#Everyone sit down and think for a minute

[guinevereslancelot]

a koi pond for your dash:

❀ 𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 ༄ ❀ 𓆝 𓆟 ༄ ❀ 𓆞 𓆝 ❀ ༄ ﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

#our pond thawed so i sat beside the water today and watched the fish #i wish everyone as beautiful and peaceful a moment as that today ♡ #i dont have a koi pond btw judt a farm pond that a neighbor put goldish in like twenty years ago #they thrived tho and they're pretty like koi fish #im planning to add water lilies to it this year and maybe some other pretty ornamental plants around it idk #also a bench hopefully bc rn you have to sit in an uncomfy rock lol #anyway #still a nice place to hang out im just planning to make it nicer when i have the money for landscaping #im considering adding some actual koi to it bc i read they can coexist w goldfish really well bc they're both carp #but idk i assume they eat more so maybe they would outcompete the goldslfish #also they eat the baby goldfish so maybe not :( #they should crossbreed tho #i think #so maybe i'll just grt one or two koi and see what happens #anywayyy #they're so pretty and peaceful to watch 😌 #my only complaint is its a bit of a hike to the pond #either like five minutes down a suuuuper steep hill or twice as long walking around the hill and back up by the road which is less steep #also you cant really see the pond from the house bc its far away and surrounded by dense brush #alas #these are good problems to have tho #and for safety reasons its good actually that the pond is far from the house and a bit annoying to get to #bc little kids could def have a terrible accident if it was just in the yard or something #bc its really deep #im not the best w these emojis but i wanted to make something cute

[deus-ex-mona]

have you listened to meoto? yes? good!!!!! listen to it again~~~~~~!!!!!!!!!

#i fear that this song has changed me for life dangit #can’t even sit down for 3 minutes without thinking ‘ehehehehehe meoto mv coming soon’ #i mean. c m o n. if these two already act like an old married couple 24/7 imagine what they’d do as an *actual* married couple #man. i want the last scenes of the mv to be something like lxl thanking the staff for their hard work at the mv ‘filming’ #t h e n aizo trips on his hakama as they turn to each other or sth and falls forward and they accidentally kiss just as the song ends— #d. d o you s e e my vision auauauauauauauaaaaaaa #i can’t w a i t to see how they’ll even be able to act more lovey dovey than they do in *that* ny aizo unevolved 5⭐︎ #anyways. i think everyone needs to listen to the lxl album radio tracks instead of wondering if there even will be a meoto mv #c’mon guysssss they outright confirm its existence t h e r e it’s just a matter of w h e n it comes out now auauauauauauaaaaaaaaaaaaa #. or actually. maybe don’t listen to the first lxl radio. if i didn’t i wouldn’t be thinking about the meoto mv 24/7 #hauauauauauuauaaaaaaaaaaaaa meoto mv w h e n hw pls give some crumbs im begggingghhhh #anyways. i think it’s about time for a meoto tag to filter out all this nonsense. #LXL MEOTO CRISIS 2K24 #there… now time to go back to retag everything else lmaoooooo #染BODY ONCE TOLD ME—

[opens-up-4-nobody]

The way that the sun hits leaves and clouds. I feel like I could watch the colors change forever. If I could slow down for that long.

#i keep forgetting a have a deck now. i can go outside and sit there #im doing that now. sitting in the corner of a deck full of empty chairs. staring up at a big pine tree where the sun is striking it gold #at the top. i like how thr light hits the needles. if the sky was black it would look like its on fire #theres a tree outside my bedroom window too. in the morning. after the sunrises it catches thr light and refelcts the most perfect shade #of green. the kind of green that flutters translucent like youre looking up from the bottom of a pool. the light the light its all about #the sun. everything everything is about the sun. when i start my project I'll be focused on understanding how organisms catch the light bc #its so incredible and complicated it would make my chest swell to bursting if there wasnt an empty bleeding wound in my gut. a #metaphorical wound of course. i dunno. its just difficult bc right now my mood is inflated by hormones. not even that much i think I'm #just at what shoulf be a normal level of happiness so i can be slow for a minute. but just a minute bc i kno it won't last long #sorry i cant shut the fuck up when im like this but i dunno i just feel like i havr to document these ephemeral moments before they're gone #its just difficult when you kno the world is so full of beautiful things but 95% of the time your eyes are too clouded to see it #everyone tells me i work too much but i feel like im just staring off into space being miserable 60% of the time. ive just done so much #damage over the past few years im coming into a new lab as damaged goods. ive got an albatross around my neck in thr form of data i #collected so self destructively that the idea of having anything to do with its publication makes me hate myself. everytime someone tells #me good job on collecting so so so much data it feels like they're congratulating me for breaking something within myself. like i slit my #wrists and bled out on a lab bench and theyre saying good job and theyre excited for me and i have to grin and bear it and pretend im #excited too. but im not bc ive burned everything inside me to ash. so when im elevated enough to be distracted by the clouds and trees it #feels like healing. like seeing angels. beautiful ephemeral beams of light. i wish i could slow down enough to watch them. but now thr sun #is hitting the horizon and the sky is going gradually dark and i should go inside. bc i have many things to do in the morning. so that's #what ill do. and ill try to get more thsn 6hrs of sleep but its hard when your body is vibrating over with energy #but at least i dont feel tired in the morning. something in my head must be on fire #unrelated #hm i should maybe add a tw to this #tw self injury #but its the kind thst makes u good at ur Job. its the kind ppl reward. so they don't understand when u say its destroying ur life #but im trying to get better. i say as i gear up for an insane semester lol but i do mean it

[beskad]

me every day: yes, I understand that I have ptsd. yes, it will frequently disrupt my life in sometimes (seemingly) random ways. sometimes this will necessitate leaving work or disclosing things about myself to a supervisor or friend or bystander because it's freaking them out and THEY are now panicking and often wanting to call me an ambulance. this is just a fact. it's fine. i'm dealing with it. most years are easier than the ones before them. it's fine.

me when my ptsd is actually triggered: what is happening right now. why can't I breathe. why can't I stand up. why do I feel like I'm about to throw up and die. oh, I know!!! I must be having an allergic reaction to something!!!! I'm suddenly coming down with the flu in the span of 3 minutes!!! this is so weird!!!!!!!

#EDIT: talk of PTSD proceed with caution #it's morphed a little over the years lololol #used to present as very obvious and unmistakable panic attacks with crying and hyperventilating #10 years later and it's quieter. 70% of the time the whole world just shrinks to a 1 foot bubble around me and everything goes dark #at least i didn't actually throw up this time around #and i was able to pinpoint the trigger about 2 hours in #once i was able to think again #and it was a song. 30 seconds of a song. #noticed right away that something felt wrong so i hit stop #but it was too late lmao within 5 minutes it was hard to breathe and the room was spinning and within 10 i crawled upstairs and passed out #but yeah like in the moment i often don't understand what's happening #i don't realize until I've passed out and woken up again #i had to lay down on the floor in the backroom of my retail job once and it scared the shit out of everyone #i usually stay somewhat lucid but i rarely realize I'm reacting to a trigger until after I've recovered #which means then I'm laying on a floor woozily insisting I'm fine #and then have the SUPER FUN TIME of having to explain everything after the fact once my brain and body are working again #I have a few long time coworkers who realize I've been triggered before I do lmao #They're like. Bro. You need to sit down. Right fucking now or you're gonna fall #rray.txt

[takami-takami]

I'm gonna do the embarassing thing and vent in the tags cuz im embarassed lol

#okay so. real talk. lets all sit down in a little circle. like we're gonna say our abc's #im not doing good. i dont know if its showing in my writing. but im not doing good. and its gonna drive me crazy if i keep it inside so #i think. it should be obvious where im at given the last two fics. but i feel like #i dont know anymore. #i feel like i'm gonna explode im not doing okay im not doing alright at all #i think i need a minute? or maybe i need to write more? i dont know what i need #i just feel like im keeping a secret and that irks me like #like im not posting or writing and i dont want the reason why to be a secret. like everyone to be kept in the dark or think im going ghost #i think if u know me its obvious from the way ive been talking too. idk what to do. #idk what to do!!!! AGGGHHHHHHHHH #IDK WHAT TO DO #“im not doing good” i say. experiencing The Horrors #🙂👍

[oc-cinematic-universe]

i LOOOVE thinking about fantasy disabilities!!!! i love figuring out what people would have to do to accommodate them! it's literally awesome!

#fun after-comic joe facts time yayyy so joe's soul got a little bit fucked up #its just this small crack. which makes him entirely unresponsive to anything for like 5 minutes max #at seemingly random intervals. it slows down and doesnt last as long as it heals but its still like #not good lol #and its just gonna keep happening the rest of his life because souls fuckin heal weird #its one of many problems disorders he has to deal with this ones just special because doctors have #NO clue what to do with him so he and his friends just gotta figure out how to cope with it themselves #after a while he can kinda tell when its about to happen a few seconds before it does #so because he's rarely left alone anyways because he. cant take care of himself much anymore #he can give them a warning and they will make sure nothing dangerous will come from it and just wait for him to come to #as it heals and becomes less of a problem it kinda becomes more of a problem ironically #he does reach a point where he can mostly handle himself. but he cant do shit when that happens #except try to sit down asap. so while it happens less often it causes More Incidents. alas #i think kiara's way of dealing with it happening in particular is so silly #cause she just. grew up with him like this. this is just normal to her she's never questioned it #like oh ok dad's blanked out again i will just wait so patiently for it to be done so i can keep showing him #my mlp toys and explaining mlp lore to him #it happens and she just stops what she's doing and waits for him then continues as if nothing happened #everyone else gets so fussy about him when it happens but kiaras just #are you done? ok so pinkie pie is the laughter pony #he thinks its awesome he loves her so much

[crowcryptid]

#hi hey hello #sits and bears it #I think. maybe. everyone should have a once a week test of patience #not to annoy anyone #but so people learn to wait and slow down #just. learn how to wait. #this makes me sound like an old boomer but #the existence of instant communication like phones and email has turned some people into monsters fr #keep ‘em waiting for 10 minutes and they lose their mind #you do not even want to know what prompted this.. whaddah hell.. #when ur like me and u hate most interaction #someone constantly pestering you and getting mad because oh my god you made them wait. how could you make them wait. #skin melting type of experience

[nuclearnyx]

people who don't use the tags to be sad and vent are so powerful lmao couldn't be me

#real talk it has been BAD lately #the POTS has gotten MUCH worse lately #for example. yesterday i had to call someone to bring me a sports drink because sitting up in bed made me almost lose consciousness #like i am DREADING leaving the house because im having minor-ish episodes at least twice a day #and the new scary part is that when i have an episode i cant speak well #i can say a few words at a time but thats it #which is scary and also frustrating because people tend to freak out and ask a lot of questions and its hard to answer #and it sucks because i know i cant do certain things when im home alone anymore #like showering (huge trigger) or cooking (also trigger sometimes) because its honestly kinda dangerous now #its very humbling to have to lie down on the floor because painting for 20 minutes triggered an attack #and a lot of the people around me arent handling it well so thats a whole OTHER set of issues #im honestly thinking of writing out a 'what to do during an episode' plan for the people in my family to make it easier #and another 'how we explain this to people' plan because everyone is giving different accounts and kinda minimizing to not scare people #which i get because it all SOUNDS very scary and we dont want people to be worrying (and frankly bothering us about it) #but if i show up to an event or whatever and have an issue or i start using a mobility aid (maybe?) they'll get weird #ANYWAYS this all sucks but also im hanging in there (and yes my doc is on top of this dont worry) #its going to be really interesting to see how things play out over the coming weeks and months

[cantsaythetword]

I hate how overwhelmed I get in loud alcoholic social situations

#i am currently hiding in the bathroom of the bar that we're at for my gf's 22nd #i was meant to go pick up our friend to come here #but he said he would uber to make it easier for me #which is lovely #BUT THIS WHOLE TIME IVE BEEN HOLDING OUT FOR THE 45 MINUTE BREAK ILL GET FROM NOISE AND PEOPLE AND DRUNKENNESS #so im just sitting on the toilet seat in the stall #trying to calm my body down from its lil sensory episode #its not really a meltdown but im not vibin #and i feel bad cause my gf was originally gonna go to the clubs but cause she knows about my noise thing she changed it to a bar #and its definitely 10 times better than the clubs i hate going there but im still wanting to hide away from everyone #and its gonna look weird if im hiding out for like 30 minutes and DONT come back with her friend #but oh well i guess im gonna look weird lol #i hate parties like this but im doing it for her #cauae i love her #and i do like the friend thats coming so maybe that will help #anyways enough of my lil rant #hope your day is going v well #im also gonna add a slight #tw: alcohol #just in case... i dont think it would be a big trigger but better safe than sorry 👌 #on this episode of crow hides in the bathroom

[oflgtfol]

if i lived in marvel universe (comics, movies, literally whatever) then i would legit be venom’s #1 fan. everybody else hates venom or finds them ugly or whatever but NOT MEEE i’d be like ohh i wanna be held in yuor squishy alien arms

#as always i respect the monsterfuckers but i mean this 100% platonically #I WANNA HUG them so bad bro #i need a plushie. i need a plushie but there are no good ones #brot posts #v posting #sorry everyone i havent read a comci in forever im dying inside but i have no time for anything #i mean i love reading comics bc i can technically squeeze it into a short anount of time #BUT i like being able to sink time into it i dont wanna rush through a single issue in only like ten minites or whatever #i wanan sit down with it and take my time and read several issues in one sitting DX #i got spoiled over the summer with being able to spend entire days just reading comics i need to go back to my semester mindset where i do #in fact have to squeeze it into only like 30 minutes here and there #anyway mt point being i havent read a comic in forever so i have no intelligent thoughts #BUT IM STILL THINKING. its just. rotating them in my mind kind of thoughts yknow

[youremyonlyhope]

.

#the urge to buy a last minute ticket to starkid's jingle ball that is literally sunday aka tomorrow since it's past midnight #is very strong right now since some posts of people's experiences at the first show are coming in #and it's making me nostalgic #i wasn't planning to go because i don't yet feel comfortable going to concerts #i barely feel comfortable seeing theatre but at least everyone's just sitting there #rather than standing up and singing along and maybe jumping and dancing too #feels too risky #but also. starkid. my loves. #but also. money. and covid. and the flu. and rsv. and general colds. #i'll decide by tomorrow. there's still tickets available. i almost hope it sells out so the universe decides for me. #right now it's like 75% i will not go because covid and lots of people and money. but 25% i wanna see my starkids. #it's funny because last week i was thinking back to my mindset when i saw starkid concerts as a teenager #(because space tour at the same venue was 11 years ago last week and my facebook memories were INTENSE) #(i really just posted like 10 times a day for at least 3 days after the concert STILL freaking out about it. oh 15 year old Hope) #and i was like 'yeah i've calmed down since then. i'm not the girl who will lose her voice at a starkid concert.' #but seeing the few pictures i was like 'aww... starkid concerts... nostalgia...' but like... i've seen them live 4+ times #and yet. i have a feeling Darren's gonna show up. because i noticed that it is coincidentally one of the dates he's not doing his solo show #so that's another reason towards going. but also. do i want to be around people? not really. #hmmmmmm #it's funny that Britney Coleman going on for Bobbie in Company was what made me go back to seeing live theatre again #and now starkid may be what gets me to see concerts again. if you want me to do something it has to be starkid related apparently.

[milo-is-rambling]

Why do I feel guilty for being happy? Like I am happiest sitting in the trunk of the car at the lake alone reading and listening to music and watching movies and just being alone in the van and then I have to like force myself to get back in the drivers seat and go home to be alone at home like even if I did the same stuff in my bedroom it wouldn't make me happy the same way. I feel so bad for this change I feel like I'm avoiding my mom when I'm not it's just like memories of dad and friends I don't talk to anymore and like yeah it's just a lot easier to sit in the car and be happy so why do I feel so bad when I'm happy driving around

#i love my mom I love my bedroom I love my dog I love my house I love my yard and my neighbors but why did he have to die down the street #like dude #it's literally the closer I get to my house the worse this fucking black cloud is over my head #i just want to get away from it and the twenty minutes to drive to the lake seems to be just enough for me to get away from it all and just #live in the moment #and it's perfect. it's fucking perfect. but then I have to get up and go home cause I can't sit in the car forever #and I used to sit in the driveway at the old house parked for an hour after I got home #but now we've got real neighbors and no trees surrounding the yard we're so painfully visable to everyone I just want to sit outside but #also hide from the world at the same time and that's why I miss New England and trees surrounding my bedroom and climbing out my window to #smoke on a little wooden stool I made in eighth grade and I miss that old house so much and I can never go back and they cut all the trees #down anyways #the trees that watched me cry when I walked home from school and jump rope and laugh and smoke cigs with my best friend at the time and now #the trees are gone #it feels like a piece of me is still with that house in New Hampshire even though new people live there and maybe there's a part of my dad #there too that I'm not getting back #i can see him so clearly in my brain sitting at his desk in that house #i can see it clearer than I can see him anywhere in the new house he isn't with us he is in New Hampshire he isn't here it's so painfully #obvious that he isn't here anymore and it just hurts I don't wanna think about the house I just want to sit at the lake and cry in the trunk #like I'm doing rn cause fuck I made the tears happen thinking about New Hampshire and growing up and changing and death and my dad #it's just really hard to deal with sometimes and I had a great day today but I'm still ending it by crying

[thomas-mvller]

Do you ever see a couple on the streets and one of them gives you the icks for some (actual) reason and you silently go "i wonder how these two ended up together" but then the other person shows their true colours and it's like "ahh, i see now" 😐

#so i was downtown the other day and i went to an office to do some stuff #and there was a couple there before i arrived and i was minding my own business #but then i was called from an office to do my thing and while there we suddenly heard some yelling???? #so after a handful of minutes i got out of the office and asked thr secretary: what the duck happened :| #but everyone stared at me like 😰😰😰😰😨😨 #so then the secretary went inside the office and i sat to wait for her bc i had to ask her something #and the lady who was sitting next to me told me the guy from the couple yelled at the secretary because she made me go in first #despite he arrived first #the difference was that i called beforehand to let them know i was going to retrieve some stuff #while this guy showed up unannounced to get to talk to the guy in office #and he yelled at the poor secretary and told her she better go inside and get his shit reviewed or he was going to lose it #and so she did but not bc she was scared. but to make him fuck off from the place #BUT when she came out of the office she decided to give instructions to his gf given he was such a pos #HOWEVER the gf said: uhm no no. go ahead and say it to HIS face #???????¿¿¿¿¿¿¿¿ #and the poor secretary was super professional and gave him the instructions or whatever but dude stared at his phone the entire time #and then he stood up. grabbed his papers and as they were leaving his gf said in the most annoying tone possible: THANK youuuu #the bitchiest tone you can think of #i was dumbfounded #if i had been that dude's gf i would've told him to calm down and apologise or i was OUT of there #yet this girl pretty much cheerleaded his bs like ??? #i was like.... i see why you're together -.-' #rambless

[coquelicoq]

moi j'ai même pas l'option de prendre des mauvaises décisions météorologiques wesh, on est en alerte rouge cycloniques, donc interdiction de quitter le domicile. du coup tu devrais nous accompagner dans notre confinement je trouve! même sans obligation externe, décide tout seul comme un grand d'être prudent et de rester chez toi, yayyy?

alerte rouge cyclonique, c'est très inquiétante ! j'espère que tu et les tiens restez sains et saufs dedans et que les cyclones ne se matérialisent jamais !!

ici c'est pas si mauvais mais j'aurais dû t'écouter tout de même, parce que j'ai fini par rebrousser chemin quand mon amie n'a pas pu me rencontrer à cause de la congélation des serrures de ses portières...et au bout du compte il m'a fallu une heure et demi pour rentrer parce que j'étais déjà en route quand elle me l'a dit 😂 et j'ai dû aller tout le long du chemin jusqu'au centre-ville pour changer de bus ! et puis il y avait des détours bien sûr !! finalement je suis chez moi, au chaud, et je laisse tomber. d'accord, j'ai compris la leçon 😩 plus d'aventure pour moi, j'en ai ras le bol, merci !

#c'était abSURDE like i should have just turned around and gone home when my first bus didn't show up #but instead i decided to walk to another major street and try the bus line there. walked down a hill in the semi dark which was stupid #then waited ten minutes for the bus. almost as soon as i got on the bus my friend called me #but at that point i figured i should just go downtown anyway to transfer because i didn't fancy walking back up that hill #i did have a stroke of luck when i got downtown though because there was only one of my buses coming for like 40 minutes #and i just BARELY got to the stop in time. phew. but then the driver took us on the most convoluted detour??? #and he didn't warn us so everyone was SO confused. i knew we were gonna detour because i had just been on another bus #going the other direction that had to detour. but the way the driver was going i legit could not tell if he was detouring or just lost lol #anyway! take care & stay safe! thank you for your advice‚ i will listen to you la prochaine fois!! #asks #anon #anyway if anyone wants to send me asks tonight i am Just Sitting Here #i need to cheer myself up so maybe i will watch a movie or something #actually i'm thinking about this more and an hour and a half to get downtown and back is not actually that bad #it's twice as long as usual but still considering the conditions it wasn't bad. but the thing is i was sooo cold and felt sooo stupid

[pibsboots]

I've always had chronic fatigue. I remember being twelve, and an adult mentioned how I couldn't possibly know how tired they felt because adulthood brought levels of exhaustion I couldn't imagine. I thought about that for days in fear, because I couldn't remember the last time I didn't feel tired.

Eventually I came to terms with the fact that I was just tired, and I couldn't do as many things as everyone else. People called me lazy, and I knew that wasn't true, but there's only so many times you can say "I'm tired" before people think it's an excuse. I don't blame them. When a teenager does 20 hours of extracurriculars every week and only says "I'm too tired" when you ask them to do the dishes, it's natural to think it's an excuse. At some point, I started to think the same thing.

It didn't matter that I could barely sit up. It was probably all in my head, and if I really wanted to, I could do it.

When I learned the name for it, chronic fatigue, I thought wow, people that have that must be miserable, because I am always tired and I cannot imagine what it would feel like if it were worse.

Spoiler alert, if you've been tired for a decade, it's probably chronic fatigue.

Once I figured that out though, I thought of my energy as the same as everyone else's, just smaller in quantity. And that might be true for some people, but I've figured out recently that it absolutely isn't true for me.

I used to be like wow I have so much energy today I can do this whole list for sure! And then I'd do the dishes and have to lay down for 2 hours. Then I'd think I must gave misjudged that, I didn't have as much energy as I thought.

But the thing is - I did have enough energy for more tasks, I just didn't go about them properly.

With chronic fatigue, your maximum energy is obviously much smaller than the average person's. Doing the dishes for you might use up the same percentage of energy that it takes to do all the daily chores for someone else.

If someone without chronic fatigue was to do all the daily chores, they would take breaks. Because otherwise, they're sprinting a marathon for no reason and it would take way more energy than necessary. We have to do the same.

Put the cups in the dishwasher, take a break. Put the bowls in, take a break. So on and so forth. This may mean taking breaks every 2-5 minutes but afterwards, you get to not feel like you've run a marathon while carrying 4 people on your back.

Today, I had a moderate amount of energy. Under my old system of go till you drop, I probably could have done most of the dishes and wiped off the counter and then been dead to the world for the rest of the day.

Under the new system, I scooped litter boxes, cleaned out the fridge, took the trash out, cleaned the stove, and wiped off the counter and did all the dishes. And after all that, I still had it in me to make a simple dinner, unload the dishwasher, and tidy the kitchen.

It was complete and utter insanity. Just because I sat down whenever I felt myself getting more tired than I already was.

All this to say, take fucking breaks. It's time to unlearn the ceaseless productivity bullshit that capitalism has shoved down our throats. Its actively counterproductive. Just sit down. Drink some water. Rest your body when it needs to rest.

There will still be days where there is nothing to do but rest, and days where half a load of dishes is absolutely the most I can do. But this method has really helped me minimize those, which is so incredibly relieving.

#chronic illness #chronic fatigue #chronic pain