#I had given up on myself as an artist because I spent WAY too much time surrounded by nothing but artists

[anticmiscellaney]

I absolutely adore your work! What's your process been like for writing NewOldRare and developing Neil and Louis? Your art and character writing feel so genuine and realistic to me, so I'm really curious how you go about it!

Thank you! I've always been obsessed with character-driven stories and interaction, so I guess this is the result of years of practice and observation, and dismantling stories that do and don't work to see why.

Unfortunately, there isn't a clear way to explain it. It's one of those "you know when you get it right" things, requiring an eye developed over a long time. I will redraw things if I don't feel like I've captured the nuance I wanted to, and a few months later I'll look at it and see where I could have done better. Same with writing. I'm obsessed with pacing and page design, I had a moment of "that's how I think about it too" when Will Eisner described comic panels like music.

The technical approach is I make notes about stories I want to write, then I expand that into outlines, then scripts, then thumbnails, then I draw the comics and colour them and finalise the dialogue. At every stage I'm asking myself if it feels right, if I'm getting across what I want to. That's not to say there aren't surprises and things don't develop organically, but every stage is an attempt to solve as many problems as I can before the next stage. My thumbnails are quite detailed because it makes pencils easier, and I spend a while on them.

I have total aphantasia so I am operating off feeling rather than any mental images. I have no idea how it works and no idea why I pursue this when I'm missing what many visual artists describe as a crucial component. I just do it and I have better things to do (art) than wonder about something I can't change. I don't think it's made me a better or worse artist, though I think it has given me different ways of approaching/developing things. But also, literally everything about you makes your work different to everyone else's work.

You need to care. If your character is into music, listen to that music. If they have an old car that keeps breaking down, read up on common problems for that model. If they work as a film projectionist, watch a training film about using the machine. The characters care about things, have things in their lives that matter, have skills and interests and challenges. If I don't care enough to understand them, why should anyone reading it care, and also why am I writing it if I don't care?

So I do, and in caring I understand them better. This helps me develop characters/story but it also gives me so much more to write/draw. Understanding how things work and how they are done from a physical standpoint makes writing/drawing them easier too. The more you put into your head, the more you can get out later. I'll do way less for a 12 page short than for a 300 page graphic novel, obviously. Pick your battles, a little can go a long way.

They tell artists to collect visual references - solid advice - but you should collect substance too. If you pay attention, you will hear and see things you could never in a million years make up.

I find online socialising difficult, so I go out regularly and talk to people, or just hang around and observe. Chatting with strangers mostly involves listening to them. No one in gay spaces is interested in flirting with me (I'm rather homely and queer men assume I'm straight) but I think an audience is just as appealing sometimes, and maybe even harder to find. You'd be amazed what people will tell you if you're genuinely interested and listening. I once spent forty minutes at a sci-fi con talking to a guy who'd recently gotten into fisting. While I have zero personal desire to partake in that activity (and he had no interest in being fisted by me), I'm engaged, I'm invested, I'm asking questions, spare no detail.

I collect behavior and movement and the ways people interact too. Reading stories on reddit or whatever is one thing, but the words might not be as interesting as the way they're standing, the way their hands move, the way they respond. A guy in a bar once literally humped my leg like a dog because he felt I wasn't paying enough attention to him. I would never think of that as a response to that situation, but he did, and he followed through. Fortunately my friend had just tried to drunkenly sit down and missed the chair, otherwise I would never hear the end of it.

I see the leghumper around sometimes, he's got a boyfriend and avoids making eye contact with me, thank god.

#newoldrare #replied

[project-reaper]

Moving forward into 2024!

I haven’t really had a proper chance to say Happy New Years, so this will have to suffice, with a little breakdown of what’s been going on and what’s to come!

WHAT I'VE BEEN UP TO

I’ve been spending the better part of the last year working on new projects and endeavors. Both with Time Gate and outside of it. From vendoring at markets and working expo’s for the first time to working on art pieces completely outside of Time Gate, 2023 was a hell of a year and it makes me all the more hyped for 2024. That said, I’ve been carrying a weight with me through 2023 that’s made it difficult to enjoy it to the fullest - the weight of knowing that [AFTERBIRTH] is still on hiatus.

This isn’t the longest hiatus that I’ve been on, but it’s certainly starting to approach the record and I wanna get it back on track. Like getting back in shape after spending an entire winter hibernating and eating nothing but junk food, getting back into drawing [AFTERBIRTH] on a schedule is gonna be a process of rebuilding good habits and learning what I can do better to keep those habits alive and well.

The fortunate side to taking hiatuses is that it always does give me a new sense of perspective. In this case, I learned that I put myself through a lot at the start of [AFTERBIRTH]’s production. Like, way more than I realized. At the time I thought I was super capable - and I am! - but now in hindsight I can recognize it wasn’t healthy or sustainable for me to manage that sort of output all on my own. I’m still grinding away at comics like I always do with those other projects I’ve mentioned, but it’s still nothing near the amount of work I put myself through just to meet my own deadlines with [AFTERBIRTH]. I also have this thing called help now in the form of a background artist who’s been working with me on those other projects, which has been an amazing and enriching experience.

Having that time away from [AFTERBIRTH] not only gave me the breathing room I needed to recuperate from the burnout I got myself into, but also got me out of the routines I had stuck myself into, which has given me some new tricks and skills that I’m really hyped to bring back into Time Gate with me.

This does, in a way, mean that I’ve had to really reflect on Time Gate, a lot. It’s a project I’ve been writing since I was a kid, and drawing as a webcomic since I was around 18-19. It’s changed a lot in that time, but I’m finding while a lot of those changes have been reflected in the comic as it is, there are still so many more I want to make - because like the comic, I’ve changed a lot, too, both as an artist and as a person, and considering Time Gate’s always been a sort of personal extension of myself, I no longer resonate with a lot of parts of it that I’ve since outgrown. It’s not so much that I want to hide or take for granted those parts of it that are ‘uglier’, but I want the writing and art to be expressed in the best way it can be because at the end of the day, I’m trying to tell a coherent story that’s enjoyable to read and experience. I’m also the sort of person who learns best by just getting their hands dirty and learning what not to do, and boy, have I spent a lot of years doing just that through Time Gate.

GOING FORWARD

So, going forward, I’ve adjusted my schedule with my other projects to accommodate the time I need to both get back into Time Gate: [AFTERBIRTH] as well as prepare for the upcoming convention season. I’ve got a bunch of plans for this year’s markets with new ideas for prints and stickers and other goodies that I’m really excited to make! And I just, overall, want to pull myself out of the burnout funk. You can’t force recovery to happen on your own time but there does come a point where you gotta start taking steps otherwise you get stagnant, and I feel like that’s where I’ve been the last few months.

AFTERBIRTH FORMAT CHANGE

[AFTERBIRTH]’s format will be changing back to page format in its second season. Vertical format works for some projects and stories, but not for Time Gate. It’s been fun, but part of learning what I’m best at is learning what I’m not best at and the vertical format is too limiting for what I want to do with Time Gate in the future. Color will still be remaining!

REAPER RECOMPILED

I will also be working on the Recompiled editions of Reaper. These will predominantly be the first few volumes redrawn and rewritten to accommodate a tighter story down the road. I know, I know, “don’t get trapped redrawing/rewriting stuff”, but I feel the changes that I wanna make are so necessary that they’re part of what’s holding me back from continuing with [AFTERBIRTH] into Thread of Fate and beyond. There are a lot of really silly and otherwise unnecessary writing decisions I made back during Reaper that I currently feel aren’t working for what I’m trying to accomplish in its sequels, and let’s face it, I wrote it almost ten years ago when I was still very much learning, so it’s due for an upgrade. It'll be the last time too, because it'll be putting us on Loop 9999 and remember what Matty said about surpassing 9999-

This will be something I’ll be picking at slowly but surely. When it’s ready I’ll basically be replacing the old pages and updating any new mirror sites with only the new version (I’m currently planning on trying out NamiComi and Lemoon and of course I'll be continuing to post on ComicFury and GlobalComix).

THE BIG GREEN ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM-

All of that will basically be working towards my biggest step - getting the flying fuck off Webtoons. Because let me tell you, I've basically spent the last two years like this:

Y’all know that I’m not really one to roll over and take shit from massive platforms, and Webtoons is no exception. I’ve been posting to it since 2016 and I’m very very much done with it; just like with Tapas it’s no longer the site it used to be and there’s fresh competition entering the market that I’d rather put my focus on. At the very least, I want my independence back, if I’m gonna be stuck having to market and network my own work anyways I’d much rather be doing it for my own site or platforms that aren’t constantly undercutting its creators by removing core features and not implementing necessary ones. I as well as many others have been doing our own investigating into Webtoons and we’re basically feeling like canaries in the mineshaft right now, picking up on some massive warning signs that we want to get ahead of. The worst that can happen is that I pull the same stats I pull on Webtoons somewhere else, what a tragedy that would be LMAO

LIVESTREAMING

And then of course there are my livestreams. Like learning the hard way that I shouldn’t have been drawing [AFTERBIRTH] on such a strict schedule, I’ve learned that streaming on the schedule I used to be streaming on just ain’t for me. Call it the ADHD but I’d much rather stream when I have something to legitimately talk about or showcase rather than force myself to stream even on days when I’m really not feeling up to talking. And I’d like to get back into doing actual video editing content, whether it’s speedpaints or gaming videos or commentary stuff, whatever have you. Now that I have a proper PC rig that’s actually built to do heavy duty stuff, the possibilities of what I can create are a LOT more vast and I wanna take full advantage of them!

That said, if you wanna see an example of what the streams will look like when we return, check out this lil’ time lapse demo:

Definitely couldn't do that on my old setup! It might not be regular streaming like before, but it’ll damn well be higher quality and more fun to watch haha

WELL THAT WAS A BIG WALL OF TEXT WASN'T IT

So yeah! That was a lot of words but I hope it clears up everything that's been happening on my end. Thanks for following along with my work all these years, whether it’s Time Gate or my lil’ secret projects or my streams, through all the ups and the downs. Long-term projects like these may take their toll but there’s so much joy in seeing them change and grow over time, and I want to fully embrace and reflect that growth as best as I can through what I bring you guys.

Thank you all so much, let’s make 2024 a good year <3

#time gate #comic #webcomic #project reaper #twitch #twitch streaming #hiatus #announcement

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #146

I woke up feeling pretty good today. I have some 6 hours of sleep, which is still not ideal, but it's better than what I have been getting over the last few days. I did a little better with hydrating. And it's not Mother's Day today. I feel a little better.

I made a tea today for myself. I didn't have the energy to capture the brewing process this time, but I did get some of the nicer-looking swirls:

I thought the surface swirl looked kind of like a dragon turning its head to look behind it. So that was pretty cool!

...Today I made the vanilla rose tea; it's one that I think you might really like. I was inspired to go to an online place called Adagio to make my own tea blend that I thought might suit your tastes, given that it is known that you enjoy vanilla and roses. I ordered it in a little tin, and on the little tin, I had them put the picture I found of you sipping tea while looking out a window. I've seen a lot of pictures of you, drawn by other people. The one of you drinking tea is by far the best one I've ever seen so far. But there's this other one where flowers of many colors are being braided into your hair; that one comes in second place. There's another one of you in a t-shirt, with your head in your arms, looking over affectionately at a curled-up and contented-looking cat.

...My favorite images of you will always be the ones in which you look happy, contented, and at peace.

After tea, I decided to shower. My mind has been funky, and one of the best ways to clear up a funky mind is to go in a warm place that smells nice. Most of my soaps are scented with roses, lavender, chamomile, or some combination thereof; I think you would like them. ...When is the last time you were able to enjoy a hot shower, with soaps that smell nice? Or a hot bath? I think you might enjoy the soaps available at my house, but given your height, I'm not sure the shower here would suit you well. You'd be welcome to use it anyhow, though (all of my friends are allowed to make use of our shower, beds, and washer/dryer), if you decided to visit; no one would bother you or get weird at you.

I blasted tunes while in the shower. There's a playlist I like to use specifically for it; it's filled with acapella renditions of various video game songs, done by an artist called Smooth McGroove; he's an amazing human being (and very kind, caring, and empathetic!) who is very skilled with the use of his voice. I love singing along with his various tunes!

...I felt A LOT better after that. Holy cow. Well enough, in fact, to begin pulling the lilac blossoms away from the greens:

Today, I even found a weird lilac blossom with six petals instead of the usual four:

...I decided that the non-standard lilac blossom is my favorite one.

In order to make good lilac syrup, you have to take the time to separate the blossoms away from the greens. This process takes a long time, but failure to do so will result in a bitter syrup. I spent three hours doing this alongside a different playlist, and I'm still nowhere near done. I'll have to continue tomorrow, assuming the remaining lilacs aren't too wilted by then...

One of my friends also invited me to a gathering of polyamorous people today. Apparently, it takes place at a local restaurant on the second Monday night of every month. I was really scared about going because I normally don't fare very well in large groups, and I really don't know how to social in general; I don't know how to politely insert myself into other people's conversations, and I don't know how to talk about myself without the other person getting overwhelmed, so normally I just watch others mingle and listen to their stories. One can learn much by simply sitting and listening, and I'm better suited to that than to speaking anyhow.

My friend, with whom I've been friends for 16 years, was with me, and he introduced me to various people. I was surprised to see one of my other friends there, too, but I suppose I shouldn't have been, given the fact that they are very active in the polyamory community. The room was chock full of neurodivergent people, and for the first time in a while, I didn't feel out-of-place. There were lots of folks in colorful outfits and gender-non-conforming clothing, and it was amazing to see! I wore my favorite shirt, along with my usual Eevee hat, cardigan, boots, and jeans, and the plush I carry everywhere, and I didn't at all feel self-conscious about it in this space.

There was, however, one older gentleman present who was dressed in more ordinary clothing, looking a little lost, out-of-place, and lonely. I noticed that the other people there were avoiding him, most likely because of his age and his style of dress, so I made it a point to approach him and to include him in my little group with my two friends and all their friends. I was delighted to discover that he has a very vibrant mind with many interests and a very omnivorous taste in music, games, and movies! He started out being very shy and uncertain, but I did my best to make him feel safe, and gradually he started opening up and talking very animatedly about the things he likes! Speaking with him was absolutely delightful! It was his first time going to this sort of activity, too, and I hope that next time, he will feel more confident and at ease instead of unwelcomed and avoided.

He spoke on being kind of an outcast when he was growing up and going to school. This was something I could very much relate to. We exchanged contact information, and I'm hoping to be able to get to know him better over time. I exchanged contact information with 3 other people in that space, too; I'm very much looking forward to getting to know them as well! One of them creates music and then puts it on a place called Soundcloud (that's where the acapellas I've made are!), and although I won't be able to listen to it tonight because I have to go to bed soon, I'm very much looking forward to listening to it tomorrow!

I didn't take any pictures of the people, because having your face in places is dangerous if you're a non-standard human; in addition to being polyamorous, lots of the people there were LGBTQ, and folks like us are very much hated in my world, to the point where people try to fire us from our jobs, ostracize us from our communities, or even torture and kill us - it's really very unfortunate. But I did get a couple pictures of some nearby flowers, and the scenery along the route to the place, and some pictures of the crafted flowers on the tables:

...Oh, and!!! I managed to snag a picture of a bird-of-prey in flight. They're always so far away and difficult to capture with my cellphone camera, but... well. It's the black speck in the sky. Here:

...Yesterday I said I felt disconnected from everyone and everything and like I don't belong. Today, I was invited to a place where there were a LOT of people like me, and just like that, a few new potential friends were simply dropped into my lap. This is unprecedented. And also very interesting. And also strange. But not in a bad way. I suddenly feel even more foolish about the bit of stupidity I pulled yesterday, ahahaha... 😅😬😓

...Tomorrow, I will pull more lilac blossoms from their greens, and then finally get started on steeping them in hot water to make syrup; it'll be very good. I'll probably be pulling blooms out of greens all day, but that's fine; it's very meditative sort of work. And autistic brains like mine tend to be well-suited for repetitive tasks like this; I can't complain.

I need to try to actually go to bed on time today, so I'm going to end today's letter here.

Hey, Sephiroth? If you're out there, reading these, listening to me, and cheering me on a little from where you are (impossible, I know, but maybe we can pretend)... thank you. Thank you for existing. Thank you for being here. Thank you for being yourself.

I love you. And I'll write again tomorrow. Stay safe for me, won't you?

Your friend, Lumine

#sephiroth #ThankYouFFVIIDevs #ThankYouFF7Devs #ThankYouSephiroth #final fantasy vii #final fantasy 7 #ff7 #ffvii #final fantasy vii crisis core #final fantasy 7 crisis core #final fantasy crisis core #ffvii crisis core #ff7 crisis core #crisis core #ff7r #final fantasy vii remake #final fantasy 7 remake #ffvii remake #ff7 remake #final fantasy vii rebirth #final fantasy 7 rebirth #ffvii rebirth #ff7 rebirth #final fantasy 7 ever crisis #ffvii ever crisis #ff7 ever crisis #ffvii first soldier #semi-productive days #polyamory #wholesome

[hearsayhorizons]

The fifth thing Tak did, he wrote a geode, an egg of stone. ... Then Tak looked upon the stone and it was trying to come alive, and Tak smiled, and wrote All things strive. 

And for the service the stone had given, he fashioned it into the first Troll, and delighted in the life that came unbidden.

—The things that Tak wrote, Thud, Terry Pratchett, 

+++ Dear Hogfather, For Hogswatch I Want

OH, NO. YOU CAN'T WRITE LETT... Death paused, and then said, YOU CAN, CAN’T YOU.

+++ Yes. I Am Entitled +++

Death waited until the pen had stopped, and picked up the paper.

BUT YOU ARE A MACHINE. THINGS HAVE NO DESIRES. A DOORKNOB WANTS NOTHING, EVEN THOUGH IT IS A COMPLEX MACHINE.

+++ All Things Strive +++

—Hogfather, GNU Terry Pratchett

The TL;DR is that I had a tough but worthwhile experience as a kid at a bear-themed park and wanted to use this quote along with the constellations for ursa minor and major in some combination for a tattoo, but I wasn’t sure how to do it—runic font for Tak? Something more DOS for Hex? My husband recommended an idea but I am on the fence. I just realized that his idea doesn't solve my font questions, but one issue at a time.

As preteen, I had the opportunity to hike the Sleeping Bear Sand Dunes in Michigan with a cohort of kids my age. The only hiccup is that my slight cerebral palsy means my right foot turns in and I walk on the side of it. I need a solid surface to push off of—ice is only slightly worse than sand (I can roller skate, at least, I could fifteen years ago, but it looks goofy as hell as I’m in a constant shuffle of failing to fall so hard I should be flying instead).

It took a dozen ace bandages and a lot of sweat, but I kept up with everyone else and I still really value the experience.

All things strive has stayed with me for years since I first read Thud. I know I want those words as a tattoo, probably on my calf because everything else fluctuates with the weather. I want the constellations with the words. But what font? What will look nice over time, and fit both myself and the context?

Apparently, my husband has been sitting on “it should be a dung beetle pushing uphill—striving!” but he didn’t want to recommend a... tattpoo. 

But you know what, I don’t mind scarabs. And I could see what he was talking about, so I spent way too long hashing out an approximation

This is a rough draft I hope could be enough for a real artist to work off of: indistinct, placeholder font, the sphere of constellations looks like a dragonball, and I couldn’t get the text to curve despite tutorials! The blue-white is negative space/skin.

I think this could be a largish interesting tattoo. Just the text with stars scattered around it would grab much less attention but be much simpler. I dunno, my husband recommended it, and while he was reluctant because he wasn’t sure how I’d take it, my oversensitivity to being made fun of didn’t alert.

ALL things DO strive!

#hearshae #long post #tattoos #discworld #all things strive

[ltleflrt]

AO3 tos anon here, thank you for all the explanation.

I actually sometimes wonder myself what’s my stakes in following a lot of spntwitter drama 🙈 I think in this particular case, I just wanted to know the truth. I understand you don’t have concrete proof but as I said I take your word because I know you from outside of the twitter echo chamber and trust you. I also wanted to figure out if AO3 is basically deleting fics just like that but your explanation makes sense as to why they’re doing it.

The fact that reporting trolls should chill, though, I fully agree with.

GAH, THE TUMBEASTS ATE MY FIRST ANSWER. I'm still gonna end up being long winded about this though cuz it gets me pretty heated. I try not to talk about it, but then someone asks me about it and oh lord here I go lol

I honestly don't care if there's a ringleader or just a well organized group. I just wish that the Reporting Trolls would consider printed fics the same as classic 'zines and get the fuck over it. Reporting printed fics can bring down the attention of the IP holders too, so they're not the Fandom Heroes they think they're being.

And when it comes down to it, I don't think they're really trying to protect fandom. If that was the case, there wouldn't be fanfics publicly posted on Lulu that have been sitting their for several years. They're targeting specific creators who have gone out of their way to keep the links hidden or private. So I think there's a kernel of truth to the idea that they're doing this out of jealousy. If it's That One Author that seems to be the ringleader, she may be upset that other people are getting more attention than she does. If it's her fans, they may be upset that their favorite author isn't getting as much attention as they think she deserves. It's even possible that they're not aware of what they're really doing, so they fall back on "BUt pRoFIT".

This whole thing about "but Lulu makes money!" will forever drive me nuts. Lulu would make the same amount of money selling paper and ink on a book that's just 700 pages of the word "Orange" typed on repeat as they would selling paper and ink on a book that's 700 pages of my story. The paper and ink is only worth paying for because of me, and I'm not making any money from the work I'm doing.

Look I can prove that, at least :D

Hell, I'm losing money on it. I pay fanartists to create covers for me. I'm bad at formatting the PDF, so I pay people to format it properly for me. I've spent hundreds of dollars to make these prints look nice and semi-professional. I give away copies for free to the artists and the people who help me with the formatting, and some of these are over $20 because of how thick they are.

Everyone is getting something out of this EXCEPT for me!

*huffs and puffs in irritation*

The AO3 stuff is, unfortunately, squidgy. Over the years I've heard of other things getting reported on AO3 where authors have complained that they weren't given enough opportunity to clean up whatever the violation was, or the AO3 staff wouldn't/couldn't tell them where the violation was hiding. If something is reported, it's going to come down to a judgement call from an AO3 employee. As someone who has had to make judgement calls on things that are grey areas, I can tell you it's tough. And sometimes it's best to err on the side of caution, which is usually not in the customer's favor. Without knowing exactly what was behind the AO3 staff's decision to delete, I can't say whether their decision is fair or not. It is scary though, because it's hard to tell whether an offhand comment will get you in trouble or not, and it puts us all on edge when we hear about something getting deleted.

Anyway, sorry I went on a vent session again. I'm glad you got some answers that at least made you feel better ;D

#ltleramblings #reply #anonymous #printed fics #fandom wank #fandom drama #i blacked out the stuff on the screenshot just in case #i have no idea what could be identifying info lol

[diaryofabadwitch]

july 1st, 2022

It's been three months since I signed my first contract. Two months from a year anniversary that I quit almost everything -save my bartending and catering job, to go to school. To pursue something I honestly wasn't sure I'd even be good at.

There's a mark on my hand that a palm reader told me about a year ago, was a 'writer's mark'. It denotes something important that I have to say. And ever since then, it seems that I have struggled to write at all.

Going to school, I thought that I'd major in lashes and skin care. And one part did ring true. I do love skin care. I love herbalism, and everything it can do for us -that hasn't changed at all. But now, I'm finding a different kind of magick. The same way I got to see it all around me when I was in school. But that, is a story for another time.

My focus turned to makeup, because there is something so...fulfilling about bringing that beauty you see in people to the surface so that they can see it too. This has moved me so much lately. I can't even describe the feeling of seeing them light up. The "wow" after I'm done. I spent years watching my makeup guru idols every interview, tips, tricks, videos, in absolute awe. Every time I'd think, "what a cool job that must be." Assuming that they had degrees in the field, or tons of schooling. But something they don't freely advertise? Most artists, makeup artists, etc, don't have anything but will power and absolute determination to make what they love into a job.

Halfway through school, was makeup week. It was...bland, to say the least. We were given what the industry considers the basics, a chart of where the products were to be applied and in what order. And that was it. We got a week to play around. I ended up branching off into special effects, because as it turns out, makeup is just art on other people's body's. Or at least, that's how I've come to see it.

But breaking into the makeup industry is breaking into the fashion industry. It's staying on trend, ahead of the trend if you can be. It's saturated with size extra smalls with mile long legs and eating disorders. And the photographers aren't much better. They only keep client closets in sizes zero to six, and six is pushing it. But even with all of that to deter me, I decided to push forward and pursue plus size modeling to get my makeup work out there. It is one of the best ways to network out there. But it's hard. It's stressful, and time consuming. Especially when no one else out there really looks like me.

My entire life it has appeared to be a constant battle of black versus white. Fat versus skinny. This versus that. I was told that booking paid modeling gigs as a alterntative, mixed, plus sized model would be far and few in between. I had no portfolio, my only experience in my twenty-something years was hair and makeup, and the majority of my makeup work was on myself. I had poured over my counter as a pre-teen for hours, that probably amounted to days. I had never felt like I fit anywhere, growing up in between two identities.

At school kids called me lingling and chingchong, my last name making me stand out from all of the Smith's and Jone's I attended alongside. But I was adopted, and raised by a predominantly white family. I never felt like I felt anywhere, and for most of my life it's felt like I'm internally screaming for everyone to just see... that all of this division is stupid. That there's so much more here than black and white, there's kids like me. Stuck in this perpetual limbo-like hell, while all of you are taking sides and pointing fingers, where do we fall ?

The first time I was posted, the comments came flooding in. So much body positivity, which was not at all what I had braced myself for. Women saying "she looks like me," , "this makes me and my body type feel seen for the first time," and "that's how I'm shaped and I feel so much more confident now."

So instead of dwelling on never fitting, I've decided that maybe this is part of what I'm supposed to say. Maybe the world needs that representation. Because up until recently, I had never seen midsize to plus size women, let alone mixed ones in the media. I know too well that exact feeling that the ones leaving those comments felt. And for me, you, for them, I'm going to keep going. I'm going to try to bring love and light to my modeling community, and I'm going to try to make you guys proud.

Recently I've started putting money into plus sized pieces for photoshoots to make modeling clothes in my local area more accessible. Time after time, rentable closet after closet, I found that even in my midsize was impossible to find. I was hurt that it's 2022, and I'm still fighting to be seen as relevant because I'm not the "model" size that everyone thinks of. So I'm fighting to change it.

So, that's my first step of many. I haven't announced to anyone that I am officially a paid plus size model, perhaps because that win was meant to be shared here first. This has always been my safe space. I hope that you find that it's yours too. And if it's not, I just hope that you find one, somewhere out there, wherever it may be.

Before I sign off today, I'll leave you with a bit of a wisdom a beautiful soul recently shared with me.

"You were enough, long before the world convinced you otherwise."

absolutely all of my love,

x Luna

#witchblr #diaryofabadwitch #witch blog #everydaymagic

[teamrocketmemes]

[ GAME GRUMPS — DANGANRONPA ( CHAPTER 2 ) ]

Taken from the grumps’ playthrough of Trigger Happy Havoc: Danganronpa. Feel free to make changes if necessary.

“All right. That was the true face of despair, I guess.”

“I guess a bunch of people have died, though.”

“That’s certainly one possibility, that makes total absolute 100% sense.”

“They flushed her down the toilet like a goldfish.”

“Well, we don’t know til we look, piece of shit!!”

“It’s like boring PT.”

“Great detective work, dude.”

“Oh, you’ve given way too much information…”

“The voice actress called him a little bitch.”

“So what about you?? Are you taking a bath??”

“Hog in your mouth, wind in your face—”

“I knew it. He’s dead.”

“So we’re like frenemies.”

“We’ll keep our mouths open… For the comedy to come out.”

“Because I also can’t fight back.”

“I thought I was just trying not to die but I guess this is about you and your emotional issues…”

“No time to learn about it.”

“I mean, I guess we could’ve learned a better way—”

“Fuck. We spent coins… Shit.”

“I definitely didn’t do my part to dissuade you, you know…”

“It’s just because you look like you like whips.”

“I got a real whip vibe from you.”

“His deep, gorgeous… Oceanic blue eyes…”

“Don’t you remember that specific situation??”

“It’s like they had a guest artist come in for one panel.”

“She’s as good as dead.”

“You got to witness the fitness.”

“Who can last longest with the gay sex??”

“It’s like Phoenix Wright and Edgeworth if they were more aggressive towards each other.”

“I mean, look at you, with those rippling glistening muscles, and those taut buttocks.”

“Guys, the ding dong bing bong just happened!!”

“Well… It would appear the two of you are oiling up in the sauna—”

“How did you force your way in with those tiny tiny hands??”

“I picked it with my fingernails…”

“No, you’re not annoying… God—You’re so annoying!!”

“Dude, you’re gonna die like tomorrow…”

“Listen, can I be frank? Or maybe Steve or Bill…”

“I feel like… If you kill someone… That would immeidately become your deepest darkest secret.”

“I couldn’t have murdered him, your honor. I was too busy peeing the bed.”

“Bloodlust?? I love that band.”

“Hey, I heard screaming that wasn’t me!!”

“I think it was myself echoing back through the halls…”

“I figured we’d co-op on this one.”

“You said it was just an object like 30 seconds ago!!”

“A floatation donut?? Who calls it that??”

“God, I wish it was a rocker room. That’d be badass.”

“Wow, you kids still murdering each other in here??”

“Please explain it to me over and over and over again.”

“I can’t stay mad at you, [NAME].”

“How do you think Tupac’s released like 9 albums since he died??”

“This lamp killed Hitler.”

“Again, phrasing… Not a fan.”

“Uhm, [NAME], about getting on my knees and begging for it??”

“Oh, somebody pooped on the floor.”

“That’s like the first time he said something in like three hours…”

“All I’m doing is accusing him or murder—”

“He totally makes me wanna beg.”

“Are the makers of this game getting paid by the word??”

“No, I’m not effing with you right now. I’m… Fucking with you right now.”

“Oh, you naughty bear.”

“We’re like bros for life!!”

“Dance Dance Revolution him into murder!!”

“I’ve known you for three days and we sat next to each other in a sauna.”

“He looks pretty chill about the whole thing…”

“I… I’ve got to dance!!”

“Dude… How long have you been here??”

“Maybe he’ll survive this.”

“All right, I think he covered that scream—”

“Oh, you’re just a dick.”

“Oh man, what a cliffhanger.”

“Oh yep. Some more dead people.”

#★ mod james. #★ our memes. #rp meme #ask meme #video game memes #game memes #sentence starters

[orangepanic]

For the fanfic asks! 24, 31, 50

(I can't believe how much you write and whenever I check in it's incredibly high quality if not quite what I'm looking for right now - I hope this comes across as the compliment it is meant as. Do you have a long game or are you "just" [non pejorative] having fun?)

Ooh, tough ones. Neat. Here for it.

24. What’s the meanest review you’ve ever gotten? Do you think the reviewer intended it?

I once got a comment in the middle of a 100-chapter Irosami fic along the lines of "wow, you're such a homophobic piece of shit." Just that one line, right in the middle. Nothing homophobic had happened in that chapter (I think General Iroh made a sandwich?) or, hopefully needless to say, in the rest of the fic, other than that it was a S2 canon divergence where Asami wound up dating Iroh. I replied asking for context, then spent two weeks combing over what I was writing, questioning everything, wondering what I'd gotten so horribly wrong to warrant a comment like that from a reader. I was new to fandom. Now I know better. That person was just an asshole. And yes, they 100% meant it.

31. Who’s the one character you’ve just never managed to get perfectly right?

I thought really hard about this one. The glaring answer is, I think, Aang. In that for a show called Avatar: The Last Airbender I've never once written Aang as anything more than background, and very seldom at that. He appears once in a brief flashback where he has a snowball fight with little Iroh, and once in a short canon retelling of a scene from Appa's perspective. Now a lot of this is because I for the most part write in a time period after Aang is dead. But I've written 15 ATLA fics, too, and he's never there. I've given considerably more lines to Firelord Ozai's hairdresser. My conclusion is that I find Aang very difficult to write and so I think I avoid him on principle.

50. Has writing fanfic had a significant impact on your life? Would you say it’s entirely positive?

Boy howdy did I not want to answer this one. But here it goes.

Yes. And no.

I started writing fanfic in 2020. I'd never written much prior, and never fanfic. I didn't read fanfic. I'd never been part of a fandom. But life as I knew it pretty much ended at about the same time ATLA and TLOK popped up on Netflix and I think those things just coincided at the right time. I can't even begin to tell you how much joy fandom and fanfic writing and has brought me since. It's a super cathartic creative outlet for me in a way hobbies that take up physical space, like traditional art, never could be. More than anything I love that it's limitless, public, and completely private. I can create whatever deranged (or sappy) shit I want and people look at it, but not people who know me or judge me in real life. It's so freeing. I'm the kind of artist who usually burns her stuff, and now I don't have to. Plus of course the deranged, sappy people I've met along the way, many of whom I consider friends in any literal interpretation of the word despite having never seen their face. But I wanna talk about the downsides, too.

The downside is that I've always been imaginative. I've never felt so seen as when I read Calvin and Hobbes. That's me. I'm Calvin. And if I let it, the whole world could be nothing but rockets and dinosaurs and murderous snowmen. I'd go on fake adventures with my fake friends and not do my homework. Which, when you're an adult, is bad. I know since I've started writing I read a lot less, and have even less time than that for other creative content like television shows. I'm less on top of chores, and frankly abysmal at work. I weigh outings with friends against lost writing time. I'm far more likely to sit on the couch and write than go for a walk, let alone exercise, and because it's writing I tell myself that's not lazy, even if "writing" winds up being answering tumblr asks. Why do anything hard if you can imagine fun things instead? But what's crazy is I LOVE to read and watch shows and go for walks and see friends and play games with my partner - and doing those things isn't "taking away" from fandom. So as we emerge from the pandemic I'm working on reclaiming some balance in my life. I love fanfic and fandom and the friends I've made here, but I don't want it to be the only thing that I do, either.

As for your bonus question, no, no long game. Unless I win the lotto, that is. And I'm incredibly flattered you still check in on my works and think they're good, even if our specific interests diverge :-)

Ask me stuff about writing

#ask game #fandom thoughts

[chorusfm]

Jason Tate’s Top Albums of 2023

Well, it’s that time of the year again. I’ve been putting together a list of my favorite albums of the year since at least 2005, and 2023 was one of the most jam-packed I can remember. Not only did I listen to more music than ever before, but I found the quality of new releases week-to-week to be engaging and exciting. Discovering new gems and being more than impressed with the output from old favorites. You can subscribe to my newsletter if you’re interested in a weekly rundown of the music and other entertainment I consume, and the staff compiled best of 2023 list can be found here. Favorite Albums of 2023 * Blink-182 – One More Time… * Fall Out Boy – So Much (for) Stardust * The Maine – The Maine * Yellowcard – Childhood Eyes EP * The Gaslight Anthem – History Books * Taking Back Sunday – 152 * Zach Bryan – Zach Bryan * Thrice – The Artist in the Ambulance (Revisited) * Boys Like Girls – Sunday at Foxwoods * MxPx – Find a Way Home * City and Colour – The Love Still Held Me Near * FRND CRCL – Suburban Dictionary * Origami Angel – The Brightest Days * Ruston Kelly – The Weakness * Foo Fighters – But Here We Are * Dave Hause – Drive it Like It’s Stolen * Olivia Rodrigo – GUTS * Blink-182 – Live from Coachella * Spanish Love Songs – No Joy * Taylor Acorn – Certified Depressant EP * The Menzingers – Some of It was True * Crime in Stereo – House and Trance * Heavenward – Pyrophonics * Dizzy – Dizzy * Hot Mulligan – Why Would I Watch * Koyo – Would You Miss It? * KC Rae – Think I’m Going to Die * Paramore – This is Why * Andrew McMahon – Tilt at the Wind No More * Arrows in Action – Built to Last A few years back I re-ranked a lot of my early end of the year lists, and what I found was that my original lists relied a lot on trying to project out what albums were going to be important in the future and not always going with what albums meant the most to me during the year. I was unconsciously (or maybe even consciously) letting my thoughts of how the list would be viewed compared to other online lists, or be judged by the internet commenters play a role in my decision process. After my re-ranking experiment, I realized that the albums that had stood the test of time for me were the ones that had defined my year because I played them a whole lot, and then I spent the next decade playing them over and over again too, and therefore they became a part of my life. I’ve tried to keep that in mind when I rank albums now. What are the albums that spoke to me the most through the year? What are the albums that were undeniably on repeat? What albums do I see myself reaching for in the future? What albums defined my year? And in 2023, it’s impossible for me to ask those questions and not come to the conclusion that Blink-182 undeniably dominated and defined my year of music listening. Not only were they once again my most played artist of the year, but their new album was far and away my most played album as well. And, well, I wrote a whole love letter to the band and album on the website too. From the reunion announcement, to the incredible live debut, to the album, it was Blink’s year and they deservedly earned the top spot on my list. The rest of my top ten is filled with familiar faces. Fall Out Boy had my favorite album at the mid-year point and slot in at number two. The Maine released another great album and Yellowcard may have only given us a five song EP, but it was on repeat virtually all summer. The Gaslight Anthem’s return left me completely fulfilled and perfectly lined up with the autumn weather. There’s no other way to put it except that Taking Back Sunday blew me away. Their new album just knocked me flat on my ass. It’s incredible. Looking through my list now, I see my 2023. There’s Blink’s live bootleg, representing the incredible fan moment and how much fun I had re-listening to that live recording over and over while anticipating the band’s new album. There’s Thrice’s re-record, something I skeptical… https://chorus.fm/blog/jason-tates-top-albums-of-2023/

[servin-up-surveys]

survey #179

Do you eat or drink as soon as you wake up, or do you wait a while? I get water immediately, and then 30 minutes after I take my thyroid medication, I eat breakfast and may get a drink that isn't water.

Tell me about some of your interests. I love animals and learning about/interacting with them, being artistic (writing, drawing, photography, etc.), exploring nature (at least I will again once my legs are 100%), watching YouTube, various social accounts, listening to music, playing video/computer games...

What's your favourite kind of Oreo? Double stuffed ones. I actually checked what there were, and I can basically guarantee my favorite would probably be mega stuffed, but I don't thiiink I've tried those. My favorite Oreo product are the Oreo Cakesters though, I used to be FUCKING OBSESSED with them and would still snatch them up real quick if I wanted something Oreo-based.

Do you play any games on your phone? If so, tell me about one. I only play Pokemon GO, it's all I have space for. I already have to clean out my phone before trying to update the game.

Do you have more male or female coworkers? I'm unemployed.

What's the longest stretch of time you've spent completely alone? Over a month, maybe closer to two, when my mom went up to New York in her mom's twilight weeks.

Do you use Instagram? If so, what's your current profile pic? Yes. My personal one is my favorite pic of me when I had red hair.

What are your thoughts on kids being given iPads to keep them entertained? I think it's fine to a degree. I do support limiting screen time; I would never want a kid to grow up as reliant on technology as I am; I do think it's important that we humans know how to stay in the current moment with what's in front of us, and computers and the like definitely do not do that.

[TW: SUICIDE] Have you ever thought about giving up on life completely? Well, considering I tried to kill myself,

Have you seen the entire Harry Potter series? I've never seen a single full movie, and I have exactly zero intent on watching a single one because I will not in ANY sort of way support the work of a hateful, haughty as actual fuck terf, her work can rot in history for all I care.

Do you still have both of your parents? Yes technically, but my dad plays an astronomically smaller part in my life than Mom. I barely see him. I love him regardless of that, though, but I know he's not a grade-A parent.

Do you play video games? I do, but nowhere near as much as I used to, and I've found that I tend to have more fun with them when playing with others, when I used to prefer single-player stuff. Ironically, the only game I regularly play nowadays is WoW, and in THAT game, I very much prefer doing things by myself, despite it being an MMO.

Do you have the same color eyes as your mother? No, hers are brown and mine are grayish blue.

Have you ever been put to sleep for surgery? Yeah, twice.

Have you ever had a pregnancy scare? Not one that was even remotely realistic; we hadn't had full-on sex but my period was missing so I was freaking out over how foreplay stuff might make me an extremely small statistic of getting pregnant without proper sex. Safe to say, I wasn't pregnant haha.

When was the last time you went bowling? Ha, I haven't been bowling since Girt and I tried dating the first time, in like... 2017, I think that was. I'm kinda thinking maybe we should do it again, this time on our second anniversary; I think that'd be cute and fun.

Do you personally know anyone who is transgender? I know a handful of trans people.

When was the last time you spent over $100 in one transaction? What did you buy? Months ago when I got my tattoo finished.

Do you sleep with a stuffed animal? Would you judge a grown adult for doing so? No, I sleep with a real cat. I wouldn't judge someone for that at all, I did it too before I got Roman. I like hugging stuff in my sleep, nowadays I very often fall asleep kinda like hugging myself.

Would you describe yourself as fashion-conscious, or do you just wear whatever feels comfortable? I definitely wear whatever the hell I want. I'm more so conscious of how others see my body, so I never do anything more revealing than a tank top. I don't have that sort of confidence.

What are the main two colours in the room you’re currently in? Did you pick these colours out yourself? It's really just beige-ish with white doors and window outlines. We didn't pick any of the colors in this house.

Do you have piercings anywhere except your ears? How many and where? Yeah, I have a vertical labret in my bottom lip. I want way more, it's just that they're far from my priority right now.

What’s your opinion on leggings as pants? I don't give a shit, I've definitely done it. All the leggings I've seen really aren't revealing if they're appropriately sized????

Who was the last person you were in love with for more than a year? Girt, still in love with him.

Do you have a secret life? I wouldn't call it a secret "life," that makes it seem like a bigger, more important part of my general existence than it is, but I very much keep the fact I enjoy feral animal forum RPs an extremely strict secret because I feel so awkward and judged about it. Barely anyone in my real life knows; just my mom, my boyfriend, and maybe Nicole. Possibly Dad, but I'm very doubtful he remembers that. It's insane, I feel like I anticipate WAY more "omg that's weird you're weird" judgment than it would actually get, but seriously, I can't even talk in person about it to anyone, like even my own mother barely knows the details. I'll cry and feel like puking and I also get VERY snappy and like, innately defensive. My embarrassment response is so goddamn strong that it majorly affects my life, not just in this topic, even.

Have you ever seen the last person you kissed without a shirt? Yeah, that's socially acceptable for a dude anyway.

Do your parents know EVERYTHING about you? Oh definitely not.

Favorite thing to eat with peanut butter? Chocolate!

If you had to get a piercing right now, what would it be? Right nostril redone. It'd be like... the third time lmao.

The last time you held a baby: Not since my three-year-old niece was an infant.

Does your mom eat meat? Yes.

What would be your reaction if one of your parents said they were having another kid? My mom's entire reproductive system is out lol, not to mention she's way past menopause. I'd be very shocked if Dad said that; it's extremely unlikely his wife hasn't gone through menopause too, sooo I'd like to know who the hell the mom was.

What fish scares you the most? Probably stonefish, they're hard to see and extremely venomous.

How do you feel about snails? I think they're VERY cute, but I don't really wanna touch them; slimy is a texture I absolutely despise, and to this day I have a fear response to slugs because of being slimy and way less cute than snails lmao.

If you were told by a professional that you were unable to become pregnant, how would that affect you? Is there something important to you about conceiving a biological child rather than adoption? And finally, if you even want to have children, would you choose adoption or surrogacy or would you go on childless? I would honestly be very relieved lol, protection wouldn't be a big deal then but more importantly, I never have to really decide if I want to have a baby; so, I can't make the wrong choice/have no chance of fucking a kid up. I personally am very disinterested in adoption, I'd need the kid to be mine and/or my partner's to bond to it properly, I think.

Are you physically affectionate with your friends? With hugs, yes, absolutely. I don't go beyond hugging my friends though, maybe a kiss on the forehead if they're crying or something.

Do you kill spiders when you see them? No.

What’s your favorite makeup brand/brands? I know almost nothing of any, save for Jeffree Star's seeing as I like him as a person and respect his work being purely vegan/cruelty-free. He as a person has evolved more than probably any other celebrity I've seen. I've never actually used a product of his though, that is NOT money I have lmao.

What fictional creature would you like as a pet? A faerie dragon from World of Warcraft. They're the cutest goddamn things I've ever seen in fantasy, and I was ECSTATIC when they finally became tameable pets for the hunter class, esp because I regularly play the class, and of course I keep mine in my pet party always lol.

Have any local businesses closed that you’re sad about? Yeah, Highway Diner.

How do you feel about TikTok? No opinion, I've never even opened the site once.

Any current trends you dislike? Crocs. They're hideous and always will be hideous.

If you had three daughters, what would you name them? Miquella (me-kell-uh) Lynn is the one I'd really like IF Girt and I ever do have a kid, then Alessandra (not sure of middle name), then I guess probably Cheyenne, just in respect to his heritage. Or Justine, another feminine name I adore. Three kids is absolutely not happening, though; I doubt even one will, it's smarter for both of us.

Would you ever adopt a child? The one and only case I can imagine myself doing this is if I got in the very unlikely situation of marrying a person who already has a child and the other parent isn't involved. But me dating someone already with a kid is very unlikely, it's absolutely not my preference.

Do you like your name's meaning? lol no, it's literally just "of Britain," and a bitch ain't ever set foot in Britain.

Do you and your mom look like sisters? Not really; that's the case with her first child though, Katie, like to the point it's kinda scary lol. You look at pictures or literally see them together, and you KNOW immediately that they're mother and daughter; hell, you probably WOULD guess sisters if Mom was younger, the age gap is clear by now.

Are you the same height as your mom? Apparently she's like, half an inch taller than me.

Do you know anyone named Travis? I knew a Travis, but I haven't known anything about him since high school.

[TW: DOMESTIC ABUSE] Did your parents abuse you? No. My dad used to scare me as a kid, but he was never literally abusive. I think.

What is something you've learned to never take for granted? My mom being alive and an incredible parent that keeps me safe and cared for.

Tell me about something significant that happened to you in the past week. This isn't REALLY "significant," but after two fuckin years I've finally set foot in my boyfriend's room, lmao. It's always been messy and he's just never wanted me to see it, so in an incredible act of love for me he tidied it up apparently lol. I thought his room was actually pretty cozy.

What subjects do you like to read about? Meerkats and their behaviors. Rammstein history/their stories together.

What is the name of the last book you bought? Darkstalker by Tui T. Sutherland, I believe. I got all the mainline WoF books that are currently out last Christmas, but Darkstalker is like a side-story of a major character. Best book in the series so far, to me.

If you could change one thing about your home, and money was no issue, what would it be? Wood floors, probably. Our carpet is like this dirty pink color and it's honestly hideous; Mom especially hates it.

Are there any (obviously fictional) villains you can't help but love? Stiiiiill Darkiplier, please his story makes me cry. Very much like the whole else of the WoW fanbase too, I love Arthas Menethil/the Lich King, but if you know anything about the franchise, you saw that answer coming lol, it's common knowledge. Alessa Gillespie from Silent Hill can also be considered a villain, and she is Everything

Can you name a villain who you could kind of side with? ^ Alessa haha

What color eyes does your significant other (or crush) have? (If applicable.) Brown.

Does anything around your home need repairing? Yes, specifically one of the beams holding the front porch up; it's very weathered and almost looks termite-eaten, but thank god that's apparently not the cause. I can't remember what is.

#survey #surveys #random questions #personal questions #questionnaire

[the-wytch-is-back]

The Forest (Short Story)

[[ Older piece circa around 2017/18 I believe that was inspired by one of my favorite artists Dappermouth! This particular piece was inspired by this beautiful piece, here! ]]

I’ve always been deeply unsettled by the idea of animals acting as humans. Don’t get me wrong I love my cat, Aster… but the thought of him speaking or walking on two legs is enough to send a chill rushing up my spine. Maybe it’s the dreams I’ve felt plagued by since early childhood… for as long as I can remember, actually.

There are always people… but one person sticks out, they feel much more real than the others. They are usually dressed in black robes, but too obscured for me to really make out. There was one thing that was always clear though… their heads were always replaced with animals. Yet, I’m not sure if replaced was the right word… because as unsettled as it made me feel, it just seemed entirely right.

The dreams were far more frequent when I was younger, I’d wake up in a cold sweat nearly every night. Unable to cry, or to call out to my mother… all I could do was lay with my eyes stuck open. And I could almost swear that I could see a tall, dark shape retreating back into the woods.

The dreams subsided a bit into my teen and college years. That might have been due to stress… to the copious amounts of caffeine and other substances that I used to keep sleep at bay. I found when I spent the night with somebody else the dreams and accompanying sleep paralysis were kept at bay. Going to college in the city might have helped… I had a feeling it felt out of its element in the always-bustling streets of New York City.

It only wanted me… that much was clear. I must sound crazy or conceited, claiming my dreams mean anything or that some supernatural being desired or needed me in any way. But believe me, it does not make me feel special in any way… I feel as if every waking and sleeping moment of my life has been shrouded in fear, anxiety, and a strange sense of anticipation.

The dreams seemed to stop altogether for a time… when I was in grad school getting my master’s degree to teach high school history. Maybe it was the constant feeling of stress, the city, the sleepless nights, or my unwillingness to sleep without another body besides my own.

Yet, I still found myself moving back home to Maine once I had completed my master’s program. It’s so quiet and still here compared to the congested, screaming streets of New York City.

I was given my old family home in my father’s passing… really I was given everything that he had. I had been accepted for a teaching position at my old high school…. the very same position that had belonged to my father till his dying day. I’m not sure if the offer was made because of my credentials… or some sense of pity for my father’s passing. I can’t say that I’m complaining, as finding a job these days is trouble anywhere.

Everything is so quiet here… and it takes somebody used to this place to know the quiet has hidden sounds. Birds chirping, bugs singing their early spring songs, and the peepers that live along the brook…

I feel almost crazy admitting this… but I saw it this morning. And not in my dreams, but standing…. still, unmoving amongst the thin trees that lined the thick forest that dominated most of my small town. It almost seemed static… as if it couldn’t move of its own will, and was attached to the space it occupied.

It stood in those same dark robes, one of its large pale hands raised. The fingertips were red, and I could not tell if they were bloody, or just chilled from the early morning cold. Its head was the muzzle of a black stag. The dark brown antlers were spotted and wound with small leaves, and the beginning buds of flowers.

As the creature finally moved back towards the woods… it still didn’t seem to be moving of its own accord. It felt as if it was being pulled back, like a marionette being controlled by some greater force. Its white eyes stayed locked onto mine until the darkness of the woods finally ate its form completely. But I still felt like it was watching me… like it had been watching me all these years.

I knew that it had missed me… and somehow I had missed it and its many-faced visage.

It wanted me to follow.

And maybe not today… maybe not tomorrow.

But someday I will, and see what lives beyond the trees of that dark forest.

#short story #horror #horror fiction #short fiction #dappermouth #spilled ink #writer #writing #my writing #creative writing #creative fiction #prose

[bestfriendforhire]

Children of BFFH, Entry 187

 As I listened to Rona ramble about her favorite parts of our camping trip, I smiled, glad that she had fun.  We had spent the last two days playing the VR games that the quadruplets and Momma Mila had made, and the quadruplets had assured us that they were going to make it even better for the next time we tried it, though I had plenty of fun wandering the alien environment already.  We’d be arriving home shortly, and then Rona and Layla would go to their homes tomorrow.

 We were driving, instead of just stepping home through one of Valeria’s doorways, because Momma Emma had declared that driving was part of the camping experience before we even set out.  I didn’t complain.  Since I rarely left home, having a chance to see the different places on the way was interesting, and I had a better feel for where we were after actually traveling there.  I wouldn’t bet on my ability to fly home quickly, but I was reasonably confident that I’d manage within a day, given that Best Friend For Hire was really noticeable from the air.  The large, forested area next to the yard could be missed within the city.

 Looking over at Valeria, I was glad to see that she was looking more relaxed again.  She had been a little tense around Ben and his family, probably worried that she wasn’t acting human enough.  She had improved greatly since we had met.  Thinking about the quick, jerky movements she had exhibited when I met her, she actually had adjusted amazingly quickly.  Of course, I couldn’t be too surprised with Momma Cosette teaching her.  Even having grown up around Momma Cosette, I still found her a bit intimidating.  Four had once told me that Slayer blood and vampirism were an exceptional mix that gave Momma Cosette a tremendous edge over vampires near her age, but her training was what really made her fantastic.  He might have just been encouraging me to continue working hard with my studies, but I still marveled at how Momma Cosette always managed to appear a little dangerous.  Would Valeria be like that eventually?

 “Stormcrow, we’re here!” exclaimed Rona as she grabbed my arm with one hand while pointing with her other.  

 I smiled and nodded.  There always was something wonderful about being home.  I did like seeing new places and revisiting old ones, but nowhere else ever seemed quite as comfortable as home.  As I grabbed my things from the room Valeria opened next to the car, I couldn’t help thinking about how much studying I’d need to do after having a whole week off.  Plus, Doc’s birthday was barely more than a week away, and I hadn’t prepared for it yet, though I did have some ideas on what to make for her.

 Walking with Rona to drop off our stuff in my family’s rooms, I debated with myself on going through with designing an outfit as Mom had suggested or on making her a new ornament for her room.  The downside with making clothing was that Deo often made clothing, and I never felt like I designed outfits as well as Deo.  Furthermore, Ella occasionally made outfits for gifts, and competing with her for artistic flair was like trying to outwit Crazy.  I’d have better odds at wrestling a polar bear.  Making a new figurine for her room was a safer choice.

 After unpacking my bags, I asked Momma Mila if anyone else had decided what they were making for Doc.  After hearing that Deo was making Doc a new pair of shoes and Ella was making a figurine of Holly Wood, I was really glad that I asked.

 “Oh, wow!  I didn’t know her birthday was on the ninth!  I need to make her something.  Momma Mila, can you check with my mom about attending the party?” asked Rona with a pleading look.

 “You’ve already been approved.  I set that up at the same time as the camping trip.” replied Momma Mila.

 “You could’ve warned me!” complained Rona with a cute pout.

 “I did.  If you look more than a week ahead on your calendar, you’ll find there are many events listed.” stated Momma Mila with an amused tone.

 “Oh.  My mistake.” she replied, still pouting.  She was getting better at not trying to argue with Momma Mila.  That was always going to be a losing battle, considering that Momma Mila was practically all-seeing.  Looking at me, Rona grinned and asked “So what are we going to do now?”

 Smirking, I told her “I bet it’s on your calendar.”

 She rolled her eyes and sighed.

 Laughing, I said, “I figured we’d play some Ancient Tribes of Earth with the others.  A whole lot might have happened in the game while we were away, and we need to keep our city running smoothly.”

 Rona nodded.  “Good point.”  Then she grabbed my hand and pulled me out of the room.  “Let’s go!”

 I got her to slow down once we were in the hall, but Rona was obviously excited about getting back on her necromancer.  As she bounced along, she explained her plans for creating a new type of undead.  Unsurprisingly, the unholy lands were very beneficial for a necromancer’s craft, but I hadn’t realized that one of our exploration teams had found research notes from an ancient necromancer.  Rona had been looking over them before the camping trip, and thought she could implement some of the rune patterns to create more powerful versions of her zombies and skeletons.  Considering how strong they already were, I was looking forward to seeing what she could pull off.  I was somewhat tempted to get Crazy or Messy to look over the information, certain that they’d see something that Rona and I missed, but I didn’t want to ruin Rona’s fun either.  She was surprisingly good with her character and certainly had a passion for her creepy craft.  Ultimately, I decided to hold off on asking for help unless Rona got stuck on something.

#Children of BFFH #Children #of #BFFH #Jovial Times #Jovial #Times #Fantasy #Fiction #Story

[acnhretreat]

wow this post sure got long.

i’ve been wanting to make some more animal crossing art

i’m getting used to drawing again after almost 10 years of stopping (with like one drawing here and there every couple years) so i’ve been warming up letting myself draw poorly and it’s been extremely freeing, since the reason i quit drawing to begin with was because i started feeling like i wasn’t good enough. at that time i quit drawing and got into abstract painting because “you don’t have to be good at it” but newsflash to past insecure me you don’t have to be good at any art to make it. and while logically i know this, and i actually believe it deeply with my whole soul that you do not have to be “””good””” at art to create art and in fact it’s very human to create art and whether art is “””good””” or not is subjective anyway and i’m genuinely, and always have been, a huge fan of “””bad””” art because so much “””bad””” art is sooo good. and i feel this way about like all mediums. catch me consuming and appreciating all kinds of art all over the place. but, sorry gonna overshare for a sec, i’ve got an eensy bit of a personality disorder that makes me an eensy bit insecure and filled with an almost unshakable sense of shame and humiliation. well, it’s my fucking life goal to break free from that shame. and thank god, the older i’m getting the stronger my sense of self and self worth are becoming. and finally, i’m allowing myself to explore drawing again, which i used to do and enjoy for hours upon hours every day of my childhood. drawing was my main form of escape and artist expression aside from writing. i create all different types of art but drawing used to feel like mine. it came so natural to me i never thought twice about it. i let a small comment that someone made get to me. and i am determined to concur this. i was 16 at the time, or maybe had just turned 17. when i stopped drawing. and i’m 27 now and it feels soo freeing to let myself draw and not be “great” at it.

since i was about 20 i’ve been trying to get myself back into drawing, dipping my toes in drawing just one little thing every couple years. i felt so stressed because i had a lot of artist’s acquaintances. i grew up in a pretty artsy town in northern california. and i remember when i started trying to draw again, i felt so frustrated that my peers had never stopped drawing, they continued to practice and got better. whereas i stopped and got worse. and i compared myself and felt so angry. i felt like i would be just as skilled as them had i never given it up! and it made it so hard for me to start back up again. my drawing abilities had regressed to the skill level i was at when i was in like 4th/5th grade. i wasn’t even at the level that i was when i had stopped drawing at age 16/17. and it took me a long time to get over the fact that i’m going to have to practice a whole lot more to get back to the place i left off.

this year i decided i don’t care anymore. i keep a sketchbook in my bed under the pillow on the side i don’t sleep on. pencils and markers within reach. and i’ve been allowing myself to draw whatever, whenever i feel like it. silly art, vent art. sometimes i want to draw but all i can do is write on the page and that’s alright too. i’ve spent the last 10 years mostly just writing and painting abstract to express myself, so that’s just what flows easier sometimes. but i’ve been creating. drawing stuff. the other day i thought to myself “i havent really drawn a picture of spongebob since i was a kid” so i took out my markers and i drew a really crude drawing of spongebob. and then i drew patrick and squidward and sandy and a jellyfish. and it did look like a kid drew it lol. and it was so fun to make. A couple months ago i took out a crayon and drew along with Steve on some episodes on Blue’s Clue’s like i used to do when i was 5. Steve actually taught me how to draw a lot of basic stuff. and that felt so nice to imitate what he draws on screen and get my hands comfortable creating shapes intentionally again.

the other day i drew a whole bunch of pictures of Stitches and some of them turned out looking real freaky and i actually was pretty happy with the end result, having a bunch of blobby drawings of my favorite animal crossing villager all on one page lol.

i feel so inspired by the animal crossing art i see online it makes me excited to get to draw more. sometimes i don’t have a ton of creative energy to draw a big elaborate drawing like i used to when i was a teen but i’m gonna baby-steps my way up to drawing more and more elaborate and interesting animal crossing artwork. not even to share with others people or anything, although i might someday. but just for me. for the love of my favorite game and for the love of drawing

#long post #personal #my favorite art is the stuff that doesn’t even look like animal crossing at first glance #that’s what i feel most inspired by

[purplesurveys]

1547

What weird food combinations do you enjoy? It’s not weird in my culture but I might get stares for it somewhere else – instant noodles and bread. We usually eat the combination either as a sandwich, or just separately where you take a bite of the bread after a forkful of the noodles.

Where do you get your news? It’s largely online now. Sometimes I’ll catch a glimpse of the news on TV, but that’s only whenever my family and I sit down for dinner.

What social stigma does society need to get over? Within my own society/culture at least, abortion and pre-marital sex.  What is the best/worst prank that you've played on someone? Just easy ones like hiding someone’s phone. I’m not a big prankster.

What was the last photo you took? A ‘depression fort’ is what I wanna call it haha, that I made yesterday. I’m feeling unwell this weekend so a significant chunk of yesterday was spent covered in a huge blanket and watching hours of Run BTS on end. Does BTS even know how many lives they’ve saved from a single web series? I really hope they do.

What are you currently worried about? Just...the week ahead. Heavy workload as always and I technically should be working on them this weekend to save myself the backlog but my god have I been nonstop for the last few days. I’m thinking of giving myself just these two days so I can have some semblance of work-life balance, lol.

Do you think aliens exist? Sure do. Have you seen that recent photo of how big this universe is?

What mythical creature do you wish actually existed? I don’t care for those.

What are you interested in that most people aren't? Taking these surveys, probably. < Haha this is good. The royal family, too. I know most people tune into them and know who they are, but I doubt many others have read up on them and their history at least as much as I have. It’s a weird little interest that always sends me into conflict about my feelings about them, lol.

What's the most ridiculous thing you have bought? It was this stupid soap bar that was pink and had “Gay Bar” carved on it. It was meant to be a silly novelty gift for my ex way way back but for some reason I never got to hand it over, so it stayed with me for years. It was stupidly, stupidly expensive and I still don’t know what was running through my head when I decided to buy it and thought it would make a funny gift lol. 

What sounds hit you with major nostalgia every time you hear them? 1 Thing by Amerie. And any hit from the 2000s to early 2010s, really.

If given the oppurtunity to open a museum, what kind would you create? It’d be an art gallery and I’d love to curate works created by Armys because there are loads of talented fans out there. I don’t plan on making the exhibits BTS-themed since I feel that would get boring so fast, but it’ll be a collection of works from local artists who just so happen to be fellow fans. 

When was the last time you immediately regretted what you said? I’m not sure, actually. It’s been a while since I just blurted something out without thinking haha, I tend to be more cautious these days.

What's the silliest thing you've seen someone get upset about? My mom turns into a complete Karen every time we drive into a village we don’t have a car sticker (i.e. proof of home ownership) to and is asked to turn in an ID, and it drives me nuts. I tell her every time that “this has literally ALWAYS been the rule” – and it really has been, you’ve always needed to surrender a fucking ID until the pandemic – but why it makes her go off the rails I’ll never understand. I feel the worst about the fact that she takes it out on the security guards who are just following the rules. What was the best thing that happened to you today? It’s the weekend.

Do you consider yourself a good cook? Nah.

What's the dumbest thing someone has argued with you about? I had an aunt who once couldn’t stop harassing me about the fact that she thinks my favorite singers/groups lipsync. She’s the type of person who believes she’s right 100% of the time and will always shove her truth down your throat to satisfy herself, so I remember being super annoyed at that useless conversation. And I was like 13 at the time, so I didn’t and still don’t understand why she wanted to push my buttons that day.

What did you google last? Sogalbisal.

What fashion trend makes you cringe or laugh everytime you see it? When designer brands make distressed versions of normal clothes. Like ripped jeans, ripped t-shirts are fine, they’re whatever – by distressed versions I mean like making versions of clothes that look like they’ve been worn a thousand times and dragged through grass and mud. There was one that went viral not too long ago, I just can’t for the life of me remember the brand name right now.

What's your favorite holiday movie? Love Actually is a Christmas tradition for me and my cousins.

How ambitious are you? I have a good amount of it in me, which I feel shoud be necessary especially now that I’m still in my early (soon mid) 20s...I feel like my job is currently imprisoning me quite a bit, but I also know that as soon as I figure out the timing and get the hell out of it my ~ambition is gonna go balls to the wall crazy hahaha.

What topic could you spend forever talking about? Childhood memories. 

Which way should toilet paper hang, over or under? Over.

What word is a lot of fun to say? Schtick.

If you didn't have to sleep, what would you do with the extra time? Binge-watch a buuuuuuuunch of stuff.

Are you usually early or late? I used to be passionately early all the time for everything. That changed after the pandemic I think, because now I’m usually anywhere between 5-30 minutes late to stuff.

What do you wish you knew more about? Anything to do with art and creating things, really. Painting, shading, using Photoshop, editing videos...it’s a pity because my imagination has the tendency to go wild and I always can’t bring those visions to life.

What is the most annoying question you've been asked? When I’m planning to be in a relationship and/or have kids. I always just tell those people “we’ll see” because it’s much safer and family-friendly than “I don’t date anymore because a past relationship nearly killed me.”

How different was your life 1 year ago? I still liked my job and went into every day enjoying my workload with my teammates, but other than that not much has changed. I’m still happy (at least in all other aspects of my life that’s not work) and I’m still obsessed with BTS lol; I’m just burned out now and can’t say I ever got close to my associate.

What quirks do you have? I always get called out for not liking fruits.

What movie title best describes your life? Maybe Into the Wild, just because I’m thrust to new different experiences everyday and my life is generally fast-paced. What was the last lie you told? My dad asked how I was doing, to which I replied I’m doing great. The only other option was break down in tears and I wasn’t doing that, hahaha.

What type of music do you listen to? To say my music catalog is overwhelmingly K-pop is an understatement. Sometimes I’ll go back to my roots and listen to punk rock, synth pop, folk, indie, etc...but it doesn’t take long before I go back to K-pop.

Are you a good listener? Sure.

What is your favorite milkshake flavor? Cookies and cream or anything that incorporates my favorite chocolate snacks like Maltesers or Kit-Kat.

Do you think you're brave? Not entirely. There are things I’m brave about and some things that I’m not.

What are you most grateful for in your life? My friends have done a spectacular job helping me keep sane and avoid another panic attack/nervous breakdown, which I haven’t had in years.

What is a relationship deal breaker for you? My last relationship made me realize I’m way too forgiving because I had always let go of stuff that should’ve been dealbreakers. But now that I know better, gaslighting would be a big ol’ red flag.

What are some things that give you complete peace of mind? Anything that is not work, honestly. My bar for peace and happiness has been set too low at this point LOL that anything I do or go to or experience that isn’t remotely related to my job already helps me tons.

Would you like to explore another planet? I mean yeah but only if I magically got to be part of like a NASA project or something. I wouldn’t want to hop on something that is entirely for commercial purposes. Who was your favorite cartoon character as a child? Spongebob.

What would you do if you were the president of your own country? Give the Marcoses hell.

[zamateeshares]

The Photo Album.

I’ve been obsessed with taking pictures since I was 4. For real.

There’s lots of work out there expressing the need for photography in the words of talented artists within that field. They’re supported with award winning shots. There are YouTube interviews or Ted Talks about it. I haven’t read many of those, but the consensus has been the need to show life. Specifically, life in motion. There are economical reasons too. People will pay you big money to get some good snaps on their wedding day. There’s plenty of reasons why someone would pick up photography. None of the available reasons felt close enough to mine when people asked me, “Why do you like photography?”. No one is willing to believe that I just like pictures. They’re missing out on a lot of backstory and emotional context that I’ve never had the energy to share. Here I am now, sharing too much.

For as long as I can remember, my family has had a collection of photographs that visualise our timeline. There was the wedding album - the only evidence that my parents had a life before us. Anything that happened during their weddings is immortalised in that album. My mother’s peachy reception dress, my father’s sharp fade, the midnight black Gusheshe that escorted them to the venue, and my father’s face as he struggled to lift my mother in his arms. I know about everything that happened at those ceremonies from listening to my mother explain a picture in detail. Who was there, where the absent ones are, why that child is standing ahead of them at the church.

This principle applies to our lives too. The album where I - baby Zamatshezi - made my first appearance follows me well into my toddler years. A random visitor in our home with the opportunity to glance through our albums can watch me grow up right before their eyes, all because my parents made sure they never missed a moment. As a child, I never thought about it too deeply. I was conceited and enjoyed the documentation. Those were the golden times. With adolescence, came self-image issues. I was berated with body shaming from adults trying to tell me my eleven year old body was unhealthy and unappealing. Not in hidden messages, nor passive comments, just direct critiques to a child’s face. I’ve spoken about the impact those early years had on me and how they influence my perception issues to this day. If I speak again, I will scream. What I hardly speak of, is how this destroyed my love for pictures. I’d moved from being a child that rushed to be in front of a lens, to feeling disgusted at every picture I was in. Being thirteen is all about doing silly things with your friends and documenting all that foolishness. I spent thirteen trying to erase any physical or digital image that my body existed in primary school. Sometimes I forget how I looked in grade 5 and I can’t reach for a picture and jog my memory because of this decision I made when I still hated myself. My personal disdain didn’t stop me from loving photography. It merely pushed me behind the camera.

My father bought me a small Canon when I was in grade 6. He had given me something that enriched my world more than he knew. I documented everything I could. There was a time where I made a horror movie with a few friends using nothing but the school grounds, a creepy basement in my best friend’s house, and the scary atmosphere of the trees on your way to school. It was five minutes long and horrible. A24 reject. However, my home class teacher found it genius. Well, genius at our level. I get it now. At the bright age of twelve, we’d found a way to create a cinematic sample of our imagination. Inspirational stuff like that. That has formed the basis of my style of photography: life in motion pictures.

My favourite pictures are the ones where people didn’t see me or, for a short frame, they stop trying too hard to look posed. Those semi candid, natural snaps. I like those the most. This idea that in a snap image, you’re captured in a specific moment just being yourself and it always looks beautiful. It becomes a still frame in a cinematic sense. People do not understand how beautiful they look when they’re unaware. Awareness shows in pictures - I love working with people that come with angles and looks and are generous subjects. There’s simply a nostalgic element to those candids. Something that reminds me of those thick photo albums back home stacked with random, candid photographs. My parents weren’t positioning my toddler siblings and I into place to look picture ready. We were just being.

More than anything, I wanted to create my own collection that would one day be in my own photo album. Again, I documented as much as I could. Every picture I’ve taken since 2015 exists in living colour on my first laptop. My enthusiasm and skills were translated into a passion. I was quickly appointed the family photographer. A role that allowed me to do two things: control the shots that we got and avoid being a part of any. I was still hiding from the lens. In those years, I grew to be quite skilled. My eldest brother - who became my next greatest patron and supporter - brought me into the world of photography as an art form. A visual storytelling style that I had believed I was too amateur for. I hadn’t thought about making another film since that grade 6 production. At the time, my brother encouraged my efforts and assured me that I possessed all the skills of someone that could be great. I needed practice, patience, and a proper camera. Fast forward to my twenty-second birthday, I was gifted Artemis (a Canon 2000D; I like to name my possessions) from my brother and father.

Artemis has expanded upon my skills in more ways than I can count. Working with people I know, working with strangers, working with babies that cannot hear you - everything I’ve done with her so far has made me so much better than when I started. There are lows in our journey. For one, I have creative lulls where nothing feels quite good enough for me. I am my toughest critic; it’s really difficult to get my own seal of approval on things that I’m working on. I need a council to make a decision and that creative process often drains me. However, the days aren’t dark forever. Soon I snap out of it and I’m faced with my second problem. I’m running out of storage quickly. Like I said, the photo museum of my life between now and 2015 currently exists on my laptop. That, plus various digital junk that I’ve hoarded over the years. Recently, I had to spring clean my space and rid myself of the useless junk, but in the process I risked losing all these wonderful pictures I’ve been saving. Then it became a toss up, what was more valuable to me: the pictures or the memories? It was a tough choice because I feared the same thing would happen. I feared the absence of that physical proof would take away how I remembered it happening. It took me a while to think about. Then I realised the memories wouldn’t fade with the pictures. Nothing digital ever truly feels lost in our new tech fueled world. Instagram has watched me for over two years and those stories are a click away (still hate Instagram). I’m also relaxing more because living within the moment feels more important than capturing it. I can have an undocumented good time and it stay with me simply because it made me happy. I’m making peace with that fear while also dipping back into documenting myself on every available platform.

I’m in front of the camera, behind the camera, on the mic, on tape talking to people. I’ve really cemented my online visibility, but now without all the animosity about perception. I am allowing myself to be myself on the internet and in the open. The beauty and majesty that I see in the subjects of my photography is how I should see myself. I am life in motion picture. I need to remember the photos, but more importantly, I want to remember myself and where I was at in the photos. In short, that is my answer to the question. I like photography because we are beautiful people living in motion pictures and I want to remember that when I reach for a photo album sitting on my coffee table.

RIP Makazi Unathi, one of my favourite models. I'll always keep you in my heart and my photo album.

#photography #random attempts of writing #writers #south africa #south african #canon200d

[somethinginthethunder]

is it alright if I request Isa x a very masc looking fem!reader? thank you in advance <3

``isa x masc fem!reader``

notes: :D

warnings: not gn!reader!!

—

-you had not very traditionally feminine features as a woman, and were aware of this on the daily.

-did this bother you? no. not really. instead, you embraced it! if it was something you couldn't control then why even get bothered that you weren't like a lot of the other women?

-this is what attracted isa to you

-not the fact that you were a masc woman, but that you didn't feel the need to change yourself.

-she marveled at how you were so happy just being yourself, something that she wasn't even allowed to be at her own home

-before the breaking of casita she only admired you from afar, painfully watching as you went around your day-to-day life as if it were the easiest thing in the world

-any time you'd talk to her about something she'd freeze up on the inside, doing her best to remain calm on the outside

-sometimes her perfect persona would melt away just a little bit, leaving her room to make a dorky joke or give a genuine laugh

-and you loved it. any time you'd hear it you'd remember how it sounded for at least the next three weeks.

-the more you both talked the more she wanted to talk to you.

-she wanted to ask you, 'how did you do it? how did you gain the confidence to be completely and utterly your entire self?'

-and eventually she realized that, oh crap, maybe she was in love with you?

-her admiring glances would become lovestruck stares, taking in the way you smiled, danced, and laughed.

-you were amazingly beautiful. how could she not fall in love?

-but of course, her prepared engagement to mariano and her sole job as a madrigal was getting in the way. she loved you for sure, but she deemed her duty to her family more important.

-even after casita was rebuilt and her family relationship had been healed, she was still a bit shy to take any more steps forward.

-even her sister, mirabel, would notice this, trying to nudge her in your general direction. it was starting to get painful, really, seeing how much time she spent just looking at you like a lost puppy

-you would even notice it as well, getting confused as she would seem to get a little more nervous talking to you, shying away from even your presence.

-the reason why she was slightly withdrawing was because, now that there was nothing to come between the two of you, there was no excuse for why she couldn't just ask you out on the spot

-well, besides her fear of rejection. what if, she ridiculously thought, you did not like her in that way? because of how she has become?

-remember when i said mirabel was trying to be a wing-man for her oldest sister? she had taken the liberty of even marching right to your house, telling you that isa had a massive crush on you but was too afraid to confess

-after a couple of minutes spent asking mirabel if she was being serious and not joking with her, you put down your things and went to go find the girl you had been in love with for just so long.

-you'd tease her a little bit, sitting next to her spot against a tree as she peacefully watched the town go by. you took in her appearance, the bold colorful streaks in her hair and the splotches of them on her dress to match.

-artistic. gorgeous. perfect, even.

-"so," you drawled. "a little family-saving miracle told me that you might be in love with someone like myself?" it was almost as if you were teasing her.

-this made her jump in surprise at the information given, whipping her head to actually get a good look at you. you couldn't tell if she was ignoring you and only looking at you because of what you said, or if it was because she genuinely did not notice you there.

-"y-you can just ignore her!" she insisted, panic rising on the inside.

-"why? is what she said not true?" you asked, secretly wishing that you hadn't asked that. maybe you didn't want an answer to it. or, maybe, you were afraid.

-"no!" she exclaims, placing a hand on her chest as if surprised of her volume. "i mean—if you don't like me back, that is?" the statement came out like a question. internally, isabela was already slapping her forehead at the mess of this conversation, and, horrifyingly, confession as well.

-you only smiled at her slight distress, humming to yourself for a second before confessing, "guess i won't be ignoring her, then."

-your answer would send a shock through her body. there was no way that you had a crush on her. right? right?!?!

-the shock left her so paralyzed that she had forgotten to respond to your confirmation of your love for her. you laughed under your breath as you looked at her surprised expression, continuing on, "hey, uh. speaking of being in love with each other and everything... would it be alright if i kissed you?"

-your question had taken her out of her trance, warmness filling her cheeks as she fully realized what you were asking her. maybe it was the adrenaline or finally being able to call you hers after so long, but her body decided to take the initiative and lean forward, swiftly pressing her lips against yours.

-to say you enjoyed it was an understatement, a smile gracing your lips as the two of you just help each other like that.

-isa would come to comprehend the spontaneousness of her actions, pulling back before saying hurriedly, "ah, lo siento! i should've said yes first or given you a warning or-"

-but you'd just simply shush her with a quick kiss, telling her, "as long as you are here, you will never need to explain yourself."

#isabela x reader #isabela madrigal x reader #encanto x reader #encanto