#jacob bae angst

[zzoguri]

safe haven (how much longer do we have?) ➵ jacob bae

jacob bae x reader, slight lee hyunjae x reader

you can only hope for more tomorrows with jacob.

genre/warnings ➵ strangers to lovers, heavy angst with a happy ending, touch of fluff, afab reader (no-gendered terms), lowercase intended, apocalypse au, hurt/comfort (both physical and emotional), depictions of grief, descriptions of gore/blood, use of guns, allusions and discussions of suicide, minor character deaths, hyunjae is your ex, changmin and kevin appearance :'), elements of the last of us (don't support neil druckmann!), mostly written in past tense (because u're remembering!)

word count ➵ 6.2k words

inspired by ➵ “anaheim” by niki, “are you happy?” by @wavesmp3, “love wins all” by iu, episode three of hbo's the last of us, and “you’re gonna carry that weight” quote from cowboy bebop

a/n ➵ my life changed forever reading shawna's piece. thank you for letting me write a piece based on your work (if you haven't read it, go check it out!) just like you, i am a sucker for apocalypse aus :')) hope i did justice to your beautiful work. anyway, love wins all coming out yesterday was a miracle because it's definitely made for this fic </3 thank you to @heemingyu and @deobienthusiast for betareading a bit of this! if you enjoyed reading, please do reblog and leave feedback!

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time was the one thing that occupied everyone’s minds. it held value, something that shouldn’t be wasted, and people revolved their lives around it.

questions flew around with every tick and tock—what day is it today? when’s your next doctor’s appointment? how long has it been since you’ve last seen your friends from high school? until when does this meeting last? 

as the hands of the clock continue to rotate, the calendar pages would flip along. birthdays were celebrated with every revolution as candles on cakes were lit up, awaiting the puff of celebrants as they wished for their desires. holidays were ones to look forward to; people dressed up to celebrate periods of the year that mattered to them while others slept in until noon. and days were spent counting down until graduations, where caps with tassels would fly to the expanse of blue and orange as cheers and sobs sound throughout.

but now, no one keeps track of time. clocks stopped moving and calendars weren’t produced annually. once the surge of the infected took over, grabbing on humans, taking them away from the lives they’ve lived, everyone ran like they were running out of time. with every second that passes, people are ridden with possibilities of how they might bid farewell to life itself—would it be through the hands of the infected or their own?

now, only one question echoes within their minds: how long do we have?

yet, the clock continues—tick, tock, tick, tock. it keeps going, and going, and going, like how everyone expects it. while everyone seemed to let time go, you still kept track of it all: birthdays, holidays, a graduation you never had.

the outbreak hit two years ago on the day of hyunjae’s graduation. cheers turned into screams. white togas and diplomas were splattered with red. the lively became lifeless.

you remember hyunjae’s hand in yours, fingers gripping you as if you were his life, as you charged out of the gymnasium, legs keeping up with the speed of his. you darted off to nowhere as images of the infected tearing people apart took up every block, all the way from skin to bone.

and while it was a rush of tragedies, hyunjae was the only hope you had.

“keep your eyes on me,” he glanced at you, eyes off the path as he met your gaze. “don’t look at them. only look at me.”

it was impossible to ignore the wails that filled your ears, but you would repeat his words—his soft-spoken voice—to drown them out.

by nightfall, you and hyunjae found yourselves in a motel room, skin cleaned from blood splatters and dressed in clothes that engulfed your figures, and in each other’s arms on a twin-sized bed. the duvet that wrapped around you two is thin, not at all keeping you warm for the night, but the warmth of hyunjae was enough to provide you a sense of security—stability amidst the ever-changing world.

he whispered into the crown of your head, words meant to dispel your fears, all while you sobbed into his shirt. there was nothing that he could do but stay strong for you.

and for a few days, that room acted as your safe haven. the time spent within those four walls is the life you imagined your future with hyunjae. it would’ve been in a two-story house with a garden where a singular orange tree stands, lounging on the couch as you played movies to fall asleep to, but all you had was an old room with a carpeted floor with unrecognizable stains and a bathroom unable to fit two.

yet, you would choose this over anything. even if it meant eating instant noodles for every meal or sleeping on a mattress that ruins your backs, you would choose this if it meant hyunjae would be with you.

still, time continues to move. hyunjae knew that you both couldn’t stay in that room or else the infected may reach you. so when you both went to bed on that last night, you outlined his features from the space between his eyebrows all the way to his lips, and you spent that time memorizing his warmth to carry with you for the rest of your life. you could only hope that he stays with you until the end.

after a month passed, you and hyunjae met changmin, an injured boy who only wanted to live. at first, hyunjae was hesitant to take the stranger in, but you wouldn’t allow yourself to live with the idea of abandoning someone in need. in a world where the infected have taken over, it only seemed right to help out others, save them from a fate they’re not ready to meet.

what started off as a pair turned into a trio. you’ve learned more about what it takes to survive in this life. long gone is the need for money to buy necessities; you need to scavenge if you want to live in an infected-ridden world. thanks to changmin, you and hyunjae got to learn about how to find supplies in every building that you pass on the journey.

but it’s not enough to know where to find food and bullets. hyunjae decided that it was only right to teach you how to use a gun. with every morning that came, you two spent hours learning how to hold, reload, and fire.

“don’t worry,” he told you as his chin hovered over your shoulder. you both stared at the tin can situated on a stack of boxes only a few meters away. “you won’t have to worry about fighting alone. i’ll be here with you.” as you exhaled, your eyes zeroed in on the target. “now, shoot.”

six months have passed, and you were happy that you were still a trio. changmin became your best friend over that time. his laughs were enough to shine glimmers of hope onto you. you were glad that you decided to help him off the ground and tend his bullet wound that day.

until you found yourselves retreating from the horde of infected.

time moves at a constant speed but it can become swift if it decides to. when you and changmin reached the doors leading to safety, you remember seeing hyunjae fighting off those who were once like you, bullets firing at their heads. you remember your screams, telling him to run to you—go to where it’s safe—so that you can keep having tomorrows with him.

yet, hyunjae glanced at changmin, nodding at him before his eyes met yours. you watched how his mouth moves, a soundless three-word phrase leaving him before the doors shut before you. you would’ve pried them open but changmin kept his arms around you, holding you back from letting the infected reach you, from letting hyunjae come back to you.

the wails that left you are enough to attract the infected. if only the infected were to burst through the doors, grab onto you and bring you to hyunjae, then maybe you would stop crying. yet, changmin dragged you away. you never saw him as your best friend after that.

a month passed, and you still refused to talk to him. the boy tried to strike up a conversation with you, trying to earn your laugh like he used to, but he was only met with a cold shoulder. with every brick he put, you smashed your sledgehammer against it, dispelling any hope he had in rekindling his friendship with you.

the two of you learned to live in silence, fighting for survival while dealing with the loss of the one who would always bring you both to safety.

until you came across another boy who pointed his gun toward you. his defensive demeanor reminded you of hyunjae, and you wondered if this was his doing—his reincarnation. but before he could pull the trigger, changmin saved you from meeting your fate.

somehow, the duo had turned into a trio once more. you still refused to talk to changmin, but would eavesdrop on the conversations he shared with the stranger. you learned that the new addition is named jacob.

but even the stranger wasn’t enough to fill the void that hyunjae left. with every nightfall, when the soft snores of the two boys filled your ears, tears streamed down your face as sobs threatened to spill out of your mouth. the palm of your hand wasn’t enough to muffle your weeps. behind your eyelids, hyunjae’s last words to you play on repeat—the ones he failed to say, the ones you’ll never hear again.

maybe if you didn’t leave that motel room then he would’ve still been with you, arms finding their place around your waist as he trails kisses all over you. if the outbreak didn’t happen, then maybe you would be living in that two-story house with him. maybe you would wake up to a glass of freshly squeezed orange juice by the bedside table and the warmth of his lips on your forehead. and maybe you could finally tell him yes before he slips the silver band on your finger—you could’ve grown with him until your hair turns grey.

the weight you carry never got lighter with time. the void continued to consume you whole with the goal of ripping you apart. as another month passed, another life was lost—not to the infected but to the raiders.

“changmin, you have to stay with me.” those were the first words you told him since hyunjae’s death. crimson continued to spill out of his abdomen through the gaps between your fingertips in the same way tears flow out. “jacob! find gauze, betadine, anything!” you never glanced at the stranger, keeping your gaze on your best friend whose eyes continued to droop.

still, changmin caressed your face, thumb wiping teardrops. as he slowly entered territories that you both knew he would never escape, he grinned at you one last time. “i missed hearing you. i’m glad you’ll be the last thing i hear.”

but you tried to tell him that you couldn’t be the last voice he heard. it should’ve been with someone he can imagine his future with, maybe in a two-story house or a cramped flat in an apartment complex. he deserves more tomorrows in the same way hyunjae did.

but time continues to move. it took him away from you in a matter of minutes, slithering away without a second thought and no regard for the value of life, and all you were left with was his temple—still, lifeless. as you sobbed into his shirt, still holding the wound, the warmth of jacob’s hand stayed on your back, moving along with your wails. 

now, you carry the loss of two. it never got easier with time.

jacob still sticks with you. it only seemed right. stay strong in numbers as you wander off to nowhere, grasping at the loose ends of survival.

two weeks have passed. you and jacob got used to the new dynamic; while he goes hunting and you’re tasked with scavenging, you both played your roles in combat, ready for any raid or horde. when night would come, you both took shifts, keeping watch while the other got some shut-eye.

until that one evening.

you recall the sounds of wood crackling from the fire. it stood strong against the breeze—burning, shining—surrounded by greens that latch on browns. hues of amber cascaded over your skin, painting you with warmth—it’ll never compare to the one you craved. your eyes drifted to jacob who sat across from you, his eyes trained on the fire as he rubbed his palms together. perhaps he craved the same type of warmth you longed for.

“we used to be three.” his eyes snapped towards yours. “before you came, we used to be three—changmin, me, and—” it rose in you like bile, wanting to escape but never leaving. “we were three then.”

you glanced at the fire that continued to burn. “we met changmin a month after the outbreak, spent six months together until—” the claws of the void struck against your throat, holding you back from sharing with the stranger what your life was before he came. while you never found the right words to say, jacob never pushed, letting you say what you wanted to share while filling in the blanks on his own. 

“i resented changmin after what happened.” you moved your gaze to jacob whose eyes never left you. “refused to talk to him. refused to forgive.” and you remember how you hesitated, taking a deep breath in before sputtering out the next sentence. “refused to accept.”

nine months ago, the outbreak didn’t happen. nine months ago, you were attending hyunjae’s graduation. nine months ago, you two were imagining your tomorrows—together, for eternity.

and those nine months fractured all hopes and dreams; the glass is now littered with cracks, ready to burst into shards.

“but i think about the last time we saw changmin,” the image of him sitting in front of you all frail, treading the line between life and death, flashed in front of you; it’s quick but strong to remind you of what’s lost. “and i wish i could’ve learned how to forgive during those two months.”

but it was an impossible request. how could you ever forgive a boy you’ve known for only six months for taking your future away? how could you forgive a world that took him away? how could you forgive and live?

and still, you did.

you left it at that. they were enough. so when you told jacob that you’ll take over tonight’s shift, he never asked to hear more. instead, he laid near the campfire as you keep an eye out.

and once enough hours have passed, you allowed yourself to sob like other nights. the breeze that passed through branches reminded you of changmin; rustling leaves imitated the giggles of the boy you’ve only known during the apocalypse.

the wind that grazed against your skin should’ve been a nuisance, but the warmth of the fire wrapped you up like the duvet in that motel room. and you don’t complain—it’s the only part of hyunjae you have left.

the heat was enough to last you the night, but the chill of reality sent you back to the void.

that night, jacob listened to your sobs. not one of you got enough rest for the journey.

another two weeks went by. you two got into a better groove of the routine; instead of hunting and scavenging in silence, you and jacob found yourselves talking more about your lives before the outbreak. you learned that he was born the same year as hyunjae, and he shared that he had plans to pursue music.

“if the world finds a cure to this mess, you have to promise me that you’ll get me front-row tickets to your first show.” it was a joke. in what world could there be a cure for the infected? but the wishful thinking of what could be—what could’ve been—is all you had left.

still, jacob promised you that.

that night, you two stayed in the living room of an abandoned house. instead of lighting the fireplace, candles were placed on the coffee table. they shined in the middle of you two, you who stayed on the couch and jacob who sat on the mattress lying on the floor.

“where were you?” his eyes met yours. “on the day of the outbreak, i mean.”

he leaned back, hands resting on the mattress before he looked once more at the wax that continued to melt. “it was my graduation.” it hit you like a sudden downpour on a sunny day. “i was next in line to go up on the stage until the infected came.”

and when you said the name of the university, his gaze met yours as his shoulders stiffened. “m—my hyunjae.” it’s the first time you spoke of his name, and the sight of jacob’s eyes widening over it was enough to speak for himself.

“i—i didn’t know,” he whispered, but his words were loud enough to shatter glass. “i only spoke to him a few times. he spoke of you with so much love.”

your heart skipped beats; it should’ve been enough to send you off into the same territories where hyunjae and changmin now stay. your mouth turned dry as jacob’s voice morphed into radio silence.

before you knew it, the two of you left the information to hang in the air as you tried to drift into slumber. the clock continues to tick. minutes turned into hours; time moves like it usually does once more.

yet, you were stuck in the same gymnasium, fixing hyunjae’s toga as you scolded him about how wrinkled it’s become—hey! you’ll go up on stage soon. we can’t take pictures of you like this. despite your words, he smiled at you before grazing his lips on your temple—his silent way of telling you the three-word phrase.

in a split second, you were off the couch. you barged out of the house, clutching your chest as the knot constricted your throat, and your feet dragged you off to nowhere. every sound has turned into a buzz—only the voice of hyunjae being the one clear thing amidst the hysteria.

before you knew it, you stood before a horizon of green. it takes only one step into the woods, alone with no protection, for you to meet your demise. you would’ve charged into it in the same way you would’ve charged out to save hyunjae that day.

all it takes is one step, and—

“what are you doing?!” a pair of hands gripped your shoulders, spinning you around until you were face-to-face with the last form of life that you know of. his breaths were short as his fingers dug into your arms. “you can’t just rush out in the middle of the night! i woke up worried sick.” his eyebrows knitted in frustration. confusion. distress. 

the voice was caught in your throat. how does one begin to unpack the baggage they’ve learned to carry? when the items they bring are revolting, rotten, repugnant, how does someone not feel shame about showing all the tattered-up objects? how do you learn to open up to someone you’ve only known for three months?

your hands trembled; you’ve carried the weight of it all for too long.

in that split second, your nose met the juncture between his chin and shoulder. the material of his shirt against your cheek allowed you to bathe in what you miss—the hand of changmin that once caressed your face, the lips of hyunjae that lingered with every kiss. all the moments that you hoped time would freeze just for you lives in the boy you stick with for survival.

all it took were jacob’s hands to rest on the lower side of your back for the tears to begin their stream. the sobs spill out. for once, they weren’t muffled like those other nights. they sounded throughout the space that surrounded you two. you allowed yourself to drop the baggage only for a few minutes.

jacob took you back to the house that night, allowing you to sob about all that you’ve kept under the wraps. when sunrise came, you found your legs mixed with his as his arms remained wrapped around you, and your ear pressed against his chest. the sound of his breathing is the one reminder of what a safe haven is. 

half a year went by. jacob still stays by your side. the baggage got lighter.

it should’ve been the same routine; jacob goes off to hunt while you scavenge, and you’ll take turns on the night shifts. but that night shifted something between you two—stolen glances, quiet giggles, linked fingers.

two months have gone by. the moon shined through the trees, their shadows cascading on an abandoned cabin that you and jacob decided to stay in for that night.

it should’ve been the same set-up as other nights spent in abandoned houses; you’ll sleep on the couch while he sleeps on a dragged-out mattress. instead, he sat with you on the couch, your back resting on his chest along with his hand staying on your arm. 

a lit candle rested on the table; its amber tones painted the jacob’s skin—close to the fruit tree that stands in your lost future.

“what would you do if there is a cure to this?” you watched how his fingers danced across your skin, calloused from plucking guitar strings or wielding a gun. 

jacob’s chest rumbled against your back as he hummed. “what would you do?”

a giggle left you as you looked at the boy. “i was the one who asked you first!”

he shot you a grin as his hand slipped into yours. the candle continued to burn; it did a poor job of giving you light and warmth that night. but he did it all—one smile. one exhale. one indication to show that he lives.

“travel, maybe? or i’ll go back to writing music.” you nodded at his plans before looking back at the light source. “what about you?”

“i don’t know.”

there was no point in going back to university after such a catastrophe. if anything, the year spent surrounded by the infected, fighting for survival, has shown you that there’s more to life than the perpetual cycle of working a nine-to-five.

so…

“i would settle down if i could.” the wax continued to melt. “i think i’ve seen enough of the world. for once, i just want to stay home, indulge in my hobbies, live the life that i want.”

his breath grazed the top of your head. “with someone?” and suddenly, you became aware of it all—the heat that emitted from his palm, the movement of his chest against your back, the gravity of his question.

the words get caught in your throat. your heartbeat rang in your ears. for the first time since hyunjae’s death, you considered it. 

“with someone.”

before you knew it, his hand caressed your cheek. you were forced to meet his eyes—they glistened with devotion. he leaned forward, his breath grazing your skin while you held in yours. you didn’t miss how his gaze flickered to your lips before he met your eyes once more.

then, he held back. it’s a choice, one only you can make. but when your eyes shut, it’s a quiet plea—a silent yes.

his lips met yours. 

the warmth that blossomed in your chest wasn’t like the one in that motel room. not like the embrace of the one you’ve lost. it was one of all seasons—changing with the weather, bringing comfort throughout the everchanging times.

it’s a perpetual cycle of fighting for survival. you’ll endure through it all.

a month passed by, and you came across another boy on the journey. he’s named kevin, and he told you of a safe haven located in the town that you and jacob grew up in.

for a moment, it was an internal debate—should you go back to where the downfall started? can you go to where the memory of hyunjae still lives?

but one glance at jacob was enough to settle it. the three of you embarked on your journey.

you remember that day. it was a walk with the goal of finding a car to make the journey back an easy one. the heat of the sun prickled against your skin, but you still kept your arms crossed.

“are you two together?” kevin asked, causing you to whip your head towards him. your eyes met jacob’s for a split second—confusion, dejection—before they landed back at the stranger who kept his eyes on the path you took.

“no, we aren’t.”

for the rest of the journey, it was quiet.

sundown came, and you found yourselves in a convenience store for that night’s shelter. jacob was in charge of taking the night shift, allowing you and kevin to rest up. when the stranger went off to sleep on the makeshift bed, you were left alone with jacob.

you watched how he cleaned his gun with a rag stained with dark splotches. the moon gleamed through the window—it cannot compare to how jacob shines.

you needed to get some sleep is what you tell yourself. with one spin, you were about to make your way to where you’d sleep for that night.

“are we really not?” you halted in your tracks. you couldn’t look at him. “did it mean nothing?”

not a single answer left your mouth. your eyes remained straightforward, refusing to meet his gaze.

the warmth vanished with a lack of an answer. instead, it was replaced once more with the cold—the void—that attempted to consume you whole.

and when a scornful chuckle left jacob, you knew that you’d burnt the bridge. you walked away, leaving him to do his job, bidding farewell to the closest form of a safe haven.

two weeks went by, and another goodbye had to be done. kevin stood in front of you two, a grin on his lips while tears streamed down his face. his arm was out, revealing a bite mark. the veins near the wound had already turned black. he would’ve turned in a few hours.

“go out.” those were jacob’s first words to you since that night in the convenience store.

you remember the last thing you told kevin before you left the room—you’ll get to your safe haven. the sobs that spilled out of him are ones you’ll never forget. and when you shut the door behind you, it took 20 seconds until you heard a gunshot. 

the weight got heavier once more.

another two weeks went by, and you and jacob found yourselves standing in front of the remains of a safe haven. the fences were torn down. streaks of dark red littered over pavements. not a single sight of a soul lived.

still, you two trudged your way through the town, all the way until you reached jacob’s house. like others, his was abandoned. the cream walls were littered with red strokes and vines. when you both entered, you didn’t miss how jacob’s eyes lingered on a photo hung on the wall—a picture of him, his brother, and his parents.

you gave him all the time he needed to explore, to sit with the mess, while you stayed in the living room. as you sat on the couch that had gathered dust, you caught sight of a bowl of plastic produce that rested on the coffee table. it held a variety of fruits whose paint had chipped: watermelon, chestnut, and fig.

but amidst the crowd of old, torn-down, plastic fruits, a pear and an orange leaned against each other as grime collected on them. once your hands reached out to the fruits, you pulled them apart—a mess of green and orange stained the two.

he came back to you in 30 minutes, eyes glistening with tears. yet, he only gave you a nod, and you two went to another house. 

you then stood in front of your old house with jacob by your side. weeds grew in the front yard, and the wooden exterior has turned a few shades darker. silence settled between you two. 

to be back in a place you grew up in, where all your memories live, is a process—a grieving one. being face-to-face with the damage brought by the infected can only remind you of what you had and could’ve had.

and once you made your way to your childhood room, you were reminded of all your hopes and dreams before the outbreak. dust rested on top of books. the laptop on your desk had no charge. potted plants have withered.

when you approached the picture frames found on your table, your hand darted out to a photograph of you and hyunjae. there was no occasion when that picture was taken—the fact that you two were together was enough for it to be remembered. memorialized.

as you made your way back down the stairs, you saw jacob crouched in front of the console table with eyes. trained on photographs. “was this your high school graduation?” you approached him and saw the picture he was referring to, you who stood beside hyunjae with a big grin as his lips were on your temple.

“yeah,” you said as you crouched beside jacob. “we knew each other back when i was a freshman.” your fingers trailed on the wooden frame, gathering the dust before flicking it away. despite your efforts, it was still covered in grime, but you didn’t mind. 

“and you stayed together since?” all you did was hum. “did you find anything up there?”

for the first time since you entered your old house, you looked at jacob and he met your gaze. your eyes trailed his features. the eyes that speak of a thousand words. the lips that once kissed yours.

and it hit you like the gunshot that filled your ears, the breeze that rustled the leaves that one night, the doors that shut close. it was 20 months since the outbreak happened, 13 months since you lost hyunjae, and 11 months since changmin told you his last words—but it was also 13 months spent with jacob, choosing to survive with him. 

“yeah.”

you found a lot of things within those four walls. there were books you once read growing up, stuffed toys you slept with, and the one picture of you and hyunjae; they’re the remaining pieces you have left of a life that was good.

you would’ve kept it all, rebuilt the life that was ripped away by the hands of the infected—

“but nothing to hold on to.”

they’re memories, ones you’ll carry with you, but ones worth moving on from. 

“oh,” he said as his eyes still held your gaze. “okay.”

and with one exhale, you said, “let’s rebuild it, just a place for us two.”

it was a whirlwind of emotions in jacob’s eyes, ones you can’t identify. for a moment, you thought he’d say no. maybe he decided that 13 months was enough. one more day with you would be too much, and—

“okay.” when his hand reached out for yours, linking fingers with you like all other times, you gave him a small smile.

when you and jacob stood up, you made your way out of the house, off to find a place just for you two—a safe haven to last you many tomorrows with him.

a month passed. the safe haven was rebuilt; the fences stood strong with electrical wires and barbed wires, and the town was cleaned of all remnants of grime and blood. the two of you took up different tasks ranging from cleaning, cooking, building, and maintaining the haven.

but while you were okay with a knife, accidents did happen. “fuck!”

“what happened?” you remember how jacob came rushing in, only to see you pressing on the skin around the cut on your finger.

before you knew it, you were sitting down with him as he wrapped gauze around the wound. “jacob, it’s just a cut. i’ll be fine.”

“still, i don’t want you getting hurt.” you watched how his eyes were focused on treating your finger. “i’ll be in charge of cooking now.”

you shook your head. “no, i like to cook. i want to cook for us.” his gaze then met yours, his filled with worry while yours filled with determination. they flickered back to your finger, and his hands busied themselves with covering it up.

once he was done, his hand continued to hold yours. you remember the heat of his thumb as it drew patterns on your hand. he’s etched himself onto you.

his eyes met yours once more, and he said, “okay, just let me help out.” all you gave him was a nod.

another month went by, and you woke up to the sound of gunshots. you remember how hazy your vision was that night, fresh from sleep but panic coursing through your veins. and when you looked beside you to only see an empty spot, you didn’t think twice about rushing out of bed.

when you exited the house, you saw jacob holding his gun, firing at the people who attempted to tear down the haven’s fences. “jacob!” when he looked back at you, you caught sight of the crimson that poured out of his abdomen.

another gunshot was fired, grazing jacob’s leg, and he fell to his knees. you ran to him, reaching out to rest your hand on the wound as you began to sob. “fuck! you have to stay with me.” with his arm resting around your shoulders, you dragged him back to the house.

you set him on the table and moved his hand to hold where he was shot. “hold it.” you rushed to where the medical supplies were stored and gathered whatever you could hold. when you got back, you saw how blood continued to spill out.

you got to work, focused on trying to patch him up—making sure he stays. “you can’t go. i won’t let it happen.” and while your hands busied themselves with treating the injury, you remember how jacob’s hand caressed your cheek, thumb wiping away the spilled tears. 

“in the basement, there’s a piece of paper that has all the codes. if you ever—”

“no, you’ll be okay.”

still, he continued to talk. “if you ever forget the codes, you can always look at the paper. don’t forget that you need to always check the water system every two days, and—”

“jacob!” you croaked out his name in between sobs. “you’ll be okay. you have to, okay?” the more he went on about what to keep in mind, the baggage got heavier. “i can’t do this without you. i won’t allow it.”

because 15 months ago, you would’ve bid farewell to the mayhem. 13 months ago, you hoped for time to drag you away. 12 months ago, you would’ve walked into the forest. but it’s been 22 months, and you were still walking on this earth, choosing to live amidst the chaos—so long as jacob was with you. 

and when you leaned your forehead on his, eyes closed, you felt his breath graze against your lips. “i need you.”

all it took were three words from you. “okay.”

it’s been two months since that happened. the safe haven was rebuilt once more. you and jacob fortified the defense system, hoping they’ll be enough to keep any infected and raiders out. all that matters is that you two were protected—safe—from the chaos.

now, you sit on a couch as you flip through the pages of a book you didn’t have time to read before the outbreak. when all responsibilities vanished, you were able to find enough time to do things you couldn’t do then.

you were ready to get yourself sucked into the world of the novel, but jacob came into the living room with his hands behind his back and a small smile on his lips. “do you remember what you made me promise you before?”

you frown at him, confused, until he shows you an acoustic guitar. “oh my god, you found one?” you put the book on the coffee table.

he takes a seat beside you, body facing towards you as he rests the instrument on his lap. “here, first-row tickets to my first show.” you almost laughed because this is no stadium or club, but a home—one you built with him.

it takes only one smile from him for you to hold it back.

“any song requests?” he strums on the guitar strings, perfectly in tune. it’s almost as if he tuned it before coming to you.

a hum leaves you as you rest your head on your hand propped on the couch. “whatever you want to show me.”

it takes him a few seconds, fingers fiddling with the strings, until he figures out what to play. when he sings out the words—dearest, darling, my universe—you melt like the candles you lit up those nights. as he continues to play a song of a world in hysteria but a love that endures, that’s when you realize what you’ve had all this time.

time is the one thing that occupies your mind. it holds value, something that shouldn’t be wasted, and you learned to revolve your life around it.

it takes you two years to figure out that life doesn’t end after the outbreak—and 17 months to realize that your safe haven is not a two-story house with an orange tree in the garden but the boy in front of you.

when you lean closer to him, his fingers falter, messing up the chords. your hand reaches out to caress his face as your eyes flicker to his lips. you don’t miss how jacob holds his breath, how he stops playing the guitar, how his eyes look back at yours—it’s a slurry of warmth, tenderness.

“i love you.”

all it took was a three-word phrase from you for him to close the distance.

the warmth that spreads within you is like the one you experience in the abandoned cabin. but now, you’re full of hope—a reason to stay—in an infected-ridden world.

now, only one question echoes within your mind: how much longer do we have?

an eternity is what you hope.

perma taglist ➵ @deoboyznet @kflixnet @blankjournal @winterchimez @miusgirl @jenoscafe @sweet-unicorn-world @vernyangel @mosviqu @stealanity @deobi0412 @blue-rainydays @maessseongs

#works of moni #deoboyznet #kflixnet #bjnet #k-labels #the boyz #jacob bae #the boyz x reader #jacob bae x reader #the boyz fluff #the boyz angst #jacob bae angst #jacob bae fluff #lee hyunjae #lee hyunjae x reader #lee hyunjae angst #lee hyunjae fluff

[sungbeam]

𝐢𝐧 𝐦𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐛𝐮

jacob bae x gn!reader

1.8k words, est. relationship au, low-key idol au?, long distance relationship, kissing/intimacy (cuddling, holding hands, the works), fluff, angst, me missing home, jacob bae brainrot is a disease and i've been thoroughly infected, i can't believe i didn't curse—

a/n: if u couldn't tell, this is inspired by jacob's latest instagram post :') for vibes, listen to malibu (miley cyrus), golden thing (cody simpson), and 17 (julia michaels)

When the soft stream of morning light hit Jacob Bae's eyes, they fluttered open, squinting and crinkling to adjust to the natural alarm clock waking him up. There was something so beautiful about early morning sunlight, the way its pale, buttery glow filtered through the window and seemed to shimmer against the dust particles in the air.

He sighed through his nose, arm tightening around your waist as he buried his face into your shoulder to hide himself from the waking world.

You barely stirred, but you had been awake for a while, lying still in an effort to give him the rest he deserved. Your phone was across the room on a table charging next to his; again, hiding from the world. "Cobie," you whispered, voice barely audible.

He had heard you loud and clear, though, only replying with a whimper of opposition. "Mm-mm," he refused, head shaking against you. "Darling, don't wanna," he replied lowly, his mouth moving right by your ear.

Your body was content to stay with him. Well, your whole being was content on staying with him, but the point of this trip was so you and him could frolic around California on his week off. Today you would be in Malibu, but the next day, you would probably end up somewhere in the Bay area or maybe even across the state in Tahoe. Time was of the essence, but…

It would have been nice to simply lay here in bed together, to waste the day away. Every day, it felt like the two of you had to fill it with something productive or else it felt like you'd wasted it. With so little time to see each other or spend time together usually, this was your chance to finally have each other to yourselves.

Your arm dove beneath the warm covers to find his hand locked around your stomach. "Come on, hon, there's a really good donut place nearby," you coaxed.

A beat. "Do they have cereal flavored ones?" For a moment, you thought he sounded almost childlike, and you smiled.

"The best," you promised.

As if you'd said the magic words to wake his body up, Jacob released a small groan like a set of creaking hinges on a door frame. He lifted himself up onto his elbow and hovered over you, nose nuzzling against your cheek as his lips grazed your own. "Good morning," he said, a whisper threaded with lingering drowsiness.

You smiled against his mouth, hand reaching up to cup his face gently in one hand. "Good morning."

One fruity pebbles donut and an iced americano later, you and Jacob found yourselves on the sandy shoreline of Point Dume, beneath the looming cliff sides painted in lush green and sandstone. The highest point of the cliffs speared high above your heads as if reaching up to touch the overcast skies themselves.

The both of you had slipped your sandals off at the precipice of sand and boardwalk earlier, opting to hold your shoes and feel the grains of sand between your toes. Jacob grabbed your hand, fingers curling with yours, entwined hands swinging between your bodies.

Seagulls screeched to the symphony of gently rolling waves. Jacob's gaze was turned toward the infinite horizon. "I always feel like the coast is so gray," he said to you, like a question.

Your eyes stared ahead, mentally trying to recall the walk from here to Paradise Cove. "Yeah, you'd think it'd be more sunny, huh?" You mused. "It's really overcast by the coast, most of the time, unless it's like deep summer. But it should clear up by the afternoon."

"It's kind of nice." It was then that he tipped his head back, his dark brown bangs sliding slightly out of his eyes and the hood of his navy jacket falling backward. A smile widened on his face. "Feels serene and warm. I like it."

You let out a small chuckle, eyes relishing in the serenity reflected in his face. He could breathe easy here. "I'm glad you like it. I was worried you'd be sad to not have the full beach experience I promised you."

Jacob's attention went to you then, his face in innocent disbelief. "Not the full beach experience? All I need to enjoy my time is to have you right here, next to me."

You beamed, eyes ducked toward the sand. "You're so cheesy, jeez," you teased and nudged him with your entwined hands.

He laughed then—the sound was bright and twinkling, louder than the surf itself. "It's true! I just… I'm glad I can be here with you. We've been talking about having a trip like this together for so long, and I…"

The two of you had stopped now, bodies angled toward and facing the other. Your hands sat linked together between you still. Jacob wet his lip with his tongue, the words having died upon it.

You could feel those words echo in you, too. All the words unsaid, the reality that neither of you wished to face. "Well, let's make the most of it and enjoy it while we can, o—okay?" You hated how your voice broke off at the end and quieted. You wanted to be strong; all of this angst was just going to ruin the mood of this trip, and he didn't deserve to have this cloud hanging over you for the remainder of the trip.

You knew he would be able to see right through you as soon as you made eye contact with him. So you didn't.

Instead, you tugged on his hand and shot a grin back at him. "Race you to the next lifeguard tower!"

Jacob yelled in playful outrage as you tore down the shoreline, kicking sand up in your wake. "Oh, you're gonna lose so badly just for that!"

Both yours and Jacob's laughter lit up the beach and for a moment, you could both pretend that this was forever.

Oftentimes when you were home, here in California, golden hour and sunset was one of the few times of day you looked forward to. However, as you and Jacob settled on the soft sandy bank with twin cones of soft serve ice cream in your hands, you couldn't help the distinct anchor of dread sinking to the pit of your gut.

The breeze was cooler, crisper than it was early in the day. The yolky sun sank beneath the horizon, until the last of its golden rays radiated against the sky in a hazy afterglow.

Jacob had his eyes on you for a while now. Though he idly lapped at his ice cream cone, he sensed that there were feelings you were harboring in your chest right now, bottling them up in an attempt not to upset him. Your quiet wasn't necessarily unusual, but there was a stiffness to your posture like you were curling your body in on itself.

He quickly finished off the rest of his ice cream, then shouldered his jacket off to drape over your shoulders. When you turned your head to look at him in question, he only shifted closer to you so your back was to his chest.

"Thank you for today," he murmured to you, his breath warm on the skin of your neck.

"Of course," you said back.

Jacob leaned his cheek against your back. "Tell me what's wrong, darling. What's going on in that pretty little head of yours, hm?"

He felt your sigh. "I just don't want this to be over yet." You cleared your throat, "We don't have a lot of time left."

"We still have the rest of the week," he assured you softly, though, his heart beat became leaden in his own dread. Yes, the rest of the week laid ahead of you, but afterwards? What then? His hand gently smoothed up and down your arm in an attempt to calm you both down. "But I understand. I don't want this to be over either."

When you couldn't find the words to respond, he continued, "I want to be selfish—I wanna be so selfish, Yn," he confessed. "I love my job and I love what I do, but that means that I can't see you or be with you very often. And today… just proved to me how badly I've missed you. I haven't felt at peace in a very long time."

You finally leaned back against him so you could share your weights, share your burdens.

"I'm sorry," you croaked, "and I know it's not necessarily my fault, but it hurts to hear that you have to feel that way." You peered up and back at him, his eyes meeting yours with the same kind of sheen pooling at the precipices of his eyes. You tried for a sad smile, hand finding his amongst your tangled bodies on the cool sand. "I don't want to waste this time either, because you'll be leaving soon."

He nodded, head ducking slightly to tuck into the crook of your neck. "It'd be nice to be selfish for once," he murmured into your skin, lips trailing up slowly from your throat to the angle of your jawline.

Your free hand lifted, cupping the back of his head to hold him tight against you. "It would be," you agreed.

But it wasn't who he was. Jacob wasn't a selfish person, not someone who would go out of his way to get what he wanted, especially if there were other people in the mix. It was, of course, part of why you loved him so much. His heart was far too large for the world sometimes.

You shifted in his hold to turn around and face him then, your hands resting flat against his chest.

You met Jacob's eyes, his hair falling in his eyes and his jacket falling off the slopes of your shoulders. Your fingers delicately brushed his bangs away so you could see the last bits of pinkish daylight fade out to a bruised purple reflected in his irises. "Let's be selfish for a week," you told him. "Just you and me, okay? You deserve to be a little selfish, Jacob."

His tongue poked his cheek, head ducking then raising to be level with you once more. "We… we deserve to be selfish."

Then he braced his hand slightly behind you, his other coming up to cup the side of your face. Jacob crushed his lips against yours, the feeling of his chest flush against you, your matched heart beats—grounding you to reality. Your arms came around his neck to pull him to you like the waves to a shoreline, begging for just another touch.

And for just a moment in time, you could both believe that this could be your forever.

a/n: a tad bittersweet :') pls do remember to rb, comment, etc! <3 ty for reading!

tbz m.list

permanent taglist: @tayunji @im-a-big-mess @honeyhuii @y3jiishot @crazywittysassy @seomisaho @stopeatread @enhacolor @rnjfy @jaehunnyy @kpopjackie @spiderrenjunfics @soobin-chois @stayarmytinyzenmoa-l @ethereal-engene

#the boyz x reader #jacob bae x reader #bae joonyoung x reader #the boyz fluff #the boyz angst #the boyz oneshot #the boyz imagines #the boyz scenarios #the boyz drabble #jacob bae imagines #jacob bae scenarios #jacob bae drabbles #jacob bae fluff #jacob bae oneshot #jacob bae angst #the boyz fanfic

[sanaxo-o]

Rainy Days (Jacob Bae)

|| Inspired By Taehyungs song Rainy Days||

Warnings: angst, fluff, a happy ending folks, kind of like ex 2 lovers (THEY WERE ON A BREAK), mentions of kissing

Sana: hello (awful British accent) my very first Jacob fic and me is very very proud of it because I like it very much for the very first time. Yes. Your girly is proud proud. I don’t even care if it does not reach a lot of audience because I am just very happy and proud to write for Jacob ❤️‍🩹

Word count: 1,637

🫧🫧🫧🫧🫧🫧🫧🫧🫧🫧🫧🫧🫧🫧🫧🫧

🎵Rainy Days, I’m thinking ‘bout you

What to say, wish I knew how to🎵

Tossing and turning on his lone bed the young man continued to stare out of his bedroom window in wonder while he watched the rain drops pour on the glass.

Slow music playing in the background the lone boy continued to be in his own bubble of loneliness. In thoughts he constantly checked his phone to see if he at least got a small text from her. But nothing. He got nothing in return.

He could not clearly remember the reason for a break you both had in your relationship. He wondered back to the time when he had that conversation with you. It was pouring that time just like now. But that was the only sad moment he had with you when it was raining.

—x—

Flashback

“Jacob..maybe we should take a break,” you said slowly as you stared down at the table. Too afraid to look in the eyes of your lover who you still loved dearly. You knew you would feel bad if you would look at him.

“Wh..what?” You closed your eyes in guilt when you heard his voice break “Why? Everything’s fine. Then..why?” You could see a lone tear drop fall on the table. Slowly looking up you managed to stay calm somehow.

“It’s just…there’s too much going on. My work has been piling up. I am not able to give any time to you. I think…it’s best if we take a break for now and pay more attention on our life’s. I love you Jacob but right now…I want my job to be steady before anything else. I am sorry..” staring up in his eyes you could feel your eyes well with tears. You leaned back a little in your seat and took a deep breath in.

“I am sorry. I feel like…I just need a break from our relationship..” you could feel your voice shake while saying that. Standing up you stormed out of the place to afraid that you will cave and feel guilty when you hear Jacob speak.

End of flashback

—x—

Sighing Jacob abruptly stood up from his bed and walked towards the fridge. Opening it he sighed in disbelief when he saw that there was nothing in there.

Lazily walking back to his bed he sat down and grabbed his phone, opening his message his fingers automatically clicked on her profile

💬 Love 🫶

Hey…

Contemplating on whether to send the text or not Jacob threw his phone beside him and grabbed his head in frustration.

He knew that he should not be afraid to text her. I mean you can still talk to her even if you’re on a break, right? There’s nothing wrong in that. There should not be anything wrong in that.

He could remember all the hurtful words you said to him that day. It was still clear to him how hurt he was, how he barely slept for the first few weeks while reminiscing about your past, how he was the one who made you laugh in the hard time but still you left him hanging like that. But no matter what, Jacob still found himself only thinking about the good memories. The memories in which you both were laughing, while being in each other’s embrace.

He still remembers that one rainy day where you had caught cold because of the sudden whether change, but he was the only one who was there with you by your side, to take care of you.

🎵On rainy days, I’m thinking ‘bout you

What to say, wish I knew how to🎵

It was rainy days like these he thought the most about you. Walking towards the windows Jacob stood there and looked outside. The sky was dark. The rain still pouring on the ground. The sound of thunder coming from time to time. There were still people who were going on with their lives despite the rain. Why couldn’t he do the same?? Why couldn’t he stop thinking about you?

—x—

Flashback

“Is this how you make the batter?” You heard Jacob ask you from distance. Looking up from the recipe you were reading you walked towards him and stared at the batter which he was mixing.

“I..I don’t know. Is the batter supposed to look like dough?” You ask him another question as you stare up at him.

“I have never made this before. How would I know?” Jacob stared at you back. Shrugging you told Jacob to continue mixing it.

“If it tastes good then that’s all that matters,” you say as your gaze goes to the window. Gasping in delight you shook Jacob’s shoulder and dragged him towards the window.

“Look! It’s raining! Doesn’t it look so pretty?” You say with delight, huge smile spread across your face. “Your apartment gives such a great view when it rains.” You say with excitement. Agreeing with you Jacob dragged you in the kitchen with him.

“Help me figure this out. Why is the batter so runny?” Jacob asked “Should I add more flour?” He said in a questioning tone as he grabbed the bag of flour and started pouring it into the batter without any thought.

“Jacob no-” you stopped talking when you realised that you had knocked the bag out of his hand in panic. By then the flour was everywhere. Looking up at Jacob you widened your eyes when you saw his face being fully covered by flour.

“I am so sorry. I did not mean to..” you mumble as you grab more of the flour which was on the counter and poured it on his head. Laughing you noticed how Jacob just stood there as he tried to process the whole situation. Looking around the kitchen Jacob finally spoke up again. “The kitchen’s a mess, love,” Jacob said softly. Laughing you looked at the kitchen in wonder. From your peripheral vision you noticed Jacob grabbing some of the flour. Before you could react he had already smeared all of the flour on your face. Laughing Jacob pulled you closer to him and stared you in the eye

“How do you still manage to look so beautiful with all that flour on your face?” Jacob said softly as he grabbed your chin and kissed your lip’s gently. Giggling in the kiss you looked at him lovingly when he pulled away.

“I could ask you the same question. How do you manage to look so handsome but look like a dork at the same time?” You said with a smile as you ruffled his hair which made some of he flour fall off.

End of flashback

—x—

Wiping the lone tear he grabbed his phone

🎵Remember how I used to

Make you laugh the most?🎵

💬 Love 🫶

Let me make up for all the time we lost. Please don’t tell me it’s over. Can we start over?

Sending the text Jacob threw his phone beside him as he started biting his nails in nervousness.

Taking his phone back in his grasp Jacob contemplated on whether to delete the message or not when he heard his phone ting.

💬 Love 🫶

Can I come over?

It felt like his world stopped for a second when he saw your reply. With shaky hands he typed out a sure as he started pacing back and forth in the apartment.

🫧🫧🫧🫧🫧🫧🫧🫧🫧🫧🫧🫧🫧🫧🫧🫧

Stoping in his tracks Jacob took a deep breath in before he went to open the door. Seeing you stand there, beautiful as always he could feel how he stopped breathing.

Letting you in Jacob closed the door gently.

“How..how are you doing?” You asked softly as you sat down on his bed, which was quite messy but you did not seem to pay any mind to that which Jacob was glad for.

“Okay..I guess? I don’t know. It’s just..it does not feel the same without you around.” Jacob admitted softly as he stared everywhere but at you.

“Jacob..I also missed you. A lot to be fair. You don’t know how much I regretted saying that we should take a break. It was a stupid decision I made. Maybe it was the work load but I won’t blame it on that when I know that I gave that a lot of thought.” Jacob looked up when he heard you say that. He could feel his heart beat again.

“You don’t know how much I missed you, your touch, your kisses, your smile, i missed everything..” Jacob said as he walked towards you and picked you up in his arms.

“You don’t have to anymore. I am here now in your arms again.” You said as you kissed his cheek softly with a smile on your face.

“I am glad we found our way back to each other on a rainy day like this.” Jacob whispered in your ear as he walked towards the kitchen with you still in his arms.

“I am glad. I should have known better that no matter what you would always be there for me. I am sorry for being so stupid on the past.” You told him in a quite voice.

“It’s okay. I understand, work must have been hard and stressful. You don’t have to apologise love. And stupid or not, I would love you no matter what, love” Jacob replied as he leaned down and kissed your forehead, coming down he kissed both of your cheeks. Smiling in middle Jacob kissed your chin.

Pulling away Jacob grinned at you, leaning back in he finally attached his lips on yours. Grabbing the small of your waist he pulled you closer to his body. Your body heat keeping you warm in the chilly rainy day.

🫧🫧🫧🫧🫧🫧🫧🫧🫧🫧🫧🫧🫧🫧🫧🫧

Tagging: @deoboyznet @zzoguri @hongyangi

#the boyz #tbz #spotify #Jacob #Jacob bae #jacob bae x reader #Jacob bae fluff #jacob bae imagines #Jacob bae angst #the boyz x reader #the boyz x you #the boyz jacob #tbz jacob #TBZ fluff #tbz imagines #tbz x reader #TBZ angst #the boyz imagines #Jacob bae x you #Jacob bae fic

[hcuyk]

OUR INFERNO | CHAPTER ONE

SYNOPSIS ✧ despite being your greatest archnemesis/rival/enemy/frenemy/whateverthefuck he was, hyunjae had always been by your side. that changed when your boyfriend was brought up, creating a newfound rift in your whateverthefuck relationship with hyunjae

PAIRING ✧ rival!hyunjae x fem!reader

GENRE ✧ high school au, enemies to fwb, angst, smut, fluff(?), humor(?) (these mfs bicker a lot), pining

WARNINGS ✧ 18+ MINORS DO NOT INTERACT — cheating, profanity, mentions of physical fight/bruises, underaged drinking, obsessive/possessive hyunjae : NSFW TAGS :  outdoor/semipublic sex, dubcon recording, spit/drool/tears, oral and fingering (fem receiving), penetration, scratching/ripping, humping, minimal praise, degradation, sub!hyunjae for 0.002 seconds, petnames (princess, good girl, babe/baby, slut)

WORD COUNT ✧ 19k

⋮≡ [ OUR INFERNO EXCLUSIVE ] @deoboyznet @flwoie @sanaxo-o — fill out the form or comment/send an ask/dm to be added!

. . . . . . OUR INFERNO M.LIST ✩ next [ TWO ]

⋮≡ [ PERMANENT TAGLIST ] @armysantiny @stealanity @zzoguri @nyujjan @tinisprout @the-kpop-simp @sunwoosberrie @winterchimez — fill out the form or comment/send an ask/dm to be added!

THE BOYZ MASTERLIST | NAVIGATION

AUTHOR'S NOTE : in honor of my three years of officially stanning the boyz on this very day, let's celebrate with my smut debut and writing comeback 😋 enjoy my loves

PART ONE: CHASING THE SPARK (THE FIRE TETRAHEDRON) — fuel, oxygen, and heat | CHAPTER ONE

“Genuine question.”

“Shoot.”

“Who the fuck does Hyunjae actually think he is?”

Unphased by your up-and-coming rage rant, Kevin resumed snacking on the protein bar he had brought with him. He tossed his free arm over the camera equipment and backpacks sitting next to him on the bench, watching you stride back and forth within one of the many hallways in the recreational center. 

“Well, he is your boss.”

“No, he’s the student executive producer,” you corrected, your legs unwavering as you kept a consistent pace to release your frustrations. Kevin shrugged and tossed one leg over the other, staying relaxed despite the hot fumes emanating from your upright and angered figure. You paused momentarily to look him in the eye. 

“Emphasis on the student,” you clarified.

“Emphasis on the executive, Y/N.”

Baffled at how he was defending your greatest archnemesis (well, more like your greatest frenemy), you ignored his rebuttal and started pacing again. Your steps slowed as you envisioned the sensations you experienced just minutes before, back when you, Kevin, and Hyunjae were at the indoor pool to report for your school’s broadcasting channel. Technically, you were the one reporting and filming while Hyunjae was the subject of interest, and Kevin was there for physical support. 

Chills latched onto your skin as you remembered what it felt like to have Hyunjae’s bare torso looming over you, his eyes peering over your shoulder to glance at your footage. While staring at the camera, his gentle, irregular breaths would continuously hit your skin. Water from the pool would trickle down his hair and into your shirt, reaching your backside. When it happened, you could barely comprehend Hyunjae’s ‘advice’ and instead focused on feeling every cold droplet travel through the crevasses created by your spine. You winced at the thought of that happening again, yet somehow you could still hear his irritating voice near your ear, telling you all the reasons why your B-roll of his lap swimming was ‘trash’ and ‘unusable.’

For a moment, you stood there in the hallway frozen, unsure of how to move, before realizing you were just reliving a moment from earlier and that Hyunjae was still in the locker room changing.

“I’m going to make a complaint,” you declared, turning back towards Kevin for his encouragement. Alternatively, you were met with the sight of your best friend completely failing to conceal his judgment and disapproval towards your suggestion.

“Against Hyunjae? You gotta be kidding, right?”

“Yes,” you answered confidently. “Wait, I mean no, I’m not kidding, but yes, against Hyunjae.”

Kevin eyed you skeptically, trying to decipher why you felt threatened enough to report someone like Hyunjae. You may not have spent all your previous years in high school with an affinity for Hyunjae, but it wasn’t like you hated him either—not in the way you truly loathed others. If that were the case, you wouldn’t spend nearly every day with him, bickering until the sun chose to set.

“Sure, maybe my B-roll was trash, I can attest to that, but that does not give his bitchass the right to not only shit on how ‘awful’ I was doing, but also yank the camera out of my hands and delete all the footage I got because they weren’t ‘perfect enough.’ What kind of psycho is that?” You glanced over at Kevin, trying once again to get him to back you up, but the most he gave was a slight nod. Everything you were spurting was half-mindedly being decoded because he had ended up placing more significance on inhaling protein. Regardless, you continued.

“And you would think, hey! As the student executive producer of a high school broadcasting team, he would understand that no! I indeed do not record half-naked people swimming in a pool, whether it be for a career or a hobby. He should also at least have the decency to not swim seven hundred miles per minute while I’m recording. Of course I’m not going to catch up, especially when he barely told me how he wanted things to be recorded? Isn’t he fucking insane for that? Not to mention all the goddamn splashing because of how fucking long his limbs are—”

“You’re explaining this like I didn’t witness the whole exchange,” Kevin grumbled.

“And you would think he knows, right? That Mr. Executive-slash-Captain-of-the-Swim-Team should either be more considerate when, A, he’s kicking water in my direction when he’s swimming or, B, station me away from the edge of the pool? Just a thought, but fuck me, I guess.”

“Well yeah, but the—”

“Also! Not to mention the camera has the fucking ability to zoom in, so why was there even a need for me to stand by the pool anyway?” You scoffed at the absurdity, almost tempted to cackle like a villain because of it. “The least he could do was tell me how to record it or find a way to adjust and compromise without occasionally soaking me with water on purpose, which I know damn well he was—”

“That’s just how-”

“We have a tripod, for god’s sake!” you exclaimed. By now, Kevin had given up on providing you with his input. He opted to rest against the wall, finishing up whatever he had left of the protein bar, and occasionally would roll his eyes.

“But even then, who the fuck wants to see him swim anyway? We’ll probably only need like…what? A minute of the footage for the B-roll? So why the hell is he treating it like it’s about to be nominated by the goddamn Oscars for Best Picture? He just loves to nitpick and control me like a fucking puppet—”

“Keep talking and you’ll potentially strain your throat,” a new voice interrupted.

You jerked around to find Hyunjae, the culprit of your rant, exiting the locker room with a small duffle bag that contained both his swim gear and his school clothes from earlier in the day. His brown hair was only halfway dry, some strands still stuck to his forehead as he approached where you were pacing.

You halted in your path and stared him down. Hyunjae immediately caught onto the mood you were in, and instead of being shocked or hurt, he grinned.

“You.” 

Your attempt at threatening him with one word made Hyunjae laugh.

“Hey, I’m just looking out for you.”

“Oh here we go again,” Kevin mumbled, tossing the wrapper of the protein bar to the side. He pulled out his phone and went on TikTok, deciding it was more worthy of his attention than listening to you two banter—something he had been experiencing for well over five years.

As a mutual friend of yours and Hyunjae’s since middle school, Kevin understood the frenemy dynamic better than either of you. Eventually, over the long years he had known you both, he learned to leave you two be. 

“What about me, though? Are you going to try and tattletale on me?” Hyunjae feigned sympathy as he gave you an exaggerated pout, tilting his head like a puppy’s. “C’mon. I’m just doing my job.”

“Sorry, but I don’t remember ‘being a dick’ being listed under the requirements for your oh-so-important position of power.” You huffed at him and crossed your arms, choosing to face elsewhere as you rooted the soles of your feet to the ground.

Hyunjae furrowed his brows, his eyes never leaving you, as he addressed the third party within the shared space.

“Kevin, was I being a dick, or is Y/N exaggerating?”

Kevin glanced up at his phone and scrunched his nose at Hyunjae in annoyance.

“Don’t even try to bring me into whatever…this mess is.”

“No, tell him,” you demanded, now looking at him. Your glare was enough to burn Kevin into ashes, but it was nothing compared to Hyunjae’s gaze piercing into your back. Knowing that he never looked away made you shiver, hating how fixated he seemed to be—and seemingly without reason too.

“Listen, I wasn’t being a dick. I was treating you the same way I treat everyone else. I’d honestly argue that you’re just narcissistic and think everything is about you when—”

“Oh wow, thank you for admitting that you’re a dick to everyone else!” You tossed your hands up for dramatic appeal as you spun back around to look at him. He scoffed, but his demeanor was quickly shadowed by a smirk that appeared on his lips, testing you with the arch of his brow.

“Oh really? Do you see anyone else complaining?”

“I’m complaining,” Kevin muttered.

“People don’t complain because they’re scared of you, Sherlock,” you retorted. At this point, Hyunjae had already caught onto your bullshit of making evidence up, and it was why this exchange ended up lasting for as long as it did. Nevertheless, his ego continued to build the more you spoke.

“You’re not scared of me?”

And you keep falling for the bait.

“Why should I? You’re nothing.” You approached him and pressed a finger into his chest, taunting him as you stared straight into his eyes.

Suddenly a competition seemed to have materialized because now you both were locking eyes, too stubborn to look away. 

“One day you’ll wake up and realize your position doesn’t mean shit. You take it too seriously and make everyone’s job your job when this should be a learning experience for the rest of us.”

“And who exactly is ‘us,’ babe?”

You narrowed your eyes at him.

“Don’t call me that–”

“And it’s also starting to sound like jealousy to me.” Hyunjae’s eyes finally shifted, but instead of looking away from you like you initially wanted him to, you trailed his line of sight down to your lips. He eyed them shamelessly—technically making you win the unspoken eye contact competition, but at what cost? “I won’t believe you until I receive firm evidence and testimonies from the other students in the club, then maybe I’ll consider your concerns. Deal?”

What you despised most was how well Hyunjae knew and provoked you to get under your skin. He was a raging flame, making your blood boil from both irritation and excitement. You couldn’t pinpoint exactly what it was, but after nearly six years of banter with Hyunjae, you knew damn well you enjoyed every second of it. It was like a nonstop competition, and you were always on the edge of winning.

Maybe it was also because you were so used to him constantly being above you. He was the president of the student council, the swim team’s captain, and specifically the one who snatched the executive position away from you in the broadcasting team, yet somehow you were still able to compete at his level of arrogance and egotism. 

Even though you may never be able to top him in the foreseeable future, you at least knew how to match his fury—his fire, with your own.

“You’re pathetic.” You took a few steps back to gain some distance while his eyes flickered back up to yours. He bit his lip playfully, his smile only growing even wider.

“Woah, Y/N. Exposing my degradation kink so soon?”

“I-...you- w-what?!” you sputtered, your jaw falling slack as Kevin’s head snapped up, staring at the two of you in disgust.

“Get a room—!”

“I’m going to make sure you get degraded from your position, you freak!”

“Not exactly how that word works, princess, but I’m glad you’re at least passionate.” His cooing made you want to slap the living shit out of him, your eyes protruding from their sockets are you glared. 

“Are you fucking bricked up or something right now—?”

“Hey guys,” a woman’s voice called out. Your heads turned to look at the end of the hallway, catching one of the recreational center’s workers waving in your general direction. She pressed her lips together and smiled, attempting to be as professional and understanding as possible. “I’m sorry to interrupt, but is it okay if you guys turn it down a notch?”

You and Hyunjae both nodded and whispered apologies, feeling like kids who just got scolded for shoving paintbrushes down the drain. Fortunately, the worker’s smile radiated genuine warmth and consideration, providing you some sort of reassurance that you guys weren’t too much of a disturbance (even though you guys totally were).

“You two are the most childish fuckers I know,” Kevin deadpanned, finally shoving his phone away as he switched between looking at you and the man by your side. His eyebrows bunched up.

“And apparently horny too.”

“I would move across the country if it meant I never had to see him again,” you grumbled, striding back to the pile of equipment to pick up your backpack and the bag with all your reporting necessities (boring script, stationary, and a couple of notebooks shared with all the broadcasting students to collect notes and inspiration in). 

“Hello? I’m still here.”

“Look at that. He already misses me.”

“I’m going to hurl,” Kevin unnecessarily announced, and Hyunjae’s face soured.

“Ew.”

“Exactly. That’s how you two make me feel whenever you guys are together.” Kevin got up on his feet and grabbed the wrapper to shove into one of his pockets (no littering, kids) before outstretching his limbs dramatically. 

“I swear I developed back pain from always listening to you guys bicker.”

“Or, hot take,” Hyunjae interjected, “maybe it’s because you’re always sitting with your back arching forward like it belongs in the Arches National Park–”

“Yeah yeah, shut the fuck up.” Kevin waved him off with his hand and rolled his eyes. “I came here to help carry stuff, not listen to your bullshit.”

He picked up the bag that contained the camera and passed it to Hyunjae. He offered to hold one more thing, but with only his backpack and the tripod left, Kevin didn’t see much need for his friend’s assistance. 

Kevin then faced you, his face stern and rid of emotion.

“You too, Y/N,” he stated seriously. “None of this ‘he said this,’ ‘he said that,’ ‘please fuck me’ bullshit from you either.”

You gaped at him, arms wrapped tightly around the crew’s bag.

“Now why the hell do you think—”

“Zip it.”

Without giving you much of an opportunity to continue, Kevin sped off in front of you, ready to leave the building. You couldn’t even look at Hyunjae as heat rushed to your cheeks, struggling to trail after Kevin’s speedy steps.

Despite carrying heavier items, Hyunjae caught up to you with ease. You wanted nothing more than for Hyunjae’s feet to either slow down or speed up tremendously, but of course he purposely chose to walk by your side, attached to you by the hip.

“He sees it,” Hyunjae sing-songed. “Everyone sees it.”

“Sees what?” you snorted, oblivious to what he was indicating.

“That you want me,” he replied nonchalantly.

The moment you two stepped outside the doors of the center, you stopped to face him, trying to confirm what exactly he was implying.

“You can’t be serious.”

Hyunjae, who also stopped with your steps, shrugged.

“You’re the one in denial.”

Realizing that he was serious, you felt every muscle in your body tense up.

“Hyunjae,” you stated firmly. “I have a boyfriend, remember?”

Instead of receiving something witty from Hyunjae like normal, his relaxed facial features suddenly scrambled into one that expressed remote shock. His lips were slightly parted, eyes searching yours for any hint that indicated you were lying or messing around with him, but you were serious.

The aggressive playfulness from earlier had evaporated faster than boiling water, and you watched as he became stilled. Your heart started pounding, anxiety creeping up within you due to not being able to read Hyunjae like you normally do.

“Since when?” he asked. His voice was quiet, his tone firmer, and by now, Kevin was already by his car, too far from the two of you to understand what was going on. Hell, even you could barely understand what was happening.

“Earth to Hyunjae?” you joked, nervously laughing in an attempt to eliminate the newfound tension looming in the atmosphere. “It’s always been Jiwoong, remember?”

For a moment, Hyunjae could feel his mouth drying up. All his thoughts were held captive in his throat, and his lips remained parted as if they weren’t meant to collide at all. He stared at you like you had just teleported in front of him.

“Y/N,” he stated calmly, “he cheated on you.”

Your initial response was to get defensive, claiming that you already knew that because hell, it was your relationship, but then your brain acknowledged the true elephant in the conversation.

“How-...how the hell do you know about that?”

“I- You know word just-…That doesn’t matter. What matters is why in the world—”

“It was a mistake, okay?”

“A mistake?” As Hyunjae’s brows raised, so did his tone. “You know, people—decent people, don’t make mistakes like that.” 

Seeing how Hyunjae was gritting his teeth, how his eyes were locked on yours, built up a foreign frustration within you. Something about the way Hyunjae was behaving felt like he was trying to control you. 

All the rage from before had now returned, yet this time, there was no more leniency from you—not when Hyunjae was being more condescending than he had ever been.

“You know nothing, Hyunjae, so frankly, I really don’t care about what you think about my relationship with my boy-”

“You’re still with him??”

“Look,” you snapped. “Just because you have the luxury of crushing my hopes and dreams on a daily basis, it does not give you the right to dictate what’s wrong or right about my love life and my decisions. Understood?”

And just like how you always are, Hyunjae refused to shut up.

“How is it dictating when it’s common sense to dump a shitty person?” He dropped the bags onto the ground, and not once did he look away from you. “He’s never treated you well either, and you know that—”

“It’s not your decision to make,” you repeated. You could feel the three key elements of creating a fire stir up within you. You had the fuel, the oxygen, and the heat, and Hyunjae was the chemical chain reaction that would set it off. “How dense can you fucking be to not back down?”

“He cheated on you,” he reasserted, and there was a rage in his eyes that you had never once encountered. “He’s done so many shitty things, and he hasn’t changed–”

“Again, none of your fucking business–”

“And I’m pretty sure I saw—”

“I am not going to repeat myself-”

“Can’t you just listen to what I-”

“Drop it.” You were seconds away from yelling at him, ready to unleash all your anger because never once has someone threatened your love life—Jiwoong, the man you considered your soulmate. Your flame had officially engulfed his, and all Hyunjae could do was stare at you in disbelief and disappointment.

Turning to look away, you gazed up into the sky and scoffed, not understanding why tears had begun to pool up in your eyes. At the end of the day, Hyunjae meant nothing to you—you didn’t even consider him a friend.

After moments of experiencing what it was like to be suffocated by a tension so unbearable, you eventually found a way to ground yourself. 

“I can’t blame him, you know,” you whispered, using the back of your hand to wipe away your tears. “We were angry. He just–...he needed an outlet, and at that time, that outlet happened to not be me, okay?”

Hyunjae stared at you, his mouth desperate to say something, anything, to make you see what he sees—a relationship that isn’t meant to be. That you didn’t deserve to be treated this way. Maybe you were no more than an acquaintance to him, but he knew you have always deserved better. 

“He isn’t someone worth fighting for.”

“And that’s none of your business,” you scowled.

“It isn’t right—”

“Stay in your fucking lane, Jae.”

Hyunjae clamped his mouth shut, and the sight of you completely breaking down tore him apart. Possibly it was all the years you spent together growing up, constantly arguing, yet he knew he was always one to look out for you.

You sucked in a cheek, gnawing at it as your chest urged for you to forgive him, to apologize for lashing out without much notice, but in the end, you prioritized your pride over him.

Not only was Hyunjae’s persistence a stab to your heart, but you suspected that Kevin was the one who told him. By spilling your secrets, it was as if Kevin saw the knife that impaled you and yanked it out of your chest, causing you to bleed to your death.

“I’m done with this conversation,” you muttered, dropping the bag in your arms to the ground by his feet. Your plans had changed to you walking home alone, wanting nothing to do with the other two boys for the next hour or so.

When you turned around to walk away, you knew Hyunjae was going to try and say something. You knew him best whenever he was at his worst, so you spun around to face him for the last time that day to cut him off.

“Never fucking cross that line with me again, got it?”

And with that, you left. 

//

Kevin apologized to you the morning after.

He normally drove you to school, and you debated getting into his car when he showed up. Thankfully you chose to do otherwise because the second you stepped inside, Kevin was apologizing profusely. He talked about how anxious he was all night when Hyunjae told him what happened, and he wouldn’t have known what to do if you didn’t forgive him. Obviously you did, and the rest of the car ride was spent with him explaining his side of the story.

According to Kevin, he only told Hyunjae about how you got cheated on because it seemed like Hyunjae already knew. As Kevin recalled the whole scene, you two assessed the signs, such as how Hyunjae didn’t provide any sort of reaction when Kevin dropped the news. In fact, it had seemed like Hyunjae had brought it up to Kevin instead.

Regardless, it became the last of your worries because all that mattered was that you were back to being on good terms with your best friend.

But avoiding Hyunjae felt like lighting a match in the rain. 

It was your agonizing reality for the next two months, and although you could argue that you had gotten closer to your boyfriend during the supposed ‘Hyunjae Drought,’ you were still plagued with him being everywhere around you.

He was in all your classes, and you never truly processed the extent of how involved Hyunjae had always been throughout high school with you. You weren’t on the swim team, but you were stuck with him during meetings for both the broadcasting team and student council. 

Yet it all felt so different.

Unless he was called on, Hyunjae would talk much less unprovoked and would never look at you during meetings. When he would address the entire team, he would glance at you for a split second before looking elsewhere, no longer watching you like a hawk.

You had also gotten quieter because without Hyunjae to banter with, you recognized that you barely had friends in any of those classes either. 

There was no longer a fight between your flames, and you two kept as much distance as possible. You were thankful that there hadn’t been an instance that interrupted that, such as being forced to record more B-roll with him, and you could only hope that the rest of your senior year would remain the same. 

Then you would never have to see him in college.

Now you were back to being the mediocre student that faded into the background. People knew your name at best, but none have ever tried to become your friend aside from Kevin. No matter how involved you tried to get, the closest you were to anyone was a classmate. 

Hyunjae had always overshadowed you too, and for the first time in years, you were detached from his fumes—yet somehow, some way, the smoke from his fire would remain in your lungs, continuing to suffocate you even more than it had before. It didn’t give you that breath of fresh air of new friends or a better life; instead, it helped you realize that you didn’t matter. It was a miracle that you even scored Jiwoong as your boyfriend.

But then that begged the question: why did Hyunjae bother spending his time ridiculing you?

From the very beginning, you had always meant something to him, and you couldn’t pinpoint how or why. When there was no competition in academics, he treated it as if there was. Every time you ranted, he would listen, whether it be about him or something else. Even when you talked about how your chicken from the cafeteria was burnt, he would give you his own before calling you stupid for not noticing until you sat down.

He never shrugged you off like you were nothing or shut you down because your emotions were invalid. He entertained you each time with ease, and most importantly, he knew when to respect your boundaries. Hyunjae was probably the most mindful person you knew and could often tell when you were distressed or needed another form of reaction from him.

He knew when to stop.

Yet when it came to the one instance involving Jiwoong, he crossed the line multiple times. Why?

“Hyunjae isn’t here today.”

“Huh?”

“Didn’t show up for a single class.”

Kevin watched you play with your food with a fork, rolling the cold, barely spherical peas around and into the stale rice.

“That’s not like him,” he replied.

“Yeah.”

“I wonder why.”

“I wonder too.” 

After the driest possible conversation in existence, you sighed and dropped your fork into your tray.

“I need to stop forgetting to pack myself lunch. This shit makes me lose my appetite, I swear. We should call the police and tell them the food they’re serving is illegal and a disgrace to this country.” 

“Keep it away before I lose my appetite too.” 

You didn’t react nor respond to what Kevin said, letting the conversation rot as you pouted at your food. The cafeteria was unusually louder today, making it easier to space out into thought.

Kevin took out his sandwich with a wide grin and started eating, grateful he never had to deal with what the school was feeding thanks to his mom, but eventually his eyes shifted over to you. You were unmoving with your gaze locked onto an empty spot on the table, so after moments of debating between asking you what’s wrong and ignoring you to devour his lunch, he opted to set his sandwich aside and stared straight at you.

“Why are you thinking about him?”

That was enough to garner your attention, your head snapping up to stare at your best friend like he was the craziest person you knew for mentioning Hyunjae, much less suggesting that your mind was wrapped around him.

“What?”

“Hyunjae. With his perfect attendance, a day without him should be a blessing, yet you brought up how he didn’t show up today and then moped harder than anyone I’ve ever seen mope. You should be over the moon, dancing on the tables and stealing people’s food, not-...” Kevin waved a finger at you, “whatever this is. You seem out of it.”

“Well it’s not because of Hyunjae, I’ll tell you that,��� you snorted. Your eyes fell back down to your tray, and the more you looked at it, the more nauseous you got. You scrunched your nose. “If anything, it’s probably because of this shit food.”

Kevin rolled his eyes before tearing his sandwich into halves. You perked at the sight and ogled the half Kevin taunted you with. You were about to thank him and take it into your possession before Kevin jerked back his arm, making you whine.

“Throw away your food, then I’ll give you it.”

“Fine,” you grumbled. As Kevin returned to his delicious, most scrumptious, packed lunch you had ever seen, you picked up your tray and walked it to the nearest trash can. As you dropped the whole thing inside, you heard your name being called.

“Y/N!”

You whipped around to check to see who it was and smiled at the sight of Eunseo waving at you. You wouldn’t consider her a good friend, but you knew her well enough since she was the vice president of the student council.

She ran over to you with a stack of paper in her arms, relieved to have caught you. 

“Y/N, hi! I’m so glad I found you. I was scared I wouldn’t because of how packed it is.”

She flashed you her usual glowing smile, and you noticed that she was a bit more giddy than usual, making you question why she was choosing to talk to you in the first place. All your conversations normally took place before, during, and after student council meetings, so this was slightly out of character.

“What’s up?” you asked. As you looked at her, you noticed how her outfit was slightly more put together than it normally was. She had on a cute top that suited her chest perfectly and a skirt that you had never seen her wear. 

“Your outfit’s really cute today.”

“Really?!” Her bright demeanor then faded into concern. “Wait, is it too noticeable or out of the blue? Is it bad?”

“No, no. Not at all!” you reassured. “It’s just the right amount of perfect.”

“Great! God, that means the world coming from you. It’s because!...” She stopped to glance around, making sure that no one was eavesdropping, before taking a step closer to whisper. “It’s because I was finally asked out on a date by my crush!”

She could barely contain her excitement, holding back a squeal with her bottom lip latched between her teeth. Her sunshine-like energy made you grin.

“That’s great! I’m glad you’re making progress.” Your eyebrows pinched as you tried to recall the last time Eunseo had updated you about her crush. “You’ve been pining after him for so long—whoever ‘him’ is, anyway.”

The question of who Eunseo liked had always gone unanswered. She never told anyone, not even the ones who knew her best, but she loved gushing about her mystery crush to everyone she knew. All people really knew, you included, was how down bad she was.

A part of you wondered if it was someone you knew—someone pretty like Juyeon or well-known like…Hyunjae.

“Oh, I wish I could tell you, and maybe I will if things go really well and we become official!” She squealed and hopped in her spot, unable to resist giving you a half-hug with her free arm. “This is so exciting, Y/N!”

“I’m really happy for you.” Your smile was genuine until you thought about why she was looking for you, starting to doubt that she called you over just so she could tell you about her date. 

“I’ll let you know how it goes, swear. But! That aside, I also have something for you.”

You knew it.

Your brows raised, and when you didn’t catch on, she gestured to the papers in her arms with guilt.

“I know this is kind of a dick move, and I’m really really sorry, but I promised to put up fliers for prom today. My date is right after my last class.” Her frown had deepened, and for a split second, you found yourself sympathizing with her because who wanted to let down such a cheerful personality, especially when this was life-changing for her?

“So you want me to do it?”

“Exactly! Please, that would be great. It shouldn’t take too long, too.”

You thought about how you would have to give up an evening of playing on your switch or extra time to study for an upcoming exam, but you knew it was your duty as secretary to help out whenever needed.

Not to mention that it would also make you a decent friend not to hold Eunseo back from her soon-to-be love life despite her poor date planning. If you were in her shoes, you would have wanted her to do the same for you too.

“Sure,” you accepted. “Why not?”

“You’re the best, seriously!” She handed you the fliers as she began to fill you in on the extra details.

“I already told Mr. Barajas that I wasn’t feeling well and that you were going to do it, so he said it all worked out and to not worry about it,” she rambled, happy to give the extra weight (both literally and metaphorically) to you. “I just printed these out, so everything should be perfect to go. Oh, and don’t worry about any extras! Just set them on Barajas’s desk when you’re finished. Hyunjae will also be in 142 with tape ready for you.”

The mention of the forbidden name nearly made every cell in your body halt. 

“What?”

Eunseo tilted her head at you, confused, before finally realizing.

“Oh crap, I forgot! I’m so sorry, I really did forget you guys weren’t on good terms. I hope it’s okay that he’s helping you out. I mean, he’s supposed to, but it was meant for him and me to do it together, not you two, so…God, I’m really sorry Y/N.”

Before you could even react to the newfound information, she continued.

“I really have to go now. Thank you again! I promise I’ll make it up to you!” And with her rosy pink cheeks and a stunning shade of red on her lips, she basically skipped away and waved goodbye to you with a smile, so you reciprocated it with an awkward one of your own. 

When she turned her back, your smile immediately dropped and you sighed heavily.

“Have fun on your date,” you mumbled, your eyes falling to fliers in your arms. As you skimmed the one on top, you noticed it was to promote going to prom while also including a big QR code to vote for who should be your school’s prom king and queen. You expected it since it was the last meeting’s topic of discussion, but what you weren’t aware of was who were listed as nominees.

There were eight names listed under ‘Prom Court,’ and while you expected Hyunjae’s, Eunseo’s, and your boyfriend’s names on it, your jaw nearly hit the ground at the sight of your own. 

//

With every passing class period, your anxiety would kick up a notch.

The dread of talking to the face you had been avoiding for two months engulfed you, and it caused you to develop the urge to ditch your current class to go hunt for Jacob, the student council’s historian. You wanted nothing more than to dump the stack of fliers into his arms, and knowing Jacob, he wouldn’t ask any questions. Hell, you were certain that if you asked him nicely, he would do it for you because of how naturally sweet and endearing he was.

But the guilt of ditching your secretary duties kept picking at your skin, and besides, all you had to do was treat Hyunjae like a colleague. That should be easy, right?

As you suffered through the last few minutes of class and your teacher’s incessant ramblings about the upcoming exam, your thoughts drifted over to what would happen the moment you stepped into room 142.

Hyunjae hadn’t shown up to a single class all day, yet he was expected to set up fliers after school. As your thoughts snowballed, you arrived at the baseless conclusion that maybe Eunseo wasn’t aware that Hyunjae was absent today, therefore someone else (like Jacob) would take over. 

Suddenly, your back had straightened with feigned interest in your teacher’s last few words. Something about Jacob being there instead of Hyunjae had excited you; it felt like you were free and that the universe was listening to your prayers. The gamble of seeing whether it would be Hyunjae or Jacob (or literally anyone else) had your right leg bouncing, eyes on the clock, and when the bell rang, you shot up from your seat, backpack over your shoulders and fliers in your arms, before dashing out of the classroom.

You sped down the hallway to 142, Mrs. Zhang’s room for Chemistry, bug-eyed, before having your delusions crushed at the sight of Hyunjae’s stupidly large height leaning against one of the counters. Your feet stood glued to the ground by the doorway, your eyes locked onto him. 

Covered from head to toe in sweats, Hyunjae was immersed in whatever was on his phone, scrolling through something as his brown curls peeked out from inside his hood. Without any hint of him acknowledging your presence, your shattered hopes slowly began to rebuild.

Maybe if you were quiet enough, you could sneak out with the tape and do everything on your own, avoiding him at all. Actually, scratch that. You didn’t even need the tape. All you had to do was go to another teacher’s room, steal their tape for half an hour, and then return it with ease.

The plan was effortless, and you mentally smacked your forehead for not thinking of it earlier. Right as you were about to execute it, your backpack slammed against the doorframe as you turned on your heels. 

“Nice try.”

You groaned out of embarrassment (and slight pain) and forced yourself to turn around. Hyunjae’s phone was now face down on the counter, and his arms were crossed over his abdomen. His face remained stoic as his eyes met yours, wielding a tension you didn’t recognize.

Now that you could properly look at him, you noticed a few details that you hadn’t before, such as the small tear on his lower lip and the bandaid on his cheekbone. If you looked long enough, you could catch light patches of purple across his skin, and the sight hindered all your thoughts, your brain too occupied with piecing together how he ended up like this. 

“What happened?” you blurted, your gaze shooting up from his lips to his eyes.

Hyunjae staggered at your suddenty, but he managed to keep himself stilled, his brows pinching. 

“What do you mean?”

Even if Hyunjae didn’t mean to, his question became an invitation for your unfiltered thoughts to spill out of your mouth.

“You didn’t show up for any of our classes today,” you began, “but now you’re here? For some stupid fliers? You’re barely dressed properly like you normally are, your hair isn’t straightened, you look pale, Jae, and what’s up with the bruises or the bandaid on your cheek–”

“Are you seriously psychoanalyzing me?” he asked with a scoff. There was no humor in his tone. Instead, it looked as if he was irritated, perhaps even more than you were. 

Hyunjae barely met your eyes, and his arms closed himself off from you. 

“What–?”

“You’re evaluating me like I’m some sort of lab project, Y/N.”

“No, no I’m not,” you rejected. “I’m just saying things are a little off.” You kept your eyes firm on his, even as he pushed himself off the counter with his phone and made his way over to you. “And you know, you really can’t blame me for being somewhat worried when one, you don’t show up, and two, you look like a whole mess—”

“Just hand over the fliers—” he interrupted, gritting his teeth as he outstretched his arm in your direction. You dodged him by turning your body 180 degrees and stood your ground.

“What happened?” you repeated, this time more firmly.

Hyunjae looked at you, a blank expression on his face, before turning back around to grab the roll of tape left on the teacher’s desk. When he returned, he shoved it into your arms while simultaneously stealing half the stack. You protested with an exclaimed ‘Hey!’ yet he didn’t bat an eye and skimmed over the contents of the flier on top.

Bothered by his lack of response, you frowned and made sure to block the doorway, refusing to let him leave until you received answers.

“Why are you acting like this? Pretending that I’m not even—”

“I’ll do upstairs, you do downstairs,” he muttered.

“Did you get into a fight? Why weren’t you here today? Why are you here now—”

“You’d think you’d know,” he finally answered, pushing past you like you weighed none less than a feather.

Your brain had fully malfunctioned at that point, unable to decipher what he meant as Hyunjae walked off to the nearest staircase. As his footsteps echoed down the hall, you thought about what he was implying yet came to no resolution. Did he assume that you were caught up in your school’s latest gossip? Or that you were the main admin for his biggest fan page on Instagram?

The idea made you snort, and you scowled bitterly at his childish attitude. It wasn’t like you were a complete stranger intruding on his personal life—hell, you felt like you deserved an explanation because of how you were forced to do this with him. 

As you stormed off past the remaining lingering students to the nearest bulletin board, you questioned how you were going to do this on your own. 

You had put up fliers countless times in the past few years yet never alone. Luckily, you had a general idea of where the fliers should go when it came to the school’s hallways, but as you approached your first destination, you struggled with ripping off pieces of tape while holding the stack at the same time. It would’ve been easier with a partner by your side, one who either did the tape ripping or placing of the fliers, but you weren’t desperate enough to fall into the role of a helpless princess in need of her pretty (useless) prince. 

After some trial and error, you found a method that consisted of setting the stack on the ground occasionally so you could rip off pieces of tape. Then you would slap said pieces of tape onto your wrist, having them readily available as you put up a few fliers at a time.

Although slightly time-consuming, it was working well and kept you at a steady pace until you heard crashing footsteps behind you from afar. Without paying any mind to it, you bit back your curiosity in order to focus on the wall in front of you, but then you made the mistake of taking a step back, bumping into the person who was sprinting. 

You lost your balance and fell forward before catching yourself shortly after. However, the fliers had already flown out of your arms, scattering across and down the long hallway.

Ready to curse out the offender for running down the hallway, you were surprised when you saw that it was Eunseo behind you, pouring out apologies while a loopy grin was smacked onto her face.

You steadied your anger and told her it was okay, getting down onto your knees to collect all the fliers. Her ‘sorry’s could only go so far with her smeared lipstick, a dazed gaze, and her hair holding the mold to someone else’s (presumably her crush’s) hands in them, but you still excused her, knowing that she was over the moon right now.

“It’s okay, Eunseo, I promise.” You forced out a chuckle as you crawled to scavenge for the ones that flew a few feet away.

“I really didn’t mean to,” she pouted, but it was shortly followed up with bubbly giggles. “God, Y/N, can you believe this? Oh, it’s going so well! I think I love him, I do.”

“Good for you,” you grumbled, hoping that she didn’t hear it as you continued to move down the hallway, hating how far the fliers had escaped from you. You also hated how she just stood there without intent on helping you at all. 

“I have to really go now. Got volleyball practice soon, but I think I’m seeing him tomorrow too!” She waved you goodbye.

And just like that, she continued running off. 

You stared at how you were only able to collect half the mess, hating how Eunseo had somehow managed to delay you even further from being in the comfort of your bed. You were also salty at how her date was taking place at the school, wishing she could’ve dragged him around while she taped stuff up before getting dick-downed of some sort.

Deciding that she and her business weren’t worth your time, you continued to pick everything up as quickly as you could, wanting nothing more than to go home.

When you finally finished collecting every last flier, you were prepared to get back into the groove of things before feeling your phone vibrate in the side pocket of your backpack. Wondering if it was something important, you took it out and beamed at the idea of it being a new message from Jiwoong.

Dating him felt like falling in love with him all over again whenever he texted. Your heart would pound in your chest when you thought about him and explode whenever he gave you his attention and time. You were addicted to him, especially knowing that he was yours after liking him since middle school.

So to say you were disappointed was far worse than an understatement. It was from a number you hadn’t saved yet always recognized and undoubtedly remembered by heart.

Of course it was Hyunjae.

You had Hyunjae’s phone number due to previous class projects and group chats, but you had never once saved it because you thought he was undeserving of being a contact in your phone. Nonetheless, with how the years have passed and how much his number infiltrates every group chat you were in, it was only fair that your brain had unintentionally memorized all ten digits.

The message he sent consisted of him saying that he was done with the fliers, and you rolled your eyes. Even after the way he treated you earlier, he still chose to let you know and brag about how fast he was. 

You shoved your phone away vigorously, ready to return to your slapping-fliers-on-walls duty, before perking at the sound of footsteps behind you once more.

Automatically assuming it was Eunseo or another student staying after for a club or sport, you were stunned when you heard his voice. 

“You’re not even halfway yet?”

In no fucking universe are you turning around; not for him.

“Go gloat somewhere else,” you snapped. The next flier you taped up was nearly slammed onto the wall, but Hyunjae was left unphased by your sudden outburst. He stood next to you and remained quiet, even when you left to place the next flier a few feet away on the opposite wall.

When he didn’t follow, you sighed out of relief, yet somehow you couldn’t help but peek at him, eyeing his hands that were tucked into the pockets of his sweatpants. He was staring straight at the lopsided flier you had put up, and when you decided you had enough of peering at him, he was back by your side.

 “What are you doing?” you grumbled. He was the one who pushed you away, yet now here he was, glued to your side like how he was two months ago. 

“You’re taking too long.”

“I had a mishap,” you explained, “but that’s none of your concern.” The lines on your forehead bunched up, and you waved him off, bending down to place the stack on the ground. Figuring it wasn’t weird at all, you continued your method of ripping off pieces of tape and slapping it onto your wrist.

And Hyunjae was totally judging.

“You can’t be serious.”

“Just go home.”

Despite being on the ground and sitting on your heels, you could physically feel the heat on the back of your head due to his eyes burning a hole into your skull, and for a split second, you knew exactly what he was thinking.

“I can do it myself,” you explained. 

“What are you even doing?” 

“Can you just go?” You picked up the stack once again as you rose to your feet, doing your best to avoid whatever look was on Hyunjae’s face. He was probably stifling a laugh or keeping his expression smug, but when you did cave and peek, his face was still solemn, his eyes on your wrist with concern.

“You’re struggling.”

“Thank you for your observation, Mr. Obvious,” you retorted.

“Let me do it.”

Taken aback, you whipped your head over to his direction.

“You’re kidding.”

“You don’t even want to be here,” he reasoned through gritted teeth. “Just go, and you can thank me later.”

“Thank you?!” Appalled at his audacity, you couldn’t help but laugh out of disbelief. “Seriously, Hyunjae? You want me to thank you for stealing my job? Again? You can’t be fucking serious.”

“Because you can’t take any criticism ever, or in this case, any form of help, so just let me do it.”

Hyunjae was eerily calm about the whole ordeal, his energy far from matching yours.

“I do take help,” you refuted. “I just don’t take yours, and neither do I need it, too.”

“You’re so goddamn stubborn.” And within a blink of an eye, he had managed to snatch the stack of fliers from you. 

“Hey!” you yelled, feeling as if it was deja vu from earlier (you really needed to step up your defense), and reached out to take them back, but he was quick to turn his body, shielding them from you.

“Give me the tape and go,” he urged, emotionless. The Hyunjae in front of you now was someone you truly didn’t recognize because the Hyunjae you knew would have made fun of you and held the fliers above your head, teasing you for being so weak.

Yet he stood still, creating a barrier between you and the duty that was forced upon you. You didn’t want to be here anyway, yet you were so insistent on making sure Hyunjae wasn’t stealing your work again. You weren’t incapable, and you hated how he always managed to be faster.

Even now, he was miles away from being playful with you, and yet he still had a way to shove it in your face.

“Hyunjae, I swear—”

“Give me the tape, and you can run off to your little boyfriend waiting for you by the entrance.” 

Your lips parted at his words, eyes wide as you worked to comprehend his words. You questioned how he knew about Jiwoong’s whereabouts, how he knew that Jiwoong was waiting and that you didn’t, but knowing that he was serious, you reluctantly gave up and dropped the roll of tape on the ground, forcing him to pick it up. 

You were sick of constantly arguing with him, and even if he was lying about Jiwoong, at least you would be away from Hyunjae. There was no point in fighting for your dignity anymore, not when Hyunjae’s narcissism was insufferable.

By walking away with heavy and quick strides, you hoped he felt humiliated by how poorly he was treating you—how he had always treated you like this.

As much as you wanted it to be true, you hoped Hyunjae was lying just so you had more evidence against his self-absorbed and shitty personality, but alas, you found Jiwoong standing precisely where Hyunjae said he was.

Regardless, all stress and frustrations had lifted from your being, and you called out to your boyfriend with a smile that would make your cheeks ache in minutes. 

“Woong!” You waved your hands with a small bounce in your steps as you rushed over to him.

Your boyfriend’s head shot up, surprised to see you. His utter shock quickly switches to one of sheer happiness, tucking his device away before opening his arms for you.

“Hey, baby!”

You tossed yourself into his embrace, hugging him tight after pressing a quick kiss to his lips.

“What are you doing here?” With your face in his neck, your voice came out muffled, and it made Jiwoong laugh.

“Had to stay after to discuss my grades with a teacher, then I decided to stay back a bit for you.” He cooed and kissed the top of your head, holding you incredibly close. When you pulled back, his hands had moved from behind your backpack to your hips instead, holding them as you stared up at him.

“You were waiting for me?” you asked, eyes wide with stars in them.

“Of course I was, baby.” 

You were radiating, feeling happier than ever. The last time you saw Jiwoong was a week ago, and with your clashing schedules, you two very rarely get the opportunity to make plans. Your hands rested atop his shoulders, and when he pulled you in for a kiss, you smiled.

But then it fell.

Something felt off.

//

If someone were to inquire Hyunjae about who his heart belonged to, your name would be his answer—whether he intended to say it or not. 

Hyunjae had always been considered the school’s favorite. His intelligence may not be up to par with others, but his authority was what made him a prominent member of your high school. Some blame it on his looks, but most were aware enough to know that wasn’t the case.

Hyunjae knew how to think on his feet, and his problem-solving skills outwitted everyone within his grade level. Reaching tranquillity had never been an issue for him, allowing him to be levelheaded while making decisions. He emitted an aura that made classmates truly listen to him and the ideas he shared, and overall, it made him a great contender to lead every group and organization he was in. 

Additionally, Hyunjae’s heart was what won over most people. His lack of vulnerability seemed to be his only flaw, but it was an obstacle he could overlook when it came to empathizing with others. By actively being involved in the community through volunteering and holding fundraisers, everyone could recognize Hyunjae’s devotion to hope for humanity. 

All these traits were what led Hyunjae up onto the pedestal and the public eye, a household name for all families in the district. Titles and awards naturally gravitated towards him throughout the years, resulting in him winning the vote as president of your school’s student council and enough scholarships to provide him a full ride at most universities.

It was safe to say that competition against Lee Hyunjae was sparse, and you were no different. 

Your grades would teeter around his standard, hence how you two collectively ended up in the same classes, but aside from that, you had nothing else that could compare to what he was capable of.

Except for one thing; your fury.

There was an inferno inside you at all times, and instead of your body shielding off your heart with steel, people around you would come to find out that your heart was the reason for that large blaze of fire, possessing a passion unlike any other. 

Hyunjae had never once seen a peer with as much fight as you. It was a trait only you encapsulated, one that you weren’t afraid to express. You stood up for yourself and your beliefs, and it was easy to pick fights with him when he had been troubling you from the very moment you two were assigned to sit next to each other in seventh-grade algebra. 

Hyunjae yearned for you ever since, his only want being your attention. You gave him the drive to succeed in high school and thrive in his senior year, and he was positive that he wouldn’t be doing this well without a reason to show off in front of you. He wanted your praise, your acknowledgment, but he loved the chase the most. 

Unfortunately, that was the exact reason he ended up here.

The chase was what made him fall for every part of you, wanting nothing more than your lips on his and the ability to have you by his side at all times, but it was also what landed you with your current boyfriend.

It was like his life was a video game with God giving him the hardest difficulty setting by making sure you were obsessed with someone undeserving of all that he wanted. There wasn’t even a chance of you two possibly being friends in your eyes. Meanwhile, Hyunjae would argue that you two had more chemistry than any other couple in your class, but that hope was crushed, shredded, and stomped on when he found out you still devoted your love to Jiwoong.

Regardless, it didn’t change who you were as a person. Your heart was still just as large and beautiful, and your drive to succeed hadn’t lessened. The bickering never faltered, and it wasn’t like Hyunjae was opposed whenever you expressed disgust at the thought of him being turned on because of you (and that was because he found the idea of you thinking about him hot—yes, his expectations were that low). 

So it was why after two months of almost zero to no contact, you treating him as if those months didn’t exist created the largest dilemma he had ever faced. He spent the next week thinking about your intentions and why you seemed to care so much, specifically right after when Hyunjae had willed himself to believe that he meant jackshit to you. You effortlessly toyed with his heart, leaving him in everlasting misery, while you seemed to do completely fine.

What was a typical and ideal lifestyle for you was a nightmare and tormenting hellhole for Hyunjae. He didn’t just crave the warmth and comfort from your undying flames.

He wanted to burn.

Insanity engulfed him on the days spent without you, leaving him to wonder why you had to make things extensively worse by pointing out his absence or how he had put less effort into his hair. Why did it seem like the concern you expressed was genuine? Why pretend that you cared for him as much as he cared for you?

He was going insane—so insane that he drove to a college party with three other friends in his sedan on a Wednesday night. 

It was being held by a fraternity he and his friends were far more than familiar with thanks to Jongin, an upperclassman he met in his sophomore year and remained friends with since then. The beginning of the senior year marked the origin of parties and hook-ups in weak sporadic attempts to get over you. 

At this rate, Hyunjae could argue that he was more experienced than half of the current college freshmen class. Getting girls in bed was the easiest part; the hardest part was forgetting about you. From what was a method created to move on from you became one that prepared him for when you wanted sex with him. 

But with your constant longing for Jiwoong, Hyunjae made sure that this party would be different.

Although accustomed to having sex with various women, Hyunjae had never been one to drink. This was a fact about him that raised brows, specifically Jongin’s when he first tried urging Hyunjae with a drink, but tonight he vowed to change that. He was normally their designated driver, but when Hyunjae informed Sangyeon of his plan, the elder was more than delighted to remain sober so Hyunjae could get a taste of alcohol.

“Hey, man! It’s about time!” Jongin exclaimed the instant he found out about Hyunjae’s willingness to drink, pulling a fresh bottle out of the cooler specifically for his friend.

“That’s what I told him!” Sangyeon projected his voice over the music, giving Hyunjae a supportive pat on the back.

Hyunjae rolled his eyes at his friends’ remarks and thanked Jongin for the beer, hanging around by the counter as the three conversed and caught up. The two laughed at the way Hyunjae’s face scrunched up at the taste, Sangyeon shoving him lightly with the claim that Hyunjae was being overdramatic. 

With his earlier mindless decision of tossing on a mesh long-sleeve shirt over his black tank top, Hyunjae had attracted another partygoer by his side momentarily after his first sip. She wrapped her arms around one of his and inserted herself into the conversation with hopes of getting Hyunjae in bed by the end of the night, and crazily enough, he considered it for a moment before feeling his phone vibrate in his back pocket.

Normally it would be something he’d ignore, but it remained persistent, signifying that he was receiving a call. He didn’t know who would be calling at this hour—well, aside from Minghao and his usual complaints about Hyunjae partying as a high schooler on a school night. 

After setting the glass down on the counter to grab his phone, any urgency to intoxicate himself as quickly as possible vanished the very second he saw your name glowing on his screen. With an awkward retraction of his arm and a forced cough, Hyunjae excused himself and answered the call.

“Hello?”

With music pounding inside his ear canals, it was expected that he couldn’t hear anything you were saying. He navigated through various crowds to reach the entrance of the house, his heart replicating the booming vibrations from the loudspeakers as he prayed that you wouldn’t hang up on him.

“Okay, I…I should be free now,” he stammered after stepping outside. The sudden stillness of Mother Nature was a drastic change from the party scene, coercing him to focus on his racing heartbeat and the anxiety accumulating in his tightening chest. He was breathing heavily, both from pushing through people in a rush and also because of you. 

You never failed to render him weak and helpless, leaving him like a puppy longing for their owner’s guidance.

There was a silence, but he could hear your gentle breaths hitting your phone.

“I need a ride.”

Hyunjae blinked, his body tensing up, as the many thoughts in his brain scrambled to make meaning of what you meant. However, it didn’t matter because you hung up shortly after, leaving him alone to revel in your words.

Your bluntness and suddenty made Hyunjae malfunction, his thoughts leading him to question if he had even heard you correctly. Rarely did you ever reach out to him, and what could you need him for? Especially after lashing out at him and ignoring him for two months? Of course, there was that one day a week ago when you two were forced to talk together, the day he was given a one-day suspension, but you two returned to treating each other like strangers like it was natural.

He stared at his phone in hopes of receiving more information, that you’d perhaps call again to reconfirm or say you had the wrong number. He felt like he was dreaming—that the person he had wanted for so long needed him for once, but he couldn’t help but also believe that this may be the beginning of another nightmare. 

But it was you, and Hyunjae was willing to risk it.

After checking his call logs to make sure he wasn’t hallucinating, he rushed back into the fraternity house, thankful he didn’t proceed with drinking any more than he did. 

He found everyone exactly where he had left them (the girl included) and announced his departure. The girl made sure Hyunjae knew how disappointed she was, but that was his last concern as he grabbed the beer bottle and handed it to Sangyeon, giving him a pat on the back.

“Drink up and find an Uber.”

“No fucking way you’re leaving us this soon, man.” Jongin shook his head in disapproval, his forearms resting against the countertop.

“Another time, I promise, yeah?” Hyunjae started walking away, waving to them as his heart continued to thrum in his chest.

“He’s lying,” Sangyeon snorted, taking a swig before bidding Hyunjae a bitter goodbye. “You owe me!"

Hyunjae ran out of the house, his legs making quick and long strides as he ran to his parked car down the block. His newfound adrenaline made him think about what he was sacrificing to be with you. Was leaving the party and betraying his friends worth spending even a second with you? What if you were asking him to drive you and your boyfriend somewhere? Could his heart even deal with being used like that?

But as much as Hyunjae hated it, he knew he was making the right choice. The self-respect he had for himself was buried six feet deep beneath the surface of the earth when it came to you. 

God, he really hoped he wasn’t hallucinating.

For a split second, Hyunjae truly debated what he was doing after getting into his car. He was already driving, but he didn’t know where to go. Luckily, it didn’t take you long to send him a text with your location, and it was a place he was familiar with. 

It was a park that he often frequented as a kid since it resided by his old neighborhood, and he was thankful he knew exactly where to go because he knew he would’ve definitely crashed the car while pulling up your location on his GPS. Hyunjae was doubtful it was the alcohol in his system making his fingers shake and his mind uneasy. He blamed you for his hysteria, one that had developed over years of endless longing. 

Luckily the drive wasn’t long thanks to the roads being mainly void of other vehicles (and maybe he did speed a few times, but he considered it justified). Before pulling into the parking lot, he spotted a lone figure curled up on a nearby bench. A small weight had been lifted off of him, relieved it was just you, and he parked aimlessly while his eyes rested on you.

You seemed unphased by his added presence, your arms unmoving as they stayed wrapped around your legs. The bench you were sitting in was facing away from the parking lot, but with his headlights illuminating the view in front of you, you certainly had to know he was there. 

In an ideal world, Hyunjae would leave his car, join you by your side, and, if he was lucky, he’d pull you into his arms and hold you close against his chest. He wanted to be there for you in whatever way he could, but he ended up being a deer in headlights, too afraid to make the wrong move and lose you again.

He sat there for a minute, watching you, and as soon as he received the confidence to reach for the handle of his door, you were up on your feet. His fingers paused midair as he traced your movements, his arm eventually falling to his side as you approach his car. 

Despite how slow his mind was working, Hyunjae knew to unlock the car right as you opened it (he would’ve died out of embarrassment if he had forgotten), and neither of you greeted the other.

Without any explanation from you, Hyunjae refrained from staring at you like he normally would, but your outfit made it incredibly difficult. It wasn’t much, just an oversized long-sleeved shirt that reached your thighs, but it was far from the usual clothes he’d seen you wear, like jeans and a nice-fitting blouse. For a moment, he believed you had no pants on, but then he knocked some sense into himself, realizing that you were probably wearing shorts that were hidden.

While Hyunjae attempted to keep his composure and respect your boundaries, you were eyeing him shamelessly, once again analyzing every detail about him. Beads of sweat pooled up on the back of his neck, and his hair was straightened yet fuzzy. As your eyes trailed downwards, you noticed how the mesh hugged his biceps, catching every crease that defined his muscles. He was quiet, his index finger resting against his lips. 

Where did he even come from?

And why was he so quick to listen?

You held back your tongue from dumping out your thoughts, knowing your questions would end up unanswered like before. Your body instinctively rested against the divot between the car door and your seat, keeping your distance from Hyunjae. He was meant to be a stranger, perhaps someone you loathed, yet there was an odd comfort that encased you from him just sharing the same air as you.

You cleared your throat, turning your head to look away when he flinched and snapped his gaze towards you.

“Drive.”

Your demand was no louder than a whisper, but Hyunjae picked it up effortlessly and was already backing out.

“Where to?”

“Anywhere.” Hyunjae raised a brow at your answer, and you buried yourself further into his seat, directing your gaze out the door. “Just-...anywhere, Jae.”

The nickname had his throat tightening and his chest leaping, nodding in your direction as he drove on autopilot. With no destination in mind, he strolled through familiar roads, his fingers tapping against the wheel. 

You stayed silent, creating a tension that was unbearably thick, yet none of you felt the need to leave; neither of you wanted to leave the other, even if it meant having to deal with the looming elephant in the room (or in this case, Hyunjae’s car).

After spotting the recreational center from afar and its empty parking lot, he instinctively pulled in. There wasn’t a proper explanation for why he decided it’d make a great destination, especially when it was the place that created a rift in your relationship with him, but it felt right.

It was empty, open, and serene—a perfect place to stay as the moon shined.

Hyunjae stepped out of the car after parking in the middle of it, and when you didn’t follow, he moved to your side and opened the door. He was hesitant but took the risk of offering his hand to you, a warm, nervous smile on his face. He wanted you to know he was there to listen, to be there for you, because, Lord, he would hand you the world if he could.

“I’m not in the mood for walking,” you mumbled, but Hyunjae shook his head.

“We’re not going to walk, I promise.”

Your eyes flickered up to his briefly, skeptical of what he had planned, but ultimately caved. You ignored his hand, and he pulled it back with regret. When you stood there, your eyes on the sky, he closed the door behind you and guided you to the hood of his car.

Without a second thought, he sat on top of it and gestured for you to do the same.

“I sit here all the time. Helps me think.” He leaned back against his windshield, his hands holding the back of his head as he kept his eyes on the sky. When you didn’t move, he started to feel stupid, wondering if you two were better off in the car, but then you joined him. 

You copied his position, staring upwards as your hands rested over your abdomen. 

Hyunjae opted to keep to himself, deciding that he didn’t want to make this worse for the two of you. Instead, he fixated his thoughts on the stars in the sky.

There were only a few, but it was a rare sight due to the constant air pollution in your city, so he considered it a miracle. You, on the other hand, were spacing out in thought, and Hyunjae could tell through his occasional peeks. Without much control, his eyes started tracing down your arms. They then landed on where the hem of your shirt rested, now looking at your bare thighs.

Feeling as if he just reverted back to being the shyest virgin in the country, he gulped and immediately looked elsewhere, trying to get you off his mind despite you being right next to him. His racing heart was all that he could hear, and now he wondered if you could hear it too—if you knew how much you affected him.

And your voice broke the silence.

“How long have you known?”

Okay, maybe his brain did fall out of his skull because Hyunjae had no idea what you were talking about. He turned his head and caught how you stared up at the sky. Your eyes were glossy, holding the reflections of the whole galaxy within them. They sparkled, and for a beat, Hyunjae had forgotten your question, too infatuated with your beauty. 

His silence resulted in you turning your head, gaze meeting his, and that was when he noticed the tears.

“About Jiwoong and Eunseo.”

Your light, your flames, his burning desire; all were gone in a flash.

Your voice was delicate, and Hyunjae knew that with one move, he could break you.

Directing his gaze heavenward, Hyunjae sighed and brought his arms down to rest over his chest. Somehow he was able to feel all the pain you were experiencing, his heart twisting while his stomach churned and sloshed around in his body. He thought about how to respond as he chewed on the inside of his lip, questioning if he should answer at all to avoid hurting you.

But you asked, and as always, Hyunjae delivered.

“I don’t think I ever really knew until last week,” he explained, “but I could always tell.” Suddenly, the fight from a week ago had resurrected, and Hyunjae was forced to relive it all.

The hallways were empty when Hyunjae left the broadcasting room, a backpack strap slung over his shoulder while the other dangled behind him. He was in the middle of scrolling through his emails when he picked up on the sound of Jiwoong’s voice around the corner. 

His footsteps halted, and Hyunjae caught Jiwoong’s fatal words.

“How does tomorrow sound?”

Eunseo’s squeals followed after, and Hyunjae stood motionless.

At first, Hyunjae had no thoughts circulating in his brain, but after hearing their lips collide, he started coming up with solutions, such as interrupting or taking a video to send to you. Unfortunately, before he could act on either of them, he heard footsteps dashing off, practically skipping, as the two bidded one another goodbye. 

Hyunjae couldn’t pinpoint the reasoning behind his upcoming actions, but he knew how to describe how he felt. 

Anger was the first and only emotion to surge up within him, his fingers instinctively balling up into fists. His muscles had tightened while a forest fire ran rampant through his veins, causing his blood to boil. 

Then with quick strides, Hyunjae shoved his phone away and made a sharp turn around the corner, tossing his backpack on the ground after spotting Jiwoong against the lockers. The latter had a dazed look on his face, his lips curled into a smirk as he typed away on his phone, but that was changed once he looked up at the sound of Hyunjae’s backpack crashing against the ground in front of him.

There wasn’t a second in between Jiwoong’s face of surprise and Hyunjae’s arm being raised, and before Jiwoong could react, Hyunjae’s fist had slammed into his jaw. 

It was a blur from there, but Hyunjae knew he had won even after authorities dragged him off Jiwoong’s body. He had received a few jabs in return, but it was nothing compared to the black eye Hyunjae gave him.

The fact that Jiwoong managed to cover it up with makeup the day after was a miracle, and no one in the school knew about the fight since it happened after school. Hyunjae wanted it to stay that way, but a selfish, cruel part of him wished that everyone knew how sick your boyfriend was.

Well, now he was unsure if he was still your boyfriend. 

Hyunjae turned his head back towards you, his cheek meeting the cold metal of his car.

You pursed your lips at his response and nodded slowly. If it were any other day, you wouldn’t have believed him. There was no universe where you’d choose to listen to Hyunjae over Jiwoong, but after a week of investigating and getting your head out of your ass, you found out on your own terms, and all the pieces made sense.

“I didn’t mean to.”

Hyunjae’s voice jerked you out of your thoughts, and as you adjusted to look back at him, you were surprised to still find him staring at you.

“I’m not a violent person, Y/N,” he whispered, an enduring hope lingering in his eyes. He wanted you to believe him, and for once, you did; you truly understood the man you hated most.

“I know, Jae.”

Hyunjae eased at your words, and the two of you fell back into a more comfortable yet aching silence. His fingers drummed against his abdomen, and after a while, he got sick of looking at the same four stars, so he closed his eyes, focusing on enjoying the light breeze instead. His heart was still racing, but it was less alarming. Regardless, he hated knowing that he potentially contributed to how much you were hurting right now.

Maybe if he had done something to prevent it earlier, whether it be telling you as soon as he found out or keeping completely out of your business so you could live in bliss, or, if he wasn’t so scared, he could’ve asked you to be his far before Jiwoong had. Maybe it wouldn’t have changed much, but Hyunjae would never know since he never tried, and now he was going to beat himself over it because now you’re devastated over losing your boyfriend and it was potentially his faul—

You laughed.

Hyunjae snapped his head towards you, his brows raised at your sudden change in mood—but it wasn’t the type of laugh he expected. Your laugh was one filled with pain, and he watched you shake your head, trying to refuse the tears that were rapidly welling up in your eyes once more. You sniffed and wiped the tears away with the back of your hand, choosing to look in the opposite direction because the last thing you wanted was for Hyunjae to see you vulnerable.

“It’s stupid,” you murmured. “This entire thing is stupid. I’m so fucking dumb.”

His lips parted to interject, to tell you that you were, in fact, ‘not dumb,’ but he clamped his mouth shut, knowing that his words probably wouldn’t help. From what he’d learned in the past, you liked it least when he tried telling you otherwise, no matter the situation. 

“I should’ve known. I did know. The whole world knew. Even you knew, but it makes me think, was Eunseo just flocking around, flaunting to everyone that she had a crush on my boyfriend and managed to win him over? I just—I…I don’t know-...” You paused to catch your breath, beginning to choke on your tears as your chest shook, “I don’t know what I did wrong, you know?”

You shut your eyes, allowing the pain to engulf you. You knew fully well that your punishment was to deal with the pain, but you felt like you didn’t deserve it—that you deserved none of this. Why was this a penalty for being in love?

It was humiliating having everyone witness the reality you shielded from yourself, choosing hope and love over the truth. 

“I just never felt more stupid in my life, and I feel even more stupid knowing that I still love him.”

Hyunjae sucked in his lips, gnawing on them as he bit back all his feelings, from his brain shredding to his heart weeping.

“I love him so much that I would let him do it to me all over again because I keep thinking he’d be better. I know he can be better, so why-...It’s just- Why do I do this to myself?”

Tears cascaded down your cheeks, each one leaving behind a trail for others to fall. They started pouring out of you rapidly, soon sobbing at the heart-wrenching pain of being betrayed by everyone in your life, Hyunjae included, because why, out of everyone, was he here for you when he should be the last person who cared?

You always wanted Hyunjae to be the antagonist of your life story, to have him as your biggest enemy and threat, so why was everyone else but him hurting you? Why was the villain of your fantasy taking the role of your knight in shining armor?

And yet, as much as it pained Hyunjae to process all your emotions, his mind wasn’t running correctly; he had you alone for the first time in months. He wanted nothing more than to pull you in his arms and whisper words of comfort in your ears, knowing you deserved it more than anyone, but he also wanted to shake you awake and slap you out of your misery, praying that you’d forget about Jiwoong; that right now, you being vulnerable was his chance to swoop in, to set whatever you wanted him to into flames, as long as if it meant you’d end up okay. 

You sat up because if you lied down any longer, you would’ve started drowning in your own tears. Your sleeves were soaked, and he sat up alongside you, figuring that he should do something about it.

Hyunjae got back onto his feet and stood in front of you. He barely knew what he was doing, but that didn’t stop him from replacing your sleeves with his cold, clammy hands over your cheeks. There wasn’t a time that Hyunjae could recall where he had been this gentle with someone, and when you didn’t push him away, he tilted your head up to look at him.

Even with tears running down your cheeks, you looked angelic as ever. 

Each droplet mirrored a star from the sky, and your eyes sparkled as they stayed locked on his.

“Take me,” you whispered, and Hyunjae’s whole world stopped. 

“...What?” Hyunjae had only intended to wipe your tears away with the pads of his hands, perhaps whisper something along the lines of him being here for you for the night (and the rest of his life, let’s be honest), yet your first words were—no, he had to have been hallucinating.

Your hands trembled as they reached for his wrist, and although you were severely broken, the grip your fingers created was firm.

“Please.”

Like a moth to a flame, Hyunjae admired how pretty you looked, your lips plump and eyes wide, and he wanted nothing more than to take you into his backseat and treat you the way he’d always wanted to, especially after hearing your pleas, but he knew better. You both knew better. 

“What exactly are you implying?” he asked, feeling like you had just inhaled all his oxygen and left him breathless. 

You released his wrist and opted to hold onto his sleeve, tugging on it as you tried to get him to understand you.

“I want it to hurt, Jaehyun.”

Your tears were gone, and there was a hint of dominance in your tone that would’ve had him dropped to his knees in front of you. You were also one of the very few who resorted to calling him Jae, and now his actual name. He favored Hyunjae, but after hearing ‘Jaehyun’ from your lips, his preference had completely made a turnaround. 

But Hyunjae worked to collect his thoughts, fully aware that this was wrong and he’d have to be the bigger person here. As much as he hated himself for giving up the perfect opportunity to have the girl of his dreams, he couldn’t ignore the large concern over your current mental state.

“You’re not thinking straight, Y/N,” he reasoned softly, his fingers reaching up to brush your hair out of your face, and for a second, Hyunjae swore he felt the alcohol kicking in—or perhaps it was you instead. The thought of being able to have you right now, to touch you and press his hands over your skin, to have you as his for just this night, was so intoxicating that he was seconds away from foaming at the mouth.

“I don’t need to think straight. I don’t want to think at all.”

Everything felt hotter and tighter, but he kept his composure, though with his eyes dropping to your begging lips and then your delicate fingers, he knew he was beginning to lose whatever was left of his sanity. 

But he also knew you were using him; you had to be. There was no other explanation. It was only minutes ago when you professed how you continued to feel about Jiwoong—that your heart still belonged to him, and Hyunjae was allowed nowhere near it. He was your backup, your second option, yet that happened to be better than nothing, right?

Especially when he could have you right here, right now. 

“You’re using me.”

Your expression didn’t falter.

“Then say no. Make us go back into your car and drive me home.” Your hand dropped from holding onto his sleeve but that was so you could wrap your arms around his neck, slowly bringing yourself closer to him. His cheeks were flushed as his mind flooded with possibilities of what could happen. Never had you ever wanted him, and he’d been dreaming of a moment like this for years. Your tear-stained cheeks, your pouty red lips—he wanted all of you.

“But you won’t,” you whispered, your breath hitting his skin. Your eyes landed on his lips, now craving him as much as he craved you. You needed a release, an outlet, to justify Jiwoong being better than Hyunjae. Hyunjae was worse in every way possible, and you wanted him to prove that to you. “You’d do anything I’d say, wouldn’t you?”

“What makes you say that?” Little did you know Hyunjae was crumbling inside, completely melting as his fingers grew weak at the idea of your lips on his. His hands, although wary, traveled to your waist, feeling your curves before trailing his hands down to your hips to grip them.

“You love me, don’t you?”

His heart stuttered, all words caught up in his throat, but he knew there was no defending himself—not when he was practically drooling at every move you made; he was hyperaware of the hand playing with the hair on his nape, the way your lips nearly hovered over his, and how your tears glistened under the moonlight.

His entire existence was confirmation of your words, and you knew it.

“You’d do anything for me, Jae. What’s stopping you now?”

There was a stillness as you two stared at one another. He swallowed and pulled slightly back.

He knew better.

“You don’t want me.” He was brokenhearted, a part of him understanding that you’d never be his, yet he wanted you in so many ways, wishing to have your mewls fill his ears and the smell of sex staining his clothes. The bulge in his pants was forming and pressing up against the tight confinement, making him groan. 

He dropped his head downwards, his forehead leaning to rest against yours, as he closed his eyes and did his best to regulate his breathing—repeating in his head and out loud, again.

He knew better.

“You’re using me.”

You both knew better.

Yet with your lips ghosting his and your eyes half-hooded, you were prepared to give into the dark side.

“And I say take advantage of it.”

Hyunjae dived and pressed his lips onto yours, hunger driving his every movement. There was no stopping when he felt your lips curling up into a grin, his hands shifting to wrap around your torso to drag you closer. His heart burst at how perfectly his lips molded with yours, and it seemed as if there was fire shooting up into the sky and exploding—they weren’t fireworks, and the explosion was far bigger and more dangerous. It lit the entirety of the sky, the moon and stars included, into flames, a desire unlike any other.

Your left hand pressed firm against the back of his neck while the other traveled through his hair. Meanwhile, his hands had snuck beneath your shirt and felt for your lower back. Heavy breaths left the two of you as desperation crept through your veins, dictating your every movement. 

The cold touch from his hands ignited your nervous system, every sense activated and overstimulated by Hyunjae as you released a breathy moan into his mouth.

You didn’t want him, but fuck, you needed him.

When you would pull back, his lips would chase yours, and you two fell into an endless cycle. He couldn’t even fathom how you were pulling away for air when you were his oxygen. Maybe you weren’t oxygen itself, but the fumes you emitted had already replaced his need for air, deluding him into believing that you were what he needed to stay alive.

You were suffocating, toxic, and destructive, and he wanted more. 

After retracting from the kiss for the nth time, you turned your head to hold Hyunjae back from continuing. You both were panting, your cunt soaking, and he stared into your eyes like a puppy awaiting their next direction.

“Good boy,” you praised, and he laughed lowly and sheepishly, dropping his head as he processed what happened and the idea of it being potentially over. 

“You’re lethal,” he breathed out.

“And you’re pitiful,” you spat. There was a playful grin on your lips, but those words ignited something within Hyunjae. He raised his head and cocked a brow at you, questioning your genuinity. 

Just minutes ago you were crying over a guy that treated you terribly, and yet here you thought you had the authority to call him weak.

Perhaps he was; he was falling deeper into your pitless trap, enticed with every movement of yours, but he knew for a fact you weren’t any better than him.

You both were sick in the head for falling for people that treated the other like shit, yet your drive, your fuel, to win over the hearts of the people you loved was so strong, and it made you two unstoppable. 

Hyunjae would punch Jiwoong all over again if he could. 

Without a second thought, Hyunjae ducked his head down and ruthlessly attached his lips to your neck, eliciting a gasp from you. He kissed your skin fervently, his fingers teasing the rim of your shorts, and your hands shifted to hold onto his shoulders for support. You found yourself tossing your head back, providing him more room to do as he pleased, that if Jiwoong were to see you with marks on your neck, then maybe he’d want you back. 

“Bold of you to call me pitiful,” he grumbled, sucking onto your neck until a blot of purple began to form.

“But it’s true, no?”

“You’re just as bad, Y/N.” He licked a stripe up your neck and over the mark, and the sensation made you cringe, disgust itching at your skin due to being covered in his saliva, but you wanted more of it. You wanted Hyunjae to treat you like you were nothing, to treat you worse than Jiwoong ever had, so you could direct your blame over to Hyunjae instead of your unknowing boyfriend.

You turned your head and slotted your lips with his again, already addicted to how perfect they were for you. Hyunjae knew the exact way to kiss you, to keep you on your toes, as your slick pooled up in your underwear at the mere thought of Hyunjae touching you.

The kiss was eager, a fight for control, and when Hyunjae didn’t surrender, you raised your knee, forcing your thigh to brush up against his crotch.

He gasped at the sensation and pulled away, bangs hanging over his eyes as he looked down at the sight. You teased him by keeping your touches gentle, but you made sure to keep your leg moving. Nothing intrigued you more than seeing Hyunjae beg or rut against your thigh, further proof of how pathetic he was for you. You gained a sense of ego knowing that he could have any girl in the world, that he has had every girl, and yet he would always come back to you. Now that you had him, it would be harder for him to return to a life without you under him, moaning his name.

You wanted to be his downfall. 

Your nails latched onto the mesh, taking note of how easy it would be to rip the material, before pressing your thigh firmly up against his dick, making him jerk.

“You’re-...oh my god, Y/N,” he gasped, breathless. His eyes meet your devious ones, how you were basically Satan himself, and somehow, someway, he wouldn’t ask for anything different. “You’re playing a losing…a losing- game.”

“What more do I have left to lose?” There was some truth in your words as vulnerability struck you. Your leg then lowered as you regained a slight sense of reality, realizing that you were forcing Hyunjae into being your selfish source of relief. You hated Hyunjae, sure, but you knew this was the last thing he deserved—to use him when he’d been nothing but accommodating to you.

And your sick and twisted plan was that after this encounter, you’d leave him to rot.

Hyunjae didn’t deserve that at all. 

But Hyunjae was already too far gone, too intoxicated, to even consider the repercussions of how he’d end up after this. The loss of contact with his crotch was what had him picking you up from his car, the tips of his fingers digging into your thighs, as he led you to the backseat. 

Your eyes widened, your senses fully back, but you made him like this, and you were going to pay for it. Although scared for about what’s to come, the anticipation had you drooling, your lips pressing fierce kisses onto his skin while he opened the door with you in his arms.

He laid you down gently and crawled over you, keeping you trapped between his arms.

“This is what you wanted, right? For me to tear you apart until you can run back to Jiwoong and justify how poorly he treats you?” 

Your brows bunched up at his words, your legs getting antsy being under him. There was no answering him, not when Hyunjae already knew how you were going to respond.

He brought one of his hands into your shorts and made the aggravating decision to slide his fingers over your underwear, depriving you of contact with his fingers.

Yet even with your underwear being a divider, he found your clit with ease and immediately started rubbing circles into the bud, making you buck your hips with a whine. The friction of the cloth was something you were unfamiliar with, and lord did it mess with you. 

“You want me to treat you how he sees you? Worthless and undeserving of respect?” He flicked your clit and kissed your jaw. “If that’s what you want, that’s exactly what my princess is going to get.”

“Fuck,” you moaned, using your hands to push onto his shoulders and force him down. The drive to ride his tongue was strong, and if he kept teasing you, you would have lost it.

“I know you inside and out, Y/N. I know you better than him, and this is how you treat me.” He sucked in a cheek but ultimately decided to comply with what you wanted. He pulled off your shorts yet left your underwear on, and his brows raised. He wasn’t sure how his fingers had missed the texture of lace, but what you were wearing was certainly lingerie.

You looked down to see why he stopped, and when you realized why he froze, heat rose to your cheeks.

“I wanted to feel pretty,” you whispered, shutting your eyes after turning your head. It was embarrassing, now that you thought about it, but Hyunjae’s heart soared, and he wanted nothing more than for you to know how ethereal you looked.

But he shoved the feeling away, allowing his frustrations to get the better half of him. 

When he pulled off your underwear, he cooed at how your essence oozed onto the material and raised the undergarment into the air, waiting for you to look.

“Did I do this?”

His mocking tone kept you from looking, but your curiosity got the best of you. You were met with the sight of a large wet, dark patch on your underwear, biting down on your lip as you looked at him with wide eyes. If you thought about it, you couldn’t remember the last time you felt like this, or if there ever had been a time when you craved someone this badly. 

He tossed it to the side and his hands massaged your thighs, keeping them spread open so he got a proper view of your core on display for him. The sight truly stunned him, reminding him that this was you he fantasized about and replicated with other girls—no one else.

“Do you normally take this long?” you rasped, tossing your head back against the seat, and Hyunjae rolled his eyes.

“I do you a favor, and this is how you treat me.”

“A favor is a stretch—”

Hyunjae plunged two fingers into your mouth, having them press firmly down against your tongue. He latched onto your jaw and pulled your head forward and up towards him, having your eyes meet his.

“Remind me, Y/N, who was begging for this?”

He dropped your head back down against the seat before you could even respond and used whatever saliva accumulated in your mouth as temporary lube, figuring that your slick would help him with stretching you out. You grunted at the impact, feeling helpless, as Hyunjae finally inserted his fingers inside of you. 

Hyunjae’s fingers were enough to have your eyes rolling, but it was the ring that he wore that stimulated you the most. You weren’t aware that he was even wearing one, yet the cold band against your raging wet heat made you whimper and desperately grasp for his hair.

“Jaehyun, please,” you begged. 

He chuckled and kept his movements slow, forcing you to fuck yourself onto his fingers weakly. When you did, he was in awe at how stunning you looked, how you seemed to be in your own world, and how you were enjoying him. By curling his fingers, a moan was pulled from your throat, making your eyes open as you looked at him. You continued to pool around his fingers, your voice weakly begging for so much more than his fingers and the cold air that brushed against your skin. 

Never had you felt more vulnerable, but Hyunjae never once made you feel like you were doing something wrong, making you cling desperately to him. You forced his face down into your crotch and jerked at the feeling of his nose brushing up against your clit.

“Shameless, aren’t you?” he commented, laughing lowly, but you were too out of it to care. 

“Shut the-...F-fuck, oh my god.”

Your whines had gotten more incessant the more useless he became, his fingers now completely stilled inside of you as he watched you roll your hips with a cheeky grin. He wanted to drag this out for as long as possible, knowing fully well that he could last all night. 

When he took out his fingers, you were yanked out of your bliss and nearly begged for him to put them back in, but before you could get a word out, he had replaced his digits with his tongue. Your slick was dripping onto his lips, and as he dragged his wet muscle up and down your folds, he made sure to collect a small puddle of you onto his tongue to eventually swallow, wanting to savor you. 

“Oh-...Oh my god, Jae—” Your orgasm was approaching, unsure of how it was here so soon, but you recognized the signs from the coil in your chest tightening to losing every sensation to the man beneath you. You rocked your hips continuously onto his tongue, and his thumb attached to your clit, making you see stars with how rapid his movements were. 

He pulled his face back and forced his fingers back into you, and the final curl was what made you reach your peak, your hips in the air as you cried out his name. 

As you came down from your high, you caught a glance of the way Hyunjae was looking at you; to him, you were otherworldly, and it was a sight he’d never forget. He wondered if Jiwoong ever saw you like this, if he ever made you feel this way, and suddenly his admiration had soured and contoured to something of darkness, rid of any empathy as he now looked at you with some form of disgust. 

“All this for me, and you still have the fucking audacity to choose him.” 

The mention of Jiwoong had your eyes wide open, tears reappearing at the mention and while being in your most vulnerable state. Your legs shook from the aftermath, feeling too weak to continue, yet Hyunjae seemed to have other plans.

Instead of shoving his fingers back into either of your mouths, he hovered over you and made sure you saw the way he dragged his fingers around your abdomen, drawing aimlessly over your skin with your essence before dragging a hand up to your breasts, massaging one of them as his other hand rested by your waist.

“Tell me, Y/N, did you buy this for him and never got to use it? That’s why you’re wearing it now with me? Am I your sloppy seconds?”

There was a slight growl under his tone, and while you shook your head subconsciously, he worked to remove your shirt, wanting a better look at your bra, before being met with a necklace you had been hiding; one with Jiwoong’s name.

And Hyunjae took no time breaking it from your neck.

Your jaw dropped, and you snapped out of your daze by sitting straight up, yet as you were about to yell at him for breaking your necklace, he shoved three fingers back into your pussy, shutting you up by having you moan at the intrusion. 

“It looked cheap, anyway,” he muttered, forcing his mouth against yours momentarily to nip on your lower lip, tugging on it so your focus remained on him. 

“That was—he’s mine,” you forced out, gasping at every thrust he made with his fingers, your sweet spot being abused as your hands latched onto his shoulders. You made sure your nails dug into his skin, wanting it to hurt, before pulling onto the mesh, wishing for it to tear. 

“He’s not yours, princess. Tell me, how can you say that when his dick has been up other girls?” With his free hand, he grabbed your face and made sure you were staring straight at him before shoving it to the side. 

“You need to fucking wake up and realize that you can dream all you want about how he’d react if he saw you hopping on my dick, but guess what? He wouldn’t care.” Hyunjae pulled out his fingers and left you alone in the backseat. 

You sat there, a wreck and vulnerable, as you tried to catch your breath. You lay back on your forearms, curious eyes following his every movement.

“There’s a reason he hasn’t left you yet,” Hyunjae explained, opening the front door to his car to grab a condom and his phone. He tucked both into his back pocket before returning to you, bringing your lips to his before continuing to talk within the kiss.

“He’s stringing you along so you can boost his ego. He knows you will always be there for him, and you allow him to use you like that?” 

You wrapped your fingers around Hyunjae’s neck, squeezing it before pushing it away to keep your distance, your frustration starting to grow.

“I’m beginning to think you’re all bark and no bite, Jaehyun,” you muttered, and with whatever strength you had left, you pushed him against the seat and got into his lap. Without hesitation, you started rocking your hips over his clothed dick, hoping your slick would seep in so he could feel you.

He hissed but allowed you to do as you pleased, his grip tight on your hips.

“I-...I think…if you asked me, you’re the one who’s projecting. I’m the one in a relationship, and you’re just a side piece.”

The speed of your hips increased, and Hyunjae felt ecstasy on the tip of his tongue, the confinements of his pants physically paining him the more you continued.

“You’re jealous, Jae. Just admit it.”

You pulled at his hair, loving the absolute control you had over him at that moment, but in one languid motion, Hyunjae managed to push you back down, this time with your stomach against the seats. You could feel your bodily fluids sticking to the nylon, and with how hard Hyunjae was pressing down into you, you were barely given a chance to move. 

With one hand on your lower back, he kept you still as he took out both his phone and condom, making sure to place both on top of your bare skin.

“What’s there to be jealous of when you’re here under me? You want to be fucked stupid? Fine. Don’t fucking complain when you want me to be the villain.” You lurched at his words, refusing to let him win, but you were completely unable to do much damage as Hyunjae kicked off his pants and boxers while still keeping his weight on you.

He then picked up his phone and pulled up the camera, making sure to take a photo of you in his car before clicking record and tossing the phone onto the ground, hoping it was close enough to pick up on your sweet noises. 

“Make sure to be loud for me, yeah? I’m sure Jiwoong would love it if I sent that video to him.”

“You wouldn’t fucking dare,” you bit back, your hand reaching out in an attempt to grab the device, but Hyunjae was quicker to grab your wrist, pinning it behind your back. 

“I wouldn’t because I know how to appreciate what’s mine.” Hyunjae released his hold on you to roll on the condom, giving you the opportunity to move and take his phone as you pleased. To your dismay, there was no more effort left within you, only an ache to feel Hyunjae inside you. 

“He appreciates me,” you mumbled, trying to convince yourself otherwise as you waited.

“Does he record you? Jerk off to your moans every night? Because I would, Y/N, just for you.” His voice was now by your ear, and when you turned your head to look at him, he pulled you into another hungry kiss, his dick now grazing against your hole. 

“You’re fucking insane,” you bit back into the kiss, and he grinned against your lips, guiding his dick into you as he spoke.

“Psychotic, just for my princess.”

Venom laced his voice, dripping menacingly, and the insertion of his tip had you grasping for something in front of you, anything, and it was only then that you were able to process how thick his cock was.

“Can you take it?” he asked, his voice slightly softer than before. When you gave him a curt nod, he continued pushing in further. Maybe lube should’ve been an option, but you were so wet for him that it didn’t matter, knowing that the stretch probably would have hurt regardless. 

“Fuck, fuck—he really doesn’t know what he’s missing,” Hyunjae gasped, his head resting against the back of yours. It was better than anything he’d dreamed of, better than any girl he imagined, because it was you, and your body was made for him.

“When was the last time he fucked you?” He was fully inside of you now, and when you didn’t answer, he decided to take it as a sign to move. With a firm grip on your waist, he pulled out just to slam back in, making you yell as you clawed at the seat, wishing there was something to bite on as you endured the pain that was quick to morph into pleasure. 

Every glide pushed you further into the car, your forearms occasionally hitting the door, as his hips moved vigorously, working up to a pace that had you moaning without pause. Tears were flowing down your cheeks at the overwhelming pleasure of being manhandled—of being Hyunjae’s rag doll when he was meant to be yours, and your body seized up, being worked up to your orgasm once more with how precise each thrust seemed to be. 

He adjusted to raise one of your legs to his hip, giving him a new angle to pound into you as he worships you with his dick, and you shook out of pleasure, whining as you saw white and reached your second orgasm for the night. You pulsated around his cock, strangled moans ripping from your throat as tears mixed with your drool by your chin.

And Hyunjae showed no signs of stopping.

He made sure to press your face down against the seats, wanting every liquid to fall and stain his car, giving him something to remember you by.

Oh, and there was the recording too.

While kneeling inside of the cramped car, he slowed his movements and inclined his torso towards you. In one swift motion, he wrapped his arm around your neck and pulled you up, locking you inside his elbow as he forced you to look into your reflection in the car window.

“Look at you, the school’s favorite slut. What happens if the recording drops? The whole school would know you’re mine, wouldn’t they?” He pressed his chest against your back, the mesh rubbing against your skin as his lips remained near your ear, forcing you to listen to every word.

You limped against him, your flames completely burnt out, and your fingers tugged onto the mesh around his arm, successfully ripping it after some time, but Hyunjae seemed unphased. In fact, it turned him on even more knowing that he had you locked in, that you were his.

“Look at your pretty cunt taking me in so well. It was so wet for me, wasn’t it? It still is. And guess what? You’re in my car. You belong to me, and my good girl is only now just finding out about it, isn’t she?” 

“I-I’m…I’m not-...not yours,” you retaliated, creating red angry marks into his skin with your nails as you endured being used, stifling your moans as you looked at how wrecked you were, how bare you seemed to be compared to Hyunjae. You were much more of a mess, from your hair to the bruises on your neck. Your pussy kept tightening up around his dick, convulsing occasionally with every hit toward your g-spot, and you held onto Hyunjae each time. 

Your head drooped down, thinking about how your heart ached for Jiwoong, yet the rest of your body was meant for Hyunjae.

“Whose fucking dick is inside of you right now?” He scoffed and pulled on your hair, forcing your head back up so he could directly speak into your ear. “Wake up, Y/N,” he demanded. “You’re mine.”

He dropped you back onto the seat like you were nothing, leaving you completely helpless, your throat void of any words as your eyes closed and met the back of your skull, too fucked out to communicate. You tried reaching for the door handle, just something to hold onto, yet you couldn’t.

“You tell me I’m pitiful, that I’m basically delusional when you’re going to be the reason my car will smell like sex for weeks.”

Your face was forced back into the puddle of liquid you created earlier, being shifted back and forth against the seat as if you were made for his dick and not vice versa.

“It’s crazy how pathetic you are, how willing you are to break yourself down in front of everyone just to have him. That-...fuck…that you’re so convinced he wants you and you two are soulmates.” He dragged his fingers through your hair and grabbed your roots. “You called me, you wanted me, and I have you right now, moaning my name, and you have nothing.”

Something about his words kept bringing out your orgasms, each thrust adding to the pleasure immensely. You didn’t know how much you could handle—afraid you may pass out from how much he was using you, from his tight grip around you to his dick hitting inside of you mercilessly.

Hyunjae whispering ‘I won, Y/N’ was what had you losing it, your high this time ending up stronger than the rest. You were fully crying now, and yet he continued as if you were nothing.

He peppered your shoulder with kisses and had the slight decency to slow his pace, but he also took note of your sobs.

“Don’t tell me you still want him,” he began rambling, his lips still on your shoulder. “Don’t tell me after this that your heart still belongs to him, because if that were the case, I’d make you call him right now. Say you wish it was him instead of me, and that he’s the love of your life while you’re stuffed with my dick. You’d like that, wouldn’t you?”

You could no longer think, and what you hated most was how reactive your body was—how you were just able to come for the third time, but Hyunjae’s dick solely being inside you snapped some other straw you weren’t aware you had, finding that your last high was incoming. 

Hyunjae had picked up the pace by then, and by knowing your body incredibly well, he reached down to your sensitive clit to relieve you. You both knew your fourth was arriving, and you held on tight to his arm.

“J-Jaehy- hyun, I’m—”

“Mine.”

You cried out, your entire body shaking, and Hyunjae pulled out, immediately releasing onto your back with a guttural moan after yanking off the condom. He was forced to catch his breath, watching you float in and out of consciousness.

Your eyes were closed, struggling to breathe through your sobs, and Hyunjae consoled you with a kiss on the back of your shoulder. 

“You’re mine, Y/N, whether you like it or not.”

He then pressed a kiss to your cheek before leaving to grab paper towels from his trunk. You were heaving, still shaking, and left alone as a mess in his backseat, yet with him gone, you felt even more useless, wanting him back by your side instantly. You weakly cried out for him, your nails dragging against the seat in hopes of being in his arms soon, and maybe he was right.

Maybe you were his.

OUR INFERNO [ M.LIST | TWO ]

NAVIGATION — THE BOYZ

© https://hcuyk.tumblr.com/

#OUR INFERNO | lee hyunjae #deoboyznet #hyunjae #the boyz #tbz series #hyunjae smut #hyunjae fluff #hyunjae angst #hyunjae x reader #the boyz imagine #the boyz fanfiction #the boyz scenario #lee sangyeon #jacob bae #kim younghoon #lee hyunjae #lee juyeon #kevin moon #choi chanhee #ji changmin #ju haknyeon #kim sunwoo #eric sohn #the boyz smut #tbz hard hours #tbz smut

[stealanity]

playlist one , the boyz ( lsg to kvm ) :

ꕤ lee sangyeon ,

someone

⠀

[ 7:02am ]

[ 5:12pm ]

[ 6:14am ]

⠀

ꕤ bae jacob ,

summer love

birthday cake

melatonin

co-lover

white lily

⠀

ꕤ kim younghoon ,

corny jokes

reassuring hands

kinda miss you

i didn't forget

⠀

[ 1:02am ]

[ 2:45am ]

⠀

ꕤ lee hyunjae ,

suffocating ( written serie , discontinued )

this special look

stay

waffle

loser, lover

crazy

too late

only for practice

⠀

[ 9:32am ]

[ 4:35pm ]

[ 10:37pm ]

⠀

ꕤ lee juyeon ,

his s/o waking up in the middle of the night

cute little intruder

bad day, but good boyfriend

daydream

terrible idea

the bet

cold hands

risky

sick of you

⠀

[ 5:34pm ]

[ 10:45pm ]

[ 7:52pm ]

[ 8:57pm ]

⠀

ꕤ moon kevin ,

bad words

the little prince

⠀

[ 3:37pm ]

[ 11:23am ]

⠀

. . . link to maknae line !

#⠀stealanity : the boyz masterlist⠀ #the boyz #the boyz imagines #tbz imagines #the boyz scenarios #tbz scenarios #the boyz drabbles #tbz drabbles #the boyz timestamps #tbz timestamps #tbz #tbz x reader #the boyz x reader #tbz fluff #tbz angst #tbz reactions #the boyz reactions #the boyz angst #the boyz fluff #juyeon imagines #lee hyunjae imagines #sangyeon imagines #younghoon imagines #kevin imagines #jacob imagines #lee juyeon #lee hyunjae #bae jacob #moon kevin #kim younghoon

[loverseon]

SOUL SWAP .ᐟ masterlist coming soon ᯓ★

pairing female reader x ???

genre royal au, fantasy, kinda mystery ish

synopsis you wake up in a bedroom thats not your own. curtains that arent your own, bed thats not your own. a life thats not your own. no one around you seems to take you very seriously when you try and explain that youre… not exactly who they think you are. but hey, who are you to complain when everywhere you look theres a handsome man who wants you?

word count tbd (around 30k+)

warnings angst, fluff, themes of death, suggestive (tbz being sexy what can i say) cursing, slow burn, gradual pairing reveal, will add more tags as we progress

teaser one moodboard playlist

part i. the dream of the golden bedroom

part ii. the hero of the first water

part iii. the saviour of the fallen

part iv. the master of the wild

part v. the commander of the gods

part vi. the ceremony of the conqueror

part vii. the end of the beginning

part viii. epilogue: the princess of stars

a/n shakes u by the shoulders ohhhh its happeninf its happeningg

#the boyz #the boyz au #the boyz angst #tbz fluff #tbz au #tbz angst #tbz #royal #kpop au #fantasy #the boyz fantasy au #the boyz fanfiction #the boyz fanfic #tbz fanfic #tbz smut #the boyz smut #tbz fantasy #tbz royal #the boyz royal #lee sangyeon #jacob bae #kim younghoon #lee hyunjae #lee juyeon #kevin moon #choi chanhee #ji changmin #ju haknyeon #kim sunwoo #eric sohn

[lovesickheize]

𔘓 sex with the boyz based on tarot . . .

hyung line version ( sangyeon jacob younghoon hyunjae juyeon )

lee sangyeon

dominant. yeah.

this is not about the romantic, lovey-dovey stuff, it's hardcore sex and plenty of it but in a sex-for-the-sake-of-it sense

promising future that goes on all levels: love, sex, emotions, mentality, spirituality

is probably into mutual masturbation

whatever inhibitions and lack of confidence will disappear. into body worship and praising (giving)

consider hot, pleasurable sex and laughter after it. then, again... and again... passion overdose

sheer raw lust that takes over

into threesomes or sex w more people, doesn't care abt their gender.

experimentalist, exhibitionist & voyeur

honest, harmonious, fulfilling sexual relationships. trust-based sex.

the type of guy to make you fall for him even if you are in a serious relationship & won't give up on you until he gets into your pants and eventually dates you

kinda workaholic so sex is his way to relax

jacob bae

good energy flows into his sexual relationships, making them passionate and loving.

good sexual relationships that are based on trust

prefers the comfort of his home. likes cozy sex

might also be the one who is giving the most in the sexual relationship, but would like to receive a little bit more

likes risky stuff, but hesitates a lot.

skillful and playful

the way he thinks affects his performance. if he's not feeling confident or something's bothering him in his non-sexual life, sex won't be satisfying for neither part.

sometimes he needs a change, maybe wants to try smth new but he's afraid to ask his s/o if they are ok with it. he's shy and won't start a conversation about such matters himself.

kim younghoon

the type to boost your confidence & praise you for the smallest things.

really loyal, is searching for his true soulmate

might have some kind of sex related trauma

his sex life is blocked by illusions and fears, which may manifest as social anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, low self-worth and feelings of repression. 

is afraid to receive what he gives, feels like he's not worth it.

falls in love easily, so one night stands are a no for him after realising he catches feelings after just one night.

jealous sex. lets his frustration out w sex.

crazy passion (like the good leo sun he is), great stamina. can go for a l o t of rounds.

likes to discuss things before trying them in the sheets. he has a lot of not so ordinary fantasies but is too shy to express them.

can be rlly kinky but also rlly vanilla. his sex wants and needs are not static and might even change during the thing.

lee hyunjae

gives and receives the best sexual experiences.

strong sexual desires and spirit of adventure.

experimentalist to the core.

likes sex in unexpected places. he'd take his s/o against the kitchen table or in the pool. there's nothing holding him back.

really confident about himself and what he can do.

would approach the person he is interested in without hesitation or shame. he makes sure there's raw sexual energy that the said person would not be able to resist. BODY LANGUAGE.

angelic-looking guy who is devil in flesh - in a good way.

sex is the most important part of a relationship according to him

extremely powerful sexual compatibility based on deep emotional connection, similar sexual interests and desires as well as physical attraction.

fiery passion, a lot of romance and kisses. speed and sex go together here.

a lot of flirting ( w his s/o ) even if he is in a relationship.

sexual depths with high levels of intimacy and ecstasy. is probably monogamous.

rejection makes him mad. really mad.

he wants his s/o to be open to discuss abt new fantasies and desires, to spice up things. encourages his s/o to always talk abt things that are bothering them in the sheets. needs both sides to be fully satisfied.

lee juyeon

a really happy sexual partner. he loves every type of sex with his s/o.

a strong and powerful partner that likes to dominate.

he always makes sure things are okay before continuing whatever he is doing or trying something new.

he might find it difficult to forgive his s/o if they do something he doesn't like. that can either mean that he needs to talk about new kinks before trying them or that he likes to let out his frustration or jealousy through sex.

friends to lovers through sex is his type of thing.

into threesomes, but needs to know he isn't gonna lose his s/o bcz of it. kinda monogamous but not 100%

would experiment w a same sex partner

voyeur.

tries to make his partner comfortable with new kinks and fantasies and removes shame and guilt about their sexuality, masters communication w them.

eric is back! my baby eric is back<333 so today's song rec is apocalypse by cigarettes after sex cuz it reminds me of him!

-lita.

#the boyz #tbz #tbz smut #tbz fluff #tbz angst #the boyz angst #the boyz fluff #the boyz smut #the boyz fanfic #deobi #theb #eric sohn #sangyeon #hyunjae #jacob #jacob bae #younghoon #juyeon #kpop tarot #kpop astrology #kpop smut #Spotify

[from-izzy]

[02:04] | tbz lee jaehyun | hyunjae

» ​PAIRING: tbz lee jaehyun (hyunjae) x fem reader​ » TROPE/AU​: friends 2 lovers (mentioned from backstory!), non-idol au! established relationship au! marriage au! » GENRE​: fluffy fluff, slight angst (?), ​husband hyunjae, he's super patient and understanding, hurt/comfort, wedding vows (it's so cute, i love it) » WORD COUNT: ​3743 » ESTIMATED READING TIME: ~14 mins » WARNINGS (lmk if i missed anything!): mentions of pregnancy, insecurities, mentions of a broken family/childhood (reader's side), proofread once

my second timestamp story! thank you for all the love on the first one! (pst! it's sunwoo! 🦝) hopefully, this one lives up to your expectations! (if there are any uwu). sorry for my weird, unscheduled, random posting times > <

shoutout to my mum who (i bet) went through a lot to make sure i would grow up well. thank you for always reminding me that you don't regret having me and loving me with all your being. love you mumma! 💗

navi/masterlist!!

You remembered when you tucked yourself into bed alone after reminding Jaehyun to come to bed soon. He was so close to finishing his work that you didn’t want to force him out of his zone, understanding that he would feel more peaceful if he finished it sooner even if it meant ruining his internal body clock a little bit for it.

Opening your eyes and taking a deep breath in the calming darkness, you smiled at the arm that rested across your now flat stomach. During your whole pregnancy stages, especially when that wicked pregnancy pillow put a physical barrier between you and your loving husband, he would at least reach out and hold your hand (or particularly your stomach bump), a huge downgrade from how his chest would completely be on your back and he hushes you asleep with his soft snores. 

You knew as soon as you turned your head to the right that Jaehyun managed to finish his work, a neutral smile on his face as compared to the slight pout and the subtle crease between his eyebrows as he sometimes grunts in his sleep from the past few days. An affectionate gaze falls upon your eyes when Jaehyun grunts and scoots over to your side of the bed, his unconscious mind telling him to move closer to his wife after he throws the pillow away to the other side of the room in excitement as soon as your new family arrived home three days ago. You chuckle at the way his right hand past the top of your stomach to hook your waist and pull you closer to him. Now half awake, Jaehyun made himself comfortable by burrowing his nose and lips into the crook of your neck and you immediately looked up towards the ceiling to let him do so.

A satisfied hum comes out from the man beside you, “This is nice.” He brushes the warm skin of your neck with his colder nose and his soft lips press multiple kisses from your jawline to your right shoulder.

“Jae.” You chuckle at his playful nature, “Go back to sleep, hm? You have work tomorrow.”

Jaehyun groans at the grim reminder. He’s been at home ever since you came back home, using up some of his leave days to take care of you and your newborn child. He was about to use it all but you stopped him, convincing him that you’re able to take care of yourself and your child, moreover to save those days in case a ‘real’ emergency does occur. Every day and every moment, you look at your husband who you treasure so much and you can’t help but think about how much you love this man with all your heart, mind and soul.

“Don’t remind me of that, bubs.” Finally opening his eyes, he relied on the subtle moonlight that seeped through your curtains and looked at your side view with ‘that’ gaze. 

‘That’ gaze that reminds you every day that you’re worth it for you. ‘That’ gaze that he kept even after ten years of meeting each other. ‘That’ gaze that was plastered on his face when he went down on one knee to propose to you. ‘That’ gaze that was present when he read his wedding vows and wiped the tears on your face when you read yours. ‘That’ gaze (mixed with immense happiness and excitement) when you told him you were pregnant. 

It holds many meanings and you were sure that the list would continue, building from all the blessed experiences so far.

Only chuckling at the way that he pouts cutely at you, you turn your body to face him, creating a small gap between you both as you press a peck on his lips, “Thank you for using your leave days to take care of us.”

“Of course, I would.” Jaehyun shook his head slightly to validate his point, “You both are my whole world. I can’t afford to lose you or baby.” It was the way that your eyes slightly pooled with tears that he replaced the pout and shushing the soft whimpers that left your now shaky lips, “Hey…what’s wrong?”

Your once small cries amplified drastically and Jaehyun’s eyes widened in shock, quickly pulling you into his embrace. He slips his left hand under your neck, bringing your tear-stricken face into his chest as you sob in his arms. Jaehyun comfortingly whispers sweet nothings into your ear, patting your head and pressing occasional kisses on your forehead. You stayed wordless for a while, enjoying the company and how close your entire body could be now after you gave birth.

“Catch your breath. I’ll be right here.” Jaehyun reminds you between your tired gasps for air, “I’ll always be here next to you, waiting for you, loving you more and more with each passing day.”

You couldn’t do anything but just nod, your heart melting at the sincere words, “I’m scared.”

“Of what, bubs?”

“Like,” You started, audibly voicing out the thoughts that have been swarming and eating you alive inside and out, “what happens if I mess up?”

It isn’t the first time that you had this kind of conversation. The very first time was when the adrenaline from your system was drained after announcing that positive pregnancy test to Jaehyun. You voiced out your worries as an upcoming parent, worried that you would accidentally pass down your problems, anxiety and worries to your child. Out of everything you want the most in the world, all you want is for your children to grow up without your traumas and problems affecting them because that’s not the kind of life that they deserve. Of course, that’s unrealistic. Children are indeed a slight depiction of their parents and how they would act around other people outside the family says a lot about how their parents raised them.

You can just imagine a situation where your anxiety takes over, you crouch down to be eye level with your extremely young child, giving them a lecture about what they should or shouldn’t do, extending that talks to both extreme sides of ‘what if’s and how they should just be more careful, less daring and---

“Jae, promise me that you’ll make sure she doesn’t grow up like me.” It was a desperate plea, almost as if you would walk out of their lives in the next second. The anxiety completely took over your body as you clenched Jaehyun’s shirt in your fist as a physical response, looking up at him desperately and Jaehyun’s eyebrows crashed together, “She doesn’t deserve that, Jae. Those silent cries, hating everyone around me, feeling like no one loved me and wanting to just end---”

“Don’t.” It was stern yet it still held a lot of patience and love. Jaehyun smiles sadly at the words that he has heard multiple times but even so, he would never stop reminding you of all the things he loves about you. He would never stop hugging you, holding your body and pulling you towards him, giving you all his love and company, “Don’t say that about yourself when you’re the reason why I wake up happy every day, bubs.”

“But Jae---”

“You know,” He whispers into the silent yet wavering night. Jaehyun takes a deep inhale of the air, tilting his head to rest his chin on the top of your head, “I was so scared of losing you as time went on.”

You calmed down, shutting your eyes as you focused on his heartbeat to pull you back to the present time. Jaehyun just smiles at the slightly open door of your room and he reminds himself of his newborn child on the other side of their bedroom door. When you hummed confusingly at his words, your husband just nodded, “Why were you scared?”

“Well,” If it wasn’t for the fact that your face was hidden into his collarbone, you would be able to see the blushing mess that Jaehyun was. A deep red blush was on his face, spreading to his ears; but you did feel the warmth on his neck as you kissed his skin delicately and it made Jaehyun more of a mess, “of course if it didn’t work out and you didn’t feel the same way, it would become awkward and even though we were such close friends, I knew that if I was rejected, I wouldn’t be able to spend as much time with you anymore. I really could’ve lost you.”

You never really knew this about Jaehyun. Whenever you asked about the day that he confessed to you to be his girlfriend, he only talked about his plans and how your mutual friends all pushed him to confess to you. You also told him about how the same mutual friends pushed you to confess back to him, yet you were a coward that you became used to telling yourself that if you ever ended up with Jaehyun, it would only hinder him in life; because who would love a broken girl when they could love a perfect one instead?

And so when he confessed, asked for a chance and promised to love you dearly after two years of mutual pining, you didn’t realise that time flew by so quickly that on the sixth year when Jaehyun kneeled and asked for your hand in marriage two years ago, a sudden hit of ‘reality’ (or so you called it) crashed into you. 

You really did find love when you thought for the longest, most tiring and hardest times when you didn’t think anyone would love you as you are. Seriously, how could anyone love you when you were still so stuck between believing and convincing yourself that you are enough? 

“I knew I had to take a chance,” Jaehyun continues his thoughts, “because when I closed my eyes and realised that if I didn’t at least try to make you mine, you might just completely slip from my life. Selfishly as well, I didn’t want to see you smiling in another person’s arms and kissing that person every time you wake up and go to sleep.”

The thought of you two doing just that ever since you moved in together five years ago suddenly made you blush and you couldn’t help but let out a string of complaints. Jaehyun just laughs (and quietly lets out a sigh of relief) when you finally release his shirt, wrapping your small hands around his bigger build instead, “I’m sorry that I didn’t realise that you went through all that.”

“No, it’s alright.” He reassures you again for the nth time in the last hour, “I have you now. You are all I ever wanted.” Pulling away and reaching to cup your wet cheeks, his thumbs swipe your almost dry cheek, offering you that familiar warmth that only he could give, “It’s all worth it in the end.”

“Really?” Another tear managed to slip out of your eyes and you couldn’t help but stare at him apprehensively as the devil inside your mind managed to manipulate your thinking, “I’m such a high-maintenance person, Jae…I really wouldn’t blame you if you wake up one day and decide to just…” He shakes his head throughout your small speech, knowing the similar words that you would say to him once in a while, “leave…” It came out quieter than you thought, maybe because he already knew anyway, hence saying it again and again, the red-horned creature in your mind rejoices as your childhood traumas reminded you of how worthless you are to the world.

Usually at this time, Jaehyun would rebut your words immediately but the silence had your heart dropping and for a while, you thought that you had taken the words out of his mouth. Jaehyun kept his tired stare and suddenly you were aware of your dry mouth as you waited for any sort of words from your husband. He removes the hand that was on your cheek, reaching behind to grab his device from the bedside table, “Hold on, okay?”

For a second, you really thought this was it for the both of you. During these moments of much-needed comfort, Jaehyun has always given you his undivided attention but now as the blue light reflects on his squinting eyes, you couldn’t help but let the tears flow down your eyes once again. Did he finally give up on me? Were the only thoughts that swarmed your mind as you watched how his thumb scrolled and colours reflected on the smooth surface of his dewy skin, “Jae?” Time made you desperate for a response and you were about to clench on his shirt again when he let out a small ‘aha’ and played the video on his phone.

You recognised the scene on his phone immediately without looking. The familiar scene, cheers, whooping and excitement radiating off the background noises had you sobbing again. Jaehyun sets the volume, puts his phone back on the bedside table and gives you his attention again, “My mum was sorting videos on her phone when she came across this and sent it to me.” He presses a comforting kiss on your lips and calms your shaking body, “I’m sure you remember this right?”

You just nod and Jaehyun pulls your face into his chest once again, letting the sound from the video consume you both into your worlds.

“As soon as you stepped into those classroom doors, all eyes were on you and undoubtedly mine too.” You were already starting to tear up just from the first few sentences, “Ah…I only just started…” You scanned your next words, just sniffling from the longer sentences that you didn't know how to not cry to while the audience let out words of encouragement and small laughs. 

Your soon-to-be husband steps towards you, kissing the side of your head, “Should I go first?”

“Do you mind?” You laugh, feeling embarrassed. 

“Not at all.” Jaehyun takes out his paper from his suit, taking the microphone from you, “I already knew this would happen guys.” He announced to the audience and you rolled your eyes jokingly, “Ok…I’ll start.”

You knew very well that your eye makeup was most probably ruined and you looked some sort of a mess at the moment so you couldn’t help but stare down at the floor. Jaehyun gives you a quick kiss on the crown of your head, swooning the audience with his romantic gesture making him chuckle before clearing his throat and starting his vows.

“I remember the day I walked into that classroom on my first day of school. No doubt, I didn’t want to be there. Not just at that school or at that classroom: I just didn’t want to be in Seoul. The sudden move because of my dad’s work made me leave all the memories I had in Incheon in a month and as an innocent young child who was already happy with everything, I didn’t want to leave.

Alas, even my mother told me we had to go and that’s when I knew that moving was inevitable. School work was already hard as it was and I had to move to a big city where I knew no one, having to start all over again from the ‘Hi. My name is Lee Jaehyun. I hope we’ll get along well.’ really made me reach the peak of my mood swings during puberty.”

Jaehyun alternates his eye contact between you and the audience who reacts to the groom with happiness, and laughter as some of his closest friends give him encouraging, funny body language. He points them out and the said friends complain whilst the audience just laughs at the group of boys on the side of the stage. However, it was how you finally raised your head and laughed along that made Jaehyun join in as well.

“For the first few weeks, I didn’t make an obvious effort to fit in. As you know, I joined clubs and did after-school activities. Studying was still my priority at this point but even that became so mundane and boring that I crashed and burnt out after a while. But maybe, the burnout was just what I needed because that was how I first met you. Had I not cried in the corner of the library in the ironically ‘health and wellbeing’ section, would you have even spoken to me? Would you have crouched down and tapped on my shoulder to ask if I was okay? Would you have sat down next to me silently as you read your book, waiting for me to answer your question?

The answer is: yes. Or at least I would like to believe so.

Why? Because no one will fully ever understand how much I love you. Maybe if it wasn’t that day in the library, I would’ve met you later. How much later, nobody knows and nobody will ever know because I’m about to marry that girl who made my day so much better in the library. But what I do know is that no matter when, where, why or how we would’ve met, I would have still fallen in love with your smile, your pout, your laugh, and the way you cutely complain about how I mess up your bubble tea order,” Jaehyun gives you a cheeky smile and you just scoff with a smile on your face, “the way you would cry in my arms when you had a bad day, the way you would drop everything when I have a bad day, the way you would try your best to stay awake until I’m done with my other priorities. 

But bubs, I hope you’ll always know that you’ll forever be my first, most top priority.

Even as we fight, cry and shout at each other words that we don’t mean, I hope you’ll always be able to go to sleep thinking that I’ll still love you. I’ll still be right by your side when your insecurities come by and pass. I’ll always remind you that you’ll always be enough no matter what you do. Your best will always be enough and I hope I’ll always be that person who can be your safe, happy place.”

No doubt now that you’re sobbing and when you look at your parents sitting down not far from the stage, your heart does clench a bit as you’re reminded of your childhood. Seeing them cry over Jaehyun’s words does seem a little bit strange to you as they never really minded your words whenever you were struggling with life. But then you remind yourself of what Jaehyun said to you a few seconds ago.

“I know for sure that you’ll always be enough for me.” Jaehyun continues, taking your mind off your parents as he looks at you understandingly, “I love you and I know I’ll continue to love you until the day I take my last breath. I’ll take care of you even when you’re not sick or feeling well, cherish all of you and be there for you even after death because I love you so much, sweetheart.”

The recording ended there and Jaehyun relished in the way that your body stopped shaking, your arms around his waist securely and your breathing back to normal. He knows instantly that you feel better just from those small actions. He also didn’t miss the smile that grew on your face even though you were literally cuddled up against his body, “So,” the deep whisper from your husband only made you push your face even further up his body, now burying your face into his collarbone, “I just want to tell you that she will grow up beautifully just like her mother. Also, we’ll get through this together. Parenting isn’t supposed to be a one-person job after all.”

Nodding and burrowing yourself into the crook of his neck, you appreciate the way his words reminded the devil in the back of your head as it stomps off in defeat. The words supported the angel that finally won and it replaced the red creature, kicking the red light away to replace your body with a calming, soothing feeling that soon takes over your whole body, “I love you, Jae.”

“I love you too.” The warmth of the night overpowered the chilly night and the two of you held each other so lovingly that the weight of your eyelids eventually became too heavy for you to hold. Jaehyun waits patiently until sleep fully takes over you, fighting his yawn from escaping his mouth. Quietly, he just continued to stroke your exposed waist delicately, kissing your lips one last time before reminding you once more, “Always.”

It’s all very fortunate that your mind is now at ease and that you both were able to sleep after. But parenting duties call about half an hour later when cries are heard from the other side of the house and both your eyes open instantly. You were the first one to untangle your body from Jaehyun and you looked over to your husband who was still stirring himself awake again for the second time of the night as you both sat up on the bed, “I’m sorry.” You kiss him on the lips, cradling the back of his head and pushing his chest back down on the bed, “I’ll get her. Get back to sleep, Jae.”

“No no, I’ll go.” You disapprovingly groan at your husband who managed to push his sleepiness aside and sit up once again, his head hanging down in exhaustion, “Wha---bubs.” Instantly, you pushed him back down on the bed, pulling the blanket over up until his chin.

You adamantly tell your husband to try and go back to sleep. Jaehyun fakes his nod and closes his eyes, an idea popping up in his head as he plots to joke around with his wife. When you swing your legs over to the side of the bed, ready to stand up once more, Jaehyun quickly hugs you from behind, pressing a kiss on the back of your ear where you’re the most ticklish and sensitive. 

You froze at his actions and even though his sleepy voice was still evident, you could also hear all the love that he could offer you in this world with his playful tone, “Race you there, bubs.”

Jaehyun called in sick the next day.

navi/masterlist!!

tags (send a dm/ask if you would like to be here!): @deoboyznet 📢❤️ @k-labels 💙🤍 @k-films 🤎🎞️

#deoboyznet #k-labels #k-films #hyunjae x reader #hyunjae the boyz #lee hyunjae x reader #hyunjae fanfic #tbz hyunjae #the boyz #hyunjae fluff #hyunjae angst #the boyz x reader #hyunjae imagines #the boyz x you #hyunjae tbz #the boyz fanfic #tbz #the boyz imagines #jacob bae #younghoon #hyunjae #lee jaehyun #tbz x reader #tbz imagines #tbz scenarios #tbz angst #tbz fluff #tbz fanfic #the boyz angst #the boyz fluff

[winterchimez]

Old Tales, New Beginnings

(a repost bcs the original masterlist sadly got deleted 😭💔 changed up a few things & tqsm @sungbeam for helping me with the banner i wuv you 🩵)

SUMMARY: Ever wondered what if the stories you've been told growing up had an alternative ending? Well, you're in for a ride as The Boyz retell famous true crime & classic novellas in a different light.

PAIRING: the boyz x f!reader

GENRE: retelling of true crime & classic novellas (more details can be found in each season's masterlist!)

A/N: hello my fellow readers! so initially i wrote beast in the beauty as a standalone series, but as time passed more ideas came popping up and here we are with an OT11 series!! i will try my best to retain the strength to eventually bring you guys all 11 seasons in total!!

as of 23/09/2023, two seasons are now available!! please do check them out, and i would deeply appreciate if you could reblog this to spread the word & it does help motivate me to bring you guys more stories in the future!!

send me an ask/comment to be added into the taglist for the series!!

S1: Beast in the Beauty (Lee Hyunjae)

Set in the year 1911 in the streets of Whitechapel, London, a place infamous for its notorious Jack The Ripper murders that haunted the nation for the past decades. 

Except for the fact that the killer after seemingly disappearing for a while at least, decides to strike again. It is up to you as a rookie detective, the handsome yet charming profiler Lee Hyunjae, and your group of friends to finally put the killer behind bars once and for all. 

PAIRING: profiler Hyunjae x detective f!reader

STORY: jack the ripper au

S2: Redemption of Love (Choi Chanhee, Lee Sangyeon)

Choi Chanhee—better known as the Phantom of the Opera, has dominated the Paris Opera House with his lifelong partner, Christine Daae, for years. Until one fateful day, an incident forces them to be separated and never to be reunited again.

Decades later, you have begun your journey here at the famous opera house with the help of your fiancé, Lee Sangyeon. After several performances, it was then that you would come face-to-face with the renowned phantom himself, and he is determined to never let you go again, convinced that you were his long-lost partner whom he has not seen in many years.

It is now your choice to make. To give your heart to the once-forgotten phantom? Or to stand firm and marry the love of your life.

PAIRING: phantom of the opera Chanhee x singer f!reader x fiancé Sangyeon

STORY: phantom of the opera au

S3: tba

S4: tba

S5: tba

S6: tba

masterlist

taglist: @deoboyznet @kflixnet @k-films @flwoie @hokupi @zzoguri @kyusqult @atinycafe @hanniluvi @tinkerbell460 @cheonsafics @sulkygyu @jaerisdiction @heemingyu (join my permanent taglist here!)

#deoboyznet #k-vanity #k-labels #kflixnet #k-films #🗝️ — old tales new beginnings #the boyz #tbz #the boyz x reader #the boyz fanfic #the boyz series #the boyz scenarios #the boyz imagines #the boyz fluff #the boyz angst #the boyz crime #the boyz suggestive #lee sangyeon x reader #jacob bae x reader #kim younghoon x reader #lee hyunjae x reader #lee juyeon x reader #kevin moon x reader #choi chanhee x reader #ji changmin x reader #ju haknyeon x reader #kim sunwoo x reader #eric sohn x reader

[kyufessions]

THE BOYZ FLOWERS SERIES ☀︎

flowers are more than just a pretty gift- they have deeper meaning. this is a mini series dedicated to the boyz where each member is assigned a different flower, each story different from the last.

taglist; none

COMPLETE

SANGYEON - PEONY

you and sangyeon are celebrating your three year anniversary as a married couple- but how did you get here?

JACOB - LILY OF THE VALLEY

when single father jacob goes to drop off his daughter to their first day of first grade, he didn’t expect to see you there as well.

YOUNGHOON - LAVENDER

you never believed in love at first sight, but this tall puppy of a man sure did- especially when it came to you.

HYUNJAE - DAHLIA

jaehyun was never one to enjoy change in his life- that was until you came along.

JUYEON - GARDENIA

being rivals when it came to dance was no secret, unlike your secret rendezvous’.

KEVIN - HYACINTH

after another long fight for the eighth night in a row, kevin is left wondering about your relationship.

CHANHEE / NEW - DELPHINIUM

if chanhee never supposedly got close to anyone, why was he so open to becoming close to you?

CHANGMIN / Q - SUNFLOWER

a look on your journey with changmin as he conquers his life long dream.

HAKNYEON - TUILIP

although everything was so wrong, everything still felt so right.

SUNWOO - WHITE ROSE

maybe the university’s star soccer player isn’t who you thought he originally was.

ERIC - ACACIA

you didn’t like being the secret anymore.

#the boyz #tbz #the boyz scenarios #the boyz series #tbz x reader #kyucix the boyz #the boyz fluff #the boyz angst #the boyz smut #tbz imagines #tbz smut #tbz au #the boyz au #tbz angst #tbz fluff #sunwoo #the boyz eric #ju haknyeon #kevin moon #jacob bae #sangyeon #younghoon #chanhee #changmin #juyeon #hyunjae #kyufessions the boyz

[hongyangi]

a bunch of prompts i am working on

note: they're not final, but i wanted to save the ideas. they may not be done or written soon 😔 this contains both fluff (to be posted on @coboftea) and nsfw contents, reader discretion is advised, all of these are tbz fics (because they're literally my only ult rn ;-;) and summaries focus on the "you" in the stories hehe (to avoid major spoilers)

lee sangyeon

-untitled-

being a single parent, you always wanted to give the kids only the best and be a good role model to them as well all on your own. not until you got tangled up in a top secret mission after bumping into an undercover police named sangyeon lee. now, not only did he suddenly become a colleague, he also... babysits the kids?

jacob bae

clouds will send my lullabies for you

summary: anonymous letters kept appearing inside your locker. those poems make your heart race and ache a little. later on, you embarked on a search to find out who sends you these letters after finding the same words from your late composer dad's stash of old written lyrics.

our closing scene

summary: after quitting the brilliant world of film industry, one last story needs a proper ending. and it involves you, and a person who was there even before you started your career.

when the dark blooms on a moonless night

genre and warnings: kingdom au, revenge, knight!jacob, crown prince!hyunjae, mentions of suicide and abuse, will include nsfw scenes, divided into chapters, there are dark and fluff scenes too :›

summary: you're starting to believe that your own existence is a mistake. your hell of a family only uses you to gain power over the kingdom, your first love betrothed you to his right-hand man, and your husband, who only follows his master's commands, is always away from home. on a dark melancholic night, when you decided to end your life, the hands of your savior held onto your hopeless existence, unintentionally planting a revengeful flower in your heart.

winter ends tonight

genre: smut, angst, broker!jacob, short chapters

summary: when you accidentally killed your fiancee because of him abusing you, his well-off family is determined to get rid of you. with the last of your means of escape, you planned an escape to another country. but with the winter hindering your journey, you're stuck in the refuge your broker provided, and in the middle of a forest where all you could do was wait, eat, and share a bed.

lee hyunjae

never not love you

genre: enemies to lovers, high school, dilemma, delinquent!hyunjae, setting in the early 2000s, coming of age, angst, a bit humorous, ft. sangyeon, chanhee, changmin, divided into chapters

summary: lee hyunjae is the most unexpected person to ever enter your life and change it poignantly. and you do the same to his once purposeless and frivolous life. but high school doesn't last forever and you won't always be 18. when bad boy hyunjae changes his reputation and decides to study in seoul with you, a heart-rending event stops your plans and leaves you with a dilemma to lie, or to tell him the truth and leave.

kim sunwoo

frxxnds

genre: friends to lovers, family dilemma, marriage of convenience, gonna be chaotic and humorous, thinking if this will be divided in chapters or just a one long story, inspired by big naughty's masterpiece 'frxxnds'

summary: being the eldest daughter in your family has never been easy, and worst part is that you felt like you were never allowed to rest or feel tired. you're on the verge of an outburst and you're barely holding on. an opportunity to get away from your shackles arises when your mom finds your friend's pregnancy test in your belongings, a light bulb lights up in your head and you admit that it was yours. thinking your mom will kick you out without second thoughts. but what's worse, your childhood best friend, sunwoo, supported your claims and admits he's the father.

dal: that will be all for now! i do reallyyy hope that i could finish even just ONE from these prompts 😭 ciao for now!

#the boyz #the boyz fics #the boyz au #the boyz fluff #the boyz angst #the boyz smut #the boyz x reader #the boyz scenarios #the boyz drabbles #the boyz imagines #kpop fic #sangyeon fic #jacob bae fic #younghoon fic #hyunjae fic #juyeon fic #kevin moon fic #choi chanhee fic #changmin fic #haknyeon fic #sunwoo fic #eric sohn fic #dal prompts

[zzoguri]

somehow, i'll gather the stars just for you ➵ jacob bae

non-idol!jacob bae x reader

even in the nights where the stars refuse to show themselves, jacob will round them up just for you.

general genre/warnings ➵ fluff, light angst and hurt/comfort, gender neutral reader, lowercase intended, established relationship, sort of reader-centric because oof you do have problems (but we never dive into them)!, talks about constellations and stargazing, set on the beach (hence why it's part of the event), overall very soft and caring and understanding boyfriend!jacob ever, kissing, cuddling

word count ➵ 1.7k words

taglist ➵ @deoboyznet @kflixnet @blankjournal @winterchimez @miusgirl @jenoscafe @sweet-unicorn-world @mosviqu @vernyangel

playlist ➵ tila tala by syd hartha // where the sea sleeps by day6 (even of day)

a/n ➵ wrote this on a whim again. i have a tendency to write drabbles like these when i feel kinda :// but i am glad to say i am finally making my submission for deoboyznet's summer for you event!! i hope you enjoy this cute jacob drabble for the time being :]]

want to be part of my taglist? send me an ask! masterlist

the air smells of salt and burning wood. your eyes remain closed as the crackling coming from the bonfire fills your ears. the saltwater breeze hits your cheeks, stinging them like always.

you consider this beach a safe place from any storm—a getaway car from turmoil in every corner of your life. all away from the city that brings you nothing but stress and uncertainty, the beach will do nothing but bring you comfort. 

and tonight should be like every other; the ocean would meet with the shore in intervals; the whispers of the wind are meant to be loud, mumbling melodies you never hear amid heavy traffic, and; there should be a sea of stars around the moon that glows, forming constellations you know the names of all around it.

but when there's no celestial body in sight, you realize that tonight's plans will not push through.

"this is the first time i've seen the sky filled with nothing but clouds," your boyfriend, jacob, voices out. your eyes open as you take a quick side glance at the boy beside you. "from the beach, at least"

you rip your eyes away from him only to be met with a sky that has not changed. tonight was meant for stargazing. but the one night you two finally settled on had to be one that was not made for you both.

the starry night should come—this type of occurrence has never happened in the years you spent going to this beach. so why, out of all times, did the stars refuse to show now?

jacob wraps his arm around your waist, pulling you close so that your body can rest on his. your back is supported by his torso as his chin rests on your shoulder. a small sigh leaves your lips as your eyes drift back down to the body of water behind the bonfire that glows in front of you. 

"i'm sorry tonight didn't turn out as planned." jacob's whisper is almost inaudible. "i'm sure the next time will have as many constellations drawn up in the sky—ones you know the names of, of course." you know it's his attempt to lighten up the sour mood you had since leaving the city with him.

he's always been the understanding type—the one to let you feel whatever you wanted to feel, and share whatever you were comfortable enough to share. but he never fails to remind you that he's there; offer you an ear to listen to you; act as your shoulder to cry on, and; share with you words that you need to hear at any given moment.  

you swallow the lump in your throat, "we spent so long trying to find one night that works for us only to be met with a starless sky." you then stare at the orange glow that emits from the burning wood. "i can't believe this is the first time this is happening, a night with no star in sight, on the day we wanted to finally stargaze together."

and it should be a small thing to be upset about—a moment to be bummed out about but easy enough to bounce back from. but the reason you're at this beach tonight is the same reason why you always find yourself leaving the city in the first place.

jacob continues to draw unrecognizable patterns on your arm. "what do you think that is?" his question has you looking at him, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "do you want me to draw it again?"

when you give him a nod, he repeats his actions, tracing out four imaginary lines on your skin you cannot make a figure out of. your eyebrows remain furrowed at him, only making him slip out a chuckle. 

"i'll give you a hint; it's a constellation."

you feel yourself pout at his words. despite any ruined plans, he never fails to find a way to make any night turn in the right direction.

without any answer leaving your lips, jacob shows you a teasing look. "don't tell me you don't know your constellation when you dragged me out to the beach this late into the night." when you bump your shoulder against his chest, he lets out a giggle. "okay, i'll do it one more time. if you don't know it, i'm about to believe you don't know your astronomy after all."

he draws the pattern once more. the sensation resembles the letter "w" with wide spaces in between. and you spend your time rattling through your brain, only to figure out what he was trying to draw. "is it cassiopeia?"

he smiles at your answer and says, "wow, you know your stars!" he quickly gives you a peck on the lips, catching you by surprise at the sudden action. your flustered expression only has him smiling bigger. "think of that as a prize."

you roll your eyes. "i didn't know you knew your constellations. i was planning to show off astronomy knowledge in real-time versus having you pull out pictures and me telling you the names of each one."

"that's all i remember, really," he admits as he continues to draw patterns on your arms. at this point, you aren't sure if he's trying to draw out more constellations for you to guess or if he's simply tracing for fun. "if i remembered more, i would have let you guess all the ones i knew. it would be our way of stargazing without the stars themselves."

your heartstrings tug at his words. no matter what the world brings to shatter you, there will always be one boy who never fails to look out for you.

you let your hands reach out towards him. "give me your hand." jacob moves his hand away from the sand and lets it rest on yours. with his palm facing up, you bring your free hand to his hand. "this is," your index finger draws out a small box with a long tail. "the small dipper."

his head tilts to the side, eyebrows furrowed at what you had just drawn. "what? can you do it again? it feels like a badly drawn tadpole."

"tadpole?" you scoff, taken back by his comment. "that's the small dipper!"

you draw it out once more, only for him to hum. "sure, i guess." once you gasp at his words, he cannot help but giggle. a pout rests on your lips over his comment. "i'm just kidding! come on, show me more."

you glare at jacob for a moment. "don't make fun of my drawings then!"

"i won't," he says before he nuzzles his face into your shoulder, leaving a long kiss. "teach me about these constellations."

and so the night goes on. you show him ones as simple as scutum and ones as complex as orion. while jacob found himself just nodding at your words with no clear idea of how these constellations actually looked like, he still liked to hear you ramble about these star patterns typically found in the sky.

he notices how you slowly found yourself brightening up over sharing your knowledge of astronomy. from how reserved you were before getting into his car, he now sees the same person who cannot help but ramble over their love for the celestial bodies.

"and this is," you draw a pattern you remember by heart. "gemini." jacob smiles at how you decide to show him what his star sign's constellation is. "it's one of my favorite ones, actually."

"it is?"

you let out a hum as you look at his hand where your index finger rests. "if you look closely, it resembles two people." you draw out the pattern once more. as soon as your eyes meet his face, you notice how his expression shifts into realization.

"wow, it does," he smiles as he looks down at his hand that you continue to draw on. "it resembles us."

you roll your eyes over his words. "jacob, that's not what it means, but okay."

your boyfriend cannot help but move his hand off of yours, bringing you closer for a cuddle. "yeah, but still. let me make whatever i want with those stars you love." he leaves you another kiss on the cheek. "besides, i want to make everything about you and us." you cannot help but smile at his affection, your eyes resting on the wood that continues to burn.

despite tonight's events (and the reason why you needed to get out of the city), jacob found a way to make you feel better. without uttering a word, he knew exactly what to do to save tonight. and somehow, you are almost glad that the stars decided to not show up—tonight's events turned out to be cuter than actual stargazing.

"thank you," you whisper out. "for trying to make tonight better." when you move your head to face him, you notice that his eyes are already on you.

he shows you a soft smile—one that never fails to fill your heart with warmth. "i just want you to know i'm always here. i'll be anything you want me to be, just so long as we'll both be okay."

you cannot help but let your face move closer to his. as soon as your eyes close, you move forward until your forehead rests on his. you can feel his breath graze over your lips. and with a moment to breathe, you say, "i'm glad i have you. even in times when everything went wrong, i'm happy that you were always there."

"of course," his hand reaches out to rest on the side of your face. and when his thumb starts to draw imaginary lines on your cheek, you cannot help but smile. he traces out what you can only think of as the constellation of gemini. "just like what i drew on your cheek, i'll make sure we'll always be together. i'll be sure to engrave it there like how you did on my hand. that way, we know that it forever remains somewhere, even if the starry night may not show it."

and just like that, you let yourself close the distance between you two, lips locking with the boy who never fails to know what to do in every distraught moment.

tonight's events may not have gone as planned, and the beach may not have become the place you were hoping for it to be when you desperately needed it. but for you, jacob is more than what the beach and its starry night can provide. on starless nights, he would round up the stars just for you, somehow.

if you liked this, please do reblog and leave feedback!

#zzoguri works #deoboyznet #kflixnet #bjnet #k-labels #dbn: summer on you #the boyz #jacob bae #the boyz x reader #the boyz imagines #jacob bae x reader #jacob bae angst #jacob x reader #jacob bae imagines #the boyz angst

[cobiehaven]

Heartbreaker — Kim Sunwoo

SYNOPSIS; sunwoo broke your heart but why does he still act like nothing happened? you dared to ask him but you knew you were going to have to find out the truth at some point, right?

PARING; persistent!sunwoo x heartbroken!reader, ft. changmin !!

GENRE; just angst. only angst. all angst.

WORD COUNT; 2.1k

TAGS/WARNINGS; persistent!sunwoo, heartbroken!reader, depressed!reader, bestie!changmin, caring!changmin, changmin works for door dash LMFAOOO, mention of suicide, reader has a love hate relationship with sunwoo, story with no valid conclusion.

AUTHORS NOTE; i’m not gonna lie- i teared up thinking about how sad this was. im sorry if i didn’t execute it the way that i thought it in my head. i hope you all see the kinds of feelings that im feeling through this story, a lot of them were based on how i felt in my own personal experiences.

you don’t know how long it has been.

how long its been since you looked at your phone or how long its been since you’ve gotten out of bed.

when was the last time you took a shower or made yourself a proper meal? the most you’ve done is probably get up to pee.

but with the lack of nutrition, it was even hard to do that sometimes.

depression was not something to take lightly. everyone knew that. especially if it was mixed in with heartbreak.

it could really mess up somebody.

and that was exactly what you were experiencing.

the same kind of messing up.

to sum up the unfortunate story of your disgusting break up, it was an understatement to say you hated your ex-boyfriend. three weeks ago, he cheated on you. and that was something you were not going to tolerate with when you and him had been in a long-lasting relationship of 2 years. you had gotten sent a picture by someone who had went to the same party as sunwoo, that night. in the picture, he was kissing another girl. you don’t know why you were so surprised, he’s always had people around him all the time. both girls and boys were attracted to him wether it was platonic or not.

you suppose the reason why you feel so broken, is the fact that he always gave you a reason to believe that he would never do such a thing to hurt you.

there was never a time that you felt unloved when you were with him. he always made sure to make time for you even when he, himself, was at his worst. he knew you like you knew the back of your own hand. he knew exactly what you order at all of your favorite restaurants, he knew what your favorite comfort food was when you finished watching a sad movie, he knew just what to do when you stayed home in bed because of how bad your cramps were. he knew what the size of your clothes were and always made sure to get them one size bigger so the both of you could wear them back to back. he always made sure to leave his cologne out on the bedside table so you could give yourself a little spritz of it whenever you missed him more than anyone else. and he always made sure to be there for you when you were having a rough time.

the day you found out he cheated on you, you cried for as long as your exhaustion could take you. when he came home that night, you didn’t have the strength to say much to him. he asked you over and over what was wrong, what he could have possibly done to make you sob to the point of bloodshot eyes.

you told him to get out with no explanation. he knew what he did yet you still don’t know why he acted like he was still innocent.

you dare to ask him about it, though.

once he packed all of his things with you watching from afar, he gave you one last saddened look before locking the door behind him.

those eyes stuck with you. you couldn’t forget the amount of worry and sorrow that was behind them. but even so, you weren’t even sure if you could look at him the same anymore. no matter what he did to try and make up his mistake to you. you could barely even look at your phone without drowning in the anxiety of seeing his face pop up on your lock screen.

suddenly, your thoughts were interrupted when you felt a strong vibration come from your phone, across the bed. you knew exactly who it was and you didn’t dare to look at your phone. but no matter how strong your will was, you gave in to the pure curiosity of what he had to say this time.

sunwoo:

y/n, i know you’re reading these.

please

just respond? let me know how you are

i’m worried.

it’s been weeks

none of your friends have seen you either

i keep asking every day but they know as little as i do

i know i’m the last person you want to talk to and we don’t have to talk about what happened, but please at least say something to let me know you haven’t completely given up.

i know you better than anyone else

you stared at the messages. you contemplated wether to text back or not. although you were curious as to what he had to say, it didn’t delve deep enough for you to bring up the courage to respond.

thank god your read receipts weren’t on.

putting down your phone again, you sighed and rolled over. you had forgotten to check the time but you were certain it was at least mid-day by now. everyday around this time, you battled with yourself to get up and do something productive. but your lack of motivation won every time.

luckily, today didn’t feel as bad as the others. usually you would be swimming in exhaustion.

you silently dragged yourself out of bed, using the little strength you had to rake through your heavily knotted hair and brush your teeth. you desperately needed a shower but you weren’t sure if you were up for that. the longest you’ve gone without one was probably 5 days. you were thankful that your hair didn’t get greasy easily.

the next thing you did was order food. door dash was probably the closest to being your best friend nowadays. you were certain that most of the groceries in the fridge had gone bad by now, as the last time you went shopping was with sunwoo a week or two before the whole incident. even if there was something good in the kitchen to make, you probably wouldn’t even be up for that either. you were also thankful that sunwoo left some of his backed up money behind because without it, you’d probably be hospitalized by now.

gosh, you loved being the emotionally broken one.

maybe this was a sign to start going to therapy? you sighed. it would be a nice thought if you didn’t hate the idea of talking about your problems to a random stranger.

you flinched when you heard your phone buzz violently on your bedside table, looking over at the device and rolling your eyes when it was sunwoo. again.

sunwoo:

please answer..

okay, maybe you did feel bad for ghosting him. something told you that this message was much more meaningful than the other ones. that maybe he was actually sorry.

you sighed for probably the millionth time that day, trying to build up the courage to actually send a message back.

you:

you sure have a lot to say

sunwoo:

oh my god.

you answered!

you:

im not dead if that’s what you thought was going on.

i wouldn’t give up that easily.

you definitely thought about it.

sunwoo:

how have you been?

why haven’t you come to school?

why haven’t you been talking to your friends?

why was he so persistent? he knows you don’t want to talk to him. it gave you a headache. you were really starting to wonder why you were still heartbroken over this man.

putting your phone down after leaving him on delivered, which seemed to be a common occurrence for you now, you were happy to see that your food arrived peacefully. what you weren’t happy to see was the person who delivered it.

it was one of your school friends, changmin. one of the ones who would definitely have been curious to know how you have been for the past few weeks. since when did he start delivering food?

“y/n? how long has it been? i’ve been texting you!”

you were going to be honest.. you haven’t even been looking at any of your messages unless they were from your parents or sunwoo.

which you only responded to your parents.

“aren’t you here to give me my food?”

“right,” he quickly took the money you had in your hand and shoved it into his pocket, handing you the bag. “uhm.. i know you might not want to hear this but people are really looking forward to seeing you back at school. we’re all worried about you and sunwoo.” this spiked your interest.

“has sunwoo not been at school?”

“he has. it’s just…”

“what? it’s just what?”

“he’s been with another girl everyday since you’ve been gone.”

you should have expected to hear that. it was the whole reason you were upset at him in the first place. the whole reason you couldn’t bare to even step outside anymore. it was probably the same girl he kissed in the photo.. you were angry. furious at him for cheating on you, asking you if you were okay, texting you every day all while he was still seeing someone else. granted, you both have broken up but still.. it hurt.

you fought to hold back tears at the thought of him loving up on someone else behind your back even though he wasn’t yours anymore.

but you failed.

changmin dropped to your side as you cried into his shoulder. your knuckles turning white from how hard you were gripping onto his thin shirt. you wanted nothing more than the ground to open up and swallow you whole. the same common feeling you felt for the past 3 weeks.

you cried for a while, your friend not making any effort to move or get back to his job. his only way of comfort was dropping whatever he had left in his hands and hugging your frail body. he frowned at how thin your body had gotten since he last time he saw you.

“can i stay for a while?”

“don’t you have a job?”

“you were my last delivery.”

somehow you didn’t believe that but you nodded anyways. feeling much more comfortable with him now that he knew exactly what your situation was. he comforted you enough to try and move you to the couch, taking the food with him.

“i’m not hungry anymore..” your appetite was ruined now. “you and i both know that you need to get something into your system.”

well, you couldn’t argue with that.

you both sat in whimpering silence as he helped you with your food, being with you the entire step of the way from feeding you to going back to laying down in the comfort of your bed. “y/n, i think that maybe you should actually have a talk with sunwoo,” changmin frowned at your tired state. “i don’t even think i could handle listening to his lame excuses,” you spat with rising anger.

“i know you have a lot of negative feelings about the whole thing but i really think it would help you to get over it if you just made things clear with him.”

“he doesn’t deserve my time.”

“but i think you deserve his.”

you didn’t want to think too hard about whatever kind of point changmin was trying to get across to you, but the more he said something about how your life is literally turning out to be the worse for yourself without confirmation from sunwoo, the more you started to realize that maybe he was right.

but still, you just couldn’t shake the feeling that maybe. just maybe. you could find it in yourself to get over him without an explanation as to why he cheated on you.

“i’ll think about it.”

he nodded, tucking you into bed and doing all of the basic needs for you like plugging in your phone and turning the lights off before finishing throwing away all of the trash and dirty dishes you had laying around the room.

“will you think about coming to school tomorrow?” he asked on his way out of the bedroom.

“will you be there?” you asked, lifting up your head from your pillow to stare at him in the doorway. “only if you are,” he smiled, to which you faintly gave him one back.

he gave you one last look before closing the door behind him to leave you in peace.

almost just like before, those eyes seemed to stick with you the entire night.

.

.

.

THE CONCLUSION

sunwoo:

the picture you received that night wasn’t real.

it was fake.

i’m so sorry that was that had been bothering you all of this time.

if i had known sooner, i would have made it clear that i would never cheat on you with someone else!

the girl i am with now, i swear it’s not what it looks like. i know you have heard things about her and i.

but my relationship with her it’s only platonic! i promise.

she wants me but i want you..

i still think about you

i still worry for you

i still care for you

and ill still do whatever i can to make it seem that way

i love you.

© cobiehaven 2023

#cobiehaven #tbz #the boyz #tbz sunwoo #kim sunwoo #sunwoo angst #tbz angst #lee sangyeon #tbz sangyeon #jacob bae #tbz jacob #kim younghoon #tbz younghoon #lee hyunjae #lee jaehyun #tbz hyunjae #lee juyeon #tbz juyeon #kevin moon #tbz kevin #choi chanhee #tbz chanhee #ji changmin #tbz changmin #ju haknyeon #tbz haknyeon #eric sohn #tbz eric

[wavesmp3]

[tbz] 8000 layers of inyun

younghoon x reader, jacob x reader - inspired by the movie past lives - wc: 6k - warnings: mentions of alcohol, like one curse i think - a/n: reader should be completely inclusive, i.e. not adhering to the background of the main character in the movie.

****

[first hello]

when you met jacob for the first time, it was in the grassy backyard of a house in long island one mile away from the beach. at a rickety, white table with spots of black showing up beneath the layers of paint. it was three glasses of red wine in, two hours after you had laid eyes on him, and one hour after everyone else had headed inside for sleep. 

when you met jacob for the first time, you had told him about inyun. how even brushing by someone’s shoulder on the street or locking eyes with a stranger on the metro meant there was something there between the two of you in a past life. he looked amazed at the notion. you thought he looked quite pretty. “that would mean we had something together in a past life, wouldn’t it?” he had asked. and even then, you could tell–he’s such a writer. there was a story already rising from the dark corners of his mind. you had just nodded. and told him about all the layers between two lovers, and about the 8000 it takes to take one’s hand and whole-heartedly decide you want to marry them. 

you don’t really remember jacob’s cheeks turning pink at the line. what you do remember is the sky changing colors. you remember how golden he looked under the string lights. you remember leaning into his face, almost falling forward, bracing yourself with a hand on his knee. 

you remember kissing him for the first time. 

*****

[younghoon’s coming] 

jacob is already cooking dinner by the time you come home. you stop in front of the gray door, noticing for the first time in a while the scratch in the top corner from the massive yellow armchair you stuffed through the door even when it refused to fit through. you smile at the scratch, stretch your arm out to finger over the light brown mark. how long ago was that now? was that before or after you got married? you inhale. the air smells like wet concrete and basil. jacob forgot to turn on the exhaust fan, didn’t he? 

you don’t remind him to do so once you finally find your keys. instead you slip off your old, faded sneakers, drop your keys on the counter in the lime green dish you made in a pottery class two years ago, and greet him in the kitchen, kissing the side of his chin and reaching over his head to turn the exhaust fan on. he kisses your forehead as an apology, or at least he tries but you’ve already moved and his lips end up catching on the corner of your left eye. you wash the day and the grime off you, washing away the train and the throbbing in your feet. you meet him again for dinner, at the table you call your dining table and your home office. he brings over two plates of the pasta. you bring the wine. 

“you know younghoon.” it doesn’t hit you then that that’s the first thing you’ve said to him since you left that morning.

jacob squints. his eyes, his eyes, his eyes. they were the first thing you noticed about him. the first thing you fell in love with. “yeah. your childhood sweetheart.” this he says with a teasing smile. you smile back. his smile was the second thing you fell in love with. 

“he, uh, emailed me earlier today.” you shift in your stool. “he moved out of his parents’ house, i think, and is between jobs. he said he’s going to be visiting new york soon.” 

there’s a stillness in the air, then. a shock beneath the table that’s curling around your calves and inching up your arms.

jacob, though, despite how well you know him, despite your knack to see through every emotion he feigns, still tries to nod it off. “oh. when is he coming?”

“in two weeks. “

“that’s soon.”

“i know.”

“are you going to see him?” there’s no mask of emotion here. everything in jacob’s mind and heart you can read in his eyes, except that reading doesn’t mean understanding and five years of marriage doesn’t mean you know someone’s every thought. you don’t know what to say. you don’t know what he wants. you don’t even know what you want. all you know is younghoon’s email. you spent two hours staring at it this afternoon. younghoon, as you knew him, was a straightforward guy. he explicitly said in the email what he wants: to spend a day or two with you while he’s here, as much time as you can spare, show him the city you moved to when you turned 21. show him the country you moved to when you were 13. but beneath the straightforward request feels like a million subliminal ones. like he wants you to prove to him that you’ve made a life worth living here. like he wants to gallivant around new york telling you about a country that used to be home and asking you what would have happened if you didn’t go all those years ago. 

but younghoon isn’t like you and jacob, he doesn’t make reading into subtext and writing a 100 pages about it his job. so you tell jacob what you decided on the train ride back. 

“yeah, i think i will.” and with the way your stomach twists, it feels like a confession.

*****

[first goodbye]

your first goodbye with younghoon is when you’re young. it happens on the last day of school for you before your family’s big move to the states. even though you only found out a couple weeks ago, you knew this move was a long time coming. maybe that’s why you didn’t say anything when your parents told you it was happening. maybe that’s why you just went to your room and started packing. 

younghoon’s been in the same class as you your whole life. his whole life too. and for your entire lives you’ve been making the same walk back home from school together. today is no different. and yet, isn’t it? it’s the same roads, yes, the same stairs and the same shops on the way. but the air is different, it smells like home. it smells like you already miss it. and you haven’t even left yet. 

the walk is almost entirely silent. 

the roads diverge towards the end, into a smaller path that leads to your home and the main road that younghoon takes to get to his. you take one step into the path and stop. younghoon stops too. he stares. you stare back. 

(you don’t realize it then, but it’s the last time you’ll see him in person for almost 20 years. one of the last times you’ll even speak to him in around 7. it’s the last time you’ll ever stand on this street, and one of the last times you’ll breathe this air. most importantly, it’s the last time you’ll ever be this young.)

your first goodbye with younghoon isn’t much of a goodbye. it’s him asking when you leave. it’s you saying sometime tomorrow. it’s him frowning, patting your shoulder, and saying, “be well, and don’t cry over maths anymore.”

*****

[second hello]

you round the corner by the candy shop and walk inwards to the park. you used to live around here. but god, where haven’t you lived? you used to come into this park and watch people. the man towards the south entrance that always sat on the middle bench. the tourists walking up and down and around looking amazed and bored and helpless. tompkins square park used to be your favorite park in new york, but walking into it now, you can’t really remember why you liked it so much. you wonder why he chose this park specifically to meet in. did you mention it once on a skype call? does he think you still like it? or has he figured that you’ve already fallen out of love?

you see the back of his head before you see him. and for a moment you get an instantaneous rush of every feeling there is to feel from seeing him again, here, in a park you thought you loved. but it’s not the park and it’s not the city that makes your entire body go numb. it’s seeing him. younghoon. younghoon. younghoon. it’s seeing him for the first time in–you don’t even want to admit to yourself how long. 

but the instantaneous rush ends, and your body and blood come back to earth and back to this park you hate, when he turns around and faces you facing him. 

and there are no words to be said. 

there used to be oceans and countries and cultures and decades standing between you and him, but somehow now, all of that has compressed into four squares of broken concrete. you were never very good at maths. younghoon, the one who comforted you whenever you cried over it, knows that best. but even you know that there is no way 20 years can turn into 20 feet. so much has changed. more than could possibly be encompassed in any greeting. it’s indescribable and overwhelming. it’s you and him and the whole world. there are no words to be said. 

so you hug him instead. 

*****

[ferry]

it takes almost a full hour for the pure shock of seeing each other again to wear off. there’s so much joy and excitement between the two of you that for a couple minutes all you do is say ‘wow’, throwing the word back and forth like two kids playing catch. 

the first thing on your itinerary was already decided by younghoon over email: seeing the statue of liberty. so, you and him board the ferry together, asking how his family’s doing and telling him about yours. 

“your husband,” younghoon starts, turning slightly towards you in his seat on the ferry.

“jacob.” 

he nods, mouthing his name silently. “how did you guys meet?”

“we met at this writer's retreat thing. we were kind of… i don’t know–together–i guess, while we were there, and funnily enough, it was only on our second to last day there that we realized we both live in new york. and then, it was only when we got back that we started dating.”

younghoon’s lips make a small ‘o’. “he’s a writer too?”

you nod. then smile.

“is he good?” this he asks with a hint of mischief. 

you scoff. “you think i’d marry someone who isn’t any good?” 

he just shrugs and smirks. an action you’ve seen him do a million times before. when you were a kid, it pissed you off. when you were 21, it made your heart flutter. now, it makes you feel like a stranger. it reminds you that all he is is somebody you used to know. 

“what?” he laughs, covering his mouth embarrassedly. you didn’t even realize you were staring. 

“you’ve just been a kid in my head for so long.” you shake your head, a smile haunting your lips. “it’s so weird seeing you all grown up.” 

he hums. “i feel that too.”

“are you and-” you leave the space blank there. social media had told you a lot, but you don’t remember it ever telling you a name, “still together.”

he grimaces. you wish you didn’t ask. “no. we broke up some time ago.”

younghoon doesn’t say anything more about it, but honestly, it’d be more shocking if he did. even as a kid, he took things at face value, not going any deeper into contexts and double meanings. he isn’t too shy to ask what you mean, nor is he too shy to say it. that’s just who he is. 

“do you have pictures from your wedding?” younghoon asks, pulling you out of your thoughts. you fetch your phone out of your pocket and show him your favorite picture from the event. you and jacob didn’t really have much money at the time of your wedding. it was a small, courthouse wedding with a dinner afterwards with just your families. the picture comes from when you were walking out of the courthouse together. with the small bouquet, jacob had purchased that morning, and the simple white dress you had thrifted a couple weeks prior. you were so happy, walking out of that building hand in hand. you were so hopeful. 

“you look very nice.” younghoon tells you quietly, staring at the photo. you mutter a ‘thanks’. he then surprises you, bringing a hand up to the picture and wordlessly zooming in on your face. his gaze bounces between you and your picture. finally, looking up, he says, “you look so young.”

*****

the ferry stops for a bit near the statue, everyone rushes towards the corner nearest to the monument to take a photo. you offer to take his. he accepts, awkwardly smiling at first, fidgeting with the strap of his backpack, but then eventually, lightening up, posing cutely and requesting different angles. 

while the ferry heads back to manhattan, he carefully examines all the photos you took. it reminds you of when he told you about his photographer friend in college who took photos of him for fun. 

“why didn’t you want to keep talking then?” you ask abruptly. 

somehow, he knows exactly what you’re talking about. your second goodbye with him. the four minute skype call. 

he looks taken aback. he doesn’t look at you. “it didn’t really feel like you were giving me much of a choice.”

it’s not what you wanted to hear, but you don’t really think there’s anything he could’ve said to mend a ten year old wound born from a petty 21 year old desperate to love and be loved. 

“i held that over you for a long time. i was a bit mad.”

he responds immediately. “you said goodbye so quickly. i was a bit mad too.”

you frown. “should i be sorry?”

he half laughs at that, shrugging and finally looking at you. “we were kids.” 

and of course, that was all that really needed to be said. 

*****

[second goodbye]

your second goodbye with younghoon happened when you just moved to new york. it was a short period of time marked by running between 10th and 14th to catch your train and eating too many meals at the ukrainian place in the basement of 7th. 

the two of you had found each other again online. a friend request turned to messaging turned to skype calls every evening and sometimes even in the morning. and somehow, someway, despite the years between your last words with him, the two of you were able to pick up right where you left off. he told you about home and about all the classmates you hadn’t thought about since you left. you told him about america, about your new life, and about new york. but mainly you talked about how weird it was to see and talk to him again and about how alone you felt here.

the goodbye comes when your laptop crashes and it takes a week before you’re able to talk to him again. it comes after you spend the week devastated, crying in the middle of the street over a dropped bacon egg and cheese. it comes when your laptop is finally fixed, when you call him again, and when he doesn’t even seem worried. 

“do you plan on coming to new york?” it's the first thing you say when he answers the call, two days after your laptop was fixed. 

he looks like he just woke up, hair crumpled and bent in places it shouldn’t be. between a yawn he says, “what?” 

“i can’t leave new york right now. so if you don’t plan on coming here, there’s no point of this anymore.” 

he doesn’t say anything for a moment, looking off to the side of his camera. you stare into it. you had been practicing this conversation all day. you knew what you were going to say. and in your heart, you knew what he was going to say too. 

all he ends up doing is smiling awkwardly and patting down the back of his head. “do you want me to visit?” 

no, you think with a sigh, you just want more. 

“i think we should end this. i need to focus on becoming a writer, and you-“ 

you falter here. he what? 

he nods. you nod too, just as an excuse. 

“okay.” 

“okay.” 

and the call ends in 4 minutes. 

*****

[first confession] 

the bar you’ve chosen to take him to tonight, is a small, irish pub on the corner of a street you spent half your 20s in. you feel so much older than you are, when you get off the subway, point to an old red brick building, and tell younghoon that you used to go to school here. 

his gaze lingers at that building. you try not to notice, but you do. 

“remember inyun?” he says after you get your drinks. his martini, your beer. 

you laugh at him. “it’s actually how i got jacob.” a memory flashes in front of you: the golden glow of the string lights and jacob’s lips on yours for the first time. you can’t tell if it's the beer or the memory that makes your entire body flush with warmth. 

“that game we used to play as kids,” younghoon says, excited, “we should do that here.” 

you smile. how many days did you and younghoon spend sitting next to each other on the train and making up a past life for every two passengers?

“okay.” you point to the two girls sitting at the bar, one of them on their phone, the other resting her head atop the counter. “what about them?” 

younghoon turns to face them. “classmates.”

you make a noise of disapprovement. “sisters.”

he mimics the noise. “no way.”

“look.” you say, gesturing to the way the girl that was on her phone places her free hand on top of the other’s head. “it’s just so…” here you lose the words for it. the girl on her phone bends down and places the smallest kiss on her friend’s head. 

“familiar.” younghoon finishes. and when your gaze falls back to him, you find that he’s already looking at you. the game somehow feels different than it did when you were kids. 

younghoon inhales sharply and nods his head towards a boy and a girl playing billiards in the corner. “what about them?”

you take a moment to observe them. these two seem less familiar with each other. there’s a lot of extra laughing, a lot of awkward pauses between turns. “coworkers.” you finally say.

“strangers.” younghoon counters. “like she took his order at a food place that he left a bad review for.”

you give him a look. he shrugs. 

the game continues. you do the two bartenders which you both agree must have been lovers. you do the group of boys, in business casual sitting two tables over. younghoon says they were all dogs in the same shelter. you say they were in a band together. 

the game continues until the only two people in the pub who you haven’t made up a past life for are you and younghoon.

younghoon gives you a half smile. “what do you think we were in a past life?”

this was always how you and him ended the game. you wonder how many past lives the two of you have created for each other by now.

you think for a moment, eyes flicking between the bartenders who were lovers and the friends who were once family. “two people squished next to each other on the train.”

younghoon laughs at that one, knocking his head back and accidentally kicking your leg under the table. he shakes his head. “a bird and the branch it sits on.”

“a keychain and the ring it’s attached to.”

“a celebrity and their bodyguard.”

“enemies.”

“friends.” 

something snags on your throat at that. 

you laugh, not meaning for it to sound as forced as it does. “but we’re that now.” 

a silent question hangs in the air: are we?

“why’d you come to new york?” you ask him. you already said your goodbye to him. years ago, on a skype call that felt akin to a breakup. seeing him and facing him again was not something you had expected to ever have to do. and the thing is, it’s not just facing him. it’s facing your past, and it’s facing all the different ways he’s known you. 

younghoon doesn’t seem surprised that you asked, but his eyes do this…thing as he looks up from the glass. this fearless, shameless thing that makes you feel things you wish you didn’t feel. “i came to see you.” 

you don’t take your eyes off his. what is it they say about eyes again? windows to the soul?

“but you and jacob.”

you flinch. 

“you guys have those layers of inyun.”

“all 8000,” you whisper back to him, like the world might burst if you spoke any louder.

he nods solemnly, hopefully. “maybe you guys have even more.”

he looks at the bar. the warm light paints him in colors you’ve never seen him in before. he’s so much older than you remember. he’s so much more real than your last skype call. 

(your memory of this moment fails you. you can’t remember which one of you it was that asked)

“how many layers do we have?”

a number hangs off the tip of your tongue. but the world will burst if you say it outloud. so you don’t. for the world, for yourself, for jacob. 

*****

[you were right]

“you were right,” you tell jacob when you come home that night.

“about what?” he meets you in the kitchen, exhaust fan whirring in the background. 

“he came to see me.” 

and even just the admission of it, of the entire day you spent with younghoon, has you exhausted. 

you hug jacob. he sets the book that was in his hand down on the counter and lets you. he feels so warm next to your heart. he feels so at home. and you, in your apartment, in his arms, feel split in two. 

carefully, you ask him: “are you mad at me?”

“of course not.”

“do you want me to cancel tomorrow?”

“you haven’t seen him in forever. you should go.”

you exhale into his shoulder. 

“i mean, it’s not like you’re going to run away with him or anything, right?” he jokes. 

“please,” you scoff, “you know me.” 

“i know you.” he laughs, and you feel it throughout your entire body.

“i know you.” he repeats. 

you hug him tighter. 

“you’re it for me.” jacob tells you quietly. “you make my life so much bigger.”

you can’t tell if it’s the confession or the exhaustion or both that brings you close to tears. “what if something happens?”

he doesn’t ask what you mean; he just repeats himself. “it’s only you.”

*****

[not touching but almost]

you meet younghoon the next morning at the hoyt-schermorhorn street station. he asks how you slept. you say well. 

you stand in front of the sliding doors, holding onto the pole. he follows suit, his hand right under yours. staring at his face, you search for which features of his have stayed the same and which have changed. 

“your eyes.” you say at the same moment the train screeches. he leans forward, mostly to hear you better but also to stay upright as the train sways. his fingers inch towards yours. “your eyes are still the same.” 

he looks embarrassed for a moment. then smiles. you do too. 

the train stops. the signs outside read: ‘fulton st’. 

you look back at him. “i can’t stop smiling.” fuck the train, you’ll repeat it until he hears what you have to say. 

he doesn’t ask you to repeat yourself this time. he just laughs. “why?”

you shrug, smiling again, and feeling entirely, wholly like a kid. “just ‘cause.”

his fingers inch towards yours again. you don’t even think he means for it to. you look down at your hands. close but not touching. not touching but almost. 

the train stops again. ‘chambers st,’ it reads this time. you both get off.

*****

[a whole part of you i’ll never know]

there’s this memory that bounces around your head from time to time. it was before you and jacob had gotten married, in your old apartment, the one in hell’s kitchen above the thai place with the light up dragon that played pop music late into the night. 

so with an old miley cyrus song floating up through the air and in through the open window, jacob tells you that there’s a whole part of you he’ll never know. 

you don’t deny it at first. you turn in bed to face him, cup his cheek in your hand and flinch at the stubble growing in. you kiss him and tell him, “you know me better than anyone.” 

“but i-” he hesitates here, mouth opening and closing like he can’t decide what kind of conversation he wants this to be. “it’s like there’s this whole portion of your brain that will always be out of reach. like i can see it there in the distance, but i can’t get to it.” 

“just ask. i’ll tell you anything you want to know.”

“it’s not that.”

“what is it then?”

“he knows that part.”

the song goes quiet. you can hear a drunk person vomiting. you can hear your heart beating. breathlessly, you say, “younghoon?” 

and jacob, jacob, jacob. he looks like he regrets it. “you, just, you always talk about how you reinvented yourself when you moved to new york and how different you used to be. but what if that wasn’t the first time?”

you shake your head. “i’m not a kid anymore.” 

“i know.” and against all odds, jacob smiles. “sometimes, i just wish i knew you when you were.”

*****

[second confession] 

the day, in all honesty, is some of the most fun you’ve had in a long while. you and younghoon get dumplings and rice noodles in chinatown and eat them in columbus park while watching people play ping pong. he wants to go shopping in soho and so you take him to your favorite spots. you wait with him in line at the famous bakery on lafayette only for him to hate the pastry he got. and in the evening, you and younghoon meet up with jacob to get dinner near your apartment. 

“so how do you like new york,” jacob asks while walking to the restaurant. 

younghoon nods slowly. “not bad.”

your husband’s eyes widen. he was born and raised in new york. it’s the only place he’s ever known. “not bad?”

younghoon shrugs. “it’s a little smelly.”

jacob just chuckles at that. “you get used to it. what have you seen so far?”

“yesterday i saw the rockefeller center, times square, and central park. and then,” younghoon looks at you, “we met in tompkins square park, and we took the ferry to see the statue of liberty.”

“you know i’ve never actually been to the statue of liberty.” jacob confesses, lightheartedly. 

“really?” younghoon asks dumbfounded.

“really?” you mutter to the ground. 

jacob shoves his hands in his pockets and nods. 

younghoon looks at you, disappointed, and jokingly says, “what are you doing? you should take your husband to see it.” 

younghoon doesn’t really wait for a response, but you still give him a half-hearted laugh before putting a hand on jacob’s elbow, and quietly, almost shamefully asking, “have we really not gone?”

the conversation has moved on without you it seems. while laughing at something else younghoon’s said, jacob shakes his head ‘no’.

the rest of the dinner goes well. the food is good, and the conversation flows. jacob heads back home once it’s over to get work done, and you and younghoon go to your favorite bar in the area, a posh sort of place with dim lighting and fancy cocktails. the two of you grab seats at the bar.

“what’d you think of jacob?” 

younghoon looks happy, a smile gracing his face for a moment. he tilts his head, and you almost miss the way his smile turns down. “i didn’t think liking your husband would hurt this much.” (almost). “i can tell he really loves you.”

“i love him too.” you say, just to fill the space. but what you really want is to beg him to take it back. beg him to say something else. anything else. say he hated him instead. 

“yesterday, you asked me why i didn’t try to keep talking back then.” younghoon continues. “the truth i learned here is that it wouldn’t have mattered how hard i tried even if i did. you were always going to leave because you’re you. and i liked you because you’re you. and who you are is someone who leaves.”

you start to refute, but stop yourself because… he’s right. the last two times you parted ways with him, it was because of you. you started the goodbye. you were the one who left. 

“but for jacob,” younghoon says, eyes scanning across the bar, staring at every bartender and every customer before finally, finally, landing on you, “you’re someone who stays.”

and it turns you fucking inside out. 

“i’m sorry if i hurt you in the past, younghoon.”

younghoon doesn’t falter. he never has. “i’m not.”

*****

[last confession, last goodbye, last hello]

you walk younghoon to the uber from your apartment. the address has always been a little finicky; the uber will only stop two blocks down. the long ones. not that that matters much. nonetheless, you and younghoon walk it slowly, pausing for a couple seconds each time the wheels of his suitcase get caught on a cellar door. 

“thank you for emailing me.” you tell him, lifting your chin up slightly. “i’m really glad that you did and we got to do this.

he nods. “i’m glad i did too, but i was actually a little unsure about it.” 

this surprises you. the sentiment yes, but also the way he says it. tucking his hair behind his ear, and squinting his eyes at a stop light, refusing to meet yours. younghoon is the surest person you’ve ever known. 

something catches in the back of your throat. something foul and hopeful. something that makes you feel young. “why?’ 

he shrugs, looks up at the second deli you’ve passed and mouths the name of it. like he’s practicing it, memorizing the name, the location, the guy sitting out front, and the cat that always lingers in the back. why does he care so much about the little things? 

“i didn’t know if you’d want to see me again.” he finally says. “the last time we spoke was so long ago. i wasn’t sure if you had left me in the past for good.” 

you hit the end of the second block where the uber will be picking him up soon, right under the ice pop shop that you always walk a little slower by on the hottest summer afternoons. across the block the walking signal is red–a memory comes back to you: your first summer in this new apartment, your first month being married too. you standing on this side of the block and jacob standing at the other. waiting for the cars to pass, waiting to greet each other in the middle of the road. you can feel that day in the bottom of your stomach. you remember exactly what jacob's hand felt like in yours. 

“i think i did.” you tell him. “but i don’t regret doing this with you. it was like meeting you again, and meeting the version of myself that last saw you too.” 

you turn away from the signal and look at him. he looks sad almost. “sometimes i still think of you as that kid i used to walk home from school with.” 

you remember what you used to tell jacob: how you reinvented yourself when you moved to new york. you remember what he used to say back: what if that wasn’t the first time. and so, you reach into your past and try to remember who you used to be before you moved to america. 

“i haven’t been that kid for a long time now,” you frown, watching younghoon’s pupils dart back and forth between yours, “but they still existed. they were still real.”

the uber pulls up. younghoon puts his suitcase in the trunk and opens the door to step inside. and with one foot in the car to the airport and one foot planted on the street you call home, he says, “what if this is just another past life and we’re already something else in another?”

the only thing you can manage to give him in response is a nod. you don’t like to think about what if.

he smiles. and you feel something break apart in your heart.

“i’ll see you then.”

in another life, younghoon is more than just a series of goodbyes. but in this one, he gets in the uber, and you don’t imagine seeing him again. you don’t think you will. because for the first time in this life, you're not the one that left–he was.  

you make it halfway back down the two blocks back to your apartment when you see jacob. it just so happens to be in front of the deli younghoon had committed to memory silently beside you. you inhale deeply; it feels like the first breath you’ve taken since younghoon landed in new york. jacob is 8 stoops away from you. 

at 5 you think about when you met, the writers retreat in long island, the most beautiful serene place you swear you’ve ever been and the stupid pick up line you said about inyun.

at 4, you think about his eyes, his eyes, his eyes, and the line he wrote about them in an essay that was published 3 years ago saying that they're the only part of the nervous system that's exposed, a direct line to someone's head and heart. was he right? did you look into younghoon’s mind tonight? have you been staring at jacob's heart? 

at 3, you think about all this talk about past lives. and you think what if it’s not about your past lives with younghoon or with jacob? what if it’s about all the past lives within you? 

at 2, you think about the kid you left in a country that doesn’t feel like yours anymore. 

and at 1, you think about younghoon. 

he stops right in front of you. staring at you staring at him. your whole world feels bigger than it ever has before, and your heart, in response, splits in half to fit him inside. you feel that something in your throat rise and boil. 

“i’m sorry,” you finally say, before falling into his arms. the sob that’s been waiting in the bottom of your soul for the past 20 years comes bursting out of your throat. you cry into your husband's shoulder. you feel the weight of all your past lives and all your future ones like they aren't in the past or in the future, like they're now beside you begging you to imagine what could’ve been and what was. 

jacob holds the back of your head. he doesn’t say anything. he doesn’t need to. it’s all been said before. instead he kisses the corner of your eye and takes you home. 

**********************************************************

a/n: originally posted as an svt fic, but i loved this movie and this story too much to not repost. i hope someone sees this and enjoys it. i hope this means something to someone. i hope i've convinced you to watch the movie cause it is truly one of the best pieces of media i've ever ever consumed.

#the boyz scenarios #the boyz fanfic #younghoon scenarios #younghoon fanfic #jacob scenarios #jacob fanfic #jacob bae x reader #younghoon x reader #tbz scenarios #the boyz x reader #tbz x reader #fluff #angst #mine #8000 layers of inyun

[hcuyk]

okay since you're back, may i please request something around 4am with changmin (or sunwoo?) and make it angst or comfort or whatever just because why not thank you my love i'm so happy you're here you don't imagine how much

[4:01AM]

Not often did you wake up in the middle of the night, yet something felt different. Maybe it was because there was a sudden lump that had developed within your pillow or the temperature in the room had changed, but your dream had slowly faded into darkness. As you adjusted to your senses and reality itself, your eyes fluttered open and caught a glimpse of Changmin in the dark.

Your eyes traced the silhouette illuminated by the moon, noticing his eyes wide and fixated on the ceiling. Unsure of both the time and if Changmin had noticed you, you scooted over to where he was and wrapped your arms around one of his, hugging it close to your chest.

“Why are you up?” you mumbled while tucking your nose behind his shoulder, wanting to remain as close as possible. 

Changmin turned his head to face you, slightly startled that you had woken up, but his parted lips of shock curled up into a warm smile—it was almost impossible to not be in love whenever he saw you. He pressed a kiss to the top of your head before shifting in his spot, adjusting so he could bring you into his arms.

“Why are you awake, hm?” He pulled you in close and against his chest, allowing you to snuggle up against him within his embrace. 

“I asked you first,” you retaliated. You gave him an exaggerated pout before having it interrupted with a yawn. He shook his head and laughed at you softly, his arms squeezing you. He then had one of his hands gently pat you on the head, providing a weak attempt to get you back to sleep.

“Just woke up randomly, and I couldn’t go back asleep,” he whispered.

“You better not be bullshitting.” He giggled at your grumble, causing you to shuffle your feet under the comforters and kick his legs when you found them. Changmin then burst out in laughter at your terrible attempt and refuted the action by locking his legs around yours, trapping you completely in his hold. 

Instead of fighting back, your tired state melted against him, but you still glared at him as a threat. 

“I’m not bullshitting, I promise.” Your skepticism made him coo and kiss your nose, watching as your bunched-up facial features began to relax.

“We sleep together?” Noticing your slight worry, he nodded and pressed a soft kiss against your lips to reassure you.

“We sleep together.”

It had taken less than a few minutes for you to knock out, but Changmin was still completely awake. He would play with your hair, tucking strands behind your ear, before his thoughts drifted off once more. He kissed your cheek with a whispered ‘I love you’ before untangling himself from you to glance at the ceiling once more. 

His eyes then trailed over to the nightstand by their bed, and without much thought, he silently pulled out the drawer to take out a small velvet box. He flipped it open to reveal the ring he had bought you and raised it to where the moon was shining, wanting to look at it one last time before officially getting down on one knee for you.

His heart thudded against his chest and fluttered the moment he thought about you wearing it on your ring finger. He smiled and put it away so he could go back to holding you, finally relaxed enough to fall back asleep.

You were his forever, and he couldn’t wait for tomorrow. 

permanent taglist . . . @armysantiny @stealanity @zzoguri @nyujjan @tinisprout @the-kpop-simp

author's note // first timestamp for changmin! (the other one was unhinged and we pretend it doesn't exist 😭). matty my biggest supporter ilysmsmsmsmsmsmsm thank you for sending this in i hope you enjoy ALSO this may or may not be canon kidult changmin 🫣

#the boyz timestamps #ji changmin #tbz fluff #tbz angst #tbz drabbles #tbz scenarios #tbz reactions #changmin x reader #tbz oneshots #lee sangyeon #jacob bae #kim younghoon #lee hyunjae #lee juyeon #kevin moon #choi chanhee #ju haknyeon #kim sunwoo #eric sohn #inbox: stealanity!

[astrae4]

PRETEND — SMAU MASTERLIST

pairing: idol!chanhee x idol!reader

genre: smau, fluff, crack, smooshy lovey dovey stuff, and teeny bit of angst (lol lots actually…or is it?) 😈

synopsis: choi chanhee and park y/n are to be married, congratulations! Well…not so, though. Haha, might’ve forgotten to mention that this was just a reality show—sprinkle in the fact that they used to be exes too….oops? Just a bit of trouble in paradise, I suppose…🤞

featuring — the boyz, le sserafim, g-idle, enhypen, and more!

warning — angst, probs bullying from netizens and shitty companies 🤼‍♂️🤼‍♂️

a/n — yes. the g-idle members will be playing as another girl-group under a fictional company called LUN ENT. in this fic <3

status — ongoing

taglist (open) — @enhacolor @ja4hyvn @hyunjaespresent-deobi @sulkygyu @wtfhyuck @flwoie @xiaoderrrr @ineedaherosavemeenow @hangecanweholdhands @ilovechanhee @jaerisdiction @lonewolfjinji @ahnneyong

navigation | main masterlist

PROFILES: moon girls | starboyz | constellations | asteroidz

CHAPTERS:

001. 😁😁🤣🤣🤡🤡😀😀

002. with who !?!?

003. see y’all in the han river lols

004. our d-1

005. awks…

© astrae4 2023 — please don’t copy, translate, or plagiarize my works on all platforms!

#deoboyznet #tbz #theboyz #changmin #chanhee #deobi #eric sohn #hyunjae #ju haknyeon #juyeon #kevin moon #sangyeon #younghoon #jacob bae #sunwoo #gidle #tbz smau #smau #fluff #angst #enhyphen #le sserafim