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katyspersonal · 11 months

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Top Five Vilebloods, Katy. Humor me ☕️

Allrighty! It can be a bit hard since 'Cainhurst Noble' and 'Vileblood' are different things; one is just the aristocracy, another is clan bound through consanguineous contact... I will just pick more notable characters by intuition instead, it will just feel simpler, you know? Basically 'vampires and snobs and whatever: The List TM'

Five - King of Cainhurst!

We do not know anything about him besides the fact that he was killed by Logarius OOF, but I think he deserves much more attention and recognition. I just wish we knew MORE things than just cut content design and implications. I really lore to speculate and write for this character, though!

Four - Imposter Iosefka

And maybe her sister. Again, not to downvote Iosefka in any way, but I am just focusing on something more apparent. The Imposter knows Cainhurst's secret potion recipe, is the second character in the setting to mention 'moon scent' (another is Annalise), there is a Cainhurst invitation in the room where she invaded from, and she does get pregnant like Arianna, said to be picked for "dirty" blood.

I feel like the trope of a goddamn deserter is very appropriate here! The girl abandoned her roots and switched sides to pursue something else, perhaps she resented the "dirty" blood of their nobles and that bought her into Church's propaganda. She feels on the similar page as Maria and Adeline... Really complicated and interesting character, much deeper than what meets the eye. And Miyazaki considers her "heroic" for some reason! I think he means the fact she turns people into Kin so they physically can't become beasts instead. (He seems to honor the concept of sacrificing moral principles for what you BELIEVE is better for humanity a LOT... x) It is a consistent quirk...)

Three - Arianna!

She is precious and deserves a much better fate. She is the secret legitimate heir to Cainhurst's throne (had Annalise not locked it by immortality flex heheh) and I will DIE on this headcanon. I love her displaying concern for female Hunter, that uhhhh... "rewarding" her would be dishonuorable and filthy. She feels inferior to other women because of what she has to do, which is heart-breaking... I love seeing portrayals of her being alive and raising her eldrich baby, usually with someone helping her.

Two - Maria!

Some of the most beautiful designs, very elegant, and the most fun boss battle in the game. A character with a lot going on with her, she sure has big sword but she ALSO has a big heart, and this is very important. Without much words and lore (because that's Soulsborne, come ooooon), Maria feels incredibly well-written and complex, she is a warrior fell in her own eyes by threading the dark path. She rejected one affiliation she distasted... only to end up with another. Bloody clan or blood-hungry ruthless hunters, which is worse?

And in both cases, it doesn't seem like she can truly hate either. The design of Cainhurst is still in her clothes and sword, and in the cut content she asks for respect for old hunter Gehrman despite now resenting him for "madness of his curiosity". I feel like this is just the person that she is - she could not truly turn on someone. Even disliking Blood Saints and maybe Church altogether, Maria chose to at least support patients that believed in its success rather than "dismantle the oppressive establishment board by board". She is not weak, but she is tender, to a fault. I love complex warrior characters like this more than ones strictly powerful that never feel fear, doubt and never hold connections dear even if they are destructive ones. She reminds me of Yamamura a lot, in terms of a warrior that was strong and great but.. ended up taking more than they could handle.

One - Annalise!

Ahhhh, shit, wrong picture!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Heeeere you go!

I know, it could be strange to put her first after my emotional rant about Maria just now, but... This top is for Vilebloods, is it not? She is, indeed, THE most Vileblood character ever. She is LITEALLY vampire queen!!!

I adore her demeanor and her minimalistic yet so original design. It is easier seen in Japanese original script rather than English, but she tends to drop the royal 'we' in personal moments. She doesn't let the first person that was nice to her in a LONG while to endanger themselves with the ritual, even if that means conceiving another child of blood. She probably let the Church get to her mind too with how she speaks of her own clan as depraved and corrupt, however, for someone who lost her entire castle and nobles, she keeps a VERY brave face. haha... face... xd You see what I am saying. She radiates incredible pride (the good kind of it) and self-confidence for someone in her situation, she is a TRUE Queen not just in status, but in spirit too.

___________________________

(Dis)honorable mention: Bloody Crow of Cainhurst!!!! He is not even IN this list because he is BELOW 5th place! I had to grind god knows how long to finally beat his ass!!!! He is so strong that he needs a boss healthbar ffs, why this DEMON is so stupidly overpowered?? No, 'git gud' is not a good advice on how to beat him AAAAAAAAAAAA

Thanks for the ask!

#bloodborne #annalise queen of the vilebloods #lady maria of the astral clocktower #arianna woman of pleasure #imposter iosefka #king of cainhurst #ask replies #bloodborne headcanons #thanks for the ask!!!!!!#this inside joke is getting out of hand....

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shivunin · 10 months

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✨9 Ship Songs✨

Rules: List nine songs for one of your ships

Tagged by @brother-genitivi---Thank you so much! I am always delighted by any opportunity to talk music c:

I didn't want to pick one ship, so here are three songs for each of my canon DA ships instead (I have great playlists for all of them that I want to show off haha), so nine total split across the three.

So:

Arianwen/Zevran

The Killing Kind by Marianas Trench (YT link)

The ghost in me was true but you were haunted too just didn't see it all along. Nevermore to leave here, nevermore to leave here You should never be here I know, I know, I know, I know, I know I know my love can be the killing kind.

Howl by Florence + The Machine (YT Link)

If you could only see The beast you've made of me I held it in but now it seems you've set it running free Screaming in the dark I howl when we're apart Drag my teeth across your chest to taste your bleeding heart

Got Weird by dodie (YT Link)

I got weird when we made out What a goddamn kiss to think about Poured a drink all over my wiring Short a fuse, all cylinders firing It got weird when we made out Clearly I've got shit to figure out Baby, baby, please don't hate me Call me up again, I won't get weird

Maria/Fenris

Francesca by Hozier (YT Link)

Now that it's done there's not one thing that I would change My life was a storm since I was born How could I fear any hurricane? If someone asked me at the end I'd tell them "put me back in it." ... I would still be surprised I could find you, Darling, in any life

reckless driving by Lizzy McAlpine (YT Link) (with Maria singing the man's part)

Now we're at 180 and I can finally see but then it's over in a second, crashed the car into the tree Yeah, I can see it all happen You'd rather die than take your eyes off me

Lose Myself by Lera Lynn (YT Link)

Don't want to talk Don't want to listen You'll just convince me That you're what I'm missing If I stay longer, I know what I'll do I'll lose myself in you

Emmaera/Cullen

Dark Doo Wop by MS MR (YT Link)

The world is gonna burn, burn, burn, burn As long as we're going down Baby you should stick around It's all gone to shit; it's out of our hands Baby if you could, I know: you would hatch a plan That's my, that's my man

You and Me on the Rock by Brandi Carlile (YT Link)

I'll build my house up on this rock, baby, every day with you There's nothin in that town I need after everything we've been through. Me out in my garden And you out on your walk Is all the distance this poor girl can take without listening to you talk I don't need their money, baby Just you and me on the rock

Photograph by Cody Fry (YT Link)

If I wished myself a superpower I would make this moment last for hours If I had my will, time would just stand still Wait for me until I find some magic film To take a photograph and live inside I need some way to prove that this was real A memory is not enough I'm scared that I'll forget the way it feels To be young and in love Let me stay right here---just a moment longer The picture is so clear Please let this last forever

Tagging (no pressure): @greypetrel @demandthedoodles @star--nymph @vakarians-babe @scribbledquillz @zenstrike @gaysebastianvael @transprincecaspian @ndostairlyrium @gvnseylike @idolsgf @layalu @bitchesofostwick @jtownnn and YOU

Tell me what music you like for your fellas!!

#music #tag game #zevwen #maria/fenris #cullemma #arianwen tabris #maria hawke #emmaera lavellan #this took me longer than it should have lol. like which songs best exemplify them? there are sixty some songs on the maria one #had to discard three songs about devouring your lover in favor of howl for wen #also man. i need a better ship name for maria and fenris :/#i just hate throwing these things in the main tag you know?

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railleriee · 2 years

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Genshin Men If They Had Playlists

Characters included: Childe, Zhongli, Diluc, Itto, Kaeya, Kazuha, Xiao, Venti.

Summary: Music that I think would be in these Genshin men's playlists! ( These are my opinions, it is completely okay if you disagree! )

Warnings: None

Childe:

Definitely into more upbeat songs. Doesn’t listen often but when he does it is mostly when he’s traveling. His favorite is on his trips to and from Snezhnaya.

Dear maria, count me in - All Time Low

“There's a story at the bottom of this bottle And I'm the pen”

Check yes, Juliet - We The Kings

“Don't ever look back. They'll tear us apart if you give them the chance”

Kilby girl - The Backseat Lovers

“She's playing it cool but she's lying, better than I do”

Zhongli:

Again, not one to listen to a lot of music. He wouldn’t really have a variety of music in his playlists. He’d rather stick to the same 20 songs he knows.

Little Dark Age - MGMT

“Just know that if you hide, it doesn't go away”

Rhinestone Eyes - Gorillaz

“Now that light is so I can take. This storm brings strange loyalties and skies”

Arsonist's Lullaby - Hozier

“I knew that something would always rule me, I knew the scent was mine alone”

Diluc:

Definitely puts a playlist on while cleaning up after late night shifts at the tavern. Kaeya once convinces him to play during business hours. Venti made fun of his music taste so he never did it again.

King For A Day - Pierce the Veil

“You told me think about it, well I did. Now I don't wanna feel a thing anymore. I'm tired of begging for the things that I want”

Can You Feel My Heart - Bring me The Horizon

“I'm scared to get close, and I hate being alone. I long for that feeling to not feel at all”

ARE WE STILL FRIENDS? - Tyler, The Creator

“I can't stop you, I can't rock too, I've been back there and I can not die too. But I've got to know. Are we still friends? Can we be friends?”

Kaeya:

Enjoy’s listening on an everyday basis. He definitely imagines himself in songs. He’ll listen to recommended songs but refuses to recommend any songs to you. He’s a gatekeeper.

Ghosting - Mother Mother

“I've been ghosting, I've been ghosting along. Ghost in the world, ghost with no home”

What Do They Know? - Mindless Self Indulgence

“On the fence, The consequence. What do they know about that?”

Crucified - Army Of Lovers

“I saw eternal light. Best of vocal fighters. Beyond human sight. Where thorns are a teaser”

Kazuha:

Very wide variety of music. He’d listen to almost anything. Definitely has a smoking playlist that’s amazing.

Don’t talk to strangers - TV Girl

“You should've listened to your mother. Don't ever talk to strangers”

Come as you are - Nirvana

“As I want you to be. As a friend, as a friend. As an old enemy”

Hotel California - Eagles

“Last thing I remember, I was Running for the door. I had to find the passage back to the place I was before”

Xiao:

Rarely ever listens to anything. If he is making a long journey he may decide to put a playlist on, barely gets through two songs before turning it off. He enjoys listening to others music interests.

The Other Side of Paradise - Glass Animals

“Bye bye baby blue. I wish you could see the wicked truth. Caught up in a rush, it's killing you”

Creep - Radiohead

“I don't care if it hurts. I wanna have control”

Good Old-Fashioned Lover Boy - Queen

“Ooh, love, ooh, loverboy. What're you doin' tonight, hey, boy? Set my alarm, turn on my charm. That's because I'm a good old-fashioned loverboy”

Itto:

Very upbeat/fast pace songs. Mostly listen while working out/training. Him and the rest of the Arataki Gang have competitions of who has better music taste.

Televised - HUNNY

“I don't care to be or be caught without sweet misery by my side”

Teenagers - My Chemical Romance

“They could care less as long as someone'll bleed. So darken your clothes, or strike a violent pose. Maybe they'll leave you alone, but not me”

Kiwi - Harry Styles

“Hard candy drippin' on me 'til my feet are wet, and now she's all over me, it's like I paid for it. It's like I paid for it, I'm gonna pay for this”

Venti:

Most of his playlists consist of very sweet songs, with a few slower/sadder ones. Has music playing quietly in the backgrounds of picnics. Would listen to anything once but usually sticks to the songs he likes and knows.

Hey Lover - Daughters of Eve

“Hey, hey, hey, lover (hey-hey), You don't have to have a thing. For I'll be satisfied”

This Side of Paradise - Coyote Theory

“You seem so lonely (are you lonely?) I'll be the only dream you seek. So if you're lonely, no need to show me. If you're lonely, come be lonely with me”

My Alcoholic friends - The Dresden Dolls

“I'm trying hard, not to be ashamed, not to know the name of who is waking up beside me. Or the date, the season or the city”

#genshin impact fanfics #genshin impact #genshin #genshin hc #genshin headcanons #diluc #kaeya #xiao #kazuha #zhongli #childe #itto #venti

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niyana-the-ambiguous-mobian · 2 years

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I really liked how they used 2d animation for the master emerald backstory and I think they can utilize that in sonic 3. (Yes I’m gonna reference Kung fu panda 2 again)

Imagine they use 2d animation for parts of Shadow’s memories and implanted memories that conflict with the other but then it goes to the live action cgi hybrid style when he remembers what really happened, especially when he last saw Maria. I just also want it to be a big middle finger to those who think “animations for kids.” Wouldn’t that be cool to use the different mediums?

One. Oh my god that entire 2d sequence showing off the ME's creation and how the Owls took it from the Echidnas was just amazing, it left me so shook when I first saw it.

Two. You can never go wrong with a KFP2 reference. That movie is spectacular.

Three. Yes, animation is a medium that should be respected more and can be used for opportunities and ideas like this.

Four, I can imagine the ideal sequence for that so perfectly. It would be similar to quick flashes like when people say your life flashes before your eyes right before you die? But for Shadow it's the opposite when he's rembering his life before and after he was put under for 50 years.

Kinda picture it like this, in the 2d format, we see his memories unfold as he starts to wake up from cryogenic sleep. Quick flashes go by in the blink of an eye as he becomes fully conscious,

Him being first created in a tube in the lab, surrounded by a cool, green liquid and seeing people in white coats walking past it...

Meeting Gerald for the first time as he takes his first, wobbly steps...

Seeing his first look at the stars in the inky black void of space from the station and feeling overwhelmed...

Meeting Maria for the first time and no longer feeling scared by her presence...

...-ria.....?

He hears alarms blaring, people shouting and running as the sound of gunfire fills the air...

...maria....

He remembers clutching her hand so tightly as he pulled her with him as they ran through the long corridors, the soldiers not far behind them as he heard the footsteps of their heavy boots...

Maria...

He's trapped in the escape capsule, kicking and screaming against glass, begging Maria to let him out, the tears burning in his eyes as they streamed down his cheeks...

Maria...Maria...

She smiles weakly at him as she lies on the cold floor, her blonde hair blown over half her face and her blue eyes riped with pain, her voice faint and fragile but he could still hear it in all the unearthly noise surrounding him....

....."Goodbye...Shadow..."

MARIA!!

BOOM! He wakes up, disoriented, confused and scared. Waking up from something that felt like a dream, but turned out to be a nightmare that never ended.

====

Oookay, now comes the point of where Shadow starts to gain bits of his memories back after learning the truth (of however way they introduce that point in the plot) and sees points of his memories that did happen rather than altered.

As each memory plays out, it becomes less 2d and more mixed with the live cgi format to show that they are his true memories,

Maria taking his hand, introducing herself and giving him his name...."Shadow, your name is Shadow."

The two of them walking through the long, open halls together, having small races with the other kids that lived on the station.

Maria snapping a quick picture of him with her new Polaroid she got from Gerald, stunning Shadow like he was a dear in headlights while she laughed at his reaction.

Gerald asking him about an equation the scientists were stuck on for weeks and then solving it for them in under a minute, leaving them completely flabbergasted.

Maria snuggled up close to him as she yawned sleepily while they were stargazing in the observatory, looking at the planet below and imagining them finally down there together, just like they always wished for.

"One day when you get better, we'll go down there together. See everything that we've read about and explore all the places that we can."

"But...what if I never get better? What if I have to spend my whole life up here in space?"

Shadow wraps his arm around her as she starts to doze off. "If it comes to that, then I'll stay here with you. So that way, you'll never feel alone again."

"Promise?"

"I promise."

I leave what happens next after that sequence open ended, but let's just say there are definitely tears that are shed and now he understands what he was supposed to be made for, why he wanted to keep her promise, why he can now learn from the events of the past and live with a new purpose...

#whew....that was...hard to write #ngl that was pretty tough #sonic movie 2 spoilers #sonic movie 3 #sonic 3 #sonic the hedgehog movie 3 #movie shadow #scu shadow #scu maria #movie maria #anonymous #asks answered

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immergladsss · 2 years

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Day 3- Flower Crown

[Continuation from Day 2]

“How is she?” Robin asked Loveday as he stepped into the manor the next day.

“Still the same, I’m shocked really. She’s taking it so hard.” Loveday led the way to Maria’s tower, hoping with every step of the way that he’ll be able to console Maria.

Inside her room, high up in her tower, Maria’s heart was still heavy and numb. She watched the world outside her window through listless eyes. Anytime a smile threatened to cross her lips, she turned to Serena’s empty basket and felt a jab a pain, thinking of the many joyous mornings they would no longer share. Maria couldn’t dare feel any joy. She felt too much guilt.

Her door creaked open. From the corner of her eyes, she saw Robin walk in and heard Loveday quietly walk away.

“Morning, feeling any better?” His horse voice threatened the coldness of her heart.

Maria shrugged. “Should I feel better?” She asked without peeling her eyes from the window.

Robin came from behind and enveloped her in his arms. Maria leaned back and took in a deep breath. Her eyes began to sting again.

“Let’s take a walk outside,” he whispered in her ear.

“I don’t want to get dressed.”

“You don’t have to.” He draped her long coat over her nightgown and led Maria down her winding steps, out the manor, and into the garden.

The morning sun blinded her swollen eyes. She dropped her head; her limp curls shaded her face from the world. Still, Robin pulled her forwards. Under a large, and old oak tree, there was a blanket and breakfast set up. No doubt from Marmaduke. Spring flowers bloomed around them. They were beautiful. Maria could just about imagine Serena eating them to her hearts content. Maria crawled onto the blanket, laid on her back, and spread out her arms. She closed her eyes and let out a shivering breath.

“You should eat?”

“I’m not hungry.”

Birds chirped around them. The wind rustled the trees. She took in another breath. The sounds of nature carried Maria into a daze. From afar she heard Robin humming to himself, it was Loveday’s Waltz.

Then she felt a pang of hunger. She turned to look at the food but couldn’t bring herself to eat. Robin was chewing on a piece of grass as he braided some flowers.

“What are you doing?”

“A flower crown.”

“What for?”

Robin shrugged.

“You should eat.”

Robin stopped and looked at her. “I’m not hungry,” he responded smugly.

Maria rolled her eyes but finally sat up. Robin poured them some tea and Maria placed some biscuits on their plates. She forced herself to eat. Every bite feeling dryer and less appetizing than the previous one, but she knew it was all in her head. Marmaduke’s food had never disappointed her.

“I should have saved her.”

“There was nothing to save her from. She is one of the lucky few to die from old age.”

Maria’s heart ached, “It was too soon.”

Robin gave her a sad smile, “You’ll never feel like you have enough time.”

“It’s not fair. If only I had noticed beforehand. If I... I just...” Maria sighed. She didn’t know what to say. She didn’t know how to express or rationalize what she was feeling. Deep down she knew Robin was right. Serena was old and had lived a long, and rather spoiled, life. Still, she felt a deep, throbbing, ache through her heart. An ache that traveled throughout her body and threatened to consume her.

“It’s alright,” Robin took her hand. “You can grieve for the sake of grieving. You don’t need some tragedy or reason to blame yourself. It’s not your fault, and you did everything you could. Blimey, I’ve never seen anyone do so much to keep their pet alive. I know Serena loved you every second of her life and knows how much you did for her.” He pulled her close until she was on his lap. “You miss her. She was your friend. You’ll morn for her absence. You’ll morn for the new memories you wish you could share with her. Its ok to morn, even when a loss was as peaceful as hers. In the arms of someone who loved her so much. Reckon the rest of us would be so lucky to have half as much!”

Maria leaned into his shoulder and the numbness from her morning began to ebb away. She allowed her tears to trickle down her cheeks as she nibbled on her food.

“I want to see her again.”

“Well doubt you’ll want to unbury her. Reckon it’s a ghastly sight.”

Maria smacked his shoulder. “You know what I mean.”

Robin laughed. “It’s a good thing you fought tooth and nail to include her and Wrolf in the family portrait. Though the painter may never forgive you for that.”

Maria chuckled, thinking about the poor painter who was about to lose his mind every time they had to reposition themselves. For some reason or another, either Wrolf, Serena, or her nephew would throw a fit and insist on removing themselves from the portrait. Including her beloved animal companions was difficult, and it was a choice that left her wondering if it had been worth the loss of the family painter. Yet now, she sent a small prayer to the heavens thankful to have that at least.

“Thank you, Robin.” She placed a damp kiss on his cheek.

“My pleasure, princess.”

He finished the flower down and placed it on her head. He studied her and frowned. “Bullocks. It’s too small.”

“I have a better use for it.”

Once their picnic was over, and Maria was in brighter spirits, they walked to Serena’s grave. Maria smiled, seeing new flower buds growing in between their white roses. She draped the flower crown on Serena’s wooden grave marker. “Perfect, it’s just the right size.”

#moonacreweek2022 #day 3 #the secret of moonacre #flower crown #incorrect-quotes-of-moonacre #Yep... still a bit of a downer as its just me venting my own grief and wishfullfillmebt #but thats life #it comes and go #and we just gotta learn to live with it #if you want a happier read #go to bed #Dear Maria Count me in #Chapter 3 #of soft bois and flowers #that ones much happier

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thesketchyheartist · 25 days

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04/19 Part 2/2

I have to make this additional post about 04/19.

The fiend (Mamoru and Maria's child) was the ultimate foreshadowing. I thought it was weird when Saki said the child actually thought itself as a queerat that's why it was able to kill humans with no repercussions. The mirror trick might've switched it's mind to see itself as human. Or it didn't? Because it got angry. It's complicated to know what it thought because it never learned human languages. I suspect it went crazy because it didn't know what to think. I think it saw itself both as queerat (nurture) and human (nature). Maybe it wavered between one or the other or even none since it didn't look queerat but didn't act human. Nevertheless, the social conditioning is more of a mental conditioning, not physical in the brain. That explains why the child was able to kill humans and was forced to endure death feedback when it killed a non-human.

But what's the foreshadowing? When we found out at the end queerats are, not were, human, it revealed an important fact about the death feedback. If queerats were human, then everytime a person killed even just one queerat, they should've died or suffered. Why didn't they? This goes back once more on the origin and purpose of the creation of queerats. If the killer doesn't realize it killed a human, did they ever killed a human? Well, obviously not. This kind of reminds me of the animal cruelty activists. Yet, when you think about it, everyone killed an innocent animal everyday. When you leave your room and go outdoors, you probably stepped on an ant. When you went in your car, your car probably hit some flies on the highway. Doesn't that make us murderers of nature's innocent creatures? Yet, tomorrow you will do the same thing, and I bet after reading this post you won't feel the slightest guilt about it. So what if I killed an ant? It's just an ant, not like I killed a person. I am not a murderer. But that was what happened to queerats for years. The humans didn't realize they were hurting humans, and even after Squealer's revolution, nothing changed.

The final thing I wanted to add was about queerat and human equality. As Squealer said, he only wished queerats to be equal to humans. Whether or not he died with selfless desires, it doesn't change the fact that his selflessness is justified. I realize now that it's ironic. In the beginning, when the characters were all kids, Saki's only concerns were not dying and not seeing her friends die because they could be killed by the village government. As stated previously, or rather as our professor put in perspective, children are not given human rights until 17, instead of after 22 weeks of conception; what it meant is that the human abortion threshold was changed from pre-birth to pre-adulthood. I mean to regard how insane and cruel it is that children after birth are not even seen as humans, and while technically the death feedback shouldn't kick in since they are not human, they are still kids. But when they age and reach closer to adulthood and therefore are recognized as humans, we are thrust into war with the queerats. With all the chaos happening, I realized that the queerats and children were always equal. Maybe that's why it was easy for the kids to get along with the queerats because queerats and children were born "not human" when they've been human all along. It is unfortunate that only when kids are adults that they get human rights but queerats will born and die as "not humans" no matter how long they live.

Is it fair? No. But really, what could've been done? I tried thinking about it, but there is no simple solution that can solve this. Like the problems today, everyone needs to tackle the problems together at the same time all together all at once. Could the past have done better? Maybe. Maybe not. The circumstances sometimes don't reveal all the choices until it passes. Could America have been born without enslaving people? Maybe. Maybe we would still have farms and wooden wheels. Did humans have to treat women like livestocks? Perhaps, or perhaps not.

Ok, that's all.

-04/18/24

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richardsphere · 2 months

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Leverage Redemption Job: The Huricane Job

Weird name, not because huricanes are weird, or huricane relief being exploited/scammed somehow feels weird. But because i think i remember a reference to Katrina in like, the second episode of this sequel? Wasnt that why the tailor-woman moved to that neighbourhood she was almost gonna be evicted from?

--- Hotel on the coast, The Lin Manuel Miranda we ordered from Wish is running for (presumably) his life. Two cops begin torturing him for a phone he posesses (Diversity win! The instrument of government sanctioned violence and torture is black!)

Huh, I thought Abel was supposed to be the one getting his skull caved in. --- Back in the teaser again. Still disapointed by the lack of casino's ominous smoke or timebombs.

Oh i see. This isnt about huricane relief its just happening during an actual huricane. (did anyone say bottle episode?)

Ok so the US Marshal is still dating Elliot, (you know for all the tumblr-fanbase insistence that this is a cannon ot3? Im not seeing much evidence, things could change but we're at the end of the sequel series first season so... Like they're definitly like banded together for life as a team and sort-of-family but i dont see any evidence in the actual show for Elliot being with Parker and Hardison relationship-wise)

Parker does not like their return-trip from an actual crime to be with a US Marshal (she's got a point, but desperate times=strange bedfellows)

No i dont think you got "Happy" wrong, i think that Elliot is afraid of happiness.

Not-Abel tries to prevent Elliot and Parker from entering the inn but Not-a-hawaiian-shirt-but-similar-vibes (can someone tell me what those are called) tells them they cant just let people die in the storm.

Cane owns the hotel, Roxie is general manager. Does not like the idea of people staying at the hotel. (yeah this is definitly a front for something. Also Elliot registered them as cops based on their vibe so we know they're legitimately cops rather then crooks pretending to be.)

Cal and Liz, probably a reference im not getting. Old guy doesnt even own a tv (gets his news from newspaper, less depressing news that way. Lead story is a lottery win, so we know what the secret motive of the episode is gonna be, Lin Manuel won the lottery and the cops are trying to murder him to get the ticket, but we're gonna spend half the episode thinking its a whistleblower thing. Unfortunately for the writers i remember the episode of Monk where someone was murdered on his doorstep to prevent him getting his newspaper delivered cause his upstairs neighbour won the lottery so im not falling for it.) "smells like cleaning suplies", bleach to remove bloodstains.

Maria is here, and its time for her to get even more evidence that something is not right with her boyfriend. --- We're locked up... theoretically... alledgedly... Look Parker is in the room lets skip the pretense. They give Ship Parkers Ear-thingy so she and Elliot can go get the radio from the boat (weird, would make more sense

Elliot tries to explain to Ship that parker is bad at reading peoples emotions but kind of slips on his ass. Want to note that this is two episodes in a row without Breanna (actress must've been busy)

Elliot tries to apologise for getting Ship involved but she's just happy that people in need are getting the help they need.

Harry is off to talk to Win Manuel (i know he's got a name but his actual name doesnt allow me to make "lottery winner" puns so Win Manuel it its.) Sophie stays as middleman on the coms.

well that was a stupid rube-goldberg. (Oar hits Baddies back, sends harpoon past elliot into a rope that swings a boat that hits Elliot who breaks the radio) Like i know we need the radio broken, but you could've just speared the radio.

So yeah, every non-abel cop thinks they're looking for the phone cause evidence. Abel lied to them, its the ticket. --- Ok the radio can be fixed if we get a fuse (Parkertime!)

Ship tells Elliot not to be a martyr. --- Parker has the fuse, and looks at an illegible page. She's doing the smelly-face. (this is where the chlorine smell came from)

Harry recognises his colleague from a jingle (they're a lottery lawyer, *smug grin intensifies*)

Oh its accelerant he smells like. Breaker flips, and i want to note that i love the candles used to light the scene. (obviously its realistic, in case of a blackout candles are a reliable light-source and huricane prone areas people tend to have those in stock) but they've been here all along throughout the episode and suddenly become a lot more subtly ominous after Parker tells us our baddie smells of chemical accelerants. --- Not much a lawyer can work with, time for his second ever self-organised social con!

Quick switch with the chest-compression teaching dummy and Solina is out.

--- Abels buddies do not like to hear about the fiery fates that are about to await them.

Parker has found the ticket, (and accidentally lit herself a bat-signal)

Oh Abel, couldnt even hold onto your lie for one single sentence? Come on my dude you gotta be better at being worse!

Yeah this guy is about to get murdered by his old partner. slow down on the rope-cutting i want to see him get his face blasted in!

oh for fucks sake has the american police getting military surplus gotten to the point where this rent-a-cop has a fingerprint-id-locked gun? Five years ago i heard about that stuff in a spy movie as being special and now a regular crooked cop has it?

Parker hates giving up the ticket. Elliot and Ship walking through the aftermath of the storm. She says that knowing he's a good person is enough for her (which means by the season finale, they'll have broken up)

#leverage #leverage redemption #leverage redemption season 1 #the hurricane job

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unmyeoung · 4 months

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@caemthe (x)

“Hey now, who says I’ll die after chocking a bit? At least say that I valiantly fought a group of bandits, armed with nothing more than a flute, and won!” The young duke couldn’t help it but openly laugh at the ridiculous exchange of his future bride. Getting a pillow for his chest pocket and a few sweets from time to time? Choking to death in a carriage because he felt like playing the flute? Until now, all that had heard his absurd words had been quick to reprimand him or remind him that it was improper for someone from his position to behave in such way. No one had played along (much less steal an actual laugh from him) so this was rather... Ah... this is the part where he realizes that he has been utterly defeated, isn’t it? And his ‘opponent’ turned out to be the loveliest woman of the empire. Damn, as much as he hated to admit it... he wasn’t opposed to this arranged marriage, or, at least, he wasn’t opposed to being married to Maria. A lady as lovely as her, he briefly wondered why no one mentioned her amazing personality and sense of humor. Thoughts that were quickly pushed aside once the topic of music was brought up again. Greenish eyes brightened like stars, almost like a kid in front of the candy store. “Maria, you’ve to be one of the most brilliant minds of this century!” Wolfgang said without a drop of sarcasm this time. How come he never thought of it before? A concert, a ball, there were plenty of occasions in which he could paint the world with his music. But, overall... He got on one knee. “Always dashing Maria, loveliest daughter of the empire, will you make me the honor of being my first spectator after our union?” It would be the greatest honor. He would even dedicate his pieces to her and might even write songs inspired on his lovely- “It appears that we already got ourselves an audience.” Wolfgang commented in a lower tone, careful to not glance directly at the people sent to spy on them. Now, what was the need for such things? Was it because the two of them already were having too much fun, or the elders simply couldn’t trust him to do things right? He had no intention of finding out. “Do you perhaps know of a spot where we can have some privacy? Or at least we should try playing hide and seek with our visitors, since clearly they wish to be part of our conversation too.”

she laughs, a small tinkling sound filled with merriment as he continues their ridiculous tale. "why certainly. you could have done both! after valiantly fighting the bandits with nothing but a flute, you continue victoriously till you arrive at the castle and play a concert? and i'll sing with you~" what a delightful tale. she actually preferred to end with a happy performance shared between her and her new lover.

her hands rise up to cover her face, delighted yet again, smiling at him. she extends a hand at his offering, nodding her head. "i will always be your spectator!" her heart felt warm at just the offer. wasn't this nice? getting to know him already? she really did feel as though it spoke volumes towards what their futures would be like.

she notes what he says with an imperceptible nod, extendering her hand to him to help him stand up. "may i show you my garden? i have some plants i'm quite proud of~!!" though a large part of the care was done by servants, she'd had a hand in designing the garden itself. it was a subtle invitation somewhere more private.

she leads him towards the garden, slipping within a small maze portion where it'd be difficult for them to be followed. "they're always quite nosy. though, they're nosier with you. you must have piqued their interest~!"

she tilts her head curiously towards the other. "i quite liked our story.. and i truly would love to hear your music.."

#caemthe #✩ cakes and hugs and something a bit more ( marie ic )#she gets to be tiny wife as a treat!!!

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servin-up-surveys · 2 years

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survey #011

“... so don’t you die today; no one could take your place over”

Do you know anyone that has a black belt in karate? Maybe, but not that I'm aware of. Would you rather take the elevator, escalator, or stairs? Escalator. I have a mild phobia of elevators and don't like the feeling in my stomach when you start to move on them, and I physically CANNOT climb but a very small number of steps in a stairway before my knees have completely given up. I would take THE sketchiest elevator over a decently-sized (by *my* standards) staircase. So basically, elevators are easiest for me. Do any lights stay on while you sleep? My snake's light does. Ugh, I have GOT to replace that lamp, considering red light is improper for her. I got ill-informed advice when I got her. Like it's not going to do her harm, it's just not optimal, which is what I want to offer my pets. It's just the ceramic heat emitter I got for her wasn't a high enough wattage for her terrarium, so I went back to the old light so she didn't freeze. If you have a notepad in your phone, what do you use it for the most? Oh GOD, I keep a lot in there. Just some include my dream tarantulas and ball pythons (plus ideal names), most desired pets as a whole (also with names lmao), drawing ideas, tattoo concepts, gift ideas for Girt, etc. Who is the last child that you took a photo with? Emerson, I believe. It was one of those miracle days she wanted to sit with me. How often do you wear hats? Never. Would you ever get a nature tattoo? Plan on many, dude. Will you be moving soon? Ugh, Mom and I both wish, but it's unlikely. Have you ever had a crush on someone of the same gender? Yup. Is there an artist or group that you didn’t used to like but has grown on you? With In This Moment, I initially wasn't a fan of Maria's voice, and now here they are up in the faves, haha. Have you ever cooked a meal for a large group of people? Nah. Do you enjoy being outside in the rain? No, I don't like getting wet. Who has the best hair that you know? *shrug* Have you ever been to an aquarium? Yup, at least one multiple times, and quite frankly it's a pretty shitty and dull aquarium, lol. I mean as an experience it's still cool, of course it is, but in the grand scheme of 'em all, this one is very underwhelming. Oh, and I went to SeaWorld (never do it) as a kid, and ig that's really just a big aquarium. Are you currently happy? "Happy" isn't the right word, no. I'm not sad, but not that, either. Share some lyrics to the last song you heard. Did a quick scan and it's only really fun in German, haha; the lines translate to "we only live once / we love life / we love love" which is nice and positive and all, but it's cool in its native tongue because "love" ("Liebe") and "life" ("Leben") can be pronounced very similarly or identically in certain sentence structures so it's just interesting to hear in a flow. What’s a TV show you’ve gotten into recently? Oh god, Mom likes this show with Guy Fieri called Diners, Drive-thrus, and Dives aND IT'S REALLY INTERESTING because he's basically checking out these totally random and obscure but very successful restaurants and Girt and I have developed a problem of watching it for entirely too long lmao Have you ever or are you on any type of anti-depressant? I've been on them for half my life and am now. Donuts or muffins? Donuts. What’s something you’ve been thinking about? A lot about the future and what I want. Do you or anyone you know have asthma? My mother does, and her mother did. Never gonna forget a childhood birthday party where Mom had to be taken to the ER for an attack. God that was terrifying. When did you last pump gas? I myself have never done it, oops. God I would be helpless on my own. Do you have a lazy eye? *I* think I look like I do when I smile, but no one's pointed it out before, so... Do you enjoy windy days? NO. Wind stresses me the fuck out because even on a crystal clear day, my brain connects it to tornadoes. I don't like the feeling of it, either. A breeze, cool. Wind, no. Do you experience secondhand embarrassment? Schadenfreude is a VERY real emotion, like I experience it painfully. ANYONE'S embarrassment makes me want to puke like I'm no joking, it makes me so fucking uncomfortable. What’s something that makes you feel young? Well, my insane ignorance regarding the ways of being an adult makes me feel like a child, and not at all in a good way. What makes you feel confident? Nothing, if I'm being honest. Do you have a flower bed or flowers planted around your place of residence? No, but there are some small bushes. Who is someone you find to be pretty? Oh JESUS, who to pick. You know what we goin' with Richard Kruspe as tribute to my fucking Tumblr reblogging meltdown with that man last night, get a fucking permit for that face sir What’s the heaviest weight you’ve ever lifted? Oh jeez, I don't know. Absolutely not a lot. I've always had weak upper-body strength, even when I was fit. Have you ever sat under a bridge? Yep, many a time since they're nice fishing spots. What is something you want? Since I'm consistently losing weight now, it's built up this momentum of just wishing it was all gone like, NOW NOW NOW when I know it's going to take time. To be entirely honest I think I'm already losing too fast anyway. Does your town have a lot of graffiti? It depends on what part of town you go to. In the sketchy area Hurricane Floyd rawdogged, even some residential houses are sprayed. The abandoned buildings are painted. Downtown where there's a lot of action, there's obviously not as much because you WILL be seen doing it, and there's already enough of a cop presence with the crime rate. Do you like mozzarella sticks? I actually don't, not into that kind of cheese. I mean like, I can eat some of it, but I won't be really enjoying it. Have you ever stepped on glass barefoot? AHHHHHHHHHHH not that I remember, but I once witnessed Colleen drop something and a shard jab up into her foot. It was actually extremely weird, my reaction: I felt somewhat like fainting, while blood and stuff doesn't even bother me. I guess it was just knowing my best friend got glass in her and me not knowing how deep yet. It was just a minor cut. What’s your opinion on The Beatles? I honestly am not and have never been a big fan. I never seek them out. The only song off the top of my head that I thoroughly enjoy is "Hey, Jude." Do you think it’s possible to fall in love with someone online? I wouldn't doubt it. Do you ever pluck your eyebrows? Not anymore, no. What is a TV show that you find annoying? The fact Teen Mom ever existed and still exists annoys the fuck out of me because I do NOT care what your intentions are, you're glorifying and monetizing an insanely difficult and unhealthy ordeal. Have you ever been scared of something you’ve seen on the internet? HAHA oh my god what was this stupid site I for some dumb reason knew as a kid... I'm quite certain it doesn't exist anymore, I think I even checked LONG ago, but something like "Black Sheep" or so? Anyway it had some I'm-trying-way-too-hard-too-be-scary videos on it and Mom eventually blocked the site because Nicole and I got scared laksjdflkajdfsljlkajklwje jesus take the WHEEL Do you share any of the same favorite bands as your parents/guardian? I sure do! It's funny, this is Mom's favorites list: 1.) Metallica, 2.) Ozzy Osbourne, and I'm her inverse, haha. She also enjoys most of my other faves, and I also am fond of Dad's #1, Van Halen. Do you or anyone you know want to run for any political office? No. Do you have any alcohol in your house? I feel like there's a bottle of something that's been in the fridge forever. Would you want to know if you were adopted? Are you adopted? I would absolutely want to know, but I'm not adopted. Is there a tv family that reminds you of yours? Possibly, idk. What was your parents’ opinion on same-sex relationships? Mom, full support. I don't know about my dad with certainty, but he probably is "whatever, weird, but ain't about me" regarding it. At least, I can easily imagine that just given his general outlook on life. His wife is homophobic, however, so I have my sad doubts. What is one animal unique to your country/area of the world? Bison. Buffalo =/= bison, btw. What’s one alcoholic beverage that you do not enjoy? God, I won't forget that white wine at Colleen's. Absolute bitter garbage. Have you ever had someone throw up on you before? NO laksjdf;akwejoawjer this is one of my top reasons I am VERY apprehensive to the idea of kids because *I* would add to the puke trying to clean it up. I just can't, dude. Do you prefer pads or tampons, if you need them? I find both uncomfortable in different ways, but I'd rather suffer through a tampon. I've thought about testing other products BECAUSE I really hate both of those, but y'know, squeamishness and unfamiliarity and all. Do you iron your clothes at all? Mom only irons something if it really needs it. Do you like candy corn or hate it? I loathe it, that shit is wax. Do you always shower immediately after sex? I'd go to the bathroom, but I'm not immediately hopping in a shower. How old did your oldest pet live to be? What kind of pet was it? I want to say Teddy was our oldest, and he lived to either 12 or 13, I'm oddly spacing on it right now. When was your curfew when you were younger? I want to say it was 10:30? Have you ever busted a window accidentally? No, but oh lord this reminded me of some shit my nephew did, throwing a ball way too hard and it shattered the glass door to the house. I am GLAD I wasn't there for that shit, apparently Nick nearly exploded. It's replaced now btw, haha. Do you own any pocket knives? No, I really don't like knives. How many languages can you greet somebody in? Like... five? Idk there's a lot of obvious ones that I'm probs forgetting. Do you have a favorite planet? Saturn has always been the reigning queen, but I am also a massive Jupiter fan. Neptune is pretty as well! Man, all the planets are. Space is cool. Do you know how to play the flute? Oh wow, one ACTUALLY targeted at something I can play lol, yes. I played it all through middle school and then I want to say my first two or three years of HS. I was actually pretty good at it; I remember once being second chair in middle school (my best friend Hannia was always the first chair champ), but I remember nearly nothing now. What’s a medication that has really helped you? Latuda is lit-er-a-lly why I am still alive. Do you forgive easily? Yeah, honestly. Have you ever broken up with somebody? Yes. What was the biggest phase you went through when you were younger? Uhhhh... idk Have you ever seen a spider consume another spider? It's possible I've seen this happening on a small scale irl, idk, but I've only ever very briefly seen female tarantulas killing/starting to eat their partner on video if the supervisor was incapable of separating them in time. It's unfortunate but very normal. I do want to take a moment to point out though that I do not and would fucking never watch those appalling "bug vs. bug"-type videos where some asshole just throws two critters into a little tank and see who wins and who dies. I CANNOT wrap my head around YouTube keeping those up. You are LITERALLY broadcasting animal cruelty, get that shit out. Have you ever been to a church camp? Ugh, yes. One of things i just... *did* with my sisters because my mom wanted us to. I remember having good times, but also not-so-good times at them because yeah, let's teach little kids about hammering nice men and his believers onto crosses and throwing rocks at them 'n' shit, gg. Please just let your kids choose if they want to pursue religious education, ffs. Have you ever been dehydrated? I am like... 100% of the time dehydrated, legit. I've heard it enough. Would you say you’re well-educated on religious topics? I spent most of my life trying to validate religion. I'm long done with it. Do you like Skittles? I LOVE Skittles, especially the sour ones. Did you used to read Dr. Seuss books as a kid? Of course! Green Eggs & Ham was my SHIT. God I remember my mom reading that stupid book to me so much, lmao. What’s the longest you’ve had to wait in line for something? It would without a doubt have been something at Disney World, but I have zero recollection of an approximate wait. What’s the sickest you’ve ever been? I'm actually gonna cover this on the physical AND mental front for the helluvit: Physically, it was this stomach virus I once had while still in my school ages. I don't remember any time more specific than that, but I just remember how BAD it was. I just would not stop vomiting to where even bile was barely coming up anymore. I couldn't keep saltine crackers down. That experience SUUUUUUUUUUCKED. Mentally, I think the answer's blaringly obvious to anyone who knows anything about my mental health struggles: 2016, the breakup aftermath. I remember eventually reaching such a low where not only was I practically bedridden, but I would sometimes nap like five fuckin times a day. I didn't want to exist, but was scared to die. I pray to god, to life itself, that I never, ever experience an emotional darkness that black ever again. If you had to be named after an inanimate object, what would you choose? Uhhh... I don't know. I want to say something nature-oriented, but plants and stuff are very much alive and to some extent animate, so. Oh, maybe a gem, like Ruby. Yeah, Ruby. What is one food you would not like to give up? Not exactly a food itself, but GLUTEN. Oh dear god, I am a bread FIEND and I think having such a restrictive diet would murder me. Would you ever donate a kidney to a stranger, if applicable? It's selfish, but to be entirely honest, for a stranger, no, unless of course I'm already dead, seeing as I'm a keen organ donor and encourage everyone to be. Do you have any unusual things wrong with your body? (I have different length arms and hands for example) I'm aware my breasts aren't entirely congruent, but that's very normal and isn't something you'll really notice unless you're like, me. My weight also isn't distributed totally evenly, something *I* think is very obvious when you look at my stomach. What search engine do you use? Google is That Bitch Have you ever had a flat tire? I've never had my own vehicle, but I do remember ALL the way back when my parents were together and we were going some place far, one of the tires on the van gave out and we had to use the spare donut one.

#lyrics: ''you can't run away'' by emigrate #survey #surveys #random surveys #random questions

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panlight · 3 years

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If Bella HAD died in childbirth do you think that Edward would have hated Nessie like he claimed that he would? Or would he decide that Nessie was the only part of Bella left? Do you think that Jacob would fight the imprint more (or at all) if Bella DID die?

I honestly feel like he'd have transferred his love and devotion and "I must protect you!" stuff to Nessie.

But. . . SM seems REALLY into the "I would literally DIE without you" type of a romance. You see it in her vampire lore, you see it in imprinting, you see it in the Romeo-and-Juliet miscommunication that drives the climax of New Moon. There's this thread throughout the books that it's not REAL love if you could carry on after losing this person. Or, if you can carry on, it's only because supernatural means are forcing you (Marcus) or it's to get revenge (Victoria, Maria, the Romanians, etc). So I'm not entirely sure she wouldn't go for a true Romeo and Juliet ending here, especially since E/B are planning to die in battle if the other one dies rather than try to, you know, LIVE so their miracle daughter doesn't lose both parents at three and a half months old. And that's after Edward's fully come around to the idea of Renesmee and loves her 'reverently.'

To me, though, Edward is sentimental enough that once he holds this child he's not going to be able to actually hate it. He's going to hate himself for getting Bella pregnant and killing her. That's his jam. It would probably be something like "it was Bella's last wish that our daughter be born, and so I will continue to live in order to raise her and protect her but when she dies someday I will join Bella in Death." But then, whoops, Nessie seems to be immortal, so Edward's sticking around permanently. And he'd be worshipful and overprotective and "this is the last piece of my Bella" and there would be like some photo or portrait of Bella that he would stand in front of with Nessie and extoll her praises and it would be A Lot but he'd love Nessie and continue on.

Meanwhile Rosalie is like "well I mean I GUESS I'm glad Edward's not flinging himself into a volcano but it does put a damper on me getting to raise this baby myself."

Which is another thing: if Edward were to go back to Volterra and beg for death, I can't see him leaving the baby with ROSALIE to raise. He'd entrust that baby to Esme and Carlisle, obviously.

As for Jacob, I still stand by my oft repeated statement that I thought, GENUINELY THOUGHT, as someone who has read a lot of books, that the WHOLE POINT of imprinting was that Jacob, grandson of Ephraim Black, would fight it. That it was all set up as device to demonstrate the importance of Free Will, that Jacob fighting an imprint would be the thematic parallel to the Cullens fighting the thirst for human blood, that there is always a choice even when it feels like there's not, etc etc. And then, um, Breaking Dawn happened and I was like what. WHAT?!

(And I 100000% believe that if he had imprinted on anyone in New Moon or Eclipse, SM would have written him rejecting the imprint somehow in favor of his Love For Bella. C'mon you KNOW she would!)

So yeah, I'd like to think that Bella's death might be enough of a catalyst to Jacob to fight the imprint. But written by SM . . . doubt it, as she clearly sees this as a happy ending for him (HOW?!) and like, a 'reward' and not the absolute last thing that a Jacob with free will would have chosen. It was BELLA's dream to spend eternity with Edward/the Cullens as an immortal. It VERY MUCH was not Jacob's and that's essentially what's going to happen, as Nessie is apparently immortal and Jacob can live forever so long as he keeps phasing. Yikes and double yikes.

#asks #tw: suicide mention #tw: character death

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itsclydebitches · 3 years

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A great example of “RWBY+ can do no wrong” is the whole “Let Penny make her own choices” thing. They keep doing it over and over, yet while watching I never got the idea RWBY+ doing it was bad. They’re never called out, they never regret it, or anything. Ruby takes the scroll from Penny’s hand and answers Ironwood for her, and makes her human without her consent. I get the not killing Penny thing, BUT THAT’S THE ONLY THING THEY DO FOR HER. WTF?!

Yes let's take a hot second to unpack all this.

Now, I'm going to be focusing on late Volume 7 and Volume 8, but in reality this problem started way back during Penny's introduction. Namely, presenting her as a literal tool of the military who has to break the rules set down (go out, have friends, etc.) in order to be her own person. There's a small problem here in the form of making Pietro the shadowy scientist and then changing him into the doting father with no acknowledgement that he a) built Penny with the purpose of being Atlas' tool and b) went along with dictating her actions through that whole run. However, given that Pietro is a minor character we may never even see again, we have a much larger problem in the form of Ruby being entirely disinterested in Penny's plight. Ruby cares about making sure Penny feels real, not that Penny has all the freedoms a real person innately deserves. Admittedly, this is less of an issue back in Volumes 1-3 because RWBY was a less serious show then, Penny was a new friend, and Ruby was the teenager student. But come Volume 7 when our show is questioning the characters' morals, Ruby is an adult now, Ruby has her huntsmen license, and she supposedly has this incredibly strong bond with Penny, it's now a problem that she hears things like "Ironwood doesn't want me to have friends" and just... doesn't seem to care. Or do anything. Or suggest that Penny do something. It's a non-topic. Ruby only becomes interested in Penny's autonomy when that autonomy threatens Ruby's own goals. When Ruby is working for Ironwood, it's totally fine if Penny works for Ironwood too, no matter how she might be being treated. (Though, frankly, I think the show did a terrible job of establishing Ironwood's supposed mistreatment. The no friends rule makes zero sense when Penny is being sent to celebratory parties organized by Ironwood. So that's a whole other issue.) But when Ruby is against Ironwood... well, then Penny needs to be on their side. Of course she'd be on their side. It's presented as inevitable, despite the fact that it very much should not be. But the point is that Ruby cares about keeping Penny away from Ironwood and giving her an illusion of choice only once she is breaking away. Otherwise, Penny's autonomy is not her concern.

So that's where we're starting out which is pretty bad. Already Ruby's status as the contrast to Ironwood is falling flat, but the show admittedly helps smooth things over by giving us such an extreme. Meaning, we learn fairly early on that Ironwood want to hack Penny and take that autonomy away, full stop. Ruby doesn't. Ergo, Ruby is the lesser of two evils here. I can see why so many fans dismiss the scroll scene given its seemingly, comparative insignificance, but it definitely rubbed me the wrong way. Part of that is because Penny never gets to express her own opinions to Ruby. She gets to do it with Winter and, notably, Penny comes to a sort of, 'We can manage both' stance. The dilemma of going after Cinder or saving Winter and fighting Salem or saving the people of Atlas/the Relics are meant to mirror one another and Penny manages to achieve both. She saves Winter and keeps the power out of Cinder's hands too. Then, she's given the one key that controls the latter dilemma: the Maiden powers. So what will Penny decide? How does she view the situation to leave or stay? How will her decision regarding Cinder and Winter impact her decision about Atlas and Mantle?

It doesn't. We have no idea what Penny thinks outside of a 'I'm sad when friends fight' line (which, again, puts a huge damper on the idea that Penny was always Ironwood/the Ace Ops' puppet and should be glad to be rid of them). Penny is brought into Ruby's group and her opinions disappear because Ruby makes all the decisions. Whatever Ruby says goes and THAT'S why the scroll scene is so horrible. Because we just watched Penny deciding for herself what to do about Winter. We just watched Penny deciding to take on the Maiden powers, making herself the most important person in the Kingdom right now. And then Ruby picks her up and all that goes away. Penny is given the chance to decide things again when Ironwood calls and Ruby takes the scroll away, speaking on her behalf. It does not matter whether Penny actually agrees with Ruby's decisions here, the act of not allowing her to make those decisions for herself speaks volumes.

From then on Penny just stops making choices. Ruby is the one who talks her into forgetting about Ironwood and the Ace Ops. Jaune is the one who decides to split the team and Ruby decided they need to get Amity up. Pietro literally takes control of Penny's body to hack into the system. Penny gets cut off from the group due to the Ace Ops and Nora is the one who decides to help. Prior to literally being hacked, she was more of a puppet in their hands than she was with Ironwood because it's in Ironwood's employ that we actually see Penny pushing back: She's going to be friends with Ruby no matter what, she's going to challenge Winter on her views, she's going to take the powers because that's what needs to be done, etc. But that lack of agency is completely overshadowed by Ironwood's hack Penny plan. Everything looks better compared to that, even if what we're left with is pretty awful on its own. Remember, this is the point in the story where Ironwood is fully evil, post-shooting Oscar and the Councilman. The group can do whatever they want at this point and come off looking "heroic," simply by means of not being Ironwood.

The next time Penny makes a decision is when she stands up to Pietro. Note that prior to this everyone talked her into doing something she says she does not want to do: leaving the group to stay on Amity. Pietro suggests it, Ruby justifies it, Weiss says it might be for the best and Blake ends the conversation by saying they need to leave. Penny goes, "I guess we all have to do some things we would rather not." They all make that decision for her. So she goes, fights Cinder, and then Amity starts to fall. Pietro says, "You’re in no condition to do something like this. Even just the temperature out there could--" and Penny counters "It is our only option."

No, it's not. This is Ruby's option. You can very much not send the totally useless message out, supposedly risking your life in the process ("supposedly" because, again, why this is such a danger for Penny when she was just flying outside with Cinder remains a mystery). Penny treats Ruby's plan as something inevitable. They can't fall back after Penny hacked into the Atlas systems, Penny fought off the Ace Ops, Penny defended Amity from another Maiden. She has to go one step further and risk another death because the concept of saying, "Hey, Ruby's plan isn't feasible anymore" is just never on the table. Ruby is in the mansion sitting around while Penny does all the dangerous work to put her plan into action.

So she pushes back against Pietro in a way she NEVER has with Ruby, insisting that this is how she's going to live her life. Even Maria chimes in with a "we need to remember the big picture." (Wait, the potential death of a Maiden and the loss of the key to the vault isn't a part of the big picture?) Pietro is supposedly in the wrong because he cares about Penny, not the war, but if that's such a bad thing... then what does that make this?

We have a whole scene where Penny wants the group to destroy her to (again, supposedly) help them in the war - take her out as a threat - and they give a resounding, 'Fuck that.' Ruby doesn't want to see her friend dead for the sake of this war. Pietro doesn't want to see his daughter dead for the sake of this war. Yet Pietro is the one who is framed as too narrowminded. Penny standing up to Pietro is meant to be celebratory, but Penny giving in to Ruby is meant to be celebratory too.

And then, of course, once it's Jaune with a sword to her throat, Penny's desire to die is honored.

Then, finally, we have the Ambrosius fiasco. I've spoken at length about this already, but suffice to say we never got a scene where Penny expressed a desire to be turned human. As the above scene demonstrates, her desire to risk her life/die is ignored only when it's Ruby making that call. Otherwise, with Pietro and Jaune, Penny's agency is upheld (however horrible the circumstances). Does she want live a life with a flesh body? Does she have any other ideas how they might eradicate the hack? Would she prefer Ruby try to put her into a new android body first? We have no idea! We never see Ruby ask. We never see that Ruby cares beyond what she wants for Penny. They clearly had the time to hash out all these loophole wishes, but we couldn't have gotten a ten second scene where Penny goes, 'I'm cool with this'? Assuming that Penny knows what they plan to do and that she has no reservations prior to waking up with flesh hands doesn't work, not when her character largely revolves around agency and Ruby has not been showing her that particularly well.

Ruby decides that Penny is on their team (scroll scene). Then she decides that Penny will not die (contrast to Jaune and Pietro). Then she decides that Penny will be saved by stripping away a core part of her identity. Penny goes from being hacked to watching that part of herself actually die, glitching out while her friends smile about it. Ruby spent Penny's entire run insisting that she was a person just as she was, but then Ruby is the one to turn around and take that away from Penny, prior to leading her into a battle where she died again, likely because she was now a fragile flesh girl. Ironwood was given the extreme of trying to take Penny over completely, once he went full Bad Guy, but Ruby is the one who made decisions for Penny throughout this run, with Penny given no chance to speak up for herself. Penny, once at Ruby's side, subscribed to the overarching belief that Ruby is always right (fitting in nicely with Ren's arc of learning to stop questioning things). The story didn't even consider giving Penny different opinions, hesitations, anger, or anything that would truly jeopardizes what Ruby wants, because what Ruby wants is, consistently, treated as the only way to go.

#rwde #rwby #mymetas #death tw #suicide tw #violence tw

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katyspersonal · 1 year

Note

002. Eileen. Now

My ask box is all crows now, huh? x)

(Asks from this ( x ) meme)

002 I Give me a character & I will tell you

• How I feel about this character

I like her, but for some reason I do not think all that often about her? She is just one of those characters who is so crucial for the story itself and for the lore that I kinda... stop noticing them and take them for granted? It is hard to explain. I feel like she could certainly use way more exploration with her backstory and depths of her personality and relationships - that includes me too! Basically I think I am not being fair on her myself because she is just as important as Maria, Adeline, Valtr, Fauxsefka, Gascoigne... you know, THE core cast.

All the people I ship romantically with this character:

Hmmm... I don't find Eileen very shippable, since her occupation suggests a great dose of emotional isolation. For all she knows, anyone she loves could go blood-drunk and she'd have to hunt them! I entertained the idea of the post-game scenario where she and Henriett raise the daughters of Gascoigne and Viola together now, but even in that case it'd probably work better as grandma + aunt taking care of them as a ship. I do think she used to see some women back in her youth, when she was just a student/doctor, even before the plague took her own place. Crack ship idea though - Eileen x Arianna! Thumbs up, thumbs down?

My non-romantic OTP for this character:

Not going to call ANY NAMES *cough coooooough*, but I think the mother-son reminiscent bond between her and the Crow of Cainhurst is the top tier of the headcanons! I remember ancient times when I thought that Eileen and Crow were not even that familiar, and instead he simply mimicked appearance of Hunter of Hunters to not get questioned when he kills a hunter (important for his goals), but I've changed my mind since then! Doomed mother-son bond for life!!

My unpopular opinion about this character:

Not really an opinion, but rather a pet-peeve. We know from the lore that there WERE other Hunters of Hunters before Eileen, and only one was appointed at the given time. Presumably, Crow of Cainhurst is an apprentice and that's it!

But at times I see takes that have Eileen as the one and ONLY Hunter of Hunters that ever was, who appeared long ago and was the one since Old Hunters prime...? Example off the top of my head - that one manga centering around Maria (that I never properly read...). You know, with gingerhead white-garb Adeline (just like miiiiiine!!), super sigma male asshole Laurence, Willem recognizing as the pope of the Healing Church before he yeeted... all that. Of course I am not saying to go and write several OCs, but... Eileen was not the only one, clearly... come onnnnn.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon:

I want to see where Eileen's shack is at, so we know in what house to visualize her in the after-game events in which she totally doesn't die but simply retires because of health issues... She DEFINITELY just retires and simply stops fighting, right...? That's canon, you know? Of course you know that haha.,..

my OTP:

Again, I personally do not really have one that is romantic... I remember I used to be a big Eileen x Valtr stan, but that one indeed became platonic since then, especially since I shifted towards headcanoning her as a lesbian. However, as far as fan-stuff goes in general, I do support Eileen x Djura shippers! Very cool and based ship, definitely deserves its popularity! ...if 'popular content' and 'Eileen' are even compatible things fdanhfhds HELPPPP

my cross over ship:

Hmmm... None yet, however, I think in the crossover verse she'd be more likely to find love than in BB canon! I have a feeling that I'll find a great match for her somewhere in ER or DS, actually! .....yes, it has been far too long since I've touched any other universe besides Soulsborne...

a headcanon fact:

Like I mentioned in some other post, I think she was a student, learning to be a doctor! ...and then just a doctor. She wanted to stay in the university as a teacher, but could not stand aside when her place was plagued, and became a doctor! I do think her beak mask is the only thing remaining from the clothes in which she originally appeared in Yharnam!

Thank you for the ask!!!!

#bloodborne #eileen the crow #ask meme #ask replies #bloodborne headcanons #i am better not seeing how old some asks are....#why i am so bad at them argh #it is not something personal i am just booboo the fool and not very focused #(by not very i mean at all)

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liddolwhynot2000 · 3 years

Text

Unprecedented Reactions

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Summary: You were too busy kicking one of the drunk soldiers in the stomach to notice the way steel eyes flashed gratefully at you.

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Pairings: Levi/Reader

Genre: Romance, bad dream, death!, Soldier!Reader, Levi deserves happiness

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One second, you're pushing Levi out of the way of an incoming large hand and the other, everything goes black.

Only for you to wake up in your bed.

It was a nightmare, you were sure of that. It had taken you a little while to gather your bearings, but once you had, you hadn't been able to go back to sleep.

You laid back in bed, arms sprawled everywhere while being lost in thought.

Even if it had been real, it hardly mattered that you had died. You weren't some special soldier whose loss had had any impact, which is why you don't mind the idea of giving up your life for Humanity's Strongest Soldier. He's the one who will make a difference-you're a nobody. A poor orphan born in Wall Maria, who had been forced to enlist in her 20s to keep making a living.

You had considered joining the Garrison, but had decided that you had nothing to lose. No parents or friends to mourn you, no lover you would be leaving behind. There was nothing stopping you from at least doing what you could for humanity. As far as you're concerned, this way you die having given some meaning to your life.

And a part of you hopes that you die the way you had dreamed. If your death prevented Humanity from losing its most promising and powerful soldier, you would do it a thousand times over. You would save him in exchange for your own life and you feel sure that you wouldn't regret that decision one bit.

After all, could anyone ever regret saving the person they were hopelessly in love with?

____________________________________

You never told Levi how you felt, feeling too shy.

You first met him when you had enlisted, only a few mere months after he had. You hadn't known the story behind him much, although the gossip mill had been rife with talks about it. You had seen him and his friends, walking around, keeping away from everyone. Approaching them hadn't crossed your mind, for you were too busy preparing for the upcoming expedition and trying to calm your nerves. It had been your first expedition.

It was only after that terrifying expedition ended that you realized Levi had returned alone, his companions absent from his side. There hadn't been any need to ask him what had happened, his pained expression had been explaination enough.

Later that night, he had shut himself in his room in the barracks. His absence at dinner indicated that he hadn't eaten anything, and against your better judgement, you decided to bring him some.

The door hadn't been locked, and once you had cautiously peeked in, you noticed him lying in the bed. He was facing towards the wall, wrapped in a blanket, and hadn't so much as shifted at sound of the door opening. Maybe he was actually asleep, or he was pretending so he wouldn't have to deal with anyone. You couldn't blame him.

You set down the tray as silently as possible. It had a bowl of soup, two loafs of bread and some ration bars you had found. Just as you moved to turn, you paused, catching sight of him again.

It was an internal battle, that raged on for what felt like hours but was really only a minute. While you could chance trying to talk to him, you sincerely doubted it would go well. You were a stranger and in the past few months, the only people he had even held small conversations with had been his friends. His superiors often got rude, one worded responses from him and friendly comrades had been terrified into silence with glares. You were more likely to piss him off then actually help him.

Resolving to yourself that the food was enough on your part, you quietly crept out of the room, determined to not disturb him.

Once you had shut the door, you sighed, feeling the exhaustion of today's events creep up on you. This was the price of joining the Survey Corps and sating your morals, losing people every expedition. This feeling of loss and despair would be your new constant.

Rubbing a hand on your forehead, you tried to soothe the headache away as you walked back to your room. You stopped short of turning in the corridor as you heard a group of soldiers.

'H-Hey did you see that midget from the underground?'

Your eyes narrowed and you found yourself leaning against the wall as you listened intently.

'Yeah. You see the nerve he has, locking himself up in that room like he's actually mourning. That fucker didn't even join for the cause'

You frowned as another voice joined in. They were all clearly drunk.

'Let's.. Let's teach that midget a lesson. I bet he's putting it on. He's just scum from the underground, he doesn't even belong here.'

You felt horrified as two other soldiers agreed with him. They had all unanimously decided to go wake up Levi up and taunt him about the death of his friends.

While you could agree that Levi clearly hadn't joined willingly, you felt that it was too cruel to go after him like this. Especially when he was already so heart broken.

You weren't the best soldier, but you could kick ass when you needed to. It may be three on one, but if the way their voices were slurring as they talked were to be considered, you had the advantage of not being a dumbass drunk.

As the soldiers came into your view, you rolled your sleeves up.

You were too busy kicking one of the drunk soldiers in the stomach to notice the way steel eyes flashed gratefully at you.

____________________________________

You could never say you and Levi spent a lot of time together. The two of you had joined around the same time, but Levi had scaled the ranks much more quickly. He had, due to his outstanding skills, joined the most elite squad.

You had remained a mediocre soldier at best, and you were content with it. You didn't have an amazing titan kill count nor fists of steel like Levi, but you did whatever was assigned to you just fine. It was life you could even say you were proud of.

You had, much like the rest of your cormades, braced yourself for death. Any expedition could be your last. In fact, you often set out for expeditions expecting to never come back. Some sort of fate had been keeping you alive so far.

It was luck that kept you alive so far- and then it was Levi.

Levi had saved you from a titan during an expedition. You had been helpless, all out of blades. Your squad had been utterly annihilated and you had been in the midst of struggling as a large hand grabbed you and a titan opened its mouth to eat you.

It's why your dream is so hard to forget. It was earily similar to back when Levi had saved you. You would find yourself in that position again. A titan and it's hand tossing you in its mouth. And much like this time, Levi would be there too.

Except he wouldn't be the one doing the saving.

Back then, he had intervened at the speed of light and saved you. His expression had been as stoic as always, eyes scanning your form for injuries. Once he had found that you had no life threatening wounds, he had helped you up and back to HQ.

It had later made you blush, remembering how his strong arms had helped you settle on his horse with him.

That had been the start of your feelings for him. It hadn't just been the fact that he had saved you, it had been how gentle how he was with you. You had seen how he treated others, talking roughly, trying to be helpful in his own awkward way. He often physically kept away from others, but for some reason, he hadn't hesitated a second in touching you.

You knew better then to delude yourself that it was special treatment-but you couldn't stop your heart from fluttering anyways.

____________________________________

The two of you never grew beyond anything but casual friends. You're sure that the dream you hadn't regretted dying for him. You, however, know for a fact that you had regretted being a coward and not telling him how you felt.

Now, here you are, very much alive and kicking. It is possible this was just the wishful thinking of a soldier destined to die. Its possible your dream has shaken you to the point of making rash decisions. But you don't care.

All your mind knows is that you aren't chomped in half. That you are well enough to walk up to Levi and talk to him. Dream or not, you want to tell him. You want him to know how he makes your heart beat in a way that no one ever had. You want to tell him that you harbour feelings for him that go beyond comraderie.

And most importantly, you want him to know that you want him.

It was a painful itch- one you won't be able to get rid of. Not until you fess up.

It doesn't matter that you're signing up for an absolute guaranteed rejection. It doesn't matter that you know he won't be nice about it. As far as you're concerned, the end goal isn't getting into a relationship. This is your shot at confessing, at amkigm sure you that you die without regrets.

No matter what the outcome, you know your feelings won't change. And that is what makes it easier for you to confess.

____________________________________

You have been working with Levi for a solid five years now. You know him rather well, considering that he's one of the few comrades who, much like you, have miraculously lived through being in the survey corps for an unusual amount of time.

While others couldn't classify you as best buddies, you know plenty about each other.

You know that he made special graves for each comrade that lost their lives. He would take their insignia off their jacket as a symbol of their wills. You also know that he had started this tradition since Isabel and Farlan died. Every soldier, no matter how they behaved with him, had been included. You know this because you had caught sight of him in the middle of his task. And without a single word, you had picked up a shovel and joined him in his task.

Levi hadn't said a word to you, silently accepting your help. You had been too busy trying to even out the dirt with your foot to notice steel eyes flashing at you with fondness.

You know more about him then that too. And he knows about you as well. In particular, the two of you had picked up on how the other liked their tea. It was silent gesture, one where if either was nearby and making tea, there would be enough for two people. Hange had once tried to snag the extra cup of tea Levi had in his hand for you- only to find herself best friends with the floor.

You had learned how to live up to his cleaning standards-to the point you held the unprecedented position of being the one person he had never attacked for being a slob. It's wonderful feeling-being the special one he had never been harsh with.

You thought you knew him well. Enough to know his reactions to certain things and situations, enough to pin point how he was feeling at certain times.

So when you confess to being in love with him-you are forced to realize that you don't know this man as well as you thought you had.

The Levi you know was supposd to reject you brutally. He was supposed to harshly tell you to get your head out of the clouds and stop fantasising like a school girl. To get over your shitty feelings and leave him out of it.

But the Levi in front of you is different. He isn't pushing you away-no, his hands are grabbing your wrists and tugging you into an embrace. His forehead is resting against yours. Those steel eyes you had never quite caught expressing anything, are filled to the brim with affection.

You've been proven wrong and frankly, as his lip softly brush against yours, you're glad about it.

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A/N: Heyooo. don't know where this came from. This feels like a 'felt cute might delete later fic'. I hope it was enjoyable at least? I can see a part 2 for this from Levi POV but don't know if anyone even liked this, let alone wants a part 2.

Also ruins part 2 is half way done :)

#Levi x reader #Confessions #AOT #Attack on titan #Levi ackerman #Levi ackerman x reader #Levi deserves love

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aotxfan · 3 years

Text

Her God (Eren)

Spoilers for season 4. Content warning for blood, mentions of violence, religious connotations, and mature themes.

Female pronouns used, but no name is specified. Can be read as a reader insert in the third person.

“A recruit? You’re assigning me a simple recruit?”

A lazy voice drifted from the side of the room and she resisted the urge to flinch. A figure was seated to the side with his back turned away and his head resting on his palm. Even facing the window, she could tell exactly who he was by the monotone drawl of his voice and the dark hair tied behind his head.

Her breath hitched at her throat in excitement. Eren Yeager.

The figure, Eren, spared her half a glance before turning his attention to her companion. His features were devoid of emotion and he drummed his fingers on the armrest of the chair.

At her side, Floch made a sound at the back of his throat.

“She’s a recruit sure, but she graduated at the top of her squad. She’s a former Military Police member and a damn good one at that. I personally advocate for her talents and hand selected her for the job. Of course, if you would prefer someone else, I can find a new one.”

Seemingly uninterested with the entire conversation, Eren turned his head away. His gaze went for the window overlooking Paradis instead. Making a noncommittal sound, he shrugged.

“Whatever.”

A hand nudged her lightly and she met Floch’s eyes. Prodding her to introduce herself, she took a hesitant step forward.

The fact that she was here in front of him made her nervous, but she was determined to make a good first impression. Saving Eldia was her life’s mission, and serving Eren her life’s greatest wish.

Snapping to a salute, she introduced herself. Giving Eren her name, she clenched her fist at her chest. “Sir, it will be my owner to serve you and the Eldian Empire.”

“Honor, hm?” Eren didn’t even bother to glance back as he moved his hand in a shooing motion. “You can leave us, Floch. Tell the others outside not to bother me.”

Floch, subservient, bowed his head. Nodding to her and motioning for her to get closer to Eren, he closed the door on his way out.

Left alone with her hero, she paused and knew not what to say.

When Floch had come to her and asked her to become Eren’s personal body guard and servant, she had hardly believed her luck. Out of all the Eldian Empire loyalists, she was one of the best. Graduating at the top of her squadron and making a name for herself as an MP, she had been a simple choice. Floch trusted her and knew she was loyal to the cause as much as he was. He had selected her to personally serve Eren and had given her implicit orders to give him her life if it was needed of her.

Really, he hadn’t needed to order her to lay down her life. Since she was a child, she had been devoted to Eldia and Eren. Even before the island had learned about Marley and the truth of the Titans, she had been loyal.

Her parents had died in 845 when the Colossal Titan had destroyed the wall. She had been forced to take shelter in Wall Rose and live with a distant relative working in the farms in order to keep her place as a refugee following the government’s decree of refugees making themselves useful. However, once she had turned 15, her relative had passed and she had lost everything once more. She had been left an orphan with no family or friends to turn to wandering around the refugee encampments with nothing but the hunger in her stomach and the hatred for the Titans in her heart for company. After that, she had enlisted in the military to make a name for herself and do something productive with her life.

By then, the island had learned of Marley. The year she enlisted and entered training, what was left of the Survey Corp had ventured past the walls and seen what was behind them. By the time she had graduated and joined the MPs to serve under Queen Historia, Paradis had declared war on Marley.

Throughout her entire time as a soldier, she had been surrounded by tales of Eren’s exploits and his mission to restore Eldia. She had learned to see him as a savior and the Eldian Empire’s only hope of beating Marley. Utterly devoted to him and loyal to the Eldian blood that ran through her veins, she didn’t need Floch to order her to give up her life. She would gladly give it even if it were just for one of Eren’s whims.

“Are you still here?”

Eren’s voice shocked her out of her reverie. By now, he had turned around and shoved his hands in his pockets. Wandering around her like a predator stalking its prey, he took the sight of her in.

Feeling like she was being taken apart by his steely gaze, she raised her head up high. “Sir, I will follow you from now on. Whatever you need, I will provide it.”

“Anything I want?” He yawned into his hand, “And if I ordered you to leave? Told you not to bother me, would you?”

She blinked.

“If you would like me to leave, I will be right outside the door. Just call me in when you need me.”

She moved to take a step but he intercepted her. Blocking her path to the door, he shoved his hands back in his pocket.

“You are obedient,” he continued to pace around her and his eyes narrowed, “What else can you do for me?”

She bit the inside of her cheek and resisted the urge to look away. She felt exposed, stripped bare, and she could only hope that-whatever he was looking for in her-he would find.

“If I told you to kill, would you? By now you know that our true enemies are people, not titans. Surely that gives you some pause.”

She shook her head. “Not at all, sir. I’ve killed before. I helped plan the bomb that killed the Premier and allowed you to escape. I helped kill the other soldiers guarding you. I can handle getting my hands bloody. If you need me to become an assassin for you, you need only say the word.”

Something that sounded like amusement left the back of his throat. By now, his eyes had taken a light of intrigue. She felt her face warming and she hoped her blush wasn’t too apparent.

“And if I asked you to die for me? Gave you a knife here and now and told you to slit your throat, would you?”

He reached for the inside of his coat and pulled out a sharp dagger. Giving it to her hilt first, he raised an eyebrow.

A test, and one she would not refuse.

Without any hesitation, she took it and held it up to her throat. To show him she wasn’t lying about her loyalty, she allowed the tip to pierce skin. A thin line of blood ran down the front of her neck and his eyes followed it.

“Give the word and I will stain the floor with my blood.”

A prickle of fear registered somewhere at the back of her head, but she shoved it away. To give her life for Eldia and Eren would be an honor. She could think of no better way to die.

As a child, she had heard of Eren Yeager. The boy from Wall Maria that could turn into a titan and had become Paradis’ hope of beating the titans. She had followed stories of him carefully and had sought out as much about him as possible. Over time, she had grown to revere the man before her. To her, she was his god.

Eldia’s survival rested on his shoulders and her life was in his hands. Were he to give the order, she would gladly jerk the blade deep into her jugular and paint the tiles red. Her life was nothing compared to his. To die by his word would be a beautiful thing.

The knife was plucked out of her grasp after another moment and his finger wiped at the blood there. She tried not to shiver as she felt his freezing touch.

He stared at the tip of his finger dyed red for a moment before raising it to his lips. Licking his finger clean, he turned to her.

“My, so you are an obedient little thing. Perhaps I’ll keep you around,” he stepped closer to her and lifted her chin with his fingers, “You are rather beautiful too. Floch certainly knew what he was doing when he hand selected you. I think I’ll have fun with you.”

A blush spread across her face as their eyes met. She bit her tongue knowing not how to respond. There was a strange look in his green eyes that sent alarm bells at the back of her head along with a strange excitement. She shivered lightly as the fingers at her chin moved to her mouth.

His thumb traced her bottom lip and his eyes looked directly at hers.

“I do wonder what it is that makes you so desperate to please me. Are you a patriot? A fellow Eldian wanting to see Eldia’s restoration?” He let go of her face then and turned away almost bored. “While admirable, a patriot can easily turn coats when desperation strikes. You did desert the military after all. If you just want to serve me because you want to see the Empire restored, I’ll have to see just how far that patriotism runs.”

She blinked and opened her mouth. Without thinking she blurted out, “It’s not just Eldia-”

She cut herself off then just as Eren had crossed his arms behind his back and turned away uninterested.

Embarrassment at her outburst filled her and her face turned red. She hadn’t meant to yell at him, but the thought of him questioning her loyalty was painful. All those years she had revered him, yet he was doubting her dedication-

“Oh?”

Her outburst seemed to have surprised him. As he turned back to examine her, she thought she caught a glimmer of amusement in his green eyes before it was gone and replaced with neutrality.

Leaning against the table, he crossed his arms in front of himself now.

“Not just Eldia you want to serve? Then what else brings you here?”

She swallowed and met his gaze directly. Allowing the fire in her to burn bright in her eyes, she took a half step forward.

“I want to serve you. It’s an honor to be here after everything you’ve done. You’re a hero to us all,” she lowered her head then humbly, “Please allow me to serve you.”

The room was quiet for a few moments. She waited patiently for his response and hoped her words had gotten through to him. She was his until death and would do anything to prove her dedication.

“A hero. I’ve been called a suicidal maniac, a monster, and a usurper, but very few still call me a hero. Is that how you see me? A hero?”

She raised her head then and that same fire burned bright in her again. She wished she could bare her heart and show him just how much it yearned for him. If only she could show him just how much she worshiped him.

He was more than just a hero.

All those years that she had scraped by, starving and terrified, it was only the stories of his success that had kept her going. She had learned to see him as a hopeful beacon, had repeated to herself his story to draw strength, and had pledged herself to him before she had even met him.

He was the sole reason she had enlisted. She had wanted to meet him and saw the military as her only option. When she had graduated, she had thought about joining the Scouts to make sure they would be in the same rank, but the other Yeagerists had suggested the MPs instead. They needed their number in every branch, and she had been one of the few invited to the MPs.

He was more than just a hero to her. He was her hope, her reason to survive, her reason to push forward, her heart, her god-

“You are the only hope Eldia has. No one can beat your power and no can stand in your way. You’re greater than men and more powerful than an entire battalion. You’re a god in human flesh,” she met his gaze evenly.

Another flicker of amusement in his green eyes and he was raising an eyebrow.

“A god? Now that’s a new one. I’ve never been called a god before.”

He kicked off the table and walked towards her. His fingers moved to her throat and he wiped at the blood there. The cut had not stopped bleeding and his touch stung just slightly.

Once more, he raised his bloody hands to his mouth and licked them clean. His eyes met hers directly and excitement pooled at her stomach as his tongue traced his hand.

“Are you a cultist then? One of those former Wall worshippers?” He didn’t wait for her response. His fingers began to trace her neck and she shivered as she felt his breath get closer to her. “Not that I mind, I think being worshipped as a god will be fun.”

Before she knew what was happening, he was yanking hard on her hair. Her mouth opened in pain just in time for him to slam their lips together.

She froze in utter surprise as he kissed her then winced in pain when he bit down on her bottom lip hard. Blood filled her mouth, but she refused to move away. She had meant what she said before, she was his to do whatever he wanted with even if it was to hurt her.

He drew back after a bit and his mouth was red with her blood. Chuckling, he wiped at his mouth with the back of his hand. There was a dark look in his eyes that resembled lust and she shivered at her own arousal.

“I think I’ll have fun with you. To be worshipped as a god will be a new experience.”

His hands suddenly pushed down hard on her shoulders. He lowered her into a kneeling position and moved closer. His hips were now eye level and his hands moved to the buckle of his pants.

She flushed brightly and her mouth watered as he grabbed the back of her head and brought her closer.

“Well then, if I am your god, then get on your knees and pray.”

#posted on mobile so formatting might be off #eren yeager x reader #aot x reader #eren jaegar x reader #attack on titan #writing

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kyle-valenti · 3 years

Text

burnout only feels like burning

2.7k / Summary: kyle valenti doesn't have the same quarantine as his friends; an exploration of kyle's trauma during covid as a doctor. (tw depression & other triggers you’d imagine with this subject)

read & comment/ ao3

A little like the virus itself, Kyle’s relationship with his mask begins with worry, annoyance, and then pain. He’s more than happy to have the proper N-95 mask as they begin to get their first case at Roswell General but then a couple more patients trickle in and within a few days his skin is irritated and itching. Maybe it’s the news, maybe it’s the texts from his friends that he’s increasingly missing, but when the Regiment starts spouting off about how COVID is a joke he thinks it might be affecting his nerves too. By week three his former red mark left by the mask has become a permanent feature to his face and by week five it’s not a mark but a bruise instead. Blisters and cracks in his skin litter his hands from over-washing. His feet become so overused the pads of his feet feel numb and bruised and he wears through an entire pair of shoes.

Positivity has fled from his life by week seven and now he’s inside of a survival mode he’s never experienced. He thought after last year he’d be used to anything the world (or universe, rather, given all these aliens) could throw at him. Now what feels foolish, he had believed that there was nothing that could be worse than the previous pain of losing a patient or finding out his father had experimented on people’s lives.

When he’s out of ventilators and CPAP machines because Albuquerque needs them more and he has to choose whether or not to save the life of an eighty five year old or a thirty two year old he remembers from high school, he breaks.

Guilt is one thing, grief is another, but the pure rage he feels knowing that Max Evans is out on the town patrolling as some fucking cop and not someone who could heal most of this hospital makes him want to commit actual murder. Maybe trading the blood of an alien on his hands would feel less heart-wrenching. But no. Max had brought back Rosa and had paid the price. Quelling his anger, he went back to work.

He slept at the hospital most nights in the height of it. Sure the couch was rough, but it was better than the other on-call doctor beds down the hall. Three twelve hour ER shifts of a usual work week doubled to five days of thirteen hour shifts. Soon there’s a week where he pulls double shifts for an entire week when one of his nurses is urgently hospitalized herself. Hospital directors had left them with no PPE except contaminated masks to reuse. Maria, Isobel, and Rosa are in the forefront of a drive to make and donate masks to his hospital after some social media posts that he doesn’t even see until the cloth masks arrive and his medical assistants give him their handwritten note. It makes him smile, but smiling feels so foreign that he almost wants to break from that.

Visitors are no longer allowed which means Kyle isn’t allowed to use his bedside manner to comfort the family of patients. He has to facetime mothers, spouses, and children and hold the phone over a patient who can’t breathe without machine assistance and pretend that everything is fine and that there’s still hope despite the hypoxia and lack of rising vitals. Ignore that if the patient goes into cardiac arrest more than once, the kindest thing to do given prognosis is to let the patient pass. Resuscitation and DNR (a patient’s begging request to not be resuscitated) becomes a word he uses in his daily work and not simply for intense surgeries.

Exhaustion isn’t a deep enough adjective to describe the fugue state he goes into. File to file, room to room, ventilator to next… he isn’t surprised when his body starts to wear down. When he no longer feels hunger and instead feels all too hot and dizzy. Telling himself it’s just because of how much he’s exerting his body while covered in layers and layers of protective clothing doesn’t help the fact that he’s starting to have more trouble breathing as he walks the hallways at a fast pace. When he begins to cough, he does what he promised himself he wouldn’t do and drives out post-shift to the desert cabin of Max Evans.

Part of him is too desperately tired to knock, but when he arrives on the property with the cop car idle and the house dark and at peace for the night, his fury greets him with the embrace of a long-lost friend. Knuckles pound at the wood and Max answers the door with surprise and a general look of defense, and Kyle tries not to immediately punch him in the face at the fact he looks like he had woken up from a comfortable sleep.

“Heal me.” Kyle manages to spit out.

“I—what’s wrong?”

“Beginning stages of respiratory distress, fever, nausea—what do you fucking think?”

“Kyle—,” Max starts to say, the hesitation deepening, and that does it.

“No. I have not asked you for anything in all of this, Evans. Anything!” He shouts, voice hoarse. “Not when people got sick, not when they started dying, not even when we started having to let people die on purpose. And you know what? I wasn’t going to even come and ask you now, but I can’t get sick when I’m the one here fucking saving lives out of the two of us and you’re just cruising the streets handing out goddamn traffic tickets.”

Max’s face isn’t stony like it usually is when Kyle’s yelling at him; this time it’s crushed and guilty but not nearly enough. “What kind of hours you work this week, Evans? A nice 8 to 4? Did you get facetime with Isobel or your mom, maybe binge through a few books and movies after you’re home? Did you sit down and eat a nice dinner and or go over to drink a few beers with Guerin since you can’t get sick? Even get a nice eight hours of sleep in your own bed in your nice quiet home?”

No response.

“I am not asking to sequence your DNA like Liz. All I am asking is for you to let me heal people since you don’t want to.”

A night breeze is all that makes noise for a moment as Kyle catches his breath and glares at Max, who stands quietly but is staring down at his boots before he finally looks up and nods. Max steps forward then, and Kyle sees that his eyes are actually filled with tears. Temper deflating, but still not subsiding entirely, given that not much else is able to be done; Kyle lets Max place a hand on his shoulder and feels the extremely weird feeling spread throughout his body. Something more electric than anything else, which God knew made a lot more sense concerning his powers and how the body operated with electrical nerve impulses, but that is a train of thought better left for another day. He wants to just walk away, and he almost does, but he still mutters a “thank you” before he does so.

When his nurse dies a few days later and he watches as the staff double bag her body to take to the morgue, he escapes to his office and crashes on his couch with sobs. There’s no one here to support him. He can’t go to his mother’s home and collapse into one of her comforting embraces without risking infecting her. He can’t get wasted at the Wild Pony with Maria when it’s closed. He can’t visit Rosa or Arturo at the Crashdown. Keeping his friends and family safe meant keeping them away from him. Keeping them safe meant he needed to stop pushing his head into his hands to try and control the sound of his crying and get back to work at saving the lives around them.

He gets put on leave by the hospital administrator when he’s almost arrested for decking Wyatt Long in the hospital parking lot as the idiot stood outside with a sign rallying Regiment members to make sure the hospital was told it was killing people on purpose for the election. If Jenna hadn’t been the officer on duty he would have been cuffed and put on record, jeopardizing his license, but there was some self-preserving part of him that desperately wished for his practice to be over anyway. He’s not even sure how Jenna handles it, honestly, all he remembers is her dropping him off at his house from her patrol car like she had been nothing but an uber. No matter how angry and adamant he gets, his boss refuses to bend, saying it’s for his own good given the connections the Long’s have in the town and how Kyle has worked almost 74 of the past 76 days.

Alex is the first to visit him, unannounced. When the doorbell rings Kyle is mindlessly pretending to watch some tv show in his living room that’ll distract him from his consuming thoughts about patients, so he doesn’t get up to answer. He checks his silent phone to see if he was forewarned of a visitor but sees nothing. Unsure if it’s his boss or a patient’s family, he forces himself up onto his sore feet and opens the door after grabbing a regular mask off the coffee table. Black face mask on and standing further out from the door on the porch is Alex, the usual gruff hello turned into something soft. “Hey.”

Kyle heaves a sigh. He had wondered when the pity visits would begin. “Hey. You really shouldn’t be around me, you know.”

“I’m clearly a minimum of eight feet away in an open space while masked.” Alex smarts back. “Either way, I’m worried about you.”

Scoffing, he shakes his head. “Don’t fucking worry about me. Worry about getting sick, because if I have to see another person I care about die, I--,”

“Kyle.” the other says too kindly, the sort of pacifying voice Alex reserved for only the most dire situations. “I have no idea what you’re dealing with in specifics, but my experiences do overlap with yours in some places.”

“And?”

Maybe it came out a little too rude, because Alex raises a brow, but then sighs instead. “And I’m just checking in to make sure you know people care about you.”

“Thanks, Manes.” Kyle huffs in return, managing not to roll his eyes because focusing on being blunt and abrasive was so much easier.

“Just be careful.” Alex interjects before Kyle could close the door and turn back to his show. “Dealing with the trauma of what you’re dealing with gets dark very quickly.”

“Because I punched Wyatt Long?” he spits back sarcastically.

“No, because the suicide rates for healthcare professionals are drastically increasing along with the rates of PTSD diagnoses.” Alex says flatly, ever one to be unfazed by sarcasm. “And I’ve lost more active duty members to suicide than I have combat.”

Kyle pauses, caught. Maybe Alex had known he would be, because there isn’t some way he can give a smile and reassuring wave with him like he could his mother or Liz. While Kyle hadn’t actively thought of a plan, he couldn’t pretend he had noticed signs of depression the second he was alone in his house.

“The quiet is the worst part, right?” Alex says, all but reading his mind. “Not always because of the flashbacks, although those are horrible, but because if things are quiet then--,”

“--people are dying.” Kyle finishes, his voice raspier by the end of the three words. “Yeah, well, mine still are.”

“They’re going to.” Is what felt like a cold response, but somehow gave Kyle the understanding he’s been craving. “They’re going to die and because of your profession you’re going to be able to save some of them. Which will make you think you’re responsible to save all of them and because you’re a good person you’re going to feel guilty in ways that no one will understand for being human and failing to.”

“Failing is all I do lately.” Kyle replies. “Usually the wins feel higher than the losses as a doctor, but with this-- and no one outside of it cares. They go outside and yell about how this is about a fucking election and when it’s not the patients, it’s the hospital pretending they don’t have enough money to buy us proper protection. Or the government saying this will all go away and that it’s just a light cold.”

Alex gives a small nod. “I know. I also know telling you the same advice that you’d give another doctor of trying not to burn out and instead taking a small rest is useless. So I’m just going to drop off these dvd’s and make you report back to me the difference when you’re done.”

Star Trek and Star Wars. Kyle finds a smile tug on his lips. Alex leaves with one on his as well.

When he gives a response to Alex a few days later on how Star Wars is better not more than a few minutes later Deluca is texting him with recommendations on joining her Buffy the Vampire Slayer rewatch. There’s something sweet about the fact that people have been clearly talking about him, even if definitely borderline creepy with how nosy his circle of friends can be, but he sighs and lets Maria add him to the group chat she has with Rosa and Liz where they review each episode after the fact and even chimes in every now and then. Isobel gets added not long after due to an Instagram story Maria shares and then the group has moved onto Friends after everyone shoots down Liz for suggesting Grey’s Anatomy on behalf of Kyle. Alex is also in there, even if it’s rare he chimes in with an opinion, but once they start Friends his commentary about how much he hates Ross that gets the entire group riled up does tend to make him laugh. Even Kyle agrees with Forest-- whose opinion had been shared by Alex-- that Chandler had all too many queer-coded scenes with Joey.

His mother facetimes him daily, which given how they both don’t exactly go out much starts to become monotonous, until she begins to give in and talk about memories she has of their father. Tidbits she never would have shared with him about their adult life when he was a child or teenager. He in turn facetimes Rosa and shares some of the memories of their father as well, which as much as she tries to pretend she doesn’t want for Arturo’s sake she clearly does with the million questions she asks every single time and the small smile she gives him at the end of their calls.

Liz updates him on her work which is a nice reprieve from everyone’s normalcy and lack of medical jargon sometimes, especially when she gives him inside info on covid vaccine studies not yet published to the general public yet. Everything in him wants this more than anything else in the world right now and he texts her almost every day asking if she’s heard more news even when he knows things take time. She’s a good sport about everything, even when he shares in a very angry rant about Max Evans and how they could have helped so many more people so much more quickly with his DNA-- however selfish that might have been.

When he goes back to work, he feels refreshed, even when it makes things hit like a freight train once more. Lost in a sea of inadequacy, his feelings extend past the pandemic. Even when things return to a level of normalcy and the cases subside he gets alien medical drama thrown in his face once more, and he starts to wonder if he’ll ever recover. If he was wrong to choose this calling. If the fact he can’t help Max or Maria is a sign from above or his father that it’s time to make some career move or change location like his mother and Liz. But, like he tells Michael Guerin. He can’t think he can face his future children and say he walked away from this. Or let people die by quitting, just like Rosa warns. And so he stays and tries to heal both other people and himself.

#so yeah this was the lighter version #i had to stop before things got to dark for my own mind #also genuinely feel like the mentions he gives to rosa about feeling lost #should stem from this if the writers aren't cowards #kyle valenti #rnm fic #kyle valenti fic #roswell new mexico #tw covid #tw depression #my fic #my post

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