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lover-of-mine · 3 months

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Hi, hi, hello, here I am again to sound insane about buddie. First, is this speculation? A meta? A canon adjacent fic idea I don't have the skill to execute? Wishful thinking? All of the above? I'm not sure, I just saw a pattern and my brain came up with something very elaborate that I will now tell you about. Also, maybe read this first because that connection is the one that pushed this into place, and if you want more thoughts on Buck and death.

So, if you're new here, I live in a delusional land called they casted Ryan with a plan that recently added a neighborhood called did they tell Ryan Eddie is Buck's endgame? so I'm always looking for something to prove me right because I refuse to believe someone accidentally set up what could be the slow burn to end all slow burns, and I found an interesting pattern after watching Abandon ‘Ships and things escalated.

But the thing is that Buck and Eddie's relationship is tied with the concept of death. Both of them have very intricate relationships with death individually, but together too. I was thinking about the “we might end up real close” as the very dark joke Buck was actually going for, with the way if that grenade had gone off, there would be no telling them apart in the blast, but it got me thinking about the way Buck is signing up to die with Eddie. They both walk into that ambulance knowing they might very well not walk out, and the fact that they did, is what makes them bond. The wording of “you can have my back any day” is very interesting to me because Eddie is not saying “I will take care of you” he is saying “I trust you to take care of me” and that's a real intense thing to say to the coworker who was picking a fight with you half an hour before. But they bonded over a promise of keeping each other alive that they were forced to keep over and over again.

And a lot of major changes in their relationship start with a deadly situation. They could have died pancaked on that building after the earthquake, and after that Chris got introduced into their dynamic. The truck explosion had Eddie reversing into being a medic to treat Buck even though it made more sense for him to be using his strength to help lift the truck. The tsunami started the realization that Buck loves Chris like he is his kid, and also had Eddie explicitly affirming the trust he has in Buck. The well made Eddie change his will. That warehouse fire on Buck Begins, Eddie is the first one to Buck's line and he's also waiting for Buck after he gets checked out. Buck saved Eddie's life during the shooting, the will reveal also established how well Eddie knows Buck. They got held at gunpoint together and Buck's automatic reaction to the gunshot is to run towards it because Eddie might be in danger. Buck broke Eddie's door down to help him after his breakdown that was triggered by death, and Buck also had a moment where he thought he would be finding Eddie's body. And Buck actually gives Eddie hope after it all by giving Eddie a good thing about the situation that led him to get shot.

We established this pattern, but I want to talk about the lightning in more detail because, unlike any situation before, Buck actually died. Eddie doesn't hesitate to go up what's basically a wet lightning rod to get to Buck after the strike even though he had been thrown off the truck, Eddie also performs CPR even though he was driving the ambulance, and it is Eddie shocking Buck that gets his heart beating again. It's almost as if he was, I don't know, welcoming him back to the world of the living? (Ba dum tss lol this is mostly a joke but please keep this in mind)

So we have Eddie literally bringing Buck back from the dead. But Buck is not ready to deal with the consequences and implications of what happened to him, which is understandable, I guess, with his relationship with life and death, but Buck not dealing with it makes it so Eddie won't fully deal with it either.

Buck is a passively suicidal savior baby and Eddie is a widower. If Daniel didn't get sick Buck wouldn't have been born and Eddie is the last one standing. And that's a lot about how they deal with death. Buck acts as if he's not looking for death but doesn't mind if death finds him and Eddie is burdened by the people he couldn't save. And the thing with Buck's death is that Buck realized that he does care if death finds him and Eddie thinks that since Buck is alive, he doesn't get to feel the grief for the time Buck was dead, not fully at least.

So they were at a very interesting point where Eddie is constantly around Buck, and is the place Buck runs to when he gets overwhelmed, and Buck is extremely off balance over the fact that he did die this time and he's not sure how to feel about it. But since Buck wasn't ready to look at everything about his death, how he felt about it, how it affected the people he loves, how it took away his coping mechanism when it comes to being in danger since his reaction was always “but I didn't die” or “I didn't get the worst of it” because he did die and he did get the worst of it, so Buck finds a safe place to hide where he can look at his death through the eyes of someone who wasn't affected by it.

I was always curious about why the cemetery scene happened in a cemetery. Why Buck and Eddie are visiting the grave of someone who didn't die on their watch. Why a conversation about Buck's feelings about death and wanting to forget it happened, happened in a cemetery. And the location of the conversation ties the conversation to the concept of death in the broad sense that keeps tying Buck and Eddie together. Not considering the breakup aspects of the conversation, the cemetery scene is actually about Buck running away from the way death made him feel, he is drawn to this person who thinks death is cool, so he won't have to see his death as a tragedy and now I also think there is a layer about making Eddie realize he needs to let Buck accept what happened before he can help Buck past it.

In the locker room, Buck is talking about death as something that got boring since it was all Natalia ever wanted to talk about. We will never know the original plan for that relationship, but considering the focus on her being a death doula, I feel like that was always the point, put Buck in a space where he can look at death as something that's not scary anymore. But the scene also ends with Eddie welcoming him back to the world of the living. Eddie has ridiculous survival skills, Buck survived a lot, yeah, but Buck always ends up in these life-or-death situations by accident. He choked on bread, the bomb wasn't aimed at him, the blood clots were a very unlikely complication of the surgery he had on his leg, the odds of getting caught in a tsunami are ridiculously low, and he got struck by lightning. Eddie was out at war, he was targeted by a sniper, he saved his own life on the well, and he tries to pull people out with him. He has now learned to live with the way everyone he saved on that chopper died, but he even blamed himself for the one guy he couldn't save that time. Eddie is not afraid of death, but he is afraid of being the one left alive. Buck on the other hand is almost afraid of what it means that he is alive. So Buck's passively suicidal tendencies, something that Eddie deeply understands about Buck “you act like you're expendable” are something that scares him. Because pre-lightning Buck doesn't really care if he is alive. And since Buck wasn’t ready to talk about what dying did to him, Eddie doesn’t know that Buck now may want to actually live. He doesn’t know that Buck chose to come back, that he fought for it.

But if death is now something boring, Buck can actually do something about being alive because he wants to. He can actually be in the world of the living because he wants to be, because he believes he has the right to be. He can actually find a place where he doesn’t believe his life matters less.

And when it comes to Eddie, with the focus on Shannon that we got recently, he can also find a space where he’s not trying to find her. Accept that she was a big part of his life, accept he will always miss her, and find something new.

Oliver and Ryan have been talking a lot about vulnerability and Buck and Eddie leaning on each other, and with the locker room conversation, their relationship with death individually and together, the fact that the cruise disaster is on the horizon and while we know Buck and Eddie were filming in cruise and out in the sea they are barely in the promo of it, my own Buck will drown speculations (you can read about that here), and the general they will be in danger on the cruise feelings, I think that could mean Buck and Eddie are moving to a place where they could be a couple that works. There’s a lot of talk about the friendship aspect of their relationship and we’ve seen that a lot in the first episode already, but they are chilling in this space where they can talk to each other freely, and getting Buck to a place where he wants to be alive for himself not for what he can offer other people and Eddie to a place where he accepts the people he couldn’t save without it narrowing the way he deals with his relationships. I talk a lot about how Eddie overcorrects, and one complaint Shannon had was that he wasn’t all the way in with her, so he goes too fast with Ana and might be doing the same with Marisol because he’s trying to fix that mistake with someone else, but accepting that what he has with Buck is its own thing that works, and all he needs to do is be open about what he wants could be the push that puts him in the path of loving Buck fully, the same way Buck just goes along with things because he mostly believes he shouldn’t be alive, so why should he want things, so to have Buck get to the place where he realizes that he has what he wants right on his reach, he just needs to ask for it is ideal.

I made this edit not that long ago, and it’s almost a poem, about how Eddie doesn’t think what he has to offer is enough, so he won’t say what he means, and Buck thinks he needs to settle for what he’s offered, so he won’t ask for more, and how that’s an immovable object meeting an unstoppable force, and they need to move off that impasse for that relationship to work. And being in the world of the living together and finding the little things that make them happy along with all the tragedy that surrounds them, can put them on that path.

Their whole relationship is about keeping each other alive, Eddie straight up offers Buck a reason to live, why can’t they just find a way to make each other feel alive?

I said up there about how Buck signed up to dying with Eddie by going in that ambulance, and with everything about Buck, Actually (i recommend you read this for Buck actually thoughts about buddie) and how he latched on to the way Thomas and Mitchell died together after hearing about the life they had together, it's important for Buck to realize that point is not to die together, but to have the life together, and I feel like Buck is in the path to understanding that, and Eddie is ready to be happy, this could be it.

They could be learning to be alive together and finding out they want to be together.

As always, if you read this, I love you 💜

#911 meta #911 spoilers #911 speculation #911 #buddie #buddie thoughts #this came to me as i was trying to sleep last night lol #but yeah #i hope this makes sense

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lenaboskow · 2 months

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absolutely, 100% serious question here. do you not believe characters can grow and change and work to make themselves better? because i don’t think it’s a stretch to say that buck has absolutely done that. so why can tommy not have done the same thing?

(i can’t figure out how to word this so it sounds less combative, but i genuinely am asking in good faith, i promise.)

no worries! i 100% believe that characters and people in general can learn from their mistakes, and buck is a perfect example of that (i still can't stand rewatching season one because of him, though i love him to death), and see, i thought that we could possibly get that with tommy, and for a second there i thought we were, but then the way he acted on the date made me realize he'll always be a... not nice person.

up until the date, the only real redemption we got was him apologizing to chimney only after chimney saved his life, and apologizing to hen only when he was backed into a corner. chim and hen both seemed to forgive him, and i don't fault them for that, it's their decision, but the instances never sat right with me.

then tommy said on the date in 7x05 that the 118 was a pretty regressive place under gerrard, and i can understand that. if it had been left at that, i probably could've switched to mildly disliking him (because even then it sounded like he was making excuses for his actions, and not owning up to them). but then he made the comment about closet space, in front of the person buck was obviously not comfortable coming out to yet, and i lost hope. if eddie had been a little more perceptive, it would've outed him.

keep in mind, as a queer person, i totally understand not wanting to be with someone who isn't even out to their best friend, but tommy could've handled it better. he went in knowing that buck was still figuring himself out, and when he realized he couldn't be with someone who couldn't be out just yet, he acted upon that in not the best way. closet comment aside, leaving him at the curb like that without making sure he had a way home, without telling him that's what he was doing until the car pulled up, that's a dick move. sure, it worked out in the end, but how many times in the future is that going to happen? how many partners has he done that to in the past?

to me, the date just showed me that tommy hasn't learned from past mistakes yet. if we could get a proper redemption, with apologies and recognition that the way he's acted can have real-world consequences, i'd be okay with that. but i just don't see that happening.

hope that answered your question!

#911 spoilers #911 #911 on abc #911 abc #tommy kinard #anti tommy kinard #not anti bi buck anti tommy kinard

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sorrowsofsilence · 3 months

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Burning out • VI

Pairing: Noah Sebastian x Fem!Reader

I was lost, but now I'm found Under the lights and in the sounds So let us sing and sing it loud That we're not perfect, but we're proud of who we are.

Noah Sebastian is lost. His crime-filled lifestyle is anything but perfect; but everything changes once he meets you.

Words: 5.4k

Warnings: 18+, explicit language, mentions of drugs and alcohol/drinking

Authors note: Chapter Six - Moral Antimatter. Hey lovelies, I am so sorry it took so long for this chapter to come out. I've been so overwhelmed with school this month, and it'll only get worse once I begin my practicum in a couple weeks- but I'll aim to have the next chapter out way sooner than this one was. Enjoy xx

THIS IS A FANFICTION USING REAL PEOPLE IN A FICTIONAL SITUATION! I AM NOT IMPLYING THESE PEOPLE WOULD DO THE THINGS IN THE STORY OR ACT THE WAY THEY DO IN THE STORY IN REAL LIFE! IT IS FICTION! IT IS JUST FOR FUN! <3

Tags: @crimson-calligraphyx @lma1986 @spicywhenspeaking @sammyjoeee @shilohrosechicken @princessmarshmallowx @laurpartyprogram @cookiesupplier @nojoyontheburn @lacktoesandtoddlerant @veronicaphoenix @er3nslovergirl @cncohshit @thescarlettvvitch @scrumptiousfestivalpost @melcchs @flowery-mess @mentallynot-here @darkmxgician @judging-from-afar

“I- the whole reason I did this robbery in specific,” I stated, opening the glovebox in front of her, revealing the plastic bottles, “was to get back your meds. That’s why I’ve been so distant.”

She stared at the orange bottles, detached.

“I have felt so fucking guilty, that I have barely been able to look at you knowing what I did,” my voice began to raise, “Like how fucked up am I? That I could do that to you, knowing, that they’re supposed to be helping you?”

I scoffed at myself as I slammed the glovebox, making Y/N jump in the process.

The more I fool myself The more I feel it creeping in I think I lost my mind again

“Y/N,” I whispered now, “I am so sorry I did this to you. I am so sorry I dragged you into this.”

The more I start to fall The more I don't see me at all I think I lost my mind again”

+++++

Y/N

I pulled my knees to my chest beneath the sheets of my bed as soft sobs escaped my chest. I breathed in and out heavily, lips parted as I coughed, congested from the tears that stained my cheeks.

So much happened, and my overwhelmed mind began to spiral. I wanted to blame myself for Noah’s decision, but at the same time how could I blame him? He needed the money, and I let him into my life without looking at the consequences. I shouldn’t look past his actions, and if I was a normal person I’d kick him out of my life… but I was already wrapped around his finger.

I really was so naive, huh?

I wanted to trust Noah. I still trust Noah.

So in the end it was all my fault, because why did I trust someone who had just come into my life so deeply?

When will that trust wear thin till the point it breaks and crumbles, shattering into an unfixable mess?

As I cried my tears for Noah, my chest heaved from the anxiety of my past. I swore to myself that I wouldn't go back to that fucking mask; that I wouldn’t let them find me. Yet, here I was, completely exposed again and traceable.

That dealer in the alleyway. He knew the mask, and he knew the code.

“We live in a twilight world: And there are no friends at dusk.”

I didn’t recognize him, but I knew that he could link me back to those I ran from. They haven’t worn the masquerade masks since I left.

I squeezed my eyes shut, the heat of my breath beginning to suffocate my body that lay beneath the covers of my duvet, shielding me from the world and all the problems within it.

"I'll See You At The Beginning, Friend."

I was going to be found, and it was going to be a mess.

If Kiean and Kade were about to be back in my life, I would need a saving grace.

As much as I didn’t want to talk to Noah about anything, or forgive him, I needed him.

I told him that I would risk it all for him, and I’ve proven it; but would he risk it all for me?

You think that I can’t see through it all? Who would walk back and risk it all for me now? Is this how breaking point sounds?

In the end, Noah isn’t the bad guy. If anything, once he finds out everything, I am.

I let the tears fall for a moment longer as I anxiously lived within my mind before the soft creak of my door opening snapped me away from my wading.

“Go away,” I mumbled, curling closer to my knees before the bed dipped gently. A soft purr came from behind the blanket and I sniffed, opening the covers to reveal Juice who waddled towards me. His head pushed into my hand, the soft orange fur of his coat instantly soothing me as my fingers ran through it.

“I thought you’d need a furry friend right now.” I heard from behind the door and I turned my head, noticing Nicholas peaking in.

“Thanks,” I mumbled, sitting up as I held Juice in my arms. He purred harder at the touch, closing his eyes in contentment.

Nicholas pushed the door open more and he held out a mug in offering, “I brought you some tea?”

I sniffed, rubbing my eyes with my free hands in an attempt to erase the tears.

Nicholas entered, placing the mug on my nightstand as he looked down at me in worry, his brows narrowed with sorrow, “I’m here to talk if you need someone to vent to.”

I nodded and Nicholas sad on the edge of my bed politely, as if afraid he was overstepping. Juice squirmed in my grasp and I let him go, and he immediately walked over to Nicholas, rubbing along his arm.

I scoffed, smiling gently, “Seems he has a new favourite.”

“What can I say, I guess I’m a cat whisperer.” Nicholas laughed, petting the cat.

I laughed lowly, rubbing my eyes again before glancing at the man before me.

As if he read my mind, he spoke first.

“I knew.” He said, and although I had a suspicion, my heart still clenched at his words.

“How long?” I whispered, picking at the fabric of my sheets.

Nicholas sighed, “The day it happened. I caught him replacing your pills.”

I nodded, unsure what to say. Not only did he steal them, he replaced them with lies. He didn’t want me to know.

“Was he ever going to tell me?” I asked, tears welling up in my eyes again.

Nicholas sucked in a breath, “Yes. I tried to get him to do it right away, but he wanted to wait until he paid everything off and could buy you more.”

I was quiet, my mind racing.

“He fucked up Y/N, and he knows that. But Noah cares about you so much.”

I laughed bitterly, “Yeah, he cares so much he went behind my back to purposefully deceit me. I probably would’ve given him the pills anyway if he asked, considering they were doing fuck all.”

Nicholas turned to face me on the bed, watching me carefully as another tear fell from my eyes.

“Why do I still want to trust him?” My voice strained as my vision blurred.

“Because you care about him too.”

I let out a frustrated groan as I pressed my palms into my eyes, “I see so much of myself in him. So much of who I was; and If I got out, so can he.”

“Who were you?” Nicholas asked now, curiously staring. I knew he had questions too. He knew that I had a bigger role within their world than initially presented; that was evident after he saw my involvement last night. The two of us have grown closer, and I knew that I’d have to trust him, and the other boys.

But It was hard to admit the shit I’ve done wrong.

“I’ll tell you guys soon,” I said as I turned away, afraid to look a him, “Once I get over the fear of you guys knowing who I used to be.”

Nicholas reached over, placing a hand on top of my own. He gave me a warm smile, “We of all people can’t judge you Y/N.”

My breath hitched in my throat as shame coated my throat, “Maybe, but there’s a reason I ran from who I used to be.”

+++++

NOAH

I sucked in a breath as my padded fist collided with the covered fabric, the punching bag swinging back towards me before throwing another punch at it again, sending the bag spiralling.

And you know that we’re racing sand But we’re stronger than we were before And their forked tongues won’t lead the way You’re not pure anymore

My forehead beaded with sweat as my headphones blared, chest heaved with the adrenaline.

I bounced back and forth as I threw more punches, letting the anger seep through me.

The sins run red, but they won’t live forever You’ll be forever fake Will the marks I lay out there come back to me?

I needed to apologize properly to Y/N, even if she didn’t want to talk to me. My heart also ached because I wanted her to see our first live show tonight; but I was worried she would request to take the night off, just as she did at the cafe this morning.

I punched the bag a few more times before stepping back and grabbing my water bottle that lay against the wall. I threw the boxing glove off of my hand before I took a few sips of water, letting the cool liquid coat my throat.

Going to the gym was a way I could let out my frustration; an escape to physically release the pent-up energy that began to suffocate me. Thankfully no one else was in the gym, leaving me alone to my thoughts.

All of this was my fault, and I was ashamed- but if Y/N and I were going to have any form of relationship moving forward, we needed to be honest with each other; no more secrets.

I was going to make an effort to earn her trust back, but I also needed to know more about her past.

I wiped my forehead with the bottom of my shirt, sighing heaving as the lyrics rang through my mind.

Together we’re trapped inside of the scales Under the greed, and the ego’s weight I won’t be slipping when we all fall into Into moral decay

I slid the glove back on, amping myself up to continue throwing punches. As I heaved I swung my arms, connecting with the bag a few more times, before the lights inside the gym turned off, leaving me in complete darkness.

Pulling out an earbud I spun around, staring at the vacant area. The windows were small, barely leading any light into the room. My chest tightened as I furrowed my brows. Was there a power outage?

I breathed heavily for a moment as I stood still, analyzing the room in confusion before walking towards the light switch. I flicked up the knob and the lights turned on, leaving me even more perplexed. They had just been shut off.

As I turned around I came face to face with a man and I jumped back in surprise, audibly yelling as my stomach dropped.

“What the fuck!”

He stared at me for a moment, and my eyes gazed over all his tattoos.

“Sebastian,” He smiled, the grillz shining amongst his teeth.

It was Vincent, unmasked. Thick brows laid above sunken blue eyes and a hollow jaw. He was bonier than I thought, with slight facial hair scruffed around his features.

“The fuck are you doing?” I held a hand on my chest as I stepped back from him.

“Theatrics?” He shrugged as he began running his fingers along the metal bars of the machinery. His hair lay until his shoulders was brunette and curly.

I watched him cautiously, “uh- how did you find me?”

Vincent chuckled, “a little birdie.”

My eyebrows furrowed at his response, “What do you want?”

The shine of his grillz taunted me as he glanced between me and the equipment. My stomach began to churn with uneasiness. He didn’t know what I looked like unmasked. How would he know I was here, of all places?

Vincent reached into his pocket, pulling out a silver quarter. He began twirling it between his fingers, watching it spin, “How about this…”

I eyed him, taking another step back.

“Heads, you tell me about your little friend Y/N.”

My gaze narrowed and my fists clenched at the mention of her name. What did he want with Y/N?

“Tails, you tell me about your masked friend.”

I chewed my cheek as I glared. So he didn’t know they were the same person, but I didn’t know why the mask was relevant, or Y/N for that matter. “Why do you need to know about either?”

Vincent smirked as he held up the coin, ignoring my question, “What do you think it’ll be? Heads or tails?”

He then flipped the coin with his thumb, the both is us watching it spin in the air before landing in his palm. He glanced at me in excitement before flipping it onto the back of his palm. He removed his hand, revealing tails.

“ah, I was hoping for this one.”

I frowned, “I have nothing to tell you about it.”

“You know who wears the mask.”

I shook my head, “I don’t.”

Vincent’s eyes gleamed in knowing, “but you do.”

“I just hired someone to help,” I said, walking back towards my backpack and water bottle. The man followed behind.

“But how did you come in contact with a member of Fidelio. Specifically the volto mask.”

“Fidelio?” I raised a brow, “I have no fucking idea what you’re on about.”

Vincent grabbed my arm, pulling me back toward him.

“Fuck off!” I yelled, riping from his grasp, “I have no idea what you’re talking about. So can you back off?”

“That member has been missing for months,” He said hastily.

I stared at him in incredulity. This guy was nuts.

He paused, watching me for a moment, eyes darting across my lost expression, “you seriously have no idea?”

“No!” I yelled, grabbing my backpack from the ground, and swinging it over my shoulder.

“Have you ever seen the movie Eyes Wide Shut?” Vincent asked. I shook my head again.

“Ok,” He ran a hand over his face, “Well Fidelio is a cult that took inspiration from the movie- minus all the weird sex and orgy stuff.”

I scoffed, “And this is relevant, why?”

“Because that cult is one of the biggest groups of underground drug dealers and crime syndicates in North America, and they’ve stopped business since that mask has disappeared.”

Something clicked once he mentioned crime syndicate; I remember briefly hearing from Jolly about how there were a few heists pulled off by a group with masks… Venetian masquerade masks. I sucked in a quick breath, hoping Vincent didn’t notice.

“Ok, great.” I shrugged, clenching the strap of my bag, “So this person I hired was probably inspired by their work and liked the mask.”

Vincent shook his head rapidly, “They knew the code.”

I watched him, “Well so did you. Are you a member then?”

He laughed at me as if what I had said was hilarious, “Me? Psh I’m flattered you’d assume, but no. My boss has been trying to take them down for years.”

“So you know the code, how?”

Vincent shrugged, “Boss knows that’s how they communicate.”

“Well, then your point of my hire knowing the code is useless if others know it too,” I stated, beginning to walk past him, “Nice chat. I’ll see you at the end of the week with more drugs.”

Vincent yelled after me, “Wait. I need to know more about this Y/N Y/L/N.”

I halted to a stop, refusing to turn around as my jaw tightened. He may not know that Y/N was wearing that mask, but he knew something related to her name.

“You stole the meds from her?” He asked.

I turned my head to the side, body remaining still as I refused to look at him, “Your coin landed on tails.”

Vincent ignored my comment, “My boss wonders where all the drugs I get come from; especially if they’re prescription. Keep track in case anything begins to link back to us.” I wanted to walk out, but curiosity kept me frozen in place.

“I told him her name, and he says he knows her,” Vincent said slowly, “been looking for her for years. So do you know her? Or was it a random theft?”

The pace of my heart picked up, but I didn’t want Vincent to notice my nerves.

“Random theft,” I faced him now, responding without hesitation, “No fucking idea who that bitch is. Do you know how many people I steal from? And have stolen from since then?”

My throat clenched as I insulted Y/N, but I needed to make it believable.

Vincent nodded, eyes analyzing my own as we started each other down. After a brief moment of silence, he spoke again, “Do you remember her address?”

With a hard expression, I bore into his blue orbs, “No.”

He glanced at me, flipping the coin in his hand once again, “Well, if you do, you know who to call.”

His shoulder brushed mine as he walked past me toward the entrance of the gym, “See ya, Noah.”

My eyes slimmed in distaste as I followed his figure before I froze at the realization of what he called me.

Noah.

I’ve never told him my first name.

+++++

Y/N

“You gonna come to the show tonight?” Folio asked as we lay on the couch in the living room, watching TV. I had put on Naturo as a way to calm my nerves, and Ruffilo and Folio had heard the intro, immediately bolting up the stairs in excitement.

I rolled my head to look at him, “I do work tonight, so you couldn’t make me not go even if you wanted to.”

Folio and Ruffilo laughed, and I smiled, turning my attention back to the show.

“How are we gonna celebrate?” Nicholas asked, nudging my side, “We gotta have some drinks together.”

I squirmed at his touch, laughing, “I don’t know. I can ask to be off early since I’m starting at 4 today. You guys play at 11 pm, right?”

Nicholas nodded, “Yeah, 45 min set or something.”

“Noah will be happy you’re coming,” Nick said, and as if Noah heard his name, the front door opened, revealing the long-haired brunette, his face dishevelled.

The three of us looked at him, and I immediately sunk into the couch in an attempt to hide myself, but Noah’s eyes locked onto mine. He kicked off his shoes before standing at the bottom of the stairs.

“We need to talk. Bedroom, now.” He said with haste, grubbing the wooden railing.

“Yeesh,” Folio mumbled, glancing at me before back at Noah, “That’s not how you turn a girl on Noah.”

“Fuck off Nick,” Noah said, waiting for me to get up.

“Y/N.”

His stern tone left my body shivering and so I obliged, standing up and leaving the Nick’s to follow Noah up the stairs.

I trailed behind him and he closed the door to my bedroom once both of us were inside. He turned to look at me with accusation.

“Does Fidelio ring a bell?”

My mouth dried as the word left his lips, my lungs struggling to suck in a much-needed breath. How did he know?

My palms began to sweat as my fingers wrapped around each other, a form of distraction, “Like uh, Beethoven’s Opera?”

Noah rolled his eyes, “Don’t play dumb. The mask.”

My throat warmed in apprehension with the heartbeat that began trailing up the skin, “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

I should just tell him. What’s stopping me?

“Are you the missing member with the Volto mask?” Noah asked, holding the sides of my arms, his fingers squeezing against the dark blue long sleeve I wore.

Fear.

Tears pricked my eyes as my chest rose quickly, the onset of a panic attack beginning to set in. Noah noticed, his grip loosening as his chestnut eyes softened.

“You need to tell me Y/N,” He whispered as I began shaking. Noah pulled me into his chest, enveloping me against his body.

I whispered into the fabric he wore, “Yes.”

Noah’s hand trailed up my back, cupping my head in a comforting manner as he held me. Our bodies swayed gently in a moment of brief silence.

“Do you know Vincent?” He asked.

I hiccuped as tears fell, shaking my head, “No I don’t think so…but he knows the code.”

You think that I can’t see through it all? Who would walk back and risk it all for me now? Is this how breaking point sounds?

“He found me at the gym,” Noah began, pulling me from his body to look up at him, “He was asking about you. With the mask, and without.”

My eyes widened as I stared at him, shaky breaths on the verge of hyperventilation crawling from my chest, “Does he know it’s me?”

Noah shook his head, “No, but his boss recognizes your name. And of course, he knows about the Fidelio syndicate.”

I swallowed harshly, digesting the information.

“He knows your name because it was on the bottle when I sold your pills; I guess recognized it.” Noah sighed, taking a step back from me, turning on his heel with a hand on his forehead.

“I thought I recognized your mask,” He threw his head back in frustration, “But I couldn’t remember from where… and then I googled after Vincent told me.”

Noah slid his phone out of his pocket, scrolling for a moment before pulling up a news article from a few months ago.

Aftermath Broken promises collapse Bodies lay like shattered glass Hold the pieces, feel how nothing ever lasts

With tunnel vision fading in How I've thirsted for the end Pull me closer till I'm in over my head

My eyes skimmed the news article, and any words I had forming caught in my throat.

Noah’s eyes were hollow, “You came here, to Los Angeles not long after this was released…”

I sucked in a breath, “I told you I was running.”

“That’s why you gave me a chance,” Noah said, pulling the phone from my face, and placing it back into his pocket, “You were no better than I am.”

Were.

Past tense. He knew things had changed.

To have someone understand your mind is a different kind of intimacy, and Noah read every part of me at this moment.

“I escaped,” I whispered, barely audible as my voice cracked, “I didn’t want that life. I was used, angry, and unworthy.”

We are broken bodies bound for еach other In the impact, we become antimatter The dust hasn't settled but we feel the decay

“Your past does not define you,” Noah breathed softly, pulling me into another hug, “You were a result of circumstance…If anything it makes me respect you even more with how far you’ve come.”

Torn limb from limb, I am swearing your name Our hands collide, we brace together In the impact, we become antimatter

“I’m proud of you.”

Noah’s words rang in my ear as I cried, holding myself against his chest. My knuckles whitened through the grip I held on his sweater, my body vibrating through the pain. I’m proud of you. No one has ever said that to me.

I sobbed into his body for a few more moments as he squeezed me with compassion, taking in all the emotions I displayed for him.

“I knew what it was like being in your shoes,” I sniffed, “I’m still lost, but I’m finding my way. You deserve to escape too.”

Noah’s grip tightened before he pulled away, “I see it now.”

My mind was still racing at Vincent and the information Noah brought.

“Do you know who his boss is?” I asked Noah, even more nervous now. I didn’t know many people within the drug ring; I always played on the sidelines.

Was it someone who knew my true identity?

We're waiting in the wreckage for the sun to rise I'm staring at the fractures no one else can see, they're so complete When morning comes, will there be anyone left to find? My vision starts to surrender, as colors subvert the night

“I went by a different name,” I watched Noah carefully, “Y/N Y/L/N is my real name. Only two people back home know it, other than my extended family… that I know of.”

“I mean that’s smart. I don’t know who his boss is,” Noah said, his face contorting, “but maybe he’s tied back to you?”

I sighed anxiously. I had no idea who Vincent’s boss could be, but my stomach churned at the idea of it being one of the members of Fidelio.

“You risked everything coming to help me rob the pharmacy then… why?” Noah grabbed my hands, placing them gently within his, “Especially because you chose to wear the mask.”

I shrugged, hands warming from his touch, “I-I don’t know. I just- I would do anything to help you escape from this life. You asked me for help, how could I say no? Especially when I have enough experience?”

One of Noah’s hands travelled up my arm, resting below my chin. He pushed gently, making me look up into his October eyes.

Stolen by auroras, our bodies re-align Magnetic in the impulse, show me the other side Suspended in the ether, till I felt you in my chest I know we're not alone, but I'm in over my head

“I’m sorry I broke your trust. I’m sorry I didn’t ask you about the pills, and I’m sorry I stole them.” His eyes darted across my face, sincerity radiating from his pupils, “I will never do anything like that again; over my dead body.”

His words burned into my skin through the touch of his fingertips. I knew he was sorry, and I knew he felt bad. He made a mistake, he wasn’t perfect. He was human.

“I forgive you, Noah. You need the money,” I said, “You’re almost free.”

Noah pulled me closer to his chest and I leaned into his touch, our lips brushing against each other gently. My stomach spiralled with nerves as Noah’s warm breath escaped his lips before he placed them delicately against my own. It was a different kind of kiss; my limbs tingled as my mind warmed with admiration. It wasn’t hungry or desperate, it wasn’t filled with haste. It was proof that Noah accepted me as I was- just as had accepted him. It made me feel vulnerable.

We are broken bodies bound for each other In the impact, we become antimatter

+++++

The boys arrived at Sammy’s around 9 pm, sitting along the bar as they waited. They periodically kept trying to talk to me as I waited tables and catered to guests.

“Folio I’m so glad you’re telling me a story about the biggest fish you ever caught,” I began as I poured a few shots, “But you do know I am on the clock, right?”

Nick frowned and I gave him an empathetic smile. I loved having them here since it made work much more entertaining, but at the same time, I couldn’t stop getting distracted by their conversation and by Noah’s presence.

I couldn't help but steal glances at the long-haired gentleman when he would look away, admiring the way his smile lit up his eyes, or the scrunch of his nose when Nicholas made a joke; and I could feel his eyes burning into me every time I walked away, or turned to make a drink.

“Well,” Nick took a sip of his beer, “if you could fuck Noah in the bathroom at work you can hear about my fish,” He pouted and my eyes widened, along with Noah’s.

Noah and I shared eye contact in a knowing glance. Both of us immediately flushed and looked away in awkwardness. I shot Nick a glare before I turned around, bringing the shots to the customers who ordered.

Nicholas burst out laughing behind me as he doubled over the counter, pulling Jolly down with him.

“Dude that was so out of pocket,” Nicholas wheezed as Jolly’s chortle echoed through the busy room.

The bar was decently packed tonight with people anticipating the first live music showcase. I was just as excited; because I couldn’t wait to hear them perform somewhere outside of the basement.

My mind kept tracing back to the realization that now that the mask was back, I was going to be traceable. My entire shift I felt uneasy, worried that with every turning corner someone who knew could show up; but I pushed away those thoughts, remaining happy and supportive as the boys were going to be on stage soon.

I walked back behind the counter, smiling at them.

“Guys want a shot for some liquid courage?” I asked, holding up a bottle of tequila.

“You know it,” Folio nodded.

“We should probably do a soundcheck, yeah?” Jolly raised a brow at Noah who nodded in agreement.

“That’s what bands do, right?” Noah said, spinning on the bar chair as I placed the shot and a lime wedge in front of each of them.

“To uh-” I raised my empty glass to cheer with them, but I couldn’t finish my sentence, because they hadn’t chosen a name for the band.

“To Glass Houses?” Jolly shrugged, and Noah mimicked him. The four boys took the drink, squinting at the bitterness before sucking on the lime.

“We haven’t chosen a name… but we can go by glass houses for now,” Noah laughed, before standing up.

I smiled up at them, giving the boys a thumbs up, “Good luck gentlemen, you got this!”

“Thanks, Y/N,” Nicholas smiled back, following Jolly and Nick towards the stage.

Noah turned to look at me, “Don’t judge us too hard, ok?”

“I’m not the cool one in a band,” I chuckled as I mixed another drink, “No judgment here, only proud to say I know you personally.”

“Ah yes,” Noah licked his lips before flashing a wide smile, “personally.” His tone insinuated something much more and I couldn’t help but shake my head as my face warmed once again.

“Break a leg, as they say.” I cheered, and Noah nodded at me before meeting the rest of the boys.

Half an hour later it was eleven, and I asked my boss if I could be off early. She didn’t mind, so I grabbed a rum and coke before sitting at the seats that were in front of the stage.

I could tell they were nervous as each of them fiddled with their equipment. A few moments later the stereo died down and Noah tapped the microphone, his hair cascading over his face as he spoke.

“Uh, hey!” He began the feedback echoing slightly through the bar. I smiled encouragingly up at him as his eyes met mine, and he smiled back as if speaking to me.

“So this is our first gig, we don’t have an official name but call us Glass Houses for now!”

The small crowd clapped as Noah looked towards the boys, nodding at them.

“So I guess we’ll start with a cover of Come Undone by Duran Duran!”

Another applause sounded and Jolly began playing the riff before Folio’s drums and Ruffilo’s bass joined.

Noah jumped on the floor as his hair whipped around, feeling the into and the crowd cheered, before he gripped the mic stand, preparing to sing.

“Mine immaculate dream Made breath and skin, I've been waiting for you Signed, with a home tattoo Happy birthday to you was created for you.”

I bobbed my head, proud as guests began singing along. It wasn’t until Noah’s voice became deeper and raspier with the chorus that I smiled wider, heart hammering as he sang, watching me periodically from the stand.

“Who do you need? Who do you love When you come undone? Who do you need? Who do you love When you come undone?”

The evening went on as the boys covered various songs, before getting ready to perform their last song for the night.

“Thank you guys so much for jamming along!” Noah yelled before sipping his water bottle, “It’s about to get heavy, so I want to see you mother fuckers headbang!”

The crowd cheered as Noah introduced Glass Houses, and the song began.

I banged my head with the music as their hair flew in spirals, pulling out my phone to record them.

As I opened my phone I saw a text message from an unknown number. Clicking on it my stomach immediately dropped as my limbs warmed with complete terror.

Los Angeles, hey? It’s about time we booked a vacation anyway. See you soon, my volto x

+++++

Chapter 7

#burning out fanfic #sorrows of silence #bad omens #noah sebastian #bad omens cult #bad omens band #noah sebastian davis #metalcore #noah sebastian fanfiction #noah sebastian x reader #noah sebastian fanfic #bad omens fanfiction #heist #criminals

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dk-ghostmachines · 4 months

Text

i gotta talk about FourDogs

I really do. 'Cause I posted a lil' passive-aggressive hot take a few days ago, but this is Tumblr not TikTok. Here we can have our 60-second hot takes and eat our long essays too. Kipperlilly Copperkettle was introduced as a rival in episode 3, after which there were a number of posts criticizing The Bad Kids' response to her, labeling it disproportionately mean at best and bullying at worst. I think that's an unfair reading of that interaction and I'm gonna talk about why.

Now, I'll be the first to admit that it's parasocial as fuck over here and The Bad Kids are my personal best friends actually, so where necessary I'll do my best to separate the ((loyalist ride-or-die-bad-boys-for-lyfe emotional reactions)) from the actual points I'm trying to make.

((That being said, the fuck was FourDogs talking about? Y'know? Like what was she on about, for real?))

Here's what's true: over the course of their time at Aguefort, three adults directly related to The Bad Kids - Jawbone, Gorthalax, and Gilear - have been instated as faculty or staff. And if I'm a third-party, especially another student, then for sure. It's giving nepotism, it's giving cronyism, and I'm drinking my Haterade about it every morning. But favoritism is about treatment. It's about actions, rewards, benefits - and ma'am, if you're gonna levy a charge like that, I'm afraid you're gonna need receipts!

What actual benefits have The Bad Kids received from the school that is not available to other students? In freshman and sophomore year, The Bad Kids get detention like anybody else, they don't make it on the Bloodrush team, Gorgug in particular was always not doing great in Barbarian class, they take their midterms, they have to complete the big 60%-of-the-grade spring break project, etc. And now this year, Fig is getting punished for not going to class, Kristen is getting consequences specific to being a kid with ADHD who doesn't live at home anymore, Gorgug's still getting the literal opposite of favoritism from Porter, and Riz, Adaine, and Fabian are all getting the treatment from professors that is proportional for historically successful students in good academic standing.

((And someone else brought this up but, re:that 60%-of-the-grade project, miss ma'am, what were you doing in the Far Haven Woods?? In addition to saving the world again, The Bad Kids endured borderline psychological torture for their final grade, while the Buttcrushers got to step on bugs in the neutral zone??? But they're the privileged ones, no, for sure))

Whether or not saving the world is as big a deal in-universe as it would be in our real world is up for debate. Brennan said it was an outstanding feat in the scope of student adventuring at Aguefort to consistently complete Class B and C quests, but then, when TBK comes back from Hot Yorb Summer everyone acts like they went on a class trip to Six Flags. Either way, unearned success is the wiiiiiildest claim to lay at the feet of consistent world-savers.

Freshmen year it was the Helioic Fundamentalist Apocalypse and the Emperor of the Red Wastes. Sophomore year it was the Nightmare King and the Night Yorb. They've saved the whole school, they've saved specific students at the school. They My Little Pony-ed Ragh, one of the biggest actual bullies Aguefort had, and then Fabian killed toxic masculinity! Even if the favoritism was in the room with us, would it not be the natural result of all this hero shit??? Aguefort hasn't done The Bad Kids any favors he wouldn't do for the rest of the student body, but even if he had I'd get it because KRISTEN APPLEBEES SNUCK HIM INTO HEAVEN AND THEN BROUGHT HIS ASS BACK TO LIFE.

Again, maybe not remarkable in a world where Revivify is just a thing you can learn, but y'know! Shit!! Diamonds aren't free!!

Also FourDogs' whole tone of disdain for the "eccentricity" of Arthur Aguefort's administrative decisions truly boggles the mind, because we found out in freshmen year that he has some kind of mass Power Word over the government of Solace that allows the students of his school to do crimes, AND in sophomore year he has that auto-call-ex-machina that students can evoke when they're in danger overseas. His "eccentricity" is the reason the school can function at all, put some respect on man's name.

Now, let's get word-perfect.

That's the American Psychological Association.

And that's StopBullying.gov, which is managed by the Department of Health and Human Services.

Here's what's true. At moment 00:00 of their relationship, Kristen said something pretty freakin' mean to Kipperlilly for an audience of her friends with like, no provocation.

Kipperlily then revealed that she has based her entire campaign around addressing the perceived privilege that "some students" have under Arthur Aguefort's rules. And THEN, Jawbone revealed that Kipperlilly had been snooping around asking questions about Kristen's relationships with her god and trying to get general dirt on The Bad Kids. BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE, in the preview for episode 6, we get Murph's line of "Kipperlilly's team is trying to get us kicked out of school".

Does that excuse the thing Kristen said ((yes it was hilarious)), no. Not at all. She didn't know that stuff, Kipperlilly just failed a vibe check. In the moment though, that's all it was. The Bad Kids met someone they didn't like and perceived as a threat, and Kipperlilly had something mean said to her by people she already didn't like and already wants to see brought down. While she was not threatening them in that moment, Kipperlilly is a threat. She's not a victim, she is an equal with opposing goals. And now that Ruben has the song of the summer, The Buttcrushers are probably just as popular as The Bad Kids. There is no greater imbalance, they're just adversaries.

Ultimately, Kipperlilly's got them fucked up. But she's a kid. Kids are allowed to get shit fucked up and misdirect their anger at systemic unfairness. TBK are also kids and well within their rights to feel what they felt when Four Dogs walked up with self-righteous vibes and started yappin about academic privilege in what is already the most academically stressful year of their lives.

As the audience, we not only know all the shit TBK has gone through that Kipperlilly does not, we also are aware of how Brennan is introducing her in the story. As soon as he brings her into the scene, you know what's up. The voice he gives her, the tone, the actual things he's saying - if you watch everyone's face after the line about favoritism gets dropped it's the culmination of the whole interaction. Oh, she's our enemy, like our specific enemy and her team is coming for us, specifically.

So what do we gain from ignoring all that? From ignoring the JUICE of this rivalry and flattening it into "the bad kids were mean :/". I actually love Kipperlilly, the rivalry is giving and I love feeling big emotions and getting to use angry, feral, fandom language. FourDogs, can't wait to see you next week, and I can't wait to read the 40k word, FourDogsxKristen, enemies-to-lovers fics. And y'know, shout out to all the people who kin her because she found the rogue teacher, it's pretty goated, I won't lie.

But also. Bad Kids Supremacy. Buttcrushers, stay mad.

#d20 #dimension 20 #kipperlilly copperkettle #four dogs #fhjy spoilers #fhjy #in this essay i will #free my kids they did nothing wrong #i support bad kids rights #i support bad kids wrongs #fantasy high junior year

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housethemd · 6 months

Text

Rewatched the S2 finale last night

Can we talk how most of the episode is a hallucination/dream, therefore everything everyone says to him is actually his own thoughts?

They do draw attention to it with the fellows, but it’s true for everything Cuddy says, everything Wilson says, everything the gunman says.

“You pretend to buck the system, pretend to be a rebel, claim to hate rules. But all you do is substitute your own rules for society's. And it's a nice, simple rule: tell the blunt, honest truth in the starkest, darkest way. And what will be, will be. What will be, should be. And everyone else is a coward. But you're wrong. It's not cowardly to not call someone an idiot. People aren't tactful or polite just because it's nice. They do it because they've got an ounce of humility. 'Cause they know that they will make mistakes. They know that their actions have consequences. And they know that those consequences are their fault. Why do you want so bad not to be human, House?”

“You think that the only truth that matters is the truth that can be measured. Good intentions don't count, what's in your heart doesn't count, caring doesn't count, that a man's life can't be measured by how many tears are shed when he dies. It's because you can't measure them. It's because you don't want to measure them. Doesn't mean it's not real. And even if I'm wrong, you're still miserable. Did you really think that your life's purpose was to sacrifice yourself and get nothing in return? No. You believe there is no purpose to anything. Even the lives you save you dismiss. You turn the one decent thing in your life and you taint it, strip it of all meaning. You're miserable for nothing. I don't know why you'd want to live.”

These are House’s thoughts ABOUT HIMSELF. Which is just so heartbreaking on repeat watches where you know this is the case while it’s happening.

I find the line “I don’t know why you’d want to live” especially heartbreaking because over the course of the series House implies he thinks or at one point thought about suicide somewhat regularly, and this being his own mind questioning why he’d want to live?

I have so many feelings I cannot put into words.

#house md #hate crimes md #greg house #dr house #gregory house #tw suicide mention

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mrsmarlasinger · 1 year

Text

The surreal thing about the Titan submersible: unless someone pulls off a miraculous last-minute rescue, when we all wake up tomorrow, those five men will be dead.

I mean, assuming they haven't already hyperventilated the last of their oxygen or imploded in a hull failure event.

It's currently June 22nd, 1:48 AM, MDT. If they're still alive, they will not be within the next...what, three hours? Give or take. And it would take hours to get the sub to the surface if it were found miles underwater, so if it's at the bottom of the sea, that really gives the rescuers...I don't know, like, maybe an hour to pull off the impossible?

These men are about to cross the event horizon.

When the banging sounds were first reported, it blew my fucking mind. I'd been certain that they were dead already, or that if they weren't, they would be soon. Without question. Then came this bizarre, impossible glimmer of hope. And I thought, if those sounds really were occurring at thirty-minute intervals, if it really was the Titan passengers, then maybe—maybe—they had a chance.

But they just...don't. Let's be realistic: they're about to die. We know this. We know for a fact that their time is about to run out.

And I know people are angry about the Missing White Woman Syndrome feel of it all. It would make for such on-the-nose satire. Five wealthy men have the world on pins and needles; where was that energy when hundreds of refugees drowned off the coast of Greece a week ago?

It frustrates me that I'm so invested in the Titan sub. It's like the entire incident was orchestrated for the sole purpose of grabbing attention (of course I don't believe that's the case). The very premise of the sub is tauntingly ridiculous—so very blatantly an expensive suicide. I saw someone compare it to an Onion article, and it IS.

The shitty video game controller, the ominous waiver, Stockton Rush's portentous comments (hell, even his name), the toilet sat right in front of that tiny dollhouse window. The absurd price tag paired with a history of failed dives and an OceanGate employee fired and sued years ago for raising safety concerns.

God, it's so dumb. It's so so fucking dumb. In real life, what we'd call "foreshadowing" is really just actions→consequences. But still. Still. It reads like sitcom writers setting the dominos for a season finale, tirelessly working to maximize memeability so we can all point and laugh with our popcorn.

The sheer pointless, brainless, wasteful extravagance of it all makes it easy to forget how horrific and tragic the ordeal really is. It grants us some strange permission to rubberneck.

And, well, who wouldn't want to rubberneck? The drama. Horror movie levels of repulsion. Any fear you can imagine—the dark, the cold, the ocean, suffocation, confined spaces, death—all wrapped into one perfect, cinematic nightmare. It's a black comedy: dumbassery punished by a fate we don't, shouldn't, wish even on billionaires.

Then, of course, there is the deadline. Pun not intended.

That, I think, is what's really gripped us. The limited oxygen supply is a countdown, a ticking time bomb. Ten minutes left in the movie—can the protagonist pull off a daring escape in time?

God, I know I sound like one of those crisis actor conspiracy theorists, but you couldn't manufacture a more gripping story if you tried. That hard figure we've seen in every news article: 96 hours. Ninety-six hours to save the day.

Can you see the Netflix docudrama now? The cuts to a black screen with the remaining number of hours emblazoned in the center? "If we don't find that sub tonight, those men are dead," some intrepid rescuer says...a split second of grave silence...then the scene goes black, except for a line of heavyweight white text that reads, in all caps, "SIX HOURS REMAINING." Next we'll see a heart-wrenchingly candid conversation between the passengers, for character development.

You know Channel 5 is airing a documentary about the Titan in the UK tomorrow. Tonight, actually, since I guess it's technically Thursday morning. The countdown was so hard-set, ITN calculated the exact hour at which they could broadcast their production. The perfect moment for them to capitalize on that post-curtains melancholy we all get at the end of a movie.

It's crass, but fascinating, too. Is ITN going to acknowledge their production timeline by leaving the documentary's ending ambiguous, a choice which will ring bittersweet when aired in the aftermath of the inevitable deaths? Will they scramble to concoct an ending in those mere hours after the passengers asphyxiate? Have they already made two endings: one in case of a miracle, and one in case of a tragedy? Any answer is soulless.

But all of this is soulless. The Titan is our gladiator fight, our bread and circuses. Still, I can't stop staring, because I cannot wrap my head around it. It's 3:30 AM now. Within hours, they will be dead, sure as an execution.

Few news stories come with such a grim deadline. Almost always it's a nail-biting rescue whose twists and turns we follow until some hitherto-unpredictable endpoint; or a sprawling clusterfuck of tragedy trailed by aftermath upon aftermath; or a search for a missing person that eventually meanders into a quiet presumption of death.

The certainty blows my mind—the finality of it, the tragedy of it, is incomprehensible. It doesn't feel real. Why do I care so much? Those men were dead from the start (if not literally, then certainly figuratively). Why do I keep reading about it, posting about it? Why can't I stop watching the car wreck smolder? What am I doing still standing in the street?

I hate that I fell prey to the submarine story like everyone else with an internet connection. But whatever deity may or may not exist got bored, I guess, and crafted the dramedy-action-horror hybrid of the year. Even wove in little cliffhangers (the banging! On the sonobuoys! There's still time!) to string us along like a damn HBO producer.

It gets me, man.

It's 4:00 AM, MDT. I guess it's really over, huh? I know 96 hours was never an exact deadline, but let's not be idealistic here.

I hope it was quick. I hope they imploded in a single terrible instant.

I hope the next sunken boat of six hundred refugees wins as much attention as the Titan did.

I hope Netflix doesn't make that docudrama with the black screen and the all-caps line of heavyweight white text.

I hope we sleep. I hope I sleep. I hope we all can sleep.

#titanic #oceangate #titanic submarine #titan submarine #titan #ocean gate #missing submarine #submarine #death #june 2023 #current events #suicide mention

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completeoveranalysis · 8 months

Note

Of Yūko's customers, which ones you find most memorable?

Most memorable customers, you say?

I hope you don't mind me using this as an excuse to make an arbitrary list by way of answer. (Arbitrary lists, my beloved...)

Yuuko's Customers In Order Of How Well I Remember Them

(Though I will exclude all the bigger characters for fairness. So, Syaoran, Watanuki, Lava Lamp, Fai, Kurogane, Doumeki, Himawari, Seishirou, Ashura, Tomoyo, etc, etc. Regular xxxHolic customers only!)

10. Birdcage Customer

What was this about? Was he even a customer? We just don't know!

But the thing most memorable about this whole situation is the most pressing question: WHY DO YOU HAVE EVIL WOLVERINE'S SYMBOL ALL OVER YOUR HOME? It's even on his front sign!

WHO ARE YOU?????

9. The Liar

Mostly at the bottom because I can't resist the irony. She's the first big customer we see - but what do we really know about her? Absolutely nothing, because she lied every step of the way!

What can we really remember about someone who never actually told us anything about herself?

Though I guess you could say her ending causes quite an impact.

8. Monkey's Paw Customer

Did I forget this had happened? Perhaps!

She's one of those cases where the cause and effect are so clear that the rest of the cast might as well not even be there - and I think most of her story IS told through scenes entirely from her perspective.

I think the most memorable thing about her is the Sheer Audacity of hunting down a monkey's paw and being convinced that, actually, she already knows what it does so it can't possibly go wrong. Love that for her. Would kill for this confidence.

(Not literally - but she kind of did that also)

7. Ame Warashi

Her impeccable style. Her winning charm. She's an icon.

I had just completely forgotten that she was also a customer at one point.

She makes up for it for being absolutely great in every scene she was in, but what are you going to do in a list based purely on how well I remember the customer part? Woops! My bad!

6. Karasu Tengu

They get huge points for this being a Central Event in the narrative, but also I completely forgot they were in this as customers. The entire plot scenario? Incredible! Character defining! Et cetera!

The actual Karasu Tengu themselves? Woops! I forgot they were there. My fault though!

5. The Computer Addict

I love this one. She's so ahead of the curve that she was addicted to the internet back when you had to be on the pc to use it. Honestly, relatable. I also went through a phase like this as a young teen, so the struggle was real.

Little did we all know that in the present day the accessibility of the internet would be so rampant that she literally wouldn't even need that pc to indulge her habits anymore. Oops!

But that aside Yuuko is peak during this arc and I love everything about it. Especially the fact that Yuuko just hangs out on message boards in her free time? Wonderful information. I can do so much with this.

4. Oops! All Ghosts

Another incredible storyline. The twists are preserved by some sneaky panels from Watanuki's perspective and Yuuko's morally grey approach to the whole situation is wonderful. What if you wanted to get rid of the ghost in your home, only to find out that YOU were the ghost all along? It has the DISTRESS. It has the CONFLICT. It has the TRAGEDY. 10/10

3. Haunted Photo

Another customer with Peak Audacity. Trying to wish away the consequences of your own actions? Committing something awful but being unable to actually look at the proof yourself? The ultimate wish being an anxiety inducing curse that is sure to fail? Love it.

It's also one of those juicy situations where the morality of the situation basically drives itself. The customer causes her own problems and can't actually be saved - and doesn't deserve it either.

And honestly I think CLAMP should get a lot of credit for having the haunting effects of a photograph slowly turning around in a purely static medium. They really pulled that off.

I still love the evil smile in the photograph the last time we see it. PURE memorable.

2. The Twin

WE LOVE HER? WE LOVE HER.

Being consistently cut off and run down and overwritten and slowly clawing your way out of the situation through the sheer desire to be your own person?

And then the answer is a haircut?

It's another glimpse into the side of Yuuko that really does try cut people a good bargain. The wish could have been taken in any number of ways, but Yuuko went for the easiest and most affordable way that would genuinely help the customer actually fix her life on her own. She didn't specifically need supernatural help for this, but it was the route that presented itself, and it was the one that got her the help she needed when she needed it. Very hitsuzen, very relatable, very identifiable storyline that sticks with you.

Just like the final entry!

1. Kohane

Listen do I even need to explain this one.

Kohane is like THE storyline. It's THE example of what it's all about. It's not entirely supernatural in nature but completely heart wrenching. It has Watanuki playing a central role in fixing the problem, setting up for his future (or at least, what I assume it will be). It ties xxxHolic to Tsubasa and hints at a secret tool that will help with someone later.

And it has Kohane! You can't go wrong.

#I'm not counting the ghost who tries to kill Watanuki #because she was lonely #Or uh... all the other ghosts that try to kill Watanuki #Didn't buy anything! Not customers!#replies #traditionalartist #not liveblogging the reservoir chronicle #xxxholic #Oh am I doing a ranking list for no reason?#YES ABSOLUTELY #Listen I love it #I'll rank anything for any reason #But also #The thematic links between all the longer Customer arcs?#The overlaps between the computer addict the twin and kohane?#The line between the haunted photo and kohane's mother?#Wonderful #I love how they play with themes all the way through #But in different flavours and in different stages

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the-badger-mole · 1 year

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I feel like I don't harp on Aang's lack of leadership skills enough. I can already hear people cracking their knuckles to type out some long diatribe about how it's unfair to judge Aang's leadership because he's a kid. Let me stop you right there. As with his lack of respect for consent and his lack of preparation to deal with Ozai, his age is irrelevant because the framing of Aang would have us believe that he's right. The show wants us, the audience, to see Aang as clever and wise beyond his years. To say I can't be too hard on Aang because he's a child flies directly in the face of what the writers intended. So, step away from the keyboard and let me finish, alright?

Bet.

When I think of Aang as a leader, the episode that comes to mind is The Great Divide. Someone recently brought this up to me as an example of Aang being a Trickster type. I disagree. I think Aang is more of an Innocent than a Trickster, but I get how someone might see him as either *. It doesn't make him a great leader, in any case. In fact, it supports my theory that he's a bad leader. His actions in TGD show that he is far more interested in taking the easy way out than in any real sort of conflict resolution, which in a world looking for guidance post war is...not a great attitude to have. This is the most egregious example of his lack of conflict resolution skills, but it's not the only example of this. He also looks for the easy fix when Katara and Toph are fighting (although, this is interestingly actually framed as a misstep for him. A box of Mars bars to Bryke for that, I guess). It would be fine if this was acknowledged as a short-coming in him, but the way TGD ends, it's supposed to make Aang look clever. (P.S. there's NO way those groups didn't go right back to fighting, because that's not how conflict works).

Bryke could have left that alone and just have more examples of Aang being a good leader in the rest of the series or in the comics, but seeing as they don't seem to understand why Aang isn't the wonderful person they frame him to be, I get why there's not a whole lot of growth in him. Speaking of the comics, remember that time that Aang jumped on board with anti-miscegenation without considering the consequences? Remember how the only reason he changed his mind is because he would be personally affected by it? Yeah...

So, in the comics, Aang meets a group of wanna be Acolytes who studied Air Nomad customs and wanted to actually live them out. They shaved their heads and painted on some tattoos, and Aang was all about it...until he realized that it wasn't paint, they had actually gotten the tattoos, and at that point, he feels insulted. Mind you, he wasn't insulted about his culture being used as cosplay. He was mad that they misunderstood the significance of the tattoos and in their misguided attempts they did something they weren't supposed to. I'm not saying he was wrong to be upset, per se, I'm just saying that cultural appropriation is probably something that the creators of Avatar: The Last Airbender are out of their depths on. Well, this incident sours him on the idea of mixing cultures and in his anger, he jumps right to anti-miscegenation.

Let me repeat that. Avatar Aang, who is supposed to represent all peoples, got angry at some well-intentioned, but severely misguided girls, and decided that the solution would be to support policies that would literally tear apart families. Then he only walked that back because he wouldn't be able to keep Katara. It wasn't him realizing how much damage he would do to other people. It wasn't him understanding that the issue he's trying to solve requires more delicate handling than simply saying "everyone go back to where you came from". It was his selfishness that saved the day (sort of? I think annexing a part of the Earth Kingdom to make pseudo-New York was...questionable at best).

These are the two biggest, if not only examples of the type of leader Aang is. In both cases, his solution had more to do with him, his personal convenience, his feelings, than any thought of how best serve the people looking to him to lead. They are not presented as issues with his leadership, highlighting the ways he needs to grow into his role. The solutions he comes up with are presented as examples of his cleverness and wisdom, but actually, they just show how he leads based on what's best for him. The people of Planet Avatar ** are subject to Aang's whims and how much work he feels like putting in on a given day. But the people he's leading are supposed to think he's a Big Dang Hero. In a better written story, this would be the beginning of a villain arc.

*(btw, it is still The Year of Content ™️©️®️, so probably expect another post in the future about why I think Aang is more in line with the Innocent than the Trickster. Maybe. We'll see...)

** (is there a name for that world in the fandom? Can we come up with one? Planet Avatar is incredibly lame.)

#atla #anti aang #avatar aang is bad at his job #and the narrative doesn't seem interested actually improving him #they just want us to accept that he's a good leader #without any evidence of his leadership skills #for anyone who thinks i ONLY hate aang because of zutara #nuh-uh!!!#i also hate him for being a a boring poorly written character who the writers tried to trick me into believing was tH3 r3@L h3R0000 🙄#as if #THE YEAR OF CONTENT!!!!

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givehimthemedicine · 9 months

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🛹🛼

lots of talk about why Mike reacted so negatively to this when he reacted so positively to this:

can we talk about how the Rinkomania reaction started in between those two things? right here:

at mid-season-2, all the times Mike has seen El use force against people have been super justified because there were lives at stake (or at very least, like in the case of tossing Lucas in the junkyard, she thought there were)

then Max wipes out, and goes "ooh it was like a magnet pulled on my board" and instead of taking that the way anyone would - that this annoying girl fell due to lack of skill and is trying to save face with a stupid excuse - INSTANTLY Mike suspects El. El, who's currently dead or lost in another dimension or whatever, must actually be lurking around here with nothing better to do than trip Max.

ok 100% accurate but I'm offended nonetheless

why did he jump to that conclusion?

the last time some inexplicable, physical but nonlethal hijinks befell someone he was talking to, he turned around and saw who was responsible:

so when Max fell, in that same gym btw, of course his brain goes turn around, look at what you seee

this was Mike learning that, oh, El isn't Superman and doesn't reserve her powers only for perfectly morally justified situations, but can in fact lash out about anything that bothers her, like the disturbed child she is.

BUT I don't think he actually processed that at that moment. he wasn't thinking about how Max did absolutely nothing that could be misinterpreted as a threat, and didn't deserve this. at that moment, any thought of justice for Max, or scrutiny of El's motives, was easily and completely drowned out by excitement that El might be there.

so later Mike sees Angela screaming on the ground with El standing over her, and remembers he has already seen El respond to a non-life-threatening situation with a level of force that didn't make sense to him.

plus he has that whole protection thing and I think seeing anyone get hurt is paladin catnip to him (see him rushing to Max's aid two seconds after telling her she's annoying). he has that instinct to support whoever's been knocked down undeservedly - yeah he knows Angela is an asshole, but El's response seems overboard to him, so while he doesn't go as far as rushing to Angela's side, he doesn't rush to El's side either.

he keeps distance between himself and El at the rink and leaves her sitting alone in the most literal demonstration of not wanting to take her side. he seems irritated in the car and downright pissed at the dinner table. I think it's true that he was overwhelmed in the moment and scared not of El but of the situation, but I don't think that's all of it, because then why would he be pissed.

maybe he's seeing patterns and thinking back on how Max didn't deserve that at all, and how neither of these things were very Superman of El and he's a bit disillusioned that she doesn't live up to the flawless superhero moral code he assigns her in his mind.

while the Angela thing seems WAY harsher than the Max thing, can I also say that a lot of that is due to circumstances?

Angela's pouring blood, wailing, an ambulance has to come, there's lots of witnesses. it looks baaaad. Max isn't injured, isn't too bothered, and there are no witnesses or real consequences. shrug. but it easily could've gone down much more like Angela. you can absolutely break a bone or get a concussion from a spill like Max's.

Max isn't hurt, so Mike just leaves the room, and nothing ever comes of it. compare to Mike watching an inevitably-to-be-arrested El sit stewing in the aftermath as dozens of Angela's sympathizers watch her get checked for brain damage by EMTs.

it's little wonder Mike has such a different reaction in the moment, even though El's actions in these two scenes actually isn't totally night and day.

El's force was more deliberately focused on Angela, and I think El did intend to hurt Angela in a way she didn't intend to hurt Max (El yoinked the skateboard rather than bodily targeting Max herself, but her intent was still to make Max fall, and she could have been comparably injured as a result).

like, up til the point of "El gets mad and lashes out" these are similar - the way the aftermath unfolds just happens to take the best and worst possible paths, respectively.

and before you want to point out that the Angela thing was a reaction of anger and the Max was just about puppy love jealousy, no, that was anger. Max is literally the first thing El thinks of when Kali says to think of something that angers her.

tldr; rinkomania is just a nightmare remix of the gym scene to Mike

#tfw you find out your gf is in fact just some girl with massive psychological issues and not superman (sad trombone)#forgot what my point was halfway as usual but here are my brain crumbs about the situation #analysis #mine #eleven #mike wheeler #like. haven't we all done something wrong that was nbd just because nobody got hurt and nobody saw it #but if it had gone down differently it could have been an extremely big deal #imagine: Max falls breaks her arm screams teachers run in Mike has to stay with her til medics arrive a small crowd gathers #El feels bad and homerbushes.gifs outta there. the hand Max tries to shake hers with later has a cast on it #also rinko is so funny because Mike thought til 1 minute ago that El and Angela were besties #so he sees her bash her face in and is like 'girl your friendmaking skills are so questionable but ig it works for you. max misses you btw'

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nightofnyx8 · 8 months

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Does spy x family/ twiyor give you fma/ royai vibes? I don't know if my brain is just addled by royai fic love, but they feel similar somehow.

Maybe it's the tragedy of war in both stories, the forbidden love (that's bound to happen between twiyor and if it doesnt I'll be mad) between two people with blood on their hands.

I've seen hilarious (sad) comparisons between Nina and Anya of cute girl and big white dog, but that's not really what gives me the vibes.

I'm now diving into the manga but I saw some spoilers for Twilight's rough past that made me go 'oh shit... things can get dark'.

I just want someone who's better at analyzing things and studying characters (love ALL your fics btw) to tell me if I'm out of my mind or point out what I'm missing.

*takes a huge breath*

OKAY SO LIKE I was totally against watching Spy x Family at first because it was "mainstream" (it was a very stressful semester of college in my defense) until I saw this fanart by @mochidoodle, twiyor paralleling that royai moment in fma. From that point on, I was a goner. So while I do mostly write twiyor fics at the moment, my love for them is largely colored by my love for royai.

First up, Loid and Roy. On the surface, very different people. One overthinks everything and plans to the tiniest detail, while the other lives off of 99% pure impulse. Loid is a very serious and private person by nature, and while Roy definitely has his solemn moments, it's kind of his whole game to act like the immature colonel playboy of the military before he brings down the entire government with his real motive ("surprise, bitches!"). The main difference I'd say is that Roy knows what he wants, and has a very clear goal how to get there. Loid doesn't. He's still torn between his mission and his family, and doesn't even know who he really is. Like we don't even know his real name lol.

Yor and Riza are also very different. Riza is the voice of reason with Roy (and he definitely needs it). Her personality is actually more aligned with Loid's in that way--quiet, serious, and reserved. Both are them are very good shots. However, she and Yor both don't very highly of themselves at all. Both of them are very compassionate and kind in their own way, and both of them have a soft spot for children. However, Riza's overwhelming guilt comes from her choices in the Ishvalan War, whereas I think Yor almost...intentionally blocks out the brutality of what she has to do to keep her brother alive.

Which brings me to the topic of war in both series (spoiler alert).

Both FMA and Spy x Family are very antiwar. Neither of them glorifies warfare. Casualties and consequences are not treated lightly. Progranda plays a huge role. Both series are trying to prevent another war from happening. For the sake of the argument, I'm going to refer to Yor as a soldier as well as Loid because she is still putting her life on the line for her country (she even says her job is comparable to that of a soldier in the manga). The biggest difference is that Roy and Riza chose to do the things they did in Ishval. Loid and Yor did as well, however it was more their circumstances that pushed them into that decision. Loid lost his mother as a child and crawled around in the streets for years before finally joining the military, only to lose everyone he ever cared about. Yor did it because it was only way to save her brother from literally starving to death. The war between Ostania and Westalis forced literal children to become soldiers (and that's kind of Endo's shtick--what war does to children). Roy and Riza...I mean, there's a reason why their fate is so tragic. They literally committed genocide. Yes, their reasonings are far more complex than this little lecture has room for, but it sufficeth to say that their burden is immensely heavy (I'm not even going to get into how Riza's burnt tattoo fits into the tragedy of their relationship and their choices because it's going to make me cry). But that is FMA's whole thing: Choice. What makes us root for Roy and Riza despite everything? Because despite impossible odds, they are working for a future where something like the Ishvalan War will never happen again, even if they end up being sentenced to death along the way.

Now going back to Spy x Family, the plot doesn't center around a global scale like FMA does. Yes, the tension between the East and West is a huge part of it, but most of the story is centered around one little family. It's important to remember that FMA isn't royai's story--it's Ed and Al's. Roy and Riza's character arcs are mostly complete even by the beginning of the manga. Loid and Yor's and Anya's are not.

But you really did hit the mark when you said royai colors our love for twiyor because both couples are two people who care very deeply for one another but can never be together. Roy and Riza can never get married due to military regulations. And the fake marriage between Loid and Yor will end once Operation Strix is finished (or so Loid thinks). But it's not really the mission or the military that's keeping them apart. One of my favorite royai authors @lantur wrote such an amazing royai fic outlining the fact that Riza being Roy's subordinate isn't actually the thing keeping them apart. Those two have such a painful, shared history. (I mean, he literally burnt the tattoo off her back after using the knowledge of it to commit genocide, for which Riza feels partly responsible). And yet they are fiercely loyal to each other. They don't need to kiss or fuck to know how much these two love each other. (On screen I mean...you cannot tell me they didn't at least have one night together).

With Loid and Yor, it's not nearly as heavy. But Loid (or rather, Twilight) does carry the weight of the world on his shoulders. He feels it's his sole responsibility to bring about a world full of peace, and he will not deviate from that mission. But of course he's getting more attached (who wouldn't) and he's eventually going to have to choose between his forged little family and the rest of the world. To most, maybe that's a simple decision. But you have to remember that Twilight is one who is going to have to change the most out of the Forgers. His decision to love them changes everything. It actually brings up an interesting point if royai did have a child. Would they still choose to put themselves on trial if it meant the possibility of leaving their child an orphan?

Spy x Family is about, well, families. The strength that comes from when broken people decide to heal each other and create a future for their child that's bright and safe and warm. And that directly parallels with FMA because it doesn't always have to be blood-related families, but the bonds you choose to forge (pun intended). And though I hope for royai to have a nice, quiet life in the country somewhere, laughing and growing old together, it's left ambiguous for a reason. Twiyor on the other hand, well let's just say that my heart keeps telling me that their happy ending is coming, but they're going to have to go through a lot of pain and angst and denial of feelings to get there. It's a comedy, so I expect Endo will get them together eventually, it's the when that's the mystery.

So I guess to wrap up this very lengthy answer, while royai and twiyor are different on the surface, they are similar at their core. Fighting for a better world, creating their own families along the way, and sharing little moments of devotion through their daily lives. Because though the series is nowhere near being done, you know Loid would look at Yor like she's the moon and the stars once he finally realizes he loves her.

Thanks for letting me rant about something I feel very passionate about, and I'll probably add to it if I think of more reasons lol. I'm glad you enjoy my fics, that's very sweet of you to say! Have a wonderful weekend! <3

#spy x family #fmab #royai #twiyor #uggg these two ships will never leave my brain ever i love them so much #unhinged screaming #but seriously me too if twiyor doesn't eventually end up together i will RIOT #asks

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supersoftly · 3 months

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My mom was telling me she remembers from her childhood that they were still receiving American condensed milk rations post WWII, and her younger brother was only just a little too young to remember that before it got phased out. They really pushed in public schools at the time to "finish your plate or you don't go home", which now is considered almost fiendish, but at the time, where a country had just barely survived and was doing it's best to avoid mass starvation, it was law that probably saved more than hindered.

It just reminded me personally as someone who is lucky enough to be outside of war that I think we forget how difficult life is even after recovery; the country and its people are still there, still growing and living and trying to get back to a sense of normalcy, even after being exposed to the deepest depths of human cruelty and suffering. War feels like the blade that keeps cutting away, even after it's over, yet we all have to deal with the consequences of the choices of people who may no longer even be alive anymore. And it's not like my mom is super old either, it was just how things were, especially in rural Japan where a new house on the block was considered a big event.

Recovery simply just doesn't happen overnight, it happens in each generation with what we give and take, and also with what we choose to leave behind. If we only choose to carry the burdens of the past to lay at the feet of the future, expecting them to carry it, where are we going but only towards a future where children will always bear the responsibility of our cruelty and evil? Is this really the path towards a future where we raise up and support the human experience to a much grander scale, where we minimize the suffering of all innocent people and work together towards something better than what we had prior? I want to believe in our vast interconnectedness, people find each other closer than they ever did before on an unprecedented scale and this is what will raise us up as a human race, simply communicating with each other as the necessary step towards real peace... And I really haven't changed my mind, even with everything going on, with the lies, the propaganda, the control of information... People still actively choose not to pass on hate as their sole inheritance, even when hurt beyond understanding, there is deep resolve and courage in those who continue to choose love when the rest of the world permits otherwise.

This ramble really didn't have a purpose in mind, just thoughts rotating in my brain, and I suppose putting clearly to words why I'm grateful as a hafu that both sides of my family chose love when they easily could've blamed each other given the circumstances. And I know some people will always believe and vocalize that my family made the wrong choice in the grand scheme of things, but for me, the simple happiness of being here today, having the time to just exist alongside my husband and my children, is a joy that keeps stoking the fire to a thankful heart.

#personal #dont read into it too much im just rambling some stuff on mind #dr pepper is also kindling for a thankful heart js

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antianakin · 5 months

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Maybe it's my personal bias, but a dark Ahsoka trying to get back in to the WBW because the whole mess from Anakin and then never actually processing her feelings, grief, anger etc leading her to thinking she can "fix" everything by "saving" Anakin. Not really thinking of the repercussions.

And have it be that she isn't trying to change the timeline for selfless reasons, but because she wants Anakin back. That misplaced sort of blame that comes when you over idolize someone. It was only Palpatine's fault, she tries to believe, Anakin wouldn't have done this all unprompted.

In trying to get back to the WBW having her actually process her emotions and the events and realize she's putting herself and her former master on pedestals to cope. Gradually working on herself.

Or not. Idk having Ahsoka unhealthily cope with grief in a way almost paralleling Anakin (trying to cheat death for Padme and failing anyway) sounds cool to me. Or maybe I'm just exhausted.

This would certainly make a real cool AU! The one thing making me hesitate is that she explicitly says while in the WBW in Rebels that Ezra can't save his master just like she can't save hers and never shows any real inclination towards trying to use it to save Anakin. So if you went with this concept, you'd have to figure out why she changed her mind on it or you'd just have to pretend like that moment didn't happen.

But in general I think that the idea really works! Like, I wouldn't want her to actually MAKE IT to the WBW or anything, I don't want any weird time travel shenanigans for her to mess with, but I think the idea of her TRYING to get back to it so she can fix Anakin, or fix what she did wrong or something could be a really interesting goal for her to have throughout a season where she's dealing with her Anakin feelings. Especially if we assume she's slightly fucked up from Malachor and its Sith bullshit in addition to her regular emotional struggles.

And in the she has to give it up. Like maybe she finds a way to do it, a way to open one of those doors, but doing so would have some sort of consequence and she has to choose between her selfish desire to "save" Anakin and fix what she believes are her own mistakes, or keeping that particular consequence from happening. Maybe people she's grown close to over the course of the story will be killed or put at risk if she opens the door, and she has to let it go, let ANAKIN go, in order to protect them.

That version of Anakin is gone, he's dead, and the version of him that exists now is clearly unwilling to be saved, at least by her, and all she can do is accept that and move on. Let go of her guilt, let go of her fears, just... let go. MAYBE her choice to leave the Order spurred him down that path, but maybe it didn't. Maybe Anakin made his own choices based on things entirely unrelated to her. Maybe if she'd been there she could've helped him, but maybe she'd have just been killed with all the rest. She'll never know and she has to come to terms with that before she can move forward with her life. She might've left first, but Anakin left her, too, and he took everything else she loved with him when he did.

In an ideal world, this would lead Ahsoka to do a lot of reflecting on her past with Anakin as she tries to figure out how far back she'd have to go to "save" him and she realizes just how dark he already was when she knew him and ultimately realizes that HE WAS DARK WHEN SHE MET HIM. There were things that happened to him, things he'd probably already chosen to DO, long before she'd met him that were already taking him down the path to darkness, things she'll likely never know or understand. But it allows her to see Anakin so much more truthfully than she'd ever done before. No longer does she view Anakin through the rosy lens of childhood hero worship, she can see how often he struggled with his own darkness and the ways it impacted their relationship, the way it's continuing to impact her NOW.

There were good moments, and she'd loved him, but he was dark long before she knew him and that's something she HAS to accept about him if she's ever going to let him go. There were things Anakin did to her that weren't okay, there were things Anakin taught her that were wrong and caused her to start down her own darker path, and until she can recognize that Anakin FAILED HER, she'll never be able to find her way BACK. She'll never be a Jedi until she acknowledges this very important and vital truth about Anakin and her apprenticeship under him. He WASN'T a good master and he WASN'T a good Jedi. He was sometimes a good PERSON, but he'd ultimately decided to leave that behind, too. He wasn't the person she'd thought he was and unless she wants to become him, she has to acknowledge where he made mistakes so she can keep from making the same ones herself.

So yeah, I think this idea has a LOT of merit and could definitely be a very interesting path to take Ahsoka on!

#star wars #ahsoka tano #anakin critical #anakin skywalker critical #anti anakin #anti anakin skywalker #god i hate ahsoka claiming he was a 'good master' in the ahsoka show #i think there is a difference between ahsoka acknowledging he had goodness in him and they had good MOMENTS #and ahsoka acting like he was genuinely a good MASTER #they aren't the same thing nor do they have to be #she DIDN'T know anakin #she DIDN'T understand him #and a lot of what anakin taught her is what has caused her the most pain #anakin's teachings are what ultimately led her on a path away from the jedi #anakin's teachings are what cause a rift between her and the jedi #personally i feel like instead of having ahsoka apparently thinking only negative things about anakin #and then having to decide no actually he was good #i would've had her go the OPPOSITE direction to follow up on her rebels personality #ahsoka REFUSES to accept the truth about anakin and wants to save him because she doesn't think he'd have ever chosen this #not without some kind of mind control #and on that path she has to recognize that actually anakin wasn't that perfect kind master she'd chosen to see him as #anakin had darkness and attachments and he struggled with it A LOT #and it was anakin's failure that left her floundering #and she'll only be a jedi herself when she can see anakin for WHO HE ACTUALLY WAS #he was selfish and he was greedy and he was irresponsible and insensitive and impatient #he was a bad teacher and until she can acknowledge that she'll always be walking a path AWAY from being a jedi

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sigmaleph · 6 months

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yesterday i watched When Evil Lurks, which is a recent argentinian horror film i found out about for reasons entirely unrelated to being argentinian (this rotten tomatoes article ranks it as the best horror film of 2023)

it's at first glance a simple plot, demonic possession in tiny rural town, guy tries to save his family from it, but with an interesting-to-me twist on that, which is that

demonic possession is a recognised phenomenon. The government has standard protocols to deal with it; having actually encountered an instance of demonic possession is rare, but basic things about what to do and not do are common knowledge.

when the main character tells people about the demon, the answer isn't "demon aren't real", it's "how would you, a random hick, recognise a possessed person if you saw one" or "nah, demons are a big city thing, we live in the ass-end of nowhere, there can't be one here".

which leads to a theme of the film; the horror isn't coming from an outside-context event nobody was prepared for, but rather people who should know better acting short-sightedly and failing to deal with a problem they totally could have.

a woman reports her son has been possessed. everyone knows this means a demon is trying to be born into the world, and if they don't kill it (carefully, properly, using specialised equipment and trained professionals) there will be dire consequences (not fully specified, but lots of people die merely in the process of the demon being born). The 'cleaner' (professional demon-killer) doesn't get there for a year. it's not clear why; one wealthy landowner speculates the whole thing was meant to screw with him, and I don't think he's right but clearly something comparably fucked up is going on, even if it's impersonal institutional failure rather than politicking. and because they took too long, the demon has grown in power, its influence has spread, and it mind controls someone into ambushing and killing the cleaner as the starting event of the plot.

the main characters get dragged into a plan where, well, the government isn't dealing with it, so let's just carry the possessed person a few hundred kilometres away (he cannot move under his own power) and make it someone else's problem. everyone has the background to know this is predictably a terrible idea that makes everything worse.

one of the standard things-everyone-knows about demons is you should not use guns against them. nevertheless people keep pointing guns at the various manifestations of demonic activity, while people are yelling at them not to.

in i think fitting accordance to this theme, the protagonists fail. the demon is born, with unclear implications for the general area though certainly bad ones. they failed because they are human and selfish and short-sighted, and also because the entire institutional structure that should be doing better than that let the problem fester.

there's a clear element of contagion to how demonic influence spreads; if you're in contact with the possessed at all, you're supposed to abandon everything you own and burn your clothes (this being part of the reason why it's a terrible idea to move the possessed). if one where to subscribe to the school of thought where every horror monster is a metaphor for a societal problem, this obviously suggests the covid pandemic as the Social Issue We Are Exploring Today

...but I don't, and I think that's a limited reading. i think it's about something broader than that, about individual human weaknesses and how they lead to collective failures. or at least that's what I get out of it.

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maxwell-grant · 6 months

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Thoughts on Lupin: Part 3

Covered my thoughts on seasons 1 and 2 already and I just finished season 3 so I'm gonna write about it here. Bottom line: HahahahaHA this show rules so much man.

Everything that was strong about the prior seasons is still there if not better, and they patched up several things I otherwise disliked about it. Also god I missed the mark big time by watching the prior seasons with the English dub for some reason, no wonder I didn't like most of the characters when they all sounded like they were sleepwalking. Just, watch with the French audio, don't be an idiot like me.

I actually like Assane's family now? Maybe that's because of the dub thing letting me see the actual performances, but there seemed to be a lot more effort this season to make us care about Claire and Raoul's own struggles and the really bad things they have to deal with because of Assane and how they deal with them. There's an extent to which these characters exist because otherwise Assane would suffer no consequences and no caveats to just doing whatever he wants, a.k.a the cool Lupin stuff we signed up for but can't be too over-indulged in, and that made them feel more like roadblocks than people, but to me this time they actually feel more like people, and people who can have their own things going on or even get involved in the good stuff without compromising their importance, and those consequences thus actually matter more.

God I can't believe how great the disguises were this season and how many there were. Again, definitely feels like they had to refine the process in the first two seasons so we can have this one with Assane actually going the nine yards with multiple overlapping fake personas and disguises per episode. Omar is masterful in all of them and the show seems so confident that it even lets Ben, Guedira and Claire dip their toes in the action a bit. I was actually really impressed by Coach Alex, even though he does look a bit uncanny and a little A.I-ish. I could still buy that as a real person.

It's doing this thing I really like that The Shadow does, where the character has a lot of different methods by which he achieves his disguises ranging from high-tech/borderline fantasy to very simple DIY tools, but the process featured is obscured enough that you can never fully tell which is being used, and so the character can have this borderline superpower still grounded enough to not look like one.

I actually didn't mind the villain this time around. There's a nice progression of putting Assane against an invisible and seemingly invincible shadowy gang forcing him to do their bidding (which lets them do the heist-of-the-week format without compromising the larger plot), that turns out to be just one horrible man from his past armed with henchmen and a grudge, which means he gets to be developed and taken out within the season without much delay and without Assane having to make stupid out-of-character blunders to let him escape to menace another day (which was a problem I had with Pelligrini). I like that Keller gets to be legitimately scary as a threat to Assane's loved ones, but is also undone by being a stupid piece of shit who only knows how to abuse and manipulate children until they all turn on him, and once he and Assane are on even ground he goes out like a chump.

Putting Pellegrini completely out of sight and saving him for the final twist where he's been pulling a Kingpin in prison with god knows what consequences even warmed me up to him as a villain, if nothing else because, okay, a Lupin worth his name needs a Cagliostro menace, and the ending twist isn't even about him so much as it's about the betrayal of someone Assane confided in.

And unfortunately that ending twist is good enough that it would be awful if any of those three turned out to be the backstabbers and there's equal arguments for being any of them (I don't think it's going to be Pellegrini's daughter precisely because she's the most predictable, I don't think they'd do the Countess of Cagliostro that 1-to-1)

(Art is from the cover of Lupin: Échec à la reine, which is a prequel novel focused on Benjamin. I don't think it's been translated to English but it got published in Brazil.)

Look, it's good drama, yes, we need stakes to keep this going, yes, but BEN NOOOOO, GODDAMNIT ASSANE

Unfortunately I can't fault Assane that much despite the fact that he barely knew his mom. There was no good option there, Ben would have fumbled it if he was even a little on the plan, and I'm not sure if he later realized why Assane did it or if he didn't realize at all, I mean the ending twist sets him up as one of the potential backstabbers and it's gonna be really fucking heartbreaking if so, but...man, I don't fault the way everyone reacted to that episode, but I can't get that mad at Assane for what he did.

The heist he did with his mom at the prime minister's mansion complete with jetski escape added another 10 years to our lifespan. Utterly delightful. I love this show so much.

I was a bit iffy on how the prior seasons approached the existence of Arsene Lupin books in-text and I'm still a little mixed on it. However, the sheer reverence and omnipresent popularity of Arsene Lupin the character actually isn't even that unrealistic to the character's real life popularity in France or elsewhere, or how much the show has done to refuel said popularity. I mean, hell, I and others got to see it firsthand Lupin being the talk of the town non-stop. It still takes me a little out of the show, but it's far from a dealbreaker.

Major major leg that this thing has above so many other contemporary reboots/adaptations is that this is FUN, Lupin in general should always get to be fun and more than a little stupid sometimes, and this gets it. This thing delights in carrying us through every step of the process by which the main character does his impressive things, laying out all the components in plain sight and putting them together and even letting you feel smart for realizing how it's coming together and still being surprised when it does.

This is the show that Sherlock wishes it was, because of course Lupin can't make a comeback without putting one over his good old rival Sholmes.

The show was always strong, I think, but every season so far's just been refining things and making all of it's strengths better. It's so so good and I hope it keeps going, this thing does crazy numbers every season, I just never see it talked about much in English circles. I'm glad it's been going strong the way it has. Assane has become one of my favorite protagonists in anything and I might even watch the show again soon.

Still unbelievably good and has only gotten better from what was already a very strong start.

#lupin #lupin netflix #assane diop #benjamin farel #lupin part 3 #arsene lupin #pulp heroes #tv shows

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