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lilyvandersteen · 4 years

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Out of the Blue: Chapter 2

Cover art: @redheadgleek

Beta extraordinaire: @hkvoyage

Links: AO3, FF.net

Author’s Note:

The Twitter feed mentioned in this chapter circulated around Tumblr a while back, and I just KNEW I had to turn it into a fic one day :D

This is the blog post in question: https://lilyvandersteen.tumblr.com/post/190456831744/thesorrowoflizards-awful-brew

Chapter 2: A Good Idea

“This was a lucky idea of mine, indeed!” said Mrs. Bennet, more than once, as if the credit of making it rain were all her own. Till the next morning, however, she was not aware of all the felicity of her contrivance.

(An excerpt from Pride and Prejudice, by Jane Austen)

Kurt sipped from his cocktail and leaned back contently. It was Friday night, he didn’t have any shifts at the diner the following day, and all his favorite girls were here for a night out, even Mercedes and Brittany. Life was good.

It was fun catching up with everyone. He told them all about the photo shoots he’d helped his boss Isabelle with at Vogue, and the articles he’d written for the website. Quinn was interning with a district attorney at the moment, and talked about the court cases she’d attended so far. Tina had been helping out a vet treating farm animals exclusively, and told stories about cows calving and a horse that had to be put down after breaking its leg. Mercedes’ tour was a big success, and she was thinking of taking it overseas. Brittany, who was one of the back-up dancers at Mercedes’ concerts, was all for that plan, and summed up all the cities she wanted to visit.

Rachel, for once, wasn’t monopolizing the conversation, seeing as she was sad about another short relationship that hadn’t worked out. And Santana was more mellow than usual, seeing as she had Brittany with her.

The two of them were cuddling and whispering softly and smiling, and it sent a pang of jealousy through Kurt. He didn’t envy Santana the long-distance relationship. He’d witnessed first-hand how hard it was for her sometimes. But he did long for that bond that Santana and Brittany had. He too wanted someone who’d understand him with half a word, who’d move mountains just to be with him and who’d look at him as though he were the most precious jewel on earth.

All he’d ever had in the way of relationships was an admirer called Chandler when he was still in Ohio. Kurt had liked the compliments Chandler had showered him with, and had liked getting Chandler’s undivided attention. It was flattering, and it did wonders for his self-esteem. See? Someone thought he was worth talking to! Someone appreciated his fashion sense!

That was why he’d agreed to go on a date with Chandler, and after that a second one. They’d gone to the cinema together, and then shopping at the mall another time. And Kurt was pretty sure that Chandler expected more to come of it, looking at Kurt with hope in his eyes at the end of each date. But Kurt couldn’t bring himself to kiss Chandler. Not when he didn’t feel anything for him other than gratitude and kinship.

So their relationship petered out before it could even begin, and Kurt couldn’t say he regretted it. But he’d very much hoped that his dating prospects would improve upon moving to New York City, and that hadn’t been the case.

Yes, the leader of the Adam’s Apples show choir had recruited him with a serenade, but he’d made no move beyond that, and Kurt hadn’t dared ask him out.

And when he’d started his Madonna cover band, he’d developed a crush on Elliott – could you blame him? – and admitted to it one night after a gig, half-drunk and giggly, only to be told that he was about five years too late to make his move. That was how long Elliott had been dating his boyfriend, and when he brought Mark along to rehearsal the next time, they proved to be ridiculously happy and in love. So no luck there, either.

It wasn’t his looks, he knew that much. In his stage combat lessons, he could see other students check out his body, which had filled out nicely. But none of them ever came on to him, and anyway, Kurt wasn’t sure he’d be interested in just a hook-up.

Still, it wasn’t fun to be the only one of his friends who’d never even been kissed. Other than by a girl or a bully, but that didn’t count. It didn’t, okay?

When Kurt tuned back into the conversation, he heard that they were talking about a tweet Tina had found on her Twitter feed that encouraged people getting married to send an invitation to all billionaires they could find the address of. If you got lucky, those billionaires’ secretaries would think you were a friend or relative of their boss and would send you a gift.

“Wouldn’t it be great if one of us got married so we could get some decent stuff for the loft?” Santana asked. "We barely have anything, and we could ask for all of it! A blender. A coffee machine. A panini maker. And, you know, bedding. Sleeping on the sofa would feel a lot better if I had a decent pillow and comforter. And bath towels. Big and thick ones."

“Oh yes,” Kurt chimed in. “A wok, a food processor, a real Le Creuset pan. Good knives. Matching sets of plates and cutlery. It doesn’t have to be fancy, but just more. Now we have to wash up after every meal because we only have six of everything.”

“A vacuum cleaner that actually works,” Rachel sighed. “It was nice of Carole to give us her old one, but let’s face it, its best days are over. Oh, and what about a quality throw blanket to hang over the sofa, to hide the stains?”

Kurt nodded. “I also want a full-length mirror for the bathroom, and a nicer hamper for the dirty laundry. The kind that doubles as a bench.”

Rachel put her chin in her hands and stared dreamily into space. “Wouldn’t that be wonderful?”

“It would,” Santana and Kurt agreed.

“Too bad none of us are getting married anytime soon,” Kurt mused.

“Well, I’m not seeing anyone, and neither are you,” Rachel said, “so technically, we could get fake hitched, but I don’t think anyone would buy you and I getting married. The wedding would be fabulous, of course, but obviously fake.”

Kurt suppressed a shudder, and Santana threw her head back and laughed.

Rachel pressed on, “But Santana could totally get married. What about it, Santana? At least you and Brittany are dating.”

The proposition shut Santana up at once. She stared at Rachel with her mouth wide open.

“I’d like to be married to you,” Brittany piped up, smiling softly and kissing Santana on the nose. “And I’m sure Kurt would help us plan the wedding, wouldn’t you, Kurt?”

Kurt grinned at her. “You know it!”

“And I know just what the invitation should look like!”

Brittany took a piece of crayon from behind her ear and started sketching a tree with hearts instead of leaves.

“That’s beautiful, honey,” Santana murmured, and Brittany beamed at her. “So we’re doing this?”

Santana nodded, and claimed Brittany’s lips for a lingering kiss.

“Okay, okay, that’s as much foreplay as I can stomach,” Kurt said. “Let’s get back to the loft. You can have my bed tonight if you promise not to be loud and not to get the bed linens dirty. Use a towel.”

Brittany kissed Kurt on the cheek. “Thank you, Kurtie!”

When they reached the loft, though, Brittany made no move to join Santana in Kurt’s bedroom. Instead, she badgered Kurt into opening Photoshop on his laptop so she could recreate the love tree in digital format. She added a recent picture of her and Santana, and looked up examples of wedding invitations on the internet to see what information should be on the card.

Before Kurt knew it, Brittany had commandeered all of his expensive ivory drawing paper to print the invitations on, and she set Rachel to work Googling names and addresses of billionaires.

Soon, Kurt was calligraphing these addresses onto hot pink and deep purple envelopes from Rachel’s stationary set, while Brittany was setting up an online wedding registry.

When that was done, she used up all of Rachel’s stamps to frank the invitations, and then ran out to go post them.

Rachel and Santana were already fast asleep by the time Brittany came back, and Kurt had almost drifted off when he heard a cheery, “There, all done!”

He chuckled at Brittany’s enthusiasm, closed his eyes and was out like a light.

The next day, they all woke up with hangovers and no recollection of their wacky wedding scheme nor the fake invitations Brittany had sent.

On Monday evening, though, Santana blanched and gasped when she checked her e-mails during dinner. “Dios mio!”

“What is it?” asked Rachel, spearing three green beans onto her fork.

“Brittany! She actually sent out wedding invites! And somebody has accepted the invitation. Who goes to a wedding of people they don’t know at all? And what on earth are we gonna do?”

“Wait, what? Who is this person?”

Rachel looked over Santana’s shoulder at the screen. “Cooper Anderson… Oh yeah, that’s the guy from those FreeCreditRating.com commercials, you remember? We all had that jingle as our ringtone for a while.”

“You mean YOU did,” Santana muttered, rolling his eyes.

Kurt wisely didn’t mention he’d had that ringtone, too.

Oh, he remembered the FreeCreditRating guy only too well. He even had a signed poster of him somewhere, that dated back to a talent show at the Westerville mall. Cooper Anderson had been one of the judges of the show, and Kurt had taken part just to get to see him in the flesh. Kurt had been the runner-up of the competition, after Rachel, and had gotten to shake Mr. Anderson’s hand and stammer about how much he admired him. And Mr. Anderson had been so gracious about it all, giving Kurt a 1,000 Watt smile and asking him if he’d like an autograph. So Kurt had whipped out his latest edition of Vogue and had Mr. Anderson sign a perfume ad he starred in.

Kurt smiled at the recollection, and nodded along when Rachel continued to gush about Mr. Anderson.

“He’s ever so handsome. And ever so rich. He’s a Westerville Anderson, so he comes from old money, and then he started this advertising company that everyone uses nowadays, so now he’s a billionaire ten times over.”

“Nice!” said Santana. “So whatever he buys us as a present, it’ll be worth it. But how are we going to pull this off in… What?! Less than a week! Britt put this Saturday as the wedding date!”

“WHAT?!!” Kurt and Rachel shrieked in unison.

Santana waved at the screen. “See for yourself. This Saturday, at 6.30 p.m., in our loft.”

Kurt shook his head in disbelief. “Five days! Neither of you have wedding dresses, we don’t have an officiant, we don’t have a wedding cake nor any other party food, we don’t have any flowers or decorations fit for a wedding. This is a disaster!”

“But you CAN do it, right?”

Santana’s hand clamped around Kurt’s arm like a vice, and she looked up at him beseechingly. “Please help us out? You organized Burt and Carole’s wedding in a week too, right?”

“Two weeks,” Kurt corrected absent-mindedly, his brain already working overtime. “I suppose I could manage it. But you’d owe me. Big time. I want at least half of the wedding present haul.”

“Done.”

Rachel clapped her hands and cheered. “Can we look at what people have bought you already?”

Santana clicked through to the wedding registry, and her face went slack with horror.

“What?” Kurt asked.

“Britt only put cat stuff on the list,” Santana groaned as she scrolled through the list. “Nothing but cat stuff.”

“She did what?” Rachel screeched.

Kurt didn’t say a word. He took over the mouse and checked what had been bought already. So far, Cooper Anderson was the only one who had chosen something. He had put his name down for a pet pavilion that was worth a cool 25 grand. 25 grand! For something so ridiculous! You could fit out an entire kitchen with that amount of money! What a waste!!

“Ugh, as much as I love Britt, I kind of hate her right now,” he murmured, and he heard Santana and Rachel hum in assent.

Kurt clicked on “Edit your wedding registry” and started to delete all of Brittany’s choices, one by one, muttering curses under his breath when he arrived at the costly pet pavilion that he couldn’t delete because it had already been bought.

“Now, before anyone else buys something we don’t want or need, let’s add all the stuff that we DO want,” he said, and between the three of them, they compiled a decent list.

When he’d clicked on “Save changes”, Kurt let out a deep breath. “Well, looks like I’ve got some wedding planning to do. This had better be worth it, San!”

Santana was still too shaken up to snark back. She just looked at Kurt like a deer caught in the headlights. “Can we do this?”

Kurt nodded. “We can do this. Calling Isabelle straight away!”

Isabelle, when she heard the story, laughed for five minutes straight, but then promised all the help she could offer. “Bring the brides along tomorrow, I’ll find them dresses and shoes, no problem. And you can use whatever decorations we have lying around here. What else do you need?”

“Rings for the brides. Dresses for two bridesmaids, I’ll bring them too. A three-piece suit for both me and the officiant,” Kurt started listing. “The others are on their own and will have to dig up whatever formal wear they’ve got lying around. Then, what else, let me think… Chairs for the ceremony. The weather will be nice on Saturday, thankfully, so we’ll have the ceremony and the reception on the roof of our building. There’s a railing all around, so it’s safe, and I’ve already made a cosy corner there that we sit in when the loft gets too hot. Very sturdy and well-made trelliswork. I will just have to decorate it.”

Isabelle hummed. “White roses. We’ve got tons of fake ones from the May issue, remember? You’re welcome to them, but make sure we get them back afterwards.”

“Will do,” Kurt promised. “The guests will have to go through our loft to get to the roof, though. You can only get there using the fire escape. So we will need a cover for our sofa. It’s in a terrible state. Stains all over. Ugh, we’ll have to start by cleaning the whole loft top to bottom. Girls, you WILL help!!”

Rachel and Santana murmured their agreement, and Santana went to look for cleaning supplies, while Rachel started to tackle the piled-up dishes in the sink.

“Oh, and could I borrow a few of those high tables people can stand around to eat finger food? We’ve got no room for a sit-down dinner.”

“Reception tables,” Isabelle said. “Yep, we have about twenty of them, and you’re not going to need that many, are you?”

“Nope. Five or six will do. Plus decent tablecloths for those tables, so that they don’t look cheap. I’d also like twinkle lights. As many as you can spare. And some sheer fabric or tulle I can wrap them in before I drape them all over the terrace.”

“Right, I’ll find you some,” Isabelle promised. “Do you need vases for flowers?”

Kurt hummed, thinking hard. “Nope, I’ll repurpose some empty wine bottles. Dipped in silver glitter, they’ll look fab. I’ll hang some on the railing and I’ll put the others on the reception tables. And some in the loft as well. And maybe some twinkle lights there, too. If you have some other decoration ideas, please let me know. Oh, and wedding favors! What do I do for wedding favors? For my dad and stepmom, I put a wheelbarrow with seed packets in the garden, with a sign that said, ‘Take one and watch love grow’. But that only works for a garden wedding.”

Isabelle hummed. “Let me think about it and get back to you. What are you going to do about the food?”

“Make it myself. Thank heavens we have a big fridge and freezer. We’re going to need every inch of space.”

Isabelle tutted. “Don’t overdo it, Kurt. You don’t want to fall asleep halfway through the wedding because you’ve been working day and night to make this perfect.”

“I’ll make everyone help.”

The steel in Kurt’s voice made Rachel and Santana look up from their work in alarm, but they didn’t protest. They knew all too well it was futile.

The rest of the week passed in a frenzy of cleaning, cooking, baking, decorating as well as inviting and briefing their other friends.

Elliott agreed to act as the officiant for the wedding, Artie offered his services as a DJ and Tina volunteered to be the photographer. Mercedes and Artie rehearsed the song for the first dance while the brides worked on the dance itself. Sam made himself invaluable running errands and assisting Kurt from dusk till dawn, and didn’t give a peep in protest when Kurt sat him down for a haircut.

By Saturday afternoon, the loft and the terrace both looked splendid. The twinkle lights wrapped in tulle gave the loft ceiling and the terrace a dreamy but festive air, and the silver bottles holding colorful flowers added to the splendor without making it tacky.

Kurt was hard at work decorating the top tier of the wedding cake while Elliott rehearsed the ceremony with San and Britt, Rachel prompting them whenever they faltered.

When the cake was safely stowed away in the fridge, Kurt checked the wedding registry one last time. It seemed like all his work had served some purpose after all. Their scheme had worked out pretty well. Brittany and Santana had received a gift from no less than eighteen billionaires, some of it pricey stuff. The Louis XV pet pavilion was a sad waste of money, of course, but Kurt was pleased with the other gifts, and was mentally already picking his favorites.

Humming happily, he helped zip up dresses and arrange the brides’ and bridesmaids’ hair, and then went to his bedroom to put his suit on and check on his coif.

When he headed back to the living room, he noticed that all their friends had arrived, and grimaced at all the noise they produced. He hadn’t slept properly in days, and he felt a headache coming on, throbbing at his temples.

Artie was testing the music installation, and soon all of the former Glee clubbers were singing and laughing and dancing. Kurt slunk away to the kitchen and put his head against the cool metal of the fridge to soothe the pain.

He’d almost dozed off when a loud voice rang through the loft. Mr. Anderson! He’d arrived!

#bbb2020 #blaine big bang 2020 #klaine fanfiction #my fic #out of the blue

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janiedean · 5 years

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the gwendoline christie meet-up of doom recap

... wow it’s been a week and I still hadn’t managed to do it hahahaha ops. okay I hope I haven’t forgotten any details klfjlak anyway HERE HAVE THE FULL-ON RECAP OF THE GWEN CHRISTIE EXPERIENCE OF DOOM.

so: of course the con had to be in dortmund which meant that getting there directly was Not Doable and I had to go to @incblackbird‘s in belgium first and then take a bus with her to germany and back and guys let me tell you dortmund is a piece of work but it has a very nice subway at least. NOW, as everyone knows if they’ve been around here for more than one month I really have Personal Reasons To Be Into Brienne As A Character and since I was like ‘okay she does a lot less cons than most other got actors so idk if I’ll have a second chance to meet her I’m going all out on this’, instead of going empty-handed as I usually do because I have no imagination for gifts to the actors and I can’t exactly bring them fanfic I figured I’d polish some old meta, maybe write a bit about Brienne’s Importance As Rep For Not Standard Attractive People and give it to her. which was all good but since I also wrote some stuff on jaime and brienne for merel’s cersei book (which then obv. got edited to hell and back to fit that topic XD) I figured ‘heeey I can just put the unedited version in there as well’ aaaand.... then I was like ‘oh well if I went through all of asos then I should also do the jb-related parts in affc’ which added to the brienne-only related introduction ended up.... being..... long around 50k (with quotes of course but still) because of course WHO knows how to be a synthetic person around here? certainly not me. anyway, this was the thing:

(yes the cover is what it is but you don’t even wanna know the levels of GOING TO SLEEP AT THREE AM FOR TWO WEEKS PLUS PRINTING IT THE DAY BEFORE LEAVING that preparing it reached flgdsk)

soooo I’m skipping on organization-related details/trip details because no one needs to know and on saturday I get into the con place with my trusted and updated catelyn cosplay like THIS IS POTENTIALLY THE MOST EMBARRASSING CELEBRITY MEETING MOMENT IN MY EXISTENCE, I go to the panel where someone asked her about how she feels playing someone described as *ugly* in the book and she gave a honestly touching long answer about how she felt like it was a privilege because you don’t get many not-standard-attractive characters, that she wanted the role and she thought actually it wouldn’t be popular because *ugly* female characters aren’t usually popular and that she felt it was important to have more of that variety on tv and I was about like ‘oKAY NOW I KNOW I’LL NEVER SURVIVE THE AUTOGRAPH’. hahaha. soooo I tried to go and get it so we could do the photo op later but obv. the queue was long as hell and I got there just when she left for lunch so I had to do the picture before the autograph, now sadly since there was a long queue you couldn’t exactly do anything too complicated with the pictures but she 100% was lovely to everyone, said hi and goodbye to everyone who came up to her and she totes recognized the cosplay my heart. (also in the panel she said she wanted to resurrect cat BLESS YOU GWEN BLESS YOU.)

aaaand. you can probably see that I was about to go like OMG HOW DO YOU EVEN EXIST YOU’RE TOO MUCH FOR ALL OF US MERE MORTALS but anyway:

sjdgldsjk if I think about it I’m still like HOW DID IT HAPPEN HOW DID I SURVIVE IT. anyway.

after that I go immediately to autograph queue again and like I would like to specify that the queue was insane like there were a lot of people and while I was EXTREMELY happy to see it because your favorite getting long lines is always an extremely good thing I also was kinda worried they’d cut things short same as they did with the photo op and I wouldn’t have complained if they had because I totally get it was a lot of people but ANYWAY. I queue again (while @incblackbird was also there and probably being extremely amused at my distress), I get there, I miraculously don’t faint the moment we make eye contact (could have happened tbh) aaaand I go like ‘okay about that thing you said at the panel before when it came to representation, HMMMM I’ve got to tell you something’ and thank fuck no one stopped me, I managed to more or less tell her that I read the books before season two and I really had a not so mild case of relating to brienne because of shared life experience and I was really hoping that the show would find an actress who’d make justice to the character and she one hundred per cent delivered on that and then I probably went into a string of embarrassing compliments while still trying to sound like a reasonable human being (count that I hadn’t had time for lunch or anything so I was running on adrenaline lmao) aaaaand...... she answered going more in-depth about the stuff she said before in the morning for... a good five minutes actually? I mean we definitely talked about it and she said the same things except more one on one obv. and she also said that she had read the book and realized What She Was Representing but she wasn’t sure people would grasp it and I was like NOOOOO DON’T WORRY SOME OF US DEFINITELY DID and honest she really took the time to talk to me when there was a really long queue behind us and it wasn’t basic niceties - like I’ve done enough signings at cons to grasp the difference and it definitely wasn’t, I left her a copy of that meta in the middle of all of this and she was like ‘for one I wasn’t expecting for people to be as much into brienne to actually do this kinda thing’ or something like that and she also signed my copy... with the goddamned golden pen like after I show it to two people they go like ‘aw how cute she used the lannister pen’ and I was like ‘..................... LMAO I WAS SO STARSTRUCK I DIDN’T NOTICE’ ops /embarrassment anyway at some point saint merel goes like (because I had totally forgotten) ‘btw she came all the way from italy just to see you’ and she was like ‘WAIT REALLY OH WOW THANK YOU’ and I was like ‘NO THANK YOU IT WAS ABSOLUTELY WORTH IT’ aaand we shook hands and I left after some good five minutes I think which is... kinda more than I ever talked with anyone in an autograph line in my entire life lol honestly I was just glad I didn’t end up doing something terribly embarrassing like dunno getting too emotional but thankfully I didn’t and it was honestly... really the best autograph experience I’ve had I think? or better time #1 with alfie allen also was great but I wasn’t exactly you know discussing stuff that was personally affecting me so yeah haha that was it and she was absolutely worth getting there and back and this woman is too good for this world and yeah. best idea I ever had tbh or top ten ideas I ever had a+ would re-do it in ten seconds.

(if anyone’s interested in the lannister pen autograph:

... aaand okay that was it when it came to gwen because she had no panels the next day and I used up both picture and autograph on day one but again, 100% worth it would re-do it immediately and she’s the best and yeah I’m still like DID IT HAPPEN and it’s been a week. she’s the best okay? k.

(also, someone’s already asked, so if anyone wants to know if I’m planning to share that meta: the ending was polished stuff that’s already on tumblr, I’m planning on posting the first part on here because it’s a question of principle and the rest I need to re-elaborate because at this point I might just throw in catelyn as well and do a full-on brienne text analysis idk but anyway at some point I’ll make it surface somewhere uu)

#gwendoline christie #brienne of tarth #jaime x brienne #tagging the ship because i figured it was relevant sorry for the tag spam guys #i'm still like WOW THAT HAPPENED WOW #ngl i'm really glad i did it #my face #dortmund comicon

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