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pepperonidk · 2 years

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vi. silly things & sensible people || all my love

"Silly things do cease to be silly if they are done by sensible people in an impudent way." - Emma; Jane Austen

Pairing: Jeon Wonwoox f!Reader Summary: Sometimes all anyone needs is a gentle nudge in the right direction Warnings: food mentions Word Count: 3.1k A/N: this is a chapter from seokmin's perspective! no yn in this chapter but very much seokgyu. THIS CHAPTER IS NOT IN FIRST PERSON LOL. the beginning is Seokmin writing a letter... I promise yall

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previous chapter || back to library || next chapter

Seokmin opened his notes app and started a new note, titling it with the date and began his weekly letter to his pen pal, wanting to update them on his life... or mostly his best friend's life.

You will NEVER guess what’s been happening this month. Did you guess? Well whatever you guessed is probably wrong… unless you guessed that my best friend just confessed to her crush without TELLING me about it first.

It was absolutely insane, I was getting out of class and on my way to find her and Mingyu for lunch when I saw a HUGE crowd by Mingyu’s class and right at the center of it all was Wonwoo and the only girl crazy enough to give him a handwritten note in the middle of passing period. I only saw the end of it, but it was… brutal. I’ve known Wonwoo long enough to know he isn’t the friendliest person out there but even for him… it made me so upset. He didn’t even take her card, can you believe?

Honestly, this whole time I didn’t realize she liked him enough to confess to him. I always thought it was a passing crush, but I guess I was wrong. She was pretty badass for that. But Mingyu didn’t think so. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him look so dejected. I wonder if he’ll ever work himself up to do the same thing.

OH. But the craziest part is that a week after she confessed to him, she ended up moving into his house. Turns out her dad and Wonwoo’s dad were college besties. Isn’t that insane? It’s just like this anime Jihoon made me watch with him once. We were in tears the whole time but uh, that’s a story for another day. Or a story for never. He swore me to secrecy after that night.

We actually didn’t realize that she had moved in with him until after the big exam we took when Wonwoo stormed in and she handed him a picture of the two of them asleep together at the dining table.

Then that night, she ended up spraining her ankle and Wonwoo had to take her home so he didn’t get to go to IHOP with us. Sad for him, that was a fun night. Not for Mingyu… again. By the end of the night he was crying to Seungkwan’s rendition of an ABBA song and chugging down strawberry milkshakes. He’s lactose intolerant and he slept over at my house that night. So… not much fun for me either. I–

“Seokmin, get off your damn phone and help us move the couch.” Seokmin looked up from his notes app to see Joshua, Jun and Soonyoung waiting for him to grab onto the fourth corner of the loveseat.

“Sorry, sorry,” Seokmin apologized before rushing to help them move the couch to the opposite end of the room. “Why are we doing this again?”

Soonyoung let out a grunt as they dropped the couch ungracefully onto the floor. “Jeonghan told Joshua that he thought it would be cool to have a pillow fort.”

“We’re doing this for a pillow fort?” Jun asked in shock. “I thought Joshua’s mom just wanted us to redecorate.”

“Jun, why would my mom want both of the couches facing the walls on opposite ends of the room?” Joshua asked with a laugh. Jun shrugged his shoulders and plopped himself down on the couch.

Joshua dropped down beside him with a sigh. “When are the rest of the guys gonna get here?” he asked.

“Well Mingyu had to pick up Vernon, Chan and Minghao, but he should be here soon.” Seokmin looked down at his watch at the time to compare it against the ETA Mingyu had sent him earlier.

Soonyoung checked his phone as he leaned over the back of one couch. “Jihoon just texted. He just parked outside.”

“What about Wonwoo?” Jun asked.

The three other boys shrugged as the doorbell rang and Seokmin went to answer it, letting Jihoon in. “Sorry, I had to pick these three up because Jeonghan didn’t feel like driving.” Jeonghan and Seungcheol walked into the kitchen with proud grins as Seungkwan rolled his eyes.

“Yeah but we brought food,” Jeonghan exclaimed as he placed a brown paper bag on Joshua’s kitchen counter.

“You brought you and Seungcheol’s leftover Chipotle,” Seungkwan clarified as he walked to the fridge to grab himself a bottle of water.

Joshua laughed and shook his head as he took the bag and handed it to Seungkwan to stick in the fridge. “Did you guys happen to get Wonwoo too?”

Jihoon shook his head in response. “I offered him a ride, but he said he had plans.”

“Plans?” Soonyoung called from the living room. “We are his plans. He’s never missed a Smash night.” Seokmin could hear the pout in his voice even from the kitchen.

“He didn’t give me any details but I think it has to do with his roomie.” Jihoon commented, checking through his text messages to see if he left any details out. “He said he’ll be busy all day.”

“His roomie, huh?” Seungcheol repeated with a raised eyebrow. “Have you guys noticed he’s been weird lately?”

“Yeah,” Seungkwan replied. “Last week I asked him if he liked her–”

Before Seungkwan could continue, Soonyoung came running into the kitchen, eager to join the gossip. “Yes!” He exclaimed, excited to contribute. “Wonwoo always sends me cat memes before exam days because he knows I get stressed out, but last week, we had a literature exam and guess what?”

“What?” Jihoon asked flatly. Jun nudged him in response, reminding him to be polite.

“He didn’t send me a cat meme,” Soonyoung pouted. “When I asked him what happened, he told me he was up the night before studying… but Wonwoo never studies for literature exams because he’s already read the books.”

Before anyone could say anything else, the doorbell rang and in came Mingyu and the rest of the boys. “Hey,” Vernon greeted. “What did we miss? We bought drinks.”

Seokmin looked at Seungkwan as Mingyu walked in, silently begging him not to finish his sentence from earlier around Mingyu. Seungkwan gave him a subtle nod as he attempted to shift the attention to the newcomers.

“Where’s the rest?” Seungkwan asked as Vernon set down his drink on the counter. Minghao and Chan sat at the dining table with the other boys while Mingyu found a spot beside Seokmin.

“Oh,” Vernon replied. “I meant we stopped over to buy ourselves drinks from Starbucks. That’s why we’re late.”

“Remind me to start being more specific when I tell you guys to bring things,” Joshua laughed, shaking his head. “Anyway, what else were you saying, Soonyoung?”

Soonyoung thought for a second, remembering his train of thought. “Right, so I did some more investigating,” he continued. “And when we were getting into groups for our Shakespeare analysis – I swear I’ve never seen him move this fast, not even at a football game – I saw him join his roomie’s group. He even smiled when she waved at him. He doesn’t smile at me like that.”

“He’s not exaggerating,” Jihoon confirmed with an eager nod of his head. “I didn’t even realize they were friends, but it seems like lately they’ve been besties or something. Isn’t she supposed to be your best friend, Gyu?”

Mingyu put his hands up in defense before speaking, his voice just a little too loud and too high to sound calm and collected. “She can do whatever she wants,” he said.

Although the other boys couldn’t tell, Seokmin knew Mingyu didn’t fully believe his own words. So coming to his friend’s defense, he joined in. “Yeah, but isn’t Wonwoo yours?” He asked Jihoon, turning the question back to him.

“Chill out,” Jihoon shrugged his shoulders. “I was just curious to see if you guys knew anything else.”

“We don’t,” Mingyu said flatly. “Are we going to play Smash or what?” Jihoon and Seokmin shared a look, realizing that Mingyu was feeling a lot more than he was willing to let on, so they accepted his change of subject. The other boys rushed into the living room as Mingyu and Seokmin stayed behind.

Seokmin watched as Mingyu leaned against the counter, pushing his forehead into his palms as he let out a sigh. Seokmin stood beside him facing the opposite way, his elbows leaning against the countertop. His heart felt heavy at the sight of his distraught best friend.

“Gyu,” Seokmin began gently but firmly. Mingyu shook his head, already knowing where this conversation was headed. “Salad. Now.”

Mingyu let out another sigh and Seokmin wasn’t sure if he would answer him, but after a beat, he finally lifted his head. “Lettuce… I’m sad. Chicken… I’m mad. Mostly at myself,” he confessed.

“Why?” Seokmin asked quietly.

“For never being brave enough to say anything,” He admitted to Seokmin, hanging his head. “It’s just… we have something so good and I didn’t want to lose that. But sometimes…” he trailed off.

“Sometimes what?” Seokmin pushed.

“It’s just,” Mingyu sighed. “Do you remember that time in the eighth grade when the three of us got in that huge fight?”

Seokmin let out a dry laugh. “The one where you thought the two of us were dating behind your back because we went to a movie together?”

Mingyu grew a small but sad smile. “Not just any movie,” he clarified. “You watched The Hunger Games without me. It was my favorite book.”

Seokmin nudged him playfully. “Gyu, you had the flu,” he reminded him. “We wanted to take you but your mom said if she found out you snuck out and we got the flu from you she would stop making us that sponge cake we like. That would’ve been the end of our 14-year old lives.”

Mingyu let out a chuckle as he nodded at the memory. “I know,” he continued. “But for a week after that, I felt so left out. Like suddenly you were her best friend and she was yours, and I was the odd one out.”

“Is that why you ghosted us for a whole month?” Seokmin asked, eyes wide with surprise as Mingyu nodded in shame.

“It was dumb, I know,” he cringed at the memories of that time. “But I think I was jealous. Of you.”

Seokmin snorted a laugh at his comment. “Of me? Oh buddy,” he laughed as he pat Mingyu on the shoulder.

“I know, I know,” Mingyu ran his hand through his hair. “But anyway, I think that’s kind of how I feel right now. Like she’s everything to me… but I’m not to her. And it’s not like she owes me anything… I think I just keep thinking, what could I have done differently?”

Seokmin thought through his words carefully, letting silence rest between the two of them. Well, silence was relative. The boys were in the next room arguing about whether or not it was fair to let Chan choose Kirby when he only uses the same move.

“I can’t say I know what you’re feeling,” Seokmin began. “But for me, I think that when I start focusing on things like that, my mind gets stormy. I stop seeing things clearly, and I start doubting myself and the way I fit into my friendships. But then you two always remind me that’s not real. What is real is that I would give everything for the two of you, and if I needed it, both of you would do the same for me. It’s one of the most stable truths of the universe.

At the same time, I also know that both of you would want me to be happy, and to choose what makes me happy. The same thing I would do for you. And I will always help you to figure out what that is when you can’t see it, like you do for me. When I remember that, the skies clear a little, and I see the sunshine again. I see you guys.”

Seokmin turned to Mingyu, who wiped at a tear forming in the corner of his eye. He gave him a gentle pat on the back and turned to leave him to his own thoughts for a bit.

Honestly, he was a bit surprised at his own wisdom. He wasn’t usually the friend people came to for advice, but maybe they should start, he thought. He hoped his words got through to Mingyu, as seeing his best friend hurting was weighing heavily on him as well. He was, however, very excited to tell his pen pal about this situation.

After he made his way into the living room, Seungcheol moved to sit beside him on the couch, now turned to face the television. “Is he okay?” he asked, nodding towards the kitchen where Mingyu still stood by himself.

“Yeah, he’s just raiding your leftovers,” Seokmin joked. He was lying, but he felt that Mingyu wouldn’t want to explain to everyone else what had him so emotional.

Seungcheol nodded, not fully believing Seokmin’s words, but accepting them nonetheless. “Do you wanna play the next round?” He asked instead.

“Nah,” Seokmin pulled out his phone. “I have to work on my letter.”

“Oh to your pen pal right?” Seungcheol asked. “I can’t believe you’ve been writing to each other since middle school. Why don’t you just ask for her number?” He attempted to look over Seokmin’s hands to see what he was writing down.

“Yeah, ask for her number and invite her to the winter formal,” Jeonghan chimed in. “Unless she’s catfishing you.” The boys laughed and Seokmin laughed along.

“Yeah, yeah,” he rolled his eyes and continued typing in his note from earlier, updating his letter with the most recent events. However he didn’t get very far before he got a call from Wonwoo. “Wonwoo’s calling me?” He asked aloud in surprise.

“Answer him!!” All the boys called in unison, as they paused the game to flock towards Seokmin, even Mingyu, who walked in from the kitchen. Seokmin looked over to him and he responded with a small smile and a nod, encouraging him to answer the phone.

“Seokmin,” Wonwoo’s voice filled the room from Seokmin’s phone speaker. “I need your help.” The boys around Seokmin all looked at him with wide eyes as they tried to contain their curiosity. However it was Soonyoung who couldn’t hide his gasp, even as Seungkwan slapped his hand over his mouth.

“Hey guys,” Wonwoo sighed. “Sorry I couldn’t make it but I really need to borrow Seokmin for a second.”

Seokmin chuckled as he watched the boys disperse with disappointed looks and resume playing their games. He walked back over to the kitchen, and Mingyu headed for the living room to give him privacy.

“What’s up Wonwoo?” Seokmin asked when he was finally alone.

“Uh,” Wonwoo sounded like he was thinking about what to say. “How do you feel about a road trip?”

Seokmin couldn’t hide his surprise at the question. “Road trip?” He repeated.

“I can give you the details later,” Wonwoo said. “But just tell me you’ll come with me.”

“When?” Seokmin questioned. “And why me?”

“Tonight. Right now even,” He sounded panicked and Seokmin was beginning to feel the same. “I called you because Seungkwan already said no.” As if on cue, Seungkwan had popped his head into the kitchen and Seokmin waved him over.

“Seungkwan,” Seokmin began. “Why the hell is Wonwoo asking me to go on a road trip with him right now?”

Seungkwan let out a chuckle. “Just hear the poor boy out,” he suggested as Seokmin looked at him suspiciously.

“I need to pick up your friend’s dad,” Wonwoo explained. “Long story short, she was upset he couldn’t make it to the awards, so I reached out to him and basically now he agreed to be here for one night, and his flight is landing soon and the airport is over an hour away and I don’t want to drive alone, but I can’t bring her with me because it’s a surprise and –”

“Woah,” Seokmin stopped his rambling with a chuckle. “Long story long, more like.” He looked back at Seungkwan who raised his eyebrow to him as if to say See now? Seokmin nodded back to him as he let out a hum of thought before an idea popped in his head.

“I’ll come,” Seokmin said with a mischievous smile that was hidden by his gentle voice. Wonwoo let out a sigh of relief, and Seokmin could hear his shoulders relax. “But you have to come pick me up from Joshua’s house, since I left my car at home.”

“Sure, yeah,” Wonwoo agreed desperately to his conditions. “Thank you so much.”

Twenty minutes later, when the doorbell rang, Seokmin almost felt guilty for what he was about to do. But when he thought about it some more, he reminded himself of what he told Mingyu just earlier, and his conscience clears just in time for him to open the door to see a panicked Wonwoo, dressed in sweatpants, a hoodie, and mismatched socks.

Someone will thank me later, he thinks to himself as he pretends to double over in pain. “Seokmin?” Wonwoo asked in concern. “Are you okay?”

“I ate someone’s leftovers,” he pretended to let out a grunt of pain. “And it’s really not agreeing with me.” he cursed under his breath. “I’m so sorry, but I don’t think I can come with you.” He apologized.

“No, no,” Wonwoo dismissed him. “It’s fine, don’t worry about it.” He walked in and shut the door, leading Seokmin to sit down at the dining table as Seungkwan walked over with a medicine tablet and a glass of water.

“Here,” he handed them to Seokmin. “Don’t worry Wonwoo, we’ll find someone to fill in.” Before Wonwoo could protest, Seungkwan had walked to the living room and came back with a confused and annoyed looking Mingyu.

“Mingyu said he’d be glad to go with you,” Seungkwan beamed. He very much did not look like he was glad to go with Wonwoo.

“Uh…” Mingyu began before Seungkwan nudged him from behind. “Yep, yeah, I’d be happy to… sit in a car with you for an hour and a half… to pick up my best friend’s dad…”

Wonwoo opened his mouth to argue, but after looking down to see the time, his eyes widened in worry. “Okay, perfect,” he said instead. “Let’s go before we’re late. Bye you guys, tell the guys I said hey.” and he grabbed Mingyu’s wrist and headed out the door.

Seokmin and Seungkwan followed behind them, Seokmin now forgetting about his act and leaning against the post on the front steps.

“Do you think they’ll hate us?” Seokmin asked Seungkwan as they watched the two boys get into Wonwoo’s car from the front porch.

“Oh absolutely. For a month at least.”

taglist: @sdoulc @starryjww @sherizaraiyah @comerollwithme @pastel-andme @mingyublues @leahel @nichoswag @freakyfriedrice @pusangmamon @dekusgirl @hokuuu @xxluckydreamsxx @noraehey @dreams-in-different-colours @bunniparadise @dazedhxze @thedeeppoet @wonuziex @inlovewith-yeosang @tfmingyu @hanniesrock @ilymarkchan @royal9 @may1996s @hqstimpy @dnylwoo @dobbyflwr @awyunh @calvinkleinhoon @kei-is-simping @travelleratheart101

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tfw-no-tennis · 3 years

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mtmte liveblog issue 15

death awaits!

oh god the cover. I aint ready

the cover of overlords open mouth w/rodimus floating inside or w/e,,,,the overlord mouth fixation continues i see

and of COURSE its by nick roche. of course

oh god the tension and dread in the first page, as we get overlords sinister promise to murder everyone, starting with rewind, and then seeing chromedome rush over to open the door, and knowing that 30 minutes have passed already...

that full page spread of everyone vs overlord is amazing

also I always thought that ambulon was trying to kick overlord but now that I look closer he’s actually jumping away from overlord, having just crashed one of those hover...thingys....into him...which is honestly cool as hell. also I'm never over the fact that ambulon kinda looks like he’s smiling here, just having a grand ole time as overlord tries his best to murder everyone

and chromedome just seeing this and saying ‘rewind?’ is fucking killing me thanks

PIPES NO DONT DO THIS. YOURE JUST RUBBING SALT IN THE WOUND. PLEASE don't talk about how much fun you're having on your wacky space adventure oh god, that’s just asking to be murdered,

GOD AND THERE HE GOES, DRIVING TO HIS DOOM. PIPES NO

AUGHHHHHHHHHH AND THERES OVERLORD WITH HIS GIANT FOOT. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

PIIIIIPES ;_;

his messed up goodbye thoughts are brutal...plus the final shot of him laying all busted up....god :(

that guy seriously had some awful luck this trip. rip lil guy

BUT he sounded the alarm!!! so good for him!! that's a pretty amazing final act right there

oh my god I forgot abt this scene where rewind is like ‘so brainstorm why is my husband saying your name in his sleep :))))’ and brainstorm is like ‘haha idk its certainly not because we’re working on a secret project together, so jot that down!’ lmao brainstorm....

also dw rewind brainstorm is not fucking ur husband, just look at his evidentially extensive collection of perceptor-style microscopes...my man is microscopesexual

I forgot abt the metabomb omfg

‘some of my favorite words are monosyllabic’ rodimus ily, himbo of my heart,

fort max :( rung :(

oughhghghg I forgot abt the scene of tailgate making cyclonus a new horn ;_; and then cyclonus materializes menacingly bc tg dared to volunteer their room for movie night hvbfshdjkfbaskj cyclonus anti-social icon

AUGHHHH GOD THE PANEL OF RATCHET TALKING ON THE COMMS AND OVERLORD IS JUST, RIGHT BEHIND HIM, WITH HIS BIG STUPID LIPS, OH MY GOD

what the fuck, is drift a flying car??? hello??? what the hell????

seriously he’s got like, rockets and shit, what the fuck

anyways, the entire exchange b/w ratchet and drift here kills me, for multiple reasons.... ‘my faith and my sword’ lmao love it. and then ratchet refusing to leave drift and calling him his friend ;_; aughhh

rodimus w/the squad like ‘lets go gays!!!’

also I guess cosmos WAS on the lost light lol, totally didn't remember that, I'm guessing he left at some point to go be in the other series lmao

I'm sorry but ‘amazing. you speak entirely in name’ is so fucking funny, but also like stfu overlord you're not allowed to be funny

MAGNUSSSSSSSS

now I'm confusing myself lmao, rodimus DID know abt overlord, didn't he??? wasn't that the whole thing???? I don't remember if he was involved w/the whole mnemosurgery plan but he at least knew that overlord was there...but we haven't been told that in-story yet so now I'm questioning that lmao

oh god I forgot that overlord almost kills magnus, jeeeeesus. good thing he’s a russian nesting doll otherwise he probably would've died fr

also damn that's gotta be scary for everyone else, bc magnus is The Big Guy, and a renown fighter...plus drift got all fucked up...yall are in for a bad time

tailgate gettin his panic on I see

swerve w/the meta narration lmao

cyclonus ily sm.......

rodimus charging at overlord....ohhh my boy not your best idea

cd and rewind both saying ‘I thought you were dead!’ HHHHHHHH I'm destroyed fuck it all

rodimus (inadvertently) saving the day by saying ‘til all are one’...iconic!!

FORT MAX IS HEREEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

drift just casually chillin w/no legs

chromedome going into extreme detail about all the mnemosurgery he’s been doing on overlord for WEEKS while rewind is Right There....my dude.

this issue has a LOT of completely white backgrounds but I cant even rlly blame milne bc this seems like more drawing work than usual

oh god cd don't say ‘we’ll finish this conversation later’ at a time like this, that’s never a good idea,

rewind no don't do it :( :( :(

that panel of cd’s arm getting cut off...AUGHHH

GODDDDDDD IM FUCKING CRYING. AUGHHHHHHHHHHH I.....

so incredibly fucked that cd does what’s best for rewind by blowing the pod up....hhhhh god

and then that last panel of cd laying on the ground....fucking destroy me!!!!!!!!

also I love that at the beginning of the issue we see whirl with the missile launcher thing, and that’s what cd uses at the end here....good bookends. jro is really great about putting stuff in the story that just seems like innocuous filler/fun character building but turns out to ALSO be plot relevant later

HOLY SHIT I forgot about the cast page with the big red X’s thru the dead people’s profiles....jesus christ

AUGH this issue was a rollercoaster, phew...and the emotionally devastating conclusion to this arc is still yet to come!

I will say that it’s super interesting looking back on this, in the sense that rewind & chromedome are introduced as the first ever gay tf couple, and a few issues after we get told this explicitly, rewind is killed. this doesn't really end up being an issue representation-wise bc literally everyone is gay and there are a bunch of other significant gay characters/relationships later on, AND rewind comes back later

but still! it’s interesting to think about how, at the time this came out, the phrase/concept ‘bury your gays’ wasn't really something that was talked about a lot (or like, it was, but not as often as nowadays, and not really under the term ‘bury your gays’ iirc), but at the time of publication this would have fallen under that trope (though rewind coming back later negates it imo). I think it would've been tough for this story to come out nowadays due to the backlash that would've occurred from rewind’s initial death (it also makes me wonder if there was any backlash when this DID come out)

to be clear, this isn't a writing criticism - in fact, the reason this is able to work at all is because of the crazy amount of representation mtmte has. it’s like, youre able to kill off gay characters without it being ‘bury your gays’ if literally all your characters are gay by default, and there are a bunch of significant gay relationships happening - technically speaking, any death in mtmte is bury your gays lmao

this is a completely disjointed rant but my point is like, if this issue came out in 2020 people would probably be pretty put off by rewind dying (understandably), but in the context of the series as a whole I don't consider this to be bad writing/bad representation/bury your gays

and like, WERE people really mad about this in 2013? I am curious now, bc I would definitely feel kinda betrayed if I didn't know all the stuff that happens later

but its pretty nice, because now I'm free to enjoy the writing and be emotionally devastated by rewinds death in a normal way, and not a ‘I'm angry at the writers for killing off one of the only gay characters’ kinda way

anyways I'm tired as hell so I'm going to bed, ill continue the emotional devastation later, phew

#lj rereads mtmte

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worthyofluv · 4 years

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What Being Violated Taught Me

It happened while attending massage school. Here I was trying to establish a life that actually felt fulfilling by learning a new skill (one that I actually found passion in) that would allow me to pursue a career in the vast world of wellness and to also be able to give back in a way that came natural to me. Because after all, I am a giver, and it brings me pleasure to be able to spread the love and kindness that naturally exists within me.

Our time in class was spent lecturing for one portion and practicing massage techniques for the second part. During the technique aspect of class, it was protocol to partner up with a classmate to exchange and receive massages. For most, being on the receiving end of a massage four days a week sounds like total bliss. This particular day however, was anything but blissful.

We had an odd number of students that day, so I ended up in a group of three, partnering with two out of the three males out of a class of about eighteen. Coincidence? I’ll never know the answer to that.

I disrobed and got face down on the massage table to allow my classmates to practice their techniques on me. It was dark, and the instructor roamed the room as she normally did. I was vulnerable and would be forever impacted by what was about to happen.

***If you are someone who has been affected by sexual assault of any capacity, I invite you to take a couple deep breaths before reading on***

As I try to regurgitate the memories out of my psyche and onto paper, I realize that the details have become blurred over time. What I do remember is him standing at the head of the table and subtly moving his hands closer and closer to my breasts upon the return of an effleurage stroke. And then it happened, he gripped my breasts as if he had been given VIP access to my body. In my mind, I knew what was happening before it happened, but I was in disbelief, considering the fact that here we were in a class room full of students, not to mention that there was a whole other student working on me at the same time who hadn’t noticed a thing. I froze. I said nothing. I did nothing. I was in shock.

“If there's one thing that I learned

While in those county lines

It's that everything takes time

You have gotta lose your pride

You have gotta lose your mind

Just to find your peace of mind

You have got to trust the signs

Everything will turn out fine”

-Jhené Aiko

After that day, allot of things spiraled downward for me. But I like to believe that my world came crashing down so that I could rebuild myself back up, but with a more sturdy foundation than what I had before.

Before I proceed with my story, I want to say that no matter how minor or substantial you perceive a situation that involves sexual misconduct to be, sexual assault is sexual assault and it has a lasting impact that no matter how much healing work an individual does on themselves, that trauma is always lurking below the surface awaiting a trigger to shine a light on its darkness. If you or someone you know has experienced sexual assault, please don’t diminish your/their experience. It happened, it was traumatic, but it was not your fault, and it does not define you. I will forever be grateful for my friend who held space for me as I tried to minimize my own experience. I love you CJ.

The Aftermath

After that day, I kept wondering why I didn’t stop it. Sure I was in shock, but that event prompted me to asses every intimate experience I’ve had where I wasn’t fully engaged, where I didn’t really want it, where I said “no” but was finessed into having sex when he said “I just want to play with it” but miraculously ended up in me. I realized that I didn’t have any boundaries. No body taught me that it was perfectly ok to say no when I didn’t want it. No body taught me that my body is my temple and that it should only be shared with someone who honors and respects me. No body taught me that sex is an energetic exchange, resulting in a beautiful (or not so beautiful) meshing of two souls, thus becoming one. So I set out to learn these things on my own.

Side note: Brotha’s, I love yall, but “no” means “no.” It does not mean you can seduce her by JUST putting the tip in. It does not mean that she’s playing hard to get. And it does not mean that you should push the issue because she told you before the act that she wanted it. We can change our minds at any point, just like you can. Consider how you might feel if the scenario was with your daughter, sister, cousin, or mother. But I digress.

Boundaries

Boundaries are a way of teaching people how to treat you.

What I’ve learned on my journey is that when you love yourself, not like in a superficial way, but when you love who you are at the core, you establish boundaries as a means of protection. Think of the process of setting boundaries like a traffic light. When a situation is beneficial, adds value to your life or just feels right, you give it a green light and allow it to be a part of your human experience. This might look like allowing your partner to move in with you, lending a friend money, taking on extra assignments at work, or just being a sounding board to someone who needs to vent. When a situation doesn’t feel quite right, but doesn’t feel quite wrong, you might just need to gather more details or sleep on it before you react. This is where the boundary setting will come into play. This is when questions are asked to gain clarity or expectations are expressed explicitly. This my friends if your yellow light. This might show up as someone pursuing an intimate relationship with you when they just got out of a long term relationship less than 24 hours prior. (You are not a rebound!) It might show up at work when you’ve been given a perfect score on your quarterly review, but no raise. You betta ask for that raise! It might show up with family trying to control your life decisions while disguising it as help. But when someone has disrespected you, has been inconsiderate of your wellbeing, or doesn’t value your contribution to them, this is where boundaries need to be most firm and when it is in your best interest to exercise the power of your voice. This is your red light.

All of the above instances are examples of boundaries being tested at varying degrees. Being rooted in who you are and having an awareness of what you bring to the table will make a difference in how you navigate situations that require you to speak up.

The Delivery

It can feel scary to confront situations that don’t sit right with us, and it may even be in your best interest to express yourself once you have a clear mind and your emotions have subsided. But my focus here is not on the tone in which you express yourself but rather on the act of expressing yourself. If something does not sit right with you, speak on it. If verbalizing your thoughts isn’t your forte, write a letter or an email. It’s so important that we say no when we mean no and yes when we mean yes. It’s so important that we stand up for ourselves and speak our truths, no matter how uncomfortable.

Dear Chad Pocock (Yeah I say names)

I’m not sure what your intent was when you violated me, but in some weird way, that experience empowered me to speak up for myself, regardless of the tone, no matter if my voice trembles or if I become emotional in the process.

Because of you, I AM even more resilent.

-Divine

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smalleststress · 5 years

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Hi. I leave for BCT very soon. I will also be at Fort Jackson. How was it? I’m getting extremely nervous as the date approaches. Anything that you can tell me that you wish you knew? Any tips at all would be great.

Hmm, that’s a good question. Keep reading if you want my advice on basic, as someone who completed it recently. In summary, it was rough but worth it.

(Every fort is different so if you are not going to go to Fort Jackson this might differ slightly)

About Basic

+ I didn’t know this when I went, I thought I was going straight to basic but there is a period beforehand before you go to basic that involves very elementary training. How to stand, how to March, all of those things are taught during this time though you definitely get better at them in Basic. The name of it is escaping me now but before basic when you ship off you’ll go there (it’s in the same state, and it will give you a light taste of what basic will be like). Basic is very difficult physically during the beginning.

+ Make sure your hair is in the requirements before you go. Males get their hair buzzed off so it doesn’t really matter but make sure to shave your face or get a profile for it if your face gets super irritated. Females with hair below their collar, yall better have perfected that tight ass bun or have your hair cut the right way above the collar. You can look up the exact requirements online but I cut my hair down so I wouldn’t have to bother with it, waking up is hard enough much less having to put your hair in a bun every single time. Females cant shave their entire head like the guys, so make sure you look up appropriate short hair cuts ( yes, ik its bullshit but its an old regulation)

+ If you don’t know your soldier’s Creed and those types of things ( you can Google search them, they’ll pop right up if you look up BCT requirements) because DS will ask you and you don’t wanna be the person that gets everyone messed up because you don’t know it fully. Know your APFT requirements. I would say make sure you can get close to them but if you have left soon don’t worry about it, they’ll get you there if you do the punishments right and work out. Use those foam rollers!!

+ Drink waaatterr! (You’ll get it after)

This is going to sound stupid but seriously drink water, some DS will be annoying and not want you to drink on the drill floor unless you are told so but usually it’s okay. Don’t be the person that faints because of heatstroke. You’re going around the time I did, which was in August, so the start of BCT will be hot but once you are in AIT it will start getting colder.

+ This sounds like common sense but you’ll be surprised how uncommon it is once you get there, don’t argue with a DS.

Just don’t. Unless it’s something serious that you could get held back for, just let it go. If they call you dumb? Ignore it. Call you slow? Ignore it. Work on that poker face, they are just trying to get a rise out of you or see you break. Accuse you of sleeping in class when you were looking at your fingers? Don’t fight it.

Most of the time, they are just looking for someone to argue with them and if you just agree your punishment is not that bad or you might not get punished at all or just get a lecture.

+ Sunday mornings are for religious times and the DS are not allowed to plan activities during that allowed time or punish you ( they can make you stand outside for hours tho so don’t use it as something to fall back on)

If you don’t want/need to go to church, use this time to write to family and friends, do hygiene ( not showering because you can’t leave quickly from that if y'all get called down), some people shave their legs (tbh I didn’t care no one is trying to impress anyways), some people draw or write. If you are going to try to take a nap, don’t do it on your cot or anywhere where a DS can walk in and immediately see you. No one wants to get in trouble because someone was sleeping, if someone is and you hear a DS coming, wake them the fuck up.

Church wise, I went a couple of times even though I’m not religious, to see a friend of mine who was in a different unit because everyone goes to the same churches for different services, including those it AIT. Don’t be dumb and try to use someone’s phone you will get caught, don’t be dumb and try to give someone your phone to use you will get caught. Other then that, the Spanish Christian church is the best in my opinion. Though I only know a bit of Spanish I had a wonderful time and most in translated into English anyhow. It’s absolutely lovely to see people singing and dancing, waving flags and having a good time after such a stressful previous week.

I can’t tell you where to sleep to not be seen in the barracks but I’m sure you’ll figure that out on your own.

+ If you wear a bra and have to wear one if you are doing physical exercise, wear one to bed. It may be really uncomfortable but if you are woken up in the middle of the night to be punished because someone was sleeping on fireguard, you’ll be happy you aren’t running around without one.

+Help clean your barracks! Don’t be that person that gets everyone fucked up because you don’t know how to hospital fold your bed corners, clean up sand from off the floor or you slacked off during your fireguard shift and everyone gets woken up to be punished. Make sure your uniform is correct and your name tags are on the right side before going out ( I remember it as the Army tag goes over your heart, left side.). Tuck in your shirt if you are in the PT uniform, and make sure your battle buddies aren’t fucked up, because if you don’t check them, a DS will and then no one will be happy cuz you’ll be punished for not looking after one another.

+ If basic is anything, it’s a group effort. No platoon is perfect, and yes your going to have people that you want to smack upside the head, but try as much as you can to help out (especially on obstacle courses, tall people I’m talking to you) and make sure your platoon isn’t the one that DS keep on having to call out for being fucked up.

+ Dear gods, please remember to call the drill floor to stand at attention when a high ranking officer walks up if you see them. You can look up exactly what ranks but please do it for the sake of your platoon. Go to parade rest when you are talking to anyone else or you’ll get punished for it

+ Never go anywhere alone! If you have to discuss something private or sensitive with a DS, still take a battle buddy. The battle buddy system is a real thing and not only helps you create stronger bonds but can really save your ass if you forget something and they remember.

+ DS are going to be the meanest people you’ve ever met for the first phase (red) but you’ll get to know their personalities later on, most stay stern but it isn’t as bad. If you have an issue that could be life-threatening or dangerous, tell them. There is no DS that would want to see their soldier fall because of something that could have been prevented.

+ Only use sick hall if you are really sick! Try not to use it during any training events, especially days where you are going to the shooting range. If you miss even one time at the shooting range, it can really mess you up for any future shooting range events. I missed one and had to get my weapon fixed while everyone else was already qualifying. Clean your damn weapon! Either

+ Not everything is a requirement to pass basic, I don’t want to tell you what isn’t as you should try your best on everything but number one most important thing that you will get held back for if you don’t pass is the last APFT. You’ll know which one it is because it will be right before the forge, a battle buddy of mine was held back because of it and had to go to an entirely different unit (some people weren’t given a second chance because they did so horribly on it but most were) to take it again and had to go to the forge with them.

+ Don’t! Fraternize! I don’t care if you haven’t had someone kiss you since you were a baby, you can wait till your out of basic! I cannot tell you how many people got caught and messed up for that. If you think writing notes to each other is a good idea, don’t. If you think writing in a journal about them is a good idea, don’t. Those people always get caught, and this goes for gay people too. Y'all are a little less obvious but I cannot tell you how stressful it is for someone to be sleeping in someone else bed when you are on fireguard and you see the DS come in. Don’t be that person. You can get thrown out of basic for it, it isn’t worth your military career. Don’t even touch people of the other sex, even if you are gay, don’t give the DS any reason to try and call you out on it.

+Find friends of the same athletic or slightly better caliber as you. Train with them during free time in the later phases (though you won’t want to) run with them on the APFT test, don’t talk in formation on the frill form with them but carry a conversation when you are allowed to. It helps the time go by and you all can vent to one another about how basic sucks. I’m still friends with the people I went with ( not all of them of course, some people are just irritating and you have to learn to ignore them) and I even went to the wedding of one. We send each other mail and sometimes presents if we hear someone is feeling down since some are active army and others are National guard so we are split up everywhere.

+ While the start of basic is difficult mostly physically and a bit of a culture shock, the last couple of weeks are mentally draining to the core. Once you finish the forge, you will want to get out of there like nothing else. Try to be patient, it’s more difficult then it sounds but this is where most people mess up and screw their training even though they only have a matter of days left. It’s temporary and you will be out before you know it, even if it feels like an eternity spent with these people. I can still name the people who pissed me off and it’s been months and months since I left.

After Basic

+ AIT is better, but it’s still going to be training in the military. I can only speak about fort Jackson AIT because I went there for that as well (42 Alpha, yay). Just because you can get coffee at the DFACT doesn’t mean a DS won’t punish you for doing dumb shit.

Don’t miss the fireguard briefing in AIT, the DS come up in different punishments all the time so don’t be the one they experiment on. One time I and my roommates along with other people stood out in the cold for literally hours waiting for the DS because we missed the briefing and he left us there until he felt like we had learned our lesson. Not the worst punishment but damn if I wasn’t shaking like a leaf.

+ It does get better. I can’t speak for active or reserve, but the unit that I am with now, have some of the nicest people I’ve ever met and I could not be happier. It will be more relaxed (I’m sure active and reserve are to different degrees) and far more friendly than training so don’t stress too much when you eventually leave training and go to your unit.

Things to keep in mind.

It doesn’t last forever. Don’t become unmotivated because you know you have a lot of time still, it sucks ass sometimes but keep your chin up and keep going. Stopping only slows down the process ( unless you are really hurt or need help please don’t hesitate. I waited too long on an injury and I have to do physical therapy for it so stay safe friends)

You won’t see these people forever. While that can be sad in some ways, it’s also a relief as well. They are temporarily in your life, so try and manage not lashing out at them even if you believe they deserve it. No one benefits from extra stress in training so don’t be a source of it.

Sometimes letters take a while to send. Don’t become upset because no one has sent you a letter yet, I got mine faster then my friend in that state did and I live in Delaware. Even though the DS will make jokes about it, your family still loves you and are trying to do their best to reach out to you. If you get something serious or awful news do not hesitate to have a private conversation with a DS. They may seem to mean but they care about your well-being and need to be in the know if something is going on that could impair your ability to train as expected.

Keep a journal if you can. If it becomes stressful, don’t. Mine only has entries from some days, and they definitely are sequential, but try it out. If you need to vent by writing,. Use not obvious code words for people, you don’t want a DS reading it and calling you out for it. It’s interesting reading them once it’s all over, good or bad memories included. I have a ton of pages where there are huge inkblots because I fell asleep while writing. Lol

Don’t psych yourself out. Everyone messed up and gets punished at least once even if you fly under the radar. It’s bound to happen and while you shouldn’t try to make it happen, don’t cry over spilled milk.

Don’t cry in front of a DS if they are yelling at you but feel free to just let it out where ever else. Crying can be very therapeutic and even relive stress, don’t feel ashamed of you had a stress cry during lights out from a bad day, you aren’t weak and they are definitely other people doing the same. As someone who used to cry if someone yelled at me, Basic was a learning curve and one hell of one but it’s not impossible to any sense. People completed it before you many times and people will do it after you many times, you can do it.

You will most likely get homesick or at least miss your loved ones. Again, everything is only temporary. Don’t try to end your training early because you want to go home, it won’t happen and it may even prolong your stay. Get it done and over with so you can see your family on family day and go eat some french fries with them.

That’s about all I can think of, I’ll add if I think of anything but once it is over please feel free to shoot me a message saying how it went! We may even have had the same DS or company, who knows. I’ll update this if I think of anything else.

Stay safe future solider and best of luck!

#ds means drill sergeant btw #dont call them that lol call them drill sergeant #i don't know if you are in active army or not so most of my advice isnt as specific but if you need more just send me a message #im national guard so we got training before going to basic and got a taste for what it would be like so its not as much of a culture shock #idk why they don't do that for reserve or active because its super helpful #anyway #best of luck!#i hope all goes well with you and all your future endeavors #emmababbles #askadork #ask #asks #army #military #basic training #bct #advice #i can talk more about 42a if you are one but i dunno about other mos #i can also give more advice about ait but thats not helpful rn #just focus on getting throufg and stay motivated my dude #i'm actually getting a package from one of my battle buddies in washington today #she is a real sweetheart honestly #we send each other stuff all the time #i went to her wedding on winter exodus which is kind of like a holiday break which this anon should get as well if they left the same time #that i did it would land in ait

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