#I gotta get back into reading more stuff

[ovaryacted]

When you want to read dark content romance type of stories but you want a very specific and niche dynamic you can’t find anywhere so you just add it to your never ending WIP list to save it for the future like the rest of your ideas. Sigh.

I want to branch out but I’m so picky with fics I can’t even imagine how I’d do with darker stories but we will see. Murder thrillers sound so cool. I want stories where the reader is just fucking crazy, like please.

#ཐི♡ཋྀ nic’s nonsense #I gotta get back into reading more stuff #need inspiration

[fleouriarts]

feeling bad about my art lately. will probably not post for a while. but i wanted to at least dump some stuff here before i retreat into my hidey hole

#hivemind tv #riley savage #graydon weaver #hmfcu #quadeca #jane remover #eden burke #my art #2023 #fanart #doodles #its like. augh. longtime fleouriarts followers are familiar with my eternal tango with posting art online #doing this since i was 11 has like rotted my brain and made me rely wayyyy too much on external validation to motivate myself #and every year or so it gets bad enough that i take a break. but the break usually only lasts a month before i miss the feeling #and come back and then the cycle repeats #its probably worse now bc this is a fandom where getting seen by the creators is not really that hard #so there have been times where im like 'well idk if i wanna draw this. but if i do maybe hivemind will rt it :-)' #NO!!! THATS NOT WHAT ART IS ABOUT!!!!! i cant keep letting myself get addicted to the numbers going up man i gotta get out of here #and i was reading a quad interview from around when idmthy got released. cus hes also brain poisoned like this. but he managed to get out #and now just kinda comes online to release music and then leave #i need to be like that. i need to take a break from art posting thats so long that i come back as a changed man odysseus style #idk. its been so long since i drew stuff that no one gets to see but me. all the art i keep to myself is just out of embarrassment #i need to relearn how to draw stuff just for the love of creation and not “maybe people online will like this one” #or “this new thing came out i need to prove my love of it by drawing it” #sometimes it leads to good art but more often than not it just makes me feel worse #whatever. if any of yall are in the hivemind jane or quadeca discord i MIGHT still post stuff there. but otherwise ill keep to myself and m #friends for a while i think #woooooo this is queued to post while im in orgo lab everyone wish me luck with my thin layer chromatography

[the-darklings]

Did you know you’re considered one of the top Sandman (specifically Morpheus) blogs?

I AM????

Honestly not really, no. Thank you though! It means a lot to me. As you’ve probably noticed, I kinda keep to myself and only really interact with the fandom via my inbox aka you guys. Some bad past experiences have kinda left me wary, so I guess you could say I prefer my little swamp and just get happy to see familiar names and icons crop up—that’s enough for me. There’s no real tea here, most of it was behind closed doors, but I try to never assume anything or think anything of myself other than a writer with a passion.

#don’t know if you were there anon but I literally got called arrogant just few weeks back on anon so gotta keep the wards up DJDJDJDJ #jokes aside i genuinely get startled by the fact people like my writing at all. like genuinely. #passion has always been the top reward for me personally. tumblr is too broke to base your talent on raw numbers. #and a bunch of people read your stuff and never interact #so basically to any writers out there struggling remember that: tumblr stats do not dictate or even indicate talent #chances are you’re very very good but certain things are simply more popular amongst readers #(like smut) #same for certain fandoms #so i never consider myself top anything or even know who else would be considered as such #oh wait no. THE top sandman blog is mr gaiman himself. sorted. 😌 #asks

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#man i was like y tf am i so tried i didnt do shit today but no i got like 5hrs sleep. walked to the store in thr 12F weather. carried back #all my groceries. walked to the police station to get keys to the autoclave. read 40 slides abt anime. started redoing a tutorial #and spent 45 min on the phone giving my intake info for a new therapist. everytime i give the spiel it gets more exhausting #it feels so dramatic like whatever ill b fine but no im seeking help for a reason bleh #but now im tired and worried abt the semester bc itll b a lot. many plates to juggle with a fragile mind #my old boss was like u have an ambitious plan for the semester and im like oh boy well see how this goes #hopefully itll b fine once i get in the groove. just go one step at a time #currently i just wanna redraw 4lways sunny screenshots but idk what ones to draw #but should sleep. i gotta write a long email tomorrow morning for a class intro bc look at me im a professional who def #does not have underlying emotional problems. ugh. idk if i described my mood stuff right to the lady on the phone but like i got diagnosed #as b1polar for a reason idk i just still feel like its fake. like ill look at the checklists and get mad when i get a positive result #which is weird bc its like. u went to 3 doctors and they said the same thing shut up. ugh whatever. i need to sleepy #unrelated

[helianskies]

ugly maths.

i hate maths, right. i don't usually like numbers, and if i do like numbers it's gotta be an 8 or a 48 and nothing else.

thing is, i've recently caught myself doing maths again. ugly maths. the kind of maths that, really, i've been trying to avoid as much as possible because, well, it's ugly!

you... wanna see?

okay, fine... but don't say i didn't warn you!

ugly, see? look at all those numbers! not a 48 in sight!

huh? what's that? you don't see what i'm on about? oh... oh! hang on, lemme just—

better? yes? no? no? okay, what if i—

mmh, yes. ugly numbers. see it now? can you see why they're ugly?

here, i can make it worse.

these numbers are ugly. the maths they make me do is ugly.

now i'll level with you: the worst ones by far are the yellow numbers. the maths they make me do it the ugliest.

why ugly?

because it makes me ugly.

those numbers turn me into not only a suddenly number-obsessed fool, but a fool who also cannot understand these numbers and what they mean and why i feel like they reflect on me and my ability.

87, 75.

the thoughts are as follows:

• the orange numbers are big, so why are you being ugly about the yellow ones? you should be happy with what you have. so many nice big numbers! not everyone receives that.

• is it that there are two different audiences for these two different fics? perhaps. they are quite different works, with different appeals, and different themes. maybe you are reading too much into it.

• why are you obsessing over numbers anyway? you don't like maths! you left maths behind when you were 16, put it down!

okay, okay, fine! i'll put the maths down. right here, in fact!:

that 87 was an 83 at the start of the year. the 6161 it is attached to was a 5453.

4, 708.

ugly maths.

the 75 is a nice number. in fact, compared to 87, it is beautiful, radiant, enchanting. at the start of the year, 75 was 48. wow. now that is one sexy number!

27.

mmmm.

6161, 1061.

5100.

87, 75.

12.

mmmm.

you know, my most favourite comment left recently on a fic of mine was 2 characters long: :(

it made me :)

well, actually, it made me >:) because it was left in response, presumably, to one of the key scenes in a new chapter which left the exact impression on someone that i hoped it would.

they must be the only one who reacted like that, though.

1.

have i mentioned that that 87 and 75 include author responses?

i won't try to do more maths, there. it might not end well for me. the maths is making me tired enough as it is, and i have an early start tomorrow.

oh! but, that being said, i have another set of ugly numbers to show you, so keep 87 and 75 in mind.

ready?

838, 245.

(want a hint? the green numbers!)

838, 87. 245, 75.

9.6, 3.3.

ugly maths. it's ugly again, see? i don't like it. i'm seeing numbers within numbers within numbers, and i can't seem to stop!

the numbers make me ask new questions:

• why is it not good enough?

• people seem to engage more with one fic over the other, so shouldn't you prioritise?

• is all this maths this really good for you?

no, it isn't.

i want to avoid ugly maths. ugly maths makes me want to tear my hair out. it makes me want to start from scratch. it makes me want to grab someone and scream. it makes me want to cry and press a button that has tempted me many times before when the numbers become too ugly to bear.

ugly maths turn me into an ugly person.

ugly maths make me obsessive, paranoid, anxious, regretful, vindictive, spiteful, alone.

i hate maths. i hate numbers, just like, it feels, the numbers hate me.

#helia rants #cw vent #i'm okay but i'm not #this has been playing on my mind over the last couple of weeks #it's aimed at the sky rather than anyone here #i know i'm not the best myself as commenting. i justify it to myself by affirming i don't read much. which i don't. #since the start of the year i have tried to comment on everything i have read #bearing in mind i may also dm someone rather than comment because i want to scream and ramble about their fic more personally #that being said. i know i'm not the only one who finds themselves doing ugly maths #and in turn starting to feel uglier too #i don't like looking at the numbers #i was doing well at the start of the year #but as i open my drafts and look to a new chapter and at the notes i wrote #i can't stop myself from opening the fic. from seeing where it's at. from seeing if it's changed. from checking my inbox to see if... #if only... #what it's meant is that i've come to a point where a fic i loved has become exactly that: a fic i loved. past tense #the other fic is still a fic i love. but i know deep down that that is tied to the numbers too #i hate that this is what i've become #because i have tiny fics. fics with 50 hits and maybe 1 comment. and i love them. i still love them #but when it comes to the big ones. the multi-chapters. the hefty fics. after a point all i see are numbers #and those numbers have come to determine both my happiness and fulfilment as a writer #and so i am ugly. i am sad. i am pathetic. #and i don't know how to stop. #helia's stuff #this was meant to save back into my drafts. i was editing tags. tumblr decided it should post. so... so be it. #also this is not an attention thing if anyone dares go 'oh but you're a good writer uwu' i might do something we'll all regret #this is also not a 'ffs comment on my fics will you 😒' hell no #it's just about me. and my issue. and my unhealthy relationship with these fucking numbers. #gotta get this shit out of my head somehow :)

[toastsnaffler]

okay can we have a new rule that if you're my friend and know I struggle with rsd from adhd + you're planning on hanging out with mutual friends but specifically aren't inviting me for whatever reason. Maybe Don't Tell Me About It

#id just rather not know man. even if I cant go or dont particularly want to im going to get stung by it and it rly sucks #its a TON of extra effort i have to put in to emotionally navigate that information without overreacting and making it an issue #wait actually maybe i do need to sit down with her and explain this more explicitly. bc she probably doesnt rly know abt it #even tho ive mentioned it shes rly terrible at reading ppl and i probably dont let on much abt it anyway bc im used to dealing w it #ugh. but also its rly embarrassing to talk abt and ill have to tread so carefully to make sure it doesnt get misinterpreted. hmm #but itd be worth it if she stopped so. ill give it some thought #it makes me feel so unreal sometimes bc i cant always tell if im justifiably upset or if im 'just overreacting' so i assume the latter- #most of the time to give myself space to work thru the emotion and minimise the damage i might cause if i AM just overreacting #but then sometimes later on i realise that it was justified but its too late to bring it back up and anyway ive worked through it #and idk. theres smth self disrespectful abt it all im tired of making space all the time and never taking any up myself #im not THAT upset rn like this is a v minor thing but still. might be time to start nipping this stuff in the bud #aaanyway #im procrastinating eating bc i cooked a nice meal but now im not in the mood to eat it 😭😭 but i gotta fuel up..... #ill find smth to watch hopefully thatll do the trick #yawns so loud bye for now #.diaries

[absensia-archived]

CHARLOTTE + FRUIT 🍓

charlotte loves to eat fruit. her all - time favourite are strawberries, but she also loves oranges, mandarins, grapefruits, cantaloupe, honey dew, kiwis, peaches, and nectarines. charlotte will often buy fruits whenever she has the opportunity to do so. if she doesn't have any place to store the fruit or a chance to get the fruits home and into a refrigerator, she will simply eat them immediately. it is not uncommon to see charlotte cradling a basket of strawberries or blueberries in her arms, or with a fruit in her hand. like with all her foods, charlotte enjoys sharing whatever fruit she’s recently purchased. more than anything else, charlotte will often buy people fruit as a small gift.

for charlotte, FRUIT IS A LUXURY. fruit wasn’t always something she could afford. it was often something she would steal just to have as something to eat. more than that, buying fruit likely means having somewhere to store it so that it will not go bad quickly and be wasted. this was also not always the case of charlotte. therefore, fruit became something of a special treat in charlotte’s mind: something she enjoyed immensely for their freshness and tastes, but could only have when she had enough money not to spent on something more substantial or resistant to spoiling. even though she can usually readily afford to buy fresh and good quality fruits now, she holds onto this mindset of it being something of a luxury. to her, fruit is precious.

charlotte is not picky about the places she buys fruit from — if it looks good and the price is reasonable, she’s alright with it. she’ll buy from grocery stores, both small and large, from stall vendors, at farmer market’s, etc.

lastly, here are some connections between charlotte and fruit on a narrative level:

fruit are perishable, easily bruised, and, in some cases, quick to spoil. SO IS CHARLOTTE.

fruit can be deceiving in their appearance. how many times have you bought fruit thinking it looked good only to cut it open or bite into it to find it is sour, rotten, or not at all sweet? on the flip side: how often have you avoided buying the poor looking fruits only to learn later that the fruits may look bad, but are actually very sweet? charlotte doesn't always look the way she actually is.

some people insist on the idea that many fruits appear naturally made for sharing. think of mandarins, which divide neatly into pieces, or watermelons, which could feed a family like a meal. even fruits which are smaller, like grapes and strawberries, often come in large batches so that they may be enjoyed by one person for a long time or by multiple people for a short time. this idea of sharing goes hand - in - hand with charlotte’s predilection for making connections.

as a final thought, there is a more morbid connection between charlotte, her origins, and the manner in which, as a vessel, she is often consumed in her own chaos. fruits are meant to be bitten into, split open, and cut apart to be enjoyed. charlotte's form and flesh, like fruit and both at the time of assembly and during her existence here, is often pressed and prodded to check for quality, split open, cut apart into fragments but not to kill her - rather, to make her easier to consume. . . that is, easier to slip into the minds and imagination. something sweet, something a little bitter, something to stay.

#sunlight is dead light. #if char hasn't brought you strawberries at least once... then smth must be very wrong between the two of u #that's all i'm saying #because it's not like the “char brings u strawberries” level is some ultra super secret level to unlock #as long as she doesn't /despise/ you? ur gonna get some strawberries or whatever is in season #of course if she offers u strawberries and you refuse them.... char vc OFFENCE TAKEN what d u mean ur allergic that's not a real thing #anyways i know i'm missing tons of points but i've got to get back to other things so! i shall leave this here for now <3 #missing stuff on the narrative level obviously... lots more themes to play with there.... but i gotta trust it'll come thru in the writing #oh last thing: char? citrus is one of the more prominent notes in her natural scent <3 as always thank u for taking the time to read this!

[new-haven-psych-ward]

Kamen Rider Geats episode 42 poorly summarized via memes with as little context as possible:

#kamen rider geats #kamen rider geats poorly summarized #kamen rider geats ep 42 #we got weird cults baybees #cross that one of your bingo cards! #imma be real these episodes are getting more and more chaotic and so are my recaps #also gotta love when the costume department pulls out the terrible wigs #no hate towards em but white wigs have never looked good #inevitably i will see the actor's hair peeking through #save me mr obama post is for daichi and kekera #honestly man what were you expecting #literally no one on team jyamato had your back and you were expecting the dude you've talked to maybe twice to help you #all that knowledge and he still can't read the writing on the walls smh #also buffa catching the sword was impressive #figured we'd do the zombie regen thing but im not complaining #neon i am so sorry honey that the plot won't let you be helpful #maybe you get to get your powers back soon and talk keiwa down with the power of friendship #the xbox bit is about our fav tanuki and how he's treating this world rewriting stuff #anyway see you suckers next week

[worldsquietestjojosfan]

there are 2 roommates

"is that incest? yuck. well actually theyre only half brothers so its less yuck and more hot. btw did you watch that dog-fucking anime? its so weird who let this exist. i watched the entire thing. its not bad if you ignore the dog. you should watch it"

"you watch anime too? beware of pixiv. i heard theres anime csem on it. "

#and then theres me who is the third roommate #im not allowed to judge anything ive seen everything #the three of us are in like 3 different stages of otaku #im at the top. seen it all and im not even gonna pretend to be disgusted. yeah its there. yeah im a freak. chilling #then is roommate 1. she reads the same stuff in danmei but pretends to find it weird in anime #and then is roommate 2. shes not even talking about l*lis. shes straight up misidentifying all anime women #im definitely more vanilla that roommate 1. shes still in her denial phase tho #speaking of l*lis have you ever seen twitter people get into fights about what is a l*li? its really funny. i mean the l*licons #actually wait im also confused. is l*li a relative aesthetic or a concrete aesthetic? #like if i draw in a more cute style and i draw one girl even cuter are they all l*lis or is only that one a l*li? #wait. i shouldnt make fun of that discourse. im also ??????????? #every time i try to judge i always get put back in my place #thats how i gained 90% of my interests so just gotta stop so i can stop taking Ls #“who would ever be into this kink” me. me 2 days after saying that. SHUT UP. STOP SAYING THINGS #some words #i only censored l*li because last time i remember it was a banned tag here? #i forgor #i dont live here

[dandyshucks]

i need to . um. read the pkm manga ...

#can i confess smth. I've never watched or read or played any of guz's source material SBDHDHDJDKL #i read several wiki pages and websites and walk-throughs and watched videos of stuff to do w him #but i havent actually... played sun/moon or read the manga w him or watched the season he's in DHJDKDL #i gotta do that at some point ... #i did watch some of the al/ola season but he comes in at ep 115 or smth so. idk if i wanna watch all that LOL #im trying to watch thru doc/tor who rn !!! theres so much to watch man 😭😭 #i gotta get back on my crochet so i can watch more stuff while I work on other things fhfjdl #dandy.cmd

[regular-lord-reckoner]

been having a bit of a hard time lately and the hits just keep coming because today our family friend that's staying with us, his wife got into a car accident

she's okay, thank god and so were the other people but they had to tow her car and she was really shaken up understandably

everyone's okay now but just...jesus christ, dude

also, i know i've been absent on here lately but i'm still around, just going through it. eventually i'm gonna get an actual break and will return in full but for now i'm just going to cross my fingers the rest of this year can be a little more gentle

#tomorrow we're going to go meet my niece and her kids so we can give them their presents and stuff #please no more accidents #or bad shit #i just need one day something doesn't go wrong or i don't get overstimulated or just...whatever else #i'm doing everything i can on my part to take care of myself but it's still just...a lot #this is my first christmas without my dad and i'm just...sad #really sad #but it is what it is i guess #life just sucks sometimes #or a lot of the time #but either way #just gotta keep going no matter what!! #i was also keeping tabs of all the stuff i've missed on here that i wanted to catch up on but ending up deleting the tabs by accident #so if when i do return i'm crawling through everyone's blogs months back don't mind me #hope if you're reading this you're doing as well as you can be #see you...sometime #maybe later today #maybe a month from now who knows

[mattodore]

time to finish reading theo’s questionnaire

#river dipping #questionnaire lb #literally had to take a break from it yesterday because it broke my brain a little bit . like i was Unwell all day bc of him #like that last moodboard post i shared before Logging Out did a number on my head too and then everything reminded me of him all day lmao #i also deleted like a hundred old pins from his board so now his pinterest board is back down in the 400s from where it crept into the 500s #his board is so text heavy it's not very aesthetically pleasing... like in comparison to matthias's board which is just...... chef's kiss #but i cannotttttt get myself to whittle his board down any more than i already did. like........... WHY should i try to make his board #pretty anyway? like this is theo we're talking abt. his thoughts overwhelm him his surroundings are cluttered there's holes everywhere #in his brain and he's lost all his softness so like ACTUALLY ! his board being messy is uhhhhhh #a character choice i've just decided 😁 #...no but it does actually annoy me that matthias's board is so much more cohesive 😒 should i kill him for this . . . #.............OC brain rot aside ! #when i'm done reading i'm going to finish making this pose i started last night based on this gifset i saw #and then i'm gonna actually !!!! open !!! the sims !!! to test poses out and take these shots for that tag game kay sent my way 😋 #i've gotta see what clutter cc i already have first tho... i have 50gb of build cc there's gotta be some stuff i can use for theo #matthias is easy. he literally just carries his phone and his card like that's it... #...also sorry i'm being so bad at replying/looking at my activity i'm just an avoidant personality disorder haver . you understand

[orcelito]

Love and peace on planet earth I deleted my post bitching about more fanon things. Love and peace on planet earth.

#speculation nation #by deleted i mean i was typing it out and then discarded it #maybe much of fanon is not my jazz but that just means i gotta make stuff that i enjoy #really i need to not read more fic. i need to read My fic. #gotta get back into it. gotta bring to the world the vash that i love. i have this ability. i will do it.

[fceriestcrdst]

my autistic ass avoided watching the x-files because i knew it would consume me....

& now here i am fully consumed even though I've only watched the first few handful of episodes of s1 (i'm regaining spoons needed for media consumption), but let me tell you w h a t!!!!!!!!!!!!! i was so excited i started crying because it combines unbridled pining, a skeptic & her believer husband partner, true crime, weird mythology, aliens (which i already knew abt obvi), unlikely besties who are prepared to square up at all times (re; scully being cold towards the agents mocking mulder & mulder being ready to fight g o d whenever anything happens to scully).

i just love the show a lot & i expected this but goddamn!!!!!! it's wormed into my spin category & now my alien spin is returning along with my 'unexplained happenings spin!!!!! i'm being consumed i tell you!!!!

#i'm excited to watch the movies as well!!! #i'm a little nervous for s10 & s11 due to the time jump etc etc #so i may not watch those--but i intend on watching 1-9 & the films #tho i'll probably watch s1 - 5 & the watch the first movie. watch s6-9 & watch the last movie #i knew i would be consumed by the autistic coded FBI agents & their ufo sightings but DAMN YALL-----i started going bonkers #on dya fuckin' one & now they're all i can think about #maybe this is to fix the void i have due to w*tcher being a mess (I'm season 3 is good--i ma just petrified dfghkjldfh) #if this end sup in tags no it doesn't <3 but also if it does---don't follow me due to this post #i post a mishmash of stuff! #kylo rambles #kylo's audhd/disability posting #<- putting this there bc it just feels right to do so <3 #the reminders im getting of like--the fucked up alien shit i know & ALSO 2 OF MY FAVORITE ALIEN CENTRIC MOVIES- #(those being close encounters of the third kind & starman) #i've gotta rewatch those now & c r y because those movies remind me of watching them in my grandmother's livingroom while my mom played- #-games on her pc. they also remind me of the summer nights i'd watch them back to back for days on end #god--for a 25 year old i talk like someone who gre wup in the 80s when i--alas did not---i grew up in the 200s but my parents #showed me a lot of 80s & 90s media so i feel more at home with those films & early 2000s films then i do most things from the 2010s #i'm talking a lot in tags--if you read all this--i'm so sorry. i don't know the art of shutting the fuck up #anyways; once again--if i end up in tags no i don't & don't follow me solely due to this post because i post a lot of stuff that's unrelate #to this (also please be above 18 if you're gonna follow me <3)

[gas-stxtion]

//sorry i haven't been working on replies lately! you see, it's because [mid-sentence i slowly lie down on the floor and start crying really hard. i do not finish my explanation]

#you know this whole thing is one big experiment‚ right? and you're the little mouse? {ooc} #//feel free not to read the tags b/c i'm gonna scream a bit #//moved in last week and already we may end up with two more people in this apartment #//bc two of my roommate's partners both need a place to stay #//and like with the one we've had some time to talk and prepare #//but with the other it's like oh ok she's moving in this weekend. non-negotiable huh. ok #//i want to scream cry and throw up lmao i am not emotionally prepared for there to be four people here #//especially b/c i don't know either of them suuuuper well just yet #//and rn i'm doing the bulk of the cleaning in the apartment which i don't mind! because i'm happy to help! #//roommate has a lot of other stuff she's worrying about and i understand and want to take the load off #//but i think if i see one more dirty pot i might start crying #//which as we all know is a normal reaction #//(that's sarcasm if that's not clear) #//i know i need to say something and insist on better communication #//because this is not malicious on my roommate's part. i know that. it's just a miscommunication #//anyway yeah i keep mentally coming back to the fact that my room isn't even fully unpacked yet lmao #//bc now we gotta get shit together to make sure everyone has somewhere to sleep n such #//and yes it's bc i haven't asked for help. i am aware. that's on me #//but damn. #//ok this got long jesus- #//if you read this i am giving you a high five but if not i understand lmfao #vent cw #negative cw

[cowardlychimera]

random chimera fact: I have a terezi pyrope shirt. no I have no idea where it is currently </3

#yes I know homestuck stuff.. I read it super fast when I was younger <3 I have no good excuse #still remember a lot of stuff and still kinda into it but I don't really interact with the fandom anymoree #..but me and a friend did decide on classpects for faraway gang even though we still don't fully understand classpect stuff :3c #I might be able to share em if anyone's actually interested even though they might not be very accurate... #okay no more rambling in tags I gotta get back to my drawing #chimera babbles