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devilishlly · 3 years

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whatever the opposite of fame-bright is

umm my take on secret evil robin <3 bc i fucking enjoy it i hope this isn't too ooc or whatever.. idk why but i kept cursing to a minimal LOL tw for murder under the cut! (its not bad but yknow)

they weren’t sure how they came into existence, but when they realized they existed, it was awful. a life where no one gave a shit about another person, save for some bread thrown their way when they finally left the little pile of scraps in the abandoned building. the other children to kept them alive till then weren't so much better, taking things from someone who had nothing, beating someone who they felt deserved it- all to gain back some control in their life. at least they were kept alive, alive with little to do but survive.

and was nice. it was nice while it lasted. soon they were old enough for responsibilities. kids with no names had to resort to things like this, and everyone decided that they were the best for this; they looked normal. not too ugly or deranged looking that would send passerbys immediately in a mood, or too pretty and beautiful so that they'd get caught and dragged away. the children brushed their hair, and told them to stand or sit a little off the corner of a nearby decrepit building and look sad, or best of all, empty. and it worked like a charm. they stood there, at the smallest and darkest hours of night, until a lady passed by and stopped to kneel in front of them. eye contact was always the most important first impression, they learned. she smiles and holds out a hand, "what are you doing out here so late?" the child takes the stone they had in their hand and throws it back, gently. the children swarm the woman, and it would have been easy for the woman to fend of a malnourished child, perhaps two. but it was a group of angry, vengeful, hungry children who needed her help in the worst of ways. so they covered their eyes, even when the others took their hands and dragged them back to their place in the abandoned warehouse. with many more times and practice, they stopped feeling bad. the child realized, they needed to live. it didn't matter how, as long as they were. soon they were old enough to go alone. "you're twelve now, you're strong enough," one of the older ones said and handed them a screwdriver, covered in enough rust and grime to immediately infect anyone with an open wound. so they nodded and went to a street like the one they lived on, on the outskirts of the city.

someone older taught them this, to aim left and up against and inside their chest, and drive the sharp thing so deep you could feel flesh squeeze around your hand. it was routine by now, as the man slumped and the child grabbed for the wallet in the man's back pocket of his jeans. tomorrow for them and everyone will pass easier now because of this choice. wiping the blood on the screwdriver on their coat, and pocketing the wallet, the child sighed. but the relief was not for long.

“this wasn’t your first kill, was it, kid?” a deep rumbling voice spoke behind them. panic permeated their senses, so they decided to cry. slowly, of course, like they had been crying this whole time, so by the time the stranger had walked around the corpse, their eyes were already teary. but the man who now squatted in front of them and the dead body shook his head. "sorry brat, but i know what i saw. you can't cry your way out of this one." the child notes that the man sounded disappointed, almost. and coupled with the look of danger the man had, they remained silent. the man takes a cigarette from his pocket. lighting the cigarette, the man takes a drag and looks down on the child once again. "name?"

they didn't know what to say, tears streaked down their face into their small, bloody hands. their voice creaked, like they hadn't ever spoke until now. "i don't have one. call me whatever you like."

"that's a big responsibility," replies the man, exhaling smoke. "you'll owe your life to me if i give you a name."

they smiled a bit. "i can tell that a life like that would be better than this."

the man nods, "you'll be able to live, not just survive- at least until you become of age. but you'll forever be in my debt, and you will forever owe me whatever i demand. is that worth it, to you?" "will i have to kill?" "it won't get that bad." "will i be able to eat?" "more than you eat now, for certain." "that's good enough for me. so then, please name me." "let me think for a moment." the man finishes his cigarette and throws it to the floor. he rises, and steps on it. "your name's robin now. let's go." he turns around and walks, not looking back.

the child gets to their feet, and runs. the man comes to a black car and gets inside of it. so robin gets into the car and they sit. they watch the city fade far away, the sky becoming progressively darker until the reach of sunlight breaks through into daybreak. just forget, robin tells themself. just forget everything in that city, and focus on living in this new town. the man, bailey, tells robin that they are lucky it is the summer and throws a bunch of books at them. robin learns to read quickly. when robin can do simple arithmetics, bailey pulls them inside his office. robin will be enrolled to school and suggests that they get better at knowing things before it starts. before robin turns to leave, they speak. "you've given me a lot, bailey." the man leans back in his chair. "are you trying to ask me for more?" they laugh, dryly. "i guess i can never hide the truth from you. i thought i would be satisfied once i lived normally, but i miss it. the thrill of the life i had before." bailey nods, "i would have figured as much. i saw you smile slightly over that dead man before i decided to get you. you enjoyed it, didn't you?"

"it was... cathartic." "you want some more catharsis, huh?" bailey sounded barely content, but most of all, knowing. robin nodded. "you can help me with some things then- who knows, it could help you know some helpful people in the future. but know that this is just extra work, it won't deduct anything off our agreed debt." robin nods, "that's fine." so then they were put to work, employed as a little assistant who helped demand money, blackmail, manipulate people who were also in debt to the man they were in debt to as well. they enjoyed it, the ability to sway emotions, to see and experience time and time again the feeling of expunging everything from someone. they had nothing, now so will you. revenge on everyone, on the world for letting them have lived the childhood they had. eventually one day, robin saw you. the look of shock and terror on your face told them bailey just imposed the debt on you- easy pickings. they swayed you with their smiles, just like the townsfolk at their lemonade stand. they made you trust them, with their respect and nicety that no one had ever shown you until now. robin knew no one made you special in their lives. you weren't special to robin either they assured themself, but it's easy to pretend when it's someone is so stupid that they'd do anything for you. everything is easier once you’ve faced worse. getting beat, getting molested, getting bullied- everything was easier than that past life of reliance on murder to survive with all those things combined. robin had a roof over their heads, robin finally had a name, and robin had someone like you under their thumb. that wasn't any problem though, robin knew it in their heart as they hugged you and saw the flush in your face when you told them you saw their note and felt the same. it was so easy. it was so fucking easy to get you to shoulder their debt, but things didn’t go as planned, somewhere along the way it stopped being pretend. the coy smiles, the worried hugs, the warmth in their chest in the moment of afterglow melded with the trueness of feeling. but it didn’t matter. things will go on as they should, things will stay the same. well... so long as you did.

#i feel insane for this #i wrote this all in 1 sitting like a madman #anyways <333333333 #degrees of lewdity bailey #dol bailey #degrees of lewdity robin #dol robin #dol headcanons #degrees of lewdity #dol

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st-just · 3 years

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Semi-coherent Thoughts on the Poppy War Series

(Because I really need to start forcing myself to write semi-consistently again)

So I’ll say outright that I actually liked the series quite a bit, which does mean I actually got engaged and invested enough to start turning it over and picking it apart in my head after I finished it. So, like, this is probably going to come across as more negative overall than my actual opinions of the books.

Anyway, first off I really do adore Rin as a protagonist (I’d say ‘heroine’, but, well, no). Now partially this is because I always love even minimally sympathetic morally grey (..grey like coal soot, in this case) protagonists. But she’s just also such a complete garbage fire of a person, it’s kind of endearing. Well, that’s a bit callous – her entire personality is more or less a conflict between different kinds of unhealthy responses to powerlessness and trauma. Be she’s also just such a mess, and when she really starts leaning into delusions of grandeur you can’t help but root for her and hope things do actually turn out okay, regardless of how many fivers of blood she’s currently fantasizing about creating.

A big part of that is just how thoroughly awful the entire setting is, and how terrible everyone in it are, of course. Like, there are basically exactly three developed character in the entire trilogy who are unambiguously at least mostly good people (Chen, probably Venka, specifically the amnesiac and semi-delusional version of Jiang, but that’s being generous), and the fact that they stick around with Rin right to the end kind of puts that into doubt, honestly. Beyond that – almost every family has negligent or abusive parents, and literally every political figure is a bloody-handed tyrant ruling through violence and fear. The Hesperians are racist imperialists convinced they have a divine mandate to conquer the world, the Mugenese are every horror story from the IJA during WW2 translated to a pre-industrial fantasy setting, the ruling elite of Nikara are so many racist, scheming, power-hungry snakes with no concerns except their own position....

And, part and parcel with how terrible the setting is, Kuang does an incredible job of making all the worst things Rin does (until the final act, anyway) incredibly cathartic and badass and fun-in-a-fucked-up-way to read. There’s a terrible sort of awe while she turns the main islands of not!Japan into a pyroclastic hellscape. And whenever she gets a chance to enact any of her numerous revenges on some of the many people who abused and betrayed her it’s always poetic, in a Count-of-Monte-Cristo sort of way, and so kind of sickly compelling, even beyond it being some of the only times Rin’s really hopeful and happy. (Also, there are fun villainous monologues and quippy post-murder one-liners!)

Also, all forms of love are a terrible idea 100% of the time and is only going to end in at least one of the parties dead, abused, or (more or less literally) killing themselves in order to keep up with the other/earn their approval/try to keep them together. (I mean, Rin mostly had horrible taste in men, but Chen wasn’t able to stay mad at her for longer than a few months even after the whole ‘genocide’ thing, which he’s just about the only person to react to with any horror whatsoever. And look at how that ended up working out for him, so-)

I’m sure comparing grimdark fantasy to A Song of Ice And Fire is thoroughly out of fashion by now, but the overall perspective really did strike me as incredibly similar to Martin’s, a lot of the time. ‘Legitimate’ power and ‘lawful’ authority are ultimately nothing but polite fictions maintained by violence, terror and brutal oppression. War is a hell suffered most keenly by civilians with the misfortune to live and die in the middle of it, and least of all by the people with the power who actually start and end them. A flawed and unequal peace is very often preferable to dragging everything to hell with you as you die for the sake of freedom. And so on.

Now, to start the nitpicking – this is entirely personal and aesthetic, but it was kind of annoying how each of the first two books ended in moments of megalomaniac grandeur and terrifying empowerment, and then the next book started with a timeskip of things having gone to shit and her back under someone else’s thumb, and then a solid majority of the text is spent getting manipulated, betrayed, and finally crawling and clawing her way back out to the same point (both emotionally and in terms of independence/vision) that she had been at the previous book’s climax.

This isn’t anything even close to unique to TPW, of course – everything going to shit between the end of one story and the start of the sequel is kind of endemic to a lot of genres, really. And it is frankly incredibly in character for Rin to go through cycles flipping between resentment at being manipulated and used, and desperately craving authority figures to tell her what she should do and give her validation as valuable or useful. Still a bit annoying to read, though.

I’m sure it’s more me than the books – not like they didn’t put in the effort – but I could just never get really invested in the whole enemies-to-almost-lovers-to-enemies-again-to-? Thing with Nezha. Like, he’s interesting in that you can do a 180 perspective flip and he’d clearly be just as suitable a protagonist as Rin is, and his life’s very sad and everything. But, like, we get a front row seat to Rin’s internal monologue, and she gets thirsty for plenty of terrible men (and one awful woman), the only thing that makes Nezha special is that he’s not at least twice her age. So I never really got nearly as emotionally invested in them as the books seemed to expect me to. Which does kind of hurt the whole final act of book three.

Speaking of – okay, the ending isn’t awful or anything, but it is kind of disappointing in being exactly what you would expect it to be, as far as Rin’s character arc goes? Which might be just because I was already primed to compare this to ASOIF and she just literally pulls a Daenerys (fire-aligned vengeance/justice character with revolutionary impulses and an autocratic sensibility is willing to burn down the world in the process of freeing it, goes mad with power and paranoia, needs to be put down for the good of the country), but still. Her reading Venka throwing her to the ground to avoid an assassination attempt as a betrayal and burning her to death before she realized what was happening was just really heavy handed, you know? Same with turning on Kitay, who at this point is her actual literal soulmate. (Also sad in a broader sense, because those two are like literally two of the only characters in the entire series I’d actually peg as worthy of/capable of being trusted with political power.)

The specifics aside, I’m a miserable enough person to appreciate how unsatisfying the actual resolution at the end of the book is – imperialism wins! Literally no choice but to sign those unequal treaties and hope you’re eventually able to grow strong enough to force them out! Everything is the same as before this forty-year cycle of wars except much, much worse! - but yeah, I really just don’t actually care about Nezha enough as a character for it to really land. Also Kitay and Venka deserved better, even if literally no one else did.

Anyway, yeah, good series. Would recommend if you like the genre and can stomach all the, well, everything.

#books #the poppy war #the dragon republic #the burning god #r. f. kuang #book review #in this essay I will #this is theoretically a writing blog

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mysecretatticsstuff · 4 years

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Pranks

Pairing : Jeon jungkook x reader

Word count: 27.3k

Warnings: Smut, Fluff, emotional breakdown.

Summary: You thought you were going to enjoy college. Even with unfortunate events and a poor sleep schedule you were trying to live your best life. Untill one particular kid, aka golden boy of campus came dashing into your life.

College. The place you got excited to go thinking you would finally meet good people, make friends and have the time of your life. And yet here you are, 3 am in the morning just barely hanging in there with a paint brush in your hand finishing up the poster that was supposed to be a group project for physiology class. You have dozed off a couple of times now, with eyes open doing the detailed line work that you suggested not to put in it because of the amount of time it takes. You almost messed it up but your multitasking skills save you. In short you hate college. Or more so, you hate your luck for always putting you in the companionship of the worst people in the world. You can now permanently stamp a "pissed off" warning to your forehead to avoid casualties.

Grumpy wasn't even a mood anymore, it's a lifestyle. And some people just make it real difficult for you to not eat them alive. On top of that list was Mr. Jeon Jungkook. Golden boy, good at whatever he does, loved by everyone he has a conversation with. Well except for you. You on the other hand want to kill him. Not because you're jealous or anything. Heck you would be happy for him if he didn't make your life a living hell. You always wondered what you did for him to hate your existence so much. He kept pulling off weird ass stunts with you. Once he filled your water bottle with chilli tomato ketchup, you took a gulp without knowing and had a red face for a legit hour. Another time he issued the last copy of only book that had the reference you needed and kept it untill a day before the assignment was due. So you had to beg him to give the book to you and complete the whole assignment in one day. (Which was not fun of course). He mixed salt in your drink, splashed water from behind while you were returning to your apartment and what not. At first you thought to ignore him, when the stunts were small. But he just kept doing that shit and you grew angrier. When you asked him, why the heck was he doing that to you he just simply smiled like a devil, winked at you and walked away. That was a year ago, since that day you have been wanting to kill him.

You weren't the aggressive type by nature, your friends would agree that you were the most calm and collected, amiable and open minded friend in the group. Your personality was more of a mediator than a murderer. But the golden boy brought out the beast in you. When you realised that he isn't stopping with the obnoxious pranks. You started pulling off your own as a revenge. To be honest you didn't even regret it. Heck it was even cathartic. Once you hid his clothes while he was in the gym, so basically he had to wait inside the bathroom for the whole day in a towel. (You took his phone too so that he couldn't call anyone for help). You "accidentally" splashed juice onto his crisp white t-shirt before an early morning class. You wrapped his bike with cling film and bubble wrap. It was tiring but worth it when you saw his face, glaring daggers at you cause he was getting late for class and couldn't leave his apartment. You made sure you smiled sweetly at him when he saw you that day.

By now, everyone in your friend circle and both of your departments knew how you both jumped at the first opportunity to ruin each others day. You stopped questioning Jungkook because he never answered instead you focused on how to attack him in the best way.

The past two months have been extra rough for you, both personally and academic wise. Hence, jungkook's bickering has had you in a new level of pissed. A level you didn't know existed. Honestly you were amazed by the fact that you haven't had a breakdown till now. You didn't get any chance to pull anything off against him and that makes you angrier. I guy you were talking to back and forth has suddenly ghosted you and you are wallowing in all the self pity. You've had less than 4 hours of sleep for the past week because of all the requirements for class. You're just a week away from finishing everything off and you're praying that the devil doesn't make it impossible.

You personally hated Mondays, but who are you kidding everyday feels like a monday now. You head to the library first thing in the morning to finish your paper, a semester worth of work. You settle in starting to type out the last page. About an hour later your phone vibrates.

"Hey where are you?" It was Sunmi your best friend.

"I'm in the library" you wisper shout

"Oh.. i had something urgent to say to you can you come out for a second. I'm almost there."

"Okay, coming" you say.

Outside, sunmi was waiting for you with a book in hand.

"Jeez, y/n you look dead. Do you even sleep anymore?"

You sigh out loud, "Don't ask, i feel like i'm gonna pass out anytime soon. Coffee isn't helping anymore. I think i need drugs"

Sunmi just shakes her head in disbelief "What you need is a good night sleep. And for the drugs part, try sex." She says this in such sincerity that you actually consider it for a second before she laughs.

You laugh too, "Uggh, i can't wait to finally go out this weekend, i'm turning into a hermit. Anyways i'm sure u didn't call me out here to talk about hookups..?"

At this she hands you the book, "Yeah I didn't, but we need to talk about your dry state after you're free tho, but till then here you go. The book that you were searching for, you wouldn't believe how I.. or i should say where I found it I-... "

"Wait... Before you start your essay, i need to finish my paper. I meet you after your classes today. Tell me then. I need to go... Bye!" you hurriedly say before you turn around and enter the library

"But it's about Jungkook... " Sunmi tries to explain. But she realises you can't hear her anymore. She says to herself rather, "I hope you don't find trouble."

You almost reach your designated place when you see him. White T-Shirt and olive green cargos. That little shit, what was he up to again? You hurry to your laptop, only to find him smirking as if he knows some secret you don't.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" You ask. "Ooh.. chill Princess, just thought i'd see you and your work". At the mention of work you wake your computer up. A chill ran down through your spine followed by panic when you couldn't find the document you saved. After a moment, your eyes shot up, glaring dangerously at him. He sat up, folding his arms onto the table. "What's wrong? Can't find something?"

"What the fuck did you do, Jeon?" You wanted to scream bloody murder at him, but you didn't know how were you this calm.

"Tsk, tsk,.. last names now huh? Someone's angry. Tell me princess, will I win a prank of the year trophy this time?"

You were unable to speak. Your blood boiled, you wanted to punch him, better kill him. When you didn't reply he continued. "I hope you remember what your wrote in your thesis, even better if your typing skills are on fire, cause you need to rewrite within one week" He was putting a full display of his evil grin. Clearly amused by the situation he put you in. But you slowly realised what he meant. You quickly went to the recycle bin of your computer to test your luck, but soon saw that the demon had already deleted it from the bin too. Your heart sank. This was not fair. You wanted to cry now. Months and months of your hardwork, gone now. What the fuck was that bitch even thinking. This was not a joke anymore. It was your finals. Yes you both have done horrible things to each other but you made sure that it never got out of line. But him deleting your final thesis. This was definitely out of the line. You could not rewrite the whole thing even if you tried in a week. It would never get close to the original one. You would miss many points and the writing style. Damn you for not keeping an extra copy of the thesis somewhere. But again, you never thought Jungkook would go this low. You didn't even want to think how he figured out the passcode for your laptop. Anger doesn't describe what you were feeling now. You wanted to shut down. When Jungkook didn't hear a threatening or a curse, he chimed in. "Have I pulled the most epic prank on miss y/n that it finally shut her smart mouth?"

You couldn't bare it anymore, all these weeks of running around with just 4 hrs of sleep or sometimes non has made you physically weak. You wanted to escape. You throat hurt from the suppressed tears. But you were not going to give him the satisfaction of seeing you cry. You look at jungkook in the eye. Cold. You stand up, take your things and leave.

All the way to your apartment, you wanted to cry, but you waited till you were inside the safe heaven of your bed.How could he do this to you? When this crazy prank scenario started you couldn't comprehend why the nicest guy ( according to students and professors) had taken a toll on you. Yes you were angry at the beginning. But soon it had simmered down to something else. You couldn't pin point what, exactly. It's true his pranks were delirious and you hated him with all your will, but you couldn't help notice the small ways he made a difference in your life. You were an over-thinker, and this stupid game of pranks with him kept you busy. It was kind of the only source of entertainment for you as academics was no joke. It's difficult to explain but you became more productive because of him. You became a more open person, you made a lot of friends and most of the conversations started with how people don't understand why both of yo fight. Jungkook's friends became your friends too. You found out a lot of things about him through them. One that he was a naturally competitive person. He was a big softy inside they said, that was a bit hard to believe for you. But once he stood up for you when you were being cat called, he was so close to beating the shit out of the boys, nevertheless you dragged him out of it. He walked you to your apartment without even uttering a word. You wanted to say thank you, but the very next day he deflated your tires. And the saga continued. The moral of the story is you definitely had developed a soft spot for him. And this prank was definitely a blow to your ego and your heart.

All the emotions, the exhaustion just came crashing down and you let the dam break. You cried like a baby, whether because of the grief of your lost files, anger or because of him entirely you didn't know. You woke up 3 hours later, with puffy eyes and a blocked nose. You decided you can't let him get to you. So you did what you do best, turn all the frustration into anger towards him. You arranged all the resources for your thesis, and then you sat down with your laptop typing away from the beginning.

You didn't go to college next day, thought it would be better to stay at home and work. There were no classes anyways. You already sent an email to your professor informing him that there was a technical difficulty and you lost your files. Your professor was kind enough to excuse you from all the classes that week to work on your thesis stating that you had good attendance already. Sunmi called you, she felt guilty about the whole thing. "I should have known there was something fishy when that asshole gave me the book. I shouldn't have asked you to come out".

"Hey, it's fine, it's not your fault. I'll kill him with my own hands once everything is over"

"Still.. i feel super bad. Let me know if you need anything. I can bring you books from the library.."

"Thank you sun, i'll let you know if I need anything.. "

"Okay.... Oh and y/n,.. Jungkook came looking for you today. He seemed anxious? kinda worried even. I told that fucker i don't know where you are. Thought you should know"

Jungkook was looking around for you, that's weird. Was he feeling guilty? You always came up with a new prank. Maybe he is just surprised you vanished. "Hmmm... Thanks, i don't want him to know anything about me, Anyways i couldn't careless about him now. See you later".

"Take care y/n".

It was 10 pm when you stood up from your desk, your shoulders and wrists were stiff from all the typing. You realised you hadn't eaten anything for 7 hours now. It was raining heavily, you felt a bit dizzy. When you finally get out of college, this would be a hell of a story to tell though. You missed home dearly, you wanted someone to just hold you and assure you that everything is going to be okay. You took some leftover pizza from your fridge and put it in the microwave. Sometimes living alone just gets to you. All the loneliness, all the times you wished someone was there to comfort you. Your body ached and you felt pathetic about yourself. 'Why me?' was your question. A mixture of all these thoughts and emotions were swirling in your head and you didn't even realize that you were crying now. This was your 3rd breakdown in a span of two days.

"Pathetic" you muttered to yourself. Then your heard the bell ring. Confused at who came by at this ungodly hour, you wiped your tears and went to get the door.

You didn't expect the person you were staring at. Doe eyes slowly scanned you, from your feet to face. Jungkook.

You must have puffy red eyes, you think. God you didn't want him to see you like this. All petty and defeated. He was partially soaked from the rain. Jungkook just stood there, staring back at you. You waited for him to speak, when he didn't, you finally spoke, "What are you doing here?"

"I didn't see you in college today" he replied. Jungkook looked guilty? Sad even. "Why didn't you attend?" He asks next.

"That's non of your business" that came out harsher than you thought. At this his face turned stern. "Were you crying?"

At this point you don't know what or when will you break down. You could already feel a little lump forming in your throat. You looked down at your feet. "Go away, i have work". That came out so fragile and weak, you cringed internally. He stepped in. Searched around in his pocket and brought out a small USB in his hand. You looked at it and then his face.

"Your files" he said.

"You... why would you even... What the fuck? Jungkook!" With every word your voice rose. You thought he was feeling guilty, but he was just a little brat, playing games. All your softness was gone now.

You could tell by his devilish smirk that he was enjoying this way too much. "Who do you think you are?" You saw red with anger. With that much of a volcano boiling inside you, you were not sure what were you doing. Your hand flew up involuntarily. Lets just say, you would have punched him if it wasn't for his quick reflexes. He grabbed your wrist, turned you around. His other arm swiftly snaked around your waist.

"Woah.. easy princess. You sure you can fight me?" He tightens his grip around you. You hate to admit how badly it affects you. You can feel your knees going weak. His taught chest pressed against your back. You can feel him way too much through your thin t shirt. Your face heats up without you wanting it. No, no, no, no, you can't let your stupid hormones get to you. This is crazy. You hate him. Then why do you suddenly feel hot? As if on cue he lowers his head and whispers in your ear, " You okay, sweetheart?"

The new pet name, sends a spike of electricity just between your legs. You bite your lip to control the moan that threatens to leave your mouth. He notices the change too, the tension between you two is growing. You turn around to face him. He lets you. "I hate you."

His arms are still around you, circling your waist. He looks soft, as if relieved of some burden. Your clothes are getting wet from the contact. You don't know what to say, because you can hardly process what is happening. Just then your microwave beeps to your rescue.

You half jump half stumble away from him. "Uggh, i'll bring you a towel. Be right back."

When you return, he is standing in front of the couch. Looking godly. You sneak a glance at his chest and now hardened nipples before landing your eyes on his face. You hand him the towel. As if a half soaked jungkook wasn't enough. He swifty stripped off his t-shirt before drying himself off. You freeze. He looks at you gaze piercing.

"W- why.. did you do that?"

"You need to be a bit more specific sweetheart" he takes a step closer to you. You don't move away.

"The pranks.. why do you hate me so much, that you need to make my life a living hell?" You said softly.

"Helps me sleep at night." He smirks. You rolled your eyes at this. You were about to turn around when he grabs you by hand.

"I don't hate you. It's quite the opposite actually" Your eyebrows shot up at this. "yeah right. You think you can fool me again?" You scoff.

"I know you're a fool sometimes, but to be honest y/n I didn't know you were this dense" He mocked with a smirk.

"What the fuck? Okay that's it. Get out of my house Jeon" you demanded.

"What if I say no, Princess?"

You couldn't believe it. This guy has the audacity to mock you in your own house and then refuse to leave. You were beyond irritated now.

"How do people like you? You're such an ass. Leave before-..." you didn't get to complete the sentence before he pulls you towards him, with such force that you stumble, loose your balance and fall straight on his chest.

HIS BARE CHEST. GOD THIS WAS BAD. You felt your throat getting dry. You couldn't speak. He was firm, you kind of wonder about how much he works out. You could feel his silky smooth skin. You just stared at him, like a deer caught in headlights.

"That's it? You're not gonna 'make me' leave princess?" He says, with his face inches away from you.

*Pull it together y/n* you scold yourself mentally. But you body just froze and it feels hot. You probably have a red face now. You make another mistake of glancing at his lips, which are so damn close, it kinda makes you feel things you can't explain.

Jungkook notices this. He sees right through you. He finally speaks, "If you still haven't got it y/n, i don't know what to do with you... I... " He sighs, "I like you y/n. A lot. And I don't know how to behave when i'm around you, so I keep teasing you.." he says with a sincere look. "And besides.. you look hot, when you are angry at me" He smiles.

You realise you're still holding each other. Your heart is hammering in your chest. He probably can feel it beating too. You want to punch him for being such a jerk, but you also want to kiss him. You're so frustrated, at this point you don't know where the courage came from for what you did next. You kiss him. Out of all the things this was something he did not expect. This time he froze, hands paralyzed at your hips. When he finally came to his senses that it was really happening, he kissed back.

You snake your arms around his neck, pulling his hair into a fist. He lets out a small moan. You pull back, smirking. "No snarky comments now huh Jeon?" you mock, satisfied with his look. His face is flushed. You can feel his member slowly growing. He took some time to overcome his initial shock. Then he said, "No shit.. I'm.. God you're hot" And he is kissing you again. More in control this time. You part your lips to let him enter. His hands cup your face. Your kiss gets heated, one of his hands goes down, between your breasts, to your stomach. Then he waits, as if asking for permission.

"What now?" You say in between your kisses. "No guts for that?" You challenge him. And this time he actually has nothing to say. So you smirk, you take his hand and slowly slip him under your t-shirt.

"Shit". He mutters. He touches your skin, you feel like you're on fire. Goosebumps form all over your body. You feel alive.

The next thing he did left you speechless. He slips both hand under your t-shirt and with one go pulls off your shirt and throws it behind you. You gawk at him in suprise. You can tell he liked the way you reacted because his eyes went dark and he looked at you like he wanted to take you right there. "Jeez Jeon.. give the girl a break" with this you latched on him again. He stumbled back and landed on the couch. Seeing the opportunity, you climb on him, Keeping your weight on your knees, you hover just above his member. You know he wants you to sit on him, but you don't want to give him the satisfaction.

"I think I need to mess with her assignments more often" saying more to himself than to you. "Specially if it leads to this" he stands up keeping you close.

" I heard that you idiot" you were now feverishly unbuckling his pants. He moved his lips to suck you down your jawline, he made sure to nib and suck a bit harder right above your pulse point.

You let out a moan. Your hands are shaking but you somehow manage to undo his pants.

You feel really hot. You were about to pull his pants down when he holds both of your wrists. You freeze, your mind racing at 100 miles per hour. Did you do something wrong? Are you crossing your line? Did he not want this and you took it otherwise? God this is embarrassing.

You eyes were still wide when he said, "I'm not messing around this time y/n. I really do like you" he looks so very sincere that he moves some part of you. But you decided that you ain't gonna let him go so easily.

"I had three mental breakdowns since yesterday". You shot back. At this his eyes turned sad. Like he was really feeling guilty. You felt bad for him now, wondering if it was too harsh.

"I never wanted that, I thought you would argue with me and at the end of it i'd give you the usb, but you looked so angry, and when u left without saying a word I knew i had fucked up. Big time."

You backed off, hands crossed in front of your chest.

Jungkook knew you were angry. But he couldn't deny that he was beyond turned on by this site, you just in your bra and shorts, angry at him. You didn't know how hard he was trying not to turn you around bend you over your desk and fuck you silly.

You noticed that he visibly gulped, he was eyeing you like a prey. But he waited, because you were angry. He wanted to do this right.

"And all this time I kept wondering what wrong did I do to you. I hate you, you know that Jeon?...

"Baby, i'm sorry" he purred stepping closer.

A new surge of arousal hit you at this. "D.. Don't baby me..." The stuttering gave you out. He smirked liked a devil. He closed the gap between the two of you. He hovered above your lips, "forgive me please" he said just an inch away from your lips.

"Kiss me please" you said, not being able to process anything. And he did, he kissed you like there was no tomorrow. Strong and urgent. He cupped your ass and gave a tight squeeze. You let out a moan.

"Do you want to take it to the bedroom?" He asked voice an octave deeper.

You nodded, not trusting your mouth. He lifted you and you wrapped your legs around him. His body was divine, his skin was smooth, heat radiated from him although he was soaked before, lips not sparring you even one 1 second. You could feel his hard on, on your stomach and it felt powerful that you can do such things to him.

"God i've been dreaming about this for so long"

"How long, jeon?" You asked stripping him off his pants and underwear.

"From the moment you debated with your proffessor about a theory in front of your department. I watched you prove your points to him, and i swear to god I had a hard on since. I had to run to the bathroom to give myself some relief " he chuckles at the memory.

"Nerd" Fully naked now, you stare at his body.

"Damn, why are you so hot. This is not fair"

He looked at you. "I see you haven't gotten rid of your clothes yet y/n.. i would like to watch baby"

So you stripped, putting up a show for him. He grabbed you when you were about to take off you panties. He turned you around, pushed you onto the wall, you balanced yourself onto the wall.

"You're gorgeous." He said before slipping his large hand in your panties and cupping your entire sex. He then hurriedly took your panties off. He pressed himself on your behind and you whimpered. He fondled your breasts with one hand and the other slowly slid towards your dripping core.

He kept touching you there, in slow tantilizing movements. You squirmed. He teased you more, knowing you needed some pressure on your clit. He avoided it the most. You were growing anxious.

"Juuunngkook... Please" you draged each syllable.

"What's wrong?" He was enjoying this way too much you could tell.

"I think I deserve being worshipped after what you make me go through kook". You stated with eyes screwed shut.

"Okay, that's fair". At this he dipped one finger inside, testing if you could take him. He gasped at the warmth and the slick that now covered his fingers. He started slow at first, drawing out low moans from you. Then without alarm he added one more digit and started pistoning in and out. You arched your back with pleasure. You were so aroused, and mixed up with your pent up stress and frustration you could already feel something heavy settling at your lower belly, tightening inch by inch.

"Kook... I'm gonna... Cum". You said between grunts.

"You're doing so good baby, cum on my fingers"

You found your release at his praise. Pleasure coursing through your veins with lightening speed. Mid orgasm Jungkook smacks your pussy. And you go crazy at that, so much that you see white. When you finally come to your sense you find his strong arms snaking your waist and holding you, so that you don't fall down. He upper body completely glued to you.

Then you finally speak, head thrown back chest heaving

"I think,.. this was the strongest I ever came in my life"

Jungkook chuckles, "You're welcome". He kisses your shoulder. He slowly lets you go, so that you can stand by your own. You haven't forgotten the fact that, his hard on is pressing onto your back, waiting for the attention.

"So tell me Jeon..." You kiss him slowly moving towards your bed, you stop, look him innocently in the eye and ask, "Where do you wanna cum? My mouth or my pussy?"

"God, if you keep saying such things, I think i can cum just like this" His hand rubs all over your body, "For now, let's put that sinful mouth of yours into good use, okay?"

You nod, leading him to lie down on the bed.

If somebody would have told you, the previous day, that you out of all the people would blow Jeon jungkook, in your bed. You would have smacked them in the face.

You straddle him, and then you start Pickering kisses, first his mouth then his jaw. You have to admit he is a damn good kisser, you get so lost in the kissing that you almost miss that he is grinding himself onto your core. Coating himself with the slick. You feel your pussy tingling. You keep peppering kisses moving to his jawline, then his neck, biting a bit hard on his sweet spot to make sure it blooms with purple afterwards.

At one point he gropes you ass with one hand and pushes you down to grind with more force.

"Change of plans sweetheart. Do you have condoms?" He asks, eye sparking with lust.

You sit straight, a smirk plastered on your face, you bend towards your nightstand, and bring out a foil packet from your drawer.

"Always so fucking prepared" he slaps your ass, you gasp at the sting. He is looking at you, trying to figure out whether you liked it or not. You moan, with your eyes closed.

Jungkook is painfully hard now. If he doesn't put it inside you, he thinks he might burst out of sheer arousal.

"Baby.." he says in a raspy voice

You hurry up at this, you tear the foil and roll it onto him. You raise up to lie down but he grabs you. "Ride me.." voice octaves lower. You're so wet already, you don't think you need extra prepping. You come back to your stance and slowly sink in holding his member for guidance.

Both moan at the pleasure surging through the body. You're impressed by his strength, for holding out so long. He has his eyes tight shut, almost as if everything is too much for him. You feel great, warm where he is inside you. You notice how beautiful he looks under you. Head arched back into the pillow, he looks sexy as hell.

You were zoned out in your thoughts, when he snapped back. "Y/n move". And there you were riding the most handsome guy from campus. And you couldn't believe both of you were making such mind blowing noises. You piston on him for a while before getting tired, thankfully he got the message. He started thrusting his hips up to you with such a velocity that you didn't know was even possible. You could feel another orgasm right around the corner, but you didn't want to finish before him.

"Kook, are you close?"

"So close baby" he whined .

"Me too.. ughhh"

At this he moved his hands from your hips to your breasts. He gave a squeeze. His member was throbbing inside you.

"Come with me y/n" he said through gritted teeth. Suddenly he then spanked one of your boob, while other hand pressed on your clit. You didn't see it coming and the suprise helped to exceeded any pleasure you felt in your whole life. Heat surged from your fluttering cunt throughout your belly. Your orgasm hit you like a truck. It was so strong you couldn't hear anything for some seconds. That followed by ringing of your ears.

You don't know when did he flipped you on your back but you could see his eyes screwed shut, eyebrows drawn together. One last trust and he was coming with you. Your highest high lasted for a while, and left you with aftershocks. Jungkook collapsed on top of you, he hadn't pulled out yet and your sensitive sex was still clenching on him.

You both layed there motionless. It was he who moved first, pulling out with a slight hiss. He tossed his condom with a knot in the trash can and fell back on the bed with a thump. You were still slightly dazed out from the orgasm. He chuckled seeing you in the bliss.

"God, Jeon, i'll be sore tomorrow."

"Well I'll take that as a complement" he smiled.

"That was hot. You're hot" you replied turning away your head feeling shy, all of a sudden.

He grabbed you by your waist and pulled you close, "Damn baby, i didn't know i'd see this side of y/l/n ever."

"Don't stroke your ego too much jeon".

He kissed your shoulder and smiled, "Do you have any idea, how hot and pretty and beautiful you are?"

You looked at him, for the first time you saw how his eyes twinkled while talking to you.

So you just kiss him, which he welcomes whole heartedly.

The next day you step in the college campus feeling amazing. You have been smiling to yourself since the morning. Since Jungkook gave back your thesis, it was just an hour's work away from getting the final sweep before submission. You hit the library, finish off your work and finally submit it. Your proffessor was not surprised when you told him that Jungkook pranked you again. Even if he found it weird that you had no anger or resentment towards him, he didn't point it out. Now that you felt 10kgs lighter, you had one class to attend and then you were done for the week.

You were heading back to class, when some of your classmates commented, "Hey y/n, we're rooting for you both" . They glimmered while talking to you. Unfortunately they passed by too quickly for you to enquire. You entered the class, confused and zoned out enough that you don't eveb notice how everyone's eyes are on you.

"Y/l/n".

You know that voice. You look towards the last row, he stands, smiling at you. You didn't know what was happening, but your nerves were on fire. Your hands suddenly got clammy and your heart beat started to fasten. You internally scolded yourself.

*Calm down, it's just Jungkook*

He looked nervous? You could tell, it wasn't his usual cocky behaviour. He didn't know what to do with his hands. So he just let them hang. It's weird you think.

As your gears in your brain were working, you start walking towards him. But his voice stopped you.

"Y/n".. then he jutted out his chin, pointing behind you. You could hear your heart hammering.

You turn.

" Y/N Y/L/N, I'M SORRY, SAY YES.. PLEASE?

-J.K. "

There it was written on the white board. In bold capital letters.

Is this a joke? If it's a joke you're not going to be able to walk out of here. Did Jungkook sleep with you so that he could pull the biggest prank in history? But he said all those sweet things yesterday right?

Before you could react, Jungkook spoke behind you. You turned to find him in front of you. You were hyperaware now, the students who were entering silently took their seats looking at you two. This felt like a scene from the movies.

"Y/n, i'm sorry that all this time I made your life a living hell. But i'm also glad because otherwise I wouldn't have the chance to know you." He smiles, his nervousness showing.

He slowly takes your hand. You let him. You already feel the emotions surging inside you. Is he really going to ask you out in front of the whole class?

He takes a long pause. It's almost painful waiting for him to finish the speech. Then he says-

"I'm sorry, Y/n will you be my girlfriend?" He says in one breath.

You gasped. All you could do was just stare at him, staring you back. Suddenly you forgot how to speak. Jungkook breaks the silence. "Say something please, you're killing me here. I -"

"Yes". He stops speaking. Grin slowly spreading from ear to ear.

"ABOUT FUCKING TIME" Someone from the class cheers. Everybody starts clapping. You can't stop smiling. Jungkook pulls you towards him, hugging you. You hug him back.

"Aww guys just kiss each other already!!" Hoseok, spoke with a mischievous smiled plastered on his face.

Jungkook pulled your face towards him for a kiss. It was a sweet kiss. You smirked when you felt how badly he wanted to shove his tongue down your throat but refrained since you're in public. Seeing you smirk, he whispers to you. "I can't wait to take you to my place after this". You shiver at the thought.

____________________________________________

"Mmmmm, kook..." He kissed your neck. You could get used to this. Straddling his lap and making out.

"Yes baby.." u feel his smirk against your skin.

"I have a question." You said, putting a space between you two. He took your hands and started leaving pecks starting from your knuckles moving upwards. You giggled.

"Why didn't proffessor take our class today, like he came 1 hr late, gave us homework and went away. I feel like this has something to do with you asking me out.."

"Y/n, babe out of all the questions you could ask me while making out, you choose this?" He pretended to be offended. You smacked his chest looking at him expectantly.

He started- "Well I might have talked to the prof before class telling him, i kinda need a favour from him.. "

"WHAT?" U couldn't believe this boy.

"Perks of having good rapport with prof. Also i always pay attention in class. You should learn from me y/n.." he looked at you innocently. As if he was not kneading your ass right now.

"Jeon Jungkook please tell me that you at least made up a situation or does our proffessor has first hand knowledge about us being in love.." the L word just slipped out. You acted like you didn't notice. But he surely did.

He winked at you, smiling wide like he got a promotion. "What did you just say?"

"Ugh about what?"

" About us being in something."

He was so smug about this, you knew he had won. You leaned into him.

"Let me show you instead" you wispered in his ear. The hair on Jungkook's body stood up , he had goosebumps. He picked you up towards his bedroom.

"Goddamn I love you".

#jungkook x reader #bts smut #kpop smut #smut #oneshot #bts fluff #jungkook #jungkook fluff #fanfic #bts fanfic

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dokkaebiking · 4 years

Note

Pass the happy! When you receive this, list 5 things that make you happy and send this to 10 of the most recent people in your notifications!

Considering how 2020 has gone, this shouldn’t be a hard list to make as there’s not a lot that’s made me happy this year. I mean, this has been sitting in my inbox for far too long, simply because The Depresso™ has robbed me of the energy to do much of anything these days. However, Biden won the election, and although that cursed cheese ball shit bag currently in the White House is trying to undermine democracy, at the same time I know he ain’t gonna get away with it, so I feel lighter than I have in months, and I’m finally getting to things I’ve held off for too long. Not gonna tag anyone, but if you want to be tagged then I’m attacking you with psychic powers right now and tagging you spiritually >:D

1. Trash of the Count’s Family! I cannot overstate how much joy this Korean webnovel has brought me this year. I read the manhwa first, by chance, when I was cruising the “Isekai” tag, and after reading so many where a woman got sent into another world/was reborn in another world/took over the body of a side character in their favorite game or book or whatever/or otherwise transmigrated into a place that’s Not Here (and lucky them, amirite)...I was happy to see it happen to a guy. Not only that, but like the first chapter, aside from the prologue, was filled with so much fanservice of just this one guy that I was pleasantly surprised at the tables being turned. Especially since Isekai is very well known for it’s trashy female fanservice and gross harems that make no sense. CUE CALE HENITUSE COMING TO SAVE THE ISEKAI GENRE!

He not only has no romantic interest whatsoever in the story, which is fantastic (doesn’t stop us fans from shipping left and right, but I love it when this type of protag just does not do romance at all), but he builds a harem that’s purely platonic and god damn it I’ve never seen Found Family done so well I wanna cry just thinking about it. Plus, Cale’s whole philosophy of “gotta create world peace so I can live as a slacker” is hilarious, considering how he just keeps being a Hero™ and hating it, but his dumb ass can’t stop. Also, there’s a baby dragon that he saves, sets free from a terrible torture chamber it began its life in, and rather than running off it decides to follow Cale around and basically Cale becomes a father of three kids, one being the dragon, and the other two being two precious (and very dangerous) cat kids. This story refuses to let the good guys die, which after GoT is refreshing as hell, but isn’t afraid to take bloody revenge on the bad guys, which is also hella refreshing. I’ll go on forever if I don’t stop here, but just look it up if you get the chance and any of this appeals to you—you won’t regret it.

2. KakaIru, easily, has been the stable foundation for me this year. The friends I met through the fandom before this year have only become closer, and more dear to me, and the new friends are just as lovely; these people are the only things keeping me sane, let me tell you. The @kakairuzine “Intertwined” was a big project that I was delighted to help mod for, and participate in as a merch artist, and I’m so thrilled that we reached all of our stretch goals, and then some! The @the-umino-hours server has brought me much joy during the year, as well as the forum @kakairu-rocks, participating in the @kakairu-mini-bang was a blast (and I’m working on the second part to that fic right now tbh), now I’m a mod (and participant) for the @kakairu-big-bang and am so excited for it. KakaIru has been with me since I was a kid, and it’s just so lovely that it’s still a fairly active part of the fandom, and still makes me as happy as it did when I was 14 (*˘︶˘*).｡.:*♡

3. Spooky boys, like cryptids and folklore and eldritch horrors, are always a delight, but in a year that’s more horrifying than any of them could ever dream to be, it’s oddly cathartic to indulge in the monsters we imagine while surrounded by real monsters of our own making. Also, ever since I wrote my KakaIru fic Want Me Down to the Marrow I’ve had such a soft spot for the Gashadokuro, and still laugh at “Bone Daddy”. You’ll have to pry that title from my cold, dead hands.

4. “My Next Life as a Villainess: All Routes Lead to Doom!” It was honestly this otome anime that led me down the path that eventually brought me to “Trash of the Count’s Family”. So I owe a lot to this series, and really the series in and of itself is such a delight. I bought the light novels on Bookwalker because I loved it so much~♥ Katarina (aka Bakarina), thank you for your service. Because of you I looked up other series of a similar strain as your story, and found the manhwa “Beware the Villainess!”, which is a fucking delight, and thus kept looking into that genre and eventually found my way to Cale Henituse’s whacky adventures.

5. “The Rising of the Shield Hero” has made me happy from the first time I watched it, but I rewatched it this year, and the announcement for the second season’s release came just like...last month I believe, so that spike of serotonin was highly appreciated. I have the light novels for this series up to volume 17, and let me tell you, the story just gets better and better and I cannot wait for it to be animated. Naofumi, I love you you cinical little shit~♥

#asks #hades-bitch #thanks for the ask meme!#and thanks for waiting a millennia for me to reply to it~!

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wordywarriorwrites · 4 years

Text

Chapter 13: Settled Scores

Masterlist: The Boss of Brooklyn A03 Link Author: @wordywarriorwrites Summary: When it comes to being The Boss, James Buchanan “JB” Barnes rules with an iron fist. For him, there’s no room for sentiment, and certainly no time for distraction, even if it is in the form of an old flame. Steve Rogers had bowed out of the life a long time ago, but a twist of fate brings him right back into the fold, and face-to-face with a man he once loved. When a game of cat and mouse turns into a matter of life and death, both will be forced to decide whether they’ll be loyal to the business, or faithful to each other. A/N: Bucky Barnes Mob Boss AU. Stucky. For: Star’s Multi-Fandom Follower Celebration & Sherry’s Fall Into You Challenge. Warnings: Language, violence, drug use, alcohol, smoking, explicit sexual content, illegal activities.

As soon as he got back to Brooklyn, Bucky put everyone to work.

The Families were stronger together, and their combination of intelligence and brute force had never failed them before. The business may have been nearly destroyed, but it wasn’t irreparable, and they were nothing if not resilient.

Everyone had expected the fight to come to them. They’d planned for it and were ready for it, but nothing could have prepared them for what actually happened.

The first indicator that something wasn’t right was the sudden, unexpected lift on an offshore account they’d frozen months ago. When Bruce and Wanda dug into it, they discovered the money taken had belonged to Steve, but neither of them could figure out who had gotten their hands on it, let alone where the money had gone.

Then, a few days later, Natasha found an article in the newspaper. Page six, below the fold, buried beneath the rest of the international news – an abandoned warehouse in Barbados had been blown sky-high. The local authorities suspected foul play, but other than the remnants of what appeared to be shell casings, cages, and camera equipment, they had nothing to go on.

Things went quiet for about a week, but eventually, another bombshell dropped. Barton had been overseeing a product shipment when Sam Wilson was found passed out in the back of a cargo container. Though the man hadn’t eaten, bathed, or slept in days, the first thing he asked for was a meet with the Boss.

At three o’clock in the morning, in the back seat of an Escalade parked by the docks – that’s when Bucky learned Steve had uncovered the truth and discovered who had sold him out. Sam wasn’t able to tell them where Fury and Steve had gone, or give them any names, but he insisted the only reason he was alive was because of Steve.

In the month that followed, there were a lot of whispers, but no actual confirmed sightings. Cuba, Haiti, Dominica, Grenada, Venezuela – it appeared they were hopping all over the West Indies, but nobody could be sure whether they were in pursuit of the betrayer or if they themselves were being chased.

It all eventually came to a head when Bruce uncovered suspicious movement in Tobago. Apparently, several plane tickets to New York had been purchased all at the same time. Since they’d been bought with cash, Bruce hadn’t been able to trace the buyer, but in the end, he hadn’t needed to.

Of all the people he could’ve called, Steve reached out to Thor; he said to expect them in five hours, and asked him to send Sam and Natasha to retrieve them at the airport. Their imminent arrival meant Bucky would get the answers he was owed and get his revenge, but first, he needed to prepare.

Another day, another grave, and this time, there would be no mourners.

Wanda and Thor had provided the supplies. Tony made sure the police steered clear. Clint ensured those who worked the territory were given the night off and compensated for their troubles. After the four of them made their contributions, they let him alone to handle the rest.

Bucky could’ve easily paid someone to do the digging for him, but this particular hole in the ground was special, and he wanted it done right. The land was hard, nearly frozen solid, but that didn’t stop him; he forced the soil to give way and steadily worked toward making a six-by-six-foot chasm.

The blisters on his palms, the sweat on his brow, the ache in his back, the burn in his lungs and arms – it was cathartic. As the shovel moved and the dirt pile grew, he was also taken down into that silent, dark space inside himself, and he admittedly enjoyed the slow crawl into it.

Part of being Boss was ensuring that what occurred back stage stayed backstage. They always put on a show to distract the public, because what happened behind the curtain was bloody and violent, and those with delicate sensibilities couldn’t be permitted to know or see how shit really went down.

Things had gotten out of hand, and unfortunately, the masks had slipped, and they’d exposed themselves a bit too much. Outsiders had been allowed to infiltrate and rewrite the script, but he would no longer tolerate it. Steve may have selected the time for the song-and-dance, but Bucky had chosen the venue, and he was for damn sure running the show now.

This was his fucking city. These were his fucking people. And he was done fucking around.

When Bucky was satisfied, he tossed up the shovel, and used the small step ladder to climb out. The old paper mill he’d chosen for the meet was vacant and tucked out of the way, which meant there was nobody around to see him ready the center of the factory floor with thick, plastic sheeting. He’d just finished laying it and taping it down when the front doors opened and Natasha stepped over the threshold.

It only took a minute for everyone else to make their way inside, and those sixty seconds were very telling. The dead Senator’s wife and Sam’s little helper had huddled up close, and their expressions conveyed they’d chosen to cling to each other for safety, not warmth. Fury and his crew entered next, and their stoicism suggested they knew what was coming. Bucky fully expected Sam and Steve to bring up the rear, but when only Sam appeared, he looked to Natasha for an explanation.

“He’s not here, but asked me to give you this,” she murmured. “Said it’s his payment in full.”

A small tablet in a protective, leather case. Innocuous in and of itself, but once turned on and perused, the contents shook the very foundation of the business. There were dossiers on all of the heaviest hitters in both Brooklyn and the West Indies, and the material had the potential to completely shift the balance of power. On top of it, there were other records, which included detailed profiles on Fury’s crew, along with evidence that proved who was responsible for the debacle that had been his life for months.

Bucky lifted his gaze from the tablet and locked eyes with Fury. He didn’t have to ask if the man knew everything, nor did he have to wonder if the rest of his crew knew they had a traitor in their midst. One look at Sam and Natasha was all it took for Bucky to know they were also well aware of what had to happen.

Perhaps if it had been any other time, in any other place, Bucky would’ve shown mercy, but he’d run out of compassion long ago. He had zero sympathy for the so-called innocent and absolutely no desire to show a single ounce of leniency toward the guilty. The only recompense for treason was blood, and as Bosses, he and Nick were responsible for putting their perspective conspirators down.

“You know what you need to do,” Bucky stated calmly.

Fury said Maria’s name and both Natasha and Sam sprang into action. The rest of the crew gave them a wide berth, and while the other two women had to be forced onto their knees, Maria knelt willingly, and she was the only one who didn’t scream and beg for her life.

Bucky retrieved his gun from the base of his spine and disengaged the safety. He didn’t torture them or allow them any last words, and the only small courtesy he offered was a quick, clean death via a well-aimed bullet to each in turn.

Sam gave Fury his weapon, and though he’d accepted it without reluctance, he didn’t immediately pull the trigger. It could’ve been because they’d known each other a long time, or maybe it was because he just needed closure – whatever the reason, he hesitated, and asked her why she did it.

The litany of excuses was as predictable as it was pathetic. Maria accused Fury of replacing with her with an amateur; said it was her plan that got them into the United States; insisted Nick was the one who screwed it up because he was weak, old, and allowed sentiment to get in the way.

Fury reminded her Steve only got caught because she’d set him up; told her the man didn’t deserve to die because of her greed and jealousy; explained he did what he did in order to save Steve’s life and avoid a war. Maria retorted that Fury was going to retire and leave everything to Steve, and she did what she had to do to protect the mantle that was rightfully hers.

The back and forth went on for some time, and Bucky managed to tune most of it out, but when she said Steve was feeble, treacherous, and pitiful, he couldn’t help but be drawn back in.

“Unlike your precious, golden boy, my loyalties have never been divided,” she spat. “And you’re an idiot if you think Steve’s so-called respect for you will ever outweigh his obsession with Barnes.”

Fury shook his head, but before he could say anything more, Maria shifted her ire, and focused it on Bucky. She sneered that Steve was a chatty drunk, and all it took was a few drinks for him to get sloppy and start blubbering on and on about how James Barnes was, “the one who got away.”

“Bucky, Bucky, Bucky,” she jeered. “You pity-fucked him once, and he still cried out for you like that in his sleep. And I knew – I knew when he caught up with us that he’d crawled back into bed with you. He sold us all out! He’s nothing more than an unworthy, ungrateful, deceitful whore!”

Rage, threadbare patience, and itchy trigger fingers – it was a bad, bad, bad combination, but it wasn’t Bucky or even Fury who decided to finally shut her up.

Natasha tersely muttered, ‘that’s quite enough,’ aimed, sent a knife flying.

Whatever else may have spewed out of Maria’s mouth was cut off, and the next sound she made was little more than a wet gurgle. Blood dribbled down her chin before it bloomed across her chest.

Then, she was gone. Chapter 14: Vortex

Everything: @jennmurawski13 @nerdy-bookworm-1998

Steve Rogers: @patzammit @hearttoearth The Boss of Brooklyn: @star-spangled-man-with-a-plan @jamesbarnesappreciationsociety @captain-rogers-beard

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filmjrnl365 · 5 years

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#135 Once Upon a Time in Hollywood (2019)

Director: Quentin Tarantino

USA

Tarantino’s latest movie is both an elegy, and a retribution. It laments and caricatures a Hollywood of a bygone era. A town where the gorgeous people lived in the Hollywood Hills, drove massive cars, and brokered movie deals with a handshake in moody cocktail lounges. Then things changed.

By the late 1960s and into the 70s, American culture was split, and the emergence of a younger, drug fueled counterculture generation began to re-shape a contemporary society that had emerged from the Depression and World War II. It is in this context that Tarantino begins his Hollywood fairy tale.

The film centers around the waning career of old school actor Rick Dalton (Leonardo Di Caprio), and his former stuntman / double turned handyman, Cliff Booth (Brad Pitt). Excellent performances by both of these actors carry the movie through its basic lamentation for the good ole days of Hollywood. Dalton struggles to keep a career afloat with the increasingly worse roles offered to him. To prop up his career, he succumbs to an offer doing Spaghetti Westerns in Italy. He returns to the United States to small acclaim, a sultry Italian actress bride, and a few paparazzi, but Hollywood has moved on to newer things.

Cliff Booth does more than household chores for Dalton. He has become the default psychologist for the macho star who has a fragile ego, and bursts into spontaneous crying jags over the demise of his identity and movie career. Dalton has a run in with a flirtatious young girl in Hollywood, and a ride back to Spahn Ranch takes Tarantino’s movie into its lamentation of the Hollywood beauty Sharon Tate (Margot Robbie) and the spectre of Charles Manson (Damon Herriman).

When watching this film (on 35mm), I was anxious to see how Tarantino was going to handle Hollywood’s version of the “third rail”, the death of Sharon Tate and the hideous Manson murders. I was barely old enough to remember the murders, however, I was of an impressionable age to watch the tv version, Helter Skelter. A strange, and ominous (for the time) portrayal of Charlie Manson and his “family’ of brainwashed young hippies that tried to incite a race war in America with the Tate /LaBianca killings. After the gruesome manner in which Sharon Tate and the others were murdered, things changed in America. Sure America was a violent and dangerous place, but this was different. So, an eerie and fascinating piece of American fact / folklore spun up around these Hollywood murders, and at the center of this horrific incident was the tragic loss of the beauty, Sharon Tate. America begrudgingly tolerated her husband, the director Roman Polanski. We credited his movie skills, but somehow secretly felt that the sheer beauty of Sharon Tate was out of his league. How had she wound up with him? This was yet another cultural chasm we had to reconcile.

The crucial point in the film; Tarantino takes the night of the Tate/ LaBianca and re-writes Hollywood history. Instead of the bloody massacre taking place, the killers have by mistake entered Dalton’s house, the wrong house. As they enter in through back doors, they find Cliff Booth under a temporary haze of celebratory LSD. He is alerted by his pit bull’s cues, and what ensues is a comical, revolting, bloody face bashing free-for all, where older generation Hollywood (and America) gets it’s bloody retribution for the loss of Sharon Tate.

Movies lie, and we let them lie to us. That’s part of the dance –we suspend judgement and slip away into their world, a world unlike ours. This can be a kind of salve for a psychic and cultural wound that has existed in America since the Manson murders. Sharon was gone, brutally taken from us, but Manson and his tribe lived on, and in many ways prospered in terms of cultural notoriety. A small empire of images and references was built on the strange icon of Charlie Manson; a dirty misfit that somehow wielded the charismatic power of a cult leader. (As an aside, an excellent book, The Girls written by Emma Cline (2017), also tells the Manson murder story, only this time from the vantage point of one of the girls.) Rock bands, t-shirts, books, movies- and the myth of Charles Manson grew, complete with the swastika carved in the center of his forehead like some kind of lunatic third eye.

The counter-cultural bloodbath that ensues may not go over well with some people. Some are going to see a handful of young girls get their faces smashed in by brutish male stereotypes, but that’s not the whole picture, that’s just part of it. What I saw was a kind of violence against history itself. A cathartic lashing out at the way it all worked out. Strangely, Manson is not murdered, only those sent to do the killings were. Odd, while Tarantino is taking liberties with history and folk lore, I’m not sure why Tarantino didn’t include Manson in this retribution, but he was spared and only appears briefly in the film. Not a bad thing in my opinion, we’ve seen enough of Manson already.

I left the theater with some questions. Mainly, how this movie is strangely appropriate for us at this point in American history. We are divided politically and emotionally in much the same way as we were during the late sixties. Our propensity to harm and damage others is played out every day through mass media and the internet. We are still trying to get up to speed with how blind, gruesome, and hateful we can be to one another, and we see these sickening tendencies magnifying, and accelerating. Tarantino’s Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, lets us blow off a little collective steam. If gratuitous violence, revenge and beauty were to ever come together to act as a needed cultural tonic, this is it. I’m very doubtful Taratino went into this film with these intentions, and I’ve not researched it to find out. I went to the film to see the film. What I walked away with was an uneasy sense of relief, and some mixed emotions. Yes, perhaps it would have been better if history had turned as it did in the film. It would have been an easy fix of good guy kills bad guy and girls. I wish the shining beauty of Sharon Tate had been spared, it would have been a sparkling, golden, apparition of 1960’s optimism that could have prevailed over our collective cultural memory, but it didn’t really happen that way. Tarantino’s cranial smashing rampage soothes this loss only momentarily, and we are left with the sad reality of how things actually transpired.

This is exactly the point of personal conflict for Dalton and Cliff. But for the duration of this film, we get to see the nostalgia and the swagger of old Hollywood stardom come to our rescue. We can escape into the Hollywood Hills, wade into crystal clear swimming pools and drink the night away. Never mind the creep lurking in the bushes with a knife…not when you have a flame thrower.

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#quentin tarantino #rick dalton #cliff booth #sharon tate #Once Upon a Time in Hollywood

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sardonicnihilism · 3 years

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A Biography of the Woman Who Never Was

Part 3 The Young Adult

Chapter 25

Mary sat in her chair, staring blankly into space, paralyzed with fear for her daughter. Shannon was out there, crazy, a danger to anyone around her. How, where did she go so wrong? She thought about Kathy. She was a selfish, angry, drunk; this, on the other hand, was something completely different.

The sound of the doorknob turning, snapped her out of her trance. She looked over and saw Shannon walk in. She was bent, her shoulders drooped, her head hung low. Mary looked at her hands and saw they were covered in blood.

"Oh God," Mary gasped in horror; her mind filling with all kinds of images of what her daughter might have done.

"Don't worry," Shannon said in a low, tired voice without lifting her head to look over, "it's my own. I was punching the ground. I don't think I broke anything, but one never knows for sure." Her voice was completely lifeless, almost monotone.

She reached into her coat and pulled out a dirty, broken dagger. She tossed it on the floor as she walked to the couch and sat down. "I won't be needing that anymore. Do with it what you will."

"Shannon, did you, did you," Mary started to ask if she had hurt anyone, not really wanting to know the answer. Shannon cut her off before she could finish.

"I almost killed a homeless man," she said flatly. "At least I think he was homeless. He said he was, but he could have been lying. Or he could have been a figment of my imagination. I don't really know what's real anymore. This might be real, or maybe I'm still up on the train tracks? Maybe I'm dead? I did almost drown when I was in middle school. Maybe I did die and this is Hell? I wonder if it would be even possible to tell the difference." Shannon looked down at the floor the whole time, her voice, constantly flat and unemotional.

"I hear voices. I hear them all the time. It's not like they're telling me to do stuff, more like infinite conversations with each other, and I'm just ease dropping. I see things too. Shadows, dark shapes, spectral, human like things; always just out of full view.

"I thought I was a Holy warrior. Like one of the chosen. That in the end times, God would give me my secret, true name. I would say it and become a white wolf with golden armor and fight the forces of Satan. That's why I started carrying that," she pointed to the dagger, "so I would be ready no matter what time of day I received the call."

Mary was shaking, her face a cadaverous white. Her daughter had gone crazy. She had literally lost her mind. What was she going to do? She couldn't afford to have her committed to an asylum. Maybe she could turn to the church? Maybe she was actually possessed? Did their church even perform exorcisms? Now she sounded as crazy as her daughter.

"I'm not on drugs, if that's what you're thinking. I mean I did drink a strange, red liquid at - what do you call a gathering of witches? I don't know. A ritual? Anyway, I traveled into the Abyss, birthed an infinite number of demons who became universes, and my remains were eaten by an entity I thought was Azathoth. That might have been a narcotic. But I don't use drugs on a regular basis." Shannon's voice still refused to show any emotion.

Mary went to reach for her daughter but pulled back. This was beyond anything she could even hope to deal with.

Shannon stood up and took her trench coat off. "I'm going to bed now. Maybe I'll wake up tomorrow, maybe not. We'll see." She turned and walked up the stairs, leaving Mary alone to cry her eyes out.

********************************************

The next day, nothing was said about what happened. Like all the other family's traumas, it got swepted under the proverbial rug. Poor people can't afford to fix their problems, they can only patch them up and hope for the best.

Shannon continued to see and hear things, but on an ever decreasing level. She pulled away from just about everything and one. She dropped out of all her clubs and extracurricular activities. She stopped visiting family as well. Her life shrank to her studies, work, gym, and band.

For a while, Shannon got extremely sick. She thought maybe Jen had put a curse on her. She went to her spell books and casted a few protection and revenge spells, but it all felt empty. The spark was gone. Eventually she burned most of magic books, but even that felt more performative than cathartic.

She would often feel herself sinking in bouts of extreme depression and loneliness. She thought about dating but decided against it. Sure, college was filled to overflowing with girls desperate to get their lesbian on. Some were gay or bi; some were just curious straight girls sick of putting up with male bullshit. But she didn't have the time (she told herself). Also she had gotten the reputation as being the weird girl, and not in the funny, cute way, but the "she'll eat your face off and bury you in the basement" way. She didn't mind that too much. Sure, it killed her social life, but it kept the guys away, so six of one, half a dozen of the other.

One night, she was in the campus library, doing a research paper when she heard a voice that she was relatively sure wasn't inside her head. "Ah mate, did you see the latest episode of the X-Files? Bloody brilliant that is. I don't see how Chris Carter can keep the show so good." It was a male voice speaking with an Australian accent.

*What is an Australian doing in bum fuck Shippensburg?* she thought to herself. The idea that someone from Australia would come here seemed more unbelievable than magic and witches. That, and along with the fact he was talking about one of her favorite shows, made her decide to get up and see who the owner of the voice really was.

She slowly crept to where the voice was coming from. The owner was a tall boy, about six feet tall, short hair, the same color as hers, a long, oval face with green eyes that looked half a size too big for the face they were in. Not conventionally attractive by any stretch of the imagination, but the sum total still gave off a pleasant, quirky attractiveness. If she were straight, she might even have found him cute. He moved his hands a lot when he talked with a grace that suggested he either was or had been a dancer.

The boy he was talking to was short with long, dark brown hair, tied in a ponytail. He had a patchy beard that was standard for most college boys. He wore a tydyed shirt and light tan cargo shorts with flip flops. His hands were in his pocket and he looked completely bored with the conversation.

"Hey, no need to perve on us," Shannon heard the Australian say to her. "Come on over and say hey."

*Shit* Shannon thought to herself. She considered just turning tail and run, but decided that she did kind of owe it to them to say hi.

She walked over and extended her hand. "Sorry, I heard you mention The X-Files, and I love that show. I'm Shannon, by the way."

"No worries mate. Samuel's the name. Everyone calls me Sam for short." He shook her hand and made an exaggerated pain face. "That's quite a grip you got on ya there. You sure you're not a Shawn instead of a Shannon?"

Shannon gave him an annoyed look. "My menstrual cramps seem to think so," she said, irritated. "And if you ask me to prove it, I'm going to rip your brain out through your eyes."

Sam gave a big laugh. "No, no problem there. Just having a bit of a go at you. Just me personality. I like to have a bit of fun."

Shannon cocked her head and did something she hadn't done in a long time, she smiled.

#dark #fiction #drama #queer stories #slice of life

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dontcallmecarrie · 7 years

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Fic Idea: The Fix-it Version [I Probably Won't Be Writing Because I Can't Do Romance To Save My Life]

Warnings: mental health issues, dubious morality, probably OOC in some places, extreme/severe Wanda bashing [which culminates in character death; if that’s not your cup of tea, sorry, maybe next time?], a JARVIS that’s uncomfortably close to Skynet, and a mindtrip of epic proportions [that can probably be classified as cruel and unusual torture, Inception-style]. Semi-canon compliant, through a certain point of view, though with shameless timeline fudging.

...On the plus side, there’s also Science Bros [kinda], and Team As Family feels?

[The attempt at romance in here could fit with probably any pairing, I just picked this one because I used to ship it a lot harder in the past.]

Also, heads up for a very, very long post. [Sorry about that.]

Edited only to put in a cut, because I’m not kidding as to how long this is.

Tony Stark was a genius.

It was a fact of which there was no doubt, he had the test results from age three to prove it, even his greatest critics were forced acknowledge his intellect. Not to mention his impressive track record involving new patents and elements, or that one of the media's names for him was "the Da Vinci of our day"-- he was a genius, full stop.

That the world somehow forgot was another matter.

Sure, he was surrounded by superpowered people—gods and spies and doctors with breathtaking anger issues— but it still got old, the way everyone seemed to forget his multiple doctorates with each explosion. His laundry list of awards, hell, the new element he’d created, seemed to get overshadowed by the people he ran with. [To be fair, it'd be kind of hard to see past the Crown Prince of Asgard, but still.]

Point is, his brain's wired differently. It may sound arrogant, but it was true. Tony Stark had a gift that let him interact with the world on a level far beyond most mortals' ken, was able to take and assimilate data and work miracles.

Reason this all comes up is because a) that meant mental health issues were a special sort of hell, and, b) Wanda really didn't know what the fuck she was doing when she tried to screw with his mind.

What I’m getting to is this:

Tony never really snapped out of the initial mind-whammy Wanda hit him with, back in Sokovia.

It wasn't something she'd expected; she'd practiced with plenty of people, and yet the one guy she'd sworn revenge against for years gave a single panicked gasp, before slumping over and promptly going comatose.

Here's the thing: Wanda hadn't accounted for how his mind would accept the data presented. Like all other things, Tony's gift for rapidly processing and assimilating other input took this newest development, and proceeded to take it and run with it.

Tony's trapped in his head, stuck with only his inner demons and Wanda's malice. He doesn't notice; between his PTSD, and the way his greatest strengths are now being used against him, Tony only knows he's being confronted with his worst nightmares being turned reality, and the worst part is? It's a prison of his own making.

Every single subconscious fear is being dragged to the forefront, from betrayal to his own inadequacy at protecting those he loves. He's being torn down again and again by strangers wearing familiar faces, and Tony knows something's off but he can't quite pinpoint what and… and it's getting to the point where part of him's so bone-tired he sometimes can't help but wonder: would death would really be that much harder? Because as time goes by, he's getting so, so worn and he's so alone, that he's nearing his breaking point. [Just like Wanda had wanted him, in that moment when she'd thoughtlessly toyed with the very fragile and very powerful thing that was Tony's mind.]

There's just one problem: Wanda did her job too well.

See, JARVIS was the first to notice something was so, fundamentally wrong: Sir's readings had flickered erratically, but then after the female Enhanced had taken her leave, he had remained unresponsive to his increasingly desperate attempts to get his attention. Even as he notified the Avengers to this newest development, however, he set to scouring the world for the Dead Person Walking who'd dared to harm Sir. [He'd eviscerate them, would make them bleed and burn the world with a smile if it meant Sir's safety, Sir, please, wake up—]

The Avengers aren't ones to take this lying down, either.

Clint's especially vicious, at first; he's the first one to reach Tony, sees the fading traces of red in his eyes, remembers when his world had become awash with blue, and his hands don’t shake when he takes a shot at the fleeing duo [even though he so, desperately wants to]. The cry of pain he hears is vaguely cathartic, but vanishes the moment he hears Tony's first whimper and something is Not Right, this is beyond his pay grade, he needs backup stat!

Natasha's expression is blank, and that was everyone's first tip as to how furious she was. She hasn't let go of her phone, between keeping her friends updated [Pepper had cried when she'd heard Tony wouldn't wake], and scouring her contacts list for anyone who might have a shred of a clue as to how to help. She refused to give up on her friends, and Tony'd shared his coffee with her more than once at three in the morning, and they'd commiserated about tough choices and bloody pasts and second chances one too many times for her to consider him anything but.

Bruce is taking readings. He hasn't stopped, because the alternative is looking at the too-still and far-too-silent figure on the bed rather than the data, and if he does that… they'd have to deal with the Other Guy, who has some Strong Opinions as to his favorite person's current state— no, make that their favorite person: Bruce is very reserved, can't afford to be anything else, but somehow, despite everything, Tony'd managed to wriggle past his defenses with his constant chatter and Star Trek references and snacks and if he thought about it too much he'd have another Code Green, nope, focus on those brainwave patterns and see what he could do—

Thor had rushed to Asgard with the Scepter in tow, intent on returning with assistance, because Midgard was still so young in so many ways but he knew what branch of magic Lord Anthony had been a victim of, had heard Loki mention it offhandedly once or twice in their youth when showing off the power of enchantments, and there had to be a healer or magician willing to help—

Steve, meanwhile, has been taking it the worst: he'd been bantering with the team not five minutes before, and now he's seeing Clint, sharp and brittle in a way that was dangerously similar to the New York fiasco, and snarling about magic and oh god that was Tony.

Steve's heart had stuttered when he saw his body, and Natasha's bumping shoulders with Clint in an effort to help calm him down and Bruce looks like he's about as controlled as ever, but Steve's just. Drowning.

Because he's lost another friend, now; he'd just started to heal from Bucky's death, when the HYDRA reveal happened, and Tony'd been there for him afterwards, had been a good friend and helped him and Sam in their search. Tony'd been one of the last reminders of his past, had been a walking memorial of the generosity of an old friend [for all that Tony had hated to talk about his father, he was the spitting image of the man Steve had known, in some ways], and now? He's just…lost.

Steve had been talking to Natasha and JARVIS as to how to break it to Tony gently about his growing suspicions about HYDRA's involvement in Howard's death.

[maybe it wasn't the Winter Soldier who did it, in this reality; maybe it was someone at the party who'd kept smiling and upping the alcohol content in Howard's drinks, and had sabotaged the brake fluid in his car instead. Thing is, Tony's head is a scary place, and with his growing paranoia and Wanda's influence, he can't help but jump to the worst-case scenario]

And ditto as to his possible crush that Natasha may or may not have been teasing him about for months. The crush that had merited multiple pitying looks from the team, because apparently he'd been very unsubtle in his attempts at hiding it, even if Tony had never noticed because the man was surprisingly obtuse in anything that vaguely smacked of emotions. Yeah, that crush. The one he'd put on the backburner, and was now bitterly regretting it.

So, yes, Steve wasn't doing well.

Time passes, and Thor comes and goes in his forays to seek out help. In doing so, however, the Avengers are only freaking out more and more, because with every hour that passes, Tony's condition only gets worse. His body's visibly getting more stressed, Bruce's tests have him hitting the tea more than ever before in an attempt to get a grip, and Steve hates seeing Tony like this but can't bear to leave [or let go of his hand].

JARVIS was especially distressed when, a few hours into his not-coma, Sir started to cry and call for him, and he'd never felt more helpless than when his sobs tapered off and mutters of a 'Vision' started. In his frustration, he dedicates more firepower towards finding the Dead Person Walking, and redoubles his search for anyone capable of doing anything.

It takes JARVIS less than three days, for him to find Wanda. It takes even less time, to capture her. Natasha is more than happy to aid him in interrogating her, and if the realization that she didn't know what she had done resulted in yet another corpse in a now-abandoned HYDRA bunker? Well...the instigator's death had no effect on Sir's condition meant it was no loss, at any rate. [That she'd shown absolutely no regret about having hurt Sir on such a fundamental level was only part of why JARVIS hadn't been particularly concerned about it all.]

More time passes, and the Avengers are growing increasingly desperate. Bruce had been forced to abscond to the Hulk-proof room after his latest set of readings, because Tony'd been showing all the warning signs for an impending heart attack despite their best efforts to help, and Steve's now going for a new streak in 'number of punching bags broken in an hour'.

Clint and Natasha are only marginally better off; having the knowledge that the witch was dead did something for Clint's peace of mind, but seeing Tony suffer was still grating on his nerves, and their spars grow increasingly vicious as time goes on. [If Steve wasn't even worse off, he'd have been staring in shock; as it was, he could only offer a tired smile when he saw them from his spot in the gym.]

Then, Thor returns with a name: Kamar-Taj.

Apparently, the Earth had magic as well, though it'd been hidden remarkably well. JARVIS takes this newest development, and runs with it as far as possible. The Quinjet was in India within the hour, with Bruce and Natasha calmly making their way to where JARVIS had identified a possible location. Clint's busily guarding Tony and keeping an eye on Steve, who'd wanted to go but was self-aware enough to know he wasn't the best guy for the job at the moment, and Thor was too conspicuous for it too.

Bruce knew enough Hindi to get by without too many weird looks, and the look in Natasha's eyes is enough to keep any potential muggers at bay. They find it quickly, and the wary questions they're asked means they're ushered to a darkened room in short order. Another terse few minutes of conversation finally have the Ancient One, alongside her right-hand man, walking back with the duo. [Bruce has to quell his knee-jerk reaction to run when he feels how everyone's attention when he mentions Thor's mention of 'mind magics' and something about stones? Man, he hated magic.]

A quick portal [that had the Avengers shifting and tensing uneasily when it'd opened, because hello security concerns] trip later, and Steve is a hairsbreadth away from snapping when the Ancient One surges backwards from where she'd run a few cursory hands near Tony's head.

"Who did this?" She asked, devastated fury evident in her tone and the way her companion moved to protect her. "This is an unspeakable act, punishable by death."

"They're dead." Clint replied, cold smile on his face and rolling an arrow [one of Tony's designs, one he'd been fiddling with before Sokovia] between his fingers.

"Good," the Ancient One bites out, "this is a travesty. It's mentioned in our archives, but only strong magicians with years of training even dare approach this, and only ever for healing purposes."

"Is there anything you can do?" Thor asked, "Few mages in Asgard specialize in this branch, and among that number the ones I knew who were capable of it are dead."

She looks at them, at the desperate look in their eyes, at the weariness in Bruce's face and the tension in Steve's frame and utter blankness in Natasha's expression, and smiles.

"Yes. It requires a lot of delicacy and preparation, especially for something that's lasted as long as this, but yes. Your friend is strong; it's been centuries since a human's been recorded with being under this, and they all died within three days."

Steve dented his chair when he sat back down, while Natasha merely tilted her head and replied, "It's been a week."

That added to the urgency, apparently: the Ancient One shared a look of horrified awe with Mordo, and set to work making their various preparations. Within the hour, they were ready, and when she asked if they would permit some of Kamar-Taj's students to observe the enchantment necessary for it, the team had a hurried, hushed debate.

"Please use your discretion. Only those who would not impede the process, I suppose." Natasha finally said, electing to be the Avenger's spokesperson [now that Tony was out of commission nope don't think about it—].

Steve didn't leave Tony's side until a few minutes before the ritual started; and then, he couldn't look away from the growing circle and only blinked when the light got too close to blinding even for him, and when he heard a quietly heartbroken "so was I" and a scream Thor had to help hold him down to keep from interfering.

Clint, meanwhile, shifted the entire time, antsy about magic and couldn't help but envy Bruce for stepping outside [the Other Guy was even less of a fan of magic than he was, and that took effort], and trying not to stare too openly at one of the students who'd elected to watch the ceremony. It was kind of hard, actually; he'd introduced himself as Dr. Stephen Strange, but in the minutes that it'd taken for Mordo to finish setting up the room, Clint couldn't help but notice the way the man hadn't stopped with the questions [much like Tony had with Thor nope nope he'd wake up dammit—] and it was uncanny, especially with the Van Dyke the man was sporting.

The ceremony's completed, and Tony's heart stopped partway through.

Fortunately, apparently Strange had actually been a medical doctor in the past, and between him, Bruce, and the Iron Man suit JARVIS had commandeered to help in this endeavor, restarting it was less stressful than the past few hours had been.

"He should wake soon," the Ancient One told them, "make sure he takes it easy while he recovers, it's not often that people survive a death-curse."

The Avengers in general thanked her profusely, and JARVIS did the same. Then, at long last, they went home.

Tony wakes up to JARVIS' voice updating him about New York's weather forecast and stock prices and his relief of his latest change in status, with the familiar beeping of a heart monitor in the background. [Well, now familiar, at least, between Rhodey and Happy and nope—]

"Hey, Vision, where you at?"

"Sir, who is this 'Vision' you speak of? It is currently May—"

Tony sat up abruptly, heart starting to hammer again as he took in his surroundings. "Vision, where am I? This isn't funny."

"Sir, I am JARVIS. Do you require medical assistance?"

Tony froze from where he'd been running a hand through his hair. "JARVIS?" He breathed, and then looked around again carefully, "Oh, god. I lost it, didn't I?"

JARVIS was alarmed when Sir started laughing, and then his breath hitched and he started crying.

As such, it was perfectly understandable that he urged the Avengers to hurry; Mr. Barton and Ms. Romanov had been sparring in the gym while Capt. Rogers had been coming back from lunch, and Thor was currently in the middle of yet another Q&A session with the Ancient One concerning possible extraplanetary threats and magic.

Tony was barely getting his bearings back, and wondering what the hell was going on, when the door burst open, and what the fuck?!

He couldn't quite hide a flinch when Steve surged towards him, relief evident on his face, and…what.

Why was he being hugged? Was this another attempt to kill him, wasn't Siberia enough? What the— why was Natasha smiling? No, strike that; why was Clint smiling? Bruce was here?! And why was he hearing JARVIS' voice from the walls and not from Vision, again?

"Oh, god. I've really lost it this time, haven't I?"

The story comes out, of course.

Tony doesn’t know why Steve refuses to let him go if at all possible, but the part of him that hopes this isn't just some nervous breakdown isn't shy about enjoying the hugs [even if they got almost too tight in some parts, like when his voice broke when talking about Ultron, or the Civil War and it was all his fault—] and the way the team didn't seem to hate him [for once].

Actually…Tony isn't sure if he's really lost it, but he's also not sure if he wants to find out. Because here, JARVIS lives, and Rhodey can walk, and people actually listen to him about his worries and actually seem to care—

Clint and Natasha share a Look, the more Tony goes on. [Clearly, they'd been too merciful, when dealing with Wanda.]

Bruce greeted Tony with a smile, and then gave him some personal space: he knew him well enough to know it'd be appreciated, and what with the way the rest of the team was acting, Tony'd be lucky if he so much as went to the bathroom without an armed escort for the rest of the year.

Thor, when he arrives, tries to wrap Tony up in a hug—which makes for a dicey situation, because Steve refuses to let him go and Natasha and Clint are also a lot more likely to try to cuddle right now after the scare they all had. There may or may not be a small battle royale going on in the living room for the best spot on the couch, whenever Tony so much as gets up for a glass of water.

[aka Tony gets all the hugs]

Steve, meanwhile, is just as bad as JARVIS regarding his willingness to let Tony out of his eyesight. That is to say, he's very unwilling to do so. As in, barely willing to let him out of arms' distance, and that'd been before he'd heard about Tony's ordeal. [He hadn’t noticed Tony's flinch at first, but it's not until he heard about the 'Civil War', and Siberia that it hits home, just why he'd reacted that way, and it hurts.]

JARVIS has been in Sentry Mode since Sokovia. He has yet to let Sir out of his sensors' range, and the odds of that ever happening lower with each day that passes. Not that Sir's complaining; more than once, he'd simply called, "JARVIS?" just to hear a response, and seemed to take comfort in his updates about the situation.

Colonel James 'Rhodey' Rhodes had been in the middle of a mission, when JARVIS informed him of Tony's coma. If it hadn't been so sensitive, he would've up and vanished, but as it was he was the only thing between a warlord and a poor province until backup arrived, and though he burned to leave ASAP, he couldn't. [Tony'd never forgive him.]

The moment the op was over, though, and the people were safe, James pushed his suit to the limit to get to Tony's side, where his best friend was awake and coherent and rushing in for a tight hug just like he'd been after Afghanistan. He knows exactly why Rogers refuses to let go of Tony [even if it's for starkly different reasons; the man was not subtle at all, and if he hadn't known Tony for years, James'd wonder if he was being purposefully obtuse, because this was getting ridiculous].

He stays for as long as he can manage, and the way Tony just collapsed into his side each time means he's sharing increasingly concerned looks with the Avengers, because he's known Tony to be rather stoic about some things [ha—understatement of the year], and yet the friend he's known for decades teared up the moment he strode into the room, and what the hell happened to him?!

But no matter; he'll be there for Tony. Just like always.

Pepper's much the same way, having been dealing with investors in Japan, and able only to arrive after all had been said and done [though she'd noticed the haunted look in Tony's eyes, and made a note to talk with James and JARVIS about what actions needed to be taken to remedy this]. She wraps him up in a hug when she first sees him, and the way he'd only slowly relaxed was enough of a warning in and of itself, to her.

She's got a business meeting coming up, but in the meantime she and Tony curl up and watch old French movies with the lights off, and sharing blankets and granola without a care for crumbs. [She smiles when he finally loses that last edge of tension, when he slumps bonelessly against her and the couch, and doesn’t make a comment about the blinking earpiece he’s got, the one JARVIS likes to use whenever Tony’s out and about and needing a discreet way to stay connected. Tony was strong, he’d pull through. And she’d help him, whenever he asked it of her, as per usual.]

Time passes, and Tony heals.

He stops flinching at everyone’s sudden movements, stops startling whenever he hears JARVIS, gradually starts opening up again and lowering his guard, inch by inch. Slowly starts to up his chatter again, and the team’s never been more relieved than when the familiar strains of AC/DC start to filter through again, after months of silence [because Tony only ever played music when he was comfortable, when he felt safe and happy and secure with his place in the world].

Time passes, and everyone gradually moves on, though JARVIS' Sentry Mode is still a constant shadow to Tony and the Avengers' paranoia regarding magic never really goes away, not until months after Stephen Strange becomes a consultant and they see him and Tony bantering about facial hair and Arthur C. Clarke and doctorates.

Time passes, and when Thanos arrives, it's to an Earth with a set of guardians all as fiercely protective of each other as a pack of wolves, a tight-knit and cohesive unit devastating both on the battlefield and off of it.

[Suffice it is to say, Thanos doesn’t walk away from that particular encounter.]

There’s more going on in the background, of course. Exhibit A being the romance subplot [that could apply to just about any pairing in this scenario], and I’ve really skimmed just how long it takes for Tony to heal from experiencing canon events.

Steven Strange’s part got shifted up in the timeline, and the Ancient One doesn’t die; instead, he ends up being a consultant for the Avengers, but his focus is on keeping the New York Sanctum safe. [Mordo, Wong, and James Rhodes just share a Look, the moment they first see Tony Stark and Stephen Strange in the same room. It may or may not have been one of horrified awe, of ‘oh god there’s two of them’, minutes before the first explosion started.]

...FYI, this JARVIS is basically TWiFFON’s JARVIS, and just my approach to him in general. That is to say, his focus on Tony’s safety and happiness is one of [if not the] biggest motivation for his actions, and a morality a lot more nebulous than most would probably be comfortable with, given he’s basically Skynet as is.

#fic idea #fic ideas #orignal outline #The Romance Fic I Probably Won't Be Writing #canon went screwy years back here's my attempt to fix it #long post #sorry about that

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lordoftimeandspace · 7 years

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Missy/Master and the Doctor - The whole bloody mess

(spoilers for season 10 finale)

Many people have argued quite differently about the Master, Missy and the Doctor and their motives and relationships. I have discussed it with a tumblr user in two threads (x and x) so for convenience, I collected the arguments here in one thread because I do have a few things to add.

The Master is an awful person, to the point of almost being a one-dimensional caricature of evil.

This is your conclusion so let me start here. The Master, in all the years he has appeared on Doctor Who is a lot of things but never one-dimensional. I'm not sure how familiar you are with his background so let me fill you in quickly. Mind you, I will of course only canon:

1. During their childhood the Doctor and the Master were bullied by a boy named Torvic. To save his friend's life the Doctor had to eventually kill that boy. Later a personification of death asked the Doctor to be her champion. He refuses and suggests she takes the Master instead as her disciple. She agrees and the Doctor forgets about the whole encounter. In canon it is the Doctor who becomes a killer first and then conveniently escapes responsibility for it by making the Master bear the consequences.

2. At the age of eight the drums were implanted into the Master's head and always seen as a sign of madness. The drums worsened over time. It was only when the Master forced the Doctor to actually listen to them, that the Doctor believed. So we have a little boy thinking he is not worthy being a Timelord (because why else would he “turn mad” when he looked?) and not even his very best friend even so much as entertains the idea that it could be something else.

3. Koschei (as the Master preferred to be called for a while) was on an academic research mission when the Doctor was expelled from the academy, forcing him into a conflict of loyalty. Again, it is the Doctor who is kicked out first. The Master follows on his own accord because after all they made a pact to see all the stars together.

4. Koschei was obsessed with order to the point that the Timelords planted a spy to monitor him. That spy, a Timelady posing as a human, became his companion. When he eventually found out about her true identity he lost a good part of the ability to trust anyone. Isn't it beautiful that the Master wanted companions, too? Companions, not servants, not “disposables”. And is it really so wrong that he would despise the Doctor's companions and insist that they themselves are the only real companions for each other?

5. Later the Doctor made a deal with Death to grant the Master ten years of peace and sanity. At the end of those years the Doctor was supposed to kill him. During those ten years the Master forgot about his true identity, took the name of John Smith, became a doctor and even had a stable relationship. If this is the Doctor's attempt to take responsibility, it really is rather poorly executed. He never asked the Master if he wanted that kind of “saving”. What are ten years in the life of a Timelord after all? Is the Doctor portrayed here as agreeing to a mercy killing? Possible. But completely without any consent from the Master. Also, isn't it ironic that of all things the Master, free from the drums and his past, chooses to be a doctor? That “good” is obviously in him.

6. The Master met Sato Katsura, a samurai who was accidentally made immortal as a result of his involvement with the Doctor. It had left him so bitter, he began to follow the Master. This is probably the most obvious moment of the Master picking up after the Doctor. The Doctor has always liked to use people however he sees fit, often not caring much about the consequences. An example from New Who would be the 12th Doctor making Ashildr use a device that kills her instead of trying a little harder to eliminate that possibility.

7. The Master was continually used by the Timelords and other entities to fight for them. He was deliberately turned into a weapon. The latest example of that is his resurrection to fight in the Time War but what he saw scared him so much that he turned himself into Professor YANA and ran away to the end of the universe. The Doctor however stayed and fought. Sometimes I wonder if this is cowardly running away as opposed to courageously doing what is right. Sometimes I wonder if the Doctor's tolerance for bloodshed, war and violence is higher than the Master's.

8. At some point he posed as the Doctor and began to work for UNIT were he helped them to fight off several alien attacks on Earth. Does it really matter that he posed as the Doctor? Does doing good only count when it is done in the “right” way?

There are many more examples but these should make it very clear that the Master is anything but one-dimensionally evil.

Let's look at some of your arguments about Simm!Master's character:

He told Ten to “get out of the way” because Rassilon was right there, in front of him - the one responsible for his ‘condition’. The intended catharsis of that scene was about the Master getting revenge on Rassilon. (…) It was something that happened in the moment and the status quo of his existence was restored by the Time Lords. (…) People don’t just change in a moment.

So even although the Master had tried to kill the Doctor before time and time again he doesn't do it when he can because shooting at the Doctor first and then at Rassilion is somehow not cathartic enough? Killing them both, the two people he considers responsible for all that went wrong in his life, wouldn't be the ultimate revenge? No, the Doctor spared him and so the Master spares him in return because in that moment the Master understands that his friend still loves him, that there is still hope for a future for them together, seeing the stars. Maybe it is not the huge change in character some people want to see. But it is a redeeming quality. The Master doing “what is right”. All by himself.

Likewise, time has passed since then. The Master went back through the gate with Rassilon to Gallifrey, the Time Lords made a mutual bargain to remove the drums from his head and fix his botched regeneration (…) He just continued with his old ways because that’s what the Time Lords enabled him to do, it was convenient for them to do that in order to get rid of him.

Sometimes I wonder what the other end of that bargain was. What did the Timelords do to him, or make him do for them to remove the drums? After all, they have used him all his life. Why change so suddenly. I think it is very plausible that the Master ran away again and hid on that spaceship (a “mutual kicking out” can mean many many things). Also, despite everything he has done, the Timelords still keep him around. Later, Missy isn't executed as ordered by the Timelords. They still need the Master for whatever future war they need a monster for. I can't even imagine what that does to a man. Going back to his “old ways” after once more being confirmed by the Timelords that that is all he is and all he can do is really not that surprising. After all, if they fixed the drums they could have fixed so much more. They could have helped him. Truly helped. With all their knowledge and wisdom. Instead they try to keep him as a convenient weapon.

The premise of the argument “the Master is not self-destructive” kinda falls apart because he literally chose to die at the end of The Last of the Time Lords instead of being at the Doctor’s side. The last two of their kind and he chose to die, not knowing that his ring would be picked up by Miss Trefusis and he’d later return.

Two things: 1. He chooses to die because the idea that the Doctor would imprison him and just “keep him” was so incredibly appalling to him that he couldn't bear it. It's not just for his own good or the good of the universe. The Doctor sees the Master as his responsibility, his burden. Considering that the Doctor played a considerable role in the Master becoming the Master, that is incredibly arrogant and self-righteous. 2. The Master has “died” so many times before seemingly without the ability to to come back. His mind has been in other people and objects before. Even if he wasn't entirely sure about the ring, he must have known (and said so to the Doctor before) that he is pretty much indestructible.

He sees Missy as such a fundamental violation of who he is with regards to her perspective on the Doctor that he chooses to kill his future self. That is who he is in extremis.

Exactly. He simply cannot agree with the fact the Missy has been changed so much that she would forget who she is and how she came to be. He hates that she basically turned into one of the Doctor's fangirls. He can't understand why she would regress so much in her development that she is barely more than the child they used to be, looking up at the Doctor hoping for guidance. Let's remember here that yes, the Doctor saved their life as a child by killing someone. And he put the blame on the Master. The Master simply cannot allow Missy to forget that the Doctor is not morally pure and superior. He cannot allow that standing with the Doctor on the Doctor's terms leads to their death. He'd rather do it himself. If anything, this was a mercy killing, just like the Doctor agreed to do with the Master many years before. Considering that the Master has survived many of his “final deaths” we can be sure that they will return. When they do it will most likely not be pretty because right now, she thinks that the Doctor believes that she has betrayed him and that he lost his hope for her and does not come after her once more. She might also believe that he is dead and blame herself. The Master's next regeneration could be the most messed up yet.

And there really was nothing at all self-righteous, self-victimising, or egotistic about the Doctor’s speech. It was about self-sacrifice, out of kindness. (…) the message was simply to just be kind.

The Doctor tries continuously to sacrifice himself. The 9th legion, the cybermen, … It's a compulsion. Makes me wonder why? Is it because he is so incredibly good (then why does he never die, only regenerate, when he does? Why is his sacrifice never real?) or is it because he needs redemption and forgiveness just as much as the Master does? The Doctor is consumed by guilt and tries to get rid of it by offering himself up again and again. That is not without reward and therefore not entirely and purely good. There is always an agenda behind what the Doctor does, especially when it's self-sacrifice or kindness. He always goes to extremes to prove that he truly is “good” even although it is only his definition of “good” that counts here. Good is only good in extremis. Only in self-denial and self-sacrifice.

I mean… the Master is a sadistic murderer. (…) The Doctor didn’t “force” anything on her, and, to be honest, what you want when you’re somebody who commits the kind of atrocities that the Master does on a regular basis really doesn’t matter all that much. (…) Your “leave their names out” argument doesn’t really work because that’s just removing the context from the situation. The Doctor has always been a flawed hero, but the whole thing with Missy’s arc is really not an instance of that.

It is exactly here that the greatest flaw of your perception of both Doctor and Master becomes obvious. We are talking about fiction so for a moment let's talk about real life. Operation Neptune Spear as sanctioned by then-President of the USA Obama was a capture or kill mission directed at Osama bin Laden. US-offficals have also simply called it a kill mission. The mission was accomplished in May 2011 resulting in the death of Osama bin Laden. Criticized as a “revenge mission” by foreign governments and organizations like Amnesty International, this mission remains controversial until today. The reason is simply that a criminal, no matter how bad, does have rights, that human rights are non-negotiable, that the crimes of a person do not make them less human. At the same time, acting as if a criminal has lost his human rights because of (past or future) crimes is morally incredibly flawed and honestly, simply plain wrong. It's not hard to see the parallels to the Doctor and Missy here. It does matter if there was consent or not and if there continued to be consent because Missy is still a sentient being with rights and the Doctor (with Gallifrey being back) has no authority whatsoever to decide otherwise. By locking Missy up and isolating her the way he did he violated her. He of all people who always thinks he is morally superior. He messed up epically here. Leaving the names out returns them to what they both are: sentient beings with rights.

She said to the Doctor that she’d be good, asking him to teach her how to be, and consented to being imprisoned for rehabilitation. Whether that was what she actually wanted at the start or if she was saying that to get out of being executed, that was something she made good on. She says as much that she could have escaped the Vault if she’d wanted to, but she’s chosen to stay and engage in the process.

Again, it is highly questionable if it was continued consent, or even just consent born out of an honest desire to change and not just desperate words uttered to save her life. And yes, continued consent is a thing and it is necessary. Ask anybody who agreed to anything and then changed their mind mid-way through. It's one of the very obvious symptoms of rape culture to think that continued consent is not a thing. Besides, the difference in power between them was so huge by then that in order to keep at least some kind of dignity Missy would have probably said anything, including suggesting that she could have escaped the vault, something the Doctor clearly disagreed with.

It’s not just that Missy decided to stand with the Doctor… It’s that the reason WHY she decided to do that was because her whole perspective and understanding of him has changed. (…) she says to her former self “he’s right”. It’s not just about standing with her friend because she wants to, it’s that she actually has come to understand and empathise with his philosophy.

I stand by what I said in the first place. Isolating a prisoner and depriving them of stimuli is torture. And no, a few books and a piano are not enough to keep someone like the Master sane. Time and time again it was shown in studies and experiments that sentient beings, from monkey to human to most likely Timelord are social animals and lose their minds if isolated for too long. That alone, that isolation over decades must have worn her out so much that the Doctor could have planted any kind of philosophy into her head. He chose the only one he knew of course. Self-denial through self-sacrifice. Let's remember here that his self-sacrifice has always been fake. Doctors 10 and 11 regenerated after acts of self-sacrifice but it is just never real because he never dies. He always knows that he has a way out. Regeneration. And so his sacrifice doesn't mean all that much. He of course cannot see that and so he believes his way to be the “most good”, the only right way. And that is the way he tries to make Missy understand.

And she kills her former self, not just to get him out of the way, but to ensure, in that moment, that he will regenerate into her so everything will come back around to this moment - to make it happen. Without hope. Without witness. Without reward.

There is literally no reason to get the Master out of the way at this point. She doesn't know that he would shoot her should she try to go back to the Doctor. She could have literally shoved him into the elevator, sealed the door and send him back down. There was no reason whatsoever to kill him. Especially because she utters remorse about having lost herself, about not being how he is. She is not burning anymore and she knows it. Mind you, we do not know if she refers to her whole existence as Missy or just her time as the Doctor's prisoner. But even if she does kill him to ensure that she comes around to this point, isn't that a reward all in itself? Let's also not forget that the Master concludes from Missy not being able to remember her “birth” that he will regenerate in the very near future. He knew it and simply wasn't ready for it. Another reason why he wouldn't stand with the Doctor.

Conclusion:

1. The Master has never been one-dimensionally evil. If anything the Doctor and the Master are more ying and yang than black and white.

2. The Master and Missy never lost hope that they could be reunited with their childhood friend but they always wanted it to be a mutually benefiting reunion. A reunion that happened on both their terms. The Doctor continually insisting on it to be one-sided was too much for the Master.

3. The Doctor mistreated and violated Missy greatly and the Master could not accept that. And honestly, who would?

4. The Doctor doesn't understand that his so-called self-denial that does work quite well for him, just isn't the go-to-thing for everybody and so he screws Missy up and blows his reunion with the Master.

In the end Missy was right, she has always been on the Doctor's side. All her faces, all her regenerations. They were always his friend. He just always insisted that they be that on his terms and his terms alone.

#haruspis #doctor who spoilers #twissy #thoschei #masterfulxrhythm #heymissysofine #//help!

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honeyedmilks · 7 years

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a love to kill - the tumbly review

so here is the first of ???? kdrama reviews i’ll be doing on my blog! these are literally just my thoughts and in depth analysis on kdramas i’ve watched, and probably enjoyed! this is mostly just for myself to be honest.

to try my best to be tidy and not messy, i’ll be splitting things up in little sections in my review- because let’s face it there’s so much to talk about when you watch a kdrama.

i’ll be putting these under cuts because i ramble and i don’t want to wreck your dash with my long ass talking! may contain spoilers! but i’ll try be as vague as possible so i don’t ruin anything for those who might watch! but if you’ve seen this then you may just get what i’m talking about.

what i’ll be talking about today:

A Love To Kill (2005)

an introduction to the premise of this wild adventure, by me:

Kang Bokgu (played by idol star bi rain- think of full house here) is set on revenge; hours after being reunited with his estranged older brother, he watches his brother Kang Min Gu fall to his near end and after being admitted to hosptial, Bok Gu finds his brother to still be alive- but barely. Kang Min Gu is now in a vegetative state with nearly no hope of full recovery.

due to evidence Bokgu soon discovers… he believes it’s a woman’s fault his beloved brother fell off a fu***ng building. our mess of a hero Bokgu deduces that the woman who caused his brother so much pain is the famous actress, and his brother’s estranged lover, Cha Eun Sook (played by the lovely shin min ah).

from then on, bokgu vows to avenge his brother and unleash suffering upon this woman who broke his brother’s heart and just about killed him.

got me so far? fabulous! now let’s just add love and loyalty and annoying second lead chaebols, meddling families and lovers into this holy mess and we get… a love to kill.

a general statement and warning if you’re thinking of picking up this show:

this drama is a melodrama- made in 2005. there are things that are going to grate at someone. like you could play a drinking game counting how many times shin min ah falls to the ground or limps sadly. but she makes it work to be honest.

some people said it was a waste of time by the time they finished it. some said it made them cry and that they loved it. it’s up to you to make your mind about what you thought of this show. i went in with this thought: it’s going to be bad… but in a good way. and for me, it worked. don’t take this drama too seriously but go in knowing that you can still totally enjoy it for so many reasons, even though its a little bit of a mess.

i certainly enjoyed it, not totally ironically. there are character’s who make your eyes bug, some that have you swinging from some sympathy to dislike, and you have characters who just muddle with your heart and your brain as you try understand them.

just go in knowing that you can enjoy it with it’s flaws. it’s a melodrama but it’s also strangely grounded. you can take it seriously but still laugh at the same time. that’s how simply i can put it.

the production:

this drama is well shot. the camera shots leave your head spinning sometimes. it’s artistically done, close up shots pull you in and beautiful landscape shots make you feel things.

you feel distance and closeness and the cold and warmth in a scene. it’s like an indie movie.

i honestly love the watching this show unfold visually, especially at the start.

the soundtrack is emotive. it makes you feel things, even when you don’t know if you’re rooting for Bokgu and Eun Sook’s romance, or wither you feel sorry for Bokgu and the mess he’s made, you still feel so much.

i’m being serious, this show has got a powerful bopping soundtrack- i shed a few soul tears listening to it.

not only is the soundtrack something that makes you truly feel… the performances from our two leads, Shin Min Ah and Rain, are so well done that sometimes you want to cry with Eun Sook, and cry at how up and down Bokgu can be.

the supporting cast are okay, good enough to watch. except from the second lead chaebol who just… i hate him and i don’t know if casting a more charismatic actor would’ve helped his pathetic case but… well… his character still sucks ass. he looks like an anime character, but then again so does Bokgu.

the costumes are… interesting, and i like the use of them in the story. costume matters a lot.

Bokgu, when he’s not dressed in his faux bodyguard attire, looks like a bloody hobo. and the most powerful thing that had me convinced that Eun Sook really loved Bokgu for who he really was- not the hot and cold bodyguard in his black tie and white shirt- is the fact that she didn’t bat an eyelid at his hobo clothes when he was out of his stylish suit. truly powerful stuff. ah now this makes me want to talk about the romance so here we go.

the romance:

honestly i wanted to watch this for the love that CANNOT BE!!!! which is the love between Bokgu and Eun Sook- the woman he planned revenge on but also the same women his brother was head over heels in love with.

i wanted angst and love so powerful it wounded souls. and as i was watching, i kept watching out for the romance but instead… as it seems to be very common with me these days.. i didn’t feel a complete attachment with the relationship, especially within the first half of the show. but i guess that’s the point, as you’ll see when you reach the very end. instead i watched for the characters, i rooted for romances for the characters and finally could i see the otp in Bokgu and Eun Sook when every single misunderstanding about the other was cleared.

from the start you wonder; when did he fall for her? at the same time as hating her? when did he start to feel love? you wonder, is Bokgu really caring for her or is he not for violence against women, even if he wants to hurt that women emotionally? is this caring and love or is it a show of his character? WHAT DOES THIS CONFLICT MEAN? Bokgu if you hate her then why not let her die? why not let terrible things happen to her? (one of these terrible things that Bokgu prevented involved the suck ass chaebol and i refuse to learn his name)

Eun Sook, bless her i sympathised with her a lot and grew to love her so much, is easier to read. you see her fall for Bokgu and if you take a minute to look at him through her eyes, you see why she might fall for him. love is weird and often makes no sense. see, a lot of the time i was muttering to my screen about how she could do so much better than Bokgu, about how he’s a mess and how i don’t always understand what she sees in him. i didn’t know how she could love him when he’s… Bokgu. but instead i stuck with her and began to admire her for her capacity for love and her loyalty. she’s a good person. though at the start it might take you some time to warm up to her as she struggles through her various heartaches and nuisances, such as her family, a marriage announcement to a suck ass chaebol she never asked for and her heartache for Min Gu oppa. i grew to love her a lot. your view of her might be warped due to how we know Bokgu see’s her at the start, but it makes for such a fascinating watch. a lot of the time you’re saying to yourself that Eun Sook didn’t deserve any of this bullshit. at all.

and one of the things i realised at the end of the series is how loyalty plays such a huge part in the pull Bokgu and Eun Sook have for each other. both are so loyal? it’s part of their character’s and you see it so many different ways. and they see that in each other and value it, even if it causes hardships.

Bokgu can’t leave a girl who saved his life and got hurt in the process, out of his loyalty for her, despite not loving her. he loves his brother so much that he would go out of his way to avenge his pain and suffering- he can’t bear to see him suffer, knowing his brother is a good man and shouldn’t have to be living this horrible life. Bokgu can take any hits of his own- he wouldn’t care for himself but if someone’s hurts someone he cares for… you’re in trouble. he’s loyal to a fault.

Eun Sook is loyal and brave and committed in her own way. and it’s such an integral part of her character. because the heartache that comes from the betrayal she suffers at the hands of people she deeply loved and fought for despite what anyone else said about them, feels so palpable and it honestly hurts. you see it from the very start, when she defends Min Gu oppa against her family who pretend to forget him. she lists every single wonderful thing about him and won’t allow the person she loves be reduced to rubble. it’s something that get’s me right in the heart (one of my grievances with moon lovers was the fact that hae soo never defended wang so and loved him like the audience did and it was so frustrating). Eun Sook doesn’t take shit from people who try put those she loves below her. she didn’t care if she was a rich famous beautiful super star- she loved and loved and loved. without any prejudice. and she herself came from very humble beginnings (another powerful similarity between her and Bokgu).

where as Bokgu thinks that she and her family pushed Min Gu oppa away because of her social status etc it’s not like that at all. and it’s so cathartic watching every truth come to light by the middle of the drama. it’s so satisfying- because his love finally feels real because he now completely sees the Eun Sook we know and love. without the misunderstandings making things murky in the heart. the second half of the drama is when things get really sore in the heart at least for me. because as winter came, snow came and frost came, clearing and cleaning in it’s wake… and things where out in the open and it just felt… like the second phase of the drama. some people complained about the pacing- i never did- it felt perfect to me). you can finally breathe and nod and say, yes he loves her, he loves her a lot. and she still loves him.

loads of drama’s have holes in their relationships and the way things unfold- this isn’t one of them. every question eventually gets answered in the most organic way. you just have to keep watching- and it’s not hard. it’s an addictive watch. i said i would take breaks from it, might not even finish it, but i kept thinking about it… and there i was, back watching till the very end. and i’m so glad i did. there was no other option.

the characters:

you know Bokgu (i’ll give you some more on him soon) and Mingu and Eun Sook. and you kind of know suck ass chaebol. but let’s talk more about the side characters.

suck ass chaebol (and i had to google his name) Kim Joon Sung is literally the worst. i didn’t like him. I began to just close my brain every time i had to see him on screen. some might find him redeemable but i don’t. coercing the girl you like into marrying her without her will, when she’s said LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE, and nearly raping her when she was drunk and passed out (Bokgu saved her, as was mentioned above) is not redeemable to me. i don’t like him. but i guess he’s important to the plot.

Han Da-Jung is the girl that Bokgu can’t leave. she makes me really not like her but also kind of feel bad for her, episode after episode. i guess i would call her a grey character- she loves Bokgu, a lot. almost to the point of suffocation. but in the end… you understand her a little bit. she can be selfish and caring and brash and mean all at once. she’s done horrible things to hurt Eu Sook but in order to help Bokgu, but she was also quick to try be honest with her (another thing i’m glad about this drama is that it dealt with the lies and misunderstanding swiftly when it all started to spiral, and in a way that felt very good to get too). Da Jung can be unapologetic and sorry simultaneously. the women in this show can give my brain a bit of a stirring to be honest. even Eun Sook’s step mum, who she refers to simply as mum, can make you wonder if she’s all bad.

though if you’ve seen my posts as i was binge watching… the men in this show give me a real headache. here’s a list of things i’ve said out loud while watching this show:

right, Bokgu what the hell???!!

stop TALKING BOKGU

oh ffs why are you back. i hate your anime lookin’ ass. (that’s me talking about suck ass)

you’re an idiot, Bokgu

my love, Eun Sook doesn’t deserve any of this!!!

i hate men.

what the fuck??

is she ok?

gurl just dump his stupid ass

why y’all gotta do my gal like this?

oh my god stop talking

i need a fucking minute!!

i can’t believe you, Bokgu.

right okay so this is what we’re doing now

well i can’t say i feel sorry for him

i don’t understand a thing you do boi

dumbass.

also a lot of: wow mood.

Bokgu is seriously a mess of a man. i may complain about him a lot, but in the end i guess i understood him and there are redeeming qualities in him. he can be warm and safe and kind. but then you think of all the things he’s been doing and you just sigh and rub your temples and decide you need a cup of tea to soothe this headache. but rain’s acting… it’s kind of electric. it’s really interesting to watch him. his tears, his facial expressions, the tone of his voice, his actions, the emotions in his eyes, on his lips. i love when he cries. (this may or may not be because i’m very pro Bokgu PAIN™ for the hurt he caused my gal Eun Sook). there’ one scene before shit goes down, and it’s just… lovely torment from then on. it’s great!

the end:

i knew what the end was. i knew how it was gonna end. but by the time i got there… i was crying… my period might have something to do with that but we’ll never know. i thought the end was… fitting? it felt like there was almost no other way. i understand why things couldn’t have worked out the way we viewers would think it should.

thing is; humans feel a lot. like a real lot. and a lot of the time you can’t control it. and if you have enough empathy and understanding in the characters, you just get it.

plus there’s no point in thinking about in any other way- at least i don’t think so- it’s written in a way where it didn’t feel out of nowhere. it’s just part of the story. and it’s clear that the writers knew this was the way the wanted to end this, what they felt was right.

i have lots of thoughts on the last episode and how it felt. but i don’t want to spoil anything. so i’ll just say that though it hurt, i didn’t feel angry about it or anything. it felt natural to me. things already felt out of hand, like the end anyways. i know how it feels to try move forward but you can’t see anything in front of you. sometimes life feels like it has it’s dead ends.

in conclusion:

i would recommend this drama, a lot. especially since i watched this when everything else felt boring and rubbish. is it a perfect masterpiece? i don’t know. is everyone going to love it? i don’t know. i find it easier now to watch drama’s without expecting a complete heart eyes- something is always going to be annoying or cliche or imperfect. romcoms just don’t do it for me, sometimes i expect too much.

and i like it like that now. i like going into a drama like this and knowing i’m not going to like everyone and knowing that character’s are going to be complex and sometimes unforgivable. and i’ll dislike who i dislike and acknowledge things about them that aren’t all villainous. and i’ll love character’s especially female leads, who for dumb reasons might not be liked by audiences, but i like going in and finding a gem like Eun Sook. i look past the dumb shit people might not like and find things to really love about them. they’re totally human. and Eun Sook may seem week and tearful to some, but she’s got more strength than some others might have. and she turned out to be one of my favourite things about the show- just the person she was.

but watch for anything- characters, grounded melodrama, something to moan at in an enjoyable way, pain… whatever floats your boat.

#tumbly reviews #kdramanetwork #kdrama review #a love to kill #tumbly talks: kdrama edition #sorry for any typos!!!#this is a mess

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booksong · 7 years

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Top 10 Books Read In 2016

Bringing this back again this year (and yes I realize March is now almost over, I’m a little late oops), because I really enjoyed putting together a list last year, and one thing I always love in a new year is looking back on the great experiences I’ve had with reading, and hopefully lining up some new recommendations from others to look forward to in the rest of 2017!

2016 was a rough year, but as with so much of my life, books were there to provide comfort, knowledge, escape, and new friends and perspectives. Here are my 10 best titles of them, in no particular order (long post warning as always because it’s me talking about books):

1. Hallucinations by Oliver Sacks

The experience of sensing things that aren’t really there has long been considered a hallmark of the crazy and overemotional. And yet hallucinations have been startlingly well documented in all types of people, and neurologist Oliver Sacks has compiled a wide range of anecdotes, personal accounts and sources, and scientific studies of the various forms they can take. Vivid, complex visual and auditory hallucinations by the deaf and the blind, near-death and out-of-body experiences, phantom limbs, unseen 'presences', supernatural-esque encounters, sleep paralysis, and hallucinations induced by surgery, sensory deprivation, sleep disorders, drugs, seizures, migraines, and brain lesions--Sacks takes all these bizarre (and occasionally terrifying) case studies and conditions and approaches them with an attitude of fascination, curiosity, and clinical appreciation.

I came into this book expecting to hear mostly about things like LSD trips and schizophrenia, which honestly are probably most people's touchstones for the concept of hallucinations. And while there is a single chapter devoted to drug-induced hallucination (with compelling and pretty eerie first hand accounts from the author himself), Sacks barely touches on schizophrenia, setting it aside right away in his introduction in order to focus on other altered brain states I'd barely heard of but found deeply engrossing. One of the things I found most personally fun about this book was that you get tons of potential scientific explanations for a lot of strange phenomena that have puzzled and frightened humans for centuries. Why might so many different cultures have similar folklore about demons and monsters that assault or suffocate people in their beds at night? You find out in the chapter about hypnogogic hallucinations and sleep paralysis. What about things like guardian spirits, demonic presences, the 'light at the end of the tunnel', or historical figures hearing voices from God(s)? There are case studies about them not just in history and theology, but medical science too. Instances of people seeing ghosts, faeries, balls of light, moving shadows in the edges of their vision, or even doppelgangers of themselves? All touched on in this book as part of various differences, injuries, and misfires in people's brains, brain chemistry, and neural makeup. It's really, really cool stuff.

2. Captive Prince trilogy by C.S. Pacat

Prince Damianos of Akielos has everything. He’s a celebrated war hero, a master sportsman, and the heir to the throne, utterly primed to become king. And every bit of is stripped away from him in a single night when his half-brother Kastor stages a coup and ships him off in chains under cover of night. Just like that, Damianos becomes merely Damen, robbed of his power, freedom, and identity—the newest slave in the household of Prince Laurent of Vere. Trapped in an enemy country that shares a bloody history with his own, surrounded by people and customs that confuse, disturb, and disgust him, and under the total control of the icy, calculating and seemingly unfathomable Laurent, Damen has no way of knowing that the only way to return to his rightful throne and homeland will be through strange alliances, brutal battles and betrayals, chess-like political maneuvering and negotiation, and the fragile, complicated, impossible bond he will come to forge with the man he despises the most.

I knocked out this entire trilogy in about two weeks, and it would have been much, much shorter than that if I’d been able to borrow the last book from my friend any sooner (thanks again @oftherose95!!). The second book, Prince’s Gambit, even traveled across the Atlantic and around a good portion of Ireland with me in a black drawstring backpack, and was mostly read in Irish B&Bs each night before bed. The series was the best of what I love in good fanfiction brought onto solid, published paper (and I mean that as the greatest compliment to both fanfic and this series); it had unique, complicated relationship dynamics, broad and interesting worldbuilding, angst and cathartic triumph in turns. It’s a political and military drama, a coming-of-age and character story for two incredibly different young men, and yes, it’s an intensely slow burn enemies-to-friends-to-lovers romance full of betrayal, culture shock, negotiation, vulnerability, power plays, tropes-done-right, and some of the most memorable and delightful banter imaginable, and it will drag your heart all over the damn place because of how fantastically easily you will get invested. Yes, be aware that there are definitely some uncomfortable scenes and potential triggers, especially in the first book (and I promise to answer honestly anyone who’s interested and would like to ask me those types of questions in advance) but in my personal experience the power of the story and the glorious punch of the (ultimately respectful, nuanced, and well-written) relationship dynamics far outweighed any momentary discomfort I had. A huge favorite, not just of this year but in a long while.

3. Where the Dead Pause and the Japanese Say Goodbye by Marie Mutsuki Mockett

After her beloved father dies unexpectedly, the author returns to the Buddhist temple run by the Japanese side of her family, not far from where the Fukushima nuclear disaster claimed the lives of many and made the very air and soil unsafe. She initially goes for two reasons: to help inter and pay respects to her Japanese grandfather’s bones during the Obon holiday, and to find some kind of outlet and solace for her grief. But during her travels she finds more than she ever expected to about Japan, its belief systems, its values, its rituals of death and memory, and the human process of loss.

There are actually two non-fiction books about Japan on my list this year, and they’re both about death, grief, growth, and remembering. It’s a coincidence, but seems oddly fitting now looking back on 2016. Part memoir and part exploration of Japanese cultural and religious traditions surrounding death and its aftermath, I was fascinated by the line this book walked through the interweaving of religion and myth, respect and emotional reservation, and most of all the realization that there is no one single accepted way to mourn and to believe, even within a society as communal as Japan’s. It’s something I find constantly and absolutely fascinating about Japan, the meeting and often the integration of old and new traditions, and of outside influences. Probably one of the most thoughtful and uplifting books about death I’ve ever read, and a great one about Japanese culture too.

4. Nevernight by Jay Kristoff

When Mia Corvere was a child, her father led a failed rebellion against the very leaders he was charged with protecting. Mia watched his public execution with her own eyes, the same way she watched her mother and brother torn from their beds and thrown into Godsgrave’s brutal prison tower. Narrowly escaping her own death, completely alone and a wanted fugitive, Mia now has only two things left—an ability to commune with shadows that has given her a powerful and eerie companion shaped vaguely like a cat whom she calls Mr. Kindly, and a desire to join the only people who can help her take revenge: the mythical and merciless guild of assassins called the Red Church. But even finding the Church and being accepted can be life-threatening—graduating from their ranks will mean more sacrifice, suffering, revelation, and power than even sharp-witted and viciously determined Mia could ever imagine.

Let me preface this by saying this book is probably not for everyone. Both its premise and execution are undeniably dark and graphic: the cast is necessarily full of antiheroes with unapologetically bloodthirsty aims and a range of moral standards and behaviors tending heavily toward the ‘uglier’ end of the spectrum. The violence and deaths can be brutal, emotionally and physically, and despite their pervasiveness they never seem to pack any less of a punch. But I’ve always looked to books as my safe guides and windows into exploring that kind of darkness every so often, and this book did so extremely well. Kristoff has a way of writing that makes Nevernight’s incredibly intricate and lovingly crafted fantasy universe feel rich and seductive even with the horrors that occur in it (the dry, black-comedy footnote asides from the nameless chronicler/narrator are a good start, for example). On one hand, you don’t feel like you want to visit for obvious reasons, but the worldbuilding—with its constant moons and blood magicks and fickle goddesses—was so fluid and inviting it caught my imagination like few other books did this year. I absolutely got attached to many of the characters (especially our ‘heroine’ Mia), both despite and because of their flawed, ruthless, vulnerable, hungry personalities, and I found myself fascinated by even the ones I didn’t like. This was one of the books this year I could literally barely put down, and I can’t wait for its sequel.

5. Nagasaki: Life After Nuclear War by Susan Southard

Ever since the United States dropped two atomic bombs on Japan and ended WWII, the name of the city Hiroshima has become synonymous with the tragedy. Nagasaki is almost always mentioned second if at all, almost as an afterthought, the city bombed three days later that was a second choice target. But 74,000 people still died there, and 75,000 more were wounded or irreparably affected. In this book, author Susan Southard tells the story of not just the day of the Nagasaki bombing, but the months and years that came afterward: of suffering and healing, protest and denial, terror and hope, interwoven at each stage with the painfully intimate and powerfully humanizing interviews and life accounts of five hibakusha survivors.

This was definitely one of the heaviest books I read this year (in length and content), but it also felt absolutely necessary and was luckily very readable, thoroughly researched, and respectfully told. You can tell just through the writing how much the author came to like and respect her subjects as people and not just mouthpieces for their stories, and dear gods the stories they have. Nagasaki is definitely graphic, and horrifying, and achingly sad, as you would expect any book that details one of the worst tragedies in human history to be. But ultimately the stories of the hibakusha and Nagasaki’s slow but constant recovery are ones of hope and survival, and much as when you read memoirs from Holocaust survivors that urge you to remember, and learn, and walk armed with that new knowledge into the future, this book also makes you feel kind of empowered. It’s been seventy years since the bombing happened, many of the survivors are passing on, and nuclear weapons are now sadly looming large on the political landscape again, so while it’s not an easy book, it was without a doubt one of the most important I’ve read in recent memory.

6. Front Lines by Michael Grant

The year is 1942. World War II is raging. The United States has finally decided to join the struggle against Hitler and the Nazis. And a landmark Supreme Court decision has just been made: for the first time, women are to be subject to the draft and eligible for full military service. Into this reimagined version of the largest war in human history come three girls: Rio Richelin, a middle-class California girl whose older sister was already KIA in the Pacific theater, Frangie Marr, whose struggling Tulsa family needs an extra source of income, and Rainy Schulterman, with a brother in the service and a very personal stake in the genocide being committed overseas. But while women and girls are allowed to fight, sexism, racism, prejudice, and the brutality of war are still in full effect, and the three girls will have to fight their battles on multiple fronts if they’re going to survive to the end of the war.

I think this is probably one of the first non-fantasy historical revisionist series I’ve ever read that worked so incredibly well. There are probably a million places author Michael Grant could have easily screwed up executing this concept, but I was extremely and pleasantly surprised to find my fears were pretty unfounded. Grant (husband of similarly clear-eyed Animorphs author KA Applegate) has always been a writer who doesn’t shrink from including and even focusing on uncomfortable-but-realistic language, violence, sexuality, and real-world issues of prejudice, and he brings all these themes into Front Lines and places three teenage girls (one of whom is a WOC and another who’s a persecuted minority) front and center without letting the book feel preachy, stilted, or tone-deaf toward the girls’ feelings, motives, voices, and flaws as individuals. It’s also obviously well-researched, and there’s a whole segment in the back where Grant shares his sources and the similarities and liberties he took with historical events in order to tell the story. Especially in today’s political climate, it’s a powerful and engrossing read. And what’s more the sequel just came out not long ago.

7. Ready Player One by Ernest Cline

In the year 2044, a single massive virtual reality interface called the OASIS has got most of the declining Earth’s population hooked into it, living out all kinds of video game and sci-fi fantasies. But some of the more hardcore players, like Wade Watts, are exploring the OASIS on another level—hunting for the easter egg clues to a massive fortune its eccentric developer left behind after his death. But no one’s been able to find even the first clue, let alone begin solving the weird and difficult puzzles and challenges that might follow…until one day, Wade does, and draws the dangerous attention and greed of everyone inside and outside the virtual world to himself in the process.

I’m honestly not that big of a gamer, or even someone particularly attached to or affected by pop culture nostalgia. Everything I know about most of the references throughout Ready Player One was picked up through cultural osmosis, and some I’d never even heard of—and I still thought this book was a blast, so take note if that’s what holding you back from picking it up. The book has a lot of the raw thrill anyone who loves fictional worlds (video game or otherwise) would feel upon having a complete virtual universe full of every world, character, and feature of fantasy and sci-fi fiction you could ever dream of at their fingertips. But it also explores, sometimes quite bluntly, a lot of the fears and flaws inherent in the whole ‘leave/ignore reality in favor of total VR immersion’ scenario, and in the type of people who would most likely be tempted to do it. All the different bits and genre overlaps of the novel really come together very seamlessly too—it’s a little bit mystery, a little bit cutthroat competition, a little bit battle royale, a little bit virtual reality road-trip, a little bit (nerdy) coming-of-age. And despite how much world-building is necessary to set up everything, the book rarely feels like it’s info-dumping on you (or maybe I just loved the concept of the OASIS so much I didn’t care). Probably the most unashamedly fun novel I read this whole year.

8. The Spirit Catches You and You Fall Down by Anne Fadiman

In the 1980’s in Northern California, a little Hmong girl named Lia Lee began showing symptoms of a severe and complicated form of epilepsy. The hospital the Lees took her to immediately began issuing their standard observations, treatments, and medications. But her parents, first generation immigrants with their own complex cultural methods of interpreting and caring for medical conditions, didn’t necessarily think of epilepsy as an illness—for the Hmong it’s often a sign of great spiritual strength--and were wary of the parade of ever more complicated tests and drugs their daughter was subjected to. Lia’s American doctors, confused and then angered by what they saw as dangerous disobedience and superstitious nonsense, begged to differ. What followed was a years-long series of cultural clashes and misunderstandings between Western medical science and the rituals and beliefs of a proud cultural heritage, and the people who tried with the best intentions (but not always results) to bridge that gap.

I had never read anything you could classify as ‘medical anthropology’ before this book, and I’m kind of mad I didn’t because it was fascinating. Using her firsthand interviews and observations Fadiman creates an entire case study portrait of the Lee family experience, from their life in America and struggle with Lia’s condition and American doctors to the history of the Hmong people’s flight from Thailand, Vietnam, and Laos and their experiences as immigrants. And as the best anthropological works should be, there’s also a very compassionate and analytic line walked that criticizes, explores, and accepts both cultural sides of the issue without assigning blame or coming out in favor of one over the other. By the end of it, I think my strongest emotion was hope that we might embrace a new type of medicine in the decades to come (even though it might look grim right now); something holistic that can find a way to mediate between culture and science, doctor and family and patient, so that maybe everyone ends up learning something new.

9. Good Omens by Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett

Crowley has a pretty good life for a high-ranking demon living on Earth. He can cruise around in his monstrous Bentley, and do assorted evil deeds here and there to keep from getting bored. He even has a pleasant frenemy in the fussy, bookshop-owning Aziraphale, the angel who used to guard the flaming sword at the gates of Eden a very, very long time ago. But then the various denizens of Heaven and Hell get the word from their higher-ups that it’s time for the Antichrist to come to Earth and the End Times to begin. The extremely unfortunate baby mix-up that ensues is only the first step in a very unusual lead-up to the end of the world, which will include the greatest hits of Queen, duck-feeding, the Four (Motorcycle) Riders of the Apocalypse, a friendly neighborhood hellhound, modern witch hunters, and a certain historical witch’s (very accurate) prophecies.

Reading this book was long overdue for me—I’ve read and enjoyed works from both these authors before, and had heard a ton about this one, basically all of it good. But I only finally picked it up as part of a ‘book rec exchange’ between me and @whynotwrybread and I’m so glad I got the extra push. Good Omens has a dark, dry, incredibly witty humor and writing style that clearly takes its cue from both Gaiman and Pratchett; it was really fun picking out their trademark touches throughout the novel. Couple that with a storyline that’s tailor-made to be a good-humored satire of religion, religious texts, and rigid morality and dogma in general, and you’ve got a pretty winning mix for me as a reader. It’s endlessly quotable, the characters are extremely memorable (and very often relatable), and despite the plot using a lot of well-known religious ‘storylines’, there are enough twists on them that it keeps you guessing as to how things will eventually turn out right up until the end.

10. Scythe by Neal Shusterman

At long last, humankind has conquered death. Massive advancements in disease eradication, nanotechnology, and artificial intelligence means that not only can people age (and reset their age) indefinitely, but they can be revived from even fatal injuries. And a benign AI with access to all human knowledge makes sure everything is run peacefully, fairly, and efficiently. In order to deal with the single remaining issue of population control, a handful of those from each generation are chosen to be trained as Scythes, who selectively mete out permanent death to enough people each year to keep humanity stable. And when Rowan and Citra are selected by the cool but kindly Scythe Faraday as his apprentices, neither are exactly willing, nor are they at all prepared for what the life of a Scythe will come to ask of them.

Neal Shusterman always seems to be able to come up with the coolest concepts for his novels (previous examples include getting inside the mind of a schizophrenic, two kids trapped in a very unique version of purgatory, and the Unwind series with its chilling legal retroactive abortion/organ donation of teens), and not only that but also execute them interestingly and well. They always end up making you really think about what you’d do in this version of reality, and Scythe is no different. Would you be one of the Scythes who gives each person gentle closure before their death? Glean them before they even know what’s happening? Divorce yourself emotionally from the process altogether so it doesn’t drive you mad? Embrace your role and even come to take pleasure in it? You meet characters with all these opinions and more. It doesn’t lean quite as heavily on the character depth as some of the author’s previous books, which gave me some hesitation at first, but the world was just too good not to get into. And the fact that it’s going to be a series means this could very well just be the setup novel for much more.

Honorable Mention Sequels/Series Installments

-Crooked Kingdom by Leigh Bardugo (‘No mourners, no funerals’—as perfect a companion/conclusion to the already-amazing Six of Crows from last year’s top ten list as I could have ever hoped for)

-The Raven King by Maggie Stiefvater (one of the most unique and magical series I’ve ever read comes to a powerful and satisfying close)

-Morning Star by Pierce Brown (a glorious and breathtaking battle across the vastness of space starring an incredible and beloved cast kept me pinned to the page until the very last word—this was a brutally realistic and totally fantastic political/action sci-fi trilogy)

-Gemina by Amie Kaufman and Jay Kristoff (I rec’d the epistolary sci-fi novel Illuminae last year and this was an equally gripping sequel to it—can’t wait for the third book out this year!)

-Bakemonogatari, Part 1 by NisiOisin (the translated light novels for one of my all-time favorite anime series continue to be amazing!)

If you made it this far, THANK YOU and I wish you an awesome year of reading in 2017! And I want to remind everyone that my blog and inbox are always, ALWAYS open for book recommendations (whether giving or requesting them) and talking/screaming/theorizing/crying about books in general. Or write up your own ‘top 10 books from last year’ post and tag me!

#top 10 books of 2016 #personal post #top 10 meme #long post #books #send me your recs!#and yell into my inbox/messenger/submission box about your favorite books!

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javleech-blog · 7 years

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New Post has been published on Jav Leech

New Post has been published on https://javleech.com/silver-springs-inside-fleetwood-macs-great-lost-breakup-anthem/

'Silver Springs': Inside Fleetwood Mac's Great Lost Breakup Anthem

By 1997, Stevie Nicks and Lindsey Buckingham’s romance should have been ancient history. The pair had split many years earlier, fueling Rumours’ famously raw breakup anthems. But for the duration of a taping of a Fleetwood Mac reunion display later released as The Dance, shit once more were given very actual. Midway thru a non-album rarity referred to as “Silver Springs,” Nicks turned and faced her former flame as she sang the music’s rueful bridge: “Time cast a spell on you, however, you may not forget about me/I know I ought to have cherished you but you would not allow me.” The pair locked eyes, and Nicks step by step built to a cathartic howl – “I’ll follow you down ’til the sound of my voice will haunt you/You’ll never break out from the sound of the girl that loves you” – indicating that, for her at the least, resolution had never actually come.

Fleetwood Mac’s 50 Greatest Songs From British blues to California rock, from clean sunshine to the most haunting breakup epics ever Suddenly, “Silver Springs,” a music written for Rumours but left off the completed album and relegated to B-aspect popularity, seemed like the key to the whole messy and spell binding saga of Fleetwood Mac’s maximum liked lineup. Even lower back in ‘seventy-seven, amid iconic tracks like “Go Your Own Way” and “Dreams,” Nicks’ soft yet vengeful post-mortem on her breakup with Buckingham had come to be an emotional lightning rod. The song could have behind-the-scenes repercussions for decades to return – nearly main to the breakup of the band. “Silver Springs” might additionally end up a precious touchstone for Nicks acolytes ranging from Courtney Love, who has passionately covered it, to Lorde, who referred to it as a power on her Melodrama LP.

Fleetwood Mac’s own melodrama was brewing well earlier than Nicks penned “Silver Springs.” She and Buckingham met as young adults at a spiritual-organization gathering; after excessive college, they became romantic and musical partners, in the end teaming up inside the duo Buckingham Nicks. In December 1974, Mick Fleetwood was known as up Buckingham to sign up for the already-hooked up Fleetwood Mac. The guitarist insisted that he and Nicks were a bundle deal, and both would be a part of and appear on the band’s self-titled 1975 album – they’re first international destroy and U.S. Number One.

As they worked on an observe-up, which would emerge as Rumours, Buckingham and Nicks’ relationship, as well as the wedding of bandmates Christine and John McVie, started to implode. Nicks formally ended matters, however, neither had been taking it well.

“[Stevie] was going through a chunk of a tough time too because she becomes the one who axed it,” Christine McVie, who had to grow to be Nicks’ close buddy and confident throughout this time, stated in Bob Brunning’s Fleetwood Mac: The First 30 Years. “Lindsey was pretty down about it for a while, then he simply awoke one morning and said, ‘Fuck this, I don’t need to be unhappy,’ and commenced getting a few girlfriends collectively. Then Stevie could not take care of it … !”

Rumours became a theatrical affair, with the exes addressing each other’s faults, their very own pain and a typhoon of other topics related to their respective heartbreaks. “Silver Springs” was Nicks’ tribute to the fairy-story finishing that by no means became. The name got here from Silver Spring, Maryland: While passing thru the town on the excursion, Nicks romanticized the call. “It sounded like a quite terrific location to me,” she said in the Classic Albums documentary about Rumours. “It’s an entire symbolic thing of what [Lindsey] could have been to me.”

As Rumours co-producer Ken Caillat remembers, Fleetwood Mac recorded “Silver Springs” approximately six months into the process. “Stevie was in love with the track,” he tells Rolling Stone, noting that he views it as one of the best-engineered and exceptional-produced tracks from the sessions, emphasizing the aggregate of acoustic and electric guitars added through the music’s very own challenge, Buckingham.

“Lindsey becomes the man who laid all of these large colors on the report and so that you should believe it’s an atypical function for him to be in,” Caillat explains. “He’s mad at her, the tune’s about them being mad however it’s an excellent art form. But you can inform via all the one’s components he did at the guitars and the harmonics and the selecting, it’s a chunk of artwork.”

Fleetwood Mac silver springs Lindsey Buckingham Stevie Nicks Buckingham Nicks Michael Ochs Archives/Getty Images Nicks was proud of “Silver Springs,” and even as it changed into in component a revenge anthem directed at her bandmate/ex, there was someone greater critical in her life who turned into meant to enjoy the industrial fulfillment she assumed it might advantage.

“She decided to offer the publishing rights to her mom [Barbara] as the type of a big thank you with a pleasing royalty test for her mom,” Caillat provides.

The album turned into nearly completed when Mick Fleetwood pulled Nicks out into the car parking zone of the Record Plant, the Sausalito, California, studio where much of the album was recorded.

“I knew it became truly serious ‘reason Mick never asks you to go out to the car parking zone for whatever,” Nicks recalled in a 1991 BBC radio interview. It becomes there that Fleetwood found out that “Silver Springs” had been reducing from the album for being too lengthy and “numerous [other] reasons,” in line with Nicks. Fleetwood desired the lighter “I Don’t Want to Know” at the album as a substitute, a song on which she and her ex-boyfriend harmonized approximately their breakup. She did now not approve.

“I commenced to scream bloody murder and possibly stated each horribly suggest component that you can likely say to some other man or women and walked lower back inside the studio completely flipped out,” she continued.

The manufacturers tried to find a manner to maintain the tune on the album, and presented to reduce down its length or trim a distinctive Nicks tune, just like the seven-minute “Gold Dust Woman.” As Fleetwood had relayed to Nicks all through their fateful parking-lot argument, duration becomes the main thing within the tune’s displacement, given the constraints of vinyl pressings and her bandmates’ choice for identical illustration on the LP. Plus, “Silver Springs” might have made for a 3rd ballad by means of Nicks on the album, as opposed to the greater upbeat “I Don’t Want to Know,” a duet with Buckingham.

“As you may listen, [the album] grew to become out feeling poppy notwithstanding the truth that we had a variety of sluggish songs in there like ‘Oh Daddy’ and such things as that,” Caillat provides. “So we gave her the option that we may want to cut one of the gradual songs down so we ought to have room for the alternative ones or we could take one of the different songs off and she or he said, ‘Let’s do it.’ She desired to maintain all of the other songs more than ‘Silver Springs.'”

According to Nicks, but, she wasn’t so compliant.

“With a gun to my head, I went out and sang ‘I Don’t Want to Know’ and they positioned ‘Silver Springs’ on the again of ‘Go Your Own Way,'” she told the BBC in ‘ninety-one.

As Caillat sees it, the position of “Silver Springs” as a B aspect on the album’s first unmarried changed into a peace offering. “Stevie changed into devastated for some of the motives,” he explains. “She loved the song, and via it now not being at the LP, her mother didn’t make all the extra publishing due to the fact the single didn’t promote very lots.”

The tale of “Silver Springs” regarded to give up proper there, in Sausalito. The band executed the music stay a few times in 1976 and ’77 earlier than shifting on from it for the remainder of the 1970s and everything of the 1980s. Even so, Nicks devotees nonetheless located their manner to the song. Tori Amos’ family lived in Silver Spring, Maryland, in the course of the 1970s, and within the Rumours technology, she become slicing her tooth by gambling gay bars round close by Washington, D.C. Nicks had long been one in every of her biggest impacts, however it was a random barfly who put in a request for “Silver Springs” that led to her discovery of the music.

“I heard it and the concept it changed into lovely,” she tells Rolling Stone. “It just has become a part of the repertoire for the beyond 39 years.”

For those not frequenting the bars wherein Amos kept the tune’s spirit alive, the tune’s number one exposure was as a B facet to “Go Your Own Way” – Buckingham’s own expression of anger and revenge towards Nicks, in which he claimed that “packin’ up, shakin’ up is all you wanna do.” The song could end up one of the band’s largest hits, charting inside the Top 10.

“He knew it wasn’t actual. It became simply an irritating factor that he stated,” Nicks told Rolling Stone in 1997 of the “packin’ up, shakin’ up” line. “Every time those words would come onstage, I wanted to move over and kill him. He knew it. He, in reality, pushed my buttons through that. It becomes like, ‘I’ll make you go through for leaving me.’ And I did.”

Of direction, Nicks had the precise equal motivation whilst she wrote “Silver Springs.” In a 1997 interview with the Arizona Republic, she explained the music’s message as “I’m so irritated with you. You will listen to me on the radio for the relaxation of your lifestyles, and it will malicious program you. I hope it bugs you.”

After their breakup and large fulfillment with Rumours, Buckingham and Nicks spent a decade persevering with to sing to and about each other onstage, while they appeared to transport on with their respective non-public lives. They courted special people – Nicks even in short married – and pursued solo careers along with their paintings with the band. But according to Mick Fleetwood’s autobiography Play On, the ardor and anger had no longer completely died down, and a physical altercation among the former couple at some point of a band assembly in 1987 is what in the long run led to Buckingham’s departure from the organization. Both Buckingham and Nicks denied Fleetwood’s claims.

Three years later, the new, Lindsey-less incarnation of Fleetwood Mac launched Behind the Mask and went on a global excursion. Following the trek, Nicks began plotting a greatest hits compilation titled Timespace – The Best of Stevie Nicks wherein she was hoping to consist of “Silver Springs” along with her different Fleetwood Mac contributions and solo hits. But her plan was given in the way of Fleetwood’s personal choice to consist of it on an imminent container set cataloging the band’s discography. This led to some other heated communicate among the two approximately “Silver Springs.”

“I informed [Fleetwood’s manager] that I want ‘Silver Springs’ because it belongs to my mother,” she advised the BBC in 1991. “It didn’t occur to me that they would not let me have it lower back. I stated to his supervisor, ‘You find Mick, and you inform him that if I do not have those tapes through Monday, I am not a member of Fleetwood Mac.'”

Fleetwood received, and the track seemed on 25 Years – The Chain. True to her word, Nicks left the band.

By the time of The Dance, each Buckingham and Nicks had reputedly settled into a brand new generation in their lives. Nicks was sober for some years, having finally kicked the drug addiction that had plagued her because of the 1970s. Buckingham becomes then dating Kristen Messner, the woman who might give birth to the first of their youngsters 12 months later and marry him in 2000. It turned into an implausible Buckingham Nicks reunion in 1996 for the duet “Twisted” off the Twister soundtrack that might place the Fleetwood Mac reunion in movement. (The twister metaphor changed into hopefully not lost at the pair.)

Fleetwood Mac silver springs Lindsey Buckingham 1997 Lindsey Buckingham, 1997 Brian Snyder/Redux The Dance, a release largely made up of Fleetwood Mac’s pleasant-regarded hits, would earn the band 3 Grammy nominations and their first Number One album because 1982’s Mirage.”To be sincere, I don’t keep in mind hearing ‘Silver Springs’ performed at rehearsals,” Elliot Scheiner, producer, and engineer of the concert movie, tells RS. Similarly, director Bruce Gowers does not consider something unique about the early run-throughs of the song. It had always been part of the setlist for so long as he had been attending their exercise sessions, and he simply assumed that it has been a part of their pre-breakup live performance repertoire. The looks exchanged through Buckingham and Nicks throughout the show – and the especially uncooked second between them for the duration of the climax of “Silver Springs” – did now not come about until the two nights of taping in Burbank.

This changed into through layout. Nicks has admitted that the fiery take at the music that appears in The Dance become “for posterity,” as she advised RS at the time. “I wanted humans to face back and truly watch and apprehend what [the relationship with Lindsey] was,” she later advised the Arizona Republic.

“‘Silver Springs’ constantly ends up in that location for me because she’s always very committed to what the ones words are about, and I remember what they have been about then,” Buckingham advised Rolling Stone in 1997. “Now it’s all irony, you realize, however, there’s no way you cannot get drawn into the end of that music.”

“When we are [on stage] there making a song songs to every other, we possibly say extra to every aside from us ever might in real lifestyles,” Nicks introduced. For many Fleetwood Mac fanatics, The Dance marked the first time they’d even heard the music. One of those changed into Courtney Love, who has long been a very public admirer of Nicks and Fleetwood Mac. The hole had released their personal cover of “Gold Dust Woman” in 1996 and interpolated “Rhiannon” into their Pretty on the Inside song “Starbelly” returned in 1991.

“I wouldn’t exist without Stevie,” she tells Rolling Stone. Love and Nicks have recognized every other for years, and the alt-rock singer was in attendance for one of the live tapings of The Dance, even spending time with a worried Nicks in her dressing room earlier than the display.

“I thought it turned into a vintage Buckingham Nicks track,” she recalls of her first publicity to “Silver Springs.” “It actually moved me. I changed into like ‘What the fuck is that this?’ I didn’t ask her approximately it.”

While Love had been playing “Gold Dust Woman” live for decades, she later chose to sing “Silver Springs” as an alternative at a Fleetwood Mac tribute show in Los Angeles final yr. “I began crying as I turned into singing it,” she admits. “It doesn’t promote itself, you have to sell it a touch bit. Take it to the quit. Before the instrumental spoil, it builds, it builds, it builds and it climaxes. It’s an unusual track musically in that feeling.”

Nicks’ very own overall performance earned “Silver Springs” a belated Grammy nomination, inside the class of Best Pop Performance with the aid of a Duo or Group With Vocals (it misplaced to Jamiroquai’s “Virtual Insanity”). It becomes the most effective music from The Dance to be recognized outdoor of the album as an entire.

“I by no means thought that ‘Silver Springs’ could ever be finished onstage,” she reflected in the course of a 1997 MTV interview. “My beautiful tune just disappeared [20 years ago]. For it to come again round like this has clearly been special to me.”

“Silver Springs” has gone directly to have excellent 2d lifestyles. Besides Love and Amos, Florence and the Machine and Lykke Li have blanketed it live; it regarded inside the finale episode of American Horror Story: Coven; and just this yr, 20-yr-antique Lorde mentioned “Silver Springs” at some point of a conversation about her very own heartbreak album Melodrama, released in June.

“I don’t forget being [15 years old] taking note of [‘Silver Springs’] over and over, doing my art homework, thinking it turned into a stunning tune,” she said in the conversation with Tavi Gevinson for the Rookie Magazine podcast. “I recall hearing ‘Time cast its spell on you however you won’t overlook me/I’ll observe you down ’til the sound of my voice will hang-out you/You’ll in no way get [away from] the sound of the girl that loves you’ and feeling the weight of them, and I also bear in mind listening to them six months in the past and hearing a complete exclusive element unlock.”

Fleetwood Mac silver springs Stevie Nicks 2017 Stevie Nicks, 2017 Kevin Mazur/Getty Images Speaking to Rolling Stone later, Gevinson cites her very own excessive-college breakup as her impetus for connecting to the tune. “I without a doubt copied down the lyrics in multiple journals,” she says.

Fleetwood Mac still performs “Silver Springs,” often as an encore alongside “Don’t Stop” and different signature songs. Live, Buckingham and Nicks have persevered to revive their haunting locked-gaze Dance duet. In late 1997, live pictures captured Buckingham welling up with emotion and embracing Nicks at the top of the track. In a 2004 clip, he aggressively strums his guitar and yells into the microphone, making his harmonies extra audible than ever.

After Christine McVie rejoined Fleetwood Mac in 2014, her heartbreak sisterhood with Nicks become rekindled. By that time, “Silver Springs” had already emerged as a staple of the band’s set lists. “When I finish [performing] ‘Silver Springs,’ Christine waits for me and takes my hand,” Nicks told Maclean’s Magazine in 2015. “We walk off and we in no way let cross of every other until we get to our tent. In that 30 seconds, it’s like my heart simply comes out of my frame.”

Since Nicks become capable to turn “Silver Springs” into the hit she always desired it to be, her mom Barbara did receive the royalty take a look at her daughter had earmarked for her – two decades later than anticipated. “My mother ended up getting a $50,000 check two months after The Dance went out,” the singer discovered. “To my mom, it was a million dollar check.”

Nicks also ultimately had the opportunity to vicinity the tune on her personal compilation, including it on 2007’s Crystal Visions – The Very Best of Stevie Nicks. In the lining notes, she dedicated “Silver Springs” to her mother, who surpassed away 4 years later. It turned into the elder Nicks’ “rainy day music.”

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