#How everything leads to one another

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

do—

Do Howdy and Barnaby ever get together in your human au 🥺🥺

of course they do, who do you think i am

oh BOY do i have things to say about human!Laughingstock! im so unwell about them allow me to talk and talk and talk and ta-

~

so in this au they're like... the ultimate slowburn. their feelings for each other slowly simmer and grow over the course of *checks nonexistent watch* a lil over a decade i think. it's not very dramatic - just soft & silly w/ just a heap of pining and a pinch of angst for Flavor

it starts when they were teens - Howdy had a lil crush on Barnaby in middle school. and how could he not? Barnaby was cute, hilarious, and kind. at this point, they weren't friends! Barnaby knew Howdy's name, but only because they'd shared a school since elementary (as with 6/7 of the other neighbors) & speaking from experience, you just Know Those Names. Howdy slowly "grew out of" this crush, especially when the friend group started forming and he & Barnaby became actual friends.

that crush would fluctuate over the years. It starts out strong and then softens into just this hum in the back of Howdy's mind. always there, often easy to ignore, just... part of him, in a way.

Barnaby has a similar experience. when he and Howdy became friends, he got a lil crush - how could he not? Howdy was cute, laughed at all of his jokes and had a few of his own, and was endearingly eccentric. but at the time, Barnaby didn't recognize the crush for what it was. so he elected to ignore it until the crush dwindled to something easily manageable, something he wouldn't realize is still there. as with Howdy's, it'd never fully go away

and its noticeable enough to their friends that they'd all kinda side-eye how touchy Howdy & Barnaby are with each other (Barnaby is a physical guy, but damn. if Howdy is nearby they Will find a way to be touching at all times), the way they always laugh at each others jokes, the way they always ask "where's [x] / is [x] coming with" whenever the other is absent. but the group couldn't be sure if they were looking into it or not. it's too subtle. over time they get so used to it that they don't bat an eye - Howdy is Barnaby's best friend after Wally. of course they're close!

but then there's this one college party Howdy drags Barnaby to (and by extension, Wally). they're drunk off their asses, Wally's edible has kicked in, the party is pretty chill and everyone is having a decent time. all three of them are on the couch, and Barnaby and Howdy start drunk-complimenting each other. naturally, this feeds their mutual attraction, and one thing leads to another! they make out on the couch. naturally with Wally sandwiched between them, snacking on chips and committing the moment to memory (it's a surprise tool that'll help them later!) neither Barnaby nor Howdy will remember this

now, something i'd like to state for Barnaby in this au! he has had a lot of relationships - from one night stands to actually dating someone for months. sometimes the one night stands were a "he takes someone home after a date, & they leave while he's sleeping and ghost him" situation. with actual dating, the other person always breaks things off after a few weeks, if not days. it breaks Barnaby's heart a little bit every time. to the point where in his mid-20s, he just... stops dating. he avoids other people's advancements towards him, he always takes a friend with him to bars/etc as a buffer, he becomes an expert at gracefully turning people down

("why, pray tell" no one asks "do they always leave him? he's such a catch!" that he is! when he was in school, it was his friend group. he'd try to introduce his 'girlfriend' to his friends, and it'd be an immediate "eugh, you're friends with those freaks? no way!" as an adult, people found it off-putting how (by societal standards) unusually close he was with Wally. also, again, a "weird" friend group. they'd think it's too much, or just not their scene, or 'why don't you date your little blue haired boyfriend', etc. Barnaby never holds it against Wally or his friends. he has the mindset of if that person was the one, they would accept every part of Barnaby - and his friends are indeed part of him. Howdy has also dated around a little, but to a much lesser extent. he's too busy! he doesn't have time for that!)

but the ball really starts rolling in their late 20s. something the group does together - as a fun lil rare hobby - is LARPing. they get really into it! Sally made them all custom costumes, Julie helped make the weapons (like a giant sword for herself), etc etc. they fully commit to the bit (even Frank <3). so at this event's point in the timeline, Eddie is fully integrated into the clique, but that's unimportant - just to show where we are!

so they're all doing their thing, it's a pretty big LARP event - there's always way more people than our dear neighbors, yk. they're just part of the crowd! & there's a big battle hosted, the group is split between teams, but Barnaby & Howdy are on the same side! yay! during the battle, Barnaby is "mortally wounded." Howdy half-drags him away from the main battle under the cover of their teammates (including Eddie and Julie) and sits him down by the tree. now, Howdy & Barnaby are the ones who get into the roleplay the most. they get lost in the sauce! they perform the hell out of everything they do!

& since Barnaby is "dying", he really acts like it. Howdy acts accordingly, but again, they get a little too emotional, a little too into it, a little lost in the sauce. genuine tears are in their eyes, Howdy's voice is genuinely shaking a little as he holds Barnaby in his "dying moments" (Barnaby is holding the sword between his arm and his side. he has ketchup on his armor.) Eddie and Julie are getting choked up just watching this happen. and as Howdy & Barnaby look into each others' tear-filled eyes, those little feelings that have been so quiet for so long come right back babey! full force! but then they all get hit with "arrows" and have to die right there and then, and the moments over. but! both Barnaby & Howdy walk away from this LARP session grappling with Partially Realized Feelings.

Barnaby struggles with this the most, since yk at this point he's sworn off dating. he's being careful with his heart! but when he tells Wally all of this, cause he tells Wally everything, Wally's like "oh. yes, i know! remember that one college party where you two kissed for an hour". and then he goes on to point out every instance where he's thought "right, Howdy and Barnaby are in love" (bc Wally is way more observant than he lets on! he saw that shit! his peepers were peepin!)

BUT IT'S STILL A SLOW BURN BABEY!

Barnaby and Howdy don't approach each other about this. they're both in the boat of "well, i'll just keep going and see what happens" to the point where they're practically dating without ever saying anything to each other. Howdy notices how Barnaby lingers around the store more. Barnaby notices how Howdy keeps turning up at his work to talk more. (they already chat so much...) but they still! dont! say! anything! but they both Know! they're not emotionally circling each other they are Dancing to their Own Music!

and Barnaby is letting himself believe that this can work because, well... Howdy already accepts him as he is. Howdy is part of the group. Howdy loves Wally just like the rest of em. Howdy has seen Barnaby at his (presumed) worst and didn't even flinch! as for Howdy, well, he just thinks this is right! his whole life no one has really caught his eyes or heart, but Barnaby is different. he's always been in Howdy's peripherals. it feels natural to love him so deeply. Barnaby slots into his life like the final piece of a puzzle!

there's a lot of stuff that happens in this inbetween state - Howdy's store burns down & almost takes him with it, there's some family drama that needs to be handled, The Crash happens, etc etc etc - so it's a while before they "actually" get together. but they're both patient! they've waited this long, even if they didn't know they were waiting. neither of them are in a rush. they're young. they have time.

#oughhhhhh so normal about them sooooo so normal (lying) #'do you know how they get together' yes. obviously. its not dramatic or a big thing or anything #they're just at a function together - maybe there's a little late evening art show in town that wally is participating in #or an afterparty for one of sallys successful plays #but in my mind barnaby and howdy are ofc sitting together off to the side #Flirting. yk how it is. barnaby's like 'hey can i practice some pickup lines ;)' & ofc howdy agrees yk yk #they're all terrible btw. howdy laughs at every single one. barnaby is on an emotional high. the rizz is strong w this one #one thing leads to another - barnaby says a terrible line essentially asking if howdy wants to ~come home with him~ #but like. howdy agrees. and immediately the tone between them goes from lighthearted & joking to dead serious & tense #everything between them has gone unspoken until now but Now Theyre Saying It #suffice to say they leave the party early! they're giddy giggly lil bitches about it - acting like teens sneaking out yk yk #GOD THEY'RE SO FUCKING AGHHHHHH THROWING THEM FULL STRENGTH INTO A WOODCHIPPER #sorry. sorry. im calm now. thats a lie. i will proceed to explode #but anyway anyway #so that was a whole thing & basically long story short Barnaby has the morning of his dreams #Howdy makes him and Wally pancakes and they all have a nice quiet breakfast together. The Domesticity🤌 #im gonna go shove my head in a blender now. excuse me #rambles from the bog #wh modern human au #gonna leave that as the tag #but yeah their story is just! slow! its a soft descent! #meanwhile frank & eddie are stumbling through their feelings like newborn fawns #but yeah and howdy & barnaby continue to take their time #its a while before barnaby is like 'hey wanna move in with us?' #howdy '....yeah sure' #and Boom! Howdy moves in! #and they actually get married a while later without anyone but wally knowing. they do it for tax reasons initially. #since they're not ready to be Married married but! they! want! the! benefits! #they keep their own last names and dont have rings bc again! theyre not ready for that yet! #FUCK IM OUTTA TAGS I HAD MORE TO SAY! TUMBLR INCREASE YOUR TAG COUNT! AGH

[the-knife-consumer]

"Yona was just added bc Nintendo wants people to stop shipping sidlink!" Literally what the hell are you talking about

#yes nintendo is homophobic. no they do not give a singular shit about what their fanbase does??? what are you talking abouuuutttt #they literally dont care what people do as long as they get money??? like what #listen im upset abt yona having so many unanswered questions. mainly she came from another zora's domain #meaning she came from outside of hyrule. so that leads to a lot of questions. #but howww do you come to the conclusion that she was just added as a 'no homo' indicator #dont even get me started on the people genuinely unironically calling this queerbaiting. what are you onnnnnnn #'and oh but sidon said he used to see her as a sister! so its gross and wrong!' sidon literally thought out loud to links face abt how #had things been different and link had gotten married to mipha he would be his BROTHER IN LAW. SAID THAT OUT LOUD TO HIS FACE. so shh #imo. yona was added for one 'ohh wow exciting new character look at this' and two. as a way for sidon's trauma to be acknowledged #bc it was veeery briefely shown in botw. for like. a singular second if you snuck up on him at mipha's statue #but yona's defining scene in totk was her forcing sidon to confront that he wasn't being himself because of that trauma. and that #he needed to let go of the fear around it. if only temporary. because his people needed him. #so tbh?? sheis very important to the plot. she new mipha. admired her. knows why sidon still struggles with this and #how difficult and frightening everything becomes when he views the world through the lens of 'what if i lose someone again' #like. they added yona for his struggles to be spelled out to the audience even further #so to just boil her down to 'ewww woman gets in the way of my gaybies 😡😡😡'. hello. did you play the game. #do you even know who these characters are. quick gimme ten facts about sidons character that you didnt make up for shipping purposes.pronto

[ozcarma]

Trying to watch 999 let’s plays is such hell to me - NO ONE PLAYS THE GAME RIGHT just shutupshutupshutupshutup and play the game!! Stop trying to make jokes!!!!

I’m too autistic for this, I cannot bear hearing let’s players doing their own voice acting when I adore the game’s VAs too much. Everyone always fucks up Santa’s and Lotus’s voices especially.

I understand the draw of Let’s Plays are largely the people playing them who have gained their own following, but as someone who just loves the game I don’t wanna hear ur stupid banter 💥💥💥 play the game and be intrigued but not TOO intrigued because give it a fuckin minute it’ll explain what’s going on 🙄‼️

#zero escape #999 #my opinion is that the let’s plays that are alright are half-blind play thrus where one person is knowledgeable about everything #and can keep the blind one on track and properly guide their curiousity #I also lose my MIND when people get stuck on the puzzles on this ridiculously easy game #(<- says the person who has played it numerous times and knows all the solutions by heart) #like you IDIOT just do THIS #(<- also the person who still has to look up the answer to the box puzzle behind door 6) #and don’t get me started on when the LPers hate Lotus #don’t get me wrong - disliking her especially when u get to the hospital room is Good and Correct as it’s what the writing is leading you to #but some LPers get so misogynistic about it I have to immediately tap out cuz its too much #also another reason why I don’t like when they don’t use the in-game voice acting #is cuz so many people play Junpei as Basic Anime Protag when Evan Smith’s voice acting gives him SO much character #and Junpei is my favorite >:( #I have many more gripes but that’s enough for now #I just want everyone to experience how great this game is but ONLY in the way I LIKE #I know I sound so whiny and entitled but please tell me someone else relates #the urge I get to just make a whole channel dedicated to 999 play thrus where I just play the game again and again with a different friend #would they all be identical to each other because I would be directing them all the same? #yes. but what greater autistic joy is that (for me) #I never thought the Joseph Anderson streams would be my favorite playthrus cuz I hated them too at first #but his dynamic with chat and consistent amusement and enjoyment of the game is very nice and soothing

[princeofyorkshire]

i hate that healing is not linear cause i’d be feeling all positive and shit for a while then boom sad sad sad again and why does it feel good to be here why is it so comforting why does it feel like this is who i am and who i was always meant to be just a dumb girl who does not know how to deal w sadness in a healthy way and always end up relapsing and doesn’t even feel guilty about it. is it the familiarity of it all. is it the fact that i’m so used to this sadness that the second i get a taste of it i want more and more and stay here forever because it’s so familiar and painfully welcoming. why why why

#don’t rb #hate feeling like the second choice every damn time in every friendship or relationship i’d love to be someone’s first choice for once #hate feeling so dumb and silly and stupid at my grown age hate being so behind hate the passage of time hate not knowing how to cope #hate feeling hopeful for a while knowing that days like this one will come and ruin everything for a bit #i guess i’ll get back on track eventually i just hate that nothing can go right ever #i just wanna quit and stay home forever #one thing leads to another i hate overthinking especially when i know it’s temporary #but i just hate tasting that sadness that feels so comfortable and familiar knowing that i have to give it up #i just. yeah #relapse tw #negative

[fourswords]

in my free time i'm typing out a little post-adventure of link story from loz 1 zelda's perspective on link bringing this OTHER princess zelda who was apparently asleep for centuries (and thank you SO much for the WARNING that he was going to be DOING this, IMPA [<-entirely sarcastic]) back to the castle and the acclimatization of everyone to the whole situation and it's genuinely so fun. loz 1 zelda's standing there like alright how do i gently break it to my relative from the distant peaceful past that she has to learn how to fight in this time period or she's going to get ripped to shreds by monsters. and then she says exactly that and when aol zelda predictably looks mildly freaked out about the subject and is just standing there internally screaming like yep! okay! sure! death and destruction is rampant in this world and it kind of makes me wish i'd never woken up at all! when do fighting lessons start! loz 1 zelda is just standing there like. hm. was that not gentle enough. i feel like that wasn't gentle enough.

#it's about the severe disparity between their times. #when you grow up in a golden era of peace and you are a literal princess and your father is. iirc the correct wording used in the manual. #a child of a man. you are not going to learn how to fight. ESPECIALLY when you have an older brother who'll be the successor to the throne #when you are the princess in a time of peace then everything is going to be about image. about perfection. about being everything #the people expect from a daughter of royalty. a status symbol of ultimate proportions. so it goes #but when you are a princess in a time of complete and utter destruction. when you are a princess in a time where it is a miracle to even #survive the day sometimes. what good is image? what good are expectations? #the people of your land are survivors. they survived for a reason. lord yourself above them and there is every chance they could #destroy the last drop of royalty they have left. there is no manpower in the form of an army of knights. #and you are a survivor too. you shattered your birthright and fought your way across the land and through dungeons #to hide the pieces and you were captured and held within a cage of flames for god knows how long #and still you survived. so even though your people bite and rage you love them because you did the same. #there is never anmention of her parents. as far as we know they're dead and she was simply waiting until she was of age to be crowned queen #(<-a mention*) #so she is no status symbol. there is no perfection with her. the people begrudgingly look to her to lead them out of the hell #that has become their world and by god is she going to do it. and there is nothing left she can offer these people but brutal honesty #which is the only honesty this world has to offer anyway. it's only honesty everyone knows. #no pussyfooting around like rich people do with their speech where they say one thing and mean another. a habit i'm sure #would only flourish in peacetime. none of that. if you are not clear with your words and intentions in a land where everything wants you #dead then that's a one-way ticket to getting yourself or someone else fucking killed. #so it's like. the two main aspects of how they were raised kind of clashing full force with each other #you can only be so gentle when you grew up in a land devoid of it. you can only shape yourself into a fighter so much #when you grew up with the concept of it being foreign to you. yknow #gestures incoherently at them. blorbos truly....... #txt

[carcarrot]

i did tell you people i met a they might be giant right.

#I DONT THINK I DIDDDDDD like an insane person i left out one of the most bonkers moments of my california vacation #saying it now makes it seem like im making this up and the following story will seem made up but dude just trust me. #im fucking. ok sunday morning the morning of Thee Concert and i (used to waking up at 4-5 am) have been awake on and off since like 6 am #my friend? asleep. #now i enjoy waking up and falling back asleep for a couple of hours however by like 9:30 im starving i need BREAKFAST #like the very nice friend that i am i dont wake my friend up i let him sleep and leave him a message on my open laptop screen #because the fucking hotel room doesnt have a pad of paper?? so i leave my modern post it note of a message #saying that im going out for croissants and coffee #because im an idiot i severely misjudge how hot it's already gotten in los angeles in july #ive chosen to wear jeans (bad idea) and a long sleeve flowy black shirt (worse idea) #i also dont look my Greatest because my friend had been telling me dont wash ur hair before we curl it for the concert!!! #so this is my hair after flying in and everything the day before (It Needs To Be Washed) #im following google maps to the coffee place as i brave the streets of los angeles on a sunday morning #hollywood boulevard around the chinese theatre is insane btw. insane. but being from new york i am unfazed (well. a little fazed) #i am Sweating. its already gotta be 80 degrees. im also reaching critical hunger levels. but i continue on my journey #google maps leads me down a sidestreet and tells me to turn down some alley and im like well thats not right. #so i turn to go back the way i was headed and find another way to get to the coffee place #as i turn and head back up theres a guy going down this same block heading in my direction #i look at him and im like hey that guy kinda looks like oh my god it actually is him. mr john l of tmbg fame #and so i have a split second decision of like do i sayyyyyy something do i just ignore him while geeking out #somehow i decide to be bold and im just like gdjgmm hi excuse me i recognize you uh do you mind if i could get a photo #he was very nice and suggested we move into the shade and i took the photo trying to turn off google maps before i did #and i was like aa im seeing you in concert 2nite love your music thank u! and we went on our way. #i think i kinda like. stopped for a moment before i went on to the cafe and was like. that just happened??????? insane. but it gets better #i do finally get the coffees n croissants btw and get back to the hotel after melting in the heat #and my friend who likes tmbg better was losing his mind once i finally told him #so the following morning after our spars concert insanity we have breakfast at a diner and then head back to our hotel #and he's wearing a tmbg shirt he got and im in a spars shirt and as we're walking back a car horn honks near us #AND ITS BOTH THEY MIGHT BE GIANTS IN A CAR and they say hi and are like we like your shirts! #and my friend and i are like losing it but trying to be cool and like oh thabk you we loved your show hi! so theres my insane story

[arolesbianism]

Thinks oh so hard abt the spiraling upwards clan founders, especially the birchclan founders. Silly lil kitties who's pasts are drenched in blood with the primary regret of not drawing it sooner

#rat rambles #oc posting #warriors posting #spiraling upwards #long story short they had a shitty awful terrible leader who sucked absolutely ass and they tore him to shreds #I mean that literally they pinned him onto the mountain side and slashed and mauled the shit out of him so hard that his lives evaporated #and several of the cats involved in that scene are sill alive and major parts of the story and I love them #oh also the cat that pinned him through a stab through the throat was his own daughter btw everyone hated his ass so much #and for good reason get his ass #alas in the main story I dont rly get to go too deep into how he harmed everyone involved mostly just three main ones #aka bristlestar because shes murtlepaw's ghost mom dawncrackle because hes also haunting murtle and gullspot because shes bristle's kit #so basically all the flashbacks we get involve those three in some form or another #honeystar was also there and involved but Im not currently planning on having her rly talk abt that #most of her more modern angst is the fact that she was forced into leadership against her will #and shes been alive long enough that shes been leading birchclan far longer than she ever lived in her old clan #but she did go through a lot of shit before birchclan was founded and it definitely shaped her a lot #she used to be a very determined and high spirited lil kitty cat who tried to be optimistic #but her family began to slowly be picked off one by one by both the old leader and the one whod later get evicerated #some of the older cats around her hoped it make her back down from her revelutionary ideas but she noticed that and it backfired on them #instead of being worn down to submission she became absolutely Furious and began to lash out more and become more demanding #it got to the point that she really only had two friends in the entire clan and one of them was her aunt whod later also die after coming #out abt having witnessed the leader killing his own kits #that was the final fucking straw for her and she was fully on board when bristle and dawn started looking for cats to join their rebellion #she did get rly frustrated with them as they waited patiently for the right moment but her remaining bestie kept her from going apeshit #so once the big fight finally broke out she was more than eager to join the hoard of cats chasing the bastard upwards #now unlike some of the other cats involved this legitimately actually made her feel a lot better for a while #for the first time in ages she finally felt like she could be optimistic abt smth again and was excited abt the idea of leaving this place #she had lost so much in this damn place since she was an apprentice and just wanted to finally be able to rest easy #but once they got to their new territory and set up camp things went south real fast as a flood fucked everything up #and after losing the only cat she had left in her life and losing her tail and being made deputy on top of that she deteriorated quickly

[fiendishartist2]

guys what if i want to make my own apollo justice game.

#i need to write a prequel to aa4 pls pls pls pls pls #okay get this: so phoenix isnt disbarred yet and he doesnt have trucy. hes still taking and winning cases #one day he gets a call from edgeworth and hes all like ''wright i need your assistance'' and hes like what for and edgeworth goes #''ive been given the most ridiculous case and i think youre the only man in law who can take care of it'' #so phoenix bikes his ass to the detention center and boom. child behind bars #and phoenix is like ??? hey kid what are doing here. and this kid is the most surly mfer on the planet like you couldnt get- #-a word out of him if you tried. hes kinda giving phoenix the stink eye too but hes just the littlest guy on earth #and phoenix feels bad for him so he tries to get a rundown of the case (maybe edgeworth gave him an autopsy report or smth beforehand) #but get this. the kid still wont speak. he hasnt even moved a muscle. and after some prodding you find out this little dude- #-doesnt speak english (i dont love aa6 but i think apollos tragic backstory can be interesting so we're going w that but taking it seriousl #anyways so maya is like omg this kid is speaking khurainese but hers is kinda broken bc shes not from the mainland and only knows it- #-from like prayers #so you only get bits and pieces of the kids testimony. plus he still doesnt wanna talk bc ''dhurk told me not to talk to you'' #so you start following the new lead but you ask too many questions and apollos like oh shit i said too much and wont talk to you anymore #but now you have two leads: khur'ain and a man named ''dhurk'' plus the fact that this is kid might be new to america since- #-he cant speak english but is smack dab in the middle of california. its all v curious and phoenix wants to get to the bottom of it #for the rest of the case i feel like it would go in the direction of ''we dont know exactly whats up w this dhurk guy or where this kid- #-came from but we do get him acquitted and phoenix is able to save him from the dark path he was heading towards'' thus steering apollo- #-in the direction of law and giving him a wayyyy better reason than aa6 gave him <3 #i kind of like the interlinked nature of ace attorney's storytelling. like everything leads into smth else and everyone is impacted- #-by another person before they even become properly entangled w each other's lives #like how mia faced dahlia years before she met phoenix but dahlia was the one to connect them #or how trucy gave phoenix the diary paper but she's also the one who ropes apollo into the waa. even before they know they're siblings #or how lamoire left apollo and trucy as children and when they reunite as adults they cant recognise each other but they all find each- #-other anyways #i could go on but i think this could be cool yknow esp bc i think the most interesting thing about apollo's aa6 backstory is his life- #-post dhurk. like where did he stay? was he a foster kid? was he put into the system? how did that affect him? what kind of ppl took him in #i just wanna know how that whole thing would have effected him bc like when yiu think about it how did he even get to america?? his dad's #-considered a terrorist. idk man i think its interesting and apollo and dhurks interactions are one of the only good parts of aa6

[dreamingofstarslight]

I am melting into a puddle like the wicked witch

#i speak #i need this heat to STOP #and i need more cold days #and i need time to stop for a few months #ughhh this about to be the worst few months #ive got death anniversaries coming up and birthdays for those dead ppl coming up and my birthday #and siblings birthdays and ugh these seasons already fuck with my emotions #and now theres these things and this heat and my lead teacher fucking sucks as a person #and my work mom is quitting this month and its just going to be one thing after another #and its legit gonna be a thing where i am gonna be late some days bc of how overwhleming this is going to get #kinda feel like that song ‘wake me up when september ends’? yall know the one #but its more like ‘wake me up when october begins’ #i think I’ll be okay being a person in october #last year i didnt even really remember that it was my birthday/my graduation anniversary bc everything kind of fell to the wayside #and i dont mean to sound any bit bratty about it but it fucking sucks that even as an adult i cant find happiness at my birthday/graduation #anniversary bc literally smack dab jn the middle of those dates my grandpa died #so its like i hate feelimg mad about it but also what do you mean im probably never going to be happy on my birthday? #god it just sucks #vent #sorry #just ignore this literally

[apathyfairy]

some days you really just want to scream why is this so hard!!!!!! why is life so hard for me!!!!!!!!!!!!

#maybe it's bc i just started my period or maybe it's bc im on the verge of my next breakdown but im struggling!!!!!!!!!! #yesterday i realized it's been exactly 2 years since i moved into this living situation im still stuck in and it just hit me #as i was trying to fall asleep that like ok i just lost 2 more years of my life!! i accomplished absolutely nothing and #just ran in fucking circles going nowhere and literally have done Nothing #and not to make excuses but im only now realizing how badly covid fucked me like not covid covid but covid time #as in like jobs and having any sort of future like that was Exactly the time after i graduated that i needed to be doing shit and i couldnt #and yeah i know there are sooooo many people in similar situations bc of covid but god i just feel like such a failure which i am #but i just feel so helpless like i honestly do not know how to move forward #or what i even want out of life anymore if anything at all and yes ok so period plus 2 year anniversary plus my birthday next week so im #extremely on the edge rn #and anyway last night i was crying bc of the 2 year thing then u know how when u sometimes start crying about one thing #u start crying about just everything wrong in your life so yeah i did that and then suddenly it was about still living here #and still living in this state and still living with mentally abusive relatives and how much of a failure i am at my age and how my birthda #will make me feel like shit and how much i miss my dogs and how much i worry about my cat and how i cant ever lose her ever no matter what #like i simply will not go through another pet death i just wont. and then all roads lead to my biggest mistake and regret so my ex then #all that and how i literally cant change any of those things at all and how much i feel like a prisoner and i cant escape and anyway. #im just not doing well lately lmao

[ashxxgyu]

.

#it’s drives me insane how everything leads to you one way or another #I look forward to the day I have another “almost y/n moment’’ with you #♡₊˚ princess’s diary・₊✧🧸

[lieutenant-amuel]

If I seem inactive, just know that I'm now writing a 350+ words essay about how awesome I am.

#Personal #So I'm gonna be a teacher have pedagogy as my university subject and have my exam on the 10th of January right? #I have a task to create my teacher portfolio #(I suppose this is the right term right?) #and one of the components is 'a teacher's portrait' which is an essay where you write about your strengths #and basically everything about yourself as a future possible teacher #And it's supposed to be at least 350 words #I was kinda stuck because I had no idea what I could write about myself and basically I don't like all those reflective tasks #I don't want anyone to know me in such depth ×) #But yeah this is all in the past tense because I already finished it and it turned out 440 words ✌🏻 #And now I have another essay which is supposed to be at least 600 words <3 #And it's about myself too aakiskdkfk #I'll get to Was Born To Lead again now #It's funny how I basically made Matías a veterinarian because yeah I wanted to be the one myself #This is definitely not the only reason I need it for the plot but his character was indeed influenced by me #And to be fair all the mains share something in common with me which is another reason why I love this fic so much #Anyway yeah I didn't become a vet but I became a teacher #Like Valerio #Aksjnskskdk #Or rather Emilio because he's more fitting #And i don't know this is just so funny to me #It reminds me how my friends called me a fancy teacher (like Valerio) some time ago #and I said 'but I'm not a teacher' #Ainskskmd here I am now #Wow life you're sometimes magical and strange #And you know thanks to pedagogy I now know about the teachers as facilitators and this is 100% how I see Valerio #It’s just him #And I want to be a teacher like this myself

[pallases]

okay guys i have calculated it all out and even if i get a big fat zero on this race i will still earn a b in the class assuming i get 100% on the other remaining three assignments two of which are a given for 100% and the last of which is like. even if we get a 75% on it (which i do not really see happening) i can still scrape by w a b-

#personal #the engineering chronicles #tbh makes me feel SOOO much better like it will still suck to get a zero on basically our final exam (but it isn’t like weighed like a #final exam we can fail it and still pass as long as doing so doesn’t bring our team assignment average down below 70% which it doesn’t in #these calculations) but like. at least it will not lead to me failing the whole class yknow WRDJFN #on the flipside if we get 100% on the race my grade will boost just enough to take it from an a- to an a. but i do not foresee that #happening LMAO we would have to earn first for that which. our robot is barely functioning atm as it is #whatever i had going on last week was FINE it was not perfect but it was working. then we redesigned and it has all gone to hell 😐 AND we #all have like separate redesigns now which! we cannot do for the race! they need to be identical! #and BEFORE the race we need to submit an assignment that’s like. ‘here’s what our final identical robot design is’ w a SHIT ton of cad #models and drawings. and the race is on saturday. and as none of us have decided on a design yet that works for all of us. we have not #started this giant assignment yet. which. hello #it’s so bad. don’t even get me started on my unrelated exam on friday and also a final paper again on friday… 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 death #this class has actually taken over my life like most of the time it literally feels like i am not enrolled in anything else. which is like i #am SO lucky none of my other classes are giving me trouble but also. it makes me wonder. how i would be doing if i had chosen another major. #not even one outside of stem like linguistics is my only non stem class this semester and i am straight up vibing in everything except this #robotics class. and that can be said for most of the engineering classes ive taken where they’re really the Only classes that give me any #problems. like how stress free would i be rn if i had picked chemistry or applied mathematics or smth 🤨 #but also i don’t regret it. i mean i am learning so so much that i never would have imagined knowing how to do a year ago. but also. AAAAAAA

[bitchfitch]

Consumed with the need to draw a comic and consumed with the knowledge I'm Really bad at actually finishing comics.

#either its going to be Monty and Cadfael having a sweet moment. Cadfael is whining about how now that hes marrying age #balls and dances arnt Fun anymore because everyone is just trying to get with him or talk up one of their friends. and it Sucks. #everyone just assumes he want to lead and its not like he Minds leading but the assumption its what hed want rubs him the wrong way #and everyone talks and talks so he can't just enjoy the music and there's no Breaks in it. and its such a prissy problem to have #especially considering Montgomery doesn't get to dance at all because hes on the job. and Monty listens and when Cadfael is done #he asks if he can hear the music well enough in this little side corridor theyve snuck off too. #and Cadfael doesn't grock it until Monty is bowing and holding out a hand to him so they can have a dance. #and its everything Cadfael wanted. #it's everything monty wanted too. #that or a less sweet thing of Conall and Arlo having another argument. #Conall has been staying away from the hill but the morning following every full moon hes back there with no memory of why he returned #and hes frustrated and angry and generally resentful so instead of just leaving again like he normally does he confronts Arlo about it. #and blames him for it because like Why else would conall keep waking up in his bed. #and Arlo scoffs and is busy tracking some hunters theough the woods above. luring them closer. He thanks Conall for bating them. #He again explains that Conall's lycanthropy is at its worst the night of the full moon. and so are all the other bits of the curse. #including the bit about how werewolves were the guard dogs of the unicorns back when things were 'good' #they have the usual bout about how Arlo could cure him and is just refusing not to and Arlo saying why would he do that? #its not like he enjoys this little routine of theres. Hes already told Conall plenty of times that if he wants free of his curse #he eitber needs to die or to find someone to transfer it to. #Arlo gestures to his mirror and the hunters whove come to kill the big bad wolf spotted in the area. and says heres his chance. Pick one #and Arlo will transfer the curse. Conall can be free so long as he dooms another. #and Conall once again refuses. Not willing to stoop that low before storming off. #arlo kills the hunters and muses to himself that he should get Conall angry more often. hes cuter like that.

[koipalm]

tlou au where everything is the same but from the very start, joel, tess, and ellie are pursued by a mysterious woman with 8 fingers who wants nothing more than to kill ellie

#txt #[andre rousimoff holding his hands out gif] NO ONE ELSE DO THIS before i get to this #. then you can. #tlou #i see this as only somewhat of a fix it fic #because future ellie would probably not be able to save everyone #but i think she might be able to save key characters such as henry and max #although i do imagine this to be. kind of fucking scary #like think of a constantly pursuing predator that you cant figure out how to kill #HAHA like the wolf in puss in boots #i do imagine her to be much much more ruthless #such as the trio turning around only to find like bill missing when they were just talking to him #only to find his body in another room #so it would be like. KIND of a mercy kill. ellie in her broken mind from everything and also the time travel #thinking it would be kinder to kill him before he could find franks body and his note #i think that ellie would probably attempt to kill her younger self at the beginning because shes out of her mind #and then spend the rest of the time restlessly pursuing joel tess and ellie who are doing everything they can to stop her and gain a lead #trying of course to get to joel and make amends and also trying to save people like sam #and then finally TRULY catching up to them in salt lake city #to convince the fireflies to take her instead of younger ellie #ellie williams #ellie miller #anyway. i think all my aus are so good but that probably means nothing when i hardly ever actually write for them

[billowyy]

.

#i had a training today about how civilians need to act in active attack situations #and a school shooting that happened here a few years ago got brought up #the entire time the cop that was leading the training was really respectful about everything except during this one part #she said that it took some cops 6 months to a year to be able to return to duty after what they saw that day #which i respect and all that bc that shit is traumatic at fuck #but she didn't say shit about the students having to return #like i'm pretty sure the students had a week or two before the school opened again but they had to go back so fast #to the place where it happened #and she basically just dismissed that #i'm sure she didn't do it on purpose but it really fucking bothered me and hours later it still is #and there were probably at least one or two people in the room who went to that school and were there on that day #that training was really hard #we had to watch a video of this teacher from sandy hook talking and jfc man #a lot of us were trying not to cry for a lot of it #shit's fucked but all of us in that room work with kids so it was really hitting hard for us #it's forced me to think about what my experience was on the day of that local school shooting which is always really difficult #i was in high school and my mom called me while i was walking to the bus stop #and told me that there was an active shooter at this high school about 30 mins away #so i went to school that day knowing there was an active shooter at another high school so close to mine #the entire day every time i heard a door slam or someone run down the hallway i was flinching #it didn't really sink in how close that was to me until i got to college and started meeting people who went to that school #today's not a good day and i'm glad it's almost over