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khiphop-writings · 4 years

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Promise

Boxer!Jay Park x ER Doctor! Reader

Warnings: Suggestive(?)(not really) lil bit of violence

Word count: 4k

“Okay” you finished gently rubbing the antiseptic and placed a bandage over the fresh stitches you had just done “now, rest and absolutely no physical contact for-” “Y/N you’re needed over here” your coworker interrupted you and you rolled your eyes “2 weeks, you can go over there to book a follow up” you gestured towards the reception desk “okay what’s happening now” you were at the sink washing your hands and prepping a fresh pair of gloves “I just need you to take that patient behind curtain number three I’m busy” Minho handed you the chart once you had your new gloves on and rushed away “let’s see” you opened the thick chart “geez this is huge how often does this person get hurt” you pulled back the cream curtains and you were met with the familiar tattooed man, this time a lip gushing with blood and a swollen eye “seriously??” you threw your arms up in frustration “this is what? The third time this week, the eighth time this month??” “wow are you keeping track of me?” he grinned but it quickly turned into a grimace cause of his lip injury “whatever you’re doing you need to stop this isn’t healthy” you scolded him “but then I wouldn’t get to see you” he reached towards you hand and you quickly dodged it and got your suture kit out “you don’t need to keep injuring yourself if you want to see me” you sighed and began cleaning his bottom lip, he winced when you applied pressure “of course I do, you refused to give me your number the first time” you shook your head “I work in an emergency room for a living, relationships don’t work with me” “then I’ll continue to get hurt these are our dates” you placed the needle through his lip without warning and jerked away from you “that’s cause you won’t shut up now hold still”.

“So what exactly do you do” you asked mindlessly checking things off in your chart “do you want to see?” he put his jacket on and walked towards you “not really know if you end up looking like this” you used your pen to gesture towards him. “You should come one night I think you’d have fun” you finally met his eyes “well too bad I work every night, tending to idiots like you” you sarcastically frowned “come on you don’t work EVERY night” “and what if I do?” he knew you were lying “okay I don’t work Thursday’s” you sighed “that perfect!” a smile appeared on his face “be careful you’re gonna pop the stitches!” you hit him with his own chart “sorry sorry!” he held his hands up in defense “so give me your number and I’ll text you details” he handed his phone to you and you regretfully complied, entering your number.

You walked over to the desk, rubbing your neck, it had been a long night. “That took you so long” Minho was sitting across from you in the receptionist seat you knew wasn’t his “Jay Park… again” you rolled your eyes “seriously that the third time I’ve seen him here” “I know he keeps insisting on seeing me”. You went through your charts to make sure everything was in order. “aw that’s kind of sweet, why don’t you go on a date with him?” you looked at him as if he was insane “the man is literally a masochist, who gets hurt like that all the time? an insane person” you answered your own question “Okay but you don’t know that maybe he does…” Minho couldn’t find a reasonable explanation for Jay’s frequent injuries “exactly… but I might’ve agreed to come see him at his work” you gave him an embarrassed look “oh no way… you def like him” he grinned “do not! I’m just curious” you stacked up your charts and began to walk away “yeah sure” Minho called but you just walked away smiling.

You got out of your car and stared at the unfamiliar brick building, unsure if you should continue, you tried texting Jay but he was suddenly unresponsive. “I’m gonna get killed” you thought as you locked your phone and walked towards the building. You saw a lot of people standing around a table waving cash around, you checked your wallet and hoped you brought enough money, he didn’t tell you you had to pay. You walked up to the table and people were throwing names out along with cash and men were writing the names, counting cash and yelling at people, the whole atmosphere was chaotic.

You stood around unsure of what to do, trying to find a way out “So who are you betting on?” a strange man asked next to you “bet?” your eyes widened and you looked at him in confusion he started laughing, too loud for your comfort “is this your first time?” “y-yeah” you felt embarrassed “what is this place? Jay never told me” you tried to look around for any clues but failed “Jay?” The man was seemingly in shock “Yeah Jay Park, he’s been coming to my hospital a lot, do you know him?” “of course everyone here knows him” “they do why-” “are you gonna bet or not” “I’ll do $100 on Jay for tonight” the man placed a stack of cash on the table “she won’t be betting tonight” he moved you guys away from the table. You started to walk through the dark hallway towards the main area “why are you betting on Jay?” he just stared at you with an incredulous look on his face“god you are in for such a shock” he ruffled your hair “I’m Hyukwoo by the way” “Y/N” you gave him a nod.

The two of you arrived to the main area and it all started to make sense, you looked around at the audience stands, the dark lighting and right smack dab in the middle, a huge boxing ring lit up by a few bright lights “no shit” you looked at the ring, running your fingers along the ropes. “Are you shocked?” Hyukwoo practically shouted at you, the room was too loud “kind of? But not really?? I don’t know it kind of explains the frequent injuries” you shrugged “what do you mean? Have you met him before?” “Yeah, who do you think stitches him up all the time” you scoffed. It was his turn for his eyes to become wide “no way you’re the cute doctor???” he shut his mouth quickly “the what???” you laughed “I’ve said too much, look they’re about to come out” he turned his head towards the ring and you followed suit.

The announcer came out microphone in hand, it was all so cliche you couldn’t believe this stuff actually went down like this “tonight we have newcomer Alex” the announcer’s voice boomed and out came a really young looking kid however he looked fearless and scary, the crowd cheered loudly for him. He was shirtless with black boxer shorts on, and his hair in a man bun, one thing you did take note however he didn’t have any gloves on. Your stomach twisted, this was most definitely illegal, the bets, this sketchy looking place, no gloves which meant they could basically pummel each other to death “that explains the busted knuckles one time” your face twisted. “Next up we have, your favorite and mine Jay Park” the announcer stressed out the last syllable of his name for what felt like forever and the crowd roared, out came Jay hands wrapped up, shirtless, in white boxer shorts, hair draped over his face. Your heart began to speed up a little bit, you weren’t sure if it was because you thought he looked nice or if you were anxious about what’s to come.

Jay started swinging as soon as the whistle blew, he missed the first couple but he finally landed one straight in Alex’s jaw, that knocked him back a bit but Alex started furiously throwing punches at him that he tried his best to dodge but Alex managed to get a few into his ribs. You were very noticeably at the edge of your seat, practically almost falling off, Hyukwoo chuckled and pulled you back “he’s doing great” he whispered in your ear and you finally breathed in what felt like forever. The match ended by Jay trapping his opponent between his legs and Alex had finally tapped out, you breathed a sigh of relief and stood up with the crowd to congratulate him.

Hyukwoo helped lead you to the locker room and wait for Jay, when his eyes landed on you a shit eating grin formed on his face “wow I can’t believe you actually came” he tried to pull you into a hug but you unknowingly dodged it and began examining him, the doctor in you taking over. “And how’s your breathing I saw he punched you in your chest pretty hard, could you breath for me” you placed your hand on his muscular chest, eyebrows knit in concentration, he placed his hand over yours “hey you’re not working today so don’t worry about it alright?” he swiftly removed your hand from his chest and intertwined your fingers, you blushed, unfamiliar with this sudden touchy-feely behavior. “Let me just-” “no no no let’s go out to eat” he smiled dragging you to his car.

A few minutes later you were sitting next to Jay, across from Hyukwoo enjoying some burgers “and he literally comes in all the time, even for probable concussions” you laughed explaining how often Jay frequents your hospital “well you can never be too safe” he rubs the back of his neck in embarrassment “yeah especially when the doctor is so cute” Hyukwoo raises his eyebrows suggestively “yeah that too” Jay coughs “who? Minho?” you try to hide the blush on your cheek and Jay just laughs. Hyukwoo had to leave early, leaving you and Jay alone, he leaned against your car before you could get in, “sooo” he looped his fingers through your belt loops, pulling you closer, your bodies practically touching “I would really like to see you again, minus Hyukwoo” he smirks. You look down playing with a rock under your shoe “I don’t know… I’m always working you won’t like it” you frowned “I work every night just like you” he argued “how about we let the day time be for us” he holds your chin to make you look at him “okay maybe we can go on one date” you smile.

The following Thursday you found yourself in the same booth as the last time except you were sitting across from Jay this time Hyukwoo nowhere to be found. “Sorry this is the only place that’s open this late” he mumbled “that’s okay I like this place” you gave him a warm smile that seemed to ease his nervousness. After that you fell into comfortable conversation, trying to get to know each other as best as possible. “And so what’s the grossest thing you’ve seen in the ER” you pretended to think for a minute “you” you teased and he threw his head back laughing “what? Sometimes you have nasty cuts” you laughed with him. “But seriously ummm” you paused “ooo okay so one time we had to pull an axe out of this man's stomach and then once we removed it he just didn’t stop bleeding so I had to-” you looked up and Jay looked a little sick, you chuckled “I’ll stop this is clearly too graphic for you” “sorry I just wasn’t expecting it” he sighed “no worries” you nodded and you guys fell silent. “Well so why do you box?” you rested your chin in your palm leaning into him “hm I don’t really know, it's good money, I’m good at it” he shrugged “it’s as nice way to get anger out” he gave you an unsure look “well I have a lot of anger maybe you should teach me one day” you raised your eyebrows playfully “maybe” he smiled.

After three more dates Jay wanted to make you his, officially, which you were hesitant about. Yeah you were falling for him but his career made you extremely anxious. You grew accustomed to the routine you two had created, seeing each other practically every day going on little dates and sometimes just spending the day at either of your guys apartments, Some nights when he had small cuts or bruises, he would show up at your door using it as an excuse to be able to spend the night even though you would have let him anyway.

You even let Jay take you to his gym to teach you how to box. He strapped you in the protective gear, patting the padded helmet on your head and giving you a kiss on the nose. “Okay so you’re going to want to” he placed his leg in between yours, guiding your foot into a proper stance in front of the red punching bag “yeah stand just like that” then he wrapped his arms around yours lifting them up in front of your face you blushed slightly at the closeness. “okay now keep your elbow straight” his fingertips grazed your elbow and then he tapped lightly signaling you to throw the first punch, it wasn’t hard at all, he heard him hold back a laugh “ugh come on” you turned around hitting him lightly “okay okay let’s try again” he turned you around placing you back into the same stance.

After a couple of missed punches you finally landed one straight on the punching bag “OH NICE” he shouted picking you up and shaking you “hey don’t congratulate me yet I want to be as good as you” you raised your gloved fist in his face turning back to throw more punches at the bag. “I see why you like this” you said between punches “although I usually just punch minho whenever I’m upset” “maybe we should get you your own” Jay laughed “or maybe I can just come here with you” you grinned “well then I would end up being too distracted by you” he wrapped his arms around you.

In turn you met him at his apartment, medically prepared first aid kit in tow, you agreed to teach him how to treat his wounds. You were seated on his bathroom counter, Jay placed himself between your legs, you were teaching him each product and what order he would need to apply everything “Okay so this is called…” you held up the brown bottle “peroxide” he responded and you nodded with a smile. “I don’t see why we’re doing this I have you” he ran a finger down your thigh,“well sometimes I’m asleep when you show up I’d like to sleep a full night” you swatted his hand away and leaned forward wiping his cut with the peroxide. “Plus you asked me” you got defensive “maybe it was just so I could get you in this position” he wrapped your legs around his back and picked you up off the counter, he pressed a peck into your lips.

As quickly as things had happened, things fell apart just as quickly.

You tried to attend every match you could and you gave him a thorough check up whenever you could, it just made you so nervous even though he was undeniably good. You would never express to him your uneasiness, he loved boxing and you don’t expect him to stop it for you, that would be unfair but it just made you want to throw up sometimes. Every time someone bursted through the doors on a late night, your heart raced and you always had to check to make sure it wasn’t your boyfriend.

“Good job” you clapped your hands lightly, you met Jay at your usual after match spot, he pulled you into his arms swinging you around “that was seriously one of my bests ugh that was great” he grinned widely “yeah you were really great out there” you patted down his sweaty hair “do you want to go to our usual place?” you asked as he grabbed his bag “of course” he took your hand in his “ugh wow I still can’t get over how great that-” Jay hunched over coughing a bit “are you alright” you rubbed his back “did anything come out when you coughed? A color-” “stop Y/N seriously stop” he moved away from you “do you have to baby me all the time? This shit happens it’s normal after getting a few hits” his words hit you like a truck “well excuse me for caring about you” you bit back tears “no- that’s not what I meant” he tried to grab your wrists but you pulled away “no I know exactly what you mean” you sighed walking away.

You woke up and surprisingly found Jay next to you in your bed, you only remembered crying yourself to sleep, not him coming home with you. He placed a soft kiss on your shoulder but you moved away from his touch “Y/N please” he wrapped an arm around your waist and pulled you in close so you couldn't move away. “That was so stupid of me to say, I know you’re a doctor and its just instinct, I actually really do appreciate your care” you stayed silent so he could continue “I don’t know what came over me I was just all really excited about winning and I didn’t want to think about things that could drag the mood down” “are you saying I drag the mood down” you spat “no of course not, it’s just if something bad were to happen to me I didn’t want it to be in that moment.” You finally turned around to face him “I’ll try to hold back” you ran your hand up and down his muscular forearm “no please” he placed a kiss on your cheek “don’t” one on your other cheek “hold back” and finally a kiss on your lips “I really like not having to go to the hospital to see you and I get a free check up” he mumbled into your neck “now will you give me a check up doctor?” he gave you a smirk.

Things seemed to go downhill since that day. After another attempted check up a couple weeks later and him lashing out in the same way except you didn’t wake up next to him that morning.

[To: Jay]: Hey… I’m sorry about last night can we meet up?

[From: Jay]: Sorry :( I have a huge match to prep for later this week

[To: Jay]: Oh… okay well if it’s on a night that I’m not working let me know so I can watch! :)

[From: Jay]: Sure.

You went to work extremely distracted, constantly checking your phone for an update. When your phone locked and you were met with your reflection you finally heard Minho “Y/N did you hear what I said?” you looked up sheepishly “no sorry” “come on let’s go get some coffee”.

You hadn’t told him everything that happened just that you were currently in a “weird spot”, he knew there was more to it but he didn't want to push you. “Okay I’m taking your phone for the rest of the night” he pried it out of your clutch “you’re a doctor focus” he nudged your arm.

“How are you and Jay doing?” Minho asked one day while you two were trying to rest in the on call room “umm” you trailed off. “I actually haven’t seen him in a while” your voice was quiet “really? What happened?” he rolled over to face you “I guess I’m too pushy, the doctor in me always wants to check up on him and we talked about and I thought we got over it but I guess not” you frowned “He can’t date a doctor and not expect that to happen” Minho scoffed “he says it ruins the mood” “oh Y/N I’m so sorry” he opened up his blanket and you squeezed into the twin bed with him, he rubbed your arm “I’m sure things will get better soon” he whispered.

You hadn’t seen Jay for about a week after that, his texts were short and he never told you when his matches were. It was impossible to get a hold of him and it was very much distracting you at work. It wasn’t until you started to cut a patient's circulation off with a blood pressure monitor minho decided enough was enough.

-Minho Pov-

“Hi is this Jay?” he tried to say as sternly as possible, gathering up all his courage. “No he’s training right now but I can take a message?” a man said from the other end “Well I don’t know if you know who Y/N is but he’s completely cut her off and it’s affecting her heavy, I need him to figure his shit out and talk to her” there was a moment of silence until the other man spoke up “wow I had no idea… I’ll talk to him for sure thank you” minho nodded even though he couldn’t be seen and hung up.

It was a very quiet night in the ER you were tending to your last patients when suddenly the EMT’s burst through the doors rushing past you with a gurney “I've got an unconscious male, seems to have taken multiple hits, Y/N I need your help on this” on of the EMT says as he placed the gurney behind a curtain, pulling out an ambu bag. This type of thing was normal for you, you were always calm in these situations, that was until you actually saw the unconscious man, you clipboard clattered to the floor and your ears began to ring, you felt dizzy, hoped, prayed it was a dream. “Y/N please pump his chest” the EMT placed the ambu bag on Minsik’s face and waited for you to get beside him. Your body moved unconsciously doing the actions it’s known to do by heart, that was all you could do, in your head you were screaming at him trying to tell him how stupid he was. Tears began to fall down your face and you began to pump his chest harder “I can’t…. we can’t lose him” you strained out “we’re not going to” minho stroked your hair, you had no idea when he had gotten there “keep going you’re doing great” he was frantically checking Jay’s pulse for any sign. Your hands hurt from pumping so much and your vision was blurry, you were so tired, you wanted this to end “I’m feeling something keep going Y/N” Minho perked up keeping his thumb on Jay’s wrist. You pushed yourself to keep going no matter how much it hurt “come on you idiot don’t leave me please” a second wave of tears began to flood “please please” at this point you weren’t sure if your pumping was hurting or helping him. Five minutes felt like eternity, five minutes had passed and that’s when Jay finally jerked up taking a deep breath, for some reason you were still pumping until Minho took your shaking hands in his pulling you to his chest “He’s alright look, he’s gonna make it” he whispered into your ear but you just continued to sob until your tears ran out.

The next time you saw Jay you felt like punching him straight in the face, however when you looked at the man all hooked up to the machines and in a hospital gown you grew extremely sad. You immediately ran to his side wrapping him in your arms, last night you thought you wouldn’t be able to feel this again “you’re an idiot you’re such a fucking idiot” you sobbed loudly into his chest “I know, I know” he whispered caressing your head.

A/N: Hi! how is everyone! I hope you guys liked this, please note I really know nothing about the medical field this is just me w my research lol. Requests are open please let me know what you think about this!

#jay park x reader #jay park scenarios #jay park au #jay park fanfic #khh scenarios

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ffuturefoundation · 5 years

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so today was my first day back at the grocery store and now i am supposed to actually get paid (so yay for that! also yay in general for being there, my coworkers are great. the nice woman at the cash register gave me such a good hug when i showed up and said how glad she was that i was back. other people expressed similar sentiments (and ofc that one guy i work with on the floor also hugged me, but he did that several times and they are a lot more fleeting instead of those really good ones. but me and that one guy are both super tactile people so that’s probably why we end up hugging so often. the people here do not just randomly do that with everyone. most people in general do not do that, the ones that do however, also know that i am one of those people who likes that so))

anyway right away in the morning i went to the owner and asked if there was a contract or something that i am supposed to sign, and he said there was and that he would find me during the day to talk about it. then when i was leaving work in the afternoon he came up to me and said that i need to bring some things tomorrow, like my address, banking info and also criminal record. which is annoying. i mean my criminal record is clean (wtf would he do if it isn’t? bc he has sort of already hired me right? also i have already worked there a day. i want to say it would be a dick move to then not hire me but lbr he’d do that. but anyway it is fine, my record is clean), however i have to bring it printed out, so i went to the library to do so. And well then i realised that it says my old personal number, so i requested a new one, but who knows when that will arrive (they say it usually is sent within two hours, but yikes i don’t want to wait here for so long, and also it might not be sent within that time)

they had me be at the cash register almost all day (and the main cash register so you have to stand which is annoying), but !! lots of people wanted to check the lotto, and i have been wanting to learn that, so now i at least know how to check if something is won on the ticket, and if so give that money to the people. i don’t really know how to get new tickets yet. (or i guess i do, but i don’t know what any of them are, so i cannot find what it is people want to buy)

besides being at the cash register, all i did was try to empty the paper press, which a 100% failed (through no my fault of mine, the machine just fucked up, and we tried to fix it with several people and it didn’t work, and then the owner showed up and just solved it??? which honestly okay apparently we still live in a time where someone showing physical strength somehow makes you admire them (i mean he is still a total asshole and i don’t like him, but i have no idea what the fuck he did to that door to actually kick it closed, bc we tried with three people together and it was not happening. and my instinct reaction to him closing it was respect (which is fine people are complex, and i can respect someone for one small thing while having zero respect for them for anything else. the world is in lots of shades and tints and nothing is ever black and white)

one thing i find annoying at this grocery store is that after i emptied out the paper press, i had to throw out a ton of other paper (which was all laying around bc the machine was full and apparently no one else that was there knew how to empty it, so they waited for me to return from the cash register... which honestly okay then. why do the rest of you not know how to do that and show no interest in learning? (i always want to learn stuff. i want to end up knowing how to do literally every single thing in the store.)

anyway the fact that there was lots of other paper at this time wasn’t such an issue, but with a lot of the paper there was still plastic attached (and there was zero excuse not to remove that), and they leave stuff standing around a lot, which i think is super rude. but at this store i cannot say anything directly to the people about it. at my old grocery store i most likely would have figured out who put the stuff there, found them, and get them to clean their crap up. (it is probably also part of why people cleaned up after themselves there, and they do not here. and the point isn’t exactly that i am not able to do that. the point is that in this store no one does that, and that in my old store, several people would have done that)

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fuck-customers · 7 years

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Long submission is long... AGAIN...

But I really need to get it off my chest. Thank you and sorry in advance. I dont know how to not be so wordy. I've tried. Anyways... A new development from... here... http://fuck-customers.tumblr.com/post/162442038608/long-submission-is-long (I'm on mobile so sorry for the dumb link/if it doesn't work) Anyways. So things are bad at work. I can obviously see that I need to get out. I'm waiting to apply elsewhere until it's closer to my vacation that I can't back out of - I feel like not being ready to start immediately puts a damper on prospective jobs, plus I want to really be able to knuckle down and focus once I'm back. Well, that's starting to sound like a bunch of excuses, so let's get on with it. In the meantime, while I wallow through my shitty job, I've been thinking of ways to try and make it better so I hate it less. And this might come off as a bit of a laugh, considering, but I thought to myself - now, Kat, why not become a head cashier (supervisor)? A forewarning - I'm going to mumble about my back and forth between being a supervisor and not, but it becomes relevant down at the end. I promise. Anyways now, hear me out. From the first time I worked at this place, becoming a head cashier was like... my goal. I firmly believe that if I had stayed for a few months instead of having to quit and move cross country, I could have done it. When I came back after moving back across the country, it was still a goal in my mind. But a goal that was thoroughly squashed once I became friends with one of the current supes, and became better friends with an old coworker who used to BE a supe. Turns out that that shit fucking sucks and is supremely awful. They barely pay you more than a regular cashier (they basically pay you base pay for other departments to be a SUPERVISOR), and while you're guaranteed 32-40 hours, the stress really isn't worth it. So I said fuck that. However, I've had a couple coworkers ask me why I'm not a supervisor. I always shrug and say I dunno, but now that I'm in this slump, I'm asking myself - why not be a supervisor? I have enough experience to do it. And learning how to deal with the safe and do cash drops and close the registers and everything else would give me better and more experience for finding more fulfilling employment. More time with shitty customers, but less time with customers overall. Plus, if we're being entirely honest, I wouldn't want to go on a power trip by any means, but if I were a supervisor, maybe people would stop fucking treating me like I'm new and don't know wtf I'm doing. ANYWAYS - I thought, well, it's better than nothing while I job hunt. More experience, a different work environment, a bit more pay. Might be better, albeit probably not. Worth a shot though. Shake things up. So I had it in my mind to bring it up to a manager/s. I thought, hey, I'll just fix my attendance issue and show I'm dedicated and then I'll surely have a shot at it next time there's an opening! ...and then I worked a closing shift on Tuesday (6/27) and saw my hopes slowly shatter in front of me, like a mirror thrown onto the ground in slow motion. So, everyone was apparently supposed to be given "informal" evaluations. It's the same paper, the same setup, the same criteria as a formal one that goes on your record, but without going on your record. I had literally no idea about it until a different super brought it up to the closing super. I don't like the super I was closing with that night, and I don't think she likes me, so I kind of have the feeling she said she lost my informal eval so she didn't have to give it to me, but the other super just said to just tell it to me orally. Basically, long story short, my biggest failings are that I "wander off from the register" and that I "need to pay more attention to customers than coworkers" (a jab at the fact that apparently I don't call customers over to my register, a complaint in the post linked at the top). I don't mind being reprimanded if I've earned it. I don't claim to be a perfect employee. There is room for improvement. But to claim I WANDER and DON'T HELP CUSTOMERS? You've got to be shitting me. I don't "wander" off from the front end. Any time I DO leave the front end, I always ask or tell a super. "Can I go to the bathroom?" Or "I'm gonna go get some cleaning rags from the back." or "I'm going to go do my produce walk." They literally fucking never have to page me back to the front. Do you know why? Because I'M ALWAYS FUCKING THERE. It's not like they always catch me in the back. Or like a manager is always finding me in grocery talking to my friend, or hiding behind the apple stand in produce admiring the melons (winky face). Like honestly????? I'm a WANDERER??? ARE YOU SHITTING ME? But looking back it's apparent the super I don't like isn't the only one that thinks that. One day I was AT MY REGISTER and another super came up and started looking all around going "now where is-" before looking behind her and going "oh there you are."... referring to me. Wow. Maybe I'm a wanderer because im not on register 100% of the time? Which... is also a joke... so let me tell you... A. There's no reason to be on register 100% of the time because... we've... LOST BUSINESS... to the new store. B. They get mad at you if you're standing around at your register doing nothing. Which brings me to my next point, being that I guess the managers see me as a slacker as well, or at least one of them does. And this happened on the same night my super gave me the informal eval. So... to give a shorthand version of the situation, I went to the bathroom and when I came back, my super wanted me on register because she was sending the only other cashier on her break. Leaving me and my super as the only two people on register. So I go to get on register, I'm up in front of my screen for like... a minute and a half, 2 minutes tops, looking around for customers and trying to decide if it's safe to continue my closing cleaning duties (staying on the front end... cleaning the registers.... NOT "wandering off") or if I should stick around. The manager at the time sees me, and goes, "so, [nickname he calls me], you definitely don't just want to br standing around. So here's what you can do..." and starts giving me this task that would not only require me to be off register, but off the front end. Which wouldn't be good, because again, I'm basically THE ONLY CASHIER AT THIS POINT. I can't just go running off the front end to fill the drink coolers. So I tell my super what he wants me to do and ask what SHE wants me to do, and she tells me not to do it. So I don't. She leaves to help count drawers and I encounter a rush, the coworker comes back, but the rush is still bad so I call for backup. Customers get shitty with me for phrasing my direct-to-the-room-and-not-an-intercom-page call for help of "yeah we're kind of swamped up here..." (cue a few "KIND OF?"'s scoffed at me) when paging the cash office for said back up, and finally it dies down. SOOO... at the end of that particular register we had a barrel of pre-bagged pistachios. The kind of weird mesh bag that you can stick your fingers through and pry open. So during that rush, one of my last customer had a couple of kids. She was watching the kids and kept stage whispering their names and kept shooting me furtive glances while I blatantly stared at these two kids ripping open one of these bags to get the nuts like yes... I see you guys.... and I see you, mom of hellspawn, not doing anything... Anyways, after the rush died I closed my register, fished out the bag, and started walking across the front end to the produce stand we have in front of the doors over there. I knew we had plastic produce bags so I was getting one to toss this OPEN BAG OF NUTS INTO. Sorry for all caps I'm getting agitated thinking of this Anyways, I'm almost by the door where.. surprise surprise, the manager is there doing something with the carts outside. He sees me and comes in and he's like "so how are those drink coolers coming [nickname]?" Now this was about an hour and 15 minutes before we were to close for the night, and 15 minutes before the only other cashier beside the one solitary super we had left was to go home. Supervisor had to close drawers, so in about 15 minutes I was all they were gonna have for the next hour. So I go up to the manager like 5 minutes later and explain... I'm like "hey... about the drink coolers... the other cashier is about to leave and I'm going to be the only one here. I'm not trying NOT to do it, it's just I don't know that I'll be able to given the circumstances." SO HE SAYS - "Oh it's okay if you can't. Try to, but I know you gotta clean and close and all of that. I only said that because I didn't see you doing anything at that second." WHHHHHHH---------- FUCK YOU!!!! I even got a little heated and started telling him like hey... open bag of nuts a couple of kids stuck their fingers in... I was trying to contain a potential mess and a now shrink item!!!!!!!! I WASN'T WALKING AROUND DOING NOTHING. I SWEAR TO GOD. It's just more of the catch 22 shit I complained about my supervisor doing in the first submission, but now it's everyone doing it. "Oh you wander too much, you need to stay on register. But since you're not doing anything, here's some tasks that would pull you off the front end and make it look like you're wandering." And how does this tie to being a supervisor myself? Well... even if my attendance was fixed, and I magically became a superhuman cashier that can stay off register while still being ON register, I know they won't consider me for a promotion. In my experience, once you're seen as a slacker, you're always gonna be a slacker, no matter how hard you work to shake that off of you. I don't get it. I really don't. I walk into work on a Saturday morning and everything looks like a mess, like no closer did anything. The day before all of this happened, I had to close as well - there was a rumor of a sheet we had to follow to make sure everything was done properly. After asking around, I was given the sheet and it's literally not anything different or new than what I've been doing this entire time. Which, on a side note, basically prompted everyone to try and tell me how to close. To quote, "basically, you know, when cleaning the front end, just have common sense and-" to which I cut off with a curt, "I know. I know how to close the front end. I was just making sure there wasn't anything extra I was missing. Which im not." .....bitchy, I know, but honestly.... you're the fourth person to try to tell me what to do when all I asked for was a list. We have to bring out these closing duty sheets because "some people aren't doing anything" but it's shit I've been doing this whole time. The manager (different manager than was giving me a hard time in above) didn't even bother giving it to me BECAUSE I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING. And yet somehow I'm labeled a slacking wanderer. I don't get it. Tell me I suck because im always late coming in. Tell me I'm awful because I take a few minutes too long on the single break I get. Tell me I could bend more and be a bit slacker to customers demands (SURE I WILL!!... what a bullshit policy). But you're really gonna label me as a slacking wanderer. I can't even. My morale is so low. I want to quit so badly. I'm not the world's best employee but I don't deserve this shit. I have to close again tomorrow and I'm just sort if hoping I fall into a coma so I don't have to go. Fuck my life.

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got7-texts · 7 years

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Call - BamBam (Day 48/100)

You can find my post explaining the 100 Day Drabble Challenge here

To read the other drabbles in my drabble challenge, click here

Prompt: Call Member: BamBam x Reader AU: Policeman!AU

Word Count: 1648

Requested literally months ago by fortheloveoftaemin. I think I re-wrote this about 4 times because it was just such a good prompt and I wanted to get it right. Hope you enjoy it~

It all began last week when there was a break in at your work. It was a small shop, and only the money from the cash register was taken, but you were still annoyed that it had happened. You were standing a safe distance away from the building, talking with a coworker when a police car drove up.

You looked over, expecting an old, worn out man but instead, you caught your breath when a handsome, young police man came out. He was absolutely stunning and you instinctively grabbed your coworkers hand while staring at the young man before you.

He had dyed, silver hair and big brown eyes that looked like they were sparkling. Although he was wearing the same navy uniform as the rest of the policemen, his was tight and form fitting, accentuating his long legs and slender figure. You briefly glanced at the gun and handcuffs on the side of his hips and had to stop your mind from wandering.

“Oh my god, who is that?” you whispered to your coworker. When you spoke, you realized you hadn’t been breathing for a bit and your heart beat raced in your chest.

“I think he’s the new police officer in town that everyone’s been raving about,” your coworker said. “He’s super cute,” she added, giggling lightly. You nodded in agreement, your eyes never leaving the young policeman who was now talking with your boss. You continued to stare until they suddenly both turned in your direction. You immediately looked back at your coworker who was smiling knowingly.

“They’re coming over. Don’t do anything stupid,” she said, winking to which you bit your lip hard to keep from squealing.

“Excuse me, are you Y/N Y/L/N?” a voice asked. You turned around and found yourself face to face with the officer you had just been staring at. He was even more handsome up close and you could see how beautifully tan his skin was. The slight curve of his lips made your heart pound hard and you found yourself tongue tied. There was a moment of silence that you spent staring at his face until you realized that he had just asked you a question.

“Oh! Yes, yea, that’s me…I’m Y/N…that’s my name…” you trailed off, feeling the heat rise to your face. You wanted to smack yourself but just gave a nervous smile instead.

“I’m BamBam, nice to meet you,” the young man said, offering you his hand with a big smile. You found yourself grinning and took his hand, shaking it and making sure not to hold on too long, but relishing in the feeling of touching him.

“The manager was just telling me that you were the first one to come in today and see the break in,” BamBam said, glancing at the shop. “Did you see anyone around the shop that looked suspicious? Or did you see anything else that might have been a little…off?” he asked. You took a breath and reminded yourself that this was serious.

“No, I just came to work as usual and the door was open. The lock was broken, but everything else in the shop seemed intact. The cash register was open and completely empty, but I’m pretty sure that was the only thing they took,” you said, struggling not to stare at BamBam for too long. He was jotting the things you said down on a piece of paper and then looked up at you, nodding.

“Alight, thank you for your time,” he said, giving you a small smile and putting the pad of paper away. You suddenly realized that he was about to leave so you said the first thing that came to your mind.

“It was kind of scary,” you blurted out, lying through your teeth. Again, you wanted to smack yourself for being so stupid, but BamBam just gave you another smile and nodded.

“I’m sure it was. But don’t worry, if anything happens like this again, feel free to call the station and we’ll send someone over,” he said, giving you a reassuring look. You felt your heart skip a beat and you gave him a smile, thanking him and watching as he left.

Since that meeting, you had called the police once, just to see BamBam. You had learned from your friend, whose father was in the police force, that BamBam’s shifts were usually in the morning. This worked in your favor because you were always picking up morning shifts at your work.

The first time you had called him had been three days after the break in. You had heard strange noises in the alleyway and were scared at first, but then you found out that it was just a family of stray alley cats.

However, this didn’t stop you from calling the police and asking for someone to be sent over because you ‘thought the burglar was back’. Fortunately, your friend had given you accurate information and you were able to see BamBam once again.

When he told you it was just a few cats, you feigned surprise, but then told him that you were grateful he came anyways. He had smiled and told you to call any time you needed anything. Better to be safe than sorry, he had said.

At first you felt a little guilty about calling him for no reason, but your town was so small and boring that you didn’t think he was missing very much. And you knew that, since he was new, he was probably itching for an excuse to not do paperwork at the office anyways.

Now, you glanced at the clock and bit your lip, tapping the phone in your hand impatiently. You mentally berated yourself for what you had done, but you couldn’t help yourself.

You had to see him again.

You had been working in the shop when suddenly one of the lights caught on fire. You had fairly easily blown the fire out with the fire extinguisher, but you still convinced yourself to call the police.

So there you were, sitting outside your shop with your cell phone in your hand, staring down at the fire extinguisher in front of you, wondering why you couldn’t just bring yourself to ask the man out.

“Hey Y/N,” a voice said, pulling you from your thoughts. BamBam was walking over to you, wearing the same uniform he always did with a big smile on his face. When was he ever not smiling. “Got your call and came right away! Did you manage to put out the fire?” he asked.

The butterflied began to dance in your stomach at the sound of his voice and any worries you had before washed away with his presence.

“Oh, yea I put it out,” you said, picking up the fire extinguisher. “But the light was sparking and I don’t really know if I should go back inside or stay out here or…” you trailed off, trying to make the situation seem a bit more dire than it really was. You weren’t lying, it had been sparking. Until you sprayed half a bottle of fire extinguisher on it.

“Let me check it out,” BamBam said, smiling at you and walking into the shop. After a few moments, he came out again with his pad and pencil.

“Is it okay?” you asked, curiously.

“Yea, it’s stopped sparking so it should be fine,” BamBam chirped, jotting something down. “I’ll let my boss know and hopefully we can send someone over to inspect it and make sure the rest of the lights are okay,” he added, closing his pad.

“Thank you for coming,” you said. “I know I’m probably annoying you with all the calls and everything, but I appreciate you being here,” you added, hurriedly, avoiding his gaze. BamBam let out a small laugh that sounded sweeter than anything you had ever heard.

“Of course! That’s my job after all,” he said, nodding at you.

You nodded back and prepared yourself to say goodbye, but BamBam just continued to stand in front of you, looking at the shop. You wondered why he wasn’t leaving but you refused to say anything. You never got enough time with him as it was, and if he decided to stand there all day, you would be more than happy to stand there with him.

“But, it was a pretty early call,” BamBam said, looking at you with a look that you didn’t quite know. “So I haven’t had my morning cup of coffee yet. Would you care to join me to get some?” he asked.

You felt your heart stop in your chest and your mouth dropped a bit. You were speechless for a few moments as you tried to assess your thoughts. Did he just ask you out? Did he actually want to spend time with you? Did he really like you too? Was coffee considered a date? WHAT WAS HAPPENING?

“YES!” you exclaimed, halfway between a shout and a scream. BamBam looked surprised and you quickly closed your mouth and awkwardly coughed. “I mean…yea sure, I’d love to go with you,” you said, a bit more softly and sweetly, feeling a blush spread across your face. BamBam grinned at you and clapped his hands together.

“Perfect! Let’s take my car. We can go faster that way,” he said, giggling and motioning for you to follow him. You felt like you were in a dream and stood still on the sidewalk, staring at his back. After a week and a half of doing absolutely nothing but thinking of ways to see him again, you were finally going to get to know him better.

“I love you,” you whispered quietly under your breath. BamBam turned around and lifted his eyebrows.

“Sorry, did you say something?” he asked, causing you to quickly walk over to him and giggle nervously.

“Nothing at all~”

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mylifemydiary · 4 years

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Graduation and new dilemas

June 23, 2020

We did it. We drove 13+ hours (including multiple stops) to Fort Worth and back for my son’s graduation. Overall it was a wonderful trip where I got to see family, take pics, work on my tan, and watch my son get his diploma. Well, the diploma holder. The baby did great on the car ride, with the circumstances, and only lost it on the way back with about 3 hours left. He was over it in a big way. But my husband was able to calm him down, as usual. I think my baby can sense his patience and his calm, whereas I am impatient and angry and overwhelmed with things. The days leading up to the trip were anxiety filled and lead to arguments between us. I don’t know how caught up this diary blog is but we recently had to replace the entire a/c unit at our house back home, that lead to finding a leak in the roof, which also lead to finding out the foundation needs additional repairs. The whole in the ceiling in the garage is still there, there are cracks in the walls in the living room, and several appliances need updating or replacing. The dryer door, the ice maker, the vent hood, blah blah blah home ownership woes blah. People keep calling and texting my husband to make a cash offer on the house, and I made a comment about yeah they are only seeing the outside, not all the problems inside and that sent us into an argument. Not to mention the argument the next morning as we are packing to leave. I, as the mother and woman, make lists of everything we will need on our 4 day trip. What I need to get ready for the graduation, what we want to take to leave at our house, things for the baby... My husband literally needs clothes and deodorant and he’s good. It doesn’t work that way for me and he knows it. Cue the argument about packing things. In reality, I did over pack because I didn’t work out ONCE during the trip like I had originally planned. Shame on me. But I was tired and heavy from all the extra food we had been consuming on this trip. Not to mention I was on serious pms emotions because I was supposed to start my period while we were there, and I didn’t, which is a whole other story in itself. I’m not pregnant, btw, I did a test this weekend and it was negative. My period has been messed up for months now. ANYWAY, my son LOVED his graduation gift from us, a laptop computer with music software that he likes, and we were able to celebrate briefly with my family on Sunday before the ceremony. We enlisted as a last minute SOS his sister to help us take pics, and she did a fabulous job. We were out in the texas summer heat but we did it and I have some amazing pictures to commemorate the occasion with my son. Both my sons. I did, however, forget the face cutouts my sis in law had had made that we were to use during the graduation, and we were late getting to our seats because we were waiting on her to get to our hotel room so we could leave. I had always envisioned watching the kids file in while pomp and circumstance played and becoming overwhelmed with emotion... I heard it briefly as I sulked over leaving the face cutouts in the trunk and security not allowing us to retrieve them as I rushed to find our seats. By the time we were seated the pledge of allegiance was over and the principal was speaking. It was very different from what I had pictured but we were in a pandemic and all in all it was as good as it could be. I was able to get pictures afterward with Zane for the last time before we left town, and say my tearful goodbye. We made it back without incident.

I’m getting my tattoo this Saturday, which still sounds like a distant dream, so I’ll be happy when it’s over and done with and I have new ink in my skin.

On his return, my husband found out a coworker put in his two weeks. Basically, he has been told the job is his if he wants it. There have been many discussions recently on where we see the future going, especially with all the recent problems we have had with our house. Ultimately, my husband wants to fix it up and rent it out. That leads us to discuss where we actually want to live. Here in Florida? Back in Texas closer to his work? Or fix up the house we live in now and stay put for the next 10 years until it’s just about paid off and THEN make a move. I think, last we discussed it, and believe me it is hard to keep track, he wants to finish the job here, which will likely wrap up at the end of this year or beginning of next, fix up our house just enough to rent it out, and then roll our mortgage into a gigantic new one and get a new house somewhere in Texas near his job. He wants to be back in Texas because he thinks his dad doesn’t have many years left. And he most likely doesn’t. He’s not in good health and doesn’t take care of himself. I am in agreement with all this, but there is still the matter of having one more baby. Our original plan back in the day was to start trying once we move back. I have a huge problem with being hot pregnant during the Texas summer months, which when we visited just now was in the 100s and it wasn’t technically summer yet, and want to wait until June or July to get knocked up so I can spend the heavily pregnant and hot times spread out over the winter months and have the baby in March. I will be just shy of 40, and Leo will be 3. Not to say I will be able to handle both children at once, especially since I have NEVER in my life seen that done firsthand, but I can’t imagine trying to keep a toddler busy and out of my hair while juggling a newborn and pumping or breastfeeding every 2 hours and not sleeping for days. When Leo was a newborn, I slept in the two hour windows he gave me. I won’t be able to do that while having a toddler to look after too. I honestly don’t see how women do it. Or I do see how accidents happen in the home more easily. Oh, the toddler fell off the furniture? Into the pool? drank the poison from the cabinet? yeah, probably while I was exhausted and chained to this other human being mouth to feed we felt like having. Let’s just make things THAT much harder, shall we? My husband gets 4 weeks off of work now, thank GOD so that should help me get caught up with rest in the beginning. I can only hope that jump start is enough to keep me going. And throw in the need to return to the gym in there somewhere. Not that I’m in immaculate shape, but I would like to continue to work on my body and not just let myself be disgusting and let go once I’m 40. It makes me break out into sweats just thinking about doing it all. But I digress.

Now that this new job has become available, there is a new option on the table. Possibly buying a house here, renting out the texas home, and staying put. I don’t have an issue with that, actually, barring we can get a nice house with a pool (I can’t be expected to lug this boy to the beach all the time) down here in a nice area. Interest rates are supposedly down right now because the world is currently falling apart. But that leaves us with fixing up the house back home enough to be livable to someone, hiring a management company because I’ll be damned if we are to be expected to deal with a broken water heater at 5 in the morning from Florida, and with the stipulation that it be rented to someone other than my husband’s enormous family. Because I can see it now. Someone falls on hard times and ‘rent will be a few days late this month’ and how my husband will be super understanding, and then ‘a couple of months behind’ turns into us paying for both houses and strapped for cash and him unable to evict said deadbeat tenant because they are ‘family’. Nope. Not happening.

Then he drops this bomb on me. After he tells his dad, mind you. He’s thinking about this job down here in Florida, but wants to move his dad in with us for 6 months at a time. oh. hell. to. the. no. I don’t even want family visiting us as it is, invading my personal space while my husband is at work all day, let alone taking up residence with us and being in my face all day. I don’t mind his dad, I really don’t. When he lives somewhere else and we can exchange pleasantries and then go back to our lives. He isn’t a very good housekeeper, and I don’t plan on cooking just because he is there. I get a long just fine the way we are here now. I work out in my living room since I can’t go to the gym anymore. And that works for me. I do not under any circumstances need an audience while I try to work out. I don’t need an extra person to clean up after. I don’t want someone interfering with how I raise my son. I’ve been there done that with my own family and that did not turn out well. I just like my privacy. Always have. And then what? I’m supposed to be pregnant and have the baby down here with zero people to help? And then my husband throws in the dad as an option to help. The man can barely help himself, he won’t be able to pick Leo up or control him other than talking to him. And 3 year olds don’t exactly do as they're told all the time. Or any of the time. I know my husband loves his dad and he is a good man, but I just don’t want anyone living with us. It’s an inconvenience to say the least. If that’s the case, I’d rather be back in Fort Worth in our house, fixing it up and spending the summer melting away with no pool. Part of this is that I don’t like change. I loathe it. Part of this is that I value my privacy. Part of this is I don’t want more housework to do. Part of this is I loathe entertaining. Expecting to keep people entertained and happy and have guests. I want to do my own thing and everyone else to do their own and everybody’s happy. We are right now at odds over this. If this is how we have to do it, then I would rather leave Florida and never return. As much as I love it down here, a huge part of that is the fact that there are no family members (his or mine) here to meddle. We are on our own and I love it. We can visit home when we want and on our terms. This is something my husband and I have always had arguments about. I keep my family at arms length, he can’t get his close enough. Which I understand. It’s how we were raised. I was raised with a family no larger than 4 people. He was raised with hundreds. Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, Sisters, Brothers, Nephews, Nieces. I had none of that. Zero. And I grew quite accustomed to my time being my time and my things being my things. Doing what I want when I wanted. Not having to wait on anyone else or invite anyone else or take a poll to see when the best time to do what is. Yes I’m spoiled in that way. But it’s a huge thing to do to ask me to move someone into my home. Where I go to get away from people and be in my own personal space. I don’t even want my family to visit for 2 weeks. I’m going to tell my grandmother she can come for 1 week max and no she can’t stay here while she’s here. I would hope my husband will do the same for his brother and his family but I don’t know how that is going to go. I’m not some evil person. But my space is my space and I don’t need an audience or a guest to dote over and clean up after. I don’t want to worry about us not having any food in the fridge. We live how it works for us now, and I don’t want to have to change that.

I have a feeling the worst is not over for me. Far from it. But I know me and I won’t be able to keep from pouting and sulking if I don’t get my way. Which will lead to more arguments. Which will lead to more resentment. I don’t want to lose my husband but I don’t want to gain another houseguest either. I honestly am angry and upset about the whole thing. Why shouldn’t I get a say in our future? Why can’t we have some mutual agreement, why is it 6 months at a time or nothing? That’s half a fucking year! And I know how hard it is to get a parent to leave. My mother was supposed to stay with me for 3 months and that turned into a whole year. I know how he is, and when the 6 months is up he won’t be able to say OK now get out, please! 6 months will turn into a year easily and then I don’t think I can keep the act up. I will be bitter and resentful and we will only grow apart. I don’t want that at all. I don’t know what we are going to do but I do know this situation is only going to get hairier. Help.

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samtheflamingomain · 5 years

Text

I. DECLARE... BANKRUPTCYYYYY!!!

I’m bankrupt.

Literally. Not in the Michael Scott sense of just screaming “I DECLARE BANKRUPTCY!” to my coworkers.

I sat down with a lawyer, and he poured through my shit. How much to I make, how much do I pay in taxes, what are my debts, etc.

I met with him last week, where he gave me a run-down of everything. Then we met today and signed the paperwork and made everything official.

Last week, he actually began by saying, “Let’s start with a credit check. It only works about 60% of the time -” immediately I’m like “Okay so I’m definitely in that other 40% cuz I have shit luck.” “But it’s a start. If it doesn’t go through, we have other options.”

Astoundingly, it went through.

Anyway, he quickly picked up on the fact that I’m a smart person, so he didn’t bother dumbing shit down for me. He said this: “Generally, people with insurmountable debt have 5 choices:

“1. Continue as is. Start there. Is there anything you can do to pay down your debt in a reasonable way? If not, go to number 2." I did.

“2. Ignore it. Don’t pay anything toward your debt. Wait for them to garnish your wages. Let your credit score sink. Obviously, nobody likes this option." Indeed I did not.

“3. Take out a loan from a bank and consolidate your debt into one payment. This makes absolutely 0 sense for you because you literally only have one debt: your personal credit card.

“4. Consumer Proposal. This is when you say to the bank, ‘I know I owe you 10 grand, but what if we settled on like 6 grand, and I’ll pay you $200/month toward that, over several years?’ This is a good option for some people - people with homes and cars and shit they want to keep. You own nothing. You don’t have assets that the bank could take.

“Which leads us to #5. Bankruptcy. This is optimal for people like yourself whom own nothing and thus have nothing to lose. You make poverty wages, so this is a very open-and-shut case." I'm paraphrasing; he did give me the option of the Consumer Proposal, but it just doesn't make sense.

He boiled it down to this: "You're still young. You have time to rebuild your credit score after a bankruptcy. You will lose nothing but $200 a month for 9 months. My paycheck comes out of that. Obviously no credit cards for a while - at least a year - but that and a bad credit score for a few years is all that you stand to lose."

So I agreed. And today I signed a million forms and shook the lawyer's hand and just like that... $10,000 of debt... disappeared.

I'm not sure how I feel just yet. On one hand, this debt has been looming over my head for YEARS. Probably like 1/3 of my life. The fact that it (more or less) is now completely absent from my life (I was paying more than $500/month TOWARD my credit card before, so $200/month is a downright bargain) it... well, it hasn't settled in yet.

I'm used to being strapped for cash because I'd put money toward my debt and then run out of money and put shit ON my credit card before payday. But as of today, after paying rent, I literally have $700 in my bank account. That has never happened before, because if I had $700 in my bank account, I'd but $400 toward my credit card ASAP.

But... I don't need to. I put $400 into a savings account instead. I used to try to use it when I was younger, but once I lost my entire family and became 100% independent, that savings account became nothing but a cruel joke when I logged into online banking. 2 accounts: Checking, with about 3 fucking dollars in it. And your ~savings account~ that's been accumulating nothing but dust for 6 years. Which one do you want to view~?

On another hand (how many am I at now?) I've never *not* had a credit card as an adult. Never. I got my first and only credit card when I was 16 because I was about to go on an exchange program in France and my parents wanted me to have a fallback in case my debit card didn't work there (spoiler alert: it didn't. It was 2011, so maybe things have changed, but in the rural farm community I lived at? It was cash or credit for me. And the nearest bank was an hour away, literally. So thank God they did get me that card.)

After 4 months in France, I'd put about $700 on my credit card. But my parents gave me $500 for my birthday to spend in France, so I paid that, and they paid the rest when I got home.

I didn't need to use my card again till university. I had expenses and no income, so my parents paid it off, usually just $100 a month or so, groceries, transit, etc.

I had about $1100 worth of debt when I became homeless. This was because my parents, before they kicked me out of their house, allowed me to furnish the basement of said house as if it were my own apartment. So I bought a futon, a coffee table, a few things here and there.

Then they kicked me out, and I literally couldn't afford to move any of those pieces of furniture out of the house. So that pissed me right off.

Anyway. After 3 months of homelessness, I'd turned $1100 into $2500. Then I got a place, got settled...

And then my cat got very, very sick. And it only cost me $1000, but at the time, my limit was 3500. I was in tears at the vet's office when they gave me the bill. I literally stood in front of several people and burst into tears. (The original bill was $1200, but I told them my credit limit and they made an exception, thank fuck.)

Then I got a limit increase. $12,000!

Then... my computer died.

Before I go into it, let me make one thing clear: I'm not ashamed of the fact that I require a decent-quality computer. I will use a fucking flip phone, and I would watch TV on a fuckin' 30-incher, but I *need* a good computer into to enjoy my life. It's my Center of Operations for everything creative and informational in my life. I use it to its fullest every single day.

So I turned $3500 into $5000.

That was my last major expense, in late 2017. So how have I doubled that in just 2 years?

Well, here's a list of things I HAVE to put on my credit card: my phone bill ($50), and therapy ($60, twice a month). That's $170. So do that for 2 years, that's 4 grand.

But I've been putting money toward that amount for 2 years as well, and I've never missed a payment. In fact, I've never made a payment that wasn't at least DOUBLE the MINIMUM payment.

I bought a Switch this year, and I had to buy THREE FUCKING COFFEE MAKERS in the last THREE MONTHS, that's $200. Other than that... alcoholism. And weed. Lots of weed.

To bring this absolute fucking novel to a close: the future. That's a big focus of the bankruptcy process. There's 3 things you have to do: pay (200$/m for 9 months), meet with the lawyer twice, and fill out a budget every month.

Obviously the purpose of the budgets and the meetings are to fix where you dun fucked up and how to get better. But here's the thing...

There was this form that I had to sign that included the "reason I was so in debt and couldn't pay it back". The lawyer had typed in that field "I was homeless for a period of time and haven't been able to pay off that debt and its subsequent accumulation". He's like "I don't think you have a budgeting problem, I think you just had so much debt that it consumed most of your income." And that's true.

But. I don't want to come to him in November and show him that I spent $400 on alcohol and $200 on weed. He literally said, "However you spend your money doesn't matter [re:bankruptcy], we just want to see if there's a way to help you budget better to avoid future debt."

And I think, if I don't have to pay $500 toward my credit card every month, I have little incentive to spend less on alcohol and weed.

But, and I'm sorry this is so fucking long, this is my last point I promise, I've made myself a deal.

Instead of paying that extra money toward my debt, I'm saving it. I want this to be a real, true new start, in every way.

So instead of spending that excess money on alcohol and weed, it's going into that savings account. For a tattoo. That I'm going to design myself. I fucking love tattoos, but I've been so broke the last few years that it's been a hot minute since I've gotten one that I didn't do myself (I have a tattoo gun, they actually look pretty decent).

The lawyer said this as well: "You can have as many savings accounts as you want with your bank. Make one for each thing you're saving toward. 'Vacation', 'Games', anything."

Well I don't have a passport and I don't need a new console, but if I could save even a few hundred bucks toward a new tattoo? Sign me up. So I did.

I want a full, detailed sleeve on my right arm. That'll be at *least* 2 grand. But I can do it. That's my goal. That's me, thinking of the future in the only way I can.

I can't imagine anyone has stayed with me this long but if you have, well Stay Greater, Flamingo. PS: Just an interesting and kinda funny thing. One of the forms I had to sign off on said that, if I were to win the lottery/inheret a large sum of money in the next year, I’d have to pay off all my debts with it. I don’t know why but I just find that absolutely hilarious that they bothered to make up a document in case such a thing were to happen.

#finance #bankrupt #bankruptcy #money #sam

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trishgibsontx · 7 years

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how I discovered my greatest joy when I was completely broke/in housing court, my “loved ones” abandoned me, and I had no idea where my life was going.

photo by my beautiful patient Babita Patel

it was one of the most difficult of times for me.

since high school, I would always describe myself as driven by my own passion, even when that passion didn’t work out. in fact, my passion didn’t translate well or at all in the outer world hundreds of times. and I mean it – hundreds of times. business ventures I wanted to start with others failed immediately post-college, I trusted the wrong people, blah blah blah. I always kept going anyhow. when the title of this blog post hit me in real-time, I had trouble accessing my drive and passion. because my life was in total shut-down mode. I was being told something by the Universe, but I couldn’t hear it so clearly.

there I was, nearly 10 years post college, and post corporate America in which I had had a “socially acceptable” job for a number of years in the finance sector. had I stayed, I would have made a lot of money. the month I left corporate for good, I had a serious job offer on the table. it was for a then-cutting-edge financial media company that actually went public just a few years later. the offer was me in at the ground level with a quarter of a million base. who knows, maybe I would have been a shareholder and cashed in when the company sold. I said no. I chose, instead, to continue working toward creativity and human service. this was a struggle, internally, and externally (always late on rent), but I was…HAPPY. then, I don’t know if it happened in one day or one week or one month, but making it on my own came to a close. a shut-down. it lasted on and off for about 2 years.

this 2 year period was nearly comical given all that I had done/”accomplished” in the past; because absolutely no one wanted to hire me for work. at the onset of this 2 year period of destruction, I had begun it with my own freelance company. I was also working several odd jobs as well. I worked part-time at a boutique dress shop in the east village. I lived on my favorite block. I rented out my 6×10 living room slash kitchen that was taken up by a twin bed, so that I could make my rent. I made concessions my friends cringed at. I played in a rock band and tapped into my creativity which was lovely. I worked on indie films in multiple roles. some of those films totally screwed me financially or otherwise. in fact I think there were about 3 horrible indie film experiences. several of them are not even on my resume. I organized major events (for film projects) and got stiffed on being paid. I quietly (and for free) did consulting readings for various people and practiced energy work on them – but I was too scared to come out of that closet publicly. I didn’t know how good I actually was, even though I had an inkling. it was more of the fear of being public than anything else.

then, suddenly, all of the side work stopped and no one wanted to hire me. NO ONE. I had thousands of email records, applying for various roles in absolutely every industry one could imagine: medicine, finance, administration, education, fashion, hospitality, beauty. usually the feedback was “you are overqualified” or “we don’t understand your focus”. quickly and surely, there was no money left for rent. my landlord showed up at my door when I had someone there for consulting work and asked for rent. I didn’t have it. it was awful.

housing court sucked, royally. hardly anyone I knew socially, except some family members, knew I was there, and I was too ashamed to tell. I was a white American woman with an education — how dare I end up there! — that is the response I was expecting (and the response I did in fact receive from some people), and in a way, I believed that I had no right to be in the position I was. I had skills…I spoke several languages…I was resourceful. yet, something was crashing. finally I stopped working at the dress shop and I couldn’t even afford to eat. that dress shop was my lifeline, and some asshole coworker (who admittedly thought I “had it all!”) set me up by repeatedly saying I left the door unlocked after my shift. it was her life’s dream, one day, to become a retail store manager.

one day, during my usual coffee shop job solicitation email binges, I met with a consultant friend of mine. I told him about what was happening and the shame was too great to share the whole story. but I said I might be in trouble with paying my rent, and that “things were slow”. he said “stop telling people everything is ok. tell them what is happening”. I thought, what a novel idea. it had been ingrained in me that if I wasn’t serving someone ELSE, or their needs, I did not even exist. so it was hard to say the truth. 5 minutes after my consultat friend left, the very next person who contacted me was someone I had been fond of and very supportive of over the years. he was nearly a quadriplegic. I never saw him like that. we would go out for drinks and I would push him around and he told me that I made him feel like he could walk. this person messaged me on facebook and said “hey, how are you?”. I told him. that I was facing housing court next week and I was in back-rent for 5k+. he said “no problem, you can be my muse and do some copy editing for me. I’ll pay you x per hour and take care of your housing court bill”. I said no immediately. the relationship I had with people “helping” me had always been a strings-attached scenario. never had anyone helped me just to actually help. I had also never borrowed money like that before. so I was scared that there was some agenda. I thought, what could this person possibly want? he can’t walk. we are friends. ok, I will say yes. it took me until the day OF court to say yes. he had already offered a handful of times. I knew part of my lesson in the situation was to accept help. I had always been made to feel as though I was a burden for needing ANYTHING, so this was hard. after I said yes, we went out for drinks. my “friend” proposed I take him to strip clubs and share sexual acts with him. part of me understood him, and part of me was destroyed. of course I would not entertain that. I saved our correspondence “just in case”. it took me longer than I thought it would to pay him back, and he became angry, abusive and stalkerish.

I continued to do as much side work as possible to eat and keep my phone on. I also realized, I was working for free most all of the time. I put my heart and soul toward productions, seed ideas for productions, I gave away free healings and consult, and more. I was an idea machine and I was not monetizing it. I didn’t realize at the time that it had everything to do with being afraid to monetize for my time. it was also an old pattern of being used and taken advantage of, but I did not see it. and I never ever saw myself as a victim. I hated victims or victim mentality. I actually still have little patience for that. so I suffered quietly. some side work, like assisting a wonderful voice teacher with her business development, was all I had integrity-wise and monetary-wise. I am grateful to have had Lynn Singer in my life during that time. I would go up on her beautiful doorman high-rise rooftop in Chelsea and imagine I was the person I am TODAY.

I kept looking for “real” jobs. I came up empty. I began walking the hyper pit bull that belonged to my next door Vietnam vet neighbor who could barely walk. he lived in one of those AMAZING old loft duplexes with a garage in the east village. I would clean his apartment, which was covered in dog urine and the scent of death from the previous owners of like 1975 – seriously, the entire front part of the duplex was still an old office from the 70s! he never cleaned it because it had belong to someone else. who apparently died. probably in that very room. one day I realized that he thought we were dating. he would pay me 100 bucks a visit and one day he tried to kiss me. I wasn’t afraid of him because he could literally not walk. but it just…no. God bless him. I stayed friendly. I didn’t go back. I sent holiday cards and called him once in a while. he was a special soul.

during much of this, I was ironically in surrender mode. I wasn’t crying. I didn’t complain at all. I knew in my core something spiritual was taking place within me, if only I could keep listening. I went to bikram yoga every day and did the work study program for free classes. I had a huge bag of oatmeal, a huge bag of pasta, and running water. I was good! I rented out my “living room” right next to my tiny bedroom to nice people I found on Craigslist as much as I could. finally, I decided that the only way I could feel of value was to volunteer, but in an actual volunteer position — not a working-for-free while being taken advantage of position. a REAL volunteer job, where the energetic balance was reciprocal. I knew also, that balanced energy monetizes in some way, and ultimately takes care of us. I began mentoring and creating curriculum for handicapped children and adults. I would ride the train to Brooklyn each week, and it was 90 minutes each way.

I will never forget one of my first days on the job. as I rode that train all the way out to the Hasidic parts of BK, my body began to buzz. head to toe. I began to burst with unconditional love in my heart. I wanted to cry, but with joy. when I would get to the classroom, I would teach different subjects with the resident psychologist. we got along amazingly well, and the mentally and physically handicapped children and adults took a special liking to me. one day someone in class learned how to write three letters freehand. they felt like they won a Pulitzer. their joy was palpable to the point of their own tears. I felt like I was choking to maintain my composure. THESE PEOPLE GAVE ME SO MUCH. more than I had ever been given in my entire life. things like this continued to happen. the buzzing high I got on the train increased, and I realized what the Universe was trying to tell me throughout the roughly 2 year period of my life’s collapse (again – it had collapsed before! just not to this degree in the physical world): “put your healing and consulting skills on the map. put it online. tell people. come out of the closet. if you do not do this, we will keep challenging you”. I was so afraid of how I would be judged, because this was the truest part of me. the ONLY part of me that actually mattered to me.

one day, as I sat in the middle of my living room with a broken laptop and no TV, in dead silence, with my cats, I asked — screamed — out loud, “what do you want me to do!?”. I knew. and yet I was scared. but I had no choice. the hundreds of emails per DAY that I was sending out went unanswered. the Universe didn’t care if I could make 6 figures plus based on my “degree”. it didn’t want me in a box, even though I was trying to fit. it didn’t want me producing film at that moment. it wanted me in my purpose, and I was too exhausted to question it anymore. I had a book called “Living In The Light” by Shakti Gawain, that was recommended by my then-new-friend Vanessa. she is now a holistic nurse or doctor. in the book, I landed up on one line that said something like “everything we need to take care of ourselves in the physical world is ALREADY WITHIN US”. it hit me that my degrees, my blah blah blah, meant nada. it was ok to “come out” with my inner gifts and behind the scenes work, and it was ok to monetize it. I marinated on that for a few weeks.

I thought of the palpable, life-altering joy I felt on those long train rides to Brooklyn, and how spirit literally entered my body. I thought of the dozens of screw-overs in film and entertainment, and other jobs I tried to do for people who lived only on ego. I thought of how my “best friend” at the time abandoned and criticized me for being “selfish” because I wouldn’t visit her out of state, and how other loved ones berated me via email and phone for being in the position I was. I thought of how I didn’t fit in anywhere, it seemed, and how no one even wanted me to wait tables (I had littered ALL of downtown with my photo and resume and hospitality experience). I thought of how I had stuffed my resume, photo and cover letter in every mailbox in my neighborhood that I could find, hoping someone would call me for work. I had tried everything, and nothing was changing — except somehow the increased awareness of INNER HAPPINESS (which had, obviously, nothing to do with my circumstances) and message of purpose (healing and consulting others).

in the midst of all of the above, I tapped into a joy that is ironic considering how awful things were. I was like a rubber band being stretched in both directions: on one end, my physical and “on-paper” life was a disaster — and on the other hand, I WAS SO FUCKING HAPPY (people actually thought I was a millionaire and would ask me for jobs, all during this time). I didn’t even know why I was happy. but it shot straight from my core on a daily basis. there I was, at the bottom of the barrel of life, no friends nearby, pretty much zero support, I felt like a loser, I thought the world hated me, everywhere I turned there was a villian or monster looking to take me for a ride, I could barely keep the lights on, I had nothing — except myself. and those train rides. and that joy that I shared with people who didn’t share some of my outer blessings, but they shared my inner blessings: natural love and joy. they were not driven by appearance or money or reputation. they just wanted to learn the alphabet. I learned, once and for all, what it was to just breathe and be so incredibly thankful for that. I maintained that gratitude for a ridiculous amount of time. and my life was never the same.

and so one day I put my practice on a crappy wordpress site with just a phone number, no photo and no bio… and the rest is history.

The post how I discovered my greatest joy when I was completely broke/in housing court, my “loved ones” abandoned me, and I had no idea where my life was going. appeared first on The Medical Intuitive Blog: Energy Medicine & Reiki Therapy By Elaine™.

from Trisha Gibson http://www.themedicalintuitiveblog.com/2017/04/28/discovered-greatest-joy-completely-brokein-housing-court-loved-ones-abandoned-no-idea-life-going/

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