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decayandfanfics · 3 years

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The great book of sayings

PAIRINGS: Tomura Shigaraki x FemReader

SUMMARY: He looks at you, his scarlet eyes fixed on yours, burning a hole through your head, every bit the predator he is, but you are as tough as it gets, so, against your better judgment and any well-founded logic, you answer his silent threat, the animalistic look he gives you with nothing less than a fearless smirk, irises burrowing into his pupils.A clever girl. He thinks, finally labeling you inside his head, cursing himself in the very moment he allows his brain to think of you as more than an asset. He is sure (he knows himself enough to know) he’ll think of this moment many times from now on.A clever pretty girl.

Reader is a typical college student until she gets herself tangled with the league of villains.

WARNINGS: Unhealthy/complicated relationships, violence, Tomura being Tomura, mentions of murder, heroes’ abuse of power, smut later.

A/N: I’m trying so hard to write crusty boy here really in character. At least after AfO is taken. Any misspelled words, english is not my native language so i’m trying Helen.

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Chapter 7 / Chapter 8

Familiarity breeds contempt.

Three days became four, then five. The hours flowing between your fingers and before you know it’s been two weeks and three days already.

Not that your will ask them to go. You were pretty sure the little trembling harmony that reigns in your home is as fragile as you decide by asking the wrong question.

To say you are comfortable would be rich, at least. They are a band of murderers, meanwhile you were just a student, but you would be lying if you didn’t accept the fact that the wave of fear had subdue to become some mild annoyance.

The thing is that the famous league of villains is as human as can be. Surely, they are insane, powerful, and menacing, but they also eat, and sleep, and they watch tv and smile when they are happy.

So here you are, getting in tune with their antics. Like how Magne likes to use your flowery shampoo because smells nice and it makes her feel pretty, or that Mr. Compress drinks his milk with honey before sleep.

So, you try your best to remember place and time, but then Toga asks you to paint her nails and asks if she can brush your hair because she wants so desperately to be your friend that something in your heart breaks a little when you remember that she’s just an abandoned child, with no other feminine figure to guide her. (Magne does what she can, but she also faces different kinds of struggle.)

Something in you began to soften to them and you simply cannot help it. Maybe is the little girl in you who wanted to be a hero but saw it impossible.

That’s how you end asking Spinner about his swords, both of you watching some tv program about forging historical weapons, and sharing about your parent’s death with Jin, who cries for you and hugs your tightly telling everyone he’s so happy to have a friend like you.

You end up buying vitamins and oranges for them because no one getting scurvy under your watch. Patching their injures and making some fast clinical examination of them, just to discover some of them are underweight, scrawny, and sharp. So, you cook for them, and made two beds in the living room because you’ve always had a soft spot for broken things and lost causes and somehow, you really want to make them feel nice, and you are no longer sure if this is about your survival or theirs.

Then is Tomura.

You can feel the attraction growing wild inside of you. How your eyes look for his figure inside the house and how you care about what he thinks of you or what he likes.

He’s not helping either, not when he insists on playing chess with you between playful back and forth, or sometimes just sits behind you in the kitchen counter to watch you cook. Silent until he’s not, asking “what’s that” when he sees you putting some spices in the pot.

He’s a curious cat. A fast learner and problem solver. Quick to intuition and creativity.

And you like the way his hair falls wet over his shoulders, clearing away from his face after he showers, looking less like a vagabond and more like a boy.

It’s awful and you know it. You can recognize a crush from a mile away and yours is there pulsing alive for everyone to watch.

The sad part is the what if.

Sometimes Toga asks things. Random things about medicine, about history, about books, and you cannot help it but to vomit everything you know about the subject because you are a scholar above everything else.

Those are the moments when Shigaraki will look at you from the corner of his ruby eyes, attentively listening and absorbing anything you say, siting quietly in a corner of the room, playing with his phone. Then he’ll hear something that catches his interest, asking you about it, his questions always interesting and more complex than Toga’s.

It saddens you to think of him as a student. His brilliance shining under the lights of proper education and love. What positive reinforcement and care could have done for him. Not that you know anything about Shigaraki, but there is no way a loving family could produce such person (not when you are more than sure that he’s clinically depressed), so your bets are on violence and abandonment.

What brilliant career could have achieved, what kind of things would he create, instead of just brutal destruction and (you suspect this one) raw self-loathing.

So, you dream of him sometimes.

You can see him wearing more than just a worn-out coat, a backpack hanging from his shoulder and his soft features clean and properly cared for. What he should look without the dry skin, the slouching and the eyebags.

You can imagine him crossing paths with you on campus, siting with you in the cafeteria, laughing youthfully, his persona free of the heavy weight of his wicked gestures, product of a life expended celebrating too much spite.

Maybe you would have meet him in other circumstances. A “friend of a friend” in some shitty party, the kind of boy that smiles when speaking, sharing some smart-ass joke, his witty speech making you laugh, making you fall.

Just like now.

“so, how do you know a quirk is a mutation?” Toga ask while you read some article in your laptop.

“well, most of them have a base or function as a variety of some primordial quirk. Those that are mutations simple work outside the norm and tend to be very dangerous for the everyone, including the holder, because as the mutation is a completely new expression of genetics, the rest of the body is still adapting to the evolutionary crescendo. That and, well…mutants have a very distinct look because the gene that comes with the mutation, also alters the expression of other common things like melatonin production.”

“Oh! I remember that! We saw it at school…with the Mendeleyev system.”

“exactly!” You say, but Toga isn’t done with the questions and you don’t stop the conversation before-

“so, how do they look? The mutants. How do they look.”

“well, they all have silver hair and red eyes.”

They look at the corner of the kitchen and only then you realize what you’ve done.

“Congratulations, Shigaraki. You are officially a fucking freak.” Dabi says from the couch, but Shigaraki doesn’t answer his provocation. He just keeps playing in his phone, the only sign of acknowledge is an arched brow.

It rubs you wrong. As much as anybody is okay with it, you hate the words that leave his mouth.

Maybe is the fact that he’s making fun of someone’s looks, or maybe is because hearing someone being called a freak sends you back to high school when your classmates told you that you were a fucking creep with that evil quirk of yours (or maybe is the stupid crush speaking) but it makes you angry, so before you can think of it, you spat.

“blue eyes are a mutation too, so you are no one to talk about it.”

Twice laughs at the comeback, but before you could taste your little win, Dabi makes sure to answer back because he’s being dying to fight you the moment he set a foot on your apartment.

“that was bold for a quirkless little bitch.”

You laugh astonished, deciding you will not acknowledge the fact he (very wrongly) thinks you quirkless.

“A quirkless little bitch? Seriously, Dabi? Where you raised in a fucking barn that you know nothing but fuck this and bitch that?

“yeah. I know stupid cunt too.” He barks referring to you.

“Dabi, cut it out.” Shigaraki snaps to no avail.

“Hey! We agree in no insults!” Compress try to quiet the fight down, but neither of you pays attention.

“I’m sure you do. Pretty useful to describe yourself I bet.”

“you sure like to bet, like how you are betting I don’t burn you alive for being an annoying bitch.” He threatens looking at the chess game still on the kitchen table, getting quickly into your nerves.

“Guys-“Toga fails to intercede.

“Fuck off, Dabi. This might be shocking for you, but you don’t scare me.”

“now, that’s pretty fucking stupid of you.”

“Dabi, shut up!” Shigaraki growls done, but you are not paying attention to him, so you keep pushing into the fight.

“I’m not the one insulting everyone just because I cannot deal with some fucking daddy issues.”

“YOU DON’T KNOW SHIT” he snarls before kicking the little table in your living room, breaking one of its legs.

“CUT IT OUT! I don’t have to know when it’s plainly obvious you have problems with authority.”

“you really think you are so clever, don’t you?” he states, crossing the living room, aiming to you.

“Dabi, get the fuck out!” this time Shigaraki yells.

“I know I am, asshole!”

He stops his tracks, looming over you. His eyes scanning your face before looking at Shigaraki, who suddenly stands beside you.

Dabi laughs darkly.

“stupid woman. You should know better.”

And then…he just slaps your laptop out of the table; the computer smashing open against the cemented ground.

Chapter 9

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anxiouslyfred · 3 years

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Moss Graffiti

Summary: Virgil was convinced his soulmate worked in nuclear power from the poem he got describing them. He’s about to learn how wrong that is, and how weirdly some corporations view graffiti.

/\/\

Virgil's soulmate had to do something in nuclear power. He was certain of it. Why else would his poem include the line 'Green pollution close to hand'?

Really he'd taken decades to reach that conclusion, trying to decide what it could mean. Pollution usually wasn't anything green at all, but from those Simpsons opening credits, to the glow shows always used for nuclear radiation, that had to be what was intended. Unless there was something else being done that corporations would try to claim as pollution, but that just opened too many trails for his thoughts to follow.

“Uneven floors present a trip hazard and either need indicating or fixing. That's the most important issue, I've found, shall we continue through the rest?” Virgil shook the momentary thoughts of his soulmate from his head, focusing back on the Health & Safety inspection he was doing.

The offices were just waiting for an accident to happen in a lot of places, and if he had to yell to actually get the manager to come over instead of the receptionist, he would be. There's no point booking him to conduct the inspection if they just wanted to ignore the issues raised in his report.

“Mr Furniss has requested you confirm if the pollution on the outer walls will need a specialist to remove.” The receptionist, Miss Mauby, asked, noting down his comments.

“I haven't noticed any pollution. Do you mind showing me the section he's referring to?” Virgil raised an eyebrow. There had been some graffiti on one of the walls near the entrance, but it hadn't looked like anything he'd need to take note of.

The wall he was led to pretty much guaranteed he would be storming back into the manager's office to give his report. Wasting his time demanding answers that a fool could tell was simply moss was absurd, despite the design and words showing it was all deliberately placed. Virgil already agreed that the company had a lot of issues it needed to be addressing, especially regarding the waste products being incorrectly disposed of at the factory site.

Turning to Miss Mauby he nodded, “I believe it would be best for me to give my initial review to Mr Furniss directly, and I'll send the report over in a matter of days.” He didn't wait for a reply, already returning to the building and the office that was indicated to belong to the site manager.

By the time Virgil was leaving the site, he'd begun to calm down and find it amusing. The manager of the place really did think that graffiti was pollution and not just unauthorised artwork. Perhaps they needed some language lessons to clear up the definition and impact of using the wrong terms. Science classes could help more though.

When he glanced back towards the moss words, he had to call over, “Better get away from there. I think Mr Furniss mentioned getting cameras set up to monitor their walls.”

“I'll find some other wall to protest on then. He can't monitor them all and ignores any emails or government mandates to follow the laws for disposal of contaminated waste.” The person called back, voice shrill and uncaring.

Virgil wandered closer, a little curious to know more. “How did you even manage it anyway? I didn't think you could control where or how moss grows.”

“I made moss paint and spray with water each afternoon. For this lot at least. I've got twenty other sites I do this too and commissions to take for peoples gardens occasionally.” Virgil began to worry he'd asked the wrong thing with the lack of energy compared to the person's original response before they jumped to face him, “I'm making nature fight back for itself when it can't speak. The moss, lichens and plants shall rise to destroy humanity with my aid!”

“Okay, cool, erm good luck with that. I'll leave you to it then.” Virgil backed away at the yell, startled and very concerned that if someone in the office came out to see him talking with the moss graffiti guy he could lose payment for his services.

It was only once he got home that Virgil thought whoever it was looking after that moss seemed to fill 3 of the 4 lines in his soul poem, especially with that companies boss claiming graffiti was pollution.

He checked while swapping his jacket for a hoodie and the idea only grew at the familiar lines:

Uncontrolled by any rule,

Dangerous Attitude, surface cool.

Green pollution close to hand.

Trust fleeting as the sand.

Virgil had gotten the poem as a tattoo as soon as he was old enough to. He didn't want anybody finding out what his poem was and the easiest way to ensure that was to keep the only record of it literally on him.

Perhaps they'd encounter each other again in the city. Virgil did have other gigs coming up for offices of corporations known to be major polluters.

/Over to the Graffiti Artist\

Remus had been curious about the guy who'd come over asking about his graffiti, but he got people running away from him. It happened often enough pretty much anytime he tried to make friends.

He pushed the curiosity out of his mind though, focusing on that morning's project. He was still cultivating the moss on the edge of an animal testing lab for a soaps company and needed to make sure he was using the right mosses so the creature yelling at the company was recognisable.

“Get Away from there! I'll call the police on you for doing-” The angry yelling cut off when the woman got close enough.

Remus smirked, not turning around, but well aware it looked like he was just painting water onto the wall with how diluted he'd made the moss-paint today. He'd expected someone to try and stop him and wasn't going to give away what he was doing, including the fact these were rare mosses that if it got out the company had removed would enrage some environmentalist charities.

“Well isn't this fun. Do you often greet contractors by yelling at someone painting the walls with water, or am I just special?” The curious guy from yesterday was back, and apparently ignoring Remus in favour of greeting the woman. It was an interesting way to try and stick up for him though.

None of the apologies she was now stuttering out got directed to him either, and Remus finally realised this was one of the managers of the building and the guy had to be some sort of contractor. Not that it mattered to him of course, guy got scared off by a tiny bit of excitement.

He was humming while working on an established moss garden that evening when the guy walked passed again, and seriously Remus was beginning to think some cosmic force wanted them to talk.

“How'd you get the different colours?” The guy actually stopped to ask, glancing over the patterns. Dull, boring spirals. Remus had a far more interesting moss garden on the outer walls of his apartment.

“Different mosses.” He replied, turning to get more water for his spray bottle. It wasn't necessary, but he didn't feel like watching someone try to escape him currently.

The guy stayed waiting there, long enough Remus couldn't avoid returning to his work. “I'm Virgil by the way. He/Him. Sorry about that bitch this morning. She really needs to focus more on adequate safety railings and less on how the building looks. Aesthetic is not worth health hazards!” He sort of ranted, definitely trying to make conversation.

“I'm Remus and you're already scared of me, so I don't think you want to hear my actual views. Bugger off to screw in a H&S approved fallout bunker or something.” Remus interrupted before he could say anything else.

“No need to be a jerk, and sorry I'm not interested in losing a paycheck because the boss of a building is an asshole. Yelling and getting attention when I've just finished a place that specifically tried to call your work a biohazard could easily have the company finding some way out of paying for aiding a vandal or whatever.” Virgil snapped back, glaring. “I just wanted to know more because your work looks awesome, but fine, I'll leave asking more for some other day.”

Remus scoffed, throwing his spray bottle to one side and turning, “Yeah, when you decide I'm invisible again because I'm near one of those building's that's contracting you to yell at them. Fantastic chance to ask questions when you won't even glance my way.”

His words must have trigger some confusing thought process for Virgil as his right hand jumped to covering his left forearm, almost brushing over it in an odd pattern. He watched for a moment before turning back to checking the outlines were still clear.

“I can't put my chances of making the rent at stake, but fine, next time I see you I'll find time to stop and at least say hi. I'm going to get to know you, Remus. You can trust me on that, whether you believe it or not.” The words were threatening, and Remus wanted to come up with some actual threats Virgil could have used, but still didn't want to watch him run away.

“Only the naïve trust people instantly. Or the people wanting to use you and twist you into a different shape. I'm neither of those and the only time someone else controls how I twist is when they're bending me over.” He dismissed the promise and started humming again, pretending to focus on his work.

If they spoke for much longer of course he'd say something to have this brittle connection thoroughly sever.

That night Remus was still wondering about Virgil. How concerned he sounded over losing pay, and some vague terrible happening that could follow it.

There was definitely something of his soulmate poem in how the man was speaking and acting, but it just felt like another thing for Remus to hope for and end up destroying.

He had to listen to that old song again, if only to confirm it couldn't be Virgil at all:

Lashing out just to be heard

Worry infusing every word.

Cautious but convinceable,

Dreams their friends invincible.

/Days passing by\

The warning Virgil had given on the first time they encountered each other had been proven right. That company had put up cameras over the footpaths on the buildings, with only a few sections left clear of surveillance.

Remus had refreshed his free-running skills enough to get up onto one of the ledges. He wasn't expecting to get yelled at to get down and that it wasn't safe while checking if there was another layer of moss-paint needed or not.

“Virgil, you're really going to attract attention if you don't quiet down.” Remus sing-songed, leaning to look down from the ledge he was stood on, and grinning at the glare he was being given.

He wasn't expecting Virgil to walk a few steps back before launching himself up the wall. “And you're going to do yourself a freaking injury. Is constantly climbing up here really necessary for you to get the message across?”

“Yes, they're going to keep having the message painted until the listen and actually sort out the waste disposal of the factory.” Remus nodded. Virgil had been speaking to him, and actually seeking out the places Remus would turn up ever since threatening to get to know him. “Besides, a suicide on the property with this message growing afterwards would definitely make the news, get public interest sparked over everything they're doing wrong. Sounds like the perfect storm for them to face.”

“Except the part where you die. Not allowed. You act like you're invincible and I wish to whoever's listening you were.” Virgil snapped, and snatched the brush from Remus's hands for some reason. “Come on, tell me where I'm painting this one, and I'll help. Sooner you get this done, the sooner I can get you safely down from here!”

Remus blinked at the change, wondering whether this was what 'cautious but convinceable' meant before shaking it off. “That's for the darker bits. Currently just look like some discolouring. I'll do the pale bits since the difference for those can't be made out yet. Why would you want me to be invincible anyways? Most people would be glad to see something break me, even if they wouldn't wish me dead. A sever injury, maybe causing paralysis, and they'd all sigh knowing where I am and thinking they could control how much trouble I cause.”

“Sounds like you know a ton of jerks then. You're my Friend Remus. Not many people can say that and I'm not going to let you jeopardise my friend's life all to make a point against horrible business practices.” Virgil lectured, already following the lines, although his shoulders were so tense Remus wondered how his movements with the brush could be so fluid.

In more interesting news that literally sounded like the 2 lines Remus had mentally been insisting couldn't relate to Virgil had fallen into place and suddenly fitted him perfectly. He was singing the soul poem without thinking it, performing a short dance when he realised Virgil was staring.

“So are you writing poems about me now or is that, you know?” Virgil muttered a few moments after he finished singing.

“My soul Poem!” Remus squealed and the only thing that stopped him bouncing was Virgil's eyes quickly falling to his feet. The edge was close behind him and he wasn't going to fall after deciding that Virgil was his soulmate. “Seems to be perfect for you, right?!”

Virgil just nodded, shoving up the sleeve of his jacket and holding the arm out to Remus. “Get away from the edge, read this and have a laugh at what the manager of this place called your art.”

The tattoo was brilliant, with letters that looked like they were bleeding, and thorns twisting together to frame it. Realising the poem actually did describe him only made it better.

“So we are simply meant to be.” Remus grinned.

At least he knew this health and safety inspector wasn't completely against breaking the rules occasionally, at least if it meant they could keep each other safe instead.

#dukexiety #soulmate au #virgil sanders #remus sanders #moss graffiti #graffiti artist remus #H&S inspector virgil

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strikearose · 4 years

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It’s all about connections (SasuNaru) (Part 1)

Finally, here’s the very first part of the !YoutubeSasuNaru story - the idea’s quite silly but I had fun writing it so hope you guys enjoy it! (English is not my first language so please don’t be too much of a grammar nazi Summary : Sasuke has had that massive crush on a youtuber for years when Rasengan randomly starts going to his class. You can also read it on ff.net and ao3. Part 1 (here), Part 2 (clic), Part 3 (clic), Part 4 (clic)

Poc.

The ball of paper missed its trajectory and crashed into the corner of the wall, barely half an inch away from the waste basket that originally intended. The student didn’t mind, though - he was far too busy trying to finish his economics presentation that was due for the next day.

Despite the fact that many of his classmates insisted on seeing him as a relentless hardworking student, Sasuke Uchiha was very much like any other normal twenty-one year old boy : a procrastinator at heart. So it was precisely on the night before the big day that he finally decided to finish it, even though he had had all of his vacation time to do so. Well - it would be a lie to say that it would take a superhuman effort to accomplish that task, but unfortunately the young man had another flaw: he was a perfectionist.

Even if he had to pull an all-nighter or give nothing back at all, Sasuke had always refused to be average - because before (and in addition of) setting high standards for others, he would always set himself very high standards.

The black-haired man frowned as he read what he had written on the previous line and, impulsively, he ended up tearing up the entire page of his notebook and threw it on the floor.

However, the paper pellet did not make a Poc - as he had, this time, managed to reach the bin, it made a Ting instead : he had just received a notification.

His mind being elsewhere, the student rummaged around on his desk, looking for his phone. It wasn’t a text message, but a Youtube alert. One of his Subscriptions had just uploaded a new video. Sasuke took a quick look at the time (1:03 am) and let a loud sight when he saw how long the video was: fifty-seven minutes.

Of course, it has to be Rasengan.

He was the only one there who could publish a barely edited gaming review at such odd hours. One hour of uncut video was too much, even if it was to discuss the New Zelda. ‘That moron clearly don’t understand how the logistics of youtube work,’ the young man thought while stretching his legs under the table in order to get into a more comfortable position.

Because even though Sasuke might found the Youtuber’s marketing choices quite stupid and questionable - he was still his favorite. The only one he was following so.. assiduously.

And if he was really going to pull an all-nighter in order to finish his presentation on time, he might as well relax a little on the go

The coffee machine finally agreed (even though it sure had taken its’ sweet time) to give him his change money, but it still wasn’t not enough to lift Sasuke’s spirit. He really had spent his entire night working on the presentation. Well - he even had to give up his usual fifteen minutes of hot morning shower for just three minutes of shampoo-rinse-toothbrush altogether to make sure that everything was perfect.

But at last - there he was ! His eyelids stung horribly and he could feel the dark circles hollowing out his eyes, but everything was finally ready to make sure he would receive his usual congratulations for the seriousness and thoroughness of his work.

An amused grin escaped his lips when he looked into the face of Kiba Inuzuka, one of his classmates - a gamer and procrastinator emeritus who unfortunately didn’t have enough wits to back it up. With some luck, they would be called in alphabetical order for once and it would save Inuzuka the embarrassment of going Sasuke’s presentation.

Or maybe not.

Sasuke left the cafeteria just as the legendary lack of luck of the dog-loving student seemed to catch up with him:

« FOR FUCK’S SAKE NARUTO DON’T PUT YOUR DR PEPPER ON TOP OF MY COMPUTER ! »

« Hey Sasuke, did you also get Ichiraku’s mail about the internship? »

Shikamaru Nara calmly called out the black-haired young man as he sat down.

« Yes, I got it. And my documents have been signed and validated by the office earlier today.

- Cool, mine too, Shikamaru sighed. ‘t'was about time. »

He nodded his head knowingly: all the steps of searching, finding and getting the official documents concerning the internship signed were an unspeakable mess. Luckily, though, his partner this time was not a nutcase of Zaku Abumi’s caliber.

The Nara was placidly calm (Sasuke wouldn’t dream of seeing him threatening the Dean of blowing up the uni if he were to fail the exams) and quite intelligent: in short, he was one of his peers. And their little discussions were not too unpleasant.

« Well, we’ll talk later about carpooling?

- Yeah. And also dividing the task.

- Yeah, no problems, Shikamaru sighed as he turned away - tired in advance of the amount of work ahead. Ah, good luck with your presentation by the way. »

Pfft.

He didn’t even bother to answer.

Wishing him luck ? Sasuke gladly left ‘good luck’ to losers such as Inuzuka or Sarutobi who were very likely to be sending prayers at that very moment to every heavenly spirit existing, Jashin included, to have the course delayed.

Good luck ?

Sasuke definitely didn’t need it.

He was brilliant, meticulous and confident: talking in front of sixty or more people didn’t bother him at all - unlike the younger Hyuuga who getting more and more on the verge of fainting as she practiced her speech. More than that, it was even something he enjoyed. Knowing every aspect of a subject - mastering it ; defending it tooth and nail, tearing apart every remark made by his opponents until they surrender..

Some malicious people would say that Sasuke liked to boast on stage, that he was too arrogant. That he was far too pleased to thwart the traps set by his teachers, to answer the questions of his classmates with a smirk. A smirk just visible enough to make them understand how foolish he thought their interventions were. Or worse, that he had precisely expected for a moron to make that remark, thus allowing him to assert his assistance with a dutifully prepared response.

Saying that Sasuke Uchiha sometimes behaved like a complete asshole would be quite slanderous - indeed.

Because, no he did not.

He was brilliant, meticulous, confident… and humble on top of that.

« Hurry up, Kiba, I think it’s already started!

- You should have eat your lunch quicker ! »

The two latecomers were forced to take the front row seats of the auditorium while Sasuke finished to prepare. The slide show was on, the cable was connected - he was simply waiting for Mr. Hatake’s approval to start.

« And to finish with and anticipate some questions you may have, I’d like to add that while the data I used regarding market flows may be from two thousand and four, other studies that I have provided in the appendix tend to show that all exchanges concerning telephony have been profitable thanks to the takeover of the company by its competitor three years ago. »

Click.

He couldn’t have done better.

The teacher scribbled an umpteenth inscription on his rating form with a discreet approving wink and Uchiha smiled smugly.

Perfect - everything had gone on smoothly.

His onyx eyes wandered around the room: not surprisingly, half the auditorium hadn’t listen a word to what he had said, too focused on themselves (and the realization of their own projects).

Pfft.

The other half, however, completed his little moment of glory: some of them shook the head in bitterness, disappointed in what they had done in comparison, others gave him an admiring look. In the distance, Shikamaru nodded his head slowly while the Egyptian fury sited beside him, more belligerent, pretended to stifle a yawn.

But Sasuke quickly looked away, his mouth pinched, as he saw the thumb up that Lee Rock had kindly addressed to his attention. Lee was overall quite a nice fellow - Sasuke himself had to recognize it, - but no.

Just no.

« Well, if no one has any question, because I don’t have one either, let’s move on to the next presentation, Kakashi Hatake thought for a moment as he watched over the assembly. Inuzuka, you, in the front row? Well, that’s great, now’s your turn. »

Sasuke, quite disdainfully elated, was about to come down from the stage when a voice stopped him dead in his tracks:

« Oops, you’re in deep shit, Kiba! »

That particular tone was familiar to him.

Strangely familiar.

« Heyyyyy everybody! I know, I know, sorry! I promised to upload more often… But sometimes I just completely forget to turn the cam on. Or to remove the lens cover ahah! Anyway, today…- »

…

Come to think of it, Sasuke knows that he should have, at least, tried to make it look like it wasn’t that big of a deal. He should have try to tighten his jaw, clench his teeth or even hold his breath until he could return to his seat but of course - he didn’t.

That damn brain of his really had to go on mental-break down as he looked over to the lips from which those sweet, sweet words had just escaped.

He literally froze on the spot.

HOLY FREAKING FUCKING FUCK.

Why the hell did Rasengan have to show up in his class on the very-day he looked like utter shit?!

Sasuke let himself fell on a chair of the uni library. The research room, fortunately, was still quite empty - this haven of peace was the only place where, he was ready to stake his life on it, this stupid Inuzuka had not and would never set foot in.

Yes - Sasuke Uchiha had simply run away : with clenched fists, he had spent the forty-two minutes separating him from the end of the class to scrutinize meticulously the auditorium clock’s second hand. He had tried everything: scrolling down his twitter feed, pretending to be interested in what was happening downstairs, humming softly a bit of that stupid Latin-sounding song that his brother Itachi kept playing in the car, but nothing helped. That same frightening moment was played again and again in his mind:

Meeting certain cerulean eyes had literally made him go speechless. If he had for a long time now suspected the blond guy of drowning his instagram pictures with saturated filters, he was now forced to admit that this guy had the bluest eyes he had ever seen.

And by blue, Sasuke wasn’t talking about that pale, bland cyan that Ino Yamanaka, a high school ‘friend’ he often saw in the cafeteria, boasted about - no, Rasengan’s pupils were of a deep, bright, intense blue. It wasn’t a grey that stretched to be too light or green; his eyes were neither grayish nor turquoise: they were blue. Irrevocably blue.

Wonderfully blue.

The more he thought about it, the less Uchiha was willing to accept it: there was no way a guy who spent at least twelve hours a day on screens could have such marvelous eyes. He probably wore contact lenses, yeah, there was no other explanation.

All Sasuke could remember was meeting that seing that blue and then - nothing. His foot had stayed up in the air, his breathing hastened and he had stood there like an idiot - staring at the video maker who hadn’t pay the slightest attention to him, his mouth wide open.

How long had he been frozen there, like a fucking fangirl oozing hormones and sebum?

…

Thank’s God - an unfortunate accident had come to his rescue : Kiba Inuzuka and his legendary clumsiness who, probably not expecting Sasuke to suddenly freeze on the spot, had stumbled over the stairs.

PAF.

He had cracked his forehead open and the fit of hilarity (well - they didn’t need much at eight o'clock in the morning) in the auditorium had instantly brought Sasuke out of his enamored trance. He had quickly taken his attention away from the blond young man hurried back to his place, his heart beating fast.

Shit - what the hell was Rasengan doing in his college?

And why did he have do pull an all-nighter on the day before?

Sasuke looked around him and hesitated for a moment before putting his phone in selfie mode in order to inspect the extent of the damages.

Ouch.

He had rarely looked so bad. His eyes were red because of the entire night spent on a computer screen, his skin was tugging at him and - what the hell was that old scale on the edge of his eyelid ? But despair truly overcame him as he looked at the state of his hair - thank God it was still pretty clean, but there was absolutely no volume left. Nasty, long (too long) strands of hair were stuck to his temples and fell back a little on his forehead.

Shit - it was as if he was unpleasantly reviving his teenage years when - even though he still adamantly claimed to that day he had never turned emo, he had tried numerous dubious kind of hairstyles.

The Uchiha turned pale when it really came down to him : this was indeed the very first impression he ever had make on Rasengan.

When Sasuke set foot on campus the next day, curious glances were exchanged. While his complexion was as fresh and glowing as ever (he had gulped down five liters of water the night before), his hair was…-

Well - he rather gave the impression that he had swallowed five litres of gel. That observation made the usually impassive Shikamaru raised an eyebrow - for a moment he thought that he too had returned to his high school years. The Nara genius finally shrugged it off, plunged back into his textbook - well everyone had bad hair day every now and then.

Fourth day of the week - Sasuke grumbled as he put his computer back on his bag.

Of course, Rasengan had to disappear completely off the face of the earth as soon as he had decided to rock his best outfits to go to class.

It was as if Rasengan’s divine appearance had to be provoked by Sasuke losing some of his splendor.

…

The next day, Sasuke had the impudence of wearing a T-shirt… with a hole on it (an old accident involving a hook and his brother-in-law, a fisherman), but still - nothing happened.

There was not the slightest sign of the handsome blond with eyes too blue to be true. In a bad mood, Uchiha decided after lunch to put the Ralph Lauren sweater, which he’d slipped into his bag in the morning just in case, in top of his crappy shirt.

The following Monday came quickly but - no, Sasuke wasn’t expecting anything.

His decision to resume his daily abdominal sessions hadn’t been motivated by any hope of meeting a certain blond again.

He was doing it for himself - and for himself alone.

Although it was true that he didn’t even need it.

The coffee machine forgot inadvertently to give him a stirrer - Sasuke sighed. Great, the day was starting out just fine : how the hell was he supposed to retrieve the sugar that had fallen to the bottom of the cup and drink his coffee now?

« Ahah, I can’t believe it, I didn’t even finish my presentation and Hatake gave me the passmark ! »

Sasuke’s ears tensed imperceptibly as he recognized the voice of the injured-Inuzuka who had just entered the cafeteria.

« He felt sorry you had a concussion Kiba, Shikamaru was there too.

- Whatever, man ! I’m definitely going to pass that semester ! We got to go celebrate. »

Celebrate?

Like in a bar or club where Rasengan might also go to ?

Sasuke suddenly found his cup too heavy to carry around and chose to sit down at the table next to the one the two friends had chosen, any worry of lost-stirrer long forgotten.

« Mhhh. Shikamaru sighed and rummaged through his wallet, seeking enough change to buy himself a hot drink. The delicious scent of Sasuke’s coffee was tempting him. You know what I think about your improvised parties.

- Pfff, anyway, you hardly go out anymore now than you got hitched.

- It's not like that, Shikamaru sighed again. Tem and I simply go to different places. »

Sasuke rolled his eyes out, bored. He wasn’t there to hear about other people’s marital relationships: why didn’t they discuss Rasengan’s appearance AND disappearance instead?

The black-haired man had spend the weekend trying to figure something out, but nothing helped. Not a new video on Youtube (well, there was nothing that strange about that, Rasengan’s upload schedule had always been rather dubious), not a single clue on twitter or insta.

Nothing.

« …- never thought you’d actually manage to hook up with her. By the way…-, Kiba’s sentence was left hanging in the air. Oh, here he is. It’s about time! »

Sasuke’s pulse suddenly accelerated. Damn it.

He hadn’t expected Rasengan to pop up out of the blue, though.

Wasn’t his presence so close to his group of friends too suspicious?

Was he going to get busted that easily ?

He needed a pretext - quickly.

« Hey Shino. You’re here just in time, let’s go! »

Eyes glued to the poster for dark-metal band, Uchiha struggled to conceal his disappointment.

Shino Aburame - of course.

Always where he wasn’t expected.

Jaw clenched, Sasuke pretended to take a closer look at the tour dates on the wall while the three companions got up to go to class. The disappointed student was about to do the same when a voice called out to him:

« I didn’t know you liked this kind of music, Sasuke.

- Uh… yeah.

- We’re performing next month at the bar around the corner, Shino let out a rare smile as he reached into his pocket to hand him something. Here, I’ve got plenty more.

- … Thanks ? »

Uchiha arched an eyebrow as he received a Radioactive Worms sticker.

…

Well.

It took all sorts to make a world.

Wednesday, nine o'clock - Sasuke sighed as he realized that his computer was already out of battery. He pulled the charger out of its’ case before giving a nasty glance to a student who was cackling a little too loudly a few rows away.

Inuzuka.

Again.

He was getting on his nerves more and more.

For how long has he been getting along like pigs in a blanket with Rasengan? And was he, as Sasuke strongly suspected, responsible of his mysterious disappearance?

It was all so damn confusing.

« Um, yeah? »

The microphone sizzled and Sasuke turned his attention back ont he lecturer who he had almost forgotten.

When he saw who standing next to him, he almost fainted.

Rasengan.

#sasunaru #narusasu #sasunaru fic #sasunaru fanfiction #narusasu fic #narusasu fanfiction #naruto #naruto fanfiction #youtube #sillyme #shino is a key character there #hope you guys enjoyed it #i really need to study but oh well #naruto x sasuke #narutoxsasuke #sasuke x naruto #sasukexnaruto #sasuke x naruto fanfiction #it's all about connections

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poplinn · 4 years

Note

I do think that the new outbreak of toxic people drumming up their toxic groups in this fandom is hurting people. They think theyre doing something right but all they're doing is making mentally ill and/or young fans too scared to enjoy or create in fear of being harassed.

Hi anon! first of all i want to apologise for responding so late. I have a lot to say about your ask and just wanted a clear head before i decided to respond. i want to start off by saying you are absolutely right.

Before i continue i am going to put a read-more because, well, i have a LOT to say about this, so, mini-rant ahead under the read-more…

These people are doing more harm than good.

I understand if you want to make a small list with content warnings, for a fandom, that is completely fine! But using such a list to start bullying, harassing, threatening and in general, witch-hunting people is not okay. Many great and talented people have been driven away from the fandom by that tiny toxic group(or the cucks, as i like to call them for easy sakes). Content creators are even scared to post their content too now, both of these things are a huge shame. It’s terrible. Sites like tumblr are supposed to be for sharing your content without limitations. [well, until the nsfw ban, but you get what i mean..]

I happen to be in contact with some people on the blocklist, and let me tell you, they are truly amazing and wonderful people.

Yeah sometimes people make content you may not agree with, but that doesn’t mean you have start attacking people for it. Do you know how easy it is to click the unfollow or block button? But apparently some people are so stupid they prefer to screech instead of click one single button.

But for example, I dislike a certain popular hc for medic. I dislike the Jewish medic hc. I’m a Jewish man myself, but I don’t like seeing Jewish medic for multiple reasons, none of which are out of antisemitic nature. What do I see when I see Jewish medic? I mind my own fucking business. The person who posted that wanted to create that, fine by me. I don’t agree with it, and I don’t have to. I’m not going to make a dumb expose list for everyone who ever said anything about medic being Jewish. I mind my fucking business like a normal, mature person.

And there was/is a huge discussion about drawing or writing tf2 non-con…yeah, rape isn’t good. Every sane person knows that. Writing or drawing rape does not mean you’re a rapist (unless it’s an autobiography of course, then I’d like you to take a trip to prison). But, some people, including myself, write or draw non-con as a coping mechanism. I use confrontation to cope. I have a few triggers, and by confronting myself with said triggers I’m slowly getting over said triggers.

If I write or draw about these triggers or rape, I feel like I’m relieving my feelings about what happened to me. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that, and i’m not the only person who does it like that.

Yeah, I get people don’t always want to see that. That’s why tags exist, that’s why people use those tags for content and trigger warnings. That’s why you block those tags if you don’t want to see it. It’s that simple

Also, some of them make the claim that fiction is reality. I disagree, fiction is not reality. Yes, fiction can impact reality, but it isn’t one and the same. If you can’t distinguish fiction from reality then, well, you’re either not ready for fiction or not old/stable enough to be able to tell the two apart. Besides, if fiction really IS reality then so many movies and books would have been banned, or the writers of those must have been in jail by now, right? Writing a book about a fictional serial killer does not mean the writer is planning to or already has commit murder. Take Tf2 fan-fiction writers for example. They write about dudes slaughtering each other on a daily basis, but some of them wouldn’t even DARE to hit a fly in real life.

People who commit crimes because of a fictional piece were already going to do so to begin with. No sane human sees a crime that occurs in fiction and thinks to do the same. Those who do commit crimes because of a fictional piece were already planning to do so to begin with, and were probably not a completely hundred percent stable person.

And about the discussion of miss p being a lesbian, yeah I get that Jay said she’s gay and that, and if she really was a Canon lesbian, it’d be weird to ship her with men. However, those cucks do also make soldier a homosexual despite him having a (gorgeous) wife? Isn’t that kind of hypocritical? Anyways, Jay most likely was joking about miss p being gay, he’s known to be a jokey person like that. I feel like the way he did it was just saying “oh yeah btw she’s gay”. To me it feels vague. In the same sense that jk Rowling suddenly says everyone is gay in Harry Potter. Yeah, I hc her as a funky lil lesbian too, but i don’t go off on a tangent when someone sees her as bi, because the way she was “confirmed” as a lesbian, was vague and uncertain, and most likely a dumb joke that split the fandom in half.

Anyways, most of the cucks I ran into are underage, and aren’t even allowed on this site, which can explain their irrational behaviour, and refusing to listen to anyone who slightly disagrees with them, but lemme tell y'all something, minding your own fucking business would have prevented this entire blocklist ordeal.

Besides, YOU are in control of what you see on the Internet. Don’t like a certain type of content? BLOCK IT! or just, STOP LOOKING AT IT! it’s not that hard!

You are responsible for your own experience on the Internet. Not ready for that? Then close your phone/laptop and go outside. Content creators are not responsible for what you do online, these creators don’t know you, don’t expect them to fucking take care of you, they’re not your parents. Avoiding certain content does NOT mean you have to start policing others on what to post. You have no right to tell artist what they can and cannot post. Again, you may criticise or dislike it, that’s fine, but actively demanding censorship or threatening the creator makes you look like an incompetent asshole.

And if you disagree with something, it’s better to start with calming yourself down and contacting the OP in a respectful and mature manner. Maybe talk to them, broaden your horizon, broaden their horizon. Can’t agree eventually? That’s fine, it’s normal. Simply block the tag or the creator themselves and boom! You’re done, and didn’t harm anyone in the fandom and probably learned something, and OP probably too! If something isn’t tagged you can always, nicely, reach out to OP and ask them to tag. Most of the time they will. And if they don’t, just unfollow or block them if they continue posting a certain something that triggers you. Making a blocklist is one of the most immature things you could do. You bully and harass people to the point where some feel unsafe, and some even suicidal, in a fandom about a dumb fucking hat Simulator. Is that really what you want?? A fandom is supposed to be a safe and fun place for everyone who likes a certain something. By being toxic, and harassing others to the point where they don’t even feel safe(not only those who are young or mentally ill) in a what was supposed to be a safe place for them, you’re actively harming that safe place, and frankly, you don’t deserve to be in the fandom.

Also, I’ve seen a lot of these cucks say they actually hate tf2 as a game, and really, if you hate the game so much why are you still here in the fandom? And ruining it for the rest for us?

If you do feel unsafe, follow steps I mentioned above. Talk to people, block tags, block people, and mind your own business without policing others in what they can and cannot do. Unfortunately, the creators who do feel unsafe because of the toxic group cannot talk them, because the moment someone even slightly disagrees with them, or tries to respectfully discuss why they’re being “cancelled” the cucks start screeching like full-blown autists.

You’re not the law enforcement, you are (most likely) a minor who isn’t even allowed on tumblr in the first place, and who has no idea how the internet, or fandom spaces in specific, even work.

Fucking hell I miss 2014 Tf2 fandom sometimes.

I hope this ramble makes sense, and again I’m sorry for making this so long.

And I’m sorry for posting drama again, I don”t like it either, and i usually have a lot of patience, but after a few years of this shit, i have come to reach my boiling point, and i just snapped, I’m sorry.

I sometimes refer to the cucks as you, idk why, but just now that isn’t referring to you anon.

Hopefully this will be the last of drama/discourse for now.

Thank you for reading, have a good day.

-pop

#drama #discourse #Anonymous #TF2 #tf2 blocklist

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laufire · 5 years

Text

Some things I’ve received during my hiatus, and that it’s related to some worrying patterns I’ve seen recently on tumblr, have made me want to clarify a point. I’ve debated whether to put some of it behind a cut, since +1000 is on the longish-side, but fuck it. I think it’s important --or at least, important that you know this about me--, it makes me angry, and you’ll just have to scroll past it. And it’s a topic I’ll probably talk more about in the future, since it genuinely concerns me, even if not specifically in the same way or focusing on the same things I do here, so you might wanna be mindful of that *shrugs*.

I do not give a single fuck about whether B*llarke is “problematic”, or toxic, or abusive, or “immoral to ship” in any way. And the same can be said about literally every pairing. And if you ever try to harass anyone with those arguments (or any other, but I hope that goes without saying) --including shippers of my NOTPs--, I guarantee you, you won’t have me on your side.

Sure, I don’t like seeing it (and plenty of other ships) on my dash; that’s what filters are for. There are ships whose existence I prefer to ignore in its entirety, and I plan on forgetting them for the rest of my life.

In BC’s case, in particular, I –obviously, if you’ve read this blog– don’t want it to become canon. The way I see it, it’s a crack-ship (and not a very interesting one, AFAIC) between a character I like and a character I dislike, that’s entirely based on misrepresenting canon. Why would I care? But IMO the writers dislike the ship itself, so why would I worry either?

On top of that, I’m rooting for Bellamy’s narrative to be the dominant narrative (not as much for Bellamy himself –thought that’s a nice bonus–, but because it inevitably benefits my favourite characters: Raven, Murphy, Emori, Echo and Octavia), and the show has proven that’s antithetical to Clarke’s narrative prevailing (there’s a reason why every single season has put them at odds, in ways that effectively risk each other’s happiness, health and life). Historically speaking, things don’t end well for male leads that are put in romantic situations with women they haven’t chosen and put moves on by their own accord, and there’s plenty of evidence in canon that Bellamy doesn’t see Clarke in a romantic light –and it’s telling that, in fact, the writers CHOSE to cut out the one moment that could’ve hinted at it, back in season one.

Lastly, as I said, I think the writers themselves dislike the ship; not just aren’t interest in writing it, but actively dislike it. The first piece of evidence (if you plan on ignoring everything they’ve said about it, which already backs this opinion) is, frankly, that it hasn’t happened. Ships well-liked by the writers and supported by the narrative happen fast; lightning-fast in some cases. They likely don’t stay together, because narratives tend to follow a path of separation before the last-minute endgame (which might not happen; endgames aren’t a guarantee, even if there clearly are ships with better odds than others; BC, IMO, is the LEAST likely endgame possible out of all of them), but you better bet that dude is making his interest known ASAP.

Of course, writers in all of history of TV have written ships that they disliked, or at least ships that they only saw as filler and not “endgame material” (though I’m struggling with remembering another one that has the writers feeling so apathetic tbh). So yeah, there’s a very, very small chance of it happening, sure.

But have you ever tried to write a romance for a ship you hate? You probably haven’t, because the very idea it’s ridiculous. But imagine if you had. You would have hated every minute, I bet. And I don’t think any fans of that ship would find your story even remotely satisfying. Professional writers are exactly the same.

Even if the writers felt so worn down that they decided to go for your ship (which, IMO, would be a giant warning sign on itself; it’d be a mere symptom of their disinterest on their own story, and the show would be on its lasts breaths), what makes you think it’d make for a good story? They would half-ass it at best (and probably use it to troll you, out of spite), it would never get the genuine ~feeling that their preferred ships enjoy because, well. They don’t want it. They don’t believe in it. You can’t write with passion about something you don’t believe in, and passionless writing sucks literally every damn time.

And even all that? All that play-by-play essay I just gave you about why I don’t like the idea of canon BC? That still isn’t enough to make me hate on the ship. This can be said about plenty of ships across shows, books, etc., and I don’t talk about any of them because I don’t even remember them after I’ve moved on to the next thing.

But you know what I hate about BC? ITS FUCKING FANDOM.

They’ve proven to be one of the most dishonest ship-doms I’ve ever encountered, and probably one of the most numerous at that, which obviously only makes them worse (one day I’m going to talk about how these type of ships seem to attract assholes that know they can get away with shit due to the numbers and the attitude of those fanbases, but that’s another story).

Their numbers allow them to control the narrative within the fandom (and since canon doesn’t support them, they’ll outright lie about it), to the point were dissenting voices are ignored, disbelieved, and actively ridiculed and silenced, even when we’re pointing out actual scenes that support OUR reading and contradict THEIRS. They routinely act like characters like Echo or Raven don’t matter, while in fact feeling threatened by their relationship with Bellamy, and go into their tags full of condescending concern-trolling or outright hate. They harass other fans that dare to disagree with them, and they harass the actors and the creators of the show on a semi-regular basis.

A.K.A., they’re hurting real, living human beings.

There are hundreds of “toxic” ship out there (and am I the only one who, thanks to fandom, feel like many of these words have completely lost meaning? I truly hope that I am) that I never think or talk about, even if *I* personally didn’t care for or disliked them. By virtue of their small numbers (since a lot of those ships tend to be fringe interests in the already fringe medium that is fandom), most of the shippers usually mind their own business and simply go on with their lives, which I find to be the right attitude. Shipping (and character/show-stanning) isn’t activism, it’s born out of the fucking opposite impulses, IMO. Fiction is a place to explore anything and everything we wouldn’t even imagine doing in real life; there’s a reason why horror is such a popular genre, ffs. (and that’s mainstream, which means it has a bigger outreach and potential real life consequences (even if they don’t happen the way people think they do; fiction mostly reflects and maybe reinforces reality; it can’t create anything out of thin air). I cannot stress how few people read fanworks and how little they impact the real world).

If anything, those shippers have all my sympathy, because 9 times out of 10, THEY are the ones getting the brunt of the harassment. Like, I don’t give a single fuck about Reylo in one way or the other, to name one example (I’ve only watched TFA, which means I’ve missed the ~meaty part of their relationship, for one; but even if I remedied that, I thought both characters were deeply uninteresting, and I find KR painfully unattractive inside and out, so it’s likely I still wouldn’t ship it); but I’ve seen how its shippers got sent anti-Semitic slurs and gore pictures and were compared to school-shooters, and how its antis have effectively shielded a confessed rapist in their midst (and all that without getting into the general pattern of harassment/violent threats/suicide baiting that plagues the purity culture movement in this site; I can send you sources, if you don’t believe me), so those antis can go fuck themselves, tbh.

THAT shit is what I take issue with: hurting actual people. That’s ALWAYS going to matter more than the feelings of some fucking fictional construct, and I can’t believe that somehow became a controversial opinion. Bellamy or Rey or whom-the-fuck-ever doesn’t exist, they can’t get hurt, and the idea of their “feelings” taking precedence over the well-being or real people is fucking insulting.

(btw, don’t bother with any “but what about THIS gross ship/type of ships? you support THAT too?“ I’m not going to answer that and make myself a target for that bullshit, and I think this post proves this situation goes a little beyond something as clear-cut as “support” or “condemn” --among other issues, who am I to “aproove” or not any ship wtf--, but if you mean “are you against people who like it being attacked because their interests in fiction somehow prove they have ~nasty morals?”, then the answer is a resounding “yes”. What the fuck do you know about their life anyway)

#fandom policing #purity culture #anti culture #fandom #shipping #my thoughts #talking to the void #t100 thoughts #the 100 #long post for ts #antibellarke for ts #(... whenever I write a long post i become Very Aware of my attention & processing issues but like. how do you write otherwise lol)#bitter lau tag #fandom vs. activism

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thirdherrscher · 6 years

Note

can you tell us more about your mahou shoujo site camp camp au??

WWHWH IM GLAD YOU ASKED NONNIE

it works as either a roleswap or its own branch- though there really isnt much to say if its its own thang. however! one trait both verses have in common is the site is a shady camp that provides magical sticks and helps alleviate trauma/stress(except not really) while the admins are known as counselors. they do have a site that advertises itself to misfortunate children: “whether or not you want to attend our camp, or use your stick, is entirely up to you”

the roleswap follows the canon mss storyline, with some the roles,sticks and emblems altered a bit to better fit certain aspects & dubious content/characters taken out. the motives, the existence of tempest, the king,etc remain just about the same. the kids are around 2-3 yrs older than their canon counterparts and mahou sept takes place 10+ years before the current timeline

the swaps + hcs under the cut cus it gets kinda long [tw for mentions of abuse, suicide and violence, please proceed w care]

NIKKI:

switches with aya

stick is a gun with the ability to teleport her targets, later on upgrades to sharing memories + distributing lifespan

emblem is a flower

lives with her disconnected mom who seems to find a new partner at the end of every week. her father is mostly absent in her life

was severely bullied by sasha,tabii and erin at school

sports a lively facade out of stubbornness

her only escape was taking long walks out in nature

was Very traumatized having believed she murdered tabii with her new stick

was the only one out of the main trio to genuinely think they were all friends

has a big fat crush on max and neil

becomes less vibrant and more protective of her loved ones as her Magical Girl Adventures take a darker turn

MAX:

switches with tsuyuno

stick is a smartphone with the ability to freeze time

emblem is the letter X

lived with a neglectful family until they were killed by a burglar

he felt nothing when they die, but was immensely wounded when he realized theyd been trying to escape without their son

uses his time magic solely for his own advantage. he wont hesitate to fuck over assholes who threaten his image or simply out of spite

hes That One Classmate nobody bothers with but would never mess with

was one of the only people who defended nikki and neil from their bullies

though he made it clear he associates himself with nikki and neil only for their magic, he genuinely began to care for them immensely like the big softie he is

NEIL:

switches with kiyoharu

stick is a ring with the power of telepathy and is able to peek into/take over his targets’ sensory system if he chooses to

emblem is the infinity sign

pushed around for being a typical nerd;got more shit after getting outed as genderfluid

unlike canon, neil actually cares for his dad- even if he does embarrass him quite a lot

when presented with his stick, he laughed at the idea of things like “mahou camp” existing??and thought it was some pathetic scam

surprise surprise, freaked the FUCK out when it turned out the stick worked

he further refused to use his magic after finding out it takes a toll on his physical being

like max, he only befriended the other 2 for his own interests. he does eventually start caring for them despite trying(and failing) to hold them at an emotional arm’s length

developed post-traumatic mutism from witnessing the deaths of his friends; currently uses telepathy to communicate

HARRISON:

switches with rina

has a LOT of stolen sticks stowed away in his top hat. the one he was granted with was a conductor’s baton that explodes its targets

secondary stick is a sword that cuts through any surface

his tertiary stick is a wooden staff that emits electrical discharge

the baton’s emblem is a crescent moon, the sword’s is the letter V and the wooden staff’s is a crown

was the second magical after ered to receive the slaughter note

bought the camp’s lies about tempest in a heartbeat, driven by fear for what was to come & arrogant thoughts of him deserving to live in a new world free of scum

his plan was foiled by max and co after a failed attempt on nikki’s life

he is Very terrified of preston and avoids him at all costs

the trio only protected him from harm for more info regarding tempest

he still has natural magic, which he sometimes uses as an alternative to sticks

he develops a tiny crush on nikki

SASHA:

switches with sarina

her stick is a yo-yo with a string so sharp it slice n dices whatever gets in the way

emblem is a heart

was one of nikki’s bullies,along with tabii & erin

often referred nikki by her full name before they made amends

her accused nikki for “murdering” tabii & grew more hateful than ever when her throat was slashed (by max, actually), leaving a hideous scar as a reminder of the incident

for this “misfortune,” she was granted a stick. really it was because the camp needed a new magical hunter

tried killing nikki and her friends out of vengeance, but slowly her perspective of nikki slowly changed after the latter saved her from getting crushed by a collapsing building

her feelings for nikki went from pure hatred, to mere tolerance, to finally–after a heart-to-heart conversation–geniunely caring for her well being

nikki still hasnt 100% forgiven sasha for all she’s done,which sasha comes to find understandable

PRESTON:

switches with nijimi

stick is a wristband with the power of mind-control

emblem is a star

grew up in a shithole neighborhood, in a shithole household with shitty parents

his parents were so deep in debt with loan sharks,they committed suicide when they realized they couldnt pay up, leaving a Very scared pres to fend for himself

temporarily lived with jen, his teacher and mother figure, and for the longest time, he was frightened to go outside out of fear of running into the same loan sharks

one confrontation by momma bear jen later, pres decided to settle things by wiping clean the memories of his family’s debt from the loan sharks’ minds

preston eventually got his life together & made it big in the theater industry as a child prodigy

he had a horrible relapse when he found jen’s bloody, headless corpse, out of the blue on a very normal day. realizing it was a murder committed by another magical, preston follows the series of murders of similar fashion; bent on finding the killer to avenge jen

put his career on hiatus to properly work with the trio, who he took a genuine liking to until they were busted for lying about harrison’s whereabouts(he still hasnt completely forgiven them for that.) he only agreed to cooperate under one condition: he gets his hands on a certain rotten magic kid after this

he lived with his grandmother since jen’s death

NURF:

switches with asahi

stick is a brass knuckle which enhances his physical abilities

emblem is a cancel sign🚫

was raised in a broken household; his parents would fight constantly, often scaring the poor boy into hiding

he was much closer to his mother and was devastated when she got sentenced to prison. with her out of the picture, mr nurfington began taking his frustrations on nurf more frequently than ever

nurf ran away after mortally wounding (maybe possibly killing) his dad by sheer impulse, spending years on the streets and move out of one shelter after another

he has scars from a combination of his previous home life and life on the streets. hes also blind in one eye

despite walking the path of delinquency, he tries his best to fix his attitude for himself and those around him, especially after he meets his new friends

DOLPH:

DISCLAIMER!! i am using my own revamped version of dolph for this because Fuck Canon

switches with kosame

stick is a carving knife he uses to cut himself, the blood flowing from the wound is used to heal external injuries of others. he is, however, unable to prolong lifespans

emblem is the degree celsius

was the lonely kid in class nobody paid attention to

is childhood friends with ered, but they grew distant as ered became more popular he became convinced she wouldnt associate with the likes of him anymore

was the only person who approached ered kindly when she fell

he became depressed after he was diagnosed with terminal illness, but acts like nothing’s wrong. pretty much lost the will to live when ered allegedly killed herself

he never practiced self-harm before receiving his stick

SPACE KID:

switches with mikari

stick is a flying broomstick

emblem is a sun

had a carefree life with his family with everything he could ask for: happiness, wealth & all the space-centric things he could get his hands on. until they were killed by a deranged murderer on the loose and has lived under his great uncle’s care since

life with buzz wasnt so bad though, he was still relatively happy

hes gets treated as the expendable one by his friends

often lets harrison ride his broom with him

ERED:

switches with kayo

stick is a compact mirror which can hold up to 10 different abilities of magicals she comes in contact with

emblem is a spade

used to be a popular girl and lived with her two dads (jacob; bearded dad & nathaniel; blonde dad) and a younger sibling

her life came crashing down when nathaniel killed 3 teenage boys to avenge the sibling, whose murder had been left without justice. nathaniel was sentenced to prison, jacob lost his job and eventually fell seriously ill & ered, treated lesser than a dog by peers and those she had a hand in picking on, was forced to trudge through this ordeal with no rights to even cast a glare at her bullies

her hair is short because it was cut by bullies

dolph was the only one who tried reconnecting with her. while she appreciates some light in this misery, she still keeps her distance to keep the bullies from targeting him as well

she was the first magical girl to be given the slaughter note; in that she found out dolph and nerris, an old campmate, were also magicals

both dolph and nerris were able to find out ered’s status as a magical girl. the former thru overhearing a conversation with nerris, the latter because she followed ered

ered highkey cant believe she let some geeky kid save her ass time and time again

she faked her and nerris’ deaths to get out of the mahou camp’s radar + keep their loved ones safe

NERRIS:

switches with sakura

stick is a video game controller with the ability to unleash shock waves

emblem is a diamond

had an average life with a loving family before her father’s death; which the police merely brushed it off as suicide. furious, nerris took matters into her own hands to find the killer(another magical most likely) herself

she still adores dnd games

she went to camp with ered and dolph once

she was surprised+confused when ered approached her, wondering why a (former) cool kid would want anything to do with her. she was Disappointed But Not Surprised when she found out it was bc ered was looking for other magical girls

she helped ered a lot through the magical girl fiasco, and they ended up growing closer than mere comrades

along with ered, she formed an alliance with nikki and co in their efforts to dismantle the mahou camp

PIKEMAN:

switches with ni/ochi

stick was a PET bottle that traps oxygen surrounding it

emblem was the roman numeral XIII

was cameron campbell’s nephew

he was sent to a military camp for boys. his fellow campers pushed him around to the breaking point and the mahou camp granted him his magical boy status.

he used his stick to murder those who humiliated him, ruling the camp via fearmongering

he simply vanished off the face of earth one day- some guessed he simply couldnt take military camp anymore, but nobody could truly conclude where he’d gone

the truth is pikeman used his lifespan down to its last drops, his body and stick disintegrating & reborne into the counselor “two”

CAMERON:

switches with detective misumi

bio uncle of pikeman and adoptive uncle to daniel

is a shady fbi agent secretly associated with the mahou camp

only formed the alliance bc he suspected they had something to do with pikeman’s disappearance

has an immense collection of sticks in a secret basement

cam about 14 y/o dan: “ive only known li’l danny for a day and a half and if anything happened i would kill everyone in this room and then myself.“

cam about daniel now: “danny has been my nephew for over a decade and i still would—”

faked his murder of jasper for currently unknown reasons. he seems to have taken the still-alive jasper under his wing for the moment

DAVID:

switches with tsurara/the king (yes, i buy the tsurara=the king theory dont @ me)

stick is a drill with a laser beam twister

emblem is the libra symbol

is best friends with gwen and former childhood friends with jasper

was badly abused by one of his counselors it ruined his love for camp

even after accidentally murdering said counselor and burying the evidence, davey insisted he drop out of camp

the guilt, the trauma, everything was so overwhelming davey began to emotionally break down

pursued a relationship with bonquisha in hopes it’ll dull the pain; he became thoroughly convinced, yes, this is real happiness. he ended up turning down gwens efforts to help him

the truth behind the abusive counselor was leaked, and no one has ever changed their opinion of david so fast. bon left davey in disgust as davey himself got bullied to the point of suicide

because he died so miserably, david was allowed another shot at life- reborn a physical manifestation of his negative feelings, with the desire to wipe out humanity. the “king” was born and brought forth the threat of tempest

GWEN:

switches with hyouka/nana

shares her stick and emblem with david

she used to be a total shut in since her father died in an accident. david at the time was a classmate who’d bring in notes and assignments from class everyday.

gwen was upset when he told her he wouldnt be able to come anymore due to an upcoming summer camp. realizing she enjoyed davey’s company too much, she offered to attend camp with him & theyd been inseparable since

is very protective of david, always down to fuck up anyone who hurts him

when she discovered the truth about david’s counselor, gwen offered to gather money for therapy with his newfound stick.

she and davey temporarily fell out bc davey changed his mind about letting her help him and gwen’s temper got the better of her

she was devastated at witnessing daveys death, and harbors a deep resentment for the camp

she continued to use david’s stick until her lifespan ran out, and was reborn the counselor “seven.”

DANIEL:

switches with alice

stick is a flip phone with the ability to reverse time by one minute

emblem is a knife

his parents were arrested for being dangerous cultists. dan had never known what hell truly was until his peers found out, and was given the humiliating nikcname “son of a cultist”

he HATES anything cult-related, and blames his family for ruining his life

having grown up in a cultish household, some of their twisted tendencies rubbed off him

he attended the same camp as gwen,davey,jasper and jen as a teenager

cameron adopted dan as his nephew out of pity after he bolted from camp in midst of a breakdown

he was initially all up for helping nikki’s gang, behaving kindly and almost like a father-figure to them. he decided to leave the kids alone to take care of a mission gone horribly wrong, believing theyd literally be the death of him if he kept wasting his powers for a bunch of “brats with no survival skills of their own”

JEN:

switches with mikado

stick is a mechanical pencil with the ability to create magic-negating barriers

emblem is the operator symbol ⨂

was practically preston’s adoptive mother. she was always there for him in his time of need, making sure he was okay and nurtured him as if he were her own

similar to daniel’s case, jen’s parents held questionable beliefs. she was also bullied for the same reasons

doesnt mind cracking a satanic joke every now and then despite her past

she was killed by harrison for her stick

JASPER:

switches with isoko

main stick is a set of rollerblades that enhances his speed. it also gives him the ability skate smoothly over uneven surfaces and areas that defy gravity. its emblem is the leo symbol

his secondary stick is a hairdryer that returns the targeted object/person to its original position. the emblem is the letter J

was childhood friends with david. jasper changed when davey “stole” his place as the honorary camper and they officially fell out after jasper tried getting the camp shut down

he still attended the same camp as gwen and david as teenagers

hes really kind of an ass

neither of his sticks were given to him by the mahou camp

went under the alias “J” as he distributed countless sticks to everyday folk

was allegedly killed by detective campbell for his crimes, but in actuality is still alive and well to this day

#thank you for showing interesting in this silly lil au #also im sorry if some of these arent v well written hfsdhgk #some of these might make more sense if u read the manga #especially sept #camp camp #asknico #anon #trash aus

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dingleboppers · 7 years

Text

So you’ve probably read/seen/ skimmed through this post and probably know just a little bit of my irl situation. As of (9/27/2017) things have somewhat calmed down. I have home internet and am not in any immediate danger. But still saying, I’m still dealing with living with my difficult father and taking care of my brother, making sure he at least stays ok.

UPDATE AS OF 3/7/2018

So for the past 7 months now things have been pretty rough.

My sister had been out of the house, but actively supporting me and my brother as we struggle but with some success getting food into the house. We found out way more than we really wanted to find out about our dad and he generally got worse with his abusive tactics throughout the months. I’m currently paying for my (and my brothers) internet access and had been just running on left over money from a paid internship I now don’t have. My brother is removed from my dad’s household due to how non-caring my dad has been. And by non-caring I mean a terrorizing abusive asshole.

I moved in with my sister, but it’s still a rather temporary place and the quicker we find a better more spacious home, the quicker we’ll be able to get our brother and live there. All we want at this point is to be together and safe.

We’re both looking for new jobs but any extra money could seriously help out with keeping us three together and alive.

So please help (If you can, it’s understandable if you can’t but please at the very least spread it around).

The Patreon Page

Who doesn’t love bonus features? Little extra things to make an experience much more whole? Heck ye.

The Pateron is exactly where all the bonus will be for my various blogs. I highly recommend supporting me there. Why? Because that’s where I’ll probably be posting the cool stuff. What do I mean by the cool stuff? Probably animation wips, work in progresses in general.... Basically you’ll be seeing the ideas and watch as it turns into a thing I deem postable.... or even better! See the postable stuff early!

And of course by supporting me each month I wouldn’t have to worry about extreme money issues like debts and other things because you guys will have my back.... Hopefully... ouo;;

I really want to use patreon a lot because if I’m getting support not only will it be helping my brother and I get out of the hell I call living with my dad, it would also motivate me to art more. And I really want to art more.... kinda my dream job tbh.

And with that I really hope to give the best awards I can possibly give, because I’m literally forever grateful for anyone’s pledges and donations. It seriously means a lot to me. In fact send ideas you’d like to see from me for rewards too! I’d love to know what you’d guys might see from me!

Also I noticed that when choosing to support, you could simply do a $1 + donation a month instead of the other kind of options if you really just want to support. My lowest reward tier is $5 but really I’m taking anything I can at this point. Being constantly threatened by my dad and life sucks.

The Ko-fi! Buy me that coffee!

Caffeine. The lifeblood of many working people. The thing that stops many people from staying in cranky mode all day. The cup of joe. The drink that I barely drink because I’m more of a tea person bUT I LIKE ANYWAY.

Yes. Coffee.

Say you can’t really afford/don’t want a commission (when I get to making commissions), don’t really want to pledge your money to me every single month, and you don’t want to just reblog the post. You just want to give a bit and be on your merry day.

Buy me a coffee and you can! 1 coffee is $3 I believe.

One tiny coffee can go a long ways, and seriously with how busy I’ve been I really do need to actually buy me a real coffee. So any ko-fi donations are seriously appreciated.

It might just help me get the little things I want so I don’t go insane over work and no play.

Ko-fi Buttons can be found on @happyflowey,my personal blog @thespacedork, and my art blog @spacedorky

REDBUBBLE

Now honestly I’ve been really iffy about using redbubble but after a while I decided why not give the site a try and use it.

So as of the current moment of writing I have a few things on there, one of which I think some of you guys might enjoy because well... Mania.

I’m hoping to make more stuff soon but for now that’s whats up there.

Maybe send me a suggestion for products you would want to see up on the redbubble? >u>;

COMMISSIONS

It’s a link! Click it for more info!

Also!! We got a sticker maker! I might be able to make some cool home made stickers soon! Stay tuned for that!

Even a simple reblog helps. Thank you for even reading this and letting me take up just a bit of your time. It seriously means a lot with every donation, patreon support, and anything else. Thank you.

#kofi #ko fi #patreon #redbubble #help #commission info #donations #pls

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alex-now · 7 years

Text

the congress

Throughout my life I’ve had a wide range of friends, all of different races and ages. Of course I remember as many as I could of them, and I have fond memories of every single period of my life. Some friends come and go, and others come and stay. Like an annoying piece of gum stick to your hair that can only be taken off with peanut butter. Except they’re not annoying. And I don’t want to get rid of them.

I have a list of best friends I’ve had and only one of them truly persists. It depresses me sometimes but that’s okay because even though the others no longer are as close to me anymore, that doesn’t mean I don’t speak to them nowadays. I keep them close, but we don’t let the other get any nearer. It’s sort of like the Little Prince taming the fox, although I don’t think even he knew what he was getting himself into.

It was last year when I met 3 of 4 of the members of what I now call my congress [aka, the group of friends I use as my advice givers and the four people will which I can act like myself and only get punched at after]. [It’s a healthy relationship]. I don’t know why it exists, or why I would make them go through listening to what my boring ass life has to show, but for some reason they go through it and even worry when I stop. Because, yes, sometimes it’s gotten to the point where I just feel like such an irritating pest that I simply stop talking to them for their own good. And I will never admit how relieved I am when they blow up my phone afterwards, demanding to know where I am and whether I’m alive.

One of my biggest letdowns about myself is how often I hold back from saying what’s truly in my mind. I can say half the truth to avoid lying, but avoid the most important part and keep it to myself. I hold it within me, not letting anyone else listen to it and slowly as time passes by it slowly starts molding into a animalistic monster that claws at my throat. Yet I still hold it in and am a coward in letting others listen in fear that this beast will tear them as well.

One of the examples in this is telling people how much I appreciate them, how much I care for them and the size of the void I’d feel if they suddenly disappeared from my life. The congress has never heard these words. The most I’ve ever done is jokingly tell them I love them, or just mention how they’re my friend offhandedly. But whenever I want to say a simple ‘Hey, thanks for listening to me. I value very much how much of your time you’re willing to give me’, I stop myself and simply smile instead.

The first person of my conference I met when I was twelve years old. She was my age at the time and resided in Texas, a place I was fascinated back then because of the accents I sometimes heard from there. On a site and desperate for an english-speaking friend I could speak with regularly, I stumbled upon her account and messaged her. She responded back, and so the most trustworthy relationship was born from that single text. Even though I’ve never met this marvelous person by the flesh I suppose I could say I was extremely lucky to have felt lonely that particular day I found the blog of a twelve year old girl who had a bio full of exclamation marks.

It was about five years later when I met the next member. I was new to a school that had several buildings that looked exactly the same and so on my first day of school I was escorted to my English class by an irrelevant girl named Bethany [yes I remember you, irrelevant Beth]. The tables were set to form groups of four which I later discovered to be how the tables in that class are usually set, and I sat next to a girl who kindly gave me one of the seats at her randomly chosen group.

Seconds before the class started came two girls bustling in, one petite girl with curly hair and the other a tall thin girl with straight hair. Both were serious looking and they barely spared me a glance as they sat down at the table. The class started and the I immediately got the feeling that the tall one didn’t like me. Her body language told me some, and her serious and watchful eye on me from the corner of her eye told me more. Naturally, I got slightly upset at how I had somehow managed to give such a bad impression of myself several times already and set myself to try and correct this. Wondering how I would do this, a solution was presented in front of my eyes when I diverted my gaze to her wrist. Where she wore a bracelet naming the American band from Las Vegas, ‘Panic! At The Disco’.

Now, mind you, I am a huge fan of this band seeing as they are my favorite musicians. They were my comfort and antidote, but mostly they were my poison. I used to have an unhealthy love for these men, but by then I had simply grown to admire them and enjoy their songs with healthy doses.

I ended up whispering to this tall girl and pointing to her bracelet in an attempt at portraying how much I enjoy their music and, yeah, we should totally become friends and talk about them. She looked down and smiled at me, nodding when I asked whether she listened to them [stupid question, but at least she didn’t call me out on it]. I wasn’t used to people having the same music taste as me, so I was obviously highly enthusiastic. Fast forward to a couple weeks later, and her and I had started to have a tradition in waiting each other out after class to leave together. She’s walk me to my next class (if I had one) and we’d talk about anything and everything on the way. The first time she told me she’d miss me the following year when I’d be back to the country I felt like I’d made it. Thin girl likes me! [Please don’t tell her I said that. She’d kill me.]

It was the same year that I met the last two. One came in the form of an impassive and chill guy who immediately walked up to my friends, obviously knowing them, and began talking to them about comics and videogames and animes and food. He didn’t give much attention to me, but when he talked it was like I had known him for as long as my friends had. We got along well but didn’t talk all that much. Instead it was until he reached out to me through skype once I was back to my second home that we started talking a lot more through text and got really close. His Asian ass vocabulary consisted of small words compared to now, considering the punk thinks it’s wise to compare me to a narwhal and he has even gotten annoyed at me for replacing my best friend. (Yes, ladies and gents. He proclaimed himself my best friend and then sent me a message when I was in my home country, upset out of his mind for me not telling him).

A long while later I sat in my Algebra class, it being one where not a single friend was made. It was during exams and my professor, Mr. Eusebi (best teacher in the world, I swear to god) realized that too many of us were in a single table group so he moved me to a vacant one as well as another guy. We sat alone on the other side of the classroom and I wished him luck to try and get along with him, which he returned. We didn’t talk much after that and took our test after small talk.

Suddenly though, days later, he’d sit at my group table by my side and I found out he recently got into Panic! At The Disco. Before I knew it something similar to another member of the Congress happened, in the form of him and I waiting for the other to get our stuff to leave to the school gate since it was our last class. Even after he left to University he randomly messaged me after a while of not talking on Instagram and began our friendship once more through a series of conversations, constantly recommending new bands to one another. It was a nice balance.

I keep in touch with all up to today and am closer to them than I ever was in my life. I trust them with the most simplistic and complicated things, and talk to them through chats, video calls and phone calls. I know their problems and they know mine but we don’t weigh each other down but instead pick the other up. I may have gone through rocky paths with one of the after a situation that threatened to break our friendship but I like to believe things are getting even better and I hope highly to gain the privilege of even following them to hell.

Because where would I be without my wifey, derpy music twin, wrestling companion and professional asshole?

#best in life

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kaspermakowski-blog · 7 years

Text

Transformation Commitment

January 27th, 2017

So after keeping a journal for some time, for the purpose of keeping track of my start overs, my thoughts and my off of destructive habit day counts, I’ve concluded that it would be nice to have my desires and intent distributed into space and time. I’ve never blogged before and I’m not even sure if I’m doing this right and if the content is actually going to be posted somewhere for someone to read, but I do know that I’m about to embark on a journey and its going to be fucking interesting not only for me, but for anybody that also likes to ponder as I do and is a soul searcher and a believer of magic.

After recent events of developing anxiety and then later becoming an unfaithful father who later became so lucky to have a relationship with his baby mama and his mistress knowing the pleasure of having two girlfriends and a son under the same roof, then one and then none, I’ve realized that I have a lot of internal work to do.

The aforementioned mistress Meagan had provided me with a lot of joy but also a lot of sadness and frustration. She wasn't happy in the 2 girl relationship so I chose her, she did make me very happy and the intimate life was amazing. However she developed distrust probably due to me choosing her instead of the mother of my child. I did maintain a positive relationship with the mother of my son Kaleb and spent nights at the hospital/ hotel and at Jessica’s house (mom), fighting through Kalebs developmental disorder called biliary atresia. To make a long story short Jessica and I.... we’re still cool, cooler than most x couples and this threatened Meagan, strained our relationship and turned me into an asshole or kept me one... it was a battle I could never win.

So we broke up... well kinda. We still saw each other talked to each other on the phone every day and were exclusive to each other, apparently I wasn’t even able to have single female friends. So as you can see... still a dysfunctional relationship. But I’d take anything, I guess my confidence needed work. So this went on for some time, I leaned on my addictions to tobacco, weed, porn and daily gratification to get me through the days. My self love was hindered, my confidence lacking in the bedroom, developing fear of the next encounter with her and my social life was lacking.

I ended up trying to take control of my insecurities by getting healthy mentally, and physically. I stay away from conventional meat and dairy... most of the time and I’m 60 days pot and tobacco free.This provided me with a flawless digestive system (which I was having problems with) lungs to breath with, a stronger immune system and some confidence but small victories.....

Some of my not so proud accomplishments... porn again, after day 50 and long sad attempt of connection with my one and only I made myself feel better, ... I did not feel better. But I think I’ve severed the link between me and Meagan for the last time.So hence the time to start fresh? (Meagan always said that I was addicted to starting over....) I have not started to meditate which I really want to, but I always come up with an excuse why its a waste of time...my mind is so funny. But then. I also always find a way to waste my time (shows, social media and what not). My interaction with people sucks too... I judge, I seem to have the right answers where I really I cant even get a grip on my own shit, and I seemed to always argue even when I don’t want to. Finally, I’m swimming debt, I work seasonally and have no stability, my house needs to be renovated and at least cleaned.

So I know I’m capable of awesome momentum because I had some prior to my relapse, So I’m making a commitment to myself and the world to pick some rituals. There’s this motivation speaker by the name of Tony Robbins, the guy really speaks to me and I know what to aim for, I need structure, I need focus i need to start now and be comftorable with being uncomfortable. I’ve developed some areas of improvement on paper that describes my ultimate vision and purpose in various category’s such as health, love, family and fiances. I plan to focus on the category’s as I progress on this journey. So this is my 90 day commitment. Which mostly includes controlling undeserved instant gratification, a global epidemic.

1. Monk Mode No Fap.... look it up. But it means no mindless watching of porn (this is the big one), but also movies, shows, trolling the facebook, dating sites but also controlling personal sexual thoughts. This also means no masturbating, touching or stimuli of any kind. No more gratification to artificial and imagined stimuli. Real relationships are ok, providing their fulfilling and based on love and affection.

2. Daily Stretch Morning and night, I never liked it but I know that flexibility helps in life period, it makes you well... flexible to what life throws your way and connects your mind to your body. We as people are always in our head and never in our bodies stretching provides a link and its one way to simply take care of yourself.

3. Daily Meditation/ Mindful Gratitude So this is a hard one for me but I’m going to develop a daily practice, there’s lots out there on way I should, or why everyone should so I won’t tell you all my reasons. But the main one, I want to be content, I want to know the world I live in, I want to control my thoughts and not have them control me. I don’t want to worry about things that do not matter. I want to live an authentic life and connect with the world and with the people in it. I want to appreciate what I have, what I experienced and what is to come. Because I am one fucking privileged individual.

4. Daily Exercise Another one that does not need to be explained but. Training for life, to feel good, to be confident, to be strong. To take care of myself. To give purpose to this young body so it doesn't wither away to nothing. To improve all the processes that are inside me.

5. Daily study. languages, reading and development I never have time for the things I would actually want to do with my spare time so I need to incorporate improvement in my daily activities or I’ll never improve. I speak Polish but not good enough to speak freely and confidently with my family member is Poland so I want to improve. Also, ever since I had the time of my life with Meagan in Cuba I’ve been dead set to learn Spanish, so I’m going to learn Spanish! I also have a lot of growing to do in how i communicate and think and plan so developing those through reading and study is also important to me.

6. Working to complete Renovations. My house is my ticket out of the secluded little town of Wawa. I’ve loved nature but I also really need a life and I will never get what I want here. So the fact that I’m in debt but own a house gives me an edge... the market here sucks, all houses sell for less than 100k if that gives you an idea and also I bought my fix me up er for 24600 so less than most people spend on a car. But if I’m to get out of this hole I need to rent or sell my house, and fixing it up will get me there.

7. Developing Time Management and my Personal Legend. I need to develop focus and discipline and I’m starting now. I know my mind tells me what I feel like doing, well I need to tell my mind what to do. This is key, my actions or no action is all determined by what I’m thinking and how juiced or excited I am about something. The more I do it, the more momentum it will acquire. Go to bed a decent time, wake up early and enact my rituals. I must be successful and continuously strive to better my life situation. This means I must actively be looking for opportunities, improving my resume and networking.

8. Exclusion of unhealthy substances entering my body. I’ve had a problem with smoking, toking, drinking and generally eating like shit. NO More of that! I’m going to be mindful of what I allow into my body, because I’m the master of that and that is an important position that I will not take lightly anymore. I will plan my meals so that their nutritious and delicious with lots of the good things I need to power me through my day. Thats not to say I’ll never have a glass of wine or smoke a joint in good taste in a comftorable social environment it just I can’t right now I need to gain control first. As for the smoking tobacco, its safe to say I’ll never touch the stuff again because I’m a fiend to it and I know that so goodbye forever or kill me slowly forever... I prefer the goodbye.

9. Keeping a clean environment/ being Mindful. I’ve been living in filth and its depressing. If I want to feel better I need to keep the house, my car and my mind clear of clutter. I need to be aware of the clutter of my mind and ensure that I’m grateful and mindful of the moment I have and of what I’m thinking and feeling in that present moment, being alive is an active activity and it can pass you by if your not paying attention to it.

10. Fast for 21 days This will be the door way into my new life, I would have had my body and mind prepared to take this on and after the fast I will begin the new chapter of my life with past mistakes a thing of the past. My rituals will be well established and I will really get some clarity to the road that lays before me. THis is going to happen in April, the month of my sons birthday and the end of my first 90 days. I will have a whole other blog keeping track of this I think but we will see if I can figure this blogging stuff out first. So there you have it. I just watched my last porn clip, almost bought a joint to send me off, but I’m still doing great there so I decided against it.

Conclusion

I feel shitty now and that’s a good indication that I need to get on my path, as soon as I post this its on, and I’m not stopping for no one. If your reading this wish me luck and hopefully it might inspire you to get off your ass and get your shit together, but really all this is, is mostly a prayer to solidify my intent. I burning my boats and taking this fucking island and when I get discouraged I’ll remember that a bucket fills drop by drop. I’ll keep everyone posted.

Kasper over and out

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auburnfamilynews · 4 years

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See if some of us are superstitious enough to go with the reverse jinx...

Well, tomorrow is the Iron Bowl. It’s the big one, and this year things may be in doubt more than they’ve been in any year in quite some time. Alabama’s a slim favorite, but without their starting quarterback and a shaky, injured defense, Auburn’s offensive woes may not matter as much as they have in other games this season.

When it comes to this game, many of us get a little stitious and may not want to show our true feelings. Do we all think Auburn is going to win this game? Maybe. Will us saying that Auburn is going to win affect this game’s outcome? IT COULD, YOU DON’T KNOW. That said, here are our opinions.

AUBURN vs ALABAMA (-4) (O/U 49.5)

Marlon Davidson has gained a One Honor lead over Derrick Brown in the Race for the Most SEC Player of the Week Honors (TM). It sounds like they are very serious about this internal competition. In other words, I would not want to be the backup quarterback these gentleman are both trying to tackle on every snap.

Folks, Auburn can beat this team. This isn’t the offense that put 40 on LSU. This isn’t the defense Saban typically has. But Bo has to rise above his standard level Saturday. He has to be a super star. His arm needs to quickly (and accurately) get the ball to his receivers. Here I am, placing my trust in this team once again.

Auburn 24, alabama 22

-Josh Dub

I wish I believed but I have nothing that shows me the offense will score more than 16 points on a defense with half a pulse. Our defense will keep us in it but that will make it hurt that much more.

uat scores a late garbage TD because I hate football and its basketball season and soon to be baseball season.

uat 24-16

-Drew Mac

My oh my how the result of this game will change perceptions. A win puts us at 9-3 with a win over Alabama, which would for sure knock them out of the Playoffs. A loss puts us at 8-4 with losses to the four best teams on the schedule, and 4-4 in conference. Gus won’t be gone either way short of a 49-0 bloodletting, but still, how this game plays out will write the script for this offseason’s debates.

If Auburn is going to succeed in this game, it’s going to come down to if we can run the ball. Alabama’s rush defense is 41st in explosiveness rate and 48th in success rate, while Auburn’s ground game is 42nd in explosiveness rate and 34th in success rate. That’s also with a limited/out Boobee Whitlow for half the season, who looked back to form against Samford last week. I think if Auburn can establish the ground game early, Bo has shown he’s confident enough in JHS to get some things done in the passing game.

On the other side of the ball, I’m fully confident in our defense. Alabama’s game this year has been to pound the ball for 3-5 yards a pop consistently, then take the top off the defense with elite QB and WR play down the field. But without Tua, we’ll see how the passing game responds. Najee Harris and the ground game haven’t been great at busting big plays, even if he’s been one of the best in the country at getting consistent yardage. That actually mirrors Auburn’s rush defense, who specialize in stuffing you at the line but may let you bust a few big gains each game. My money’s on Derrick Brown and Marlon Davidson, but there’s going to be a ton of NFL talent on both sides of the ball in this matchup.

Just like the UGA game, this one’s a toss up. I think Auburn pulls it off with a familiar 28-24 score.

-Ryan Sterritt

It’s cliche to say this, but it remains true…this game being played in Auburn matters more for who we are than the outcome. That’s not to say it isn’t wildly important to win this game, but for those that were there and understand the significance of what happened 30 years ago on December 2, 1989, you understand that who we are today is not possible without us dictating where we play this game.

In essence that is what Alabama is to us. It’s the measuring stick every 365 days of whether or not Auburn is living up to who we say we are and who we aspire to be. Are we the program that is unafraid of going up against the best in America, competing our hearts out, and coming away with our share? Or are we a program that cowers back into exactly what someone else wants to dictate we are. It’s all one big identity crisis that we play out each and every day here in this state, but you already knew that. So let’s get down to it…

These bastards can be beaten. The field doesn’t tilt in their direction the way it used to, primarily due to not being as talented as they are accustomed to being, but also because they’ve got maybe the weakest coaching staff they’ve had in over a decade. They’re a shell of their former self defensively; not really being sure of what their identity is. They’ve had their best offensive weapon taken out due to injury, and now must throw back there a kid who has never seen anything like what he’s about to walk into trying to throw to 4 NFL-caliber wideouts and handoff to another great running back.

I have a ton of respect for that football team in Tuscaloosa and for Nick Saban. What they’ve done is unprecedented and will never be seen again in our lifetimes. I love my good friend Bo Hicks and Druid City Brewing Company. I get along well with our Roll Bama Roll brethren here on this network of sites. The issue I have is not even the arrogance and complete identity being wrapped up in winning, but the idea that we aren’t allowed to be who we are in the same space without them feeling threatened by us, or them actively trying to cause us harm or damage.

Those fans outside of SEC Nation the weekend of the Alabama/LSU game cheering Harvey Updyke when he called into Finebaum’s show represent the worst of what is a large portion of the Alabama fanbase the simply wants us to never have any joy. Those people can go to hell. Those people don’t deserve the success they have. And those people are the reason why winning this game is always so sweet.

But those people aren’t why Saturday matters. Saturday matters because it’s a day for us to get back on the same page as a group of people. If we’re honest we’re all divided as to how we feel about the “state of Auburn” and the direction of our football program. Some reasons are totally valid. Some are so batshit insane that it makes me question how the folks throwing out their grievances are able to normal, everyday life. But we should all be able to agree that the negativity, the students leaving early against Ole Miss, the backlash to the students leaving early against Ole Miss, the wanting to spend an immoral amount of money for the unknown, the anger at a 19 year old quarterback who was in high school 6 months ago, and the general toxin we all are carrying is unhealthy. For us, and for Auburn. Saturday matters because it’s a chance to get right. Come before the altar and release all of your burdens and get behind this football team. Get behind these coaches. And get back to who we are, which is a fiercely loyal group of people who are completely, totally, and undeniably unified by the desire to beat Alabama’s ass.

Keys to victory:

Throw downfield to Schwartz (beyond 25 yards) 4+ times. Make the Alabama defense respect the pass.

Let DJ Williams touch the ball 15-20 times. This is not a game where Boobee is going to win it for you. We need the best running back on the team to carry the load.

Run pace. Let Bo Nix flourish in the system he’s most comfortable with. It’s also the system the head coach is most comfortable calling.

Play straight up defensively. No 3-1-7 look will beat their receivers. Line your men up and make Mac Jones beat you through the air.

Do NOT kick FGs outside 40 yards.

Knock Mac Jones’ ass into the dirt. Hit him. Make him associate the breath of Derrick Brown and Marlon Davidson with pain.

To hell with Alabama. Let’s beat their ass. Auburn 23 Alabama 21

-Josh Black

Who says the Iron Bowl doesn’t matter? Both of these teams can be 0-11 and guess what folks, THE IRON BOWL MATTERS! EVERY SINGLE YEAR.

Here’s the reality folks: Auburn very well could be America’s team this Saturday. Why? Because I truly believe that if Alabama wins this game, they’re gonna back their way into the playoffs..... again.

We all know the powers that be are gonna do everything in their power to make sure that happens. So how do you stop them? You protect your house unlike 2 weeks ago and shut em all up.

Auburn won’t be feeling sorry for Alabama starting Mac Jones instead of Tua at QB but Mac has done well so far since taking over full-time after Tua’s injury. It’s the last time we’ll see Derrick Brown, Marlon Davidson and others play in Jordan-Hare Stadium. They can’t lose to both Georgia and Bama at home this year. It simply can’t happen. I’ve felt pretty good all week about this game and I truly hope my good feeling holds true on gameday and throughout the game. War Damn Eagle ya’ll!

Auburn 24 Alabama 17

-Will McLaughlin

I don’t have much in the way of preview for this game. It’s pretty simple. If Auburn can run the football and Nix converts on the available big play opportunities then the Tigers win and possibly comfortably. If they don’t, it will unfold as it did in Baton Rouge, Gainesville and two weeks ago in Jordan-Hare. Give us a Happy Thanksgiving Gus

Auburn 31 Alabama 23

-AU Nerd

I have alternating really good and really bad feelings about this. So it’s honestly a normal Iron Bowl. I hate this game so much. I hate losing to these assholes so damn much. There’s no way I can stomach picking them. As far as game analysis, Auburn has to have explosive plays on offense. Auburn’s best chance to win this game is to have at least 1 touchdown from more than 30 yards out. I feel comfortable with the defense getting enough stops to keep us in the game. It’s just a matter of making the plays on the other side.

Auburn 24, Alabama 19

-James Jones

I’m honestly not seeing what Vegas is seeing. Sure Auburn has blown it against some teams this year, but I’m not sure any of those teams are worse than Bama without Tua. Feels like the degenerates are just seeing that mullet A and going with it.

Anyway, I think the best defense in the country does their job, and Auburn manages to score just a little bit more than they need to. I expect us to see Gus throw everything at them, like we’ve seen before, and give this worse than their average Bama defense all sorts of trouble. We are at home. We will be loud. These defenders that came back to win something only have one left thing to win: this game. War Damn Eagle.

Auburn 30, Alabama 17

-AU Chief

A long time ago I worked as a student assistant in the auburn athletics department of media relations. My job was a lot of data entry and also wrangling players for interviews. It remains one of the most fun jobs I’ve ever had, to be honest. At least once a week Athletics Director Emeritus David Housel would poke his head in the office where all the student workers were, and ask one question, “What are y’all doing today to help beat Alabama?”We all play a part. If you’re in the stadium, be loud. Play your part.If you’re on the couch at home, be loud and be quasi positive on Twitter please, recruits read that. Play your part.If you’re on the field, hit them in the mouth and don’t stop until the clock hits triple 0. Play your part.Auburn is going to do enough to beat this Alabama team. And no one will be able to take anything away from it. Tigers 35, Tide 25.

-Son of Crow

I haven’t lived in the state of Alabama for nine football seasons. I left on the heels of a winged Heisman winner named Cam Newton, and my last memory of experiencing football in Alabama was of winning a national championship. Some of us on this site have stronger negative feelings toward Georgia, but to me, the Iron Bowl never had that brotherly quality.

The first football game I ever really remember watching and understanding was the 1995 Iron Bowl (YES, YES, YES AUBURN, YES!). It was only the third Iron Bowl played at Jordan-Hare Stadium, and when the two teams came onto the field, Auburn ran out of the tunnel while Alabama walked. My dad told me that the team that runs onto the field wins the game, and my small mind took that as gospel. It’s not true, but it was that day.

Since then, I’ve watched Auburn football run the gamut from complete joy and jubilation to total failure. The final game of the season has run that string of emotion as well. 2002 — the unexpected dominance; 2003 — a cathartic experience in the face of disappointment; 2004 — the capper on a perfect season, 11-0 eleven years after 11-0; 2005 — a complete joke and the least pressure I’ve ever had watching an Iron Bowl; 2006 — the feeling that we may never lose the game again; 2007 — not even their god-king can take down Jordan-Hare at night; 2010 — throwing it back in their faces; 2013 — setting Alabama on the wrong side of college football history forever; 2017 — just beating their asses. Those are just the wins.

It’s been equally wild on the other side. Blowouts in 2001, 2008, 2012, 2012... close and tough loss in 2009, the frustrating ones where you play hard and just get out-gunned in 2014, 2015, 2016... but you get the sense that these wins mean less and less to the Tide. Their students are increasingly from areas outside of the state. The focus comes more and more into the national picture, and anything less than a title is a down year. You have to wonder if the same mindset leaks into the team as well. A bunch of these guys have no scope when it comes to thinking about the Iron Bowl as the heated rivalry it’s always been. With their shot at a national championship hinging on this game, but still out of their control, will we see a team that doesn’t quite have the gas in the tank?

For Auburn, we saw what Jordan-Hare Stadium can become. Against Georgia, it was back to the November levels we experienced two years ago. Tomorrow, it’ll be the same if the game is close. Our defense will feed off of that and will have an impact when it comes to affecting Mac Jones and his ability to move the ball. Now, I don’t think the drop off from Tua to Jones is as big as everyone thinks. Tua wasn’t the key to that offense, it was the ability of the receivers to get open and make big plays out of slants and screens. Jones can still have success if he can just get the ball to the weapons on the outside. However, he’ll have to deal with the defensive front of Auburn while trying to make that happen.

Auburn hasn’t allowed more than 24 points all season long. LSU scored 23 at home against us. They scored 46 in Tuscaloosa. It’s not a stretch to say that our defense can clamp down and keep the Tide in a rhythmic rut. I’m not worried about that side of the ball. They’ll do their part.

Offensively, Auburn has to get the best game of the year from Bo Nix. We have to be able to find our receivers in good one-on-one matchups, and we have to try to hit this defense up the middle on the ground. They don’t have the beef in the middle, nor the experience. They’re still fast, and we likely won’t be able to beat them to the edges as much as we’d like. We need the ground game, and the slants, and the running ability of Bo Nix. I think we get just enough.

It won’t be a field goal return, or a fourth down conversion that wins this one. It’ll be the defense standing tall and holding Alabama when we need them most. Backed up into the students, we’ll get the clinching turnover and Bo Nix will have the distinct honor of kneeling down as the clock ticks to zeroes, scoreboard reading Auburn 27, Alabama 24.

-Jack Condon

from College and Magnolia - All Posts https://www.collegeandmagnolia.com/2019/11/29/20987520/staff-picks-15-auburn-vs-5-alabama

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