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#I stan villains and I always will

stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale · 1 month

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favourite twdg villain?

I'm a fond enjoyer of the St. John's as villains. I don't know if they're my favorite just because they're only in one episode, but I love the concept of this family almost immediately jumping into cannibalism toward the start of the outbreak, dealing in human flesh to bandits, and casually feeding this group their friend's legs.

Like... what the hell was this family like before the outbreak that all three of them were like, "Hey now listen... nothing should go to waste, the dead are eating people so why shouldn't we? We gotta survive and in our defense, we only target those who were gonna die anyway... like y'all."

Dude, Mark was shot in this shoulder with an arrow. He wasn't going to die from that injury. It's so fucked that these seemingly friendly people took the group into their home and then fed them Mark's legs.

If we take the idea that everyone is infected and have the capacity within themselves to become walkers, to become monsters, then the St. John's were infected long before the outbreak, y'know? Not literally, but something was wrong with them and the outbreak just further spread that infection and changed them.

But again, are they my favorite? I dunno if I can say that since I have a lot more appreciation for Lily now. Yeah, some of her writing gets a little wonky in ep3 of TFS when she goes on her monologues and shit, but y'know what? I'm into it.

You have to remember who we're talking about and the fact that she's the antagonist; Lily isn't some anti-hero in TFS who secretly has a heart of gold that's brought to light because she reunited with Clementine... she's a fucked up woman who did fucked up things in the name of survival. She's full of rot now. She sees kidnapping children and turning them into soldiers to protect her home as a means to an end, but she doesn't actually give a shit about the people she's taking. They aren't people to her, they're as the episode title suggests, toys in her game. The only one she sees as a person is Clementine, and while that makes her hesitate at first, she sees Clementine's a prize to bring back.

She remembers what happened in S1; her father had a heart attack and as she tried to save him, Kenny smashed his face in with a saltlick and then expected Lily to just stand up and help him get back to his family because "he did what he had to, he made the hard choice." Yes, Larry was a piece of shit. No one liked him, and you can even question Lily on him and she'll tell you that he has a lot of pain. Yes, it makes him an asshole, but he's still her dad and he's all she has. I mean... the simplification is daddy issues, but in all seriousness, I don't doubt for a second that many of Lily's issues stem from Larry being a shitty father to her.

Then everyone thought she was losing it when she insisted there was a traitor in the group, which she was right about, but she was unstable. She was unwell, but how do you help someone like that when you don't have training to go about it? Then Lily ends up killing either Carley or Doug and the group turns on her, and either she's left behind or she steals the van and runs away.

Then we don't know what the hell happened to her until we see her again in TFS, but like... a lone woman with decay festering inside of her joining the delta? Exposing her to their methods? I mean, what else did she have to lose? She had nothing, she lost everything, and she has a lot of issues. Survival is easy when you're numb, when you don't care about the individual; they're all just cogs churning to make the system run, and if a piece doesn't cooperate, you get rid of it and find a new one.

Plus I think there's something to say about Lily not wanting to be perceived as weak again. That whole display she put on in the cells? Telling the story of what happened to Minerva and Sophie? I get the criticism that it feels like Lily did a 180 between episodes but like... yeah dude, because it's a performance. It's not just her and Clementine anymore. It's a display of power and authority. She's playing the part and thriving in it as she ensures everyone else is terrified of her.

But then when Clementine and AJ get the upper hand? Again, she's not afraid to play up the pleading to earn enough sympathy to spare her- hell, just to let their guard down enough to strike and get the upper hand again. I mean, she's got nothing else to lose, right? If she doesn't go for it, she'll be killed and sure, you can kill her anyway but at least she tried.

Honestly, I look at Lily in TFS and still see that scared little girl playing the tough bitch, just like Carley said in S1. It's just now escalated from "tough bitch" to a downright vile person. She's so... lost? I suppose? Lost within herself and the monstrous means she's taken to survive.

I get the criticisms of how she was used in TFS, but for me, it's like when people complain about Minerva not getting the redemption arc she supposedly should've gotten, y'know? There's no saving her. Lily was never on our side, and there was no getting her on our side. She wasn't ever going to redeem herself. Even if you spare her and she drifts away on her raft, can someone like her actually find redemption? Or will she just find another group that'll feed into her rot?

Truly, I say let her be horrid. Let her be the piece of shit villain with a few fleeting moments of humanity. Let her drown in the blood she's spilled.

#asks #twdg lily #twdg andy st john #twdg danny st john #twdg brenda st john #twdg clementine #twdg minerva #twdg mark #twdg larry #twdg kenny #i know i used to complain about lily in tfs a lot years ago but past cj complained about everything tbh sksksks #now i'm just like babe lily's interesting as shit like not every villain needs a redemption arc just because you think they're hot #and don't wanna feel bad or because you want her to be like she was in s1 when she was sympathetic like... it's been years #that's like being mad that clementine isn't the same person as she was in s1... the difference is we got to see clementine grow #but what happened to lily is a mystery... but that doesn't mean she didn't change especially for the worst #i dunno sometimes i look at lady antagonists in media and then look at people's reactions and i'm like.......... hmmmm #c'mon now- if kenny came back in tfs the same exact way then y'all would be foaming at the mouth insisting he's complex #and morally grey and he's just really sad about his family dying and really he's a sad widdle meow meow but also the best villain #who should be spared because he always cared about clementine and aj and he's just traumatized and sad and amazing unlike OTHERS #like.................... okay sure mmhmmmm #side note but the worst thing about kenny is the fact that he IS a brilliantly written character but his stans tend to just be the worst #anyway i like lily she's a great tfs antagonist like i recognize there are some weak spots and i wish she has more of a presence in ep4 #if she lived but y'know... gotta make room for minerva being the final bridge boss so... yeah

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anti-spop · 4 months

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It's very strange to me as an actual autistic adult that c//a and SPOP stans will justify Catra's actions for being disabled (BPD or autistic mostly), despite her not actually being confirmed as such, but they'll find jokes related to an actual autistic adult being put on a leash

Like??? This is telling me that they're ableist without realizing it tbh

Yeah, like, I totally respect people who headcanon her as autistic and/or having BPD, especially if they personally relate to her... but it's also so hypocritical the way stans treat not only Entrapta but any other neurodivergent coded character. I've seen people headcanon Adora having ADHD (which I support!) but she's always seen as stupid and oblivious. Kyle is clearly not neurotypical IMO but he's never taken seriously either. Wrong Hordak then is a walking joke even though he's a victim of a cult.

Not to mention I've seen stans being ableist towards psychosis, even though that is a BPD symptom (and it's present in many other diagnoses!). Like sometimes I genuinely think some people who preach BPD Catra out there don't even have BPD. And something tells me they wouldn't even like real people with BPD lmao.

#asks #spop critical #ableism tw #anti stans #i personally don't like bpd catra #bc it just reinforces the belief that all ppl with bpd are abusive #or 'dangerous'#like why are villains always the ones diagnosed with bpd or other personality disorders?#for instance i like bpd steven from su #but most of the time i only see ppl talking about bpd when it's about spinel #like i'm not saying you can't relate to villains #but i need more heroes with bpd dammit!!!!#ranting #ranting in tags

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cavinginhisfvce · 1 year

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i saw a post on twt that said

"They never want to discuss what triggered you. Just how you reacted."

and immediately i thought of billy and all the antis that use his fight with steve as a way to paint him as villain or act like his anger was unjustified. he didn't just beat steve's ass bc he felt like it. y'all ignore the red flags steve was just flaunting and acting as if billy was wrong for reacting the way he did.

billy is clearly a person whose been hurt by adults, in more ways than the show let on, and he thought he was saving max from forcibly growing up in the same ways he had to.

he thought he was protecting her, and instead max was added to the list of people who have done billy wrong and failed to care about what their actions would do to an already messed up kid. (she too, thought she was doing the right thing in the moment, but nobody ever focuses on how max could've easily killed him with sedatives meant for an otherworldly being.)

it's always "he's violent and racist!" and never "he's violent and intolerant from years of abuse and forced ideals"

if you are born of a bad environment, and you're forced to stay in that environment, guess what happens? you are more likely to become a victim of circumstances and your upbringing than to stop the cycle forced onto you.

billy never stood a fighting chance because no one ever bothered to find out why he acted the way he did, they just called him a bad guy and moved on with their lives like he didn't matter.

and to them, and all the characters in the show, billy truly didn't matter.

#billy hargrove #billy antis dni #billy hargrove deserved better #billy hargrove protection squad #harringrove #steve harrington #hargrove mayfield siblings #billy hargrove character study #quotes that remind me of billy #im always so hurt when i think of nobody hearing billys cries to be seen or even just heard #billy hargrove deserved love #billy hargrove was dealt a shitty hand and he did what he could with it #in the end it didnt matter if he thought he was keeping her safe #or if he was abused for majority of his life #bc hes the bad guy right?#hes the irredeemable villain #an unloved lonely teenage boy is the worst person to ever live?#apparently so #god I hope billy antis never meet victims like a lot of billy stans (myself included) bc you all want us to be uwu baby victims #who cry at loud noises #but the reality some of us are violent and self destructive but thats all we know #all we were taught #fuck billy antis

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hypermascbishounen · 22 days

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Thinking again about how healing from cycles of revenge and abuse is a pretty common theme in manga and anime,

and in particular from fathers or other male authority figures who have hurt boys in shounen manga and anime,

and how most of them start off from the beginning with the stance that hatred is consumptive, sometimes from a cultural Buddhist context,

to set up how a character will ultimately need to move beyond hating his abusers in order to fully heal,

and how the current wave of english-speaking manga and anime fans new to the genre, don't seem to notice any of this, and get extremely angry if the story pays off its own set-up, and has any character heal in any way that isn't just hating an abuser forever.

#I really wanna know how these people always wind up long term stanning a series that blatantly disagrees with them #And then still react like surprised_tails.jpg when it concludes exactly how it said it was going to #“Why does my baby still love people who hurt him?#In the story where everyone who chooses resentment becomes a villain and is horse punched 1000 times?"#On one hand I think some of this is maybe cultural Christians not getting how something isn't in that context #Maybe also some people just aren't at that point where this type of story is as valuable as revenge catharsis comfort #But I'm just baffled by how often people seem to feel like a really consistent theme came out of nowhere or was “wrong” writing #Why and how are you in the fandom for the story whose opening arc was “resolving to resent your way out of trauma is destructive”?#Like I thought that was the thing you had to be cool with to get on board

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bee-in-a-box · 1 year

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more marcus headcanons?

Thank you for asking, Anon! Yes I do have headcanons >:)

(prepare for me looking way too deep into things)

I'm a very big fan of the theory/headcanon that Marcus' eyebrow raise is him turning off the safety on his heat vision

I really like how it changes the context of his eyebrow moments from

"haha I'm so smug and evil >:)"

"This situation is escalating, so I'm getting ready to attack you if you become aggressive + haha I'm so smug and evil >:)""

it kind of gives off the idea it might be out of anxiety

because him raising his eyebrows is a survival reflex.

okay next one

I think Marcus' body is made of aluminum

because

Marcus is waterproof in canon and aluminum is resistant to corrosion

Marcus' body uses hydraulics to move and aluminum is used often in hydraulics and robotics because it's lightweight

he has heat vision and fireballs/energy spheres that come from his hands and aluminum can withstand extreme temperatures

NOT ONLY THAT, but Metal detectors need to have certain settings changed to detect aluminum over other metals, so that's why Leo's metal detector didn't detect Marcus

on that note, I like to think he's like a terminator and that he's got "living tissue over a metal endoskeleton" so his outside is flesh and blood, and the inside is all robotic

because I would honestly HATE to think he has plastic skin and artificial hair. That really bothers me fhdjfjk

The living parts of Marcus are Douglas' DNA for sure

Which goes really well with my headcanon that Marcus was designed to look like young Donald

Douglas just, casually reverse engineering his genetic code in order to make his surrogate robot son look like his brother

I also think that Marcus' bionic intelligence is what gives him his sentience. Like, a lot of himself comes from his programming, but I think the bionic intelligence gives him the ability to learn and adapt, and have negative emotions.

There's no way Douglas would design one of his creations to defy him, but he can't really control how Marcus uses his bionics. So that's kind of my reasoning for that plot-fix

I have more headcanons, but these are the ones I was thinking of off the top of my head since it's been a while since I thought about Lab Rats lore. Let me know if y'all want another of these! Or headcanons of other characters!

#he is fun to talk about when I'm not actively watching the show and then I watch a marcus episode and I'm like #'oh right he's the sitcom equivalent of boba fett'#I.E. his potential was amazing and then he died pathetically #gonna quote myself here:#when I actually rewatch Marcus episodes I'm always a little disappointed when I remember that in practice #his character falls flat compared to everyone else.#He's kind of a one dimensional villain that only becomes interesting in the moments leading up to his demise #or in lore bits that we have to infer from throw away lines.#end quote #still stan him though #we love a guy who dies again and again and again #lot of t-boy swag you can fit in that guy #marcus davenport #lab rats #please don't take this too seriously! these are just my scattered fun little thoughts that are subject to change!

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dark-elf-writes · 11 months

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Live (forever)

Laugh (at others)

War crime (sexily)

#the elf talks #naruto #we Stan tbh #I don’t always simp for villains but when I do they are always cunty and gender and I love that

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thelostsisters · 2 years

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001 is such a great villain i think not just because of how naunced and complex of a character he is, but because the narrative draws a very clear line between his ‘tragic’ backstory and his own unjustifiable wrongdoings. he is specially punished for being evil; el banishes him to the upside down because of him murdering the children at the lab as well as his dangerous intentions to unleash his powers upon the world. and while we’re shown that he is an abuse victim himself, this isn’t presented as something that makes up for his actions. it’s instead a part of his character that exemplifies how awful the overarching main villain of the show is: dr. brenner and the hawkins laboratory.

his past abuse doesn’t make his actions justifiable, and his evil characteristics and actions don’t make the abuse he suffered justifiable either. his backstory simply exists, and shows us that brenner is the antagonist of stranger things; he is a monster despite his lack of supernatural abilities or grotesque appearance, and everything bad that has gone down in hawkins because of the upside down can be traced back to him, to his greed and desire for control and power. he had the opportunity to attempt to help henry when he took him in (and henry was objectively bad even as a child, yes; however that does not take away from the fact that brenner is an abuser and that child abuse itself is inhumane regardless of the morality of the victim), but he decided to exploit his abilities and imprison him in an unhealthy, cruel environment for the rest of his life (until his banishment ofc). so brenner in that sense bares some of the responsibility for the creation of vecna, just as he’s responsible for el opening the gate and will getting taken to the upside down. it all comes back to him, and his main characteristic, one that the show doesn’t shy away from showcasing, is that he is a selfish, inhumane abuser

tlqdr; 001 is a villain himself, yet his past relationship with brenner does not make up for his evil nature but rather further demonstrates how much a villain brenner also is.

#anyway there’s my fucking thesis on 001 #and look i’m not gonna act like part of the reason i like him isn’t bc i think he’s hot that’s definitely there lmao #but as a *character* there’s so much to 001 and his story that i find fascinating and extremely well-written #he’s everything billy wasn’t as a human villain sorry not sorry billy stans #and i will never try to defend him as a person with the exception of #a) being sarcastic which i always make clear my intentions of #and b) when i’m talking about child henry bc i can’t view children as 100% evil i just can’t #there’s more nuance to that specific take that i won’t go into bc these tags are already way too long #basically: 001 bad but brenner also bad and abused henry who was a child which is worth noting #001 stranger things #stranger things #stranger things 4 #stranger things meta #henry creel #peter ballard #dr brenner #martin brenner

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guideaus · 2 years

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I dont know if it's fandom culture or something, but the fact that there'll be an objectively shitty character (maybe he's sexist, racist, a war criminal, homophobic, has sexually assaulted someone, etc.,), and there'll always be fans who adore that character is so weird to me... why. It's like they see him hit a woman or something and are like 😍 and then decide to ship him with the person they're abusing?? Idk, I'm like. How do you spend your time like this

#personal #when i went on my gaming blog it was worse #ppl liking the fc5 seed siblings/rafe adler/ billy hargrove/kylo ren/kimblee #and idk if its like fandoms cant deal w serious topics bc their need to stan and ship #but clearly fans watching a fictional genocide and then shipping the lunatic that had fun doing it w someone a part of that group is...#like wow wish u did not show up in my activity #its also always white male characters #I'd bet on the fanfic submissions for all the fc villains vs the fc5 ones

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saetoru · 10 months

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✩ ‧₊˚ ✩。i know you still think about the times we had

synopsis. satoru will always comes when you call him, he just never thought you’d stop calling

— word count. 5.2k (where did i go wrong)

— contents. college au, rich boy! gojo, break ups and make ups <3, it’s the cliche trope where the rich guy’s parent forces you to leave him aka gojo’s father is the villain, angst with a happy ending—i don’t want my cause of death to be angry rb! gojo stans, emo gojo ft. marvin’s room (iykyk), cliche rain scene—this fic is so cliche i’m sorry, reader is gn! but gojo is mentioned to like pics of girls on instagram (he was being petty)

— notes. well, it finally happened. the long awaited break up. this one’s for you niku 🤞🏽 AND DABITEE ANON

you open the door when satoru knocks—just barely, though. it’s just enough to hand him the bag with the remaining things he’s left at your apartment. it feels familiar, being here, but it feels so different too. it’s always been happy knocking on your door—he never thought he’d dread letting his knuckles meet the cool wood. it’s like taking the last bite of something sweet when you’re too full. when the sugar is too decadent on your tongue and your head spins and your stomach twists and it’s too much even though it used to be so good.

it’s too much being here. it’s too much trying to meet your gaze and get nothing in return. it’s too much being handed back that sweater he basically let you keep. and yet, it’s good to see you. he wants nothing more than to be here with you, wherever you are, even if you don’t want him to stay.

“that should be everything,” you murmur, still looking down. “let me know if there’s anything missing.”

satoru would never tell you if there’s something missing. he’d never come back and demand back something he gave you, he doesn’t think he could ever take back something he gave you—being handed back his heart after pressing it to your palms is hard enough. but then again, maybe he should look for small things you probably missed. just so he can come back. just so he can see you—how else will he see you now?

“no, it’s alright,” he says quietly. he doesn’t miss the way you quickly let go as soon as his hands grab the bag, almost like you’re being careful enough not to let your fingers meet each other. “you can uh…you can just keep them. or…throw them out if you don’t want them,” he mumbles.

you nod, standing there silently. it’s quiet, and then it’s quiet some more. and finally, you look up at him for the first time since he got here, staring at him a little expectantly. oh, right. now would be the part where he leaves.

“can i…can i just know why?” he croaks. fuck. he’s not supposed to cry. you ripped his heart out and threw it at his feet, you didn’t even care to hand it to him even after you tore every artery apart. but he sniffles anyway, lips wobbling as he stares at you. “why are you leaving me?”

your fingers twitch, like you itch to reach over and wipe that tear that rolls down his cheek. in the end, you cross your arms instead. “i already told you, satoru—”

“that’s bullshit,” he clicks his teeth, shaking his head as he stares at you frustratedly, “you gave me some bullshit reason.”

satoru has worked so hard to be here—to be with you. hadn’t he done enough? hadn’t he told you about himself, things he didn’t want to? hadn’t he tried to become something, someone more than just a guy swimming in trust funds? hadn’t he worked for your attention, waited outside classes and walked opposite directions in the hall with you just to seem dedicated? fuck, he even burned his hand trying to learn how to make pancakes to impress you, let the maids laugh at him as he twisted the stove the wrong way to try and turn it on.

why wasn’t it enough? what more could he give you than everything? how can the guy who has everything not have enough to give? he doesn’t understand.

“satoru, we weren’t gonna work,” you pinch your nose—it’s like you’re the one who doesn’t understand why he’s being like this. “the sooner you accept that the more hurt you’re saving the both of us—”

“we were working just fine,” he says exasperatedly. it’s like you insist he’s crazy when he’s nothing but sane. like he’s trying to tell you the sky is blue, and you’re refusing to believe it’s anything other than green. it’s clear. it’s practically a fact. you were doing just fine—why don’t you see that? “we were happy,” he takes a step forward and cups your cheeks, pressing his forehead to yours, “was it someone? did they tell you something? just tell me who, baby—i’ll fix it. i’ll put them in their place, okay? no one can bother you if i get them to leave you alone—”

“then you leave me alone,” you whisper. he stills. you pull away from his hands. “sator—gojo. please just leave me alone. it’s better that way.”

you close the door, and he stands there. numb. maybe a little shocked. entirely ruined.

gojo. he laughs quietly after a moment at that—it’s a laugh meant for men who’ve lost the last thread to sanity. gojo. it’s like a slap in the face, being called the name he worked so hard to get you to drop. it took him weeks—months, even, to convince you to call him satoru. then he upgraded to toru. then it was baby. sometimes you teased him and called him pumpkin—he called you peaches in return. when you introduced him, you called him your boyfriend.

not anymore. now he’s back to gojo—that god-forsaken name with everything but what he really wants attached to it. his grandfather’s legacy. his future. business deals. fancy invites. more money than he knows what to do with. the name gojo comes with everything but you.

but he had you for a bit, didn’t he? when he was just satoru—but now he’s gojo again, and you’re gone. the only sign of you left is in the faint traces of your perfume in the sweaters you’ve returned.

and satoru still isn’t sure what brought the break up on. he thinks it’s the part that stings the most—when everything seems perfect one second, and then it’s not. had he not tried enough? maybe he was too much. maybe he didn’t understand you the way you needed him to. maybe he was too overbearing. maybe he asked for too much too fast.

he’s not sure. he tried asking when you broke it off—you only shook your head and said it wasn’t going to work out between the two of you, that it was a mistake to try at all. mistake? how could you call this a mistake? things were so perfect, weren’t they?

satoru doesn’t think there was even one second he wasn’t smiling when he was with you, and he used to think the same was true for you too. had you been faking it this long? or was it real at one point—had he really failed you so badly, seen past you so blindly that he didn’t notice when your smiles stopped reaching your eyes?

it’s too late, he figures. you and satoru are broken up.

you ask him to come over one morning, and he does—because he always comes when you call. he brings your coffee order from that cafe you like, the one you don’t go to often because the coffee is more overpriced than any other coffee shop you’ve ever seen. he’s grinning when you open the door, leans in to kiss your lips excitedly. you turn your head then, and his lips meet your cheeks instead—he supposes he should’ve known it at that moment. he should’ve seen that your lips weren’t smiling. your eyes were tired, a little red. you were hugging yourself in that way you do when you’re nervous. you didn’t let him kiss your lips, you made him kiss your cheek.

and then you sat him down on that worn-down couch of yours, took off that bracelet his mother gave him to gift you on your anniversary, and pressed it to his palm as you said we should break up. break up. you wanted to leave him—and satoru didn’t understand, still doesn’t understand.

he’s tried for so long, replayed the last month of your relationship in his head over and over and fucking over. you always smiled. you kissed him first. you held his hand, and even squeezed. you asked to see him. you laughed when he was around. you said i love you. you were happy. but then you weren’t—when did you stop being happy? and how could you have stopped feeling it with him?

—————

breaking up with satoru is the hardest thing you’ve ever done. how long can people live without the sun? you think not longer than a few minutes—that’s what it feels like without satoru’s warmth, anyway.

gojo satoru has always smiled as long as he’s been with you. he smiled smugly on your first meet, smiled bitterly after every rejection, smiled in pure glee when you finally said yes, and smiled like his fingertips could touch the sky every time he saw you after that.

satoru has never looked sad for long in your presence—you have that effect on him, you make his lips curl and his eyes brighten in that way that they deserve to shine. but for the first time ever, his eyes dim with you around, his lips curl into a frown at your words, and he cries for you. his eyes glisten with tears instead of wonder, and you think for a moment that you might be making a mistake.

but then you remember that this is for the best—that if you really love gojo satoru, you’ll let him go instead of clipping his wings.

“he’s picked up his things,” you speak quietly into the phone. you don’t sniffle even as you desperately need to—it’s the last bit of control you have left, and you intend to keep it. “i won’t be seeing him again.”

“good,” his father speaks, “that’s good to hear.”

satoru’s father is a cold man, you learn that on the first meet. he doesn’t look at his wife with a soft look that tells you there’s any love built between the decades of marriage, and he doesn’t look at his only son with any affection for the boy he raised. instead, he stares at satoru like any businessman would an opportunity—with a calculating gaze that tries to work out the best course of action for the most profit.

satoru is young, but he’s charming and conniving and knows how to get what he wants when he wants—he’s quick on his feet and rarely lets himself get cornered into a wall. in the last three generations of the family business, no heir has shown as much promise as gojo satoru. that’s what his father tells you, anyway. you believe him—satoru is smart and knows how to play his cards right, you won’t deny that. his future is set to be comfortable, and he’s never known anything outside of that, never built any other plans for himself.

you can’t rip that away from him—not for your own sake, not for your own happiness.

“you promised you wouldn’t freeze his trust funds once i ended things,” you remind him, “and that he’d keep his inheritance.” somehow, because the world grants you this one favor, your voice doesn’t shake—it’s steady and firm as it reminds the stone-cold man at the end of the line of your agreement—and he offers a slow chuckle that makes your jaw clench.

“yes, i do recall,” he hums, “i’m glad we could come to agree. you understand, don’t you? it is my job as his father to do what’s best for him.”

you know what he’s saying—what that means. you’re not what’s best for him. maybe he’s right—maybe satoru needs someone who’s equally as promising to build a successful company into even more success. maybe he needs someone who can take him out for a change to those fancy places he takes you every few weeks. maybe he needs someone who’s heard of half the brands he wears and doesn’t scold him to turn the lights off so the electricity bill isn’t high. maybe he needs someone who can keep up with everything that gojo satoru is—and that someone is not you, no matter how deeply you love him.

“—the offer still stands, should you change your mind. i’m willing to compensate you for the trouble this must all be.”

your lips curl into a scowl at his words. that’s the thing about rich people, you think—money is always enough to sugarcoat everything. why worry about the dead grass in your lawn when you can paint it green? but you don’t leave satoru for extra cash on your hands—nothing can be worth auctioning off the only man who’s ever made you feel anything. you leave satoru because he deserves to continue living comfortably, to make a name for himself that isn’t just a ghost of his father’s. if that means being cut from the corner of the picture, you’re willing to pick up the scissors yourself.

“no thanks,” you hiss, “i don’t need the money.”

“i would disagree,” his father sneers, “but suit yourself.”

the line ends, and for good this time, satoru is no longer yours. was he ever to begin with?

—————

you try to forget your ex-boyfriend—keyword, try. every hour of your life consists of you using your burner account to refresh his instagram page to see if he’s posted anything new. you unfollow satoru from every social media platform the same day he picks up his belongings—you know he’s noticed within the first thirty minutes because all of his pictures with you are gone, just like all your pictures with him.

in what you assume is an attempt to be petty, he likes every picture of every girl he sees, and he even blocks you on twitter—you know he picks twitter because twitter is the only social media that blatantly states you’re blocked. but then you’re unblocked in two days, and you know he must be missing you now that the initial anger is faded.

it makes you laugh a little, even through your tears. satoru is not satoru without petty fits of emotion, and you can’t bring yourself to be mad, not when it’s your fault he’s hurting like this. he’s extra sad today, you gather—if the way marvin’s room is posted to his instagram story on a blank screen is of any hint. it makes you scoff in amusement that in true gojo satoru fashion, he’s effectively told all eight-thousand-something of his followers he’s pathetically in his feelings.

you scroll through suguru’s story, too—he didn’t unfollow you even after satoru temporarily blocked you, but you figure suguru is the only person satoru really has. you shouldn’t keep yourself close to him, not when it could hurt satoru more, so you remove him too.

suguru is, as always, drinking at some fancy party with obnoxiously rich college students who have not a care in the world for midterms around the corner. who needs to pass when you’re swimming in money whether or not you have a degree? the first thing you learn about the rich is that most of them are only at college for the experience—they don’t see college as the stepping stone to better opportunities, there’s nothing education could offer that trust funds already don’t. but satoru attends college for himself—he enjoys business classes, you learn, and especially finance ones. for someone who spends money so carelessly, he understands it particularly well.

there’s no sign of satoru at whatever party it is suguru is at, there’s no trace of strikingly bright white strands anywhere in any corners—you do see naoya in a corner, though, and you crinkle your nose in distaste. if satoru were here, he’d say something bitterly under his breath about the asshole, and you would giggle. but satoru is not here, and even naoya the women-hating jackass makes you miss your obnoxiously whiny ex-boyfriend.

everything reminds you of satoru. that bear he won you at the fair (after maybe six tries) by your pillows, those polaroids at your desk that you can’t bring yourself to take down, that sticky note on your fridge he left promising to replace the creamer he finished (he’s replaced it more times than he’s needed to by now), that extra big blanket you keep on the couch because the old one barely covered his legs, that pair of silly matching mugs you both had for coffee in the mornings.

every corner of your apartment has something that reminds you that satoru was here, that he was yours, that for a short while, he was the best thing you ever had. it’s your fault, you think—that satoru and you are here in this mess in the first place. he’s always looked at life through a hopeful lens. having everything does that to you, makes you ignorant to the misfortunes of the world, makes you think everything is within the realm of your reach. you, on the other hand, knew this was bound to happen. the two of you together is like hot oil and cool water—what feels like sparks is just the oil shooting out to burn you. you should’ve known this would have never lasted.

in a way, you think you did. it’s why you hated him so fiercely at first—maybe deep down, you always knew you wanted him, that he would never be yours. maybe that’s why you were so adamant about rejecting him, that even when he was clearly trying, it would never be enough. satoru has always been enough, has always been what everyone has wanted—you’re not so sure you can say the same for yourself.

you love gojo satoru. he loves you too—he falls first, and you think maybe, he might have fallen harder too. no one loves like satoru. they say if you press coal hard enough, it turns to diamonds—you think if you gave satoru coal, he would hand you back the sun and all of her stars. it’s just the kind of guy he is, the one that turns everything dull into something bright and warm and worth it. you wish you didn’t have to break his heart, you wish you could’ve walked out of this the only one hurt. but maybe, at the very least, if you break him good enough that he hates you, he’ll move on quicker, maybe have something to look forward to while you continue to work your way up and cheer him on.

before you can refresh suguru’s page one more time to stalk his story, you’re pulled from your thoughts as someone knocks on your door—correction: pounds on your door. you jolt on your couch, standing up and making your way to the front door quickly and looking through the peephole.

satoru. of course.

he’s soaked to the bone—it’s raining outside, and of course, just as on brand as always, he must’ve rushed here without an umbrella.

you shouldn’t open it.

but you can’t just leave him in the rain, can you? but he’s not your problem anymore, you agreed to leave him, didn’t you? but how could he not be your problem when he’s all you think about? but this could cause him trouble if his father found out he was here, right? but can you really leave someone, ex-boyfriend or not, in the pouring rain? you can’t be that cruel can you?

before you can make up your mind, he speaks up, “i know you’re standing there. open the door,” he demands.

“satoru, go home,” you sigh, head pressing against the surface that separates you, “don’t make this anymore difficult than it has to be.”

“if it’s difficult, that means you don’t really want to do this,” he argues. he’s still as good as ever at sweet talk, still as persistent and charming as ever at getting what he wants. “please,” he croaks, “just let me in.”

you know it means more than one thing. you know it means more than just your home. but you shouldn’t, you can’t let him know why you did all this—how can you protect someone from something if they don’t let you? satoru would never let you if he knew, and that’s why you can’t let him know.

“satoru, if you don’t leave…i’ll…i’ll call the cops,” you warn.

“no you won’t,” he says instantly. “i’m not leaving until you open the door. and if i get sick, i’ll send you my bill for the emergency room visit.”

“you’re not going to the emergency room for a common cold, you idiot,” you scoff.

the rain doesn’t slow—in fact, you can hear thunder. satoru is still stubbornly outside, knocking away.

“i’ll start screaming,” he insists, “your neighbors will complain for noise again. do you want to be kicked out of this apartment? just let your cold, wet, heartbroken ex-boyfriend in if you have a heart.”

and because you are, and always will be, weak to the charms of gojo satoru, you open that damned door—even though you shouldn’t, even though you can’t, even though you said you would never again. but you do. because it’s satoru, and he always comes when you call, and you’ll always let him in when he’s here.

“you don’t come to your ex’s house less than one week after the break up,” you sigh once you open the door. he takes a step in, shutting the door behind him.

“why did you leave me?” he asks.

“satoru, you can’t keep bringing this up—”

“why? just tell me why.”

“i don’t have to—”

“tell me why and i’ll stop bothering you. i just need to know why,” he insists.

and then you break.

you’re only human. you’ve lost the man you’ve given everything to for over a year in the span of one week. you’ll never see his lovely mother again who spoiled you rotten, you’ll never hang out out with his funny best friend who treats you like family, and you’ll never be enough for gojo satoru, the rich, loud, sheltered, obnoxious, handsome jackass you met and had to do a project with and accidentally fucked over and over again until you fell in love.

so you shove his chest, once, then twice, then a third time, each time getting weaker and weaker than the last as tears slip down your cheeks as you simply break down. “just leave, satoru,” you sob, “why can’t you just leave? why do you keep coming back?”

you hate seeing him here. you want him gone. you never want to see him again. you hope he never leaves. you’re glad to see him. you hope this isn’t the last time. you hate that he seems to not be getting enough sleep. his eyes are hollow. he must not be eating properly. he probably hasn’t attended class. he has a quiz next week. he most likely forgot about that. his clothes are wrinkly. he definitely hasn’t showered in days.

“last month you said i was it for you,” he glares at you, his eyes red and swollen and every shade of heartbreak. you miss when they were blue—that beautiful, bright, perfect shade of blue. “last week you said we were a mistake. what the fuck do you mean, huh? what are you playing at?”

“you can realize a lot in a month—”

“not enough to erase over a year,” his voice booms. it makes you flinch and hug yourself tightly. tears slide down your cheeks, your vision is blurry. this might be the last time you see satoru, and even if he’s angry, you want to remember the curves of his features. so you wipe them away. they keep coming back. “so tell me,” he clenches his jaw, “did you string me along for a year or did something happen last week that you’re not telling me?”

“i realized you were bad for me,” you say quietly.

satoru stares at you. it’s a piercing gaze—his eyes are electrically blue and his lashes are unfairly long and every time he stares at you, you think he almost sees into your soul. they’re tired—there are purplish bags under them on that pale skin of his, and the whites of his eyes are concerningly bloodshot. he stares, and stares, and for a second, you think you’ll die like this. watching him stare at you as your heart bleeds out.

“i spent weeks,” his voice shakes, “i waited outside your class. i followed you to the next one. i memorized your fucking schedule.”

“satoru, you need to leave—”

“and then you fucked me and left every morning like i was nothing,” he glares, sniffling. you don’t know where the rain drops on his face start and where the teardrops end. “and then i begged you for a chance—begged. i burned my hand, got laughed at by the maids to learn how to make those stupid fucking pancakes for you.”

“i didn’t ask you to—”

“it took you two months to call me baby for the first time. did you know that? i waited two months to hear that. i thought it was the best two months i ever waited.”

“satoru,” you plead.

you’ve given up on trying to wipe away the tears—he’s given up on crying altogether. you’ve never seen him so hollow, so dead in the eyes and so, so tired.

satoru has never gotten tired—not when he’s fighting for you.

“and then you kept pushing me away, acting like i was some shallow guy who wanted to get in your pants and leave cause i had some money to my name. i took you everywhere, introduced you proudly, let everyone say what they wanted to say about me because i loved you, and…and i thought you loved me too,” he shakes his head.

his voice breaks, and god, so does your heart right along with it.

“i do love you,” you admit it before you realize what you’re saying.

“then why did you fucking leave me?” his voice is loud.

satoru never yells, not at you. his voice is always gentle, patient, like he worships the ground you walk on, like he’ll get on his knees if you ask him too. satoru never yells—but he does tonight.

“because i had to,” you sob, fingers digging into your temples as you shake. the words spill from your lips faster than the tears, like a swarm of angry bees, one following after the other. “or you’d lose everything. the trust funds, the inheritance, the company. i couldn’t let that happen to you—not for me,” you whisper.

it feels like defeat—in the end, you couldn’t keep satoru, and you couldn’t leave him either. you couldn’t love him like you wanted, and you couldn’t let him go like you should have. what else is there left to fuck up? what more can you ruin in less than a week? the bees feel like maggots in your mouth, swarming a dead carcass.

“so you left me because my old man threatened you with my trust funds?” he asks in disbelief. you think something in satoru dies at that—something in his shoulders falls and his eyes almost seem gray.

satoru gets his blue eyes from his mother—they’re bright and kind and deeper than the ocean. but unlike the ocean, they’re not scary to fall into, to lose yourself in no matter how far you are from shore. his father’s eyes are gray—cold and blank and not laced with a single hint of emotion.

you can’t help but think that blue suits satoru so much better than gray ever could.

“it wasn’t just that,” you shake your head, “that’s not fair, satoru. what was i supposed to do? know you were about to lose everything and stay?”

“you could have talked to me before you decided for me,” he hisses, “what do you want me to say? thank you? thank you for breaking my heart? thank you for making me feel like a worthless piece of shit who wasted a year for someone who didn’t seem to care? thank you for walking out on me?”

“you know i’d have stayed if i could,” you argue, voice breaking.

“then why didn’t you? why the fuck didn’t you?”

“because i couldn’t!”

“you could!” he screams—you realize, for the first time in your life, you hate when satoru screams. he never screams. “all my life, that old man has been making decisions for me. satoru, wear this. satoru, go here. satoru, don’t do that. satoru, put that away. satoru, stay away from them. satoru, come with me. that’s all he’s ever fucking done—make every choice for me. and now…now you’re just like him,” he breathes, lips wobbling as he stares at you with hurt.

it’s like that for a bit—you stare at him as he crumbles, and he stares at you like he doesn't know you anymore. you don’t know who leans in first, if it’s your hand or his face, but one second you’re feet apart, and the next second his face is cradled in your hands, thumbs swiping away at his tears. you catch them, one by one, waiting to wipe them away no matter how fast they come. because satoru always comes when you call, and you’ll always be there for him to find you.

“i don’t want to leave,” you mumble, “i never do. you are it for me, i meant that, you know. who else will melt extra chocolate in my hot chocolate?”

“then don’t leave,” he begs, voice cracking, “i don’t want you to. i’ll handle that old geezer—my grandfather will knock some sense into him. fuck, suguru and i can even hide his body, it’s fine. just don’t leave, okay?”

you let out a watery chuckle, pinching his cheek as you shake your head. “i don’t know if i’m worth homicide, satoru.”

“i think you’re wrong,” he huffs, “you’re wrong about a lot of things, you know. so wrong.”

“i never said i was perfect,” you pout.

he buries his head into your neck, clinging to you tightly—you cling back, because nothing is as safe as satoru’s arms. you’d melt into his skin if you could, live in that spot right where his heart is so you can make sure it’s always beating.

“you’re still perfect,” he mumbles, “but you’re always mean to me. this was the worst you’ve ever been.”

“i’m sorry,” you murmur, slipping your fingers into his hair—it’s still wet, you realize. he’s soaked, and he could catch a cold but you don’t care. satoru is back. he’s here in your run-down apartment with the mugs and the blanket and that toothbrush you forgot to return and that pair of socks you found in your drawer. satoru is finally home. “i’ll never leave you again.”

“promise?”

“yeah. as long as you don’t block me on twitter again.”

“you deserved that.”

“and for the love of god, toru, delete that marvin’s room story. that was so dumb.”

“are you stalking me?” he pulls away with a grin, making you glare with a huff. he chuckles, kisses your forehead as he murmurs, “missed me that bad, huh? yeah, i would too.”

“well, obviously not enough to post marvin’s room on my story.”

“you can’t be mean to me after you broke my heart!” he whines.

yeah, you think, satoru is home. he’s still that loud, obnoxious, pestering brat that he always was—and he’s still the only love you’ve ever known.

“i love you,” you press your forehead to his, kissing him slowly. you want to kiss him harder, you want to kiss him desperately like you’ll never kiss him again. like you lost him and miraculously got him back. like you’ll never see the sun again without him.

but there’s time for that—lots of it, in fact. because satoru is home.

“i love you too,” he whispers, “wanna shower with me? if you really love me, you would.”

read the makeup sex sequel ;) MINORS DO NOT INTERACT

if this fic was a person i would want it dead.

#teepods.writings #fics.#rich boy! au #gojo x reader #gojo x you #gojo angst #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jujutsu kaisen x you #jujutsu kaisen angst #jjk x reader #jjk x you #jjk angst #gojo satoru x reader #gojo satoru x you #gojo satoru angst

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annieleonhardt · 1 year

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I love how tumblr isn't algorithm driven because said algorithms are the death of the internet and critical thinking especially on Twitter and tiktok.

That being said, when it DOES try to pander to me and show me posts it thinks I might like, it somehow thinks to show me...anti-Rhaenyra posts? Okay.

#i hate the stan-ification of asoiaf but lemme be clear I am always a Rhaenyra loyalist #Also the post they showed me was so braindead ''its blacks propaganda!! the greens arent villainous in the books!!!''#BITCH WHAT...#first off calling the show propaganda against/for a fake civil war that isnt real is insane and i hate stan culture #and second off.........they are kind of cartoonishly villainous at time in the book but okay #anyway algorithm bad

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