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insertsomthinawesome · 3 months

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I'M BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!! Okay so honestly I have been very very inconsistent over the years with just disappearing for periods of time due to various things 😂 So it probably seemed pretty normal to most people.

But it felt different on my side, so I'm excited to be back in business. I took a month long hiatus! 31 days of not drawing digital art. Its not something I talk about on here? But I've been suffering from some serious long term Art Burnout for.... a really really long time. Long enough that I should've taken a break probably years ago. It finally got so bad that I could barely draw. I was scared to do it (cause it always looked "bad" in my eyes [i'll come back to that]) and doing it was exhausting and disheartening.

I talked it over with somebody and realized that the fear and anger and frustration I felt towards my own artwork was uh. Not Normal or Healthy. And I finally committed to taking a real break for once.

I still drew a little bit by hand? Traditional art has always felt like it has lower stakes for me (i don't often share it online, and sometimes I don't even share it with friends) so I did some of that when I felt like it. But Digital art was completely off the table.

I had put such an immense pressure on myself to make my digital art perfect, to make as much of it as quickly as possible to satisfy something. It wasn't fun anymore. I'm proud of what i've made over the years! But for a long time now the stuff I've been making was made while hating every second of making it. With some rare exceptions.

I hated my art! It was a combination of Perfectionism, taking in too many external expectations, and the burnout. If you hate doing something its kinda hard to love it even when you want too lol. It wasn't "Bad" in the sense that the quality was low and it was ugly! It was "Bad" in the sense that it was unhealthy for me to keep doing it at that point in time.

I'm glad to report though, that with my hiatus officially over as of Wednesday last week: I am once again. In Love. With doing art, and being an artist :)

I put off taking a break for years cause I was scared that taking a break would mean that I would never achieve all the things I wanted to do with art. I was scared it was a stupid and lazy thing to do that would mean I'd never achieve my dreams. And Also even though I kinda hated drawing, I also loved making art. Its a weird duality that I can't even really explain??? I hated it but I also loved it. I wanted it but I also wanted to run from it. It wasn't until I was more mature and had more clarity and insight (and unfortunately also until the problems got worse) that I was finally able to let go of those fears and just do it.

And I'm really really glad I did. It was everything I needed. And I hope to strike a better balance in the future with art. Taking more breaks when I need them, or just when other things have my attention like reading or Video games (Some star rail got played during this time xD)

From the outside things probably aren't going to be that different?? At this point I don't really have any sure plans to post anything I've been drawing since my Hiatus ended. I might or I might not xD I'm still a hobbyist artist taking things at her own pace, but I hope that it shows how much happier I am :)

Whumptober 2023 is being officially put to rest by this post btw! I was in major burnout when that event started, and I'm ready to just, move on from all the past expectations I'd shoved on my shoulders. If I feel like filling any of the prompts or going back to any of the ideas I'd come up for it I will! But I'm not going to worry about doing it unless the desire sets in. Thanks to everybody who's been so kind to me throughout my time on here as an artist! Ya'lls tags and screaming and kind words, the fanfic, the asks and the responses? Its been fantastic :) You guys have made me laugh, smile, and cry tears of joy. I hope from here that things only get better and sweeter! And if I have bad days again, that's okay too.

Here's to 2024 and whatever it may bring ya'll :D 🎉🎉✨✨🧡💜

#isa screams #long post #gif #flashing #i think? Lemme know if I'm incorrect on that one alksdjfLKSJDJDSG #I don't normally talk this much so its kinda strange?#its kinda nice to be more honest about this stuff though #I'm a bit more of a private person so its hard to find the balance between wanting to discuss things openly and honestly #but with the fact that I don't owe the entire world an explanation for everything I do #its a tricky thing #but today I felt like doing this and I think that's okay #if i regret it I just won't do it again alsdjLSDJLFJSGSDG #thanks if you read this! I appreciate it!#I'm a pretty smalltime artist relatively. So sometimes it feels as though it doesn't mater what i say or express.#But hm. I doubt its really that simple or bleak #And if I don't respect myself then well. Who will right?#And I want to learn how to be happy with how little or how much I get #part of the reason I've done so poorly mentally as an artist is chasing numbers and outside praise instead of asking the harder questions #am i happy with what i do? what I make? Who I am #I'm going to probably be working on those questions and problems for the rest of my life.#But thats okay. Thats not a bad thing :)

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bluejaygryphon · 7 months

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Another scry of the g1 Tarnish double, I simply and utterly OBSESSED with her it's not even funny

#still on the fence abt keep or sell but honestly...#a pretty double w a great tert and matching eyes hatched on my birthday?#i kinda doubt ill get another like her #flight rising #fr #dragon share

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carnivalcarriondiscarded · 3 months

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Do you plan to create an account/be active on any other social media platforms?

no <3

#been there done that Deleted all of them but this one!#if tumblr dies yall are Never seeing me again lmfao #unless something tumblr-esque pops up that i can fathom using <3 but i doubt that!#ive looked at all the current options and its all kinda Meh #rambles from the bog #I WAS BORN IN THIS HOLE. AND ILL DIE IN THIS HOLE.#keeping up multiple platforms is a Huge drag #and honestly tumblr is the only one ive ever genuinely enjoyed using #especially since instagram got so. So.

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sannyo-appreciation-posts · 2 months

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The Disappearing Gambling Den

Sannyo's gambling den moves from one abandoned building to another across Heavens Shelf

While its been established the current location is always marked by a dragon pipe, it's easy to forget that it's because Sannyo keeps moving locations.

But why does Sannyo do all this hiding even though Reimu doesn't care?

Its seemingly a Moriya Shrine Conspiracy.

Though they actually establish earlier in the conversation that she had an agreement with Moriya Shrine that they keep away. So that's probably not it. Unless Sannyo just generally suspects Moriya.......

She probably does honestly, she doesn't seem to like hearing about Moriya (Though she seemed more or less okay with Sanae)

Its also pretty likely that the Kappa, Yamawaro, and Tengu want to avoid their employers finding out. A promise of being anonymous is a pretty traditional offer for a classy and mysterious establishment like the komakusa den.

#sannyo komakusa #sanae kochiya #touhou project #unconnected marketeers #lotus eaters #東方project #touhou 18 #I have no doubt Kanako would somehow ask for a cut too.#kanako yasaka #suwako moriya #It's kinda hilarious and adorable Kanako seems to think everyone loves her. But it honestly makes sense she thinks that.

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pekoeboo · 3 months

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okAY SO I CAN EXPLAIN xD

I know normally I don't end up drawing this kind of content, because romance is never something I'm super into in stories and all, but it did come about in the Stardew Valley AU idea that Khalan and Leah...? end up getting together as a couple??? :0

at first I wasn't really for the idea because again, I don't care much about this sort of thing. but idk the more I thought about it, the more I realized how cute it could be xD my boy deserves to find love, honestly. he's always wanted that deep down inside, but this silly AU is really the only time it'll ever work out for him ;; so that's kinda part of why I decided to make it canon, haha.

anyway, yeah.... I've had this art drawn for several months now, but I figured Valentine's Day was the perfect day to finally post it! :D yay!

please do not remove caption or repost. also on deviantart

#oc #khalan al shariq #stardew valley au #stardew valley #sdv #stardew leah #leah sdv #valentine's day #oc x canon #idk how to tag 'ship' stuff honestly lol #tbh this AU isn't really one i've ever taken all that seriously tho #so that's why i decided to just kinda have fun with it and go along with this kind of idea #doubt i'll ever draw them again but at least I pulled myself out of my comfort zone a bit when I did #which is always good imo!!

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7swordsmen · 1 year

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no yeah miri's mom was NOT the ""villain"" and she definitely was not presented as such either.

with the smile spell miri mentioned earlier, and just overall despite the situation she was forced into, misaki clearly did her best with miri even with her conflicting emotions.

the only obviously "bad" choice shes made so far was sending miri, a 4 y/o all alone into the city but 💀 to some degree the thought of sending her to be with her dad is also. yeah. like shes not in a place where she can take care of miri properly, and even if miri seemed to be some sort of... bargaining chip?? miris dad has the resources to help miri more than her mom could

and kazuki isnt the ""good guy"" either nor was the situation presented as so black and white. both parties said things that they've internalized due to their own separate situations, and while kazuki was mostly projecting due to his own losses and experiences, itd be good if he manages to learn about some other worldviews.

but yeah tldr: neither misaki nor kazuki were villains, and they werent PRESENTED as such either. they just said whatever and you the viewer have to interpret it.

i am aware a lot of series often demonize women who dont want their children or are in similar situations etc. but thats not what happened here luckily

#linpost #buddy daddies #buddy daddies spoilers #im really hoping we see her again but NOT as a guardian or whatever. maybe she can like officially ''approve'' kazurei taking miri in #or something bc she KNOWS shes not fit to take care of a child especially with her situation and mental state #and tht shouldnt be demonized #i hope she gets to reach whatever dreams she had that got put on hold :'( not miris fault but its not hers either these things have nuance #the dad kinda sucks tho as far as we can tell. as well as the other guy in the bar #but yeah even if she DOES get into a good situation they should not force her to take miri in #i honestly have some hopes for this series so i doubt they would do that but its worth saying anyway #miri deserves better but yknow shes getting it now and misaki put up with a lot and also DIDNT do a lot of worse things #miri was clothed and fed and cared for while she was with her mom #neglect is something that sucks and its really sad that miri isnt wanted bc she probably knew that #(not i want to go back with my mom but i want mom to be happy)#but misakis situation is also too bad. and kazuki losing his unborn child and projecting is also too bad. its all just too bad

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trensu · 1 year

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How about a Magic is Real au with a dash of cursed item dubcon thrown in? I feel like there should be more of this type of au in the fandom. Y'know, for funsies.

Okay yeah, Steve probably shouldn't have touched the cursed object. Like, it's practically in the name, right? And Steve might not be genius-smart like nearly everyone in his friend group but he's not an idiot. He's got common sense. He's the one that grabs Dustin by the collar or steps in front of Nancy when they get into their heads to run some genius plan without taking into account that, like him, they're frail mortal humans.

Which is why he touched the cursed object himself--a handwritten poem on some thick paper that's yellowed with age--because if he hadn't, they both would have gone for it. He saw them start to reach out because they're both too stubbornly curious for their own good. He figured if the object was actually cursed, it's better that he carry the curse and have the genius-level smart people on the job of figuring out how to break it rather than them being cursed and benched for it. It's sensible! Of course none of them listen to him. But he's feeling fine so really, what does it matter?

"Okay, hand it over," Dustin says after Steve didn't display any negative effects.

"Nope! Not happening, Henderson," he responds cheerfully. Dustin tries to protest but Nancy cuts him off.

"No one else is touching the thing until it's been put in the neutralization circle. Just because Steve hasn't had a visible reaction to it doesn't mean something didn't happen."

"Look at the bright side," Robin tells the still grumbling Dustin. "We get to visit your favorite dragon master!"

"Dungeon," Dustin says exasperatedly. "Eddie's a dungeon master."

Steve and Robin roll their eyes simultaneously. "Whatever."

So they trek over to Eddie's place. Nancy and Dustin trade off questioning Steve the whole time.

"What does it say?" Dustin asks.

"I don't know, it's just some poem? No name on it. Looks kinda...sappy," Steve shrugs. "Do you want me to read it to you?"

"Better not," Nancy shakes her head. "It might be a spell that activates by voice. How does it feel?"

"...like paper. It feels like old paper."

"No weird sensations? Is it lighter or heavier than you'd expect? Does it look odd when you read from it?"

"No, Nance, it literally just feels and looks like some old-timey English homework."

"And you're still not feeling weird?" Robin asks, because she's his platonic soulmate who cares about him doesn't get wrapped up in every new puzzle that shows up like Dustin and Nancy.

"Still feeling fine. Seriously, I'm starting to think the rumors were just, y'know, rumors." He tucks the supposedly cursed paper into his jacket pocket, ignoring Nancy and Dustin's indignant protests.

They finally arrive at Eddie's place. Eddie opens the door with his usual mischievous grin.

"To what do I owe the pleasure of your company today, my lords and ladies?" he asks with a lazy half-bow.

"Eddie! We need to use your neutralization circle," Dustin starts to explain.

Steve should probably try to pay attention but he can't because Eddie is here. Eddie is here and taking up all his focus, and if Steve doesn't kiss him right now he might die. Steve moves without a second thought, shoving Dustin to the side to get right into Eddie's space. Eddie's bambi eyes widen (fuck he's beautiful, how is he so beautiful) and tries to take a half step back and hey, that's not allowed.

"Whoa there, big boy, what--"

Steve doesn't know what he was about to ask because he's pulled Eddie close and nipped at his lips. Eddie yelps in surprise, and Steve takes advantage to deepen the kiss The shocked whimper that escapes Eddie's throat thrills Steve. Eddie starts to relax into his arms and all Steve can think is yes, yes, this is what he wants. Distantly he hears someone squawk in shock, followed by other similar exclamations from other people that really really don't matter right now because Eddie is in his arms and Eddie wants him and he needs Eddie to take him to bed right now.

Eddie tears his mouth away from Steve and wait no, why's he doing that, oh, hang on Steve can work with this. Steve presses wet kisses along Eddie's jawline.

"S-Steve," Eddie gasps, and doesn't that just sound delicious? But it would be even better if Eddie would just scrape his teeth against Steve's neck. Huh. That's a...what do you call it? Dilemma? Yeah, a dilemma. How can he get Eddie to cover him in love bites and talk to him in that voice at the same time. He pulls back for just a moment to ask Eddie what he would rather do, because Steve is down for whatever Eddie wants, and in that moment the worst possible thing happens.

Someone else's hands grab the back of his shirt and yank him back while Eddie takes the chance to also shove him away?? Why is he shoving Steve away?

"What the fuck," Eddie says, sounding slightly hysterical. "What the fuck just happened?"

Did Steve upset him? Oh god, what did Steve do wrong? He knows Eddie wants him so he must've screwed up big time if Eddie's pushing him away now. Steve has to fix it, he has to.

He tries to get back to Eddie but the hands on him tighten their grip and Steve nearly growls in frustration.

"Steve what are you doing?!" Nancy asks, voice high pitched and grating and Steve feels a flare of annoyance because wasn't it obvious?

"I was kissing Eddie," Steve bites out.

"Why?!" Dustin screeches.

"Because I'm good at it and I want him to fuck me," Steve snaps. Because, again, this should be obvious and they are getting in his way.

Dustin slams his hands over his ears, screeching again. "NOPE, NO, I DON'T WANT TO HEAR THIS."

Underneath the screeching, Steve hears Eddie giggle. When he looks over to where Eddie's plastered himself on the opposite wall (and damn, why hasn't Eddie shoved him up against the wall yet? He can't think of anything better than having Eddie manhandle him), he sees that while Eddie is giggling, he doesn't look exactly happy about it. He looks skittish, which is the opposite of what he's supposed to look like. He's supposed to look like he wants to eat Steve up with a spoon. Steve tries to smile at him anyway because he loves Eddie's laugh and he hates seeing Eddie distressed. For some reason, Steve's smile makes Eddie look more distressed.

"Uh," Robin clears her throat. "So, um, is this something new? Because, I'm kind of insulted you didn't tell me you were dating, Steve. We're supposed to tell each other these things!"

"We're not, we're so not. I have no idea what's happening right now" Eddie interjects and Steve feels his heart splinter a bit. Alright, Eddie might technically be right in that they haven't actually done or said anything about dating or making out or doing dirty dirty things to each other before but that doesn't matter because he knows Eddie wants him and he needs Eddie.

"Eddie," Steve says, "Eddie it's fine, I just want...why are you so far away?" Steve takes a lurching step towards him.

Suddenly, Nancy's hands move from where they'd been gripped into his shirt and puts him in a chokehold. "Nance," Steve rasps. "What? Let go."

"I think we've found the curse, Steve, so no, I'm not letting go," Nancy says firmly.

"Curse?" Eddie asks, looking straight at Nancy and not sparing Steve even a glance, what the fuck. Steve struggles against Nancy's hold but she doesn't budge an inch.

"We were following up a rumor about a cursed object and we found a handwritten poem--"

"--that the dingus of course just had to grab--"

Well that was rude. Steve's gotta find himself a better platonic soulmate. But that's a problem for later, right now he has to figure out how to coax Eddie back.

"He said he was fine though," Dustin whines. "He was acting completely normal!!"

"We were coming over to use your neutralization circle so we could investigate the item safely. And yes, Steve was behaving normally before we got here," Nancy continues to explain. God, why did these people have to talk so much? Can't they see they're wasting their time?

"I am fine, I don't know why you all are acting like this," Steve complains and tries to wriggle out of Nancy's grip again.

"Why we're acting like this?" Dustin splutters.

"We're not the ones acting weird, idiot," Robin says.

"You're keeping me from Eddie," Steve says as an explanation. "Nancy let me go!"

"Yeah, that's not--this is not normal behavior for you, Steve-o," Eddie says, and he might as well have stabbed Steve in the heart. How could Eddie not know how much Steve needed him?

"Eddie," Steve whimpers. He needs to fix this immediately. "Don't say that, Eddie. I'm sorry, whatever I did, I'm sorry okay? Tell Nance to let me go and I'll make it up to you. Just give me a chance. I'll make you feel really good, Eddie, I promise. You want me on my knees don't you? I can do that! You can even pull on my hair."

Eddie makes a strangled sound. Nancy on the other hand makes a disgusted noise that was almost inaudible under another of Dustin's screeches. Robin starts to babble something about getting the paper into the circle yesterday.

Steve really doesn't understand why everyone is freaking out.

(one additional bit to the au)

#trensu tells stories #stranger things #steddie #magic is real au #cw: dubcon #honestly this started with the thought: what if magic is real and they're cursebreakers?#and then i remembered the trope of magically induced fuck or die scenarios #and was like why not?#of course here it's less fuck or die #and more like keep in physical contact or suffer severe physical discomfort and emotional distress #not entirely sure how the curse works tbh #but that's okay because i doubt i'll write any more of this #i like the idea of the curse kinda dropping knowledge of the other person's uhhh preferences shall we say into their head #yknow #to help them seduce the object of their dubious affections #in this scenario eddie and steve have both been pining for each other #OBVIOUSLY #they just don't know that yet

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calamitaswrath · 25 days

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Okay, screw it. Trying out the they/she now. To give it a try.

(Knowing how these things tend to go in, like, general - as in, not just for me - there'll probably no going back, but gotta try it out first)

#shut up cal you fool #shut up lucia you fool #I'm honestly still very much at a point where I'm all #'huh?? me?? THAT?? seriously??'#but I think in these contexts doubts are just always there #still kinda feels like getting picked for a team unexpectedly when you didn't even know you were an option

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sebek-zigbolt · 1 year

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Do you ever think how Sebek is 16. And how Malleus and Lilia have said that 16 is the age of a newborn (fae). But Sebek looks like hes (more than, honestly) 16 in human years. So it's not hard to asume that he inherited the human lifespan, which makes his disdain of humans and his dad more explainable, and mostly about hating his own weaknesses. So Silver AND Sebek have to suffer :) Lilia and Malleus will outlive them. Sebek's mom and even grandpa will outlive them. And what impact they had on the lives of the people they love most, amounts timewise to the same as a dog to a human if not less.

#death mention #sebek zigvolt #source is riddles suitor vignette where malleus calls riddle a newborn (in age)#and lilia has a voiceline that says like youve just crawled out of the craddle and you can walk??? to yuu so around 16 = newborn #and like in general lilia is 500+ i doubt a full fae would develop THAT fast for 16 years #sebek get along with silver u hav so much in common i BEG OF YOU #watch me give twst way more credit than it deserves on its themes #this sideblog is so i can cry abt sebek off main #text #this is technicallyyyy a headcanon but come on no way he has the fae lifespan #and yea he propably thinks of his dad as cursing him with weakness and a short life #and i have no idea what the deal with his sibs is we need more info twst come ON #and yea we keep seeing malleus perspective on this but silvers... sebeks... im putting them under a microscope #well silver has kinda given up honestly #the tags are just extra writing space wym #i stop

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burymeinwillow · 5 months

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#there are a few bonanza episodes where the topic is basically the cartwrights being put in “to kill or not to kill” situations #and i think it's VERY INTERESTING how Ben and Adam and Hoss all doubt wheter Joe would/has killed someone (for revenge)#everytime that becomes the issue - if Joe is willing to straight up kill someone to avenge his family- ALL three of the older Cartwrights-#kinda just do the side eye monkey meme #like they all know he has it in him #I JUST FIND IT VERY INTERESTING and I honestly think Joe WOULD kill for revenge if any of his brothers or father was confirmed-#to have been murdered #that sweet boy got some darkness in him i just know it #Joe returning home and it's uncertain wheter he has done the deed or not and the fact Ben looks at him WITH DOUBT #you'd THINK Ben knew his sons well enough BUT YET THERE IS DOUBT #i find it very interesting

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redrum-alice · 11 months

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Having the feeling of offering so much to a fandom bc you like being a part of because it is one of the ways you express creativity, but its not enough bc theres gonna be someone better than you is the shittiest feeling. I wanna give up lol, im not cut out for it.

#timebomb #ekkojinx #kinda wanna leave the fandom #but I cant #because I have so many projects at hand #i doubt its gonna get supported any lol #like who gives a shit honestly

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thornheartless · 2 years

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Me reading The Sandman before the Netflix adaptation came out: The Corinthian creeps me out and I don't understand how people are attracted to him?

Me after watching the Netflix adaptation: Oh. Like that then.

#thorn talks #CORINTHIAN LOVERS I'M SO SORRY I EVER DOUBTED YOU #honestly shame on me since when i started the comics i immediately fell in love with the patheticness that is dream #but like yeah hi hi corinthian #he still kinda creeps me out which like #shout out to the corinthian for managing to make me feel unsettled #because this is coming from someone who's almost immune to uncanney valley and all the usual horror character designs #because i'm just into that lol #the sandman #neil gaiman's sandman #dc the sandman #the sandman comics #netflix the sandman #the corinthian

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kyistell · 4 months

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So I added a fanfic snippet part to the google doc, wrote one for Jersey, Cali and then York, and York's the only one I want to share at the moment. Maybe I will share the other ones if asked but for now it's just this, ENJOY

New York-

Sleep

New York liked to sleep, it was peaceful and calming and he didn’t have to think about everything going on around him, it was the perfect break from his ADHD mind. However sleep did not like him, he wouldn’t be able to sleep for days until he basically passed out.

Mass was able to figure out that because NYC is the city that never sleeps, New York can’t really either. The two figured out that as long as he keeps up with a routine, he should be able to get to sleep easier and faster, though having a routine has its own problems.

Table meetings could happen very early in the morning sometimes, and if York had to go to those meetings it would screw his whole schedule up. It wasn’t until one night where he finally was able to have a solution.

It was pouring out, rolls of thunder after flashes of lightning happening what seemed like every second. York likes the rain and thunder, it was calming, especially when the wind was loud, it was easiest for him to fall asleep.

This was not the case for New Jersey. Jersey hated storms, wouldn’t be able to fall asleep until it was barely raining anymore and that wasn’t even consistent. He used to like them, though not as much as York did, but after hurricane Irene in 2011 and hurricane Sandy the following year, he could never see them the same.

This is why it wasn’t all too surprising to hear hard knocking on his door, opening it to find an exhausted and wet faced Jersey. Letting him in and onto the bed, the two sat there for a long while until York heard light snores coming from the other.

New York sat there even longer just thinking, hearing the rain start to die down he felt himself start to tire. He wasn’t feeling particularly tired before, but now, with Jersey laying on top of him as peacefully as someone afraid of storms can, he felt just as exhausted as Jersey had looked.

For the first time in a few days, New York found himself able to sleep with ease as the wind slowed and the constant thunder and lighting became less and less.

The two didn’t speak of this afterward, they never tended to when it came to storm sleepovers, York preferred just to remind him that he’s always free to come over if he can’t sleep, this time however Jersey said that the offer was mutual.

York thought this over a few nights later when he couldn’t sleep and desperately needed to. Making up his mind, he snapped over to Jersey place, knocked on the door and waited for a moment before it opened.

When Jersey questioned why he was here York only said “Wanna have a sleepover?”.

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