#EVEN NOW IM STILL AT A LOST FOR WORDS

[amyupup47art]

Here's your thank you gift @yuriyuruandyuraart

Your skelesona was really fun to draw >:D

bonus Fem!killer sketch under the cut:

>:D

#HAZAHHH #IT IS DONE #I was going to finish that fem!killer drawing but #uh #HAIR IS MY ENEMY #I DON'T KNOW YOU DO IT YURI #BUT IT WAS TOO HARD FOR ME SO I RESORTED TO SKELIES KFJEOIW #But i don't regret it bc Yuso was the most fun thing I drew in a while #your art actually inspired me to actually tackle shading #And im happy with how it turned out :D #This is the least i can do for you #because HOW DARE YOU #YOU SICKINGLY LOVELY PERSON #I STILL STARE AT YOUR DRAWING #IT MAKES ME SO SO HAPPY YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW #RAAAAAAAAA #EVEN NOW IM STILL AT A LOST FOR WORDS #Hopefully the drawing makes up for that akajfoiewjg

[tacogoats]

Thinking about a Durge who has rejected Bhaal, and whatever person they used to be, but still secretly longs for their lost memories. A Durge that, despite the answers the man could give them, would never re-ignite that strange passion they were shown they once had for Gortash. A Durge that has, for all purposes to the others in their party, moved on. A Durge that, six months after that day atop the Netherbrain, at a party celebrating their new life, receives a strange letter with an even stranger gadget hidden inside.

The meeting at the inauguration was a strange one. Despite Gortash's very obvious elation at seeing what he'd called his 'dearest friend', the man had no hesitation very proudly detailing the Dark Urge's grand scheme; their grand design for the world to be.

In front of all their friends and 'new' lover, of course.

They were furious, and rightly so. Gortash must have known what he was doing. To isolate them, to bring them back to him. The person who accepted them for all they were, all they are, and all they could be - together.

It wasn't enough to win the Dark Urge back to him, and although they'd tentatively teamed up in the end - he had died. Not by the Urge's hand, but in some ways, his own. The group had left Gortash's body within the Prism, and simply moved on. There were bigger problems, and no one really was sad to see him go. Right?

The Urge remembers a letter found in Moonrise Towers. Gortash liked gadgets, according to Ketheric. Evidence was abundant enough with the Steel Watchers, among other things. The item is strangely shaped, entirely too small, and with a simple touch, comes to life.

It reminds them of the strange picture they had seen at the Iron Throne. Gortash's visage shone through a glass, moving, talking - warning them to leave. Answering them, praising them for listening.

What a strange contraption, they'd thought all those months ago.

And then, now, there he was again. A picture, in their hand. A moving picture. Speaking with his voice, wearing his weary face - so, so weary - but not the same as before.

This had passed already. The voice did not answer them this time. It was simply impossible - the man was dead, but not quite gone in this moment.

He speaks of the inauguration like it had just happened. His joy at seeing his favourite 'assassin' again, which he says with a sad smile and a moment of silence. A heavy sigh follows, rubbing at his eyes - which they can see are so much darker than they last remember.

He is tired.

Gortash speaks of their time together, before Orin - and how Orin torments him day and night now that they had both confirmed the Urge's return. She appears with their face, taunting him some days. Other days she sends assassins that wear the same, and he simply cannot let his guard down anymore. But he knew it was them that day.

They can see the exhaustion that pulls down his features, makes his words heavier. This is not the Archduke speaking to him in this moment - it is a tired, broken down man that has just seen a ghost.

Yet they cling to every word anyway, because even though this is a broken down man who is terrified of the ghost - the man still hopes the ghost will remember him, too.

They don't. But he doesn't know that, not this little picture of him, anyway.

The picture says that if they are seeing this recording, it means he is already dead - and although he had planned to sway them back to his side, he may not have been given the chance, and refuses to allow the opportunity to share what the two of them once had slip away.

He would gift unto them the memories that he could, even beyond death. The bloody ones, the happy ones, the painful ones.

And he talks, he smiles, he even cries.

And so do they.

#durgetash #dark urge x gortash #i dont usually write gushy things but i am trying to write fic of this i need to yell a bit #this has been sitting in my drafts i release it to the world now #dont look at me im cringe #i just think that my own dark urge would always long for their memories despite withers's warnings and #knows that gortash is the only person who could give it to them and selfishly sides with him because of it #and when gortash dies he knows all is lost. and accepts it. he has a new life now. its okay. (its not okay) #and when they see that funky lil thing in the letter They Know. They KNOW it's from That man #and there's a moment of hesitation as those words from withers flash in their mind again but nope fuck it. selfishness wins. #and even though the man was a monster - they were once eachother's monsters and - there are his answers. some of them anyway. #and he can finally let go of that : ) #i dont have a writing tag nor do i want one rn this is a rarity for me #bg3 epilogue spoilers #minor spoilers but still

[the-kipsabian]

watching old stuff (like, beginning of aew) and this is kips first match of tv/dynamite. the fact that he can hang with the fucking elite says so much of the level of talent he actually has

the crowd is chanting "this is awesome" while hes in the ring, having winning offense against matt jackson

hes being put on notice here. he makes people take a double take. he doing well in a tag match against the elite. he had a banger before with hangman. he won the first ever singles match in aew history

so fucking by god tell me why is kip sabian still overlook, under rated as all hell and not given opportunities to prove himself when back FOUR YEARS AGO he was this fucking good and now hes even better

#fuck it im tagging it im tired im angry fucking hell #kip sabian #IM SO FUCKING TIRED OF THIS CONVERSATION GOD GET TK ON THE PHONE I WILL YELL AT HIM #like. what fucking gives. what the fuck #i get it he got dealt with few bad cards (jh. miro. injury with long recovery. personal stuff) but still #they completely fucking halted his progress after his initial return. discarded a character with HUGE potential #after he lost to oc all of it went to hell and down the drain and now they just arent using him #do you understand what this does to a fan. like do you get it at all #do you know how fucking irrationally upset and scared i am that aew will just not only cut him from programming but also let him go #because they dont think hes a draw. cause they arent giving him a chance. not even a single one. maybe once in a blue moon #but its not enough. they dont understand what they are missing. and its making me sad and upset and angry #when hes tried so fucking hard and worked so fucking hard and always been so fucking good but they dont see it #god sorry this match got to me but i fucking mean every fucking word god #box thoughts

[scalproie]

my extremely corny and indulgent but satisfying and symbolic ideal scenario for Kazuya and Jin to fully Break The Cycle™️ would be for one of them to grab and save the other from falling off a great height. perhaps even a cliff.

#LIKE YEAH ITS CHEESY AND A BIT OOC AS OF NOW #BUT IMAGINE WITH THE PROPER BUILD UP FOR THIS TO HAPPEN #cause jin already *kind of* accepted his father by accepting himself. he's not *there* yet but he left him alive after all #and kaz has a lot of work ahead of him before he would even take that action but PLEASE. PICTURE IT. #i dont even know who i want to save who bc both works so well regardless #if its jin saving kaz. not only has jin never participated in the cliff-tossing curse of the family but he's actively preventing it #and as for kaz: for the first time someone is NOT letting him fall. kaz who sees falling as a proof of weakness. #of course he would probably see him getting helped as an humiliating form of weakness but just as jin learned in t8 that hes not alone #well maybe he could see that wow someone (other than jun) his blood- his SON is helping him despite it all. must be a weird feeling. #that right here right now for arguably the second time in his life- hes not alone. #and as for kaz saving jin... well frankly i dont even have the words. #it feels too indulgent to imagine kaz preventing his son from suffering a similar fate as him. and would confuse the hell out of jin #smth about both of them having lost their wings but still not being at risk of falling if theyre willing to have each other in this fight #or in their lives. #also its kaz willingfully breaking the cycle HIMSELF even after hes convinced himself that family hurting each other is part of their blood #idk. i love on-the-nose symbolism #ok im done being sappy #tagging later #tekken

[frecklystars]

i dont know what's wrong with me but i always feel so sad and heartbroken when i see Colt.

like i feel so overwhelmed with love for him but i really cannot imagine him loving me back. like. like. he's everything. and i'm just keri. y'know.

augh. it feels... impossible. like i am not Good Enough for him. he would not look twice at me. i didn't used to have this problem until i was abused for so long and now it's like... i cannot imagine receiving love unless if it is through violence. oogh. hurts my heart like a motherfucker. i miss the old me.

#before this year happened i was always SO 100% ready to self ship #i would look at ANYONE. any any ANY character in the WORLD #and i'd be like. oh they'd love me!!! no doubts in my mind whatsoever. they LOVE me!!!! even the worst villains ever!!! #BUT nowadays im constantly like. ok i am not good enough. i am not pretty enough #i am not [insert word here] enough no matter what i'd do to change my appearance or personality to fit someone's desires #i *never* used to look down on myself THIS often and to THIS degree #now i genuinely believe that i cannot be loved unless it is through violence #or that im only desirable if im in a vulnerable position where im in pain or hurting bc i was told it made me 'cute' #and like?? it's stupid? they're fictional? why can't i just... stop thinking that lowly of myself? #my abuser is gone so why am i still believing all of the things they said to me?? #i want Colt to love me for Me. i want Ken to love me for Me #but i also feel like. im unlovable to them unless if im useful or... bleeding or beaten up or something. christ #TF f/os are gone. out the window. i lost them. and im so scared of losing my Ryan F/Os too when i need them so badly #idk how to be myself bro i dont know where the old me is!!! #im being stupid im sorry i just gotta throw this into the void 😭 #vent #delete later #abuse mention

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#well. today was a nice day of not doing anything but drawing really. theres an au where i went to art school and am a happier person lol #except not really bc im sure my head would ruin that too. anyway. its a shame i have to return to the pain tomorrow. i have so much to grade #plus a paper to write plus data to work with. a protocol to figure out. and an exam to study for and a final project thatll kill me #god. i also have to get ready for lab Monday. christ. and what shall i say to my therapist Tuesday? well we could try to tackle the deep set #looming issue that prevents me from getting better in our tiny 50min session or i could be like listen. just fucking listen. let me give u #the case 4 and against me having adhd so i can stop feeling fucking nuts. just like give me feedback. ya kno? #it would b inattentive bc im not hyper unless im losing my mind and bordering on hyp0mania. but my focus is something i cant control #executive functioning has always been a problem but now im so worn down im in danger of actual consequences. and its not just things i dont #wanna do. im not just anxiously avoiding. i cant start tasks and stick with them. i flip back and forth and get nothing done. i spiral #sometimes for hours. im not doing anything fun im just not doing anything. frozen in anguish. i dont even wanna think abt how much money ive #lost by not filling out reimbursement sheets which arent hard to do. theyre easy i just never do them. why??? i dont fucking kno. but im not #forgetful. im thinking constantly abt these things. i just cant make them happen. theyre stuck buffering. i do have memory issues tho #my short term working memory is like that of a literal child. so i cant follow complex instructions. i constantly need new info. constantly #need sound. spoken words plus music at the same time. but the main reason i need an answer to this is the reading issue. which is that im #dyslexic but also my thoughts r like an interfering frequency. without realizing ill b thinking and not reading. its a problem no matter #what im reading. its severely disruptive. i will physically read out loud to try to hold my attention in place and still get distracted by #my own head. do u kno how frustrating it is to read something aloud 3 times and not know wtf u just read bc u arent thinking abt anything #interesting u would rsther b reading but u can't fucking pay attention long enough. genuinely if its not adhd and i cant get medication to #fix my focus issues i dont kno wtf im gonna do. im so bad at reading and its extremely frustrating. but is it just dyslexia? idk what i #described doesn't fucking seem normal or like a reading problem. sounds like a focus issue. so riddle me that #idk ive got adhd on both sides of my family plus my focus fluctuates with ny hormones plus homones possibly induce hyp0mania. like i mean #ive got other issues which make a diagnosis difficult to parse but like i feel like that's decent evidence for possibly adhd? my friend said #she was always worried she had a brain tumor before she was diagnosed. to me ive always felt like my brain is full of holes. im missing the #parts that would let it operate correctly. the frontal lobe is just fucked. ugh. i wonder how much accommodation i could get from the #disability office if i actually went to them. i wont bc im fucked up and i dont think they could actually do anything for me at this stage #but alas im curious. ugh. y do i do this to myself? i kno y but not enough time for that in 50min. bad attitude mostly. half my brain #just craves death. the other half is just trying to tread water but its hard with someone trying to drown u. so its all fucked #unrelated

[n7punk]

i want a neopets nostalgia website you can't log into, it just always looks like you're logged in to the original site circa late 2000s and the main purpose of the fansite is just to recreate the feeling of going onto neopets to do your dailies as a kid. you can click around the world map, and take something from the omelet even though you don't have an account and thus an inventory, and you can spin the wheels, and you can go look in the shops even though you cant really buy anything, and you can go play the old flash games because they've been converted somehow, and maybe there's even a fabricated issue of the neopian times you can check. like it's all very simplified and obviously entire sections of the site like the battle dome would be missing, but you can Get That Feeling again just by poking around. no accounts, so no logging in needed and no large server space or cybersecurity required for the host (not that the real neopets ever had the latter), i just want to click on little secrets on the world map and play the hannah trilogy or ice cream factory or caves & corridors again

#i watched the neopets controversies history video like two weeks ago and ive been thinking about neopets ever since #feel like shit just want her back.... #i have literally 0 clue what the site looks like now but i bet its Very Different #and i know a lot of games got lost in the flash conversion #like ive been tempted to make an account just to poke around one more time but 1) i hate making accounts #and 2) they have proven that they cannot handle the pressure of not giving your info out #i want to experience mcdonalds in-the-game era neopets again you feel me #in my perfect vision for this website even the random encounters are scripted into the pages with a boosted chance of occuring #since you're not going to be on the site long and they like. all have static references like its always One Pet In The Code that gets sick #or This Item that gets given or stolen #so it would be a lot simpler and still work with a dummy account page #but it would be there.... like even the money tree would be there just on a static cycle #that would be greatly reduced from how it worked actually lol #also does ANYBODY remember the game with the berries where you tried to get as many of them together as possible i cant remember the name #(also im going to continue gathering replies on that thing for a bit so you get neopets posting instead) #words and things #update: i went to the neopets website and its literally links to their merch and shit #i mean i know theres content there once you log in but wheres MY neopets!!

[fabulouslygaybean]

okay the only thing im eternally frustrated by as far as labels go, though, is that i feel like ill absolutely never be welcomed in aro spaces bc i still experience romantic attraction and the reasons behind me being arospec are rooted in trauma which seems to be Frowned Upon

#internet communities for arospec people r so fucking mean to folks who don't fit their perfect little labels #ive been experiencing more and more romantic attraction recently and it's isolating as hell #bc i still do consider myself to be on the arospec! it's just... complicated in ways i struggle to put into words #the more i think about it the more i realized it's probably from trauma though #late 2019 to late 2022 was spent barely surviving and i completely lost my sense of self during that time #i was too busy surviving and i just. genuinely Could Not feel romantic attraction to real people. it just stopped happening for a while #it's different now bc i can feel romantic attraction again even though it's weird and complicated #but man. it's isolating. people get mad if i call myself arospec now bc it's not like an Inherent thing about myself #it's just how my attraction has changed based on the circumstances #im kinda sick of it though #as in im sick of people being shitty. ive accepted being arospec at this point so that's not an issue lol

[snekdood]

idk who needs to hear this (vaush) but being a skilled debater and being Good With Words does not make you correct.

#just bc you can finesse your audience into believing anything you say bc you're good at convincing them STILL doesnt make you correct #on everything bud. #spewing incorrect shit just bc you know you can get away w convincing ppl of it makes you no better than the alt righters you hate #its like he learned he could convince everyone hes correct if he words things the right way and decided his biased opinions #was what everyone needed to be taught as fact. fucking wild. #'durr its not my fault if my audience uncritically believes everything i say' yeah it kinda is bc you kinda set it up as #'if you dont agree with me you're just dumb and dont know anything' #also even if you jokingly say 'im always right' doesnt mean 1. thats not gonna subconsciously effect you to make you think you Are #and 2. that doesnt mean everyone knows you're joking. #so fucking pissed at him for this. unbiased my ass #maybe he lost a huge chunk of fans all at once so hes doing everything he can to keep the remaining ones not sure #oh well. at least hes not as bad about it as keffals. though i am still starting to get culty vibes from vaushs audience now. #at least the ones perpetually in his chat. #also then again i wouldnt exactly consider keffals anything near a 'skilled debater' #and before any a yall accuse me of kds bitch idgaf about the noodles shit. its dumb. i understand nuance. #unlike yall who are devolving into b/w thinking where you think anyone critical of your faves is just a wokescold with #[enter name] derangement syndrome #only reason i stopped interacting w keffals shit is i realized she would never respect me as a person so yeah. same w vaush quite frankly. #keffals dismissing trans mascs. vaush acting like ppl who believe in shit are all mentally ill. yeah im over them for that shit. #like get fucked you up-your-own-asses elitist tools #ig that one applies to vaush more. keffals just doesnt care about anything but herself it seems like.

[mejomonster]

As I get older and older I more tangibly realize why queer individuals in older generations than mine might prefer words I wouldn't use for myself, and likewise why younger generations preferences would be different too. Like it was always clear you know, a person knows their identity best and what labels they prefer best and even if you don't get it you should respect it. But I guess the older I get the more I realize I really don't know and never can know the background another person has for their perceptions and meaning for labels and why something in particular helps them to use or not

#rant #lgbt #........................................................................................................................................... #i just. so im alive in the time i guess when i saw trans identities barely discussed like even in educational material i didnt #hear about gender identity until i dug deep. to people now using transmasc and transfemme as labels. labels i dont understand and know #i dont. i presume they mean trans people who identify with masculinity or femininity? but i think im probably wrong #because ive seen transmen call themselves transmasc and it confuses me. because a transman can be a very feminine person who loves makeup #so. one cannot say transmasc and actually Mean all trans men. a transfemme does Not include all transwomen because transwomen can be butch #and reject femininity. so like... from my outdated perception i see it as the cis straight societal gender expectations of men MUST be masc #women MUST be femme which. i hate. becayse i specifically feel all people should and can be whatever they want. #any man can be feminine any woman can be masculine any person can be any range on that and change daily and do what they want #and their gender is still valid. and then like. theres ppl like me. im nonbinary. im a pretty feminine guy #im a fairly masculine woman. i dont think i could even fit into transmasc or transfemme labels. #i do think those labels help and suit people who like them. if i met a nonbinary lipstick lesbian perhapa #transfemme would help her xommunicate how she feels. but those words dont help me they are boxes i cant fit inside #and i get why they exist but its like. cool. now i get why transman needs to be preserved Outside of transmasc. because feminine trans men #still need space. i get why masculinjty and femininity need to mean something clearly Separate from gender itself or we loose the ability #to express the range of gender expression in qll areas. i dont know what transexual means but now i realize why a person older than me #may LIKE that label and cling to it. because it may communicqte something For Them that helps them in a #way that was lost to understanding by my generation. in a way that the terms no longer useful for my self identity but is for them. #in the way that trans man and nonbinary fit me but i could never be fit within the labels of transmasc or transfem etc #and in the way that for some people transmasc etc labels will fit Them and Help in a way a label like transman never can. and so on

[merkerlerspeaks]

Ive seen some posts theorizing that 'oh wait what if betty wasnt that great and simon has just been putting her on a pedestal this whole time and has an idealized version of her in his head he is idolizing' & obviously he IS putting her on a pedestal (and idolizing her he has a whole Golb shrine) but if f&c goes the route of her not being good too him then it will be a waste of a whole show

#I can't find the posts I saw about this to determine if this is what they were saying/implying #I can't remember exactly what they said either so I can't say for sure if they were implying she was more dubious and meanspirited #than previously known #That is what I interpreted them as implying tho #so im not putting words in anyones mouth #but I am just saying that if she 'isn't so great actually' as in she was MEAN or something then it's a waste #also wouldn't make sense for her #she gave up everything for him #now if its 'not so great' as in they had couples spats #or she sometimes said things she shouldn't #or stuff like that then yeah obvs that's just how relationships are she isn't perfect #I mean we KNOW she's 'not so great' in that regard with how she handled him when he was ice king #she still loves & wants whats best for him tho #even if simon sees her through rose tinted glasses she's still good too him #merkerler speaks #its late im tired i saw one of the posts and lost it #it gave me things to say

[sludgeware]

hey if a Jewish person tells you anything about being Jewish and the struggles they face being jewish you always have to listen and be really niceys to them and help them kill their problems or else you are worse than the killer ok? /gen

#it makes me really upset that i used to be the classic Unaware Of Antisemitism Goy and it took Being Best Friends And Partners with #a jewish person to make me actually start to learn more sbout jewish culture and how to be aware of dogwhistles n shit like that #but im making up for lost time whenever i can by fighting for everyone in what little ways i can #fellow goyim. this is your sign to fucking Go do research n stuff on like. antisemitism and how to call it out when you see it #a jewish woman invented rhe first ever word-peocessing computer. jewish people invented brisket. #jewish people made so much for you yhat you love and even if rhey didn't theyre still People okay?????!!! #idk sorry my rants #i just think about it sometimes #go send your nearest jewish friend 200 dollsrs now ok? smile #puppibarks #i have to go to bed

[scuopsie]

U ever read a fanfic so good ur like ????? Dude how does ur brain produce these words and sentences ???? Mine just goes C O C K and i have to fill out the rest using random words….

#Im literally shook at the way this person has worded their words #like holy shit🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯 #i havent even finished reading #its too good and I’m too sleepy and stressed to read it now #and they have SO MANY monsta x works and are apparently still active! #maybe not all hope is lost <3 #niki screaming into the void

[aria0fgold]

I don't know what I'm doing with this fic's story anymore at this point, I'm just doing feck all but somehow it's also so fun to just... make it a lil wacky.

#aria rants #im still writing that mhyk fic. its like... getting so long i didnt intend this to get so long and im still not done but like #im also having so much fun with it like-- i cranked up my fuck it we ball meter with this and now i cannot be stopped #i dont even know if im doing these characters justice and ohgod i hope i am actually cuz this is nearing 5k words and its not #even done yet like im in a bit of a pickle here but also its kinda fun to just let loose a bit with the funny-ness of the story #cuz like this fic's story is set in modern times. the 3 characters in it are students with 1 that im partially projecting some #of my own oc's (alec's) traits too cuz i dont know much bout this character other than he likes art. is likeable. war changed him #to be quite jaded but frankly understandable cuz its war but also cuz he lost an arm during that war and that yikes for an artist #basically all i know bout this guy is that all he ever wanted was peace and harmony between wizards and humans and to fulfill #his dream of being a painter (which sadly comes only second cuz hes a prince and was crowned king) so now in my fic #since all the characters are younger than their canon counterparts cuz modern au and school setting. i just made him energetic #as can be. still an artist. hes roommates with another character. wants the other character which is the other half of the pairing im #supposed to write for to be his muse but its like... a shenanigan thing tryna get to that while he also has a gay panic #anyway im writing for alefau where i projected some of alec's traits (im so sorry and for shame on me) on a character whos name is #also alec cuz my brain is built the way that it is but also cuz i barely know anything bout the guy my own son was my best bet at helping #me write this fic and i dont even know what happening anymore its like the characters got a mind of its own now and im just #narrating and typing all that theyre doing and ive been stuck writing this fic for hours now its 3 am

[decaffeinateddreams]

meow

#hiding the real post in the tags like a loser #finally got myself 2 make the phone call to the therapy office i ghosted out of fear #and im finally scheduled to start therapy!!! #this happened like two days ago but im still thinkinh about it #hopefully ill be working thru my social anxiety that got 10x worse since covid ended #and maybe i wont drop off the face of the earth to everyone but my bf now #from here on its a vent #kinda #but i am. really tired of being so scared to talk to people #i cant even text my mom anymore #its hard to just. give my gfs parents my food order when im at their house #not to mention how many of my friends i dont talk to for. ages and ages because the longer i dont talk to them the scarier it is #i lost my job half because of my social anxiety #and i havent been able to find one since for other reasons #i wish people werent so scary #or intimidating #or whatever other word that almost describes the feeling but never will fully #sighs #tw vent