#I don’t like the idea of making a friend feel bad bc they struggle w the expectation of being in contact regularly | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

astroels · 1 year

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hey, i just wanna make sure this will be okay with you! i wanna send in a request where the reader has HEAVY symptoms of/like borderline personality disorder and farmhouse!ellie helps and understands, etc!! because ive shown ALOT of symptoms of it, but i haven’t been able to go to doctors about it :( i am totally down with helping you with this request (only if you are comfortable doing this!)

(anyone who’s sees this, pls DONT take offense to this and please don’t have a go at me (cause it won’t end well, & obviously, it will just send me in to a deeper and darker hole, that im already in!!) and to this kind human who’s writing this!! just be kind, im currently experiencing this for such a long ass time now and it’s such a tough battle, and it’s a heavy and deep journey).

here’s some topics i can help with:

(this is what i experience personally)

- splitting // seeing someone or something (like a situation) either good or bad, it can NEVER be seen in between). this makes asking for advice or reading someone or the situation to be dealt with A LOT more harder… cause i only want one answer, it can be in the middle. it MUST be a yes or no, i hope that makes sense?

- dissociation // feeling disconnected with your senses, can’t tell which is which and it’s incredibly hard to snap out of it.

- heavy feelings of emptiness // having a lack of purpose in general, it’s irritating when you can’t properly and very physically feel your intense emotions :(

- fear of abandonment // scared of ending up alone, just like what ellie said (that’s what ellie and reader can bond over w? or understand about the reader).

- emotional instability - disturbed patterns of thinking or perception – "cognitive distortions" or "perceptual distortions" impulsive behaviour. intense but unstable relationships with others.

- paranoid ideation // when im constantly scared or suspicious being secretly followed, plotted against, always in a constant state of deep anxiety.

- unstable/intense relationship // with me experiencing such intense emotions, etc. this can creat so much short, unstable and intense relationships with anyone i come across in life. // the readers first actual long healthy loving relationship with ellie is her first :(

- sh behaviors… (pls dont do this, if this triggers you)

could you possibly add in about ellies drawings/journal about the reader and bpd… to help her understand and help around the farmhouse for the reader. ellie and tlou helps me so much in so many ways. (abt me and my mind) bc i feel like her drawing about reader and the symptoms/memories of ellie being here can help me so much :)

𝐄𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐞 𝐖𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐦𝐬 𝐱 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

a/n: I tried to touch on topics that you mentioned and with information I'm aware of since I have a friend with bpd, if anyone has a problem with this, do let me know, I am in no means writing this to be disrespectful or stereotypical, I just hope someone is able to find comfort in this :)

cw: arguments, mentions of sh (i will mark when it shows up), joel is dead in this (sorry joel)

apocalyptic!au

At first, having to hide your disorder from Ellie was a struggle. There was an intense fear that came with the idea that Ellie would back off as soon as she found out it. It was hard enough to mask the feeling, and even harder when you felt the symptoms that ruined previous relationships ooze into your current one with Ellie. Eventually, you just couldn't hide it anymore. You had to be honest even if rejection was a likely path.

"Ellie, I really need to talk to you." It'd come out in a burst of impulsiveness, no longer being able to keep it from her. From where you were laying on her lap, you'd straighten, looked down, besides her, anywhere where you didn't have to face her.

"What's up?" She'd be looking at you intently, with the shine in her eyes that showed she was curious as to what was to come and her voice gentle, as she naturally was with you.

"I really can't hold it together anymore, I struggle." You paused, didn't everyone? The words felt thick in your throat. You continued after cleaning your throat. "Mentally, 'm pretty sure it's borderline personality disorder, and theres no way to help it." Ellie stared at you, expressionless, waiting for you to continue. "It's always been there, before you, these past few weeks, and when I'm alone. I feel so trapped, Ellie." Everything you said came out rushed, in raspiness, in choked sobs that this was the end of a relationship that could've been something better in your life. "I'm not okay and I'm probably not something you want to deal with." You didn't think she wanted more baggage in this already ruined world.

Ellie didn't speak. Were you too honest? Were you too blunt? Too clingy in such a short time? What was wrong with you? A second passed by with you left in thought. "Oh, baby." Ellie pulled you in, letting you breathe in the slight dirt scent that lingered on her shirt.

She held you for awhile, allowing your tears to ease into falters before speaking again. She pulled away, her hands on your cheek, wiping the last of your tears. "You've never felt like someone I've had to deal with. Disorder or not, I'm going to stay with you, okay?"

Incredible doubt still filled your mind, her words seeming to just sink into you and not touch where it mattered. "What if you realize I'm not worth it? What if you leave? I can't handle that Ellie." You said in almost a whisper, her love was too good to be true, everyone always left when they found out the reality of your behaviors and emotions.

"You're worth more than you realize, baby. I promise you, as long as you need me, I'll always need you. We're going to do this and learn together." She'd caress your cheek, calming you with the sensation of her touch. "And besides, I'm just as scared of losing you." She'd give you a slight smile followed by a kiss on the cheek to lighten the mood. Ellie wouldn't dare make you feel like something she'd have to "deal" with. After your first mention, she picked up books from Jackson to further look into it.

Even if you knew the farm was strayed away from any communities, and it was very unlikely that any infected would stray towards the farm, the anxiety swelled up in you. It was so easy to lose Ellie and everything you've grown together, just by a simple mistake of overestimating your safety. It happened often when you'd hear a noise at night and couldn't sleep, saw something move quickly in the corner of your eye, or even when Ellie was gone for too long. Your fear would turn into forms of skin picking and eventually lead into panics that induced loss of breath and worry. Ellie, of course, did her best to help you through these panics.

You hated bothering Ellie with how you felt, but you promised her you'd be more open and try to be communicative instead of shutting off when something was happening. You kept hearing it, the clicking noise that was going to cause your death any second now.

"Ellie," you whispered, rocking her arm a bit to wake her. Her eyebrows slightly furrowed in sudden wake. Her green eyes looked pretty hazy, but she quickly rose when she saw the shakiness your body was in.

" 's the noise again, baby?" She leaned to her side to pick up her glass of water, offering it to you. Supposedly, fresh water was supposed to cool the body, along with the scent of herbs. Ellie had you trying natural supplements while she found a trader who had medication. All you could form was a simple nod after you drank from her water, your throat burning from anxiousness.

That was all Ellie needed to understand what to do. It'd happened before, and she was glad you woke her up this time. Ellie scootched closer to you, allowing your head to fall on her lap. There was no way to block the noise but to fill the silence.

Ellie took it upon herself to play with your hair, leaving tingles all across your head, and singing for you, songs she created, songs she found, songs Joel had sang for her. She filled the room with her voice to block the outside noises that burdened their mark in your mind. " 's gonna be okay, baby." Her sensation eventually soothed you. Even on rough nights, she didn't give up on helping you.

With BPD, there were empty days, days where you couldn't reciprocate anything, days where everything seemed challenging, it wasn't something you felt you could do. Completing any farm task became a haze. You mentally weren't present in the day. The things you could do seemed to be done messily, which made your helplessness feel even worse.

You knew it was time to get up, time to water the plants, fetch the clothing from the line, and prepare lunch, but you couldn't. If you tried in a state like this, everything would go bad and end up sending you into spiral. Ellie's words passed through your mind. " 'ts alright babe, only do what you can, when you can." She made sure to tell you it was okay, but you still felt useless tucked into bed while she was out hunting and fetching things from Jackson.

You decided to go downstairs and start on some laundry. It's the least you could do to stay organized at such a time. Ellie had been gone for a while now, the hallow feeling inside you carved deeper each moment you felt the absence of her. She couldn't fix you, but the knowledge that she was around made it the tiniest bit better.

A load of laundry was done when you decided to just get back in bed. There was no use fighting what was inevitable. Time passed as if you were watching a train, you weren't moving, but time surely was. You spent the rest of the day wating for Ellie, growing impatient in the increasing grayness.

While looking at the window, the sound of a door rattling burst your train of thought. Ellie's voice of letting you know she was home was faint. Would she notice that today was an off day? Would she be as caring as the other days? You heard her making her way upstairs momentarily.

The moment she walked in, she glanced at you and spoke with a gentle tone, pushing you into a cloud. "Hey baby, how're 'y holding up?" She continued around the room to change, leaving herself in a tank top and pj shorts. Your silence spoke volumes, you just couldn't respond. Your voice didn't want to be heard, it felt trapped in your throat. You nodded at her, making eye contact as reassurance you weren't mad, just drained.

Ellie grew understanding of these times, whether they lasted for days to weeks, she was there. She got into bed with you, seeking your warmth for a little while before she had to make dinner. She knew you didn't take care of yourself properly these days, so it was most obvious that she'd be right at your service, asked or not.

Arguments were not a likely thing to happen, but that didn't remove the possibility of it. Sometimes, you just couldn't help the feelings that bubbled up and were unstoppable. It came from stress, irritation, or just something Ellie said that sounded off putting. This part was the hardest for Ellie to communicate through, as she has her own communication issues; However both of you shared a fear factor of being abandoned. This alone gave the courage to work through the outbursts. Hard to handle, but ultimately manageable. (Tw for sh starts here, head to next section to skip)

Ellie had traded some time ago for pills, they were supposed to stabilize your mood, they really just made you unable to think as much and light headed. It wasn't the best medication, but it's as far as a post-apocalyptic world could provide. At first you took them daily as suggested, but when you learned Ellie had given one of her knives joel had crafted before he died, immense guilt filled you everytime you took one or even looked at them. The thought Ellie gave up something so special for you, made you nauseous.

In guilt of her action, you "forgot" to take them for several days, possible weeks. You thought if you were less dependent on them, Ellie wouldn't have to trade something like that again. What didn't cross your mind was Ellie noticing the difference of you on and off the meds. She noticed the way your irritation and mood swings became intense, noticed the way you pushed her away more often. The truth would come crashing down once the both of you made a wrong tone.

You were putting away dishes when Ellie approached you. "Tommys' invited me over tomorrow, said he's gonna talk to me about something." You usually wouldn't be annoyed at Ellie's absence but she'd hardly been home all week and you felt discarded. "Okay." Was all you could form in a rude tone. The actions of you putting away the glasses became unconsciously harsher. "Okay?" Ellie eyed you. You gave her a look and continued with the dishes.

The silence rung in your ear, you felt hot, the warmth crawling up your neck. Before you realized, a glass shatterd on the floor and made you wince. You cursed under your breathe while Ellie spoke out. "What the fuck is up with you?" Her eyebrows were furrowed and her tone was slightly impatient. "Nothins' up." You made your way to the kitchen doorway to grab a broom. "Look, I can't be doing this." You heard Ellie sigh. "You're gonna have to speak up." You hated the way your heart felt so heavy, you didn't want to "speak up", you wanted everything to end already.

You turned to look at her. "I know about the pills, Ellie." Ellie looked like she had an arrow of shock hit her. You continued to speak after a moment. "I don't want to take them if it means you'll be sacrificing things like that."

Ellie was biting the inside of her cheek, her face looking frustrated above anything. "I don't want to exhaust you any longer, I can't do it to you, Ellie." You stared at her for any signs of reading how she felt. No effort could ever tell you what she was thinking. "What's done is done, just take the fucking pills." Her tone seemed increasingly harsh. "No, Ellie, I don't want to burden you any longer."

"You've already become a fucking burden, 's too late to worry about that now." Your heart dropped. Out of everything she could've said, you never thought it'd come to that. You could tell she regretted it by the way she gasped and immediately started attempting to apologize, but you couldn't anymore. You had already began to run up the stairs into the bathroom, your mind ringing with her words. If you were a burden, it'd be better to stay in there and rot away.

You were left alone in the bathroom with your thoughts, alone with your hidden "safety" kit, if you could call a box that held such a harmful purpose, safe. But it's okay because this never left you, this was always there for you. It would just be this time you told yourself; you needed the comfort.

You knew how to clean up well, the only way Ellie would notice is if she really looked. She would probably check, considering she knew your destructive behavior. You wish you could feel pity over yourself for relapsing, but it just felt so numbing, It took no effect.

A sudden knock frightened you as you scrambled to put away all your materials. "Baby, will you please come out." You didn't know how to respond. Now that she was here, you knew how disappointed she'd be about what you did. Not telling her wasn't an option, you'd feel like a liar. "You're not a burden babe, I promise you you're not." She sounded stuffy as if she'd been crying. You couldn't ignore her for long, simply unlocking the door as an invitation.

Ellie quickly opened the door and brought you into a hug. You didn't hug back, but she understood. You stood there wondering if she'd hate you. Would she finally let you go? No, you couldn't keep doing this to yourself. You let yourself sink in her arms, crying. Her words are the last thing you remembered for the next days that passed like a fever dream. "I love you, my angel."

You never understood how quickly Ellie was able to adapt to your mania and depressive episodes. It was quite a lot to deal with and retain. You never understood until you found her journal she'd left out. You were cleaning up the table as your eyes found their way to her open words and drawings. She had thoughts, lists, notes about what was okay, not okay, what helped you, what hadn't. It was awfully sweet, she really cared and it showed. You didn't know how you manged to make her your girlfriend, her beauty and love always made your heart flutter.

Ellie once asked you to be the star of her nude drawing, as hesitant as you were, you trusted her with all your insecurities. She never showed you the drawing though, not until you came across it yourself. She portrayed your body lovingly, the curves of your skin rolled naturally, your stretch marks defining the growth you've gone through, your scars drawn fluidly. Did she really picture you like this? Did she really think you were this worth drawing for? Your heart felt warm, knowing this was how she thought of you.

The other drawings were full of you doing activities, playing with a stray cat that lingered your farm for a few months, watering the plants, petting the sheep, dancing with music, and laying on the grass. Every moment you could picture with her was sketched right in front of you.

Along the pages, there were separate sections that divided different things about your bpd.

What makes it worse

Being too touchy when she's irritated

The smell of cinnamon (oddly specific)

The pink pills

When a straight answer isn't given

What helps

Occasional weed usage (don't overuse !!)

Baths (most of the time)

The texture of her favorite sweater ( W symbol)

Treating her gentle (not too gentle)

Things to mention (that might help)

The new pill

Herbs for sleeping tea

New hobbies

Music record I found

Chore separation (on a normal day)

E- Herding sheep, hunting, fetching supplies, organizing imports

R- washing clothes, watering plants, hunting, feeding sheep

Both- Making food, cleaning, looking out for infected

surprise plans

Candlelit picnic dinner while watching meteor shower (Wednesday)

sensual massage ;)

bath with the relaxant oils I found

dancing to the record she liked but we broke (found another)

giving her the ring

#ellie williams #lesbian #ellie williams x reader #tlou 2 #ellie x reader #elliesstar #tlou ellie #ellie tlou

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dumb-doll-lips · 10 months

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Venting about some stuff that’s been on my mind more.

I like being like ‘real’ on here and sharing some stuff but def is more just for me trying to make sense of somethings before it’s brought back up in therapy.

I’ve had two guys call me a nerd someone recently. And one was like bc I kept getting confused and asking what he means and saying thank you when he explained, and the other because it came up that I’ll have convos about candles.

I don’t think either that is stuff I’d call nerdy. But it like kinda fits in w this larger realization of like having grown up more conservatively and like sheltered than I thought I did. Like my therapist said I almost sound like an ex-evangelist when it comes to talking about sex. With like how much shame I felt around it growing up anytime I even hinted at anything sexual. And like I’ll talk to guys who are fucking me or want to about sex. But I’ve been like called out innocent language sometimes and def find myself confused by what someone else means a lot. I think the never talking to anyone else, like I’ve never had friends who I could talk to about sex at least played some part in me having spent as much time in bad relationships as I have, and like too much shame around it all to let anyone know anything and help me.

And like it’s not just sex. Anything w drugs, including weed which like I’ll smoke or have edibles sometimes but I had a panic attack the one time I went into a weed store w my sister bc it was so overwhelming and foreign. And everything else feels more alien and off limits.

And like w any kind of body modification stuff, like even w botox. I’ve spent a few years now wanting to start doing that but it feels like such a foreign thing and I have no one around I could get any help from instead just get judgment. And feel like I haven’t done a lot w going out anywhere fun and having any exciting stories there.

It’s been upsetting learning that like it wasn’t like that for most people I’ve talked to. I’ve like felt like anytime I’m doing anything fun that I want to be doing that it feels like it’s some secret life. Like I’ve lovedd getting to be sluttier. But it feels like I usually have to treat like such a secret. I think it’s def part of why I’ve been such a fan of here. It’s a place where the stuff I’m enjoying in life and stuff I want doesn’t feel like some shameful secret.

I think that’s played such a part of why making and having irl friends has felt so hard. So much stuff I would have been excited to talk about felt like shameful secret. So finding out like yea it’s normal for friends to talk about sex some, like i struggled to believe that at first, but I’m like that’s cool, I want that. But I have no idea what that’d be liek and it def feels intimidating.

Ugh. So I like def think at least a good part of why I’ve struggled w friends is bc of how much I’ve felt like a part of me is this shameful secret and feeling like I could never be myself w anyone.

#personal #venting

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lesbiannancytruther · 2 years

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sapphic senate hcs <3

ok one last post before i go to bed- it’s sapphic senate hcs!! some of these apply to general sapphic senate (and i mean the giant version, including the core four + barb kali and eden (tho tbh knowing so little abt eden makes it difficult so there won’t be as much of her)) and also my mythical moment au sapphic senate

quick reminder for the mm au we got vampire!nancy, werewolf!robin, witch!chrissy and witch!kali, naturespirit!barb, and human gfs vicki and eden :)

being absolutely fr vicki is sooooo tired dealing with her cursed gfs. she loves them! but they r so much all the time she deserves a nap

vampire!nancy, when she found out wtf was going on, refused to feed on anyone close to her out of real fear that she wouldn’t know how to stop (even though a lot of them offered bc Nancy Please Don’t Starve) and that actually ended with nancy putting a very wrong place wrong time carol in critical condition after she ran into a struggling nancy outside of her house (possible max induced karmic punishment?? haven’t decided yet) but this freaks nancy tf out and now she has a schedule for feeding so she never does smth like that again

in all honesty i don’t know how kali would meet up w the sapphic senate UNLESS the core 4 + barb left hawkins for a night out and ended up running into kali who was like omg.... sapphics... and decided to see what was going on only for nancy to clock someone was following them in like 15 minutes

this leads to a “wtf r u doing” confrontation and everyone having the standard “oh no she’s hot” moment. im actually thinking kali creates an illusion to leave the situation without MORE confrontation but they end up seeing each other again afterwards and slowly absorb kali by osmosis

my general idea of the sapphic senate absolutely includes ronance + chricki being a sapphic friend group only to merge after one (1) night of wine and truth or dare (in an effort to recapture their stolen youth ofc).

they all got promoted from girlfriend in law to girlfriend eventually

listen i just think that wolf form ww robin and bat form vamp nancy r incredibly real (bat nancy napping on wolf robin’s head i think its true)

chrissy, being the upside down tuned medium, actually talks to a dead fred quite often, where he finds closure bc chrissy is real life nice and listens to him

the very small house that all of them temporarily share is daytime proof for nancy’s sake, who’d rather be able to get up and walk around during the day instead of hiding under a blanket in a dark room waiting for the sun to go down

they wish they could ww proof the house to keep robin inside and from getting into trouble during the full moon but it is Too Small and everything would break so nancy, kali, and barb have to act as herders as best they can to keep robin in a safe area.

nancy sits in the lap of whoever she’s feeding from in the moment im speaking MY truth

also think that if they all went out on a late night date and the sun started rising they’d have to carry bat nancy in a backpack to keep her from getting wicked sun burn (she complains the whole time ofc)

robin is who nancy feeds off of the most simply because she heals so fast and regenerates everything nancy took in a like an hour so she feels the least bad (robin insists it’s bc she tastes the best and nancy always vehemently denies it (kinda is true though)).

okay this is all for now i will return when the inspiration strikes >:)

#stranger things #nancy wheeler #robin buckley #vicki stranger things #chrissy cunningham #kali stranger things #barb holland #ronance #sapphic senate #mythical moment au #vampire!nancy #werewolf!robin #the witches!#chrickie

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lovebvni · 2 months

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confession sunday — i feel like a fake christian

hi!! so i rlly wanted to start making confessions on my blog as a way to let go and put down the thoughts and feelings im having. most of them r toxic and things i shouldn’t be thinking.

this is also an invitation for others to send their issues and let them go and put them down — simply tell me what it is and i’ll try n break it down to explain to u why u need to let go of those ideas! ofc, anons r opened <3

anyways, let’s get into mine bc.. yeah.

i feel like a fake christian.

this is something i’ve been struggling with my whole life — but it is resurfaced when i had a conversation w my friends abt witchcraft n the bible n whatnot. she said something along the lines of “you’re not a christian because you believe witchcraft is okay.”

first of all… what? right before this my other friend said “a lot of people in the bible pick and choose what they believe. for example — christian’s aren’t allowed to eat seafood bc it’s seen as impure” and the same girl from earlier agreed n said “i still love my crab legs” 💀 LMDAOOA

im friends w everyone mentioned in this convo btw, so dont worry. no hate to any of them.

during this conversation, i js agreed with the one, let’s call her sarah, that said believing witchcraft is okay makes me not a christian.

sarah made me feel bad — invalidated in a way. i remember walking out that class feeling fake, like i am wrong for what i believe and i need to remove everything that isn’t said in the most common places in the bible from my life.

FALSE ❌❌ WRONG ❌❌ INCORRECT ❌❌ SEE ME AFTER CLASS.

DUDE TO BE A CHRISTIAN U ONLY HAVE TO DO TWO THINGS

1 believe jesus christ died for our sins and rose again (some say jesus christ only died and rose again)

2 have a RELATIONSHIP with christ

if it isn’t clear already, i have both of these. i’ve known and believed the stories ik the bible since i was so young, and even now i believe them.

and i have a deep rooted relationship w jesus n god — i mean how the hell do u think i even found out abt other deities 😭 about shifting?? through him dude! it’s only by him answering my prayers that im here rn

what im trying to say is that the “normal” isnt always right. i hate churches — they feel like cults, nd i hate when ppl say ur required to do things — ur not. it’s if u want to and between u n god.

i said this to my friend nile earlier — “but like christianity is supposed to be individuality — it always has been that way. hell, even jesus says it. he flipped tables in a religious place bc they don’t have a relationship w god, they r js acting”.

they didn’t want it — they just wanted to b superior. and that’s not what i want — i want to help others and be happy.

that’s it for my confession. i hope this helps and encourages someone else to begin doing the same! sending my love.

#abyss .rambles #.confessions #reality shifting #shiftblr #reality shift #shifting #desired reality #shifting community #black shifters #shifting motivation #shifting realities #christian faith #christian toxicity

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m00n-pr1sm · 1 year

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despite me having a 60 slide presentation that is 9k words titled “morgana pendragon did nothing wrong”, I do in fact! think she has done bad things. the main gripe I have with everything is how genuinely shitty her development is, like this point has been hammered in a million times atp and I’m probably not adding anything new to the convo but let me rant, one day I’ll write a polished explanation or whatever but I’m just annoyed + me explaining why she’s not a good person :3 + my thoughts

I think morgana is a wonderfully established character, she’s someone who was willing to stand up for what she believed in and actively call out uther’s actions; as well as being willing to cross morally questionable lines to achieve what she genuinely thought was for the best. she was complex and honestly so interesting in the earlier seasons, we saw her struggles and genuinely empathized with her desire of acceptance and the fear of persecution. Also girlie had nightmares constantly like I can only imagine how tiring that shit is. but then s3 happened and her development took a complete nose dive! like I understand why she did what she did in s2e12, I think it’s a fine episode but I do wish they established the morgana + morgause relations better than they did in canon, like if you’re going to make a character do a complete 180, at least show the time period between that? because morgana was so clearly shaken but what she had done in s2e12, she had shut down basically and was struggling to cope with what she had done through the entire episode. Like I’m sure you could fill in the gaps but it’s just poor writing, show, don’t just imply that morgause became this figure in morgana’s life that she held up with such reverence and how she basically absorbed her values to just become this hollow antagonist that just has silly little schemes every episode in s3. like we already established how she had a desire for acceptance we should’ve show morgause grow into that. Also the fact that she brings up the poisoning like one time??? and never had any heart to heart with Merlin? Like I get that she was too unwilling to compromise on her values (and she’s ne polr-) but it’s far too quick of a shift in her character. She went from feeling immense guilt of her actions to smugly wanting Camelot to fall, like at least show some ambivalence or some kind of self doubt if you’re going to make her turn to evil off screen??? I’ll probably always be upset that they removed that scene in s3e13 where morgana was like “I felt like a monster (bc of my magic) and morgause was the only one there for me”, like that simple line, while implied w/o that scene, just has a lot of depth to her and explains it explicitly (also I feel like that would be the last thing to break uther so yeah I wish they didn’t delete that one). circling back, but I actually really love s3e05 (it’s one of my faves) because it just expands so much on how much she genuinely wants to be loved and how volatile morgana has become to rejection; like she is genuinely so desperate. I think from then on, morgana sorta imprints the idea of being “uther’s daughter”, thus trying to fit herself into that role (but that is very much a headcanon). From s3+ her mission is just “I want to kill Arthur (and emyrs) so I can be queen because I deserve it” but it’s totally about her bringing magic back! I think she comes to see Arthur as nothing more than an extension of uther (something that she does call him out her in earlier seasons) but I also believe that there is envy there! because he recognizes him as her son ofc but denies morgana of that, so she seeks to destroy what she cannot have (sx4???). of course her whole pursuit of emyrs which is just born of self-preservation. I actually appreciate s4 morgana bc of the fact that she’s is more vulnerable than in s3, like she’s just a lonely fool in the woods w/o any real friends bc she’s lost them all. and she contemplates sometimes. silly. also I like that we got a slight taste of distressed morgana who always sought out reassurance in s4e13, like girlie needs someone to tell her that’s everything will be okay and that is why morgwen is the best ship ever + why she is so emotionally volatile bc she is w/o that

Although I do wish they focused on her skill of social engagement, like she had so many ally ships and a clear ability to read and manipulate emotions, but whatever ig. It’s sad to see how much her world has really changed and her world view being so messed up and so black and white (like she also was pretty polarized in the earlier seasons but like those values she held made more moral sense + she felt guilt) also I think it’s important to bring up how her talking to emyrs in s4e06 being like “Arthur will never accept you, magic will only come back once I rule” as a play to distract him. also it’s genuinely so fucked up that she was locked in the bottom of a well for 2 years w/o light or movement like??? That is genuinely such a messed up thing I don’t think the show or fandom talks about enough. It’s literally a complete loss of her agency and freedom which I do believe is something that morgana values a lot, to always do some kind of action, she’s never been a stagnant character and to just. be stuck powerless and immobile for 2 years with the one creature that you’ve bonded with and loved and saw as you’re only campaign, like aithsa saved morgana; just suffer in such a painful and cruel way? LIKE WHY DO WE NOT TALK ABT IT MORE??

I guess I’ll talk abt s5 right now lol or just read my slideshow rant abt one of my gripes lol but yeah the writing takes another nosedive in s5, morgana just becomes really more one dimensional, although I’m glad that they at least addressed her and Gwen’s relationship, albeit in a very messed up way. But yeah her desperation for Gwen finally got the best of her and I truly believe that was the main purpose and not just her being used as a tool for assassinating Arthur. One think they should’ve done more was Morgana’s descent into madness and delusion, like she’s actually unhinged by the final few episodes and ofc that was caused by mordred’s death but I do wish that was just a theme in her character. I suppose it could parallel how uther shut down into numbness but morgana just became increasingly more volatile (it is 2am I am def grasping for straws). One day I write a proper uther and morgana parallels rant. Anyways her death scene is nice ig, she never did get the satisfaction of seeing Arthur die. anyways her entire character from s3+ is the sunk cost fallacy, she’s in too deep and she could never pull out. I haven’t watched bojack but I would’ve loved if they made her like Diane in how she feels like she needs to write her book to make her trauma productive in some way (“if I don’t then that means that all the damage I got isn’t good damage it’s just damage and all those years I was miserable I could’ve been happy this whole time. blah blah “what was it all for?”, from memory so if there’s a mistake that is why). She needs to take out all her years of hurt and rejection and someway by embodying that and doing it to everyone in her life ((for that reason)unconsciously) but I mean it’s not like they really imply that in canon, I’m probably reading too much into it. But yeah she’s selfish and hypocritical. At least she continued in being way too overbearing in her personal judgments (MY ESI WIFE (REAL))

#morgana pendragon #morgana #bbc merlin #Merlin #my typology arguments r better to read I promise #I got the our severs can’t handle paragraphs this long and I haven’t even finished s4 #me making a post that isn’t niche?? shocker #I only made 3 typology references r u proud

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partiallypearl · 2 years

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sambea headcanons

NOTE: this all takes place in my own little universe of ftws where sam comes to alfea for his final year and beatrix comes back to life mid s3 so second/third year for the girls + riven and sky. cool cool.

tagging @peek-a-bloom @loveisthemoment @septemberrie bc we were yelling abt this together in the winxsource discord server

when beatrix first comes back to life, everyone is understandably like what the fuck, so she finds herself alone. like most of the time. (the winx girls minus stella basically all have pretty complicated feelings about her bc of her flip flopping between being good and bad and all of that)

similarly, people kind of know what sam was planning to do to rosalind and while everyone agrees she deserved to die, they uhhhh don’t exactly trust him

as a result, both of them are kind of left on their own for the first time without anyone in their corner. they find themselves both struggling to figure out who they are now - beatrix without andreas and without the status quo she had achieved thru her power over everybody else, and sam with the newfound anger he feels about the situation alfea has been put in

by pure chance, they end up having to work on a project together for some random class and initially they barely speak. but over the two weeks, they work together, they realize they actually have quite a bit in common.

they both feel a lot of anger/distrust towards the adults in their lives due to emotional manipulation and lies that they grew up with. as well as that, beatrix is genuinely (or well as genuinely as beatrix can be) trying to be good and make better decisions and who else but maybe sam could do that for her?

long story short, they kind of become friends by accident? sam decides that he’s going to be nice to beatrix bc it won’t hurt anyone (and he also gets what she’s going through) and beatrix is like ???? bc, she’s not used to people being nice to her without some sort of ulterior motive.

again, beatrix has a lot of trauma that she’s beginning to unpack w the help of stella from her father and all of that. so sam being all nice to her? confusing as fuck. she’s like you don’t gain anything from being nice to me why are u doing this and sam’s like why would i need to gain something in order to be nice to u?

this goes on for like a month. beatrix being kind of freaked out about it but also a little bit flattered and sam just wanting to make a friend

sam also fully knows everything beatrix has done, but he is like everybody deserves a second chance. especially when you’re manipulated into believing your actions are right. he also thinks she’s hot lol

beatrix is like hm. i’m gonna play along and basically kinda starts flirting with him mostly bc she thinks it’s fun but she also really likes the attention

she also sees how sam is kind of a loose cannon and she’s like i can use that.

sam on the other hand is like a pretty girl is flirting with me and she gets my vague murderous tendencies??? BET

he’s also dealing with some uhhh inferiority complex issues bc of his breakup w musa and beatrix definitely preys on that

i just really like the idea of beatrix seeing sam and seeing how he’s immensely angry about basically everything all the time and how he’s so smart but no one acknowledges it and she’s like i see this and i will figure out some way to use it

but also!!! sam teaches beatrix that it’s okay to be mad at andreas and rosalind and sebastian for taking advantage of her and that she’s not a bad person for making the choices she made

and just the two of them casually being evil together but also healing from the shit they both went through??? YEAH

anyways just sambea shit

#sambea #sam harvey #beatrix daniels #beatrix fate #*mine #fate the winx saga #fate: the winx saga #ftws #jo tag

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wooahaes · 2 years

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Also PLEASE don’t feel bad ab keeping up w content coz like kpop artists go insane usually w the amount of stuff they release and anyone with a life won’t be able to keep up with it lol it does not make u any less of a fan my dude! I am also terrible about sitting down and watching stuff lol It took me like several months to finish watching euphoria and I started watching it only after the 2nd season ended lol💀 I’ve got adhd so I’ve either got the attention span of a goldfish or I binge watch and entire season lol. But one season is my limit and like. Most of the time it’s usually those dramas that have like 10 episodes. Even the ones I love I usually stop at like 5 episodes at a time max lol the last time I binge watched a series was I think all of us are dead? And I didn’t even think I’d like it lol coz it’s not what I usually watch but 🤷‍♀️

I’m so sorry I’m talking SO much I just got so excited finding a fellow teume Alajsbsmsk so feel free to ignore these yeah? Sometimes seeing a long message overwhelms me lol so totally understandable if you don’t feel like responding anytime soon!!

-baby teume

omg noo dont feel bad about talking!! im happy to talk abt anything like ive said <3 im answering these between questions like i said (i ended up doing two so now i just have two left <3)

aaa i hope i didnt imply i think of myself as any less of a fan!! i rarely watch going seventeen and i still think of myself as a carat so not watching variety shows don't really bother me too much since they can be long sometimes. i think i said ur better than me but meant it more as a 'ur better than me (at actually sitting down and consuming content)' rather than a 'ur better than me (at being a teume)' bc at the end of the day all that matters to me is loving and supporting these boys <3

one of my close friends watched euphoria!! i dont have netflix so i have no idea whats going on there but she'd send me stuff sometimes lmao its wack to hear about it out of context

but YEAH felt that abt the attention span thing. either i can sit and watch like 10 episodes of tmap or i struggle getting through five minutes bc i need to be actively doing Something while i watch... which is fine except for the fact i don't know a ton of korean so i have to consciously pay full attention to subs to understand lmao it all depends on what my brain feels like paying attention to if that makes sense

#wooahaes.ask #asks.anon #baby teume anon

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lunaletre · 1 year

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everytime something that would probably change the trajectory of my life i come on here to the void to talk about my problems and needing advice… if anybody cares to give me advice on how to deal with this.. but I’ve been going through a tumultuous few months regarding my sexuality and I finally have come to terms that i like women.. met girls and such that made me realise this was not something small anymore and it was growing and i realize I’ve just been in such denial and suppressing the thought that I might actually like women. and i do, I can finally admit that, I’ve been trying to make peace with it since I’ve struggled w it since i was 14 and now I’m like openly and honestly wanting a gf!!!! so back to the real problem, my bestfriend who I’ve known for 5 years now.. i think I’m starting to fall for her :<<< and i wish this was something out of the blue that I could just get over but i know I’ve been suppressing my feelings for her deep down since 2 years ago due to the fact I couldn’t face that I liked women. and I know she likes women too, so it’s not like I’m falling for someone straight. but now that we’re living together it’s so hard to hide my feelings, sometimes I flirt and i do things that I don’t think she notices that I’m doing it because i like her, and sometimes I feel like I can’t read her and idk what’s going on in her mind but we’ve gotten so so close the past 6 months since living together that i feel like it wouldn’t be that bad if we dated. the thing is we have a friend group and I’m soooo afraid of ruining the friendship dynamic of us and the group. but it is so hard to hide how I’m feeling when i know I’ve been feeling like this for quite some time and I’ve thought about it for quite sometime. i want to try and ease in the idea of us together to her, just to see what she thinks but ik her inside out and I know she’s going to freak… but I honestly don’t know what to do and what she feels bcs she always jokes like if I wasn’t her friend, and we both probably know how precious our friendship is but i rlly love her.. and i think I’m in love w her too, which just makes this so much more worse :( plsss help if anyone has experience this and got a happy ending like.. i need some success stories lmfaooo and the thing is i feel like we’d be so good together, we always joked about how we act like a couple bcs we bicker and then be affectionate w each other and i find her attractive and she’s so closed off at times but she tells me some of the deepest parts of hers that I know she doesn’t just tell anyone. and it’s so bad like if she goes out somewhere without telling me and I found she’s out w a guy and I KNOW she’s gay but like I get so fucking jealous and like idk idk I’ve been talking about a girl to her and seeing her reaction and everything, and I feel like since I’ve only been so open about liking women she thinks I’m just fucking out or being bicurious but i want her to know that I really really do like women.. like I can see myself physically and romantically being w one and I want her to know that. this is so bad yall so like I rlly rlly need some advice yup yup

#like it’s just SOOO complicated #and I just started liking her in 2021… bcs I was like working her everyday seeing her face everyday and I got so close to her like #literally close as in we shared everything together #and i wish she knew how I feel bcs i want her to know if like it would be nice if we dated #I’m gonna try and put myself out there and just.. do things to show her that I’m doing it because I like her and not just a friend anymore #I like her sm it’s so crazy i feel crazy too like I can’t believe i finally could admit this to myself #I was just hiding this scared of it changing our friendship and scared of confronting who I rlly am.. that I like women too

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getofy · 3 years

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bakugo as your boyfriend would include...

request: what would dating bakugo be like?

gn!reader (but there are slight fem themes if you squint); fluff; headcanons; no spoilers

character: bakugo katsuki

a/n: this goes out to my one & only <333. ilysm deku kinnie pls enjoy! also, @ bakugo simps i hope this feeds u well. he’s sm fun to write for. headcanons + a short playlist are under the cut.

*ty to my bakugo kinnie/simp friend for helping me write this. i appreciate u. A LOT of these ideas r hers!!

FALLING IN LOVE WITH HIM SOUNDS LIKE:

01. TEENAGE DIRTBAG by WHEATUS

02. GUTTER GIRL by HFHW

03. BOYFREN by LOVE LEO

04. IN TOO DEEP by SUM 41

05. TOUNGES by THE FRIGHTS

06. R U MINE? by ARCTIC MONKEYS

katsuki is a very emotional person. he feels incredibly deep and profound things, but has trouble expressing it in a healthy manner. this being so, him as your s/o would consist of a lot of subtle displays of affection! such as...

-> SHOWING YOU HOW TO DO STUFF:

he’ll teach you small things about his hobbies. will 100% show you how to play the drums, mountain climb, etc.

literally you learn so much with him it’s insane. he claims it’s because he couldn’t stand dating an incapable person, but in reality it’s just because he likes feeling useful/needed HAHA.

-> TOUCHING YOU:

this man is lowkey super clingy...so he will always find a way to be physically close to you.

a BIG fan of putting his arm around your shoulder fs. don’t mention it to him though because he’ll IMMEDIATELY stop doing it.

-> LETTING YOU SIT ON HIS LAP:

if you’re comfortable with it, he’d adore it if you sat on his lap!! like fr if you walked up to him when he was lounging on the couch and did it this is how it would go...

“what’re you doing?”

“sitting down, why?”

he just stares and then grunts before going back to whatever he was doing

don’t let his indifference fool you, he is very pleased.

probably looked up at the ceiling and thought about it for an hour once you left

he thinks about you a lot

-> ALWAYS COOKING FOR YOU:

he pretends like it’s a nuisance, but it genuinely makes his day when you eat the stuff he prepares. literally if you’re hungry just ask him to make you smth and he’ll do it. he actually gets angry if you decide to cook without him.

one time, katsuki seemed really tired because of training and school. so you tried to make something for the both of you guys to enjoy together. it uh...didn’t go well...

“what are you doing?!”

“cutting vegetables...”

“no. you’re doing it all wrong. give me the knife.”

“excuse me??”

“GIVE ME THE KNIFE.”

you ended up giving him the knife

the meal was great!?? but he scolded you for like 30 minutes after PLS.

-> SHOWING YOU OFF:

he’s proud that you’re his s/o, so of course he’s gonna brag about you to EVERYONE.

it’s not overbearing or in an annoying way either. it’s moreso him talking about your accomplishments and stuff like that.

he literally only shows you off for his own benefit. NEEDS everyone to know how cool you and him both are.

it’s an ego thing.

i take back what i said abt it not being annoying. it’s a nuisance to everyone who ain’t you.

-> SITTING NEXT TO YOU:

like i said before, he needs to be close to you at all times. sooo he always sits next to you. no questions asked.

expect to see a pouting, petty katsuki if you decide to sit next to somebody that isn’t him.

“are you seriously mad that i sat next to deku and not you on the bus?!”

“‘COURSE IM MAD.”

“you’re impossible.”

“HUH??????”

-> LETTING YOU WEAR HIS CLOTHES:

PRACTICALLY CHUCKS HIS SHIRTS AND HOODIES AT YOU. LITERALLY JUST- PELTS YOU WITH HIS CLOTHES UNTIL YOU PUT THEM ON.

you took his hoodie without asking ONE TIME and now he’s hooked on seeing you in his clothing.

he’ll always pretend like he’s doing you a favor though.

gotta love how annoying he is!

-> GIFT GIVING

i wouldn’t go as far to say that gift giving is his love language, but he’ll buy things that you bring up in causal conversation a whole lot.

he just kinda bashfully shoves the gift in your hands and watches as you fawn over it.

“awww! how’d you know??”

“you wouldn’t shut up about it.”

he loves seeing your pleased expression!! +100 boost to katsuki’s confidence.

-> HELPING YOU WITH ACADEMICS:

we ALL know how smart this man is.

he will 100% help you study for school if you’re struggling!

don’t expect him to go easy on you though.

if anything, he’ll probably be harder on you because he really wants to see you succeed.

he basically carries you through math

-> KNOWING MUNDANE FACTS ABOUT YOU:

i can see him knowing EVERYTHING about you. your birthday, your morning routine, your favorite snacks, your favorite songs, etc.

it doesn’t take a lot for him to remember this stuff either???

like, he thinks you’re unforgettable, so he just knows

-> WANTING TO IMPRESS YOU:

he wants you to know how cool he is so bad it’s laughable.

he’ll show off during training exercises FOR SUREEEE

bakusquad teases him abt it when he does lol they ALLL know how whipped he is for you

kirishima: wow, you’re really into it today bakugo!

denki: well (y/n) IS watching

bakugo: SHUT UP.

MISC HEADCANONS!

-> you enable him so much...like way too much. please get on that. someone needs to hold this stupid man accountable. he probably likes it when you scold him despite his protests so don’t be afraid to tell him off baby.

-> your approval makes his heart go $$/!/?!!!error??77776. like, even before you two started dating, he would ALWAYS feel flustered whenever you would compliment his outfits, fighting style, etc. now that you guys are dating, he still feels extremely dazed when you dote on him.

he’ll probably act super cocky about it though

“ ‘course i look good, idiot.”

he’s trying his best to suppress the stupid smile trying to take over his face. eventually, he lets it out, and tbh everyone in 1A knows that it’s because of smth cheesy you told him.

he is SUCH a softie for you it HURTTSSSS GAHHHH!!

-> katsuki is a very protective boyfriend.

this goes for everything, but especially applies during intense situations.

will literally lay his life down for you without thinking twice about it. don’t fight me on this. it’s canon.

if you’re going on a dangerous mission, you BEST believe this man is tagging along with you.

if for some reason he can’t go, he’ll make it a point to stay up way past his bed time waiting for you to come back.

when katsuki chooses you over sleep just know that you’ve won at life.

he doesn’t see you as inferior in any way. he knows you can handle yourself, but he really wants to keep you safe bc if something bad happened to the love of his life he would be in shambles.

on a lighter note, if mineta bugs you, he’ll absolutely wreck him. will literally punt that grape boy into the next stratosphere.

also!! he’s not the type to care about what you wear. if you’re wearing smth a bit more revealing, the most he’ll say is that you look hot. literally is so unbothered.

he trusts you a lot so it’s like 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

protective ≠ possessive

-> dates w/ him are super all over the place! one weekend, you guys will just chill in his dorm and the next he’ll be laughing maniacally as he chases you down during an intense round of laser tag.

-> he’s big fan of competition, so he’ll turn everything into one.

let him win.

-> his hands are really sensitive because of his quirk, so if you kissed them he’d turn to mush.

im literally begging you to touch this man. help him. he is so touch-starved it’s not funny.

-> he runs hot so cuddles w him are so nice and comforting :(. will pull you in close and tight and NEVER let go.

in short, while dating katsuki definitely comes with it’s quirks, it’s a beautiful relationship. he respects you endlessly and will do anything to ensure your happiness. treat him right and he’ll do the same!!

have fun dating explosion boy!

*do not repost my work without proper credit and my explicit permission

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#my hero academia #anime #bakugo fluff #bakugo x you #bakugo x reader #mha headcanons #boyfriend bakugo #bakugo x y/n #bakugo katsuki #katsuki x y/n #katsuki x reader #katsuki x you #bakugo katsuki x reader #bakugo katsuki x y/n #bakugo katsuki x you #bnha #mha x reader

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takahero · 3 years

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this is gonna sound extremely messy but here’s one of (many) basta fic concept ideas in which I relentlessly attempt to justify why I like him so much. HERE WE GO

so i love tangled, i love accidental-royalty tropes, i love a good enemies to friends to lovers. FYI, i’m a reader insert writer, so bear w the “you’s” HAHAHAH (also should clarify it has to be a fem!reader for the purpose of the plot). also set around the start of inkspell? and I’ve been brainstorming how to make this MAKE SENSE but look, I’ll try my best:

the general plot is this: adderhead wants another wife (note: against canon but for the purposes of the fic, THAT ISNT A CHILD). rumour has it there’s a beautiful maiden from a faraway land, yadda yadda, even more interesting if it’s another fanciful product of fenoglio’s writings. another bluejay dare I say. (ok but if you actually DID have reverse-aging powers like rapunzel, it would be 100% of interest to the adderhead holy frick. idk im still sitting on that one i just hate writing superpowers LMAO)

basta’s sent to “invite” you to the castle of night — aka, kidnap, bc obviously nobody would ever want to go of their own volition. we love a good meet-cute LMAO

alternatively, adderhead sends a bevy of his best men to escort you to the castle, which seems more likely … so he can assert his power

sidenote (there’s going to be lots of these): don’t forget I’m sort of going for the “lost princess” trope as this is…essentially a tangled au. sorta. or anastasia? i am leaning towards a whole amnesia thing where maybe reader just doesn’t know who she is and her dreams plague her SIGH I’ll figure it out someday LMFOAISODUD

two possibilities of her origins: 1. read into inkworld by mo, unwittingly. remember how mo’s postman disappeared or something?? and there was a glass man who got read in instead?? how many other people have been accidentally read into inkworld without mo’s knowledge. what if reader was one of those people. also likely she would be tentatively labelled a “witch” bc of applying modern world techniques to inkworld life

or 2. was she read in after fenoglio’s time? it almost feels too recent that way but I just love the concept of fenoglio writing songs and stories about ur typical fair maiden, then someone actually getting plunged into inkworld to play that role, like mo did. it’s a great way to tie in the theme of FATE…WAIT WAITWAIT this could have even more potential if reader is someone basta KNOWS from his time in our world …… like they had a super fleeting moment or some kind of acquaintanceship :O e.g. she was a barista or something and he was the customer that ordered peppermint tea exclusively every time. (but since fenoglio’s only been there for like a year, i don’t think reader would be well-adjusted to inkworld in that case. i highly doubt it. and it would also mess up the amnesia thing coz lmao how much could you forget in a year. anyway it’s an interesting plot. FOR ANOTHER FIC)

ok back to the story. they ambush, they seize everything they can. cue much resistance, much struggle, but she’s no match for the cadre of soldiers. and so the long trek back begins…

…riddled with challenges, of course. rain makes the journey difficult, horses slip in the mud, there’s little shelter. the men panic bc if they bring the girl in SICK, adderhead’s gonna lose his mind. so they halt the odyssey to wait out the storm overnight, but it worsens and ends up wreaking havoc. howling wind blows trees down, heavy rain stings skin, enormous hailstones shatter the earth…there’s thunder and lightning and it’s nothing short of a bad omen (basta thinks), and he wants out, he’s been having a bad feeling abt this whole thing from the start. (he thinks he saw 2 black cats in one day and firefox broke a mirror in ur house and yeah it was bad)

the soldiers start to flee left right and centre, fearing their lives. now it’s every man for themselves. basta’s hauling ass out of there when a branch knocks the wind out of him. he falls, possibly breaking a bone (arm rib or leg not too sure yet I CANNOT WRITE MEDICAL) and ultimately finds himself trapped beneath its weight. firefox notices, on his pursuit for safety. basta pleads for help. firefox walks over and squats down beside him, cuts the fingerbone charm off around his neck, and pockets it. smiles, insincerely, and says: “say hi to the white women for me.” leaves basta for dead

basta wakes up to a calm morning. he can hear the sound of water dripping off leaves, plunging into puddles. it’s quiet. birds are singing. and he’s not alone. he opens his eyes and ur looking straight at him, with mild surprise. god, he thinks, I survived the night and now I’m gonna get murdered. the pain sets in then, blinding and burning and terrible, and he begs you to end his misery. stab him right through the heart. don’t miss. don’t give the white women the satisfaction.

instead, you’re like: “can you move your toes?”

basta’s still a little b*tch. he thinks ur a witch, and ur probably gonna cut his digits off, one by one, to use in some cursed elixir. so he very angrily flails around and demands a swift execution. good signs of vitality

you leave, and he suddenly gets very scared, but you come back with a sword and proceed to hack away at the branch. at this point he’s starting to realise what’s going on and shuts up — apart from the occasional expletive when the blade swings a little too close to his head LMAO. he wriggles out, battered and bruised, but not dead. he’s a cat, after all. nine lives baby

look I’m gonna spare u of the details bc quite frankly I still don’t know HAHAHAH. ultimately, he’s in no state to run away, and he definitely can’t care for his own injuries. this all depends on what injury I end up assigning him with (did I mention that I hate writing medical. apparently broken legs can take up to 6 months to heal? 2-3 for a broken arm). now comes the proposition. a quid pro quo. you’ll help him recover, if he helps you find the elusive oracle who will tell u who u are (bc ofc basta knows all these things. of course he does)

otherwise he’s stuck in the woods by himself — unable to walk, unable to feed himself, left to the wolves. he’d rather not be alone, if he can help it. you make him swear. there is still mutual enmity — after all, he’s one of the men who was about to sell your soul to the adderhead against ur will. it’s going to take a lot to ever get over that. but it’s a start to getting somewhere, at least.

this is basically where the tangled story takes off. i just. look at all the little stories you could fit into this bad boy *slaps bonnet* INJURY CARE (think: if it’s an arm injury he’ll inevitably have to show his burn scars), the growing resentment that comes when nobody comes and searches for him (altho that’s really thanks to firefox)

(also love the idea of reader being better with a knife than basta like PLEASE he would be so miffed but also markedly more interested …)

then once he makes progress in his recovery, and there’s some kind of mutual respect established between them, we can introduce the PINING…*chef’s kiss*

but I’ll fill in the romance later bc that’s my strong point LMAO. i like to think that on their journey to find the oracle they encounter a vast number of obstacles…ruffians…thugs….and through those experiences they forge a bond of trust and friendship which blossoms into something else. also I’m so into basta falling first. and yes I want to include that marketplace scene where he follows reader around like a lost puppy and is just utterly enamoured AH

the turning point is when they do end up finding the oracle who guides reader in the right direction. it’s the point where they agreed to part ways except basta really doesn’t want to go anywhere. he wants to stay. it’s not exactly like the adderhead is waiting for his return anyway. and he’s never liked being in anyone’s company more than yours *sob*

now here’s where it gets messy. anyway. back to lost princess arc — I have yet to establish some sort of premise for this, but i just keep going back to this idea of an old and lonely king in a big castle (sounds familiar LMAO), no heir just grief for his critically-ill wife. actually I guess this is where the superpowers thing might come in handy. frijmcmc I hate writing superpowers. anyway a deal is struck — if you heal the wife, you can have the kingdom. fair and square. old guy just loves his wife. it’ll be seamless really. you, with no known origins/family, can claim power of the throne through legal adoption. unconventional, but hey it’s all part of fate’s design. bonus points if fenoglio’s songs tie the fair maiden to royalty but “not through blood or betrothal” how’s that ;)

meanwhile, while all this is happening and while basta is probably in over his head for you, a message from the adderhead comes to him. the walls have ears, after all. basta freaks the hell out, thinks the worst, but is baffled by the positive contents of the message. adderhead’s singing his praises for basta’s cunning. sure, he’s a little peeved that basta stole his wife-to-be, but in doing so, he’s unlocked the opportunity of a lifetime. what ??

basta reads on (IKDNDKSHD HE CANT READ I FORGOT HASHSHAHAHAUAHAHA) and dread fills his gut. the adderhead wants him to marry reader, assume royal status, then kill the family, kill the guards. leave not one soul behind — excluding reader (for…obvious reasons). then relinquish the kingdom to the adderhead. it’s a perfect plan to assert extra land, assets and people to war against the laughing prince/cosimo. it’s an order, but adderhead promises to make basta his right-hand man if he follows through. then adderhead’s like “ok see u soon xoxo”

UGH THE TENSION. to make matters worse, basta tries to figure this out by himself until reader gets wind of it and it almost breaks her heart when she realises basta hid it from her. like was that his plan all along? to string her along and make her fall in love w him just to be working for the adderhead’s interests all along? *drapes self over chaise longue* THE DRAMA

ur damn right im leaving it here!!! what kind of writer would I be to give away the ending! jokes I actually don’t know the ending. but my head feels monumentally lighter after dumping the contents out like this. hope you found this entertaining LMAO. and if you made it to the end here’s some gifs of gratitude:

#please feel free to add on too only if you’d like! coz I’m always hungry for new ideas #LONG POST WARNING #basta x reader #regarding the gifs BOTH THESE MEN HAVE SUCH FOXY FACES ITS UNREAL

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antiloreolympus · 2 years

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10 Anti LO Asks

1. Putting something out there, Minthe vs Apollo and why Minthe is a more interesting antangoist. We can all agree that Minthe’s worst trait is being abusive and Apollo’s for r**e.

If we take out Minthe’s abuse, she’s still a character by herself. She has her own backstory and her own motives. Minthe was her own force in the plot, she was a pre established relationship, with its own problems because both characters weren’t a match. She has her own friend group, her own life outside of hades and work.

Take out Apollo’s horrible action, his character falls a bit 1 dimensional. He’s a creep in sheep’s clothing right now, he’s obessed with Persphone, and her act of wrath didnt have anything to do with him yet he’s all over it. He’s Artemis’ brother but we haven’t really see them be siblings in awhile other than Apollo saying he wants a better life for his family, but we don’t know fully how they’re struggling (since Leto has a nice place and Artemis seems just fine.) Apollo just seems like he’s there to show off other characters (make Apollo look better, to cause conflict between Persphone and Artemis) but nothing of his own. Like even his motive to become king seems like it’s more for Leto than himself. He has Artemis and Hermès, but we really only see him talk about persphone.

I feel like RS write both these two characters with the extreme badness because she was insecure making these bad guys just bad, but personally Minthe would have been good bad guy without the abuse since Minthe already had a bad set up (self destructive, afraid of commitment, toxic friends) but Apollo just doesn’t seem much of a character, just something to make Persphone’s plot lines have conflict.

2. theres a part of me that feels bad for rachel, bc shes the first one to get the book deals, adaptions, etc on the western side, which means she has no one to learn from or what mistakes to avoid. thats why crumbs and other webtoons are taking more time into adapting them for print, its why theyre taking time (like lets play) to wrap up the story before getting tv producers involved, its why theyre making better merch deals, etc, they can see what rachel messes up on and avoid it, while she can't

3. I'm not going to hold it against RS if she has typos in her scripts or w/e, but I will question why at least four, if not more, people look at each episode and don't fix the spelling errors for her? Like they all have the files and scripts (I assume) so they should be able to fix them. Really I'm more concerned too the typos went into print too?? So even the publishers and designers didn't fix it either? Like this will likely be her only major project, why isn't more effort and care put into it?

4. its a fandom joke about how "funny" it is eros seems to actually be in love with psyche's disguise over psyche herself and im like?? how would psyche be ok with that? i get the idea is oh he loves her bc its actually psyche underneath it but he doesnt know? so from an outside POV (and his too) it just looks like he actually doesnt love her and moved on fast to really wanting this other woman instead. idk its so messy and just makes eros/psyche less viable, idk why the fans think its funny/cute??

5. i love how some of the book reviews are claiming the anachronism in LO is a deliberate choice of RS commenting on ancient values in modern times as opposed to the reality she just picked it for the aesthetics. pre-revolution france, modern day nyc, and sicily (??) gets more rep in LO than actual greece. the trial especially could have used anachronism with how many courthouses purposely look like the parthenon, yet it doesn't. it just seems like trying to make it deeper than it is IMHO.

6. ive seen so many LO stans shut down critics as "youre just poor" as if that means anything? i dont care if hades is rich, the issue is that LO has a massive class divide that hades and co created for their benefit (which was never in myth) with them abusing their citizens and power all they want w/ the poor seen as evil for pushing back , and in hades' case, literally owning slaves, which is framed as a good thing. sorry, why cant there be critique on this love letter to greed and capitalism?

7. ok so just like, try and ignore the slavery and how creepy is he and all that, but is lo hades even like ... nice? like im not joking, what about himm is genuinely attractive beyond rachel just saying so? what does persephone like about him beyond her initial lust? because yes lust aides in most relationships, but that cant be all of it. we know what hades sees in her (her body, her always doing what he wants, her never standing up to him, etc) but what does she see in /him/?

8. the fact the only thing LO has actually done from the persephone myth is just the kidnapping (which was all of two episodes in the first published three) while we're going into its FOURTH year and nothing else of the myth has even been touched on is ridiculous. why make a story based off this specific myth if you dont use it beyond the first three episodes? i get shes going for "deconstruction", but that doesn't mean break the whole mythology apart, throw it away, and make up whatever you want.

9. Since Rachel has bad same character syndrome; i think Thanatos and Thetis (the gray girl with teal) look like siblings instead of 2 unrelated characters 🤔

10. the thing with LO's obsession with Sicily is it's technically not /incorrect/, because HxP did have a lot of worship there. The problem is Sicily didn't even exist as a Greek colony until centuries /after/ HxP were already well established in Greece, which according to actual sources seems to point to their origins being on Crete, where others like Demeter, Dionysus, and Zeus get their origins from. IDK why she's so close to being accurate yet isn't. Maybe she likes the aesthetics of Italy more?

#anti lo #anti lore olympus #lore olympus critical #lo critical

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breakyeol · 4 years

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Sweet, Sweet Relief

Pairing : chanyeol x reader

Summary: in which your gorgeous best friend knows just what to do to help you relax.

Warnings: strong language, shy yeol towards the end, explicit sexual content; mild muscle kink?? i think??, dry humping for like two seconds, oral (f. receiving) aka pussy eating king back at it again, fingering, park chanyeol bc the man deserves a warning all his own

Word Count: 3.3k

a/n; ah yes, best friends to lovers, my favorite cliche. i can’t stop writing for Chanyeol lately?? which really isn’t that out of the ordinary bc the man is literally my muse, but it seems a bit excessive at times yikes. but i also think it’s a good thing because i’m making some leeway with his prince au!!! yay!!! hopefully it won’t be too terribly long of a wait! until then, i hope these drabbles turned one shots will hold you over :) enjoy!

“You’re stressed out.”

It wasn’t a question.

You sighed, head shaking as you spared Chanyeol a glance from the corner of your eye.

“I’m fine.”

“You’re obviously not.” Was his abrupt response, concerned eyes dragging over the length of your tensed features, pausing on the visible lines above your brow and at the corners of your mouth.

He was right, of course. You weren’t alright. In all honesty, you hadn’t been alright for the past month. Your latest assignment was beating the absolute shit out of you, draining your mind and body of all its viable energy and leaving you an exhausted, stressed out disaster of a person.

Unfortunately, you knew that if you admitted it out loud to Chanyeol, he would not let you spend another second staring at your stupid computer screen. But you really had to get the project done by the end of the week or you were totally and royally screwed. And if he couldn’t make you feel better, Chanyeol would end up feeling like shit and that in turn would make you feel even more like shit than you already do and it would be an endless cycle of the two of you feeling like shit and does anybody really need that right now? You were already struggling enough without having an extra pouty, sulking best friend to tend to.

“Chanyeol—“ you began, running your palms over your face as you concocted a number of things to say to get him to stop worrying. But, he didn’t give you the chance.

“I can do it again.”

Your hands fell away from where they’d begun to press against your sore eyes, a look of confusion crossing your features.

“Huh?”

He swallowed, shifting where he sat beside you on the plush sofa. You followed his every movement through narrowed eyes, your confusion building as a shade of pink dusted over his cheeks.

“I–if you want me to... I can do it again.”

It took you a second. To put the pieces together. To remember. For the shock to settle over you. It took a second, but it was with a jolt that you realized what he was talking about. Warmth blossomed beneath your skin, but you forced your expression to fall into that of gentle chiding.

“Yeol. We agreed that it was a one time thing.”

The near rejection had him crumbling in on himself, the blush coating his cheeks intensifying tenfold as he fiddled with his fingers in his lap.

“I know but... I don’t mind. If it helps.” He suddenly straightened his back and you damn near jumped out of your skin as one of his hands fell across your thigh. He stared into your eyes, determination and sincerity burning in his own. “I want to help.”

“Yeah but you don’t have to help like th— ah!” You yelped in surprise as he suddenly pushed you and you fell backwards onto the couch with a soft ‘oof’. “What the h– ell…” your voice gave with an embarrassing crack as Chanyeol crawled on top of you, straddling your hips and caging your head between his arms. The sudden change of position caught you completely off guard, and you found yourself grappling hopelessly to try and get your mind back on track.

“Let me help you, y/n. You know I’m good at it.” His voice had dropped an octave, softening into a near whisper. Heat pooled in your cheek, and you blinked rapidly, mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water.

Sure he was good —probably one of the best you’d ever had if you were being completely and totally honest—, but accidentally fucking your best friend while you are both wasted and horny beyond rationality is completely different than committing the act while sober and capable of discerning between right and wrong. And this— this had to be wrong.

Even if it felt so deliciously right.

Quickly ridding yourself of the thought, you pressed your palms against his chest with every intention to pushing him away, only to falter at the feeling of taut, bulging muscle beneath your fingertips that you were almost certain hadn’t been there the last time you’d laid your hands on him.

“Have you been working out?”

The question was so out of place in the situation that Chanyeol couldn’t rein in his laughter before it came bubbling from his chest in several loud, contagious eruptions.

“A little…” his lips curled into that familiar, boyish grin, “wanna see?”

Asking proved pointless as he sat up before you could conjure up an intelligible response and took hold of the bottom of his hoodie. In one soft motion, he pulled it over his head and tossed it aside without a care. You couldn’t help but gawk like a fool at the sight you were left with.

“W–wow.” You coughed out, blinking rapidly as you absorbed the expanse of the tanned, toned body on top of you. ‘A little’ had been an understatement. The last time you saw him shirtless, you can’t quite seem to recall there being such a defined six pack… or such impressive biceps… fuck.

“Wanna feel?”

His large hand was already wrapped around your wrist before the question escaped his lips, though this time he actually waited for your verbal approval before proceeding. Was it really the best idea to be feeling up your shirtless best friend after he’d just propositioned you? Probably not. Were you going to do it anyway? Abso-fucking-lutely.

Allowing him to guide your palm to his impressive pectorals, you almost moaned at the feeling of the hard, warm skin beneath your greedy fingertips. “Not bad, huh?” He asked, smug smirk twirling at the corners of his lips.

“In a word.” You offered mildly, far too absorbed in tracing the defined ridges of his abs to come up with one of your usual smart ass responses. The faintest of gasps fluttered from his lips as you caressed over a particularly sensitive area, and you didn’t miss the goosebumps that rose across his sun kissed skin— nor the pressure of something hard suddenly nudging up against your hip.

Swallowing thickly, you tipped your head up, making the deadly mistake of meeting his eyes. They were dark, darker than you’d ever seen them, and hooded, pretty eyelashes fluttering across his flushed cheeks with every lazy blink. Something dangerous yet tempting swirled within them, and you found yourself too overwhelmed to hold his intense gaze for much longer, quickly diverting your attention elsewhere.

But, just your luck, your eyes happened to land directly on the second most dangerous feature on his face— his lips. They were a dark, lovely shade of pink and deliciously swollen from the relentless assault of his teeth. The unexpected urge to tip you chin up and kiss him crashed over you with all the strength of a tsunami, heat flooding down between your thighs. Instinctively, you tried to close them, but the shape of his body prevented you from doing such. Unfortunately for your sanity, the pressure of your legs squeezing around his hips gave Chanyeol a different idea all together, a whole new way of absolutely wrecking you.

You almost— scratch that, you quite literally choked on air when he suddenly rolled his hips down, grinding against you. It was more experimental than anything else, testing the waters, seeing just how far you’d let him go. When you showed no signs of pushing him away and telling him to go fuck himself, he did it again, and this time, you really did moan out loud. Chanyeol shuddered at the sound, positively delighted that he’d been the one to pull such a delicate, sexy noise from you.

Encouraged and invigorated with newfound determination, he set a steady, confident rhythm with his hips, rolling them into yours in hard, deliberate, fluid motions.

“Let me make you feel good, y/n.”

A shiver wracked your body, and you found yourself utterly helpless against the deep rasping bass of (what you liked to identify as) his sex voice. It was at least an octave deeper than his regular voice, with a deliberate yet natural hoarseness that shot straight to your core. And no being on earth was immune to it, including you.

“Okay. Fuck, okay,” you caved, breathing heavy and uneven just from that juvenile dry humping alone, “but this is seriously the last time, Chanyeol. We can’t keep doing shit like t–this.”

A triumphant grin twisted onto his rose petal lips, “that’s alright. Just this once is all I need.”

Contrarily, you feared this little indiscretion would make you crave him all the more.

You sighed softly as his head fell into the juncture of your neck, painting hot, open mouthed kisses across the vulnerable skin. “No marks.” You huffed lightly when he resorted to sucking and nipping, and you could feel the pout that downturned the corners of his lips, but he made no objections nonetheless. A trembling breath flooded out of your chest as he descended your body, pushing up the loose fabric of your t-shirt to press searing kisses across your belly, all the way down to the elastic of your leggings. He glanced up at you, and somehow the angle made him look more attractive than he already was.

“Don’t be nervous.”

You shot him a lopsided grin, “who’s nervous?”

He didn’t look convinced, thumbs rubbing soothing circles into the skin of your hips. “If you don’t want to do this, that’s completely alright, just tell me and I’ll—”

“Don’t stop.” Chanyeol’s eyes widened at the sudden interruption, staring up at you with all the excitement and hope of a puppy getting a treat dangled in front of his nose. Sinking your teeth into your lower lip, you allowed your thighs to relax, falling open before him. “Please… don’t stop.”

He literally whined, though it quickly pitched into a rough, heavy groan somewhere deep in his chest. Long fingers slipped beneath the tight elastic of your leggings, making quick work of tugging them down the length of your legs. The air was cold against your bare skin, prickling goosebumps shooting up across your freshly shaved and lotion lathed legs (you silently thanked yourself for making yesterday one of your monthly self care days). The chill of the air was warded away by the warm press of his hands against the flesh of your thighs, grip tight enough to bruise.

“Fuck.” You hissed as he feathered his mouth over your clothed pussy, the heat of his breath rippling through your core in tiny shockwaves. Something dangerous glinted in his hooded eyes, and you let out a shaky moan when he flicked his tongue experimentally. The thin grey cotton darkened with a mixture of his saliva and your arousal, and he moaned quietly when your faint flavor hit his taste buds.

“Baby,” he purred softly, rolling his thumb over your clit and prodding the tip of his tongue where he estimated your entrance was. Your head tipped back against the cushion, mouth opening in a silent gasp. One of your hands reached down to weave through his thick black locks, while the other grabbed hold of the armrest behind your head. “Can I take them off?”

“Yes.” You breathed, removing your hand from his hair to brace it against the couch as you lifted your hips, allowing him to pull the black cotton down your legs. He tossed them aside haphazardly, a low groan rumbling in his throat at the sight of your bare core, wet and exposed in front of him. The first time you’d done this, it had been too dark and he’d been too drunk to really appreciate you. So, he’d take his time now. Really take his time.

“You’re so pretty.”

Warmth blossomed beneath your cheeks and you scoffed softly, trying your best to act like the compliment hadn’t made your heart flutter. He dragged his index slowly through your arousal, mouth falling open with a breath of amazement as he admired the glistening wetness that coated it. Chills rolled down your spine, an almost embarrassingly desperate whine resonating in your throat.

“Chan.” The urgency in your voice made him smile, and he looked up at you with eyes sparkling with mischief. You could only watch helplessly as he dragged his finger away from you, and slipped it between his lips, humming in delight.

Fuck. He was definitely trying to kill you.

Luckily for you, that one little taste proved to not be anywhere near enough for his insatiable appetite and, without warning, he pressed his face in close and began lapping eagerly at your pussy. Your mouth gaped, hips bucking up uncontrollably as his nose ground into your clit, his hot tongue licking hungrily at your entrance. Pleasure ignited in your veins like a wildfire, explosive and untamable and all consuming. It stretched through every part of your body, setting your skin ablaze in the wake of his touch.

“Oh my god, Chan—” he groaned against you in response, hooded eyes fluttering blissfully as he lost himself in the taste of your cunt. He was eating you out like his life depended on it, fierce and unrelenting, the sound of it wet and messy. You were moaning his name, thigh tightening spastically around his head, but his strong, calloused hands kept them apart, forcing them open so he could have his way. You almost lost it completely when he wrapped his lips around your clit and started sucking.

Strangely enough, you found that without the intoxication of alcohol in your system, everything he did had that much of a more intense effect on you. It was like every touch, every sensation was amplified by your mere sobriety; the heat of his mouth, the softness of his lips, the eagerness of his tongue, the pressure of his fingers. You felt all of it, every one of your senses going into overdrive.

And god it was so much. And yet, you still wanted more.

“Y– your fingers, Chan, your fingers, please—” you panted, brows knitting as you felt that familiar tightening in your gut. He quickly obeyed, sinking his long middle finger inside of you with such ease you almost felt embarrassed. But there was no room for such emotions when you were so enthralled in the hot rush of pleasure bursting like the most brilliant of firecrackers in your veins.

A second finger was swift to join the first, stretching you out so deliciously that your toes curled. With his free hand, he tugged at your knee, bringing it up to rest over his shoulder. The new angle forced your hips off of the plush cushion below, his skilled fingers burying themselves deeper, pillowy lips sucking harder. It was over the second his digits curled, stroking up against that perfect little spot that had white hot electricity crackling in your blood.

Your orgasm hit you hard and fast. It was hot and overwhelming, the persistent, eager pressure of his mouth and hands drawing it out as long as it could possibly go. He dragged it out until you were limp and trembling beneath him, moaning and whining out broken fragments of his name, too lost in the bliss inducing thralls of your high to feel even the slightest hint of shame.

His ministrations seemed to grow even fiercer through your orgasm, his ravenous moans increasing in volume right alongside yours. He only pulled away when he knew you wouldn’t be able to withstand anymore, resorting to pressing soothing kisses and murmuring breathless praises against the soft, trembling skin of your thighs.

“Fuck you, Chanyeol.” You laughed breathlessly, tossing an arm over your eyes.

“Fuck me? Fuck you, I almost busted in my pants when you came. That was so fucking hot.” He groaned, sinking his teeth into his bottom lip as he crawled back on top of you, caging your head between his arms. You chuckled, warmth spreading through your cheeks. A sweet smile upturned the corners of his mouth. “Did it help?”

The question was less than a breath against your lips, so soft you had to strain your ears to hear it. You swallowed, gaze momentarily dropping to his mouth before returning to his eyes, only to find that they’d honed in on your lips.

“It helped. You helped.”

He inhaled shakily, tongue slipping out to trace the seam of his bottom lip. “Can I help a little more?” He asked, and you felt his bangs feather over your forehead as his head lowered. Hot breath rushed over your mouth. Instead of answering, you reached up and cupped his face, pulling him into a kiss. It was short, shy, sweet. Such a stark contrast to the fierce hunger he’d displayed going down on you not two minutes ago that you couldn’t help the giggles of amusement that came bubbling from your chest. He broke away from you with a bashful smile, gently resting his forehead against yours.

“You suck.” He mumbled, pouting childishly.

“I’m pretty sure you’re the only one that’s done any sucking.” You teased.

“Who am I to argue with the facts?” He sighed dramatically, feigning defeat.

You laughed loudly, an obnoxious cackle that had to be one of the most unattractive sounds you’d ever made, but it was abruptly cut off when he reattached his mouth to yours. You hummed contently, carding your fingers through the short hairs on the back of his neck. The taste of you lingered on his tongue, and he painted the inside of your mouth with it. Warmth spread through your chest, your heart picking up speed as you melted into his kiss, melted into the warmth that the presence of his body provided you with.

“I lied.”

Your eyes blinked open, surprised by the sudden admission. “Huh?”

The look on his face stirred to life a strange, but vaguely familiar emotion in the depth of your chest. A crimson blush darkened his cheeks and his gaze shied away from yours. For a moment, you were reminded of the little, goofy looking boy that shyly handed you a heart shaped box of caramel chocolates on Valentine’s Day all the way back when you were thirteen. He had the same big sweet eyes, the same crimson cheeks, the same large pink tipped ears.

“I said that just this once is enough...” he swallowed, adam’s apple bobbing as he nibbled nervously on the corner of his lip, “but it isn’t. It isn’t enough.”

“What do you mean?”

He cupped the side of your face, thumb tracing the line of your lip. “I want you. I- I want to be more to you— to be more to you than just a friend.”

You narrowed your eyes at him, offering him a sly smirk. “Are you… confessing to me, Park Chanyeol?”

“Depends.”

“On what?”

He smiled down at you bashfully. “If you say yes.”

“Hmm…” you squinted your eyes and pursed your lips as if you needed to think it over. But you had a feeling that a moment like this was long past due, so you resisted the urge to draw it out and torture him, opting to give him a more straight forward answer to put his racing heart at ease. “Yes.”

“Thank god.” He groaned happily, smooshing your face between his massive palms and tugging you into a deep, but playful kiss that made your skin tingle. You giggled noisily against his lips, draping your arms over his neck to keep him close. “Does this mean I get to eat you out like that whenever I want?”

“Oh, without a doubt,” you snickered as he pumped his fist, hissing out an eager ‘yes’. You grabbed his chin between your thumb and forefinger, drawing his attention back to you. “And next time...” you tipped your head up to nip at the sensitive lobe of his ear, letting a downright wicked grin curl across your lips, “I’ll gladly return to favor.”

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ibis-gt · 3 years

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i made a fairytale au for cam and luther and then wrote nearly 5k words of fic for it?? which is wild bc i am not much of a writer. but. that’s under the cut. content warning for a pretty violent scene towards the end but there’s a happy ending i prommy

Once upon a time, there lived a prince. This prince, Luther by name, lived in a kingdom that was plagued by monsters. His father, the king, had gained his throne by feats of heroism, most notably by slaying a fearsome dragon that had ruled the land for years. The time came for Luther to prove he was worthy of the title of prince by slaying a monster of his own…

Down in the countryside, farmers have been complaining for weeks of an ogre stealing their cattle and frightening their children. So Luther sets off in a splendid suit of armor, with a sword sheathed on one hip, a quiver of arrows on the other, and his bow slung on his back.

Luther rides his horse down to the village where the ogre was last spotted. He talks with the locals and gets a description of the creature. At least forty feet tall, they say, with greenish-grey skin and dark hair and teeth the length of a man’s forearm. Luther leaves his horse behind with the farmers because he doesn’t want her getting hurt and marches off, following a set of giant footprints left behind by the ogre, sword in hand. He would have to admit that he isn’t the best at sword fighting, and that really he’s never faced a monster on his own. But his father gave him a crucial tip: every monster has a weak point. Find the weak point, exploit it, and you’ll win every time.

The footprints lead through the plains of grass, past the area where the farmers let their cattle out to graze, and into a dark forest. The sun is going down before he manages to find the ogre, so he sets up a little camp with a little fire and rests his tired bones. His armor isn’t the most comfortable thing in the world, but it takes forever to get on and off even with someone helping him, let alone by himself. He sits with his back to a big boulder so nothing can sneak up behind him and eventually drifts off.

Luther awakens the next morning and groans at how stiff and sore he is. He sits up and pauses, brow furrowed, remembering that he’d gone to bed sitting upright. But just now, he’d been lying on his back. And he’s not the best tracker, but those giant footprints look… disconcertingly fresh. These things add up in his mind. He just about passes out. He crouches down and puts his head between his knees for a moment until he can breathe again and his heart stops pounding quite so hard. He was right next to it! He fell asleep leaning on it! If his father heard about this he’d give him such a beating. How could he not have noticed that the boulder was actually -

His stomach rumbles, interrupting his panicked thoughts, and Luther remembers that the last time he ate was back in that farming village around two in the afternoon yesterday. He digs out a bit of beef jerky and morosely works at it. His father swears by the stuff, but it just makes his teeth hurt. Luther dreams of the kitchens back home and drools a little.

He gives up on the jerky and manages to take down a couple squirrels with his bow and arrows. He gets his fire blazing again and sets them cooking over it, and sits down to draw in the dirt and form a battle plan. He gets wrapped up in his drawing and loses track of time, but is startled violently back to reality as a deep booming voice from behind him says, “Your squirrel’s burning.”

Luther’s eyes snap up to the fire. He hastily pulls the stick with his squirrels off of it, waving it in the air to put out the bit of squirrel that had caught fire. He blows on it and inspects the damage. Not too bad, a little charred. Still definitely edible. Then realization dawns, and he slowly looks up and over his shoulder.

That’s the ogre. He’s unmistakable. Huge, greyish-green, with shaggy black hair and big tusks that jut out of his mouth. He’s down on one knee looming over Luther, modesty barely preserved by a loincloth stitched together out of the pelts of many different furry animals. Luther wills himself to not faint for the second time that day.

“You gonna eat that?” The ogre booms. “’Cause I will if you won’t.”

“W-well, yes, I was planning to,” Luther quavers, “But there are two, so, um, you can have one if you want? We can share?”

He takes the non-burned squirrel off the stick and holds it up. His hand only shakes a little. The ogre takes it carefully between thumb and forefinger and tosses it in his mouth. With such a tiny morsel, he’d usually just swallow it whole, but an interesting flavor makes him stop and savor it for a moment.

“What’d you do to it? Not like any squirrel I’ve eaten. And I’ve eaten a whole army of squirrels.” He slaps a hand on his formidable belly. The sound makes Luther jump.

“I- I didn’t do much, j-just some seasoning, I-I’m sorry, I d-didn’t mean to, please don’t eat me next."

"You?” The ogre laughs. “Why would I eat you? You shared your food with me. That’s mighty polite. I’d say that makes us friends now, and I don’t eat friends.” He grunts as he shifts position, sitting down heavily and stretching out his legs. “Bad knees,” he grumbles. “Sat like that too long, but I wanted to see what you were drawing."

Luther is now horrifically aware that he is directly between the ogre’s legs. He is also horrifically aware that he was drawing himself hitting an ogre with a sword. He hurriedly kicks some dirt over it.

"Nothing. Nothing interesting. I’m a bad artist anyway.”

“Sure. What’s your name, little tin man? You didn’t seem too talkative when you snuggled up to me last night, but I thought maybe you were just tired. I’m Cam."

"L-Luther.” Oh god. He was supposed to kill this thing, it - well, no, not ‘it’, he can’t think of Cam as an ‘it’ now he knows his name - he’s terrorizing folks, stealing their livelihoods, he’s supposed to drive him away, save the day, bring peace to the kingdom. Instead he’s sharing his meager breakfast and making friends with the monster. How did it all go so wrong!!

“So, Luther, you made of metal? I thought you were gonna take all that off, looks pretty uncomfortable, but you wore it all night. Unless it’s like… you?"

"No, no, um, it’s just… it takes a long time to put it on and take it off? And I usually need help.”

"Well shoot, friend, why didn’t you say so?“ Before Luther can object, a giant hand descends and plucks him up. He panics, struggles in Cam’s grasp, and Cam tsks at him. "I can’t get all that off you if you don’t hold still. Don’t make me squeeze."

Luther goes still. If Cam squeezes the armor, it’ll stay squeezed. He wouldn’t want to still be in it if that happens. Cam clearly has no idea how to get someone out of armor though. He just pulls at clasps and buckles till they break, then shucks the metal off of Luther like an ear of corn. His helmet comes off first, freeing his dark brown curls.

“Aww,” Cam says, “lookit you. You’re kinda cute for a tin man.” He musses up Luther’s hair with a fingertip. "You’re like a little crab,” Cam chuckles. “Crack open the hard shell to get to the soft stuff underneath.” The food metaphor does not put Luther any more at ease as the rest of his armor is pulled off and tossed aside, piece by piece. Cam even strips the chainmail off of him and dumps it on the ground. This leaves Luther in his shirt and breeches, shaking like a leaf and terrified for his life.

“Oh, you cold? Here, I gotcha.” Cam sandwiches him between his hands. Luther awaits the pressure and the horrible crunch that will no doubt be the end of his short life, but it never comes. Cam just holds him there, and truth be told his hands are very warm, and it had been a chilly morning. Luther relaxes very slightly.

After a few minutes, Cam lifts one hand a little and peeks at Luther. “Better?"

"Much better, thank you. Even a little too warm, actually? Can I, um, come out now?"

Cam laughs and opens his hands like a book, then tilts them so Luther tumbles into the palm of his left hand. "So what’s a fancy little shrimp like you doing all the way out here, with that tough shell and those sharp weapons? You huntin’ something?"

Luther hesitates. It’s not… technically a lie, just an omission of truth, right? "Yeees…. Hunting.”

Cam laughs out loud, leaning back and slapping his knee with his free hand. “HA! You are just about the worst liar I ever met, Luther. Whew.” He actually wipes a tear from his eye. Luther feels his face heating up with anger and embarrassment.

“I am hunting! I’m hunting you!” As soon as he says it he regrets it. He slaps his hands over his mouth and cowers back as Cam sits up straight again and looks down at him, raising an eyebrow.

“That so? Huh. Well, you found me, oh mighty hunter. And you fed me, and let me take your armor off you, and left all your sharp things on the ground while you sit in the palm of my hand. So, uh… how’s that goin’ for ya?”

“It… I… um… please don’t kill me?”

Cam grins. It’s not a nice grin anymore. It shows off too many teeth. “Lotsa folks have hunted me, you know. Not a one has succeeded. Most of ‘em can’t find me in the first place, not unless I want them to. Neat little trick we ogres have. We blend in well. The ones who did find me, they regretted it pretty quick. When I heard you clanking along with your silly armor and your little sword, I thought oh boy, here comes another one. But it turns out this one couldn’t find his own ass with both hands and a map, so he ain’t one of them legendary monster hunters lookin’ to claim some bounty. And he’s a little scrawny slip of a thing, too, and he keeps stopping to look at birds. I kinda liked you. And honestly, when you found me, it took me by surprise. Thought I had you pegged all wrong. Then you made your little fire, curled up next to me, and went to sleep, and it took everything I had not to bust my gut laughing right then and there. And now… well, I don’t rightly know what to make of you. Cute little thing, I know that. But cute won’t save you if you wanna tussle with me. So, little hunter… what’re you gonna do now?”

Luther’s nearly in tears. He manages to say, “Then… were you just… toying with me? This whole time? Waiting to see what I’d do?"

Cam shrugs. "Pretty much.” That does it. The waterworks are in full swing. Luther’s chin trembles, his lower lip wobbles, and then tears are streaming down his face and he’s sobbing.

“Y- you’re s-so-ho meeeaaaan,” Luther wails. “Y-you’re j-just making f-fun of me, I thought w-we were friends!”

Cam has absolutely no idea how to respond to this. For some reason he actually feels guilty. “Aw - no - now look, there’s no call for - just… just stop crying, okay? Please?” Luther continues to sob, heedless of Cam’s pleading. “There, there,” Cam tries, patting Luther’s head. “I’m not going to kill you. Okay? How’s that? I’m sorry I called you - well. All those things. I’m sure you’re a great hunter. Look, you got those squirrels. And hey! That one I ate tasted great. You got some real skill there."

Luther wipes his eyes and looks up, teetering dangerously on the edge of another sobbing fit. His eyes are all watery and a little red-rimmed. "R-really?"

"Yes! Of course!” Cam clings to the compliment like a life preserver. “I bet you’re like, like the king’s cook or something, right? Cause you’re the best in the land?"

Luther’s face crumples a little and he looks down, mutters something.

"What?” Cam holds him up a little closer to his ear.

“’m his son,” Luther mumbles again.

“His son? You’re a prince? And you’re all - oh, hell.” Now he’s really put his foot in it. Luther bursts into tears again and curls up in a little ball.

“Okay, okay, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I - oh, ugh, you’re getting my hand all wet.” Cam picks him up between thumb and forefinger and shakes the little tear droplets off his palm. “Now look here,” he says, attempting a sterner approach. “You’re a prince, all right? You can’t be crying and going to pieces just ‘cause some big bad monster was mean to you. You gotta kill big bad monsters, right? So here’s what you’re gonna do.” Cam sets him down gently, picks up his sword and hands it to him. “There you go. You’re gonna take that sword, right, and you’re gonna really let me have it. That’ll make you feel better, won’t it?“

Luther purses his lips and looks up at him. "But… all I can hit from here is your foot. That’s no good. I need a shot at something vital."

"Oh fine, fine, Mr. Picky,” Cam grumbles. He shuffles his legs to the side and leans down til he’s practically laying on his belly. “Face shot. Free one for ya. Go on, hit something good.” Luther considers. Just as Cam realizes how ridiculous this whole thing is, he draws his sword back and plunges it into Cam’s eye.

- Almost plunges it into Cam’s eye. The ogre moves suddenly, turning his head to the side to avoid the blow. Luther makes a deep gash in Cam’s cheek, and Cam roars. “Oh, you sly little shit. Very good, very sneaky. You almost had me there. Fine. We do this the hard way.”

He gets to his feet, draws himself up to his full, impressive height, and looks down at the dirt where Luther was a moment ago. Cam blinks in surprise. “Where’d you… goddammit…” He looks around, trying to catch a glimpse of where Luther could’ve gotten to.

Luther was not about to let the golden opportunity to run and hide during a big dramatic show of power go to waste. He slides into a patch of underbrush, catches his breath, and takes stock. He has no armor, no food, no bow or arrows. Those are all back at his camp, which is currently ogre territory. He has one sword that he’s okay at using. The ogre has the homefield advantage, and some kind of ability, possibly magical, to hide himself from those who want to find him. Luther shouldn’t let him out of his sight. But he should work on camouflaging himself. He takes a handful of dirt and smears it on his face and shirt. The sword he can’t do much about, he’ll just have to try and keep it from glinting. He glances to his left, away from where Cam still stands, turning in circles and peering around. Luther had only gone a little ways into the woods before he stopped for camp last night. He can almost see the forest’s edge from here. He could dart for the grasslands and try to make it back to the village, but he’d be in plain sight as soon as he’s out of the trees and there’s no guarantee Cam won’t just follow him all the way back. The further he goes into the trees the more firmly he is in Cam’s territory, but the more coverage he has.

Possibilities begin swirling around in his head. His best bet is trickery rather than a face to face confrontation. He’s got a running list in his mind of Cam’s weak points now. Food, monologuing, emotional outbursts. Although that last one’s probably off the table now. Bursting into tears isn’t going to get him out of a second pinch. Bad knees - if he can trip Cam up, he can get a shot at his face again, maybe cut his throat or get at his soft belly and sides. Cam’s a talker and likes to gloat, maybe if he gets him distracted by looking pathetic he could get him to walk right into a trap of some kind. He likes food… but Luther doesn’t have the resources to make a big feast to distract him or sate him, just a pouchful of seasoning that he never leaves home without. His lip wobbles again as he thinks about how that’s back at his camp… he may never see his precious seasonings again.

Meanwhile, Cam is getting frustrated. “Well, the little shit can’t have gone far,” he grumbles. “Just gotta flush 'im out.” Luther watches, petrified, as Cam lumbers over to a nearby patch of underbrush and without warning stomps down on it hard, twisting his foot and smashing every inch of it. He steps back and leans down to inspect what’s left. Luther bites his lip hard to stifle a whimper.

“Nope, not there,” Cam announces. “Eeney, meeney, miney…..” Another bunch of bushes are mercilessly ground into the dirt. “Moe. Hmmm. Where are you?”

Luther can’t stay in his hiding place for long. It’s only a matter of time before Cam gets to him. He needs an opening to make a break for it though, if he runs now Cam will spot him right away. As slowly as he dares, he picks up a large, flat rock, then skims it like a frisbee off to his right, where it hits a tree with a satisfying thock. Cam whirls around, and Luther bolts out of the brush. Cam hears the leaves rustling and turns back around, catching sight of him as he flees.

“There you are! Hold on now, don’t go running off! I just wanna talk, I swear. The whole monster-slaying prince thing not working out for ya? I got a better job offer! You can be my dinner!” Luther keeps sprinting as fast as he can, not even bothering to glance behind him. The last thing he needs is to miss a fallen branch or a groundhog hole and trip.

On flat, open land, the ogre would outpace him easily. But if he can get deeper into the forest where the trees are closer together, that could slow him down enough for Luther to get some distance and hide again, have a moment to breathe and think so he can work on his plan. He’s starting to get an idea of what he’ll need. He needs the element of surprise for sure, and he needs more than just his sword. If he had some rope he could set up a tripwire, maybe. He curses himself for not taking his father’s advice about packing, for letting Cam strip him, for being too weak and scared to do anything when he had the chance, for being born in the first place. His eyes well up with tears and he scrubs at them furiously. He can’t afford to have his sight blurred right now, he needs to keep his head clear and keep moving. He can hear Cam’s thudding footsteps behind him, gaining quickly. He can cover so much more ground in a single step. It’s simply not fair. The little bit of distance he was able to gain with his rock trick is disappearing fast and it won’t be long before he’s in arm’s reach.

Almost as if he can read his thoughts, Cam lunges forward and takes a swipe at him, trying to knock him off his feet. Luther hits the deck and Cam overbalances, stumbling and crashing into a tree. The tree snaps when his weight collides with it, and Cam has to windmill his arms to keep from falling over. Luther scrambles to his feet and keeps running. He even manages to put on an extra burst of speed when he hears Cam roar with frustration behind him. He’s not as fast as he could be because he’s lugging the sword along with him, but he doesn’t dare drop it. It proves its usefulness in the next minute. Cam closes the distance and grabs for him. Luther sees the shadow fall over him and whirls around, lashing out at the reaching hand. He slices across Cam’s palm, and Cam howls with pain and pulls back. Luther dashes away, and Cam stomps his foot in frustration.

"Hold still, dammit! You’re just making it worse for yourself!” He takes off after Luther again, but his stamina’s flagging. It’s harder for a creature his size to haul himself around and he’s used to running down his prey in the first minutes of the chase. This has dragged on long enough to tire him out, but he’s not willing to give up just yet. “When I get my hands on you, tin man, you’re paste,” he growls. “They’re gonna have to come up with new words for how dead you’re gonna be.”

The trees start getting close enough together that Luther has to dodge around them from time to time. He can hear Cam behind him crashing through them, spluttering as he gets a face full of branches and leaves. Luther smiles to himself. That’s nice, at least. At last he gathers up his nerve and dodges to the side behind a particularly large tree, hoping that Cam’s too busy navigating the foliage to notice. His gamble pays off. A few seconds later, the ogre goes lumbering past him without so much as a sideways glance. Luther waits just a moment more, then bolts in the opposite direction.

He’s got a plan now. He probably won’t be able to find Cam again, but Cam can find him. So he’ll set up an ambush. He circles back around to his camp and grabs his supplies as quickly as he can, his bow and arrow, his helmet, his tinderbox, and most importantly, his seasoning. He hunts for deer, takes down a decent-sized buck, and sets up a new campfire, deep in the woods, where the trees are close. He’s hoping that Cam will think that Luther thinks he’s safe in there, and that the smell of the meat cooking will lure Cam in. He takes off his shirt and fills it with twigs and leaves, sets his helmet up on a stick driven into the ground, and makes a decently convincing decoy Luther that he leans against a log. The helmet tilts at an angle that makes it look like he’s fallen asleep. With that set up, and night closing in, Luther climbs up a nearby tree and waits, sword in hand.

He doesn’t watch the fire. He wants to keep his night vision sharp. And sure enough, before too long here comes Cam, moving surprisingly quietly for his size. He squeezes through the trees with barely a rustling of leaves. Cam’s eyes are fixed on the fire and the silhouette that the decoy makes against it. Cam gets right behind the decoy and slams his foot down on it. He grinds it into the dirt with a relish that makes Luther shudder. Then Cam looks at the deer cooking with that lovely smell rising off it, and his eyes go big and shiny. As Cam bends down to pick it up, Luther chooses his moment. He drops like a stone and buries his sword lengthwise in the back of Cam’s neck. The impact sends a jolt up his arms and he hangs on as tight as he can. Cam lets out a garbled scream of pain and collapses face first on the ground. Luther gets to his feet, pulls his sword out with some difficulty, takes a deep breath, and begins to chop.

It’s messy, horrible work. By the third swing tears are rolling down Luther’s cheeks. By the seventh, he’s sobbing. After the twenty-third cut, Cam’s head is finally severed, and rolls to the side. Luther stumbles back. He’s trembling, covered in blood, panting and crying, but it’s finally done.

And then Cam’s head says, “Wow, kid. I didn’t think you had it in you.” Luther watches, dumbfounded, as Cam’s body sits up, searches around with its hands, locates his head, and puts it back on his shoulders as the flesh knits together again. Luther drops his sword in disbelief. He falls to his knees. That was it. That was all he had. He can’t even imagine what he could do against a foe who can just reattach his own head.

“Oh,” he says quietly. “Okay. Um. Make it quick, please?” Cam had been planning to crunch the little shit once he was back on his feet, but he can’t help but feel a pang of guilt at how despondent Luther looks.

“Aw, no, no, don’t give up so quick! Really, you almost had me!” Cam scoops him up and pats him on the head. “Look, it was a good effort. I’m sure if you had known I can’t be killed, you wouldn’t have spent all that time and energy trying to kill me. Just do a little more research next time, yeah?"

"Next time,” Luther repeats, and gives a hollow laugh. “There isn’t going to be a next time. I’m not welcome as part of the royal family if I can’t kill a monster. Even my sister’s done her first slaying already. A whole nest of vampires! And I can’t kill one measly ogre."

"Hey, watch who you’re calling measly,” Cam warns, but his heart isn’t in it. “Jeez. You’ve got some issues, kid. Not much of a fighter, I take it?"

Luther shakes his head and sighs. "I’m just not very good at it."

"Well they chose one hell of a first mission for you, that’s for sure. Ogres are tricky ones. We’ve got a lot of defense mechanisms.” Cam thinks for a moment. “You know what you are good at, though? You’re a good talker. Very convincing. I mean, you really had me going, with the crying and all? It was a really good ruse."

Luther bites his lip. "Um…"

"Okay, so it was for real and not a ruse. But you made the best of a bad situation! That’s also a good skill for a ruler to have. You just gotta show your family that your skills are less conventional, but still effective! Like, okay, why do you have to kill me? What’d I do?"

“You’re eating all the farmers’ cattle and scaring people."

"I thought free range meant I had free reign. Eh? Eh?” Cam pokes Luther in the ribs. Luther frowns at him. “Oh, fine, whatever. No sense of humor. You know, that’s pretty important for a king too. Yeah, all right, I’ll leave the cows alone."

"And the sheep,” Luther says sharply. “And the pigs, and chickens."

"I haven’t eaten any pigs or chickens,” Cam protests.

“Not yet. I’m being proactive."

"There you go!” Cam says, beaming. “There’s that negotiator skill! But seriously, if I can’t eat the cows and sheep I’ve got to eat something. Can you make it worth my while? 'Cause I’m not going back to squirrels."

"Well…” Luther says slowly. “What if… I hire you?"

"You… hire me?"

"Yeah. Like, as a bodyguard or something. Then I’d have to pay you, right? I could pay you in food?”

Cam is quiet for a moment. He brings Luther up closer to his face and scrutinizes him. Luther’s heart is pounding out of his chest. For a moment he thinks he’s made some horrible mistake and offended Cam and it’s all over for him. "You’re serious? Not kidding me, here? That’s your offer?”

“Y-yes? Is that… is it bad?"

"Bad? Bad? That’s the best offer I’ve ever heard! Pay me in food? HELL yes, kid! That’s what I like to hear!” The force of Cam’s enthusiasm knocks Luther over on his back. He stares at the sky for a moment. His life is so goddamn weird.

~~~~~~~~~

Luther’s father’s dragon slaying days are behind him. He’s an old man now. He has good days and bad days, but even on his best days he frequently needs help getting around. But when he sees that giant ogre enter his royal halls, he reaches for his spear. Luther eases it out of his hand.

“No, see, it’s okay. I didn’t kill him, but I stopped him terrorizing the countryside, and I kind of… hired him. As my bodyguard. This was easier, and we both benefit, see? Also, um, were you going to tell me ogres are immortal?"

"You were supposed to figure something out,” his father says. “Since you’re so damned smart."

"Well, I did figure something out. Just… maybe not what you wanted me to."

Cam waves lazily. "Hi, Yer Majesty."

"Cam,” Luther hisses. “We talked about this."

"Oh, fine, fine,” Cam grumbles, and takes a knee to bow low before the king. “I humbly pledge my service to your son,” he intones, hamming it up just a little. “Please allow me to protect him from all harms, and so on."

The king glares. His stabbing hand is itching. But he doesn’t currently have a better plan, and this’ll keep the peasants quiet for a bit. "Fine,” he spits, “But you’re taking care of him. Feeding him, walking him, cleaning up after him, whatever. No getting the servants to do it for you. He’s your responsibility now."

Cam grins at Luther. "So, speaking of feeding… when’s dinner?”

#art #writing #giant tiny #g/t #cam and luther #fairy tale au #to be more specific re: content warnings there is a beheading but he gets better so it's okay #tiny knights are very important to me as u can clearly see #there's just something about. someone who is sworn to protect others going up against a force so much larger than themselves #EDIT mobile hates readmores sorry if u get a three mile long post on yr dash :(

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goldensstateofgrace · 3 years

Text

Dream Of How You (Tasted) - Chapter One -

(So... my first Series!!! I’ll be working on this a lot, and i want you to know it’s not gonna be perfect because I’m not perfect and my writings definitely not perfect, so bare with me on this journey please!! Who’s ready for some Camgirl!y/n??)

A story about Y/N becoming a camgirl because she needs the money but also because she gets off on the praise she gets from total strangers. She enjoys helping other’s get off while doing so herself. When talk about a one on one session with a guy who always watches her streams becomes reality, what happens when she finds out it was her crush/best friend all along?

I hope you guys are excited!! bc I know I am!! Hope you enjoy, happy reading!!

(Also, i picture Harry as long haired harry, but you can picture him however you’d like!!!)

Word count: 1.7k (4 pages) (i promise the other chapters will be longer!)

Y/n didn’t know college could be so expensive, her job at the coffee shop on campus just wasn’t cutting it anymore. She needed to find something else to help pay for school and her rent.

She’s in her second year of uni, all the book costs and the rent for having an apartment so close to campus is outrageous. She tried to find a second job to help with the money problem she was currently having, but couldn't find anything that could work around her classes and coffee shop schedule.

Her best friend, Harry, tried to get her a job alongside him at his job, but again the schedule didn’t work for her and they couldn’t change it. So now, she's stuck trying to find something to do so close when she needs to pay her rent.

It was outrageous how much the rent was for a one bedroom apartment close to campus, it’s a thousand - some dollars a month just to be close to campus, but that’s including her light and water bill so she can’t complain too much.

Harry had offered to let her move in with him to cut down the cost, so she could save some money for school. But she declined because her boyfriend at the time didn’t feel comfortable with it, only to find out on their one year anniversary that he had been cheating on her for a while. Asshole.

Nothing has been said since, but she wished he would. Moving out of her apartment would help so much, but she didn’t want to ask.

Lost in her thoughts she didn’t even notice Harry walking beside her, as she walked across the courtyard to class.

“Why so glum” he nudged her in the side with his elbow, startling her out of her thoughts. She slaps in on the arm, chuckling, “Harry! Don’t do that!”

“You didn’t answer the question, What’s wrong? And don’t give me the ‘Nothing im fine!’ thing you do,” he says, mimicking a higher pitched girly voice, chuckling once he was done.

“Heyy! I don’t sound like that you twat!” you backhand his abdomen making him rub his stomach area as he grimaces in slight pain.

“But” she starts, “i’ve just been struggling again, i tried looking for a job but, just like last time the schedule didn’t line up with any of my classes or with when i was working at the coffee shop.” she says, huffing in annoyance.

Harry nods his head as she talks, listening to her, wishing he could help in some way. He tried before, but she turned him down, she didn’t even tell him why. He figured it had something to do with that cheating ex of hers.

“Y/n, if you need help, all you have to do is ask. I’ll always be her to help you in any way I can,” he tells her, his eyes flickering over her face, showing nothing but seriousness, a drastic change from his happy light hearted self he was just a few minutes ago.

She casts her eyes away from him, focusing her eyes on the pavement under her feet as she walks. She doesn’t say anything for a while, but eventually she looks up at him, tears filling her eyes.

“I know” she nods, “Thank you, Harry. You don’t have to, but thank you,” she says, the tears in her eyes threatening to spill down her cheek but they don’t get the chance as she wipes them away before they do.

Harry wraps his arm around her shoulder, pulling her into his side and placing a kiss to her head, “I may not have to, but i want to.” he mumbles into the top of her head.

Her arm wraps around his middle as they continue to walk to their second class of that morning, “Thank you.”

--------------

“You know what you should do?” Harry's friend Niall says as y/n, Harry, Niall and y/n’s friend Amy sit around a table in the coffee shop having lunch. Y/n quirks her eyebrow up as she takes a bite of her turkey sandwich, motioning him to go on.

Y/n had just got finished telling them about how she was in search of another job, and about how she needed the money to pay rent soon.

“You should do only fans, or p*** h**, they make lots of money and that way you get something out of it other than stress and tiredness.” he says, making her almost choke on her sandwich.

“W-what!” y/n says just as Harry says “Dude! No!”

“What’s the big deal? Lots of people do it, and you don’t even have to show your face. You could even go by a different name!” Niall reasons.

Y/n was shocked by his suggestion, but she wouldn’t lie and say she was put off by the idea. Nobody would know it was her, and he did have a point about her not having to go by her own name.

She couldn’t believe she was actually considering this but, you have to do what you have to do.

“yeah uh” she clears her throat, “good suggestion Ni, but i think i’ll just stick with trying to find a job near campus” she says, chuckling as she takes another bite of her sandwich.

“eh, it was worth a shot,” he laughs, before the conversation steers to assignments everyone had to get done and ones they’ve already done.

After they all finish eating they sit around talking for a little bit before Y/n and Harry had to head for their last class of the day.

As they walk to class, Harry’s arm that’s thrown over y/n’s pulls her into his side, “You know Niall was coming from a good place, right. He didn’t mean to offend you or anything,” he says, making you look up at him with your brows furrowed in confusion.

“yeah , i know. I didn’t take any offence to it, but…” she trailed off, “What?” harry asks, motioning for her to continue as they walk past a group of people blocking the sidewalk.

“Would it be so bad? I mean he had a point about me not having to show my face or use my actual name” she said, her eyes flicking over his face for some kind of clue into what he thought of it all.

Harry doesn’t say anything for a while, it’s just as they were about to walk into their class that he pulled her to the side and let their other classmates go in first, “I don’t have a problem with it, it’s your body, you have the right to do whatever you want with it. If you decide that that’s what you want to do to make the money you need i’ll support you 100%, if not i’ll still support you, no matter what,” He tells her, looking into her eyes with nothing but seriousness splayed across his face.

Y/n nods, standing up on her tiptoes and reaching her arms around his neck, hugging him tightly, “Thank you, Harry. I honestly don’t know what i’d do without you!” she mumbles into his neck as his arms wrap around her waist pulling her impossibly closer to his chest.

“I don’t either honestly” he laughs, pulling away from her with a huge contagious smile across his face, only making her laugh and smile too.

“Come on, let's go to class,” he said, throwing his arm back around her shoulder and leading her through the classroom doors.

----------------

It was later that night, y/n couldn’t sleep. Her thoughts running wild with what could happen if she did decide to become a camgirl, or whatever it was called these days.

She was laying in bed, trying to find out more about what comes with being a camgirl, what she needed to do and what other people were looking to watch.

She had found a girl, her page consisting of videos showing off her curves and sexy lingerie, along with videos of her using toys on herself. All of the videos have over thousands of views, y/n decided that she would message the women who went by ‘daddiespet20’.

Rewrote her message so many times she lost count before she finally found what she wanted to ask and sent the message,“Hey! I’m y/n, i was wondering if you could maybe help me, i’ve been looking into getting into only fans. Could you maybe help me with some questions I have?”

She waited a while for a reply back, along with going down a tiktok rabbit hole, laughing at the stupid tiktoks Harry posted the other day. Her phone finally pinged with a notification, she quickly pulled the notification bar down to see it was a reply from the women she had messaged, “Daddiespet20: Hi! Yes ofc, ask away.”

She honestly wasn’t expecting to get a reply back, thinking the women must have thousands of people messaging her all day every day.

Y/n quickly wrote out a message of the main questions she wanted answered, “Thank you sm! It’s only a few questions, 1: does the amount you get paid rely on the amount of views you get on each of your videos?, 2: how did you gain your audience, and keep them interested in what you were putting out?, 3: Do you have any tips on where to start (seeing as I'm new to all of this)?”

The woman answers all of y/n’s questions with no problem, along with telling her some tips on how to get started and how to gain followers. The conversion ends after messaging back and forth for almost an hour, y/n’s walking away with all the information she was looking for plus more.

Talking to her really helped y/n come to the decision that this is what she was going to do, she was going to make videos of her showing off her body and pleasuring herself. Never in a million years did she think she would come to this just so she could keep a roof over her head and stay in school.

Now all she had to do was buy some sexy lingerie and some toys, well more toys. What? She’s not a prude!

It was getting late so she decided she would go to bed and figure everything out tomorrow, along with ordering her underwear and the toys online. She definitely didn’t need anyone from school seeing her by that stuff. God, she could just imagine the embarrassment she would feel if that happened.

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Feed back is highly appreciated!! Hope you enjoyed 🥺🥰

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