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kallie-den · 19 days

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Reflection

An unethical hypnotist finds out that her new girlfriend has a twin brother, and takes it as an opportunity to create a matching pair

A really fun little force-fem/incest/twinning story my patrons voted for a few months back!

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“So, Natasha.” Ethan tried to sound casual as he asked the question he’d come all this way to put to his sister’s creepy new girlfriend. It wasn’t hard; the wine had been flowing freely all evening. “How did you two meet?”

“See, that’s an unfair question.” Natasha giggled. “Not like I can ask you the same thing.”

Natasha was sitting at the opposite end of the couch. She was smiling, probably; that weird, knowing smile that always raised Ethan’s hackles. But he couldn’t be sure. He couldn’t stop staring at her arm, wrapped possessively around Emma, his twin sister.

“C’mon,” he wheedled, spreading his arms. “Don’t I get to know?”

“Be nice to him, Nat,” Emma said sleepily. “He’s just looking out for his kid sister.”

The two of them were slumped together; Natasha, leaning over on the armrest, Emma, half in her lap. Ethan didn’t like that. He didn’t like how at-ease Natasha looked. From how she lounged around, you’d think this was her apartment, not Emma’s. Except now it was both of theirs, apparently. She’d moved in after just two months. It wasn’t right. Something was up.

“Kid sister?” Natasha raised an eyebrow and took another sip of wine. “I thought the two of you were twins.”

“Twelve minutes.” Emma giggled. “But he never lets anyone forget it.”

Ethan shrugged good-naturedly. He was used to this teasing. “Twelve minutes is twelve minutes! Just let me have this, Em.”

The two of them laughed together, and for a moment it was just like old times. The two of them growing up together, or at college, thick as thieves. The twins. No secrets. No weird girlfriends.

“Twins,” Natasha repeated. The moment died. “You must get tired of hearing this, but it’s really something. The two of you truly are just about identical.”

Emma wagged a finger up at her. “Not identical! I’ve told you, dizygotic. If we were identical, we’d be same-sex.”

“That’s right. I remember.” There was a strange mischief in Natasha’s eyes. As if Ethan needed another reason to dislike her, besides the way she’d come into Emma’s life like a battering ram. “But still. That resemblance. Wow. It’s like… it’s like you’re a matching pair.”

“Similar genes, I suppose.” Ethan couldn’t quite conceal his irritation. He sure did get tired of hearing it.

Not that she was wrong, admittedly. As kids, Ethan and Emma had been mistaken for each other all the time. That was in the past now, but it had persisted long into their teenage years thanks to Ethan’s slight build and preference for keeping his hair long.

“Hey, I’m curious,” Natasha said, a wicked grin slapped across her face. “You two ever fuck with the same girl? Maybe even… at the same time?”

“What the fuck…” Ethan breathed, as Emma completely dissolved into helpless laughter.

“Ew!” she protested, after catching her breath. “A three-way? With him? Are you kidding me? How would that even work?”

Natasha shrugged. “I dunno. But he likes girls, you like girls…”

“Yeah, since, like, two months ago.” Emma stuck her tongue out.

Ethan was aghast. Natasha’s comment was extremely weird, of course, but somehow Emma’s reaction was even weirder. A few months ago, she never would have laughed off a question like that. She would have been angry. Repulsed. That was the twin sister Ethan knew. She was proud, and she had always been so dignified.

And she wasn’t a lesbian.

Was that fucked up of him to think? Maybe. Ethan certainly wasn’t in the business of calling people’s sexualities into question… mostly. But this was Em. He knew her better than he knew herself. They’d never kept anything from each other. If she’d displayed even the slightest inkling of being interested in girls, he’d have known about it. But no; by contrast, she’d always been a little boy crazy. She’d even had a fiancé - right up until she’d ditched him for this sleazeball.

Ethan didn’t like her. It wasn’t that she was trans, and it wasn’t that she was gay. It was something more. It was the way she seemed to have Emma wrapped around her little finger. Something was up, and that shit-eating grin Natasha always wore was all but daring Ethan to figure it out. It was why he’d visited, not that he’d ever have told Emma that. If she was manipulating Emma - or worse - he needed to get to the bottom of it. He wouldn’t have put it past her, especially after comments like the one she’d just made.

And what kind of job was being a hypnotist, anyway?

“That’s really gross…” Ethan said quietly. He was hoping for some backup from Emma. He didn’t get much.

“I told you, play nice.” Emma gave Natasha a little tap on the arm. “You were about to tell him how we met?”

“Right.” Ethan couldn’t shake the feeling Natasha was smirking at him as she spoke. “Well, that’s not much of a story. Emma came to one of my shows, we got talking, and the rest is history.”

Emma pressed a little closer to Natasha and favored her with a winning smile. She seemed sickeningly infatuated.

“I see.” Ethan nodded. He needed to keep his cool. See if he could trick any answers out of Natasha. “That sounds nice. And is this before or after you figured out that you, uh…”

He threw Emma a significant look.

“Are a lesbian?” She snickered. “Yeah, pretty much around that time.”

“A little before,” Natasha corrected. Her smirk was widening. “You might say I talked her through it, actually. Maybe made her realize a few things.”

“Yeah.” Emma’s eyes became a touch unfocused. Clearly, she’d had a glass too many. “You were a big help.”

“Oh yeah?” Ethan tried his best to feign simple curiosity. “How’s that?”

Natasha just shrugged. “I’ve had shit to come to terms with too. Gender, sexuality… it’s not so different.” She looked down at Emma and licked her lips. “And then we hooked up. I guess I’m just a smooth talker.”

The way she said it was just so twisted. And that look in her eyes. Once, in college, as he’d been walking back to his dorm room, all the other guys had been looking and talking to Ethan just like that. And when he’d opened the door, a bucket of cold water had fallen on his head.

But again, it was how Emma reacted that really caught Ethan’s eye. She was squirming slightly in Natasha’s lap, subtly rubbing her thighs together and pressing closer to her girlfriend. It was lurid. Ethan felt embarrassed to be watching. He cleared his throat conspicuously.

“That’s amazing,” he said, hoping he could keep the bitter insincerity out of his voice. “But, Em, I’m curious, what got you going to a hypnosis show? That doesn’t seem like your scene.”

She stopped writhing, mercifully, and shrugged at him. “I guess I was just curious.”

“Lots of people are.” Natasha snapped at the heels of that comment. “How about you, Ethan? You seem a little scornful.”

That was putting it mildly. “Call it skeptical,” Ethan replied mildly. He didn’t want to put her on edge, but if he could get her talking… “Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure you’re a great performer! But it’s not. You know. Real.”

“It’s real,” Emma retorted quickly. “It works on me.”

“It certainly does,” Natasha laughed.

Emma squirmed again. Ethan had to fight not to blow his top.

“Maybe it works great on some people,” Ethan amended. “A few people. But not… I mean, c’mon! How does that even work? You swing a little pocket watch in front of someone, and they start dancing around like a chicken? Please!”

“Oh, she doesn’t need a pocket watch,” Emma giggled.

Natasha, meanwhile, was just looking at Ethan. She didn’t look offended, not in the slightest. But there was still something fiery about her gaze. It was like she was being challenged. No, like she was challenging him.

And from her grin, she was very, very pleased about it.

“So,” she said slowly, “I’m guessing you don’t think you’re one of those ‘few people’ it works on?”

Ethan shrugged. “Nah. No way.”

“But your sister is?”

Another shrug. “I guess.”

“Now that’s interesting.” Natasha sat forward a little; Emma shifted to accommodate. “You know, you’re right that not everyone is equally susceptible. But your sister? I can assure you, she’s very, very susceptible. She really goes down easy.”

Ethan felt a vein throb in his forehead at the innuendo. But that aside, she was obviously hinting at something. Some kind of influence she had on Emma. Was she really so cocky she was just going to tell him?

“But you two are twins,” Natasha continued. “If you’re really so different, doesn’t that make you wonder? Maybe it’s that old debate again. Nature versus nurture.”

“That doesn’t make sense,” Emma interjected, sleepily and happily. “I told you. We’re not genetically identical.”

“Right. I forgot.” It was as plain as day that she hadn’t. “Still though. Makes me wonder… hey, babe? Sit up for a moment.”

Emma grumbled a little, but quickly propped herself into an upright position and turned to face Ethan, with Natasha sitting behind her. Natasha’s eyes moved slowly back and forth between the twins.

“Wow,” Natasha remarked. “I know, I know, you’re not identical, but… wow. You two. It must be like looking in a mirror.”

“Not really,” Ethan said wearily. Why was she so preoccupied with this? He was trying to get her talking about hypnosis. “Look, same birthday aside, we’re really just brother and sister. It’s not that special.”

“Oh, I disagree,” Natasha replied. “To me, it’s remarkable. Twins or no, the similarity is striking. Maybe you’re just too used to it? That happens, sometimes. You see something every day, for months or years, and it becomes mundane. You know what I’m talking about?”

“Sure, I guess,” Ethan answered impatiently. Natasha had started speaking in this odd, slow way, drawing out the parts of each word into a song-like rhythm. It was kind of annoying. He really wanted her to get to the point.

“You need to get some perspective,” Natasha told him. “Look at this with fresh eyes. At yourself, and your sister. Look. Really look. She looks just like you.”

Ethan found himself obliging, staring straight at Emma. He wasn’t really sure why. It was hard not to, he supposed, after listening to Natasha. Plus, he was a little drunk himself, and it wasn’t like there was anything else in particular for him to rest his eyes on. But also, admittedly, Ethan was wondering: did she have a point? Were they really so identical?

He wasn’t sure, but he didn’t think so. There were similarities, sure - eye color, long hair - but plenty more differences. Emma had long, feminine lashes and rounded cheeks, and was wearing makeup. Her hair was loose in a pretty, wavy bob, not tied back in a low, no-effort ponytail. There was a family resemblance, sure, but nobody was going to get the two of them mixed up.

“I… don’t think so.”

Ethan paused and frowned. He was speaking slowly too, and almost slurring his words. Maybe he was more drunk than he’d thought. That was no good. He needed to stay alert if he was going to save Emma from Natasha. Ethan took a deep breath and did his best to focus on Emma.

“Look deeper,” Natasha urged, in that strange, soothing way of hers. “Past the superficial. You have the same eyes, you know. The same bone structure too. Same cheekbones. And your mouths - yes, those are definitely the same.”

“I dunno,” Ethan demurred. His bone structure? He couldn’t really picture it, although as he looked at Emma, it was easy to imagine that it was similar to hers. That seemed about right. “But… does it matter? I was asking Em about why she-“

“We’re getting to that,” Natasha interrupted smoothly. “Promise. Just listen, OK? I’ll explain everything.”

Ethan was mollified by that. An explanation was exactly what he wanted. He didn’t trust Natasha to tell him the truth, of course. Not really. He’d just have to pay close attention until he could figure out what kind of game she was playing.

“Like looking in a mirror,” Natasha mused. “Your expressions, too. So similar. I bet that’ll make it even clearer. Emma, smile for me.” She did so, the corners of her mouth pulling up into a blissed-out smile that matched the dazed, drunken, contented look in her eyes. “You too, Ethan. Let’s compare.”

After a brief moment of hesitance, Ethan smiled. It would have been harder not to, really. When he looked at his sister smiling, it made him want to smile too. Smiles were infectious, some people said. That must have been it. And besides, he reasoned afterward, he wanted to keep Natasha talking. It was best that he go along with this nonsense for now.

“See?” Natasha sounded vindicated. “Exactly the same. The same smile. Don’t you think so, Ethan?”

Ethan looked closely at Emma’s mouth, at her lips, at their shape. Was it the same? Did his smile feel like that? Look like that? “I’m… not…”

“Look closer. Really look.”

He did. “M… maybe?”

“Yes,” Natasha told him. It was hard to disagree when she sounded so sure. “It’s the same.”

Ethan still wasn’t sure. “I… I’d need to check. In a mirror, or something.”

Natasha laughed at that. “No mirror in here. But I bet you can just imagine a mirror. When was the last time you looked in a mirror? This morning, when you shaved? Think back, Ethan. Did you smile, for a moment? I bet you did. Look at Emma, and remember that moment. Imagine that moment.”

Ethan’s brow furrowed. He wasn’t really interested in indulging this absurd train of thought, but it was proving hard not to. It was a bit like trying not to think about a pink elephant. If you tried not to, that meant you already were. As he stared straight ahead at Emma, it was remarkably easy to imagine that he was looking into a mirror. That her face was a mirror image of his own. And when he thought about it like that, her smile did indeed seem like a perfect fit for his face.

“I guess…” Ethan admitted slowly. “Yeah. Sure.”

“Yes!” Natasha laughed. “I’m so glad you see. Emma, you can stop smiling now.”

Emma’s smile faded as her face relaxed back into a look of blank, dull, vaguely happy sleepiness. How many glasses of wine had she had? She looked seriously out of it. Ethan was a little worried for her. As he looked, his own face relaxed too. His smile faded, and his eyelids suddenly turned remarkably heavy. He supposed he hadn’t had any less to drink than Emma had.

“I think I’ve just about made my point,” Natasha said. Her smile was still so very wide. “You too look almost exactly the same. Identical twins.”

“Yeah,” Ethan agreed reflexively, before he caught the mistake. “Wait, no, that-“

“Oh, that’s right! Thank you for reminding me.” Natasha interrupted. Ethan was glad she understood. “We weren’t just talking about that, were we? We were talking about hypnosis.”

Ethan was about to open his mouth, to correct her about them being identical twins, but he didn’t. It just seemed easier to let her talk.

“But, you see,” Natasha continued, “I bet if you’re identical physically, you’re identical in other ways too. It stands to reason. After all, how you respond to hypnosis is as much a part of your body as it is your mind. Let me show you. Emma?”

Emma looked just a touch more alert as Natasha called her name, but that didn’t last long. Natasha reached up with one hand and caressed the side of her face, the tips of her nails just barely kissing Emma’s skin. It was so close, Ethan couldn’t quite tell if she was touching her or not.

But she must have been, because Emma’s reaction was remarkable. Her eyelids suddenly flickered up and down, and her eyes seemed to roll up into her head. Her shoulders slumped, and she looked like she might have fallen forward without Natasha’s supporting arm around her shoulder. It was like her soul had departed her body, leaving nothing behind but a blank, empty void.

This was hypnosis. That was obvious, even to Ethan.

“What the…” Ethan breathed.

Was this how Natasha was controlling Emma? He wouldn’t have believed it until this very moment.

But the moment didn’t last. Once Natasha drew back her hand, light slowly returned to Emma’s eyes - although not all of it. She looked completely dazed at first, but eventually she grinned, and blushed, and squirmed a little more. Ethan blushed too.

“It’s a particular weakness of hers,” Natasha explained. “Touch. A gentle touch, right there on her face. You have no idea how easy it is to put her in a trance that way. Don’t you think it would work just as well on you?”

“N-no.” Ethan tried to shake his head a little, but found that he couldn’t. “There’s… no way I’d-“

“You know, it’s real tempting to find out.” Natasha tilted her head.

Ethan’s breath caught. “You can’t do th-“

“Don’t worry.” Natasha kept interrupting him like that. It was annoying, but Ethan couldn’t muster the energy to protest. “I’m not going to hypnotize you. We’re just talking, OK?”

“OK.” Ethan relaxed, reassured.

“But just look closely,” Natasha urged, raising her hand to Emma again. “Look, and imagine. Imagine what it might feel like if someone were to touch you like this.”

She began caressing Emma again in just the same way, stroking her fingertips across her cheek. Emma, once again, was rapturous. Seeing her react like that made Ethan shiver.

“It’s the lightness of the touch that matters, you know,” Natasha went on. “That’s the trick. When you just barely touch someone like this, it’s confusing. The nerves under their skin aren’t quite sure if they’re feeling something or not. It captures all of your attention. Makes you shiver. You’ve been touched like that before, right?”

Ethan just barely managed to nod. He felt like he knew what she was talking about.

“Good.” Natasha moved her hand back up, ready to repeat the motion. “Then you know what I mean. You can remember it. Imagine it. Can’t you?”

This time, when her fingertips kissed Emma’s skin, Ethan gasped. He could feel it. He could actually feel it. It was faint, more like a phantom sensation than a real touch… but that was just what Natasha had been talking about, wasn’t it? Focusing on it didn’t banish the illusion; just the opposite, in fact. Ethan found his whole world consumed by that gentle, phantom touch. It left him shivering, free of thought, struggling to figure out what was real and what wasn’t.

“There we go,” Natasha noted approvingly. “You’re imagining it. I can tell. So now, I’m sure, you can imagine just how relaxing this must be for Emma. The way it makes her mind so very still and quiet. You know the feeling.”

It was true. Ethan did. He could picture it vividly. As he was thinking, he noted that even though Natasha was touching the left side of his sister’s face, he could feel it on his right. A mirror image.

“See?” Natasha said. “It’s potent, isn’t it? Maybe if someone did this to you, you’d be hypnotized too.”

Ethan’s brow furrowed - but then unfurrowed. It didn’t feel right. Emma’s brow wasn’t furrowed.

“Like looking in a mirror, Ethan,” Natasha reminded him. “Identical. Remember that. You’re the same. Look at how deep she is. Look at her eyes. Look at how she feels. You’d be the same way, if you could feel this.”

Once more, she stroked the side of Emma’s face. Ethan shivered at her touch.

“See the light fading from her eyes, Ethan.” Natasha’s voice was like a song. It was as gentle as her caress. But there was a power to it; an undertow, irresistible. “Can you see that? Can you see that in your eyes, reflected in Emma’s? That reflection, fading, just like she is? Weakening? Sinking?”

Ethan could. He really could. It was just like looking in a mirror. They’d always had the same eyes. Everyone said so.

“Then that settles it,” Natasha concluded. “You’re just as weak to hypnosis as she is.”

It was hard to disagree. It was hard, because Ethan just couldn’t seem to think. He struggled, briefly, to muster some resistance, to find the words for a rejoinder, but it all melted away when Natasha touched the side of Emma’s face - of his face - again.

“Identical twins,” Natasha sang. “Look at the twin in the mirror, Ethan. Look how deep she is. Look how deep you are.”

Ethan couldn’t seem to find the fault in her words. They just washed over him. He couldn’t avert his eyes from Emma. He was just staring at her, searching her face for differences. There were none. Not really. Not that were anything but superficial. The deeper resemblances - those were all that stood out to him now.

They truly were identical. At least, in all the ways that mattered.

“And, you know, if you’re a mirror of each other, you can’t possibly be different,” Natasha pointed out. “That wouldn’t make any sense. So, if I…”

She leaned in and whispered something in Emma’s ear. Ethan couldn’t make out the words.

“Three,” Natasha started counting. Something within Ethan tensed in anticipation. “Two. One. Now.”

On her mark, Emma started raising her right arm into the air, up to the level of her shoulder, moving in a slow, smooth, almost robotic way. It was obvious she wasn’t moving by her own volition, but by Natasha’s; more than anything else, it was like watching someone pose a mannequin.

Ethan was captivated, and as he watched, something strange happened. A growing sense of lightness, of buoyancy, started swelling in his left arm and, after a moment, he saw movement out of the corner of his eye and realized that he was lifting it into the air. He hadn’t meant to. He hadn’t even known he was doing it. But somehow, it just felt right. It was automatic, and trying to force his arm back down again seemed like it would take more effort than he could possibly muster. Before he knew it, Ethan’s arm was up to his shoulder, and he was mirroring Emma’s pose.

He was stunned. It was like magic, and it just confirmed what Natasha had been telling him. Looking at Emma was like looking in the mirror. They were identical. They were reflections. It was undeniable now. Ethan certainly couldn’t see a way to deny it. He felt just as blank and dumb as Emma looked - and that was perfect. That was how it should be.

They were twins. They were the same.

“You understand now, don’t you?” Natasha said softly. “You’re identical. You’re a mirror of each other.”

Ethan did. He wanted to nod, but he couldn’t. Emma wasn’t nodding.

“Say it,” Natasha instructed. “You’re identical.”

Ethan looked into Emma’s eyes. Blank as they were, there was a kind of mutual recognition there. A tacit understanding of their place and their rhythm, and perhaps thanks to that, at the very same moment, they opened their mouths.

“We’re identical.”

They spoke in one voice, soft and dreamy, two layers of speech in perfect harmony. Natasha looked like she was having the time of her life as she fed Emma the next line:

“You’re the same.”

“We’re the same.” Two voices. One voice.

It was even easier, the second time. It felt perfectly natural. They were identical twins, after all.

“You’re mirror images.”

“We’re mirror images.”

“Good,” Natasha said approvingly. “But, you know, there’s something important about mirror images. They look the same, but they’re not really the same. They can’t be. One is the real thing. One is just a reflection.”

She was right, Ethan realized. But what did that mean for him and Emma?

“Ethan,” Natasha said, once more raising her hand to Emma’s face. “You can feel this. We both know it.”

She caressed Emma again - this time, on the opposite side of her face. Ethan shivered, and all the little hairs on his skin stood to attention. Each time, the phantom sensation got stronger and stronger. By now, it was no different than if she’d simply been touching Emma. And each time, Natasha’s touch made Ethan feel a little dreamier, a little more docile, a little more mindless.

“You can feel it,” Natasha repeated, as she repeated the motion. “But I’m only touching Emma. Don’t you think that’s funny?”

Ethan didn’t know what to say - not that he could say anything at all, not when Emma wasn’t talking. It wouldn’t be right.

“I can touch her. But you feel it. If you touch someone who’s looking at a mirror, you can see your hand in their reflection. But if you touch the mirror, they don’t feel anything at all. Isn’t that right?”

Ethan could clearly see that it was. He was waiting with bated breath for Natasha to help him understand.

“I guess that must mean that you’re the reflection,” Natasha concluded. “And Emma here is the real deal.”

Hearing that made Ethan’s heart quicker. He was… just a reflection? What did that mean? He wasn’t a reflection, was he? He was a person. He was his own person - well, kind of. He and Emma had always been two of a kind, not just one. They were identical twins. But still. Surely he was more than just a reflection?

Ethan was about to insist on that - but then Natasha touched Emma again, this time in the center of her forehead. Inch by inch, she moved her hand down, over the bridge of her nose, then the tip, and then across her lips to her chin, all so gently she was just barely stroking the tiny hairs on her skin.

And Ethan felt it all.

With that touch, his protest broke apart like shattering glass. The pieces, slippery and ephemeral, slipped between the cracks of his hypnotized mind. He lost track of everything that he’d been thinking. Of everything he’d been worrying about. Ethan was left with nothing but the simple, rapturous pleasure of Natasha’s touch. It was so gentle and perfect, it transformed him into nothing more than a lightning rod for that blissful, simple joy.

Once it passed, he was nothing. He was empty.

“You’re the reflection,” Natasha told him. “And Emma is the real thing.”

Those words poured into the emptiness of Ethan’s mind. He was grateful for them. They made him full. They made everything make sense again.

He was a reflection. Nothing more. He didn’t know what that meant yet. But he was safe and secure in the knowledge that Natasha was going to tell him.

“And what does a reflection do?” Natasha mused aloud. “It reflects. That’s all.”

Ethan reflected Emma. He was Emma’s reflection. It was perfectly simple.

“That’s what you’re doing now, isn’t it?” Natasha pointed out. “And that’s good. You’re a very good reflection.”

Natasha was right. Ethan was reflecting Emma. Mirroring her. Her pose. Her movement. Her speech. Her feelings. Her trance. Knowing that, hearing Natasha’s praise, filled him with a faint, warm glow.

“But,” Natasha added, “you’re not perfect. And a mirror image has to be perfect.”

The glow faded. Ethan was crestfallen. A mirror had to be perfect. Mirrors couldn’t be wrong. If he wasn’t perfect, it was like he wasn’t a reflection at all - and that just wasn’t right.

“After all,” Natasha went on, “your hair isn’t the same, is it? And you’re not wearing makeup. Your skin is that little bit rougher. No skincare, I guess. It’s a shame.”

It really was. Ethan had pointed out many of those same differences before, but now they filled him with unbearable sorrow. What was he, if not a reflection of Emma? Nothing. Nothing at all. What was he going to do?

“Would you like me to fix that for you?” Natasha asked, before leaning close to Ethan’s sister. “Say ‘yes’, Emma.”

“Yes,” Emma said - and Ethan did too, of course, at the very same moment.

He meant it. His sorrow was turning to yearning. He needed to bridge the gap between himself and Emma. And… Natasha could do it? He was so grateful.

“I’d be glad to,” Natasha replied graciously. “Wait here a moment, Emma.”

She managed to extract herself from the couch without disturbing Emma, who remained sitting perfectly still. Ethan did too. Natasha didn’t need to tell him to do that. It stood to reason. He was Emma’s reflection.

When Natasha reappeared in the corner of Ethan’s view, she was holding in her hands a couple of combs and brushes. She sat down again, this time behind Ethan. That struck Ethan, but he couldn’t figure out why. He couldn’t think. Emma looked totally mindless and hypnotized. She wasn’t thinking.

“Here.” Ethan felt Natasha pulling out the hair tie he used to keep his simple ponytail in place. “Let me.”

She started brushing his hair, and Ethan did his best to stay frozen still, like a reflection should. Her touch was as gentle as it had been when she was caressing Emma. It felt wonderful, and made it that much easier for Ethan to remain calm and relaxed. He’d never had his hair brushed before, but he liked it. It felt good.

He noticed that Emma looked like she was feeling good too.

After a few minutes of careful brushing with one implement after another, Natasha was done. She sat back and stood up.

“There,” she announced. “Much better. Almost perfect, in fact. After a trip to a stylist, it’ll be spot-on.”

Ethan could see his own hair falling around the sides of his face now. It looked wavy and sleek - Natasha’s brushing must have neatened it up and helped it regain its natural shapeliness. He didn’t need to look in a mirror, of course. He could just look at Emma. He knew they were the same.

"Next,” Natasha said, as she reached down to Emma’s handbag, “makeup. I know just how Emma does it.”

With painstaking care, she started doing Ethan’s. First, foundation, then concealer and contouring, and then the finer touches: eyeshadow, eyeliner, lipstick, blush. It was clear she was well-practiced.

“I’m not doing it exactly like hers, of course,” she commented as she worked. “You need a few extra touches. A little heavier on the foundation, a little more contouring. Feminizing makeup. Don’t worry. You’ll learn how.”

Ethan absorbed that without question. He was in heaven. Each touch of Natasha’s fingertips, each stroke of her makeup brush, felt wonderful - and the best part was knowing that, with each passing moment, he was getting closer and closer to becoming Emma’s true reflection. To being exactly what he was supposed to be.

“Perfect!” Natasha announced, and sat back. “If I do say so myself.”

Ethan didn’t need a mirror to know how he looked. He was the mirror, and the real thing was right in front of him. He knew exactly how he looked: wonderfully, unmistakably feminine. He could have passed for a girl. He hoped he did. He needed to pass for Emma.

“Clothes, mannerisms…” Natasha sighed dreamily. “I guess there’ll be time for that later. For now… hm. You know, ‘Ethan’ doesn’t really suit you anymore.”

That didn’t bother Ethan. He no longer felt any real attachment to the name. Reflections didn’t have names. Not really.

“It’s really tempting to just call you ‘Emma’ too.” Natasha giggled. “But I think that would get confusing. How about… Ella.” She giggled again. “Emma and Ella. Perfect.” Natasha reached back and stroked the side of Emma’s face as she addressed him directly. “Your name is Ella.”

Ella shivered as that suggestion worked its way through her mind. She didn’t doubt or question it. Reflections didn’t have names, but Natasha had given her one, so she did. Simple.

Ella. It was practically a reflection of Emma.

And it was her name.

“OK, Ella,” Natasha said. “You just stay there for one moment. No need to wake up. No need to think. Just sit there, nice and calm, nice and still. Like… like a reflection, when no one’s looking in the mirror. Just be nothing.”

It was easy. Being nothing was easy. What was a reflection anyway? Light on the surface of a mirror. Nothing.

“Emma.” Natasha turned to Ella’s twin. “Three. Two. One. Wake up.”

Over several seconds, as Natasha counted, Emma stirred. When Natasha told her to wake, her eyelids flickered rapidly again, just as they had when she’d first hypnotized her. Then they opened, and for the first time in minutes, they contained a spark of life and awareness. It took a few long moments for the fog to clear, but once it did and she saw what had been done to Ella, Emma gasped.

“Nat, you… you actually…” Her entire face suddenly became flushed. “Oh my god.”

Natasha laughed, and threw herself down on the couch behind her girlfriend. Both of them were staring at Ella. She hadn’t stirred.

“Yeah, I hypnotized him,” Natasha replied. “The asshole was practically begging for it.”

“D-don’t say that!” Emma was trying to sound cross, but she couldn’t manage it; her voice was shuddery, and full of a strange excitement. “He was just looking out for his kid sister.”

“You should have told him it was too late,” Natasha purred, slipping a possessive arm around her waist. “That I’ve already got you. But you didn’t - and now I have him, too.”

Emma gasped breathlessly. “T-that’s so… fucked up.”

“Don’t look at me,” Natasha mocked. “You’re the one getting off on it.”

At that, Emma let out a high-pitched whine of protest that dissolved entirely into a moan as Natasha’s hand pressed insistently against the front of her dress. “N-n-not fair! Y-you made… me f-find fucked-up stuff like that h-hot.”

“That’s right.” There was a wicked glint in Natasha’s eyes. “Even the fucked-up stuff I did to you. Too hot to resist. Too hot to even want to.”

Emma was too far gone to even protest now. She just moaned and slumped against Natasha, unable to fight the predatory hypnotist.

“Hey, watch this,” Natasha said, and addressed Ella again. “Ella, see how turned on Emma is right now?”

Ella did. Now that Natasha had drawn her attention to it, it was obvious. Emma was flushed and squirming, she was breathing hard, and whenever Natasha touched her, she moaned.

“Time to be her reflection again, Ella.”

As soon as Natasha said that, it hit Ella. The heat. The arousal. It was physical and immediate, just like when Natasha had stroked Emma’s face. Ella started panting and felt her face grow hot. Within moments, she was just as horny as Emma looked. The only major difference was that, in Ella’s case, the arousal was also visible as a distinct, swelling bulge between her legs.

Natasha laughed when Emma moaned at the twisted display.

“W-what are you gonna do to him?” Emma breathed. “T-the same thing… y-you did to me?”

“What?” Natasha teased. “Make him a lesbian? Make him love me?”

Each possibility got a fresh moan from Emma’s lips. She looked unbelievably turned on - and so did Ella.

“Maybe,” Natasha mused. “You know me, babe. I’m impulsive. But I do like the idea of keeping you both. A nice little matching pair. Your “brother” is staying down here for… what? A week? That’s plenty of time for some fun.”

Her hand was up under Emma’s skirt, touching her directly. She was putty in Natasha’s arms. Natasha had made her so hopelessly weak and submissive.

“But for now, let’s give your new sister a finishing touch,” Natasha decided. She reached into one of the pockets of her jacket and pulled out a pill bottle, opened the lid, and poured one out into her palm. “I can spare a few HRT doses. Hey, Ella, open your- wait, no. I have a better idea. Emma, here.”

Emma looked at her curiously and, before she could say anything, Natasha fed her the pill. Emma almost choked, but immediately accepted Natasha’s fingers into her mouth.

“Don’t swallow,” Natasha instructed, before grinning. “Now. Kiss the mirror, babe.”

Emma’s eyes flew wide, and her cheeks turned a deeper red than ever before at the sheer, taboo thrill of what Natasha was intending. She shook her head a couple of times - but after the time Natasha had spent in her head, she was no longer capable of saying ‘no’.

Ella had no reaction at all as, slowly and trepidatiously, Emma stretched out toward her. For some reason, she expected Emma’s lips to feel cold - but they didn’t, the kiss was white-hot. Driven by her own arousal, Emma kissed her twin passionately, lips pressed eagerly against hers in a desperate bid to sate her hunger. The taboo only made it hotter. Ella, of course, mirrored every little bit of her passion - and accepted the pill Emma passed into her mouth through the kiss.

Natasha just laughed as she watched the two sisters making out for her own sick amusement.

“Good girl,” she praised when Emma finally drew back. Emma blushed again. “God. You have no idea how hot it is, watching you kiss. My very own matching pair.”

“Y-yeah.” Emma couldn’t even bring herself to disagree anymore. She had been molded into a willing accomplice.

“OK, Ella,” Natasha said, “I think it’s time to wake up for tonight.”

She snapped her fingers.

Ella almost slipped off the touch. He - she - could barely remember where she was. She just stared at Natasha and Emma, baffled by the lurid looks on their faces.

“W-what?” she said embarrassed. “What… happened?”

“I just hypnotized you,” Natasha told her. “Guess it works just as well on you as it does on Emma.”

“Oh.” It was starting to come back to her now. They’d been arguing about it. For some reason, Ella had been agitated about… something. About Natasha? That seemed right, but then it seemed very wrong.

After all, Emma loved Natasha. Why would Ella feel any different?

“I hate to say I told you so,” Natasha teased. “But…”

“Fine! You got me,” Ella confessed. She shifted around on the couch a little, trying to hide the huge bulge in her pants. Why was she hard?

“So… what’s my prize?” Natasha pressed.

“Your prize?” Ella blinked, confused. “Um… what do you want?”

Natasha made a big show of contemplating the question, before answering: “I think my prize is, I get to take you clothes shopping tomorrow.”

Emma giggled. “Watch out, Eth- I mean, uh, Ella. You just know she’s going to make us match. She’s kind of obsessed with it.”

Ella blushed. Hearing that made her feel strange, somehow. Tranquil. Needy. She nodded submissively.

“I guess I should have known better,” she murmured. “We’ve always been identical twin sisters.”

---

I would like to express my gratitude for the generosity of all those who support me on Patreon, and to give a special thanks to the following patrons in particular for their exceptional support:

Artemis, Chloe, Grillfan65, The Secret Subject, Morriel, Dex, orangesya, Red, dmtph, MegatronTarantulas, Vanessa, Madeline, BTYOR, Sarah, Mattilda, Emily Queen of sloths, ntad, Shadows exile, Abigail, Hypnogirl_Stephanie_, Jade, mintyasleep, ZephanyZephZeph, Michael, Be_Be, Tasteful Ardour, Chris, Dennis, Full Blown Marxism, Morder, S, Brendon, Drone 8315, Jack the Monkey, Jim, Erin, HannahSolaria, Christopher, hellenberg, Kay, Miss_Praxis, Violet, Noct, Charlotte, Faun, BrinnShea, B, Foridin, Jennifer, EepyTimeTea, Slifer274, Roxxie, Phoenix, Ivy, Jim, Sebastian, Joseph, Yaoups, Thomas, Liz, naivetynkohan, Basic dev, SuperJellyFrogEx, Katie, Lily, spyrocyndersam13, zzzz, Mal, Jose, Bouncyrou, Anonymous, Bacon Man, Nimapode, Melody, Kunoichiru, FemKUltra, Z!, Flluffie, Ash, Artemis, Geckonator, TheRealG, Anonymous, Bob, J, nathan, GladiusLumin, Ada, Kyle, Marina, Space Prius, Alex, Michael

#story

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dead-girl-prolific · 3 months

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Ticci Toby + Personality Disorders and Mood Disorders

this is based off of @necroromantics post, i felt very inspired to share my thoughts on it, although it took me about 3-4 days to get done i had a lot of fun!

this is mainly about BPD and ASPD(one mention because i don't know a lot about ASPD as a whole) as far as personality disorders go, i know the most about those when it comes to personality disorders. out of mood disorders, to stay relevant to the original post it'll just be the two types of Bipolar disorder.

I chose these three disorders as my topic because they are the most common headcanon for his character(and my headcanons).

PSA:

SOME OF THIS INFORMATION COULD BE OUTDATED, i haven't researched Bipolar in 2-3 years so if anything is wrong i'd like to address the fact that i am NOT a professional! also some/most of this is personal experiences and researches i've done!

now that that's out of the way. let's start rambling!

What is bipolar disorder?

From someone whos lived with both parents struggling with BD (Bipolar Disorder) (my mom shows heavy signs of it, but is not diagnosed, my dad is) it is very much possible i could have it too, but both BPD and BD have a lot in common but are still very different (symptoms). They both have severe mood swings, They share some symptoms, such as depression and impulsive behavior. The main thing that separates them is that BPD is a Personality disorder and Bipolar is a Behavioral Mood Disorder. BD is characterized by periods of extreme highs and lows, known as manic and depressive episodes. BPD affects how individuals perceive and interact with the world around them.

They are very hard to differentiate in a patient and people usually get misdiagnosed, the symptoms are VERY similar which is why it isn’t common to diagnose minors. (it’s not impossible to be diagnosed with both as a minor.) (this is what my doctors have shared with me)

a little tangent- my dad was diagnosed with BD at a very young age (i’d say 12 or/to 16) and it was only diagnosed because he had several…”episodes” (he broke several laws and maybe/probably committed a few felonies.) i don’t know much about my dad’s past, but from what my grandpa and him have told me he’s been bailed out of jail/juvie a lot. He was not medicated because he didn’t like what the medications did to him, so that’s probably why he was so “EXTREME”.

His episodes lasted for a while sometimes 3-4 months or less, but my episodes (i have BPD) can last a few months as well(but around 2-3 months), because of clinical depression(major depressive episodes) which is a huge symptom of BPD, the longest episode i’ve had was maybe two and a half months and it happens a lot about once-twice a year, with no rhyme or reason. i'm looking into getting diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder because i have a lot of symptoms that concern me, but it's possible i was misdiagnosed with BPD(i doubt it because of the symptoms i experience) it is very much possible i could have both, which is why i need to figure it out, it's dangerous for me to not be medicated properly.

Does Toby canonically have bipolar?

If you don’t know enough about something (BD) you shouldn’t create a character with said things (BD) or at least do research before. In my opinion Toby has a personality disorder, although I cannot quite pinpoint which. If i could psycho-analyze (it’s been a while since i’ve taken a full blown look at the entirety of the character.) he most likely struggles with Bipolar but it was misdiagnosed with BPD he also shows some symptoms and traits of someone with ASPD. TECHNICALLY he has canonical BPD through his behavior, but the creator of his character "misdiagnosed" him and gave him Bipolar disorder, but it's totally okay to headcanon him with something else (or something more "fitting") or just projecting, all of it is fine to some extent.

Do you headcanon Toby to have bipolar?(or a personality disorder)

Yes, to put it simply he has potential to be a multi-faceted character, and I know a lot of people like to project onto creepypasta characters in general, as a coping skill. Toby is also “canonically” “Bipolar” i use both of those terms loosely. As someone with (possible) Bipolar and has lived around those with Bipolar I’d be open to writing his character with Bipolar, as an informed writer I would prefer people to at least do research on the subject before making assumptions on how the character would behave/think. Overall if the character’s experience is written well I wouldn't mind reading it. I do not condone misinformation, but i do condone learning about it for a passion project such as writing. As someone who hasn’t struggled with ASPD i don’t necessarily feel comfortable writing it but if i did a decent amount of research for the character and the disorder it could change my mind as long as i get outsider viewpoints.

How to properly write Toby with bipolar?

do not romanticize it not getting treated, as someone who struggles with a disorder not getting treated, it is definitely damaging to my mental and physical health. so writing for a character who isn't being treated for something is something i'm a bit iffy on- but if you do research and don't go overboard, it could end up being really good for awareness.

(i headcanon that he was originally on medication but he didn't take into account the fact that he needs his medications, so he basically fucked himself over and regrets it (subconsciously) after a manic episode of course)

there is an author(s) who does a really good job writing his character with Bipolar/BPD if you are interested in reading their work dm me!/inbox me!

maybe write about how his work relationships would be impacted, and how his friendships would be, his romantic relationships all of it, don't just focus on "ooo i'm mentally ill" it would not only affect him but it would also impact those around him by whether or not they know about his Bipolar disorder and if they know hes having an episode.

it would probably, a few times, get him caught by the law given the fact that people with bipolar are very indecisive and it would mostly be chalked up to him being like "this is wrong, i don't want to do this anymore" to "ARSON!!!" (bad analogy but you get it) his emotions and feelings on the matter of is job would fluctuate all the time, even while he's on the job. it leads him to be erratic and spontaneous. he isn't a very reliable partner, which is why he probably only goes on single missions.

i feel like if he were to be medicated it would be at the expense of Tim's medications since toby can't get his hands on other medications that are used for mood swings and such.

What do manic episodes look like? How would they effect Toby?

"Manic episodes are very intense highs in mood and energy. Despite what people say, real manic episodes are only experienced in people with bipolar disorder" @necroromantics

this is true, as someone with BPD, my "manic" episodes depend on someone that is my FP (favorite person) and when i am not having a "high" of energy i'm usually numb and my "manic" episodes are usually only an hour long or the amount of time that i am with my FP. BPD cannot get Manic.

although there are two branches of Bipolar, Bipolar 1 which is characterized as many manic episodes and less depressive episodes but Bipolar 2 is characterized as many major depressive episodes, that usually last a lot longer than the manic episodes. (this is worded as simply)

"A very real danger of manic episodes is that some people experience co-occurring psychosis alongside their episodes, such as delusions and hallucinations." @necroromantics

another thing Toby struggles with is hallucinations of his deceased sister Lyra.

"These highs can also lead to dangerous acts due to the recklessness and lack of proper judgement on whats safe/smart in that moment. There is also hypomania, which is a lesser, more mild form of mania." @necroromantics

you are mixing up both Bipolars... they are separated (from the studies i've done/researched)

Manic Episodes-

it would all depend on how exactly he feels/ the situation and how the writer decides to portray that. (if the writer is properly informed of course)

What do depressive episodes look like? How would they effect Toby?

"They typically last longer than manic episodes, usually about 1+ months." @necroromantics

this depends on whether or not it's Bipolar 1 or Bipolar 2, this is the "definition" of a Bipolar 2 Depressive episode. bipolar 2 episodes can occur for longer than a month, that is correct. bipolar 1 has longer manic "highs" than bipolar 2, bipolar 2 barely gets manic "highs" and when they do it's not for very long. (from what my doctors have told me/what i've seen in my dad (he has bipolar 1))

as someone who has seen these symptoms and had them i can assure you they are not fun, especially dealing with them WITHOUT proper medications, although currently i am very "manic" and getting a lot of shit done, kinda like i'm on adderall rn lol.(that's the closest comparison i can make to how I AM feeling.)

"He would probably disappear for a bit, to be left alone, because he doesn't want to be around anybody. He would spend his time sleeping as much as he can, and then the rest of his time doing proxy work, and then going back to sleep." @necroromantics

i wouldn't say sleeping is all he's doing, when i have depressive episodes (which episodes are different for everyone) i tend to go off my diet, make a lot of other regrettable decisions(EX: relapse, forget important stuff, become more "lazy" etc.) that prolong my episode. but sleep can also be affected such as; getting too much sleep or struggling with sleeping (i.e waking up every hour to every few hours).

What are mixed episodes?

"This can look like feeling super energetic, but also horribly hopeless and depressed, or being on top of the world one minute, and then wanting to off yourself the next. They are very intense, and dangerous. It feels like you're losing your mind, and you can't catch yourself." @necroromantics

i am going to add to this. not only will you be super energetic but you'll want to do so much but have no energy to do it, like lets say you had a great art idea, oc idea, and writing idea, but you would be too unmotivated to do any of it. sometimes you can't pinpoint what to feel/what you're feeling, and that's totally okay! confusing, annoying but still its completely okay.

I'm free to answer with my personal experience, and headcanons and prior knowledge of mental health about any creepypasta characters! DM me or inbox me!

#creepypasta #ticci toby #creepypasta fandom #creepypasta headcanon #ticci toby headcanons #toby rogers #creepypasta ticci toby #bipolar disorder

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hwljpg · 24 days

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So, I just finished watching all 9 episodes of Smiling Friends in one sitting.

I dunno why, but I just have a bit of a natural aversion to immediately diving into like Internety things that blow up really quickly. I still need to watch the pilot episode for The Amazing Digital Circus, I have no clue what the game Content Warning is about, I know I got into watching videos on Lethal Company late and such.

One of those things was Smiling Friends. I had seen it blowing up originally, and so naturally, I just drifted away from it. I had subsequently seen it in like some memes or stuff afterwards, but besides that, not much.

It doesn’t help I’ve not really gotten into Adult Swim cartoons at the moment. I love random, but Adult Swim cartoons can be really cynical in a way that makes me wary of them.

Then, I saw you post some art of it. Then some more. Wow, more! What about this show makes this person I consider a good Tumblr friend like it so much to dedicate so much time to doing at about it? Well, you said in an ask that it wasn’t as cynical as other Adult Swim cartoons, especially when it came to Pim and Charlie. Huh, okay, I think I’ll go watch it!

I procrastinated on it for a few days because I was busy. But, finally, I decided, “You know what, I’m just gonna watch it!” I watched the first episode. Honestly, it is my least favorite episode. (Weirdly, just like how the first episode of the Sam and Max TV show is my least favorite.) I didn’t like The Boss breastfeeding, I didn’t like how Desmond kept the gun pointed to his head, I didn’t like the spinning baby. That all felt too jarring for me.

Of course, maybe I wasn’t properly acclimated with the show yet. Besides, there was good with the bad. I thought Pim and Charlie’s dynamic seemed funny, the ending was great, and I liked Allan and Glep as the other two Smiling Friend workers. So, I pushed through.

I ended up really enjoying my time watching the show. There was a lot more I liked than I disliked. My main thing: You were right, it definitely wasn’t as cynical as I thought it would be. Sure, the world still is cynical and messed up at points, but I felt an authenticity to the reoccurring characters and how they dealt with the situations they ended up in. Plus, for every single episode, I didn’t see the ending coming AND felt super satisfied by the resolutions! My favorite episode is probably the Salty’s one.

So, I guess this is a really long way to tell you: Thanks for getting me into Smiling Friends!

ooouuu i’m glad you enjoyed it!! surprising i’ve gotten some people to start the show because of my fanart.. wuohhh

Completely understand the parts that felt jarring; i could only look past it or at times find the humor in it mostly because of how my friends and i perceived and translated it into our own funky little brains. And i don’t necessarily feel as if adult shows need to step away from that very random/jarring humor/gags but more of Figure Out How To Do It Right and that’s what I feel smiling friends does perfectly. But some people are gonna be left with a bad taste in their mouth anyways and that’s completely fine yk.

What I like is how they mix those very jarring elements in their show + the characters world and contrast it with simply how realistic the characters are. They typically converse as if most of this stuff is normal and it only adds more to the joke when they actually freak out. Like i’ve said before i adore the mixture of extremely realistic dialogue that sounds so similar to real life conversations we’ve very have had before with people in everyday life. (that’s why i especially love the trip to brazil episode)

And obviously the lack of cynicism. I’ve been avoiding most adult animated shows for YEARS because i genuinely just can’t stand the cynicism and it’s constantly negative fanbases it always brews. And i’m very heavy on looking to the fanbase to get an example of how good of a media may be or simply how much it may appeal to me. I remember telling a friend that the difference between the rick & morty fanbase to the smiling friends fanbase was just one fanbase is known for constantly having a negative outlook on life and saying shit like “you need to have a high IQ to understand this show” while the smiling friends fanbase just DESPERATELY wants to make out sloppy style with Charlie. There’s no tasteless misogynistic, queerphobic, or racist jokes. Hell they have two fat characters as the main characters and we have not heard a single fat joke. It’s a breath of fresh air and with its inclusion of having many youtube/twitter/online creators be part of the show (and RUNNING the show) i feel as if we’re hopefully stepping into a new age of adult animated media.

hopefully one with a more positive outlook on adulthood.

aaaa enough of my rambling you literally watched the show!! feels so odd i used to be influenced by fanart and now my fanart is influencing others. i will do everything to use this power for good 😭 just happy to see people start and enjoy things im really fond for.

hope u having a good morning/evening/night tumblr friend 🫶

#ask #txt #i feel so cushy now i love people and spreading joy #:]

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azulas-lightning-bolt · 2 months

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guys I just want you to know that azula is my fav atla character (right above katara/toph/suki can you tell I like girls) but I’m actually going insane about mako right now.

also for the like,, five people who liked my last mako post please please please go look at @/jade-of-mourning’s blog. they’re so cool. they make such super awesome mako posts and his writing is really good and she also posts some stuff on ao3 so like. yeah. I’m obsessed with them.

anyway back to losing my mind over mako,, (a LOT more under the cut)

so okay I’ll admit I’m not typically a fan of angsty male characters (zuko is the exception. he’s too funny to not, and his character and development are really well done) because they all feel like copy-pastes of each other and they’re generally uninteresting.

but mako. mako is the female experience. not sure if I reposted it (as I tend to do with,, everything on here) but I saw a post talking about how what happened to mako’s character (all potential being discarded after romantic plot) is what happens to the vast majority of female characters. and as I’ve probably said at least fifty million times, he’s SO eldest daughter coded. I’m trans (they/he) but I grew up an eldest daughter and he’s like?? literally me??

as I was yapping about in a reblog—I just checked (lol) and it was in fact the post about mako having the female love interest treatment and tags about his eldest daughter syndrome—mako is somewhat made more ‘relatable’ than katara even when sending a similar message for the general audience. I think people should just be less brickheaded and appreciate my wonderful waterbending girl but mako being a guy makes people not immediately put his character into the lens of ‘ugh, dumb feminism’. (which, again, should not happen)

okay so why does this redeem him so much? I said I hate copy-paste angsty backstories meant to exacerbate a character’s edgy mysteriousness and mako is literally batman with a more violent aang for a little brother. he was basically the messiest character on the show, cheated on both his gfs with each other and fucked them up so bad they turned gay for each other (which was funny as hell of the writers by the way. his reaction to them coming out in the comics was GOLD. ik my boy was fighting back tears.) so, logically, I should hate him like 90% of the fandom, right?

well obviously 90% of the fandom HAS NOT WATCHED THE FUCKING SHOW is MISOGYNISTIC or HATES CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT

I have. so much to say about this.

for one. did we watch the same show. mako is one of the most selfless, hardworking, and considerate characters, which he shows multiple times—it’s a major point of his character, actually. he’s the protector, the nurturer (*cough* the eldest daughter). down to his backstory, he shielded bolin from the worst bits of the underworld as best he could while still providing. from eight years old, all alone, he provided. that’s honestly what sets mako apart from literally being Batman (lmao) and why I don’t actually mind his backstory. he was put in an impossible situation, and told to figure it out. he was given no reprieve from the extremely traumatic event of watching his parents die by the element he wields, the one that he has to learn on his own to use to protect bolin.

the other thing is that a lot of his actions are selfish in a way. he doesn’t really care much about the street rats in the same position he was once in the beginning. but even that selfishness isn’t in his own interest—it’s selfishness for the sake of bolin’s well being. one thing that really hits me hard is the brothers’ relationships with food while on the streets. I’m going to make another post about that soon because I don’t want to ramble too endlessly on here. it’s really personal because. eldest daughter who grew up poor. yeah.

second, fandom misogyny. this makes like. no sense but I swear I know what I’m talking about. okay so misogyny is about gender right? but let’s step away from the cutout copy idea of gender, like genitals or fem/masc presentation or pronouns. think of gender as a set of inherent preconceptions, ideals, or societal expectations. that’s what it is but specifying that makes more sense. mako is a dude who is referred to with he/him and he looks like a guy but he represents a girl. mako is expected to be nurturing but not overbearing. present but not annoying. a provider, but don’t ask for anything in return. mako can’t cry in front of bolin, it’s not right for a little boy to look up to someone fragile. mako needs to work, but tiredness is not allowed. don’t be overly cheerful, it’s annoying and unfitting, but too much gruffness is just haughty.

did you feel like you were reading the transcript for that scene about how hard it is to be a woman in the barbie movie? good, because that was the intention. mako, to me, represents the idea of a sibling who is forced to also be a parent, whether or not they are the eldest, and often a girl to a boy. it could be because parents are absent or dead or bad at parenting or just foolish and inattentive. mako is hated (aside from that messy ass romance plot) for almost all the same reasons as katara and that just. infuriates me. like I have this one perfect representation that reminds me of my own background (sorry katara ily and you represent my rage) while aligning with my identity and everyone is shitting on it?? fuck mako haters he’s my special boy

last point. have you never heard of character development in your lives. did you not all love Zuko’s redemption arc, and then as soon as a dumb teenager who’s never had romantic relationships fucks up JUST AS BAD AS THE OTHER TWO PEOPLE INVOLVED (sorry korrasami ily but y’all were nasty for not asking to kiss mako) you’re all like ‘unforgivable’?? like he didn’t even have a redemption arc because HE WASNT AN EVIL CHARACTER. he was a poor kid looking for a sense of stability and he fucked up. he felt bad. I don’t think any of them apologized, despite the fact one was needed all around. he grew as a character because he let himself find stability and mature before seeking someone new to use as a life raft who was already sinking themselves. I truly believe that korrasami—had it not occurred at the end of the series—wouldn’t have worked out either.

all of them were unstable and lost and scared for their lives almost constantly. that’s not a healthy place to be in to seek a relationship and they none of them were good for each other until they gave themselves time to step away from romance and heal.

anyway stan mako to not be a bigot (im unwell about him)

#mako lok #lok #tlok #legend of korra #mako tlok #mako

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sukifoof · 1 year

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its 6 in the morning and ive been up all night so now u all have to listen to me be insane about flowey. anyway i really really love how undertale portrays flowey’s trauma as i’ve said plenty of times before but the thing that’s getting me today is how well it touches on the subject of feeling trapped or stuck. he has this constant theme of isolation that’s extremely prominent to his whole character-- the only one who’s neither human nor monster, the only one capable of taking control, the only one who directly talks to you about your time shenanigans, the only one who’s. Like That. everything about his character sets him apart from everyone else and i love it so much. there’s several other characters who have a similar isolation theme going on (toriel, mad mew mew, alphys, etc) that parallel flowey’s loneliness, but he’s too stuck in his trauma to be able to see that he’s not alone. which makes a lot of sense!! trauma can leave someone feeling like no one else would Get It, especially the kind of grief flowey has been dealing with.

first, he wakes up as a flower. no one is there. he’s numb, and who knows how much time has passed. his mother has left. his father has killed six people he died to protect. chara is gone, and that’s really the biggest thing. the one person who he lived through that trauma with is gone. he’s literally alone with his memories of what happened. he sits there and has to question what’s real, probably replaying everything over in his head who knows how many times. and chara’s still gone. and oh, he can return things to the state where he first woke up-- and chara’s still gone. no matter how much he tries to go back, he’s trapped in the present. he has this distinct separation from his family, because his parents could never understand how he’s feeling, and the person who could is gone and isn’t coming back. when frisk fell, i’m sure he was just living through everything again. of course he tried to take their soul; it’s what chara would have wanted, right? it’s like this is his chance to make up for what he failed at in the past, and in a way he sees both himself and his sibling in frisk.

flowey’s situation in particular gives such a clear view into what ptsd is like. constantly reliving your trauma and looking at what could and can be done differently to prevent it from happening. waking up and suddenly realizing that so much time has passed, but you still feel the same way you did when it first happened. thinking that you have more control over everything than you really do, which leads to even more self blame about what happened. lashing out because of how lonely you feel, and realizing just how different you are from everyone else. frisk falling down forces flowey to realize that he’s not in control. he couldn’t have controlled chara’s actions or thoughts, and he can’t control everything else, no matter how much he wants to or think he can.

i think a lot about how flowey could have just let everything go on. he didn’t have to keep resetting, and yet he did. because he can’t accept that he’s living in a world where he won’t always know what’s happening next and how to perfectly lead everything to the happy end that he wants. so instead he chooses to live in a loop because at least he knows what will happen. he says it’s boring and that he has to know everything that will happen because he’s bored, but it’s likely because of his Various Control Issues born from his ptsd. when he’s given the time to properly grieve and show that he can be understood, it’s like he can finally accept what happened in his childhood, and that he had no control over chara. he’s been stuck in this weird limbo of feeling like he knows better than everyone else, and that everything that happens hinges on him and his decisions. that kind of thinking and his isolation definitely lends to how he has a hard time viewing people as people, which further throws him into his isolation.

i really like that the true pacifist end allows him to say goodbye to his past and chara and to finally get out of this pit he’s been stuck in, metaphorically and literally lol. i’ve never seen anything else portray that specific kind of grief as well as undertale has and i appreciate it so much cuz it’s a very lonely thing to live through. i think kekkai sensen, live a live, and omori handle grief in a similar way that undertale does, which i also really appreciate... it’s a very sensitive topic that toby has written extremely well and i’m so excited to see what he does with deltarune cuz his writing is just. always so good. i keep saying this but flowey feels so much like a traumatized burnt out gifted kid who tried to go to college and immediately dropped out cuz he completely freaked out when he realized everything was just gonna continue happening and chara still isn’t there i need someone else to understand this i am begging. i hope this post is at least mildly coherent <3 i love flowey hes my Big Favorite

#undertale #utdr #flowey #asriel #asriel dreemurr #utdr analysis

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zebulontheplanet · 3 months

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Hello. You mentioned that burnout and late regression can look quite similar sometimes, and I guess I am sort of wondering what the difference is between them?

I am curious because I am a young adult and in the past couple of years I have lost some skills (like emotional regulation, masking/socializing, handling changes in routine, and executive functioning) and I don't know if it is burnout or regression or even what the difference is.

Thank you! (I am sorry if I am bothering you, please don't feel pressured to respond if you don't want to.)

Hey anon! So this is seriously just from my own personal research. There is currently one study out to my knowledge about it and a few articles. So do your own research as well! Please don’t use this post to self diagnose and contact a professional if you feel you are experiencing late regression with catatonia.

So late regression itself is said to come hand in hand with catatonia. It’s late regression with catatonia, if you google it then there’s a few articles about it and a study about it.

The main difference between late regression and skill regression caused by burnout is that burnout gets better with accommodations, unmasking, and time. While late regression seems to only get better with therapies, practice with skills that were lost, time, medication, and ECT in extreme cases. The also big difference is that burnout is usually caused by masking too much so you get “burnt out”. While late regression doesnt require masking to happen. And most people from what I’ve seen, were not masking to begin with and get it.

Late regression is more typically more severe then burnout as well, this is typically because of the catatonia symptoms. Burnout is pretty sudden. Late regression happens over time and just continues to get worse. Late regression you also typically begin to degenerate in ADLs and being able to take care of yourself, so typically your support needs change all together.

Burnout can cause you to lose the ability to do ADLs, but usually not to the extent of Late regression.

Not to mention speech. Typically with late regression, people lose their speech, either all together or experience “semi mutism” or semiverbalism/minimally verbal as some people know it.

There are also some things I’m not going into detail about, like loss in independence, increased slowness, needing prompting for basically everything, etc etc that comes along with late regression.

The two are very different. I hope this helps and i hope you understand this! If you have anymore questions then feel free to ask. Have a lovely day anon.

#zebrambles #autism #actually autism #actually autistic #autistic regression #autism catatonia

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gacha-incels · 1 month

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Hi, sorry for sending this, I'm trying to gather information on Shift UP's ideological verification of its employees, and the CEO's stance on feminism. would you happen to have sources and articles on the subject?

Thank you in advance.

sorry this is a bit late, I’ve been ill recently so I’ve had to spend my free time sleeping lol 😭

article regarding SHIFT-UP removing an artist’s work from their gacha game “Destiny Child” after she said there shouldn’t be a problem being a feminist and voiced support for the VA, Kim Jayeon, that Nexon fired for taking a photo of herself wearing a shirt that said “Girls Do Not Need A Prince”. The shirt was part of a fundraiser to help victims of domestic violence (see the npr article linked below) , the rates of which are especially high for women living in South Korea. You can note here that literally anything vaguely feminist is met with “are you megal?” (referring to the defunct website megalia) and it doesn’t even matter how she responds. This woman made some simple statements and is smeared as some feminist terrorist. tbh sometimes it’s an uphill battle trying to explain to anyone, especially on the western internet, that these women aren’t making some evil dogwhistle to the feminist illuminati when they make basic feminist statements. I’ve gotten called “terf/terf sympathizer” (???) for trying to explain that the artist Vellmori was being smeared on the western web with the term “terf” as a targeted campaign by Korean incels who know that term puts a target on your back and nothing else about it. I am of course not saying megalia was a totally unproblematic site with no ideological problems but none of these women being smeared are saying anything like “yeah the homophobia was great” they’re literally advocating for basic women’s rights. I’m also not saying “basic” in a condescending way, on the contrary I think these women are brave for speaking out and have created complex feminist ideologies and movements. “Basic” and “simple” are meant to show the absurdity in the reaction (extreme male anger, firing, censorship, etc) in relation to the original statement (molka is bad, it’s fine to be a feminist, etc).

this is an article in English regarding the VA who wore the shirt:

SHIFT-UP’s gacha game “Nikke” recently engaging in 🤏 male freakouts

article in Korean regarding this, I’ll add it but idk how “peripheral” you want to get since i don’t think it’s directly SHIFT-UP (?)

as far as more opinion pieces go, there’s this article written by an artist who was a victim of feminist ideological verification that talks about SHIFT-UP’s gacha “Nikke”

Edit- the actual post seems to have been deleted, I screenshotted and pasted the entire thing on the linked post above but idk how using this would come across since the original post is gone.

I posted some images and MTL on this post

this is a paper that goes over just some of the basics of megalia’s mirroring tactics and how it got started

If anyone has anything else specific lmk and I’ll update this post too, I hope what I’ve posted so far can be helpful

#shift up #megalia #stellar blade

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arabaka · 8 months

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hello everynyan !!!!!!!!!!!!!! how are you !!!!!!!!!!! (jokes aside) i missed you all! i wanted to give an update on this blog and my wellbeing. but i also wanted to be transparent! i’ll include a TL;DR so if you want more info, please look under the cut!

LOVE YOU ALL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

original pinned post

TL;DR:

ill be going by my first name now! names jackie, pleasure to meet everybody!

i have bpd and that resulted in me having a terrible breakdown that ended up hurting my friends. i have since made amends and strengthened the bonds with SO many people.

there is someone i engaged with frequently on my blog i have since blocked. i ask that you be mindful of sending me mp100 fanfic/fanart. i won’t disclose this person’s identity.

i’m BACK! so expect to see me <3

as some of you may know, i suffer from BPD and am believed to be on the spectrum. BPD stands for borderline personality disorder. some quick notes on this disorder and what it entails:

Borderline personality disorder is a mental illness that severely impacts a person’s ability to manage their emotions. This loss of emotional control can increase impulsivity, affect how a person feels about themselves, and negatively impact their relationships with others.

People with borderline personality disorder may experience intense mood swings and feel uncertainty about how they see themselves. Their feelings for others can change quickly, and swing from extreme closeness to extreme dislike. These changing feelings can lead to unstable relationships and emotional pain.

People with borderline personality disorder also tend to view things in extremes, such as all good or all bad. Their interests and values can change quickly, and they may act impulsively or recklessly.

now people with bpd experience something called splitting and this is:

BPD splitting is a symptom of borderline personality disorder (BPD). It’s when a person sees everything as black or white, good or bad, or best or worst. Splitting is a defense mechanism people living with BPD use to deal with emotions (such as the fear of abandonment) that they cannot handle.

this past week, i had the worst episode ive had in a long time and some of you may have seen it going by the last few posts on my blog. i was incredibly volatile, distrusting, and upset but worst of all, i let that affect my relationships. i vented to some people, very similar to the sentiment i was posting on here, but i also said some pretty hurtful things that made these people feel like i discredited their love by saying i didn’t feel that way from anyone. but the thing with bpd, and a lot of other mental illnesses/disorders… it warps our perception and our view on reality.

all these people wanted to do, like many of you, is help and i pushed it all away preemptively due to past trauma was rejection and abandonment. but this hurt one of the most important people in my life and on top of that, i subtweeted that person on a venting insta for the purpose of hurting them. it’s a big regret of mine and i’ve vowed to NEVER let that happen again to ANYONE.

mental illness/disorders can explain your reactions and actions but should not excuse it.

i have since made amends with my best friend and everything is back to normal, if not better because i have a new appreciation for her and our unbreakable bond.

but i can’t say the same for someone else, someone that i engaged with pretty often and someone that was special to me.

but i learned that this person… was never a good friend.

they showed their true colors and showed that they were not as supportive as i thought. now, that’s not to absolve myself of any blame! because i did hurt them too! but instead of being open to communication and growth, they said i had hurt them several times without ever bringing this up to me. they expected me to listen to their venting but suddenly couldn’t when it came to me. that they didn't have the capacity to do so. yet, were upset that i didn't confide in them?

this person is out of my life now. i’ve blocked them on everything. i won’t disclose who this person is but i will be triggered by their art/writing for a long time. again, even though this person has disappointed me greatly and hurt me in turn (with other things i will not go into), i do not wish any hate on them. with that being said, please let me know who the creator is before you share any mob psycho fanart/fanfic with me and i’ll let you know if it’s okay or not.

fortunately though, this taught me a lesson. a lesson in appreciating my friends (AND ALL OF YOU!!!), trusting their word, AND watching what i do and say so i don’t hurt people.

moving on to my content, i am going to be BACK!!! back and posting!!! so expect my ass B)

we’re back to normal, we’re healthy and we’re striving for growth!!!

# .˚₊ ੈ 📣 ˎˊ˗ ꒰ heads up! ꒱

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multiplicity-positivity · 29 days

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Hi! I was looking for advice and you seem pretty knowledgeable about plurality so I’d thought I’d ask you.

I’ve started to wonder if maybe I’m plural, but don’t know if my experiences are similar to something someone is neurotypical might experience. I think of myself as only having one headmate, but when it comes to interacting with people I express one of two manifestations of said headmate.

I figure it’s relatively common in people who aren’t plural to show different parts of themselves to differently people, but these two manifestations are so dramatically different to the point of being polar opposites that I’ve started to wonder.

(Some clarifying notes: While I don’t have names for these separate manifestations as they are both parts of the same individual in my head, I will refer to them as 🌟 and 🪐 respectively. I will refer to me presenting either 🌟 or 🪐 as fronting, and the version that exists in my head as the headspace version. I’m using this language just to be clear with what I mean, not to appropriate language used by systems/say I am one)

It hasn’t always been like this. When I was little, I was just 🌟. I was extremely extroverted, energetic, argumentative, and struggled with emotional regulation. I display these traits whenever I am fronting 🌟. 🪐 has always been around in my headspace as well, and sometimes 🪐 would front, but this didn’t happen in any meaningful capacity until I was around 9. My behavior shifted drastically, because 🪐 is very quiet, observant, and logical. My mother has told me multiple times that she felt like I got jaded in the 4th grade. Now, unless I’ve gotten to know someone well or am incredibly comfortable in the environment I’m in, I front 🪐. Around my very close friends 🌟 will front, and 🌟 will also front when I get very giddy or excited. Sometimes when 🌟 fronts I catch myself regretting it, scared I annoyed people or if people hate me, because I can’t control which manifestation of myself people talk to.

But the thing is, I don’t have any trauma that I know of, and they exist together as one identity in my headspace. My worldview, beliefs, and memories remain the same across the board. I think of myself as one person, even if someone’s experiences with me can vary drastically (this ask would be very different if you were talking to 🌟)

I figured since you interact with a fair amount of systems and are one yourself, you could maybe point me in the right direction.

Thanks for your time!

Hi! We won’t be able to confirm or deny whether or not you’re plural, sorry about that! It’s true that even singlets are multifaceted, with different sides of themselves that they show to different people at different times. And many singlets may find that they feel more extroverted and bubbly with people they’re comfortable with, and more introverted and reserved with people they don’t know that well. To us, this is pretty normal, and even some of our parts experience socialization in this way!

What we truly believe, is that if the plural framework is beneficial for you, if you are helped or comforted by the idea of being a system, then you are more than welcome to identify as such! Not all systems form from trauma - while trauma is necessary in order for someone to develop a dissociative disorder like DID, there are plenty of other ways to exist as multiple or more than one!

We have a post we wrote in the past with a ton of resources for questioning systems. We’d like to share it with you in case one of the resources there could be useful!

For anyone questioning whether or not they’re plural, the process can be difficult, confusing, and may take a long time (we know it certainly did for us!). It’s okay to go slowly and not rush to any conclusions about yourself! That being said, it’s definitely okay to try out some labels while you’re questioning to see if anything feels right or sticks out to you. There’s no harm in trying out plural labels while you’re questioning - you’re not invading any spaces or appropriating plural language by experimenting with the terms you use to describe yourself!

Finally, we’d like to recommend learning more about median systems specifically. Plurality is a spectrum, and not every system will have fully developed, unique, and separate individual headmates! We understand median systems as those who exist in between a singlet and fully separated multiple on the plural spectrum. It may be worth learning more about if you’re wondering whether or not you’re “plural enough” to call yourself a system! (Note that we’re not saying for sure that you are a median system! Rather, we’re just suggesting it as a potential research option or direction for you.)

We hope this helps! Good luck to you with navigating the waters of questioning plurality. And feel free to reach out if you have any further questions on your journey! Know that even if it turns out that you’re not plural after all, that’s okay! Hopefully the questioning process will still be insightful for you. And plural or not, you’ll always be welcome here on this blog!

#questioning system #trauma #median system #syscovery #long post

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alloveydovey · 3 months

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Hellooooo, dramas from this past month :) I had a lot of fun watching most of these, which hadn't been happening lately.

The Story of Park’s Marriage Contract, 2023 (kdrama) 7.5/8

A woman from the past travels to the future where she meets a man who resembles her deceased husband. In need of a wife, he strikes a contract with her, and blah blah blah, you know what happens next.

The chemistry was there 100%, the comedy too, but overall, I think it was just a mid watch for me. I was three episodes away from finishing but was struggling big time because I was getting bored.

The Romance of Tiger and Rose, 2020 (cdrama) 8

A scriptwriter ends up inside her own creation as a side character who dies early on in the drama and has a really bad reputation.

This was hilarious. Laughing out loud alone type of hilarious. It didn't make any sense at all, and it was extremely silly and sometimes even frustrating, but both actors were so great with the comedy (Zhao Lusi the actress that you are), so everything was just fun and romantic and cute... and weird enough, emotional af as well. I love these types of dramas where, after watching, you kinda feel empty inside lol. Comfort drama material? 100%

My Demon, 2023/24 (kdrama) 8

A demon becomes powerless after crossing paths with a cold heiress (who he obviously knew in their, guess what? Yes, past lives)

Kim Yoo Jung and Song Kang (his character is everything) were so cute in this! Their chemistry was definitely chemistring. I loved the concept and all, but for some reason, I couldn’t put my whole heart into this drama, which resulted in me being a bit disappointed. I’d get bored sometimes. I still don’t know if it’s my problem though. Maybe it wasn't the right time to watch it since I had been watching so many dramas with similar storylines. I’ll give them this, though, these two were truly a comedic duo™️

My Man is Cupid, 2023/24 (kdrama) 8

A love fairy accidentally shoots himself with an arrow and ends up in love with a human, condemning him and his group of cupids to 500 years on Earth. In modern day, he gets entangled with a veterinarian who might be connected to what happened in the past. Also! Murder mystery.

This one just goes to prove that liking a drama is all about vibes for me. Is this different from what I’ve been watching? Nope. It’s not better than the other ones above with similar premises. Yet somehow, unlike the others, it got my attention way more, and I totally binged it. Even when this particular one had some very confusing, probably so-so writing, moments. Granted, it has Nana in it. Nana makes everything worth it (Jang Dong Yoon was cute as well lol).

My Girlfriend is a Gumiho, 2010 (kdrama) (rewatch!) 7.5 ⭐️

A cute gumiho saves an irresponsible rich kid who wants to become an action star by giving him her bead. Both of them gotta stick together while he heals.

Like I said back when I first saw this, COMFORT!! And I was in the mood for something silly and sweet after the same themes over and over again. I can't get over how cute Shin Min A and Lee Seung Gi are in this.

Falling Into You, 2022 (cdrama) 9

A student-athlete wants to do high jump but doesn't have the required height for the sport, so a postgraduate student-coach decides to take him under her wing and train him. Noona love story ensues.

So... I have a lot of mixed feelings about it because, all in all, I think this is one of the best cdramas I've watched. It's beautifully shot, the music is incredible, and the pacing, story, characters, and acting are all impeccable. Aside from Meet Yourself (fav ever) it's truly one of the most naturally acted cdramas I've seen so far as well. Even outside the romance part, everything was really good.

Now, was it inappropriate? For me, at least, I think it was. This young student is supposed to be 20, and his coach is said to be about to turn 28. They are both consenting adults (let's put it that way), but the power dynamics thing is still there. Overall, it was a nice surprise, and I completely binged it.

Welcome to Samdal-ri, 2023/24 (kdrama) 9

After a scandal, a famous photographer runs back to her hometown. Her ex, with whom she had an intense fallout (childhood friends to lovers), is there, and it seems like neither of them has moved on. (Also about family, and grief)

From the moment I saw Shin Hye Sun and Ji Chang Wook's pictures next to one another on a tweet saying they were going to be in a new drama together, I knew this was going to be a 10/10 in my books. Maximized joint slay. Add the hometown cha cha cha vibes, and you have an amazing tear-jerker drama. The rest of the cast is a great complement as well; their acting and their stories just make everything really emotional (I cried a lot lol), but it is 100% worth the watch. I'll be honest about one thing, though. As much as I loved it, it took me a while to finish the last two episodes cause I feel like they dragged the story a bit.

Princess Hours/Goong, 2006 (kdrama) 8

In a reimagined modern SK, a girl from an ordinary family gets hitched to the crown prince because of a promise both of their grandparents made in the past. A Diana x Charles x Camilla drama ensues (but like, with a happy ending).

This is what I like to call DRAMA™️. The type you hate everyone's behaviors, and you laugh, and you hate the ML, but you also want him to get with the FL, and you start hate watching, and then you giggle when they share moments and completely forget ML is a really shitty person lol. I started this cause I got sick, and I got way into it. ML being a major asshole and the FL having no self-respect (like the good old dramas and telenovelas) aside, I enjoyed binging this, and I can see why it was so popular. Their romance, though deeply flawed and a product of the time the drama was made, had some great moments, slow burn and natural as well. I was lowkey hoping for a happier ending, tho, but it was cute enough. Also, music bro, that main song is never getting out of my head. Comfort drama material: 100%

Playful Kiss, 2010 (kdrama) 5

FL confesses to ML, and he rejects her harshly. When her house collapses, her father moves them in with an old friend, who ends up being ML's father.

So after Goong, I thought I'd probably be able to watch this. Wrong. Shin's got nothing wrong in comparison so Seung Jo. Seung Jo is probably my most disliked ML ever lol. I binged this, hoping it'd get better, or just like Shin in Goong, he'd change a bit after getting together with FL. But nope, he remained an asshole throughout the whole thing. Gotta love that consistency. Comfort drama material: 1% (I saw the comments on Viki, and I don't know how people rewatched this, lol.)

#the story of park's marriage contract #the romance of tiger and rose #my demon #my man is cupid #my girlfriend is a gumiho #welcome to samdalri #falling into you #goong #princess hours #kdramas #cdrama #playful kiss #dovey watches

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sweetheriah · 14 days

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We Had A Deal…

Tumblr brings together some of the most perverted and depraved people and we somehow gravitated into each others orbit. After scrolling through your profile I realised I didn’t even have to touch myself to have a raging boner, such were the similarities in what we both liked. You seemed twisted and dark, someone who liked giving up control, liked being degraded and called names. You liked being hurt and so I took a leap of faith and messaged you.

To my complete non surprise, you replied so fast. Like an eager little dumdum, so happy to be recognised for the depraved whore you truly are. We got talking about our blogs, how we like certain things. We discussed hard and soft limits and you started to lose yourself in my words, telling me that you’re touching yourself to the thought of me. Telling me that it’s unreal how much I know you and it’s like I’m inside your head. I told you that I’m trouble, someone extremely dangerous to bimbos like you and you loved that word so much, it became my go to pet name for you. As we continued to interact, my requests of you got more bold. I started to ask to see your body and you were all to eager to show it off.

Of course, when you did, I lavished praise on you. If you resisted I just worked you down until you wanted to show off for me. Because you really did, your stupid brain under the impression that you are someone so special. And you are special to me, my little bimbo. You’re all mine. To the point that I’ve been thinking of marking you up and putting a leash on you. To the point where I’m heavily obsessed with you. Your gorgeous body and kinky nature, just made me fall in love with you, as well how much abuse you could take and how much you liked being taken care of and babied afterwards. I told you that I may be a stranger but I control your heartbeat and your clit, both throbbing in rhythm for me and you agreed. You even said no man ever made you feel like I did and that’s why you entered a deal with me.

You would expose yourself, a little at a time, exclusively to me. You would slowly show off that gorgeous little body and do as I demanded and you were willing to submit. But it’s been 2 days past your deadline and your last submissions never came through. So now, here I am. You never knew it would come to this but you felt it would happen. You felt like someone was watching you as you left home today. And then at the coffee shop. You felt a gaze on you when at work and shifted uncomfortably in your chair at your desk. Walking back to your car, you kept turning your head in the parking lot, quickening your pace and lengthening your strides.

You breathed a sigh of relief when you got to your car door, but that was too soon. As you looked into your car you realised there was someone behind you in a ski mask, and before you could react, before you could even flinch, his arm was around your mouth. The other holding a knife to your throat and tracing shapes across your soft skin. The man in the mask brought his lips to your ear as you tried to struggle, but to no avail. He chuckled and whispered ‘don’t bother slut, you’re far too small and weak’ as he licked your ear and kissed your neck.

You whimpered and let out a muffled sound of ‘pwease’ against his hand but he just held your mouth even more firmly and said ‘what? I thought we had a deal, sweetheart. You thought you could be my dumb bimbo and not do as you’re told?’ and on hearing those words you started to struggle more, knowing who was hidden under the mask. Knife now firmly touching your neck, he pushed you against your car and traced the tip of the blade across your clothes, making a cut in such a manner that your tits flopped out. He smirked and said ‘such a fucking trashy slut, no underwear on at all. I knew it.’

The next few minutes felt like an eternity as he ripped your clothes off your body, slamming you into the door and hitting your ass, repeatedly. You moaned as he rubbed his thumb along your slit, pushing it open to attack your clit. He made you cum on his fingers, just like he promised. And tears of pain mixed with moans of pleasure as he overstimulated your dumb cunt. Your bimbo self had taken over and you couldn’t believe you were taking so much pleasure from being accosted and assaulted in a dark parking lot. After shocking you with wave after wave of pleasure, he opened your car door and shoved you onto the drivers seat, bending you in half. He unzipped his pants and you held your breath as he entered you. Parting your folds with his thick and hot tip, every nerve in your body stood at attention when he shoved his length and girth into you. He moved his hips in an achingly slow fashion, hitting you as he did, to make you feel tingly inside. And as he began to work his way deeper into your guts you felt another orgasm building. You felt him grunt and groan as you clenched on his cock, throbbing and thrusting inside you and you felt it twitch as he came so deep inside you that you were sure you’d be knocked up. You felt a mixture of shame and surreal pleasure as this man, who was only supposed to be a Tumblr fantasy, found and took you in real life.

And as he carried you to the passenger side seat and settled you in, setting the GPS in your car for ‘Home’, you smiled as you faded out of consciousness, knowing that making this deal with a stranger was the best worst decision of your life.

- ⭐️⭐️

worst best decision ever!!! omg, i would love to be taken by someone i made this type of deal with!

xo heriah 🎀

#anon <3 #send anons #mystery anon #anon ask #thanks anon!#anons welcome #anonymous #heriahanswers

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thatgirl4815 · 2 years

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The Vegas Effect

~ A Deep Dive into Pete’s Mind ~

I decided to make this post to pair with my The Pete Effect post, where I looked at the psychology of Vegas’s character. Since then, I’ve been thinking a lot about Pete, what makes him tick, and what Vegas’s character proves about him. I’ve talked a lot about Ep12 already, but somehow I always come up with more to say...

**⚠️ TW ⚠️ ** for (child) abuse, torture, trauma, etc.

Traces of Abuse

Besides a few fine points, Pete’s character has been, for the most part, shrouded in mystery. What do we know about him, really? His father beat him when he was young, he provides for and loves his grandmother, and he’s been working for the major family for quite some time. Aside from that, our knowledge of Pete has been mostly confined to his actions/dialogue in the present. In my opinion, not elaborating on Pete’s past in detail is 100% intentional.

The show, understandably, focuses on Vegas’s trauma for what I see as a few reasons. He’s the villain, so if they want audiences to feel any sort of connection to VegasPete’s story, he has to be fleshed out beyond his villainous behavior. His trauma is also ongoing, as his father abuses him regularly. From what we can tell, the only source of trauma in Pete’s life at the moment is Vegas. But just because Vegas demonstrates more obvious signs of traumatized, self-loathing behavior doesn’t mean that Pete does not also express the effects of his own past, albeit more subtly.

Self-Sacrifice

On the surface, the differences between Vegas and Pete are extreme. I won’t bother divulging them because they’re staggeringly apparent right away. What I will get into, however, is the differences in their trauma response. As I said previously, Vegas directs a lot of his hate inward. It builds up to the point of lashing out--rather than confronting that inward hate, Vegas directs it outside of himself. It’s a coping mechanism.

For Pete, it’s different. I’ve no doubt that his father’s abuse as a child left a permanent scar. But while Vegas directs his self-hatred outward, Pete is constantly making sacrifices. Vegas and Pete represent the difference between harming others to make yourself feel better and putting others’ worth above your own.

There’s an interesting separation here, because on the surface, Pete seems to understand the importance of valuing oneself. Like here^, he specifically tells Vegas that self-injury is not a viable coping mechanism. And in Ep11, the “they, themselves, suck” scene does something similar with Pete acknowledging that his own father’s abuse was not his fault.

Why, then, do I think that Pete doesn’t value himself? Well, it comes down to the difference between empathy and self-sacrifice. Empathy is a healthy, admirable quality, but self-sacrifice can actually be detrimental. There’s a necessary distinction between these terms.

So, what are Pete’s self-sacrificing behaviors?

He volunteers to investigate Vegas at the risk of his own life. He’s doing it for Porsche, but he’s putting everything on the line to do so. He’s going in without backup and a very loose plan. He also doesn’t seem particularly concerned with how he’s going to make it out. It’s brave, it’s selfless, but it’s also reckless.

He returns to Vegas even after he tortured him. This is the big one. Pete should have left Vegas when he had the chance. It doesn’t matter that he’s started to see all of Vegas’s brokenness and trauma. It doesn’t matter if he can empathize and sympathize with it. Vegas is still Vegas, the man who brutally tortured and assaulted him. Pete has every reason to go. And yet...he doesn’t.

When Vegas asks why Pete didn’t run away, Pete hesitates. He doesn’t seem to know consciously, but I’d argue that it’s been laid out by his previous actions. Pete does bad things, but I think at his core, he’s a genuinely good person. He saw Vegas falling into a pit of despair, and he couldn’t help himself. But that effort to help Vegas comes at a personal cost.

We then arrive at the sex scene. There’s no denying that Pete wants it. We see the ways he responds to Vegas, and we see the way he initiates. But I don’t think that should blind us to the fact that having sex with Vegas is yet another sacrifice, of sorts.

An Exchange

This might be a contestable argument given that, as I said, Pete does enjoy it. And “sacrifice” might not be the right word in this case, since it implies that Pete is risking himself/not getting anything in return. But I don’t think we can overlook the fact that by giving the control to Vegas, Pete is helping him--and he knows it. He’s offering Vegas control for what I believe are two reasons: 1) part of him enjoys being at someone else’s mercy and 2) he knows Vegas craves power, and giving it to him combats his lack of self-worth. It’s like Pete is presenting Vegas with another coping mechanism...in this case, himself.

We can safely assume that Pete has figured Vegas out pretty well over the past two episodes. Vegas enjoys torturing him. Vegas brings him along to the safe house. Vegas likes when Pete reacts to and defies him. Vegas lashes out when Pete calls him “sensitive” and in need of love...so it all makes to Pete that affection is exactly what Vegas is craving. And Pete can provide that for him. Even if Pete enjoys the sex too, there’s no denying that there is a sacrifice being made in the power dynamic. But it’s complicated by the fact that Vegas sacrifices that power first.

I said elsewhere that I believe VP would’ve had sex regardless if Vegas backed off and let Pete initiate, but in that case, Pete would’ve been merely allowing it to happen rather than taking charge. It’s also important to note that at the end of the day, Pete is still offering himself up, at least in part, to lift Vegas out of his despair. In that sense, it’s similar to--but not exactly the same as--a sacrifice.

Overall, I’d say this:

Pete knows the importance of self-worth, and he encourages it in the people around him. But when it comes to himself, Pete’s empathetic nature (and, in my opinion, his own past trauma) has led him to disregard his own. It’s completely unintentional, but it’s psychologically damaging over in the long run.

This is why I desperately want someone else to sacrifice for him. Whether it be Porsche, Kinn, or Vegas--I need someone to show Pete his own worth in a big way, the same way he’s been committed to showing everyone else how worthy they are.

...Once again, I ended up talking a lot about Vegas in a post that is dedicated to Pete, but that’s just a testament to their psychological similarities. Together, VP have a lot to say about the effects of abuse and trauma.

For more KP meta, look here!

#kinnporsche #kinnporsche the series #vegaspete #vegas x pete #vegas theerapanyakul #vegas kinnporsche #pete saengtham #pete kinnporsche #pete x vegas #kinnporsche ep12 #kinnporsche ep11 #kinn porsche #Pete as a character is extremely compelling and I don't think I will ever be able to get out all my thoughts about him #kinnporsche meta #vegaspete meta #kinnporsche analysis #vegas pete

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bro-atz · 5 months

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1024UB CHAPTER FOUR: I JUST WANT TO KNOW!

word count: 2.4k

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“Are you sure Yeosang can’t make it?” Seonghwa asked Yeosang’s roommate for the umpteenth time.

“I begged him, but he said he was up all night coding, so he wanted to fix his sleep schedule,” Wooyoung frowned.

San, Wooyoung, and Seonghwa were going out for dinner that night. Out of the whole group, they were the only three that had nothing going on that night, so they made plans for dinner.

“Can we go for karaoke after?” Wooyoung asked.

“No,” both Seonghwa and San said at the same time.

“Please?”

Their answers did not change. Wooyoung kept begging until they got to the restaurant, and San had to hold his hand over the boy’s mouth as Seonghwa told the front of house about his reservation. They walked through the restaurant to get to their table, and San couldn’t help but start sweating. The restaurant seemed extremely expensive with Greek sculptures and architecture surrounding them, and everything was bathed in white and various shades of blue. San’s eyes met Wooyoung’s, and he realized that the two of them shared the same emotion at that moment.

As they sat down at the table, the two stared at Seonghwa with wide eyes. San was the only one able to choke words out.

“Hwa, what the hell is this place? Do you really think we can afford anything here?”

“Don’t worry, I’ve been here before. We can afford it,” Seonghwa reassured them.

“With who?” Wooyoung asked, but his question went ignored.

Their waiter arrived with the menus, San immediately opening it to check the prices. He let out a deep sigh of relief— every entree was under twenty bucks. Wooyoung also sighed in relief.

The three put in their orders. Seonghwa surprised San as he ordered alcohol along with his meal. “You’re drinking? And of all things, vodka?”

“It’s a specialty on the menu,” Seonghwa shrugged. “I wanted to try it.”

“But you usually don’t like to drink,” Wooyoung noted.

“Eh, I’ve been wanting to build my tolerance lately. Those drinking games kill me.”

Soon after, the waiter returned with their drinks and appetizers. Wooyoung stuffed his face as Seonghwa and San carried out a conversation that really didn’t concern Wooyoung.

“What did you end up doing about the last paper?” San asked.

“Oh, well Gyuri and I chose similar topics since we’re in different classes for that subject, and we used the same evidence for the most part. It made the whole paper so much easier. What about you?”

“I wanted to take it easy, but my professor asked me to choose a different topic so I could focus on the more creative reference material than the factual ones.”

“That sounds tedious…”

“You’re telling me. I’ve been staring at poetry for the past week.”

“Do any of you want the last one?” Wooyoung asked, his words muffled due to the partially chewed food in his mouth.

“All yours.”

San nodded in agreement. Wooyoung smiled with his mouth closed before taking the last part of the appetizer. The waiter then returned with their entrees, and Wooyoung finally was able to partake in the conversation since he was no longer stuffing his face hungrily, just normally now.

“I miss Yeosang…” he said.

“You live with him,” San pointed out.

“Okay, then when was the last time you saw Yunho?”

“Uh… ROD party?”

“See? You don’t see your roommate that often either.”

“Well I haven’t been home all that much lately,” San immediately bit his tongue— he was about to say because he’d been spending a lot more time with Gyuri, but he really didn’t need anyone suspecting his relationship with her.

“Why?” Seonghwa asked.

Fuck. San had to think fast.

“I’ve been living at the library.” Yeah, that should throw them off.

“I get that… It’s so depressing,” Seonghwa sighed. “I don’t see Joong all that much either because I’m working with the professor I TA for, and Joong’s always in the studio.”

“Okay, I have a question: would you rather be stuck in the studio, or the lab?” Wooyoung asked.

“Studio.”

“Lab.”

Seonghwa and San looked at each other in surprise.

“Why would you want to be in the lab? You hate science,” Seonghwa pointed out.

Goddamn, why did he say that? He wanted to be in the lab with Iseul, but he couldn’t say that out loud either. How much alcohol was in that drink he ordered for him to be slipping up so bad?

“The studio is so quiet when you’re not working. It’s unsettling,” San said, hoping that was a satisfactory answer.

“Isn’t the library also quiet?” Wooyoung asked.

“I don’t like the library.”

“Fair.”

A wave of relief rushed through San’s body. He really needed to watch what he said for the rest of the night, so he decided to finish the drink he had and not drink more after. San prayed that no one else would ask him another question until he could return to full sobriety; thankfully, no one did.

“There’s this guy in my lab who I know for a fact had a crush on me until I blew something up, and now no one in my lab takes me seriously,” Wooyoung sighed. “I just will not find someone until after we graduate.”

“Don’t you have Yeosang?”

“I don’t know, ask him,” Wooyoung responded sullenly.

San and Seonghwa looked at each other awkwardly before Seonghwa diverted the topic by saying, “You should date outside your major, Woo.”

“What, like a biology major?”

“Way to think outside the box but press right up against it,” San snorted.

“I don’t think I have it in me to date anyone who’s not in STEM, except for you, Sannie,” Wooyoung wiggled his shoulders towards San.

Wooyoung giggled like a schoolgirl as San wrapped his arm around his waist and said, “I don’t think you could handle me, Wooyoung.”

“Please, we are in a restaurant. Do this out on the street,” Seonghwa sighed.

“You’re just jealous that you don’t get my love. Come, I’ll show you.”

Seonghwa leaned away from Wooyoung, who had puckered his lips. San laughed at the scene before him until Wooyoung finally gave up and leaned back in his seat with a pout. Seonghwa then ended up continuing the conversation.

“Well, if Iseul weren’t in the group, I would have recommended you go for her.”

San couldn’t help but feel a twinge of anxiety and also a little jealousy. He was the one who wanted to end up with Iseul, so why was it that everyone else was seen as more compatible suitors over him?

“Nah, I love Iseul, but not like that. Also, isn’t she into Yunho?”

San really wanted to hold onto his heart.

“Gyuri said that they’re just lab partners and nothing else, but even she’s not completely sure because he does spend more time with her than Gyuri does,” Seonghwa responded.

“Oh, speaking of Gyuri, is it just me or has she been shining lately?” Wooyoung, thankfully, turned the topic away from Iseul.

“Shining?” San asked now that his intense anxiety subsided.

“Yeah, like,” Wooyoung used his hands for effect. “Sparkling.”

“You’re crazy,” San laughed.

“No, I get it. She has been a lot cheerier these days. Whatever she’s doing seems to be working for her,” Seonghwa agreed with Wooyoung.

“More like whoever she’s doing,” Wooyoung took a sip of whatever he was drinking.

San and Seonghwa both just stared at Wooyoung as he made an obnoxious slurping noise. San had to say something, otherwise he would definitely be making the situation worse for Gyuri, but he didn’t know what to say to convince Wooyoung that she was not sleeping with anyone without sounding overly suspicious.

“Do you really think she’s sleeping with someone?”

San looked at Seonghwa in surprise— not only did he speak before him, but he also questioned the premise of her sleeping with someone so incredulously. San guessed that as her best friend, Seonghwa was able to make these comments without anyone really suspecting anything of him, so in a way, it was good that Seonghwa spoke before he could.

“Yeah, I mean, why else would she be sparkling like that? That only really happens to people, specifically women, when they’re getting that good shit every night,” Wooyoung reasoned.

This made San kind of proud of himself. He had to suppress the smile creeping onto his face by retorting, “What do you know about women, Woo?”

“I read about it online, so I figured it could apply here.”

“‘Online’,” San mocked, his fingers air quoting the boy.

“Shut up.”

The two other boys laughed right in Wooyoung’s face. In fact, they laughed so hard that tears were streaming down their faces and other customers were staring at them. Wooyoung’s nostrils flared as he looked at the two in disappointment until they calmed down.

“You definitely are not meant to be a biology major, Woo,” San wiped the tears from his eyes.

“Yeah, you’re crazy. She’s probably just less stressed now considering that she only has two classes that are really important,” Seonghwa added.

“Whatever, I’m still sticking with my theory,” Wooyoung pouted and shrugged.

The boys paid their bill and exited the restaurant, but instead of heading back to 1024UB, Wooyoung walked in the opposite direction.

“What are you doing?”

“Karaoke! Let’s go!”

“I have a presentation tomorrow, I can’t kill my voice,” Seonghwa tried his best to get out of these spontaneous plans.

“Yeah, and I just don’t want to sing,” San added unhelpfully.

“You guys publicly humiliated me just now! You owe me!” Wooyoung refused. “We are singing!”

“So now you have to publicly humiliate us?!”

“Yes!”

Seonghwa and San tried to head back, but Wooyoung grabbed them by the collar and dragged them to the karaoke bar. San was majorly impressed with Wooyoung’s sudden strength especially because he had noodle arms. Ultimately, San found himself sitting in one of those karaoke sofas listening to Wooyoung sing his heart out into a microphone. At least Wooyoung was good at singing.

The one thing that actually worked to San’s advantage being at karaoke was the absurd amount of alcohol they provided with the price of one room for two hours. Wooyoung pretty much held his own private concert for San and Seonghwa as San essentially poured alcohol down Seonghwa’s throat. He really didn’t need to feed him that much alcohol since he was a lightweight, but he needed to make sure that he drank a lot at once so that his interrogation of the older boy would be successful. San’s interrogation started as Seonghwa’s hiccups started.

“Hey, but what if Gyu is sleeping with someone?” San asked slyly.

“She better not be,” Seonghwa slurred out.

“Why do you say that?”

“I won’t allow it! I will protect her from the gross men out there!”

“Why are you talking like she’s your daughter?”

“She’s not! She’s my best friend, and she’s still mine.”

San was grinning from ear to ear— he really wished he was recording the entire interaction, but his phone had no storage left, so he had to just be content with the fact that he was getting all the information out of a very much drunk Seonghwa. As a wise woman once said, drunks and children tell the truth. He texted Gyuri to meet him at his place, that he’d be home within the next thirty minutes. Gyuri said okay in response.

“How is she yours?” San pressed Seonghwa further.

“She… she’s precious to me… I don’t want anyone hurting her…” Seonghwa was starting to nod off.

“Who would hurt her?”

“Mmm…”

“If you don’t want anyone hurting her, then why don’t you keep her to yourself?”

“I can’t…”

“Why not?”

“Because… I can’t…”

“Because she’s your best friend?”

“Mmm, no… Because… One… Else…”

That’s all Seonghwa could get out before he passed out, his head hitting San’s chest. Miraculously, Wooyoung had finished his concert, and they were able to leave. Both Wooyoung and San carried the drunk boy home, Seonghwa continuing to just bury his face into various parts of San’s body.

“Mmm… Smell… Good…” Seonghwa’s nose was pressed firmly into the crook of San’s neck, San’s face getting redder as he felt Seonghwa’s exhales hit his ear.

When they got back to 1024UB, San entrusted Wooyoung with taking Seonghwa home as he quickly made his way back to his apartment. He entered to see that Gyuri was laying down on the couch while playing a game on her phone. She turned off her phone and sat up as San walked to the living room and flopped down on the arm chair.

“Long night?” she asked.

“Yes…” in that moment, it occurred to San that some of the information he gathered that night may not really encourage Gyuri to pursue her crush, especially considering that the way the conversation got to her in the first place was because Wooyoung speculated that she was having good sex with someone (who just so happened to be him).

“Why’d you call me over?”

“Oh, so Seonghwa got really drunk and kept talking about you—”

“Really? What’d he say?” Gyuri sat up and listened intently.

“…He said that you’re precious to him and that he didn’t want anyone hurting you,” San told her; technically it wasn’t a lie, but it wasn’t the whole truth.

San could see Gyuri’s mood immediately deflate as she leaned back into the sofa and sighed deeply multiple times.

“If I’m precious to him, then can’t he just make me his?”

“That’s what I’m saying,” San also sighed.

Gyuri got up and started walking away, but San grabbed her wrist before she could get too far. He sat her down next to him in the arm chair and held her hand, trying to reassure her. “Hey, it’ll work out, don’t worry.”

Another deep sigh left Gyuri’s body. San gave her a light hug, but he didn’t let go until she hugged him back. He knew that if he got this kind of information from Gyuri about Iseul that he would just want a hug, so that’s what he did. They moved away from each other, Gyuri’s face looking a little less stressed now.

“Thanks,” Gyuri patted his hand.

The two of them made prolonged eye contact, and San could see the frustration in her eyes. He pulled her onto his lap and gave her a light kiss on the forehead, his arms wrapping around her once again. She hugged him back once more and leaned into his chest, a deep sigh escaping her body. San could only imagine how annoyed she was at her fucked situation with Seonghwa and just continued to hug her until she didn’t feel so bad.

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