#I wish he wasn’t literally perfect and wonderful and makes me feel alive and valued | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lostsoulaltair · 4 years

Text

OnS Theories (13S). Second Theory (Special Theory and Analysis) - Sika Madu and Shinoa, the journey and their relation with Yuichiro

Hello everyone, I hope everyone’s doing well! This is the 2nd theory and the last I post for the moment until a new chapter comes for the manga story; in the meantime I’ll be thinking more about it and perhaps update, but nevertheless, I’d like to thank everyone for their constant support!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0vfcrC87v8A

NOTE: You might wonder why I gave the theory such title when I don’t involve ships. As I’ve stated so far, ships aren’t included in theories; the theory itself will focus on the reasons why these two characters ended up interacting or meeting along the fact that a third party mostly known as Shikama Doji, is involved with this.

Therefore, let’s begin!

Shinoa Hiragi and Yuichiro Hyakuya are well known to be the main lead protagonists of Vampire Reing Story; of course, that doesn’t mean everything resolves around them; every character is important within the story. But then, why do I state that Sika Madu and Shinoa have made a journey?

First of all, in older theories, I’ve stated that Shinoa is literally a part of Shikama Doji or a reflection, what do I mean?

Shinoa has a lot of mannerism Shikama has and that’s not because he influences her decisions, instead, it’s more that her personality was molded towards what Shikama or Sika Madu is like but with one sole difference, what kind of difference you might ask.

There’s a reason why Shinoa is the perfect vessel for Shikama Doji and this is because there’s compatibility, Shinoa was a being that lacked lively emotions,furthermore it was stated by Shikama that she herself is a part of him.

But, to give you a better idea why they are alike, there two pictures below speak about their way of speaking:

Now, you might perhaps believe the author is likely to repeat speeches but so far, those two are the only ones that have a similar way of speech whenever their dialogues appear.

Therefore, those two are two sides of the same coin.

Now, focusing more into the theory, you might wonder why I stated a journey, therefore, let’s start explaining about it.

Sika Madu’s journey and relation with Yuichiro

Sika Madu, before he revealed his true colors to Ashera Tepes, was displayed as a kind buyer, he made sure Ashera and Yu ate; but now, why do I state there was a journey and relation with Yu?

Sika Madu long ago used to use Yu as a test subject for his experiments, it can be said that the Yu from the past was made out of his real blood (The blood of the angel Michaela, the one sleeping in the coffin) or certain composition that gave autonomy to Yuichiro which might actually explain why the Yu from Greece wasn’t very smart as for the aspect for his memories, it was due to the fact Yuichiro was killed along the fact that he was cloned when the experiments Sika Madu performed wiith persons he bought ended up in failure.

Still, what kind of journey did Sika Madu have with Yu?

Despite Sika being centered on his goals and experiments, he displayed a kind demanor, he was aware of human behavior and was quite intrigued by how Yu evolved once he was able to create young vampires; furthermore, it can be said that Sika Madu learnt more about how humans behaved, what their natural reactions were, their traits along the fact that he was aware that the vampires he sired adquired more traits than an average human.

But, within this journey, before leaving the progenitor council, he was focused on creating a new Michaela vessel, which is why the vampires that ended up being turned by him or by Yu’s blood in Ashera’s case were failures in terms to achieve becoming Michaela.

Once he found that a future vessel would give him what he required, he decided to leave the Progenitor Council and take Ashera Tepes with him for being the first vampire that wasn’t turned by him.

As for his relation with Yu, well, it can be implied that the way he saw Yu was nothing less than a test subject but was surprised by the changes Yu had within time; such surprise can be seen in chapter 74 when he calls Yu as a supposed empty vessel.

Shinoa Hiragi’s journey and relation with Yuichiro

Shinoa Hiragi was born as the youngest one in the Hiragi Family, she received the training other Hiragi received but, compared to her siblings, she was locked down from human sight except for Mahiru and Guren until the end of the world came in.

Shinoa was a person that ended up learning to grow alone, she didn’t get to experiment the warm love of a family, furthermore, when she got Shikama Doji back, she felt completed, as if the missing piece of hers came back to her.

Shikama Doji of course, told her about her desires along dreams she has deep within her heart but of course, Shinoa learnt very well how to make her heart being unreachable for demons, which is why he referred to her as the perfect vessel that could ever exist.

With the pass of time, eventually Shinoa was able to meet Yuichiro Hyakuya; it can be said that at the beginning, she saw him as another person she had to watch so said person could enter in the demon army, of course, such thing ended up in the creation of the Squad we’ve come to known within the story.

Within this, Shinoa taught Yu to be patient, to follow orders so there wouldn’t be deaths within the squad and family they ended up building with Mitsuba, Yoichi and Kimizuki; eventually, Mika and Narumi.; but, at the same time, Yu taught her the values of being a human, the meaning of treasuring those around you, the concept of a family, and furthermore, something within Shinoa grew, which is “love”.

Of course, many believe Shinoa is a lustful person because Shikama Doji in chapter 66 and 67 stated Shinoa’s lust would overcome her but, why do I imply that’s not the case?

To begin with, Shinoa within the story, started to learn what it meant to be human, furthermore, the emotions she experiments are something new for her, she doesn’t know what to think of said emotions, which is why she’s awkward whenever Yu got too close to her.

NOTE: Theories don’t involve ships.

Shinoa so far has displayed a selfless “love”. What do I mean?

She’s worried about Yu’s well being, and since he is the one that taught her the concept of a family, taught her the value of a human life along other details, she’s willing to put in practice what she’s been learning.

To certain extend, it can be said that she shows admiration towards Yu’s will and how he faces the world so he can achieve what he wishes for.Thus, it can be said that the emotion she feels so far is respect towards Yu’s will and a caring side that was eventually born within her.

Now, perhaps many might wonder where exactly is the journey between these two. The journey itself are the many adventures the squad has had, the new additions, new beginnings, losses, moments of sadness, etc. Along the fact, that both have learnt from each other to grow more

Now, once stated these two points, there’s something Shikama and Shinoa share in common, what could it be?

Correct. Both have shared time with Yuichiro, both have viewed and learnt some things from him in a different manner; but then, does this mean Shinoa will eventually use Yu?

Of course not; despite the fact that I’ve stated Shinoa and Shikama are two faces of the same coin; there’s a huge gap between them, but what kind of gap?

First of all, Shinoa Hiragi is like the human side of Shikama Doji/Sika Madu, I mean, despite her being able to use the power she harbors or her being able to use her position as a Hiragi, she chose a different lifestyle, she didn’t focus on going through a path of ambition or keeping up with human experiments, instead, she seeks to put an end to the messed up world she and the others live in.

Furthermore, despite being possessed by the first, Shinoa’s mindset hasn’t changed, her goal is still firm along her mission, which is to ensure the squad ends up alive and survives; along the fact the end up finding a way to ensure their safety and priorities.

What do you think guys? Do you believe Shinoa might end up losing herself or not? Do you believe she has the power to actually turn the tables against the first? What are your thoughts about her or her future?

Let me know!

29 notes · View notes

thefuriousstarlightstudent · 5 years

Text

Literally Billy Batson: Chapter Two

So I got another chapter posted? Hopefully y’all like it! :)

Ao3 Link: Chapter Two: The Letter From Marilyn

Gotham City, Wayne Manor, U.S.A.

October 4th, 2010

If Bruce is honest with himself, cleaning his desk out for the first time in over ten years is a lot more work than he expects. It needs to be done though, even though he doesn't really want to. He can't deny that finding paperwork will be easier when it's not lost in one of the piles of old documents Bruce has floating around that he really should just get rid of.

Once the surface is cleared off (a monumental task on its own) he starts to go through the drawers. It's amazing how many things he's accumulated in them have nothing to do with work. Bruce is fairly sure he doesn't even make clippings of newspapers, so it's a question how any of the numerous clippings ended up spread in the drawers. There are also quite a few letters, most open, however, a few aren't. He sets the unopened letters aside to look through later and tosses the opened ones. There's also more old paperwork, which joins numerous other things in the trash.

In the end, Bruce has rather large stacks of paper clips, pencils, pens, staples, and blanks paper. He has a few clipboards as well, plus two or three unopened letters to look at.

Or organizes everything else first. The stapes go in a tiny plastic tub which is then put back in the top left drawer. The paper clips join the staples in a plastic tub of their own. The pens and pencils are placed loosely in the top right drawer. Blank paper is in the bottom right drawer. The clipboards are stacked in the bottom left drawer.

Bruce sits down on his leather office chair behind his desk and breaths deeply, eyes closed. It's amazing what even cleaning such a small part of the house can do for him. He takes a moment to enjoy the feeling before reaching for the unopened letters.

One is an invitation to a gala that happened back in 2004. Bruce did go, but he always thought he'd never received an invitation in the first place, or maybe they'd missed sending him one. He'd been able to get in because everyone knew who he was. The second is a funeral notice for a businessman Bruce never liked when he was alive. Bruce had sent flowers after his death though. He tosses both.

The third letter is different. It's handwritten, first of all. He recognizes the handwriting. It hits him suddenly with striking familiarity. The only problem is it says it's from Marilyn Batson.

Bruce, as much as he wants - needs - to know everything, he stayed away from her. He's been tempted to search her, almost has, but he's never actually done it. It just doesn't seem like something she'd want him to brood over. And he's done a spectacular job of not brooding over her if he says so himself.

Apparently, she had married C.C. Batson.

Bruce had always hoped she was lying about calling him. Apparently not.

He slowly opens the letter, careful not to tear anything. His heart clenches at the familiar sight of her looping S's and crooked T's. He takes a moment and just looks at the handwriting. Not reading, just looking.

Dearest Bruce,

I know you're probably wondering why I'm sending you this letter. I know I am. The last you heard from me is telling you we can't be together. Now I'm writing you a letter. This isn't what I wanted to do, but C.C. has always been a better person than me. He insisted I write to you.

We married. I thought you should know. That isn't the point of the letter, but it seemed important to add. I do love him. I love you too, though, Bruce. But I don't think we were meant to be. Both of us knew that. No matter how much we denied it for those few months in Peru.

I don't regret it. Being with you, that is. I hope you don't either. It ended in heartbreak, but the result was amazing. I have a son, Bruce. His name is William Thomas Batson. He's not C.C.'s son. He's yours and mine. He was born on October 1st, 2000. He came early. I was so scared, but the doctors say he'll be fine. He just needs a little extra love.

I wasn't going to tell you about him. I didn't want to. C.C. insisted though. He says a man deserves to know he has a son. But to be clear, C.C. is William's father or is going to be. I don't want you in William's life. (I did name him after your father, however.)

You're an amazing person, Bruce. You're a good person. I don't doubt that. But William doesn't deserve to be confused. He doesn't deserve to have to move back and forth just to spend time with his father. He deserves stability. And let's be honest, you're not the most stable person. Or emotionally vulnerable.

You have the money where you could most definitely get William from us and we'd never see him again. I don't think you will. You know I don't want money. You know I'll do my best to love him. We both know C.C. will be an amazing father.

If anything ever happens to C.C. and me, I also wanted you to know. You'll be a better person to take care of him than C.C.'s brother, Ebenezer. You'll love him. Ebenezer won't. You won't be named in our will (the publicity!) but this is so you know it's okay to get him from Ebenezer. Do whatever it takes if that ever happens.

With Love,

Marilyn Batson

Bruce drops the letter to the desk. He has a son. A ten-year-old human child. He's had a child all these years, a son he's never known. He would have known though if only he'd cleaned out his desk. He has a son named William Thomas Batson.

She named their son after his father.

She doesn't want him to know his own son.

It makes sense, he supposes. Being a vigilante isn't the safest career option. He may die at any time. And from what she wrote it seems like William has had a good life. He has a nice, normal, undamaged man for a father. He has a perfect mother.

Bruce's heart aches. He could have had her and William. He could have been a father. If he'd been able to convince her (or himself. Mostly himself) that he would give up his quest for justice they could have gone back to America together. He could have raised a son in the Manor. He could have had more children. Dick certainly would have liked to have children his age (or near to it) when he first came to live with Bruce.

His mind whirls with a million miles an hour with all what-ifs and could-have-beens.

It's in this state that Alfred finds Bruce in a few hours later, sitting in his chair with his head in his hands, pale and unresponsive.

"Master Bruce, whatever is the matter?" Alfred asks, sounding concerned and curious.

Bruce doesn't answer at first. Instead, he takes a moment longer to compose himself at least slightly and looks up at Alfred with red-rimmed eyes.

Bruce gestures to the letter still sitting innocently on his desk.

"Read it," he tells Alfred shortly.

It sounds like a command, but both him and Alfred know it isn't Bruce who gives the commands. Bruce knows Alfred won't be offended at the tone, especially once he reads the letter. He definitely won't take the words at face value after reading it. And Bruce knows Alfred can tell he's in pain. Not physical pain, emotional.

Alfred raises an eyebrow and grabs the letter smoothly, taking a moment to read through it. As he goes his eyebrows climb higher and higher. Near what must be the end of the letter, Alfred's eyebrows are so high Bruce knows if he still had hair his eyebrows would be hidden in it.

"There it is," Bruce says tiredly.

Alfred looks up at Bruce, whole posture softening.

"So… is it true, Master Bruce?"

"I don't know, Alfred," Bruce sighs, burying his face in his hands again. "We were together in Peru briefly." Bruce decides to spare the detail. Those aren't things he needs Alfred knowing. "Judging by when she says her son was born, he would have to be mine. But… I don't think I should look into it further," Bruce admits. As much as it hurts to say, Bruce should probably just let sleeping dragons lie.

He feels hopeless. He wants to respect Marilyn's wishes, and yet at the same time… he wants to, needs to know more about the boy. His son. He's torn between following her wishes to stay away or looking for more information.

Of course, she could be lying to him, but Bruce's gut tells him she's not. It's not like she demands hush money in the letter, and he knows there haven't been any rumors of him having a son, well, none any more credible than usual.

"If I may be so bold, Master Bruce?"

"Of course, Alfred," Bruce replies automatically.

"Follow the young woman's wishes. Stay away, for now. But… it can't hurt to look up the boy, see whether he's happy and look at pictures of him." Bruce sends Alfred a thankful look. Alfred smiles fondly at Bruce and pats him on the shoulder. "I shall leave you alone with your thoughts, for now, my boy."

Alfred turns away and begins to head out of the study. Just as the door is about to close, Bruce whispers brokenly: "She named him after my dad, Alfred."

Gotham City, The Batcave, U.S.A.

October 4th, 2010

It isn't hard to find Marilyn by simply searching her name. The Batcomputer organizes every mention of her online chronologically starting from after they'd parted in Peru. The first one is a wedding announcement between her and C.C. Batson.

There are lots of smaller mentions of her that Bruce ignores. He doesn't ignore a birth announcement of a boy named William Thomas Batson to her and C.C. Batson. Bruce reads it eagerly. It doesn't say a lot, mostly talks about how he was born early.

Bruce changes the search after that, instead, he looks for every mention of William Thomas Batson. There isn't a lot. He's mentioned in a few articles alongside Marilyn and her husband. Mostly just saying he travels with them when they go on archeological digs around the world. But soon - too soon - there are only two mentions of William left. One is in a death announcement for Marilyn and C.C. Batson, who were murdered while on a dig in Giza. the next is a missing person report filed by his uncle, Ebenezer Batson.

Bruce feels his heart clench. Was William killed in Giza with his mother and father? (Bruce isn't his father, he knows that even if he is biologically William's father, he's not the one who raised him.)

Bruce does more digging, praying that William hadn't died. He doesn't know if he can handle that, gaining and losing a son in a matter of hours.

Soon he finds it, a mention of William. It's from a newspaper doing an article on the Batsons. William had stayed home with influenza when his parents died. He ran away from his uncle's home a few weeks later.

Bruce remembers Marilyn's begging to keep William away from Ebenezer if anything happened to her and C.C. and suddenly he wonders. How bad is Ebenezer Batson really? Is he the monster she makes him sound like, or simply just not good with children? That will require more investigating later, but for now, Bruce needs to find William. If he's even still alive.

Bruce does a more in-depth search, looking through homeless shelter records, foster records, and death records for a boy between the ages of six and ten that matches William's description.

Fawcett City, however, is not known for its hard crime. In all honesty, it's one of the best cities in the U.S. to live in if you want to avoid gangs, murders, and robberies. Always has been, and Captain Marvel just makes it that much safer. Plus the Captain has a way of putting civilians at ease.

Bruce entertains asking Captain Marvel for help but disregards the idea a minute later. He doesn't want anyone to know what's going on, for now at least. All Bruce knows is that he can't find William anywhere in Fawcett City. Not dead, not homeless, not in the system. All Bruce knows is once he finds William - if he finds William - the boy will be coming to live with him, even if Marilyn was wrong about him being Bruce's son.

(He doesn't think she's wrong. Marilyn was always so smart, smarter than Bruce, probably. She knows what she's talking about 100% of the time. He trusts she's not wrong about William, even if he will have to be sure.)

Then Bruce, just as he's about to expand his search parameters to a one-hundred-mile radius of Fawcett City, sees something unusual. William's name on a school field trip list. As a student. But as Bruce looks closer he notices that there's no paperwork, no proof William even goes to the school. No records of him. It's like he just showed up one day and no one questioned it. The fact that he doesn't have guardians or a house and isn't even technically enrolled.

Curious.

How he managed that is beyond Bruce. No hacking. Just… Bruce isn't even sure how to explain it, to be honest. It's obvious William is smart, to have managed this he has to be. But how? How had he managed this?

But even as Bruce searches more he finds himself thinking more and more about William. He finally has a solid lead on the boy's whereabouts. According to the most recent field trip the entire school took, William was still attending. Bruce knows where his son is. And he's still in Fawcett City. He doesn't know where William sleeps, but he does know where William spends his day.

"Hey, Bruce! You down here?" a familiar voice yells. "Alfred said you were when I asked. He wouldn't tell me why though."

Bruce ignores Dick. If he really actually wants to talk to Bruce he'll come down himself. A moment later Dick comes into sight with his backpack slung behind his back, only one arm in a strap. Dick's still in his school uniform, which means he must have just gotten home. He hates the uniform with a passion Bruce is always impressed by.

"Hey, B. I was wondering if I could head out to the mountain? Wally and I are planning a video game marathon, and to teach Supey to play without crushing the controllers. Speaking of, do we have any extra controllers, you know, just in case?"

"There should be some extra controllers in the cupboard above the TV," Bruce replies automatically. "Before you go I need to talk to you about something important."

"Did someone break out of Arkham?" he asks. "Was it Scarecrow or Poison Ivy. Did Riddler show up? He has been in the wind since escaping from Belle Reve."

Dick looks almost giddy at the idea. Bruce spares a moment to worry about how excited Dick looks at the prospect of violent criminals breaking out of jail and mental wards and worries. He'll have to talk to him about that. Later.

"No one broke out of Arkham. But tomorrow you're taking the day off school and we're going to Fawcett City."

"Am I allowed to ask why?"

"We're going to try and find my son."

Dick freezes and turns to look at Bruce with wide eyes.

"Did I mishear you?"

"No."

"You have a son? When did this happen!?" Dick screeches.

"About ten years ago," Bruce deadpans. "I wasn't… aware until today. I met the boy's mother in Peru while training. We didn't stay together. She sent me a letter about the boy, asked me to stay away unless she and her new husband died. I just found the letter today."

"They died, didn't they?" Dick asks.

Bruce inclines his head. "Almost four years ago now. The boy was taken in by his uncle, but he ran away a few weeks later. I don't know where he's been living, but he has been going to school since he was seven. As far as I can tell he just showed up and no one questioned it."

Dick hopped onto the consul of the Batcomputer and swung his legs back and forth. "Could she have lied?" He doesn't ask about Billy's mysterious ability to go to school, but Bruce finds that less important to think about as more time goes on.

"She's not the type to lie," Bruce says. "She could be wrong, I suppose, but I'd be surprised if she was. Even if she is, he'll be coming to stay with us. She mentioned in her letter that she didn't want his uncle to be his guardian."

"If he's coming to live with us I guess I should know his name," Dick says.

"William Thomas Batson," Bruce says. "After my father and her husband's father."

Dick stares at Bruce for a long moment before he bursts out in a fit of laughter.

"Sorry, sorry," he giggles. "It's just, oh god, his last name is Batson. He's the Bat's son! Bruce, that's hilarious!"

#billy batson #batfam #young justice #fanfic #bruce wayne #dick grayson #alfred pennyworth #marilyn batson #ao3 link #ao3 fic

34 notes · View notes

hollowedrpg · 5 years

Photo

CONGRATULATIONS, LINDSEY! — You’ve been accepted for the role of Arthur Weasley. I’m so happy to have an Arthur again so soon. He’s extremely important for some upcoming plots, and you do him such justice. I loved the way you write his relationship with Molly, and I can’t wait to see Arthur on the dash.

Thank you so much for applying. Please create your account and send in the link, track the right tags, and follow everyone on the follow list. Welcome to Hollowed Souls!

ooc.

name: lindsey

age: 24

preferred pronouns: she/her

timezone: cst

activity: to be honest, i’m not completely sure. i graduated from college (LITERALLY!) yesterday. lol so i can say that i will probably be extremely active as i have a ridiculous amount of time on my hands all of the sudden

how do you feel about your character dying?: i’m fine with it as long as i’m not getting the boot! although i would absolutely love to see molly’s return/discover that she’s actually dead before that point

anything else?: my graduation trip starts tomorrow and i will be gone until the 14th, but emily referred me here and i wanted to apply for arthur before he got snatched up! i can be around on mobile in the evenings until i return, and am happy to. i hope this doesn’t hinder my acceptance at all, but of course i completely understand if it does. if you need to, you can wait to make the decision until the 14th. thank you for understanding either way!

ic details.

full name: Arthur William Weasley

He admired his father from afar, struggling his whole life to feel heard and valued when his tongue always seemed to feel thick and twisted in his mouth. Their relationship was never perfect, but when Arthur had his first son, it seemed natural to pass down the name that was also his.

date of birth: 6 February, 1952

It had been snowing the day Arthur was born. He knew this because in the haste to get his wife to the hospital, William Weasley left their house without shoes on his feet. “Almost lost a toe, I did.” It was a story he grew up hearing, met in later life with eye rolls and sighs of irritation. It wasn’t until he experienced his pregnant wife going into labor in the middle of the night himself that he empathized with the panic he knew all too well.

former hogwarts house: Gryffindor.

Until he met Molly Prewett, Arthur would tell you it never completely made sense to him - why he was sorted into Gryffindor. He couldn’t get words out under the slightest amount of pressure, why would anyone think he could Roar with the Lions? Perhaps it was a sort of Grandfather Clause. He did, in fact, come from an exceedingly long line of Gryffindors. Did the Sorting Hat take pity on him and place him where his parents could finally feel some pride in their only son? Maybe. But then the day came that he tried to voice this fact and the response he got was instant. She came through a crowd like a bolt of lightning (shoving a few innocent bystanders to get to him) and looked up into his face with a look of angered determination. She told him he didn’t have to be loud to be brave. He pointed out the truth that she was quite noisy, herself. To this, Molly Prewett broke out in a grin that (though maybe a tad dramatic) Arthur would swear changed the course of his life indefinitely, and called him funny. And bold. Bold to call her, the argumentative eleven year old than she was, noisy. “See,” she’d said. “A Gryffindor.”

sexuality: straight, but with a jealous admiration for his sex.

gender/pronouns: cisgendered male, he/him

face claim change: no change! Sam Claflin is a lil peach.

more.

how do you interpret this character’s personality? how will you play them? include two weaknesses & two strengths.

Arthur is a quiet man with many thoughts, but few words. His intellect says nothing of his verbiage and though he doesn’t say much, his eyes tell all. There is a slight wonder that had he not been cursed with an abnormal tongue, he might not have had such telling looks. It is just that, however, a mere curiosity for he has no lasting desire to change who he is. Despite his earlier insecurities, he has come to accept himself for all his faults.

The true Gryffindor in Arthur Weasley came to light when he became a father in a world ravaged by war. He wanted to fight for his children, the woman he loves - the family that never questions his worth but sees him as wholly better than he could ever see himself. Everything clicked into place the first time he found himself face-to-face with someone who knew him from their days in school, someone who knew the jibes that would hurt him, and that he had a wife and children back home. He couldn’t place them behind the mask, but they knew his youngest son’s name. “Charlie, was it?” And something in Arthur snapped. He hadn’t realized just how protective he was of the things he considered precious until that moment, but it made perfect sense. What good is a father if he’s not willing to kill or be killed for his loved ones?

Part of the consuming love Arthur has for his family comes from the love he never really had for himself. In his youth, he didn’t care about it. He never focused on self-loathing, but neither did he see any good within himself. That is, as it always is, until Molly came blazing into his life, cementing her position to his left side. When he discovered that she reciprocated his love for her, he admired her all the more. How could she? But she was the smartest person he had ever met, so he wouldn’t dare question it - lest she realize she could do so much better than little old him.

The worry is consuming. He spends his entire day thinking. The gears in his brain churn faster than they ever have, taking his soul and ripping it to pieces. Is Molly still alive? Is she being tortured? Is she at peace, wherever she is? Did she realize how grand her life could be a simply fly the coop that disastrous day? He knows that last one is a bit off the rails, but when his mind is going, Arthur is lost to stop it. Bill might be off safely tucked inside Hogwarts Castle but the rest of his children are with him in Godric’s Hollow. At ten-years-old, Charlie, his most adventurous spawn, gets restless and likes to run off at odd times, causing Arthur’s heart to skip furtive beats. He’s never that far off, usually closely examining stray animals that want nothing to do with him, but Arthur fears one day he’ll be just beyond his reach in the midst of a tragedy (not unlike his mother was). Percy, who is six, is wise beyond his years and stays close to his father as if he can sense the anxiety distance brings. It is young Percy’s help that keeps Arthur from losing his mind over his rambunctious twins, who are barely four and already rebellious. His youngest song, Ron, who has entered the Terrible Twos, clings to Arthur whenever he is awake, making it rather difficult to give his six-month-old (and only daughter) the proper attention she needs. The worry never stops, the change in his daytime routine doing nothing to change that. The only time the young but aging father feels an ounce of serenity is when all the kids are asleep.

how has the war affected this character, emotionally and otherwise?

In her absence, he sees her. Like a ghost, she hovers beside him in his loneliest moments. Molly, the greatest love of his life, reduced to a figment of his imagination. When he longs for her uplifting presence the most, she appears. The first few times, she didn’t say anything. She simply left him stunned, staring at her like he really had seen a ghost. These little visits left him haunted for days. He couldn’t sleep but neither could he bring himself to leave the bed they once shared. His mother stayed with the kids, taking care of them in both their parents’ absences. He thought it meant that she must be dead, but a bigger part of him refused to believe that. This wasn’t her genuine ghost. They had been so connected for years. He knew how she was feeling before he even entered the house after work night after night for years. Surely if she was really and truly dead, he would feel it in his soul. Then he’d managed to ask her what to do aloud, and suddenly she replied. He peered up from the deep pit of sheets their bed had become and took in the insufficient image of his missing wife. “Get up,” she had said, and though it didn’t sound exactly like her, he knew what she wanted. Even as a sad duplicate of the real thing, she wouldn’t let him neglect her children - their children.

where does this character currently stand? with those who wish to hide in godric’s hollow until the war ends, with those who wish to rebuild the order and continue fighting the war, or on neither side? why?

With Molly missing, how is Arthur managing taking care of his children and continuing to be a part of the Order? Does he feel like he should remain a part of the Order?

These questions go hand-in-hand, so I grouped my answer to one longer explanation; I hope that’s okay!

Arthur gathered up his children, said goodbye to his quickly aging parents, and moved to Godric’s Hollow. Lupin had a point. They’d be hiding in plain sight because no one in their right mind would expect them to go where so much darkness remained. Dumbledore promised there would be Hogwarts-level protection on the village to ward off any more disaster. It felt like the smartest thing to do. The draw to continue fighting is there, but he has to think of his kids first. Their safety comes far before his own and the more his soul tells him to fight, the more he considers doing the hardest thing and sending them somewhere far away where they wouldn’t have to be a part of any of it. Time isn’t healing her absence, it is making it harder for Arthur to keep himself together. If he fights, will he finally find her? Will he uncover the truth, that maybe (God willing) she’s alive somewhere? And if she is, what torture could she possibly be enduring? Perhaps it’s better to hope that she’s dead, but the selfish side of Arthur knows what a fighter his wife is - and how lost he might be without her permanently. He remains a part of the Order in the hopes that he will be the first to hear of her whereabouts, determined not to give up just yet. He stays so that the concern and the kids don’t consume him completely. It’s not out of duty anymore. It has nothing to do with wanting a better life for his children. He needs to be the first to know when they finally reveal his biggest fear - that Molly Weasley is dead.

extra.

An extension of the Worry weakness;

Arthur tucks Percy into his sheets and lays a kiss to his sons head, says goodnight to Charlie who doodles in a journal in his adjourning bed across the room. As he leaves the room, he shuts off the light and pulls the door until it is almost closed. Through the crack in the door, he can see the dim yellow light of Charlie’s flashlight. He smiles because he can see his son in his minds’ eye, light tucked beneath his chin, tongue poking out of the corner of his mouth as he concentrates on drawing whatever strange animal he’s dreamed of the night before. In the next room, Arthur has to tell Fred and George to lay down and go to sleep, as he catches them playing in the dark. Fred leans over the top bunk, his small head upside down as he tries to grab the stuffed animal his brother, who is still laying on his back on the bottom bunk, has in his outstretched arm. Ron, in the lowered crib on the other side of the room, stirs restlessly. Arthur tucks the twins in tight, thinking he might invest in restraints - a joke that would’ve made Molly laugh boisterously, had she been there to hear it. He crosses the room to Ron and pulls the blanket up over his shoulders, tucking his stuffed rabbit into his small arms. His hand lingers on the warmth of his sons forehead - does he have a fever? If he does, they all will by in the morning and then Arthur will be dealing with six sick children for the next week. If Molly were there, they’d take it in stages, letting the other rest in the interim. It’s nearly impossible to deal with that many sick kids at one time, each needing something at different times through the day and night until they are back to normal. Arthur heaves a sigh and wanders out of the room, hoping the warmth came from a deep sleep and not an impending epidemic. He goes into his own bedroom at the end of the hall where a crib is pushed against the end of his bed - they couldn’t afford a four bedroom house, especially not with Arthur working half the time he used to.

He plops down on the corner of the bed, sleep pulling at his brain, begging his eyelids to close and he hears it. From inside the crib comes the slightest gurgling noise. He peels his eyes open and leans sideways to look over the bars. His small daughter is awake inside her bed, quite content with chewing on her wet fist. Her small feet kick at the air, her eyes blinking up at the mobile above her. It has little twinkling stars with reflective mirrors and colorful ribbons hanging from it. Arthur feels his throat tighten at the sight of her. The slight hair on her head curls like her mothers, her big, almond-shaped eyes are Molly’s precise color. She’s beautiful. Arthur heaves a deep, exhausted sigh and lays back on his bed, legs bent at the knees with his feet still on the floor. For the briefest of moments, he hadn’t been worried. He said goodnight to all of his children and reveled in the quiet. But the thought of Molly brings on a whole new wash of agony and he closes his eyes, pressing the heels of his hands into them. He would fall asleep just like that, sleeping deeply until the twins awoke him in the early hours of the morning already full of energy and ready to take on the day. But for a moment before sleep and a minute after waking up, he’d stop worry and simply lived.

#hp rp #rp #rpg #marauders rp #lsrpg #accepted

4 notes · View notes

yawmanzo · 6 years

Text

Yaws Personal Reflection on Touken

When I first watched/really read Tokyo ghoul, although I shipped Touken to get together eventually by some point; I didn't really understand why they fall so hard for each other at first. Upon looking back however, a lot of that could be attributed to the very nature of both characters. Touka (read here for my reflection on her) with a harsh/lashing out and violent exterior due to the violent past in which she grew up in as a ghoul, whilst still having a gentle interior and being selfless in most cases wanting to help others even whilst getting herself hurt.

Kaneki with a gentle exterior, yet a violent interior due to his own past and misgivings that we all know of as a human and being selfish in wanting to be needed by others and unconsciously hurting others by trying to burden everything upon himself and not fully rely on others.

I've noticed how Ishida likes portraying the values of Yin and Yang between the two (depicting them as polar opposites attracting and being complementary/interconnected/interdependent with some similarities as well, he did explicitly say they are characters of a set after all when he came up with them). Passive/ Active. Strong/Weak. Black/White. Direct/Indirect. Selfish/Selfless. Human/Ghoul. Harsh/Kind.

These terms aren't purely static stances but rather semblances of self that each saw/admired/invoked in the other, both positive and negative.

Kaneki said human relationships are like chemical reactions, if you have a reaction, you can't return back to your previous state of being.

Touka was there and saved Kaneki numerous times in Part 1 when he desperately needed someone the most aside from Hide and the others, while Kaneki also saved her several times.

What I love is the evolution of their feelings and relationship that started out pretty horribly with both seeing each other in a negative light as human (living a good peaceful life) and ghoul (being an evil killing monster).

The fact that a human becoming a half ghoul developed to be able to care and fall in love with a full ghoul that hated herself, the world, struggled working and living life as a human and ghoul is really phenomenal narratively speaking. Kaneki saw past all of Touka's violent exterior anger issues and looked at the gentle interior she possessed when it comes to how much she cares about people other than herself, even as a murderer. “If you died Touka-chan, I'd probably be sad”.

That line is so simple, yet for Touka it created a lasting impression since no one in her life really in viewed that kind value upon her, also count in her abandonment issues in always being left alone (Hikari, Arata, Ayato, later the Anteiku crew at the end of part 1).

Even if she had the Anteiku crew, no one truly gave that emphatic value about her life having importance and worth as a ghoul trying to LIVE in the human world amongst all the killing and violent predicaments of murder in the world, not even her uncle Renji or old man Yoshimura, even though they did look out for her. Meanwhile for Kaneki he felt like he belonged somewhere, again his most desperate desire. He felt needed as their friendship grew in training, fighting and working together, he wasn't alone anymore.

Even after getting separated after the Aogiri arc (about 6 months) and the Re time skip (about 3 years) you could always notice the subtle mentions of how much both thought of each other, Touka wanting to see him again and especially from Kaneki’s perspective even after each personality change in always mentioning Touka and Hide separately from every other important person in his life.

All personalities have mentioned her separately from everyone else (yes even centipede), “The others, Touka-chan and Hide”.

Even with the infamous bridge scene in part 1, Hide entrusted and helped Touka to expose Kaneki. And she did, however she unfortunately fell back on her violent anger issues and communication problems in truly conveying what she felt to Kaneki due to what can be seen as her fury at him being just like Arata and even Ayato to an extent. Kaneki promised never to leave her, yet he lied and left her to become stronger and shoulder all the burdens of everyone by himself in some tragic hero manner. Yet this time Kaneki genuinely believed his own lies, wanting to sacrifice himself to protect others when he said he wouldn't leave them.

However, unknown to Touka at that time, that encounter made Kaneki want to go back to Anteiku. “Touka, can I come back?”.

Haise sees her after 3 years at the second Anteiku home “Re” and cries after seeing that Touka was still alive after all this time and the encounter is titled “Inherited feelings”. Not for the person he knew the most in terms of time span, but for the beautiful person that created such a huge impression on him at the most vulnerable periods of his life after becoming a half ghoul and not having a true grasp on both worlds and companionship.

Is it unrealistic that Touka waited over 3 years for him and still had feelings only for him? “Even if time has passed, even if our bodies have changed, even if he had forgotten me completely... As long as he comes back home, things will be alright”.

Mostly yes for the majority but not strictly no… I view everything as not strictly one way with this; the main thing is about deep impressions that both instilled in each other, kinda like Star Crossed lovers, “I have faith in him, he will return”.

Touka was even willing to prioritize Kaneki’s own happiness and well being over hers as Haise in not forcing him to come back, but waiting for him come back of his own free will, even with all the new relationships Haise/Kaneki developed with other characters like the Qs family.

Time, change and distance never stopped them from still yearning to see the other, even amongst them both living different lives with different people and settings in part 2 of Re, most notably Haise/Kaneki with the Qs, CCG, Juuzou, Akira, Arima, Eto etc. Haise often visited Re just to look at her like he did with Rize even with his suppressed memories, even at times wondering what that girl(Touka) was up to. “I wonder what that person is doing today, on a date maybe?”.

Fast forward later to Touka also wondering about what Kaneki was up to in their 121-122 conversation... “Are you a virgin?”.

Black Reaper, the most savage,harsh and suicidal personality even changed his whole stance on dying simply upon looking at Touka in Cochlea.

This was also reinforced by Arimas threats in killing his ghoul friends, and the Hide inner dialogue about eventually finding a reason to live. I viewed this as a reverse of “If you died, I'd be sad” from part 1, both were scared at the very thought of the other dying. This time Touka is the gentle and kind exterior, Kaneki the violent harsh exterior not caring about his own life until someone reminded him the value of his life and the people that still care about that life. “Your life has MEANING, to us and to ME” type of thing, and as ghouls, they are hardly given any true instances of happiness, care and love that lasts before meeting a tragic end, some fuckery or death due to the harsh nature of the world.

The fact that they got together so quickly and yes rushed, after losing cafe Re and both feeling lonely and taking comfort in each other in 125 I found really emotional.

Touka asking Kaneki “Why are you crying?” was such a sweet gesture when you remember Haise crying when he first saw her in Re, but also how Kaneki felt that he was always beat a lot by the people he loved the most. And yet he was able to fully expose himself and have an extremely intimate moment with the woman that he's in love with, and to find out that she also loves him back and didn't hurt him at all this time.

Additionally was finding out that Kaneki was “dying” and how quickly they married after finding out about Touka’s pregnancy and her even CHOOSING Kaneki and their child over saving her best friend Yoriko (one of Kaneki's biggest flaws in choosing), for me only reaffirmed how desperate and strong each others feelings were for each other. Touka chose a life with Kaneki, something he wanted his mother to do… Choose him.

It's kinda like... “We lost each other before so many times, let's just confirm everything while we're still alive (The marriage bite mark and ring) because who knows when we'll lose these moments and our time together,” especially at how unforgiving shit can be with most TG relationships (AKA Eto’s parents Ukina and Kuzen, Touka’s parents Arata and Hikari and so forth).

Their love is flawed, rushed and has several problems yes with the time development and communication issues in execution... (I truly wish Ishida gave Touka more screen time and development in most of Re although she has developed and changed from Part 1 in her own way); but they are still growing and learning, nothings ever perfect. In fact even with that time discrepancy and change, its one of those relationships that's so genuine and loyal AF to me. Both can see the dark horror in each other, yet still love each other regardless and show genuine care to go through such lengths to make sure the other is okay in a world where such a thing for ghouls and humans is extremely rare. Especially during all the fuckery in the previous Underground and Dragon arcs. ALL of the Kaneki personalities agreed to literally kill and eat the Oggai children along with humans and ghouls (becoming a monster) just to see Touka again in fear of her death and hopefully to name his kid one day, repeatedly chanting her name over and over.

Touka played a prominent role and went out to save her husband with the CCG, Hide, hell even the Qs... incurring so much damn physical damage via all the fighting and all the mental/emotional stress concurred spanning days to weeks whilst fucking PREGNANT, starving herself with human food, and weakened as a ghoul.

Again, love is complicated, and it's not exactly “healthy” per say from that point of view… I'd say these two need some damn marriage counseling or some shit😂, but it is MUTUALLY genuine given the fucked up circumstances. (I'm also glad it didn't fall under the common anime/manga trope of “Will they? Won't they? shipping game that stalls for time... Just do it! Especially when TG isn't a romance manga, although it has romantic elements)

Personally for me, Touken represents an overall symbol of coexistence and hope for humans and ghouls (the positive core message of TG, even though yes I know it's not the main focal point outside all the story fuckery as a whole). It illustrates breaking past the species barrier of mutual understanding along with other ships to a degree like Ukina x Kuzen, Nishiki x Kimi etc; and I find it beautiful that Kaneki finally has a tangible reason to LIVE, with his Best Waifu Touka… And now also his Best Bro Hide and everyone else.

I wish I could add more insight, but as you can see... I'm a Touken boy through and through😅

2K notes · View notes

sparda3g · 6 years

Text

Tokyo Ghoul:re Chapter 175 Review

youtube

The news is in: the climax is nearly here. It has caused a stir within the fan base with tons of concerns, wondering if the series is truly ending or will there be more in the future. It’s difficult to determine the direction of Ishida’s writing, which makes it difficult to be at ease with the recent content. Without being deluded by the news, the chapter itself was pretty eventful and pretty enjoyable, though depends on your stance with one particular moment.

There’s an ominous tone with Furuta’s singing and question that clearly has some deep meaning behind it with its emphasis. He has yet pass on, but perhaps it is setting up for one sendoff that would shed a light of his plan. The “bird in the cage” can be interpreted as Rize; however, the follow-up and how the rest of the chapter demonstrated seem to suggest otherwise. It’s his question about if everything has gone in vain that got me curious. It probably has to do with his last action sendoff. It’s as if it’s pointing towards V.

He doesn’t die here as the rest of the chapter focus on CCG and Ghoul continue to work, now aiming to clear out V. There’s a confusion when the Black Dobers and Apes arrive but towards against others. It’s been a while since we last seen them, though I remember the eerie feeling of the scene that highly suggested that they have died. It turns out they did, but now they are literally made into weapons.

It’s no wonder that they were killed off off-paneled; V did the job silently and turned them into Quinque. The major difference is they still have their body. Kaiko said it was done possible because of Kanou, which is freaky considering how far he has understood the concept. This remind me of the time when Kanou requested Naki to give him a try to revive his fallen brethren. Was this what he truly meant? It makes a lot of sense if that’s the case.

The eerie thing about it is how they function. They can barely talk but in a disturbing tone with dead eyes. Matsuri calls this process spieldose, which translate to music box. What a dark fitting name, since the way they react is like one, only active by the hand of another. If this is the case and the series will go on longer, this could be a serious dangerous feat going forward. It’s essentially this series’ take on White Walker from Game of Thrones; they can’t afford to let a Ghoul to die before they are used against them.

The other shattering news is the use of CCG for Washuu’s gain. It is confirmed that V did kill Yoshitoki or at least appeared at the ship with Marude. He wanted to confirm the truth behind the info and it turns out to be true. Washuu has been collecting the corpses for their meal. That is just insane. That means the bodies at the cemetery aren’t really there. This made Urie’s words about the body and purpose of the funeral for them meaningful and disheartening. It also make sense during the time when Urie was invited to dinner with Matsuri. He might have eaten human, hence the weird taste comment. That’s sick. The final battle begins with Kaiko and his Quinques attack.

He brings out Owl Quinque, assuming from Kuzen, so you know this is going to be challenging as hell. Ui and Hirako got their hands full with Irimi and Koma, nearly got killed from an ambush. Tanakamaru did the saving, reciting that they are investigators forever. What a nice guy; always loyal to the family. I do miss when he screams out his attack like a Shounen character. It would be a nice way to go out before the series closes.

The rest focus on Kaiko’s domination and by that, I truly mean it. He takes on Suzuya first, but with Arata’s armor already weakened let alone his stamina, he’s going to get killed. Then his squad comes in to protect him, but Kaiko continues to dominate with ease. Right before he slays Suzuya, Mutsuki, the person who is on a roll with redemption, blocks the attack, and the Qs Squad is next to fight. Nice to see Yuga with them; I would like him to be part of it from now on.

Kaiko pulls a trick with his Quinque that shoots out little Kagune daggers, which catches them by surprise. Kaiko is on a dominating spree. After taking on humans and Quinx, the next step is Ghoul or to be precise, Anteiku’s regular. Right on time for Yomo to show up to get payback for killing others off. Kaiko is like whatever and takes them on with no problem. I’m having Infinity War flashback. There is one twist that changes the path entirely.

The situation seems at lost with the fallen friends now treated as weapons alas White Walkers or zombies, and Kaiko singlehandedly dominate the field. If there are many other V members like him, they would have no chance at winning. So if the series ends completely here, consider themselves lucky. The only way to turn table is a sudden ambush and that’s exactly what happens next. The Owl user was still unconfirmed at this point; it all changes when it begins to move with a sign of a head reappearing. Then out of nowhere, cuts Kaiko’s arm before he could have reacted. Eto is back. That middle finger was awesome. More on her later.

Marude has a pretty badass reply to V’s claim of order, because this is him we’re talking about. Pretty much, there’s no need for order because it is an old fashion idea and it could never work out with everyone involved. Now that the balance is gone, he and everyone else has “a shitload of stuff” to talk about. It’s their time to fight back and what way to begin the counterattack than the return of Naki. Not only him, but the White Suits as well. It’s a really good comeback scene after a series of beat down; for once, they can get a good ending.

Let’s talk about the returns.

Eto was expected to return or it’s better to say it was never confirmed that she was killed. It was purposely left in the dark for her potential return, especially how her “sendoff” was rather more like giving pointer to Kaneki than her swan song goodbye. It’s not that she needed a chapter length death scene, but her character does require a grand stage level of farewell like with other cast who was essential to the story. It was already exploited that her regeneration is incredible, so her head coming out of the shell isn’t so surprising. I do wonder if it follows the Attack on Titan’s logic of surviving without one, considering her Owl form is still there since the beginning.

My real concern is if she found the perfect timing to come back and lucky enough to get out of Donato’s control, or could it be part of the plan. The way how her return is presented is more on the line of requesting for explanation. Eto wasn’t moving and presuming played dead until Kaiko came close to her range. He knew about the Owl, so why was he shocked that she wasn’t dead at all. Could this mean it was planned? If so, was she alone on this or perhaps with Furuta? Well, I do want to know what Kaneki did exactly first. Still, it is fishy.

Naki is perhaps the most questionable one of the two. To begin with, he wasn’t confirmed dead, rather Ishida got us thinking he was dead. I believe he took an opportunity to use his way of writing to get us believe in his death with the choice of words that are metaphorically speaking. Think like One Piece with no death policy; the more it happens, the more we are accustomed to it and no longer think otherwise. So when the opposite happens, it’s shocking. That’s why I wasn’t that upset, rather intrigued. Partially.

If he was confirmed dead and even see how he died, then that is a different story altogether. It’s not the same with other series that dealt with finalized death only to be brought back to life. Even Miza wasn’t reacting like he did die. If she was, it would have been more like “You’re alive!!!” Instead, it’s “Oh, now you’re back…” It’s no wonder why she didn’t react heavily like last time. She meant what she said; he was sleeping. Because of this, it didn’t upset me.

That being said it is a shame that Ishida sacrificed his sendoff scene and honestly, this is where I can understand the fans. It’s not that he came back that irked me since it’s logical; it’s because his sendoff was too good. It had a wonderful narration of a boy who grew up and finally got to see his beloved brother to talk to for the rest of afterlife. It’s discarded for deceiving value, though it can rebound well if Naki addresses it and shows his development from his near-death experience. I mean it still has merits, but to be his closure, it was perfect.

Eto’s return is displayed like it needs an explanation of how she was able to fool Kaiko. Naki’s return isn’t needed as it was meant to be a shock value, but it can use the time to explain his change of heart from his last experience. Like did he have a second thought and decided not to die just yet. What’s probably the real purpose behind it is Kaiko being surprised because Furuta reported that all White Suits were killed. Did Furuta report it to deceive V? Same can be said with Eto? This is when I began to question if this is Furuta’s last hurrah.

This was a pretty enjoyable chapter with a sacrifice that had to be made, for better or worse. The reveals and new possible danger if the series does go on longer were devastating. The action was tensed and the surprises were really good, though one had to pay a price. It’s hard to judge without knowing if there’s anything more in store. The climax is in the next chapter and it could mean that it ends there. It’s not guaranteed, but it’s one of many possibilities. There’s also a big announcement in which I can’t really choose to bet on. Again, it goes back to wishing to know in hindsight. In due time, we will know.

#tokyo ghoul:re #tokyo ghoul re #tokyo ghoul :re #tokyo ghoul #chapter 175 #review

5 notes · View notes

ts-akhmim · 4 years

Text

Episode 7 “It's a Hot Mess Express “ - Scott

People are so hard to work with. I get they don't like this challenge truly I do but I just wish they wouldn't keep shutting down every idea I had. It's... annoying. I get that I'm also the problem here. Because if an entire room full of people is saying you're wrong then you're probably wrong but still. I dislike being shut down. I've just been feeling kind of isolated since my name was written down. Even in my own alliance it seems like everyone thinks less of me for being paranoid. It doesn't help that I'm not entirely pop culture savvy so a lot of their convos I'm a bit out of the loop on. Part of me wonders if it's cause I'm in a male dominated environment? I don't think they are sexist but I do think that I'm being unintentionally ignored. Like throughout the duration of this confessional I have submitted 6 ideas/comments to the group and they've either been left in the dust or dismissed. That has to mean something right? Is it my personality? Did I come on too strong with my enthusiasm? Do they think I'm bossy? Socializing doesn't exactly come naturally to me. If anyone had met me 4 years ago you'd probably be in the know. You know that ability where you can pick up what people imply, whether through body language or through hidden meanings. I don't. I literally was born with out that ability and it has done whatever the opposite of wonders are for my life. At first I thought it was fine, I thought hey no big, everything is good, people like me eventually. But then I played Malaysia... A lot of great things came out of that game, a lot of good friendships and memories but in a way it sort of haunts me. When the confessionals came out, for the first time ever I saw what people thought about me. Sure they liked me eventually but they also disliked me. Like really really didn't like me at all. It was my first real interaction with people outside of the treatment school I went to, it was my first real interaction with the rest of the world and people hated my guts. Don't get me wrong I always suspected I was disliked but... to see their actual written thoughts on paper was hard. Of course as they got to know me they started to like me but I couldn't forget that it wasn't always like that. That at one point they looked at me or their screen or whatever and saw a pest. And that's my biggest fear, that I'm the problem. That no matter where I go people see me and are filled with dread or disgust. That people are always wishing me some from of ill because I'm bad at conversation or sort of creepy. Well at least they came to their own conclusions now, maybe they pulled their heads out of their asses or because it wasn't me they were actually able to function. God this spiraled, I only wanted to complain about how shitty my tribe was being not go on this full blown existential rant. Fuck me am I right? I'm not sure what this is going to contribute to the game. There is no hashtag big moves or fun comments but like I already typed this up so I'm not going to delete it like a pussy.

Ok now we can talk whew. UMMMM not Connor fucking up Duncan's perfect record! Now that I'm over the shock, thank you Connor because I'm 95% sure that obsession is the reason Duncan did the most to make sure Devon voted me instead of him back on Thoth https://giphy.com/gifs/mamovie-stalking-octavia-spencer-eavesdropping-j5uEVYERR0ncYlJ36e Really pleased with how the game is shaping up tbh, assuming I don't lose another music video challenge hahaha. I would LOVE a final 3 with me, Ali, and Devon but I know that's a long way off so I'm just focusing on the here and now. My biggest concern is protecting Ali. Essentially Duncan hit me up to work with him, TJ, and Jordan and I was very much like lol not sure about that. Mainly because Jordan and I don't have a strong relationship? And Duncan was like yeah but he wants to get to know you better and I'm like https://giphy.com/gifs/week-wtf-moments-QjIz1AqkGTszK If that's the case, that needs to come from Jordan and then it's between me and Jordan. Why someone else is interceding on Jordan's behalf is very dicey to me but I'm not that surprised because that continues to be a theme with Duncan: getting me to fit into plans that best suit him. Y'all know DAMN well Jordan Pines don't wanna go to the end with me and the feeling is mutual. But I HAVE to make it work with Jordan or Duncan will get pissy. He literally was like ok well who are you close with and I felt a serious feeling in my gut to not mention Ali. So I said oh I talk to Adam a lot but I wouldn't say I trust Adam. So after telling Ali all of this lmao, we decided I needed to go back to Duncan and say yes because it would keep me in the know and keep both of us safe. Also it allows me to keep an eye on Jordan and Duncan at the same time so we truly stan. And the gag is I'm not scared of Jordan Pines and I welcome the challenge of getting him out so love yall for letting me in through the front door hahaha My new issue is just timing. We'll be ok if we win this next challenge but if not, I could see that alliance targeting Ali. Obviously I have a plan and will put the vote on someone else but I really want to prolong turning on that group for as long as I can. I don't wanna spook TJ and I know killing Jordan will leave me with a pissed Duncan and I really don't need that based on how seriously he's playing. So I'm hoping I can finesse somehow? Maybe one of them gets idoled out at merge and then a blindside on the other won't be as messy. But yeah I keep feeling like the walls are closing in, in terms of allies, and I'm working HARD to make sure I have an exit strategy at all times haha cause fuck these men I'm trying to win again. I "love everyone" which means I have no problem voting out anyone

So let me just make sure i got this right, connor tried to get people to vote for me, they all told me, he "planned" with me to go for liam, then....he votes for duncan and he goes home unanimously? little did he realize when he went around and gave a feeble attempt at rallying people to vote for me, i had already rallied everyone to go for him and made sure everyone knew he was a liar and couldnt be trusted, you know im a firm believer in loose lips sink ships and i absolutely used my big mouth as my weapon to sink his ship. Even if there turns out to be some majority alliance that did this all without me then well...i guess that's another story but im still taking my hard earned credit because either way i got what i wanted one way or another so im here for it, sorry gal! i now find myself in a position i hope i can make some moves with, duncan already just made a vague to comment to me about how "it only takes 4 now" which he's right, and he mentioned autumn, himself, me, and ali. Which, that's a 4 I would love to go forward with for the time being, i like to think ive had good genuine talks with them 3 in particular, and now we can start get together maybe lock something in and if we make it to a merge or even another swap we at least have something to work with with each other, but we'll see, we gotta focus on immunity first now, id love to win just to for sure see any of the other people who lied to me go home oop so while i may be feeling ok now i just have to remember to simmer down and play smart and make the right connections with the right people i need and saying the right things to whomever needs to hear it, because that's what i do best in these type of games to stay alive, i feel like my intuition has been leading me ok so far this game so im just gonna keep basing my decisions off that and charging forward PERIOD and ill damn sure do it with or without the help of the tomb because a bitch can not get in ive tried over and OVER at this point im back to pounding on the door of it just hoping if im annoying enough yall will let me in!

i'll do a proper game confessional later but me and dan are both judges for the svalbard music video challenge and its so sad that we cant talk... its like... this could be us working on a music video if things were different kjlsdfa its missing dan and jake hours

Whew! Sorry about that what happened was I ran out of anxiety meds a few days and that rant was the commutation of being with out sanity pills for three days! Everything is fine! I am fine! People are fine! I am sorry to the future Thoth 2.0 tribe, you are all great, I just get very spirally when I am without some sort of stabilizing force! Sorry to the hosts for using this as a diary this is not a diary this is survivor... Anyway this time I have some more constructive things to add! Okay so things are fine. Dan and I continue to bond, though he had to call me out on being bad at communication in order for our relationship to progress. I get it was like a check point or whatever and frankly I appreciated it. Like I said in my rant yesterday I have massive paranoia when comes to interacting with people and whether they like me or not, so constructive feedback while annoying is always helpful. Plus through research I found that he values a good social game so the fact that he's reaching out and telling me what I'm doing wrong is probably a sign that I'm not a lost cause :D. It turns out we have a few mutual friends our lord and savior John Coffey and also Sarah,... Lynn to be specific there are like a shit ton of Sara(h)s so should probably clarify lol. I want to work with him. I know he's in the majority alliance with the brawn tribe, which also contains Jakey and Jordan. Considering the fact that the beauties are slowly but surely getting eliminated, their favor would be helpful to me and mine. However, I know for sure that one of them wrote my name down. Honestly probably both of them. I know I keep harping on this fact but I just really really don't like the idea of looking like an idiot by aligning with someone who wanted me dead or wanted to fuck with me. If we do lose this challenge we are going to have to figure out who to keep or who to eliminate, I feel like it should be between those two. Mostly because I'm not exactly comfortable with a brawn majority. Like I know how people are saying tribe lines don't matter and while they don't, advantages do. And what more advantageous than being in a majority alliance? If we get rid of a brawn that would make it 4 brains- 4 beauty - 5 brawn. Which seems a bit more fair lol. Also RIP Connor remember how I said he was a threat? Welp I guess this is why they don't ask me for cast assessments :/ and also cause I was dead for like several years.

absolutely nothing has happened in fact i was kinda in a ~mood~ today so i feel like my social game took a big L because i didnt feel like talking to anyone and i was busy so i kept being that bitch to responding once an hour ..... but in other news i finally accessed the tomb, and once i started using more than one brain cell at a time i was able to get in and it was actually about 10x easier than i was making it out to be im not sure WHY i was struggling so much but of course, to no surprise i finally get in and the pedestal is empty AGAIN. Now there's not only at least 1 idol from the last time i went in the tomb gone, but there's possibly a second too, if not an advantage that can easily be played against me. At this point all i can do is try and recover a little bit, tomorrow ill have to just try more with my conversations and hopefully one of the people i can somewhat trust is the person who has whatever was in their time time around but probably not, it's never that easy

okay so i have a video confessional from earlier uploading which is kind of a recap of the last two rounds BUTTT!! liam just finished editing our video and i love it!! he did so good and our tribe all tried our best... im just hoping the other tribe didn't go bananas all out, because if they didn't we should hopefully win... i really wanna win immunity because otherwise i feel like adam is gonna be the vote and i dont want that anymore KJASDFA. i would just be sad because idk who the alternative would even be.... so basically we better win immunity KJLSADFA

Me: Alright everyone, make sure you film horizontally!!! Devon: Fuck you

Honestly!!! I take back what i said about Kendall. I feel like we’re making some strides to work together??? Or she’s playing me? I’m hoping to stir a Devon vote this round because I think he threw the vote on Kendall to piss me off, but who knows. I wanna talk to Jakey and see what he thinks about a me/him/augusto/Amir alliance to get through this vote? Idk I trust him but who knows!!!! Maybe everyone is lying to me???

okay... i know i said god is a woman and her name is autumn but its time for the remix. god is a woman and her name is alyssa's mum because alyssa's mum just rescued us from defeat in that challenge JKASDF the judges were kinda unnecessarily harsh but we move on. basically for the other tribe's tribal, i hope jake/dan/devon live... hopefully another scary old school person goes but tbh who knows what is going to happen?! im just so happy to have made f13, i said i'd come 14th in my intro so we love surpassing my own expectations

the immunity challenge went well, we won, which is good because i just didnt feel like going to tribal council because im honestly unsure what the hell is going on, i wanted to feel good about the connor vote because obviously that was my plan from the start however he just made it a little too easy by not talking to a lot of people allegedly, up until right before the vote, i dont think there'd be an easy vote next time we go to tribal, unless ... it's me... am i the easy vote?? i wanna really think im not but its just always too quiet to me when we dont go to tribal there's also lots of talk and speculation about a possible merge at 13, but me and my vivid imagination aka paranoia think maybe another swap of some sort could still happen even if for just another round or 2, i never knew with you sneaky hosts!! also i know we won in the challenge but we wouldve won in the challenge by even more if liam used more footage of my video i sent in i feel like i got no screentime!!! but of course i kept my big mouth shut for once because there's no i in team so ill try not to throw too much of a diva fit but listen... i tried to give yall a DEATH DROP, and i pulled a wig ruveal by snatching off my hat, and i was giving you a whole tik tok dance i made myself..... but there was no way i was doing more than beyonce's part so he didnt have much to work with so touche .... the full version i made will just be deleted scenes for myself ill reflect on when im more mature and think to myself "what the fuck was i doing?"

So not to my surprise, we end up losing the challenge AGAIN!! I've just accepted that I really don't have any luck in this game. I was really hoping that we'd just win every challenge until the merge because I'm over going to tribal and voting people out. I feel like going to the amount of tribal councils that I have has left a huge target on my back. But at the same time, I'm playing the game more than other are. Maybe I have that going for me, who knows. Anyways, the Thots alliance is deciding on either Devon or Dan for this vote. I basically told them I was good with either, even though I would perfer to keep Devon so that I at least have more of an opportunity to rebuild our relationship. I've made it very clear that if the group as a whole wanted to do Devon that I'd write his name down to prove that I trust this group moving forward. So we decide to go with Dan for this vote, and this doesn't really sit well with Jakey. I'm not surprised by that, since I know he's wanted Kendall out for awhile now. But he is really adamant that he doesn't want Dan to go. Which I get, he thinks that Dan would trust him moving forward. When it comes to Dan though, his social game lacks so much that it's like "I don't even know if I can trust him moving forward". And I think the fact that Jakey more so wants to target Kendall this round instead of Dan is a strong sign for me. I'm pretty positive he has an idol since the brain one has been found and he's lied to me about clues before. So this has me thinking, maybe it's a good time to get Jakey out this round? Thinking about it numbers wise for the future, we don't really need Jakey's vote for a majority this round since the four beauties and myself makes 4, and if we bring in Devon that's 5. Plus, I don't even think that Jakey's under the impression that he would... get voted out this round. He seems offly confident that he's staying, just that Dan's going. But I like to think he'd let Dan be a sinking ship and go.. Idk I'm gonna try to pitch this to Amir and see what he thinks. I kind of tried to hint around it to Augusto that Jakey wasn't cool with it, but Augusto kind of turned a blind eye at that. And I don't trust Kendall with my thoughts since she's very blunt... so I wouldn't be surprised if she leaked my plans. Similarly to what Devon did when I voted him out last week. I'm hoping that Amir will see where I'm coming from and that he might be open to that concept. For all I know, I could be voted out this round. And honestly, that'd be the smart move for them to make because my perception in the game so far has been pretty spot on. I think my self awareness this time around has been an asset for me, so I'm hoping that I can get by this vote and hopefully enter the merge soon.

Coming back into the game, I knew I needed to open up a bit and start to Slither earlier than I would imagine. After throwing a vote onto Kendall, I broke down any chance between the Beauty and Brawn working together to knock out myself and Scott. I haven't told anyone about my vote, and don't plan to. Going into this vote, Dan should be the obvious choice. OG Brawn hasn't suffered any additional losses in numbers, and I'm just too close with Augusto/Amir/Kendall to consider flipping. In preparation of tonight NOT being a swap, I established an alliance with Amir and Augusto. They are a duo in every sense, but attaching myself to them sets up the opportunity to at least CONSIDER voting out Scott next round. It would have to be between him and Scott.

All I got to say is oof… I genuinely thought I was on vacation after the last round like I’ve been SO bad about talking to people or at least that’s how I felt cause I was operating at 60% instead of the 110% I do when I socialize. That being said, I have my goals that I want to stick to and see happen. Dan needs to leave this tribal so I can get Jakey out next even if Dan leaving makes me really sad. Dan leaving takes a number away from the Brawn and a number away from Jakey, who I am able to get out by keeping Devon and having him/Kendall/myself/Amir vote for him if we happen to lose again. The alliance of me/Kendall/Amir/Jakey/Scott went on call last night and it was deadass an hour and a half long call where everyone was like “idk who should go but I’m fine with whatever” although… that certainly wasn’t the case. I, personally, made points that were pro-Devon such as Devon not having any clear allies to reunite with at merge and things like that and EVENTUALLY at the last 5 minutes of the call, we decided that Dan leaving is the better option. Scott and I even discussed a Brawn having to go before we even did the call so yeah. One thing I could tell though? Jakey was not having it. I understand his frustration but you can’t have your cake and eat it too. I voted out AJ to prove that I am not here to play by tribal lines and you said you would do the same but here we are… Amir called me last night telling me about how Jakey was trying to strong arm him into voting Devon out because Jakey didn’t want to do Dan… like sir, I’m? I’m very happy that Amir came to me and confided in me to kinda spill out his emotions like that makes me <3 but it also made me wanna pop off at Jakey because I don’t like those approaches in games hgfjdks even if I do really like Jakey, I was just ugh gjfdks. That aside, I feel like I am doing good about getting information and building friendships out here like I’m DEADASS is almost every single alliance on the tribes I’ve been a part of and while I don’t get tons of info from direct sources (ie. Jakey), I get the information from close allies (ie. Amir) which in a way can be even better? That being said, I’ve been way too good at forming friendships that every vote makes me feel really bad? With Dan for example, I adore that man like even if he isn’t the most talkative he’s just amazing. But does Dan benefit my game as much as Devon? Not really, even if Dan wanted to align. I’m sticking to my promise of doing what I have to do and be a little bit more cutthroat than I usually am because I do genuinely want to win this game and I’ll do what it takes to get there. Honestly, I’d be SHOOK if we do not merge next round or the round after ghfjdksm but I’m just trying to plan ahead and look at my connections. My Thoth connections are Amir > Kendall > Devon > Scott > Jakey whereas my Hathor connections are Autumn > Duncan > Adam (?) > TJ > Jordan > Liam M > Ali. If we do merge, making a secret thing with Autumn would be KEY just to have another person in my corner but also I need to connect with a Brawn to be good with them yknow? It’ll definitely be interesting and I can see the merge being messier than a taco bell bathroom BUT I’m hyped at the same time?

How is it already Day 16? There seems to be something seriously wrong with that. Anywho, I've let myself take a quick step back on the social game these last few days. I think I've put in the work to cement a couple strong groups here and can put myself in a good spot, but now I can avoid being the person that probably would be seen as a huge threat in the near future. Once merge hits (which I'm hoping is this next round), I'm going to have to go back to bringing that social game to a 9 (10 is where the Alyssa threat level begins), but right now I'm hopefully putting myself in a good place. In the event we don't have a merge and have one more vote on Hathor, I really think I need to make a move on Ali. I realize I keep saying this and I'm going to feel awful when he sees this all, but he is such a HUGE threat, and I can't let him skate by to where there's no room to stop him. I made that mistake last time in letting the person I knew would win get too far without me being able to stop them. Not this time. Ain't no fucking way.

This may very well be my last confessional lmao. I’m just feeling very paranoid about this vote and honestly I wouldn’t be surprised if everyone votes for me except for Jakey. Or if he even flips to the majority against me. And honestly! I’ve come to terms with it. I really tried my best in the game and I can’t be mad about how I performed in this game specifically. I understand I’m a threat in these games and if people are worried about me end game, quite frankly they should be. I know that I’ve played Tumblr Survivor one too many times and should have quit while I was ahead. I know I’ve talked about working with Kendall and killing Devon, but honestly idk who is voting where. I think I’m going to try to just go with what I think is majority (against Kendall) and just hope to god I’m not going anywhere. I hate having this defeatist attitude, but if I get voted out I’m going to have zero hard feelings and take it in stride. I guess I’m just not cut out to win tumblr survivor ❤️

Our video was so iconic, SHOUT OUT TO ALYSSA'S MOM!!! I should really be making sure im fortifying the bonds i've made but im really just happy to be on break and not have tribal. I've only been to tribal once within a 7 day time span instead of the 4 times in 7 days the brains endured before. I will say i was positively shook to get the vote from connor, but i never thought i could play a perfect game anyways lol. I'm hoping to god that dan or jakey go, i dont want the brawns over here to have other options than autumn and i come merge. Im surprised at myself because im starting to really want to stick with all these people come a merge, i suppose we'll see how it goes and how my attitude changes moving forward.

Sooooooo I actually felt kind of bad about voting for Dan until he was throwing my name out :/ I guess you can't teach an old dog new tricks. I'm kind of nervous now. Like Jakey told me this and he did the same thing to AJ. Also I haven't heard anything from Scott yet... that's sketchy right? Ugh I swear if I'm voted out then Alyssa's mom, I will meet you in the Denny's Parking lot for a fight. I'm not afraid to throw hands at the elderly, ask Drew.

youtube

We love when men listen to me an in turn we win immunity! This is now the second time that's happened lmao cause I sure did make everyone commit to a time block so we didn't play ourselves in the endurance challenge and I sure did suggest Telephone as the song choice so wooooo Not a lot has happened and I don't have a lot of time to talk to begin with but I have a strong feeling we are not merging tonight lmao. Tbh I look forward to another day on Hathor it's very chill over here, all things considered. Also I need a couple chill challenges the next two rounds cause ya girl is moving, graduating, and leading an underground movement all at the same time so don't set me up with a crazy time-consuming challenge lol

I feel vindicated. Starting off in this game, I was not doing so well gameplay wise. Flash forward, I've been a big contributor physically, and socially too! I've got big plans, and I will carry this tribe again if I have to!

(may've already submitted this but i'm worried i submitted it for day 18?)

youtube

Also...

youtube

ok let me just start by saying: im in an emotionally FRAGILE state at the moment writing this right after the winners at war finale.....SPOILERS IF YOU HAVENT SEEN BUT I HAVE TO SAY IT....NATALIE AND WINCHELE ROBBED, as inspired as i am by my aries sistren natalie and think she should've won, im even more upset for my fellow beauty sister michele because lowkey? i absolutely LOVE the way michele plays, because in my own head at least i like to think i at least play slightly similar, i like to lay low and just adapt to where i see i can fit the best, anywho thats all ill say on that, back to THIS game dan being voted out last round, was kinda meh, i had the tiniest conversation with him during one world and he did end up giving me some tea about the brawns, but i couldve easily tried working with him later on against the beauties, PLUS him leaving means that none of those false beauties left, which is bad for me because i want them all gone oop and ive worked hard over here trying to make sure everyone knows they are threats even if theyre not working together, they went against me and lied to me, which means i cant trust them or work with them, which means i need to make sure no one else does either it's very nice though duncan has approached me and asked who i was comfortable with incase we did go to tribal and he said him and jordan pines were pretty close and honestly jordan is the only one ive been on a call with this whole game which is fine because anyone who knows me knows i dont care for calls much in this game and that usually hurts me so im hoping its not hurting me this time but truly, im not sure people are approaching me way more with information and plans then they ever have so im hoping thats a good sign, espcially with duncan saying he basically wanted me to be in the know with him, i think i can trust him as of now going foward and i hope the same about jordan pines, because first of all i love his energy and him as a person my fellow stoner crackhead, and second of all let's be real i definitely want to use him as a shield later on cmon the guy has a season named after him, forget denise being the queen slayer, i want to be the king tamer also in good with ali and autumn i think?? i personally enjoy my short little convos i have with them frequently so i just hope we're on the same page, but idk the little voice in the back of my head is telling me it all seems too good to be true almost like a perfect illusion and maybe duncan is tricking me trying to talk to me about "keeping this tribe strong", so i guess we'll have to wait until the next time we go to a tribal together to find out so yeah in conclusion, sorry to dan, and plot twist of the century im rooting for jakey to not be voted out the other tribe? even though im still convinced he could be making me his number 1 target especially if he gets in kahoots with kendall, but im hoping i played them against each other enough during the one world so that didnt happen

What do ya know....another tribal council. After only being exempt from one tribal, this has become somewhat of a routine. I am extremely confident in the numbers this round. I'm under the belief that everyone will be writing down Jake's name, and Jake will likely be writing down my/Kendall's name. Still, I believe there is a worry about idols. I would hate to be idoled out by Jake after everything I have worked towards...I can't afford to throw my vote on Kendall or Scott with the merge coming up so soon, because it fractures my game going into a potential merge...Somewhat of a "all or nothing" bet tonight.

Me @ the brawns who have been on this tribe: https://media.giphy.com/media/szPZ2NXIGCMcE/giphy.gif

So a couple new developments: 1. Jordan offered me a final two which I'm sooooo excited to see how that's going to turn out. I've really connected with Jordan this game (which admittedly I didn't think would happen before this game), but he's been the person I've confided in the most out here. So I really think this is going to be the start of something amazing. 2. With this F2 deal, Jordan told me that Amir/Jakey knew each other outside of this game. This is bad for me both because Jakey is supposed to be my other guy with Jordan, but also Amir is the person I'd want to target come merge (which should be next round). I have zero connection to him, he's proven to be good at comps, he's won this game before, and he doesn't add into my plan of having numbers on every side. So now I'm in a spot where I think I'll probably have to make a move against potentially my closest / other closest ally in this game. Being safe right before the potential merge feels amazing and opens a lot of opportunities, but is extremely scary knowing who is going to merge. Hopefully come to merge, I have a chance at the merge idol to avoid anyone else having the chance at getting it, because I need some added knowledge in this game.

I am so fucking pissed at Devon. WHY ARE YOU ON THE BRAINS IF YOU HAVE NO BRAIN CELLS!!!!!!! dsfjkaafkjdaldjfjadksjads Great now I get to die!

I don't know why Jakey wants to kill me. I am not a threat. Like at all? Most of the strategies I come up with are bad and I am barely social? Sure I guess I can win like a challenge or two but not enough to be physical? I mean I'm trying to kill him but like... honestly he started it 2 rounds ago. I am a paper tiger worse I am a paper giraffe. Sure I'm tall but basically harmless and only sort of evil. At least I remember why I hated him so much. I don't hate him NOW, I'm 22 years old I have better things to do then hate some guy for trying to win a game. But I am annoyed and inconvenienced by this. Maybe a little hurt too because the only reason I can think to get voted out is because my personality sucks so much that he doesn't see a future where we can work together. Which is fair I guess? But I can't be that awful right? God this game is a constant existential crisis... Also I think people are annoyed with me for being paranoid and shit. Oh I'm sorry people who's name isn't getting written down, I'm sorry I'm not more pleasant while I'm in fear for my metaphorical life.

It’s a MESS ITS A FUCKING MESS SCOTTIE WANTS DAN OUT DAN WANTS DEVON JAKEY WANTS DEVON DEFON WANTS DAN AUGUSTO AND KENDALL WANT JAKEY AMIR WANTS NOT JAKEY OR AUGUSTO OR KENDALL I literally don’t have number in this game and I’m going to get fucked on at the merge

Okay so Augusto basically told him that his name was an option for this vote or the next one and Kendall told him that the brawns are bringing up his name and said that he was the throw away vote So now my gut is telling me dan did it and jakey was in on it But I don’t care, if that’s the case Everyone on this tribe wants a brawn out, EVERYONE I just have to make sure it’s not jakey Because Augusto and Kendall want jakey now and I refuse it Rn it seems they r okay doing dan It seems everyone is cool doing dan So I’m happy with that

Jakey is fucking strong arming me r u joking Ndbdjdjsns Jakey talked to scottie And got scottie to want devon So now they’re gonna try and call the alliance tmmrw and change to vote back to devon over dan And if Augusto and Kendall don’t want to Jakey wants to pull brain and brawn to vote kendall like sir I’m literally getting strong armed, and he can’t see why people want dan out I could make a move rn But should I even I probably shouldn’t If they try to get kendall I will flip it on him

don’t know what to do I’m pleading so hard with jakey rn like hey it’s not good for me to go into merge with 6 brawn 4 beauty (dysfunctional) and 3 brain (dysfunctional) And I said I want to do dan is that okay like jakey u need to choose a side, brawns, or this tribe And he goes If u decide to do dan Then I’m gonna unite dan and Scott and Devon and vote kendall So if that’s the case, I’m sending u home theres no way around it then

Throw back to last night when I hung up on jakey to call Augusto and told jakey that I was taking a shower but literally I was gone for an hour and needed an excuse fast so I told him i shaved my ass call that strategic ass shaking

Okay so this tribal. Everyone on my tribe thinks jakey is evil and he’s just going to go back to the brawn tribe, which is like, wtf, he literally voted in minority on purpose and gave us leverage on him. Like he literally has put himself on the line multiple times. He ratted out the brawn majority over and over. Like jakey is not loyal to the brawns on the other side at all. The people on this tribe don’t give a shit and my opinion isn’t being heard at all, Kendall won’t budge and Augusto won’t budge, and Scott wants to keep devon. Can I just say scott is a rat, he is playing every single person. Jakey trusted him soooo much . Anyway, everyone wants jakey out for literallt no reason and jakey trusts me 100% and jakey is the best way to get info from the brawns on the other side. Anyway, KDJDKSN KDNDKD we are getting dirty. Jakey has an idol. And I told him he was the vote and I made it sound like it’s all Scott’s decision cuz I’m really tight with Kendall and Augusto, so now, jakey wants to idol out Scott Basically, it’s time for a cluster fuck and it’s time for chaos So at merge jakey and I will play from Opposite sides

so jakey fking tried to flip the vote and he blew up the 5 person alliance to devon and hes fucking up my game so much nkwejfnkew god maybe i will try and get him out at merge even tho i love him, i basically had to ccreate this narrative that jakey thinks that me jakey scott and devon are voting kendall but jakey is actually voting out scott jesus christ thi round gave me a migraine i have a case of the lie-abetes

I- there's nothing else to say hahaha the boys don't even talk game. So when I know something y'all will know something

People are paranoid as hell about a merge. What is there to be paranoid about, honestly? I've just tried to come into this game and have a good time and I think I've achieved that. No one is really looking at me as a threat right now, and there's still plenty of time left to play.

okay so i filmed a video confessional earlier which i will upload but adam just woke me up to the fact that we might be merging tonight?! which is so exciting and kinda crazy.... and the days line up with montenegro for us to be merging... at merge i think all my "laying low" can finally be for something and i can transition the bonds i've been making into making stuff happen. i've also been hosting a game during these quarantine times and i've realised people that do too much making SUCH deep bonds during the early stages become the people the jury is mad at in the endgame. i feel like im the middle ground, people feel close to me (and I would like to think I've come across as likable) without everyone thinking im their soul sister closest ally. at merge i think my "close" people who i can somewhat rely on are: autumn, jake, dan(?), jordan(?) and adam? like i have a core of people with various connections, which gives me some cover. its just about then feeling out the rest and seeing who i can trust amongst the rest... particularly the unknowns of augusto/kendall/scott/amir (assuming they are all at merge). like that is going to be the most important part of the merge stage for me, is figuring out which of them i can trust (and i do think dan and/or jake's opinions can help with this, because brainstorming with autumn helped me figuring out this hathor swap tribe).

i'm excited for merge... i do think i have early juror written all over me but i am also very excited. its time to emerge from the shadows and stumble my way into the light

live fast die young merge boots do it well. i literally am a clown, i got excited by my guess going so well and now i literally am a target the size of the sun exclusively because of my own actions what was i thinking KJASDFA honestly at this point? i embrace it, i push the 'im a shield' narrative and i trot on my little trotters to being mayor of ponderosa. this season i chopped of my own head so will not be the winner and the king, but hopefully i can be a kingmaker? also if me winning the tiebreak sends jake home i literally will be so unspeakably frustrated with myself i will literally... scream. HE PROBS HATES ME. i'm praying he lives i will feel so bad if he doesnt KLASDF

i literally... can not believe i am so stupid my lack of braincells really boggles my mind

So I was really hoping that we would win this challenge today because I like everyone on this tribe. But of course with my luck in this game, we lose AGAIN. And it's a shame because I like the Thots Alliance and i feel bad voting out Devon. I know he's someone who trusts me and although I don't 100% trust him, I know that he's someone I can depend on. Plus he makes a really good goat at the end, so it'll make winning more of an obstacle for me without him there. To my surprise however, Kendall and Augusto approach me with the idea of voting out Jakey. I really like Jakey and I practically see him as my #1 here, so voting him out would be difficult for me to do as well. We've discussed the idol together, he gave me his CBS all access account info to watch the finale, and hes one of the very few smart people in this game. So on a personal level, this is a hard decision to make. However, from a game perspective, it might be the right call. Jakey's setting himself up to be a swing vote at the merge, and the fact that he campaigned for Dan to stay and was adamant on not voting him out shows that. When it comes to Devon and I, I would prefer to not vote Devon out but if I needed to in order to show that I trust an alliance moving forward I would. So the fact that Jakey doesn't see it like that is alarming to me. In addition to that, I know that Jakey has lied to me multiple times in this game. He purposefully gave me the wrong idol clue for one of the matches, and when I called him out on it he bluffed it up. On top of that, I know for a fact that he voted for Kendall during the AJ vote. And the fact that he's trying to play it off on Devon goes to show the lengths he would go to make sure he controls everything. And on top of that, he wants us all to tell Devon straight up that he's going. Like... did he not learn from my story when I tried to do that? It can't happen. From a game perspective, voting out Jakey is the more logical choice to make. He can navigate better in a group of people and is aware of whats going on. Devon on the other hand, doesn't even know where the idol is or how to look for it. Devon is someone who you can take into a merge and know what he's going to do. Jakey is more unpredictable. And I wouldn't be surprised if he tried to rally up troops to blindside me when that time came. From a personal perspective, I prefer that Devon goes just because of the lack of trust between us and the fact that I don't ever see myself fully trusting him. Sadly I have to lose this battle in order to win the war at the end. So I'm going to vote Jakey out tonight and really hope that it doesn't come to bite me in the but or that he doesn't play his idol (i know he has one, its obvious with how paranoid he's been)

Guess I’m gonna cry because we lost… by a tiebreaker… it was sad. I feel especially awful because had I not made the mistake of repeating a name on my list during my 8th guess, we could’ve very well have won… but no one needs to know that! It just blows because going into a potential merge in a 7-5 scenario is NOT it. Plus like, their only vote was a unanimous vote for Connor which like… love Connor, but a rock could vote Connor out. I wanted to see tension, I wanted to see idols played, I wanted to see hands thrown, I wanted to see lines drawn, and I wanted to see messiness but all I ended up seeing? Disappointment. I hate it here deadass (‘:

Aside from being kinda sad we lost, I do feel super secure. Last round, I wanted Dan to leave to get rid of Brawn numbers and have the best chance to get Jakey out and now I have that! I know Amir is on the fence but I know Kendall and Devon would be all for it (Scott is as well, but I didn’t really know how much he’d be about it until this round) so it needs to happen. While I adore Jakey as a person and we’ve connected a lot, our strategic games don’t align at all since he doesn’t tell me much of anything? Most of his info goes to Amir or Scott and I’m being selfish here but I want all the tea (‘: plus him playing double agent with the Brawns at merge is not what I need if we’re going into the merge with not enough numbers. Not only that but Adam is a wildcard in terms of if he’ll work with me or not but Jakey being there with us makes it so Adam wouldn’t want to so there’s that. Girl… i sound like a whole ass gamebot wtf ghfdjnms

It’s so weird like I am extremely proud of the game I am playing but I still feel inadequate as a player? I know I shouldn’t compare myself to others because I’m ME but my two closest allies (Kendall, Amir) are playing so much better? Amir is able to get all the tea in the world and form those important game connections which I don’t feel like I can yknow? With Kendall, she is just so bold (and beautiful) with her gameplay in a way I could never like she doesn’t mind being the secondary target, she talks to everyone and talks game with everyone, and stuff like that. So in a way, I’m probably not a major threat to people because those two icons are here BUT I also don’t know if that’ll make me seen like a non-factor… that’s just how I feel going into merge and it’s kinda mehhh idk ;-;

MERGE IS COMING. TOnight actually, people are speculating, but im the only one with the certainty that its tonight and im feeling wonderful. I think if I play my cards right Im gonna have a lot of options come merge. God pending Kendall does not die tonight (hopefully her beauties keep her alive) im gonna suggest we secret pair beware this shit and tsart working from opposite sides to keep each other safe. That will allow me to pick of people Im not working with, while hopefully ensure that people im not with who are with her will be detered from targeting me. Thats my plan but who knows what the true dynamics of merge will be. Ive been playing quiet so far but im about to become the star of teh show, my ego just cant take it.

i really feel like by getting a five i got jake voted out and i want to scream i literally am gonna be out for blood if he goes

youtube

#BackWithVengeance

0 notes

huntertales · 7 years

Text

Part Three: The Devil Made Me Do It. (Abandon All Hope S05E10)

Useful Links: Last Part | All Episodes Word Count: 5,490. A/N: Ah, the moment we've all been waiting for. I tried my hardest to make this sad, but I'll let you be the judge of it. But one more part until we're done! I hope you guys enjoy!

Your name: submit What is this? // <![CDATA[ function replaceAll(find, replace, str) { return str.replace(new RegExp(find, 'g'), replace); } function myHandler() { var input = document.getElementById("inputTxt").value; document.body.innerHTML = replaceAll('Y/N', document.getElementById("inputTxt").value, document.body.innerHTML); } // ]]>

What did you most about your life before hunting? Surprisingly, it wasn't your home or the blissful ignorance of the supernatural beings that were around you. Or even the fatal path of your own life. It was your mother. You had learned so many bad things about her over the past several years it wouldn't take much to hate her. She sold her soul to have you, but she dragged your father into the mess. She set you up for this entire scheme. Some might sight she was responsible for everything that was happening to you. Yet, you couldn't get yourself to detest her. Your mother didn't know the consequences she was bringing herself or you into, she just wanted to have a child. She wanted to have a healthy baby to term and live a happy life she never had growing up.

You missed your mother because you didn't have that connection anymore when the panic settled in far more than you could handle or you got psychically hurt. There was nothing better than coming home from a stressful day at school and bursting into tears because one of your friends spread some stupid rumor about you. Or when you were little and riding bikes on a sunny afternoon with the kids in the neighborhood, only things ended with you accidentally falling off your bike and scraping your knee. There was nothing better than to have someone there to hold your hand as you cried your eyes out because you scraped your knee as you began freaking out, thinking your leg was going to fall off after a boy told you it was going to. You were five at the time, but your mother laughed off the silly lie. She told you everything was going to be all right as she bandaged up your wounds. No matter the situation, she could make you feel better at just about everything.

You wished she was still here so she could kiss you on the forehead like old times and hold you close, saying that everything was truly going to be all right. Because you were beginning to believe they weren't.

With your hands clean of blood, you stood across on the other side of the store as you watched Ellen take care of her daughter the best way she could, by telling her that everything was going to be all right. You watched them from the corner of your eye every so often as you tried keeping yourself focused on the important conversation the brothers were trying to have, but your mind kept thinking about how the both of the women started to remind you of your mother. You furrowed your brow slightly at the thought of things being different for you. You wondered if she was still alive your life might have taken a different path, maybe she wouldn't have shunned you away from the supernatural and allowed you to hunt. Perhaps she could have been supportive like Ellen, letting her daughter do what was in her blood. But her biggest fears were unraveling right in front of her very eyes, despite all of the reassuring words she kept whispering to the young woman.

"So, now we know where the devil's gonna be, we know when," Dean's voice brought back you into reality. You swallowed slightly as your eyes adverted to the man, listening to the plan he was forming. All of it sounded perfect, but you knew the fight was just beginning for all of you. “And we have the colt.”

You let out a heavy sigh and shook your head at him. “Yeah. We just have to get passed...eight or so hellhounds, which none of you can see, except for me. Which is a good thing, I guess. Not to mention we’ve got to get to the farm by midnight.”

“Yeah, and that’s after we get Jo and Ellen out of town.” Dean added on.

Sam glanced over at the woman as he le out a quiet sigh, “Won’t be easy.”

“But it’s not impossible.” You told him. “We’ve got to do something. We owe them that.”

“Y/N’s right. It’s not like we’ve haven’t had demons up or ass before.” Dean agreed. He started to feel a bit more positive that all of you could brainstorm an idea that could get all of you here alive and the devil dead. Your three brains could think of something, and they had a secret advantage to the mutts that were circling around. “Stretcher?”

“I’ll see what we got.” Sam said, nodding his head.

All of you were about to go your separate ways to get the next plan in action. You were about to let out a shaky breath as the feeling of pessimism was starting to fade away, that was, until Jo's voice caught you off guard. "Stop. Guys, stop." You turned around in your spot to face the woman, your expression turned into confusion at what she was trying to do. You and the boys walked over to her, wondering what she had to say. "Can we, uh, be realistic about this, please? I can’t move my legs. I can’t be moved. My guts are being held in by an ace bandage. We got to...we got to get our priorities straight here. Number one—I’m not going anywhere.”

“Joanna Beth,” Ellen scolded her daughter for having such a thought. “you stop talking like that—”

“Mom.” Jo turned her head when she cut the woman off, she didn’t want to hear another lecture from the person that had been telling her what to do for her entire life. She gave her mother a look as she tried her hardest to be brave here. “I can’t fight. I can’t walk. But I can do something. We’ve got propane, wiring, rock salt, iron nails—everything we need.”

You should have seen this coming, and while you knew what she was hinting at, you tried playing dumb. "Everything we need?" You repeated after her, you could hear your voice growing harsher at what she was trying to do.

“To build a bomb, Y/N.” She answered you.

“No.” You hissed at her as you began shaking your head. “No, that’s an option here. I’ll take the colt myself and shoot those mutts and carry you out if I have to. You’re leaving here alive.”

"Those are hellhounds out there, Y/N. They've got all of our scents. Those bitches will tear you apart if you let them. And they’ll never stop coming after us." Jo said, as if you weren't clear on the point. You looked away from her as your jaw tightened, you knew she was winning this fight, but you were desperately clinging to any chance of letting her survive this. She deserved so much more out of life. And it was your fault for putting her in this position. You closed your eyes for a moment when you heard her voice break as she began speaking again. "We let the dogs in, you guys hit the roof, make a break for the building next over, and I can wait here with my finger on the button. Rip those mutts a new one." She gave all of you a small smile, thinking she could have one last little smile before being blown to smithereens. "Or at least get you a few minutes' head start, anyway."

"No, I...." Ellen tried to scold her daughter, but her voice cracked as she stared at her with eyes glazed over. She began to shake at the thought of leaving her daughter behind as she carried on. As a mother, she couldn't even stomach the thought without having a breakdown. But Ellen kept herself together long enough to scold the younger woman once more to try and change her mind. "I won't let you."

"This is why we're here, right? If I can get us a shot on the Devil..." Jo tried to reason her argue, but none of you wanted to hear it. The brothers had an easy, they grew up in this lifestyle, they've seen more people than you could count. But you couldn't wrap your head around the idea. You stood there with your arms crossed over your chest as you stared at her with a disapproving look. "Y/N, stop looking at me like that. We have to take it." Ellen whimpered out a no as she tried again to fight this, wanting the same outcome as you, but her daughter stopped her. "Mom. This might literally be your last chance to treat me like an adult. You might want to take it."

Ellen's response was a few quiet sobs as she shook her head, knowing damn well, in the dark parts of her mind, this was how it had to be. You watched as she slowly pulled herself together, as there still had so much to be done if you wanted to meet the devil by midnight. She sniffled a few times as she gave her daughter a smile, deciding she was right, Jo wasn't a little girl anymore. It was time for her to grow up and be like her father. "You heard her." Ellen said with a strong voice. She craned her neck up to look at you and the boys to give you the command. "Get to work."

You took Jo's dying wish and you did it the best you could. It was a good thing that you had took shelter in a hardware store, all of the supplies were at your fingertips. You grabbed everything that Jo had listed. You shoved all the nails and salt you could find into a tin bucket as Sam worked on grabbing the propane and Dean worked on finding some wire along with a button. You let Ellen share the final moments with her daughter as you did all the work fast as you could. Building a bomb was easier than you thought, and under forty minutes, everything was all taken care of. You had all the belongings everyone had packed next to the back door for a quick escape. The boys lined up all the buckets around the front door and wired everything up so it was all now on a string of fishing line. But you wanted to be the one to hand Jo the button.

The boys comforted Jo as you threw out the wire careful as you could while working in a fast manner. You only had an hour and a half until midnight and you still didn’t know how long it would take until you got to the farm. As you slowly got farther to the end of the wire, you came to the conclusion that this was it. You swallowed as you let out a breath, trying your hardest to be brave as you faced the young woman. Sam stepped out of the way as Dean trailed behind, you ignored their stares as you crouched down to Jo’s level. You showed her the doorbell that you had found.

“Okay, this is it.” You managed to say with a calm tone. But you couldn't help yourself when you stared at her with a guilty expression, thinking all of this was your fault. Jo looked at you with a smile, you gave her a wobbly one in return. "I'll see you on the other side, kiddo. Probably not, though...and sooner than later."

Jo reached down and grabbed the shotgun that was lying next to her and handed it to you, “Make it later. I’ll save you a spot.”

You nodded your head as you leaned the gun against the countertop for a moment. You inhaled a deep breath as you reached down to grab her weak hand, she felt so cold. While you had made the promise to be brave for her, you found it broken when your eyesight began to grow blurry as you explained how the mechanics worked. You glanced up from the wiring as you made eye contact with her, you couldn't help yourself but let a few tears fall down your cheeks. In this hunting lifestyle your only friends you could call your own were the boys, that was, until Jo came along. She was younger than you, but she was sarcastic and a woman who could hold her own. You had worked together with her on a case where the both of you bonded, as you gave her inspiration to start hunting. You inspired her to do what she desired the most, but you landed her in a early grave.

With her fingers wrapped around the button, you leaned forward and wrapped your hands around her head as you leaned close to her forehead. You kept your sobbing to a minimum as you pressed your lips to her forehead, giving her a kiss for good luck. "I'm sorry." You whispered to her as you let out a muffled sob you accidentally let out. You couldn't help yourself when you started to cry in her hair, feeling responsible for what had become of today. You wanting nothing more than to just stay here with her in her final moments of life. "I'm so sorry, Jo. This is all my fault.”

You wanted to stay here, but you had other things to take care of. You felt someone wrap their hands around your shoulders, and gently, they pulled you away from Jo. You realized what you had done, and quickly, you pushed yourself to your feet and wiped away any tears that had fallen. Dean squeezed your shoulder as he gave you an empathetic look, knowing how heartbreaking this situation was. You inhaled a shaky breath as you began walking forward to the back. Ellen wandered over to her only daughter as she crouched down, wanting to give her final goodbye, at least, that's what you thought. Both of the women stared at each other for a few moments, all though it was smiles, it soon became tears when Ellen shook her head slightly, deciding she didn't want to go. She wanted to stay with her daughter.

“Mom, no.” Jo pleaded as she began crying herself when she realized what the woman was trying to do.

“Somebody’s got to let them in. And like you said, you’re not moving. You got me, Jo. And you’re right. This is important. But I will not leave you here alone.”

Ellen made her point clear. What could you say? Nothing would change her mind. You looked over at the brothers, deciding that this was it, you couldn't change history. But your feet wouldn't move, as you still were hoping for a miracle to say the day. "Get goin' now, boys. And don't say anything. Just go." You tightened your grip around the shotgun Jo had gave you and headed for the back door, but it seemed Ellen had one more thing to say. "And, kids...kick it in the ass. Don't miss."

You nodded your head at the woman, as you kept your composure together for her. There would be time to cry and grieve. But right now you the Devil to kill. You gave one final goodbye before you walked to the back door and swung open. Cautiously peering out to examine the sight, you drew the shotgun forward, waiting for something to pop out, but all you were greeted with was a dark alleyway, marking your next adventure.

You and the boys had only a few minutes to spare as you began walking forward to the fire escape. Hell hounds maybe strong and vicious, but you had a feeling they weren't exactly capable of climbing walls. You used the adrenaline pumping through your veins to work fast as you could as you scaled the ladder with the boys hot on your heels. All three of you managed to get at least down a few stores in under a minute. You were anticipating for the blow every single second that passed you, but when it did, it took you by surprise.

It happened when you were trying to catch your breath, the explosion had came out of nowhere, sending you to jump nearly a foot in the air as you stumbled slightly forward. You quickly whipped your head over your shoulder to see the once standing hardware store be blown into a mess of smoke and flames of fire. You could feel a burst of heat hit your skin as the fumes rushed through like a breeze. You found yourself staring at the situation that was unfolding right in front of your eyes, almost like you were stunned, as if none of this was happening. But when you felt Dean yank you roughly on your arm to get moving again, you tightened your grip on the shotgun and turned around in your spot, channeling your emotions for something better.

+ + +

It took you over an hour to get to the farm, but you still had a half an hour to spare. Plenty of time to stop the devil in his work. You quietly traveled behind the boys as you tried to find out where he could be in this massive amount of land. But you found him. You trailed forward to a tree with the branches parted enough to see right through what was going on. There was a dozen people just standing around, but it was the man shoveling in the distance that caught your attention. You had only seen Lucifer when he decided to pop into your head for the fun of it. Never did you have the chance to see him in the flesh for the first, and very last, time.

“I guess we know what happened to some of the townspeople.” Dean said, taking notice of the crowd that was formed around the Devil himself. You swallowed as you looked at Lucifer, who had no idea what was about to happen in the next few seconds. “Okay.”

“Okay.” Sam mumbled underneath his breath. He looked over at the two of you. “Last words?”

“I think I’m good.”

“Yeah. Me too.”

The brothers agreed that it would be better to keep this light and simple. You wanted this over and done with, you had spent too long being tortured by the angel on your shoulder. It was time for him to be buried in that ditch he was digging. “Okay, boys.” You whispered to them as you looked at the both of them with a serious expression. “Here goes nothing.”

Sam looked down at you, knowing this plan was only going to work if Lucifer had gotten exactly what he wanted, and that was the both of you—his vessel and creation. You gave him a small smile and nixed your head for the man to go first as you would follow behind. As Sam trailed forward, you were about to take a step forward like you planned, but you felt Dean's hand grab ahold of your wrist, making you stop in your tracks before you were being pulled back. You turned around in your spot to see that Dean pulled you forward to him for a reason. You were about to ask, but before you could, your eyes fluttered closed when you felt his hands cup your cheeks and pressed his lips against yours. He was kissing you for good luck, or for the last time. You pulled away after a moment, a little breathless for how much effort he had put in, but you understood his worry. This might end up with him not returning with you and his little brother. "I love you." He whispered quietly enough so you could only hear him. You gave him a small smile to ease his worried mind. "Be safe, sweetheart." "I love you, too.” You told him. "Don't miss. Or I'll have to shoot you and the Devil tonight."

The little threat was enough to send a smile across Sam's lips, knowing you were serious if Dean had somehow missed his chance. But you were confident in the man to do the job right. You let out a quiet sigh as you looked over your shoulder at the younger Winchester. Both of you smiled at one another before walking to your doom as Dean disappeared into the darkness, all of you unsure of what was going to come of tonight.

Lucifer had been caught up in his little gardening as dozens of his creations watched him, and politely waited for their command. He pushed his foot against the shovel as he dug up another pile of dirt, pushing it to the side. "Hey!" But he stopped when he heard a female voice echo through the night air. Lucifer quickly turned his head forward to the crowd, wondering where the sweet noise had come from. He squinted his eyes slightly to see if he could find the voice, as you appeared, his lips stretched into a small smile as you emerged from the crowd with another familiar face trailing behind you. Sam cocked the gun he had been holding, showing off that he wasn’t coming here without a fight. "You wanted to see us?!"

You stared at the angel standing in front of you with a devious look, all of the grief that you had been feeling not too long ago had transformed itself into pure anger. You watched as Lucifer dropped his shovel to the ground and walked forward to you and the younger Winchester. “Well, Sam, you don’t need that gun here. You know I’d never hurt you two.” Lucifer promised you as he kept his distance. You narrowed your eyes slightly as you heard the rainstorm that was starting to brew quietly start to thunder in the distance. “Not really.”

“Yeah?” Your lips stretched into a devilish smile at the sight of Dean, who had sneakily found his way to the top of the dirt pile. Lucifer had no clue there was the infamous colt pressed against his skull, until he heard the safety go off. The angel turned his head slowly to the vessel that would be for his brother. Dean cocked the gun with his thumb and positioned his finger on the trigger. “Well, I’d hurt you. So suck it.”

You heard the familiar noise of a gunshot go off as it echoed through the miles of empty land. You let out a faint gasp as you saw the body of Lucifer drop to the ground. It seemed almost too good to be true. You blinked, waiting for any second for him to come up, but he just laid there, showing no signs of movement. This was it, he was really dead. You let out a slight noise that sounded like a laugh, but you weren't sure. The boys were stunned themselves at what had unfolded. Dean held the smoking gun, and for the year and a half that all of you had struggled, was the moment of victory. He stared at his little brother with a smile, and for the first time in a long time, he felt happy.

You were happy at the joyous moment that was unfolding right in front of your eyes. It did take sweat, blood and tears to get here. You found yourself looking away from the older Winchester when you felt something tickle your forehead, it rolled down the skin like a tear. You reached up a finger, thinking it was sweat, you had been running around for what felt like a lifetime. Of course you weren't going to look pretty. You took a swipe of the liquid on the top of your finger and carelessly looked down at it. You furrowed your brow slightly to see the color was far darker than you expected.

Blood? Was that—

The boys were starting to grin from ear to ear, Sam found himself letting out what sounded like the start to a laugh. God, he didn't know when the last time he had the chance to enjoy the feeling of accomplishment without feeling guilty. All those months of sucking down demon blood and trusting the enemy than his own family. People had to fall before they could get better. Sam was about to say something, but it ended up being your name from what happened next.

He saw from the corner of your eye shift slightly in your spot. He turned his head just at the right time to see you tried taking a step forward, but you had twisted around in your spot, making Sam watch as your eyes rolled into the back of your head before you dropped to the grass. And just like that, the mood was ruined.

“Y/N? Oh, my God. Y/N?!” Sam desperately called out your name as he dropped to his knees, trying to figure out what happened. He tried shaking you to see if you would wake, but it seemed impossible from the hollow point in your forehead that was starting to leak out blood. He tried pressing two fingers against your neck to find a pulse, but like his biggest fear that was coming from tonight, there was none. You laid on the ground with a gunshot wound to the head. How the hell did it happen? Nobody just drops without warning. But he slowly figured out what might have happened.

Sam slowly looked up, his stomach twisting into knots when he saw the comparison at the body across the field. The Devil laid on the ground at his brother’s feet with the exact same wound that was inflicted on him. Dean stared at the sight with the type of expression that couldn't only be the purest form of shock and terror from what had unfolded. It was unraveling all at once, and it was only going to get worse in the matter of moments.

The Devil emerged from death with a sudden gasp of air that turned into a groan of pain as his vessel’s hand brushed against the wound inflicted on his forehead that was causing a source of pain he had never felt before. But it was manageable. Lucifer pushed himself to his feet, brushing off the dirt that clung to his jeans as he ignored the Winchesters, who were trying to wrap their head around of what the hell was going on. He let Dean stand next to him for a moment as he glanced down at the field, his lips curled into a frown at the sight he had suspected of what would happen if they had gotten their hands of something that didn't belong to them.

"Relax, she won't be dead forever. She should be coming back around...now." Lucifer pointed a finger at your body, waiting for the miraculous miracle of you coming back to life once more. But you just laid there. "Well, guess not. I mean, she is half human. Might take a few more minutes."

“What the hell did you do to her?” Dean hissed the question at the Devil. He swiftly pointed the colt back at him, wanting nothing more than to take another shot, but his hesitance kept his finger lightly on the trigger, not sure what might happen if he did.

“You boys still don't get it, do you? She's my better half, my creation—the reason why I’m allowed to roam free on God’s green earth and mingle with you...humans. But there is, of course, one little catch I never told anyone about that might ruin the surprise. Whatever happens to me, happens to her. You try to kill me, poor Y/N gets dragged down too.” Lucifer said as he pointed his index finger in the air. His lips stretched into a smile when he saw Sam stare at him with a face full of hatred as the man’s eyes glazed over. “I guess you could say the devil’s in the details. But that's stuff we don't need to discuss right now. What I wanna talk about is that,” The Devil his footing so he was now staring at the oldest Winchester as he nodded his head to the infamous colt. “Where did you get that?”

Dean didn't have a chance to answer when Lucifer decided to seek a little vengeance. He swung back an arm to punch the man, but that wasn't his true motive, he swung hard enough so the man went flying through the air, all before roughly hitting a tree. The devil smirked to himself at seeing the man that was to be his brother's vessel knocked unconscious. He slowly shifted us attention forward to the Winchester that mattered the most to him, and that was Sam.

“Now, where were we?” Lucifer asked, seeming happy to see the two of them were alone. Sam looked horrified at what was going on, being alone with the Devil himself as his best friend dead next to his side, as his brother surely was going to suffer from a nasty concussion. All these months he had broke his back to stop him, the hunt to find the colt that surely was going to be the answer. Sam found himself staring off into the distance, defeat settling into his expression. There was no way out of this. “Don't feel too bad, Sam. There's only five things in creation that gun can't kill, and I just happen to be one of them. But if you give me a minute, I’m almost done.”

Sam watched as Lucifer bent down to pick up the shovel from the ground and takes a moment to scoop up two piles of dirt. The younger Winchester was conflicted on staying here with you, or going off to see if his brother was all right. “He is, by the way.” Lucifer answered the man’s thoughts. “And Y/N’ll be back around soon. I wasn't expecting to be shot tonight, but you, sir, have given me the golden opportunity I was hoping for.”

Pushing himself to his feet, Sam never too his eyes off the Devil has he continued to dig back up a hole he must have been working on all night as his crowd of demons just stood there. “What are you going to do to her?” The younger Winchester questioned the angel with a harsh tone.

“Oh, nothing she won’t consent to. I just want to talk to her...as you, if you don’t mind. Give her a good image of what the future is gonna be.” Lucifer said. He leaned himself against the shovel as he gave the man a shrug of the shoulders, as if he was casually talking about the weather. “I don’t suppose you’d just say ‘yes’ right here and now? End this whole tiresome discussion? Talking to two people at the same time is a bit of a burden. But it’s my only chance with her soul in limbo. That’s crazy, right? The things I do for you kids.”

“It’s never gonna happen!” Sam yelled at the devil.

“Oh, I don’t know, Sam. I think it will. I think it’ll happen soon--within six months. And I think it’ll happen...in Detroit.” Lucifer speculated. He knew it was true, but it was fun messing with Sam, as he got under his skin to get the pure hatred out that he never showed too much of. The Devil continued to shovel a few more times. “And I think that’ll be the time Y/N’s humanity will crumble. She’ll turn into a demon and we’ll win this fight fair and square. I think we’ll make a good team.”

“You listen to me, you son of a bitch.” The younger Winchester hissed at him. He stared at him dead in the eye, wanting nothing more than to go over there and load the entire colt into his face. There had to be some loophole to kill him. He could bury him alive, chop him into little pieces. The thought of you getting turned into your biggest fear sent a rage through him. “You try and do anything to her and you’ll regret it. I’m gonna kill you myself. I’m gonna rip your heart out!”

“You don’t get it Sam, do you? I’m untouchable.” Lucifer said. He looked over at the man with a growing smile. Sam looked at the devil with an expression that was part pure anger, a violence in the man that was barbaric. And the other half was fear of what was going to happen when you woke. “That's a little harsh, I suppose. But I know the connection you have with Y/N. I know it's gonna drive you mad every single second for the next six months that you can't do anything about it. I need that rage, Sam. I need to know that your best friend, the only person you've personally felt connected to, is going to turn into a demon if you don't say yes to me."

25 notes · View notes

howellrichard · 5 years

Text

How to Eat a Plant-Based Diet: What I Wish Someone Had Told Me

Hiya Gorgeous!

I recently kicked off a blog series to explore each of my 5 pillars of wellness—being mindful about what you’re eating, drinking and thinking, and how you’re resting and renewing—on a deeper level and how they’re tied to your overall health. And today we’re going to talk about the eating pillar!

This pillar is close to my heart because it was the first stop on my own wellness journey. After I was diagnosed with stage IV cancer, I knew that my diet (which consisted mostly of fake and fast food, ramen noodles, ice cream and salty takeout) HAD to change.

My diet seemed like an obvious place to start back then, because it felt like something I had more control over. I sure as heck wasn’t tuned into the other pillars yet—that came later.

Once I got that life-changing news and decided to take action, I started researching how to eat to literally save myself. And the more I investigated, the more I realized that the answer was very simple. One-word-simple, in fact. Plants.

So, I headed straight for the produce aisle.

You might know by now that I’m vegan, but that’s not really what the eating pillar is all about. It’s about recognizing that you have this beautiful, delicate inner terrain, and how you care for it defines how you’re gonna feel. That means listening to your body and choosing to put stuff on your plate that makes you feel GOOD, not bloated, depleted and unwell.

But guess what? You don’t have to be vegan to get value from this article, experience optimum well-being or be part of our community—all are welcome here! But I do know that a plant-based diet is by far one of the healthiest options out there, so I’m going to let you in on some of the reasons I chose this lifestyle and the countless benefits I’ve seen. Also, if you’re new to veganism and wondering exactly HOW to eat a plant-based diet, I’ve got some insider tips to help you get started (and be successful!).

But first, grab this free gift to transform your diet with small daily steps!

I created this free Wellness Tracker to help you take small daily micro-actions that turn into big results for your overall well-being. And the best part? It only takes a few minutes a day!

What are the benefits of eating a plant-based diet?

There are so many wonderful benefits of eating a plant-based diet, but these three really stand out because of their enormous impact.

1. Good for you.

Everywhere you look these days, there’s yet another nutrition expert or wellness teacher telling you what to eat. But despite all of the conflicting information out there, the experts agree on one thing: Plants are really, really good for you.

Study after study shows the health benefits of plant-based diets. For example, vegans have a 40 percent lower risk of developing heart disease and a 34 percent lower risk of developing high blood pressure. Also, 90 percent of patients with blocked arteries are able to reverse the damage after adopting a plant-based diet (source). Studies also show that vegans are less likely to develop type 2 diabetes (source).

The research tells a different story when it comes to eating animal products. Diets rich in inflammatory meats and processed foods are responsible for up to 35 percent of cancers. If more people adopted a plant-based diet, we could significantly reduce the occurrence of this devastating disease (source). That’s just one example of how inflammatory meat, dairy and eggs can wreak havoc on your health.

Here’s the bottom line: One of the best things you can do for your health is to eat more plants, no matter what your overall diet looks like. They’re full of amazing vitamins, minerals, enzymes, antioxidants, phytochemicals and other stuff that’ll help your body run like a well-oiled machine.

2. Good for the planet.

Our planet is in crisis, and the demand for animal products is a huge part of the problem. Raising beef and lamb for meat produces 250 times more greenhouse gases than farming legumes (per gram of protein). Research suggests that beef farming is the number one driver of deforestation globally (source).

Our environment isn’t separate from us. We’re mirrors of it, which means that when the planet is sick, so are we. Environmentalists and climate change authorities everywhere agree: Reducing your meat and dairy consumption is one of the best things you can do to help save this magnificent place we call home.

Just keep this in mind: While eating plant-based is a great way to reduce your environmental footprint, this lifestyle isn’t free of problematic foods. For example, huge tracts of precious rainforest land are cleared every day around the world to make space for palm oil plantations (source). Please practice conscious consumption no matter what diet you choose—that’s what the eating pillar is about!

3. Good for other living beings.

It’s no secret how much I adore animals. And because they don’t have voices of their own, we must stand up for them! Some people believe humane meat and dairy do exist. I’m of the opinion that raising an animal to kill or otherwise exploit is just cruel.

You might have a different take on this subject than I do, and that’s ok. But I think most of us can agree that factory farms, where a lot of the animal products on the market come from these days, are inhumane. Animals at factory farms are deprived not only of love, but also their most basic needs.

These sweet beings are often confined to small indoor spaces where they can’t move or get any sunlight. They’re forced to suffer through torturous, unsafe procedures. They spend their days in unsanitary conditions watching their family and friends get abused and killed. An animal who is sick when he/she is alive is still sick when they end up on someone’s plate.

Those environments are unsafe for our fellow humans, too. Many workers are exposed to unsafe and unhealthy conditions, low pay and long hours. People of color, undocumented people and folks who have few other options for work are disproportionately affected by these issues.

How to Eat a Plant-Based Diet: Tips from the Trenches!

I’ve got tons of resources to help you get started or test out a plant-based diet, including my books, articles and recipes here on kriscarr.com, as well as my new membership community, Inner Circle Wellness. Dig in, explore and most importantly, have fun!

But because I know you need more than just the practical how-tos, the following tips take things a step further… all the way down to the soul level. These are the things I wish I’d known when I was learning how to eat a plant-based diet.

1. Find your why.

Practicing a plant-based lifestyle isn’t hard or restrictive, but it’s not always convenient and it takes some time to adapt. It’s a choice you’ll make more than once, so having a reason that really resonates with your true heart can be incredibly powerful.

Your why is your inner compass. It’s the light that guides you back to your intentions when the siren song of old comfort foods tries to lure you away. You might find your why in the benefits of eating a plant-based diet we discussed above. Or it might come from within—write about it, meditate about it, welcome your why into your life and it will come.

Here’s my why: I choose to nourish myself with whole, plant-based foods because I love and respect my body. My body is already struggling with cancer, so I want to pitch in by participating in my well-being, not my disease. I leave animals off my plate because doing so means I can save 7,000 lives in my lifetime. I’m vegan because I want to tread lightly on our precious planet—the only one we have.

2. Add before you subtract.

So many diets tell us what we CAN’T have. But ya now what? I’m tired of that noise! It makes us feel restricted and it doesn’t work. So instead of focusing on what we can’t have, let’s talk about what we CAN.

We can have a colorful cornucopia of delicious fruits and veggies. We can have lovely legumes and great grains. We can snack on seeds and even chow down on delectable chocolate. You deserve abundance, dear one—don’t let anyone convince you otherwise.

This is absolutely fundamental to keep in mind as you’re learning how to eat a plant-based diet. You’ll enjoy it more and be more successful if you don’t feel deprived. So rather than trying to cut out a whole bunch of foods you currently enjoy, start by simply adding some new plant-based treats. And with time, the good stuff will naturally start to crowd out the not-so-good.

3. Remember that there’s no such thing as perfection.

Story time! You may have noticed that when I commit to something, I tend to go all in. That was definitely the case when I was newly diagnosed. Saving my life became my job. Part of that meant going to wellness centers and certification programs where I could learn about nutrition, holistic healthcare and more.

At one of those wellness centers, I had a teacher who instilled the idea that if you’re not taking care of yourself perfectly, you loathe yourself. Gulp. What a scary, unmotivating way to think. But at the time, that belief really made itself comfortable inside my brain… and ended up driving a lot of negative thinking and behavior.

But as my wellness journey continued, I realized how bogus that ideology was. None of us truly loathe ourselves. Love is our base. Our job is to remove the blocks to that love, like that very thought I’d adopted. So I decided to let it go and take a more loving, grace-filled approach to my diet and overall wellness practice (and I hope you will too!): Progress, not perfection.

Your diet is not who you are.

I know what it’s like to obsess about diet… To worry about how many calories that lunch is gonna set you back. To dream about cake while you’re chomping on carrots. And to feel like all the joy in cooking and eating has vanished. I get it.

So here’s an important reminder for your wellness journey: No matter how many times you’ve heard “you are what you eat,” believe me when I say: You are so much more than that. You don’t need a diet to fix you, because you don’t need fixing. Period.

I want to leave you with a quote from my dear friend, Robert Holden, PhD. He said this during our interview for the Healing Cancer World Summit and it really stuck with me. I hope you’ll hold these words closely as you work on the eating pillar in your own life.

“The self you judge is not the real self. The self you love is the real you. When you judge yourself, you can’t see who you are.”

I see you, sweetheart… And I love you oh-so-much!

Your turn: What other questions do you have about how to eat a plant-based diet? Let me know what’s on your mind in the comments below! I’ll answer what I can here and might even turn some of your brilliant Qs into fuel for future blog posts.

Peace and powerful plants,

The post How to Eat a Plant-Based Diet: What I Wish Someone Had Told Me appeared first on KrisCarr.com.

0 notes

kevin-benn-blog · 5 years

Text

Proust Questionnaire

When do you truly know someone? Can you ever? We can spend ages with someone, discovering their likes and dislikes-- but in the rare circumstance in which we peer into a person’s inner flame, we rarely dive deeper-- we rarely ask, “why?”

The Proust Questionnaire is typically a surface-level parlor game, yet it offers a basis for deeply personal conversation-- one must simple ask, “why?” Though we’ve known each other for years, I took this opportunity to better understand my girlfriend, Priscilla. Though I only recorded the start of our exchange, our conversations sparked a discussion that brought us closer together.

What is your idea of perfect happiness?

I would say first of all, peace within your own self-- self acceptance, self love, but also, if we’re talking about a physical manifestation of happiness, that would be a life full of rich experiences and people and places.

Like what?

Traveling and making meaningful connections. Living in an environment in which you can grow. And where you can make other people happy for sure.

What is your greatest fear?

Looking back at my life and being unsatisfied. Having regrets.

What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?

I am very indecisive. If there’s one thing that I’m sure of, it’s that I’m indecisive. I also enjoy watching people suffer.

What is the trait you most deplore in others?

When people aren’t understanding. When you’re outright judgmental of other people. I guess people that can’t see past their own experience.

Which living person do you most admire?

The first person that comes to mind is Sam Harris. I’ve been listening to him a lot. I crave his mind and the things that he has to say, the topics that he presents. But of a person that I “know know”, I would say my mom. She has gone through so much but has stayed so positive. She has the ability to just keep going, to keep pushing on with life. And keeping the things that matter to her first and foremost always. Or the people that matter to her.

What is your greatest extravagance?

Honestly the only thing that I can think of is to go exploring. That’s food and travel, so I guess food and travel. That’s it.

What is your current state of mind?

If there is one word I could use it would be anxious.

Why?

It sums up things like worry and doubt. And just attaches that to a feeling of fear. And that’s just what’s in my mind a lot of the times, what I’m feeling in my head.

What do you consider the most overrated virtue?

Acceptance. It sounds more cynical than it is. Ignorant acceptance, if that’s a thing. Is that a virtue? I don’t even know.

On what occasion do you lie?

When I don’t want my mom to worry. She has a tendency to overreact to things so I sometimes try to minimize that and take it upon myself to not be truthful which sucks, it’s not a good thing to do. I don’t lie to her about big things, but I do about little things that don’t really matter.

What do you most dislike about your appearance?

Honestly, though I’m skinny and pretty and I’ve gotten compliments about myself, I’ve never really felt pretty. I’m not very confident in my appearance. I used to really dislike my teeth. My eyes aren’t the same size. I have weird crease-lines on my face. My hair is a mess all the time.

Which living person do you most despise?

Honestly I wouldn’t say I despise anyone because that takes so much energy that isn’t doing anyone any good. But, the person that I dislike the most is my dad.

What is the quality you most like in a man?

I would say trustworthiness, for sure. If you don’t have trust, what do you have?

What is the quality you most like in a woman?

I would say confidence. It inspires me to feel more confident. Plus I feel like we’re in a world that generally restrains women to how they should be. The fact that someone can find so much confidence in who they are… that’s amazing.

Which words or phrases do you most overuse?

“like” *I edited out all of them. Trust me, there’s a lot.*

What or who is the greatest love of your life?

My mom.

That’s what I was going to say too, your mom.

That’s why I didn’t say you. I’ve realized that as much as you or someone else may love me, I feel like the more that I’ve grown and seen how I’ve been with her and she still loves me for everything, and been there. How could she not be the greatest thing that happened to me? You’re a close second.

When and where were you happiest?

When I first started exploring with you guys. When I first met you. Every friday I would take a nap before I headed into the city. I was so happy that I found such good friends. We would literally be awake the whole weekend just having fun. It’s hard to explain.

Which talent would you most like to have?

I just wish I were more knowledgeable. If wisdom is a talent, I want it. I want to be a legged version of the three-eyed-raven. Just without those responsibilities, ya know?

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

I wish that I wasn’t so hard on myself.

What do you consider your greatest achievement?

Being alive.

That’s how I was going to answer it too..

Sometimes I sit back and think, how the fuck did I make it to where I am now? I thought I was going to be dead by the age of 18, but here I am.

If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would it be?

A bird.

Why?

Because, ever since I was little, I would have dreams of me flying around my house. Being able to take myself places. I want to just be able to fly and go anywhere.

Where would you most like to live?

In a van. Everywhere. Everywhere and nowhere.

What is your most treasured possession?

I’m not very attached to things that I own. I have this one Elvis Presley lunchbox that’s filled with little nick-nacks filled with little memorabilias of places and people and stuff. I guess my favorite possession is the physical manifestation of my memories. And my guinea pigs, but there not really my possessions, more like life companions.

What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?

General moral misery? Anything that has to do with hurting another person, child rapists, killers, mass shooters, things like that. That being said, I think the thing that can bring you the most misery is yourself. We can get so caught up in our own minds that we create the problems that we try to run away from.

What is your favorite occupation?

Something out in nature. Something that has to do with exploring, traveling and animals. The first thing that comes to my mind is marine biology. They get to scuba dive all the time. That sounds so fun.

What is your most marked characteristic?

This is the hardest one to answer so far. I don’t know what other people see.

What’s something you’ve hear others remark upon?

My mom says I’m nice.

What do you most value in your friends?

Trust. Trust is very important for me. I feel like I don’t have very many people that I can go talk to. In my friends I want someone that I can go to if I have absolutely anything to say and I can trust that they’ll be there. I appreciate my friends to be present.

Who are your favorite writers?

Just because he’s one of my favorite thinkers, I’m going to have to say Sam Harris again. He just puts so many things that I think into words. He’s honestly the only person that I’ve read multiple books from. I like George Orwell as well. 1984. Fahrenheit 451. I really like dystopian novels. My favorite writers are people that can ponder about the direction of our lives, of our collective existence.

Who is your hero of fiction?

In most of the novels that I love there are no heroes. They raise more of a collective consciousness. How do we become the hero that our future needs? What do we do so that we don’t need this hero figure? I’ve never really liked romantic books, things of that nature. Things like Prince Charming. It’s a little silly, honestly. Some books like that are cute but I can’t take them seriously. They’re not present enough.

Which historical figure do you most identify with?

I’ve never had to think about this. Honestly, I’ve always had a great admiration for Einstein. He just has this thirst for knowing. He’s never satiated until he figures it out. I’m kind of in the same nature. He’s a smart man. I feel like we have in common a wonder about the world around us. Einstein is my dad.

Who are your heroes in real life?

To quote Tilian from Dance Gavin Dance, “They say you never meet your heroes, reverence is temporary, until the truth comes out.” I feel like whenever you idolize a person as a hero, you don’t see the person as a whole, you just see what they want you to see. You can never truly meet your heroes because your reverence is created by your own imagination. You admire more the idea of the person, not so much the person. That’s why I personally don’t believe in heroes.

You just said that you admire Einstein and Sam Harris, etcetera.

I don’t idolize them, I find their thoughts to be provocative. I do enjoy their minds for sure.

What are your favorite names?

Alex, because everyone in my family has like… My middle name is, Alejandra, my ex-step-dad’s name was Alex. Also I like that if I gave my child the name Alex, they could be a girl or guy, you can shorten it to Alex.

What is it that you most dislike?

Frogs.

What is your greatest regret?

I feel like I’m easily influenced and that’s why I stopped going to college. Probably that.

How would you like to die?

I wouldn’t like to die.

You haven’t answered the question.

Peacefully. Painlessly. In my sleep. If I am dying, if it's a long illness, I’d rather be put out of my misery than be put in a home or be a burden to family. If I’m not conscious, if I’m not there, I would rather you put me out of my misery. After, I would either like to be put in a fungus-suit so that my body would decompose and be used to fertilize soil or something. Or be made into ashes. I would like someone to have a piece of me when I’m dead.

What is your motto?

“It’s better to shit your pants than to die of constipation.” Am I proud of it? No. Was I warned against it several times? Yes. Was it an impulse decision to make it my yearbook quote because it summed that year up perfectly? Yes. It’s true though. Class of 2016.

0 notes

wayneooverton · 5 years

Text

6 totally badass women I’m obsessed with right now

Despite 2018 seeming like it was perhaps a giant dumpster fire for women around the globe, woman did a tremendous job of getting. shit. done.

From the bravery shown by the women of the #MeToo movement, to historic wins for women in the midterm elections in the US (particularly of women of color), to Spain appointing a majority-woman cabinet, to Iranian women watching the World Cup in a stadium next to men for the first time in decades, to women in Saudi Arabia finally being legally allowed to drive, the list is long. It was a good year for us.

In honor of International Women’s Day, I’m sharing a little list of badass women I’m currently obsessed with right now. I cut this list down from 17 to 6 because, holy hell, there are a lot of women that deserve some bragging right now and each one deserves her own blog post. I bow down!

Please leave a comment to let me know who I left out, and who else I should be obsessed with at the moment (because there’s always room for more in my closet shrine!)

1. Elizabeth Chai Vasarhelyi

If you were alive during 2018 (which I’m assuming you were since you’re reading this article) you probably didn’t escape the year without first hearing about Free Solo.

Perhaps you weren’t interested or didn’t really understand, but surely you’ve heard about the epically superhuman efforts of Alex Honnold, a free solo expert who achieved his dream of scaling 3,000ft of a vertical wall in Yosemite National Park without a rope.

It has rightly been dubbed as one of the greatest athletic feats in the history of mankind (NBD) and watching the event is equal parts exhilarating and holy-shit-I’m-sweating-in-places-I-didn’t-even-know-could-produce-sweat terrifying.

When you hear about Free Solo, people normally talk about two things:

1) how amazing Alex Honnold is (and he is amazing)

2) what a great film Jimmy Chin produced (one of the greatest adventure photographers of all time)

Ok great, enough about them, let’s move on to the real star of the show.

View this post on Instagram

It was a day … @stellamccartney @carolyntangel @thefashionguitar @mhmakesithappen @jimmychin @alexhonnold @sannimccandless @freesolofilm here we go….@c_albert #oscars2019 @oscardelarenta @idaorg thank you to too many who made this possible thank you #avillage

A post shared by Chai Vasarhelyi (@chaivasarhelyi) on Feb 24, 2019 at 12:38am PST

What no one ever seems to talk about is the co-director and all around inspirational badass Chai Vasarhelyi and her role in all this.

So who is she? I’m glad you asked. Chai is an uber-ambitious 39-year-old woman who grew up in Manhattan and when to college at Princeton. She finished her first documentary, A Normal Life, at age 24 that told the story of 7 college-aged friends in the middle of the Bosnian Conflict.

I can’t even tell you one interesting thing I did the year I was 24. Her film won the Tribeca Film Festival. Casual.

Moving on! She spent the next decade making films about Senegal, honing in on her knack for storytelling and showcasing raw human emotion. Let’s fast forward a bit because I could literally talk for hours about her and we’ve got a lot of women to cover.

Chai found herself in the presence of Jimmy Chin (who she initially blew off because why not, you do you, girl). He asked her for some tips on his film, Meru, which had been kicking around for years, not managing to make it into any film festivals. She let him wait in limbo for three months before she got back to him and agreed to take a look.

Chai turned the now famous Meru from doomed, super bro climbing porn film, to a genuine story that went on gain high praise from elite film festivals everywhere.

How’d she do it? She insisted on re-shooting basically everything except for the actual climbing. All of the storytelling, all of the interviews with the climbers, all of the interviews with the family members. She revisited all of that and pulled out real human emotion that she felt viewers could connect with. And she was right.

View this post on Instagram

More Ampas / Baftas and more @brockcollection what a break from being a mud drenched Doc filmmaker feels like being Cinderella…..thank you @freesolofilm @thefashionguitar @carolyntangel 🙏❤️

A post shared by Chai Vasarhelyi (@chaivasarhelyi) on Feb 8, 2019 at 11:51am PST

And as a surprise to literally no one, she did the same thing for Free Solo.

She took what easily could have been a niche climbing film and turned it into an oddly relatable and universal story: perfection vs death, love vs. focus, ethics vs. filming an incredible feat. For her efforts and diligence, this documentary made people feel things other than fear and exhilaration.

She gave the audience and understanding of the complexity of the whole project. Oh, and she’s married to Jimmy Chin in case anyone actually cared. And they just took home an Oscar!

2. Jacinda Ardern

You didn’t think I was going to write this list without mentioning one of the most badass world leaders of all times, did you? Especially from the country that was the first to give women the right to vote!

As a leader of the first Labour government in New Zealand in a decade, Jacinda Ardern shares values common of a leftist party: investment in health, education, climate action, public housing, and social justice. Excellent start, but hundreds of politicians share those values and push those agendas.

So what makes Jacinda so special?

View this post on Instagram

Happy Diwali! If you’re in Auckland (or even near it) pop along to the festival at Aotea Square

A post shared by Jacinda Ardern (@jacindaardern) on Oct 19, 2018 at 8:22pm PDT

For starters, Jacinda has absolutely no time for what others expect of her outside of her job responsibilities.

All those bogus questions about family woman usually get when they run for public office? Nope! Jacinda wasn’t having any of it. She was elected and promptly announced her pregnancy like it was NBD, had the baby in a public hospital and became the first world leader ever to go on maternity leave, where she graced the world with a charming Facebook Live video of her and her daughter Neve.

When she was ready to go back, she went and her partner (not husband, mind you!) stayed home with the baby. I love a good gender role swap!

She continued her year getting shit done as the Prime Minister and also being an amazing parent.

She brought her new baby to the Nelson Mandela Peace Summit where she spoke moments after handing off the babe to her partner (She also got her baby a special UN pass for the event). Through her actions, she is normalizing being in a position of power as a new mom, breastfeeding at work, and having her partner be the primary caregiver.

View this post on Instagram

Welcome to our village wee one. Feeling very lucky to have a healthy baby girl that arrived at 4.45pm weighing 3.31kg (7.3lb) Thank you so much for your best wishes and your kindness. We're all doing really well thanks to the wonderful team at Auckland City Hospital.

A post shared by Jacinda Ardern (@jacindaardern) on Jun 20, 2018 at 11:14pm PDT

Enough about her baby. Let’s talk about her career accomplishments. In her short time as president, she has already:

Introduced the Families Package that delivers more money to families with children and reduces child poverty

Passed a bill to allow leave for victims of domestic abuse

Made the first year of tertiary education or training fees free

Increase student allowances and living cost loans by $50 a week

Passed the Healthy Homes Guarantee Bill, setting minimum standards for all rentals

Passed law banning overseas speculators from buying existing houses

Set up a ministerial inquiry into mental health crisis

Introduced legislation to make medicinal cannabis available for people with terminal illnesses or in chronic pain

Increased the minimum wage to $16.50 an hour (and announced this year another bump up to $17.70 by April of this year)

Set the zero carbon emissions goal and began setting up an independent Climate Commission, ended all new bids on offshore oil and gas exploration

And announced a phasing out of single-use plastic bags nationwide

View this post on Instagram

It’s been a while since I gave an update on the work to eradicate M. bovis, so here it is…. We’ve had 74 properties infected so far. 36 farms have now gone through the process of having their farms given the all clear and restocked – I visited one of those farms today to talk about their experience. We still have things we need to improve (and we made a few extra announcements on that today) but we’re also still very committed to eradicating Mycoplasma Bovis.

A post shared by Jacinda Ardern (@jacindaardern) on Oct 8, 2018 at 5:28pm PDT

Oh, and she greeted the Queen of England wearing a traditional Maori cloak. What’s that? A country treating its indigenous population with even an ounce or respect and dignity!?

3. Melise Edwards

Melise has become one of my favorite women to follow on Instagram. Not only is she a sponsored rock climber, but she’s also an actual brain scientist AND social justice warrior.

She refuses to sit behind her climbing success without also tackling issues for women and communities of color in the outdoors. She refuses to accept the erasure of dark-skinned women in outdoor advertising and when she gets hate mail for it, she straight up calls those bullies out.

View this post on Instagram

The truth is: I've had so many negative interactions in the climbing community in recent years that have arisen due to conversations surrounding diversity, feminism, privilege and inclusion that I find myself sometimes uninterested, angry and afraid to be a part of the local community. . . There have been the friends from my city & back home who block, unfriend and unfollow me, though first letting me know that "demonizing white people" by asking for folks to recognize our many collective forms of privilege and the impacts of recent historical oppression on minorities is divisive and racist against white people. . . There have been the strangers and local climbers who are all too comfortable harassing and trolling me online with the added bonus of getting to see them here in the gyms when I climb. There have been the in-person conversations at where people seek me out to tell me I'm playing the victim and that racism and sexism are not really issues. . There have been the prominent climbers and first ascentionists who vehemently oppose these conversations and message me condescending remarks. There has been a man twice my age writing a blog post on his institute's page about my fragility. And on top of this, we see chronic affronts and attacks on POC & other underrepresented groups within the outdoor community and society at large daily. It comes from friends. It comes from strangers. It comes from leaders and people in positions of power in the industry. It comes from people who would rather not get involved. . . These things make it difficult to "just go climbing" and push myself within a hobby that used to give me so much joy. My life is amazing and I'm so thankful for where I am and all that I do. There are also many incredible people and groups in this industry who are doing invaluable work. But if I am being honest, I am struggling with my waning passion for a community and hobby I used to love. (Photo by @andreasassenrath)

A post shared by Mélise | Seattle, WA (@meliseymo) on Feb 26, 2019 at 12:02pm PST

Her passion and dedication is infectious and makes me want to do better:

“I yearn for the day when multiple women of color can be featured for an advertisement or photoshoot within and beyond the outdoor industry; for the day we don’t need to have several white women or men in the shot for the photo to be inherently successful. . I yearn for the day POC can get paid and aren’t questioned or criticized for wanting to get paid for their work and time. This means valuing their time, chronic advice, labor and the information they provide enough to actually compensate them. (E.g. how do I make my company more diverse?) . . I yearn for the day when more people of color make up the staffing at large companies and folks don’t call on *that one POC you know on Instagram* to ask for chronic free education and labor. . Companies: Diversify your staff. Diversify your marketing. Take actual efforts to support POC in the outdoor community beyond superficial displays that do not get at the root of the problem (e.g. inviting a panel of POC to talk for free at your events.) . Finally, please stop asking POC to only come to your events to talk about diversity instead of their amazing careers in the outdoors, recent adventures or athleticism. We can all do better when we learn how rampant these issues are in our community and seek to change them. I believe in you all.”

View this post on Instagram

Marketing in the outdoor industry and society at large is strikingly homogenous. Even attempts to diversify marketing efforts will usually feature one light skinned, white passing or racially ambiguous woman still out numbered 10:1 by white models and a usually all white staff. . . Similarly frustrating is the chronic expectation for POC to continually offer free labor to *thank* companies for daring to care about diversity. Superficial means of supporting diversity will be offered without ever addressing the issue at the community, staff, company and marketing level. . . Companies need to do better to represent the diversity of our communities. . I yearn for the day when multiple women of color can be featured for an advertisement or photoshoot within and beyond the outdoor industry; for the day we don't need to have several white women or men in the shot for the photo to be inherently successful. . . I yearn for the day POC can get paid and aren't questioned or criticized for wanting to get paid for their work and time. This means valuing their time, chronic advice, labor and the information they provide enough to actually compensate them. (E.g. how do I make my company more diverse?) . . I yearn for the day when more people of color make up the staffing at large companies and folks don't call on *that one POC you know on Instagram* to ask for chronic free education and labor. . . Companies: Diversify your staff. Diversify your marketing. Take actual efforts to support POC in the outdoor community beyond superficial displays that do not get at the root of the problem (e.g. inviting a panel of POC to talk for free at your events.) . Finally, please stop asking POC to only come to your events to talk about diversity instead of their amazing careers in the outdoors, recent adventures or athleticism. We can all do better when we learn how rampant these issues are in our community and seek to change them. I believe in you all. (PC @andreasassenrath)

A post shared by Mélise | Seattle, WA (@meliseymo) on Feb 2, 2019 at 9:56am PST

4. Cristina Mittermeier

In case you haven’t heard, global warming is real. It’s happening right now and us humans who have expedited global warming are generally not being helpful at all.

Good thing there are people like Cristina Mittermeier to show us the way forward. (And if I haven’t lost you at this point, congrats, you understand science!)

The Mexico-city born marine biologist has some notable accolades but her strength goes beyond her studies and awards. Cristina is an expert storyteller and sheds light on what’s going on in the world, whether at the bottom of the ocean floor or in some of the most remote indigenous villages in the world. She photographs them, tells their story and gives hope for the possibility of a mindful, sustainable future.

View this post on Instagram

What might seem like a featureless snow-covered landscape to us is an invisible map filled with smells that lead to prey and mates for polar bears. While the future of this incredible species remains uncertain and concerning, the unwavering hope that so many of you have for vulnerable wildlife tells me that our ability to protect them has never been more diverse and more promising.

A post shared by Cristina Mittermeier (@cristinamittermeier) on Oct 7, 2018 at 9:23am PDT

At her core, she wants her audience to really truly think about what it means to be a human and our undeniable link to other species and the responsibility to look after fellow life forms.

In 2005, she created a league of Conservation Photographers (hello new dream job!) to help give a platform for photographers working on environmental issues. She’s also co-founded a nonprofit called Sea Legacy, with legendary photographer Paul Nicklen, that works towards protecting the world’s oceans through storytelling.

If that’s not enough to convince you to be obsessed with her as well, I’ll leave you with this quote.

“To roam the farthest corners of the Earth, where wild creatures live, is a privilege reserved for an adventurous handful. But even though most of us may never feel the chill of Arctic air through the frozen flap of an icy tent, images can help us understand the urgency many photographers feel to protect wild places. My work is about building a greater awareness of the responsibility of what it means to be a human. It is about understanding that the history of every living thing that has ever existed on this planet also lives within us. It is about the ethical imperative—the urgent reminder that we are inextricably linked to all other species on this planet and that we have a duty to act as the keepers of our fellow life forms.”

View this post on Instagram

Blue whales are the largest animals to have ever existed, reaching mind-boggling dimensions of 100 feet long and upwards of 200 tons on a diet composed almost exclusively of krill, tiny-shrimp like crustaceans. It was a joy to be in the water with this gentle giant off the coast of the Azores. I had never had an encounter with a blue whale before. While the hunting of blue whales was banned by the International Whaling Commission in 1966, endangered fin whales are still being hunted in Iceland in defiance of a world wide ban of commercial whaling in 1986. Follow the link in my bio to learn more. This work was performed under the authorization n.0 XX-ORAC-2018 issued by the Government, on February 22, 2018.

A post shared by Cristina Mittermeier (@cristinamittermeier) on Jun 23, 2018 at 8:42am PDT

5. Mirna Valerio

There’s a myth in the medical world that fat people cannot be considered fit.

There’s phony talk about the importance of BMI (spoiler: it’s absolutely worthless for determining health) and the unarguable need to shed pounds to achieve health.

This simply is not true and Mirna Valerio is here to prove it.

View this post on Instagram

Guess what y’all? I’m a swimsuit model too! I loved this shoot with the talented @insecto, Carlos Palacios, in Costa Rica for @skirtsports! I never thought in a million years I’d be doing #swimwear photoshoots on a beach on top of a SUP board in #halfmoonpose baring, well not quite all, but more than I am used to… ## WELCOME TO MY NEW WORLD! Also this bathing suit is available the link in my bio—use code MIRNAVATOR for a 20% discount! #swimsuit #beachphotography #womenwhomove #optoutside #bathingsuit #bareitall #bodypositive #bopo #photography #bodylove #effyourbeautystandards

A post shared by Mirna Valerio (@themirnavator) on Feb 25, 2019 at 11:30am PST

Mirna has essentially been an outdoors obsessed athlete all of her life. From field hockey and lacrosse in high school to now being a full-on ultramarathon runner in her adult life. She started blogging (Fat Girl Running) in 2012 as she was training for her first marathon and as her support systems grew, so did the haters, flooding her inbox with negative comments. But Mirna never let the haters get her down. She loves her body and is consequently chasing our stereotyped perception of what fitness and health look like.

“They don’t like to see me on a cover of a magazine because I do not represent what fitness means to them,” she says. “I want to continue sticking my big ass into places where people think I don’t belong. That has been the nature of my life—I’m going to do it and I’m going to do it proudly.”

“We are much more than our bodies. Whether it’s body image, our choices to be moms or not, our career choices—we are more than our bodies,” Valerio says. “We’re so powerful beyond our wildest dreams.”

View this post on Instagram

An excellent morning on the #wildwoodtrail at #forestpark in Portland with new friends @erin.nicksmartin and @rossmaxloudness from my awesome Facebook Group FATGIRLRUNNING. We had a great time exploring the #trail, enjoying the peeks of sun, and most of all, each other’s company. So happy to have our community! #fatgirlrunning #trailrunning #optoutside #runtrails #trailandultra #trailrunning #outdoors #urbantrails #portlandtrails #runner #zapposrunning #empoweredbyrunning #hylandspowered

A post shared by Mirna Valerio (@themirnavator) on Dec 27, 2018 at 12:51pm PST

As a runner, author, and educator, Valeria has secured her voice encouraging everyone, especially the youth, to get outside where they can test their own mental and physical strength. She advocates for green spaces in cities and supports more price-public funding for school trips.

“It’s not just a necessity for urban kids, but it’s a necessity for kids all over no matter what their level of privilege is and no matter what their level of exposure and access is,” she says. “Whenever I think of the outdoors, it’s not only a place to be myself and live in my introverted ways, but I also look at the outdoors as a place of bonding with other people and having these really deep, profound experiences with nature that you can’t have looking out a window.”

6. Pattie Gonia

Pattie Gonia is the world’s first backpacking queen and honestly, this is exactly what we need right now in these trying times.

Some days the news is so dark and our world leaders are so questionable that you might want to crawl into a tiny cave and not come out until everything is fixed but then, like a ray of sunshine and hope, emerges Pattie Gonia, the viral drag queen who dances on top of mountaintops in platform heels and everything in the world seems a little more manageable.

Yes!

View this post on Instagram

SURPRISE BISH !!!! park ranger pattie is here to write you a ticket for being TOO DAMN FABULOUS. 👑 & o no sis we’re not done yet. 💥 your fine is to tell someone u know needs to hear it how fabuluz they are too. 🧚🏻‍♂️ & u know y??? because this is our year to shine TOGETHER. so u better watch out u better not hide i’ll be patrolling these here parts & should u choose to be too fabulous again just watch me i’ll pop out from behind a tree (BOO!!) w these au natural hairy leggz & say u too wonderful AGAIN here’s another 1 !!!! . whooole lewk by queen @katienashbeauty photo by queen @erinoutdoors photographed on jumanos native lands . #servingyounationalparkSERVEice #nationalparkservice #nationalparks #outdoors #neature #nature #alewk #amajorlewk

A post shared by Pattie Gonia (@pattiegonia) on Mar 4, 2019 at 12:30pm PST

Pattie graced us with her presence less than six months ago but has already made waves across the world.

Pattie is portrayed by fellow Nebraskan photographer and Eagle Scout Wyn Wiley. If you aren’t familiar with various state identities in the USA, let’s just say that Nebraska is not the easiest state to be apart of the LGBTQ group.

Nevertheless, Wiley unapologetically embraces his inner queen and we’re all a lot better because of it.

But Pattie Gonia is more than a feel-good IG feed to make you smile. Wiley’s ultimate goal is for Pattie Gonia to inspire more people to get outside and enjoy mother nature, especially those who have historically been excluded from the outdoor community, including the LGBTQ community, people of color, and bigger folks.

He hopes to achieve this by having Pattie Gonia lead groups of newbie hikers and using sponsors to help provide gear for those who can’t afford it, because let’s be honest, outdoor gear can be as expensive as hell and historically, spending leisure time outside is a huge fucking privilege.

View this post on Instagram

THE BEND & SNAP TRAIL EDITION ♻️💃🏼🌲 ugh isn’t trash on the trails the most sad moment??? let’s keep our trails clean & do it while looking fab && snatched & cute as a bb prancing deer. not only for us but for all the animal babes friends we share mother natch with!!! remember, we have one earth to have our party, let’s not leave the house trashed. pick up your trash. it’s simply good etiquette, queens. . keeping our trails is clean is as easy as you brining a simple plastic bag to not only pack out your trash but what was left behind by other people. even if you pick up a piece or two of trash on a 30 min hike that can do wonders to keep mother natch looking snatched. . outfit by clothes my mom got me for christmas video by @charlieronan edit by @adamkingman #recycle #packout #packinpackout #protectourparks #nationalparks #hikevibes #litter #trash #stateparks #parksandrec #11thessential #leavenotrace #staywild #colorado #redrocks #denver #nature #fierce #drag #dragqueen #dance . video taken on cheyenne and ute native land

A post shared by Pattie Gonia (@pattiegonia) on Feb 7, 2019 at 12:22pm PST

On a more personal level, Pattie is a way for Wiley to explore his more feminine sides.

“In my normal life, I’d say I’m pretty straight-passing,” he says. “But when I put those boots on, it feels like a girl when she puts on mascara for the first time – it unlocks a different side of you that you haven’t seen before. I think femme is important. I think masculinity is important. I think it’s all inside of us.” If everyone accepted this gender fusion, the world would be a much better place.

Trust me. Better yet, trust Pattie.

Spill! Who are some badass women you’re obsessed with right now? Comment below and share some inspo!

The post 6 totally badass women I’m obsessed with right now appeared first on Young Adventuress.

from Young Adventuress https://ift.tt/2H4QjhI

0 notes

gibsonsflowofthoughts · 6 years

Text

Which moments in NFL history do you wish you had seen live?

The NFL has had some indelible moments throughout its nearly 100-year existence. The Immaculate Reception. The Music City Miracle. The Minnesota Miracle. David Tyree’s Super Bowl catch. Wide Right. The Catch. Kevin Dyson coming up a yard short. The Butt Fumble.

We’ve seen many of them live, either on television or in person. But for others, it only feels that way because they’re such a familiar part of sports lore. Maybe we weren’t born yet or were too young to remember. Or maybe we first caught the clip on Twitter or SportsCenter. But those plays were spoiled for us: we knew ahead of time that we were about see something special.

For some of us, we saw it on TV, but we wish we could have been there in the stadium and shared that experience with a large group of our fellow slack-jawed fans who were feeling the exact same amazement as we were.

Either way, you never forget what it’s like to watch something like that unfold in real time, transitioning from that “what just happened?” shock to the realization that what you just witnessed will go down into NFL history.

Here are nine moments — on the field and off, live on TV or in person — we wish we had seen when they happened:

We wish we had been there in person

2016 NFC Championship Game

Even though it ended in catastrophe, the 2016 season was the most fun I’ve ever had watching the Atlanta Falcons. They could score at will, play great defense in spurts, and were just a thoroughly entertaining team to watch.

I wish I was at this game just for one specific play.

youtube

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve watched that play. It was a pure display of physical dominance by Julio Jones, a perfect throw by Matt Ryan, and a great play call by Kyle Shanahan.

There are few times when one football player is clearly one step ahead of his competition. This was absolutely one of those instances on one of the biggest stages the NFL has to offer. As the CEO of the Julio Jones Fan Club, I really wish I was there for this moment. - Charles McDonald

Beast Quake

The real appeal of seeing something live, in my opinion, is soaking in the moment with the crowd. There’s just nothing quite like over 60,000 people losing their shit simultaneously.

Probably my favorite NFL video of the last calendar year was the sideline view of Stefon Diggs’ miracle touchdown against the Saints in the playoffs. If a crowd going that bananas doesn’t give you chills or goosebumps or, at the very least, a smile, you’re just not enjoying sports right.

So with that said, I’m flying my time machine to Seattle in January 2011 when Marshawn Lynch ran through approximately 87 Saints tacklers on his way to a 67-yard touchdown that clinched the Seahawks an unlikely playoff win. It has since been dubbed “Beast Quake” because the crowd noise literally caused a small tremor that was recorded on nearby seismographs.

Watching videos online of that kind of collective explosion is fun, but I can only imagine how incredible it must’ve been like to take in the moment with Seahawks faithful. — Adam Stites

Randy Moss fake-moons Lambeau Field

youtube

“That is a disgusting act by Randy Moss,” Joe Buck said.

Actually, it was an amazing act. I yearn to have been there. — Alex Kirshner

The Minneapolis Miracle

This is such an easy choice for so many reasons. We can start off with the fact that I’m a Falcons fan that enjoys Saints pain. The other thing here that really anybody that’s not a Saints fan can enjoy, is that this was an absolutely ridiculous ending to a football game.

I think it’s pretty safe to say that nobody thought the Vikings were going to be able to pull that off. If you know somebody that claims otherwise, they’re lying.

Plus, if you could get Joe Buck to lose his mind like that without Randy Moss pretending to show his ass, you’ve really done something. Not to mention the range of emotions it put everyone else through. — Harry Lyles Jr.

X-Clown

youtube

Some plays are indelibly burned in your mind and feel recent, even though they were forever ago. It’s hard to believe it’s been 15 years since the Carolina Panthers went to double overtime against the Rams in the NFC Divisional Playoffs, but this feels like yesterday.

The game was a complete slugfest, and at the time the game was billed as the Panthers’ grinding run game vs. Marc Bulger and the Rams’ astounding air attack — but in the end it was Steve Smith’s walk-off touchdown that took it all home.

This play was so damn disrespectful for the time, and it was beautiful. Jake Delhomme was never an amazing quarterback — but he had this knack for making big time throws when it counted. Hitting Smitty in stride after the pump fake was pure beauty, and I lost it in the basement of my parents’ house when it happened. I wish I could have been there live. — James Dator

We wish we had been alive for — or old enough to appreciate

The Ice Bowl

There are approximately one thousand incredible moments that make up the Packers’ storied history, but few can match the rarified air of the 1967 NFL Championship Game — better known as the Ice Bowl. It was a balmy -15 when the Packers and Cowboys took the field in Green Bay, and wind chill made it feel as awful as -48 as Lambeau Field’s broken heating system left a slippery sheen of ice atop the turf.

What happened next was football as performance art. Neither team gained more than 200 yards, leading to 16 combined punts that kept the crowd wondering which would shatter first: the ball itself or Donny Anderson’s foot. The Packers trailed 17-14 with 16 seconds on the clock and no timeouts remaining when Vince Lombardi got bold, dialed up a quarterback sneak for Bart Starr, and punched his team’s ticket to a second straight Super Bowl.

Watching it on TV would be cool. Watching it at Lambeau would be legendary. Look at this photo of our collective grandpas, showing up 50,000-deep for a football game in a frigid town of 75,000.

via the Pro Football Hall of Fame

Stare at that picture and inhale deeply, through your nose. Do you smell it? It’s the smell of 150,000 brandy old-fashioneds and stale Lucky Strike cigarettes being slowly smothered by the cold. I want in. — Christian D’Andrea

T.O. celebrating on the Dallas star

For me, a San Francisco 49ers fan, there are some obvious moments. I was born in 1990, and therefore missed some of the greatest moments in franchise history. I was alive for one that doesn’t necessarily hold up to The Catch, but is still one of my favorite moments in football history: Terrell Owens’ celebration on the Dallas Cowboys’ star.

The reason that’s my pick is twofold: I obviously would have loved to be at that game live, screaming my face off at Cowboys fans and hoping they don’t beat my obnoxious 10-year-old ass; and also I would have loved to see the reactions on social media. At that time, Facebook was still four years away, while Twitter was a further two years out.

Don’t get me wrong — social media and sports is an awful combination pretty much 95 percent of the time. But the gloriousness that would come out of the reactions to Owens’ celebration on the star, Emmitt Smith’s retaliatory celebration on the same star, and Owens’ follow-up second celebration on it would be phenomenal. Of course, if Twitter existed, it hardly would have been suitable for 10-year-old me. Or perhaps I’d fit right in. — James Brady

The “Super Bowl Shuffle” phenomenon

Whether you were alive during the 80s or not, it’s the Potter Stewart obscenity case: you know it when you see it.

And if you’ve seen even a glimpse of the “Super Bowl Shuffle,” it’s about as 80s as it gets:

youtube

The production value of Sugarhill Gang’s “Rapper’s Delight” music video. Awkward dancing. Even awkwarder rapping. Those closeups of the one guy in sunglasses. Sax solo — and oh wait, he’s wearing sunglasses too! A COWBELL.

This wasn’t a play on the field or really even a moment: It was an actual phenomenon. The song sold more than 700,000 copies in its first year, made around $200,000 for charity, the record went gold, the video was in heavy rotation at MTV, and it lost a Grammy to Prince.

So even if today it looks more like a parody, it was a legitimate hit then and people enjoyed it for any number of reasons — because the players were having fun, because they were trying to help feed the needy, because Walter Payton’s spitting rhymes like “Well, they call me Sweetness/And I like to dance/Runnin’ the ball is like makin’ romance.”

Other NFL musical efforts like “Ram It,” “Buddy’s Watchin’ You,” and “Living the American Dream” soon followed, but none of those could top the one that paved the way in December 1985.

That’s another point that could easily be overlooked now but probably wasn’t then: It was released almost two months before the Super Bowl. Were people charmed by the cockiness of it? How much outrage was there in a world before social media and Skip Bayless types were on TV spouting exhausting nonsense on a seemingly never-ending basis? Or, hopefully, did fans understand that these larger-than-life personalities were having a blast riding this once-in-a-lifetime season?

Luckily for the Bears, they went on to win their first (and still only) Super Bowl that January. But the “Super Bowl Shuffle” had much more entertainment value than their 46-10 blowout win over the Patriots.

Unfortunately for the Bears, like most things sports fans love, controversy followed. It still lives on today, even though we know an NFL team now would never and could never replicate such an iconic, goofy-in-all-the-right-ways sensation that transcended football and even sports. And that’s why it would’ve been, like, so totally rad to experience this little piece of pop culture-meets-sports history then. — Sarah Hardy

We wish we hadn’t gone to bed and completely missed this

The Seahawks’ goal-line play in Super Bowl 49

As 100 million Americans were sitting on the edge of their seats wondering why Russell Wilson was lined up in the shotgun at the goal line during the final seconds of Super Bowl 49, I was just hitting REM sleep in a London dorm.

youtube

When I woke up the next morning and turned to Twitter, I was thinking the same thing as everyone else: “Why the hell didn’t the Seahawks give the ball to Marshawn Lynch on the 1-yard line?”

Except, I actively made the decision to stop watching the game after the first half 14-14 tie. I say that with great shame, especially since one of my best friends is a huge Patriots fans and was, according to my sources at the bar, crying profusely after Malcolm Butler made the pick to seal the Patriots’ Super Bowl title.

I could give you a long list of excuses (some legit and others not so much) about why I chose to leave the bar, but I wouldn’t be doing myself any favors. Just know that I’ve learned my lesson: Under no circumstance should you ever stop watching the Super Bowl in order to get sleep. Never sleep, cause sleep is the cousin of Tom Brady Super Bowl comebacks! — Isaac Chipps

Dope article from sbnation.com

0 notes

smol-pilots · 7 years

Text

code: calico

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

You: role play fuck my brains out bc i just virtually sucked someone's cock and got nothing in return

Stranger: why did you do that?

You: that's not a bad question

You: idk i thought i'd get something in return

Stranger: i guess so. some reward :D

You: yeah exactly

Stranger: it's like in movies, why girls are sluty

Stranger: they want something in return

You: hah i mean it's only fair isn't it?

Stranger: i think its kind of self deception

You: that's also not a bad remark

You: i always blindly believe men

You: i mean not blindly but

Stranger: we believe what we want to believe.

Stranger: so the important thing is what we want

Stranger: i mean, people want to "live happily ever after"

You: tru

Stranger: they imagine family, love and so on

You: but what do i want

You: i don't really fit into that tbh

Stranger: o.k., so what do you want

You: i mean i don't want family

You: i guess i wouldn't mind love but i don't expect it

Stranger: o.k., maybe you want relationship?

You: i don't even know what it feels so

You: i can't really feel any romantic feelings towards people?

You: it's kind of

You: sad actually

Stranger: do you feel like life is meaningless?

You: yeah

Stranger: maybe out of boredom you just try to have some "fun"

You: i mean exactly

You: i don't expect anyone to love me because i know i probably won't love anyone so

Stranger: oh

Stranger: by the way

You: yes?

Stranger: one good song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=voi-aQlvP68 heard it yesterday in a movie

Stranger: stange movie, "Calico Skies"

Stranger: strange

You: i'm listening to the song and i really like it, thank you!

You: noted, i'll put it on my to-watch list :)

Stranger: what you said reminded my of the lyrics of this song

Stranger: she's kind of sad because she knows a man will love her, be she will not so much

You: okay i really like the song??? the voice is so nice also i rly like this type of music

Stranger: do you watch Game of Thrones?

You: i watched like 2 season but then i stopped hhh you?

Stranger: i watch it. yeah, 2 season was impressive. the red wedding, isn't it?

You: yup

You: i see there's so much drama now hahah

Stranger: :) yeah, they lost it, i guess

Stranger: the beggining was building impressive,

Stranger: anyway

Stranger: you are f or m?

You: f

You: you?

Stranger: m

Stranger: so why girls suck cocks, it quite nonsensical

Stranger: gross acitivyt

You: i mean tru but i guess it's for the dude's pleasure? also it's kinda fun to have so much power over someone

Stranger: yeah, but this is zero sum game - pleasure for the dude, but for the sucker what?

Stranger: nah, it never appealed to me

You: it's a lot of work actually but i guess all of this is just giving and receiving

Stranger: i think physically it's quite troublesome

Stranger: for a woman

You: i mean it usually takes time??

You: and then everything just starts to hurt bc the dude can't come that fast and it's just

You: uh

Stranger: yeah. crazy stuff

Stranger: but people do many crazy things :)

You: hah that's true

Stranger: what's your country?

You: uk

Stranger: old good uk :)

You: hahahahh

You: you?

Stranger: russia

You: oh nice!

You: ive never been there but i rly want to go to moscow

Stranger: come sometimes, we'll drink a lot of vodka together

You: oh my god no vodka always kills me

Stranger: :D

Stranger: it kills everyone

You: that's like my top three worst drunk moments all involved vodka it's the devil

Stranger: ha ha ha

Stranger: wine is also tricky, it is very intoxicating

Stranger: try a lot of red wine

Stranger: you'll see :D

You: i love wine tho

You: but yeah it also hits pretty hard hahahah

You: how old are u tho?

Stranger: 28

You: ah i'm 24

Stranger: vow vow, we would make a perfect pair :D

You: hahahh we really would :)

Stranger: anyway, why people always try to pair at all?

Stranger: natures call?

You: i have no idea

You: i mean is it really tho

You: i don't think it's nature, it's the culture

You: the society

You: everyone is always shocked when i tell them that i'm single and i don't want kids because they're like??? but how??

You: everyone expects things according to the society they live in and it's kinda annoying sometimes

Stranger: yeah, it's quite strange. everyone want to live by that stream: family, kids, happy life. no alternatives

You: exactly

You: it's like i'm obliged to live my life by this rule

You: and i'm weird if i don't follow

Stranger: but even if people remain single, they want to get romantically involved

Stranger: that is also strange

Stranger: it's like some software inside of us,

You: tru. i sometimes catch myself wishing i'd have a boyfriend and a house and two kids and a dog bc i remember i wished for all that when i was a child. and then once again i see that my parents told me that this is how it is? you get older, you get married, have kids, a house, a job and that's what i also wished for when i was younger

You: i was raised by these values

You: and now that i'm older and i don't want that anymore but i feel like at the same time a part of me maybe still hopes that one day everything would just go the way a young me dreamed it to be

Stranger: when i was younger, i also had dreams about family. and all people about 20 yo i know have the same. almost all.

You: really?

You: what do you want?

Stranger: with time i have seen that this is very big struggle, family, kids, relationship, and "you do not get what you imagine". so i drop those young dreams. they were not realistic. it was illusions of young person. i did not know life and did not know the world.

Stranger: i want to rise above the problems of this life. to get free.

Stranger: not to get entangled more and more

You: the first part!!

You: i really believe that this is what contributed to the majority of crap i had to go through as a teenager and up to this day

You: u see but how does one get free

You: i feel like time to actually! enjoy this life is running out and at the same time i feel there's just sooo much left of it and i'm just passing by, doing things that don't make me happy

You: (bc i don't really know what makes me happy)

You: (imma go brush my teeth and shit i might be gone for about ten minutes okay?)

You: (and shit does not mean take an actual shit i just meant it as "and other stuff")

Stranger: o.k., yes, please do the needful. i'll have some time to reflect. :)

Stranger: i see it like this: I want to be happy just by existing. To rise above my own mental structures, that don't let me feel happy, don't let me feel light and content. I think, if one in his soul "takes everything very easy", not burdening himself with so many false ideas about why he is this or that, and just tries to be, to exist authentically, as a being that is free, then it is good state of consciousness.

Stranger: just to feel that lightness.

Stranger: do i need to do something for that, some big projects of life? I dont think so. Just need to give up some mental stuff. It's all in the mind.

Stranger: if man will simply change his mind, he can be happy. And so many jobs, responsibilies and relationships will not make him happy. It will be just a lot of troubles.

Stranger: anyway, we are all after happiness. the only question is, where is that real happiness

You: that's actually a very interesting perspective that i do find myself agreeing to but at the same time i feel like in theory it sounds ideal and simple but it's really hard to just let go of what's in your mind

Stranger: you are right :) it not easy

You: i was very hung up on the happiness thing as i felt unhappy all the time. and i wondered whether or not you're ever really happy in life. and i asked my mother (u know the older the wiser or smth) and she said that happiness isn't really a long period of time but rather a moment here and there that makes you happy to be alive

You: and that thought made me really sad at the time because i always felt like happiness is something that comes in time - when you get older, wiser, more experienced etc but now i'm discovering my mother wasn't really wrong?

You: at least that's how i experience life

You: my colleague tho, she lovES life. literally loves it. the most positive bright cheerful happy person i have ever seen w my two eyes. and it's just weird bc what did she do how did she achieve this bliss how can she see this life so full of good things

You: it's just

You: so weird

Stranger: it depends on what we do. I think, it's real assessment of ordinary life - happiness are just rear and fleeting moments. but i my life there were some periods where i felt very happy for considerable periods of time. no i do not feel so happy. and with age, happiness diminishes, i think, because the body begins to make a lot of problems. then one is not as energetic as before. and you have to work and survive with less and less energy to accomplish that.

Stranger: i thing technologies, computers, internet steal a lot of happiness

Stranger: i went to asia for some time, and after few months i revived the joy of life

You: that's true but it's also what made it really tough to keep living - that it won't get better in time. i was really sad and depressed for the majority of my teenage years so being alive while people kept telling me it's only gonna get harder wasn't really a good thing for me i guess. but at least my expectations weren't that high hahah

You: that's true but at the same time i depend on them to distract me from life so it's really in contradiction

Stranger: it can get better

You: ohh where did u go

Stranger: it must

You: i mean that's what i want to believe but like someone give me idk an age at which it gets better hh

Stranger: with good strategy, there is way. i think so. because I experienced it for a while. I does not depend on the age

Stranger: i may be unhappy for the rest of my life, if i do not try, and stay as i am

Stranger: but if i will apply whatever i learned about happiness, i may achieve something, as i had before.

You: that's a really nice and positive thought

You: i'll keep it in mind

Stranger: if there is hunger, there must be food. so if we are hungry for happiness, it must be out there. or inside of us.

Stranger: oh my god, it's 1 am here

Stranger: forgot myself while talking this stuff :)

You: but it's just so annoying my time is ticking?

You: hahahah

You: i really enjoyed it tho

You: it's rare to find someone to have this kind of conversation with

Stranger: o.k., lets think of a keyword by which we can find each other on omegle again.

Stranger: :)

You: okay

You: :)

Stranger: i know. "Calico". you'll find me by this.

You: good one. i'm going to write it down so i don't forget :)

You: also so i don't forget to download the songs

0 notes