#For the most part people will be able to recognise and understand the genuine desire to learn about something and help and will be at LEAST

[flamingo-writes]

hello >-<

so i have this idea

hobie is a punk musician right? what if he kinda like this artist (their work and all) but the artist is a anon so he got no idea who it was but he knows their art style by heart

he would go to art galleries that will feature the artist

he would even go to the extent of buying a print or two

he would also ask for a commission from the artist

but he would do all of it in incognito (he’s like an idol idoling his idol from the fake acc to ask for comms to disguises just to go to the gallery)

little did he know his fav artist/reader is also a big fan of his band

how would they meet??

(sorry if it’s to long or kinda hard to understand, thank youuu have a wonderful day)

•🍓

You have no idea how much I loved this. I kinda projected myself (like I’ve honestly been in all of my hobie fanfics, but bcs I too, am a punk and do art occasionally) my eco-punk tendencies keep showing, and I’m honestly not gonna stop anytime soon (as you can tell from the constant mention of plants in my writing). This took me forever but I’ve been hella busy 😭

I’ll perhaps do a second part of this

WC: 1.2K or something.

Art is Freedom — Hobie x GN!Reader

"Art is Freedom" was the signature of the anonymous artist Hobie desired to meet. There was something about their art that simply fascinated him. From murals made out with plants, to your standard mural with spray paint. In galleries, this same artist did installations with all sorts of recycled materials. From newspaper, cardboard, paper, sometimes even stuff like aluminium and glass. Others screen printing on recycled fabric and old shirts, and most recently digital art, with the option of buying prints.

What Hobie liked about this artist was how cold and straightforward could they be with their art to express their thoughts and feelings. With a strong commentary on environmentalism. Also very graphic art talking about feminism and domestic violence. He loved the passion put into these pieces, he gawked at the raw energy expiring from the art pieces.

However, tracking them down was particularly hard. They were good at covering up their tracks. Although Hobie knew what that was like, so he started thinking in a similar way this anonymous artist would do. Sometimes feeling guilty for wanting to uncover this artist’s identity, he wouldn’t like it if someone was waiting for him to make a mistake at covering his tracks and found out who he was. But at the same time, he genuinely wanted to meet this person, have a talk with them, sure that Spider-Man and this artist would get along very well.

One fortuitous day, at the art gallery Hobie liked to frequent, there was a new exposition. This one was a photography show. It was the first time this artist showcased pictures. The theme was punk. And most of the photos were from concerts. Spider-Man was even in most of them. Not only was this artist a fan of his band, but from the pictures, Hobie was able to get an idea of who this artist was.

The group of hardcore punks who always showed up to his concerts, art shows, or were wrecking havoc during manifestations, was for the most part the same crowd. Some faces and even names became familiar not only to him but to everyone else.

And you had a face easy to recognise. You had a reputation for always being in the middle of the mosh pit, jamming and jumping like everybody else. However, you were taking pics. Right in the middle of the mosh, you managed to take the best pictures from the stage and the crowd. How did you manage to take those pics while getting out, not only yourself but your camera intact? It was a mystery many people liked to think about.

Hobie had seen you at almost every gig. And he’d seen the magnificent work you did with the photos. However, for the two years he’s been following this anonymous artist, he’d never seen photos. However, for the three or four years you’ve been following his band, he’d seen you in the crowd and seeing your work.

And now standing in front of your exposition, he could clearly identify the peculiar style of the pictures. Those pictures clearly were taken from the depths of a mosh pit. And keeping cameras intact and photos this good of a mosh pit could only be you.

His eyes widened at the realisation. He knew you all along, and had been watching your work from afar for so long. He didn’t personally know you, but he’d seen you around so much to think you were a cool lad, the pins on your jacket were rad, and that you had good taste in music. And of course, he thought you were a talented photographer.

But now that he’d put two and two together, not only were you a magnificent photographer, but an overall artist. The respect and admiration he felt for you duplicated, as he’d thought he was admiring at two different artist while it was actually one and the same.

“Oh! Look at these!” Some people in the gallery said as they neared the pictures and paid close attention to them. “Dude, this pics are sick! Kinda like the ones you always take!”

He diverted his gaze and saw a couple of people leaning closer to take in the details, and a third person wearing a hoodie. Hands hidden in the pouch and hood over their head.

“They’re pretty good,”

Hobie raised an eyebrow as he paced around the gallery, trying to get closer, wondering if it could be you underneath that hoodie.

As he got closer, pretending to glance at the pictures, he saw you from the corner of his eyes and smirked. Your poker face was actually very good, but he could see right through it.

“You think the artist knows how meaningful their art is to others?” Hobie said in a low voice as he glanced at you.

“They better! They’re fucking awesome!” One of your friends said, clueless of what Hobie was trying to do.

“I’m sure they’ve got some idea,” You said meeting Hobie’s stare.

“Well, they sure are my favourite artist, I’ll tell you that…” He said confidently. “I’ve seen you around in gigs, haven’t I?”

“Yeah, probably. I’m always around in gigs…” You said shyly.

“Especially Spider-Man! You love that guy!” One of your friends said, as you felt your cheeks warming up slightly.

“Do you?” Hobie asked.

“His style is very unique. And he’s amazing. He’s been a huge inspiration for me,” reluctantly, you admitted.

“Really? That’s cool. I’m Hobie,” His smirk flashed across his face with a slight arrogant yet full of charm.

“Nice meeting you,” You introduced yourself to him, telling him your name. “I like your style…” You said, pulling one of your hands out of the pouch of your hoodie and pointed at his pins.

“Thanks,” He said, repeating your name. “So, you said Spider-Man was an inspiration…”

“I do art sometimes,” You shrugged. “I wish I could live off of it but, it’s hard,”

“The world is so unkind to artist, unless you decide to sell yourself like a whore,”

You looked at Hobie, thinking there was something strangely familiar and yet refreshing of him. He was tall, he was skinny, but definitely looked like the guy you wouldn’t want to get in a fight with. And yet, he didn’t look all that intimidating. In fact, you felt curious.

“Yeah, pretty much…” You agreed.

“Wanna go for a beer sometime?”

It was hard for you not to smirk as you looked away. Your friends now further away, having read the room and left you alone with Hobie.

“Excuse me?” You armed yourself with courage to look back at him and meet his stare, his eyes a lighter shade of brown compared to the rest of his skin. He was gorgeous, you thought.

“You seem like a pretty interesting person, I’d like to know you better and know a bit more about the art you make, if that’s okay of course…” He shrugged, nonchalantly, able to read your slightly shy and awkward demeanour.

“Do I know you?” You asked.

Hobie chuckled softly. Knowing exactly what you meant, wondering if you were able to somehow relate him to Spider-Man already.

“Yeah, I introduced myself two minutes ago,” he teased, as you chuckled and rolled your eyes playfully.

“No—I me-mean yeah…” You giggled “But…Before that?”

Hobie shrugged.

“Why you ask?”

“I don’t know…” You sighed looking at him curiously, attentively. “Something about you feels oddly familiar…”

“Perhaps,” He shrugged “who knows, there’s only one way to find out…” He winked.

You smirked.

“Later today? At the Hayfield?” You said, naming your favourite bar, agreeing to his invitation.

“Someone likes artisan beer,” Hobie pointed out with an approving nod.

“Isn’t that the best kind of beer?” This time, you shrugged nonchalantly “Besides, Hayfield supports all the local beer producers and amateurs too”

“Nice. See you then,” Hobie said. “9 works for you?”

“9 it is” You smirked, feeling your chest stirring slightly.

“Nice meeting ya” He said turning around, with a triumphant smirk.

“Nice meeting you too…”

~~~~~~~~~

don’t forget to leave a comment if you like this and reboots always help your local and favourite writers get more traction 🙆🏻‍♀️

#hobie brown #hobie brown x reader #hobie x reader #hobie headcanons #hobie fanfic #hobie brown fanfiction #hobie brown x y/n #hobie brown x you #hobie x you #hobie x y/n

[ailuronymy]

Thoughts on the new discourse? Warrior cats naming conventions and rank names being straight up stolen from native American people? So many people seem to be... Straight up leaving the Fandom or changing all of their fan content and it feels very performative and, people not actually thinking critically and just being scared of getting "cancelled"? I feel like your opinions on these matters are very informed and well written so I wanted to ask given that this blog main theme is, well, warrior cat naming system and that seems to be the main issue of the new discourse.

This is probably going to get long, since there's sort of a lot to say about it in order to talk about this whole thing fairly and constructively, because from what I’ve seen there’s a lot of hyperbole happening, and panicking, and disavowing this series and fandom, and so on, like you say, and also some people genuinely trying to have complex meaningful conversations about racism in xenofiction, and also probably some bad faith actors in the mix--as well as some just... stupid actors. Kind of inevitably what happens when two equally bad platforms for having nuanced discussions--i.e., twitter and tumblr--run headlong into each other, in a fandom space with a majority demographic of basically kids and highly anxious, pretty online teens. I don’t mean that as a criticism of fans or their desire to be liked by peers and “correct” about opinions, it’s just the social landscape of Warriors and I think it’s worth pointing out from the start.  

If I’m totally honest with you, if not for this ask, I wouldn’t actually be commenting on it at all, because none of this is going to impact this blog or change how I run it in any way. But since you’ve asked and frankly I do feel some responsibility to try to disentangle things a little for everyone stressed and confused at the moment, because I know a lot of people look to this blog for guidance of all sorts, I’m going to talk about what I think has happened here, and how to navigate the situation in a reasonable way. 

Quick recap for anyone blissfully unaware: from what I understand, this post (migrated over from a presumably bigger twitter thread) has got a lot of people very worried about Warriors being a racist and appropriative series, and now are trying to figure out what ethically to do about this revelation. The thing I found most interesting about this screenshotted conversation is that it makes a lot of bold claims, but misses some pretty surprising details (in my opinion). If you do look critically at what is being said, here’s a few things to notice--crucially, there are two people talking. 

Person 1 says that a lot of animal fantasy fiction + xenofiction (fiction about non-human/”other” beings, such as animals) is frequently built upon stereotypes of First Nations and Indigenous people, and/or appropriates elements of Indigenous culture and tradition as basically set dressing for “strange” and “alien” races/species etc., and this is a racist, deeply othering, and inappropriate practice. This person is right. 

I’ve spent years researching in this field specifically, so I feel pretty confident in vouching (for whatever that’s worth) that this person is absolutely right in making this point. Not only is it frequently in animal fiction/xenofiction, but it’s insidious, which means often it’s hard to notice when it’s happening--unless you know what you’re looking for, or you are personally familiar with the details or tropes that are being appropriated. Because of the nature of racism, white and other non-First Nations people don’t always recognise this trend within texts--even texts they’re creating--but it’s important for us all, and especially white people, to be more aware, because it’s not actually First Nations’ people’s responsibility to be the sole critics of this tradition of theft and misuse. Appropriation by non-Indigenous people is in fact the problem, which means non-Indigenous people learning and changing is the solution. 

Person 1 offers Warriors as a popular example of a work that has this problem. Notably, this person hasn’t given an example of how Warriors is culpable (at least in this screenshot and I haven’t found the thread itself, because the screenshot is what’s causing this conversation), only that it’s an example of a work that has these problems. And once again, this person is correct. We’ll look at that more in a moment.

Person 2 (three tweets below the first) offers, by comparison, several more specious insights. Firstly, it’s really, really not the only time anyone’s ever talked about this, academically + creatively or in the Warriors fandom specifically, and so that reveals somewhat this person’s previous engagement in the space they’re talking into re: this topic. In other words, this person doesn’t know what has already been said or what is being talked about. Secondly, this person explicitly states that they “[don’t know] much about warrior cats specifically but from what I see it just screams appropriation,” which as a statement I think says something crucial re: the critical lens this person has applied + the amount of forethought and depth of analysis of their criticism of this particular series. 

I’m not saying that using twitter to talk about your personal feelings requires you to research everything you talk about before you shoot your mouth off. However, I personally don’t go into a conversation about a topic I don’t know anything about except a cursory glance to offer bold and scathing criticisms based on what it “just screams” to me. By their own admission, this person isn’t really offering good faith, thoughtful criticism of the series, in line with Person 1′s tweet. Instead, Person 2 is talking pretty condescendingly and emphatically about--as the kids say--the vibes they get from the series, and I’m afraid that just doesn’t hold up well in this court. 

So now that there’s Person 1 (i.e., very reasonable, important, interesting criticism) and Person 2 (i.e., impassioned but completely vibes-based opinion from someone who hasn’t read the books) separated, we can see there’s actually several things happening in this brief snapshot, and some of them aren’t super congruent with each other. 

Person 1 didn’t say “don’t read bad books,” or that you’re a bad person for being a fan of stories that are guilty of this. They suggested people should recognise the ways xenofiction uses Indigenous people and their culture inappropriately and often for profit. My understanding of this tweet is someone offering an insight that might not have occurred to many people, but that is valuable and important to consider going forward in how they view, engage with, and create xenofiction media.

Person 2 uses high modality, evocative language that appeals to the emotions. That’s not a criticism of this person: they’re allowed to talk in whatever tone they want, and to express their personal feelings and opinions. However, rhetorically, this person is using this specific language--consciously or subconsciously--to incense their audience--i.e., you. Are you feeling called to action? What action do you feel called to when you rea their words, despite the fact their claims are not based in their own actual analysis of or engagement with the text? It’s, by their own admission, not analysis at all. Everything they evoke is purely in the name of “not good” vibes. 

Earlier I mentioned that Person 1 is correct that Warriors is absolutely guilty of appropriation of First Nations and Indigenous people and culture. I also mentioned that they didn’t specify how. That’s because I think the most egregious example is in fact the tribe, which in many ways plays into the exact kind of stereotyping and appropriation of First Nations Americans that Person 1 mentions, and not the clans, contrary to Person 2′s suggestion. For instance, in addition to the very loaded name of “tribe”, there’s a lot of racist tropes present in how that group of cats is introduced and how the clan cats interact with them, as well as the more North American-inspired scenery of their home. It’s very blatant as far as racism in this series. 

When it comes to the clans themselves, though, I think it’s muddier and harder to draw clear distinctions of what is directly appropriative, what is coincidentally and superficially reminiscent, and what is not related at all. Part of this difficulty in drawing hard lines comes from the fact that, on a personal level, it actually doesn’t matter: if a First Nations person reads a story and feel it is appropriative or inappropriate, it’s not actually anyone’s place to “correct” them on their reading of the text. Our experiences are unique and informed by our perspectives and values, and no group of people are a monolith, which means within community, there will always be disagreement and differenting points of view. There is no one single truth or opinion, which means that First Nations people even in the same family might have very different feelings about the same text and very different perspectives on how respectful, or not, it might be. 

I’m saying this because something that gets said very often when conversations of racism and similar oppressive systems present/perpetuated in texts comes up, people frequently say: “listen to x voices.” It is excellent advice. However, the less pithy but equally valuable follow-up advice is: “listen to the voices of many people of x group, gather information and perspective, and then ultimately use your own judgement to make an informed opinion for yourself.” It means that you are responsible for you. The insight you can gain by listening to people who know topics and experiences far better than you do is truly invaluable, but if your approach to the world is simply to parrot the first voice, or loudest voice, or angriest voice you come across, you will not really learn anything or be able to develop your own understanding and you certainly won’t be making well-informed judgements. 

In other words, one incomplete tweet thread from two people who are each bringing quite different topics and modes of conversation (or perhaps gripes, in Person 2′s case) to the table is not really enough to go off re: making a decision to leave a fandom, in my opinion. In fact, I think in responding to anything difficult, complex, or problematic (which doesn’t mean what popular adage bandies it about to mean) by trying to distance yourself, or cleanse of it, will ultimately harm you and will not do you any good as a person. It is better, in my opinion, to enter into complex relationships with the world and media and other people in an informed, aware way and with a willingness to learn and sometimes to make mistakes and be wrong, rather than shy away from potential conflict or fear that interacting with a text will somehow taint you or define your morality in absolutes. 

So. Does Warriors have racist and appropriative elements, tropes, and issues in the series? Yes, of course it does, it’s a book-packaged series produced by corporation HarperCollins and written by a handful of white British women and their myriad ghostwriters. Racism is just one part of the picture. The books are frequently also ableist, sexist, and homophobic (or heteronormative, depending how you want to slice it, I guess), just to name some of the most evident problems. 

But does the presence of these issues mean it’s contaminated and shouldn’t be touched? Personally, I don’t think so. Given the nature of existing the world, it’s not possible to find perfect media that is free of any kind of bias, prejudice, or even just ideas or topics or concepts that are challenging or uncomfortable. I think it’s more meaningful to choose to engage with these elements, discuss them, criticise them, learn from them, and acknowledge also that imperfection is the ultimate destiny of all of us, especially creators.

I’m not saying that as a pass, like, “oh enjoy your media willy-nilly, nothing matters, do what you want, think about no-one else ever because we’re all flawed beings,” but rather that it’s important not to look away from the problems in the things we enjoy, rather than cut off all contact and enjoyment when we realise the problems. That doesn’t mean you have to only criticise and always be talking about how bad a thing you like is either, publicly admonishing yourself or the text, because that’s also not a constructive way to engage with media. 

As I said, there’s a lot to say here, and believe it or not, this is honestly the shortest version I could manage. There’s always more to say and plenty I haven’t talked about, but pretty much tl;dr: 

I don’t find Person 2′s commentary particularly compelling, personally, because I think it’s a little broad and a little specious in its conclusions and evidence, and I also suspect that this person is speaking more from their feelings than from a genuine desire to educate or meaningfully criticise, unlike Person 1. That’s not to say Warriors isn’t frequently racist and guilty of the issues Person 1 is discussing, because it is, but I don’t think this tweet thread is a great source of insight into the ongoing history of this problem in xenofiction, or Warriors specifically, on its own. I would recommend exploring further afield to learn more from a variety of sources and form your own opinions. I hope this helps. 

#just in case anyone sees this post and gets the wrong idea: i'm not inviting debate on this. #i am saying that first nations people are allowed to have ANY relationship with texts because that's how subjectivity works. #they are allowed to have negative neutral or positive experiences of texts--even 'bad' ones that have a lot of problems. #the people in this tweet are just talking about their thoughts and it's their bad luck the world's a public forum and it's spiralled. #the other thing i am saying is that if your approach to media is exclusively to cut out any problematic text like it's a cancer #that's not a great strategy. just straight up. you're better off developing critical insight and your own opinions and confidence. #by most parameters i can think of warriors as a series pretty much sucks really bad and i've been saying that for nearly ten years. #despite being so phenomenally flawed it can still have value--and much of its value in my opinion is IN these conversations about it. #so yeah tl;dr 2: i'm not here to slap-fight with teens which is what much discourse devolves to after 5 mins on tumblr so don't try it.

[gettin-bi-bi-bi]

Hey. I'm not very proud of it and I'm sorry in advance. I don't know what to do to cure my biphobia. The other day I felt really triggered at the reminder that bi/pan girls in most of the cases end up with men. In part it's probably because of society, but it still makes me feel like I'm just a little funny distraction until they find their perfect men. I know I'm projecting my insecurities and I'm aware it's wrong, I just don't know how to fix it.

Well, firstly thanks for recognising this as a problem and wanting to do better. I have a post about internalised biphobia and even if that doesn't apply to you if you're not bisexual yourself (since that's what the "internalised" part refers to) you might still want to have a look at it. Some of those tips could also help non-bisexual people to overcome biphobia. (You didn't specifiy your own sexuality here, so I'm not sure if you are bi/pan yourself or a lesbian.)

Most of all you just gotta keep reminding yourself that those biphobic thoughts are wrong and if you do that often enough you might be able to "rewire" your brain and dissolve the prejudices. Also inform yourself about what biphobia actually is and what different aspects of it look like. I have another older post about that as well but please also use other resources for more varied information.

I would also like to add some perspective on the "end up with a man" thing because that's the example you brought up here. Yes, a lot of bisexual women are in relationships with men. That can be because of societal pressure and bc they cannot come out as bisexual OR simply because the dating pool of men who are attracted to women is much larger than the dating pool of women who are attracted to women. It's maths. Basically there are more men available than women who are potential partners for a bisexual woman. Then ask yourself: why would it be "worse" if a woman you like or used to date "ends up" dating a man instead of another woman. If you break up with someone they have every right to seek out a new relationship and though I understand that it could hurt to see your ex with a new partner - I'm genuinely curious why you think that would be worse if that new partner was a man? Also I keep seeing it phrased as "ending up with a man" which to me (as a non-native speaker at least) sounds like a very negative thing as if being with a man is the less desirable outcome compared to being with a woman. Maybe if you are a lesbian that is a valid statement for your own life but for most bi and pan women it isn't? If a bi women dates a man and is happy with him then you should be just as happy for her as you would be if she dated a woman and was happy with her. It's very unfair (and, yes, biphobic!) to view a relationship between a bi/pan woman and a man as a negative outcome.

Next up you should reconsider your perspective on bi/pan women's "level of queerness". You say you are afraid to just be a "funny distraction until they find a man" as if the attraction, love and desire that bi/pan women feel for other women wasn't as strong as that if a lesbian's. That's a huge disservice to all bi and pan women who are just as queer as lesbians are. There is no hierarchy of queerness!! Bi and pan women's queerness and our queer desires don't have a lower value than that of lesbians. So when we (bi/pan women) are in a relationship with another women we have the capacity to be just as committed as a lesbian can be in the same position. Maybe you think that attraction to men somehow takes away from attraction to women but that is not how bisexuality works. We aren't part-gay/part-straight, but instead always 100% bi or pan.

I guess on some level you know all that or else you wouldn't even have messaged this blog. It's just to give you some more perspective and ideas about where your prejudices might lie. Some of them can go very deep all the way to thinking that men are somehow inherently worse human beings than women and so any woman attracted to men is automatically "tainted". You might not think that consciously and might never express such a belief but it is possible to internalise that stuff - especially online where radfem rhetoric is rampant.

Again, keep holding yourself accountable whenever you catch yourself having a biphobic thought. Acknowledge that it is biphobia and don't find excuses for it. And most of all: behave in a way that's better than your thoughts. We all sometimes think terrible things and it is important to unlearn prejudices and stereotypes but also what matters is how we actually treat people. So be kind and open-minded towards bi/pan women. And if you date one, trust her and belief her that the attraction and love she has for you is real. If you cannot wrap your mind around that then there might also be some self-esteem issues in play here. And should a relationship end with a bi/pam woman and she later dates a man? So what? She simply moved on and found a new partner. It doesn't matter what that person's gender is. Even if she literally leaves you for someone else and that person turns out to be a man, that doesn't reflect badly on bisexuality as a whole or the entire population of bi/pan women. It also doesn't have to mean her feelings for you were fake.

Maddie

[zirkkun-uthcs]

How would (Undertale) Gaster, Chara, Asriel & Mettaton react to an S/O who has very poor empathy (recognising and caring about other’s emotions) but still strives to be a good person and genuinely wants the people they care about to be happy? (If you’re not comfortable writing this I understand. Have a nice day regardless!)

Undertale!Gaster - He doesn’t really mind. Gaster’s pretty laid-back with most things and he’s willing to be patient with someone who has difficulty understanding emotions. They are a difficult concept after all, so no need to treat it with such seriousness. He’ll be pretty chill about the whole thing and really won’t worry one way or another. Though, he’s not one for serious conversation, so don’t expect him to sit down and have a wholly genuine, joke-free conversation about this pretty much ever.

Undertale!Chara - Possibly shocking, possibly not -- Chara isn’t a fan of this. While not exactly someone empathtic themself, they do kind of expect other people do be so, or at least have some sort of ability to recognize Chara’s desires without them having to really say a whole lot. Chara’s a very emotional person with very little impulse control, so frankly, it might be a bit between someone who can’t communicate their emotions well and someone who can’t understand them very well.

Undertale!Asriel - Asriel understands you completely. He couldn’t feel any emotions as Flowey, much less even so much as sympathize with anyone else. He’ll be the most proactive of this collection to try and help you do everything you’d like to do. With his own desire to better himself as a person, he would love to do a lot of good deeds and other various positive impacts on others’ lives. The potential biggest issue is that Asriel himself is a very emotional person, but he’s also used to being around people who don’t necessarily recognize or reciprocate that.

Undertale!Mettaton - Mettaton wouldn’t worry too much about it -- but he would like to help you in making people happy! He, too, loves being able to see people happy, and if you’re willing, he’d love to make you part of his regular show cast as well. Acting has always been his sort of outlet for himself, and being able to make people happy and entertained in the process is a self-fulfilling side effect from it. If you’re not interest in acting, however, he would still love to help you create some kind of expressive career for yourself like he does.

#undertale #undertale headcanon #undertale x reader #undertale!gaster #undertale!chara #undertale!asriel #undertale!mettaton #zircon answers #uthcs headcanon #aged up character // #anonymous

[afairytalestray]

Tuggoffelees 1 and Black&White Family 2

I can’t believe I’ve gotten to Part 3 of this series and I’m only now mentioning my favourite ship of all time! Tuggoffelees, my OTP, my beloved. As always, all hcs in this series will be pre-canon, if we accept the musical as the present day canon. Here’s my take on how Misto’s relationship with Tugger and with his half siblings develops :) (consistent tense usage? I don’t know her) (masterpost here!)

Tugger was totally enamoured by Mistoffelees from day one. They didn’t meet until after Munkustrap and Demeter’s ball (the one after Bomba/Demeter/Misto’s arrival in the Junkyard, which Misto skipped due to still fearing the other Cats), when Tugger happens across Misto dancing and practising his magic in a quiet corner by himself. For the first time in his life, the Rum Tum Tugger is rendered speechless, and just sits and watches in silent awe for like half an hour until Misto realises he’s there. Misto is initially very wary of Tugger, having heard about his flirty and flighty nature, but Tugger is so warm and genuine in his admiration of Misto’s abilities that he struggles to see what the stories were on about. The two immediately bond. They both have very great fears of violence and abandonment by family members/Macavity, which allow them to feel comfortable with one another and understand each other on a deep level better than anyone else in very little time. 

Misto, despite his own massive crush, is extremely oblivious to Tugger’s true feelings for him for a long time; after all, in what universe would the most popular and attractive Cat in the tribe see weird, skittish little him as anything more than a friend? But Tugger thinks he’s the greatest thing since sliced bread, and despite his fickle tendencies, is doggedly determined when he decides on something. He can’t put his finger on what exactly Misto makes him feel right away, but he knows that it’s good. He at first only recognises it as a weird and confusing desire to spend all his time only with him, and only after someone else points out that he’s not been up to his usual flirty shenanigans in a while. He struggles to explain it; since he’s one of the only ones Misto is able to talk to at that point, he’s one of the only ones who sees him for the fun, warm, and high-key sassy tom he is behind the shyness. It took a very long (and naturally embarrassing) talk with his father to help him work out what exactly he was feeling, and at Old Deuteronomy’s advice he resolved to pursue a serious relationship with Misto. It takes a while, partially because Misto seems to be immune to all Tugger’s best moves (read: oblivious to their real intention and therefore assumes he’s joking), and also because Tugger gets all heart-eyed and tongue-tied whenever Misto smiles at him - the usually suave rockstar Cat becomes a pile of goo.  After all his moves fail, Tugger is at a loss of what to do. In the end, he manages it completely by accident.

Misto is a perfectionist and extremely prone to over-working. Tugger’s insistence on being close by/helping him practise is the only reason he doesn’t wipe out basically all the time. Tugger finds him one evening when he’s pushed himself too far, exhausted and aching and barely able to walk. Tugger’s den is closer, so he picks him up and carries him back there - Misto is asleep long before Tugger lays him down on the blankets. He’s kinda mad - half at Misto for ignoring his own limits, half at himself for not being there to help him - but struggles to stay angry with him when he’s very clearly in pain. He confronts him the next day, which confuses Misto, who’s not really used to having people care about him the way Tugger does. Misto questions why it’s bothering Tugger so much, which prompts him to angrily blurt out that it sucks so much to see someone you love hurt themself like that and not seem to care. He doesn’t realise what he’s saying until he’s said it. It hangs in the air awkwardly for a few moments before Tugger throws caution to the wind and launches into a full confession of his feelings for him. He gets on a roll and doesn’t stop until Misto kisses him (in so learning that that is the best and only guaranteed way to shut Tugger up). From there things develop very quickly. To exactly no one’s surprise they become the youngest mated pair in Jellicle memory at the next ball. Old D bawls like a kitten he’s so happy. 

Tugger and Mistoffelees grew very close very quickly, which did wonders for Misto’s confidence and both of their self-esteem. It did, however, also strain Alonzo and Tugger’s already rocky relationship to near breaking point. Alonzo, having learned of Misto’s story and his mother’s death, feels incredibly guilty for turning away from him. He becomes jealous of how quickly Tugger was able to get close to Misto while he still struggles to even get him to talk to him, and thinks Tugger is an obnoxious bad influence and warns Misto against him. Tugger is normally fairly easygoing and happy to let rumours roll off him like water off a duck’s back, he even sometimes enjoys them and encourages them if he thinks they’re amusing. However, this he takes personally, and very seriously (as he will with any disparagement of his relationship with Misto, or suggestion that he doesn’t take it seriously). Tugger feels very protective of Misto, knowing very well the pain of being on the receiving end of his eldest brother’s rage, and of their blossoming relationship; he asserts that Alonzo should have gone after Misto when his mother attacked him, and that it’s Alonzo’s own damn fault he doesn’t have a relationship with Misto and it’s got nothing to do with Tugger. It becomes a very sore point of contention between the two of them.

Once Misto is more comfortable in himself and who he is, he begins to slowly build a bond with his half siblings. He becomes more comfortable with Victoria quickly, they both enjoy hanging out without really communicating, just enjoying each other’s company in peace. Victoria is deaf. She can lip-read, but Misto is very determined to learn sign language, and when he gets reasonably competent at that it becomes their main method of communication.

Alonzo is a lot trickier, the poor guy still feels so guilty. Misto holds no resentment towards him at all, he’s really happy Alonzo doesn’t hate him and totally understands why he couldn’t see him back then when everything was still fresh and painful for him - he doesn’t blame him at all. But he can’t seem to get that into Alonzo’s head. Every time it comes up all Alonzo can think about is that if he had just been more mature/compassionate/accepting back then Misto wouldn’t have gone through everything he did. 

Alonzo now desperately wants a relationship with his little brother, but his guilt makes it so he struggles horribly at communicating with him and is awkward around him, which in turn makes Misto nervous and uncomfortable (even more than he generally was at that time), which makes it even worse for poor Lonz. He becomes very protective of Misto as he feels like it’s the only thing he can now do for him (if he didn’t do it before then he’ll sure as hell make up for it now). This, unfortunately, tends to result in him getting into fights. He and Tugger have been and always will be chalk and cheese, but he also argued with his mother and now refuses to speak to her. When Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer arrived in the Junkyard, freshly escaped from Macavity and seeking refuge, it really freaked Misto out, and Alonzo immediately took a very hard stance against them and wouldn’t give them a chance. He got into a physical fight with Bombalurina that had to be broken up by Munkustrap when she wouldn’t let him close to her den (where Misto and Demeter had holed up). He has now begrudgingly accepted the twins, but keeps his guard up around them. 

As his and Misto’s relationship improved, the awkwardness ended up dissipating completely and the two became quite close. The protectiveness, however, never did go away. It toned down a lot, but at any given moment Alonzo is always ready and willing to throw hands for his little brother and sister.

#another long one #cats the musical #my headcanons #tuggoffelees #mr mistoffelees #the rum tum tugger #Alonzo #victoria #happiness is stored in the family hcs #even the angsty ones #especially the angsty ones

[danteinthedevildom]

A Royal Pajama Party “Analysis” - Part 4 (of 7)

We’ll skip over the Jenga scene for now; there’s nothing I really want to add on from it, and typing up another post is going to kill me. Instead, we’re going straight to the next activity - and a fairly major split between choices. 

This Devilgram is absolutely spoilt for choice when it comes (ironically) to choices - and each one brings about something new to learn. You can consider some of these latter parts joined up, then; I’ve just grouped together different route options for sake of reading. 

Of course, we’re deep into the Devilgram now, so all territory covered is locked behind Story Keys! This is your cursory spoiler warning. 

Here we begin, back to our regular schedule of Diavolo angst. 

There’s a potential you thought “watching a movie together” was bad enough to write on a list of things Diavolo’s never experienced before, and wants to share in this rare moment of time he’s managed to attain alone with you. Perhaps you even thought “playing Jenga” was worse. 

Neither of those activities, however, have anything on the concept that Diavolo actually, genuinely wrote down, on his list of things he’s always wanted to do with you, “lazing around, doing nothing at all”. 

This is, I think, the biggest indicator that he’s just... never had an actual, genuine, casual friendship before. He’s never had someone willing to spend time with him doing nothing. 

Which - well. We already knew that. He’s told us before (as I mentioned in part 1) that he genuinely struggles to remember he can just invite you over without having to trick you with “event planning”. He forgets you’re willing to be around him. 

But there’s a difference between “oh, I forgot - you actually don’t mind spending time with me” and “I’ve decided that I want to schedule actual time to just do something so simple and basic, it usually happens when most people hang out, but I’ve never been able to experience it before and I think I’d enjoy that time with you more than anything.”

It hurts to realise most demons won’t spend time in his presence without reason, but it’s actively worse to realise this reaction means he cherishes the ability to do nothing with you. To just savour the fact that you’re there, you’ve stayed, and you really would be happy doing nothing at all. That someone can enjoy just being in his presence, nothing important going on, because they have nothing else to do but focus on him and they don’t mind. 

It’s proof that he’s really enough. Proof that, despite how reluctant others may be to put up with him, you see something in him worth enjoying. He doesn’t need to take you out anywhere, or do anything special. He doesn’t need to make it perfect. He doesn’t need to awe and wow you to stay by his side. 

He can just sit around, nothing planned, and you’ll stay. 

The only times he’s been able to keep demons at his side, he’s had to tie them down with oaths and pleas. These demons have expressed annoyance, at times, when he’s tried to spend time with them - admittedly because they are busy demons, and they don’t quite enjoy the same things as Diavolo, but that doesn’t exactly make the rejection feel much better. So it’s very possible that Diavolo struggles to recognise his own self worth.

It’s very possible that he doesn’t think himself a good enough reason to enjoy a night in. Most friends can say - and often do - that they happily spend time together just hanging out. Talking, lounging around, relaxing, but not really doing much more than basking in the other’s company. Yet Diavolo can’t. Experience tells him “Diavolo’s company” isn’t enough to make someone stay. 

That’s why it’s important to him to schedule this time in, despite how natural it should be. It’s not natural to him. It’s exceedingly rare, actually, and thus an activity he wants to enjoy when he has the opportunity for it. 

But it’s also a reminder - proof - that at least to you, “Diavolo’s company” means something. That, to you, he means enough on his own to be worth spending time with.  

Moreover, this time with you is likely dear to him due to how busy his usual schedule is. After all...

How much free time does a prince get? 

How much time can he spend doing nothing, especially with you - someone so desired, people actively fight over your time and attention? 

There is no better way to savour the fact he - for once - has all your time and attention, no pressing matters to attend to, than to do nothing. He can just sit there and enjoy you. No interruptions. No distractions. Nothing to fret over or worry about. Just the two of you, content in each other’s company. It’s a reassurance. A moment of, “wow, this is really real, isn’t it?”

More importantly, however, is the fact that it’s you. He’d love “nothing more. Together with you, that is...” 

He doesn’t want to be on his own. That’s not the point of the activity. It’s not that he wants to do nothing, that he wants to just sit there and read or eat some fruit as if those things are significant on their own. He doesn’t just want free time because he’s busy and overworked and doing nothing is fun. 

It’s specifically because you’re there. Because he’s not alone. Because these things he maybe does in his free time feel different when he’s doing them with you.    

Of course, if you noticed, there’s two choices he gives you above: read, or eat fruit. I’ve gone for the reading option for this post series, as the fruit open mostly gives a romantic lead and not much development otherwise. 

In this scene, Diavolo’s reading a book to you. It’s actually a single poem from an anthology he loves - from the Human World, once again. 

(The Human World seems to mean a lot to Diavolo. It recurrs a lot. When he’s given the opportunity to pick something, it’s almost always media from the Human World. Whether this is because he hopes it’ll help you two bond over common ground or he just idealises the Human World, or maybe even a bit of both, is uncertain. Interesting, however, that it’s cropped up twice now; even more interesting that the only things he chooses that are Devildom-themed are games and food - things that don’t reflect human culture as much, unless you know more of the context behind them.) 

The poem Diavolo reads is called “The Greatest of All.”

This poem is extremely significant for Diavolo. It’s a huge part of his characterisation in this chapter, and one of the more overt scenes at that - because he’s exceedingly clear that this poem didn’t make sense to him before. He makes it utterly transparent that something has changed - in him, in his life, in his understanding - to suddenly reveal the meaning to him. 

And it’s all because of that final point. 

“Only those beloved by their peers truly rule the earth.”

Diavolo’s a prince. He quite literally rules the Realm he was born in. As far as he’s aware, that’s all there is to ruling; be the monarch, and you’re there. It couldn’t possibly be more literal than that. 

So what does that final line really mean, to a prince? What does it mean to someone who really is the literal definition of “ruling the earth”? 

Almost nothing at all. It’s baffling. It’s nonsensical. How more truly could you rule than to physically be the demon in power?

Of course it would never click for him before. 

He’s never been beloved before you. 

It’s only recently that he’s understood the poem. Only recently has the Exchange Programme been in action, and only recently has he actually gotten closer to you - moreso in the much later Lessons. 

Diavolo has spent much of his life in power, but completely alone. He’s had almost no connections, no friends, no love or intimate, personal attention; no-one he could say he understood like the back of his hand, who understood every aspect of him in turn. 

He has power and wealth but he’s never truly ruled - not until someone who made him feel alive came into his life. 

Because that’s the point of this poem. It’s not about wealth, or power, or bravery, or support - it’s about being loved. 

You could have everything in the world, but you’d still be nothing compared to the person with little to their name expect the love of their friends. 

Only someone who can say “I have friends who’ll stand beside me through thick and thin; who love me as much as I love them; who see the qualities in me even I didn’t know exist; who bring out the best in me and make me want to be better” is truly great. Only they can say that they have achieved the greatest potential in a fulfilling life. 

Diavolo’s realised how empty his life was prior to you appearing in it. He’s realised just how little he had - how much he’s missed out on, how much he wasn’t getting from the other people he considers friends - and how much happier he is now you’re there. How much bigger he feels. How much stronger. How much greater. 

You are the change that helped him make sense of the nonsensical. You, in befriending him, have utterly changed the way he exists; how he feels, how he experiences, how he thinks. You’ve brought to the table things he never would have considered before - things he never would have been able to consider, because he needed a friend to help eek them out of him; a friend he could love, and cherish, and whom loves and cherishes him just as much - and quite suddenly, he realises why having no-one limits a person no matter how much they own materially. 

This poem is, very likely, the reason he understood how much you mean to him. At some point, he re-read it, reached that final line, and pictured you. 

Which is an incredibly poetic way for Diavolo to show just how much you mean to him; how much you’ve improved every aspect of his life. Without having to say your name, or overtly connect you to the poem, it’s clear that it’s about you - that you’re the reason for his understanding. 

Becase this poem means a lot to him, and you’re the person he wants to share it with; the one he wants to know he’s changed for.

Which perfectly leads us to this next part...

You’re his greatest person. He’s still dancing around it, but there’s really no-one else it can be - not with this description. 

Diavolo has spent - if not his entire life, then a good portion of it, wondering who the most important person to him would be. There’s no way to quantify something like that - to know who’s the greatest person in your life, to find the perfect fit for a list of requirements - because everyone needs something different from the people around them. But what would that person look like for him? What would the most important person look like for a prince?

Someone as royal as he? Someone who supports him, bound to his service? Someone who has no choice but to help him in every way?

Or would it look like a human - a plain, simple, ordinary human - brave enough to tangle with demons and kind enough to befriend them, even when they don’t deserve it? 

Someone willing to spend a night with him doing things others might find boring or rudimentary? 

Someone who makes him feel like more than a title; like more than the “Prince of the Devildom”?

Someone who’s changed him - however many thousands of years old he is - in such a very short span of time?

When you think about it like that, really, it could only have ever been you. 

+++

And thus concludes part 4! A middling one this time, I think; a bit long, but that final part was a little shorter than I had anticipated. Still, I hope you enjoyed it, and that it was easy enough to read!

Next post, we’ll be going over the concluding parts of the Devilgram - for the romantic route, at least. It’ll initially go over the scene that preceeds the choice between romantic and platonic, but then dive straight into the romantic aspect of the chapter. 

So, if you’d like, please head over to part 5!

#obey me diavolo #obey me analysis #obey me

[justawayninja]

Why IDW Starscream deserved his redemption arc (Pt. 2)

Pt. 1: A small hint of ‘goodness’

Pt. 2: The different IDW Starscreams

In the last part I talked about how the original G1 cartoon left us with a hanging question about Starscream’s moral capacity for ‘goodness’, the possibility of a little ‘something more’. 

In this part, I want to talk about: actual, ‘good’ traits of Starscream. 

Obviously, Starscream is a well-established bad guy of the franchise, whatever the continuity. 

The traits most easily associated with him are also largely, if not all, negative. Traitorous. Cowardly. Self-centred. Egotistical. Brash. Opportunistic. And that’s only what distinguishes him from the other Transformers villains. Add on the standard Decepticon ‘values’ of ‘cruel, ruthless warmonger’ and a sadistic penchant for violence and murdering people... 

Yeah. Not a good guy. Tick. 

But just because a person has bad morals or values, does NOT invalidate any of their strengths, competences, or positive traits in general. Just because they use their strengths to further a bad cause does NOT mean those traits are now invaluable, or useless, or ‘evil’. 

Writers who are able to take this into consideration, who can recognise that not all personality traits need to be portrayed as purely ‘good’ or ‘bad’, are writers who can create interesting, perhaps even likeable bad guys - despite, or even because of their badness. 

And, here, I would argue that, for most writers of an IDW G1 Starscream, there is an acknowledgement of Starscream’s actual competences and ‘positive’ traits - even though interpretations of these ‘positive’ traits do differ somewhat between writers. 

And if we are able to build on these interpretations, we will find ourselves with an image of Starscream that feels much more hopeful, and is certainly much more nuanced and complex than... others. (*cough cough John Barber cough*)

(Spoiler alert: Transformers: All Hail Megatron, Transformers: ‘Til All Are One, The Transformers (2009))

Shane McCarthy’s Starscream (Transformers: All Hail Megatron, 2008-2009)

Without outright portraying Starscream as a character worthy of moral redemption or sympathy, Shane McCarthy’s Starscream is one of the more positive portrayals of the character. 

While this Starscream exhibits the same petty, almost childish competitiveness reminiscent of the original G1 Starscream - getting very riled up when Skywarp suggests he’s unable to inspire as much fear and destruction as Megatron could - he is also highly competent. 

Firstly, he challenges Megatron with valid, meaningful criticisms of his plans after conquering Earth. He correctly points out that Megatron has lost his sense of purpose, and his vision for the future. They are questions to which Megatron has no answers.

And once Megatron failed to step up to the bar, Starscream organises a coup which poses an actual threat to Megatron’s position as leader of the Decepticons.

If it wasn’t for the Autobots’ arrival, I believe the Starscream VS Megatron coup could at least have a 50-50 chance of success. Not only did he manage to sway a significant number of Decepticons to his side, but he also surprised Megatron by taking over Devastator, Megatron’s then most powerful soldiers and the only Combiner team (I believe). 

What’s more, his capabilities and power are openly acknowledged and respected by Megatron. 

This respect for Starscream is something which very few later IDW writers choose to incorporate into their interpretations of Megatron. Many, instead, favour the more G1-esque Megatron-Starscream dynamic of bickering and insulting with a darker twist which borders abuse. (In later parts, I will also explore how re-interpretations of the G1 Megatron and Starscream dynamic affects the interpretation of both characters). 

And, indeed, there is something honourable about McCarthy’s Starscream, who, in issue 12 of All Hail Megatron, chooses to save Megatron from the Autobots so that he may earn his leadership of the Decepticons. 

Granted, I think this happens more out of plot convenience, so that Megatron can continue as the leader of the Decepticons in later series. But still, this has important implications for our understanding of Starscream’s character - and Shane McCarthy’s Starscream is a respectable character, even if he is on the ‘wrong side’. 

Mike Costa’s Starscream (The Transformers, 2009-2011)

The first thing Mike Costa’s Starscream does is... Throw Shane McCarthy’s Starscream’s sense of honour out of the window. Almost immediately, he’s torn between keeping Megatron’s husk alive and repairing him to function, or snatching Decepticon leadership during the power vacuum and killing Megatron off in the process. Which makes you wonder why he saved Megatron in the first place. 

But despite the inconsistency, Costa’s Starscream forms an interesting, tragic character. Although his Starscream does not necessarily exhibit competence or positive strengths in the same way as McCarthy’s Starscream, he certainly experiences and goes through feelings which readers can be sympathetic towards. 

One of which is guilt. 

This is Starscream in issue 13 of All Hail Megatron, shortly after lying to the other Decepticons that the Autobot’s Matrix of Leadership has chosen him as a leader. It’s a valid political move, using religion to aid your support.  

But here, you get the sense that this a Starscream who does not enjoy the deception. He does not blindly rejoice in power, and he feels no joy despite finally obtaining what he has desired for so many millions of years. 

Instead, he is filled with fear, paranoia, doubt, feelings of inadequacy, and a horrible, horrible sense of disappointment. 

This is a Starscream who recognises his own incompetence. 

In contrast to the original G1 Starscream, who is something of a bumbling fool too happy to self-indulge in his power for his own ego rather than actually using it to practical purpose, this is a Starscream who is finally confronted with the realisation that he cannot lead, cannot fulfil his grand ambitions in the way Megatron could. 

And it crushes him. 

This is NOT a fear that would occur to a shallower, simple-minded character who cared only about titles, egos, and their own glory. A Starscream like that would never even consider it. 

Because both McCarthy and Costa’s Starscream are legitimately, and reasonably, disappointed in Megatron’s reign. Both aspire for power not for the sake of power, but for a higher purpose. 

The Decepticon cause. 

And if we remember that, in the IDW-verse, the Decepticons are depicted as activists responding to genuine oppression who gradually lose their way in bloodbath and war, then Starscream’s determination to remember and return to the original Decepticon ideals definitely highlights something more than ‘just’ a sadistic, self-centred, sociopath. 

(Of course, there is no guarantee that Starscream’s own visions of the Decepticon ideals haven’t been skewed by war and bloodshed. The important thing is that he still remembers that their brutality should serve a purpose, which most other Decepticons rarely ever consider). 

Costa’s Starscream is tragic - tragic because he must face the reality that he is the reason that he cannot achieve his dream. Because he is not Megatron. Because he lacks the charisma. The ability. The determination. The strength. 

And that is something readers can sympathise with. Dreams being crushed. Ideals turning to ash. Fantasy morphing into bitter reality. This is the story of Costa’s Starscream - a broken idealist, someone who could have been something better than Megatron, but ultimately wasn’t. 

Mairghread Scott’s Starscream (Transformers: ‘Til All Are One, 2016-2017)

Scott’s Starscream offers a very interesting, brave interpretation of his character - because it is her Starscream, after all, who takes the journey of redemption. 

A lot of it comes down to the mechs Starscream is mainly surrounded by, as Supreme Leader of Cybertron. Bumblebee, Windblade, Ironhide, Wheeljack, and delegates from different colonies. Autobots, or else people who never knew him as the ruthless Decepticon Second-in-Command he once was. He has a chance to start with a clean slate. 

And this is when things get interesting. Whereas most Starscreams pretend to have compassion, and sympathy, and morality, in order to profit from the latest scandal or betrayal, Scott’s Starscream is the complete reverse. (Particularly in TAAO).

Similar to Mike Costa, in TAAO, we see a Starscream who plots and schemes not because he necessarily enjoys behaving this way, but because when everything happens exactly the way he wants things to, when he has a chance to start completely anew with his legally established power, he realises that deception, violence, and manipulation are all he knows. 

It’s what he expects of himself, and what others expects of him. 

Look at that expression. That is NOT the expression of someone who is proud of what he has done, or the expression of someone who feels no remorse. It’s bitter. It’s ironic. It’s a look of self-loathing. 

Scott’s Starscream has given up on himself. He carries on the despair of Costa’s Starscream, albeit with a subtle difference. Because while Costa’s Starscream despaired over the realisation that he cannot fulfil his dream as leader of the Decepticon Empire. Scott’s Starscream despaired over his inability to do good, to be a better person. 

Scott’s Starscream, in short, has a conscience. 

At some point, his plotting and scheming have become farcical. A ‘mask’, as Bumblebee puts it, which he can no longer put down. 

This can be seen most clearly when he releases Chromia from prison. Note how all his ‘official’, surface excuses for freeing her are all to do with establishing his own political power and influence. Entirely self-serving, as most people would expect. 

And yet, when Chromia sees through all of this, and asks him for the real reason, he answers with this: 

Unlike most other carnations, the self-serving, power-hungry Starscream had become the mask. Underneath it all, is a true Starscream who is attempting to atone, in some way, for his earlier faults (such as convicting an innocent Badgeless). 

It’s funny how things can work out sometimes. How an innocent, almost naive faith can produce the greatest change in a way which violence and power never could. 

Scott’s Starscream lives a tragedy, much like Costa’s Starscream, his story full of the could-have-beens and the sadness of someone who has lost themselves in the painful turns of war and its deceit. But it is in Scott’s Starscream where we see the greatest possibility for goodness - an awareness of right and wrong, a feeling of guilt, doubt, and conflict. And it is Scott’s Starscream who ultimately, chooses what would have been otherwise unthinkable for any other Starscream. He sacrifices himself, his ambitions, and his dreams - so that the world can do better without him. 

To summarise, while most writers show Starscream to be manipulative, deceptive, and conniving - they rarely depict him as someone who enjoys these betrayals. What’s more, he is not usually depicted as self-centred purely for the sake of being self-centred. Self-preservation, and the need to come out on top, are certainly a large part to his motivations, but they are never his sole motivations. They are usually accompanied by a genuine ambition to fulfil a certain ideology or vision of leadership, visions which are ultimately hampered by his own insecurities and inadequacies in the face of overwhelming responsibility. From this, we can see that IDW’s Starscream is a fairly nuanced, complex character, who is much more morally grey, much more competent, with a much greater capacity for good, than the G1 counterpart from whom he is inspired. 

........ Aaaaand then John Barber came along with Robots in Disguise, smashed a sledgehammer into all those subtleties and character development, called him a ‘sociopath’, and created the least likeable, redeemable version of IDW Starscream possible. 

Which brings me on to Part 3: Barber’s Biased Starscream

#starscream #transformers #idw transformers #2005 idw transformers #idw starscream #starscream analysis #character analysis #character essay #analysis essay #comics #transformers idw #i actually hate barbers starscream #maccadam #what is the maccadam tag actually for

[ladyaj-13]

Emma (2009) - a review, of sorts

I finished watching the 2009 adaptation of 'Emma' last night, and I have some thoughts. I have read the book, but it was eight years ago and I've forgotten the details – so this is based entirely on that adaptation and contains spoilers for it.

Emma should be an unlikeable character. She is objectively spoiled, thoughtless, naïve, and concerned with class status. However she is also idealistic – she believes Harriet Smith's lack of a father means she must be from a good background, and that as she thinks this, so must everyone else – meaning she is destined for a 'good' marriage. She is also friendly, generous, loving and open. She makes mistakes, which were this not a novel, would have poor consequences – but they never stem from malice. This is why I like her so much. She is very far from perfect, but her faults make sense – they have not been added on to avoid a perfect character, but stem from realistic roots. She is spoilt and concerned with class because she is the daughter of an 'important' man and has been raised in a very class conscious society. She is thoughtless – with her gossip and her schemes – because she is an intelligent girl left without much to occupy her, meaning she gets wrapped up in her 'projects' beyond reason. And she is naïve because she is very sheltered, having never left her home village.

I find Mr Woodhouse a particularly interesting character. He is treated within the story as comic relief, and his views are meant to be ludicrous – such as his terrible fear someone might open a window at a dance. But again this stems from a believable place – he lost his wife young, and his love for his daughters became overprotectiveness. The fact that he then extends this to all people, I think, is actually very sweet. Would he be a nightmare to live with? Absolutely. But does he do it because he legitimately cares and fears for people, even those he barely knows? Yes. The story treats him as comic relief but the characters don't, because (for the most part) they recognise this.

Emma never seems angry with her father, which would, in all reality, be a perfectly reasonable reaction. He has kept her within one village her whole life, to the point she has been unable to even visit her own sister. Viewed from her side, his behaviour could be called controlling and emotionally manipulative. But she sees that it is from love. She sees that it is genuine fear, and she reacts accordingly. She is kind to him. She is patient. She allays his fears as much as possible, she makes accommodations, she looks after him, but she also doesn't become a meek 'yes-woman' to his desires. I think it is this relationship that shows us Emma's true character, because she could get away with being angry. A spoilt child could throw a tantrum at her father, and there would be no real repercussions (to her at least; I imagine it would hit Mr Woodhouse hard). But she doesn't, which shows her to be fundamentally a good person. And then she goes on the trip to Box Hill anyway, which shows her independence.

As her relationship with her father reveals Emma's true character, so too does his relationship with other characters. Mrs Weston is accommodating and kind to him. Jane Fairfax is demure and patient. Mr Knightley is probably the closest thing he has to a friend – and goes out of his way to provide the perfect environment to keep Mr Woodhouse happy when he has people round for strawberry picking. He understands Mr Woodhouse because he knows him and cares for him – and so is able to recreate what he needs to be content. Frank Churchill, meanwhile, is dismissive, and through this we are shown who of the two suitors is really the superior for Emma; because to be happy herself, Emma needs her father to be happy.

The heart of Emma is, of course, the romance between her and Mr Knightley. It's a romance which could easily seem off to a modern audience, given he watched her grow up. But it generally doesn't, because – and this is, I think, why I love them together so much – they are very clearly friends first. They talk to each other. Emma is a natural chatterbox, but Mr Knightley isn't – but he talks far more to Emma, and far more easily, than with anyone else, and this ease of communication is often missing from portrayals of romantic love. Yes, there is some later tongue-tiedness (“If I loved you less, perhaps I could talk about it more”) - but throughout the story they are not often shown to shy away from communication. They joke. They argue, even! With Mr Knightley, Emma is able to be opinionated and loud, and these are seen as good things - he says several times how much more he appreciates an open temperament over reservedness.

Mr Knightley is nevertheless overwhelmingly aware of Emma's faults – he is not backwards about pointing them out to her on several occasions - but Emma is also aware of his, and cajoles him along until he has some fun. They meet in the middle, balancing each other out: fun-loving versus staid. Friendly gossiper versus distanced from society. ‘Thinks the best of everyone’ versus actual good judge of character. It is because of this that I think they're able to move past the fundamental discrepancy of power from their age difference and into an equal partnership.

I also like Emma because it's a bit of a fairy tale, and that allows the Emma/Mr Knightley relationship to ring even truer. In Pride and Prejudice, the Bennet daughters must marry! They must not lose their virtue, they must be set-up with good, rich husbands. My knowledge of the Regency period is relatively poor, but this tracks with general treatment of women throughout the ages. In Emma, however, Emma does not. She is able to act indecorously with Frank Churchill and – while there are repercussions – these are because of how her actions have hurt others and the view that her behaviour was reckless, rather than being an indelible stain for ever more. She is also 'acting mistress' of Hartfield, and it's implied she will remain when her father dies – there is no pressure for her to marry for financial security, or to provide a family line, as her sister already has five children. (In fact, there is pressure from her father in the other direction!) It leaves her free to make choices, and so when she chooses Mr Knightley it is not because it is a sensible or prudent decision (although it is those too, a traditional 'good match'), but because she wants to be with him. In making the decision this way, she is also able to retain her control - in fact, it is Mr Knightley who capitulates to her will, in that he will come live at Hartfield rather than force her to leave the place where she holds the power.

I'm sure people have written essays analysing every aspect of this story, but one thing that struck me – and that I absolutely love – is that Mr Knightley has his own chair in Emma's house. Having 'your' object in someone else's space is the ultimate physical expression of family and home. It is a sign that this person has carved their own niche in your life, and that they will return. It's such a neat way in fiction to represent a complicated feeling, and used to great effect here as Emma realises she never normally has to look at the chair itself, as it's usually obscured by Mr Knightley; it at once emphasises his absence, and reinforces that he will come back – because to step away from such ties is not easily done.

In conclusion, my absolute favourite scene in their relationship is not the dance at the ball. It's not even the kiss. It's this one:

At this point they have confessed their love, and they're engaged to be married. They meet in the garden and they look at each other like this. Beaming. And you realise – this isn't new. They've been looking at each other like this the whole time.

#emma 2009 #romola garai is perfect as emma #jonny lee miller is pretty great too #long post #aj rambles #jane austen #aj's media reviews

[machikuragii]

Rank the Sohmas and explain your ranking?

Anon, this got really long, so I’ve put everything under the cut. Also I don’t have solid rankings beyond my top 2 so I went into ‘tiers’ that aren’t necessarily ordered by how much I like a character. TLDR; I love all the zodiacs for different reasons, see readmore for more in-depth thoughts.

1. Yuki Sohma

Yuki as a character is really, really important to me. I think about him so much, and how he goes from a neglected, unwanted child with no support network to a confident young adult who is so comfortable with himself and free to be happy and at ease and surrounded by those who love him. I think about how important it is that Takaya displays this journey as incremental, and not necessarily linear. I think about how Yuki’s strength comes not only from himself and his desire to improve step by step, but from the support he gradually starts to receive from the people around him. I think about just how important it is when Takaya says that it’s ok to be weak, to reach out for help, and that for some people, it is only when they DO receive the needed support from others that they are able to get better. I think about just how much it means for a boy with so little self-worth to gradually find himself in the company of people who enjoy his presence and like him for who he is, and I think about how he is able to reach out and help others after receiving the warm and foundation he himself needs, when he is emotionally ready. I think about then, how SIGNIFICANT it is to show a character who had absolutely NOTHING in his childhood go on to make sure that his own child has everything he longed for in a home in his childhood. 

There’s a little bit of Yuki in everyone. Every bit of his internal monologue hits like a truck for anyone who struggles with insecurity and low self-esteem, and his drive and aspiration to find his own purpose and happiness, can be a source of inspiration to so many. Yuki Sohma is one of the best, if not THE definitely best written Fruits Basket characters, and I really wish more people recognised this. As sensei once said herself, I know that Yuki will always have his fans, but I wished that more people realised and appreciated his importance in the story and carrying the themes of Fruits Basket.

2. Hatori Sohma

This is more a remnant of a past phase, but Hatori is here because he was my first anime crush ksksksasoksks . Jokes aside though, I love Hatori because of his kindness and selfless nature that is masked by a cold exterior. As an adult I realise that Hatori’s actions are not always perfect or enough, but I still really think that he is someone who truly cares. There are so many instances that improve his character in my eyes. Can you imagine going through what he goes through with Kana, and learning of her marriage, and not feeling bitterness, but relief that she is happy? And yet he values his own happiness so little that it really breaks my heart. Or the way that he doesn’t avoid Momiji after the ordeal with his mother, but checks up on him and in a way helps raise him? Dude is more of a father figure to Momiji than his own dad. Narratively, Hatori’s backstory is such an effective introduction to the darker, more mature themes of Fruits Basket, and yeah you can bet it worked on kid me. 

TIER: “These are great characters, I love their complexity but I’m also just fond of them as well” (no particular order)

Isuzu Sohma

Someone who definitely grew on me this time round. When I was a child I found it hard to understand what she was going through and didn’t really relate to her either. But oh my god, this girl goes through so much. She’s such a kindhearted character at heart, but struggles with connecting with others and receiving their kindness because of what she went through as a child. It’s so hard to watch her struggle, because we know she deserves the world. 

Akito Sohma

Controversial to say I love Akito just after I said I love Rin, lol. I’ve never had an overly negative impression of Akito throughout Fruits Basket (this is partially because my friends used to call me Akito when we were little.....because I was an Asian girl... and Akito is also an Asian girl????? idk now that I’m thinking back over it...gee thanks guys), so it was relatively easier for me to accept her redemption when it came. Akito’s actions are not defensible, but I find it much more interesting to explore where she is coming from, rather than just mindlessly spew hate and wish violent things for her like some people prefer to do. Akito’s character is a tragedy, and I feel like people are way less willing to emphasise when the victim is not “perfect”, per se. Akito went through the same “broken home” parental abuse that a lot of the characters in Fruits Basket went through, but somehow people are unwilling even to extend the tiniest amount of baseline empathy towards her just because he trauma manifested in a way that hurts others. Guys, she’s a tragic character!!! A tragic character isn’t always “a perfect person who has bad things happen to them”, it can also mean “a character who becomes antagonistic because of circumstances.” Her actions are inexcusable, but there is a lot to learn when we explore WHY she became this way.

Shigure Sohma

Gonna try make this short. Shigure is a controversial character but I like him because I like characters that demonstrate moral ambiguity. The point of Shigure is NOT to be a good person, and he doesn’t have to be one to justify liking him. Once again, you can like Shigure and still know that he’s a piece of shit. The whole idea of “he genuinely cares for Tohru but will hurt her if it means achieving his own goals” is a fascinating one to me, because it shows that the idea of “good people” and “bad people” is vast oversimplification of how actual people think and behave. Still though, I’m really not fond of how Akigure was executed in canon. I think the two could have potentially had a fascinating relationship but it ended up being more disturbing and swept under the rug&uncomfortable than interesting.

Momiji Sohma

On the opposite end of the spectrum we have Momiji who is just genuinely such a good person. I like the dichotomy between his outwardly ‘childish’ and ‘immature’ appearance and behaviors, versus what we gradually learn about him: that he has had to be mature and selfless at a very young age, and that he is also very emotionally intelligent and empathetic. Watching him gradually grow up before our eyes (we were ROBBED of it in the anime) but at the same time feeling more and more lost broke my freaking heart. When his curse breaks and he realises that even though he is now ‘free’, that nothing has changed and the damage was already done -  absolutely heartwrenching. He’s someone I would have loved explore more of what happened post-canon, because I just want good things for him and Momo, screw whatever the hell their asshole dad thinks. 

TIER: “I love these characters but don’t focus on them as much as I think the fandom does”

Kyo Sohma

I’m a self-professed “probably don’t think about Kyo that much” person haha. I know I know, sue me. I think its because out of the main 3, I love Yuki and Tohru so much that I don’t tend to focus on Kyo. I still like him a whole lot though!! I’m a big fan of the way he matures and changes throughout the series, and much like how Yuki does too, becomes a much happier person. When I compare early-series Kyo with later-series Kyo, one thing that always sticks out to me is how much more he smiles. The way he smiles at Tohru is so full of genuine warmth and happiness that it makes my heart melt, especially when I think about how this is a boy who has so much baggage, and has to gradually accept the fact that he deserves happiness before he allows himself finally to accept it. 

Hatsuharu Sohma

Most of my love for Haru comes from the relationship he has with Yuki. It takes so much maturity to accept that your prejudices may be unfair, and Haru did so at such a young age. Sometimes I just think about how much Haru did and continues to do for Yuki without the need for reciprocation or even recognition and it just hits me how much of a good person Haru is. He was Yuki’s ONLY friend at a time he had NO ONE, and is the reason Yuki was able to move out of the estate and become the person we know and love. Haha sorry for making this about Yuki again, but I think their relationship also says a lot about Haru as a person.

TIER: “I like Kureno and am tired of making a thousand disclaimers every time I want to say I like him, Takaya-sensei whyyyy”

Kureno Sohma

I really like Kureno. This is again pretty controversial, but let me try to explain. I like Kureno because he’s an example of someone who wants to do the right thing that causes the least amount of harm to everyone, but inevitably ends up making the decision that causes much more damage. It’s a classic “good intentions, bad outcome” scenario and I freaking love it. I love that it’s absolutely not what he wants, but Kureno ends up doing a lot of wrong things and destroying not only Akito, but also his own life in the process. I just find the idea of an adult of his age who is so isolated from all of society that even a shopping trip is something foreign and out-of-the-ordinary, really, really sad. 

On the romance side though,  I hate that Takaya-sensei decided that Arisa would be his romantic interest, but I do like the idea of romance being a part of his arc. (I actually think their interactions are somewhat cute but that the overarching age gap ruins everything - i keep thinking about if Arisa was older or Kureno was younger, but touching their ages at all would affect the plot so I would rather it wasn’t Arisa at all). Just the idea of Kureno by Akito’s side, playing the part of what he thinks is her “lover” (god sensei why are u liek dis), when he meets someone on one of his rare trips outside the Sohma estate that causes him to realise that what he and Akito have is not at all what a healthy relationship should feel like - and it causes him to reevaluate the harm he is doing to them both, and take steps to leave her. That is...not exactly what Sensei did, but I always remember how much I felt for Kureno when he said in the upcoming anime chapter how it was the first time he had felt like he loved someone out of his own choice...I just felt like that one “choice” could have lead him to the realisation that he can start to make more of his own, healthier choices in life. But yeah. Wish it wasn’t Arisa because it didn’t do anything good to her character arc, and it’s creepy. 

TIER: “I really like these characters but don’t go out of my way to think about them”

Kagura Sohma

Ok I lied, I do go out of my way to think about Kagura. I love her too, despite common opinion. I think her reflection of her relationship with Kyo was so wonderful. Her confession that she started to like him out of pity, but that over time they became genuine feelings. But that Kyo can’t reciprocate her feelings so she’s accepting of that, and thankful that he gave her time to express herself, although she will still go on loving Kyo. Kagura is one of those characters where Takaya-sensei once again demonstrates her ability to take a “trope” of a character and actually delve into their psyche and explains why they feel this way. 

Ayame Sohma

I love Ayame because he’s genuinely so much fun! I appreciate the arc of him rejecting Yuki, but how he is now reaching out to help him, and I feel like we don’t get a good insight into just how significant this rejection was until we see it from Yuki’s perspective. I also admire how he is able to recognise his own shortcomings, and respects Hatori because of his sensitivity to other people’s feelings. He’s a character who could definitely have been explored more if desired, but isn’t underexplored or incomplete as is.

Ritsu Sohma

My poor Ritsu. In contrast to Ayame, Ritsu was definitely underexplored. Such a great potential to explore confidence, identity, and assertiveness. Ritsu as it stands though, is largely a minor character who wasn’t given the time they needed to be fully fleshed out. I would have loved to see them gradually gain more confidence over the series!!

Kisa Sohma

Love love love Kisa, she’s such a cutie pie. But I feel like there wasn’t much more to say about her that wasn’t said in her arc. Kisa is more a character who is used to show the messed-up state of the Sohma house/Akito more than she herself is a complex character, I think. I love her arc and her parallels to Yuki though, it gave us such a great quote about needing to be loved by others before learning to love yourself. 

Hiro Sohma

Hiro is known to be an unlikeable brat but I love him as well!!! I think it’s really important to have characters who aren’t just lovely and receptive to Tohru’s kindness, and his character served to show an important flaw in Tohru’s character, and the way that her kindness could be taken advantage of. For Hiro himself though, I think his brattiness is alright because he’s very young, and I really appreciate his efforts to become a more mature person when he recognises his own flaws! 

#fruits basket #yuki sohma #hatori sohma #akito sohma #kureno sohma #fruits basket spoilers #long post #asks #anonymous #Anonymous

[elyvorg]

A while back, a follower of mine prompted me to consider Kaito alongside Nekomaru from DR2. They both share a very loud and enthusiastic desire to support their peers that serves as an immediately obvious similarity between them, of course. But a question was proposed: Does Nekomaru perhaps have his shit together better than Kaito does, to the point that he’d actually be able to help Kaito with his issues if they met?

The short answer to this is a very resounding no, and I’ll be going into why not here. But as I was looking into Nekomaru again to figure this out (I hadn’t seen his FTEs since before V3), I noticed some rather… interesting stuff.

So here’s a sudden theory that I’m nonetheless pretty confident in: Nekomaru was the DR writers’ prototype for Kaito.

Let me show you what I mean.

Training

It’s pretty apparent that Nekomaru’s team manager thing is a lot like Kaito’s hero-and-sidekick thing. But in Nekomaru’s case, there’s some disappointing arbitrary restrictions to it, because he’s only interested in and knowledgeable about training people who are athletes. If you’re not interested in sports, he’s not going to take you on, no matter how much support you might need in other ways.

It’s only in the final one of Nekomaru’s FTEs – which is to say, in a totally optional not-quite-canon scene – that Hajime talking about his worries prompts Nekomaru to declare himself the “manager” of everyone here who’s going to help them win the “match” of getting off the island safely. Apparently he never realised he could use his skills to help everyone like that until then, simply because the killing game isn’t an actual sport.

…And then he decides that the way for him to help Hajime (and presumably also the others) with that is through a ridiculous amount of physical training, which he claims will help because physical fitness will apparently help. He never mentions, like Kaito would, the fact that physical exercise will help their mental strength and that that’s what everyone really needs in this situation.

Of course, Nekomaru is good at inspiring people emotionally, too, just like Kaito – Hajime mentions in a couple of their interactions that Nekomaru makes him feel like he has potential and really can do things – but Nekomaru doesn’t seem to realise that that’s also one of his strengths. He focuses almost entirely on the physical side of things when pushing people to get stronger. Which is kind of a shame, and a waste of his potential, really.

So, Kaito’s training is a lot like Nekomaru’s in spirit, but with a much wider, more mentality-focused scope that isn’t arbitrarily restricted to sports and physicality. It’s like someone saw Nekomaru’s thing and liked the idea of it, but they wanted to be able to apply it to more situations and types of characters, so that it could be made much more relevant to an overall story.

There’s also one line at the end of Nekomaru’s first FTE in which Hajime’s narration describes his stories of training his athletes as “heroic escapades”. Which sure is an interesting thing to call them. This suggests that someone on the DR writing team was already thinking about what someone as inspiring as Nekomaru would look like to the people he supports.

Weakness

The most interesting part of Nekomaru, though, is something we only learn about in his fourth FTE (again, a totally optional scene that has no connection to the main storyline). Turns out, he was born with a heart defect and has been in and out of hospital since he was a kid. That’s where he met another boy with the same condition as him who was a team manager, which inspired him to become one, too.

As part of this, Nekomaru casually mentions that his doctors estimate he won’t live to be much older than about 20. So… he’s dying.

It makes sense, then, why he’d put so much effort into selflessly helping others succeed. Even if he’s only got a few more years to live, he can make sure his athletes continue to have amazing careers long after he’s gone, all because of what he’s done for them. He can live on through them, in a way. Sounds a lot like another ill-fated luminary we know, hm?

Nekomaru never talks about this, mind you; it’s literally only in that one line that he even indirectly mentions that he’s dying. And he does end up dying and leaving behind his legacy in Akane’s memory of him – but because it’s entirely possible to not even know he was always dying, the narrative never makes a proper point of how that kind of thing might have been what he always sought out of their relationship. Which is a shame, because that’s a compelling story that could have been told with Nekomaru if they’d played their cards right, but it seems like they just didn’t really try to.

…Not that Kaito exactly talks about his equivalent of this much either, because of course he doesn’t. But he doesn’t need to for his story to make a lot more of a point of how the knowledge of his impending death is affecting him, and how he’s trying to deal with it by at least wanting to feel like he’s made an impact and left something behind through his sidekicks once he’s gone.

(Also, while I do feel like Nekomaru is someone self-assured enough that it makes sense he could accept being turned into a robot when that’s better than ending up dead… maybe his heart defect is also a part of why he could be so chill with it, in a way he didn’t want to mention to anyone. This robot body isn’t dying, so it’s actually kind of an improvement, really! This seems reminiscent of the time Kaito also found himself, if only temporarily, in a different body that wasn’t dying on him.)

“Invincibility”

Perhaps even more interesting than simply the fact that Nekomaru is terminally ill is what he says to Hajime at the beginning of the FTE in which he opens up about his condition.

Nekomaru:  “Hm… I’ve decided! It might be easier to talk to you about it since you aren’t an athlete.”

So, apparently, none of his athletes know he’s sick and dying. He feels like he can’t tell them, because they’re his athletes. Like, if they knew about it, he suddenly wouldn’t be able to do such a good job of training and inspiring them? A manager… can’t show weakness in front of his athletes? Well, that sure sounds familiar.

There’s a couple of other bits that indicate this, too. In his final FTE, there’s this exchange:

Hajime: “Hey, Nekomaru… aren’t you scared? You seem very calm. Even in this situation, it’s like you have this unwavering presence of mind…”

Nekomaru:  “Well, it’s my duty to support my athletes, after all. There’s no way a manager should be more concerned than his athletes.”

Which is Nekomaru completely dodging the question of whether or not he’s truly calm by insisting that he just needs to be, because that’s a manager’s responsibility to his athletes. So that obviously must mean he’s Totally Fine, because he would never not live up to that expectation, right? Right. He’s definitely not freaking out just as much as everyone else beneath the surface, that wouldn’t be inspiring.

Then there’s this, when he takes Monokuma’s attack to protect Akane and gets himself mortally wounded:

Nekomaru:  “Wh-What a shame… For someone like NEKOMARU NIDAI… to… It was just a little shot from a bazooka… I really am the worst… Heh… hehe… hah…”

Yeah, why is being shot by a bazooka getting him down? Someone like him isn’t supposed to falter at anything. One might even say, he’s supposed to be invincible – and if he isn’t, then he’s the worst. You could read this line like he’s joking to at least try and lighten the situation, but, really, is Nekomaru ever joking when he talks up how awesome and badass he’s meant to be? Not once.

And after he’s done opening up about his illness, at the end of that FTE:

Hajime: “But… why did you decide to tell me that?”

Nekomaru:  “Hm… I don’t know. I don’t really understand it myself, but… maybe I just wanted to tell someone.”

Nekomaru didn’t seem to consciously realise that talking about it to someone would be good for him. Apparently he’s so constantly wrapped up in selflessly supporting his athletes without worrying about himself that it doesn’t properly occur to him that he deserves to worry and vent about his own problems, too.

So, does Nekomaru have his shit together more than Kaito about this kind of thing? Evidently not. There’s far fewer clues for it with Nekomaru, but he apparently has pretty much exactly the same issues about not showing weakness to his side – uh, athletes – as Kaito does.

If they were ever to meet, Kaito and Nekomaru would look at each other, look at the people the other is supporting, and go, “hey, they’re kinda like your sidekicks/athletes, right?” And as soon as they recognised each other as being in that same position of selflessly providing support to bring out a person’s potential, it’d just make sense to each of them that the other is being perfectly reasonable to hide their own problems. The most important thing is making sure not to worry their sidekicks/athletes and keep being an inspiration to them; that’s just how this whole arrangement works! A hero/manager like them is obviously strong enough to deal with their burdens alone, right?

(That said, there’s also the fact that in a UTDP-style universe in which these two could even meet, Kaito genuinely has no major worries or problems in the first place. Nekomaru would still be dying, but unlike Kaito’s illness, there really isn’t anything anyone can do about Nekomaru’s heart defect. The best thing for him to do really is to just life his life to the fullest until it’s over, and supporting athletes seems to be his way of doing that. Even if Kaito found out what was up with Nekomaru, and even if he did see beyond his hero-framing to acknowledge that Nekomaru deserves support with what he’s going through, Kaito would probably agree that Nekomaru was already doing the best with it that he could.)

Infinite potential

The thing is, when I was first into DR2, when DRV3 didn’t even exist yet, I noticed almost none of this about Nekomaru. I liked him and thought he was a pretty cool guy, and I enjoyed his friendship with Akane, but I never noticed any of this deeper and more interesting stuff about him until I looked into him again recently through a Kaito-tinged lens. And that’s not even necessarily because it’s fairly subtle – most of Kaito’s stuff is subtle, too, like it should be. It’s because, for Nekomaru, all this extra stuff about him barely matters to his story, so there’s little incentive to look into it more and try to figure out more about him.

Nekomaru had all this potential to be almost exactly like Kaito in terms of his selfless supportiveness and presenting himself as indestructible and dealing with the fact that he’s literally dying – but ultimately, the DR2 story never really goes anywhere with that. Granted, he’s selfless enough to sacrifice himself for Akane and get turned into a robot, and then to sacrifice himself again when they’re all starving – but still, those acts seem to me to be, like, a regular level of selflessness, something that any tough and selfless person would have done in that situation, even if he hadn’t been dying or had a worrying tendency to hide his weaknesses. Those extra bits of nuance in him are neat if you happen to notice them, but they don’t actually affect the story in any way. Nothing significant would be lost if they were just not there at all. Which is a huge shame when there’s so much potential to a character with issues like that.

So it seems very possible to me like Kaito’s conception could have come about from the writers looking at Nekomaru’s extra complexity that they never did anything with in DR2, and thinking: “Hey, we really should do more with this.” What if they did a character like Nekomaru again, but more? – more complex, more focused, more pointedly exploring that kind of all-encompassing selfless supportiveness and how unhealthily self-destructive it can be, and really making his storyline about that part of him. It’s exactly what a character like this deserves.

…

And if you’re still not convinced, here’s a few more choice Nekomaru lines that could never not catch my eye nowadays.

Nekomaru:  “It’s my job to make the impossible possible.”

Yep, that’s there in his final FTE. It’s said with surprisingly little oomph for Nekomaru’s standards, honestly. But clearly the writers later realised that they could take that sentiment, give it a lot more gusto, and make it a really iconic part of another character much like him.

And, from his Island Mode ending scene, there’s these gems:

Nekomaru:  “Stick with me and we won’t just be able to take on the world, we’ll take on space, too!”

Nekomaru:  “Let’s go, Hajime! You and me, we’ll go to the end of the universe!!”

Um, Nekomaru? You’re a sports manager. You have absolutely no business talking about space, of all things.

Yet, apparently the writers just liked the idea of getting across how ridiculously over-the-top he is by having him talk about things on an out-of-this-world level. No wonder they went on to realise they could do an even better job of this by creating a character who could deliver bombastic lines on this same cosmically-overblown scale and mean it all much more literally.

#danganronpa 2 #danganronpa v3 #nekomaru nidai #kaito momota #danganronpa 2 spoilers #danganronpa v3 spoilers #ramble #character analysis #kaito's hero issues

[atopearth]

Ikemen Vampire Part 7 - Theodorus van Gogh Route

Okay, I'm really hoping I'll like this route because Theodorus' looks are 100% my type. Not gonna lie, it was love at first sight when I first played this game lmao (so dramatic), I think it's the eyes and the brown hair, he just looks so beautiful🥺🥺 Hmm how interesting, I would like to see how long Theodorus and them can hide from the heroine the fact that they're all vampires. Considering that Theodorus is an art dealer, I wonder how he got that gigantic scar on his back, it must have been pretty bad if the heroine was ready to run away lol. Anyway, half naked Theodorus was nice fanservice I guess, too bad I prefer my LIs clothed hahaha. Omg, I know he just called her a dog but it was honestly pretty hot🤣 Anyway, I love how we've seen 3 different outfits from Theodorus already, that grey suit actually suits him pretty nicely!

HAHAHA, I love how the heroine apologised to him saying it was her bad for thinking that he was actually being nice (when he said he'd carry the painting just in case she got run over by a carriage with it since she was careless lol). It was nice how Theo's attitude changed a bit from his usual harshness when the heroine genuinely asked him what art dealers do (since she's being forced to help him to keep the secret about the scar), I guess when it comes to art, he's nice to everyone haha. The art deal was cliche since the heroine has got to see how cool Theo is at inspecting fake art etc, but Theo made it pretty entertaining tbh, it was great how confident he was, how concise he was with his words and how it felt like he knew the heart of the painter when he checked it, he was really cool!🥺 Even though Theo isn't the most outwardly nice person, I love seeing how kind and thoughtful he actually is. Not only is he a great brother to Vincent, I honestly didn't think that he went around selling the art of young and budding artists too! I really liked how he got the heroine to choose a painting that called out to her heart so that she could more personally experience picking art for herself with her own eyes and without being reliant or biased by Theo's trained eyes, I think it's really nice to see how Theo is really properly trying to guide her even though he probably made her his assistant on a whim to protect her from the whole vampire thing.

LMAO when Theo started tickling the heroine because Vincent wanted to see her smile so he can more visually see what he can fix for the smile on his painting. Theo really would do anything for Vincent🤣 Hahahah trust Theo to actually have a dog as a pet, it's especially funny since he keeps calling the heroine his dog lmao. I have to agree with the heroine, imagining Theo picking and buying that magnifying glass for her as a present was such a cute image, I couldn't help but smile. It's nice to have the confirmation from Theo himself that he started dragging the heroine around because he wanted to enjoy her time here. I feel like the reason he's doing all this is related to how Vincent died, since we all know Vincent van Gogh didn't exactly lead a happy life, and as the brother who couldn't "save" him, I'm sure Theo feels terrible about it, so I feel like he wants others to be able to enjoy life if they can? Well, I knew that with Theo secretly supporting artists to draw stuff other than what's allowed (religion and landscapes), it would cause trouble but I didn't think they'd really try to kill him, pretty crazy. But I guess he is forming an organisation to go against the Academie and threatening their positions in society so it should be expected in a sense. I'm glad the heroine was able to tell him that even though Theo thinks the true geniuses are people like Vincent, people like Theo are also irreplaceable for being the ones to discover these artists and work hard in bringing them to light and change how art can be perceived, since without people like him, not everyone may necessarily appreciate the art. I find it really sweet that the heroine got to see firsthand how hardworking Theo is and be inspired by him and want to help him achieve his goal of giving people the freedom to draw what they can and expand the world of art. I also love how much of a home she's made with the young artists now that they even ask her for her opinion as well, it's so cute~

LOLL it's so cute how Arthur telling Theo to go on a date with the heroine is like an instant no, but when he says the heroine wants to learn more about art, Theo's like let's go and doesn't listen to anything else hahahah. It was sad when Theo talked about how he didn't have the talent to be an artist and it took him a long time to admit that, but it was really sweet of the heroine to tell him that him following his dream until the end meant something because he was able to become who he is today after it. It's something so simple, but I think it kinda hit me too haha. It was really cute how Vincent patted Theo on the head for helping him arrange an exhibition for him, it's so cute to see Theo as a little brother haha. It breaks my heart to see Theo so traumatised by the sound of gunshots... Anyway, because of the Theo in this game, I googled a bit about the real Theodorus van Gogh and I just found it so saddening to read about how supportive he was of his brother Vincent van Gogh and yet everything ended so tragically, I think the existence of his numerous letters to Vincent really showed his love for him and it just makes me sad to think about how he must have felt over Vincent's death.

Hearing Theo personally say that Vincent is his whole world and that he refuses to let this second chance at life slip through his hands really makes it hard to tell him to not work so hard, since he more than anyone else knows the value of life and how important it is to do what you can in the time you have. So I'm really glad Theo's words got through to the heroine, and now she's decided to force him to let her help him as much as she can, then he won't need to do everything by himself. Shakespeare really likes to cause trouble, doesn't he? Regardless though, I guess it's good for the heroine to find out they're vampires if she really wants to stay by Theo. I like how she took the whole revelation though, she was shocked but understanding and I guess that's thanks to Theo for treating her so well, but also because everyone treated her nicely I guess. It was cliche but I really loved how the heroine rushed into the burning gallery to at least save the painting Theo and Vincent really treasured. For Theo to so earnestly cherish a specific painting makes the heroine understand just how important it is, so I could see why she would risk her life for it, and as someone who has seen his most precious brother die without being able to help him, Theo understands how heartbreaking it can be to lose someone suddenly, so I also really liked how he rushed to save her, and hugged her in the heat of the moment since he was so worried that he would lose her.

Although I'm not familiar with Paul Gauguin and his paintings, it's fascinating to find out that Vincent van Gogh and him lived together for a bit! Also crazy to Google that it seems like them living together ended with Vincent slicing his ear off and Paul leaving or running off to Paris. Anyway, for this story, Theo says that Paul was the person who shot Vincent to his death and then ran off, and then when Theo confronted him about it, he admitted to killing Vincent, and then shot Theo when he tried to leave?! Woww, that's so despicable. Honestly, I love how straightforward they are with each other. The moment Theo realised that some things needed to be spoken rather than assumed, he went to clear it up with the heroine that he does like her and hopes that he can move forward from the past with her. Whereas, with the heroine, she misunderstood (understandably since he was shy towards Arthur's teasing) but she still was brave enough to tell him that even if he didn't feel the same way, she would still love him, which was so cute haha. So, I'm glad they communicated properly and even held hands!

Although I'm disappointed that Theo and Vincent's deaths weren't as recorded in real life since I think it would have been really interesting to explore Vincent's suicide and Theo possibly being so struck with grief over it that he passed away half a year later, it was nice to see Theo overcome the desire for revenge and recognise that loving art is a blessing and not a curse even if they may not be the most talented painters. I'm kinda sad that Gauguin was such a basic villain though lol, like he's pretty crazy to kill people because he's jealous of art talent, and honestly he doesn't deserve forgiveness lol. I guess Theo had a love-hate relationship with the wheatfields painting. He couldn't help but love it since it reminded him of his and Vincent's pure love for art back in the day, but at the same time because they could never go back to that, he hated seeing it, but when the heroine risked her life to save the painting from the fire, he realised how important it really was, and how he loved it more than he hated it. On another note, I feel like it would be pretty cool if we could have something like a spin off and romance the "villain" counterparts of each of the LIs hahaha. I honestly loved how Vincent and Theo properly told each other how they really loved each other and cherished the fact that they were brothers even though Theo once upon a time did wish to not be his brother. On the other hand, I really didn't like how Theo also ended up going back with the heroine to her time and leaving Vincent. Like, I know and understand the idea of the usual stuff like it's about time Theo got to live for himself blah blah blah, but honestly, Vincent's existence is so integrated into Theo's life, I feel like having one of them missing is like losing a part of themselves even if it's true that they can thrive by themselves. It's also such a shame since I feel like Vincent and Theo finally properly opened up to each other and could spend more time happily bonding rather than being fixated on stuff like revenge and other worries, so yeah I'm sad for the romantic ending lol.

Overall, I really liked Theo's route! Well, I liked everything before Gauguin came into being lol, because he was made into such a weird obsessive character that is probably the worst villain to forgive lol. Like, how can someone who loves art just as much as them be so fixated on jealousy and kill people because of it? I'm not saying it doesn't happen, but it was super out of nowhere and a weak way to show that he's a "villain", when I feel like they could have done something more like Isaac Newton's villain where they did share the same love and passion for their respective skills, but things just happened causing rifts and stuff, so yeah, Gauguin and the last bits were pretty disappointing. However, I did really enjoy how this route tried something different with Theo hiding their vampire identities to protect the heroine, and I think I really felt how sweet, loving and caring he was. I also loved seeing how passionate Theo was with art and art dealing and how his relationship with Vincent was full of love but also some strain. I think their brotherly bond was nicely portrayed, but also could have been focused more on instead of the random Gauguin imo haha. Anyway, even though the heroine and Theo's relationship was pretty dramatic at times especially with the fire and stuff, it was still really sweet, and Theo definitely grew on me as they both worked together and she came to understood his dream haha. I think I personally like Theo's and Mozart's routes the most.

#Ikemen Vampire

[howtoeuthanize]

Doc, how will I recognise when it’s time?

Doc, how will I recognise when it’s time?

We have heard from countless pet proprietors that the death in their pet turned into worse than the dying in their own dad and mom. This may sound blasphemous to a few, however to others it’s the bloodless reality. Making the selection to euthanize a puppy can sense howtoeuthanize gut-wrenching, murderous, and immoral. Families feel like they're letting their puppy down or that they are the purpose of their friend’s demise. They forget about that euthanasia is a gift, some thing that, when used accurately and well timed, prevents similarly bodily suffering for the pet and emotional suffering of the own family. While surrounded by using their loved ones in a quiet, comfy vicinity, they could bypass with dignity, Making the real decision is the hardest a part of the experience and the most customarily requested query is, “Doc, how will I understand while it’s time?” Let us shed a few mild on this difficult discussion.

As veterinarians, our job is to assist the own family in the selection-making. There isn't always one ideal second in time wherein to make that remaining desire (until the puppy is truly struggling, something we are seeking to prevent in the first area). Rather, there is a subjective time period in which euthanasia is the precise decision to make. This time period might be hours, days, weeks, or maybe months. Before this subjective time period veterinarians will refuse to euthanize a pet due to the fact a terrific excellent of existence nevertheless exists. After this period, but, we may additionally push for euthanasia because of obvious sustained struggling. During this large subjective time but, it's miles genuinely depending on the own family to make whatever choice is satisfactory for them. Some proprietors want time to come to phrases with the decline of their pet while others want to prevent any pointless struggling in any respect.

Everyone is unique and entitled to their very own thoughts. After all, pet proprietors recognize their puppy better than everyone, even the vet!

Pain and Anxiety

Pain is one of the maximum critical topics that we discuss in veterinary hospice care. Many professionals accept as true with that carnivorous animals, consisting of cats and dogs, do now not “conceal” their ache, rather pain certainly doesn’t bother them the equal manner it bothers human beings. Animals do not have an emotional attachment to their pain like we do. Humans react to the analysis of most cancers tons in a different way than Fluffy does! Fluffy doesn’t realize she has a terminal infection, it bothers us greater than it bothers her. This is hugely unique than prey animals like rabbits or guinea pigs, who must conceal their ache to save you carnivorous assaults. If you’re interested in getting to know extra about ache and suffering in pets, grab Temple Grandin’s e book “Animals in Translation” and study chapter five.  

When discussing the decision to euthanize, we need to be just as involved approximately tension in our pet as we're about pain. Frankly, anxiety is worse than ache in animals. Think about the ultimate time your dog went to the vet. How turned into his behavior? Was he anxious inside the exam room? Did he provide you with that appearance that said “that is terrible!”? Now assume back to when he closing harm himself, possibly scraping his paw or straining a muscle after strolling too difficult. My canine hardly ever appears as distraught whilst she’s in pain as she does whilst she is hectic. It’s the identical for animals which are death. For instance, many quit-stage arthritis dog patients start panting, pacing, whining, and/or crying, but a lot of these signs and symptoms are due to anxiety, commonly bobbing up secondarily from the ache. This is akin to being stung with the aid of a bee but now not seeing the bee itself; you may be more anxious at the lack of awareness of the starting place of the pain (and therefore approximately the unknown length or potential augmentation by greater bees) in preference to strictly the pain by myself. Due to hormonal fluctuations and other elements, those symptoms of tension typically seem worse at night. The body is telling the carnivorous canine that he's now not on the top of the food chain; he has been demoted and if he lies down, he turns into someone else’s dinner. Anti-tension medicinal drugs can sometimes work but for pets which can be at this stage, the cease is generally near.

Waiting Too Long

An thrilling trend is that the greater instances households experience the lack of a puppy, the sooner they make the selection to euthanize. Owners experiencing the decline or terminal contamination of a pet for the primary time will typically wait until the very quit to make that tough selection. They are afraid of doing it too quickly and giving up with out a good fight. Afterwards, however, maximum of these owners remorse ready too long. They replicate returned at the past days, weeks, or months, and feel guilty for putting their pet through the ones severa journeys to the vet or uncomfortable clinical strategies that did not improve their puppy’s best of lifestyles. The next time they witness the decline of a pet, they're much more likely to make the choice at the beginning of the decline rather than the quit.  

What about a natural death?

Yes, there are the ones pets that peacefully doze off and skip obviously on their own, however simply as in people, this form of peaceful death is uncommon. Many owners fear their puppy “passing alone” whilst others do not. Occasionally we're requested to help families through the herbal death process with their pet. For unique reasons, those families are towards euthanasia. We provide an explanation for the whole lot we probably can, from how a natural loss of life may additionally look, how lengthy it may take, what their puppy may revel in, and so on. Inevitably, nearly all of those households remorse doing this. Most of them remark afterwards “I desire I would no longer have executed that, I desire she didn’t should go through.” A herbal death can be difficult to watch, particularly for non-medically oriented humans. Most people can watch a human family member in ache plenty extra without problems than they can their puppy. To an extent, we are able to communicate different humans thru physical pain or pain, however there is no comforting a pet this is struggling. Families take this guilt difficultly and we do our very exceptional to no longer best simply propose euthanasia whilst suitable, but put together families for a “worst-case” state of affairs have to they chose to wait. (Of course dying is not anything to be scared of and if your pet does appear to skip on his or her personal, it is clearly not a awful thing; it takes place in nature frequently!)

[masked-buffoon]

Chapter 5: One’s desires (Part 3)

Warnings: insecurities, mention of drugs, minors drinking

Author notes: a lot of insecurities in chapter 5, I hope you won’t find it too annoying... But I felt it was necessary, somehow. Do tell me, though, I would stop the scheduling to rework on it!

"Bleach cocktail, bartender...!" Dazai-san cheerfully ordered, dropping his coat onto a stool and sitting right after.

Bar Lupin was quiet, and there was no customer except us, just as usual. The underground bar seemed the only place one could call peaceful for people like us, living in the shadows of the world. I sat next to my superior, without a word. I had been there several times, already, escorting him to his meetings with his friends, Oda-san and Sakaguchi-san, but rarely alone with him. I did not know how to behave in such a situation...

His drink was gently put in front of him, and I glanced at its clear colour — so different from the usual whisky we both drank.

"Mmh~ This smell of cleaning products~" He chuckled, bringing the glass to his lips.

The reasonable part of my brain probably was aware there was no bleach nor other toxic ingredients in the cocktail, for the bartender was someone trustworthy, but I could not stop my hand from jerking toward him to stop his moves.

"Heh~? Is there a problem, Ogawa-kun~?"

My senses came back to me, and I immediately backed away from him, absolutely awkward.

"I... Thought... Nonsense..." I mumbled, embarrassingly playing with my hands "I acted without thinking..."

"I know~" He chuckled "I expected as much from teasing you~"

"Y-You predicted I would try to stop you...?"

"That's the point of teasing." He smiled "But somehow, I'm glad you acted expectedly."

"I wouldn't want you to die... The Port Mafia needs you..." I justified, looking away.

"The Port Mafia... Eh?"

He looked disappointed by my answer. Now, I wondered what he wanted me to say, but I could not go and admit I needed him too, could I...? It would be completely unprofessional, and our relationship was not meant to go any further. I was already plenty grateful for him allowing me to live, what more could my greedy mind ask for...?

"Whisky on the rocks, please..." I ordered, eyes lost in the imperfections on the wooden counter.

Jazz music played quietly in the background, filling in the comfortable silence that had set up around us. In there, the cold from outside would not reach us, and we were given a timeless moment, far from the crimes and horror we committed out of duties. The atmosphere was warm, almost unreal, but it felt good, serene. When Oda-san and Sakaguchi-san were not there, Dazai-san was not as talkative, but his moves, his look and his being, in general, seemed to send wordless messages in the air. I tried to see and guess what he could be thinking. Was he disappointed his friends could not come? It was not disappointment I read in his eyes. Rather, melancholy...? Or perhaps was he just lost in his thoughts and his eyes scrutinised his drink without actually seeing it. His fingers traced the edge of the glass, slowly, creating the most calming tinting sound, and the ice melted, shaking the thin walls of glass around it and disrupting the silence.

He was wondering why he was still alive... Again. Silently, he was looking for a way to end his tired life, but his numerous suicide attempts had never once succeeded. I took a sip of my whisky, enjoying the rich taste of the alcohol before the ice could melt and ruin it. I was sitting right next to him, yet Dazai-san seemed so far away, mind gone to a place I had no access to. He was still unattainable, after all...

"Why the long face, Ogawa-kun?" He turned toward me.

"I-I don't... I mean... I'm not making a face..." I defended, taken aback.

"You don't seem happy to be there..."

"Not at all...! I am very glad to accompany you, Dazai-san... Only... You... You always seem elsewhere... So far... I feel I can never truly be by your side..." I muttered, fidgeting on the stool.

"But you are by my side..." He tilted his head slightly, as though not understanding "Right now, you are literally sitting next to me."

"I didn't mean it physically... I know I am there, with you, but you... You always look as though your mind is travelling around another world, another dimension that I have no access to... You always seem lost in thoughts and I... I can't read them..." I looked down "I can't understand what you think, I can't understand what you feel, and the more I am aware of it, the more it frustrates me and the more I feel estranged from you, Dazai-san... It is strange, too, because, whereas I do deeply want to know, I am always afraid to discover how you truly feel about me... Isn't that contradictory...?"

"You wouldn't want to read my mind, so that's better this way..." He hummed, bringing his glass to his lips "There is nothing in there that would relieve your concerns..."

"... Is that so...?" I glanced away, feeling bitter "Is that so... Does that mean you've... Lied to me...? Again...?"

"It is not that I lie to you, Ogawa-kun..." He sighed "It is simply that I... How to put that...? It is not quite natural to me... Behaving around you normally..."

"Normally as in... Not beating me...? Nor yelling at me...?" I frowned, pained.

It hurt. It hurt so much. None of his "care" was sincere... I should have known so, yet a part of me still hoped he somehow had genuine concerns about me. I had been pitifully played with, made into a loyal dog he could easily tame thanks to a few concerned words here and there... He was a master at manipulating people... I should have remembered this fact.

"That's not it, Ogawa-kun..." He rubbed his temples.

"Then, what is it, Dazai-san...?" I resisted my urge to cry.

Seeing as he did not answer, I stood up and headed toward the restroom, not without taking a syringe of morphine from the pocket of my coat. I had not used my ability, but I needed, oddly enough, the relief provided by drugs. I needed to feel the morphine coursing through my blood vessels, annihilating any kind of pain, even if, obviously, my inner sufferings would never be calmed down by anaesthetics. If there was medicine which made people happy, I would gladly throw my entire savings away just to have a taste, but it did not exist, and would never exist. Or it did. It was called naivety.

When I came back to the counter, something was wrong; Dazai-san was nowhere to be seen. A rather burdening buzzing sound echoed in my ears, and my hands almost instantly felt moist as I walked toward the bartender, something heavy threatening to pour from my eyes.

"He... Left...?" I was barely able to ask "He left...?"

"He requested me to tell you not to worry about him. And that he regretted his previous words." He answered, drying a glass.

"It would not be bold to assume he paid, would it...?" I stayed stunned, staring at the man's swift moves.

"He did."

I slammed my fist on the counter, anger rushing to my brain.

"He's an idiot!!" I cursed, jaw trembling and tears threatening to come "My superior, the most capable person of the Mafia, is an actual idiot... Do you believe it...?"

"Sometimes, humans would rather run away than facing the people they hurt. It is a pretty much normal reaction, to me." He hummed, gently smiling at me "Does it not reassure you, to know that sometimes Dazai Osamu can be human?"

"It does..." I conceded "But as a fellow human, I am hurt. It hurts so much, inside... It burns my lungs..."

"Then, what are you still doing here, talking with this old man...? I am not the one you should say these words to." He chuckled.

"I am afraid, too... I start to understand now... Running away..."

"You are not allowed to stay here." He said, more firmly "Because you know how to use words to voice your feelings, and it would be a shame not to say them out loud, would it not?"

I understood. I understood immediately what I had to do. I grabbed my coat and rushed outside, thanking the bartender before closing the door. It was so cold... Above my head and the dark alley, the sky was darkened by both the night and the clouds, from which small flakes of snow fell, to land delicately on Yokohama, soundlessly, quietly. It would have been with much joy I would have taken the time to enjoy the snow, but I had a task to complete, as a subordinate, and as a person who cared about another. I merely took time to carelessly put my trench coat onto my shoulders, and followed the way toward the headquarters, where I knew he had gone back. There was nowhere else he would go to, except perhaps his own apartment, but without being aware of its location, the Port Mafia was the only place I could search.

Besides, he knew me well. He had surely foreseen my reaction. He had surely predicted I would run after him, and maybe had purposely left traces, hints, to indicate his route. If he was simply trying to tease me again, oh, he would hear my complaints days and nights for an undetermined amount of time. I was not very familiar with him; I could not afford to behave as more than a subordinate around him. Nevertheless, I did allow myself to correct him when he was wrong. He was definitely wrong, this time.

"Dazai-san..." I recognised his tall silhouette "Dazai-san...!"

The snow covering the alley hid its pavement; my foot got caught in one of them, and the world went upside down, so suddenly.

Yet, my body never hit the ground and, instead, I felt caught and secured by a pair of bandaged arms, which immediately retracted once I was back on my two feet. It would be troublesome if he were to cancel my ability just now... For he would have to carry me all the way back to the headquarters or my room.

"Ogawa-kun...?" He frowned.

"Dazai-san, I... I do not —"

"I thought you would not come..." He confessed "I thought you would stay at the bar and hate me..."

Why would he consider such extremities...?

"I would never hate you, Dazai-san... I've told you, I will never hate you... I want to apologise; I should not have —"

"It is normal that you must take your morphine income... You are an addict, if you don't, you will feel bad." He looked away "And I... Ran away... Cowardly..."

"I do not mind..."

"How could you not?"

"I mean... It hurts a lot... It pains me to know you are trying so hard to act nice toward me... It did pain me too, noticing you had gone, leaving me behind... But my sufferings... My sufferings are meaningless compared to my loyalty. No matter what you do, how you act and what you say to me, I will never hate you and will never wish to leave your side... I am your lieutenant, after all..." I cracked a small smile, looking down "But I do not want you to force yourself around me... Please, do not feel the pressure to be 'nice' toward me, Dazai-san... I would rather leave, if I am a —"

"You are going to say 'burden', aren't you...?" He answered my smile "It is not that I strive to be caring... Deeply, I want you to be fine, yet I am not sure how to behave... Sometimes, I will become violent, and I will not realise it... When I am with Odasaku and Ango, I know they understand, but you... I've hurt you too much to request your understanding..."

"I understand." I assured "I understand, so... Please be yourself, Dazai-san. So you never need to run away from me anymore..."

"I will strive to trust you, then..."

"I will wait..." I said, putting my coat on.

All the adrenaline had gone down and my body felt the striking cold accurately. My fingertips were reddened and my insides were shaking badly. I sniffed.

"For now..." I looked at my superior "Can we... Can we go back, please...?"

"Let's go, Ogawa-kun." He nodded.

His coat fell onto my shoulders, making me stare at him.

"You will catch a cold..." I started removing it.

"You keep it. My bandages are made to increase my body heat~"

"There is no way..." I raised an eyebrow.

"The alcohol —"

"Doesn't keep you warm." I finished "Dazai-san, I would feel terrible if you were to have the flu because of me...!"

"If I have the flu, then it is my fault." He shrugged it off "Because I am the one who insisted on giving you the coat."

I pouted, and picked up the pace so we could arrive more quickly to the headquarters.

His office was so warm after fighting against the cold, I immediately let myself fall onto a couch, appreciating the comfort of the soft cushions. Dazai-san, who had been more cheerful on the way back, suddenly changed his smile into a frown, and took large and hurried steps toward his desk. There, on the surface deprived of any document, laid an envelope. And I did not know why it annoyed him so much. I reached his side.

"That's for me...?" I frowned upon seeing my name written on the white paper.

"I hope it is not a trapped letter..." He narrowed his eyes "Although, knowing this handwriting, it might as well be..."

"Is it...?" I took the enveloppe between my fingers and flipped it to read the identity of the sender "The Boss...?!"

"Mmh..." He took it back.

I was worried. I had met Mori-san once, when I was fourteen, and he had appeared intimidating enough for me not to ever want to interact with him again. I did not want to get involved with that man. I felt he could break me with a single snap of his fingers, which frightened me. He had a kind of threatening aura, inducing fear instead of respect. Despite that, many subordinates were loyal to him, Nakahara-san being the first of them. I often saw him looking up to the Boss, the rare time I accompanied my superior and his partner in a mission.

"Let me open it." He said, and I nodded.

It did not explode nor did it spread a toxic gas, which relieved me at first. At the very least, he did not want us dead. Instead, I was agreeably surprised by the content of the letter.

"An invitation... To the party...?" My voice got caught in my throat.

"What is he planning...?" Dazai-san gritted his teeth.

"I am only a lieutenant, I can't possibly —"

"If he sent it and you don't show up, he will kill you. Or worse." He clicked his tongue "That's too late now, even I can't do anything about it..."

"You..." I glanced at his face "Did not want me to get involved with him, did you...? That's why you... Earlier..."

"That's why I asked Odasaku to come with me instead of you, indeed. He has seen through my intentions..."

"Why would the Boss want to see me...? When we met, you told me he had had his eyes on me, but I thought it was as an ability user..."

"As an ability user... I'm afraid I understand what he wants to do." He sighed heavily "Since you've set foot in the organisation, he's been wanting to introduce you to a subordinate of his. I've always tried to postpone that event, yet he has found the perfect opportunity... For now, let's just wait and see. Perhaps I am overthinking it..."

"Understood, Dazai-san." I received his orders.

But deep inside, I was quite glad I could go to the party with him.

#bsd #bsd oc #bsd fanfic #bsd dazai #bsd imagines #bungo stray dogs #bungou stray dogs #bungou stray dogs oc #dazai osamu

[ponderingsofastudentteacher]

Developing an understanding of teaching English.

I am really excited to get into classrooms and get about the business of teaching English. Having worked in sport and recreation previously to starting my Grad dip in Secondary Education I already know that I am passionate about working with teenagers and sharing knowledge. I’m also passionate about English as a subject, I’ve described myself many times as a “word nerd”. I think a big drive for many teachers is the desire to pass on the joy that they’ve gained from their subject area.

 There are, however, plenty of things that I am apprehensive about. I recognise that I will be contributing to an institution and a structure that I don’t necessarily have control of. There may be aspects of what is expected of me and required from my teaching practise that I don’t necessarily endorse or agree with. Even just on a school level, I cannot reasonably expect to go in to a school with my ideas and ideals about education and shake the structure up straight away, and in the time I have to tow the line, I hope I don’t get too comfortable. Because English, the area in which I teach, has been used historically in Aotearoa as a tool of compulsory assimilation. I would argue that teaching the English language in schools has probably been one of the primary tools in colonization throughout the British Empire.

 This is the subject that I’m going in to teach.

 With this in mind, I feel its even more important for me to ensure that I’m working to decolonize my teaching practise. I also feel that as an English teacher, I have a duty to advocate for compulsory Te Reo Māori in schools as part of my developing understanding of what a genuine partnership under Te Tiriti might look like. Incorporation of Te Ao Māori and Mātauranga a Iwi into English teaching practise, a language that historically sought to displace Te Reo Māori, is as complicated as it is necessary. I think in a lot of schools, in my experience both as a learner in high school contexts and as a Student teacher on my TE 1, Te Ao Māori is simply tacked on rather than imbedded and engaged with. I feel that this kind of surface level engagement with Te Ao Māori, particularly in the field of English, contributes to the myth of a resolved colonial history. To engage deeply with Te Ao Māori in the English classroom, it should be acknowledged that the subject has been one which has been used to disempower Tangata Whenua historically. That deep acknowledgement needs to precede any kind of change that can be considered genuine in English teaching practise.

 That being said English as a subject, deals with a lot more than just English language teaching. A big part of the joy I derived from the study of English, was the ability it gave me to critically interact with texts I encountered and to develop my own world view relative to those interactions. I was able to interact with people, places and cultures that I would not, outside of the sphere of texts, have had access to in my life and it helped me to better understand myself and others. In this light, English is a brilliant medium into which to incorporate Māori content, concepts and Reo. By choosing texts wisely we can be engaging with texts which involve Te Ao Māori and stimulate discussion and reflection in the students on their positioning and New Zealand’s colonial history (and present).

We have done a lot of work on the relationality of teaching in English. I feel I have had an awareness of the fact that relationships and learning are linked but I am developing a deeper understanding of how this functions in an English teaching environment. I saw lots of teachers in my TE1 placement asking their students to write them letters as the first assignment of the year. Some of them had topics (their ideal holiday, etc) some of them were more open (introduction letters). I am coming to realize that these letters had a deeper function than simply introductions. In order to effectively convey learning to the students the teacher needs to have an understanding of them, these letters help to develop that. The teacher also, needs to have a deep understanding of their own skills so that they can match the needs of the student to a specific area in their skill set. That aspect, I am learning, comes from a reflective teaching practise.

 Another aspect of relationality is social learning. I used to think, that the most significant work done in English classes was done in the realms of silent reading and writing. The reading being the “making meaning” aspect and the writing being “creating meaning”. I am developing the understanding that discussion is equally important. Students, provided with engaging content, will form their own opinions on a text. Sharing those opinions with their peers is an action of creating meaning while listening to the points and counterpoints of their peers is a making meaning activity. People in general, though young adults especially perhaps, tend to get a lot of pleasure from conversation. We are social animals and feel rewarded by cooperation. I saw students on my TE placement who thought they were off topic talking deeply about things like why a character would do “X”. I know I would have been over the moon to have been asked to chat with my friends about what I liked and disliked about a text when I was at school. Putting an activity which includes making and creating meaning, formative assessment and critical reflection within the sphere of an enjoyable chat may well be one of the most effective tools for learning in English. Additionally, it is an opportunity for those students who have deeper understandings to develop them further while also supplying those understandings to students who may require more opportunity to understand.

 While I still have a lot to learn in terms of how to be an effective teacher in the field of English, I do feel that I am developing understanding of why and how, certain pedagogies work and I look forward to continuing to develop these understandings.

#teach #teachbl #teacher #student teacher #thoughts

[cannot-decide-on-a-fandom]

I understand that it’s currently (well, it has been for a while, but still) fun and cool to make fun of Supernatural and treat it as if it was always just a stupid, mediocre at best show, but the reason why the entire thing going on with it sucks is that it really wasn’t.

I’m not saying it hasn’t done the things people are saying, like killing off every LGBT character and the one important disabled character over, at the time, 12 seasons (well, apart from Bobby, but he got cured, which is a whole other can of worms), had little diversity in terms of people of colour, because it has, and while I don’t think it’s inherently bad to kill minority characters, when you kill/mistreat all of them, that’s very different to “this one character died and he was gay”. I’m in no way denying the problematic writing of the show, and yeah, feel free to call the shitty writing in that aspect. Because that is shitty.

But Supernatural actually did have a lot to love. (this turned out longer than I expected, so I’ll put it under the cut, but please read it if at all interested, because I am curious what other people think. Also, this is based off of what I’ve seen, so our views of reactions might be a little different)

There are no finale spoilers in this, apart from “it was bad”

In terms of characters, I still love Cas with my entire heart, he is generally a well written and fascinating character (not flawlessly written, obviously, but still interestingly), and has a really cool opening role, season 4 still being among my favourites of the show. The characters were incredibly flawed which is actually a really cool thing to see because perfect characters take me out of the story, Sam and Dean were generally good protagonists to follow, I love Crowley and Jack, 2 of the other characters who were at some point listed as lead cast members, I didn’t even have the hate regarding Bela’s character or Ruby’s, there are some really interesting side and recurring characters too (Charlie, Kevin, Jo, Ellen, Bobby-all dead admittedly, which is definitely the frustrating and irritating thing), and they’re likable while still feeling relatively grounded, a surprise in a show about the supernatural.

As for the plot, I’m not gonna act like there were not bad storylines or badly executed ones. I don’t hate season 7 as much as others do, season 8 is my personal least favourite, but that entire season felt like filler for most of it, and to be honest I barely recall any episodes from s7. Plus the villains were probably the weakest (not strength wise, but writing wise) of the entire run. But every season up to season 5 had so much to care about and love, and while for me seasons 6-8 were not great, seasons 9-11 are all some of my most loved hours of TV (which I know is controversial, as people are so quick to say everything went bad after season 5, but I disagree with that too). Yes, the stakes may have escalated way too far and saying stuff like “ooh, God’s sister is the enemy” can seem ridiculous, I never once felt that they lacked heart and lacked a genuine desire to create. It really felt to me as if the people working on the show really did care and wanted to create and tell their stories.

The one off, meta, and special episodes are really fun and Supernatural has kind of become known for them. Things like Changing Channels, The French Mistake, Baby, Stuck in the Middle (With You) are all interesting concepts to apply to the show and whether you like all of them or not I think being able to have some unique or cool things up their sleeves even after a decade deserves props for at least trying (also, writing this now, I have a strong temptation to rewatch 12x12)

And one thing that I still genuinely commend Supernatural for (again, not that they did it perfectly, but I didn’t sense any malice from it) is that the show has encouraged its fans to explore what they want in their own writing and supported them in that. Some people may hate the meta stories, and that’s perfectly fine. But episodes like Fan Fiction were used as a thank you and an ode to the fans, not as a way to mock their interpretations. Dean explicitly says that his interpretation of the stories is not any less valuable than anybody else’s. The Real Ghostbusters did have Sam and Dean shocked at there being a Supernatural convention, but it was because anyone would be uncomfortable if their lives had cons around them, it wasn’t treated as if it was just wrong to be interested and love stories. I understand the issues with Becky’s character and yes, she was not a great example of a fan and I wish it wasn’t done in that way (especially one particular episode, which the show, ever so slightly to their credit, addressed in season 15), but I think that for the most part, the cast and crew recognise how much interpreting the story in your own way matters.

Supernatural wasn’t a shitty TV show that never deserved the success it had, it’s a show that was full of lovable characters, interesting concepts, some actually really good lines (even though it became most known for the memey, jokey lines like “I lost my shoe” I will die on the hill that there were so many thoughtful, deep, interesting lines of dialogue in the show. I am tempted to rewatch the show and make a list honestly because a lot of them I recall really stuck with me for a while and there were actual lessons, believe it or not, in them), actors doing their absolute best and mostly succeeding, a show that tried to do things outwith or a twist on their base genre, and over all a show with a lot of good in it.

The reason the way the season went is so frustrating is specifically because it wasn’t as bad as people like to claim. If it was always bad, yeah, people might be disappointed, but it wouldn’t be as big of a deal if it always sucked. It’s upsetting because throughout most of its run, Supernatural has shown that it is capable of creating interesting, enjoyable, emotional stories, and it’s show it can have interest, enjoyable, and emotional finales.

Of course it really fucked up with its representation throughout the whole show, nobody is denying that, and good. #TheySilencedYou/Us is important. It should exist, because it’s ridiculous how some of their characters were treated. They literally brought Eileen back for 30 seconds one time specifically to kill her, and that really annoyed me, among many other instances. But Supernatural did have a lot to love and a lot to care about, which is exactly why it pisses me, even as someone who hasn’t watched the show in years until this year, off that they threw away 15 years of character arcs, story writing, and 15 years of the positive things the show gave us to create a finale where it’s clear they did not give a crap as to what the fans or even their own cast members would be happy with.

So no, I don’t think Supernatural is a crappy show with bad writing that did not deserve to survive as long as it did. I think Supernatural had heart and love and passion put into it and through 15 years some stories were halfbaked and haphazard but it wasn’t just a bad program. Which is why what happened to it can fuck off, and why I feel bad for the fans, and also cast members who are dealing with a) letting go of their characters in a way that they’re unhappy with (eg-Jensen) and b) dealing with the backlash directed at them when they really aren’t the ones who should be dealing with the problems, because the writers should have known better (Misha)

(One last thing, I’m aware most fans aren’t cruel to the cast, this is a vocal minority, it doesn’t mean I don’t still feel bad for them)

#supernatural #Supernatural Finale #I don't know what I should tag apart from the show title so I'll leave it

[minalous]

pink roses (m)

Pink roses: chapter one 

pairing: hoseok x reader x jimin

description/warnings: dom!hoseok, dom!jimin, sub!reader, mature sexual content, demon!jimin, demon!hoseok, but they are very gentle and adorable, they just want love, they are nice doms/ Two rich guys that live in your building are interested in you. It is common sense that flowers are pretty, but can they be deadly? 

This will be a mini series, just because I felt like adding it to my many wips.

genre: smut / fluff

words: 1.6k

Blackened soul and purified heart. Two mysteries locked inside the body of two of the most mystical creatures to walk this earth. Two beautiful men watching over you, day and night. Not only you but the whole city. They are given a task to accomplish but life is too boring in this old forgotten place. Except for you, the very young and intriguing you who is trying to accomplish something in this life as well.

A young woman who always believed that science and medicine should accompany each other in the name of scientific breakthrough. Hours and hours spent behind closed doors, your apartment a temple dedicated to the name of human evolution. You have seen, felt and experienced loss far too many times in your life to merely stop trying and give up. Whenever you faced an obstacle in your research, you would decide to find an escape, one solution to have you create any other possibilities of removing the obstacle. Such dedication you have for your job.

So many sleepless nights that almost led you to paranoia. You had the belief, for many years, that two men were visiting your dreams, trying desperately to make you theirs. The light of the morning would wake you up when they were about to be inside you, to fulfil the lust that had you numb, wet, desperate.

But today is dedicated to you and your success on finding a virus, one beautiful virus which devours any other type of virus inside the body. Only if you could find a host for your parasite. Too bad you cannot test or confirm your theories anyhow. The secret of life is hard to find, the best of your abilities cannot compete to any of the challenges you are to face and the feeling you are going through is too much to bear, sober at least. You are scared to be lonely at nights, there is no way to get away from your thoughts.

One drink after another, your expensive apartment keeps getting bigger and bigger, the air around you is thicker than normal and you need to run away. You grab your coat and keys, ready to get out to have a walk. The elevator is almost there, ready to take you away from this building and get you out to the forsaken dark world.

Tonight feels weird, this familiar eerie tingling sensation swivels in the air, lurking into the darkest corners of the path you take. This voice, this alluring noise is the one keeping you company your whole life, as if a childhood friend to remind you of your purpose in any chance given. The voice led you to your success, to the life you are leading right now. Had it even left you alone, you would have thought it abandoned you. You love this voice; it is a deep, raspy voice. If you were to hear it, you would recognise it.

The door of the elevator opens and it helps you come back to the real world, your thoughts are a chaos but you need to wait until you are alone again to reflect on them. The empty elevator closes its doors to lead you downstairs to the lobby, anticipation has you biting your nails. What are you so anxious about? The elevator stops four floors before the lobby, the entrance of a familiar but equally unknown face has you take a sharp breath. Why are you so anxious again?

“Up or down?” the man asks

Fuck. This voice sounds so warm, a lingering feeling of safety clouds your mind.

“Down” you answer back

You avoid meeting his eyes when you can feel his eyes all over you. The eerie feeling creeps out to haunt your senses, the voice beside you starts whispering again. Is he here to harm you? Why does it feel you have met before?

“I am not here to harm you”

Did you say that out aloud? Fuck.

“No, you did not. And it is not right for a beautiful young lady like you to curse.”

Oh no.. You start going crazy. You think that people are talking to you and can read your mind. You need to leave. But this is an elevator. Fuck.

“Are you seriously going to ignore me? How rude of you.” the man says and stops the elevator

If you pretend he is not here, maybe he will stop talking or cease to exist.

“Oh baby. You really came to be an ignorant. I did not fight for your well being to have you ignore your begetter.”

The man behind you wraps his arms around your lower waist, hands tightening the grip on you ever softly as if you will break if he makes a wrong movement. The sensation alone burns your worries away, body and soul are given willingly to him. His body is pressed against you, his hard length finds relief while grinding on your behind.

“You need to know your place, kitten. You need to remember who you are”

The hot breath on your neck does not help the sinful heat growing on your lower parts. What if he is a pervert and the neglect you have been feeling will make you a victim of your carnal desires?

“Let me tell the truth. You have known me your whole life, kitten. You are meant to love me. I am right for you”

His voice is the equivalent of sex, the warmth of his touch is ghosting over your breasts, over your womanhood and it makes you crave for more. The man behind you does not go any further, he is reluctant. You do not understand why he hesitates but it is working, your eyes get teary from the absence of his touch.

“Please?”

Voice broken, the same feeling you are going through. Each of your dreams ended the same way this meeting is about to end. Is he going to leave you alone?

“No, kitten. You have to meet someone else as well” he says and stands beside you with his hand still wrapped around your waist. You haven’t noticed he has pushed the button again, the elevator rings and you are finally free. You try to leave his side but you should have known better; there is a man standing right across the elevator, leaning against the wall. You know him very well, he is the man he always accompanied him.

He is sin impersonated and were he to team up with your captor, you would be doomed.

“Don’t worry, kitten. He is not going to hurt you either” he whispers

“Jimin, I thought I knew you better. We need to share her.”

Jimin? That is the name of the man beside you. And who is the man in front of you?

“This is Hoseok, baby. He is my brother” Jimin says

“I ordered you not to hear her thoughts but yeah, go ahead and be a brat” Hoseok’s voice sounds so much softer and gentle than his brother’s. Maybe he could be the one to explain what is happening and what is the mean of this situation.

Hoseok’s eyes search for validation as he walks towards you, there is this familiarity again, his eyes have the same warmth you could feel in all of the nights you spent together in your dreams. He is different from Jimin; Jimin is a little aggressive, rough, possessive. Hoseok is gentle, passionate, fiery.

You can hear Jimin growling with his grip on your waist to tighten. Is he still listening to your thoughts?

“I will listen to her thoughts until I am sure she can trust us” Jimin says

“Her thoughts are private and you should respect that. Please, Jimin. Be nice to our guest.” Hoseok bows in front of you, his hand gently touching yours before leaving a kiss on it. 

“It is lovely to meet you. We had to wait until the time was right and now we are able to see you at last. You have no idea how long we have waited for you” he sounds so excited and you genuinely give him a warm smile of reassurance.

“I hope you will enlighten me about everything” you add “because I really don’t understand what is happening or what the purpose of all this is.” your hand gestures has both of the men chuckle. 

Hoseok offers his hand to lead you to the place you are about to head to and you gladly accept, leaving Jimin behind. You find yourself standing in front of a door and the thoughts tear you apart. Should you stay and find out about everything or leave and forget everything about it?

“If you decide to walk through this door, you have to let your true self in. Let this side of you in. Switch your emotions off. Switch your humanity off, let her breathe, let your dark side in, kitten” Jimin’s voice drips of desire, desperation, need. Hoseok oozes of the same desire. Maybe you need to do it, let the voice take control, let the other side of you in, allow it to take control.

And you do. You breathe in..

The dark nature hiding inside you wants to swim to the surface, the new you needs to breathe, desperately trying to make you agree to give it a try, to see how good it tastes to be bad. You do not hesitate; you need to know if this change will bring you closer to your real self. It never felt more right to let go, not when you have Hoseok and Jimin by your side to guide.

“Welcome back home, my Queen” you hear both of them say. 

The first thing you see when you walk through the door is the pink roses, the familiar old scent filling up your nostrils. Is this how it feels to come back home?

#hoseok smut #jimin smut #hoseok demon #jimin demon #magicshopnet #ksmutclub #jimin fanfic #hoseok fanfic #bts smut #bts fanfic #bts fanfiction