#I will do as I please without worrying

[artheresy]

Changed my mind, deleted my post, I've decided to abandon the self doubt and ascend to fully realized self indulgence with my Yingxing fic

In the end I'm first and foremost writing this fic for Me. I can include the hcs I want, all the comfort ideas that I want, and whatever else I want to plan!

I can't doubt myself, I must simply be like Yingxing and embrace his attitude to do as I please with confident to rival even the High Elder

#Sorry late hours making me insecure and second guess myself #But dw #I have seen the light now #I will do as I please without worrying #It is a harmless lil hc I will do as I please #Trans Yingxing RAAAAHHH #Comfort hc will be real #It may not come up the most often but I'm still including it for myself because I can #It'll still be my like #First time including any of my trans hcs into a fic but I'm happy to finally have an idea that will allow me to include it #Do note #It will be very much self projection from a transmasc who loves Yingxing but has a complicated relationship with how I view my own gender #And just gender in general all influenced very much by my autism #But again #I am embracing self indulgence!!! It's my fic I do what I want #RAAAAHHH I feel powerful #Watch me revert back in the morning /hj #I wonder if the fact that I've been listening to Love Dramatic by Masayuki Suzuki on repeat for about like #Uh #8 and a half hours I think #Has anything to do with my mental state along with the fact that I'm sick and the fact that it's currently 1 am #I need to sleep okay bye bye goodnight #I'll see yall later #Hsr #honkai star rail #hsr blade #Yingxing

[bittwitchy]

We Have Always Lived In This Castle (2018)

#sebastian stan #sebstanedit #sstanedit #sebastianstanedit #sebastiansource #please don't add to gif hunts/claim as your own/edit without permission. thank you! #mine #mine. #we have always lived in this castle #whalitc #whalitcedit #charles blackwood #charlesblackwoodedit #wehavealwayslivedinthiscastleedit #filmedit #theres 43 minutes or something left of this holiday assuming i can do math #im going to spend it doing what i do best in my 27 years of being single #................................................. yknow what im not gonna finish the joke #i think yall know what it would be its its an awful joke nvm-- #no i dont know what this movie is abt no i dont care im gonna do big gif versions of his wet half naked body next too tho dont worry

[autisticlancemcclain]

Could you explain your position on Shallura? Since Allura was established as a teenager when she started dating Lance and Shiro was very clearly an adult. I can understand the bi shiro headcannon but the shallura thing worries me

i am going to remind yall that i have been in this fandom since 2016. and in the early seasons, allura was not established as a teenager. in fact she was coded as older, as closer to shiro's age -- there was a specific divide between her and the younger paladins that she did not have with shiro. they made her younger (both explicitly and in mannerisms) as the show went on. and i do not give a fuck about voltron like...post s4 and i didn't even watch s7-8. so like. especially with older fics, im going to enjoy shallura.

#also this is less relevant and i was going to put it in the main post but i cant find the words for it #but i found your last sentence kind of condescending. “the shallura thing worries me” as if i am your little project and things arent going #to plan. as if you are the Knower Of All Things and i am straying from my path lol. twas odd #and this is a controversial thing to say i know it but like #we take fandom way too seriously. if someone decides in fic to make two characters the same age to ship them or whatever. do we really need #to get the torches and pitchforks. like i can understand discomfort when people ship like shiro and pidge or something but. also. i feel #like you can just block and move on?? like i dont ship sheith bc they are brothers. to me. but also i dont think sheithers should be #harassed or any dumb shit like that. i think its so so whatever like theyre Lines man theyre moving lines #at the same time i understand that peoples headcanons can be reflective of their worldviews (like when racism/transphobia/sexism shine #through someone's headcanons/characterization) but how much scrutiny is too much? when do we get to remember that fandom is a place to #work with the FICTIONAL? where you can change details without consequence? i saw a fic where keith was the older sibling and shiro was the #younger once. it was a good fic. how come we can play with ages but only when the Fandom Council approves? #i guess this is a really long and clumsy way to say like. you do not own the fandom nor do you get to dictate my work. and while there #is always room for necessary criticism please also think critically before you post your criticism #anyways #rant #ask

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Do you like my art? Do you wish I would draw something specific? Great news!

~COMMISSIONS ARE NOW OPEN!~

If you are interested in commissioning me, please fill out the google form and I'll reach out to you as slots become available!

[Ko-fi - Google Form Link]

#Commission info #PLEASE NOTE ONCE AGAIN: These prices are not USD - these are cheaper than you may think. #I have put a ton of work into this and I am so thankful to everyone who helped me out! #There are still probably bumps I need to iron out as I go but I will try my best. Feedback is very welcome! #If there are a lot of people interested I may have a waitlist but I doubt I'll have that many offers. I'm still pretty new here! #The money I make from this is honestly mostly going to go back into funding this art hobby of mine. Ink is expensive! #Thank you also for all the love and support for my comics. Without it I'd never have the confidence to do commissions. #Even if you can't afford it right now - know I really appreciate it all. From the lurker to the frequent commenter: thank you <3 #Don't worry about the horse by the way. She's just here to keep watch.

[moeblob]

You know, when I kept getting asked "so you didn't ever have severe pains before now?" in the hospital and I kept replying "I have a high pain tolerance" I meant it. However, there is only so much pain my tiny 4'9" body can hold... (aka I am sweating and in agony bc I'm getting told to use LESS severe pain meds so I don't rely on them too much and it is AWFUL)

#moe talks a lot #i was shaking earlier and despite the fact i sound like im gonna cry #and the fact that my mom can pick out im about to cry from pain bc im trying to take less pain meds #LIKE MY MOM IS INSTRUCTING ME TO DO #shes like well why arent you taking any pain meds #BECAUSE THERE ARE TWO AVAILABLE OPTIONS AND ON A SIX HOUR TIMER #i cant take both at once or else what happens to me if i hurt before the six hours is up #i have to manage them in a way that allows me to benefit from both and being told im doing it wrong #after being told well its your fault it got so bad because you never complained about pain before #YEAH NO JOKE? REALLY? I NEVER DID? because everyone acts like im too young to feel that kinda pain #oh youre hurting? just wait until youre older #and its currently agony to breathe again but that i guess is also my fault bc im trying to use pain meds #holy moly i just want to not get dizzy standing up cause wow dang #sure would be nice if the multiple incisions in my stomach didnt THROB every time i sneezed or coughed or cleared my throat #but since i didnt use much pain meds before because i would be mocked for being too much of a baby its like #welp damn now i could really use some and im being called out for being too reliant #anyway time to sleep more because that means im not noticing my pain #im literally smaller than most children and so i do understand my body size makes people worried about the medication intake #but can i please just go a day without being asked how much im taking or when i last took it or if im gonna cry #anyway sorry for the excessive rant today never really had surgery or anything so this is brand spankin new suffering

[chocolategir]

Help Please!!

Mom recently got diagnosed with bone and lung cancer and got scammed out of $2,000 and is unable to work due to the location of the cancer. Please donate if you can, she is running out of funds!

Anything helps, I'd like to raise the $2,000 if I can

104/2,000

Update: My mom is in the ER now, The cancerous mass on her pelvis is deteriorating the bone and she is now completely incapable of standing. They're planning on sending her to surgery to get it removed as well as a second mass they found.

Update: She's home from surgery and is slowly recovering. She's still got quite a journey ahead of her, but she's doing good for fresh out of surgery

Also humongous thank you to everyone donating! I appreciate it so so much thank you all!!

#sorry to sound so desperate but I'm really worried about her #If murder was legal the bitch of a sales woman would be 6ft under by now but otherwise I can't do anything to help #since I'm still unemployed as I am spending most of my time taking care of her because she can't walk without extreme pain #please help in anyway reblogs anything please

[uter-us]

radfem help !!

2 of my little cousins (14yrs and 15yrs) are both girls dating boys right now, and together we are coming up with a "dealbreaker list" of things they will never put up with from their bfs! and also we are including positives, like so they aren't just looking for the absence of bad things, but actual positive things

what do yall think are the most important things to add? (i put extra info in tags)

Thank you so much!!!

#I dont want it just to be “he doesn't hit me” as that's super important but they could end up with awful boys who don't hit them and still #mistreat them. there are certain vulnerabilities that make me worry the most for them. Ive been writing under the deal breakers like exampl #of how it would manifest like things they might say or how they might behave so that way in the moment there will hopefully not be as much #time spent questioning if it counts as a deal breaker. we want to do positives too so like I said in the post it's not just like "he doesn' #put me down“ but also ”he roots for me and encourages me and verbalizes it“. #they are 14/15 so I'm less focused on stuff related to like splitting domestic labor for example but I think a good translation could #be like “he spends as much time as I do planning dates” and “it's clear to me that he put a lot of thought into my birthday gift” or the li #anyway I know they are safer without dating boys (and for the record they both know I do not date men (and only one knows I am SSA) but #they ARE dating and it's much more practical and realistic to reduce harm here since they are doing it! #also this is obviously not the extent of my effort in making sure they are safe and well and not reliant on boys/men; #this list is just one small part!!! #thanks so so much! and if you don't know please share bc maybe someone else has advice! ty!!! #radfem #radical feminist safe #radblr #sex based oppression #mvawg #question tag

[drawbauchery]

If you see Tom of notifs about me going on a liking spree of the imposter

No you didn't❤️

uh no, i'm stomping this weird stigma into the ground. i want notes. please, go on more liking sprees. or actually better yet reblog sprees. i feel like everyone's forgotten the point of tumblr is to spread posts?? reblog away, people, i'm not here to get likes aksdfn

also the imposter needs more love anyway and his face should be everywhere

#zacharieorgobbothestink #asks #i'm not one of those people who'll come to your inbox like #'i saw you on my blog hurdur' #i hate when people do that to me gnssdf #i just wanna reblog-spam without worrying if the blog owner is gonna get annoyed for w/e reason #anyway my notes are like Nothing recently please Reblog gndnsk

[sweetsuke]

narukana bffs. you agree 🫶

#listen listen. theyre friends #i think they shouldve bonded more during the moonlight disco story #i think arashi should've painted kanata's nails blue with waterproof nailpolish #i think they would have fun “swimming” together too (kanata floating while arashi splashes around) #arashi would make kanata wear sunscreen lmao #omg now im imagining kanata cooking arashi dinner as thanks for doing his nails/hanging out with him/etc #it'd probably just be sushi or smth similar since he only likes cooking cold food + loves fish #but i feel like arashi would l o v e sushi so there's no problem there (if there's any story that says she doesnt please lmk) #anyways i also think arashi would love just like. venting/gossiping to kanata too because he's really chill and a good listener #like she can just vent without worrying that he's gonna try to give her advice she doesn't want #she's like “i had the *worst* experience with someone at my modeling shoot today” and goes on a long rant #all kanata says at the end of it is “puka-puka-ing makes all bad ”emotions“ float away~” #and arashi's like “omg you're right a bath *does* sound good right now” #they have matching friendship bracelets also. i think that would be cute #okay headcanon dump over for now #ensemble stars #enstars #kanata shinkai #arashi narukami #narukana #idk what their ship name is 🤔 #arashi x kanata #kanata x arashi #<- figured i'd go ahead and tag these even though i dont ship them romantically

[torahtot]

also every time i know someone is a christian im so deadly curious abt what they think of it all like when i meet someone who's a practicing jew idk what they believe & it doesn't really matter they might not believe in god at all or believe any story in the torah. but when u meet someone who's a real christiany christian but also a normal person it's like. do u actually think jesus is god do u think he died for ur sins do u think he loves u do u think he's real do u think i have to convert or ill go to hell tell me tell me tell me i become like pinkie pie in my head

#how do i ask them this without sounding fucking nuts.. i need to start going to interfaith events but the reason i dont go is bc #they make me feel fucking nuts. in my head. woe #& so the cycle continues #but if i have any christian followers PLEASE enlighten me in the askbox tell me everything. #not 2 sound like an annoying atheist but jesus really is so funny to me it's the most unbelievable religion imo #also SO curious abt tamsyn muir. tell me what u believe girl i need to know how it makes sense #bc it doesnt. bc ur worried abt being excommunicated. what gives what's going ON #i need to learn everything abt catholicism to prepare for alecto but it's so boring rip

[raineandsky]

#63

tw: guns

The hero didn’t know that the receptionists at the agency had guns. He learns this fact incredibly fast when the villain wanders through the main doors to find several barrels aimed at her chest.

The hero’s on his feet immediately. “You shouldn’t be here,” is the stupid statement that comes out in the confusion. The villain throws him a lopsided smile, unbothered, as she puts her hands up in surrender.

“So where would you suggest I be?” she asks lazily.

The jail in the basement, obviously. The hero wastes no time marching her downstairs, and the villain is quite happy to trail along with him in cuffs. “Ooh, did you revamp in here?” she questions once they get downstairs.

“I think they might’ve redone the walls,” the hero tells her, and carelessly throws her into the cell to admire the paintwork.

Two hours later, he’s in the interrogation room on the superhero’s instruction, opposite the villain. She looks positively ecstatic to see him.

“Do I get a lollipop for cooperation?” she asks sweetly, and the hero scowls.

“No.”

“Aw, shame.” The villain leans back in her seat, obnoxiously more relaxed as a prisoner than her interrogator. “I’m sure your boss would love to hear all my secrets, huh?”

If looks could kill, the villain would be naught but ash. “I’m sure,” he says through gritted teeth, “but we’re going to focus on what he’s asked for, okay?”

The villain shrugs idly. “I imagine he’s got some real head scratchers.”

The villain’s working in a network, nothing the agency didn’t already know. Her co-workers, as she so lovingly calls them, are hiding all over the city. They have turf, different areas each villain is in control of. The supervillain watches over all of them, keeping them in check, running operations, from a secret spot somewhere in the hubbub of the city. She laughs when the hero presses for a location.

“Ah, that’s the one secret I can’t give away.” She gives him a cat-like grin that is frankly unnerving. “You’ll need better questions than that to get anything juicy.”

The superhero’s happy after an hour, and he trusts the hero to throw the villain back into her cell. The hero turns off halfway there, shoving her into a corner where no one can see them.

“What is wrong with you?” the hero hisses once they’re out of sight. His hand is anxiously tight on her arm. “What the hell are you doing here?”

“I was under the impression I was being interrogated,” the villain says with an innocent frown.

“You walked through the front doors,” he points out savagely. “Why– why are you risking this? You have as much to lose as I do.”

The villain tuts like he’s disappointed her. “Yeah, no, I don’t have shit to lose. You, however…”

She hums thoughtfully, and the hero looks impressively distraught at her nonchalance. “You could– we could lose everything if anyone finds out, [Villain]. We agreed we wouldn’t tell anyone.”

“I haven’t told anyone,” she defends lightly, and the hero recognises that smug smirk on her face. She’s playing a game he could never hope to win. “Not my fault if someone figures it out on their own. You don’t help yourself when you act so obviously agitated.”

“I’m not—” The hero forces a deep breath that does nothing to settle his nerves. “We have to do this together, like we promised. We only have each other to do this.”

“You only have me,” the villain corrects slyly, and her smirk only gets more elated at his horrified confusion. “I know how to make a plan b, unlike you.”

The hero’s mouth opens. Closes. Opens again. “We’re supposed to help each other.”

“And I’m getting close to helping myself.” The villain wriggles her arm out of his ever-tightening grip, pushing past the hero with a content sigh and starting on her own way back to the basement. Her heels echo damningly against the pristine tile.

“I put it in his head that something was happening between us long before I got here,” she continues brightly. “I suggest you find your way out before I say too much to [Superhero], huh?”

#creative writing #writblr #writers on tumblr #writing #writing community #heroes and villains #hero x villain #tw guns #me: hm. i need to edit this its a lil wonky #me: *doesnt edit it* #snippet: *is wonky* #also i know i said it in the ask the other day but if something is triggering and i miss tagging it please please please tell me #ive found a list but i might not be 100% on all triggers so if you need something tagging tell me and i will sort it #i love yall and i want you to enjoy my stuff without having to worry <3 #that being said thank you anon for bringing it to my attention i hope youre doing ok

[lovinnelily]

Y'all do know you can't make Jason be NOT white without changing his whole character, right?

For other characters, yes, because their physical appearance are not that influential in their story, on how they are viewed by people, on their personality formation — you can have a black/asian/indigenous/arab/brown/latino/etc Nico and yes, the hate he gets will have a undertone of racism but at the same time nothing significant on his story, motivation or personality will need to change. This is also true for other characters: Clarisse risks repeating the "aggressive WoC" stereotype but the character itself doesn't change.

This isn't true for Jason, whose main character trait is how he is perceived by others and how he showcases himself to others based on that perception. (specially with how little effort Riordan put on him besides making him perfect-er Percy who's somehow also weaker and less important than him).

Let's not pretend a black, Arab, indigenous, Asian, Latin man, etc, in the USA would ever be treated with the universal reverence Jason gets from New Roma, you can't have the illusion of perfection and most of all, of invincibility they have about him when you see him suffering racism or xenophobia in the middle of a mission. Nothing in his life has ever gone wrong, that's his image, destined to be king, he is supposed to have no weakness on his peers eyes.

He is not trying to prove people wrong, he is trying to prove them right; he isn't worthy despite their prejudice, on the contrary, he only tried to make himself worthy to fulfill their expectations. He can't be a woman or an immigrant or have a visible disability or any other thing that strays him from a perfect ideal by western society standards, and be that same character.

#Different from the other white character in the series he was never questioned or doubted #There's a presumption of perfection with no exceptions that society doesn't give to us (women poc immigrants visible minorities in general) #His privilege (handsome white man with no visible disability son of Zeus etc) also prevented anyone from worrying for his well being #This illusion/expectation of him having no weakness/being untouchable pushes himself too far and clouds his judgment. #I headcanon he didn't even consider the possibility of myopia because that wouldn't fit Jason Grace Son of Jupiter so it wasn't an option #And you think it'd be the same character after facing racism? Because ain't no way he'd be praetor without going through racism #I think I'd love him nonetheless since I'm very weak to the whole golden boy tearing himself to save the world but it'd be a new character #jason grace #I know racism in USA is different from here but I know how different a “non-racist” white person treats me and treats my white friends #Also for him to not be an entirely different character if PoC would be incredibly disrespectful and racist on its own #It would fail to recognize the difference in how we are read (and written). I hate that a lot. #I remember that when Cody told Brandi “I see no color” she told him “then you don't see me” and that's so fucking striking #We ARE different. treated differently. if you act like you don't see it then you also turn a blind eye to the violence that comes from it #This is straying from my point I got a bit heated banalization of things I care about usually does that to me #Point is please don't change Jason on the very few things that man actually bothered writing about him #I actually think this is true about Octavian too. A lot of what he is allowed to do would not be possible if he weren't a white man. #Same for Rachel Elizabeth Dare. I mean you can work around making her poc but it will truly be pushing A LOT #Let's put it this way: a woc doing a street performance is perceived very differently from a white woman doing a street performance. #Specially in the eyes of cops #Pjo

[flowers-and-pollen]

I'm scared

There was a rocket that exploded above Dalyat El Carmel

They never got this close to here

It's not even a jewish village, it's mostly druze people there

It's getting closer every time

And i'm scared

It's 15 minutes from here

I heard the boom from where i live

The house shook

Israelis don't deserve to die.

Palestenians don't deserve to die.

No one does.

I just want everything to go back to normal

Please

#i really think that people that do not understand what's going on here #should not. pick a side #jewish people have no other country to go to where they won't be met with constant antisemitism #and palestenian people deserve to have money for nessecities without the Hamas taking it for weapons #Hamas aren't freedom fighters #they're a terrorist organization #palestenians SHOULD have a country that is universally recognized #but they should recognize that israel should also be a country #even before this war there were people getting rockets from gaza on a daily basis #this is just the rockets reaching further #and coming from lebanon as well #people have been kidnapped. went to celebrate peace and never returned home. there's a couple where i live that are now both missing a leg. #people murdered. people who now have PTSD. the Hamas is forcibly keeping people in north Gaza to use them as human shield #i just want all this to be over. to stop needing to worry every day if my brothers are alive. my extended family who live in closer ereas. #and it's just depressing coming here to escape and being met with people spreading false information without checking. #having to block 5 more mutuals every day. it's just. depressing. and that's not what i come here for. pleasw #please think before you reblog #israel/hamas #israel hamas conflict #israel hamas war #israel gaza conflict #israel palestine conflict #israel gaza war #israel/palestine

[aragornsrockcollection]

Can we talk about how it isn’t JUST that basically all the male elves have short hair-

-Which is an abomination in it’s own right-

- but also it’s the specific short styles they gave them look like they were done with electric clippers. Like Finrod has a goddamn fade, I cannot.

I look at them and cannot imagine those hairstyles being created in universe, with non-electric tools.

Like I know elves’ bodies and psyches are more in tune with each other, but I don’t think that applies to their hair growing in exactly the style they want and staying there.

Do you know why elves have long hair? Because ten years is like a blink for an elf, imagine the upkeep on short hair over the course of MILLENNIA.

WITH SCISSORS ONLY

Imagine getting a trim every month for HUNDREDS of years to keep that shit looking pristine and consistent. In a war zone if you’re Finrod.

Somehow… they made the elves hair more extra… while making it ugly.

#there are available short hairstyles that don’t look like they were done with electric clippers #and those would suck too but at least they wouldn’t completely remove me from the fantasy #rop #rings of power #anti rings of power #I’m sorry but short haired Finrod is just wrong #it hurts us #I don’t want to take away people’s enjoyment of the thing #but please do pirate it if you’re going to enjoy it #the actors already got paid don’t worry #the hair isn’t my biggest complaint but it somehow is where my emotions came to a point #if you dislike the diversity of this show you’re trash #there is plenty to dislike without being a racist goblin who harasses actors #making those people shut up is almost worth supporting it #but then I remembered no one benefits really except Bezos and nope

[irbcallmefynn]

hey i just want all of you, my followers, my mutuals especially, to know

you all mean a lot to me. even if i've never said a word to or about you, just knowing that you care enough to deal with me despite everything that has happened and is happening serves as a little reminder that i matter to someone. it keeps me going. it keeps me alive.

i would miss you if you left. if you unfollowed, if you deactivated, anything worse. i would miss you a lot. especially my mutuals. i would be devastated to lose any of you. that, i know for a fact.

i've dealt with a lot of loss lately. more than i have in the entire rest of my life. i don't want to deal with any more. i'm so tired.

#emotional #for my followers #i'd miss you #for my mutuals #i don't know what i'd do without you #i'm so tired #this might be kinda a vague post cause i had someone specific in mind when typing it #so if you're that person. and you see this: #i love you. so so much. i would miss you so much if you weren't around. #please. say something. anything to me. to ease my worries even a bit #at least confirm that you still love me. because i'm scared. for us.

[qbebou]

ok not to be like he’s just like me fr…. but chayanne is just like me fr…..

i’m also the oldest child with one younger sibling who needed a lot more care when we were kids and therefore was deprived of certain needs in favor of my brother. i also had a parent that was missing a lot and depended almost solely on my dad. obviously tallulah needs more help than chay, with her asthma and lesser fighting skills, not to mention she had only been playing minecraft for like a month? or two before wilbur found her. and chay knows that! he knows that she needs more help than he does he knows he’ll do anything for her he knows he has to be the strongest to protect her. my brother and i are only a year apart but i was forced to grow up very very quickly bc i was on my own a lot as a kid while my brother was sick. phil doesn’t worry abt chay when he runs off bc he doesn’t need to, chay can take care of himself. hell, he took care of all the eggs when they first left. but at the same time, it’s comforting to know ur parent is looking out for u even when u don’t need it. phil’s not a smothering parent, he’s attentive, but not smothering. but let’s be real he can also be emotionally constipated LMAO but that leads to situations like the argument and frustration between chay and tallulah when dapper was kidnapped. in his defense, he’s never been a parent before and had 2 children thrust upon him to raise on his own. he didn’t have a lot of time to adjust to parenthood like ppl in real life do, he suddenly had 2 children who had their own thoughts and opinions and emotional needs, he didn’t get the time it takes to LEARN abt how to provide that specific care and while some ppl have that innate knowledge there is a lot of learning and navigating when it comes to emotional vulnerability and regulation esp when it comes to children who are figuring it out as well. i feel for chay when he thinks he needs to be the strongest. i feel for chay when he had to make the decision to gather the eggs and leave. i feel for chay when he had to take blame for bad things happening. and i feel for chay when he realized tallulah doesn’t need him as much anymore. my brother and i are both adults now and we had a …… tumultuous relationship as teenagers for reasons that were both our own and caused by problems outside our control. but i still remember exactly how devastating it was the moment i realized that he was fine on his own. that he didn’t need me anymore. and it caused a rift between us; on my end bc i was frustrated and felt tossed aside and on his end bc he NEEDED to be independent to keep growing. i see so much of myself in chay and i desperately wish he and tallulah had a better mediator for their argument, or at least someone who could truly understand why they were so upset. i don’t think phil clocked that tallulah was so upset and adamant abt looking for dapper bc it was just her dapper and ramon surviving on their own. just bc phil didn’t witness it doesn’t mean it didn’t happen and it doesn’t mean that they don’t have a much tighter relationship than they had before purgatory. and when chayanne said everyone was blaming him for the decisions he made phil was quick to tell him that no one was blaming him but also phil doesn’t know that! he doesn’t know if any blame was put on chayanne when it was just the eggs together. chayanne made the decision for the eggs to run and they trusted him bc he’s the oldest and he’s strong and he can be a leader but by running he also put the eggs thru a lot of pain and fear that they may not have gone thru if they stayed with their parents. and even if the eggs didn’t explicitly say that they blamed chayanne im sure he blamed himself for every little thing that went wrong. we’ve already seen him open up a tiny bit abt how he was questioning his decision to leave. but phil told him that chay made the best decision he could have given the information he had at the time which is true! but when ur the oldest and everyone is looking to u, all of the responsibility lies on ur shoulders. chayanne has been carrying SO much weight on his shoulders for so long it breaks my heart.

#lex.txt #qsmp chayanne #qsmp tallulah #qsmp #i have so much more i could say abt chayanne tallulah and their relationship but unfortunately ! i am not allowed to write more than this #please excuse my rambling run on sentences and lack of proper punctuation #i type the way i speak in my head and usually that means no pauses no breaks everything flows like word vomit i apologize if things #don’t make sense #i think if this was happening when i was younger i wouldn’t have all these feelings but like #my brother has a toddler that i’ve been helping raise since he was born #that is MY baby i spend the most time with him he’s the closest to me out of anyone #and i think that if i didn’t have any parenting experience i would also handle things a lot like how phil does #i think the several years of therapy have also helped with my parenting LOL #anyways i wrote this a while back and it’s been sitting in my drafts #chay is so sacrificial and i think a lot of it comes from phil putting pressure on him to be strong #he literally said he should’ve been the one to die instead of empanada!!!!! he thinks the eye attacks are his fault #i just wish he could be a kid and do the things he wants to do without worrying that he or his siblings will die #poor sweet boy :( he shouldn’t be carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders but he doesn’t think he has the option not to