#Down The TBR Hole

[allithebookgiraffe]

Down the TBR Hole 6

Hello readers! I am happy to see how many people loved the bookmark I created yesterday. It already has 10 downloads. I have a couple more that I might just throw up on a future Sunday Post. Essentially, you go through 5 to 10 books per post (I usually do 8) on your Want to Read shelf on Goodreads and purge all the ones you know you won’t be getting to anytime soon. If you want to see a more…

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#2024 #Akwaeke Emezi #bookish #Down the TBR Hole #Freya Marske #Goodreads #Jennifer L Armentrout #Lucy Parker #May #May 2024 #Sarah J Maas #Scott Thomas #Silvia Moreno Garcia #spring #Spring 2024 #Want to Read

[therealimintobooks]

Down The TBR Hole (#4 for me) ~ #DTTBRH

Down The TBR Hole is a meme originally created by lost in a story but Lia has given me permission to adopt it since she is no longer blogging, the only thing changing is you can now linkup to your post. This meme will revolve around cleansing your TBR of all those books you’re never going to read and sort through it all to know what’s actually on there. This will post every Thursday so If and…

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#Down The TBR Hole #DTTBRH

[charlisbookbox]

Down the TBR Hole #9

This week I removed 3 book sand kept 2. Find out what was removed and what stayed on Charli's Book Box...

So I found Down the TBR Hole on Pages & Plots, but I’ve also seen it on Kerri McBookNerd, and Read to Ramble. It was originally created by Lost in a Story (blog unavailable). Basically you go to Goodreads, look at your “Want to Read” shelf, order it in ascending order of when the books were added, then take the first 5 (or more) books, read the synopsis and then decide whether or not to keep the…

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#Down the TBR #Down the TBR Hole #TBR

[bulletsfrank]

where’s my autistic besties with hyperfixations that are too niche or specific to ever just get into in normal conversation

#i can’t just say to someone who doesn’t know me we’ll messaging me i’m digging even deeper into pripyat and reading about the nuclear power #plants of the soviet union #and that it led me down a rabbit hole into nuclear meltdowns we don’t even know the severity of because it #of the soviet union disbanding in 91 #screams and unhinges my jaw i LOVE RADIATION IT IS TBE MSOT INTERESTING THING IN TBR WORLD #LOVE AS IN FASCINATED i don’t want nuclear power plants to explode thanks

[anincompletelist]

[ vol i | vol ii | vol iii | fic rec fridays ]

hi all! :D I have slowly but steadily been knocking things off of my tbr list, a few classics and a few newer fics, and they've been AMAZING! as per usual I wanted to share before the list gets too long for next time!

as always, please remember to leave kudos and a comment if you enjoyed the fic or show support in other ways, and be kind! mind the tags and if you come across something you dislike, please kindly (and quietly) move on.

happy new year and happy reading y'all! <3

Have you ever been alone in a crowded room? | @hgejfmw-hgejhsf | T+ | 5k

When the Legendary Balls-Out Bananas White House Trio New Year's Eve Party is interrupted by a security threat, Henry, Pez, Nora, June, and Alex find themselves locked in the White House library for their own protection with nothing but time, a few bottles of champagne, and some lighthearted conversation, until a single question threatens to change everything for Henry.

(+ read their first au fic here ahh!)

muscle memory | @dumbpeachjuice | E | 30k

It's been ten years since Alex was in London to stage a PR friendship with Henry after ruining the royal wedding. It's also been ten years since Alex dropped to his knees in front of Henry in a Kensington Palace kitchen. But now Henry's in the Hamptons for the summer, and who should he bump into? None other than Alex Claremont-Diaz, who happens to be working in New York all summer long.

You Are the Wave I Could Never Tame | bleedingballroomfloor | E | 12k

That should be it. Henry is doing his job; the pool is getting cleaned, and Alex shouldn’t think anything more of it. Then why does he feel the slightest bit of disappointment when he walks back to the pool house and Henry isn’t there? Or, the pool boy Henry AU that I couldn't stop thinking about until I wrote it.

if evil, why so cute? | @everwitch-magiks | E | 5k

Alex’s cat hates Alex, but loves Henry, the Bookstagram influencer who’s on vacation in Alex’s quiet seaside town. And while Alex is pretty salty about his grumpy cat’s inexplicable affection for a complete stranger, he must admit he can see the appeal; Henry is fucking gorgeous. It’s why Alex follows him on Instagram in the first place. It's just, Alex had never thought he’d be officially introduced to Henry by his own goddamn cat. Or: Henry takes a two-week vacation to a seaside cabin with the intent to read a lot of books. Instead, he has a lot of sex.

Just like that | @myheartalivewrites | E | 10k

When Henry comes home from a date frustrated by the guy’s lack of expertise, Alex starts having thoughts. And then, because he’s Alex, he sticks his big foot in his even bigger mouth.

(@myheartalivewrites listen I fell down a rabbit hole ok and if I could rec your entire ao3 here I would -- OH WAIT I CAN)

In His Wildest Dreams | @myheartalivewrites | E | 11k

Set in and around the Henry bonus chapter, this is a story about Henry and Alex’s hectic schedules, family appearances etc. pulling them apart, and about what starts to happen between them, in the quiet of night: their sleeping bodies turning to each other, finding their sweet spots and opening up. And Alex and Henry learning a lot about each other in the process

Be Worthy Love, and Love Will Come | @sparklepocalypse | E | 30k

"For Christmas this year, all I would like is a best friend who doesn’t mind too much that I’m a prince. Most of my classmates poke fun because of who I am, or treat me like I’m too special to be their friend. I want a best friend who knows me as much as my family does and still likes me. I know that you can’t wrap a best friend up in a box and put it under the tree, but you’re magic so you know the best way to bring one." (Movieverse canon divergence; Prince Henry, age 8, writes to Father Christmas wishing for a best friend. A few weeks later, he finds one.)

A Picture on Your Corkboard | bleedingballroomfloor | M | 23k

It happens on a random morning in May when Alex, age fourteen, pads into the kitchen to greet his mother and steal a waffle from June's plate and sees a man sitting at their breakfast counter, reading a newspaper, a cup of coffee raised to his lips. Like he belongs. Like it's the most natural thing in the world. June doesn't seem to give the man a second thought. She merely flicks Alex on the forehead and takes back the waffle. Ellen isn't worrying, either. In fact, she's talking to him. Asking what his schedule is like. Making plans for dinner. Alex has never seen this man before in his life.

I want to mark my skin (it is paper thin) | @violetbaudelaire-quagmire | M | 10k

To: [email protected] From: [email protected] Subj: Tattoo Reference Attached: 1 file (orionsketch.jpg) Hello, Attached you’ll find a line art drawing of the constellation Orion. The shoulder blade is the intended location. Best, H.J. Fox [OR: It's a Tattoo Shop AU!]

(Dil)Do It Yourself | @happiness-of-the-pursuit | E | 16k

“Listen,” Nora starts, turning her body once more so that she’s sitting sideways in the chair with her legs thrown across the armrest. “I did the math. There’s a 79% chance you’re gonna become a slut to the power of the prostate, and while we’re not dating anymore, it’s my duty as your fellow slutty bisexual to get this party started.” Or, when Nora drags Alex to a holiday dildo workshop, he doesn’t expect to find someone to use it with.

just a figure of speech | @congee4lunch | E | 17k

“Like I said: Alphas really don’t know how to fuck.” “And like I said,” Alex sets down his mug and steps closer to Henry. “I can fuck and I know how to fuck you so well, you’ll see stars, baby.” [henry, an omega, hasn’t had good sex in a long time. as his alpha roommate and friend, alex can help with that. in a totally platonic bro way, of course]

+

saving some for next rec, I'll see you all then! enjoy, and remember to show support if you did! <3

xx

#my fic recs #fic recs #rwrb #red white and royal blue #firstprince #Alex x henry #RWRB fic #red white and royal blue fanfic #firstprince fic

[lostbetweenvampiresandmusic]

Stories and hospital beds

Marko x reader

-----------------------------------------

If the room had been a little warmer, I could have almost claimed that I was comfortable. That was, of course, forgetting the fact that I could not move my leg (it was stuck in bandages) and that my ribs were hurting with every breath I took. If I'm completely honest with myself, I have a hard time remembering how exactly I ended up in the hospital.

Last night, Marko had taken me out on a date. We had dinner in a fancy restaurant - he'd even dressed up a little for the occasion, although I greatly regretted him not wearing either a crop top or his jacket. I loved that coat. We talked for hours, and afterwards, we went down to the boardwalk. He dragged me into the haunted house, chuckling whenever I got scared and held on to him tightly. We went on the rollercoaster, the ferris-wheel - obviously we kissed when we got stuck at the top. It had been a great night. Absolutely fantastic.

With a pained sigh, I realised what had happened. Markos' bike had been messed with. He had it parked outside the boardwalk as usual, but when we got on to go back to the cave, he mentioned that the bike felt different. That something was off. He even got off to check if he could find what was wrong, but he couldn't. Even so, he made me wear a helmet, just to be sure. Last night , I laughed at the idea - I trust him with my life, and I knew he would get me home safely.

But now, I am glad he forced me to wear that helmet. If I hadn't worn it, I am certain I would have been in a coffin right now. Once we took off, Marko decided to keep to the main roads, still not fully trusting his bike. We were lucky that he did because the second he hit 20 miles an hour, he lost control. The bike swerved, falling over. Marko, with his vampire speed, managed to get away with hardly a scratch. I, however, human that I am, got trapped under the bike. As the bike shoved over the ground for another couple of feet, I got dragged along. Both my legs were completely open, gravel sticking to the bloody skin. I could hardly breathe with the weight of the bike on top of me. Marko quickly lifted the bike up, pushing it aside. When he tried to help me up, I broke down in tears crying out in pain. It hurt so much, I couldn't move.

"Let me see, hon," he said, carefully laying me back on the ground. He gently lifted my shirt, hissing quietly as he saw the damage. "They're bruised," he said softly as he lowered my shirt. "Broken, perhaps. I need to call an ambulance. I'll be right back."

He pressed a soft kiss on my lips before rushing off to the phone cell, a block away. He returned quickly as promised, and he spent the whole night with me. Keeping me company, holding me when the doctors and nurses performed their examinations. By morning, however, he had no choice but to leave. As much as I didn't want him to go, I didn't want to find my mate burned to crisp.

During the day, I got a visit from my roommate, who brought along some books that had been on my tbr. Nurses came and went, and I spent most of the day in and out of consciousness, loving the moments of sleep since they brought along a moment of peace.

I was asleep, when Marko entered my room that evening. "Your friend needs their rest, so we gave them some sleeping medicine," one of the nurses told him. "But they might still benefit from you being here with them, you know. Knowing someone's there to take care of you is also very beneficial for the healing process."

Marko nodded, holding my hand as he watched me sleep. His eyes landed on my tbr pile. He hated reading, never really found a point to it - but he knew how much I loved it. And he knew how much I loved hearing his voice. So, he grabbed the very first book he could find, and he began to read.

"In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit. Not a nasty, dirty, wet hole, filled with the ends of worms and an oozy smell, nor yet a dry, bare, sandy hole with nothing in it to sit down on or to eat: it was a hobbit-hole, and that means comfort."

He read, further and further into the story. His voice was smooth and calming, and I slowly found myself waking up. The more he read, the more he got into the story. He began to give specific voices to the characters. Even without him telling me, I could hear when it was Bilbo or Gandalf speaking. As I woke up fully, I looked at him with a soft smile.

"Hey, how're you feeling?"

I grimaced slightly. "Tired, if you can believe it. And in pain."

"I'm so sorry this happened, babe."

"No, no, this is not on you - or me for that matter. Someone messed with your bike. I'm just glad you got me to wear that helmet."

"Me too," he was about to close the book, but refrained from doing so upon seeing my face. "You want me to continue?"

"As long as you don't mind?" I asked, moving a bit so he could lay down next to me on the bed. "It keeps my mind off of this -" I motioned to my body, "and I like how you tell the story."

"This is just a ploy so you can get me to read your favourite books."

"No, but if this is what it takes, then I don't mind," I teased, smiling as he continued to read to me.

#the lost boys #marko #david #paul #tlb #dwayne #the lost boys 1987 #tlb 1987 #the lost boys x reader #lost boys

[zzoguri]

[part one] of guitar strings and peeled tangerines (i’ll bruise my fingers just for you)

non-idol!jacob bae x reader, slight non-idol!ji changmin x reader

when you are unable to continue staying in the city, you are forced to move back to the small provincial town you begged to stay away from. but when you come face-to-face with the reliable village co-chief, jacob bae, you learn that your stay won’t be so pleasant after all.

genre/warnings ➵ childhood friends to strangers to lovers, slow burn, slice of life, angst, slight fluff!, afab reader (they/them pronouns), hurt/comfort, flashbacks, being lost (and trying to figure things out) in your late 20s, a lot of trauma that stem from mommy issues (tiger moms :')), themes of grief, forgiveness, and pressure to succeed, quitting your job & lying to everyone out of shame, realizing you have grown out of your hometown, ju haknyeon is your lovely best friend, jacob bae has issues with you </3, you two also work together, use of nicknames, alludes to someone's death, depictions of panic attacks

word count ➵ 8.2k words

parts ➵ check out the series masterlist

taglist ➵ @deoboyznet @kflixnet @blankjournal @winterchimez @miusgirl @jenoscafe @sweet-unicorn-world @vernyangel @mosviqu @tbzhub

a/n ➵ SHE'S DONE!!! SHE'S OUT!!! EARLY RELEASE YUP!!!! needed this out just to give me time to work on the fic exchange event </3 please be patient for the other parts (there will be more jacob and reader interaction </3) this is very slow burn so i hope you guys will stick with me all throughout! i hope you all enjoy! i would really appreciate it if you could take the time to reblog this (even if it's in your tbr!)

want to be part of my taglist? send me an ask! main masterlist

The first steps you take are ones you don’t remember; the first time you managed to stand on your own two feet in front of your parents, the first words you say to your dad—poopy—as he changed your diapers, even the first book you read to yourself. (It’s The Rainbow Fish by Marcus Pfister, though you probably didn’t understand the string of words at the time)

Yet, within the four corners of your mind, a cardboard box labeled “do not throw” sits by one of them. It stores fractions of moments that’ll never get lost in a hole that time continues to shovel down; your first day in kindergarten where you scraped your knee from playing, and the first friend made in your first years of school who you cannot help but think about until now.

But most of all, you’ll never forget the aspirations that propelled you to where you stand today. The desire to be good—great, even—so that you could prove that you are capable never seemed to dwindle. And no matter all the times the ambition felt like it would slip from your fingertips, you gripped it tighter than ever, forming calluses all over. You couldn’t allow yourself to settle for less. You had to prove yourself to someone—one who underestimates while expecting everything from you.

It’s funny; a monologue about determination and pride only for you to stand in your apartment littered with boxes filled with household items, ready to move out of busy Seoul. You stand in the middle of the mess, chewing on your bottom lip as your eyes scan through the items that need to be packed and sold.

“Appa, I’m sorry again for causing you trouble,” you whisper.

A chuckle sounds out from the other end of the line. “What’re you sorry for? I’m happy that you’re coming back home!” You sigh as you sit down on your couch. It’ll be the last time you ever get to sit on it until you move tomorrow.

“I swear, I’ll be back on my feet soon enough. It’s just that,” you try to keep your heart at bay. “HR is forcing me to use my vacation days, and rent here is impossible without me doing work.” The lie leaves your mouth like how you practiced it over the past weeks.

You couldn’t stand to break your dad’s heart with the truth. The child who should’ve succeeded had turned into an unemployed individual. Who would’ve expected that you, out of all people, would quit your job? It paid well and kept you afloat amid Seoul, and you wonder why you did that in the first place.

Now, you stand between crossroads without any road signs. Without a clue of which track to thread on, you take steps back rather than moving forward. You were supposed to reach another height your father could commemorate. Instead, you’re back in the town you grew up in—the place you’ve grown to hate, the one you abandoned for the right reasons—and you can only imagine the disappointment that will coat your father’s face as he has to shelter you once more.

The brown container that sits in the corner of your mind doesn’t only store the trinkets that are in good shape—it holds novelties that bring sorrow. No matter how many times you wish you could chuck it down the endless hole, these tangible fragments always land back in the box as if they never left. The case can never be thrown away; there’s nothing you can do but leave it as is, stirring away from it as much as you can.

“I really don’t mind. I mean, it’s been years since I last saw you,” your dad says, and you cannot help but bite the inside of your cheek.

“Still, I’m sorry I sprung this on you last minute.” Your eyes land on a picture frame that hangs on the wall. A picture of you and your coworkers during one of the team buildings; it’s your favorite memory with them. “I would’ve asked my friends if they could help me out but they didn’t have the space to accommodate me.”

This time, you were telling the truth. Kim Namjoon from Production and Kang Seulgi from Marketing, your friends from your old job, didn’t have enough room for you in their respective places. You didn’t want to inconvenience them with your troubles, anyway. Ultimately, it’s your fault for leaving your job after all, and it’s not your friends' responsibility to take care of you.

“Y/N,” your father starts. “I said it’s fine. I’m happy to take you back because I miss you.” You pout at his words. Although you had the right reasons to leave home, you felt bad that you abandoned him as well. You two tried to stay in touch through short calls you managed to squeeze into your busy schedules, but you know that it could never replace the comfort of physical presence.

“Appa,” you whine out as you lean back on the couch, the leather squeaking against the friction. “I miss you, too,” your dad chuckles on the other end of the line; it’s a sound you haven’t heard in a while.

As you stare at the opened boxes, you let out a sigh. “Appa, I’ll have to go. I still need to finish packing and sending some items away.” He hums in acknowledgment. “I’ll see you by next week, okay?”

“I’ll pick you up from the station.”

You chuckle before saying, “Appa, it’s fine. I still know my way around town.”

“Still! I want to help you out with your luggage, and the town has changed a bit since you last visited for—”

“I get it,” you cut him off. He doesn’t say anything after that. “I’ll figure it out. I want you to focus on your restaurant, okay?” He only hums. 

A beat passes. You’re about to say something until he beats you to it. “I’m sorry, I didn’t think—”

“Appa, it’s fine.” The tone is convincing, but you two knew about the sensitive issue that he almost touched on. A sigh leaves your lips. “I mean it, okay? You don’t have to worry.” The last thing you wanted is for your dad to worry about you again; he’s done enough of that while you were still under his care.

“But I’ll always worry about you because I care. You know that, right?” You bite the inside of your cheek, letting out a hum. Your dad sighs before saying, “Okay, I’ll let you go now. I’m sure you have a lot of things to do.”

You smile to yourself. “Okay. I’ll see you soon, Appa.”

“Bye, Gyul-ah.”

Warmth spreads to your heart. It’s been a while since you heard him call you that—mandarin orange. To you and him, clementines and tangerines looked and tasted the same, no matter what other people tried to convince you of their differences. The fruits were staples in your childhood home, always peeled and ready to eat.

“Bye, Appa.” The call drops. You move your phone to the side before letting out a sigh. You look at the mess that surrounds you. It’s tough work but one that must be done. You’re staying there for two weeks, and you’ll return to your life in Seoul right after. You’ll be able to find a job within that time frame, right?

Six years ago—that was the last time you visited this town. In your time away, it still looks the same. Unlike Seoul, the sky isn’t polluted by the exhaust from cars or the blaring lights of every skyscraper. Puffy white clouds contrast the bright blue.

The sounds of cicadas fill your ears, and the heat pierces your skin. God, you remember why you disliked staying here, and it wasn’t just from the minor issues. So many reasons to leave, and yet, you’re back here with no choice.

A sigh leaves you as you step out of the train. The station looks the same as the last time you left; rust covers the arms of benches, the clock still ticks slower than the one on your wrist, and leaves are scattered all over the floor. You notice only a few passengers have gotten off this stop (five people including you) and you only wonder what business they have here.

Nothing is interesting about where you grew up. It’s a rural area; the fields of fruits and vegetables, a small communal market at the center of town, and only around 200 residents living in this area. It’s a small town—what could’ve changed over the years?

You step out of the station, luggage trailing behind you, and you bump into the busy community. In their arms were crates of produce; vegetables, fruits, eggs, you name it. The faces that passed you were familiar ones, but no one seemed to recognize you. Maybe you grew out of your 18-year-old self. And you expect to feel a sense of relief take over—you have finally grown out of your past—but you feel more displaced than ever.

But before you can dwell on it, you hear someone call your name. The voice is familiar, one you haven’t heard in ages, and your eyes land on a boy—your first friend back in kindergarten. Your heart soars at how much he’s grown. He comes rushing to you with a crate of oranges and drops it as soon as he stands in front of you.

“Juhak,” the nickname leaves your lips, a smile following.

Before you know it, he brings you into a hug; it’s one you haven’t felt in years. “I haven’t seen you in ages!” He smells of citrus, probably from the fruits he was handling. The scent reminds you of home; tangerines and clementines in every corner, unpeeled and ready to consume. Your arms wrap around him, your face snuggling into his shoulder, and you breathe him in—almost to make up for all the years spent separated.

Ten years ago—that was the last time you saw your childhood friend, Ju Haknyeon. The difference between him when you first left versus now isn’t stark. Long gone is his fluffy hair, and a short fringe is what he sports. He’s grown a few inches taller, and he’s definitely gotten more muscle on him. But baby fat still fills his cheeks, and he flashes you a toothy grin; it’s a Juhak signature. In this man, a part of your best friend still resides.

“I—wow, I don’t even know what to say,” he says as he rests his hands on his hips, taking in the sight of you. “Can’t believe you’re dressed up like that.” The chuckle that leaves his lips has you rolling your eyes. Clothed in a pair of jeans whose material seems hotter than fleece and a long-sleeved shirt, you were not dressed for this type of heat. This outfit is normal back in Seoul, even something you would wear during summer, but you’ve forgotten how different the heat is back here.

“Sorry, didn’t know there was a dress code.” It’s laced with sarcasm, and Haknyeon snorts. You pull on your collar, letting the air pass and graze your skin. You smile at him. “It’s been a while.”

“Yeah,” Haknyeon gulps down nothing. It’s a habit of his—swallowing nothing whenever he couldn’t find the right words to say. You’re almost shocked at how his antics are still the same even ten years later.

Silence takes over. In those few seconds, you two allow for it to settle. You two couldn’t believe you’d finally set foot back into this town, and the joy of reuniting with an old friend shifts into discomfort. The reality sinks in—you abandoned your best friend without any notice. 

You divert your gaze to the ground. In your peripheral vision, you spot him picking up the crate. “I, uhm,” you fix your posture, back straight as you stare back at him. A gentle smile rests on his lips, and you’re only reminded of how shitty you were to leave this town with no way to contact you. “I’m—yeah, I don’t even know where to start.”

He laughs, shaking his head. “I’m assuming you're on your way to Abeoji.” He glances at the luggage behind you. As you hum, he says, “I’ll go with you.”

Your eyes widen at his offer, taking a glimpse at the crate he holds. “What about work?” 

“Lucky for you, I just need to drop this off at the market and then we can go.” He flashes you a smile, and you nod, accepting his request and hauling your luggage as you walk side-by-side with him.

As you two make your way to the center, you take in the features of the town. The buildings are shorter than the skyscrapers in Seoul, reaching only two levels high. There were marts selling different products; school supplies, ingredients, amenities, you name it. In every establishment, it would be filled with people who know each other. No matter who you passed, every store clerk had a relationship with the customers, and every customer seemed to know the other shoppers as well. It’s a tight-knit community, you always knew that, but it still amazes you that such an attitude persists after your disappearance.

“Here we are,” Haknyeon says, causing you to halt your steps. “This won’t take long.” Before you know it, he enters the establishment. The store clerk’s expression instantly brightens at the sight of him. As you watch the two interact through the glass window, your heart is enveloped in warmth. It feels similar to the glow in a fireplace—toasty enough to bring you comfort until your hand is too close to the source, leaving a mark that can only be soothed by cold water. The sight shows that Haknyeon is doing well, but it’s enough to remind you of what you missed out on during your absence.

He makes his way out of the store, hands-free, and grins at you. “Well, ready to visit Abeoji?” You nod before walking to your dad’s restaurant. You two make your way out of the center, entering the quieter parts of town. The chatter turns into mumbles and the buzzing of cicadas takes over.

“So, Abeoji renovated the restaurant,” Haknyeon starts. You glance at him before letting your eyes trail back to the path you take.

“Really? How different does it look?” Your dad never mentioned this. Even when you came back to visit six years ago, you were unaware of such plans. But you remember that you two never talk (and you mean actually talk). In your phone calls, it was always small talk—Hi, Appa. Are you doing well? Okay, I’ll ask the same question tomorrow. Bye—and never about what occurred in your separate lives.

“It’s nicer. It still has a wood interior, the chairs, the tables, you know.” You hum at what he says, glad to know that it won’t be too different from the restaurant you grew up with. “But the kitchen is a lot nicer and not as cramped. It’s still small and cozy. Your dad added sleeping quarters to the back.” You look at Haknyeon but he only looks straight, eyes still on the track you two take. 

His revelation made you wonder how much your father had to face all while you were gone. All while you were off in Seoul barely getting by, you can only imagine what your dad must’ve gone through. The waves crash against your heart, dragging it into the sea of black and consuming it as if it were nothing. Did you even have a heart if you abandoned everyone ten years ago?

He meets your gaze, a grin on his lips. “I’m so glad to see that you’re back!” You smile back at him. “If you don’t mind me asking, what brought you back? Does Abeoji have a problem?” His question isn’t meant to be invasive. Out of all people, Haknyeon knew how to respect your boundaries. You wish you could tell him the truth—you’re unemployed and you have nowhere to go but here. And yet…

“Oh, I’m on leave.” His eyebrows raise in shock. “My company told me I need to use my vacation days. It’s part of the policy, you know.” The only truth that stands is that your old company did require you to use those allotted days; it’s their way of ensuring that they aren’t overworking their employees.

“Wow! Didn’t know city life was that progressive,” Haknyeon laughs. “I would’ve gone to Seoul if I knew that.”

You bite the inside of your cheek. “I just got lucky with my company. Work is still work, you know?” He hums along. “I’m guessing you still work with your parents?” It’s a fair assumption considering his family has one of the more giant fruit farms in town.

“Yup!” His eyes sparkle. “I’m going to be taking over the business once Appa retires.” You forget how much Haknyeon enjoys this place. Never once do you remember him ever considering a life in the city, away from the noisy cicadas and troublesome flies. All he needs is found here.

“How’s the city?”

You hum, thinking about where to start. “Everything is cramped but far apart,” you chuckle as you shake your head. “The buildings are so close together but you need to commute to get around, and it’s hard to travel during rush hour.”

Haknyeon scrunches his nose. “That sounds awful.” You nod. “But I’m sure your friends helped you out in adjusting.” He meant to say it with sincerity but the tone is like ice water being thrown at you—a reality check of what you had done to him. You know of your sin—it’ll be one you need to repent for.

You two finally arrive in front of a small building, one that resembles a house. The roof used to be crimson with splotches of black, and the walls were once off-white. But the new look of your dad’s restaurant is a sight to behold; a cream-colored roof and walls painted in basil green with potted plants littered at the front.

“Well, here we are!” Your eyes snap back to Haknyeon. He holds the same smile he first shot when he spotted you in the crowd. “How long will you be staying?”

“Around two weeks.” That’s what you hope.

“That’s good to hear! We should catch up while you’re still here.” Knowing him, this isn’t an empty request; it’s one that you must fulfill. So you nod, smiling before making your way to the door. Your hand rests on the knob; you don’t know if you should turn it.

“There’ll be a party by the community hall tomorrow.” You gaze at him. He stands afar, chest open with a gashed heart. It bears the marks of your fingertips; he still hands it to you. “Your dad is coming, and I’m sure everyone else would love to meet you.” 

It’s Haknyeon’s attempt to involve you with the community once more—to give you a reason to stay—but it won’t be enough. Melancholy fills the air. The repulsive stench clings to every corner of town—only you can smell it—and that scent accompanies your sins; they take form in the faces of those you know. You didn’t want to be face-to-face with the one person you’ve disappointed the most.

“I’ll see.” It’s a whisper, one that signifies your hesitation. You’re sure he knows what that phrase means; it never changed during your years away. But he settles for a smile, not bothering to convince you otherwise. The ball is in your courtside, and it’s your choice on what you want to do with it.

“I’ll see you, okay?”

You nod and twist the doorknob, and the bells chime as it signals your arrival. “Bye.” A final glance and grin are what you spare him before you enter the restaurant. And when you close the door behind you, you realize that it’s not only the outside that carries the stench. Within these four walls, the scent is accompanied by murky waves. Every part of this town floods you with nothing but misery.

Picture frames litter the walls; photographs of the community, the sceneries of town, and artworks from unknown artists. Some you recognize back in the days you stayed here after class but others were new. In a sea of potted plants that hang from the ceiling, incandescent bulbs glow within the expanse of green. You once remember the lack of greenery in this restaurant. But the chairs and table are the same ones from then, their wood getting discolored with age. You’re almost sure you can find your old carvings if you spend time looking for them.

Every corner of this restaurant held a piece of the past amongst the new—a part of what you’re familiar with within the abundance of the unfamiliar—but these do nothing to drive away the stench. If anything, the scent intensifies. A face mask cannot do anything to keep you from smelling it. You’re only left to suck it in and plague you with memories you’ve pushed down. 

“Gyul-ah!” Your father comes in, a grin on his face. There are more lines on his face, a sign that he has gotten older over the time you were gone, and you are glad to witness him at this age. Not many people can say they’ve seen their parent’s hair turn white and wrinkles get deeper. The sight of him is enough to twist the valves, almost turning on the waterworks, but you keep your hand firm on the knobs. Today, you weren’t going to allow yourself to cry.

But you run to him, leaving your luggage by the front door, and wrap your arms around him. You bury your face into his shoulder, breathing him in for the first time in six years, and he embraces you. He smells of baby powder, the same brand you used back when he took care of you, and you realize that he keeps parts of the past to hold pieces of you. You can only imagine how much you’ve grown since he last saw you.

You grin at him when your head finally leaves the space between his neck and shoulder. You two untangle yourselves from each other. For a moment, you let yourselves bathe in each other’s presence; it’s a miracle after all.

“You continue to grow and become more beautiful with time,” he starts, his hand reaching out to your shoulder. He draws circles, almost as if he’s trying to process your presence. “But I know the child in you still lives,” he attempts to come to terms with how he barely knows you, but you won’t disagree—not this time, at least.

“Appa, I love what you did with the place. How come you never mentioned it?”

He shakes his head, retracting his hand from you. “Ah, it’s nothing. We’re busy with our own lives, so I didn’t want to trouble you with the details.” It’s a direct strike on your heart, but it’s the truth. “But I’m glad that you’re here to see it yourself. It makes the reveal a lot more authentic.”

“Yeah.” You bite the inside of your cheek.

“I’d love to catch up, but I need to prepare and open the restaurant,” he sighs before making his way to the door, flipping the sign that once said “closed” to “open.” “My employee will be late, so I’ll need to work extra hard for the time being.”

You frown. “Late? Why?” You quickly make your way to grab the luggage and drag it to the counter where the cashier is. “Let me help out.” You didn’t give him time to share the reason. 

“No, it’s okay,” your dad’s attempt to reassure you does nothing. His gaze rests on you as he slowly approaches where you stand. “You should settle from your long journey. I’m sure the ride was exhausting.”

“Appa, I only sat in the train for a few hours, and during the ride I was asleep. I want to help.” Before he knows it, you’re already dragging your luggage to the back of the restaurant.

“At least put your things in the quarters!”

The last time you worked in your dad’s restaurant was ten years ago. Back then, you used to work with the cashier and clean dishes. But when you are left to handle all those tasks and tend to customers while your father focuses on cooking, it feels impossible. As the hand of the clock strikes 2:00 p.m., customers have made their way out of the restaurant. You can finally catch your breath.

Your dad exits the kitchen, spotting you leaning on the counter. “It’s nice to see that you still have it within you.” He doesn’t mean to mock you, you know that, but the sting of his words is still felt. Years spent in Seoul will never diminish the skills you learned from working under your father.

“How do you even manage? I mean, with you and your employee?”

He sighs. You watch him wipe the clean dishes and set them aside. “I like what I do, no matter how difficult it may be.” His gaze is affixed on you.

It strikes a chord within you. You spent six years in your old job, so indeed you must’ve enjoyed what you did, right? And yet, you stand in front of your father, a pitiful case that he’ll have to tend to once more.

You clear your throat. “Appa, you’re getting old. Don’t you want to rest?”

“No,” he chortles. “I want to keep running this restaurant until I can barely move. I’ll know when to let this place go.” He walks to the space beside you and grabs hold of your hand. The hand that changed your diapers and cooked your meals has aged. He’s spent so many years taking care of you; there’ll never be a good way to thank him for everything.

“I’ll have you stay in the old house,” he starts. Your grip on his hand grows tighter. “I’m not ready to go back there, so I’ve been sleeping here.”

A beat passes.

“Since when?”

“Six years ago.” He looks at you. “But I’ve been able to enter that house again. I just don’t sleep there. Don’t worry about the dust. My employee and I clean the place every week.” You’re not worried at all about the mess. It’s the stench that clings to the furniture, the murky water that floods the place, the spiders that crawl over the walls, the remnants of her. Those four walls only fuel your nightmares; ironically, you call them such when they’ve all been real.

So you want to tell him—no, beg him to let you stay here. You couldn’t walk into that house for it will have you relive fractions of your trauma. If you couldn’t enter that house six years ago, what difference would four years later make?

The bells chime, and your eyes land on the person who enters the restaurant. Foggy waves clash against you in full force, and the air is knocked out of your lungs. There he is, dressed in a baggy teal shirt and denim shorts. A few strands of hair hang in front of his forehead; it’s different from the old bowl-cut hair he used to have back in high school. But most of all, he’s grown up—not only out of his baby face but even in figure, aura.

A polite smile once rested on his lips. He looked ready to greet your father, almost ready to say hello to you, until he realized who stood beside his boss. The smile dissipates. Suddenly, time stills; it’s almost as if it worked under his command.

Under his gaze, you cannot help but shrink back to your 18-year-old self—the one who spent countless nights wondering what it would be like to be face-to-face with their best friend after abandoning them. And now that you’re finally in the situation you’ve spent days imagining, figuring out how to gain his trust again, you’re not sure what to say.

Jacob Bae—the home you sought out during your years growing up. (He still is, no matter how hard you try to dissociate that from him.) But now, he embodies your fears. The smell of tangerines is mixed with the repulsive stench—he’s turned into the house you ran away from ten years back.

Jacob’s expression shifts back to a polite smile as he looks at your father. “Abeoji, I’m sorry I’m late!” His nonchalant stride made the situation unpalatable. With every step taken towards your dad, an arrow is shot through your heart. It’s almost as if he didn’t care about what happened between you two (should he when you were the one who caused the rift?). His shoulder faces you all while he talks to your father; it’s a clear sign of what your relationship has turned into. Despite this space being one you grew up in, you’ve become an intruder. You have revoked your spot in this restaurant, this town.

“Don’t worry about it,” your dad says as he grips Jacob’s shoulder. “I hope all went well in the community center.”

Jacob smiles at him, and says, “Yeah, we got it settled. We’re just finalizing things for tomorrow.”

Your father hums as he glances at you. “Why don’t you bring back Y/N?” Your eyebrows shoot up. “They’ll need help getting settled in.” You shake your head at him, but he refuses to acknowledge your silent protest.

“Appa, I’m sure you’ll need him here,” you chuckle as your eyes glance to the back of Jacob’s head. “I can figure it out. I’ve lived there anyway; 18 years long, to be specific.” Jacob’s going to say no; you expect it. And yet…

“Okay.” 

Your eyes widen. He proves you wrong—you don’t know him after all.

“Alright! Go get your stuff Gyul-ah,” your dad says as he wraps his arm around Jacob’s shoulders. And for once, Jacob looks at you. You cannot pinpoint the emotion across his features.

You nod at your father’s words and make your way to the back of the restaurant. Your heartbeat rings in your ears. Years spent imagining what to say to Jacob didn’t prepare you enough to face the actual situation. Once you gather your things, you leave the sleeping quarters. Your dad’s chortle bounces off the four walls, probably from a joke he made. And then you catch a glimpse of Jacob’s smile; it’s still sweet as you remember it. You’re suddenly back to your 17-year-old self.

Then, his eyes land on you. The smile vanishes. He stares right at you (you mean really stares at you, a long one for the matter) for the first time since he arrived. So you clear your throat, hoping that he will be the first one to break eye contact—he doesn’t. Your dad spins to face you. “Ah! Okay, I’ll see you.” You watch Jacob nod all while he keeps his gaze fixed on you.

For once, you let your ego take the hit; you avert your eyes and make your way to the door. You two leave, and Jacob doesn’t give you a moment to think. He grabs your luggage from you and finds his spot beside you. And you were going to comment—I can handle it myself—but he keeps his eyes forward; you decide to do the same.

Instead of walking on the dirt trail path, you’re walking on eggshells. You’re not sure what to say to clear the silence. Unbeknownst to you, he can sense your awkward nature. Hands fiddling with the strap of your shoulder bag and gaze fixed on their feet; your antics remain the same after all these years.

“How long will you be staying?” Your eyes snap up only to see him continue to look at the path.

You clear your throat, afraid your voice might crack. “Two weeks.” He only hums. You two fall back into silence.

It’s weird to think about it; the same guy who you once treated as your best friend since childhood—the same one whom you’ve poured your heart to—is now someone you barely know. You grew up with him and stuck with him from your elementary days until your high school ones. Ten years apart can change so much between those who once swore to stay in each other’s lives.

You two finally arrive in front of the old house, your old house. Everything is in shape; the windows are crystal clear and the paint is intact. It’s just like how you first left it. A storm brews within you; you despise it. After all these years, you still can’t escape the horrors of this house.

“Here,” Jacob says and raises the keys. You open your hand, allowing him to drop it into your palm. “Your boxes are inside, they arrived a few days ago. I also cleaned out the place.” You only nod. He glances at the luggage he holds and asks, “Do you need help settling in?” You shake your head which has him nodding. He hands you your luggage. “Okay.” You take it from him.

Before you know it, he turns away from you. He only takes a few steps but it feels like he’s gone distances away from you. And you’re afraid you’ll let him slip away like last time.

“Cobie!” It’s the first time you’ve said that nickname since you last saw him. He freezes. You’re not even sure if you had the right to call him that. He looks back at you, and his furrowed eyebrows say enough. “Sorry, I meant,” you close your eyes for a moment. “It slipped.” It’s an honest mistake, but you’re sure he’s not pleased by it.

He turns back to you, walking until he stands directly in front of you. He doesn’t say anything, only looking at you with the same expression. “Do you want to come in?” His expression falters.  “Maybe just to catch up.” It’s a small step but still one to begin with. Maybe you’ll figure out what to say to him within those four walls for they have you at your most vulnerable state; it’s the doing of the ghost that haunts the building.

The Jacob you knew would hear you out after all these years. He’d be defensive but still accept the offer. Cobie—no, Jacob always found comfort in answers, closure. And yet….

“No,” he answers. Your eyebrows jump in shock, and he notices. “I’d prefer not to. Good luck with unpacking.” And before you know it, he takes his leave. You watch his figure become smaller with every step he takes. He’s slipping away from your fingertips; there’s nothing you can do for he would only free himself from your grasp.

The waves are strong enough to tip your balance. You do everything to stand on your own feet. The image of Jacob you drew on the sand has been washed off—it’s your fault for drawing it too close to the shore. 

Autumn makes its way here; the scent of rotting leaves, bruised fruits that fall from trees, and the breeze that hits your cheeks. You stand under a tree whose branches are perched with twig nests. They hold flocks of birds, ready to keep themselves warm during the season. The birds huddle up and chirp away tunes—they remind you of what you don’t have.

Then, a swingset creaks, and you are snapped out of your trance. A few meters away from you is a playground, one you don’t get to play in as much as you’d like, and in the middle of it a boy who looks down to the floor. He grips the rope with his blue sweater hands but doesn’t bother to swing.

With nowhere to go, your feet bring you to him. He pays no attention to you for he doesn’t notice you. But suddenly, he hears the rustling from the swing beside him. And when his eyes drift upwards, he finds you, seated and eyes trained on him. It’s surreal to him; to be graced by the talk amongst his classmates, the kid whose father runs a staple within the town. He doesn’t know what to say, but you don’t allow him to worry.

“Does your mom go to school like you?” He’s perplexed by your question. How did you know of him and his mother? “I see you two going to school together, always thirty minutes before classes start.”

He nods. “Yeah,” his voice is shaky. “She’s a teacher.”

“That’s cool!” Interest is evident in your tone. You move the swing side-to-side, going against the direction it typically goes. “Do you like her there?” Your eyes remain on him, and heat rises to his cheeks. He’s already shy, to begin with, and your stare only has his heart running. 

And he would’ve settled with nonverbal responses, either shaking or nodding his head, but he’s not sure what compels him to answer. “I do,” he whispers, a shy smile on his face. He looks away from you, afraid to look back at you. “I like seeing her.”

He hears you hum for a moment. Then, silence settles between you two.

He thinks he should say more. Maybe he should tell you of all the trips his mom would take to the faculty’s cafeteria whose food is to die for. But when he glances at you, he sees your hands preoccupied with peeling a fruit—a tangerine. Stubby, nimble fingers peel the rind off, exposing its orange-colored flesh covered in strings of white. “I wish I could say the same.” A sigh follows with a bittersweet smile.

He watches you tear a piece, and suddenly, your eyes meet his. You raise it to him, the bittersweet smile now replaced with a genuine one, and say, “Have one.” His eyes dart back and forth between you and the flesh you hold in between your fingers, and you can’t help but giggle. “There’s nothing to be scared of.” And when he sees your smile—feels the warmth you emit in the middle of autumn—all worries slip away.

He grabs the tangerine slice and eats it. With just one bite, the juice bursts in his mouth; the citrus taste coats his tongue. A grin is on his face as he chews away.

“Eomma taught me how to peel tangerines,” you start. “She says I’m getting old, and that I should learn how to do it myself.” He looks at you only to see your eyes staring off to nowhere. How can you be old when you’re only ten years old? He didn’t even know how to peel fruits himself. 

“But it’s okay. Not a lot of kids knew how to peel tangerines.” It’s almost as if you could hear his thoughts; he didn’t know if he should be petrified or amazed. Such a difficult task and you knew how to do it—perhaps his mom didn’t teach him how to do it so that he could meet you. 

Before you know it, a woman grabs onto your arm. Your eyes snap towards her. “What did I tell you about walking off?!” Her tone is harsh. He doesn’t know what to say.

You are pulled to stand up. As the woman drags you away, you glance at him. “I’ll see you in school, Cobie!” He never told you his name, and yet, you found the perfect nickname for him. As your mom tugs you away from him, you can’t help but smile to yourself. Perhaps autumn brought you what you needed the most.

Ever since Jacob denied your offer, you weren’t sure how to act around him. He worked in your dad’s restaurant, and you offered to help them prepare for the party. It’s awkward, that’s for sure, and your dad could notice it. (Though, he never bothered to comment.) But you watch him all the way from the other side of the communal area, observing how he talks to an unfamiliar face.

“How are you enjoying your vacation?” Your eyes dart to where your father is. You’re sure he saw you looking at Jacob, but you can only hope he won’t bring it up.

You sigh as you carry a steel tray filled with kimchi. “Boring, really.” He only shows you an apologetic smile. “I like to work, you know me...”

He hums. “You know, it’s important to take time to rest.” You bite the inside of your cheek as you set the tray down on the table. “I’d be happy if you choose to stay.” To your father, it seemed like you being on leave (or you guess unemployed) would be the only way to have you stay here. You don’t blame him for wanting to try for you know it comes from a place of love, concern, yearning. But even ten years later, you still cannot find a reason to stay here.

“Appa,” you turn to face him. The apologetic smile is now replaced with pleading eyes—it’s hope. “I don’t like not doing anything, you of all people know that.” You’re a motor, one that needs to remain on, and feels the urge to always be on the go. Call it being a workaholic, you couldn’t stand the idea of not doing anything related to work.

And before your father can say anymore, a booming voice sounds throughout the venue. “Jacob! Sangyeon!” Your eyes snap to see Haknyeon hugging the two. Before you know it, his eyes settle on you. “And Y/N!” He rushes to you with a grin on his face. “You decided to show up after all!”

“Well, I want to help Appa out,” you chuckle.

“Abeoji, let me help, too!” Despite what your father says, Haknyeon walks off to grab some more trays.

Your dad sighs. “Haknyeon, always the one helping out.” A grin rests on your lips. He’s still the same boy you know after all. At least some things remain the same.

Before you know it, night comes, and the venue is filled with more residents. Most of them knew each other, talking amongst themselves as they filled their stomachs with food your dad made; it was a sight to behold. But most of all, you can remember the expression on some of their faces when they recognized who you were.

“It’s been forever!”

“You’ve grown up well! What do you do now?”

“You’re back? Since when?”

Admittedly, most of them weren’t expecting your return. You couldn’t disagree with them; you thought the same as well. After all, you moved all your things to Seoul. Still, the people who saw you grow up here were happy to see that you’ve come back, even if it may be for a few weeks. (That’s if you find a job in time.) But even in a sea of familiar faces, you feel out of place. Ten years spent refusing to contact any of them; it’s only expected that your absence would have you as the odd one out.

And you thought you would be okay with it, for you know that you’ll be going back to Seoul anyway. It’s okay if you’ve lost a home in this town for there was none to begin with anyway—no, there was. It would be wrong to say that there’s no trace of home here when the one person who provided you with that for eight years stands on the other side of the venue. He talks to Haknyeon, Sangyeon, and other faces you didn’t know the names of. The smile plastered on his face is one you haven’t received in a long time.

The waves crash against you; they tip your balance and drag your body into the unknown waters. And suddenly, the murky liquid fills your lungs. The bulbs that hang above you become streaks of yellow, and the ringing in your ears tunes out the music and chatter of residents. And before you know it, your feet are taking you elsewhere—anywhere—so long as it’s far from here.

You’re not sure how long you’ve spent walking, or what path you took. All you know is that you’re back here at the playground—the same one you first met Jacob. You find yourself seated on the same swing; it’s definitely smaller but you make it work. The thumping of your heart is all you can hear, and your eyes shut close. A shaky breath leaves you.

Swing. Chain. Steel. Tray. Silver. Jewelry. Sapphire. Blue. Water. Sand. Sun. Warmth. Home—Jacob, Jacob, Jacob. It always goes back to him. Your eyes peel open and they settle on the red slide a few meters away from you.

Deep breath in, deep breath out.

Slide. Red. Plastic. Short.

Deep breath in, deep breath out. You repeat the action.

The palpitations start to subside, and you can hear your breath become steady. Your brain is exhausted. Today, the waves were stronger—you can only hope the current dies down.

“Why are you here?” Your heart jumps at the sudden voice. As you look at where it comes from, you see Jacob whose hands are tucked in his pockets. His expression is laced with some emotion—you can’t pinpoint it. 

With his eyes staring back at yours, you can’t help but feel the need to spill it all out—fears, worries, the ugly truth about you. Maybe it’s the effects of your recent attack that have you in your most vulnerable state, but all you know is that you would do anything to go back to the way things used to be. All you want is to find that piece of home in this godforsaken town.

But your silence is enough to make a frown appear on his eyebrows, and you remember that this isn’t the Jacob you first knew. In front of you is a distant one—the realistic version of the house you’ve run away from—and you’re snapped back to your hardened state.

“I didn’t know we were talking.” The tone is harsh; the venom laced with your words shocks you. You notice how Jacob flinches at your response, and you wish you could take it back—I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that—but he doesn’t allow you to talk.

“Fine, I’ll leave you alone.” He tongues the inside of his cheek. “I don’t even know why I bothered following you here,” he mumbles; it strikes a chord within you, and you stand up.

“What’s with you? Why do you suddenly have this attitude with me?” Your frown gets deeper with every question you throw at him. Jacob used to struggle with his anger issues, you know that, but he found ways to resolve it around middle school. Jacob, who used to have a short fuse, turned into one who knew how to control his patience; it seemed like he lost that control over your years away. The boy in front of you almost seems like the version you first knew all while being one you had no clue—a living oxymoron. “I mean, what did I do to deserve this?”

With that one question, something in him snaps. The frown gets deeper, and his hands leave his pockets. “Are you seriously asking me that?” He crosses his arms. “How do you expect me to talk to you after what you did? To someone who just got up and left?” Your face starts to relax, and you only stare at him—the one boy you’ve upset and disappointed the most.

“Y/N, you left with no message!” His hand reaches out to his face, covering his mouth for a moment as he looks away. “You didn’t even bother to keep in touch! How can you change your number right after leaving?” His eyes meet yours; they’re filled with anger, frustration, regret. “I can’t believe you would throw years of friendship away.”

Thunder sounds within you. “Jacob, you of all people know why I left,” you scoff. “Don’t make this about you. I had every reason to leave and you know it, so don’t try to turn this whole situation about you.”

An exasperated sigh leaves him. “You can’t just come back here, ten years later, and expect me to be okay! I have every right to be upset by your disappearance.” He clenches his teeth. “You didn’t even say goodbye!”

“I didn’t have the choice—”

“No, you always have the choice. Don’t try to play that card with me right now.”

Lightning strikes within you; it rumbles and shakes the ground. The river moves at a rapid speed, enough to leave bruises if you were to dip your feet into it. And the fire within you continues to grow, causing everything to erupt into flames. It didn’t matter if Jacob was right or wrong—all you know is that you’re upset with him.

“Fine. If you don’t want to talk to me without being pissy about it, then let’s not talk. I’m going home.” His angered expression falters. “Handle the party yourself.” Before he knows it, you take your leave. It’s possibly the worst thing you could do. You knew they were low on manpower, but you could care less about anyone, about him, for the matter.

With your back turned towards him, you walk to the house you were forced to stay in. And with every step, the sea level rises. The walk back is a tough journey; every step in high levels of water makes it difficult. And when you stand in front of the building that reeks of a scent only you can smell, you wish the water would fill your lungs and submerge your body—it’ll take you away from this place, after all. In this town, not a single trace of home exists.

#works of moni #deoboyznet #kflixnet #bjnet #k-labels #the boyz #jacob bae #the boyz x reader #jacob bae x reader #the boyz fluff #the boyz angst #jacob bae angst #jacob bae fluff #of guitar strings and peeled tangerines (i’ll bruise my fingers just for you)

[malum-af-cth]

favorites of all time!

way way way back when i set up a spam account so i could send myself things i wanted to read later. essentially turning that chat into my TBR. i have sorted through them & i think the first thing to do with this rebrand is to give you a list of my favorite fics of all time. below you will find a list of my favorite reads with their writers & a smol why for it making the list. these are in no particular order. please enjoy!

*this list is 18+. Minors do not interact!*

list below the cut.

*most of these fics either are smut or contain some through slow burn structure. Please read each author's warnings for them before you engage. *

from the last 7 years, i have chosen 20 fics that i LOVE. here we go.

from @deansdirtylittlesecretsblog we have a story i remember getting me excited about what kind of writing could be on tblr. "the arrangement" a lost love fic. 9 parts of love & angst.

2. @sis-tafics out here with a sweet sweet physical innocence trope with the hottie dean winchester. "our little secret"

3. @hrina wrote such a beautiful H. Styles fic about his character in dunkirk. "Il Ritorno" is the first part of 3 fics. i love the little coming home to a new place & new people plot.

4. @supernatural-jackles is the author of one of the only fics to make me cry. "hey handsome" i remember reading this sobbing because i felt the emotions written into this SO deeply. I reached out to them & let them know how much i loved it. & i still love it so to this day.

5. @winchest09 is adding our first dark fic to this list. the slow burn on this one is so so so so good. i found this one a long long time ago & i would say it is one of the first fics that got me to explore the mafia verse "life for rent"

6. @negans-lucille-tblr is giving us another spoicy series up in here & it even has a sequal!!!!! (look down one) the ultimate D/s winchester series. it's oh so good! "you've got me beggin"

7. & for the sequel "Mercy" this series is so good i have re-read both 2-3 times. it felt like crack the first read on both of these lol.

8. oh oh oh okay! this next. one from @pink1031 is probably one of my absolute favorite stucky series. "our best girl" was the fic that sent me down a rabbit hole of stucky fics. i was addicted after this one.

9. @pink1031 is back at it again with the ONE fic on this list i know i have read a minimum of 6 times. it is THAT good. "dirty little secret" was so scandalous and sexy. a J2 fic that had me coming back for more all the time. my escapism really shined with this one.

10. i remember finding "lemon drop" by @impala-dreamer i love the dynamic written here between Sam Winchester x the reader. the intimacy in this one-shot is beautiful. this is something i wish i could have at the end of my days or when i feel like the world is too heavy. i felt seen through this fic.

11. @tuiccim 's style of writing is something i adore & admire. I fell in love through "almost had me believing it" it is truly a work of art. I was immersed into this undercover mission with my man BUCKY BARNES.

12. oh & another from @tuiccim with "Terrigenisis" this is such a good poly-stucky fic. the way it was written felt like it could have been canon.

13. WOAH now! this next one written by @world-of-aus is ICONIC. the universe that is "starkhub" is just so delectable. i remember when it was being published in the beginning i was like a dog with a bone. i will never get enough. I can't wait to see where else it gets taken.

14. this next one is quite possibly one of my favorite mob fics. I have linked the first installment of these lovely smutty stucky fics. "tell me what you want" is the first step into such a delicious universe. thank you @angrythingstarlight for all you write.

15. an absolute banger from @sagechanoafterdark with "codename: Lazarus". i can't exclaim loud enough how good this one is. it had me on the edge of my seat. so dynamic. the order in which you read the parts for this one changes the perspective. don't worry they have put an excellent order at the bottom of the masterlist. :)

16. @avintagekiss24 i wanna start out by saying that I love the space you have created with your blog. when i found "lay me down in the tall-green grass" i thought i found fanfic heaven. i will cherish it always. i kept coming back to this one-shot to relive it as much as possible.

17. i've been thinking about "stained like georgia clay" by @georgiapeach30513 a lot lately. i remember binge-reading it & soaking up every droplet of goodness i could. ;) & that thunderstorm scene 🥵. i'll leave you with that...

18. here lies the "howling comandos tattoo au" that altered my brain chemistry just a little. @navybrat817 stole my heart long before this one dropped. however, this au had me sitting patiently waiting with my hands folded.... um no i was mentally ON MY KNEES.

19. i can confidently say that @georgiapeach30513 's "you were the one" is my favorite Lloyd hansen series ever. i crave a fics that are this good. it all started from a one-shot & then i found out a prequel was being written to it & i screamed in excitement.

20. A quality fic that i have had actual dreams about in the past. comes from @themhoodgirlz . for my 5sos girlies out there "close" tingles my brain in the right ways. i reminisce about the dynamic these two have. years ago when i was a BIG 5sos stan i lowkey hoped & dreamed for that to be me lol.

alright, alright, alright. that concludes my first rec list. I want to thank all of these amazing, amazing authors who have shared their skills & talents with the world. your works have given me sweet escapes, brightened my days, & expanded my love for all of the characters & ppl you write for. <3 all my love,

prynne

#fic rec #marvel #supernatural #5 seconds of summer #stucky #the grey man #llyod hansen #jensen ackles #dean winchester #sam winchester #captian america #the winter soldier #i wish queue well #calumhood

[haveyoureadthispoll]

In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit. Not a nasty, dirty, wet hole, filled with the ends of worms and an oozy smell, nor yet a dry, bare, sandy hole with nothing in it to sit down on or to eat: it was a hobbit-hole, and that means comfort.

#book: the hobbit #book: the lord of the rings #author: j.r.r. tolkien #genre: fantasy #genre: classics #genre: childrens #genre: young adult #year: 1930s

[allithebookgiraffe]

Down the TBR Hole 5

Hello readers! It’s time for my last post of the month, being a Down the TBR Hole. This might be shorter than usual because I’m not feeling the best today. Essentially, you go through 5 to 10 books per post on your Want to Read shelf on Goodreads and purge all the ones you know you won’t be getting to anytime soon. If you want to see a more detailed version of how this works, check out Jody’s…

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#2024 #april #April 2024 #bookish #books #Down the TBR Hole #Goodreads #Monday #spring #Spring 2024 #TBR #to be read #Want to Read #weekly meme

[therealimintobooks]

Down The TBR Hole (#3 for me) ~ #DTTBRH

Down The TBR Hole is a meme originally created by lost in a story but Lia has given me permission to adopt it since she is no longer blogging, the only thing changing is you can now linkup to your post. This meme will revolve around cleansing your TBR of all those books you’re never going to read and sort through it all to know what’s actually on there. This will post every Thursday so If and…

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#Down The TBR Hole #DTTBRH

[charlisbookbox]

Down the TBR Hole #7

This week I eliminated two books and kept three books. Find out what I got rid of and what I kept on my TBR at Charli's Book Box...

So I found Down the TBR Hole on Pages & Plots, but I’ve also seen it on Kerri McBookNerd, and Read to Ramble. It was originally created by Lost in a Story (blog unavailable). Basically you go to Goodreads, look at your “Want to Read” shelf, order it in ascending order of when the books were added, then take the first 5 (or more) books, read the synopsis and then decide whether or not to keep the…

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#Down the TBR #Down the TBR Hole #TBR

[katasstrophy]

*shakes you* i just thought of something and you and @itoshi-s are going to suffer with me🤕(read devils night guys it’s so hot)

bad boy! rin being sent to clean up his act at a private university for the esteemed to make sure the itoshi family name is no longer being tarnished but his parents naive thoughts of sending their youngest son to a boarding school and hope he magically turns into an angel that’s fit for his arranged marriage with a nuisance who’s after his money is ridiculous. rin isn’t bound to a single rule and does what he pleases as he walks the halls of the posh boarding school, giving the founding headmaster’s valued portrait the finger.

here comes you, who thrives off of academic validation who’s not afraid to keep her sharp tongue to herself. the youngest son of itoshi is here? scoff. he’s nothing but a jerk decorated in unbuttoned blazers and popped up collars with his fathers name to hide behind his acts of clownery. you don’t miss a chance to say it to the taller male’s face, his eyes practically boring holes into your own as if to memorize your look of annoyance at him. rin likes challenges but he thinks he’s going to love this one. he’ll make sure by the end of the school year he’ll have you on your knees, bowing in forgiveness, he says that you with a glare to make babies cry. with his thoughts rushing on how to make you beg for mercy you unleash a harsh slap to his face. stunning everyone in the common room and ignoring the gasps of surprise. “you better clean up your act itoshi or else you’ll lose everything including your family name.” you dare slap an itoshi? you’ve got bigger balls than everyone at this school. rin thinks the adrenaline you gave him in a second is the best feeling he’s ever had in years.

from that day on rin decided to play the good boy. smiles and effortless straight A’s to please his professors and make things work out in his favor, but his enjoyment isn’t getting the staff to kiss his feet, it’s backing you into corners of the library so that no one would catch on to mr. changed attitude wanting to keep his quiet, nerd to himself. you let him. slowly, but surely you break down each others walls as he allows himself to be vulnerable with you and shares his burdens of being the youngest son, always being forced into being his older brother’s shadow. but for once. just once, he had something his brother doesn’t have. he has you. he makes you feel warm and he fiercely keeps you safe from the judging eyes of his father as he peers down at you. as if he was looking at a lowly commoner. “you throw away your fiancée for someone like this?” “i’d throw away the family name in honor for her.” he walks away with his head held high, ignoring the stoic stare of his older brother as he smirks at the eldest, smirk growing wider at his words. “you’ll never inherit the itoshi name.” “i won’t inherit it alone. my family will.”

he beat his brother in not being able to continue the family name. he makes sure he pounds the thought into you as he thrusts feverishly into you as the moon shines a white sheet of light on your bodies. he makes love to you greedily as he marks your skin in red and purple, the marks blooming onto your skin like flowers. he loves you, he loves that no one in the world can know him and love him like you do.

“i’m going to put a fucking ring on that finger in front of my brother,” he growls. “no matter how far or high they separate me from you, you are mine and we’re going to live in a big house with you warming our bed.” he puts his forehead against yours, “and you will give me an itoshi heir.”

kayla what the— wHAT THE FRICKITY FRACK FHUUUCCKKK. !&!@! WHAT THE SHEEEEEII WHAT THE HOLYY FUCJCING SHIITT ??@!!!?? you DARE drop this ATOMIC ASS FUCKING BOMB ON ME???? OUTTA NOWHERE?? ON MF RIN DAY?????? NAAUURRR bc miss ma’am i’m gonna have to ask you to start paying rent cuz like,,,, 🤨🔫🔫 DO YOU LIVE IN MY BRAIN??? how did you know that devil’s night has been on my tbr for 5everrrrrr but i just know if i get hooked on the smut i will abandon all my responsibilities idcidcidc

they way i had to LITERALLY. TAKE. BREAKS. reading this so i could reduce my unholy demon spawn screeching to a minimum (spoiler: it DID NOT WORK) thIS IS FOUL THIS IS ILLEGAL I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU SOBBING

and oooohhhhhh i’m such a slut for academic settings :(((( especially when rich entitled bastard boy with a shitty past meets driven and cunning number 1 girl and they CLASH and have BRUTAL BANTER and have THE FILTHIEST MAKE OUT SESSIONS AGAINST PRICELESS BOOKSHELVES im clawing my eyes out

rin showing up to the posh uni like it’s his own personal playground, pretending like he owns this place much like everything else in his life due to his family’s wealth and status only to get mfing owned in turn and SLAPPED IN THE FACE (LITERALLY!!!) BUT HE FEELS EUPHORIC INSTEAD OF AGGRAVATED OOOOHHHH SO HE JUST HAS TO HAVE YOU GOD BESTIE U KNOW HOW TO GET ME GOING </3333 and then he pretends to be a good little student so he can get close to you:( keep you all to himself sniffle so possessive:( but the ANGST BC OF SAE >:(((( but now he also has you to patch up the empty cold pieces inside of him ur his future fuck his family 🥺🥺🥺🫶🫶🫶🫶 he’ll create a new one with you anyway AAAAAAAHHHDJFNFN so fucking UnWeLL

#this got SO INSANELY LONG but this has me in a vice grip so many thoughts kayla ur like my grandma during xmas keeping me fed for days fr #THE WAY ID LET HIM DO ANYTHING TO ME PLS HOW MANY LIL ITOSHIS YOU WANT BABE HOW MUCH WOULD PISS OF UR SHITTY BROTHER?? #five???? u got it hubby gimme that insanely expensive ring and fuck them right into me sir my legs are spread🥺 #he would be so consumed and obsessed with you I KNOW IT HIS LIL CUNNING BADDIE SWEETHEART #kayla what have you done to me im depraved #itoshi rin x reader #itoshi rin smut #blue lock x reader #blue lock smut #—my dearest<3 (kayla) #—riv.favs! #rin loml <3

[gideonthefirst]

tagged by @obeetlebeetle to share my top 9 books of 2023 or 9 books from my tbr list for 2024.

i think i already did a top ten books of 2023 so i will resist the urge to stephen floridapost and instead just do the nine books that i'm currently most excited about and most intending to read specifically This Year

the recently discovered to be accessible to me big three that i'm So excited to acquire from the library are:

The Works of Thomas Kyd: Edited From the Original Texts; With Introduction, Notes, and Facsimiles by Frederick S. Boas

Beyond The Spanish tragedy : a study of the works of Thomas Kyd by Lukas Earne

Thomas Kyd: facts and problems by Arthur Freeman

um. it's been long enough since i finished my thesis that i can be excited to read about him again i guess. and i never got to read any of his translations or other stuff besides spanish tragedy so this trio is going to be huge for fans of me being annoying on tumblr dot com.

the books that i've started previously and then not finished for one reason or another and have emotionally committed to actually finishing this year are:

The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas

If On A Winter's Night A Traveler by Italo Calvino

Royal Assassin by Robin Hobb

The Body in Pain by Elaine Scarry

and then my currently reading which i sure hope to finish before they're returned to the library or i get bored are:

Exordia by Seth Dickinson. Reading this due to how it's by Seth Dickinson and I'm in too deep at this point not to

Call Me Ishmael Tonight: A Book of Ghazals by Agha Shahid Ali. Reading this as a direct rec from a friend who knows more about poetry than anyone I know and so has taken on the heroic task of trying to recommend me things within my elaborate parameters

and finally as a bonus because i forgot it was supposed to be 9 not 10, my most anticipated confirmed release (sorry tamsyn):

There's Always This Year: On Basketball and Ascension by Hanif Abdurraqib

mostly lately i've just been doing a lot of sort of floating around and reading whatever strikes my interest at the time that i'm looking for something to read and going down nonfiction rabbit holes so i don't really have a defined tbr but. this is what i've got going on :]

i will tag @frogndtoad @storybook-souls @diyemo @katiefratie @steveebarnes @pearlpool @enragedtiefling @summonstarspawn and anyone who wants to do it i wanna see what people are reading :)

#if we're friends and i didn't tag you it's because i know you haven't been reading a ton / don't have a ton that you're looking forward to #but if you want to do it anyway please do i like to read posts. #tag memes #obeetlebeetle #2024 books

[lexwritesgayshit]

hi Lex! randomly saw your booktok post and as I don't have tiktok, would you mind sharing some of those books you're exited to read soon?

Absolutely! If you're looking to get lost for a bit, I'm going to share my goodreads to read shelf. Also, my read shelf is so tiny, so smol. I haven't gone back and marked the books I've read in the past, just the ones I read since restarting my reading journey.

As for what I'm currently first time reading and loving:

Legendborn by Tracy Deonn

Ink Blood Sister Scribe by Emma Törzs

The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern

You're Not Supposed to Die Tonight by Kalynn Bayron

Camp Damascus by Chuck Tingle

Books I'm rereading:

Severance by Ling Ma

bone by Yrsa Daley-Ward

Books I was reading and absolutely love, but shelved because I struggle with ebooks/audiobooks and want to get physical copies instead:

The Weight of Blood by Tiffany D. Jackson

Vampires of El Norte by Isabel Cañas

When I grow up I want to be a list of further possibilities by Chen Chen

The Poet X by Elizabeth Aceveda (this one is spoken word so I highly recommend the audiobook, as it's narrated by the author so you hear it exactly how she intended)

And finally, books I just got but haven't started, but I'm super excited to read them:

Light from Uncommon Stars by Ryka Aoki

That Time I got Drunk and Yeeted a Love Potion at a Werewolf by Kimberly Lemming

Between Mischief & Magic: A Love X Magic Novel by Marissa Serrao (edit - reading this now. It's....hmm.)

If you enjoy going down a rabbit hole, my goodreads tbr shelf is probably where you'll have the most fun! If you have any questions, feel free to ask 😊

#book recs #book recommendations #bookblr #booktok #reading tag #asks

[allys-diary]

stories i om-nom-nom'd :: april 2024 (week 2)

I honestly didn't nom through too much because this week was mostly spent on my 'main' blog which is by the site's terms my side blog but let's be real, that's where I'm most active, it's my main blog 😤 Anyways, most of the week was spent reading through my friends' and fellow writers' stories and progressing my Tumblr TBR, writing my own stories, and also downloading and posting all the photos that came out this week from the events that Tom Hiddleston attended (legend has it, I'm still downloading).

As always, spoilers, thots, and thoughts all under the cut

documentaries

The Antisocial Network

I wasn't expecting this to take the turn that it did, documenting the butterfly effect of the creation of 4chan and how it snowballed into January 6, 2021. I ended up liking this a bit more than I expected going in, but I also have a little bit of an opinion…some of these guys really shot themselves in the foot revealing themselves to be a part of Anonymous because now…well they're kinda the opposite 🥴

Quiet on Set: Breaking the Silence

The check in with the people that were interviewed felt like a necessary part of the entire process, but honestly…there was something in the vibe of this episode's execution that felt off to me. It was like the host was putting on a performance like they were filming in front of a studio audience and the tone just felt like it was too chipper if that makes sense? Like you're supposed to be checking in on them and asking them how they've felt since the documentary came out and how their lives have been since, so why are you sounding like you're reading them today's headlines? Like I can't believe I'm even saying this but Trisha Paytas did better--

It just felt a little heavy-handed to me, but I can get behind the concept of having this follow-up episode that addressed the absolute garbage fire of a video that Foot Man put out into the internet trying to do damage control but honestly should've just been titled "Dan Schneider digs his own grave even deeper for 20 minutes straight".

books

games

Delicious: True Love

Stage 5, Day 1: Emily arrives back home to her restaurant/apartment in Snuggford and the poor beb's so heartbroken and hyper-focused on that, that she doesn't even notice there's a big gaping hole in the middle of her restaurant, with a burst pipe making an accidental water fountain. Patrick only sees her going upstairs to unpack and assumes that her trip went well and basically declares to her family and her best friend that now that she's got her love and she's happy, there's no more reason for him to stay.

Dude no, we've officially entered idiots in love stage. 😩

The day ends with Emily sobbing the second her mom goes up and checks in on her. I'm gonna say one more time for good measure, if OG story Jean-Paul has zero haters, I am dead.

Stage 5, Day 2: Emily's parents are worried about her since she hasn't come back down from her apartment, and Francois gives her some tough love telling her to at least show up for work because he won't make excuses for her absence. Nothing much happens on this day, since she goes straight back upstairs when the shift's over, other than her mom Evelyn basically saying she should have meddled in the beginning by never giving her the letter to begin with.

All I'm gonna say is…remake Evelyn is definitely the better Evelyn 🥴

Stage 5, Day 3: Patrick reveals that he's moving to New York since his business is growing and the new shop's gonna need his attention. Then Angela, Emily's little sister, shows up with puppies and asks her all about Paris, which causes Evelyn to shout at Angela rather than just calmly tell her that it's a sensitive topic (Clear to see where Evelyn's playing favorites). Angela leaves the restaurant but instructs one of the puppies to stay behind with Emily, which kicks off our side quest for this level where we call back the pup when he strays from Emily's side.

The day ends with Emily keeping the pup with her for a day or two, and talking to her mom about what happened in Paris.

Stage 5, Day 4: The big hole in the middle of the restaurant's all fixed, and it's bringing in more foot traffic to the restaurant. Emily makes a note to call to have the floors polished, mentioning she likes the floral scent, and Francois tells her that Patrick's moving to New York. He also accidentally kickstarts the dreaded miscommunication trope because he said "something about someone needing his attention there".

Gotta love them himbo besties 🥴

Stage 5, Day 5: Emily gets to see more of Patrick's green flag status when he tends to a kid that hurt herself when she tripped, taking the kid's mind off the pain and giving her a little flower and doing a magic trick. Then he confirms with Emily that yes, he's moving to New York because "it's time to move on", and I wanna bonk some heads together all over again. Francois tells her that she and Patrick have been flirting for so long that it's like "watching the same car crash on repeat" and he tells his therapist about it sometimes, and then accidentally breaks the vase that Patrick put a rose he set aside for Emily in, scattering marbles all over the floor and giving us our side mission for this level.

The day ends with Emily turning down an offer for a girls night out, and holding on to the rose from earlier.

Stage 5, Day 6: We officially unlock this stage's Entertainer, which is Francois with Emily's new puppy from Angela. Not much happens other than at the end of the day, the previous owner of the restaurant Mr Farrell visits the place to reminisce, and he talks about his "one that got away" because he was a teenage boy that fapped over Marilyn Monroe (my words, not his). Then one day when he finally came to his senses, the girl already stopped showing up at the restaurant.

Stage 5, Day 7: Emily's heart's finally starting to heal and she wakes up realizing that her apartment's a total mess ever since she got home and started her one-woman misery party. She still has the rose from Patrick at the center of her living area, and she reads a card that basically boils down to "Emily babes wake up your true love's been right in front of you literally giving you flowers every day". Unfortunately, that last scene from the previous day feels like heavy-handed foreshadowing because Patrick says goodbye to Emily after giving her one last delivery of fresh flowers for the restaurant.

The day ends with Mr Farrell bidding Emily and his old restaurant goodbye since he's moving to Florida to stay with friends, and a regular customer Gladys walks in looking for her purse, and wouldn't you know, it's Mr Farrell's TOTGA, and she moved back to Snuggford after her husband passed away so she could be closer to family. This makes Mr Farrell decide that he doesn't wanna move to Florida anymore.

Undercover: Blood Bonds

Chapter 10: Vera clocks in for the morning shift and finds Bluejay in Club with her pajamas on, finding out that she doesn't have a place to stay so she's been sleeping in the backroom. Vera offers her to move in so she doesn't catch a case for breaking in. At the end of the shift, Jericho reveals he has mind control powers and he used them to make Crystal exit the room before he ordered Mr Smirnov to get rid of Vera because she's asking too many questions.

Chapter 11: Vera meets up with Hank at a pub called Smokin' Wheels, and he tells her that Mr Smirnov's on a mission to get her sacked. Lilly's ex boyfriend Sam shows up and Vera spends that shift trying not to get noticed by Sam. At the end of the shift, we get a flashback of Sam being overprotective but concerned about Lilly coming home late and he pulls the "you're mine" card, while Lilly walks away going "You don't know anything".

Pretty sure the cops are wrong that Sam's the culprit and it's actually Mr Mind Control with the glowy red eyes Jericho that they should be looking up.

stories to om-nom-nom next

The Tortured Poets Department

I'm already sharpening a pitchfork with Joe Alwyn's name on it.

Hello Kitty Island Adventure: Imagination Celebration Event

I have no idea what this side story's gonna be, but all I know is that they made my precious bb Kuromi the villain of the event, and ngl I'm fuming. My sweet mischievous baby deserves better 😤

That's all for this week. See y'all next week unless I fall into a rabbit hole of planning out new stories for the WIP pile because I up and decided to Phase 1 plan for a "The Tortured Poets Department Collection" 🥴🫡

#media chronicles