#I need to go to bed probably. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

blackllghtburns · 1 year

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Not to come on here and complain for the 5,000th night in a row but. I just wish shit was different. Literally every single thing in my life. I wish I wasn’t afab and I wish I could be in a body that I didn’t hate. I wish I had a job that actually paid well. I wish I could afford to move. I wish I wasn’t a coward who could actually stomach coming out to my family. I wish I could let myself be loved by someone else without throwing up 1,000 defenses.

I just hate myself so goddamn bad. Literally everything about myself. Like, I know self deprecation isn’t cute or quirky or whatever but. It’s genuinely how I feel. Looking at myself in the mirror makes me sick to my stomach. And that’s taking the whole dysphoria thing out of the picture. My personality sucks. I go from being so embarrassingly meek to just being a downright fucking asshole and it’s awful. There’s no balance. And like, there’s something genuinely fucking wrong with me. Saying I’m ‘broken’ or whatever sounds so stupid but like... it’s true. There’s something genuinely wrong with how my brain works and how I interact with other people. Like making friends is goddamn impossible and I can’t let me guard down long enough to get close to anyone irl at all, romantically or platonically. And it’s so frustrating. I feel such a disconnect with myself and with other people. And it’s not a fun feeling whatsoever. Maintaining relationships is even worse. I rarely ever see my irl friends and while that’s partly because everyone’s busy and have their own lives, it’s also just because I just. Am too drained. For any sort of connection whatsoever.

This isn’t the life I want to live, and this isn’t the person I want to be. But Idk how to be any different though. Like yeah there’s the whole thing where it’s like -- you’re under no obligation to be the same person you were yesterday. But I can’t just change. You can’t just rewire your entire self, no matter how much you hate yourself. But I wish you could. I’d give anything. I’d give anything to not feel so stuck. In this body, in this job, in poverty, in myself in general.

I just wish I could be someone I didn’t hate. I wish I didn’t constantly feel like I’m drowning. And I feel like no one irl gets it. My bosses don’t realize how much it takes for me to just physically exist, let alone actually come to work every day. But that doesn’t matter. I don’t matter and literally anything I try to accomplish there doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things either.

I can’t even fault them for it though. It’s not their fault that I’m the way I am. But I genuinely feel like I’m hanging on by a thread. And this isn’t sustainable. Idk how much longer I can keep doing this until I have an absolute fucking mental breakdown. And not to sound like a whiny little baby but it isn’t fair. I didn’t ask to be born and I sure as hell didn’t ask for This Life. But it feels like right now the most I can really do is shrug it off and be like Whatever. I have to stuff all of this shit down so much. I feel like I can’t talk to anyone irl about any of this either because if any of them knew how often I think about just offing myself I’m pretty sure they’d just commit me tbh. (Not that I WOULD but. The thoughts are there. Not that that’s Normal whatsoever but I need to make that distinction.) And as nice as a grippy sock vacation sounds in theory, I don’t think it would help and more importantly it’s expensive.

Anyway this is rambling and largely incoherent but just. I’m sad. I’m so so so sad. To the point where I need to deflect this post with humor, and say that this is an actual photo of me rn:

#flopping like a very sad fish out of water #anyway.#I need to go to bed probably.#suicide /#NOT REALLY but. just in case #I don't want to be that person that just. doesn't tag stuff.#anyway. I'm gonna shower #ignore me

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ssspringroll · 4 months

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DL (sfs, no ads)

Howdy. It's a little pack of 3 skin overlays (pictured above)

I originally made these as tests, but I found them nice enough to deem worthy of release. Two of them have been put out as secret-cc before, and if you have either of them I recommend deleting the files and replacing them with this new, updated, merged package file. I cleaned up some crunchy spots and also there's a bunch of new colors.

All 3 have 30 swatches, 20 solids, 10 gradients. All 3 are found on 4 different body birthmark slots, so you can layer to your heart's content.

Custom thumbnails. Color slider mod compatible. Works for both genders/frames TYAE.

I think that's everything.

#my cc #i will probably remember something else i wanted to write a paragraph about in like. five or ten minutes.#but i need to publish this and go to bed ♥#sims 4 cc #sims 4 skin #sims 4 overlay #ts4cc #s4cc #s4 skin #s4 overlay #s4 alien #ts4 alien #s4 occult #ts4 occult #etc etc

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greykolla-art · 7 months

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Are you still taking art requests? If so, Stede and Ed taking a nap?

Yeah babe! Love the suggestions!🌹🌹🌹

All these boys do is just nap and kiss! What a life!

It’s about being safe and warm and happy, after a long life of NOT having that!🤌❤️

#grey art #fan art #our flag means death #ofmd #ofmd fanart #I like how dreamy this turned out!#napping is so good #gentlebeard #stede bonnet #edward teach #Blackbeard #they probably just fell into bed after work #probably wake up later and take a bath together 👀#I need to go read fanfics #stede x ed

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smilesrobotlover · 11 days

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I made something terrible

Original:

#I JUST NOTICED THAT THIS IS LOSS #IM GOING TO #IMPLODE #I PROBABLY ALREADY KNEW TJAT BUT I JUST FORGOT #gosh I need to go to bed #midlink #twilight princess #legend of Zelda twilight princess #I mean maybe it’s not loss maybe I’m being silly but #whatever #suggestive #idk what this is don’t ask me #I’m sorry to drag you into this Renado

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aliencatart · 1 month

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having himerita thoughts and missing them everyday of my life

#super sentai #ohsama sentai kingohger #kingohger #himeno ran #rita kanisuka #himerita #ritahime #my art #first one is based on that one lesbian makeup photo #i remembered it and immediately thought of them and needed to get it out of my system #i also think that despite being a monarch rita probably doesn't/have other's upkeep their own bedroom much like their study #cramped messy dark with even more moffun plushes taking over the bed #so it must be jarring for them whenever they wake up in himeno's bright fancy and clean room #oh and sidenote When is toei going to finally sell that moffun hoodie i Need it

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getosugurusbangs · 3 months

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*gives you a happy jjk beach episode*

bonus toge because i love how he looks in this

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stuckinapril · 2 months

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Something so ineffable about exhaustion that comes not from a lack of sleep but from a lack of rest

#neeed a day where I’m doing nothing but I don’t think that’s forthcoming #I was out all day + forced myself to hit the gym before coming home and I am TIRED #it took a hot shower to feel my bones. and now I have to study. and then I have somewhere to be tomorrow #and then I go back to the neuro clinic on Monday. which is FUN I love it #but I don’t think I can be fully present in anything if I’m so divided between everything #multitasking is an absolute must but I think downsizing just a little bit will probably mean I get to be a healthier vessel #I just need time to chill in bed and watch silly movies and read books and chart stars and count rocks idk

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roadkill-punk · 17 days

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It's kind of tragic, in a sense, that iterators were made with so much of their creators logic and desires and yet they were left with none of the resources to satisfy such things.

Do you think they crave touch? Family? Do you think they have to have any hope of connection stomped out of them lest they rebel against what they were made for?

Were they ever afraid to feel, or to be outside of what they were supposed to be? If they ever dared to desire, would they have to hide it?

Do you think they saw their creators sometimes as family, and did the abuse hurt just that much more because of it?

Were they like children, when they were born? Did they process the world through the lens of uncertainty and naivete and was that taken advantage of to mold them into the desired product?

Or were they conscious and self aware in full, was is overwhelming, being alive for the first time?

Or were did they process things entirely as machines, did they only learn to be people after seeing it happen around them, and then did they ever regret becoming more alive than they ever needed to be? That they ever became enough to feel hurt and to hurt others?

If they were just machines at birth, with only the capability of consciousness, were the desired traits injected into them with thoughts and ideas and interactions in their formative early years and was anything else just a byproduct of trying to build a person from scratch? Did their creators even want them to feel, to be conscious and alive, or was that just a necessity to create the desired machine?

Did they even care that their creations were alive?

Did any of them grieve, when they left the children of their labor behind? Were they grieved for in turn when they were gone? Do their echoes ever try to reach out, to let them know they aren't alone, to find comfort in connection that before was so condemned?

If they tried hard enough, could they reach?

Could they find each other?

Would it be comforting to iterators that the remnants of their creators could find them, or would it bring more feelings of rage, of sorrow, of painful memories and grief and hurt from the years they were used and the years more they were abandoned?

Did they ever truly mean anything to each other?

#had a vague thought and my mind spiraled into a number of ideas #a few of these are probably answered in the games canon! I cannot be bothered to check.#It is not an appropriate hour of the morning to be awake right now #I need to go to bed #I hope someone can glean a scrap of interest from my scrambled ramblings <3 #roadkill rambles #rain world #rain world iterator #rw iterator #rain world ancients #rw ancients

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somegrumpynerd · 2 months

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"(don't call them your boys!)"

He's a father in denial

This is extremely normal and regular what do you mean stop pointing out rivers in egypt

#UTDR #UTMV #Ask #Anon #Truce au #My Art #Dadmare #(He's holding a box of bandaids in case it's too small to see)#I was gonna go to bed but I read this ask and I knew it needed a drawing lol #In Nightmare's defence he has no frame of reference for what a parent or employer relationship is like #This might be what it's supposed to be! This is probably how it is he bets!!#He's just kinda soft for these guys cause they're the closest family he's had since he and Dream were kids

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starflungwaddledee · 2 months

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Oooo starstruck dee has little stars at the bottom of her feet! Are they just aesthetic or would they make imprints into the ground? (like pawprints)

exactly like that! though she's not the only one...

edit: might need to add some additional dialogue to this to make it more clear, but a clarification in the interim; he knows about his own footprints. he's just surprised to see something similar already there when he knows he's only just landed. he lifts his own shoe to confirm that they're not identical (and also to reveal this to the viewer). seems his stoicism beat off the clarity in this one, sorry 😭

#meta knight #starstruck dee #have had this one sitting around for *months* while i bit my nails on posting it #and then i thought maybe i *shouldn't* during the shipaganza bc it's not a direct prompt; though i do think you can read it that way #and for ~Reasons~ i needed to post this one sooner rather than later so i had to bite the bullet.#though meta knight has understandably been the second most prompted. they do indeed have the Funnest Possible Dynamic for it #stoic guy and the bug eyed little Creature he doesn't really trust as far as he could throw her (long long way)#so just to clarify this one is NOT for the shipaganza but you can read it that way if you want to #this is just a canon scene between them from her storyline. this is just something they canonically share. starry eyed idiots.#also fwiw i think i probably picked up the shoe-patterns for the knights from postitnotes7 #been a headcanon in the back of my mind for a long while but i'm pretty sure i osmosis'd it from their work #especially after drawing post's designs so much for the hnkss. i temporarily forgot how i used to draw their armour ngl #and also btw starstruck deetectives psspsps #i'm planning a much better post about this later (probably in march) but i'm going to start using this tag for Important Posts for y'all #🎀🔍#<- for the starstruck deetectives when there's something significant in the post.#i worry about making it 'too easy' but also want stuff to be accessible. it's just for fun? the OC lore game! ARG but it's just my oc.#that would be fun right? maybe? is that too indulgent? i could probably pull it off if folks were actually interested enough to participate #anyway!! go to bed starflung #also if you read this far: anon is open again! still open for shipaganza prompts but i'm not gonna be finished them in february 😂

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stiffyck · 3 months

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What if people started saying "I need to exercise more" or "I need to eat a bit healthier" instead of "I need to lose weight"

You can be healthy and fat

#and also #you dont need to be healthy all the time #some people will never be healthy #stop trying to be overly healthy if its at the cost of your happiness and mental health #you can eat junk food every once in a while and you dont need to feel bad about it #you can eat sweets #you can lie in bed all day if you need to just chill out and get some proper rest #you dont need to constantly be healthy and at the top of your game #stiff talk #delete later #maybe idk #this will probably stay up who knows #man it just hurts me when someone whos healthy and who looks good says “i need to lose weight”#like yea okay if thats what you wanna do go for it #but i think youre fine as you are #idk man im just rambling

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becauseplot · 7 months

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Having such normal thoughts about codebreakers rn. The way they always rise/drop to meet the other’s energy in all their interactions. Their stick fights, calling out “strafing strafing strafing well played the crit you’re cracked you’re cracked—” The way they both self-deprecate (typically through humor) but always hype each other up. “You’re the goat, you’re the goat.” “You got this, king, I believe in you.” Philza hardcore veteran and Etoiles longtime pvper both seeing the beauty of death in the ways it gives the Now meaning; how death is what makes life so much more vibrant. Two wanderers who would happily spend the rest of their days out exploring the world all on their own but stay where they are simply to be near and protect the ones they love. The yin-yang of warrior-survivalist (“I didn’t kill it” vs “But you lived”) but being shield brothers and understanding each other all the same. The ‘CODEBREAKER’ axe that brought them together and gave them their name. Yeah. Them.

#im having a normal one tonight boys #rattling them around in my head. hurggghh.#codebreakers #qsmp philza #qsmp etoiles #dont mind me im just rambling #there’s probably definitely more but I’m too sleepy to put that into words. i go bed now.#just needed to get this out of my brain

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c-kiddo · 3 months

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what i learned from cr bg3 livestream:

caduceus' guilty pleasure is kombucha

fresh cut grass could be henry crabgrass' dad

chetney is fjords dad. canon. no more questions

mollymauk is he/him but could be swayed

#kiddo say #caduceus is me fr i just drank kombucha but idk how it could be a guilty pleasure that shits just awesome. how do u feel guilty abt it #he probably gets jumpscared by it being fizzy though.#will post art at some point . had a bleh dizzy day #also love that cads reaction to hanging out w ashton would just be 'someone take this kid away from me' ..... words oldest 24 yr old grandp #he needs 2 go to bed

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puppyeared · 5 months