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stilemawillow · 1 year

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The Austere Land of You [Eren | Eldian! Reader]

The first moment he laid eyes on you he knew, with such odd certainty, it scared him...

You walked into the hospital room with a familiar air of confidence he had seen before, across a vast ocean in the eyes of his treasured comrades as they charged into battle. That bravery was uncanny for a female of your stature and age, a mere teenager who knew not of true cruelty and the wicked ways of fate. When you arrived at his bedside, however, he caught a glimpse of the Eldian armband and corrected himself for the mistake. Your shoulders were tense and the impassive look of neutrality on your face reminded him of his Corporal as you stood at the foot of his bed, youthfulness shadowed by years of painful experience. Looking closer, he noted the lilac crescents etched deep into the skin beneath your eyes - harsh and cold - so unlike your gentle features it made him scowl. A nurse shouldn't have such eyes.

"The head nurse told me you have amnesia. Do you happen to remember your name?"

"Kruger."

"And how do you want me to address you?"

"... Eren."

"I'm (Y/N) (L/N). We're going to be seeing each other often during your stay."

Your smile was warm but it didn't reach your eyes. Eren nodded in understanding and you asked him if there was something he wanted. A few things came to mind but he was sure you wouldn't be able to acquire them for him. Freedom and justice were abstract concepts he had to procure for himself and others - not earn. You couldn't just fish them from the pocket of your apron, as much as it would've pleased him for that to have been possible. Though most patients were sleeping at this time and you were unoccupied, Eren denied craving anything particular, to which you left the hospital room, only to come back a minute later with a glass of water and another one of those empty smiles he would soon come to dislike. Eren uttered a word of gratitude but never took the water from your hold, forcing you to leave it on the small stool by his bed with a statement that you were going to be just outside and that he should call if he needed anything. He stopped you in your tracks with a question.

"Do you know any fairy tales?"

"One or two. But they're vague and end happily."

"It's what I was hoping for. Better than the morbid atmosphere here."

"A pensive person like you doesn't look like the type to enjoy fairy tales."

"And a weird nurse like you doesn't look like the type to know any, but here we are."

Your chuckle was sweet and quiet, like the faraway crash of the ocean waves or the flap of a bird's wings as it sang. Your short-lived smile failed to reach your eyes once more, proving your immunity to evanescent happiness and amusement. You took a seat on the stool after handing him the water, letting his teal hues observe the purple bruises your dress's long sleeves had failed to hide completely. They adorned your frail wrist's whole breadth, peeking up at him like a dirty secret from under a clean white cuff. Being an Eldian in these ends wasn't an ideal place in the hierarchy because it put you at the very bottom, a step beneath the Marleyan cattle and even their house pets. You were treated worse than dogs just because Marley thought you were devils. Eren had sworn he would change that, but would he get the chance to see your stoic countenance as you nursed his wounds after he succeeded or would he be too late?

"What about a loveless fairy tale?"

"You're a victim of one. It's called reality."

"And you have the audacity to call me pensive."

"I apologise. I've never been on good terms with love."

The following days you'd bring him his meals and engage him in conversations when he seemed in the mood. You endured a beating to bring him a fairy tale book and he took notice of it (the sickening bruises of attempted strangulation and the split lip the attackers gave you were hard to miss), questioning the weird selflessness of somebody who seemed so detached. Feigning idiocy, Eren asked you to read to him and for a week straight you sat on that small stool by his bed, reading with your low melodic voice and briefly pausing every time an empty smile graced your fatigued visage as a result of a commentary on his side. Eren caught you looking at him during those days, mostly when he'd been eyeing your bruises a bit too much. Insecurity wasn't present in your orbs and you never addressed the action, throwing not a single reprimand at his astute hues. The teal in them lacked visible sympathy.

"Could you please fix my pillow?"

"You know you're perfectly capable of doing that yourself, Mr. Kruger."

"Eren."

"Young master."

His chuckle was something you found extremely motivating, beautiful and pleasant to listen to - albeit hoarse and seldom existent. Over the course of this blossoming friendship of yours, you'd heard it no more than three times and each of them had been late into the night after he'd called you in for something stupid - his back was itchy, he'd had a nightmare or he just felt uncomfortable lying awake in a room where death hung from the ceiling like a dreaded reminder of what awaited some of its inhabitants. You'd come padding into the room, a glass of water in your grasp and a disapproving scowl twisting your features, but one look at the unkempt soldier and his apologetic hues would be more than enough to make the reproach prodding at the tip of your tongue slide to the back of your throat in shame.

Careful not to wake somebody, you leaned over and fixed his pillow prior to asking if it was better, to which you received a negative answer and an instruction to adjust the other side as well. You grumbled under your nose in mild dissatisfaction before doing as you were told, which was quite similar to the act of you caging the poor male to the bed. Stunned by the proximity you shared, your brain malfunctioned and forgot why you'd gotten into that position in the first place. The man under you seemed unfazed and it was then you noticed, in the pale moonlight coming from the window with his long hair away from his face for once, that Eren Kruger was very far from being a mister - in fact he was probably no more than three years older than you. His eyes twinkled in the face of your supposed composure - an act that came apart completely when the wounded soldier lifted a big hand to tuck a stray strand of your hair behind your ear.

You snapped out of your daze and averted your gaze even though you silently longed to admire the colour scheme of his hues some more. Days if they would be given to you. The teal and the turquoise, and those little specks of emerald wandering the depths of his orbs. They could be golden in the sunlight, you speculated dreamily prior to asking if he was comfortable now. He seemed reluctant to voice an answer and when it came it was hardly related to your question at all, keeping you there, shamefully towering over him as the other patients spun in their restless slumber. Eren observed your visage - oddly feminine and vulnerable following the abrupt breach of your defences - with latent curiosity. At that moment he could call you beautiful but he chose not to. It would further add to the brush of colour across your cheeks and earn him one of your infamous glares. But that wasn't what he feared. Because the following night you might not answer when he called and he found that idea infuriatingly unpleasant.

"Nurse."

"Yes, Eren?"

"May I take you out after I leave the hospital?"

"Take me out?"

"To see the ocean."

It was the first time Eren heard sincere laughter leave your lips - it made your eyes light up as the sound rolled off your tongue and rooted him in place, thoughtful and just as hopeful. If he took you to the shore, maybe he could send you across the ocean to Mikasa and Armin and protect you, keep you safe from everything that would happen. If you agreed you'd stay out of harm's way and it would put his mind to rest. When your laughter died down the brown-haired male was still admiring the beamish glimmer in your orbs, thus why he almost missed your small nod. Eyes widening in evident excitement, Eren parted his lips with the intent to speak but his vocal cords went mute when you leaned in and kissed the corner of his mouth, light as a feather and gentle despite the frown you constantly armed yourself with.

Reflexes taking over, the tan male put a hand on the back of your neck when you were about to part from him and properly aligned your lips for a second kiss. Your surprise was clear but there was no fight in your body. Your tense shoulders relaxed and you tangled your hard-working fingers in his chocolate locks as he grabbed your waist, pulling you closer. You sighed in contentment when Eren's teeth nibbled on your bottom lip, demanding a less chaste kiss you were eager to give. His diminutive growl vibrated against your mouth when you tugged on his hair and he slowly broke the kiss prior to taking your wrist in his hold. Careful not to press the bruises that kept reappearing, the male locked gazes with you and placed a butterfly kiss atop each violet smear visible. The hitch of your breath was loud as you slowly moved back, burning with that happy embarrassment that distinguished a lover's playful gesture from the shameful act of a stranger. Thankfully, a majority of the patients were having their afternoon naps and the rest didn't seem to have paid any attention to you.

Eren let go of your wrist, fingers lingering as he wondered whether to speak or not. His temper would probably get the best of him so he decided he'd keep quiet and wait for your words instead, but you couldn't meet his gaze, having sat back on the small stool by his bed. Your fingertips kept brushing over your lips in a repetitive trance-like motion that seemed to push a number of indecent thoughts to the surface of his mind. He stood up after shaking them off, alarming your dazed self. You handed him his crutch, straight posture hinting at the fact you were waiting for him to start walking so you could follow unless told otherwise. A light huff blew past his lips as he stepped forward and a glance back at your visage was all he needed to see the emotional teenager you rarely let out. A shy smile had graced your gentle features and, though it took him by surprise, he inwardly conceded that smile would've made his fifteen-year-old self fall in love in a heartbeat.

"Will you be watching the Tybur festival?"

"I'll be spying on it from the window."

"What window?"

"My home's window. The stage's going be set up mere feet from it."

"I'd opt for a walk to avoid listening to the nonsense if I were you."

"A walk?"

"But not in the vicinity. Propaganda travels far. So go further."

Out of the hospital and out of your life, or so Eren had secretly hoped as he finally put his carefully thought-out plan into action some days later. He uttered a final inward prayer prior to transforming and it was the last coherent thought you occupied in his mind for the following few minutes until his gaze caught sight of your form a few streets away, watching the fight with a horrified expression that, for the umpteenth time, didn't manage to reach your cold eyes. You watched his titan form, with its bleeding jaw and broken teeth, and the sheen in its big eyes and you knew. You watched it (this despicable monster you were supposed to hate on sight - him) clutch Willy Tybur's sister and gnaw at the crystal surrounding her with chilling composure, but the moment the Jaw Titan attempted to attack him from the back your eyes widened in concern and your lips parted though you realised he wouldn't hear you. Eren turned, slamming the attacker into the nearby building after the Corporal had disabled his onslaught and he knew a little something of his own. Something he'd known since the beginning.

He was in and done for.

...

The last time his orbs settled on your figure he also knew, in a way even better than before...

Weeks of worry and nightmares had left their imprint on your gentle features. Eren would never understand the worry had been for him. He'd never know the sleepless nights and the faded tear stains had been for him. And while those facts might forever stay out of his reach he knew another thing - where to find you at all times. So he walked into the hospital with his two functioning legs, no facial hair and that determined though emotionless gaze that seemed to make him more humane, knowing you'd be there, tending to somebody else's needs like you'd tended to his. Your first reaction to seeing him step into the room was something he'd always remember - a tired frown deepening in realisation as the ice in a pair of cold eyes cracked and tumbled down sunken cheeks.

"I thought you wouldn't come back."

"I thought you wouldn't talk to me."

"Why not?"

"You know why."

"I really don't. I don't know."

You didn't have much time with him and it wasn't something you needed to hear in order to understand. You told your current patient to lie back down and try to rest as you left the building, silently walking after the tense brunet. He stopped at the exit and you stepped back, fearfully glancing up at him as he turned to face you. He noticed the sunken cheeks and the deepened lilac crescents, and the crease in the middle of your forehead as you knitted your eyebrows at him, but didn't address them. He stood there, fervently observing and memorising every part of you his orbs had access to and inwardly hating himself for thinking you no less beautiful than all other times he'd had the honour to lay eyes upon your visage. Then he saw the first tear. Quick to comfort you, Eren moved forth and cupped your cheek so gingerly it seemed to make you cry even harder.

"... it's Jaeger. Eren Jaeger."

"Which of my names do you favour more?"

"The real one. It has a certain ring to it."

"I've come to learn it sounds better when you say it."

A wavering smile kissed your lips as you met his bright gaze, twitching fingers relinquishing their hold on your white dress and instead hesitantly ghosting over the male's strong jawline, clenched in self-restraint. Eren visibly leaned into their warm touch with a small gulp as your tears gradually ceased cascading over your moist skin. A wishful breath slipped past the cage of your punctured lungs as the male stepped forth, cupping your face with both his hands and pressing a loving kiss to your forehead - desperate and burning with equal parts of pain and want. Your hands dropped to his chest and one happened to rest over his heart - hammering so loudly against his ribcage that it started sounding like human speech to you. Eren pressed your foreheads together and you cursed this whole situation before looking into his eyes, so emotional and in so much pain it made your windpipe constrict. Only if you could do something to help him.

"I never understood the look in your eyes."

"I know. But I understood the look in yours, Eren. I still do."

"Tell me what it means then. I seem to have a hard time deciphering it on my own."

Eren expected a snarky retort. He expected slight reproach and some motherly scolding, some true statements and a little bit of explanation. Maybe the smile you'd crack would reach your eyes in that endearing manner that always made his heart skip a beat or maybe you'd caress his face with your warm fingers as you spoke in a soft voice of how oblivious he was, how oblivious he'd always been. For you he was. But he was also unprepared for what you truly did. He was unprepared for the kiss, for the abrupt tug at the collar of his white shirt, unprepared for how good your hot lips felt against his own and the blissful feeling it filled his whole body with. The following minutes could be described using a few words - simple and prosaic but appropriate as could be.

Inexperienced: applicable to both of you, its existence didn't stop you from wrapping your arms around his neck as he lifted you off the ground effortlessly. Sloppy: the sound of lips smacking and teeth grazing didn't alert any nurse or patient in the building, you were in a world of your own as his hands creased your uniform and yours made a mess of his hair. Passionate: hardly anything a pair of teenagers could stray from, you felt your heartbeat speed up as Eren held you close - so close you felt every breath leaving his body so it could mix with yours. Desperate: fate, fights and rules didn't matter when he could feel you against himself, so warm and alive, so beautiful and tired, so lovable and loving, you were melting in his arms and he was intoxicated by the fresh smell of flowers in your hair and the sweet taste of tea on your lips, so smitten it was borderline ridiculous.

"I want to keep you safe."

"Lock me away then, Eren Jaeger. And come back for me when you win."

The look in his eyes was quite eloquent as to what he had in mind. He would do just that. He'd come back for you and you'd welcome him into your embrace as a victor - a monster so engrossed in protecting humanity it had neglected its own. He'd lock gazes with your austere hues and you'd smile one of those empty smiles of yours, and as you'd lean in to kiss his dry lips it would fill with that type of unhidden adolescent love Eren denied ever having witnessed. His bloodied hands would hold your small figure and you'd smile for him - a smile that could encompass all the stars in the sky and all the freedom in the world. You'd be free to do whatever you wanted, no longer labelled as devils and beaten like street mutts. The fantasy was vivid and beautiful, almost as beautiful as you. Eren felt your hands squeeze his. Your pants were fanning his face, bodies standing close as he left the imprint of his desperate need for you all over, kissing where tears had fallen, smiles been seldom shown and eyebrows knitted. Everywhere he could reach.

"I'll be back in a bit then."

It was useless to ask you to wait for him because he knew you would, even if he told you he wouldn't come back for weeks. Eren watched you glide down your white dress as his hands worked on his hair - combing it with his fingers and tying it with the small rubber band that had stayed in your hold after you'd tangled your digits in his locks. You spied the action out of the corner of your eye, with a worried expression that differed from your neutral frown only because you didn't normally furrow your brows that intensively. Your pout was visible as Eren exhaled a shaky breath, determination to leave wavering at the sight of your watery eyes. But you encouraged him, stepping closer and letting one of those empty smiles kiss your lips. The genuine one you'd leave for his safe return, along with the tears streaming down your face. You tip-toed to kiss him one last time, lips lingering as your eyelids fell closed and he revelled in the sound of your wistful sigh. Your gazes locked and you both knew two vastly different things which came down to one and the same statement, echoing in the hospital's hallway. It was the final verdict of your unrealistic wishes.

He'd fight fate itself if it meant this wouldn't be the last time you kissed him.

#eren jaeger fanfiction #eren x reader #eren jaeger #Eren Jaeger Imagine #reader insert #x reader #snk x reader #eren is hot and out of character but this IS NOT fanon eren #fiy never fanon eren #fanon eren is a hoe #this one is traumatised and can't enjoy his hormal period properly #but happy birthday to him nonetheless #i love this guy so much i wish him all the best and if real men were like this... well...#call me britney bitch because i do be in love with a criminal

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