grandma sick. and they (grandparents) haven’t tested since so I guess they aren’t hosting! #dude I want to experience a corn pit so bad they’re like the pinacle of sensory good times Fuck it people other than babies deserve corn pit