#I really don't cry very often

[dnalt-d2]

Recent Egg Developments, How I Feel About It, and What I'm Doing After

Alright I'm gonna stop being sad for like two minutes, or at least long enough to explain what exactly happened for those who missed it

So we had the Murder Mystery Event today, and a lot of people showed up. It was really fun, and we really enjoyed it

And then, after it was over, Richarlyson informed us that he was leaving QSMP. He did not give a reason as far as I know, and I don't think it's smart or fair to speculate. I have my own ideas as to why, but I know that sharing them wouldn't be productive

Not long after, over on Phil's stream, Chayanne and Lullah informed us that they were leaving as well. They did talk pretty vaguely about "The next time they wake up," but this could have likely been some flowery language and not literal. There's a strong chance they will not wake up in QSMP again

As of now, Pepito and Leo are the only Eggs confirmed to still be part of the project, but I'm not really sure what the future will hold for them

Like I said before, I am personally hoping this is a sort of indefinite hiatus. Like they're leaving and there's a strong chance they won't come back, but there could be a non-zero chance sometime in the future. I would not get my hopes up for this though, because the chances of that happening are most likely very slim

I am honestly really sad about this development, but we all knew this couldn't last forever. I wish we had a better resolution, but this is how things are for now. I don't know if this is related to the Admin Situation or not, but again, since that hasn't been confirmed, we shouldn't speculate. It's just as possible that they felt they were done with this chapter of their life, which is entirely fair. I will never hold this decision against them, and I really hope others don't either. I wish them the best, and I wish you all the best as well, QSMPblr

Because I'm honestly not sure where I'm gonna go from here. Chayanne and Lullah were a huge reason I was so invested with QSMP, and the same goes for all the other Eggs. And while I'd love to say that I'll definitely stick around 100%, I'm just not sure I'll do that. I guess we'll see, but if I start petering out after this, know that I had a hell of a time over here

I've never been part of a fandom to this capacity before, and I had a hell of a time. Theorizing, ranting, sharing my thoughts, it was all a blast. And I wanna say that I might not have interacted with others due to anxiety, but I was always so happy to see that people liked what I had to say, and seeing that some people were coming back for it, or going through my blog and liking everything. I may have never said anything, but I saw you, and I appreciate you all so much

I might start talking about more non-QSMP Stuff here too, so if anyone who followed me JUST for QSMP, sorry. But I don't want this blog to die out, because it's been such a fun chapter for me. It might be a new chapter now, but I'm still gonna be here for it

Thanks again everyone. Thanks Egg Admins, Non-Egg Admins, QSMP Creators, QSMPblr, and Everyone else in-between

And of course, Thanks Quackity, for making such an incredible experience

It's been a wild ride

#You guys will never understand what it means for me to say that last sentence #I'm actually choking up right now #I really don't cry very often #But I'm getting really close here and it sucks #I'm gonna miss them #And I'm gonna miss the magic that was happening here for so long #But I had fun #And I don't regret it #So if this is goodbye #Then goodbye #But if not #Then I'll see you all later #qsmp #qsmp eggs #qsmp quackity #quackity

[somethingcorenotsure]

I think it's so adorable that early humans took wild gourds - a tiny fruit that hollows out as it dries, making it float - and decided to make something out of it

they thought the tiny fruit was so good that they bred it for thousands of years, making it larger to form into bowls and cups, and different shapes to become bottles and spoons

and musical instruments

And then, people took the hollow gourds they farmed, and they turned them into houses for birds. We adapted them into the perfect houses for birds, and now there are specific breeds of birdhouse gourd just for making into birdhouses

And humans dedicated gardening space and time and thousands of years of breeding to make the gourds so absolutely perfect for birds, that there is a species of bird that lives almost exclusively in them

#yes I KNOW i posted about this the other day but *crying* i just love plant domestication and the history of agriculture #and humanity's positive affect on the ecosystems we live in #mine #image IDs in alt text #hmm. I'm gonna tag this #permaculture #just to pspsps @ that community to look at how cool gourds are please everyone grow birdhouse gourds and give cavity nesters places to live #i don't think mine will become fully ripe before i get my first frost :( next year i need to start gourds indoors #i didn't want to grow them before because i didn't have much garden space but now i do and i need to grow all of them #i might be. a little obsessed with gourds. but also i saw a pair of purple martins flying by the road last year #and i had never seen one before then! and i need to see more of them #i have a few hundred barn swallows but i need more birds flying around my house. more!! #and also i have a ton of invasive cavity nesting species around here. house sparrows and starlings. #gotta make up for those things competing with native birds for nest dites #*sites #the invasive birds very often win :/ #that's why they're invasive #i really do need to start trapping them....

[thekittyokat]

you ever just have a lot, a LOT of feelings all at once about a character and not even remotely enough words or brainpower to FORM the words to describe everything you're feeling. so it feels like you may explode. yeah

#sorry i got really into my feelings about mark hoffman again #the very specific version of him in my brain that i really really wish i had the time and energy to properly share with you guys #saw #well until i muster the energy to explode all of my feelings out into a fic. if you want to TRY and understand #know that my three biggest hoffman fic insps right now are as follows #your best kept secret hoffman. a series of mistakes hoffman. and rushed like a dreadful wind hoffman. #there is a very clear throughline just know i am extremely emotionally compromised rn #thinking about theee fics vs the canon path hoffman spirals down #something something the absolute tragedy of watching a man's descent into madness #the transformation of a man into a monster #and what could have saved him from himself and kramer's corruption #sorry i'm rambling so much oh my god i was just having such a crying fit out of nowhere about this #do you think he could feel it happening. do you think he was aware he was losing his mind. #the script version of him fucks with me so bad. the crazed rankings and the longer hair and him not being well kept anymore #it's impossible to think he didn't know he was deteriorating #fuuuck okay i need to either chill or write a whole longfic rn #i project on that guy so much i truly don't know if i could properly write my vision of him #until i do something more substantial the full extent of my hoffman exists for me and my boyfriend only. they get me like no one else #well ginny and jenna also get me. please read best kept secret and a series of mistakes Oh My God #where am i going with this. i like tag rambling actually this is a nice way to do it without forcing EVERYONE to read my delirium #anyways if you've read all of this i think i love you? feel free to dm me about hoffman and my very specific headcanons and aus #maybe soon i'll try and start writing my fics about this tragic man #i could never say any of this on twitter btw they'd string me up for my opinions on him as a sad wet beast who could have been fixed #if only he hadn't been weaponized first #god i'm too tired to even be as embarrassed about this as i should be. thought i unlearned cringe already #but i've been spending way too much time on twitter and they HAAATE hoffman there #rip. i know it's not that serious but i'm sensitive rn and hate feeling lonely in my thoughts #ok bye for real otherwise i'll never shut up. i might tag ramble more often bc this was therapeutic in a way i needed badly #cat chat

[writhe]

dude i hate long workdays so much when i leave and i feel dysregulated and so separated from any rhythm of the natural world. it was beautiful today, and now the sun is going down, and i’ve no ‘real’ interaction with people (as myself vs. ‘Working With Public’ guy) and the day starts and ends alone and without (barring Halliwell) any genuine or meaningful social exchange. usually get home and feel too uncomfortably hungry (even if i’d packed a sufficient amount of food for the day) to know when i’m full 

i’ve been trying to challenge myself on what i call ‘work’ or don’t because i realized i was only calling my day job ‘work’ when i spend most of my time alone, when home, working on shop stuff or commissions or something otherwise related to money or productivity (which i guess can also include housework) 

i’ve tethered myself to working (or productivity) so much that i’ve been very neglectful of any hobbies that allow me to rest. i prioritize active hobbies (ie, hiking) first because i love them but also partly because halliwell needs the engagement, partly because i start feeling terrible if i don’t spend at least a good part of the day out of the house, and partly because it’s easier to keep doing things when i’m just doing them. i have a hard time sleeping if i’m not completely exhausted 

i try to force myself to ‘do nothing’ and i’ve gotten a little better at it, i can bake something for friends, i can sit or lay down and read for a while now, but most of the time i find myself in some sort of nagging doom scroll, telling myself i will close my phone and get on with heat setting or orders or finish or start a drawing or send an email etc etc etc. then i procrastinate because here is the LICK of downtime i’m allowing myself, here, on my phone. i don’t feel enriched by time spent this way, i mostly feel as if i’ve failed to start something and all the content i’ve idly glanced at somewhere in my mind half-stuck and not fully retrievable. it’s like smeared text. unflavored food. ruffage. it is unengaging yet inescapable. i’m not learning i’m just seeing everything until nothing is really novel, in a way that feels passive and dull

i want to do things that feel motivated by interest again, not money or deadlines. i don’t want to experience the world on the clock. i want to feel satisfied by curiosity and experimentation 

days like this make me feel so small. i’m tired and hot and it’ll be dark and buggy by the time i get there, but i think i am going to go to the woods and i think the mosquito bites i scratch will be the only proof i’m something living in the world today. i’ve spent the last few hours on my phone unable to make a decision, i feel under and over-stimulated. i wish i had someone to chat with. i wish i could spend more time alone in ways that were enriching to me. i wish we could all experience the world in ways we were meant to 

#this all just feels tied to feeling like. idk very overwhelmed for a very long time #or like. having a hard time for a really long time and then like coming back into myself and immediately overcommitting but still trying to #process a lot i guess? #situationally a lot of stuff is overwhelmed but also there is like. so much stuff internally that i realized the other night i just like #*overwhelming #haven't shared with anyone or don't know how to share with anyone and i feel like a ship in a bottle and i feel full and hollow #and so scared all the time #i have to keep moving or ill die i have to keep moving or all i die i have to keep moving or #and every small thing feels like it is actually 10000 big things at once #and like i really do not cry often or much but like. yesterday i misprinted a shirt and broke down for like 10 minutes #i don't ever feel fragile until suddenly there is a flood

[blujayonthewing]

well I just spent an hour digging through my own dnd notes and social media and also almost cried because I mentioned, in passing, something justin had said about one of his NPCs and he, completely lightheartedly, was like '?? I don't remember that at all. [I mean I'm not making it up?] I think you might be making it up 😏'

#me-- instantly stressed and near tears: I know you're joking and it's not even important but. that isn't funny. to me. #I really wish there was a term for 'gaslighting but they're not doing it on purpose' #this is distinct from simply 'being wrong' because 'that's definitely not what happened 🤨' is a key part of it #the other person trying to convince me that I'm wrong and I must be crazy-- not for manipulation purposes but because THEY forgot #and are MUCH more confident in the possibility that I'm completely full of shit than that they maybe can't remember exactly #this is an extraordinarily specific thing that nonetheless happens to me ASTONISHINGLY OFTEN. #I mean clearly often enough that I'm now hair-trigger sensitive upset about it #AND TO CLARIFY QUICKLY-- that's not what justin even did (this time) but 'well I don't remember that' is still... #OKAY WELL I DO. WHY DOESN'T ANYONE EVER BELIEVE ME. #trembling and crying searching for Receipts while explaining to my husband that it's not even that I don't think he believes me (this time) #I just. I just. I just. I'm not fucking crazy. I know you don't think I'm crazy. but I still feel like I Have to prove it. #my mom sending a package to the wrong address and then saying-- confidently and irritably-- 'you never GAVE me a unit number' #when I can scroll back up through texts to where I sent her our new address when we moved and it was complete and correct #my friend during our big stupid fight saying 'no one actually AGREED to that [dnd] plan except you and justin 😒' #going back into my audio recording to that conversation where everyone BUT him agreed #including his fucking pick-me 'yeah jay's being shitty right now' brother whose character said 'this sounds like a good plan' verbatim #like. I KNOW it's not just 'my memory vs theirs and we both assume we're right' #because SO OFTEN when this happens I have FUCKING RECEIPTS. that I'M NOT WRONG OR CRAZY. #no one ever wants to entertain the notion that I might know what I'm talking about. #I can't stress enough that I'm not mad at justin right now he was very much 'no I believe you! it's weird that I don't remember though' #which is fair! honestly! but I'm a LITTLE. sensitive. of the fact that everyone always ALWAYS automatically assumes I'm incorrect #and very often in a way that's a mark against my competence or character. #'well *I* couldn't *possibly* have gotten the address wrong so YOU must have fucked it up' #you know. it's like that. it's like that a lot. #maybe this only happens to me so much because I happen to be cursed with remembering things better than most people #or maybe I'm uniquely viewed as incompetent. who can say. #about me

[serufu]

I had an insane day so instead of talking about that I'm gonna juke left and post some of the pictures of my 3 days so far in the Ice Fog up here in the mountains this week lol, I hate driving in it but it's so beautiful

Bonus far away shots from the foothill plains too!

#bestie mutual you were hoping I was doing ok in the mountains and if you add everything up overall I am #but it's been an Experience having to go into the town that I previously lived miserably in for 8 years then left on very sudden bad terms #to get groceries and run errands and just sort of briefly live life again here that feels surreal and sort of bad lol #but the Fog is healing my soul and as long as I don't get taken by it one morning lol then things are improving #I'm forcing myself to go to all the places here that I have a mental block about still this week to move past that one way or the other #I was so scared to go to my favorite restaurant that I went to with my ex so often that we had out picture on the wall #but the old man who runs it remembered me and gave me a huge hug and told me to come back as often as I could while I'm in town #so besides crying in the parking lot for a while that was wonderful lol #ALSO one of the main reasons I'm here is to pet-sit the cat I rescued at the start of the year that the people here adopted #and she's doing SO WELL and remembers me and sleeps on or beside me every night now and snuggles instead of bites and #it really warms my heart I'm so glad she's not only recovered from what should have been certain death but is thriving

[delta-piscium]

Trying? Trying??? By learning. By succeeding!

(about this and my text under the cut)

this is very nice actually thank you so much <3 <3 and like, i probably do need to give myself more credit in general but also i am still very much learning and stumbling and figuring digital art out (and for the most part it is so fun)

I’m gonna ramble about this a bit so bear with me and also i apologize lol, but that art was done after a month of getting increasingly more frustrated with everything turning out so badly and eventually realizing that I was trying to 1. copy a certain look/style that i’ve internalized is what fanart and digital art should look like and is very far away from my style/comfort zone 2. i was trying to do everything digital allows without being comfortable with it or understanding it

so (and this took me a month to realize ? ??) i did what i already knew from doing acrylic and oil painting in the past and could somewhat easily transfer to digital without having to know more than the basics, like i didn’t use a lot of the things digital provides or allows for. i used layers for my own peace of mind but without actually needing them and did some color adjusting (honestly, the color adjusting digital lets you do is such a blessing to me) but the only fancy way i really utilized the medium was making it a gif (which is so fun and a lot easier than i would have thought, like honestly watch me make any future art into gifs too) but there are so many things you can do with the medium with settings/effects, different brushes, tools to use in the process etc that i just do not understand what they are or how to implement them so i am very slowly learning digital art as a whole new medium rather than just being able to use it to adapt what i already know

#sorry you just wanted to say a quick thing and i went on a whole rant (welcome to my blog tbh) #like i'll watch tutorials and they'll be like 'and i just did an overlay and then a multiply layer in a good color (:' and im like ??? wdym #'a good color' what color is a good color? like i can put those effects on my work but that's just me clicking a button without knowing wha #will happen really and like i watch speed paints and see them do stuff and im just ? HUH? what was that and why? #i also do not understand a lot of these concepts with traditional art tbh like people will talk about under paintings and im like yeah sure #i hear you however i also do not- i just place a color where it should be and that's that which i know is why my colors often don't feel #cohesive which is also something i need to learn which is blah- im basically just saying i actually do not know any theory or technique #even with traditional it is all just vibes and hoping for the best which in the long run just makes me very confused about what i am #actually doing and not confident at all i'll be able to do it again so u know #we're out here literally just raw dogging art without any thought #but it's also just i do not need to do all those fancy things but i would like to understand them and i am excited to see my progress now #i just really had a shitty month of making ugly things up until now okay so i was a little fragile when i posted that #but people have been so so nice about it and ive been crying for two days straight #also people have been so lovely about the colors and colors are deadass the hardest part about digital like with paint you often buy a set #that already match and then mix them if needed and they'll look nice together but with digital you're just on your own- no training wheels #ask #anon

[the-yearning-astronaut]

.

#that feeling when you have the overwhelming urge to cry #but you're staying at a friend's house #and her and her kid and her husband are all asleep #and you know you'll be up for another hour at least because fuckin insomnia doesn't give a shit how physically exhausted you are #and ofc its the Bad Hours so my brain is doing gremlin things #like making me feel self conscious and awkward and out of place #i KNOW im not! i know my friends love me!!! #but being amongst them and their families.... idk it just highlights how very very different my own life is #and i know thats not a problem either! #but like. they can relate to each other in ways I never will #the three of them are married and have kids and have their own homes #and it's just. idk. i feel so outta place. like a mismatched puzzle piece. and i hate that i feel like that but i do. #Fuck im gonna start crying & i really don't wanna do that again so im gonna go finish Artificial Condition (again) & try some crocheting #im so tired and my head still feels like shit from this afternoon #fml why cant i just be happy and enjoy myself #tbd #☉ #fox thoughts #(and you three idk how often you're on tumblr anymore but if you happen across this-- #IT'S NOT YOU. it's got nothing to do with anything youve said or done. you're all lovely and perfect -- my brain's just bad)

[ignaciwhore]

mh

#this is a vent ? post #i found out an hour ago that my grandma passed away #and she wasn't well these last few years so i thought about it often #i imagined how it would feel #but i feel nothing???? #we weren't really close but she's been around my whole life #she's the only real grandma i have #but we didn't share anything at all #but she was still there #we see family for every birthday #every christmas #and idk #i don't really know what i expected to feel #i just cried when my mom told me because she was crying because it was her mom #and i can't ever imagine loosing my mom #also this is the first time i experience death in my close family #my dad lost his dad years ago but we were estranged for years and years #so it didn't hit me at all it was very abstract #but now idk why i feel nothing #i guess i can't really wrap my head around it yet

[oscill4te]

tag vent bc grosss (vent about ex tw)

#filler filler filler filler filler filler filler filler filler filler tag #sooooooooooooooo #snapchat will give you notifications if a contact has a snap account.. and i think my ex just made one #he is 43 and very tech illiterate (for lack of better word) like. hes just not that good with technology #so seeing him on there grosses me out either he is still a p*rn addict & paying for exclusive snaps or he is gr**ming somebody #i feel dysregulated and very grossed out atm. idk what hes doing on there its not my business but beinf reminded of him makes me wanna kms #being with him was the most shameful thing ive ever done in my life and therapy doesnt help nothing helps #only blindly numbing myself with distractions helps and avoiding the town he lives in completely #i feel so ashamed about everything. being with someone like that really changes you as a person and i hate reminders that it was real #my osdd compartmentalizes me so well that i feel so disconnected from something that didnt even end a year ago.. like a dream #like none of it was real yknow i hate reminders that hes real my roommate sees him at their job often #and always avoids mentioning it to me bc they know how it will make me feel #i will never go back btw. sometimes you learn something about someone that makes you feel so sick that going back will never be an option #and that is traumatizing to have had a relationship and feelings for someone who at their core is a disgusting subhuman person #he was also a “john” i think and that makes me feel even more sick... it is so sick he is so sick #i dont know why i tolerated everything i don't know why i was so stupid i was just so desp for a father figure and he knew that #and he had the guise of just wantinf to be my mentor and a friend to me when i had just lost my connection with my family and had nobody #after that relationship i don't fall for anyones tricks anymore. i have very strong bounce now. it just sucks that #i had to endure a year of someone like that to build those skills. i also traded off my ability to trust people or be vulnerable #and my parents funnily know nothing about it. thats what is so funny to me. it makes me wanna cry sometimes #he was very obsessive scary person getting voicemails still terrifies me to this day lol he would spam me with them #looking back its kinda pathetic to he in your 40s wanting to control someone on their 20s every move #i get kindnof homicidal about it sometimes (jjst sayingbif he died the world would be a better place ♡ one less predator)

[icharchivist]

"ue my eyes are puffy it feels like i cried this is so weird i don't remember crying today" before suddenly being hit with like, bro. icha. my pal. you legit cried for ten minutes when rambling about Orologia on your blog. Dumbass.

"why does it feel like i cried" you buffoon. you complete idiot.

#i don't cry nearly as often as i should but also i tend to forget very quickly when i have outburst of emotions #so i was really just puzzled like damn why are my eyes this puffy and sticky what the fuck happened #i was 100% honest when i said the asks were making me cry but i just. didn't process what the physical aftermath of that was huh! #ichatalks

[cheekblush]

really starting to think someone put the evil eye on me.....

#all 3 of my final lab exams went horribly #today i had an oral exam & my first train was canceled & the second one was 20 minutes late #i arrived 7 minutes late but i was thankfully still on time bc there was still another student in the exam room #my teacher obviously wasn't amused but she was still nice & i got a b which i'm satisfied with #but my teacher seems convinced that i can do much better like a b isn't a good grade?? let me live 😭 #i guess i was still lucky bc i was there on time after all & got a good grade but it was soooo stressful i'm glad i didn't cry #and my mom made it so much worse when i told her my train wasn't coming she got all mad at me like it was my fault??? #she kept saying i finally need to grow up like girl what does that have to do with the train being canceled? 😭 #she stressed me out even more & she actually could've easily driven me to my exam bc i had still had over an hour to get there #but instead she kept berating me and making me feel even worse... #and i kept telling her i'm already stressed enough can't you tell me smth uplifting but she just kept being negative & condescending #it's a little frustrating how all my exams before the finals went so good but now that it really matters everything seems to be going south #but ultimately i just want to pass everything and never set foot into this school again i can't wait for all this to be over 😪 #and sometimes i really think the girls i surround myself with at school want me to fail.. #like i often miss school bc of mental problems & sometimes i feel like they're mad that i still do well in school?? #idk maybe i'm reading too much into it but sometimes it really feels like they're waiting for my downfall #our 'friendship' is very superficial as well & i often feel left out from the group tbh #like last friday i stayed behind a little to talk to a girl & none of them waited for me even though we all go to the train station togethe #but they always wait for the other girls of the group.. #i'm not taking this too personally bc i don't see them as good or close friends & i know once school is over i won't see them again anyways #but it does hurt a little bc i'm always the odd one out who struggles to make friends no matter where i am #either way..... please please please just let me pass all of my exams & let everything fall into place in my life 🧿🧿🧿 #☁️

[noxtivagus]

I'M SO SLEEPY HFLKDJA

#🌙.vent #weekends r too short i barely did anything ngl but. i did spend time w my family n some friends lately so that's nice !?! #just thinking n oh my god i hate being shy so much. i tell myself so often i need to hesitate less! but #it's just so HARD. I HATE IT BCS I REALLY WNA JUST #😭😭 i can't help but feel really bad about it bcs. i really need to.. #oh my mind is such a mess rn wait but i really need to hesitate less #ok that said it's 4 am n i have to wake up in less than 3 hours. i'm sleepy but. i want to.. write whatever. i need to #it's so hard for me to bring myself to sleep until i've. written. something #writing to my friend writing to myself writing for school i don't care i really just need to write something before i sleep #this sucks bcs i'm genuinely rlly sleepy rn but i can't bring myself to just. stop wtvr n finally go to sleep #it's so. tbf it is like 4 am rn my mind is so messy #i opened up a bit to one of my online friends of my.. anxiety of like drifting apart or being distant n all #n their words reminded me of some stuff that made me reflect a bit n #i know w like. a lot of my friends i don't have to be so nervous about anything at all n i #i'm about to cry rn i blame it on the lack of sleep n the sleepiness i have rn :< #it's just such a touchy subject for me i always get very emotional when i think or reflect on what i mean to others....? #it's a really really touchy subject for me bcs it just. reminds me that i'm. actually alive n human too yk? that. this is. real i think #i'm crying this is so dumb #it's so. i hate it so much bcs at heart i know better but it's just so hard to really just accept that. i don't know #how is it like to have /me/ in your life?? in whatever way?? it just feels so unreal to me n that. probably stems from a certain #loneliness that i've grown to be used to. n then it's the root of my hesitation i Think #it's just.. rlly so hard at times to. idk i can't help but unintentionally restrain myself w others n there's just often this barrier #i hate it i'm so afraid to be hurt in any way again that even though i rlly wish this fear wasn't there it's just engraved in me #n so i wonder at times. the person others know me as. is it rlly me or just the parts they want to see. an image of me? #i hate it bcs i know certainly w the way i perceive others i love them so much wholly but accepting that for me feels so 'selfish' #i know better but it's so hard to just break out of it n i feel like a burden so often.i hate it so much i feel like i'm rarely ever enough #& i 'have' to be just enough; not too much or too little. i have. fears of what wld happen if i really be myself if i wasn't shy n all..? #n then i rlly can be too harsh on myself at times. to do things right n properly. but life is imperfect the world is imperfect n it's ok if #if i'm not too right? if i can love others unconditionally then.. surely surely i'm not exempt from that? surely i'm human too? #yk what. i'll be fine when i wake up i think i'll go sleep n do the rest tomorrow. it's been.. a month now hasn't it? 28th huh

[madamescarlette]

a collection of maisie lyrics that mean a lot to me

Millhouse // I’m Trying (Not Friends) // Volcano // Outdoor Pool // Love Him I Don’t // Hollow // You Signed Up For This // Cate’s Brother

#lyrics #this isn't really web weaving anything it's just for my own confirmation of these being my favorite i think #also i love keeping little lyric diaries every so often so this one counts for now #she just has such a good hand for perfecting balance between light and heavy and i love that so much #this love him i don't line in particular can make me cry almost at a pin drop #it just says so much with so little!!! #she wanted it to work out. and it didn't! #its very simplicity belies how much it is like a gut punch i think #(don't know if anyone else would even want to do this but i would love to see <3)

[blujayonthewing]

I can’t remember if I posted this one before but this pic of me and my entourage fucks so hard

#photographer sent us the full set of wedding photos tonight and I'm cryin on the floor about them #this one's not even new I just really love it #the equivalent pic of justin with his party looks like they're about to drop the SICKEST album kjhfdkhdgf it makes me so happy #anyway the expanded photoset has SO many pics of like everyone getting ready and pics throughout the ceremony and I just #I'M SO SOFT! I LOVE MY FRIENDS! I LOVE MY PARENTS!! I LOVE MY HUSBAND!!!!! #I have to keep taking breaks to [spiritually] lay on the floor and [literally] cry #like nooo not me kissing justin's forehead after our first kiss and we're both smiling and crying I forgot I even did that 😭💕 #AND LIKE I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW TENDER I AM ABOUT MY FRIENDS I'M JUST-- LOOK AT THEM I'M SO SOFT I'M GONNA EAT A MATTRESS I CAN'T #[pic of friend helping another tie his tie] [pic of me w friend laughing with our faces smooshed together] noooooo 😭😭😭💕 #[pic of everyone caught in the middle of laughing or saying something and we're all kinda making stupid faces] NOOOO 😭❤💕!!!! #I'M SO FULL OF LOVE I'M GONNA FUCKING EXPLODE #the THING IS I'm exploding with love for Justin every day so I'm very slightly more inoculated against it #a lot of my friends I don't see very often so every other pic is just KNOCKING ME SIDEWAYS!! that's my FRIEND!!! AHUHUHUUU #about me #irl frens #me #SORRY NOT SORRY FOR WEDDINGPOSTING AGAIN #sharing the Wow! Cool Swords pic to spare you all the 500 ones that made me cry about everything instead :')

[arielmagicesi]

my brain is twisted and dark aaahhh I was like “I don’t want to watch First Kill because I’m not interested in seeing high school shows or cheesy romances, sorry, not for me, I’ve outgrown them” and then I heard that it wasn’t all that good actually and I was like “now I HAVE to see it”

what can I say, I’ll absolutely watch high school shows/cheesy romances if they’re bad. I love bad content

two caveats: yes, part of it was my brain going “there’s only room for one vampire killer in my heart” fuck off I have problems; and yes, I know it’s a show about lesbians. what a fake fake lesbian I am for not instantly dropping everything and sprinting to go watch it, I know, you don’t have to tell me

#sorry for how aggressively this is worded lmao #i haven't started watching it yet but i'm very tempted now that i know it might suck #if it's good i'll probably stop watching aaaahhh #i really cannot handle lesbian content i'm sorry #every so often i read/watch something about lesbians but i get nightmares for the next few nights and cry for a week #it hits very close to my heart. i can't look at my sexuality head-on i have to look at it sideways #but if it's some shit like the lesbians on riverdale then sure because it's so far removed from reality #ANYWAY #we'll see #i also don't want 'person who ships vampire romances' to be my thing. 13 year old me rolling in her grave #written by me