Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
Anyway. Bi and Mspec Lesbians aren't a hotly "debated" topic or even new to queer culture, it's just the newest thing that bullies who REALLY want to be homophobic and even racist use to justify harassing gay people they don't like.
It's the thinnest possible veneer of progressive language wrapped around TERF and reactionary rhetoric so that they can feel righteous for forming an angry mob against vulnerable targets. If you're gullible enough to fall for the newest wave of bigotry within the queer community, and turn on your allies because they're "confusing" or "invading your spaces," the SAME way they turned on bi/pan labels, trans people, xenogenders, neopronouns, and aroace people before this, then get lost.
worst way to start my new year, thanks. i have a lot of things to say about these companies but i'm tired and just keeping it focused to the pin side of things for this one. do not ever buy pins from these companies, literally ALL of them are stolen from small artists like me. if you want to buy enamel pins, check out etsy, and artist's personal websites and shops! (though even Etsy has some bootleg pins that ship straight from china, so tread carefully…)
Every pin I've designed is, thus far, EXCLUSIVE to my etsy. if you find it anywhere else, it's been ripped off! and once these stupid bootlegs pop up, it's basically a never ending game of whack-a-mole trying to get them all taken down...
⚔ An immortal is dead and you're holding the murder weapon. ⚔
Sunset Phoenix is an action/mystery comic about an immortal kingpin and her criminal spy who were framed for the murder of a rival, and are trying to find the real killer before time runs out and the city succumbs to war.
Also I made it and worked hard on it and I think you should check it out because it's cool :)
THANK YOU for 5k!! to celebrate ill be hosting a dtiys (draw this in your style) !!
rules are below the cut!
RULES ✨
- Redraw this in your own style (you don't need to do the background!! just Sigma is cool 👍)
- Post with the hashtag #koko5kdtiys and tag me in the entry!! (i want to reshare all entries so tagging me will definitely mean i don’t miss it!)
- Please do NOT trace or use AI or your entry will be disqualified
- Feel free to use your own Sigma design! Mine is a little different than canon so you can use your own hcs/design or keep it more as the canon design!
PRIZES ✨
- 1st place: Half body full color drawing
- 2nd place: Icon full color drawing
- 3rd place: Icon sketch drawing
DEADLINE is December 20th! JAN 1st !! (extended the deadline!!)
THANK YOU ALL FOR 5K!! I've met so many cool people on this app and had so much fun so I thought hosting something fun like this might be cool :D Thank you all for your continued support 🙇
Here's a version with no background for easy reference :D
got a book about a 1940s detective getting portal fantasied, which is objectively better than a normal guy (gender neutral) from the writer's period getting portal fantasied