#I hate the word crazy but I FEEL fucking crazy

[lacybunie]

your sweetheart

“why do you look so scared?”

pairing: afab!reader x leon kennedy

warnings: smut, dark content (not dead dove (i think)), established toxic relationship, degrading, suicidal thoughts, implied forced self-harm, gaslighting, heavy manipulation, possessive behavior, praising, semi-soft sex, pet names, tummy bulge, slight strength kink, unprotected sex, biting, ooc leon, he’s crazy

note: you can use any leon for this!

there’s two sides of being in love: being in love and being loved. you always blushed at the hopeful future that you’ll be with the man of your everlasting dreams. a picture of him in a heart locket, your things in his bathroom drawers, knowing how he likes his coffee, his favorite scents, building a domestic life together. although two other men have ever been with you, you were sure this man was special. since by the second date, you were already planning out a wedding.

but leon couldn’t have been the man of your dreams if he was a nightmare in your life. bitter kisses and rough touches are embroidered into your skin that it’s hard to believe that this is the same man who laughed at all your jokes and fake proposed to you with a candy ring. almost two years of agony-filled tears and broken belongings, yet you can not bring yourself to break away from him. maybe the toxicity is what you like. maybe you’re the reason why he’s yelling at you right now.

“you’ll never find someone better than me.” leon spits, grabbing your face with such anger that he could break your jaw if he really hated you. you peer up at him through glassy eyes, tears dried up, and lips cherry bruised. “there’s nobody else for you.” leon manages to still look so divine when he speaks to you like this, star colored hair covering his sapphire eyes just enough for them to peak through. the warm lighting of the kitchen brings out his soft features that pathetically make you swoon.

“i love you.” you whisper, feeling your heart pounding painfully harder and harder as leon stays silent. his grip on your face leaves as his lips tug into a grin, tongue between his canines. “of course you do.” leon gloats as if he’s won the lottery, intertwining his hand with the handle of the kitchen knife residing in the wooden cube. the food you made for dinner is threatening to come back up when leon waves the knife in front of you. “don’t please.” you plead softly as the blood pumping in your veins becomes ice cold.

“think i’m gonna hurt you?” leon breathes lowly, getting closer to your weak form. your doe eyes take in the way his eyes glimmer with amusement, a smirk finding its home on his lips, he’s clearly basking in this. “no.” you mumble, swallowing dry saliva when the tip of the knife brushes against your neck. you don’t think, you know he would but he chooses not to. “i could kill you.” leon hums, dragging the knife across your forearm before letting it linger on your wrist. his eyes capture yours, a faint flame flickering behind them. free falling down to the concrete pavement would be more peaceful than this.

“you could kill me.” he suggests, forcing the handle of the knife into your hand. you shake your head, stomach eating itself when leon leads your hand to his chest. “you’d like that.” “i wouldn’t.” “don’t fucking lie.” he spews as if you’re the one who said it. lips tremble in frustration as you cannot comprehend what leon is doing, you don’t even know how it all went wrong ten minutes ago. how washing dishes together suddenly became leon degrading you, threatening you. the pitter-patter of rain against the roof is the only thing keeping you from vomiting, and leon yelling at you for doing so.

“would you die for me?” leon questions, closing the gap between you two, the knife quickly withdrawing to your side. the warmth of his body radiates to you, making hell seem cold. your eyebrows knit together at his words, why would he ask that? “i’d do anything for you but-” “i want you to die for me.” leon interrupts you with a exasperated tone. your hands shake as tears welled up in your exhausted eyes, you just want to go to bed. you carefully place the knife on the kitchen island, unsure of what to do as leon’s eyes bore into yours.

“leon, can i please get ready for bed?” you sigh, wiping at the tears barely escaping your eyes. the echo of thunder booms throughout the apartment causing the atmosphere to be more daunting. a scoff leaves leon’s mouth, his jaw tightening at your response. you pissed him off. “hate me so much that you can’t answer a simple question.” leon sneers with venom on his tongue. his stature towers yours, your gut churns at the feeling of being so weak. runny eyes divert down to your ruffled baby pink socks, they’ve never seemed more interesting.

“your question is stupid.” you mutter under your breath before your jaw is gripped once more as leon forces you to look up at him. the blue hues swirling in his eyes are dark and cold, matching the storm outside. bones ache at the posture leon holds you in, he can snap your neck if he pulled back just a tiny bit further. “who the fuck do you think you’re talking to?” leon’s words cut through your head and pierce your brain. the tears you cry match the pace of the rain knocking at the windows. “i’m so sorry, leon. i’ll die for you, i’ll do anything for you! please let me go to bed.” you’re so pathetic.

“is that so?” “yes! please!” you cry into his palm, looking up at him and hoping he has mercy on your damaged soul. leon’s eyes glance at the kitchen island as a smirk slowly finds its way on his pink lips. relief hugs you when he finally lets you go, your hands shake rubbing the tender skin of you jaw. of course he doesn’t let you leave yet, of course he doesn’t let you go find peace in the one place where you’re the most safe. “carve my name into your wrist.” leon says so nonchalantly that you think he’s almost joking. the kitchen knife is placed back into your hand, you’re so dumbfounded that you stare back at yourself in the blade’s reflection.

“what?” you exhale out, ridding yourself of the fear from seconds ago only to breathe it back in. the blue-black eyes looking back at you are unrecognizable. “i’ll do anything for you!” leon mocks, you want to vomit. you want to scream and rip your hair out, you want to jab the knife into your heart instead. death would be much more blissful than being here right now. “i don’t want to do this, leon.” “i’ll do it for you.” leon threatens, his warm hands grab at your wrist but you quickly step back to get them off you. “i’ll do it.” your voice is barely audible, your mouth becomes dry when you shakily place the blade onto your wrist. what are you doing? “just four letters and you’ll go to bed.”

leon’s educated hands carefully bandage up your wounded wrist. your face rests in his chest, slowly breathing in the scent of vanilla. “you did so great.” leon smiles before placing tender kisses upon the white fabric covering your arm. the numbness drowning your body is blocking any feeling, including your thoughts. you’re surprised you didn’t cut a vein. you wished you did. “you’re so mean to me, leon.” you whisper, eyes blurring in and out from drowsiness. why couldn’t he be nicer to you? why couldn’t he leave you alone? why can’t you quit him?

“i’m not mean to you, doll. i wouldn’t be doing this if i didn’t care about you.” leon reassures you with eyes shining like blue akoya pearls. your mouth can’t get any words out when the cologne lingering on his skin has your stomach in knots, reminding you that you’re the one who bought it for him on his birthday. he gives you the same wry smile that was on his lips that day. maybe you’re the mean one. maybe this is all your fault. “you would’ve killed yourself if it wasn’t for me.” he’s right, you would’ve bled out on the pearlescent tiled kitchen and suffer a painful death if he didn’t care. there’s a sharp pain in your head that has you wondering if this is all just a horrible nightmare.

needles prickle into your sore body as leon carefully picks you up, you catch your reflection in the mirror for a spilt second. eyes puffy and skin pale, drained. before you can react, you’re in sweet relief when the comfort of leon’s bed engulfs you. “such a gorgeous girl, how did i get so lucky?” leon hums as his eyes link with yours, affection glosses over the blue. the dim lighting illuminating this somber room, accompanied by the rain outside, is enough to lure you to sleep. the blur in your eyes goes dark for just a moment as your slumber takes over. yet you can’t seem to rest with the way leon is soothing the skin of your thighs. your cunt is throbbing.

“take it off please.” you whimper, gesturing to the blood stained dress hugging your figure. your body trembles as the cotton fabric is slowly ripped away, leon’s hands tenderly kneading warmth into your cold flesh. dark eyes locked onto your lips with each soft gasp you make, observing how you react to the gentle touches to your thighs. the fuzziness in your stomach heats gradually, just enough for your panties to get damper. leon’s fingers stray away from the thin silk covering where you need him most. your thighs rub together as you whine. “what do you want, hm?” his voice is an octave lower, raspy. he wants you just as much.

the echos of thunder are as loud as your pounding heart when you grasp leon’s hand, leading it to your cunt. a tongue in cheek smirk is hazy in your vision when leon hovers over your frame. “c’mon sweet girl, use your words. don’t get shy now.” his voice is sugary water for your dry throat, the want is burning you alive. lips impatiently connect with his in a desperate attempt for leon to stop stalling and fuck you right there. a gasp is caught in your chest when his fingers harshly rub your covered clit before pulling away from your blushed lips. the thumps of your heart rings in your ears.

“i want you to fuck me.” you mutter with a mouth full of cotton, running a hand over his chest and under his tightly-fitted shirt. the precum sticking to your panties is soaking the fabric as your fingers trace over leon’s toned stomach. “yeah? you’ve been such a good girl for me tonight.” leon smiles while kissing your cheek. his mouth find solace in your neck, sucking pinks into your skin. “i need you.” the smirk he makes against your neck gives you whiplash. he can probably feel your racing heart pulse against his lips.

leon swiftly takes off his shirt, scattered scars compliment his sculpted build so well that you feel nauseous with desire. “i need you more, baby.” he cooed. his lips find yours again, the taste of mint coats your tongue. you like the way he kisses you, as if your lips are a blaze that he needs to warm up. leon’s hands make quick work of your panties, nudging his knee in between your thighs which has you grinding on his leg. “dirty girl.” he breathes out. the friction is not enough for your soppy cunt, needing more, needing his cock to relieve you. you want him to break you open, to ease the pain he put you through moments ago.

the crackle of lightning illuminates the room in blue, combating the blue in leon’s eyes. hands shake ever so slightly as you impatiently unbuckle his belt, your wrist is on fire when the metal buckle grazes against the bandage. “you’re gonna hurt yourself.” leon warns, replacing your hands with his. you suppress a moan once leon finally rids himself of his jeans, his cock slapping against his abdomen as he shoves his boxers off. you’re salivating like a starved animal at the sight, the tip of his cock shines with precum. death couldn’t be more blissful than leon.

“you look so cute like this, your body begging f’me.” leon smirks, rubbing the tip of his cock on your clit. the moans vibrating through your throat almost hurts. you’re fiending for him, weeping for him, you could cum at the thought of him fucking you. there’s a hand caressing your cheek, breaking you out of your hypnotic state. leon looks at you with infatuation, or lust, you can never differentiate the two. you do know both looks has your heart bursting. “i love you.” “i know.” he kisses the apple of your cheeks as his cock stretches you out, the air in your lungs exits out in broken whimpers and moans.

leon hides his face in the crook of your bruised neck, his hips slowly snapping against yours. fingertips trace the scars etched into his back, creating new ones as your nails break his skin when the curve of his cock hits your cervix so sweetly. the rhythm he keeps up is enough to make you dizzy. the low moans eliciting from his lips are intoxicating, you grow wetter at the sound. “love this tight pussy, so perfect.” his teeth bite into your shoulder, lapping at the irritated skin with his tongue. you think you see god when the repeated thrusts and bites to your skin is twisting the coil in your stomach in knots.

leon’s hands grip your hips as your cunt tightens around his cock, the loudest spark of lightning hits your ears when leon presses a hand down your lower abdomen. you think you’ve lost it at the feeling of leon’s cock rubbing against his hand, against your stomach. your hand reaches down to feel him and god, you want to cum so badly. “harder, please.” you moan out, chest heavy at the feeling of him splitting you open. his head rests up against yours, eyes searching your tear stained face as his thrusts become harsh. a stray tear cascades down your cheek at the sudden change yet you’re still pathetically moaning out leon’s name.

“greedy little thing you are.” leon groans as he catches your lips in a sloppy kiss. you’re sharing moans in between breaths as leon relentlessly buries himself into your cunt, his fingers finding their place on your clit. the smell of sex and mercury blending into the sounds of skin against skin and thunder makes the pounding in your head almost pierce your ears. you feel faint, like the ecstasy you’re receiving is too much for your body. legs wrap around leon’s hips in an attempt to get him closer to you, his chest is sweaty against yours. hearts beating in sync, both racing erratically.

the overwhelming desire flowing throughout your veins is lethal, an overdose of leon. your chest heaves as you try to gather your surroundings as leon fucks you as if you’re everything yet nothing. there’s tears on the brink of pouring out of your itchy eyes but you hold them back. you wonder what leon is thinking, if he’s overdosing on you as well or if he’s thinking about getting off. “fuck, keep squeezing my cock like that.” he moans, biting the flesh of your neck.

the fuzziness in your stomach is too much to bear when leon’s cock abuses your gummy walls repeatedly. you can’t feel your face, your body, just leon. fingers tug at his hair which earns a grunt from his lips as his own fingers messily rub at your clit. the whines drawing out from you are pitiful, letting leon know you’re about to break. but he knew that before the whines left your mouth, the way your desperate cunt is gripping around him is enough to make anybody get the hint. “cum on my cock, sweetheart. can you do that f’me?”

the nails clawing at leon’s back sink into his flesh as your orgasm crashes into your body. mouth agape yet nothing comes out, eyes screwed shut, back arching off the soft mattress, legs shaking at the intensity. “there you go, baby.” leon praises, kissing you gently as he continues to fuck your cunt. you hold his face as if he’s the only thing keeping you from blacking out. “i love you.” you confess for the umpteenth time as you’re gasping for air, heart punching itself out of your chest. leon weakly smiles, muttering something incoherent against your lips before pulling his cock out of your bruised cunt, cumming on your stomach and thighs with the sweetest moan.

leon’s body collapses on top of yours, exhaustion consuming you as you come down from the euphoric high. the sound of leon breathing and the soft knocks of rain at the window are a lullaby for your depleted mind. the colors of warm white and blue are blurred as your eyes struggle to stay open.

a sting in your arm pulls you back into consciousness. you wince at the feeling. eyes drift to look over at your bandage wrist. leon’s hand is gripped around your injury, squeezing with such strength that reminds you that he could break you if he really hated you. you almost forgot why there’s four letters carved in your wrist, why your mind is exhausted from crying, why you got fucked so lovingly yet so resentfully.

a giddy smile hurts your cheeks as leon suffocates you with peppered kisses around your face. “let’s get you ready for bed.” leon says on your damp skin, his hand leaving his name on your wrist.

#leon kennedy imagine #leon kennedy smut #leon kennedy x fem reader #leon kennedy x you #resident evil 4 smut #leon kennedy x reader #kinda cried idk

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Would I be the asshole for messaging an ex-friend?

So as a little backstory, I was friends with this girl in highschool. We met freshman year and stayed friends into senior year. Over the course of that friendship we were fairly toxic to each other. It was definitely a two way street, I will fully admit fault there but she wasn't great in a lot of ways either. She was also probably my closest friend at the time, so we spent a lot of time together. I have a lot of very fond memories of her, so it definitely wasn't all bad or anything, but we definitely weren't great for each other.

During the summer between junior and senior year I sent her a message and told her I thought it was best if we put some distance between us because of how toxic our friendship was becoming and she never actually responded to me. We started school and she ignored me in the classes we had together and I thought that was fine, since that was what I wanted.

After a couple months she started talking to me again. I didn't mind having a casual conversation every now and then, I didn't hate her or anything, so I would talk to her. Then she started sitting by me when she could and sitting with my friend group at lunch again. She just kind of slowly pushed her way back into my life. I never really said anything to her, I will fully admit I wasn't super nice to her during this time though. And I was absolutely talking shit about her behind her back. I didn't really want to be around her that much but I have a hard time telling people no and the message I had sent her over the summer was already difficult enough for me. She would joke about the point where we weren't talking like it just wasn't a big deal and everything was fine now.

Well, this all only lasted a couple months before she sent me a text message that basically read like a break up text. She told me that she hated being around me and that I made her feel like shit and a bunch of other stuff and basically told me to fuck off. I was fine with not talking to her anymore but the way she worded everything made me really bitter and angry. I showed my entire friend group the message and made fun of it the whole time, they all backed me up that she was crazy and I hadn't done anything wrong. I tried really hard to paint myself as the victim at the time.

I have since realized and accepted how much of an asshole I actually was at the time and I do feel really bad. I want to send her a message and apologize for the way I behaved back then. I just don't know if it's a great idea. I don't know if she would even want to hear from me or be interested in any kind of apology. We aren't that far removed from highschool but I do still worry that I may have waited too long to say anything to her, or maybe I didn't wait long enough and she's still mad.

Basically I just want to know if reaching out and apologizing would be a bad move.

#aita #am i the asshole

[needtotouchsomegrass]

Levi x Reader | Office au | smut | tw: 18+

Word count: 3k +

What would you do if you’re cold hearted, hot boss would walk in on you while playing with yourself in the office?……

tw: smut | sex | office sex | praising

It’s another Monday night at the office. I’m working late to make sure I’ll able to hand in that one sports article by midnight. All of my friends and colleagues have left already to be with their families and friends.

No one’s waiting for me, so I can definitely pull a night shift. Won’t be able to push this article further anyways. Boss would get super mad.

I sigh rubbing my temples. It’s only 09:35pm and I still got about 2000 words to write. Ugh. I hate this job - I don’t - I hate the fact that I procrastinate until I’m so stressed out I don’t get anything done.

I sigh again feeling the wetness between my legs. I have been sitting here all day. My thighs rubbing against each other.

It’s been some time since I’ve slept with someone. After my stupider ex fiancé left me for someone half my age I haven’t felt the confidence to go out and meet new people.

I’m too old for that anyways. Turning 35 in October means it’s time to get a dog - a golden retriever for sure.

I sigh. 09:38pm.

I move my hips from side to side , grinding back in forth in my chair to loose up my back and legs. Gosh I need Sex! I close my eyes intensifying my movements until I feel myself getting wetter.

I take a look around the office - no one’s here. That means no one’s gonna know too. It’s just me. By myself.

I get up from my desk and walk along the hall. Some coworkers tend to need space from their desks every now and then so my boss got us spare rooms where we can hang out and relax to get a clear mind before returning to work.

Entering one of the rooms I close the door. Exhaling loudly I lean against it with my back.

Is this a good idea? Should I really do it here? Well, who’s gonna stop me? Jesus? No!! Man never existed.

I set myself down on one of the free desks standing around, leaning against it with my back, letting my hands slide over my body. Grabbing my boobs. Damn I have wonderful tits. My ass ain’t that bad either.

My head falls back while my hands run along my curves.

I close my eyes sliding my hand in between my skin and underwear. A gasp leaving my mouth as I realize how wet I am, feeling it literally drip down my folds.

I massage my tits as I run my fingers along my wetness. My bottomlip trembling.

My fingertips circle my clit having me legs shudder. I push a finger in and moan, not able to hold myself back any longer. Having something inside me after such a long time feels heavenly.

A second finger. Just the right length to hit the spot that’s driving me crazy.

I start pushing in and out of myself consistently at a quicker pace, gaining wet sounds from my pussy.

This feels too good to be true.

My head falls back. The air getting hotter and thicker around me as I keep hitting my weak spot.

Suddenly the door opens making me halt in all of my movements.

I squeeze my eyes shut not able to face the person entering. Shit shit shit. Fuck fuck fuck.

“Seems like you’re enjoying yourself”, a deep male voice. Footsteps edge closer to where I’m standing, glued to the desk, hands still on myself

He must be standing right in front me now. I can smell his perfume. Woody, clean.

I feel the table shift on both of my sides , “that’s quite the nasty thing to do in my office”, he’s so close I feel his breathe on my nose. There’s a heat radiating of him.

Did he say his office??! It can’t be, can it?

I open my eyes and meet my boss’s gaze. His steel blue eyes staring in mine.

They’re really pretty up close.

My eyes widen as I realize what situation I’m in.

His tall, brought figure leaning above me. His shirt half unbuttoned, eyes deep , breathe as heavy as my own.

“Sir I -“, I try to explain as he presses bis lips onto mine. His hands slide around my waist pulling me against him. Hand gripping one of my ass cheeks as his tongue meets mine, having me moan into his mouth.

His lips leave mine and travel along my throat and collarbone.

“You’re wearing too much”, he whispers before pulling my shirt over my head and tossing it to the ground.

His eyes wander across my body. Something in his gaze seems impressed.

He cups my breast with his hand, mouth sucking and biting on my nipple. I wrap my arms around his neck, running my hands through his ash black hair.

His tongue wanders up my body again. I moan as he continues to suck and bite on my sensitive skin.

He backs away, lips plump and red, cheeks flushed, hair messy.

I try to catch my breath to ask if there is something wrong. Except for literally what we’re doing right now.

I gasp as he lifts me up setting my down in top of the desk, towering over me.

He pushes my legs open, skirt further up, before kneeling down.

“Oh god, no!”

I place my hands in front of myself realizing what he’s about to do.

He furrows his brows giving me a questioning look.

“What’s the matter?” “I - ugh you can’t just do this.” “Why?” “It’s wrong. You’re my ….boss.”

His hands cup my ass while he’s still kneeling between my legs.

He chuckles. Obviously finding this while chaos way more entertaining than I am.

“You’re Right. I am your boss. That means you do what I say. And right now I want you to take your pretty little hands out of my way.”

His voice is deep and raspy but yet calm and collected.

My heart beats faster in my chest.

I move my hands to my sides looking away to avoid his gaze.

He chuckles again. This time darker and more to himself.

His hands wrap around my thighs keeping my legs opened.

I feel his breath on me as his face moves closer to where I’m aching the most.

A loud gasp leaves my mouth as his tongue runs along my inner thigh before leaving a hickey right next to my entrance - where the skin is the most sensitive.

He’s slow and tentatively getting closer to my cunt as if to find out what pleasures me.

My head falls back as he licks a long my folds. So slowly that I can’t help but arch my back trying to get away. Too bad that his grip on my thighs is so tight it won’t let me move an inch - probably gonna be bruised tomorrow thanks boss.

His tongue starts to move faster, circling around my clit. “Ugh please no - ah”.

I hear him chuckle, feeling his smile against my skin.

He gets up to his feet gaze locked on me as he loosens his belt.

“You’re a mess y/n”, he grins.

He’s right. Even though I can’t see it I can feel how turned on I am.

I watch him getting rid of his belt, veins showing on his hands as he does it.

He inches closer, standing between my legs.

“I need your consent.”

I meet his eyes. They’re sincere with a dark spark in them.

“Mr. Ackerman, I’m all yours for tonight.”

He chuckles, showing his dimples.

God this man is attractive. How did I never notice?

“Levi”, he says. “Alright Levi”, I say with a smirk on my face “you have my consent.”

And with that his lips crash into mine as if I’d just released a wild animal. His hands everywhere, making sure to touch every part of my body.

His hand slides into his boxers pulling out his length.

He aligns himself with me, his hand cupping my cheek as his eyes lock onto mine.

I give him a short nod before his pushes himself inside me.

My head falls back, lips parting as he slides in deeper and deeper. His hands placed on my waist keeping me steady. He’s cursing to himself. Cute.

He inches closer and closer until he’s fully buried inside me. He holds still one hand moving up to my cheek again.

“Breathe. You okay?”

My eyes closed I feel myself stretching around his cock.

He’s huge. Holy fuck. I feel full.

“Hm”, I nod my eyes watery.

“Y/n it’s gonna stop to hurt.”

He starts to move slowly in and out having me moan with each thrust.

I bite my lip as he starts to do it faster. Soon the pain fades into pleasure.

Levi’s found a pace that does both of us well.

His lips find mine again as I wrap my arms and legs around him. I need this man. God how much I need him.

His trusts get rougher and deeper hitting every single spot possible.

My eyes water, emotions uncontrollable as his skin slaps against mine, both out breaths heavy. The air getting thicker and hotter around us.

Everything a blur.

“Levi I - fuck”, I breathe earning another grin from him.

His lips find my neck for the millionth time as he switches the pace to something more slow yet forceful.

I moan into his mouth every time he pushes his full length inside my dripping cunt.

He grunts.

He’s getting closer too.

Levi holds my legs up having me kay flat on the desk.

Is squeak as he slaps my ass.

His gaze meets mine, eyes dark, smirk playing around his lips as if he’s planing something.

My eyes roll back as he thrusts back inside my already well-fucked pussy. This time going even deeper and faster.

A tingling sensation builds up un my stomach growing with each of his thrusts.

My breath gets quicker, my hands holding onto the edge of the desk. Knuckles white.

His thrusts get rougher having me bite my lip, holding onto dear life.

I get closer and closer to the edge until it hits me.

My eyes roll back and my back arches as the orgasm washes over me. “Ugh fuck”, Levi groans as my walls squeeze him tight. He keeps going, my legs shaking in front of his chest.

I feel my cum dripping down between my ass cheeks. Whimpering with each trust. Tears forming in my eyes.

Levi continues to fuck me senseless until the feeling builds up again.

This time much more intense.

He places a soft kiss on my leg.

“Cum for me again princess.”

His thrusts get sloppier, faster and deeper having me moan his name with each one of them.

“Levi I -“, I gasp as he bottoms me out, twitching inside me. Head buried in the crook of my neck.

My back lifts off the desk again as another wave of satisfaction crashes into me. My vision blurry as tears form my eyes.

Levi whispers something I’m not able to hear due to the overstimulation hitting me.

He pulls out, my legs falling limp to both of my sides. Muscles to weak to keep them up any longer.

I exhale loudly heart pounding in my chest.

Levi chuckles standing between my legs. His eyes hover over my body as if he were an artist taking a look at his work.

“Y/n you’re beautiful.”

He helps me sit up. Holding me steady as my body adjusts to the position.

He cups my cheek gently wiping away one of the tears. Happy tears. I-just-had-really-good-overwhelming-sex tears.

“Y/n you’re a beautiful woman and I’d be stupid to let anyone fuck you like that other than myself.”

The end :) hehe

#levi ackerman x reader #levi ackerman #attack on titan #attack on titan fanfiction #aot fanart #levi aot #aot x reader #aot smut #captain levi #levi smut #office #alternate universe #fanfic #fanfiction #boss x employee #rough kink

[nastytransmasc]

I think I’ve realized that if you get sober enough for long enough, you just end up remembering why you said yes to drugs in the first place

#me posting #I don’t recognize pictures of myself anymore rn and looking at them makes me feel deeply uncomfortable #kinda want to delete my face off of other social medias #I just feel like I’ve gone back so far. it’s just fucking disheartening man #like I know I’ll be okay again but being here fucking sucks #also shoutout to the gay people in my phone watching me document what feels like a descent into madness #I hate the word crazy but I FEEL fucking crazy #sobriety…ish lol

[piplupod]

re: prev post, just an anecdote of my family's bs

i remember when i was trying to have a conversation w my family, esp my brother, a while back (last year) about the prev post's topic, and ohhh my fucking god. it was one of the worst convos I've ever had with them. my brother was whining about how difficult it was to not be racist and to know what qualifies as racist and what's "okay to say" etc (along with ableism, but racism was the main point of that convo at that point), so I said he just needed to go searching out some musicians and podcasters and streamers of colour and you'd pretty quickly diversify your media intake and pick up good habits and good viewpoints just through that one simple action. it's like,,, really not that hard to find POC to subscribe to/follow if you do a simple look-around in your usual spaces u spend time in on the internet.

and he said, and I quote, "i'm going to be honest, i just don't care enough to do that" and yet he had just been whining about how hard it is to not be racist and how he was stressed because people kept telling him he was being racist,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, head in my hands !!!!!! he went on to explain just how little he actually cared and how it seemed like too much work to him even though he'd literally just been complaining to me for like 20 full minutes about how he was so stressed and didn't like people telling him he was racist.

like i know what he wanted to hear was "its okay if ur racist, im sure ur just doing ur best :)" but i'm not going to fucking say that to him. even if it would make me safer in this hell house, i am not going to fucking affirm anyone's comfort in being racist.

#this family drives me nuts. i lost all respect for my brother that day ngl #and he has gone on to be continually racist and brush off anything i've brought up in family conversations about racism #like that one youtuber that he and another brother love so much that is white and bastardizing an indigenous spirit for profit #he got so fucking mad when i said the words ''white saviourism'' fdsjjkl i saw smth in him just snap when i said that about the youtuber #and then he uses ''tribal savages'' in his DnD campaigns and i'm just....... so tired. having to listen to him excitedly explain his- #-new campaign that he came up with and he's yet again using the tribal savage horrific stereotypes #and if i say shit about that then i get yelled at by the rest of the family and made to feel like im oversensitive and crazy #anyways. wah wah poor me etc. im sure this is somewhat normal and nowhere near the difficulties other ppl face #i just rly hate trying to slooowly teach them and suggest the tiniest steps towards being less racist and they get so fucking angry at me #im still smarting over yesterday bc i had to hold my tongue through a lot of shit and i feel awful about it #i want to teach them so they aren't going thru the world hurting ppl but i have to weigh my safety against it #and tbh they are not receptive anyways so i'd just be throwing away my safety for no real progress w them #but i feel like i have to try idk !!!! if i don't try then nobody in this family has any real hope of improving !!! #god knows theyre not going to take the initiative themselves. thats been proven repeatedly over my goddamn lifetime #sigh. head in my hands. tearing my hair out. etc etc etc #pippen needs 2nd breakfast

[hecksupremechips]

Girl like. The reason he said "this is how it should be" and faced death with a smile....is cuz he wanted to die. For 2 years he sat there thinking he was worthless and deserved to die. If he hadn’t be shot, his death would’ve been suicide, he was fully planning to die in a gutter somewhere undetected. When saying "this is how it should be" hes literally saying "don’t cry because I’m dying, my death is a good thing actually because I fucking suck and you are better off without me". I don’t think that’s badass even slightly, it’s actually really sad and really shitty. Shinjiro is so convinced that he deserves to die and hates the idea of anyone giving a shit about him because he literally can’t wrap his mind around the idea that he will be missed when he’s gone, that his death is a bad thing actually. And his last words were meant to be comforting because he fully did not intend for anyone to be there when he died, he intended to die alone, so he says them as a reminder that he’s not worth crying over

Personally, if it were me, if I was holding my dying best friend in my arms who was deeply depressed and suicidal and he said "this is how it should be" uh. I wouldn’t admire him for it??? Like am I losing my mind when I say the way this game handles Shinji is bad or is anyone else seeing this too 😰

#its like okay listen i understand the basic math of any persona game they say things and everything they say is actually #very bad when you think about it for more than 3 seconds #like what theyre intending to do with the death of this character is be like oh no your sad friend dies tragically thats so saddddd #but that doesnt mean you cant live a wonderful life full of meaning you cant let grief consume you life is beautiful awagga #and i guess shinji is a specific character whos used cuz i guess its more tragic that he never realized he was worthy of life and shit #and i guess its also like ‘dont be like this guy who let grief consume him and then died you gotta Be Different’ #which i dont. love. that last part cuz if you think about shinji and what led him down this road #its like. of course hes depressed! he accidentally killed a woman with a child when he was 16! #he himself is an orphan and he just made some other kid an orphan as well and it happened cuz his persona went out of control #which very much can translate to ‘this must mean im dangerous and can hurt everyone if im not kept under control’ #so of course he isolated himself and believed he was evil and became suicidal like who wouldnt feel that way #like am i supposed to be mad he left sees and took drugs cuz uh while i dont think isolation or Evil Drug is good for his mental health #i dont think him continuing to fight in sees is something he can just easily do again given how he killed someone like he shouldnt have to #be a part of this thing anymore like how would he even safely get castor to not do that??? he cant kill more people on accident! #so yeah like using shinji as an example of bad coping mechanisms is already just. a big fucking oof to me like it just feels like the game #is saying he shouldve gotten over it and simply not be suicidal and stayed on the team. idk if thats the intent but uh it wouldnt faze me #cuz persona games are notoriously awful at writing characters who are traumatized and abused #but what makes everything even worse is how the game kinda like. acts like shinjis death is a stepping stone #like we’re supposed to use it as a wake up call and understand the stakes but keep going on anyways #and akihiko and Ken get. ‘great character development’ according to the game telling you they have now developed #but damn all akihiko is is just repressed he cries for 3 seconds and then is like I SHOULD MAN UP and then neglects a depressed child #shinjis dying words are words to live by now even though they piss me the fuck off like girl am i crazy HES FUCKING #HES TELLING ME NOT TO CRY OVER HIM BECAUSE HE SHOULD BE DEAD ACTUALLY AND THIS IS A GOOD THING ACTUALLY #like if the game wants us to still find meaning in life despite losing someone it just really hurts that shinji has to die for that to work #apparently. cuz the character i see myself in is shinji. not some perfect prettyboy who does everything perfectly and has 4 gfs #his death seems like a punishment for bad behavior. the bad behavior being of course depression and drug use. and im simply supposed to be #better than that if i want to live. and we dont get to form a connection with him cuz thats gayyyyy #and his death is like a NOBLE HEROIC SACRIFICE idk its just such bullshit to me i hate it so bad #how is killing a suicidal guy and then treating it as admirable that he said ‘this is how it should be’ supposed to make me feel #makes me feel sick personally and it ruins the entire game’s theme to me because its fucking shallow and the story is bad and im tired

[andromeda3116]

look, there are definitely aspects of adhd that are useful, or at least fun (tell me that getting into a hyperfocus groove - no matter how ultimately rough the "waking up from it and realizing that seven hours have passed and it's 3AM" part may be - isn't enjoyable at the time), but most of it just sucks and listen

the "rejection sensitivity dysphoria" part might be the worst

#it's definitely the most embarrassing #like i cannot take it when people don't like me and say bad things to me and so i structure most of my personality to arrange things #so people don't hurt me #and when they do hurt me i react like a kicked puppy and that just makes everything worse #i mean. jesus. i want to tell myself ''act like a fucking adult and take the fucking hit'' but my body reacts on its own #it's like it skips my conscious brain and screeches right into panic no matter how hard i mentally try to calm it #like i'm not actually irrational! my higher-level thinking is being *very* rational! it's the stuff underneath that's freaking tf out! #i know the ''it's not me it's my shit brain'' thing is a weak excuse but like. i am actively TRYING not to react this way #i am actively TRYING to calm that part of me and measure my reactions #but the body-level panic and the deep-rooted irrational childish sense of ''they all hate me now they think i'm crazy'' #grips me by the throat #it's beneath my conscious thought and refuses to be constrained by it #i am not actually thinking - in so many words - ''they all hate me now'' #my gut is just feeling it and tying itself into knots around my nerves and i am trying to calm it down but nothing seems to work #...*sigh* #add this post and these tags to the list of ''things to discuss with my therapist''

[britneyshakespeare]

You know. Sorry for another sporadic unprompted post about that friend who has caused me so much trauma in the past year. But I remember this one time his old high school friend I met once, he's really nice I liked him a lot. Cool guy. But he lives far away so they don't meet up a lot but they text. One time he sent this friend some pictures of us that were taken at a cooking class that he'd been bothering me into going to despite that it was all the way in Boston, there was a lot of walking to get to it, etc. And I was like constantly feeling sick and run down and exhausted from having Covid recently. He texted his friends those pictures of the two of us and his friend asked "Are you and Diana dating lol" like pretty innocently but honestly curious.

And he just replied "Are you fucking high" and he showed me and told me about it. Like. Like it was uncomfortable for HIM to be asked that.

Like his response isn't SUPER INSULTING TO ME.

#and also just really fucking mean to that friend. like???? WHO TALKS LIKE THAT TO SOMEONE #his friend was like 'oh lol sorry. but itd be cute if you were' like why make him ashamed of asking a normal ass question??? #the way this guy was possessive over me and entitled to my constant attention youd THINK he was my fucking boyfriend #this anecdote is actually a good example of how even if you just do smth completely normal (in this case asking a question) #but he doesn't like it he'll just turn it on you and make you feel wrong or crazy. FOR NOTHING #he doesn't reflect at all on the insulting unthinking ways he treats ppl either. why would he? he's always right #and if he's ever not right it's always someone else's fault somehow. #that's why i can't bring up any of this shit to him. his response is always 'well you couldve just told me' but no #NO ONE CAN TELL YOU ANYTHING BC YOUR ANGER AND EMOTIONS ARE EVERYONE ELSE'S RESPONSIBILITY!!! #motherfucker has no idea what the word imposing means #tales from diana #i truly loathe this little boy bitch baby #'are you fucking high' it's funny bc that makes it sound like he'd never be attracted to me #it's very likely he was. i hate to be like this but im not FUCKING UGLY AND HATED BY EVERYONE?? UNLOVABLE??? #im found attractive by ppl pretty often and im not offended by it. #but hed get so weird whenever someone expressed interest in me #one time he humiliated this guy i barely knew by telling him he knew that guy asked me out for valentine's day. #the fuck???? why are you making that guy explain it to you??? it wasn't WEIRD. i just said no you FREAK #makes human beings feel ashamed of human emotions bc he doesn't have any of his own.

[heffrondriving]

people really just find anything to be pissed about these days huh........because sincerely, what the actual fuck are y'all going on about??? all this moral uproar and vitriol for a silly old-ass boyband song????? please stop it forever <3

#i'm mad at ppl 🙃 having zero critical thinking skills 🙃 and ''cancelling'' over the stupidest things 🙃🙃🙃 #i'm all for supporting the right causes but please for the love of god pour your activism into something actually conducive #instead of getting the pointless pisstake out of a goddamn song that's not that deep and has zero malicious intent whatsoever #idk man but maybe—just maybe!—some words can have multiple connotations and also rhythmic repetition is a style used in music??? #and maybe things don't always have to root themselves in the offensive side and they are just. what they are? like isn't that crazy????? #maybe you won't get internet brownie points but it doesn't make you a bad person i promise!!! there are worse things to be concerned about! #tw*tter is a fucking hellhole like damn what kinda premium carbon monoxide are they huffing there but lord get it away from us #nope. not having any of it. i'm just gonna shut up and calm down b4 i say Worse Things and contact their terminal brand of brainrot #will delete and get back. i hope everyone is doing alright. if youre mad about paralyzed then i'm sorry for your loss love and peace :) #feel free to block me or whatever for this but i said what i said. lets be civil and not regressive in the pursuit of fairness shall we? #i never want to be a discourse blog (ew) or a place fostering hate and negativity but this is just frankly too ridiculous to not talk about #btr #big time rush #paralyzed #do pretty girl don't speak #will delete

[yutadori]

sukuna i am going to bite you im going to bite you sooooooo hard i cannot wait for nobara to come back and kill him while everyone films it and cheers and celebrates and then gojo takes the kids out to sushi <3

#FUCK YOUUUUUUUUUU #SUCK COCKKKKKKKK #i hate it here #jjk 219 spoilers #jjk spoilers #what is . the '''''purpose''''' if him killing tsumiki is he just doing it to be a BITCH #that last FUCKING PAGE OF MEGUMI CRYING + BEING IN THE VOID FAWK !!!!! FAWK #i WILL say that it had a lot of emotion and it made me feel sooooo crazy when i saw it but god at what cost #jjk is literally just megumi getting hit over the head with l after l after FUCKING L!!!!! #.___. #god thinking about everything we've seen about tsumiki and megumi makes me want to explode so bad like girl are you kidding #the whole manga so far we've seen him wanting to save her AND we've seen the REGRET hes expressed over the way he acted #AND the regret at not being able to apologize to her and properly cherish his time with her #screaming kicking and crying like gege what the fuck is the point in having such an important plot line (?? girl who doesnt know words) or #like . goal . of megumi wanting to save her only for her to get killed . by HIM #while hes POSESSED #LIKE GIRL!!!!!!!!!! #i hope shes not dead for real but god im not hoping for much bc gege just loves to kill people off .___. #sun texts

[jerma85]

i want this man at work to die he is so disgusting and disrespectful and he just fucking burped in my face and hacked a loogie afterwards i genuinely hate this man and feel so much violence towards him he so fucking grotesque

#hes a terrible person in every single sense of the word and nobody here fucking likes him #his boss doesnt even like him but hes a fucking bitch and wont fire him #because it costs him more money to fire someone wnd to have his other coworkers #do over time to cover his share of the workloaf #even though he doesnt do shit at work he doesnt even do any work at fucking all #and he constsntly messes up every single thing he touches #i genuinely hate this man #sorry i just hate him so much he says and does the most rancid shit ever #i hate him so much #i feel like a crazy person over how intense i get about him but honest to god hes the worst #op

[the-acid-pear]

A MIMIR MUCHACHOS a mimir...

#luly talks #im always eepy until its bedtime.then im like heeheehoohoo what if i never slept again? 🤪 #but I've been very bored lately like everything is either too much or too little #I've been struggling to find inner peace NWHSNSHABS #okay i think I'll set my goal tomorrow to make some art. some silly comics. at least let em be SKETCHY who carss #no one cares i just want to put sumthin out there... and i will ! ! ! #bc i have some funny ideas its true its true i do #ina repetition mood if y'all dont seem to mind i am quite tired snd i love that stuff sooo much #feel like columbo going on a semi related rant but my ex blood fucking HATED when i repeated something a lot literally had #words banned bc it was driving her crazy which i find quite funny and symbolic of the disabled experience honestly #like for me to say the same words constantly was easy and comforting but for him it was EVIL and FUCKED UP #we all are so sifjfbfnf #im so tired okay im going to bed manifest some warm sheets and a kinder matress and all sorts of lovely things for me pls heaaart

[bronzebtch]

something something abt rhea actually being lowkey insane bc she would find the thought of getting the attention of any targaryen thrilling, getting their attention when they're angry? even better.

#something something abt the idea of. if u are condemning me. might as well kill me #shes just testing her mortality when shes around them sometimes yanno no big deal #when ure forced to adapt to the wrath and annoyance of a hateful husband #what else can u do except think that an angry attention is at least attention. #at least. he sees me #u get me? u feel my vibe? #good. cause she's fucking crazy. take her away from me #also thinking abt how shes always expecting them to lose attention sooner or later #just counting down the minutes #now do u see why her view is like... jacked. its warped. #in particular to romance even tho TECHNICALLY shes never felt romance towards them #DO U SEE NOW WHY I FEEL LIKE I HAVE SO MUCH TO SAY ABT HER VIEW OF THE TARGS #BUT I NEVER KNOW HOW 2 WORD IT #EXCEPT IN FRAGMENTS #god i frustrate myself. #GENERAL: OUT OF CHARACTER.

[groupwest]

It still feels so strange to be living here again

#it’s just bizarre. I was so depressed I was so young I got so hurt here lol. I guess I have been ignoring those thoughts #I still do think about it fairly often certain things trigger certain memories but it’s still just the same reprocessing as always #but I realise this whole thing me moving back here must be kind of actually triggering to me in a way. but I haven’t been letting myself thi #think that #it’s really so strange #just being here #I’ve almost gotten over it it’s just hard to correlate the distance between who I was and who I am #like nothing has changed but everything’s changed but it feels like it should all be the same still like time never even moved #but my mother is not here not that she’s far but she’s not here which is devistating. #and I’m so old now I’m 21 I’ve grown up im not 11 im not that stupid anymore but right now im equally as alone which is hilarious. in a way #I can’t let anything go it’s so painful #I want to text Zack so bad but I hate him I just want him to take his stupid fucking words back #so scared of the girl I love I still leave everyone every chance I get I can’t stop leaving god it sucks it’s horrible #all I have is the night. it’s literally the only constant I know. I’m crazy #it’s so easy to forget who I am. I’m so bad at spending my time wisely these days. hedonist for numb #anyway sorry I’m not writing in my diary lately so u guys get to read this crap hope u find it interesting #personal

[entropys]

im gonna vent a little bc im about to explode ok. so . tomorrow i have a presentation for a group project that i kid you not the people im paired with did not do shit! they’re terrible i explained to them in detail like 3 times and they still don’t get it!!!!! like. its so easy sooo easyyyyyy idk why they don’t even want to TRY like im gonna rip my hair off i can’t do this i can’t deal with them sick and tired of being a “leader” (cause apparently i am a natural born leader) like what is wrong with them do they just love to see me suffer and write all the parts myself ???? and even if i did that they will still present it wrong and mess up everything i’ve worked for so i’ve given up fuck this group project btw! i can’t do this anymore .. like imagine explaining something so patiently step by step and they come back to you with a copy paste paragraph from WIKIPEDIA that has nothing to do with what you assigned them 😭😭 im not joking this actually happened and they gave it to me the night before the presentation too like wtf am i supposed to do with this??????? i hate people who don’t give a single shit about their grades when it comes to group projects idc if u get an F in all your classes I DO NOT CARE but when your grade affects other people too maybe have some human decency and do the work you’re supposed to do.. like just try even if its terrible just fucking TRY its not that hard

#i hate them i hope they know that i hate them so so much #istg if any of you attend my uni you’ll go crazy from all the shitty classmates you’ll meet #i just KNOW that every single one of them cheated their way to graduation and didn’t even bother to study for anything #cuz how can someone be that stupid like im sorry but this is just… no words honestly #this is why you should pay attention in academic writing class cuz even elementary school kids don’t act like these people #its crazy i could probably get my 9 year old sister to do this with me instead of them and ill get a better grade #like really truly genuinely.. #see this is exactly why i will never be a professor bc these kinds of people who don’t even try are everywhere around here #i feel bad for professors honestly #students here are the kind of people who talk shit about a professor only bc he evaluated them fairly #they want to sit back and do nothing and just get grades from nothing #rant over im gonna go sleep now whatever even if im not finished theyre supposed to be doing this not me fucking hell #like i did my parts already i don’t care anymore i just want this to be over please

[himemeika]

I really wish I could talk about my interests in more depth because in my head I could probably go on for hours talking about certain scenes and cinematic parallels but whenever I try to type it out I lose all words

#so uh. lucky you guys ig /j #sucks I can't word how insane the content I consume makes me sometimes #but it's fine. Imagine me foaming at the mouth whenever I talk about Co/de G/ea/ss /j #(though I do feel like I might as well be sometimes /lh) #(actually I feel the same about Gan/kutsu/ou rn. like. holy shit actual queer characters) #(and And/rea's behavior is actually shown in a bad light. he's fucking insane. even Count yells at him for it.) #(Al/bert killed Edm/ond and yet.. Edmo/nd does not hate him. Alb/ert did it because he cared. He knows that.) #(that whole scene makes me insane. like holy shit. Pe/ppo did the same to Al #bert previously. screaming and crying and throwing up) #(despite him suddenly saying he wanted to kill Alb/ert afterwards E/dmond was still thankful for having done all that.) #(''Bide your time and hold out hope''....) #(sorry. anyway. I allowed to be a little deranged. god didn't make me crazy for no reason /ref) #.txt #Nick.txt #Nick talks too much #Vamppostz #that being said I'm gonna post abt the end of Ak/ito the Exi/led because. I'm going crazy