#I follow a few of the same people I follow here on Cohost! They just stopped posting anything there after a day or two ajsdgajksd | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

wasongo · 10 months

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I think I got a lot of new followers recently because twitter keeps going to shit. However, as you probably know I can't and don't post nsfw art here.

You can find my NSFW socials on my pinned post. I think a lot of people are hesitant to join platforms which aren't fully available to the public yet but if you'd like to keep up with my nsfw art I'd like to:

Urge you to visit my website and subscribe to my RSS feed for gallery updates!

Suggest you follow me on either Pillowfort or Cohost (18+).

In the last year I have started using PF and Cohost more than Mastodon, as they've implemented new features and their posting system is more in line with what I enjoy: robust tagging and filtering, ability to post MANY images, and readmores for long posts.

If you've been hesitant to join either of those platforms since you don't know what to expect here's a small-ish review of both purely from my experience as someone who: a) enjoys profile customization b) likes to have an organized art gallery that is filterable by tags.

This review is aimed at artists looking for NSFW spaces to post! UI screenshots might have suggestive terms and images. Proceed with caution.

Edit: Good grief tunglr, if you open this on the web dash the images aren't shown in the neat galleries I put them in to make the post shorter. Head on over to the permalink if you'd like a better looking post!

Let me just say that if you're looking for a review on more technical aspects of these platforms, like security and moderation policies. I'm not your guy. You'll have to look elsewhere for that. I'm focusing on QoL UI and community aspects.

Though both these platforms allow nsfw, please make sure to read their ToS/Community Guidelines for rules on what is and isn't allowed. Though as far as I'm aware they have pretty similar rules.

Pillowfort

Overview::

Pillowfort has more years under its belt being available to users than Cohost does, as such I THINK the artist/fandom userbase atm is larger, which means you might see more activity there. UI as of right now is very comfortable and the site runs pretty smoothly. Loading times are very decent. Posting is easy, though the image uploader is a little wonky (they are working on fixing this). You are able to create and manage communities based on interests or themes, which people can follow or join and all post in the same space. You can personalize your profile by adding images, links, and formatted text to your sidebar, as well as customize your own profile colors. Tag searches in my experience yield results of both art and aesthetic irl porn and gifs. If that's something you miss from ye olden tumblr days it might be worth a look.

Pros:

Posts have privacy options (everyone, logged in, followers, mutuals, only me)

Has a DM system

Posts have Commentable, Rebloggable, NSFW toggle

Can post MANY images on a single post

Readmore feature for long posts

Robust tagging system

Robust filtering system: hide or click-through warning (by installing Tassel userscript only)

Customizable profile colors, Light/Dark mode for whole website

Communities you can follow/join for shared interests

You can filter posts on profile by tag

You can filter posts on profile by "original poster" or "reblog"

Cons:

wonky image uploader, cannot upload multiple images at once

Cannot search for multiple tags at once

Search for terms with periods in them is currently broken (ex. "D.Gray-man" will not yield any search results)

Communities have few moderation features atm

Without Tassel installed the filtering system is pretty garbage atm (you can either show or hide nsfw or filtered tags completely, with no click-through warnings)

No multiple account/side blog feature yet

Some inline image formatting options are broken atm

Default endless scrolling

No progressive web app for mobile atm

For a more in depth explanation of PF's UI and features you can check out this official post.

Here are some images of the UI.

---

Cohost

Overview::

Cohost feels like it has a small artist/fandom userbase at the moment. However, to make up for that it has a pretty slick UI, it works great as a progressive web app on mobile, and it recently implemented an ASK system similar to tumblr's! Everything loads pretty quickly, and you can switch between your "latest posts" feed and your "bookmarked tags" feed. You can access your likes as a bookmark system, but as a whole "notes" and engagement numbers except for comments are not visible anywhere (this is wonderful for my personal mental health). It has a simple post editor and though the image uploader only allows 4 images that will load with lightbox, there's a workaround to upload MANY inline images if you want. The catch is you'll need to use a bit of markdown or html to do that. (more on that below) Though you can't personalize your profile colors, you can add personality to your page by making very cool pinned posts and adding images to your sidebar.

Pros:

Animated avatars! (listen i like having my animated komui icon)

You can make multiple "pages" (blogs) which function independently for comments/asks. switching between pages is effortless

Ask system, with anon toggle (you cannot reply privately atm tho)

2 Factor Authentication

Progressive web app for mobile works like a charm

You can preview your post before you post it

Posts have a NSFW toggle and you can save drafts

Can post MANY images in a single post (bit of a workaround as you'll need to upload your images to a draft first and then add them to a new post with some markdown or html code)

Readmore feature for long posts

Robust tagging AND filtering system (show, click-through, hide completely), plus CW system to give your posts additional click through warnings you deem necessary

You can do incredibly cool things with HTML and inline CSS on your posts

You can filter posts on profile by tag, and you can have pinned tags

Toggles for hiding reblogs, replies, and asks on profiles

Paginated browsing instead of endless scrolling (things load faster)

No engagement numbers visible ANYWHERE

Cons:

Image uploader does not let you upload multiple images at once. Limit to 4 images (can upload more as inline images with code)

Advanced post formatting (ex. bold, italics, bullet list, inline images etc.) has to be done through markdown or html + css which is not the friendliest for those who don't know any code (there's a button for a markdown cheatsheet when you post tho!)

No dark mode, or customizing profile colors atm (however there are workarounds to changing site colors with Stylus extension)

Cannot search for multiple tags at once

Cool things you can do with CSS on your posts might look very bad on mobile

Since you can do some crazy things with CSS on posts, you might come across eye straining visuals and movement on some posts. There are settings to tone this down, and people are pretty good about tagging things, so with some good filtering you should be able to avoid this however.

A little quieter on the artist/fandom front (but we can change that)

Here are some images of the UI.

If you made it to the end of this review thanks for giving it a look! If there's something vital you might want to know that I missed in regards to UI and posting features let me know and I will try to answer. But again, this is not a technical/security issues/bugs review so don't ask me about that.

Lastly, I've been seeing a handful of NSFW artists I follow on twitter hopping on bluesky. I REALLY suggest you do a little research on the owners and platform to see if you think joining is worthwhile, since I have a feeling many artists might not want their alternative to be a site owned by crypto advocates (and also a billionaire). Some basic research will get you there. Just take heed and use your best judgement. On that note Cohost is strictly against crypto (I'm guessing PF might be too but I don't have a link that I can point you to confirming this atm).

I believe community driven and supported platforms are the way to go. If you end up thinking either of these two places are worth your time, do consider getting your friends and favorite artists on board or supporting them! You'll get added perks on both platforms if you become a supporter. PF recently added the ability to have MULTIPLE AVATARS (PFPs I think they're called nowadays) which I think is super cool (i really miss that from LJ days).

Again, thanks for reading and I hope to see some of you there!

#pillowfort #cohost

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stopscammingartists · 2 months

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Uh, regarding Vogon "associating" with Eevee on Twitter, your screenshots are literally just her replying to his tweets. That doesn't mean he knows or is friends with her at all. It just means she follows his account. And regarding Eevee deadnaming Jolly....I'm going to be real Cohost probably closed the ticket because the reporters provided no proof that Joll was a deadname and Joll is just one letter off of Jolly. Banning someone because they use someone's deadname that's one letter off with no actual proof that it is a deadname or proof that the person being reported knew it was one would be jumping the gun and poor moderation. This is going to sound cruel, but even if Jolly themself and a friend vouched, it's Jolly vs Joll....surely you have to see how that looks. Proof would be...idk screenshots of messages dated before that talk about all of this.

Uh, regarding Vogon "associating" with Eevee on Twitter, your screenshots are literally just her replying to his tweets. That doesn't mean he knows or is friends with her at all.

Vogon privated his twitter, meaning any interactions on his part to her on that platform are no longer accessible, and likely not archived. In fact, a majority of the cohost devs have wiped their twitters.

Regardless, in the wayback machine, Vogon is shown to retweet Eevee in 2015, and in Eevee's discord server, she confirms that they were mutuals until 2022.

The mutual break could be for any reason, and shows they were amicable for at least a few years. This also shows that they generally run in the same social circles.

Banning someone because they use someone's deadname

The only one who mentioned banning Eevee for this is you. You understand there are other things cohost can respond with besides a ban, right?

Editing the post to no longer dead name Jolly, deleting the post, giving her a warning, for fucks sake I would have been satisfied if there were at least a reply that said "we will not act on this and here is why". But that's not what cohost did.

They didn't respond at all.

Despite different people, including the victim, making the report.

They're a moderation team. They're supposed to actually respond to tickets instead of ghosting them. That's their job that they are paid to do.

Regardless if they don’t deem the ticket's concern as one that's valid to act on, they're supposed to at least give a reason why. But they didn't. Why? To me, that says "because the reason we have to not act on this isn't actually reasonable."

with no actual proof that it is a deadname or proof that the person being reported knew it was one

The deadname was killed in 2020. Associates of Eevee have no issue not using Jolly's dead name, because Jolly had sent the community a letter that clarified that yes, they see that dead name as dead. There are people in the Floraverse discord server who even talked about it:

Eevee's post is in it of itself is in response to someone who pointed out her hypocrisy on what her community did to Jolly specifically when Eevee made a post about how it's 'never acceptable to tell anyone to kys' with Eevee's significant other saying this vile spew:

3 years of the name being dead, your significant other recognizing the dead name as a dead name, having a letter sent to your community that says "this is my deadname, don't use it" and the post in question being a response to a comment that mentioned Jolly specifically means Eevee has no reason, nor excuse to dead name Jolly.

I'm not even sure what way anyone could prove that it's a deadname if the victim going "she is talking about me and is using my deadname that she knows is dead" isn't considered proof.

This is going to sound cruel, but even if Jolly themself and a friend vouched, it's Jolly vs Joll

Jolly changed their name because of their suicide attempts. Surely you have to see how it looks to go 'Ah, tomayto, tomahto' over that you fucking cretin.

It's almost like no one has any idea why a person may kill off a name, and it's not their business to assume it's frivolous. It's no one's place nor right to go ":/ well....is it really a deadname?". If someone says their old name is a deadname, it's dead.

Any suggestion otherwise is just transphobic.

I also had no clue that deadnaming is acceptable if the names are "close enough" when you're making a post to justify your spouse's desire for the trans person in question to kill themselves! Wow! The more you know!!!!!

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kirnet · 2 months

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Will you have another site to follow you?

honestly... idk.

I have an art instagram that i remember to update maybe every two months. I really don't like using it, but I'll make more of an effort if people will be going over there. Part of it is that family and my former art professors follow me there, so I'm not as comfortable going stupid crazy on there lol.

I also have an art twitter I use even less. I deleted tiktok for my own sanity. My portfolio website is down as I'm moving away from Wix but that will be up hopefully in a few months again. Going forward I'm gonna try to post my art on Patreon so that anyone can view it as well.

Part of the reason I'm hesitant to move is I have a community here that's been built up over years. It might not be massive, but it's mutuals and friends and people that I've gotten to know over the years. There's a culture here I really love, from the tagging system to the way people interact with things to the fact that tumblr is a little more underground so I don't have to worry about my family or coworkers stumbling onto my shit. I can't go insane about video games or bad movies or actium on other platforms the same way I can here, it just simply makes me too uncomfortable. And honestly, I don't really want to move if my little community and my friends won't come with me, ya know? The reason I'm even comfortable sharing my art and thoughts here is bc people have eased me into doing it. This is kind of the one place I'm not a totally anxious mess and that I actually have some unearned confidence lol.

Sooo.. tbd? I should just bite the bullet and grab handles on bluesky and cohost, but the thought kind of makes my skin crawl. Maybe I'll make a private twitter for my stream of consciousness. Maybe I'll make an honest to god mailing list and just email people my art, or I'll make a silly website. Who knows!

sorry for the rant on what you surely thought was going to be a short answer lol. Mutuals and friends can always ask for my discord or priv insta. ily and hopefully I will have a more concrete answer at some point, I just don't know rn.

#ask #anon #i am very comfortable here but thats bc ive had years of friendships and connections and a pretty anonymous time on here #ive had instances of online harassment by people i know irl before so i really gravitate towards that #bluesky and cohost are probs the same but like. what abt my friends. and my other followers #and their opinions that i value. idk its really weird!!!

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snailmusic · 1 year

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~~pinned v3~~

ICON BY @butchhatred

also on cohost!

hi im snail/dlol! im a musician, writer, and graphic designer who is reaallly particular about shit.

you will see if you follow me that i reblog a lot, particularly from 00-01 CST, so enjoy that! (also note that i dont tag very often but im willing to change if need be)

please interact with me i love talking to yall on here and having more mutuals cant be a bad thing right? (yes RP is ok too im just not very good)

also i wont reblog boost posts not because i dont care but its because i dont want to burden yall with reblogging

(same thing goes with reblog bait if you put "you HAVE to put this on your blog" i won't because those types of posts fuck with my brain)

================

tag system

there isnt much but i have a few

#snail reads - ramblings from when i read things that i wanna post about

#music - ramblings about music and stuff

#my stuff - things i make

#rp - roleplay type shit

================

sideblogs

@projecto2-game - devblog about a game im working on with @freepdryer

@dlolmusic - Music focused

@typeytypeytype - Graphic design/typography

================

active projects!

Sputnik - Launchpad sample studio (eventually, very very early days right now) (links to devlogs)

================

dni people who wont accept a little Whimsy

also if you are a terf or a homophobe id be surprised if you followed me, a gay nonbinary programmer musician furry, so yeah

also if ur a racist or misogynist id also be surprised if u followed me because of the above

so. bigots beware ig lol

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marzgurl · 1 year

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So, I made a brief post yesterday, but I'll elaborate here. I hadn't been back on tumblr in pushing two years. Maybe not quite a full two years, but I'm pretty sure I was last on here in 2020, I think? Anyway, I've currently got a browser open with only tabs for various social media platforms. I'm trying to figure out how to best use each of them, and how to do so regularly. I knew Twitter was going to get bad, but I didn't realize just how rapidly it was going to happen, or that it would come so teeteringly close to actual full-on collapse.

I think a large reason I spent so much time away from tumblr was because I'd had a lot happening from 2019 to 2022. When all the Screamy Broccoli Man stuff exploded in 2019 (don't know what I'm talking about? Probably for the best, but ask your elders), I got drastically chased around all over the Internet, on every social media platform. Any platform I was on regularly got overwhelmingly bombarded with hate speech, death and rape threats, misinformation, etc. Tumblr was one of those places. My "asks" inbox was a slew of real wingnut sycophants who got all of their information from alt-right YouTubers, thinking those were credible sources of information, and had become an army of weirdos willing to jump in front of a speeding bullet to defend some weird sex pest voice actor who doesn't even know they're alive.

Twitter was pretty bad for that, mind you. However, I'd decided to keep most of that harassment largely on one dedicated front. For all the absolute hell that has ALWAYS existed on Twitter, the one thing it was able to do was keep the losers focused in one general direction rather than multiple directions. So when I quit posting so much on tumblr, Instagram, Facebook, YouTube, and even Twitch for a while, they really only had one place to go. And it was there where I could block to my heart's content. Twitter never did a very good job of responding to reports of harassment. In fact, I was frequently dogpiled by people using Twitter's systems intended to protect people, in order to false flag me into lockouts and even one suspension that I had to fight my way back out of. However, people had created enough tools for me to be able to block sweeping masses of people--either people who followed my harassers, or people who liked harassing tweets. All of those could be wiped out in just a few minutes. Twitter didn't do a good job of building that into their own platform, but at least I could use the tools that other people made for Twitter to make it work for me. Finally, I seemed to have found myself in a place where it was all sort of leveling out.

And now here we are, as Twitter sort of eats itself alive, because a guy with a lot of money can't get that money to work in ways to make him like himself enough as a human being, to have enough confidence in himself to not have to turn Twitter into his own private safe space. And for that reason, I find myself with tabs open for Mastodon, Tumblr, cohost!, Instagram, and TikTok, trying to figure out how I'm going to make any of these places especially unique, and how not to completely abandon one for the other.

Instagram is fine enough, I've had it for at least nine years now (a shorter amount of time than I've had this Tumblr, if I'm not mistaken). But I just don't take a lot of pictures or video, and I struggle to know how I'm going to make it interactive or interesting in any way. It's for that same reason that I struggle to know how to regularly use TikTok. I tried for a brief burst of time and burned myself out really, really fast. Writing is just easier for me. And for that reason, I'm not really sure what to make of cohost, because cohost seems like a place that functions pretty similarly to Tumblr (with some minor differences). Am I really going to try to differentiate and diversify over there, too? I mean, maybe. A lot of people I know are headed that way, though lots of us have been sitting and waiting to get verified to post for several days now, and I'm not sure how long it'll take.

But I did notice a concerted push on Tumblr's part to try to make you know, "Hey! We're still alive! Come back! We're here!" And as far as I can tell, a lot of the people I followed over the years are actually still quite active over here. It's not nearly as dead as I had perceived it might have been.

So, we'll see how this goes. I used to use LiveJournal quite a bit back in the early '00, but that journal is long since gone. I've journaled quite a bit here in the past as well. Will I keep that up here? It's hard to say. I have a pretty big habit of saying I plan on keeping up with something, and then I just can't manage to do it. That's just the way I'm built, I guess. I'm 36, and if it hasn't changed yet, it probably never will now.

Anyway, guess I'm screwing around on Tumblr for a while now. I'll see what new things I can make of it.

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candiedkinks · 4 months

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((I think it's more so that people with the same niche as you, or me :p have kinda left to other more active sites, since it's pretty tough to find kink blogs here, cuz you can't just look them up, and the same goes for starting a kink blog, you just can't get that much followers, and if you did they're most likely bots.

And yeah it does seem like it recently, i mean I've been the one tossing ya most of the asks lol, aside from a few, of course

((you cant roleplay on twitter and cohost is cohost, so, eh. f-list is just as dead considering ive been on there for years and no one's given any characters attention

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zedecksiew · 1 year

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The Zone has different rules

Posting about this mainly as a reminder to self that it is a thought I want to think more on.

Also because it dovetails with notions Liam and I discussed over on Toa Tabletop, about how you can portray subjective fantasy worlds in TTRPG play---essentially: Oh, the party visits a culture with different mores / cosmology / etc? The actual rules of the game change.

===

Over on cohost, Amanda Franck poses the following question:

How do you make rules/problems for a place that is supposed to be inexplicable & mutable & impossible to understand (like fairyland or dreamland or roadside picnic zone)? ... My experience in playing through a few of people's dreamworlds where anything can happen has been mostly bad, because it's hard for all the players to understand the physical space that they are in, and frustrating to try to interact with a world that doesn't respond in a sensible way.

To which Scampir proposes:

If i really wanted to get the point across that an area was under the influence of different logics, I would just use a different game for that area. Maybe a smaller game just so it can be quickly integrated.

(Attribution to make it clear I'm building on other folk's ideas.)

===

So here's my idea:

Say you are running a campaign using D&D or retroclone. Your players encounter Faerie / the Dreamlands / Area X / the Zone.

When they slip into its borders, you tell them things are gonna getting weird. But you don't give them new character sheets. You just start organically calling for resolutions and mechanics from a game that isn't D&D.

Maybe a dice-pool game like RuneQuest or WFRP. Or Blades in the Dark:

GM: "So you rest? Okay, tick your healing clock."

Player: "Wait, wtf's a healing clock?"

This does a few things:

Discombobulates players. They have to figure out the ways in which assumptions of reality differ.

The choice of new ruleset you use signals the specific ways that this specific Weird Zone is weird. (Use a game with more story-game mechanics and you imply that the Weird Zone has a different relationship with causality.)

Players learn / jot down / use new mechanics on the same old character sheet---implying that the Weird Zone changes their characters.

Abilities / mechanics they pick up remain when they leave the Weird Zone, and return to boring normal D&D rules. A signal that the Zone has changed them in uncanny ways.

Player: "Hey, I've still got this '+1d to gather info' ability, right? And this counts as a gather info situation? Can I roll two d20s and total them?"

GM: "Yes."

===

So yeah: bashing incompatible game systems together.

Maybe that's a fool's errand. But I feel like it should be possible to create a procedure for ruleset mash-ups, so that there's a process to follow? Best practices for how it happens.

Consistency at the layer of play culture, even if there isn't consistency at the layer of mechanics.

I'd like to pursue this more, because---as mentioned above---I'm interested in portraying subjective fictional worlds, and this "different place, different rules" thing seems like one way to do that at a conceptual level.

Also I like it because jury-rigs and mash-ups seems quintessentially "rulings not rules"-sy, to me. It seems to be in that OSR-y spirit.

===

( Image source: https://sciencefictionbookart.com/roadside-picnic-arkady-boris-strugatsky-1979/ )

#rpgs #ttrpgs #writing #design #roadsidepicnic #faerie #amandaleefranck #scampir

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sootyships · 1 year

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yo.

i'm soot, my current main focuses are mcu ultron and eric from divergent, and i have written too many self-insert/savage opress (star wars) fics

in addition to self-shipping, this blog contains personal posts, finnish shit, judaism (i'm, eh, ~ yir'ei elokim for now) and the occasional finnish current events, but for the most part no heavy topics. tagging is inconsistent but i try to tag negativity as #negative.

pillowfort - cohost - bluesky

(his nickname here is vaash, and that's also his tag (#vaash).)

i also adore:

... and then some?

i don't mind sharing. AUs and polycules exist. ✌️

this is a discourse free zone. i'm not here to promote infighting.

no dni, i'll just block if i don't jibe with someone's vibe. apply the same principle to me, ty. 👍

i'm not here to parent other ppl's kids, i'm not getting paid.

i don't look for dnis unless i'm interested in following. sorry?

i may draw sometimes. and once i wrote the following:

my S/Is:

Gi Kast (Star Wars, with Savage since Aug 2019, married with children) #savalorian au #savagi

Vinnie (SU, with Jasper since July 2019) #serpentineverse

Mikitta (Marvel, in a polyship with Mayhem and Ultron since July 2023, may have a kid or a few in some 'verses) #ultimate mayhem

Bo (Divergent, Eric's fave Dauntless individual since March 2024) #cb2o au #boric

my fankids:

Cuyan Kast - Feral Kast - Nyn Kast - Nuhur Kast

Sidzla Ultron-Karamäki - Satu Ultron-Karamäki

rare fictional friend: Nasti Kravinov, a very AU Ana Kravinoff

i also platonically have several emotions about Rocket Raccoon

not a BYF but a FYB (for your benefit)

dnf if you suspect your dni might apply to me. it's just awkward.

I request that people please tag unfilterable shipcourse DNIs in the post body. If it's performatively censored or just an image, it won't be caught by filtering. Ideally, the DNI should be in its simplest form: for example, "p.r0/c.*m-sh.ip go away" gets tagged #proship dni and an "antis dni" banner gets tagged #antis dni. #shipcourse mention or #shipcourse dni are also good options. Thanks, I appreciate it. 💖

updated apr 4th -24

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naxlevelnat · 10 months

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So I made a CoHost

I’m still pretty new here, but if you want to follow me: My CoHost

So far it seems pretty neat, here are some pos, negs, and neutrals about the website below.

Positives - You can turn off people you follow’s replies and shares and actually see what they posted themself. - You can put tags that you use often and associate with your page on your profile so people can find you more easily. - You put your age in when you join the site and anyone under 18 can’t see posts tagged +18. So you can post both your SFW and NSFW to the same profile if you are so bold. - Yes, you can actually post all sorts of sex and sexual content with very few rules so long as you are tagging your posts. - Trigger Warning system and settings to turn off any content you don’t want to see. -It allows you to share or reblog other people’s posts to your page and help spread their art. - You can pin multiple posts to the top of your page so people can see what you are about before they go through your posts.

Negatives - You can only post 4 images max per post. - There is a long wait period between creating your account and gaining full access to the website because of a small staff size. - The site can be a little slow or laggy at times especially with the influx in users. - There are no group or community options. - It is still a very small website, don’t expect a lot of engagement or action all the time like on Twitter or Tumblr. Neutrals - There are no options to customize your profile page outside of a banner and your description. - No theme options, just the same basic design as above. - Follower counts and like counts are not publicly shown anywhere, so only you know how many likes or followers you have. - All the tags pop up when you start entering tags for posts. I mean all of them, even the #uwu this is so funny hahaha look at you reading this type of tags people do as one offs. So far, I’m curious, but if it ends up just being a dead site that would kind of suck.

#naxlevelnat #cohost

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savecomplete · 1 year

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re: post that says i play a part in "carrying the fandom"

not going to name names, not going to mention (tumblr function) anyone, but i want to nip this notion in the bud.

prefacing this with the disclaimer that this is strongly worded, that this is going to sound mean and harsh, but i'm fine with coming off that way, if i get to assert my boundaries.

i'm incredibly averse to "fandom". i want nothing to do with fandom involvement. i am not here to make friends. all i need to enjoy media is to talk about it with the handful of friends i've shared it to, and i either already have that, or i make it happen. when it comes to needing to use art to appreciate a given work, i express this creative energy in many different ways. visual art is one outlet for that self-expression. all i'm doing on cohost/tumblr/twitter/etc. is using relevant tags for art i make, deciding what i can/want to share to the public. tumblr's archiving and tagging system, while still lacking in features over the past decade, is notorious for how useful it is to visual artists.

do not put me on a pedestal, and do not treat my work like its public domain use. you'd be wrong to do either. i'm not superior or inferior to you; don't act like it. there is a reason my art accounts all use a selfie of me as my avatar. we do not know each other and i'm perfectly fine with that. stay on your side of the screen.

given 8/9 posts i've made on this account so far are katana zero posts, and that i was mentioned as one of a few artists "carrying the fandom" on here by a fandom member, i also want to speak my mind about how i perceive this specific fandom. it's weird. a lot frustrates me about it. i've seen a lot of things that make my stomach turn. some heavy issues are treated in flippant manner, despite the source game portraying them with appropriate gravity. for whatever reason, it's typical for the fandom to lighten fifteen's skin, despite it being exactly the same as zero's skintone. there is a bizarrely prevalent attitude that the incoming DLC is an owed debt to the fandom, enough for people to make accounts like one dedicated to a daily count of how long it's been since full release without the DLC. come on, people. it's as if the DLC exists in some strange intangible vacuum where the budget, size, and humanity of the dev team are somehow not a factor. as though the DLC exists separate from the ongoing pandemic, and a literal real war affecting the team.

to see so many "fans" act incredibly entitled, so loudly and constantly, and doing this everywhere and anywhere it's fucking possible to leave a comment or post, even on unrelated work, well…

yeah, hopefully by now it's clear why i would want to distance myself from any fandom involvement. i hate fandom. it's never a healthy culture; katana zero's fandom is no special outlier to that. i'm not a superhero savior to this fandom that is supposedly "dying", "near-dead", etc. im not "carrying" shit, i'm just using your tags. "this fandom is nearly dead" then die! i'm not a part of this! go read interviews from the dev team and learn about game development—hell, go and try to draw or animate or compose or code something for a game, and then just try to get back to me about how "unreasonable" the wait is for the DLC. pretending this exists in a vacuum: if the "first act" of the story took 6 years of development, and the DLC is currently taking 3 years so far, and the DLC's size is of half the main game... is the rate of game development truly anything close to unreasonable?

...i'll say that, to me, there's a difference between fans of a work of media and the "fandom" for it, even if the former group is not entirely separate from the latter. from half a month of being on tumblr i've grown over 50 followers, which is incredible, especially for a single-digit amount of art shared so far. i read tags. i check my mentions. there's been some lovely compliments through tags on reblogs, which i appreciate, and i further appreciate that my work is being enjoyed and shared through reblogs and likes. thank you.

p much the bulk of you treat me kindly; honestly, i'm still trying to wrap my head around all the positive attention and encouragement. thank you for taking care and effort to tell me what you have. energy and time have finite limits; i'm happy when people decide to spend that on making me feel appreciated.

but i'm also a rather direct person, and don't like being wishy-washy about my limits and boundaries.

so, to conclude: i get uncomfortable when people try to nominate me as notable for any involvement in "fandom", and further, when strangers talk as though i'm trying to breathe life into any fandom perceived as "dead" or "dying". that's not my problem. i'm not trying to solve it, either. i'm not looking for recognition as a popular figure in a fandom. what i create and why i create it is independent of any fandom existing. i don't want anything to do with fandom involvement. leave me out of it.

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mattdemers · 1 year

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My safari through current social media alternatives

So I figured that after a week of Twitter doomposting by other people, I'd weigh in with my thoughts on the vibes/applications of social media sites that people have migrated to. This isn't meant to be a scientific tier list, just thoughts.

Tumblr

I haven't been here in years. Things are largely the same, but there's been some UI improvements, and I've liked things like the new posting UI (still needs some work. Would prefer Markdown, but I get how zoomers aren't going to put up with that).

Aesthetically, it feels like the transition from being 18 to 22. Like, the company voice is a bit more older/sassier/"leaning into what people told it that its strengths were" and I don't know if that's good or bad. I feel that it's a bit limiting but I think Tumblr needs all the help it can get.

I've also noticed a lot more gamification, encouragement, "things that you are doing correctly that we are going to enforce" from Tumblr itself, which is probably positive.

Probably will be fine in the short term.

Cohost (Link to me)

"Tumblr, with a shit colour scheme."

I'm having trouble with Cohost mostly because I've done the least amount of exploration for new people to follow or hashtag discovery. I really like the post editor (it's Markdown, see above) but I can understand how that's going to hurt it.

It reminds me of a university/college internal website for students, aesthetically. I don't want to say "who is this for?" but there's a larger deficit when it comes to its identity as a site. Tumblr is clear what it wants to be, and who it wants to house, and Cohost was sold to me "for creators" but I have less idea how/why/beyond that.

Clicking into a tag for "league of legends" (which I guess might be a good comparison across platforms) the last post in that tag was 3 days ago.

Yeah, I'm kinda thinking Cohost is gonna be dead, or a zombie like Vero Social in a year.

Mstndn.social (Link to me)

It's hard to talk about Mastodon due to the nature of federation, so I can only zoom out and talk about "the normie experience" that I'm seeing.

I think people are using Masto as a bit of a panacea; they see a familiar Twitter-ish interface, but are lost with the tech-speak of federation and what it might mean. I've seen ambitious people start their own instances and think it's "building a new Twitter" in terms of scale expectations, but it's not. You're essentially building your own pillow fort.

The thing is, I think some people might be... hoping otherwise? Like, the stuff that's interesting me most about Masto is the Lord of the Flies scenarios happening in certain circles, where they're finding out:

How much work actually goes into moderation, and how unsexy it is

What happens when people you don't know/can't vet are joining your instance

What happens when people have a visible person they can point their grievances to

To be honest I'm not optimistic about Mastodon but I think it serves a purpose in educating people about what was convenient about Twitter. They'll go crawling back, and maybe a few people will embrace the "local" group they've now joined.

Some normies literally have never had the experience of joining a small forum and learning to love that community; this isn't that. It's more like Reddit, where one account enables you to post everywhere, but you might find a "home" subreddit.

I've been using Pinafore as a better UI for Masto and I've been enjoying it.

Other thoughts

I joined The Hive about two seconds ago, but I'm moreso just reserving a username in case it blows up. A two-person team and being on the market for multiple years before this kind of makes me wary, mostly because I think they're hungry to accept any kind of winning milestone, and that means they're going to listen to anyone if it makes them think they can keep the momentum.

Tech users largely don't know what they want, and it's going to waste the resources of a dev team in order to try to get everyone satisfied. If they're doing crowdfunding, I'm kinda also pessimistic, because man that's setting up for some "I paid for X!" complaints.

What's funny/cool is I've gotten "mattd" on all these platforms, not "mattdemers." Kinda nice to shift a little bit because I'm very insecure about saying my last name verbally and having people be able to find me. Oh well.

It's the URL of my new Substack too, where I'll be posting more things like this, if you want more. It isn't launched yet, and is under construction, but it's there if you want to move early.

#social media #cohost #hive social #tumblr #mastodon #mstdnsocial #fediverse #sociology #technology #twitterpocalypse #elon musk twitter #twitter

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skulfsvyrn · 1 year

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idk what to do here maybe just the same as what im posting on cohost but wuh I'm just not a blogger. but theres also more people from twit on here to follow in case that fails in the next few months or so. at the very least I wanted my first post here to not just be a reblog seeing as that seems to be the way to do things round here. if I like it here enough maybe I'll do some html wizardry to spruce up the place but until then just gonna sit back enjoy the life and do things I like doing

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twinkrundgren · 1 year

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my pros and cons of all these twitter alternatives

just a place to put my opinions on it as an artist

Tumblr: You're reading this here. I think, for the post part, tumblr is the platonic ideal of a good social media platform for artists.

Pros: Long posts, uncompressed images, tags that are not inhereted by reblogs/reposts, hidden follower count, disable comments/reblogs, robust blacklist system, chronological timeline, theme customization, easy to make sideblogs

Cons: community is insufferable sometimes, terfs, nazis and radfems get free reign, can get banned for insulting terfs or the staff, no NSFW, tag search is awful.

Conclusion: Our hellsite that sucks but it's home. Would be perfect if the NSFW ban was overturned and TERFs got their asses thrown out.

Mastodon:

Pros: Twitter-like but with longer posts, community owned and instanced, if you don't like the admins of any existing federation you can make your own. Can block interaction from entire federations if you don't like their userbase. Where a lot of journalists go.

Cons: Hugbox mentality of demanding you to hide anything that isn't happy, overuse of CWs that hide benign things from people when a blacklist function could serve the same function but better, CW + Hugbox mentality contributes to silencing minorities and especially black people from talking about their oppression. Smaller federations might have better moderation than larger ones but its very hard to interact with people outside of your federation, hard to understand for non techies. Moving from one federation to another isn't a thing.

Conclusion: Awful community mentality and it's very hard to get your posts out there. People there don't know how to curate their own feeds.

Inkblot:

Pros: Gallery site for artists, accounts for people who wish to browse, bans drawn cesm and bestiality, community owned, robust tagging system and blacklist system, small but dedicated community, owner honestly listens to criticisms, BIPOC owned, bans NFTs and AI generated art

Cons: Awful site layout based upon being a webapp and runs like dogshit on anything that isn't Chrome, will fail if community does not fund it, exploring new art is buggy and laggy.

Conclusion: Hopeful site for people who miss the days of Deviantart but unfortunately held back by awful site layout. Owner is pretty genuine and kind, but all might be for naught if it cannot get the funding it needs.

Cohost:

Pros: Tumblrlike, CSS in posts and a lot of freedom for interactivity. Hides follower count, tagging system, etc imagine Tumblr but better.

Cons: Hides all interactions on your post except comments, you can only view them from your notifications page. Seems catered towards people who want social media without anything that might cause "strife", CW system is a whitelist rather than a blacklist and inherits the same issues as Mastodon while giving few tools to actually curate your experience. May possibly unban drawn CESM in the future.

Conclusion: Hopeful tumblr-like that is held back by a heavy handed decision to take away all toys from you because someone else might get jealous and/or upset. Despite ideals of wanting to prevent discourse and arguing, wants to possibly allow CESM content on their site anyway. CW system is awful and backwards, hiding things by default when it should be the user's decision to want certain posts hidden for CW reasons. Almost no way to track where your posts goes, who interacts with it, or who even follows you. Feels like yelling into a void most of the time.

Itaku:

Pros: I think its like a booru or twitter? I'm not actually sure. Allows NSFW, blacklisting features, bans underage content

Cons: marks fat and muscular bodies as NSFW, no rules against bigotry, but "No politics!" type ruling. Condescending language towards kinks, bans photos of real people and real life NSFW

Conclusions: reeks of burned furs, do not trust.

Hive:

Pros: Twitter-like, honestly can't say much because it's iOS only.

Cons: iOS only, android app seems to be an afterthought, no web version.

Conclusions: Lol iOS app only.

#rambles

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morningflames · 4 years

Text

a word of warning

well here’s a post i never thought i’d be making

it’s come to my attention that a Certain Someone is planning on making a comeback to WrA soon and it fills me with nothing short of dread. i spent the day yesterday warning people he terrorized and manipulated that this was happening. you know it’s bad when there’s a literal network of people who share an abuser that have remained in contact for years in the event this happened again.

i am not going to lie and say that making this post does not terrify me but i cannot in good conscience sit back and let him worm his way into the rp scene again and do what he did to me and at least half a dozen others all over again.

to summarize: tarcanus aka tarcanus frostborne is a manipulative, emotionally abusive and predatory individual that should be avoided at all costs.

i am the player behind lyrinel, a former officer of his and someone who was on the receiving end of nearly a years worth of abuse and manipulation. my experiences pale in comparison to those of others who dealt with him and came forward to me after i left his guild, and i cannot speak for anyone who does not feel comfortable coming forward. if you do want to let your voice be heard, feel free to reblog and add your own anecdotes.

my story below the cut.

tw: manipulation, emotional abuse, gaslighting, coercion, grooming

i first joined coram populo in early 2014 after my best friend and fellow survivor (i will refer to her by her character’s name of thradia from here on out) joined the raid team in december of the previous year. we were both just looking for a social place to park our characters and maybe start role playing again, as we hadn’t had a guild or dedicated rp group in a while. things were fine and friendly for the first couple of months, though it’s worth noting that a large part of the office corps had just left or was in the process of leaving when thradia and i joined. we were both 18 at the time.

i made the mistake of reaching out to tarc in the spring, when i noticed him posting to his tumblr about how busy he was. i offered to be an IC assistant of sorts to his character and he was more than happy to toss me into an absolute whirlwind. we still didn’t know much about each other, but in the span of a couple weeks we went from casual contact in guild chat to immensely long (sometimes between 10 and 12 hours) skype calls, constant DMing, and an almost uninterrupted stream of conversation. i was struggling to finish high school at this time (spoiler: i failed to graduate) and found myself suddenly caught in an all-consuming relationship with this man and his guild. from the moment i woke up to the moment i finally hung up and crawled into bed, my time was taken up by tarc and the guild and the game.

i was promoted to officer less than five months after joining the guild. this was overwhelming for a number of reasons, chief among them being the fact that i had never been an officer in a guild like this before and i was very quickly escalated to tarc’s “inner circle.” this was a circle that he evidently didn’t even include his most senior officers in, as he didn’t seem to communicate with them to the extent or abundance that he did with me - and later, when she was ALSO promoted to officer, thradia.

within a few weeks i found myself at the center of dozens of micro-confrontations and venting from tarc about other members of the guild, raid team, and even fellow officers. every time, i would tell him he needed to take it to his co-gm and talk it through with her. she, like him, was a grown woman with a lot more experience and better people skills than me, a teenager barely out of high school, but tarc insisted on beating me over the head with his frustrations and then proceeding to guilt me and tell me i was a terrible friend when i didn’t agree with him or expressed i was uncomfortable being in the center of a vent session that i felt was unwarranted.

tarc was never wrong. he did not apologize. the words “i’m sorry” did not exist in his vocabulary, and if they did, they were almost always followed up with the word “but.” constantly he would be sending multiple messages to me or thradia while we were running events and raids for the guild, ranting about a few particular members that he disliked at the time regardless of how we felt about said members. thradia and i would both be reduced to tears and/or anxiety attacks by his outbursts that all but demanded we take his side even if we didn’t. his feelings and circumstances were paramount. everyone else’s were just inconveniences.

tarc was always the victim. no matter what was going on, no matter who had instigated whatever vein of conversation we were on that had gone awry, he had a way of making you feel like utter shit until you grovelled for his forgiveness, which he rarely gave. instead he would move on without giving any closure or allowing you to discuss your feelings at length. if you tried, you were the insensitive one who he couldn’t go to with his “unfiltered emotions,” which was the entire purpose of his inner circle to hear him say it. i was not allowed to just be his friend or just be an officer, i had to be both and neither at the same time, and it still was not the right course of action. nothing ever was.

tarc was openly manipulative and antagonistic, always citing it as an “inside joke” when called on it. i opened up to him once about my father’s alcoholism and how i was uncomfortable with alcohol culture and being around drunk people. regardless, he would constantly call while drunk (or maybe he was pretending to be to get a rise out of me, i honestly do not know what was genuine and what was put on with him) and make me stay on the call with him for hours. when he was (allegedly) diagnosed with an inability to process certain alcohols that could be life threatening, he continued to drink (or claimed he was drinking) dangerous amounts, which lead to me begging him to stop as i feared for his life. one of the worst anxiety attacks i have ever had was over him endangering his health and me believing i was going to see a friend die. he knew how much this upset me and he did not stop. he held me as a captive audience to his self destruction (or the playacting of it) and let me cry and beg and plead with him to take care of himself.

tarc loves to promote a clean, “family friendly” persona online. he will go on and on about the positive atmosphere his guild provides and how progress and accepting he and his “safe spaces” are. as soon as you are inducted to his inner circle, however, you learn otherwise. he will gladly engage in sexually charged conversation with you, even if you are ten years younger than him as thradia and i were. we were both legal adults, yes, but just barely. i can’t count the inappropriate remarks and jokes made about us, our friends, and even minors all in the spirit of joking “what if” conversation. he has a history of making young LGBT+ people uncomfortable, making their sexualities and identities about him and how he can relate to them.

tarc was the most two-faced and divisive guild leader i’ve ever seen. he would rant to me mercilessly about wanting to kick one of the junior officers and raid team members in private while never saying a word to their face or bringing it up with the co-gm. he would start schisms between people, telling each what they wanted to hear and encouraging both parties not to confront each other about it, allowing the resentment and distrust to grow as he fanned the flames on both sides. he wanted people to stay in the guild and continue to basically work for him while also putting him above anyone else in their friend circles. he told straight up lies to thradia and i, claiming one of us had said things about the other that we never did, driving a wedge and distrust between us.

tarc treats his guild(s) like a business. he is entirely capitalist-minded even in an MMORPG that people play for fun, churning out “content” and keeping up appearances like a machine. he treats his officers and guild members like employees, not people. any time irl would demand attention away from the game, forcing someone to miss or cancel an event, he would subtly guilt them about it until they apologized, even if it was a dire situation or a family emergency.

when tarc wanted to start a wow roleplaying podcast, he approached me about cohosting. he wanted a female voice, and since i was out of school and had no job lined up due to not graduating i was the perfect candidate. i came on to narrate and research the lore segment of the looking for roleplay podcast, which was little more than me paraphrasing a wowwiki article, but i was held to a “professional” standard. i had to have my research done by a certain day, my recording done in advance, etc.

the podcast was a spot of contention for several reasons, one being the mysterious emails tarc would allegedly receive about it. the podcast had a shared email account that all three of us could access and look at, but tarc claimed that people sent emails directly to him since “everything’s under his email.” he would use these strawman emails as indirect criticism of turwinkle and i, reading them aloud or typing up what they supposedly said but NEVER producing a real screenshot or address to verify them. i’m convinced he only did this as a way to make turwinkle and i feel badly and work harder “for the listeners” to appease things tarc didn’t like about our segments. he also insinuated he got inappropriate emails about me specifically at this account but, again, i was never allowed to see them with my own eyes, just hear about them secondhand, which is why i believe they did not exist.

around this time, tarc began recording conversations without mine or thradias consent. he would start recording random sections of calls and taunt us, playing back out-of-context lines and joking that he would make “podcast commercials” out of them. they were often embarrassing, personal, or just wildly out of context lines that we didn’t want played to the public, and i heard only a fraction of what he possibly recorded of me. i have no idea what kind of material he has of me and thradia that was recorded without us knowing or consenting. it felt like blackmail. it still does.

i internalized all of this. i thought this was normal. i thought he was an excellent guild leader and a role model for leadership. i had begun to treat world of fucking warcraft like a goddamn job and i thought that was fine. my life revolved around coddling and entertaining him, socializing and promoting and recruiting for the guild, raiding, running pvp entirely on my own, keeping up IC connections and attending events, recording for the podcast, all of it. i ate, breathed, and slept wow and coram. it was insane. i had been talked into having no boundaries for myself and my time, and any time i tried to correct that and build a boundary i was attacked for it until i backed down. i have never felt worse about myself than i did while i was in this guild. i trusted no one. i was worn thin.

i finally had enough early 2015. at this point this man was trying to get me to come live with him hundreds of miles from my family so that i could attend a technical school in his area. i am still 18. he was 28. i had been trying to step down from my position as an officer, citing if i was going to be LIVING WITH HIM that it was going to give me an unfair bias in my standing in the guild. this set him all the way off. he was planning a trip to atlantic city for me, himself, and thradia, who i had a ticket to visit for my birthday. he was getting frantic because he had been pursuing thradia for months, and i was no longer cooperating.

when i threw this wrench in everything, our relationship devolved in the span of a few hours. within the day i left the guild on all of my characters and pulled myself out of all of his projects. within the month i had frantically faction changed several characters and eventually unsubscribed from the game for two years because i lived in fear of him. he had always alluded to “knowing people” who could hack and track IP addresses and kept tabs on everyone who visited his blogs and websites. i didn’t know what i thought he was going to do - all i knew was his thinly veiled brags and threats were at the forefront of my mind. i have played this game since 2006, but for the first time in my life i couldn’t enjoy it out of fear and exhaustion caused by him. he had ruined my favorite game in less than a year and made me paranoid about my entire online presence, to the point where this blog was abandoned for months before i turned it into what it is today.

and the thing is, tarc’s not a creepy or abrasive guy when you first meet him. he’s funny and charismatic and outgoing. he loves to tell you about his world travels and show you pictures of him petting baby tigers at rescues in southeast asia and go on about these crazy winnings he would have in vegas. he’s larger than life - at least online. he came to visit me twice in the year that we knew each other. the first time was also the first time i had ever met thradia in person, and we had been friends for six years at that point. he has met my family, and that of several other members (both my age and older). no one ever questions why he’s there. no one ever thought it was odd that for a week he hung out with three teenage girls exclusively.

this horrifies me to this day.

thradia and i are still best friends. we compared notes and were sickened at how we were played against each other. slowly, i returned to the game. i reached out to people who had left or been on their way out when i first joined the guild, curious to see if there was a common thread. there was. everyone i spoke with had similar stories: being made to feel like shit, nothing they ever did for the guild was enough, they weren’t allowed to miss events or raids no matter what the reason, they were questioned and joked about inappropriately and made to feel uncomfortable and preyed upon, etc. i was not the only one. thradia was not the only one. at least half a dozen other former members and/or officers had these stories, and tarc just kept getting away with it.

he cannot keep getting away with it.

i am being open with this for the first time in six years because i don’t want to see it happen again. because i don’t want to know that, had i said something sooner, more people could have been protected. i was 18 when this was going on. i had no real world experience. i had no standard for how i should be treated, much less by someone almost ten years my senior and who claimed to be my friend. but he knew better. he should have had boundaries and space and lines he refused to cross. he did not. he crippled my trust in people for a very long time. i have only become comfortable playing wow on horde side again in the past year or so. i finally stopped looking over my shoulder, /who’ing him and his guild, avoiding rp hubs. but now i feel like i can’t do that anymore. the safety i have worked so hard to achieve for myself is now threatened.

i understand my experiences are mild in comparison to what some offenders on this server have done. but at the end of the day, this year was the worst year of my life. to this day, the skype ringtone literally triggers me because i associated it with him and his endless calls that i never knew what to expect from or how to get out of. i can’t look at certain parts of the game without feeling fear. for months i held my breath going online or logging into wow because i was waiting for him to pop up and start accusing me of things or trying to guilt me into coming back.

tarc ran coram populo, a guild that, as far as i know, still staggers along with a few members who can’t be bothered to leave. whether or not he’s planning to return there, i don’t know. he organizes and runs (from what i can tell) the azerothian trade federation (whatever the fuck that is). i don’t know what his plans are. i don’t know what his online presence looks or will look like when he comes crawling back. but i beseech you, do not give him the time of day. do not give him a platform, no matter how nice and “woke” he makes himself out to be. he lures you in with humanist ideals and then sucks the absolute life out of you- and that’s if he doesn’t want to pressure you into a relationship on top of it.

to tarc: if somehow you’re reading this, stay away from me. keep my name out of your mouth. i do not want an apology and a string of half-assed, gaslighting excuses. i have records of past conversations. i have screenshots. i know what you fucking did to me and to my friends. i do not want you back. i do not want you here. i do not want to share space with you. i want you to go away and never come back.

you alone made it so hard to trust myself and other people. thradia and i both have had to seek therapy due to you. and now, you have the audacity to come riding back into the scene on a white horse, being self righteous about abuse and predatory behavior online, and have the utter gall to condemn behaviors you yourself emulated without apology or second thought. i know you think you’re a good guy. that’s what makes you so fucking dangerous. you genuinely don’t think you’ve done anything wrong, and if you do, you’ve buried it and squirreled it away and have covered it up to the point where you can turn any accusation back on the claimant.

do not attempt to contact me. do not try to threaten or appease me. go back where you were. i am finally at home again, and you will not take that from me. go. away.

#wrymrest accord #wra rp #wra community #okay to reblog #i am going to basically go dark on here now and not check on this #i have gotten ohysically ill from dredging this shit up #i will not be engaging past this point so whether you believe me or not i do not care #i know my truth and i know what happened to me even though i was gaslit to hell and back

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waywardimpalawriter · 3 years

Note

Hey luv! It's been a long time since we've talked! Hope you're doing fine!

Led astray

Pairing: Sebastian Stan x ReaderRating: PGWarnings: Angst, sadness, being bumped, anger, Seb’s a bit of an ass in this one, curse words Word count: 1,441Notes: Requested by the very lovely @chrisevansthedoritobastard I’m so very sorry it took me over a year to get this written out. But better late than never right? *looks hopeful* Hope you enjoy sweetie. The idea actually came from listening to the radio one very early morning. The local station has a segment called ‘2nd Date Update’ the rest as they say is history.

Forever:

@winters-buck @angryschnauzer @feelmyroarrrr

@aquabrie @fandommaniacx @supernaturallymarvellous @smoothdogsgirl @becs-bunker

This story: @not-another-fangirl

You’d given it thought, rolled it over in your head for the last few days, asked friends, hell even your sister, all agreed that this idea would come back to bite you in the ass. But you just had, no needed to know and hopefully understand why he hadn’t returned your calls or texts. Sure the same old thoughts came to mind, he’s busy, sick, working or just plain dodging your calls. Enough is, enough you needed answers and this seemed to be the only way to get them.

Though now as you wait for the host to come back your nerves start to get the better of you making you pace the short distance between the kitchen island and stove. Cell pressed between your shoulder and ear, hands wringing like a wet washcloth, till a male voice comes back to the line.

“Good Tuesday morning to ya this is Jason Douglas joined by my cohorts Megan Wright and Michael Masters on 93Q country. It’s 6:45 just this side of the dawn, on a fine morning and we’re bringing you 2nd date update.” There’s a slight twang in his voice while speaking, flipping switches and taking a sip of his coffee. “Morning Y/N thank you for joining us this fabulous morning.”

Clearing your throat, “You’re welcome,” swallowing to try to coat your dry throat once more, “Thanks for having me.”

“So I hear you went on a date a few weeks ago and the guy hasn’t called you back?”

“Yeah, yes,” rolling your eyes at how stupid you sound thinking this may be the disaster everyone warned you about. “Sorry, I’m just a little nervous.”

“Don’t be, we’ve had many people call wanting help trying to find out why calls haven’t been returned. It’s only natural,” pops in Megan, voice bright and cheery for how early in the morning it is.

Nodding though no one can see, you’ve finally sat down on a barstool, cell in hand now. “I thought we’d hit it off, the conversation flowed, we laughed, shared things about each other.” Shaking your head not wanting the tears to come and clog your voice. Had you been wrong about him?

“Tell us more about your date and how the night went? Did he seem put out by how the date went? Had you done something to offend him or him, you?”

“NO,” the one-syllable comes out louder than intended laced with a small amount of anxiety. “I mean I don’t think so like I said it seemed to me the date went well. For my part I thought we hit it off from word go. It’s why I’m so confused as to why he hasn’t called me back.”

“Well alright then let’s get this settled and call up Sebastian,” flipping a few more switches, Jason brings up what he needs. “Now remember Y/N you’ll be listening in try not to say anything till I cue you. He won’t know until that moment so if you want answers, you’ll have to be patient.”

Nodding, realizing they couldn’t see you, your voice cracks as you answer, “Understood.”

“And we will get to that call right after a few words from our sponsors,” sitting back the three of them talk while you’re on hold hearing nothing but elevator music for almost two minutes.

Weather finished up and Jason comes back, “Time is now 6:55 and we have Sebastian on the line, welcome sir and good morning to you. I’ve got my cohosts, Megan and Michael with me.”

Both give him a welcome before Sebastian himself speaks, “Morning.”

“Do we have your permission to talk with you and ask a few questions? This is on air and being recorded of course so if you aren’t comfortable with that speak now or forever hold your peace.” a soft chuckle leaves his lips at the corny joke he makes.

Puzzled and curious as to what the radio station could want, Sebastian gives consent knowing he might get in trouble with his agent and manager later for this. As there are no movies or TV shows to promote at the moment. So that little voice in the back of his mind keeps poking. Saying this could bring trouble to his door.

“Can I ask what this is about? I didn’t win anything did I? Especially since I didn’t enter,” he jokes seeing the confused looks from his friends beside him.

“Well, it seems there’s someone out there that thinks you’re amazing and wanted to let you know. Do you remember going on a date with someone a few weeks ago?”

Thinking over his schedule, everything he’s done in the past few weeks, he remembers one and wants to smack himself. “There’s one that comes to mind.”

“Y/N?”

Sighing, running a hand through his hair, Sebastian steps away from the group to make the call a little more private. “Yeah, that’s her.”

“You don’t sound so happy to hear the name, did something happen?” Megan chimes in.

All the while you’re listening to the conversation trying to keep yourself from interfering, wanting to have this answers to put this behind you.

“No, nothing happened; Y/N’s a sweet girl I just didn’t feel any sparks with her. The thing I regret the most is giving her so much hope by agreeing to the date.”

Shaking his head, Michael speaks, “I don’t follow you, dude.”

Not wanting to sound too harsh but knowing the truth is always better than a lie, “We met at a party one night, thought she was a nice girl that we could have chemistry, I was wrong. We talked on the phone for a couple of nights before agreeing to a date. In that time I learned from a friend of mine that she’s a very clingy person, needy and always wanting to be the center of attention.”

“What the f*ck,” you couldn’t hold back your tongue anymore and let slip a curse word that Jason told you wouldn’t be allowed. “I’m sorry Jason it slipped out.” Breathing deep to regain yourself, “If your friend told you all that about me then why did you even agree to the date you asshole.”

“Yeah sorry Sebastian, Y/N has been listening in the whole time we’ve been talking,” butting in to explain just making sure to bleep the curse word.

Shrugging to himself, “Thought it would be fun, you’re a sweet girl Y/N just not my type is all. Besides you did talk way more about yourself than I did, I couldn’t even get a word in edgewise.”

“That’s a lie Stan and you know it you jerk. Why make up stupid crap like this if all you truly wanted was a good fuck. That’s what it truly was about, man up and tell the truth.” Anger building now as you jump from the stool sending it backwards to pace the floor, “And here I thought you were a better man than that Sebastian Stan.”

“Whoa, whoa there is this true y’all had sex and what that wasn’t good enough for you Sebastian?” Megan asks wondering if they were talking to who she thinks it is.

“Listen she called my cell, no blew it up more like it with calls and texts, every half hour wanting to know when and where we’re going back out. I told her when she left that morning, things wouldn’t work,” trying to push the problem in your lap, making things your fault rather than his.

“You know what fuck you, Stan, your dick wasn’t big enough anyway to satisfy a goldfish,” done with the whole thing you don’t wait for any answers. Instead deciding to hang up on them, grab the pint of Ben and Jerry’s you stashed for times like this and headed to your bed to cry it out over Pretty Woman and other chick flick movies.

Clearing his throat to get the shock out, “Well then, I take it there will be no second date huh?” laughter clearly in his voice as he looks at his cohosts with a shake of his head. “I guess being an actor and trying to find love isn’t as easy as people would have you believe.”

“So not funny asshole,” hanging up Sebastian shakes his head going back to the main part of the gym to finish his workout and forget the stupid call even happened.

“You know they air that shit on the radio these days? Your fans are going to hear it,” one of his friends states a smirk on his lips.

“Who listens to radio anyway?” is his comeback while flipping his friends off to lift weights.

#Sebastian Stan #sebastian stan x reader #request #its been a long time #angst

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