#I can’t stand up for myself for shit

[xsweetxpeachx]

Slam that mf block button if he's being pushy, you don't owe him shit, you gotta look after yourself first and foremost

I know I should I’m just fucking awkward and hate being the bad guy. I want to be on good terms with everyone, having to block them just feels like a huge “fuck off” and I just really don’t want to be rude

#fml #I hate me #I can’t stand up for myself for shit #being a people pleaser is so miserable #need someone to do it for meee #uuuuugggggghhhhhh

[fakeoutbf]

five stages of grief but it’s five stages of social anxiety

#walk with me #this morning i got a bouquet delivered to me at work randomly out of nowhere #the note basically said that i could count of the person even if for just some words of advice or a gesture that could make me laugh or mad #count on the person** #i immediately knew it’s from one of my coworkers and ngl i have a very charged?? relationship with them #in the sense that it’s very intense and we can be laughing joking and teasing or we can be really angry and pissed with each other #it can have very extreme emotions even if we just chill most of the time #idk why i think this whole year i’ve been leaning on them more?? and we started texting more often too #so we’ve been more properly friends lately #and for one i was SO EMBARRASSED for getting flowers bc my coworkers tease the shit out of everyone myself included and i’m not used to #gestures like that so obviously they were on my ass all day about it #and everyone asked about them and it’s EMBARRASSING to get that much attention #(me: i wanna be a singer / also me: can’t stand to be the center of attention) #anyway the person that sent them avoided me yesterday out of nowhere??? idk if they thought i was mad bc i didn’t reply to their texts all #weekend but i literally never reply to anyone and pms was a bitch and i just wanted to be alone #so they didn’t talk to me on monday i was mostly just working listening to music bc i was still emotional whatever #and today i did talk to my other coworkers bc it’s the day when my favorite coworker comes in and i talk to them a lot so i engaged more #and they were still ignoring me and then the flowers came in and we didn’t say a single word to each other today we just texted #they told me they sent them and that ‘they forgot’ what they sent and that it was just meant to be a nice gesture #and that bc they wanted to ‘surprise’ me and make me feel better bc i said i was sad at one point?? idek #i literally just want to tell them I HAD PMS ITS FINE I FEEL SUICIDAL ALL THE TIME and move on #bc now i’m second guessing everything they’re saying bc i thought we were friends and there’s no reason why friends can’t send each other #flowers or whatever but they’ve been avoiding me and then they keep answering my texts really weirdly and i always misinterpret flirting bc #i’m never outright romantic with anyone?? plus we’re FRIENDS i should have no reason to think that’s changed #but they’re being so weird and why get me FLOWERS??? idk get me a chocolate or a coffee i don’t NEED flowers #and then i said it was random to give me flowers out of nowhere and they’re like no it’s serious bro what’s serious?????? #your feelings towards me?? or just your will to cheer me up??? #if they don’t reply straight up in their next texts i’m gonna flat out say but it was a platonic gesture right??? #so yeah i’m overthink getting flowers bc what’s the social code for that and what is one supposed to do when they get flowers from a friend #delivered to their joint workplace where everyone can see them and think they’re from a partner or something

[sunmisbf]

the disorder is eating me alive i don’t know what to do anymore

#i think i may have to break up w my boyfriend n move away to live w my mom so i can try to get my shit together #but i can’t tell if i am being impulsive but i really have had enough i can’t stand myself #n i don’t think my boyfriend knows how to deal w all this i feel bad for him #n i can’t even kill myself bc mu mom will be sad n i don’t want her to go through all that #sorryyy for oversharing take this like a journal entry #.txt

[bbylovess]

tumblr needs to make a feature where i can set a trusted mutual as a bodyguard for my messages

#not that i can’t stand up for myself #i just want a man to yell at them lol #i swear they have never spoken to a women in their life #or another human being #never have shown respect #i shouldn’t have to keep my messages off to get anyway from this shit

[anthonycrowley]

‘well punk is rooted in socialist beliefsssssss’ okay cool. call yourself a socialist and get out of my music subgenre

#text #my post #mobi #it’s sort of a all punks are socialists (or at least should be because yes in practice that’s not necessarily what happens) #but not all socialists are punks. which is fine. like everyone wants to be a cool kid but you do actually have to listen to the music to #call yourself a fan of the music. sorry. i don’t know why this is like. mean to say. #like idk! i don’t even call MYSELF a punk because i don’t live the aesthetic all the time! #like i listen to the music and am involved in some scenes a bit but even ME. WHO LIKES AND IS ON SOME LEVEL INVOLVED WITH LIKING THE MUSIC #even i’m like yeah but am i a punk??? and at that point i KNOW ohhhhhh being kind is punk letting sunshine flow out of your ass is punk #crowd sure as shit isn’t. okay. sorry. done. #edit: some people in the notes are pointing out the subculture =/= the music genre and there are people who don’t or can’t listen to music #who are involved. this is all true! i apologize for not including this in my discussion #and that is true. obviously. however i need to point out once again that those people do PICK UP AESTHETICS and are involved in the spaces #and movement so my point still stands. sorry for leaning so heavily on the music aspect my b

[trashbaget]

tell me your failed/embarrassing flirting stories to make me feel better, i’ll go first: today i said “get out of my way” forgot to say “i’m kidding” then immediately said “bye”

#it is awful having feelings for someone you know and have an established friendship with #but crushing on someone i barely know is knew to me and i legit feel like an idiot every time i do something stupid like this #i can’t just. talk to the guy #if i say hey and he says sup i say ‘sup indeed’ like what the fuck is that #i can barely even say hello to him #don’t get me wrong i’ve DONE it but most days i’m like #ah fuck there he is #okay you can do it just say hi #just say what’s up #and then he’s already gone #also. like. the setting we’re in is soooo not good for talking or flirting realt because um. it’s work he’s my coworker.. so um. do i fuckin #ask him for his number?? or to hang out??? but like. he’s kind of a stranger to me what do i want to hang out for 🧍 #but like. ​i dont want to do that until i have at least one successful interaction #or like. an actual conversation. #which is gonna be really hard to manage because he doesn’t talk much at all to anyone and i really only talk if someone talks to me first or #i’ll say something absolutely idiotic and ridiculous (and honestly i do that no matter what) #anyway so um. i guess i’m just gonna keep making a fool of myself until i get it right and hopefully i don’t screw it up 🥴 #i lost all my confidence in the last year and i cant do anything chill or smooth anymore (i was never that good in the first place but at #least i could PRETEND i knew what i was doing. like i could sell it. the whole weird and lost bit.) #anyway. i felt better for like 5 minutes when some guy at the gas station flirt failed with me on the way home. but that’s partly my fault #too oops. in his defense he probably could not see that i had headphones on bc upon mirror inspection they were well blended with my hair #but i was waiting to cross the street and this guy tried to like nod and smile and i did not know it was to me until i got to the other side #where the gas station was and and like. tried again and i awkward half smiled and saw his face get all mushy and confused like mine FELT 20 #mins before when i’d flopped so hard trying to flirt and by the time i’d processed WAIT i think he was FLIRTING WITH ME i was already gone 🤡 #but at least it ended better than the poor 14yo who very confidently asked for my number #who. i shit you not. SCREECHED for a solid 44.5 seconds and bolted the other direction when i said sorry im 21 #his friends were standing there like wtf too and one was like i am so sorry about him 🤦 #cheers to being fools universe

[orangespottedgiraffe]

So

#so I got caught up in the Ikemen game fuck me right #anyway mc in the 2nd princes route is down bad like girl get up u worse than the other one at least the other one the feeling was mutual #this ones mean like who u calling slow? 🤨 #we lost her damn like #also there was weird story stuff and I’m like first of all u want me to think this man who has never really looked into the whole romance #thing and finds everyone annoying can do that sort of thing like idk im not buying it #I’m sorry like nothing u say will convince me he can say anything nice like it just #‘with a kind gaze…’ 🤨 #what I can’t read the premium route but u can buy the epilogue if there is a god they will strike and kill the creator of the gacha game #I blame fortnight #wait 🫢🤭 #u know what nvm 😑 #ruined the fucking moment with the span of click #he could’ve just been like I get it now. end sentence end thought nothing else but sadly he must make it known he don’t fuck with this shit #u know what I’m sick of this shit #gotta see to the end but this is the last time I’m doing a recommended route. #freaky ass #like #it’s either something rude or cheesy I cat I can’t anymore I’m going to kill myself #like Jesus #yo why the fuck it go from like we kissing to we doing something dirty I can’t stand it #it can fade to black #idk #like I said freaky ass wtf #ew #u know what picture u hate that one where their at the cemetery #mc looks so silly in the back smiling

[noirapocalypto]

.

#I hate how incompetent I am at communicating #like why don’t I ever ask for clarification? #why do I always gotta just submit and apologize and beg for the person not to leave #why can’t I ever just stand my ground without worrying that I’m going to drive the other person away #or that they’re gonna leave because I stood up for myself #why didn’t I learn this shit in my life? #is it my fault? did I just not try? #nothing happened—just thinking of past discussions and wondering why I didn’t ask questions or why I just let it go #because of course I come up with rebuttals when it’s already over

[sharkieboi]

had a talk with my boss today that was basically “hey this recent bout of covid has put the writing on the wall for me and I can’t do the physical aspect of this job sustainably anymore, can you help me figure out something else, hopefully here at the aquarium cause I don’t want to have to move again and I like working here, or at least can you point me to the person who can help me figure that out” and fingers crossed but here’s hoping I can just land a desk job and still be able to see my birds from time to time

#shhh sharkie #I’m preemptively so upset about this but the reality is I can’t. #I can’t be on my feet all day and I can’t scrub and clean and I don’t trust myself on ladders or with a knife #I can try I know it’s early but even if I get back up to what is my new 100% I can’t do this anymore it’s not gonna work out. #and I’ll be more of a burden than an asset to the team if i’m constantly having to need help to do the basic routine #but i love this team and this aquarium and i don’t want to have to move again so soon #or change workplaces and lose the convenience of my apartment’s location to my workplace #but like truly I can get through about an hour of standing and working on my feet and then i’m exhausted and have to sit down #like I legit took a nap in the office today and boy howdy did I need it #i’m just really sad. I don’t want this to have to end. #I always (jokingly) said that i’ll do animal care until my body tells me I can’t #and my body is telling me I can’t. #fuck this shit. I finally get a decent job and a good role and have some consistency and then wham bam fuck you.

[digiditto]

crying in the bathroom again. I’m so sick of this shit

#digi rants #/ negative #I HATE IT HERE I’M SORRY #nobody gives a shit about me and all I do is work and work #and like I can’t afford to fit myself into my own damn budget bc I have to pay for OTHERS #I’m just working for the sake of other people all the time and nobody even so much as thanks me #every day I have to do a million fucking things and they won’t even like #respond to me when I talk. it’s like I’m invisible #and I’m only worth keeping around because I’ll shut up and do things quietly #I don’t ask for much. I don’t ask for anything at all #I’D LIKE TO BE ACKNOWLEDGED? #LIKE THAT’S LITERALLY IT? #I’D LIKE FOR PEOPLE TO RESPOND WHEN I ASK A QUESTION #AND NOT JUST IGNORE ME? #I say something and it’s just complete silence #like do I not fucking exist? #they wont even ask me to do things they’ll just expect it #he’ll literally just stand at the door on his phone and expect me to know exactly what to do #I am talking to blank fucking walls. #I’m sorry but if I ceased to exist would you even care #like you don’t even give a shit when I’m dedicating my entire life atm to making life easy for you #I’m so convenient I’m invisible JFC what more do you WANT #I CANNOT GET ANY MORE INVISIBLE I’M SORRY YOU HATE ME #I’m grasping at straws. literally a ‘good morning’ would be shocking to me #that’s how invisible I am

[xwiredearbuds2014x]

Help me my hatred for my job is making me evil

#on my feet for 8 hours doing dishes im covered in a layer of sweat and chemicals and slime #after I had finished all the dishes and was cleaning the sink a guy brought MORE THAT HE FORGOT #white hot rage #I want to quit every day but I can’t until one of the jobs I’ve applied to gets back to me #there have been times when I’ve kept working even though I’m injured/crying/covered in blood and NOBODY gave a shit #there was a good 6 months or so when we were always understaffed so I had to do the work of 2-4 people constantly #even with lines of customers out the door #one time a while back I told my manager I was feeling overwhelmed and asked if I could go on break #he yelled at me and berated me and basically threatened to fire me. I wasn’t the same for the rest of my shift #I apologized profusely but mentioned how long I’ve been there and everything I’ve given to this place #he said that was just the expectation #even though I know for a fact almost no one works as hard on me. other people slack off #and I have to pick up the slack because they know I can #and they know I won’t stand up for myself when I am mistreated #I guess even though he can be cold and distant and vindictive #I always assumed that he HAD to appreciate me. but I know that is not the case #I lost all respect for him at that moment. there have been other times when he’s yelled at me and belittled me #and I’ve just had to act like everything’s fine because I can’t get fired

[salsflore]

ummmm

#oh mika there is beauty in life~ look at your future! everything will be worth it in the end~ #my favorite image on this device btw ^ #cw negative #cw vent #you know where this is going. apologies my mind is a mess and i really just need to get it out because i find its better than- #-writing a semi formal email to that One (1) emotional support organization and i’m afraid to make a call so #but i just genuinely believe things would be better off if i weren’t alive. a bit of a silly thing to jump to i know but #my tuition fees aren't cheap and i'm not even that great of a student or a daughter or a sister and i- #-have no talents or remarkable feats. i’m not impressive in any way. and i hate hearing shit about how ^_^ its okay! we all have something- #-special about ourselves! for example maybe you have really good hand writing and thats good enough ~ but that doesn't work for me because- #-i have nothing. my handwriting isn't good my singing isn't good i'm not artistically gifted i don't have some random affinity for puzzles- #-i'm not charming or somehow really good at calculation or super creative or a really comforting friend i really have nothing at all #i don’t want to die. i have no plans on doing that sort of thing anytime soon— don’t misunderstand me #i just wholeheartedly believe i don’t deserve to be here anymore not because i’m not loved. i just can’t stand myself and my teenage years- #-feel so long and i'm so fragile how much longer do i have to tolerate. i'm contributing nothing. why should my family have to feed and- #-clothe a burden like me who provides nothing. why should my friends care for someone like me. i’m not really that funny or sweet or great- #-with advice giving or pretty or helpful in any way. why is it that life is genuinely easier for others. what did i do? what can i do? #how much longer must i tolerate this? would you believe me if i said i really did try to change my mindset this time? #i have no one in real life to talk to. therapists are pricey and i don’t think mine was helping me in any way anyways. she was nice though #so every night i sleep hoping i wake up somewhere else. somewhere where i'm happier and i can live all my silly fantasies where i'm a fun- #-and lovely person who has everything she wants and nothing goes wrong ever!! #how much longer must i hang onto the little things. i’m in such an exruciating amount of pain that i want to kill myself without dying? lol #everyone repeats the same stuff. get bit #i can't rely on the joy of having coffee every morning or persevere for the sake of seeing cute cats on insta. nothing will ease the burden

[virmire]

.

#well I have officially reached the point where I want to drop out of uni again #it’s just getting to be too much (again) #maybe I’m just not cut out for studying #I can’t do shit at all #and it makes me so frustrated #I just want to get an education so I can say I did something for myself #but my mental illness just keeps standing in the way #and fucks it up whenever I got something good going for myself #I’m so tired of everything #I’ll delete this later #just needed to speak my frustrations out into excistence #.thoughts

[m-a-d-e-l-e-i-n-e]

Is it normal to be so obsessed with the idea of being a good or I guess even unproblematic person, to the point where you’re nit-picking every single little thing you say or do and feel like shit about yourself for not always fitting your own idea of being a “perfect” person? …what do you mean “no”?

#like there has to be a term for this 😭 #I feel like I’ve become so self-aware that I’m ruining my own life with it #it’s for the dumbest shit too. oh I didn’t make eye contact with someone I passed by on the sidewalk?? #well clearly I’m a rude absolute bitch and they hate me now and I have no manners #I don’t think this makes sense #I’ll think in terms of what I wrote in my post about other people too not just myself #like sometimes I’ll start to think someone’s not a good person over like one thing they’ve said or done #and applied it to other scenarios like ‘oh well if they were willing to say/do this then they would do xyz too’ #…or like ‘if they’re willing to say/do this then they’re probably even meaner in their head or with people other than me’ you know #I’ve done and said things I’m not proud of so many times just like EVERYONE ELSE #but for some reason my brain will just not let it go and I always think I’m a terrible person and a disappointment #but then on the other hand I’ll think oh well I can’t be that bad if I’m always calculating how I react to things #and am actually bothering to think critically about it #I feel like there’s so little goodness in the world and I try to be a nice person but I feel like a fake and that I’m not really one #can’t even stand up for myself or make a joke without constantly chewing myself out #gets tiring but I’ve thought like this for a while now #well that’s my writing goal for the week done #personal #txt

[fingertipsmp3]

Girl help I just realised this coding course me and my friend signed up for has a PRESENTATION COMPONENT?? As in we have to PRESENT something to a group of who knows how many people?! ONLINE????? What, and I cannot stress this enough, the fuck

#if it were just me i wouldn’t be that bothered. like i literally used to teach. public speaking is nbd for me #even if it’s to faceless people on a screen like idc… what are they going to do. shoot me bc my code is wrong and i say ‘um’ too much? lmao #they have to find me to shoot me #also i’m humble enough to know that my presentation won’t stand out from the rest as being particularly good or bad #yet egotistical enough to know that i won’t fuck it up completely because i’m too generally good at presenting #my friend though. presenting with my friend is actually going to be terrible because she is going to fully shit her pants #and I’M going to be the one who has to tell her a million times ‘you’re not going to fuck up and anyway it doesn’t matter if you do’ #and she WON’T LISTEN #like don’t ask for consolation if you’re not going to be consoled goddamn #and i get it! i’ve had that anxiety. i STILL have anxiety. i’ve spent most of the day beating myself up over a badly worded email i shot off #without thinking & received a sarcastic reply to #but for god’s sake CALM DOWN. you’re facing s class of your peers who are too nervous about their own presentations to listen to what you’re #saying; not a fucking firing squad. and if in doubt you can just let me talk the whole time #or i’ll just write out word for word what you need to say and put it in front of you #teamwork is optional for the project but i already know she’s going to make me team up with her and it’s going to be bad #i hope presenting is optional as well lol bc i can’t DO this with her. i do not have sufficient patience #when i was a teacher i was basically mother theresa but now that i’m a barista i don’t want to hear whining #it is a big problem #personal

[cantofworms]

.

#should I write a drblr manifesto ahaha I promise it’ll be super #reminiscent and thoughtful and praise filled ahaha #not at all bitter and angry and overwhelmed and #fucking disgusted at some the weird ass people ahahahahaha #hmmmmmmm should I do that should I should I bc it was an epic time right !!! so epic so fun !!!! sosooooooo girly blogger parasocial girl #girl love everyone’s so nice and kind and we’re all a big happy family pls guys we’re the best !!!! #we deserve to take back the tags we’re all soooooooo normal ahahahaa right !! #we should all definitely live blog and bring hundreds of people to attention of this fucking criminal accusation that has nothing to do w #us bc we know nothing at all like what do we have to lose we’re all secretly aware of eveything pertaining to American law and how libel #work and and and and and and OH you know what we should DEFINITELY DO is ask BLOGS what our moral stand point should be !!!!!!!!!!!! #pack it up guys hari said dream bad and she knows him so much she’s basically his pr manager ahahaha #so silly but actually this random Girl behind a screen w a blog dedicated to mcyt should for sure be giving us constant updates of shit that #can’t be proven with thousands of other forces at play that !! we have no control over !! and never did !! and never wil !!!!!! #ahahaha also VERYONE needs be talking about this and doom posting and throwing around serious terms cause it’s not a big deal ahahaha !!! #dtblr is only three girl bloggers in a trench coat nothing matters and while not influence OTHERS on their opinion in the matter !!! #who also don’t know Jack fucking shit !!!!!!! same as us !!!!!!!!!!!!!! #surely this will have no remaining impact at least not on myself which is all that matters :( #I miss the community sm :( I can’t believe literally everyone is still here just w slightly altered blogs :( #but at this was a wake up call for me ahahaha I’m stepping back I was soooooooo crazy back then ahaha #so happy I realized #my evil ways and I can only better from this situation now god bless #anyway now I will go on and continue to post sad memes on my Beand New Blog and missing and mourning things…… #hashtag sad hashtag girl #OH and also maybe repent my sins a little thro reblgoging someone’s else’s manifesto woopsy !!! ahaha #I don’t agree w %100 of op but this is how I’ve been feeling !!! #I definitely over reacted and contributed to a mass echo chameber of extreme anxiety and toxicity which will forever stain a large majority #of an alresdy massive fandom that’s constantly under hate !!!! oh well ahaha #at the end of the day things will never be the same….. did you hear me I SAID the community while NEVER come back #people are SMARTER now and wil CONTINIE to post their THOUGHTS because what we need more of is GIRL BLOGGERS OPINIONS because there’s NOT #enough to go around tag limit these r my thots if anyone cared ahaha ^_^