#He’s obsessed with you rather than Marian

[fizzyxcustard]

Imagine Guy of Gisborne is obsessed with you. He tries his hardest just to spend time with you, and for a long time you’re scared of your own feelings and commitment. Then, one day, you give in and allow the floodgates to open.

#richard armitage #Guy of Gisborne #BBC Robin Hood #Imagine #He’s obsessed with you rather than Marian

[mermaidsirennikita]

August 2022 Book Recommendations

I read a lot of books in August 2022. Let's get into the ones I'd recommend.

Deep by Kylie Scott. The last in a series, which can be read as standalones--I hadn't read any before this one, and I did just fine. Liz's older sister Anne just married the drummer for world famous rock band, Stage Dive. Nearly 21, she's in school studying psychology, and is immediately smitten (and obsessed with) the quiet bass player Ben. But despite Liz's dogged pursuit of Ben (who valiantly resists her in an attempt to honor The Bro Code) he genuinely connects with her as a friend. Which is probably why he finally gives in one drunken Vegas night--only for Liz to immediately cut him out of her life when she realizes it's just one night for him. But not really because WHOOPS, there's a babyyyyy. Anyway, this was super fun and quite hot and hit all the buttons that I need for a guilty pleasure. An age gap! (Liz is 21 for most of the book, Ben is 29.). An oops baby! A Gang of Merry Men who actually seem like friends and give Ben shit when he's being a dumbass! A good sister relationship! A scene where the hero gets drunk and is like "OH GOD A BABY" like an emotionally repressed loser! Was it indulgent? Yes. Did I have so much fun? Yes.

Kiss An Angel by Susan Elizabeth Phillips. Daisy is forced into an arranged marriage by her father--but this isn't a historical. Nope, this book takes place in the mid-90s, the era in which it was written, and oh how 90s it is, in the most delicious possible way. A spoiled heiress (the illegitimate daughter of an Ambiguously Criminal Rich Guy and a recently-deceased model), Daisy is meant to stay married for six months to the gruff, annoyed, condescending Alex, for... reasons. "It'll teach her to grow up" lmao okay. But it turns out that Alex is a part of a traveling circus (he has another job, I promise) and he and Daisy are going to follow that circus for the summer, for its last season. This book has everything: a psychic connection to tigers; a jealous ex lover; a jealous delusional teenage girl; CIRCUS BLOODLINES; an elephant in love with the heroine???; and much more. It is... wild. Parts of it won't age well--Alex can be incredibly douchey to Daisy, though at times he does have a point. But it's also very funny, has a rather excellent "take your panties off at this restaurant" moment, and is extremely fun. Also. The grovel is superb.

Accidentally Compromising the Duke by Stacy Reid. Adeline is meant to get engaged to a predatory earl, and in an effort to avoid this fate, decides to "compromise" another man who's interested in her. However, in a bid to avoid an unwanted marriage for herself, her best friend betrays her and sets her up to compromised the cold, widowed Duke of Wolverton, who only wants a stepmother for his daughters. Adele and the duke have instant chemistry, but he's determined not to consummate the marriage... And he fails!!! This one is extremely fun and hot and if you love a hero who can't stand his boner, this is the one for you. The duke's emotional Ihssues honestly make a lot of senses and his grovel is sufficiently grovel-y. Stacy Reid does a hell of a grovel moment, and a hell of an OOPS baby moment.

The Perfect Crimes of Marian Hayes by Cat Sebastian. Marian Hayes is--or was--being blackmailed by a man who claims that her husband, and the father of her infant daughter, was still married when he wed her. Now she's on the run after shooting said husband, and happens to have fallen in with the very blackmailer herself--and he may have a lot more up his sleeve than she realizes. This one is super fun. Bisexual leads! An aversion to penetrative sex! A mother who loves her baby but isn't naturally super maternal! We love to see it. And if you like a touch of femmedom.... Yeah.

Duchess by Day, Mistress by Night by Stacy Reid. Georgiana is the toast of the ton, a widowed duchess--and mother of a young duke--who's upheld as a tastemaker and exemplar of ladylike behavior. But when her son's governess goes missing, she's left with no choice but to hire the man who knows everything about society's secrets, despite living outside of it--Rhys Tremayne. Rhys is determined to take their relationship beyond business, but like--interclass issues. This is a classic interclass romance, with an uptown girl and her bit o' rough. It's not that Georgiana's marriage was super horrible; she doesn't have a tragic backstory (while Rhys does). She's just understandably dissatisfied. What made this a nice change of pace is that Georgiana really is the more "problematic" one here, for all that Rhys is domineering (and more than happy to dominate her in bed). Emotionally, he's a lot more mature than she is, and she has to get to the point where she's willing to risk her reputation.

Wicked in His Arms by Stacy Reid. Livvie is in need of a good husband, and has ended up staying at the estate of the cold, downright rude Earl of Blade during her search. Not that she wants the earl--they despise each other. She hates his haughty and condescending demeanor; he hates that she makes him hard, basically. Which is why it's bad when she happens to follow him into a closet, and he happens to quickly deflower her, and when he's running after her to be all "WAIT STOP AAAAAH" and his mother and sister happen to catch them. Cue a marriage of convenience, but like--he can never love. This was one of my favorite Stacey Reids I've read thus far, simply because Tobias ("Blade" lol I can't) is such a dick. And Livvie is, in turn, fully insane. There is an incident with slugs. There is an incident in which she may or may not call someone out in public. A person might get slapped. They're a great enemies to lovers couples; she makes him too hot for his own good (in his mind), and he frustrates her beyond reason. Also, the hero writes secret mystery novels in this and it is a plot point and that was delightful.

Lick by Kylie Scott. The first book in the Stage Dive series involves our heroine Evelyn waking up in Vegas to find out that she has not only tattooed the name of David Ferris, the guitarist/songwriter for Stage Dive, on her ass; she has also married him after meeting him the night before. Remembering nothing, Evelyn's impulse is to have the marriage annulled, but David seems... kind of about it. And it isn't long before she's reconsidering splitting from the hot, rich rock star guy who writes love songs, which like... yeah. I didn't love this quite as much as Deep, but it was still super fun. It has all the hallmarks of a celebrity romance--he's too famous for me, I'm just a normal girl, he has a past everyone knows about and it's overwhelming--and David is a solid hero. There is some... good sex in this book. And we get a lot of teasing of David's brother, Jimmy, who is a horrible sexual harassing addict, which means that I naturally can't wait for his book. (From what IIIIIII understand, Jimmy is the one who deserves the "Lick" title.)

How to Marry a Marquess by Stacy Reid. Richard, the newly-minted Marquess of Westfall, and Evie have been friends ever since the night he told her how to evade an engagement she didn't want. Over the years, much has changed. Westfall discovered and claimed his illegitimate daughter, making himself an outcast in society. Evie has fallen hopelessly in love with him. But a relationship is out of the question for him, in part because he's sure that Evie would ultimately be miserable as a social pariah. For Evie, the only logical choice is to tell Westfall she needs lessons on seducing an entirely different man. And he does indeed bite (yes). So this one is EXTREMELY angsty, which, I've discovered, is the only logical way to do friends to lovers. The only way to make it work is if both characters desperately want each other and live in an uncomfortable impasse because reasons. And Westfall is a total asshole, so I did love him; but Evie's not without her own issues. Westfall is like, a sanctimonious social justice marquess. But while a weaker book would've just left him that way, Reid actively calls him the fuck out--and so does Evie. The tension is also just like... extremely hot. He breaks, but this is one of the few books that sold me on the tension being (almost) as good as the follow through. Great angst, great grovel, great "we're best friends and we had spontaneous sex and now it's awkward so I'm going to go kill myself by being outside in the rain".

Between the Devil and Desire by Lorraine Heath. Olivia, Duchess of Lovingdon, is shocked when her husband not only suddenly dies but leaves his estate--and the guardianship of their only child--to Jack Dodger, a reprobate who runs a gambling hell. Jack barely knew Lovingdon, let alone Olivia, and now her son and her own safety are in his hands. And he's also extremely combatively hot, which makes it a bigger issue. This book FUCKS. Not just in that there is sex, obviously (and a particularly fabulous garden scene in which he comes so hard that he literally doesn't have the wherewithal to run after her in a timely manner after she runs away) but in the drama, the conflict, the interplay between the characters. Jack has an extremely dark backstory, as a heads up--about as dark as it can get. But the emotionality and intensity of that backstory is balanced with his rather hilarious conflict with Olivia, which is enemies to lovers by way of "she is so messed up about being aroused by him". It's a delicious book with a fuck you up twist that isn't for the faint of heart. No notes. Lorraine Heath excellence.

When the Earl Met His Match by Stacy Reid. Phoebe, sister of the Marquess of Westfall, is in trouble. After her parents paid off the man who deflowered her to leave her alone, she's left to deal with her pregnancy by herself. Her mother wants her to give up her child to a baby farm, and she takes the second option--to run away to Scotland and marry the stranger she's been conversing with by letter for months since he first advertised for a wife. But he isn't who she expected--Hugh Winthrop is the heir to an earldom, needs a wife to integrate his scandalous family back into high society, and cannot speak. The two enter into a marriage of convenience, with Hugh offering to claim her child--but to never give her love. This one was so good. It's softer than the other Stacy Reid books I've read. Hugh has issues with expressing love (to be clear: he can speak, just with sign language, which Phoebe learns to ease communication) but he's a deeply good guy, and clearly is smitten with Phoebe from day one. He steps the fuck up. The conflict in the book doesn't... totally gel with what we know of Westfall from his book, but it didn't take away from it either. This book also has some of the best angsty, angry sex I've ever read, so. Points.

The Madness of Viscount Atherbourne by Elisa Braden. Victoria is the diamond of her season, engaged to marry a man she doesn't really care about either way, when she was is taken out on the terrace and thoroughly seduced by the new Viscount of Atherbourne. We're talking tits out, coming in full view of society. Matters get worse when it's revealed that Atherbourne very much intended for this to happen in revenge against Victoria's older brother, Harrison, who shot the viscount's older brother dead in a duel (which had to do with another sin!). With no choice but to marry Atherbourne, Victoria is cut off from her beloved brothers and alienated by her husband--despite the fact that they're quite into each other. This book was quite good, though not quite as good as Every Yours, Annabelle. There's a great deal of angst, of course, but Elisa Brade also adds a great deal of humor to the whole thing, which keeps Lucien, our hero, from being insufferable. You can kind of figure what's happening fairly early on in the book, but it's more about Lucien realizing how much he needs to get over the past and move forward with Victoria. The ending could've been bigger, but I still found it satisfying, and I'm very excited to read Harrison's book--the best part of this novel was honestly a comment about how he killed Atherbourne's brother the same way he did everything else--efficiently. I love an efficient man.

Surrender to the Devil by Lorraine Heath. Frannie Darling was raised as the only girl among Feagin's pack of kids, and despite being a remarkable pickpocket, she wasn't able to avoid the brutality of growing up on the streets. Though she's turned down proposals from a couple of the boys she grew up with, Frannie is more intrigued by a proposition from the Duke of Greystone--even if he offers her nothing more than an affair. This book was somewhat tame by Lorraine Heath standards. There is, of course, a lot of angst--both Frannie and her hero, Sterling, have serious issues to confront. (Frannie, like Jack Dodger, had basically the worst possible backstory.). Much of the book, however, deals not so much with Frannie's trauma but her insistence on being treated like an adult, without condescension, by Sterling. And I loved that so much. It's a lovely romance, one that gave me a lot of emotion... and though I wish that I'd read the books in order, the fact that the heroine of When the Duke Was Wicked is Sterling and Frannie's daughter made it even better.

Midnight Pleasures with a Scoundrel by Lorraine Heath. Eleanor Watkins is on a mission to avenge the death of her sister, who was grievously mistreated by a marquess. After being alerted to her potential intentions by the lord, Scotland Yard Inspector James Swindler begins following Eleanor, beginning a game of cat and mouse that has outcomes neither expect. Listen--I've heard critiques of this book, and different strokes for different folks but it totally worked for me because it is APESHIT. One of the most Lorraine Heath plot twists... I have ever read. It is bonkers, in several ways. James Swindler is less alpha than the other Scoundrels of St. James series, but I actually really enjoyed his relationship with Eleanor; the romance was almost secondary to how fucking wild the plot became, but I still enjoyed it. Two wounded people trying to make the best of things works for me.

Run, Run Rabbit by C.M. Nascosta. Vanessa and Grayson are trial lawyers in Cambric Creek; he's her asshole boss from a privileged, connected family, and she's the new hire he's coldly dismissive of. They are also werewolves, because this is Cambric Creek, and all Vanessa wants is to get absolutely railed by the man she despises most. Again, because they are werewolves, Grayson can smell exactly how wet she is all the time, and this leads to a semi-toxic, semi-lovely back and forth of fucking each other like crazy every full moon, while not committing to a normal, healthy relationship. So this is not a typical romance for me, not only because it's not historical, but because it's more on the "happy for now" scale than a "happily ever after" ending--as a heads up. I fully believe Grayson and Vanessa will stay together, even if they may need years of couples' therapy, but some may disagree. This is one of the hottest books I've ever read, and I don't want to interrogate what that says about me or my personal interests. I do love a werewolf moment, and this is.... full werewolfitude. Like, he's smelling her arousal, he's fucking her in his office, they're fucking while they're in werewolf form, they're fucking while he's in his werewolf form and she's a human, they're fucking while he's wearing a wolf headdress thing in an ancient primal chase party. Again, Grayson can be a total dick to Vanessa--and honestly? Vanessa can be a total dick to Grayson. They are not monogamous; there is a particularly excellent scene where he is getting blown by two other women and she starts making out with him before taking over. If that kind of shit is not for you--don't read it. If it is fo you--definitely read it. I personally cannot wait to read the next Cambric Creek book in which Grayson's disaster brother starts fucking some human lady to get her pregnant. Because werewolves are potent. Cheers to that shit.

The Truth About Cads and Dukes by Elisa Braden. Lady Jane Huxley is not considered a catch--she's fat, plain, and a hopelessly shy bookworm. She's easy prey for wastrel Colin Lacey's tricks, and what was meant to be assistance for a friend ends with her being hopelessly ruined. Fortunately, Colin's older brother Harrison--and the catch of the season, the Duke of Blackmore--is hopelessly honorable, and marries Jane in order to save her from scandal. The issue? For all that Jane is a romantic reader, Harrison is cold and stern. And you know what "stern" means... Look, this was great. I may like it even more than my first Elisa Braden read, Ever Yours, Annabelle. It's quite funny to read about Jane bumbling through marriage, innocently turning Harrison at every moment. This man was struggling and when he gave up on that struggle the scenes were intense. The plot is not super unique; Jane is a snarky virgin who gets in a little over her head with an angsty husband who doesn't know how to love. But Braden's execution is its strength. It's so funny AND sexy AND old school in a sense. Like, there's a scene where this man is fucking the shit out of her and she's calling him "Your Grace" in her ecstatic cries and he stops to be like "please call me by my first name, this is getting weird". I was losing my mind. This book also does have one of the best love confessions I've ever read, so. I'm a fan.

A Merry Little Meet Cute by Julie Murphy and Sierra Simone (releases 9/20). Read my review here.

The Devil Is a Marquess by Elisa Braden. Tall and freckled, half-American and determined to go to America and become a tradeswoman, Charlotte is not of interest to most men of the ton. But her father is determined for her to marry and gain a title, and so he approaches the debt-ridden, alcoholic Benedict Chatham, Marquess of Rutherford. So financially stressed that he's resorted to selling his body to rich women (this-was-excellent) Benedict agrees to marry Charlotte, and makes another deal with her father behind her back. But as the two form a genuine friendship, he begins to question if he's getting in her way. This one was just really good. Benedict is a genuinely problematic hero who needs to grow a fuckton--his alcoholism isn't glossed over, though the book maintains a lighter touch as most Elisa Braden novels do. I really appreciated the degree of real friendship that grew in the marriage before Benedict and Charlotte actually made a move on each other; that's difficult to balance, but the edge between the two of them never left. Sometimes, I think that these "he gets better" books can dip into the woman doing so much to improve the man while he gives little in return.... But that's not the case here. Also--the sex in this book is insanely hot, and hilariously handled. Shoutout to the scene where the maid tries to save Charlotte by telling her dad's lawyer that she sees the lord of the house grab her and take her into rooms and then the next thing you know she's screaming for mercy from God and shit. That will... live forever in my heart. Elisa Braden GETS me. In a lot of ways, I think Elisa is kind of the heir to Tessa Dare--and that's not a bad place to be in at all.

How the Wallflower Was Won by Eva Leigh (releases 9/27). Read my review here.

#romance novel blogging #book recs

[wickedheadache]

"I mean if this Marian died, all would be well, wouldn't it?"

And Regina's first reaction is to nod. Because how Rumplestiltskin thinks is how she's used to think. It's why her first plan was to kill Marian before realizing that that wouldn't actually solve anything. On a surface level of the issue: if Marian's gone, that means she'll have Robin all to herself, which in her eyes means she'll have her happy ending. But if you look deeper, you can see that the problem is that Regina can't be happy, in her eyes, because she's a villain, but in reality, because she doesn't know how happy even looks like.

Or, maybe it's the opposite. She knows how happy looks like, and that's it. All she has is her imagined ideal of a happy ending, of what made her happy decades ago and what she sees makes other people happy. And all she can do is try to imitate that in hopes that it'll be the same for her. Which is why she jumps into a relationship with Robin so fast, and why she puts all of her hope into it. Robin is more of a symbol to her, of the happiness she's looking for, rather than an actual person she truly loves.

She's so obsessed with the idea of her true love, Robin, her last chance at happiness, that she's blind to all the ways Robin fails to achieve this standard (as would anyone, really) and all the ways he's been contributing to her misery instead of relieving her of it.

#ouat rewatch #ouat s4 ep12 #me

[syeunko]

Great Circle

In an effort to document more of my reads, I will post at least one book review a month. My January read~

Synopsis: "At a young age, Marian Graves becomes obsessed with flying, and she’ll do whatever it takes to get into the sky and circumnavigate the globe, including forging a relationship with a wealthy bootlegger. She knows her dream will come at a cost, but just how much is she willing to give up? Fast forward 100 years, and Hadley Baxter is remaking herself in Hollywood as the role of Marian Graves in a Hollywood bio-epic."

My rating: 4/5. I found Marian's story to be more interesting, and all the flying details bogged down the momentum of the novel for me, but the writing was good and I appreciated the nuanced depictions of both characters' complexity. (one more so than the other)

“He is a quiet drunk but an ardent one.”

"Bravery at the poles seems appealingly simple. If you go there, or try to, you are brave."

"'I told you I have a sister? Kate? I wish I could hold her life in my hands like an egg, make everything good for her. It's a burden - the wish itself, and the fact it's impossible.' 'That's what I mean. Things might be better without anyone to worry about.' He leans forward, his folded arms sliding on the table. 'That's not true. That would be the most terrible loneliness.'"

"People thought being twins made them the same, but it was balance, not sameness, she felt with him. That night in their cots on the sleeping porch, she asked, 'Why do you think he gambles? we'd be fine for money if only he wouldn't.' 'I don't think he means to,' came Jamie's voice in the dark. 'I don't think he can help it.' 'You wouldn't think it'd be so hard to stop throwing your money away.' 'I think he's after the thrill.' 'What thrill? He never wins.' 'And if he quits he never will, either. I think he likes to hope.' 'Hope shouldn't be so expensive.'

"True, she would likely abandon him one day soon, but he would rather endure that loss than inflict it."

“I’d like to think I will remember this particular moon, seen from the particular angle of this balcony on this night, but if I forget, I will never know that I’ve forgotten, as is the nature of forgetting. I’ve forgotten so much—almost all I’ve seen. Experience washes over us in great waves. Memory is a drop caught in a flask, concentrated and briny, nothing like the fresh abundance from which it came.”

“I want love but not a wife, not yet. I want drink but not dissolution. I want momentum but not to careen. I suppose what I want is some kind of equilibrium, but I suppose I want the thrill of tipping back and forth, too. Do you know what I mean? Maybe not—you’ve always been one for single-minded pursuit. ”

“My brother, an artist, said what he wished to convey in his paintings was a sense of infinite space. He knew this task to be impossible, as, even if a canvas could accommodate such a concept, our minds seem incapable of grasping it. But he said he believed, most of the time, that an unachievable intention was the worthiest kind. My flight has as its stated intention a plain and, I believe, achievable goal, but that intention has arisen from my own inherently unachievable desire to understand the scale of the planet, to see as much as can be seen. I wish to measure my life against the dimensions of the planet.”

“'I’ll let you go in the morning. You know I will.' 'It’s as easy as that?' 'It doesn’t matter what’s easy,' he said. 'There’s just what you do and what you don’t do.'”

"She surprises herself with her own earnestness as she reaches up to grip Marian’s shoulders, shakes her gently as she says, “You must do everything you can to remember. Not just what you see, but what it means. To you.”

"It doesn’t make sense,” she says to Eddie from inside her sleeping bag, “but sometimes my brother’s death gives me courage. I catch myself thinking that if he could die, if he could endure it, so can I, though obviously I have no choice, and it’s not something anyone endures. In fact it’s the opposite.”

"And yet, and yet, and yet."

"She’d told him, in Hawaii, that she envied how he’d found a place that quelled his restlessness. She had not thought she would ever find such a place for herself, but in New Zealand, she does. Perhaps her peace is inherent to the land, or perhaps she has simply exhausted herself. She longs to fly an airplane again, but she doesn’t long to see over the horizon. And she feels she must make sacrifices in atonement for her survival, for leaving Eddie. She will not fly. She will not know Jamie’s daughter."

"And then I must have slipped back into being Marian Graves because, for a second, I felt free."

[zhoufeis]

Me: I'm over Robin Hood BBC

Someone: *makes up apologies for Gisborne by trying to make Robin look like the bad guy and acts like "what a baby gisborne uwu" for the moment in which Gisborne kills Marian*

Me: So, I'm not over Robin Hood and here's all the reasons why this fandom is fucked up-

#mischa for ts #to be deleted #this is a marian and robin appreciation blog #and an anti gisborne blog and this is one of the few opinions that I'm very strict about #gisborne literally KILLED marian #because he couldn't take that she loved someone other than him #and you all act like 'that guy would destroy the world for his woman' #no he wouldn't #he would kill the woman because how dare she love someone else #how dare she love a guy who love and respects her #who makes her laugh and smile and whose biggest regret in life was to leave her #i also have a slight obsession with antagonists #but gisborne is the kind of guy who would rather force a woman into an unhappy marriage with him or to straight up kill her #than to see her being happy with another man #he's a terrible character and i will never understand when people stan such characters

[iwontmakeuasandwich]

So I recently started rewatching BBC Robin Hood and holy shit I forgot how much I hated Guy of Gisborne. He’s literally the worst and the only reason I can believe people actually like his character or have the audacity to ship him with Marian is because he’s sexy. That’s it.

I mean:

-he left HIS OWN NEWBORN BABY to die in the forest

-he’s incredibly cruel to the people of Nottingham and willingly carries out the sheriff’s orders no matter how brutal they are. It doesn’t even seem to faze him in the slightest when he “has to” kill or torture an innocent person

-he lied about being sick in Nottingham and actually went to the holy land to try and assassinate Robin and the king

-hes selfish and has absolutely no empathy for others, not even Marian. And I say that because, (here’s one example), when her father died and she was obviously heartbroken and distressed, instead of actually comforting her he used it as a guise to take advantage of her by trying to kiss her.

-he forced Marian to say yes to his proposal. He freaked out when he saw a peasant girl wearing a necklace he had gifted Marian, (when in actuality he stole the necklace from that same girl and once Marian found out about it she gave it to Robin to give back to the girl), realized Marian was helping Robin and told the sheriff, obviously knowing she would be a executed. Then he stormed to her house, hit her father, and violently demanded she show him the necklace only to find out she actually still had it. Then he was basically just like “omg the sheriff thinks you helped Robin Hood and he’s gonna kill you and your father, the only way for you guys to be safe is if you marry me so I can protect you” so obviously??? She has to say yes??? Even though she CLEARLY doesn’t love him

-he lies to Marian about the king’s return so she’ll marry him sooner

-HE STABS MARIAN. (Yes I know he didn’t know she was the night watchman but it’s still fucked up because the night watchman was a hero who protected the poor from his and the sheriff’s cruelty)

-he burns down her house after Marian (rightfully) punches him in the face and leaves his pathetic manipulative ass at the alter

-he then locks her father in a cell??? And the only way to get Guy to treat them better is to act like she likes him which is just so fucked up like fr this is such a toxic relationship how do some of y’all ship them-

-and ultimately, right when he’s about to slaughter the King of England, Marian confronts him and FINALLY reveals that she would rather die than be with him because she is and has always been in love with Robin Hood...

so he kills her.

Guy kills Marian, the woman he has supposedly always been in love with, because shes in love with another man. I’m sorry but that doesn’t sound like love to me, that sounds possessive, obsessed, and predatory.

Because if you really love someone, you would let them go. You would want them to be happy.

But no, Guy would rather her be dead than be with someone else.

So yeah. Fuck Guy, I hate him.

#Robin Hood #bbc robin hood #robin hood bbc #guy of gisborne #Marian #Richard Armitage on the other hand is a snack and I’d let him stick his sword in me anytime if you know what I mean wink wink

[miracul0us-multishipper]

Felix Idea

Continuation of this

“-and anyway, I told Marinette pink is just her color, but I’m sure you would have swooned if you’d seen her in that blue dress she made. Like, not even you, Sunshine would have been able to get out a word in the presence of that angel! A revelation in pastel hues, lemme tell you!”

“Alya,” Felix managed to interrupt her when she had to take a breath. Finding the Ladyblogger had been easy, but getting her to shut up for long enough to speak? Not so much. “Marinette” - or Marian, or whatever her name had been - “looks great! I believed you the first fifteen minutes you told me about it, and I still do now.”

“Oh, but you can’t believe it until you have seen her!”, Alyas blonde friend - Rose? - emphasized as her goth girlfriend nodded along. “We should go visit her right away or you’ll miss the opportunity to witness true lov- beauty!”

God, how did his cousin survive these girls. Felix had only been in their presence for minutes and he already felt the urge to stick his head in the Seine, just to drown out their voices in his ringing ears!

“Later.” he promised, “But I came here to ask you something, and it’s really important.”

Alya had the self control to keep her mouth shut and nod. Finally.

“A few months ago, you posted that interview with Ladybug on your blog, remember?”

Alya nodded again, enthusiasm sparking in her eyes. Before Felix could stop her, she was talking again.

“Pff, if I remember? Boy, that was like, the kickstart of my journalistic career! If our little networking Queen hadn’t managed to convince LB-“

“Alya!”, he interrupted again, his mind racing to keep up with her. Networking Queen? “I need you to listen. You’re my friend, right? Friends listen.”

Immediately, she let herself fall back next to him.

“Right! Sorry! Gettin’ a little carried away here.”

“No problem!”, Felix pressed out with the friendliest, most Adrien-like smile he could muster up. Even if he was at the brink of loosing his mind.

“Anyway. Our ‘Networking Queen’... I need you to get me a meeting with her. Today.”

Alyas eyes began to sparkle in a way that made Felix wonder of this had been a mistake.

“Oooooh, I get it.”, she all but cooed. “You want some alone time with your ‘just a friend’?”

“A date between model and fashionista?”, Rose chirped up, that same expression in her eyes.

“Chat Noir’s voice talking to our Everyday Ladybug?”, Juleka followed suit, red eyes eerily unblinking.

They could’ve texted him in ancient hieroglyphs and he would’ve understood more than the nonsense that had just left their mouths.

He was about to give up - fuck it, he’d just create an Akuma and wait for Ladybug to show up - when a shrill voice caught his attention.

“Did I just hear ‘Ladybug’?”, snickered a blonde girl walking out of a nearby boutique. “Because if you want to talk heroes, Adrie-chérie, you’ll want to talk to me!”

“Chloé”, Alya growled, but Felix wasn’t listening anymore.

Everything clicked into place.

Networking Queen? Chloé knew lots of famous people by living in an exclusive hotel.

Adrien’s ‘just a friend’? Who else could it be than his oldest companion, who was also too much of a headache to ever be considered more than a friend?

Fashionista? Well... personally, Felix would have preferred to go blind this very instant before having to look at that garish yellow jacket again, but Chloé’s mother still was the Style Queen.

And an Everyday Ladybug? He might not know how, but Chloé did have a miraculous at some point, making her a lower-tier, more ordinary hero. An everyday Ladybug, if you wanted to flatter her and insult the goddess that was Ladybug.

In other words: The contact that would get him Ladybugs attention? It was Chloé Bourgeois! Everything made sense now.

“Well, that’s my cue.”, Felix told the three furies next to him and got up. Chloé looked surprised when he actually walked over to her, but the girls? They looked flabbergasted.

“W-Wait a sec! Didn’t you want to go to Marinette’s with us?”, Rose pouted, tears forming in her ridiculously oversized eyes.

“Yeah!”, Alya complained. “Since when would you rather hang out with Chloé than grab some pastries and compliment Mari?!”

That’s it. Felix had had it with their pushy, unhelpful and downright obsessive interest in his view on some amateur-designers dress of the day! Jesus Christ, did Paris do this to people or were they just born with an endless reservoir of mindless chatter?!

“For the record,” Felix’ friendly facade began to crack as his smile turned malicious, “I do not want to visit Marinette. In fact, I do not care about this Marinette at all! And I don’t care about you, your infuriating riddles and your absolute gibberish either!”

Chloe next to him spit out the smoothie she’d been slurping and stared at him in disbelief, but he wasn’t done yet. Now that their faces varied from shock to anger to hurt, he had an idea for a back-up plan. Prime Akuma-material was prime Meeting-Ladybug material, after all.

“It has been almost half an hour until something even vaguely useful left your mouth!”, Felix happily continued his rant. “Up to then, the only thing you did was bore me to death with your tabloid of a blog, some band I now wish I’d never heard of, and the oh-so glorious color choice of a dress that isn’t even finished yet! I mean, I don’t know about you, but I have a very important and busy life! So, if you’ll excuse me?”

He straightened his jacket and turned towards Chloé’s limousine.

“I have interesting people to spend my day with.”

All four watched him get into the car, mouths agape, before a sharp “Chloé!” Let the blonde remember she was supposed to follow him.

“Uh, Yeah!”, she stammered towards the other three. “So long, you... uh... uninteresting people!”

-

“Are you alright?”, Chloé asked him for the third time since they had arrived at her room. “I mean, not to say I don’t approve of you realizing how stupid they are, but that was kind of... sudden.”

“I told you, Chloé.”, he faked patience. “I just want to spend some time with you! My best and oldest friend!”

“Oh”, she perked up. “Well, then! We didn’t hang out in ages, Adrikins!”

She threw herself into a red-cushioned armchair, sighing.

“It’s been so long, I don’t even remember what we used to do all the time.”

A shrill, uncomfortable laugh escaped her, slowly dying down when she realized he wasn’t laughing along.

“So... uh, what do you want to do? We could play Ladybug and Chat Noir! I have these wicked expensive cosplays in my closet you have to see, maybe I’ll let you borrow the Chat Noir one! Sabrina usually plays him, but she’s got a cold and I definitely won’t let her contaminate it with some sort of poor people disease! So-“

“Why don’t we talk a little, for now?”, he cut her off, inspecting the numerous wardrobes in the room. Any sign that Ladybug frequented this place would be enough to raise his mood.

“About you being Queen Bee, for example! You and Ladybug must be... close.”

He turned around to her and she laughed.

“Close? We are BFFs! I mean, sure, she hasn’t given me a Miraculous in a while, but she still adores me. Everybody does, right?”

She laughed again.

“Right?”

Not bothering to answer, he rolled his eyes.

“Surely you must have a way to contact her.”, he hinted at his end goal of this conversation. “As close as you are, you must be talking all the time.”

“W-well...”, Chloé started, something unreadable in her expression, before she shook her head. “Of course! The bee signal, it’s on my balcony.”

She led him outside, proudly turning on what looked like a giant spotlight with bee motive.

“Cool, huh?”

Felix’ carefully cheerful face crumbled. This... was it? His chance at meeting Ladybug was nothing more than a glorified pocket torch on some rich girls‘ roof?!

“Cool?”, he laughed in disbelief. “Tell me, Chloé... has she ever actually answered your signal?”

The girl faltered.

“What?”

“Did Ladybug”, he hissed, anger pooling in his chest, “ever react to this thing?”

“I mean...”, she shrugged, “One or two times, I guess? But you can’t measure our friendship in how often she visited me, right? I mean, you didn’t visit a lot either!”

She laughed, but it sounded insecure now.

“Wow, that came of accusing! You know I adore you though, right, Adrikins?”

Sighing she leaned on the balcony railing.

“I bet you missed hanging out with me! It’s just that so much is changing for you right now, adjusting to school life and all, and you’re so crowded by these losers all the time. Sometimes I think you forget that we’re friends entirely, ha ha! That is, until I... until people are upset with me for some stupid reason.”

She talked on and on and on. Why was everybody talking so much today? Why did no one see how important this day was? How long he had pined for this moment to arrive, only to have it kept just out of reach.

“Hey, do you think you have time on Friday?”, Chloé finally ended her monologue. “Daddy is officially opening up our new spa area, and we’ve deserved a little break! Being popular is so exhausting.”

Felix let out a dry, bitter laugh and finally turned to his cousin’s childhood friend.

“Popular?”, he wanted to snarl, but it came out tired. “You’re not popular, Chloé. Get real.”

“Um, excuse-“

“No. I have had a thoroughly disappointing day, and I can’t stand to see more uselessness today.”

He sighed, ignoring how Chloé was backing away from him.

“Nobody likes you.”, he said matter-of-fact. “Who are you kidding? Ladybug won’t show up, and neither will anyone else. Any day. And I guess you should come to accept that, because the longer you entertain yourself with your little illusion, the more it will hurt when you realize you are hopeless.”

“Adrien, what’s gotten into you?”, she shook her head, trembling hands balled to fists. “You can’t speak to me like that!”

“Yeah?”, he mocked her, desperate to let off some steam. “Why not? Is your Daddy going to throw money at me? Is your Mommy going to call me by the wrong name and pretend to fire me? Or is it just you she does that with?”

Now she actually flinched, eyes as wide as dinner plates. He can only muster up a halfhearted chuckle.

“Do me a favor, Chloé, now that you couldn’t even get Ladybug here. Go away. You bore me so, so much.”

He expected a fight - hoped for one, actually. So when she retreated, carefully, before turning and running away, he was almost disappointed. Because now he was alone on the roof, with no Akuma in sight, and the glorious Ladybug spending her day somewhere else entirely. Or maybe she was with Adrien. Maybe she had arrived the minute he had left, because that was just how lucky he was.

He sank to his knees, exhaustion pulling him down.

It had always been like this. Adrien was the lucky one, and he was just his little cousin.

Adrien, the prodigy son. The heir to a fashion empire, with parents who actually cared about where he was. The junior fencing champion, and multilingual genius, and the flawless face that was plastered all over Paris. Everybody loved Adrien, that was just how it was.

Even... Even Ladybug. For some reason his birdbrained, pampered cousin had the attention of the one person Felix wanted for himself.

No matter how unlikely, or unlogical, or unfair it was: Adrien always won, without even trying.

Meanwhile Felix schemed and planned and worked, but it never amounted to anything. Even though he was so much smarter. Even though he looked almost the same as his cousin. Even though he deserved it! God, with his luck, Adrien probably had a Miraculous too and spend all his freetime wooing Ladybug!

While he was stuck here, with children unworthy of his time, wasting his precious day in Paris.

He should have just-

“Chloé?”, a voice interrupted his laments. He looked up. That voice...

“Chloé!”, she repeated, landing skillfully next to the pool. “Are you alright? You turned on the signal, is there an Ak... A-Adrien?!”

Felix rose to his feet, staring at the apparition before him with awe. Black hair, tied into playful pigtails on the back, framed a face that “beautiful” didn’t even begin to describe. Clear blue eyes looked at him from underneath her red mask, the look in them so open and happy he felt his heart swell.

“Ladybug”, he whispered.

For once in his life, he was lucky.

- - -

Our spoiled brat is throwing a pity party, but now we‘re getting to the fun part!

#miramu writes #miraculous ladybug #mlb #ml felix #chloe bourgeois #alya cesaire #rose lavillant #juleka couffaine #felix agreste #adrien agreste #marinette dupain cheng

[jadelotusflower]

Robin Hood Rewatch: 1x08 Tattoo, What Tattoo?

aka Robin wants to do a war crime.

It’s been a while, but I’m back on my rewatch. This is actually one of my favourite episodes of the whole show, so get comfortable, this is a long one. Also, I welcome comments/discussion on any of these posts - I’m always up to talk Robin Hood!

Flashback time! 1191. Now, we’ve had the current date set as 1192 by earlier episodes and this is the story of How Robin Got His Scar - assuming that he must have spent some time convalescing before returning to England, he can’t have been back more than a year at the absolute most.

There’s no point talking about historical accuracy on this show - my approach is that any story ostensibly taking place in our history is that it’s an alternate universe, and this is an easy way to ignore when things don’t square with real events.

Robin fights with a broadsword in this scene, not his scimitar, and we never find out how/why he got the latter.

For plot reasons, Robin neatly slashes through Guy’s tattoo instead of cutting off his arm.

Okay, Richard’s birthday was 8 September. The attempted hanging in the first episode was 26 April, so it’s been less than five months? Actually, I think this works fine.

In an earlier episode I lamented that we never saw the bright green shirt again, but I was wrong, Robin’s wearing it under his hoodie and it had very frayed hems. I do think the show does a pretty good job of using costumes for the gang that actually look like they live in a forest and show significant wear and tear.

This is one of my favourite Marian’s costumes - it’s beautiful!

I never noticed before, but after Guy announces the engagement, Edward takes Marian’s hand and it’s very sweet.

The possessive way Guy holds up Marian’s hand to show off the ring is...yikes. And don’t the guests sound enthused!

Nobody ever brings up that it was Robin ignoring the signal because he just had to stick it to Guy and take the ring is the reason Djaq is captured, and they really should have. That said, I do like him being cheeky and kissing Marian’s hand before depriving her of the ring.

Guy could very easily have freed the dagger holding his sleeve with his other hand - but he wanted Robin to know it was he that almost killed him in the Holy Land. Just like Robin could have easily escaped, but instead waited for Guy in the forest - this confrontation has been brewing all season - so let’s get into it.

Guy starts with saying that the King has enemies because he wants peace, and “there will never be peace with the Turk.” So we assume that his motivations are with the warmongers - to scupper the peace talks with Saladin so the Crusade continues and Jerusalem is conquered. Which...doesn’t really make sense with what we know of Guy, that he would care about claiming the Holy Land, and this stance is actually contradicted later. It makes more sense that they would want to keep Richard in the Holy Land so Prince John can usurp his power while he’s away, and Guy can maintain his position. I think we can assume that is the case, and Guy is just deflecting/pushing Robin’s buttons with the war talk.

And of course, the confrontation is only ostensibly about Guy’s treason, secondly about dick swinging over Marian. Guy gets kicked in the face (for the second time this season!) and only stops his throat getting slit by the timely arrival of the gang.

Djaq is cool, calm and collected the entire episode, despite no doubt being reminded of her time in slavery.

“That’s what you taught us.” Robin told the gang all about the articles of the Geneva Convention, but like many a self-righteous superpower, thinks they doesn’t apply to him if a breach is “necessary.”

I jest, but Robin actually does stay his hand initially and listen to the gang. He does knock Guy out, but I don’t think we can hold that against him. Concussion Count: Guy (Total: Robin x 1, Guy x 1)

It’s kind of understandable that the gang are skeptical of Robin’s claims it was Guy who tried to kill the King - it can’t have gone unnoticed that Robin has war-related trauma, and just that morning a nightmare of that very event. It would seem convenient indeed that he suddenly claims he remembers Guy as the assassin, right after the engagement to Marian was announced.

I’ve said this before, but I really think it’s a strength of the show that it is prepared to Go There with Robin as a deeply flawed protagonist. Because the gang is 100% right, and he is 100% wrong - Djaq’s life should take precedence, and he is in no state of mind to be making life and death decisions. 

Concussion Count: Guy and Robin (Total: Robin x 2, Guy x 2)

Confrontation Round 2 - ding ding!

Robin is straight up manipulative of Much to get himself untied and it hurts to see - there’s a real power differential to their relationship that Robin takes advantage of. Much knows more than anyone else how damaged Robin was by the war, he knows there’s this other, brutal, side of him that can triggered (”earlier...you were not yourself”), but he still loves his friend, he wants to believe in his promises, and he’s spent his life following Robin’s instructions and those habits die hard. He does try to do the right thing - he talks in a soothing voice (”you’ve had an upset” is so Soft), tries to get Robin to sit down and talk it through, but he is too far gone.

“I will kill you whether you talk or not.” Guy doesn’t believe him, and throws his earlier words back (“show me an argument ever settled with bloodshed”) but Robin is deep in his cold rage and when Much tries to intercede we get the heartbreaking “that is because you are also simple” which really, really hurts. Now, obviously we can explain Robin’s behaviour as a trauma response/ptsd episode, but not excuse it, because it really is a cruel thing to say, targeted to hurt Much the most and push him away, and all the “I did not mean it”s in the world doesn’t change that. It’s a disturbing pattern; that Robin will say something cruel in anger or frustration, then immediately take it back and say he didn’t mean it - but the thing is, a part of him did mean it, must mean it, because he said it - it may be a dark fleeting thought, those unkind things we all think sometimes, but Robin gives voice to them and causes hurt, and that can’t be undone.

Again, I give credit that this is a show that doesn’t always cast its hero in the best light - he does screw up, he does say the wrong thing, he does make poor decisions despite his good heart. Robin is such an interesting, complicated character - heroic but with another side to him, a capacity for cruelty and violence that most of the time he keeps in check, but every now and then he can’t stop it rising to the surface, can’t keep that dark side of himself contained, but can only try to push it back with regret.

He then shifts from trying to kill Guy to trying to torture him, and obviously it’s all very thinly veiled social commentary, but this was 2006, and as I’ve said in a previous post social commentary is why we retell stories like this.

As I said above, Guy contradicts his earlier reasoning with “what kind of king deserts his people to fight someone else’s war in a foreign land?” but I think this is more the fear talking, with that red-hot sword close to his face, trying to appeal to Robin’s kinder/protective nature. To which we get another yikes line from Robin - “if you were his people he was right to desert them.” I don’t think Robin believes this, he’s deflecting Guy’s very good point to try and justify torturing him.

But in the end, he can’t justify it, at least not without making it a fair fight. And it’s a good fight! Well acted and choreographed, visceral and emotionally intense - they way they get progressively sweatier and dirtier and more exhausted, the way the music shifts from the jaunty theme to silence to those haunting strings - one of the best sequences of the show, imo.

Guy continues to throw out arguments that I don’t think he holds himself, but rather what he thinks will appeal to Robin - “it’s not England’s war, it’s Rome’s” was the exact point Robin made in the first episode (”Is it our Holy War? Or is it Pope Gregory’s?”). When Robin rightly points out that Guy’s assassination attempt broke the ceasefire, and Guy responds that “there will always be war”  and he wants a King that will fights for England’s gain, not the Pope’s. That, I think, is close to his true motivation.

We get confirmation that religious conviction is why Robin went on crusade, but that it was meeting those of other faiths and realising the Holy Land should be shared, not conquered, that turned his heart. This seems to be the primary cause of Robin’s trauma - that he fought in an unjust war, made under false pretenses, and that he was not a warrior for God, but a murderer. While Much is obviously also scarred from the war, I think he handles it better partly because it wasn’t his decision to go, he was just following Robin, and he didn’t have his faith and understanding of the world shattered like Robin did. Also, he’s selfless, he’s a caretaker, so I think he buries his own trauma deeper and it doesn’t bubble to the surface as much as Robin’s does but comes out in sadness rather than anger.

UTTER EXHAUSTION.

Guy’s taunts become more pointed - calling out Robin’s glory seeking and loss of status, then turn to Marian, and it seems his obsession with her (other than being The Only Noblewoman in Nottingham) is in part to have everything Robin once did  - his lands, his title, and the woman to whom he was betrothed - especially taking into account the backstory of season 3. It’s rather gross the way he speaks of Marian (“do you think I won’t laugh every time...”) although I suppose you could argue that it was a targeted attack on Robin and not how he actually feels.

It’s interesting that at this point, Guy accepts that Marian is sympathetic to Robin and still has contact with her - he’s not entirely clueless.

Concussion Count: Guy (Total: Robin x 2, Guy x 3)

The scene between Robin and Marian is also very good - he does throw her “everything is a choice” back at her somewhat petulantly, but it shows that he listened to her, and took what she said to heart. Marian, like the gang, assumes the accusation against Guy is about her engagement, and they have two tense conversations at once (”you took his ring/you took his ring” is rather deft).

I feel for Marian here, because she’s in a bad situation forced into marriage with Guy, and it would be made so much worse if he’d done what Robin says. She’s trying to make the best of it.

Everyone’s reaction to “I like her/I think I love her” is priceless, and I will defer to this commentary on this excellent post. Also a shoutout to @angel-in-a-big-blue-box’s tags #I also love how marian's stepping back like 'I don't understand. Y'all just voice your feelings like that? #You don't passive-aggressively snark at each other?’ SO TRUE - neither can fathom actually being this direct - Robin snarks that “everything is a choice” about running off into the forest, when he means “choose me” but can’t say it.

Concussion Count: Robin  (Total: Robin x 3, Guy x 3). Both of them about to develop CTE at this rate.

I’ve said it before, but for all his faults, Robin admits when he’s wrong.

Will’s awkward little “Djaq” and Allan’s grin and nod is so cute.

I would have liked a longer conversation between Robin and Djaq tbh, her “and you gave him up for me?” is perhaps a trifle too magnanimous of her, but it’s a nice little coda with the gang all sitting down together and forgiving Robin.

#robin hood bbc #robin hood rewatch #1x08 #tattoo what tattoo?

[niki-frost]

Say in a few years they decided to remake OUAT and chose you as the lead writer/director, what would you keep from the old show and what would you change (y'know, besides the obvious) and what would you add?

Fantastic and thoughtful question! Thank you!

(Showrunner would be the term used here, as a roomful of writers have to write according to the showrunner, directors have to direct based on the script they’re given, and there’s usually a different director for every episode. Showrunners often like to direct the first and last episode of every season, also.)

I think I would try to stay true to the first season as much as possible and then take things in a different direction from there. Season 1 was so very special and I want to honor that, to bring the show back to its roots in a rustic Storybrooke and a minimalistic Enchanted Forest, in a storyline that focused on character development and their relationships with each other in both the past and the present. As much as I adore Disney stories, there are a lot of crossovers from the rest of the show that I would cut out. Too many characters made the ensemble too wide, and we lost so many crucial moments for characters to grow and evolve and interact with each other, all for a few cheesy Frozen cameos and too many AU versions of the same character. When shows gain popularity and bigger budgets, it’s so easy to forget what’s important in favor of using more special effects and CGI and big fancy sets, and I think that’s where OUAT started going downhill. They got popular, received more funding, and started focusing on trying to please every single outspoken fan screaming for certain characters or ships or cameos... and they lost sight of their own story. Fans are vital to a show, yes, but most of them don’t know how to craft good stories for television. They aren’t professional storytellers for a reason, and they all want different things. Trying to implement everything they want in your story is a recipe for complete disaster.

I would try to keep a lot of the main cast, but there would for sure be some recasts to remove actors who have made homophobic jokes or have encouraged toxic behavior in their fans, as my version of a remake would definitely be SwanQueen endgame. That being said, I think I would keep a lot of the H00d/H00k stuff as important plot points, highlighting the unhealthy nature of their relationships so that in the end, Emma and Regina would come full circle and realize they’re perfect for each other. I don’t think I would have needed to change much about H00k’s progression, except this time around, Emma would actually be aware of his toxic behaviors, call him out on it, and eventually cut him out of her life because she realizes he’s bad for her. H00d would likewise be treated similarly, except Regina would kick him out of town the moment he tried to sleep with her while his wife was in a coma in the next room. (Marian wouldn’t be Zelena in disguise. There’s too much rapey context there for what was supposed to be a Disney show. Marian would awaken and have Roland again and she’d take over the Merry Men. I would have made Zelena her own standalone villain, sweeping into town in perhaps season 2 or 3 on a cyclone, having finally figured out how to escape Oz and get to Storybrooke to get her revenge on Regina, only to later be defeated and put through rehabilitation. The Regina/Zelena sisterly bond is too important and I think their progression from enemies to sisters should have been more thoroughly explored.)

Split Queen, as entertaining as it was, would not have made it into my version. It felt like forcing more drama into a character that had already gone through so much personal growth, and her suddenly being “afraid” of her own darker instincts and wanting to be physically separated from it seemed like absolute bull to me. Regina’s a smart woman, and that had been the dumbest decision she’d ever made. Dark Swan would have stayed in Storybrooke (bye bye, Camelot, you useless loaf of greenscreen) and would have brought out the worst in Emma regarding all her inner struggles with being abandoned and sacrificed by her parents for the “greater good.” There should have been so much more Emma/Snow/David angst that they completely missed out on, especially between Emma and Snow. The Emma/Regina relationship would have been in that I-hate-you-because-I-secretly-love-you phase around this time, H00k would turn on her and, in his obsessive hatred of any Dark One, would try to kill Emma, citing is as a “mercy” because he loves her and would rather her die than to be evil. Striking a mortal blow to Emma, he’s about to finish the job when Regina blasts him away. Emma’s fading, about to die from whatever Dark-One-killing-weapon H00k had stabbed her with, and Regina would save her with a True Love’s Kiss.

We’re all gluttons for punishment, so of course Emma will be in denial and Regina will be bitter about it. I feel like this would be an excellent chance to make H00k the villain he was always supposed to be, escaping his prison cell and fleeing Storybrooke, only to return with friends to get revenge on Emma for daring to reject him even after she was cured of being the Dark One. This would be a fun point to bring in a cameo or two of villains to join H00k and terrorize the town with a new curse. As our heroes deal with this new headache, Emma and Regina are forced to work together. Henry would encourage them to talk, and with his optimism, they slowly find their way back to their friendship and more.

I don’t know that Hyperion Heights would have happened in my version. It was an entertaining reboot in a fresh location and I loved adult Henry, Ivy, Jacinda and Sabine. But again, the convoluted storyline and cheating and rape and weird pervy moments kind of sour the whole season for me. I would have gotten rid of a LOT of the realm jumping throughout the seasons, focused on a lot of character backstory and relationships in Storybrooke, and then perhaps have made a single curse (much like the first curse) that simply dropped all our beloved characters in a new world somewhat like Hyperion Heights, except without the confusing time jumps and new/AU characters. It would have been the last big hurdle for the heroes to solve before returning home, now with the ability to portal-jump to the Enchanted Forest to visit their medieval friends. And of course, Emma and Regina would be the power couple overseeing it all, making sure to keep their worlds safe and protected for many decades to come.

I’m rambling at this point, but yeah, as a gay woman of color who already works in the TV and film industry, that’s my pipe dream of how I would remake OUAT. Hope that answers your question. :)

[gentlejack]

were i fit for another world, how gladly would i go there.

I am resolved not to let my life pass without some private memorial that I may hereafter read, perhaps with a smile.

FULL NAME: Anne Lister.

NICKNAME(S): Gentleman Jack / Jack The Lass ( read: “big old homo” ), Fred or Freddy to certain of her lovers.

AGE: 41

SPECIES: Lesbian (a species of its own?).

NATIONALITY: British.

SEXUAL ORIENTATION: See: species. 

OCCUPATION: Landowner, world traveller, womaniser. 

FINANCIAL STANDING: Landed gentry.

FANDOM: Gentleman Jack. 

FACE CLAIM: Suranne Jones.

RELATIONSHIPS

PARENTS: Rebecca Battle & Jeremy Lister. 

SIBLINGS: Marian (younger sister and very much an annoyance in Anne’s eyes); four brothers - one older, three younger (all dead). 

SIGNIFICANT OTHER: Ann Walker (verse dependent). 

CLOSEST FRIENDS: Aunt Anne; Isabella Norcliffe - a former lover.

RIVALS: Society, an assortment of men daring to cross her path on a bad day, her sister (playfully). 

Love scorned to leave the ruin desolate; & Time & he have shaded it so sweetly, my heart still lingers in its old abiding place.

PHYSICAL TRAITS

EYE COLOUR(S): Dark brown.

HAIR COLOUR(S): Dark brown.

HEIGHT: 173 cm.

BODY BUILD: Athletic, strong, tall, upright posture.

NOTABLE PHYSICAL TRAITS: A dashing wardrobe, confident gait, and memorable facial features. 

SMELLS: Earth, fresh air, heavy wool, ink, slight whiff of eau de cologne. 

CLOTHES: Top hats, long skirts, silken cravats, waistcoats, fine button-up shirts, leather boots, billowing greatcoats, gloves. 

BODY LANGUAGE: Proud, active, fearless, energetic; she has brought Efficiently Butch-Stomping Whilst Shouldering Aside An Assortment Of Men to utter perfection. 

It was my journal that frightened people. She had made up her mind not to open her lips before me. 

PHOBIAS AND DISEASES

FEARS: Loneliness. Failure. Conformity. Captivity. Heartbreak. 

MENTAL ISSUES: Obsessive Tendencies. 

PHYSICAL DISORDERS: Endometriosis. 

PERSONALITY

USUAL MOOD/EXPRESSION: Carelessly self-assertive. 

MORAL ALIGNMENT: Lawful Neutral. 

HOGWARTS HOUSE: Ravenclaw. 

FIVE PROMINENT TRAITS: Passion, faith, seduction, knowledge, freedom. 

INTERESTS: Mountaineering, geology, meteorology, history, architecture, botany, neuroscience, classical literature, swordsmanship, medicine, anatomy, languages, politics, palaeontology, travelling, women. 

BAD HABITS: A certain tendency to brush aside the concerns of others; a sharp tongue & scathing sarcasm - she’s quick to say a hurtful thing or two, this one, quite lacking in delicacy or social etiquette. Money has a tendency to run through her fingers rather faster than she expected. Rumour has it she’s an opportunist, but one thing’s for certain: she values logic and strategy over the regard for others and keeps her heart well-shielded beneath an occasional armour of arrogance and grandeur. Beware of her fiery temper … and her whirlwind coach-driving, as it so happens. 

GOOD HABITS: Generosity and an abundance of love to give. Anne is a free spirit, a scientist at heart, very charismatic and in the proud possession of a most winning smile. She values what is hers and remains fiercely protective of her loved ones. Anne is a leader, a care-taker, someone who shoulders pain, responsibility and inconvenience so that others will not have to. She gives as freely and readily as she takes and has a keen, joyful mind.

I love & only love the fairer sex & thus beloved by them in turn, my heart revolts from any other love than theirs.

BIOGRAPHY

Anne is the oldest surviving child of Rebecca Battle and Jeremy Lister. Born in Market Weighton on the 3rd of April in 1791, Anne received a clerical education from a private tutor & reverend. Her exploration of her lesbian tendencies began after the year 1804, when she met her first love at Manor House School in York. To absolutely no one’s surprise, Anne was kicked out of boarding school for her lesbian relationship. She had soon enough begun to make rather a name for herself as an untameable young woman determined to seduce her female companions and break traditional gender roles (and quite a few hearts along the way). Since the academical world was denied to her, she continuously sought out private lessons from leading scientists and teachers. In her adult years, she received a one-on-one education in anatomy and palaeontology on behalf of Georges Cuvier in Paris. 

Anne quickly cultivated a passion for – well, not only lesbianism, but also classical literature, mountaineering, science, and travelling. After her uncle’s death, she inherited his estate, Shibden Hall, though she had been acting as the head of the family for some time, running the coal business and organising the tenancy. She accumulated a fair amount of wealth over the years and has no qualms spending it on her extravagant lifestyle - but can she afford what her heart desires most - a wife? We shall see …

IMPORTANT WOMEN IN ANNE’S PAST & PRESENT

Eliza Raine: Anne’s first lover, whom she shared a room with at boarding school as a teenage girl.  Isabella Norcliffe: A former girlfriend of Anne’s, nicknamed “Tib”. They met in 1810 and remained friends throughout Anne’s life, though Anne heavily disapproves of Isabelle’s alcoholism. Mariana Lawton: The woman who caused Anne to wear black, since Mariana’s marriage to a man plunged Anne into deep mourning. They met in 1814 and still uphold frequent contact, occasionally meeting up for a bit of a lesbian romp.  Maria Barlow: A widow Anne met in Paris and maintained a relationship with for two years, between 1824 and 1826, before they fell apart and Anne returned to England.  Vere Hobart: Another addition to a long list of women who left Anne in favour of becoming a man’s wife. Vere is Anne’s latest love before meeting Ann Walker. She settled down in Hastings with her for the duration of a winter, firmly planning on spending the rest of her life in her company. Until, that is, she met Vere’s groom-to-be.  Ann Walker: Wealthy, sweet, kind little Miss Walker. Surely Anne is not in love with her. Surely she cares little about her company. Surely this is all just a game. Surely Anne just courts her for her money and social standing. Certainly. Doubtlessly. Definitely. 

ANNE AND RELATIONSHIPS

Frankly speaking, Anne LOVES to flirt - a bit of good-natured, harmless flirtation is one of her favourite pastimes, regardless of her current relationship status. When she’s not committed to another woman, she’s quite ready to take things further & far beyond a mere exchange of charm. Anne is very confident in her sexuality and wastes no time obsessing over the 19th century morality of her conquests.  She loves women, she loves being around them, she loves looking at them and courting them, and she loves being intimate with them behind closed doors.

But it is important to note that all of those affairs are private. Due to the nature of the society she lives in, Anne can not let herself be seen openly kissing a woman and confirming the many rumours circulating about her and her female “acquaintances” ( who, by the way, she keeps in close touch with even after years. You physically CAN’T avoid Anne’s exes forever).

When Anne falls for someone, she falls hard and fast. She becomes very attached and demonstrates the deepest care and affection. But even so, she knows how to set boundaries for herself, regardless of what her heart wants. She has been thoroughly educated on looking out for herself in a relationship. If she is hurt beyond a certain point, she’ll be gone. Additionally, she can be calculating in her choice of partners, particularly when it comes to (unofficial) marriage. Anne is the head of her family and the one in charge of running Shibden, so any permanent commitment to a woman depends first and foremost on her lover’s social and financial standing.

( Unless … you manage to change her mind. )

See here for sexual boundaries & preferences.

TL;DR: Anne Lister is best summed up in the words of my girlfriend, who ever so wisely described her as follows:  Anne: I'm very calm and classy. Also Anne: STOMP STOMP STOMP TANTRUM TANTRUM TANTRUM  STOMP STOMP LESBIAN ROMP STOMP STOMP.

#( out of shibden. ) #i dare to say i am like no one in the whole world. ( anne lister )

[xb-squaredx]

B-Squared’s Top 10 Games of 2019!

2019 was a year full to the brim of GREAT games, and as is the custom at the end of the year, people love to rank their favorites, so…I’d like to do the same! Of course my own tastes might be different from yours so if you don’t see a thing on here that you liked, chances are I didn’t like it…or more likely, there’s just too many great games out this year, and I couldn’t get to everything. I’d like to stress to that the rankings don’t really matter all that much, especially the farther down we go. Everything on here is an easy recommendation. Without any further ado…let’s take a look at my Top 10 Games of 2019~

#10 - River City Girls

I love action games, but 2D beat-em-ups never really clicked for me. They were largely before my time and I was thinking that it’d be impossible to get me into one in the current era of gaming. And then I saw Marian’s redesign for River City Girls and bought the game. What can I say? Abs are a great sales pitch. But seriously, getting Wayforward on the helm of a beloved classic franchise is already a great way to pique my interest, and while there’s SOME aspects of this game that I don’t quite gel with, it’s a fun, colorful romp through a ridiculous universe that I’d LOVE to see more of down the line. Featuring a role-reversal, with the girlfriends saving the boyfriends this time, River City Girls has gorgeous pixel art, an AMAZING pop-synth soundtrack that’s worth the price alone, and it’s a game that clearly had fun with the concept and that fun rubs off on you. From the stylish animated boss intros, to the co-op fun that can be had with a friend, everything in this game is brimming with charm. Basic NPCs have great designs in their own right, being able to recruit enemies as assists is a neat idea, and it all adds up to a fun, bite-sized adventure with a bit of depth under the hood if you’re willing to give it a look. Can the character designers get a raise for this game, please? And let Megan McDuffie just do all the songs from now on. ALL OF THEM.

#9 - Astral Chain

Most people assumed if we were going to get a Switch exclusive game by Platinum this year, it’d be Bayonetta 3 but instead Nintendo surprised us with Astral Chain, the anime cop action game we didn’t know we wanted. The game boasts great visuals and is probably the most content-rich Platinum game ever made for starters, but for me the true draw is in the combat. Playing as your police officer in tandem with an alien creature known as a Legion, this tag-team action game is unlike pretty much anything else on the market. While the game starts off very simplistic, the Legion itself moving and attacking with no input from the player, over time more and more options unlock and things get considerably more complicated. By game’s end, you’re drowning in options, and once things clicked, combat was always a treat. With plenty of enemies to practice with, Legions to master and a gigantic post-game filled with challenging encounters, I had more fun with the combat in this game than I did with a lot of other games this year. That said, I do feel that Astral Chain could have benefitted from trimming some fat or rethinking its overall structure. For being a new IP with some bold ideas, I’m willing to accept these as kinks that can hopefully be ironed out in a sequel. Oh, and add Lappy to Smash already. You know you want to, Sakurai.

#8 - BABA IS YOU

Puzzle games are hard sells for me, since I don’t like the frustration that often comes from being stuck. You feel dumb, you get embarrassed and turn the game off in shame, or at least that’s my experience. But then sometimes you get a game so clever, so…weird, that you can’t help but be sucked into it. BABA IS YOU is a block-pushing puzzle game, with the twist being that the “rules” of a particular stage are often physically present in levels and are in fact blocks that can be pushed and manipulated by the player. ROCK is PUSH, WALL is STOP, FLAG is WIN and BABA is YOU. But what if you can’t touch the flag because the wall is in the way? Well, make it so WALL is PUSH to move it aside, or maybe make it so that BABA is WIN and you become the win condition itself. As the game goes on, more modifiers and rules are slowly introduced and absorbed into your own internal logic of the game, logic that increasingly has to be broken and remade to suit your needs. It’s a very empowering experience when the solution clicks and the results can often be hilarious and surprising. This game also GOES PLACES the further you go in, and I’d rather not ruin that surprise for anyone who might be looking into the game. Definitely one of the most innovated titles I’ve played in a LONG time. BABA is GOOD.

#7 - Power Rangers: Battle for the Grid

OK, so…hear me out. Power Rangers was a franchise I was obsessed with as a kid, and while I don’t follow it anymore, there’s still some love for it flowing in my veins. So when a small, no-name studio puts out a Power Ranger fighting game that takes the simplified controls of Smash Bros. and the tag-team craziness of Marvel vs. Capcom and slaps it all together for a cool twenty bucks or so? Well you got yourself a purchase and it ended up being WAY more fun than I expected. Power Rangers: Battle for the Grid is far from the best looking fighter on the market, it’s single-player content is lacking, and it’s roster, while interesting, isn’t as big as a lot of the competition, but damn if it isn’t fun to play. With characters taken from across the franchise’s long history, from the live-action movie reboot to the comic books, each choice has been inspired and resulted in an incredibly varied cast. With no crazy inputs for special moves, combined with a tagging system that lets you cycle through your three-Ranger team quickly, the game is the best kind of chaotic fun, but true masters can command that chaos and channel it into cool combos that make you want to say “Morphinominal!” Considering it’s a budget title, it’s also received a fair amount of updates throughout the year to pad out the roster with both free and paid DLC fighters, a full story mode and improvements to the netcode and overall presentation., so if you passed on it at launch, it’s much improved now. It’s not gonna be a fighting game on everyone’s radar, but I’d rather support it than the grind-heavy slog Mortal Kombat has become…Now just hurry up and add that monster that baked the Rangers into a pizza!

#6 - New Super Lucky’s Tale

If your name isn’t Mario or Sonic, 3D platformers are effectively dead. That said, there’s been a few up-and-comers in recent years that are trying to revive the genre. Hat Kid from A Hat in Time, the duo of Yooka-Laylee, and now Lucky from the folks at Playful Studios. The cute fox has quite the history, starting from the Oculus Rift title, Lucky’s Tale, to a full-fledged platformer on the Xbox One X, Super Lucky’s Tale and now the enhanced port/reimagining New Super Lucky’s Tale on Switch. Halfway between a full-blown sequel, and enhanced edition, the game takes assets from the Xbox original game, tweaking and refining everything from visuals to controls to level layouts. The result is a game that is incredibly well-polished. It looks great, Lucky is a treat to control as he moves from jumping, burrowing and sliding around fluidly, and the variety on display keeps things interesting. We’ve got full 3D levels, 2D levels, auto-runners, and even some marble maze levels and puzzles thrown in for good measure. It’s not a hard game, but it IS incredibly fun, and well made. We don’t get many 3D platformers these days, so cherish what little comes of the genre. I hope Playful and Nintendo continue to collaborate, as they really seem more at home here. Just…maybe don’t add more words to the title of the next game, guys.

#5 - Katana Zero

There’s no nice way to say it: there’s too many pixel-based, side-scrolling indie games out there, so the ones that DO stand out deserve to be celebrated. Katana Zero has a real ‘80s flair for starters, using bright neon, TV and VCR visual effects, and a synth soundtrack to give it some real style. When a game kicks off with you slowing down time and reflecting a bullet back at an enemy with your katana, you make a good first impression! Add in the trial-and-error that is planning the perfect route through a stage, the satisfying slicing and dicing of enemies, the unique, challenging boss encounters, and you have a game that was on my radar for a while, before I finally got into it at the end of the year. Its storyline is pretty interesting too, with some slight variances in how events unfold depending on your words and actions, though it ending on a bit of a cliffhanger is a bummer. That said, when a game leaves you wanting more, there’s worse problems to have. At the very least, there’s some DLC hinted at that might be interesting, as well as the implications that this is the merely the first in a trilogy, and at this point I’m game for whatever developer Askiisoft has in store.

#4 - Luigi’s Mansion 3

The GameCube was an odd era for Nintendo, as they attempted to innovate and try new ideas rather than rely purely on their old standbys. Case-in-point, rather than launch the console with a new Mario platformer, his second-banana brother Luigi got his first starring role in what would become the Luigi’s Mansion series. While not making QUITE as big of a splash as maybe Nintendo hoped, it’s garnered a decent fanbase, and when a sequel was announced for 3DS, people ate it up. Considering the gap between the first and second games, I think many people were surprised at the relatively quick turn-around for the third installment. I was also surprised at the overall quality and how much I enjoyed digging into it. For starters, Luigi’s Mansion 3 is easily one of the better-looking Switch titles, boasting some great lighting and particle effects, with some fun physics implemented for just about everything in the massive mansion. Luigi and company are animated with a lot of expressiveness that never gets old, and the music sets the tone perfectly too. From a gameplay standpoint, the toolset Luigi gains gives him ample options to poke at every nook and cranny, with the slimy doppelganger Gooigi being the clear stand-out. Some of the floors of the Last Resort hotel that Luigi must ascend are particularly massive and intricate too, some floors feeling like Legend of Zelda-style dungeons. While not a particularly challenging game, it’s still really satisfying to poke and prod at everything in sight, sucking in all the coins, gold bars and stacks of paper bills you can handle, not to mention slamming the ghosts around like the Hulk does to Loki. There’s also multiplayer! That I…haven’t really touched but…hey! More bang for your buck, surely!

#3 – Dragon Quest XI S

I don’t consider myself a huge fan of JRPGs. Or at least that’s what I thought before I tried out the Dragon Quest XI demo on Switch. I ended up falling for the game hard and bought the full release, carrying my demo data over and not stopping until I hit credits. Despite having never touched a Dragon Quest game before, outside of an hour or so of VIII, I was overcome with this feeling of nostalgia when it came to this game. That’s because Dragon Quest is THE quintessential JRPG game, the originator of all that we take for granted today. It was nice to feel right at home with a simple, effective combat system, rather than having to watch games re-invent the wheel in an attempt to stand out from the pack (sorry Xenoblade), and the story itself, while predictable and a little basic at times, was told well and told earnestly. It really nailed the feeling of going on a grand adventure, with enough twists on the formula to keep things interesting. The turn-based combat was elementary, but always presented me with fair challenges and lots of ways to solve the encounters laid before me, with enough quality-of-life features added in to minimize grind and make things more convenient. The Switch version of Dragon Quest XI featured a bunch of new content on top of a game that had more than enough going for it, and it’s clear a lot of work was done to make this port as faithful as could be, and it stands out not just as a great port on a system known for some shoddy ones, but as a title that’s brimming with as much polish and quality to rival first-party Switch titles. Don’t ban Hero in Smash and don’t miss out on this game if you haven’t taken the plunge already!

#2 – Devil May Cry 5

The Devil May Cry franchise has had its share of ups and downs over the years. For every game that’s considered a success, you have another game that doesn’t quite measure up. For years many thought the franchise was dead in the water after the attempted reboot, DMC: Devil May Cry failed to grow its audience, but when Microsoft’s E3 2018 show revealed to us a new installment, fans were ecstatic. Devil May Cry 5 boasts crisp visuals, deep combat and trims the fat, removing the wonky platforming and puzzles of earlier games to create a high-octane action experience that ultimately exceeded fan expectations. Its storyline firmly plants Devil May Cry 4’s Nero as a main character in his own right, wraps up the story of the Sparda brothers neatly, and if this ended up being the last title in the series, I think it’s that rare ending that ends up being totally satisfying. Combat is the real draw here though, the game giving players three distinct characters to learn and master. Nero’s robotic Devil Breaker arms allow him a decent amount of variety, while having a balanced, beginner-friendly combat style for new players. Dante remains the king of variety, having more weapons than ever before combined with his signature style switching, though the game is actually designed with all these options in mind so he doesn’t end up breaking the game like he did in 4. Newcomer V ends up being a breath of fresh air, controlling up to three demonic summons at once, forcing players to really think more strategically. The music is incredible too; Nero’s own theme, Devil Trigger, has been stuck in my head since last year and I don’t see it leaving any time soon. All things considered, Devil May Cry 5 might be the best game in the franchise, and a worthy contender for game of the year personally. Now if only we had a special edition with Vergil and the ladies playable…

#1 - Fire Emblem: Three Houses

I got into the Fire Emblem series with Awakening and really liked it a lot, however Fates, the next installment, left a bad taste in my mouth. I couldn’t really get into Echoes, itself a remake of the second game in the series, and I began to wonder if this franchise was really for me. I was willing to give Three Houses a shot, but I was not prepared for the game to blow past all my expectations. Fire Emblem: Three Houses isn’t just a good game, it’s a game that’s redeemed a franchise that’s stumbled a bit in recent years, and it likely cements Fire Emblem as a core Nintendo franchise for years to come. It has class, depth and real heart...with only minor creepy or pervy elements! Making a grand return to home consoles after more than a decade on handhelds, it goes big and it ultimately paid off, on track to become the best-selling entry in the series. The school setting might seem weird at first, and I wondered how well I’d adjust to it, but being able to instruct your units and influence their growth in battle was worth the learning curve. Things are introduced slowly enough that the flow of the game becomes relatively easy to manage, if a bit time-consuming overall. With four distinct storylines you can explore, TONS of character interactions and some interesting tweaks to the strategic gameplay the series is known for, I’m confident in saying that Three Houses is well-worth a purchase for newcomers to the franchise. Divine Pulse is a great quality-of-life addition that lets you undo mistakes, rather than force you to start over from scratch, and overall the UI and layout of the game gives you enough information to make informed decisions without overwhelming you. Makes me wonder how we survived before the games showed us who enemies would target on their turns before now. Admittedly, some aspects of the progression have some issues, especially at endgame, and visually the game really is not up to par most of the time, but these end up being tiny blemishes in the long run for me. They certainly weren’t bad enough to prevent me from starting a new path the instant I finished my first route. If I have one request…just make Claude a gay option. Give the people what they want, Nintendo!

Honorable Mentions

I’d like to add on some honorable mentions here before we close things out, though most of these are things I didn’t even get a chance to play, but they certainly might have made this list. For one, Resident Evil 2 Remake seems like a high-quality reinterpretation of the survival-horror classic, but I can’t do horror so I’ll likely pass it up. It’s also for that reason that I might not get to Control but I might try jumping out of my comfort zone for that one. The confusion surrounding both The Other Worlds AND The Outer Wilds is funny, but they’re both space-based games I’d be keen on getting to at some point down the line; the former is a great Western RPG by the folks who made the GOOD Fallout games, while the latter is an interesting space-faring puzzler with some interesting mechanics I’d rather not spoil for those not more in-the-know. Indie titles Sayonara Wild Hearts and GRIS definitely caught my attention with their great visuals, and in the case of the former, its soundtrack, even if the gameplay wasn’t quite there for me, and the weird fighting-game-but-kinda-RPG that is Indivisible demands my attention sooner or later. Bloodstained is the Castlevania follow-up I keep forgetting is out, and I hear great things about Yooka-Laylee and the Impossible Lair. The team behind the Yakuza series recently made a spin-off of sorts, Judgment that hit the West this year and while I like the Yakuza series for its quirky tone and fun combat, there’s still six other games I’d have to sift through, so going with Judgment, which is set to possibly begin a new franchise, seems like a good alternative. And how could I forget the likes of Shovel Knight as we finally receive the last expansion that’s been years in the making? I haven’t touched the King of Cards expansion yet, but I have the upmost faith in anything Yacht Club makes, so that’s surely a game of the year contender. 2019 was crazy good! Glad to close the year out with so much quality, and tons of great stuff to add to the ever-growing backlog.

Hope you had some good gaming memories made this year!

-B

#gameoftheyear #GOTY #GOTY2019 #astral chain #lucky's tale #baba is you #river city girls #devil may cry #luigi's mansion 3 #katana zero #power rangers #fire emblem three house #dragon quest 11 #xb-squaredx

[thesnakesaid]

The Edible Woman by Margaret Atwood #15: A popular author’s first book

The Edible Woman is a story about Marian, girlfriend of Peter, who is a stereotypically commitment-phobic man until one day he flips a switch in his head and asks Marian to marry him. Marian agrees, but as time passes and it falls to her to plan the wedding, she finds herself developing aversions to various foods until she can barely eat anything at all. She attempts to share this with her fiance, but he brushes her off - a common dynamic between the two of them.

At this point, I’d like to interject into my own summary to say that what I have just described summarizes most of the first 30 chapters of the book, and throughout these chapters, I liked the book but didn’t love it. There is plenty of thematic exploration of some deep truths of the feminine experience (as is standard for Margaret Atwood) and certainly a lot to chew on (heh) in the way of symbolism relating to food and eating, but for whatever reason, it wasn’t enough to really grab my attention the way that some of her books have. The way I described it to Zebby was that I didn’t in the first 98% of the book encounter a moment that smacked me in the face. I should have known that Margaret was just biding her time, sitting on the moment that would knock me on my ass.

Throughout the whole story, Marian has been struggling to be heard by pretty much everyone she interacts with on a regular basis, most significantly by her fiance, who only wants from her his idea of a perfect wife to check off the “wife” box on the to-do list of his life, and has no interest in interacting with the true, unadulterated Marian. All this comes to a boiling point when she leaves one of Peter’s parties to go sleep with a strange boy she met at the laundromat weeks previously. While she at first is more confused than ever after this encounter, she soon clears her head and invites Peter back to her place to discuss her disappearance only to present him with a cake she had baked that was baked and decorated to look like a woman. She then says to him:

You’ve been trying to destroy me, haven’t you? You’ve been trying to assimilate me. But I’ve made you a substitute, something you’ll like much better. This is what you wanted all along, wasn’t it?

BOOM. This quote makes no sense out of context, but it still deserves the italicized-blockquote treatment in my opinion because I am so obsessed with this metaphor of the edible woman as a representation of the expectations that men place upon women, particularly in the context of relationships. In a lot of ways, this is Margaret Atwood’s way of getting at the idea of the cool girl, 40+ years before Gillian Flynn put her cool girl manifesto to paper. Men get in relationships with girls and expect them to be the perfect girl for them - in Marian’s case, she had to be made up, demure, calm, conservative at all times, and above all, unemotional. She must not have any emotional reaction whatsoever to anything he does beyond the expression of satisfaction. And in return, women must walk on eggshells around these men to keep from tainting their fantasies that they have a woman who is not only perfect for them in every way, but is also naturally that way and does not need to exert any effort to maintain her man’s affections (or, in other words, he does not even need to do anything to help her maintain the facade). 

Serving someone’s fucked up fantasy on a plate is the biggest power move I’ve ever seen, and it reminds me of this quote:

Almost every woman I have ever met has a secret belief that she is just on the edge of madness, that there is some deep, crazy part within her, that she must be on guard constantly against “losing control” - of her temper, of her appetite, of her sexuality, of her feelings, of her ambition, of her secret fantasies, of her mind.

Marian certainly resisted and repressed a lot of her natural impulses, and while some of the things she felt compelled to do were certainly more “crazy” than others in an objective sense, this perceived madness that is central to the feminine experience does not come from how objectively crazy something is or isn’t, but rather in how much men do or don’t want us to do the thing in question. Carefully and religiously applying makeup before leaving the house, for example, will never be considered crazy. Not shaving legs is a little crazy, but not a lot. Not shaving armpits is a lot crazy - you get the gist. And I think the only way out of this trap is just to embrace the craziness you feel - like Marian and her cake.

November 24, 2018

#the edible woman #margaret atwood

[ms-m-astrologer]

The Music of Uranus/Taurus

Something I have yet to read in the veritable blizzard of Uranus/Taurus articles, is a discussion of what happened musically during the last time Uranus was in Taurus. Even if one isn’t as obsessive about music as this author, there are plenty of amazing watershed events which can lead us to some intriguing speculations about the years 2018-2026.

April 23, 1935 - “Your Hit Parade,” sponsored by Lucky Strike cigarettes, is broadcast on the radio for the first time

Uranus, of course, rules radio. This show, broadcast every Saturday night for the next 20 years, was immensely popular. It exposed the entire nation to the week’s top 15 songs (performed by cover artists). We can argue that it was perhaps one of the first attempts to profit (Taurus) from establishing a homogenous (Taurus) US pop music (Taurus) culture (Uranus).

January 4, 1936 - “Billboard” publishes its first music hit parade

Exactly how the folks at “Your Hit Parade” calculated its top 15 song rankings is a bit, ah, murky. “Billboard,” at least, based chart positions on quantifiable sales, radio, and jukebox plays. Again, we’re seeing an attempt to standardize (and therefore make a buck from) musical taste for an entire nation. It was an innovative  way (Uranus) to take advantage of electronic means of hearing popular music (radio, record players, jukeboxes) and make money (Taurus) off it, too. This was also an important milestone in the progress of “Billboard” itself, from an advertising-agency rag, to an exclusively music-oriented publication.

January 26-28, 1936 - Russian composer Dmitri Shostakovich denounced by Joseph Stalin

On the evening of January 26, Soviet dictator Josef Stalin and some “friends” attended a performance of Shostakovich’s opera “Lady MacBeth of the Mtsensk District.” Joe didn’t like it, made his displeasure visibly known - and Shostakovich left town in a hurry, only to learn, on the 28th, that the USSR paper “Pravda” had published (take it away, Wikipedia):

...a tirade entitled Muddle Instead of Music, complaining that the opera was a "deliberately dissonant, muddled stream of sounds...(that) quacks, hoots, pants and gasps." This was the signal for a nationwide campaign, during which even Soviet music critics who had praised the opera were forced to recant in print, saying they "failed to detect the shortcomings of Lady Macbeth as pointed out by Pravda".... When Shostakovich returned to Leningrad, he had a telephone call from the commander of the Leningrad Military District, who had been asked by Marshal Tukhachevky to make sure that he was all right. When the writer Isaac Babel was under arrest four years later, he told his interrogators that "it was common ground for us to proclaim the genius of the slighted Shostakovich.”

On 6 February, Shostakovich was again attacked in Pravda, this time for his light comic ballet, The Limpid Stream, which was denounced because "it jangles and expresses nothing" and did not give an accurate picture of peasant life on the collective farm. Fearful that he was about to be arrested, Shostakovich secured an appointment with the Chairman of the USSR State Committee on Culture, Platon Kerzhentsev, who reported to Stalin and Molotov that he had instructed the composer to "reject formalist errors and in his art attain something that could be understood by the broad masses", and that Shostakovich had admitted being in the wrong and had asked for a meeting with Stalin, which was not granted.

As a result of this campaign, commissions began to fall off, and Shostakovich's income fell by about three-quarters.... During 1936 and 1937, in order to maintain as low a profile as possible.., Shostakovich mainly composed film music, a genre favored by Stalin and lacking in dangerous personal expression.

This wasn’t mere censorship; Shostakovich’s life was in danger. Family and close friends (including his protector Tukhachevsky) were killed in the Stalinist purges which followed. From a certain cold-hearted perspective, this (as well as what was happening in Nazi Germany at this time) was an attempt to “set in stone” (Taurus) what popular culture (Uranus) defines as music (Taurus).

December 25, 1937 - Arturo Toscanini conducts the NBC Symphony for its first broadcast concert

The NBC Symphony orchestra was specifically created for Toscanini. Two things were going on here. One, NBC had clearly realized that there was money to be made via promulgating the classics; two, Toscanini’s particular tastes in music influenced what US symphonies played in concert halls for the next several decades (Taurus).

January 16, 1938 - Benny Goodman and his Orchestra play Carnegie Hall, New York (at 8:45 pm EST, for event chart addicts)

I can (and will!) argue that this was THE most significant musical event in the US, during the 20th Century. Originally conceived as a mere publicity stunt - Carnegie Hall, at that time, was “reserved” for classical musicians - this gig was the first jazz concert held there, and the recorded results were (upon their release in 1950) the first double LP.  Best of all, the troupe was racially integrated: if we had no integrated Goodman band, then there would have been no Jackie Robinson in baseball in 1948. (No less a figure than vibraphonist Lionel Hampton averred this.)

April 9, 1939 - classical contralto Marian Anderson sings for 75,000 people at the Lincoln Memorial, Washington DC

She was there because the Daughters of the American Revolution (DAR) refused permission for an integrated concert at their own Constitution Hall. (One “reason:” no integrated bathrooms, which at the time were legally required.) Following that, the DC Board of Education refused permission for her to sing at a local high school, for the same “reason.” Again, Wikipedia:

As a result of the ensuing furor, thousands of DAR members, including First Lady Eleanor Roosevelt, resigned from the organization.... At Eleanor Roosevelt's behest, President Roosevelt and Walter White, then-executive secretary of the NAACP, and Anderson's manager, impresario Sol Hurok, persuaded Secretary of the Interior Harold L. Ickes to arrange an open-air concert on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial. The concert was performed on Easter Sunday, April 9….

Where the heck do I start?!? This was striking a blow against racism and segregation as manifested in the US capitol city. The US First Lady made this concert happen, which ensured the blow could not have been missed or glossed over - and set the bar high for future First Lady activism..

--

This is of course a “small sample” - I’m handicapped somewhat by my classical background and training, which means I am personally thrilled to pieces about things like (say) the premieres of Barber’s “Adagio for Strings” or Copland’s “Billy the Kid” or Piston’s “The Incredible Flutist.” And so forth. I don’t know if my readers have a similar background, though; I’m therefore forced to leave things at “the second half of the 1930s was an amazing time for US composers.”

(And that may be due to the nation’s Neptune return anyway. However, over two-thirds of the Uranus/Taurus transit will fall in the US natal 5th House - and for part of that time, the U.S. has an opposition from natal to transiting Neptune. Author rubs hands together gleefully.)

So, what kind of music can we expect from Uranus/Taurus in our 21st century? I think we have identified three general themes:

Making money off music, by innovatively “organizing” previous technological innovations

Think digital recording, the MP3, autotune, iPod, GarageBand, and SoundCloud - and remember that before “Your Hit Parade” and “Billboard,” nobody had ever heard of a “Top 15,” much less any idea of the marketing capabilities.

Homogenous, nationalistic pop culture

This may well manifest as censorship; I don’t believe that Dolt 45 (for example) has any more musical taste or chops than Joseph Stalin had. And, he seems to share the general Nazi abhorrence for the non-Aryan.

Breaking down racial barriers in music

Benny Goodman’s chosen genre of jazz, swing music, “brought to fruition ideas originated with Louis Armstrong, Earl Hines, Fletcher Henderson, Duke Ellington, and Jean Goldkette” - only the latter of whom was not an African-American - and furthermore “was precipitated by spicing up familiar commercial, popular material with a Harlem oriented flavor and selling it via a white band for a white musical/commercial audience.” (Wikipedia) In a cynical mood befitting 2018, we have to wonder if white people won’t again “discover” some non-white form of musical expression, rendering it palatable for/to the (white) masses, and therefore making a ton of money.

I’d rather think of music making people steadfast. Someone who once used the n-word around Benny Goodman was told by the feisty clarinet player, “I’ll knock you out if you use that word around me again.”

=====

Finally, let me throw in this Uranus/Taurus caveat: astrologers aren’t any more immune to the lure of clickbait than anyone else. I’ve seen so many articles already about how to survive the dire times ahead - and, let’s face it, human monkeys like to be scared and thrilled. Please don’t believe everything you read, here included; please keep in mind that (to a certain extent) our dread of what’s to come will actually affect what actually comes.

[tatttletalesocial]

Isolation

"Hello, Starlight," the enormous Diamond crooned.        Steven stood quaking in his sandals.        It was only the second time White Diamond had called upon him, but he was already rather intimidated by her. Like the other Gems had warned him, she was . . . different. He had never seen anything like her.        She gazed down at him through lidded eyes. Her smile was empty.        "I do hope you're settling in well. I'm sure your playtime must have been exhausting for you, dear. Everyone really is so glad to see you back and ready to behave."        Steven flushed. He could never have imagined that a tone so sweet could be so cruelly condescending.        "How have you been settling in, Pink?"        Steven felt too miserable to answer. She had left him in Pink Diamond's room for at least twenty-four hours without anything to eat or drink, and nothing to sleep on. Pink Diamond's enormous room was just a mass of smooth polished surfaces. He was aching all over, his mouth was dry, and his stomach twisted in hunger.        He hadn't had a single person to talk to since he had been locked in. He couldn't see anything outside, either — he couldn't discern the slightest detail about how his family was faring for the bizarre bright light whiting out the windows.        There was a tense, expectant silence in the room. He snatched a glance at White Diamond, still smiling softly down at him as an adult would a stupid child. He could somehow feel that the conversation would not progress in the slightest if he did not reply.        "It's been—"        "Wonderful. I'm so glad." White Diamond's expression did not change. "Blue and Yellow have been asking about you."        He perked up, hope rising in his chest. "They have?"        "Yet I have told them that no one is capable of seeing you at the moment," she continued, ignoring him. "We wouldn't want anyone ruining your period of rest, would we?"        He didn't say anything. He just stared down at his feet, trying to suppress the shivers running through his cold, exhausted body.        "Of course, we do have to see about getting you another Pearl. Your old one . . . disappeared, around the time you left."        Her tone told him that she knew exactly what had happened with that Pearl. He felt fear rise in his chest.        "Is she okay? Are the Gems oka—"        "I would prefer a specially made Pearl for you, Starlight. It will take at least a few years before I can give one to you."        She batted her eyes. "Perhaps we can put that failed colony of yours to some good use. And, of course, we do need to realign your Court. That shouldn't take nearly as much time . . . unless you would prefer some new Gems altogether. After all, any self-respecting Diamond would have a Court devoid of any defective Gems."        Her emotionless drone was unbearable. He lifted his head to look at her, and was met with those brilliant, white, sightless eyes. Eyes that seemed to pierce right through his soul.        White Diamond was obviously unaware that he was organic. He was sure that if he went into that room again, he would starve or dehydrate. Noticing the chilled silence, he took advantage and inhaled a sharp breath.        "I want to go home!"        A moment's silence. White smiled at him endearingly. "Of course. I will send you back to the comfort of your own room."        "That's not my HOME!" he cried, feeling desperate. "I want to go back to Earth! Please!"        "Oh, Pink. You're not still obsessed with that failure?"        "It's . . . not—"        "I see. I will make sure to give you plenty of time before entrusting you with your next colony."        "I DON'T WANT ANOTHER COLONY!" he was surprised she was even letting him get through full sentences, but he ploughed on. "I JUST WANT TO GO HOME! I HATE IT HERE!"        White's eyes flashed.        For a moment, everything was terrifyingly still.        "I thought we established that we were finished with games, Starlight."        Steven knew he was on shaky ground, but by this time desperation had taken over completely. "This isn't a game! I want to go home!" . . . Literally shaky ground.        The room trembled as White's expression tightened. "Very well." With what seemed like a flicker of her consciousness, she summoned her dead-eyed Pearl out of nowhere. The ghostly Gem skimmed over the floor to stand rigidly beside Steven.        "We will discuss this later. Our next meeting will be in a few months."        A few months! Under house arrest!        "I expect you will not cause any trouble until we can talk again. I hope to see you when you have rested sufficiently."        Clearly she thought his behaviour was the result of some sort of exhaustion hysteria.        Her expression relaxed, and her lips curled the slightest bit further. "Enjoy yourself, Pink!"        And he was bubbled again. Before he knew it he was back where he had started.        He sank to his knees, trembling. He was never going to get out of here. He couldn't push away the thought that he would never see Pearl, Garnet, Amethyst, his dad or Connie again. It felt too cold and unreal a possibility.        A faint musical sound made him lurch to his feet. There was a door-shaped panel glowing at the bottom of the wall in front of him. It was much smaller than any other doors he had seen thus far.        The panel opened and in strode a well-built purple Gem. Her long pale locks swayed as she walked.        . . . An Amethyst guard.        In a few long strides she was in front of Steven, bending at the waist to press something into his hand.        "There's water in the fruit. They're coming for you. Don't worry."        And with that, she straightened and strode purposefully through the sealing panel, gone as suddenly as she had appeared.        Steven's eyes dropped to his closed fist. What had she given him?        He uncurled his fingers. In his palm sat an egg-sized blue fruit and a crumpled strip of paper. He sat, set the fruit down and unfurled the paper first.        A familiar, elegant hand greeted him.

Dear Steven,        We're on our way to get you out. Hang in there for us. In the meantime, the other Amethyst guards will bring you food.        Love,

Amethyst        GARNET                Connie                        + Pearl.

He sighed, recrumpling the paper. Then, on second thoughts, he shredded it and stuffed it into his pocket.        He pulled his knees to his chest and bit into the sugary fruit. He trusted his family. He would be free soon.        All he had to do was wait.

PROMPT: "White Diamond emotionally manipulating Steven — I think it could be called 'Isolation'." — for "Marian of Cintra" on Fanfiction.net! Hope you enjoyed! :)

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[chasseuseartisane-blog]

Third time’s the charm || Ferie again

It had been a couple weeks since she and Fernand swapped numbers, her schedule making it near impossible to find a time for them to meet up. To make up for that, they had been texting each other a lot. To Marie’s surprise, they had a fair bit in common, and she found herself texting him almost every day.

Finally, they’d found a time that worked for both of them, and Marie found herself excited to find out what he had in store. Fernand had been purposely vague, not giving her any hints at all, which had made picking out an outfit difficult. Since it was a windy day, she’d chosen jeans rather than a dress, aiming to look somewhere between pretty and casual. She didn’t want to date him of course, but she could see herself being friends with him, and dressing nice was just how she did everything. She had figured out how to convince a guy to be just friends without hurting any feelings, she’d simply do the same to Fernand. Realising she was obsessing over it, she finished getting ready.

Marie checked her phone to make sure he hadn’t sent her a message to say he’d be late, but Marian grabbed her bag before she could put her phone in it.

“Where you going?”

“Out.”

“With?”

“A gang of bikies. I plan on having unprotected sex with all of them. I’ll quit my job to raise the baby. You’ll need to work even harder so we can sponge off you.” She tugged the bag out of Marian’s grip, smirking at his look of disgust at the joke. “I’m going out with a friend.”

“And you’d normally tell me which friend… it’s a date.”

“It’s not a date, it’s a –“ The doorbell interrupted before she could even figure out what to say back to that. “Don’t you dare.” She poked him in the stomach before rushing to the door before Marian could get there. She opened it, and darted through, almost straight into Fernand.

“Hi. Sorry.” She had to tug on the door to close it, which meant Marian had his hand on the handle.

@fernandbaptiste

#para: the charm #character: fernand #technically my second thread with this title #but different characters and different versions of Marie #have more Ferie spam #while I continue to procrastinate the sad reply #the angel likes prada too

[words-writ-in-starlight]

Have you read Robin Mckinley's The Outlaws of Sherwood? And if so what where your thoughts?

MY BUDDY.

I HAVE.

Right so I think I’ve mentioned my overwhelming obsession with Robin McKinley’s writing once or twice.  And I love Outlaws of Sherwood!  This is a Good Ask!

All right, so for those of you who haven’t read the Outlaws of Sherwood and don’t know what I’m talking about, it’s Robin Hood.  The basic premise is that Robin accidentally kills someone of a higher status than him and, in the process of hiding him from the Sheriff’s men, his best friends Much (the son of a miller) and Marian (the daughter of a Saxon nobleman) convince him that someone has to take a stand against the regime.  As such, people who are being taxed to death or who have had their homes taken leave with him and hide out in Sherwood Forest.  As the plot progresses, their gang grows, and the standard robbing-of-rich-feeding-of-poor proceeds, Guy of Gisborne shows up, and so it goes.

The major difference between this and most Robin Hood interpretations is that (*gasp*) Maid Marian has a real personality!  She’s a fucking firecracker!  She’s an expert markswoman--Marian is the legendary archer of the Outlaws, and goes to contests in a green hood under Robin’s name.  Marian is a tactician and a fighter and a woodsman AND she teaches all the men how to sew a goddamn shirt.  MARIAN IS THE TOTAL PACKAGE.  She and Robin bicker all the time and she nips it right in the bud when he gets stupid and overprotective and there’s this stunning scene where Marian and Robin are sitting together under a tree and Marian falls asleep on him and Robin just like “my arm is going numb and there’s a tree root digging into my hip but if I sat here for the rest of my life I would be happy, I want to marry this woman under any circumstances if she’d take me.”  And honestly same.  Anyway.  I digress.

All right, so here’s My Thoughts about Outlaws of Sherwood, and they can basically be summed up as “what a good” but also as “this is such a good way to balance the realistic and the hopeful in this story.”  Because like, okay, Robin Hood is a popular story to retell, but, especially in more recent versions, they get really...determined to be ‘realistic,’ which turns into some pretty profoundly grim stuff.  BBC did a Robin Hood show a while back and I passionately hated it--Robin was a womanizing nobleman who treated his manservant Much very poorly, Marian had a REAL WEIRD love triangle with Robin, who was kind of a dick, and Guy of Gisborne, who was a presumptuous pushy pseudo-rapist, and the Merry Men were a nominal saving grace until Marian was murdered at the end of the first season.  At that point, I just fucking bailed and googled how it ended--spoiler, it ends with Robin, after a fuckbuddies relationship with a villain, being poisoned and dying while Nottingham burns.  And here’s why I had an issue with that: Robin Hood, most basically, is the product of a society that was just dead exhausted by the Crusades and the class division between the Normans and the Saxons and the general state of the world that they went “What if someone had the option to not be us” and it was a thing of HOPE.  The idea of Robin as a chivalrous outlaw and Much as a loyal friend and Marian as a charming maiden just rebellious enough to ally herself with someone outside the law started as a story about hope.  A story about the potential to do something to save the people being crushed under the weight of a nobility that didn’t give a good goddamn about them.  A story about the idea that someone might care about them.

BBC’s asshole Robin and indecisive (and fridged) Marian and browbeaten Merry Men aren’t loyal to that idea.  Nottingham being burned to the ground as Robin dies just says “rebellion is pointless and the little people will always be victims of the system no matter what anyone does.”  

B U T.  You know what is loyal to that idea, that core of hope?  OUTLAWS OF SHERWOOD.  Robin is the cynic, here, the pragmatic influence to Much’s ready optimism and Marian’s fire-bright idealism, but even Robin...he loves his people, even if he doesn’t love the dream.  He would rather live to fight tomorrow than die a martyr, but when a young man in ridiculous red clothes shows up lost and alone in Sherwood Forest, Robin can’t help but care about him.  Much is a devoted friend, not just to Robin but to all the Outlaws, and the one whose idealism bears up under the worst the world has to throw at it.  Marian is proud and fierce and the one who turns dreams and love into real action.  

You wanna know why Outlaws is my favorite Robin Hood retelling?  Because it walks the line between honesty (life as an outlaw sucks! they’re hungry and cold and they’re horribly wounded in the last battle against Gisborne! Robin is scared and/or exasperated 99% of the time and the other 1% is pretty much that one scene with Marian!) and joy.  Outlaws loves its characters and its story and its hopes and its dreams, genuinely enjoys the hell out of itself, and that means that it feels like Robin Hood.  I don’t like stories tangled up in their own shadows and darknesses, I like stories that can balance the darkness with some light.  And that’s what Outlaws of Sherwood feels like.  It feels like a forest--the shadows are deep and green and frightening, and the sunlight is so, so bright.

#outlaws of sherwood #robin hood #robin mckinley #i love this book so much my dude i'm sorry this has been so disordered and weepy #i just live for stories that are about the radical idea of human courage and kindness and hope #i live for that shit man #and outlaws is such a primo example #and of course my queer little heart loves marian more than life itself #so like #there's also that #book rec #anonymous #asked and answered