#Do I judge people for being too invested NO you do you. But beyond very popular pop culture headline I really would rather be out of the | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

katyspersonal · 7 months

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Trying to see something 🤔

I am trying to check something this ( x ) post suggested with the closest interest I hold, hollon

Alfred and Adella - Both are religious fanatics of their faction that murder a helpless woman for blood purity reasons. (Adella is slightly better because she at least gives Arianna "three strikes" chance lol)

Djura and Maria - Both are legendary Old Hunters (the Gehrman's hunters type) who abandoned the hunt going heart-broken over what they did and resigned to take care about some sort of damaged, mutated people beyond help. (Djura certainly takes it better than Maria, but still)

Narrow Minded Man and Lonely Old Woman - They are roughly similar type of lonely old Yharnamites full of snarkyness and resentment towards the hunters and foreigners in general that also (presumably) chug blood-based medicine abundantly; blood cocktails and sedatives respectively. (He is probably more rigid and dumb, bro doesn't even go insane after Bloodmoon, though)

Laurence and Emilia - High-ranking religious figures, heads of the setting's Church. Laurence sure did much more in his life, but for the gradually corrupting holy figure fix, they both work!

Micolash and Fauxsefka - This one is a bit hard since Micolash is 'evil' whereas Fauxsefka is stated to be heroic by frikin Miyazaki himself, but they're similarly the 'mad scientist' trope focused on cosmos and ascension and not shy of doing other people a "favour" of helping them to ascend too (I judge by Micolash having corpses with cages tied to the chairs even in the Nightmare). Honorable mention: Adeline being an absolute madwoman not scared of Deep Sea horrors unlike other patients but craving them. She would not sacrifice anyone but herself for her goals (as far as we know....), but they are both very "brave" in their own regard. They both just really want some eyes from Kos xd

Henryk and Eileen - Very aged, lonesome hunters that are familiar with Gascoigne and are a part of very small secret group of hunters that assasinates the less lucky ones over superstitious reasons (which also hold a merit in this setting). It was lost in translation, but Henryk is stated to have lived long because simply nothing was able to kill him, whereas Crowfeathr Garb started to symbolize Eileen specifically, implying she has been Hunter of Hunters longer than anyone else. So, they're both very badass... Oh, and they also both are throwing knives! Honorable mention: frequient similar appearance headcanons because of Eileen's English voice actress! @heraldofcrow Look at this shite they're like male and female version of the same character for reeeeeal AAAAA jhfdsjfhdss*sob*

Gascoigne and Henriett - Used to be Healing Church hunters who cut the ties with it, most likely because the Church started to slack on the hunt and they wanted to be helpful (notice Henriett's new clothes resembling Old Hunters' style).

Julie(Yurie) - Depending on the interpretation, she is either like Damian (a person that fell off from their respective faction) or like Edgar (a spy seeking Micolash and traces of his crimes, since Byrgenwerth, Lecture Hall and Nightmare of Mensis are basically different stops of the same bus lol)

Chapel Dweller and Arianna - A character with a Pthumerian heritage which regular people in Yharnam seem to not like and even item description say something shitty about them, yet the player can see with their own eyes they're very sweet people.

____________________

Okay so

1) Yeah, like I suspected, in many cases a trope or an archetype that male character has is shared by a female character very closely! The reason there is no parallel for everyone is because there are just less female characters, in amount!

2) I'd say that lessened investment in female characters that share a trope is to be blamed on these characters having less lore and dialogue..... if it was true, lol. ASS you can see, they tend to have the same amount of lore and potential; except for Henriett having 0 verbal or described lore compared to Gascoigne, and except for Henryk having no dialogue when Eileen has plenty. But even then first, Henryk being silent is his character, and second, I still see more stuff for Henryk in the fandom than for Eileen.

2.1) Micolash is, however, hard to replace if someone is looking for a combination of "madness" AND evil xd But normally people are invested in a way more sympathetic and humane portrayal of him, or the period in timeline when he used to be not so bad but just a weirdo nerd, so.....

3) Maria is somewhat an exception from 'less investment in female characters than male ones of the same archetype' rule... But at the same time, she is a "poster girl" (aka most creations for her are simply drawings celebrating her aesthetic (fair enough)), and explorations of her story and character often do not go any deeper than Mariadeline fluff and/or fandomry discourse over headcanons. Mathematically, Maria and Djura get the same 'weight' of investment!

Conclusion: Yeah, there are many times when there is no excuse for ignoring a female character, "they are not the right archetype" doesn't work in Soulsborne.. It is time for female blorbos rise

#no this post was not made specifically for Crow despite what you might believe fdhhfdshs #bloodborne #use later #bloodborne observation #fandomry rambles #I didn't mention how Iosefka and Damian are the same character with different gender simply because-#-Damian's personality being drastically similar is just my headcanon #I do see them as similar type of a character who is very soft and caring but CAN be strict if you act like a binch

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orchideae · 5 months

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In today's episode of 'Sae, do you (...)': the topic of Ningguang and Yelan, and I thought that I should note my opinion more clearly outside of my rules as it's very important information for my portrayal: I do not ship Ningguang and Yelan romantically.

Honestly, while this is of course my own opinion, I don't find that there's anything to really substantiate a romantic interest between the two. For starters, I don't think that Ning, as interesting of a character as she is with a past that might just be similar in its 'rise' to Yelan's (we're left with very little information on the latter's childhood), ticks the right kind of boxes for her, though to be fair: not many do. Yelan craves a specific sort of thrill in her life, I mean she lives it at the roll of a dice because she is, on some level, bored, and craves the unexpected, the unusual, the 'surprise', and Ningguang's life nor personality seem to play into that. Beyond it, Yelan would need a kinship within this very specific 'loneliness' that I talk about too often and I think that Ning is not one who quite meshes into that in the right way.

Second, despite their long-standing history that even predates their mutual involvement with the Qixing, there seems to be a certain professional distance between the two that I'm quite fond of that is shown in brief event cutscenes, and also Yelan's vision story, that I find inherently intriguing. Perhaps this distance plays more into Yelan's character of not investing too heavily, or rather not too easily, into social dynamics than it does Ning's (I'm not one to weigh in on her character), but it seems evident to me that there's also that semblance of professionalism that creates a line that takes away the possibility of growing closer on an emotional level. And whether that's a mutual decision or not is not up to me to judge, but I think it's one that's made rather clearly from Yelan's side. On top of that, Yelan is Yelan and it's my personal belief that shipping her is rather difficult.

Now I'm also inherently of the opinion (unpopular, I know, I apologize) that dynamics aren't always more interesting when written in romantic settings, and I don't think it's a benefit for all of them to veer into a romantic nature. And in my opinion (and most importantly: in my depiction and understanding of Yelan's character), I think that having Ning and Yelan cross the line from professionalism into something inherently more rooted in romanticism, would be a detriment to their dynamic. Because honestly, I think the fact that Ningguang being one of two people (other being Uncle Tian) to know Yelan best, without ever crossing that line, is too good. I would simply, well, just prefer to keep that not only platonic, but professional, but of course not excluding it of Yelan's quips, and the occasional 'confidant' element.

/rambles in tags because I feel like I have more to say that I shouldn't flood the post with.

#[ psa. ] seeing isn't always believing. and if you can't trust your eyes; you certainly can't trust rumors.#[ also; and this is where you'll learn more about my 'single-ship' self-- i love the concept of ningguang and beidou. ]#[ and i wouldn't want to take away from that dynamic /in my own head/. it's not about what others do/see/view. but about my own head. ]#[ if i did ship it-- it'd counter that dynamic and i don't like that (again: in my own brain). ]#[ i'm an odd rper in that sense; but i almost have difficulty straying from this... single verse concept. ]#[ in my head i tie specific characters to other specific characters after a lot of thought and i don't commit to those thoughts easily. ]#[ but then i construct this entire huge narrative in my head that's almost like its own book. ]#[ and so i can't easily 'copy' that multiple times for multiple ships. does that make sense? ]#[ but /because/ i do that-- i heavily scrutinize dynamics across the board and it's where a lot of my enjoyment as a writer comes from. ]#[ these analyses of specific characters and dynamics. why are they the way that they are? ]#[ it's psychology. i love it. it's not just saying 'i love finding out what makes characters tick' but it's actively really going... ]#[ 'yeah okay i could ship these-- but is there basis for it and /why/ and /in what capacity/ and specifically: /would they decide to/? ]#[ sometimes i tell myself that i'm not made for rp'ing because i'm too analytical meshed in with too much emotion. ]#[ because i get too invested. ]#[ but i just-- i don't know. i wanted to kind of explain why pointing stuff like this out is important to me and my portrayal. ]#[ especially for yelan who has such a... god; it's almost an unhealthy headspace. you can't mesh that with just anyone. ]#[ the person has to /really get it/ and understand it almost on this level that isn't logical for most humans. because it's unusual. ]#[ but it's important that it's understood /by another human being/. ]#[ and i also think some people genuinely don't mesh in /that/ way. some can mesh perfectly platonically in my head and then... ]#[ not at all romantically. but when /my head/ has decided that this is how it is-- i respect when people disagree; i do. ]#[ i will never say that my opinions are the be all end all for other yelans or even yelan's character in specific. ]#[ as much as i like to think i analyze-- /i could be wrong/. ]#[ but all in all; i do respect if people disagree. but there's just certain opinions i have for my own portrayal that i need to note. ]#[ but also-- a little explanation as to why i'm single-ship more often than not. i wish i could budge how my brain works. but alas. ]#[ /sips coffee past midnight. ]#[ it's been a day. it really has been a day; i need to make my own serotonin tomorrow. i miss writing. ]

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jacksprostate · 2 months

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Do you like classical music? What are your favorite pieces?

Decently; I was a Band Kid back in the day lol so instrumental stuff has been a decent chunk of my life. I don't really listen to any of the classical greats or anything niche because I'm teeeerrible about finding new music in general much less like that; unfortunately, I've heard a lot of really good classical and jazz, but it's pretty hard to identify and retain songs (not to mention the difference of live vs recording), so all I've got is pretty well known recommendations haha. That said, they're still enjoyable and I recommend them both to people with classical and jazz exposure and people without.

Holst's suite The Planets is something I imagine everyone sort of interested in classical style music (feels weird to say. Not classical period but You Know What I Mean) already knows but they're damn good and I recommend anyone who hasn't listened to them, do so. They're essentially the blueprint for movie scores, to the point that *cough* some people just blatantly copy them *cough starwars cough*. Among those, beyond crowd favorites of Mars and Jupiter, I'm really partial to Saturn but suuuper picky about which recording I listen to for it. This is the one I like (though I recommend listening to other tracks I've linked here before this one because it's just. a lot of investment):

It's a little more uptempo than I prefer for the piece but the ending is fucking exquisite, man. A lot of recordings will have one or two musicians slide just slightly out of tune or a bit of a hard tongue and on a piece like this it's super noticable to me (in other times not at all lmao, this makes me sound like a snob), but this one is CLEAN. I'd kill to experience this in person

Otherwise, I generally prefer another album. I made myself a playlist with that album but the Saturn track is swapped with the one above, which I'll link here:

Dvorak's New World Symphony's 4th movement is fun too. I'd say it also falls into the genre of 'movie soundtracks got based off this so it feels more modern than it is'. It's also one of those songs that definitely is better live I can feel it in my bones where I should be feeling the low brass yk:

Beyond older stuff, I also like this piece:

And a favorite album of mine is:

Though obviously that's getting into jazzier territory. I'm kind of a sucker for more bigband type stuff. In particular I really like some latter sections in The Curtain, but really the whole album is fantastic.

Along similar lines:

I also enjoy some classic jazz standards like Take Five and In the Mood but who doesn't lmao there's a reason they're still insanely popular. Idk this shit rocks:

The upside of my instrumental music taste being very generic and friendly means if you haven't really listened to much, you should actually find something you like, here, though! If you're real in on it you can judge me for my answers but I will not listen to anything but recs.

I actually do want to explore more, especially with jazz honestly. Which I know you technically said classical music and those aren't always close things in people's heads but uhhhhhhhhhhhhh I did music theory for a bit and jazz is nuts man. If you think you don't like jazz there is 100% a genre of it that you'd be into it's so varied and cool as hell

I also want to go to (classical and jazz) concerts more. I miss live music. It really hits like nothing else. I really recommend anyone to look up local university bands and see if they have free concerts; they probably do. You don't have to really dress up or anything. I recommend going to full range ensembles over instrument specific stuff but that's just because I overwhelmingly prefer a more varied music texture and range. So stuff like jazz bands, wind ensembles, string orchestras I will technically count. Yea

#asks #i played trumpet but if I could do it all again I'd play trombone #I do not still do it #lol this got long #anyway. average former surface level band enthusiast taste

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existential-labrador · 1 year

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After a night’s sleep I am feeling bad about ranting about Hannah Waddingham’s interview because I never want to become a toxic fan.

I did and do still find her comments patronising and upsetting, not because she doesn’t apparently support Tedbecca but because the interview made it sound as though we were all being silly for being invested in it and the wording just did sound patronising. I think treating any ship that way is wrong, ships can mean an awful lot to a lot of people and media should be enjoyed and interpreted how people choose.

However, ships can become so all consuming that we can forget about the importance and brilliance of the rest of the show. I mean other shows here too not just Ted Lasso, but in regards to this show particularly, well, what a special thing it is. And what makes it so special and loved goes so far beyond ships so we (myself included) need to remind ourselves of that.

I think it’s also important to note that what we saw of this interview could have been taken out of context and that we can be very quick to judge when it comes to interview snippets, good and bad and when it comes to media in general.

I also just saw a very interesting post (from @kalinara ) about this and pointing out that perhaps cast members shouldn’t be asked about ships and pairings to begin with. On the one hand I’ve seen a lot of cast members in other shows really lean into ships and indulge the fans, but that can’t be easy to do all the time and must get exhausting. It’s not up to the cast what happens and must be so frustrating to be presented with the same questions over and over. Especially when Hannah’s character represents so much more than a love interest. None of the (main) characters on this show especially, should just be reduced to that.

Perhaps she didn’t mean it that way or was caught at a bad moment or perhaps it was taken out of context. Or perhaps she did mean it and as much as that would upset me, I need to remind myself that this wasn’t a personal attack and that I don’t actually have a dialogue with these people. They are just doing their jobs and trying they’re best and you know what, they’re only human. And they try their best to do so much for fans but fans can be seriously intense, I know I can be. And as the aforementioned post also pointed out, they are trapped as soon as they are asked that question aren’t they? Whatever they end up saying will probably end up upsetting someone! They can’t win.

I didn’t intend to say anything that was a personal attack on Hannah when I was ranting last night but if it came across that way then I am sorry for it. These things should never turn into personal attacks on cast members or any of the team. It’s turned me away from portions of fandoms before and it’s something I truly despise.

I think it’s okay to be upset and to feel things and to process, we’re only human too! So I hope no-one takes this as me preaching and judging them, because this is about me reflecting on my own behaviour more than anything.

But I think this whole thing has made me realise how easy it is to fall into that trap of toxicity and going forward, I am gonna be more careful.

I am so, so deeply in love with this ship yes (and will still remain so, intensely, til my dying day) but I am also so deeply in love with this show, these characters, this cast, these creators. I am going to really try to enjoy all of it, not just the ship however it turns out. And I am going to keep choosing to be kind, hopefully in general, but especially when it comes to this show.

#ted lasso #hannah waddingham #tedbecca

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killemwithkawaii · 1 year

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HEYA SENPAI 💅💅💅 So I recently saw Popcorn's ask and want to admit that I too am into stuffing in a fetish way! I wanted to ask if you were into it too, since I noticed that you didn't say! It's totally fine if you're not, or don't wanna answer it, since it can take lots of courage to admit something like that. It personally took me about seven years to admit anything to anyone, when I first realized my super-secret kink. So, what do you think about it? Are you invested in it yourself? - 🍡

>🍿 ANON YOU HEAR THAT WE FOUND YOU A KINDRED SPIRIT IN KINK IN LESS THAT 24 HOURS HOLY SHIT THIS IS BEAUTIFUL IM HONESTLY A LITTLE CHOKED UP IRL GIMME A HUG GUYS 😭🤗💖💖💖

>I'm proud of both of you tbh! It's hard to accept, love and be open about the less 'socially-acceptable' parts of yourself, especially when it comes to sexual preferences/tastes. That's a big part of this blog, and I'm happy you both feel comfortable talking about it here :D

>I did a lot of thinking about it after receiving these asks, and while I don't get any sexual gratification from stuffing, I think I do kind of enjoy it, in a way??

>I've mentioned before that one of my main love languages is feeding people- I LOVE to cook/bake for my friends and loved ones, make sure I have their favorite snacks on-hand, find out what their favorite foods are so I can find recipes and make it for them etc. One of my favorite moments in life is getting to see them try that first bite of the food I made with them in mind- when they bite into it and their eyes get wide and they stop mid-chew to take another big bite, maybe with an eye roll, and they say something like, 'oh my god, this is SO GOOD!' and they finish it right then and there. It's a major bonus if they confess to me later that they came back for seconds (or even more) because they couldn't help themselves, or, if I baked them a loaf of bread for example, they tell me they finished the whole thing in a day or two because they just couldn't stop themselves from cutting another slice! It makes me feel really good to know that they enjoyed it so much that hunger wasn't really a factor in eating it, they just ate it because it was so delicious and enjoyable to eat.

>I would LOVE to cook or bake something special for Sally, see him have that 'this is so good!' moment, and watch him help himself to more until he realizes he miiight have overdone it a little and ends up in a mild food coma (maybe with an undone belt to complete the vibe). I think it would be really cute, and it would make me really happy knowing he enjoyed the food I made for him so much that he kind of forgot himself for a minute ^w^

>However, I don't think I'd want to encourage/force him to eat more than he wants to, have him be seriously uncomfortable or in pain because he's so full, or want him to gain a visible amount of weight because of how much he's eating, and it's definitely more an affectionate/romantic thing than a sexual thing for me.

>But, I can definitely understand how it could be, and wouldn't judge you and 🍿 anon at all for enjoying the things I listed above that I wouldn't personally enjoy. From what I understand, the appeal of stuffing (sexual or otherwise) is indulgence in a pleasurable innate behavior (eating) beyond basic need (satisfaction of hunger), sometimes to the point that the pleasure results in displeasure (feeling stuffed). It can also result in immobilization (similar to the appeal of bondage) and gives a feeling of control and/or being a good provider for the feeder, as well as a feeling of being controlled and/or being taken care of for the feedee. These are all very basic elements of BDSM/kink, and I think it's pretty natural that our basic needs (such as eating and making sure our loved ones are fed) would get mixed with sexual feelings. 👍

>This was a very interesting self-examination for me and an honestly fascinating dive into a kink I hadn't given much thought to! I'd love to hear more thoughts from you both (what you specifically find appealing about stuffing, if you'd like to share any scenarios/imagines now that you know you've got a fellow kinkster to talk with, if I hit the mark with this examination, etc.) or if anybody else would like to confess/discuss their kinks, I'm very open to that as well! c:

>You have officially been added to the Anon signoff claim list, 🍡 anon! Welcome to the club! ^^

#k.e.w.k. answers #🍡 anon #grapefruit #lime #i am such a dork for the psychology/sociology of sex and kink guys holy shiiiit #now im off to imagine snuggling Sal while he snoozes off a food coma my cooking put him in see y'all tomorrow~#sorry steve

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boleynqueenes · 3 months

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Being as you are someone who writes about Anne Boleyn, I must ask you, which are your favorite portrayals of Anne Boleyn? I mean fiction (novels, film, tv) but also non-fiction. And, do you feel your fav portrayals have influenced you in the way you write Anne and her story? Your least favorite ones, do they have an influence too? Which ones are they? Thanks

If there's one with zero merit and/or minimal entertainment value I won't include it on the list, I'll say I'll ** = my absolute favourites and * = my compelling in some aspects, but tread with caution, and those sort of in between I'll leave alone.

Or rather, let's put it another way...* is worth a library rental or free Kindle borrow, whichever you have available, and ** is worth an actual purchase. Those without *...eh, I'll leave it to you.

The Challenge of Anne Boleyn, Hester Chapman*

Adultery, Heresy, and Desire, Amy Licence*

Raven's Widow, Adrienne Dillard**

Jane Boleyn, Julia Fox**

Among the Wolves, Lauren Mackay*

Queens of Henry VIII, David Starkey*

The Story of the Death of Anne Boleyn, Translation, Edition, and Essays by Joann DellaNeva**

The Lady Elizabeth, Alison Weir*

Renaissance Prince, Lisa Hilton*

Hunting the Falcon, John Guy & Julia Fox**

The Life & Death of Anne Boleyn, Eric Ives**

Tudors in Love, Sarah Gristwood

Tudor England: A History, Lucy Wooding**

Children of Henry VIII, John Guy*

Henry VIII by Lucy Wooding**

The Other Boleyn Girl, Philippa Gregory*

The Lady in the Tower, Alison Weir*

The Lady Anne (Book 2 of 5 of Above All Others series) by Gemma Lawrence**

Judge the Best (Book 2 of 5 of Above All Others series) by Gemma Lawrence**

Threads by Nell Gavin*

In the Shadow of Lions, Ginger Garrett*

Tarnish by Katherine Longshore*

Brazen by Katherine Longshore

Anne & Henry by Dawn Ius*

Wife after Wife by Olivia Hayfield*

The King's Mind by Christopher Rae**

The Concubine by Christopher Rae**

VIII by HM Castor

Queenbreaker by Catherine McCarran

The Tudors (2007-)**

The Lovers Who Changed History (2014)**

Anne Boleyn miniseries (2021)**

Blood, Sex & Royalty (2022)**

I Am Henry: A Compelling Novel of Anne Boleyn and Henry VIII (2023)

And, do you feel your fav portrayals have influenced you in the way you write Anne and her story? Your least favorite ones, do they have an influence too? Which ones are they? Thanks

Pieces from everything influence me, Christopher Rae's and Gemma Lawrence's novels, for example, both had some of the best and credible portrayals of Henry Norris I've ever read, both in credible unrequited love (tying into, Anne's wariness thereof) that was forged into a weapon against him and for why he became such a favourite of HVIII's in the first place (would've included Jeff Lavender's thesis of Norris also, had you asked for beyond fiction and non-fiction books). The best parts of all of the above have inspired me to craft AB as a character at turns, sympathetic and unsympathetic: proud, courageous, intelligent, zealous, prudent (more in the 16c sense than 21c), fierce, jealous, sensitive, vindictive, unyielding, talented, compassionate, bold, spirited, pious, impassioned, loyal, loving ...somebody who inspired either complete devotion or implacable hatred, with very little in between, and felt comparable extremes towards her own family, friends, and adversaries.

From my least favourite...I try to remember that every choice she made was morally defensible and/or justifiable, from her own perspective, regardless of whether or not it actually was (and of course, they weren't always). I try to remember also that fear and insecurity can best explain some of her less palatable choices, as enumerated here. Basically, just that she was human and flawed, but also that there were many people personally (and often, religiously) invested in magnifying her flaws and reducing, or even outright omitting, her strengths. Obviously, that misogyny can also be a factor in some of her portrayals, is a salient remembrance to keep in mind, as well.

#pls don't judge me for some of these lol #they are all my choices for entertainment and readability #and there are actually elements of tobg i really enjoy wrt anne's characterization that if excerpted i might actually love #i love how clear-eyed ; erudite ; ambitious and passionate she was #the film adaptation is sort of like a pale reflection of that in many ways . until the one horrible SA scene the film was actually like...#not bad i just think hviii was poorly cast . the physicality but not the charisma #or just loving the dialogue #and you did specifically say for understanding /enjoying ab as a figure/ character. not necessarily the the others in her sphere #threads im going to add sa tw and also it's really only the chapters of 16c AB which had any merit #and the same sa tw for dawn ius #also technically tobg novel even if not the same as in film #she portrays mary as 13/14 so..#in some of these like TLE and HVIII her appearance is VERY brief or ancillary but i still loved #also sa tw for TLE . damn . why is this so prevalent in tudor fiction....#anon #i mean jealous in two senses of the word also:#protective and mistrustful of unfaithfulness #both understandable traits for her to have in the circumstances she was in #my least favorites are ig TOBG even tho it's technically on this list-- lol-- altho it's way more entertaining than like #TKO by alison weir and honestly also TiL in some aspects #but somehow TLE and TiL both were better than TKO and her six wives book and also her hviii and court book #the king's damsel by kate emerson.... the concubine by norah lofts...jean plaidy...margaret george

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dieuleveut · 4 months

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January 6th, 2024

happy new year!

sheesh where to start?

on January 2nd, a girl named Rachel reached out to me on Instagram.

Hi Juliet,

Not sure if you’ve ever been romantically involved with Gaige, but me and a number of women have come forward with information on his serial cheating for the past 4+ years. We’ll be meeting to share our stories and gain some level of closure from these situations.

Wishing you a blessed 2024,

Rachel

I got this message literally on my way to the company trip in Las Vegas. At first i thought this was some kind of spam, but with Gaige’s name dropped, it was factually real. Couldn’t believe it. I mean, i absolutely could but still. the events unfolding themselves were no less surprising to hear about.

Of course i responded truthfully. That Gaige and I had been sleeping together on and off for the past year and a half. Apparently this information lines up with another girl that he was in a relationship with.

There’s been a lot of supportive and open back and forth with Rachel. We’re sharing what we both know, about the cheating history and about Gaige’s person.

So far the names on the roster that Rachel has dropped are Wendy, Tiffany, Joanne, Cindy, Sue, Rose… I don’t personally have the full picture and timeline of events, but judging by the size of the roster alone is insane to me.

I’m not taking this as personally as I could be. Thank god that Gaige and I never became anything serious. So this to me doesn’t constitute as cheating or lying, though it certainly completes the picture of him being a shady white guy with an asian fetish. But still!! I got myself involved with another fucking cheater. He may not have cheated on me, but he’s a CHEATER. It’s unforgivable even as an accident, let alone as a multi-offender with manipulation tactics and intention. It’s beyond fucked up what he is doing to so many (asian) women.

AND this man is having/insisting on unprotected sex with Rachel. She mentioned that she got infections that she normally wouldn’t get aside from being with him. I thank god that he and I used condoms, but holy shit on top of being a malicious, manipulative cheater, he’s psychotically putting his victims at risk of disease and pregnancy??

Rachel is in cahoots with some of the other women involved, but I think that since my involvement with him wasn’t too serious, my involvement in the accountability plan might be optional. I’m going to give her some space with all the information that i had and dropped on her, and let her reach out if there is anything she needs from me.

As much as i would love to see the conclusion of this for story’s sake, i really am not that invested in him and perhaps it would be healthy to keep a good distance from the explosion that that conclusion would be.

—

The Vegas trip with all the Baron people was… interesting to say the least.

I picked up Lizzie and Denise on Tuesday and we drove there together. Lizzie is hoping to see absolutely no one we know there. We get into the hotel without a hitch around 6pm, and wait patiently for the group dinner plan at 8pm.

Everyone else rolls in a little later, and we eventually get into Ramsay’s Kitchen for dinner. Oh my god it was so mid?? for $150, we got a singular bite of salmon, a delicious crab cake, a mushy risotto, a SALTY beef wellington, and a crazy too sweet toffee pudding. Overall meal wasn’t bad, but I was super picky considering the price and the reputation of Gordon Ramsay’s cooking. Needless to say, I was a bit disappointed.

Then we all went back to the hotel to chill. Smoke weed, drink, hang out. That was a pretty fun time with all the girl being kooky and Denise or Jenny occasionally busting a move.

We woke up casually the next day, with no early morning plans. Denise, Lizzie and I opt for a place called Hash House a Go Go. I don’t think those two care for American food, but they weren’t very decisive for anything else so that was the option I suggested we go with.

After a late lunch, we head back to the hotel room to wait and get ready for the company dinner. Company dinner was fine, the food was WAY better than Ramsay’s. maybe because the price point was free, and there was no reputation to judge. But the portions were huge and flavors so much more cohesive.

After dinner, we went to the Cosmopolitan for a clubbing night. It was HORRIFYING. Insanely crowded and the drinks were criminally overpriced. So we all ended up smushed in a tiny dance floor, completely sober.

We all eventually ubered back to the hotel, where the plan was to just smoke weed in someone’s room and rot the night away. But apparently one lone girl got left behind at the club. None of the girls I was with knew who she was. So I’m frustrated because which one of her actual friends fucking left her behind?

So we’re stuck waiting up for this girl to find her way back to the hotel, and my energy to party was buzzed so hard, all i wanted to do was sleep in my room.

The night is basically another night in the hotel. No socializing or partying with people we knew outside of our friend group.

I’m a little irked with my friends tbh. I understand we’re all introverts and socially anxious, but they themselves complained about being isolated from Baron. It has to be partially on them, doesn’t it? If they actively are not participating in the vibe, if they actively avoid people, how will other Baron people make them feel welcome?

Another thing that bothered me, was that this group of people are INSANELY indecisive or inactive. Like, when it came to actually planning anything, it was on me to decide the plan. Lizzie and Denise would say “we’re down for whatever” or “I don’t care what we do” but when an actual suggestion was given, they clearly had preferences.

I just wish that they were straightforward with their preferences so that we could have an actual discussion about what the plan should be. I wish they were more proactive about what they wanted to happen. I decided to be more laidback about this trip, not planning anything exactly and not being particular about any kind of schedule.

But i think that stressed me out more than it helped. The people pleaser in me wasn’t able to figure if people were happy doing nothing or if they actually wanted to do something. Overall, if i ever hang out with these girls again, i might have to be more aggressive with my planning activities in order for ME to have a good time. If they don’t like it, then they’ll have to learn to speak up. Because it drives me crazy to try and read people. probably because i’m a little autistic guys.

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4e7her · 1 year

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I am here to humbly request a yuujirou lore drop

🛹

hey skateboard anon!!! nice 2 hear from you hope ur doing well! <3

hm…. yuuji lore that hasn’t already been revealed…. that won’t reveal too much. inchresting. cue me frantically looking through his 4.4k word character sheet

let’s go over his zodiac, mbti, and archetypes. that shouldn’t be too telling. maybe not exactly what you wanted but definitely shows more about his character

so yuuji was born october 10th, meaning he’s a libra. this, for him, gives him a surprising investment into how others see him. of course, he doesn’t usually actively try to change peoples opinions if he finds their reason for disliking him stupid, but there is a reason behind his politeness.

his handler at the facility was very adamant he knew how to act properly, but beyond that, yuujirou naturally has a need to be respectful to everyone.

he doesn’t enjoy being a ‘fixer’ or a ‘peacemaker’, which will definitely show during the overblots. he’s very good at fighting, though, and as an ambush predator he becomes a natural choice for dealing with them. it’s just a question as to how sane crowley is when the interactions afterwards happen.

yuujirous mbti is istj-a, which is: introverted, sensing, thinking, judging. for him, it shows up as always having his own way of doing something - istj’s are typically incredibly organized, which yuuji will say is true for him, but it doesn’t look like it from an outside perspective.

he’s reliable and likes having a sense of duty, especially when it come to taking care of others. though introverted, he usually doesn’t really mind being around a lot of people, so long as he’s not the center of attention.

he appreciates predictable routines, and prefers to use the same methods he was originally taught vs learning new ones. he’s quite headstrong, and has a surprising amount of attention to detail, enjoying tasks that take an unusual amount of dedication.

and then there’s his character archetypes - he’s a caregiver and an explorer. i’m sure he could also be assigned more, but those are general and will be true for him no matter what’s going on around him.

caregivers are motivated by stability and control, wanting to care for those around them and protect people from harm. protecting those weaker, ill, or simply in need of it was something his mother pushed very strongly and something he took to heart.

explorers, on the other hand, are motivated by independence and fulfillment. they want to have the freedom to explore the world as they want, including their own identity. yuujirou spent a good part of his childhood just wandering - it should be natural that being pinned in one place makes him antsy.

#skateboard anon my beloved #aether's ocs

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aerial-ace97 · 2 years

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This is going to be an unpopular opinion but I don’t really love that Stranger Things has become just a straight out horror show. And this is absolutely a personal thing and arguably an issue with me as a consumer than with the show itself but I still feel like a valid interpretation.

I don’t mind horror myself, but my family is not really a fan. And back in season one this was a show that I could introduce to them without that being much of an issue. It had horror elements to it, but it was mostly charming and utilizing a more lovecraftian sense of eeriness to it that didn’t fixate on this kinda... gore porn. And steadily as the seasons have gone on, the horror elements have continued to kick up. Never though was it to this extremity. It was self-referential and never really about lets make a good horror show but rather about making an interesting blend of 80s culture, D&D, and horror ‘concepts’. And the former two were filled with so much charm that it hooked into a lot of people who were never really horror fans but could enjoy it as it was blended in.

None of those elements came to the extreme as we are seeing in season 4 though, where the show has elevated beyond reference and decided that it wants to be as gruesome as any of the heavy hitters. For... very little reason. And yes, the horror elements are definitely still references but they are an uncomfortable departure from season 1 where only four named characters died. And this is their choice but it feels as though it was a poorly marketed and advertised experience. It feels as though it no longer cares about the people who were on the fringes of horror and watched the show more for the characters than the over the top violence, which was a huge reason for the shows original success. It still has charm, in my opinion, though the rest of my family disagrees and I kind of can see there point when you book end both of your first two episodes with these scenes, leaving a bad taste in your mouth, as that is what you think about in the recount. And I do also think some of the charm doesn’t work anymore. Some new characters are bringing it but others like *sigh* Mike are really bringing it down.

And number two, this isn’t some criticism that is born out of someone who isn’t used to horror either. Admittedly, I’ve never been into visual horror but I listen to podcasts, read books, and play games that are horror all the time. Mostly I listen to things like Magnus Archives or Archive 81 and get most invested into cosmic horror or Lovecraftian genres (those are technically 2 different things that feed into each other) and my latest questline in my D&D campaign is heavily inspired by weird fiction horror. But I also just... don’t think the horror in Stranger Things this season is very good. Like it’s hard for me to criticize because I am not into slasher horror gore porn type horror, which if you are all power to you. I ain’t trying to judge. But I felt like the show did horror better when it was psychological or in the background, more akin to lovecraftian style when the motivations of the things were far more unknown. This happened a bit with season 3, but we’ve reached a point now where the pulling back of the veil on these things is becoming less interesting than the theories everyone could have thought up for these mysteries (a common issue with this style of story telling) and the monsters to me have gotten a bit too... tangible and by that in my opinion actually less scary.

I don’t know. I understand this is an opinion that is probably fairly limited. But I really enjoyed watching this as a sit down family show, which yeah I do think you could do once upon a time, and now the show has reached a point where that it is losing that spark.

#Stranger Things #Horror

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lifeisnebulous · 2 years

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5/20/22

I’m alive! It was a pretty short hike and not a lot of elevation gain. It turned out to be a perfect hike to test my body. We will see how I feel tomorrow. I can definitely feel it in my lower back right now. I really can’t figure out if this stretching exercises I have been doing are helping or not. I feel more flexible but it doesn’t seem like it’s done anything to help with the pain. I am almost curious if it’s making it worse. I’ll keep it up for now, I can’t imagine it’s actually bad for me.

The hike was a lot of fun. I thought about why I enjoy hiking with them so much and I’m not sure I really have one answer. Part of it is just being out in nature. It definitely feeds my soul and I can feel it. Like it helps center me and bring me back down from everything else that spins around in my head. There was this one spot on the trail where rain was lightly falling on the leaves and I asked them to stop for a minute on the way up and the way back down in that spot just so I could listen. I thought to myself that I just wanted to stay there. It filled me with peace and contentment. Another reason I enjoy hiking with them so much is the are the same kind of hikers as me. Justina and Christina are VERY different personalities. Justina would pick the hardest trails and try to beat her best time. Christina is a much more mellow hiker and doesn’t want to do anything crazy. I kind of sit in the middle. I love a tough hike but I don’t want to rush. And the three of us kind of blend together very well on the trails. All three of us are like little kids and we stop a million times to take pictures or look at something interesting. Another reason I enjoy hiking with them so much is our conversations. They range from talking about very surface level stuff to much deeper conversations. We all joke with each other a lot the whole time and we just like to be silly and have fun. I was telling them about this book I’m reading and how we have this inner child that we are afraid to show the rest of the world and I like that I don’t feel judged by them and I can let a little of that child out around them. And I saved this last reason for last because it’s not the most important but there is a physical element to our hikes. It’s nothing dirty but they are both touchy people. They both work as massage therapists so I guess that comes with their jobs. But it was nice to just be touched by a woman in an affectionate way. And I think that is one of the other reasons I like hiking with them a lot too. Again, it’s not sexual but just loving and affectionate hugs or holding arms but it feels nice like they care. I like our little traditions with the hikes too. We always meet at Justina’s house and every time we see each other we all smile and you can just sense how happy we are to see each other again. I like that we always start early in the morning. We always pack snacks and eat at the peak. I always make the comment that a breakfast burrito sounds amazing. We always go and get something to eat after the hike. It’s just a lot of fun and makes me very happy.

After the hike, I went and worked out. The gym was a complete zoo today. I truly hate teenage boys. They are the dumbest and most self absorbed demographic that exists. And there is so much ego and bravado it’s beyond retarded. There really isn’t enough mental and emotional investment poured into adolescent boys. Look at the news and it is obvious that they are the most dysfunctional demographic. I took it very slow and easy in the gym.

After that I went and returned the rental car and then just relaxed and watched TV. I started watching Flight Attendant and the first season was odd but also good.

Overall, it was a good day and I felt happy and fulfilled today. I felt less alone and that feels nice. And I feel like I accomplished a lot today which also felt good. Now I’m off to read and sleep. Good night.

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aetherarf · 3 years

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For Crow Anon!

[[ Crow Hybrid!Reader, Summary: You didn't want to hide your own features, but... Well, those who were wholly human ended up judging you over it. At least you could pass as human most of the time, but it got harder to hide it... especially when you had a partner. You just wanted to toy and play with your countless shiny trinkets, with no shame, only to get caught...

Total Word Count: 2'227

Scaramouche Word Count: 1'317

Zhongli Word Count: 910 ]]

Scaramouche

"Where in the world...?"

He had been looking for you, you hadn't come home, worst of all, he even got you that pretty, expensive necklace that you insisted you didn't want, but you stared at with wide eyes every single time you walked by the display holding it, and he wanted to bring you out to dinner and offer it to you then... But you just didn't come home.

Would he admit that he was scared something happened to you and he would raise rip both the Abyss and Celestia to shreds than to let something happen to you?

No, but he absolutely would do it.

So, following the hear-say of people who had seen you, until he had been walking amongst several ice-covered hills, having been said that you went in that direction--alone shockingly.

He was shaking from the bitter cold, bundled up--most wouldn't recognize him as the Sixth Harbinger right now, he almost looked like a cold child wandering around alone in the cold. He felt ridiculous, but it was worth the shame to ensure you're safety.

He saw... some light. A hole in the side of the icy hills. If nothing else, he was going to hide from the bitter chill for a few moments if you weren't in there.

He walked in, and...

He stared.

He marveled.

It opened up, quickly, after the initial entrance, and were it not for the light from inside, he would have passed by it. There was... countless things piled around, he distantly thought of a dragon and its hoard. He crouched down, looking at one of the few piled--Shiny mora, of which many seemed freshly minted, or freshly shined. Some were just shiny stones that were quite nice to look at, if he was honest, some jewelry, some of which had dulled metals but fine gems, or dull gems and fine metal...

He stood back up, looking around.

It felt... silly? Oh, someone could easily invest all of this, but it felt like a child's wonderland, where they would store all their treasures.

But it wasn't a child's wonderland, he discovered, upon hearing you gasp, and he turned to look at you, and he...

Again, he marveled.

You were very much you, but countless features pointed that you were no longer human, or at least, you didn't look the part. Fluffy feathers that shone with iridescent colors in the right light, hands darker with nails that looked more like claws...

he took a step closer,

"What," he said, softly, "What happened? You look--"

"Different, I know," you cut him off, terrified of his response, "Freakish, monstrous, horrifying... I... I didn't want you to see." You admitted, not wanting to hear what insults he'd throw at you.

But there were no insults, he just... blinked, shocked.

"You didn't want me to see? What, do you think I'd suddenly stop caring about you if you looked... like this?" He said, venom on his tone, but it was only defensiveness, and perhaps concern. "That doesn't answer... well, anything. Why do you look like that?" He asked, nearly demanding.

"This is..." you hesitating, "What I normally look like. I... I just hid it from you."

"Why?" He asked, "Why would you hide it from me?" Scaramouche was more insulted than anything--yes, he didn't have the nicest voice and he was oftentimes harsh and insulting...

But he did try to be kind and loving. Even if he was snappy, with you it meant nothing, and he was bad with words, but ...was his displays of affection not enough?

"I just," you fumbled out, looking for your words, "No... Wait, I... I'm not making something up, I'm-I'm just panicking," you blubbered out, tearing up... And be sighed, walking closer to you-

And he just cupped your jaw with his hands, using his thumb to wipe away a few tears that trickled down your cheek.

"You're afraid of being insulted or mistreated, blah blah... I get it, and..." He hesitated, "I'm hurt you didn't tell me, but I can't say it changed... What I think about you."

'How I love you', the words went unspoken.

He let one hand fall to your shoulder, and his other hand gestured to the massive trove of shiny treasures, "However ... What the fuck is this?!" He asked, baffled, even now, at the scene before him.

Your feathers fluffed up, and for a moment, you managed to be taken aback by your own collection, "I've collected all this!" You gestured, dramatically... But remembered the shock in his voice, and almost curled in on yourself, making yourself look small .. afraid.

"I," you said, slowly, "I just... Didn't want you to deal with it, so ... I keep it pretty far from everyone."

To that, he sighed softly, looking over the scene of your treasures once again.

"And here I was," he began, pulling a small box out of his pocket, "Hunting you down because I thought you were hurt." He tossed the small box onto one of the many piles, "And you were just having fun."

You all but scrambled over to the box, struggling to open it with your claws, until...

Oh.

He got...

It was a necklace. The one you looked at over and over. It was expensive, but so beautiful and... Shiny.

"You," you said, softly, "You got me the necklace."

He just... Shrugged. "It's nothing compared to this," he huffed, almost a laugh as he looked down at his feet, "You just... Seemed interested."

You struggled more than you'd like to admit to get it out of its casing, temporarily abandoning the box as you got it out.

"I am! I am... Oh, it's so pretty..." You dangled it before your own face, mesmerized...

"You don't have to act dramatic," there was a degree of scorn in his voice, "It's just a trinket."

"No, no, it's not! I--Look, this is all money or... Shiny things, like-" you reached down and grabbed a gem from the ground, a quartz that was almost like a weapon, "I can't bring a lot with me, and I feel so... Discomforted, without something to toy with," you set down the gem, and your gaze, returned to the necklace, "But this.. oh... It's wonderful... And people wouldn't look twice, they wouldn't look at me like a freak for having this!" You cried out, blissfully, "I love it, I do, it's my favorite treasure..." You held it to your chest... And he sighed.

"Dramatic," he sighed, lovingly, "Alright... I don't like you going so far from everyone, it's not... Safe." He looked at the cave, "How about I get something in place so you can have your little hoard... Near our home?" He asked, and you were... Shocked. But a good shocked.

"Really?" You asked, "You're... Okay with this?"

"Of course," he said, "Everyone has a vice, something that gets them through the day, Tartaglia has violence, Signora has her vanity, I have my general rage and knitting..."

"Wait, you knit?"

He stared at you, with a completely unreadable expression for a few seconds.

"no. As I was saying, we have something. You have this, and... Well, I don't want you to feel like you have to hide it from me. I don't want you to hide from me, either," He examined your form, in all its... Unique beauty.

"... Thank you, Scara." You said, softly.

"... Right," he looked away, unsure how to respond, "For now, let's go home. I'm cold." He complained, bitterly.

"Can we bring some of this home?" You looked to your hoard, "I've always been so scared of losing it..." You admitted.

"... Alright. We can come back tomorrow, too. I don't think the spare room is big enough for all of it, but it should be good until I can figure something else out..."

He was already planning the best solution to letting you save every little mora you've stowed away...

Zhongli

Jueyun Karst wasn't exactly the best location--Under the mountain, of which plants that rooted deeply and seeped a honey-colored liquid that could encase full people within a matter of minutes, but it was safe. No one came out this far, and long walk from the Harbor was a pain, but...

You sighed, relieved as you looked upon the piles of objects, from coins to gems to honestly just random objects most would have abandoned and forgotten, but you wanted to keep, if only because you knew they would be alone in the world, but undeserving of being forgotten with its subtle beauty...

...

Maybe you were projecting a little, but you figured it was alright. Not like anyone would see you like this, save for those who were truly desperate or brave to seek out the adepti.

You wondered if you, yourself, were simply desperate or brave, hiding everything so far from the human world, to have your own safety, as you lie within the piles of shiny objects, lifting one hand and a handful of objects, watching as they fell back to the ground, some between your fingers, some off to the sides...

it felt good to let go, to no longer refine your body to what appeared most human. Not that it hurt, but... it was like not bending your knees when you walked, capable, but it felt awkward and odd and after awhile it ached, and you wanted nothing more than to rest...

"... Love?"

You jerked up, eyes wide open as you saw a figure standing at the entrance to your little, hidden abode, shadow casting over you as the sunlight hit its back.

"Zhon-Zhongli," you stammered out, trying to force away your feathers, your claws, but in your frazzled state, it didn't work, you wanting to sob as you failed, "You-Why are you here?" You asked, trying to do anything to distract from the situation as you barely managed to stand.

He looked around the area curiously--nothing beyond simple curiosity.

"I wanted to see the state of Jueyun Karst. You said you were leaving on a trip, so I thought it'd be a good time." He said, without a concern as he examined the area, "This... reminds me when I was young," he said, idly, crouching down and grabbing a small, blue gem, "May I ask why you're here?"

You were... confused. He seemed so lax about the situation, as though nothing was amiss.

"I..." You watched as he examined the stone, and then turned that gaze--as petrifying as it felt in this moment--back to you. "... I just, i like shiny things," You admitted, childishly, "This is a... I didn't want anyone to know, about that or about," you looked down to your chest, and gestured, "Or about me."

Zhongli nodded, "I see. Many who exist in a human world and do not exist as a human feel similarly... However, why would you hide," He gestured to the area around him, "All of this? It doesn't seem to be greed, for not everything here has... well, monetary value."

"I said," you sighed, "I just like shiny things. Have you... Never seen a bird steal a gem or a shiny pebble, just because it looked pretty?" You asked.

"Ah, so you have some avian tendencies." One second, he looked normal, the next, intricate, golden horns were set atop his head, "I am not quite human either, my dear," He said, "Only I think my existence is a little more insidious than your own." He admitted, with a painful amount of truth.

"... I suppose you do. But you were--you are loved by the people of Liyue. I'm..." You looked down at your hands, the claws that tipped your fingers, "I'm just me."

"That is where we differ, my dear," he grabbed your hand, "You say you're just you. But that's everything, you're you. Perhaps-" There was a moment of silence, "Perhaps there were those who taught you to hate yourself, either from envy or a simple lack of understanding, but there is no other you..."

You didn't really have much response, "You don't have to comfort me, you know. You wanted to live a human life," you ceased for a moment... panicking, just a little, "And I'm, uh, not a very human person to have in your life. You can just go."

You could start back from the beginning. You've done it once, you can do it again.

Zhongli stared at you, the gaze in his eyes wild and dark, as though you had both personally harmed and upset him.

"When did I say I did not wish to have you in my life?" He asked, harshly... He then cleared his throat upon realizing your discomfort, "I have many years to live, and none of them have truly been human. You bring joy to my life, and that is all I care for."

He moved forth, tilting your chin gently to press a kiss to your lips... and you sniffled.

"Do you wish to go home," he looked around him, "And bring some of this with us? It must be exhausting to keep coming back all this way."

You looked at the area around you.

"Could... could we actually?" You asked, perking up, and he just smiled sweetly.

"Of course... What better way to make my little crow happy, than to make sure they can have their hoard safe at home?"

"... Thank you, ah'Li."

"Thank you for trusting me."

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thecarnivorousmuffinmeta · 3 years

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Hi again! Honestly, I kind of love your meta about the Cullens with and without Edward as a framing device. They're so delightfully fucked up. What do you think the Cullens like about each other? Like, do Jasper and Rosalie ever just share a commiserating glance when Edward is getting particularly judge-y? Does Carlisle ever tell Rose how proud he is that her self-control is That Good? Do Emmett and Esme hang out, does she appreciate how light-hearted he is? Like - other than their "mates" do you think the Cullens are super close? What do you think it would take to get them there/what's the ideal "family" dynamic?

Thank you, and for reference, Edward's thoughts on the family.

All the Cullens about all the other Cullens? Well, this will certainly be a large post. I guess we'll tackle this one at a time and then get into what an ideal "family" dynamic even is (especially for vampires).

Let's buckle in friends.

Alice

By far, Alice is closest to Edward.

When she first sees him, she runs to him and embraces him as a brother. Throughout the series, Alice and Edward are the ones that share a close bond with each other, rely upon one another, and hold each other in the highest esteem.

Much of this comes from their respective gifts.

Per their gifts, they unwillingly invade the privacy of everyone close in their lives. More, it's something that forces them to see the world differently beyond even Jasper (who is also gifted). They have a strong sense of kinship with one another.

Bella is important to Alice not only because Alice sees her as a friend but because she is the one who will make Edward happiest. And that means quite a bit to Alice.

Otherwise, Alice isn't that close to any of the others.

Bella comes in slot number two in Alice's esteem and that's very telling, because Alice treats Bella like her life-sized Barbie doll and makes it clear on a number of occasions that she's more than willing to risk Bella's life for the sake of Edward's happiness without a hint of remorse.

Then there's the rest of them.

People, to Alice, are a bit like pawns in a chess game. Part of this is because of her gift, she sees so many futures that it's very easy for her to dehumanize those around her. The people she's closest to aren't people, but a collection of possible choices, and Alice helps guide those choices to the ones she finds preferable.

And preferable, here, is preferable to Alice. Oh, it might work out for everyone else, and Alice will tell you she looks out for the future of everyone over all, but ultimately because everyone else is just a collection of choices it's what happens to Alice that matters.

Alice is with Jasper because a vision told her to be, nothing more, nothing less. Every interaction they have just emphasizes that they are nothing together, not even a real emotional bond.

The others don't even seem to share a connection with Alice at all. She's in their lives, is this perky kind of fun girl, but that's it. They barely know her as she seems to barely know them.

Alice is with the Cullens not for the Cullens themselves but because visions have guided her to be there as the best future for her. Oh, she treats them like family, but I imagine she'd be the same with anyone else had visions dictated a different path.

As for why the Cullens, they're large and very talented, and Carlisle is one of the few vampires in such a large coven who would not use Alice's gift as a means of war or expansion. It's really the safest place for Alice to be, and why she'll likely do everything in her power to keep the coven together.

Carlisle

Despite Edward's, Edwardness, Carlisle is incredibly fond of Edward and does see him as something of a son. He's also very devoted to his marriage to Esme, despite its unseen flaws. And he seems to be very close with Rosalie, easily seeing her as a daughter and acting much like a paternal figure to her throughout the series.

He doesn't seem as close with Emmett, Jasper, and Alice. This is in part because Emmett doesn't really reach out to him the way the others do, Jasper keeps very much to himself, and Alice is Alice.

However, he's very fond of the Cullens as a whole and looks on each of them highly, even if they don't really deserve it all the time. He would be devestated were the coven to fall apart.

Emmett

Emmett's closest is with Rosalie, for obvious reasons, but even they have a pretty dysfunctional relationship. What Emmett appreciates most about Rosalie is her beauty, when it comes to her personality, he openly admits he's not the largest fan (but what are you going to do, it's the wife, amirite?)

Otherwise, he's a very amiable guy and gets along well enough with everyone, but doesn't seem particularly close to any of them. He wrestles with Jasper and seems to engage in the most 'fun' activities with him, but Jasper is a very haunted soul with a difficult past that Emmett doesn't touch with a ten foot pole.

Emmett tries to bond with Edward, but they just don't understand one another. Especially as Edward seems to go increasingly mad when he decides he's in love with Bella Swan, Emmett doesn't know what to do with that one at all.

Emmett never embraces the whole Esme and Carlisle as his parents thing, and to him it's likely a hilarious joke, but otherwise he doesn't bond with either of them too much.

So, when you get down to it, it's pretty much just Rose.

Esme

Esme adores the family, and by the family I mean Edward. Edward is far and away Esme's favorite child, really the only Cullen I'd say Esme considers her child, and she makes no pretense otherwise and openly says as much.

That said, if you asked her, it would be about the family unit as a whole. And she would be devastated if the Cullens fell apart on her, though not as much if one of the fringe members left vs. Edward leaving.

Otherwise, there's Carlisle, who she adores as her husband. Though they, too, have significant issues. Specifically, neither of them truly knows who it is they married and one day they will find that out. Personally, I think Carlisle ranks far less in Esme's priorities than Edward, in part because he doesn't need her quite so badly, and also because in a way he just is Husband to her and little else.

I think she has very little connection with Jasper and Alice specifically, as they came in so late and in a way are so self contained. Emmett I think amuses her, but he's not really a "child" per se. Rosalie's closest, but as Rosalie doesn't need her as a mother I think that puts a wedge between them.

I also think that Rosalie and Esme wouldn't really understand each other. Despite having lived through similar experiences as humans, they are very different women from one another. I just don't see the bond there.

Jasper

Jasper seems to be the eternal outsider in the family. Edward despises him, but more, I think he doesn't quite know where to fit in with these people. He came from such a different from world than each of them and lived a very different life.

We see him wrestling with Emmett, so there's a bond of friendship there, but I never saw it as a particularly deep one. They'll wrestle, play games, but they never have the hard and difficult conversations in life.

He and Alice have their relationship, but there doesn't seem to be anything really holding them together. The conversations they need to have don't happen, and Alice manipulates his life like a piece on a chessboard, and he consents because he has no trust left in himself at all.

We see Jasper despair to Carlisle in Breaking Dawn that Bella, a newborn, has better control than him but this seems to be an extreme moment for him. It doesn't seem like he and Carlisle are talking often even if, perhaps, they should if only to gain more perspective from one another.

Jasper didn't come to the coven for Alice, nor is that solely the reason he stays, but he very much is an outsider and the one who doesn't quite fit in with the rest of them.

Rosalie

Rosalie is very invested in the family itself. She loves these people, even the ones that aren't so hot on her.

Yes, she wishes she and Alice had an actual relationship, and is pissed off when Alice blows her off for Edward's human girlfriend of all things. Yes, she wishes that she and Edward could get along, but she sees him as the brother you sometimes have a rocky relationship with.

Point being, to her, they are very much a family and she strives to keep them together.

As for who she's actually close to, I'd say it's Emmett and Carlisle. Her relationship with Edward is tense at best and antagonistic at worst. She and Alice have virtually know relationship at all, Jasper keeps to himself, and we don't see her really connecting with Esme.

On the other hand, in terms of her education (pursuing all she can and especially getting her medical degree), her strict adherence to the diet, she seems to emulate Carlisle in all that she does. He's very much a father figure to her and someone she wishes to be like.

So, I do think Carlisle tells Rosalie he's proud of her and she beams up at him. That one I do very much see happening.

Emmett is her rock, the man who keeps her steady and pulled her out of misery, who loves her near unconditionally. For the wrong reasons, perhaps, but time will tell if that relationship works out for them.

Summing it Up

The Cullens are actually fairly disjointed. They may look like a single cohesive unit, and they are in a sense, but if you look closer they divide down into cliques and subgroups quite easily. Not one of them is equally close to all other Cullens, and most of them are strangers to at least one of them.

This perhaps isn't surprising, given I think the coven is ultimately doomed, but it lays the foundations as for why it's doomed. Edward tells us this himself, what holds them together (vs. other smaller covens) is the diet. Edward, of course, didn't mean it like this, but to me that spells a very tenuous bond. One that, with not much of a catalyst, will break.

And I don't think they're going to get to the point where they reach that family ideal.

First, they'd have to truly understand each other, and understanding Edward would break the coven. So that's not going good places.

More though, they're such different people who ultimately do not share common ideals. They don't want the same things in life and certainly not for the same reasons, and because of that they're not going to be incredibly close to every other person in the coven. And that's fine, they don't have to be.

To be honest, I'm not sure the family dynamic is something they should strive for. They already, mostly, care about one another deeply and do live together. Why should they emulate human families?

The place where it falls apart on them is that half of them don't know who the other is, they all think they have different values than they actually do, and Edward is Edward.

And there's no getting around Edward being Edward.

#twilight #twilight meta #twilight headcanon #twilight renaissance #the cullens #anti the cullens #carlisle cullen #rosalie hale #esme cullen #alice cullen #anti alice cullen #jasper whitlock #emmett cullen #edward cullen #anti edward cullen #meta #headcanon #opinion #cheerynoir

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vivalavi-daa · 3 years

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K-Dramas (Feb-May 2021)

1. Beyond Evil

About: Two detectives who try to figure out who's responsible for a series of murders in a quiet town.

Beyond Evil was the kdrama that was able to bring me back from my months of kdrama slump. As i began to watched, it didn't take me long for me to see why it has lots of positive reviews from the viewers & recently won the best drama of the year at the Baeksang Arts Awards. They were right about Beyond Evil being one of the best psychological thriller kdrama out there: Beyond Evil is filled with solid performance, brilliant writing, and unique atmosphere--the kind that makes you feel caught up in a small town called Manyang and the people in it. What made the stories even more complex and interesting is how all the character stand out by being so shady and have secrets of their own.

The main characters that are played by Shin Ha Kyun & Yeo Jin Goo aren't your usual detectives and both have different personalities. For that reason, I couldn't help but feeling excited to see how they would be if they work together. During watching, I was amazed that they could portray emotions in certain ways and how both have a good chemistry in the drama.

This year hasn't even ended yet but I can confidently say that it is one of the best and one of my fav drama this year!

2. Law School

About: the case of the murder of a professor at South Korea's prestigious law school which involved professors and students as suspects of the murder.

I truly enjoy watching this drama...but first of all I'm gonna be honest that I found the first few episodes as kinda confusing to watch. I didn't expect the stories to be so fast paced and for us to be displayed to the heart of the conflict right away (the death of the professor, when we barely even knew him). We were also being introduced to many characters at once while they continuously jumped back and forth in time with not many things to help us differentiate between different timelines. However as the story progressed, it became more easy to follow and the story became more engaging to watch. What engaged me the most was the empathic and righteous character of Kang Sol A who has a mission to get an apology from the law. I was excited to see her carried things to the better despite no characters expected her to do so. I was also looking forward to see the soft side of "Yangcrates", the ruthless professor in the drama. Though I'm being careful not to trust certain characters too much, I found all the characters here as interesting and I was all up to know each character deeper.

3. Youth of May

About: two people who fell for each other in the midst of a whirlpool of history in May 1980

The mellow atmosphere, the stories, and the characters were what made me so invested with the stories. Lee Do Hyun's character in this drama is one among a few male leads that i truly like. I also found Go Min Si's character as adorable with her hard-working & careful personality. Both actors displayed such an adorable chemistry. The fun interaction and the cute lovable scenes between the lead couple though...I'm so rooting for them. Although judging from the beginning of the drama, I could smell the tragic story is coming for them. But I'm already on board for this couple and will continue to watch it anyway.

4. Taxi Driver

About: A mysterious taxi service that takes revenge on behalf of victims who are unable to get justice from the law.

Lee Je Hoon did it again. He carried out every scene with his charisma and stunning performance, even when he has no line to deliver. And Esom was great as always. Somehow, I found the iconic line of the taxi service "Don't die, get revenge. We'll do it for you" was so hopeful after we were shown to the victim's intense experience. It was fascinating to see the way the taxi service then delivered action using plenty of impressive equipments and very skillful people. The drama osts also set up the mood of every scene. While the vigilante justice could satisfy our thirst for revenge, I had a concern about whether or not the way they deliver justice would create more problems. Anyhow, I had a really fun time watching Taxi Driver and is looking forward for another exciting story to unfold.

5. Doom at Your Service

About: Dong Kyung, a hardworking woman who is diagnosed with a brain cancer, risking her everything to make a contract with Myul Mang, a messanger between god and human to live as how she wants for a hundred days.

6. So I Married an Anti Fan

The aesthetic poster didn't lie; this drama was a pleasant to eyes. Especially the beautiful art from the intro video! It's also nice to see Park Bo Young & Seo In Guk on-screen again (although I haven't moved on from Seo In Guk's persona in The Smile Has Left Your Eyes lol). Seeing them made me reminded once again just how enjoyable it was to see their acting skills. So far, there are only a few eps released but the story already seemed appealing and filled with interesting side characters.

About: Kpop top star Whoo Joon & his anti fan Geun Yong who start to live together by chance & grow affection for each other

7. Move to Heaven

This drama was alright though it got cringey at times. A few things that bothered me was the awkward directing & lack of deep communication between the characters. Yet, I still watched it anyway for Choi Tae Joon & Choi Sooyoung whose acting made the drama fun to watch. I am also expecting more since i read the manhwa and knew the potential of the story.

About: A young man with Asperger syndrome and his uncle work as trauma cleaners, clearing out the possessions of dead people, uncovering the stories they left behind and telling them to loved ones.

Judging from the plot, I knew this drama would make me cry from beginning to end. It really had tear jerking stories. I even cried from the first episode. I love the way this drama was like a breath of fresh air with its beautiful stories & lessons to give, wrapped in a soothing vibe. The drama managed to be so moving and makes us reflect a lot about life, death, and how everyone around us has their own stories & feelings and we have to respect them.

8. Off the Course

About: A comical road-case drama where a mother and daughter chase the groom who ran away during their wedding day.

I've really missed seeing Nam Ji Hyun's acting and therefore it was so refreshing to see her in this drama. She was very talented at portraying different emotions as always. Off the Course depicted a relationship between a mother and her daughter with a meaningful story to reflect on. The chemistry between Nam Ji Hyun and Park i Young, her "on-screen mother", was also incredible it made me hoping I could see them working together again in another project. Since Off the Course only had 2 episodes, watching it felt like I was in for a short entertaining journey.

K-Drama Recommendations: 6/?

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highflyerwings · 2 years

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Ten Characters I Fell in Love With in 2021

Tagged by @maystea! Thanks, hun!

Oof this was harder than it should have been, and I didn't know if it was supposed to just be limited to kdramas, but that's what everyone else seemed to be doing, so that's what I focused on. With the exception of the #1 spot, these are not in order of favorites. (I played around with the list too much after 1. for it to be in any kind of order.)

1. Lee Dongsik (beyond evil)

The character who brought me back into the kdrama game. He hit all of my buttons: angsty, tortured, fucked up, emotionally messy, kind, loving, loyal, handsome, bratty. He has it all. He is everything to me. What else is there to even say. I've never wanted a character to be real so badly in my life.

2. Kang Yohan (the devil judge)

I did not anticipate loving this character as much as I did. But from the very first episode I was done for. He’s complex, and fucked up. He’s clever and smart and loving and generous and scary and also bratty and everything you never thought could fit perfectly into one person, it’s all there. He surprises me every time I rewatch the show. And I’m surprised I can somehow manage to fall more in love with him every time.

3. Jung Sunah (the devil judge)

My literal wife. The light of my life. One of my all time favorite villains. She’s twisted, and complex. She scares me and she also makes me want to wrap her up and keep her safe. I would die for her.

4. Seong Gihun (squid game)

The man I've gone to bat for more than any of the other characters on this list. The good, flawed, lovable, tragic man I love so so much. Maybe my love is a reaction to how much the majority of people seem to hate him, but I really am just terribly in love with him and how good he is. He's so human, and I think that's what people forget when they analyze (and condemn) his actions. He's a humanist and I love him for that.

5. Han Jaeho (the merciless)

The last of the Merciless Evil Devil From Hell dilfs that I met. And one that hit me as hard as I expected. I knew I was going to love him, but I didn't know how much. He's the perfect combination of Mujin and Dongsik, and I was helpless to fall for that. I love his snark and his attitude. I love how intimidating he is. I love how sexy he is. I love how twisted and tragic he is. He's my bisexual king.

6. Choi Mujin (my name)

What do I even have to say about Choi Mujin. He ruined me. He's made me useless. I have nothing else to say.

7. Kang Sol A (law school)

Ha! Y’all didn’t even know I watched this show did you. But I did. And I ugly cried through the last half of it. But the one character that hooked me immediately, the one that I will never forget as long as I live, is Sol A. She’s cute, and weird, and snarky, and messy, and smart, and clever, and she made me laugh. Like…she made me laugh and I fell in love.

8. Yang Jonghoon/Yangcrates (law school)

My dude. My motherfuckin GUY. Of course I was gonna fall for the professor. If I have ONE TYPE, it’s sexy hardass professor with a heart of gold. He spent every second teaching those kids. He spent every second making sure they had the tools they needed and understood how to use them. He’s so smart and so mysterious and so scary please I hate school so so much he stresses me out. And that’s why I want to marry him.

9. Lawyer Ko Inguk (the devil judge)

I'm literally not even explaining myself here. If you know, you know.

10. Jung Taeju (my name)

I struggled between Sangwoo and Taeju for a place on the list, and in the end I had to go with my boy Taeju. I simply have too much at stake in his well-being to not make him a priority on my list of favorite characters. He's mysterious, only because we know literally nothing about him. We're lucky we know his name, to be honest. We're lucky we got as much as we did. But we got just enough to get invested. And I have, and will continue to go to bat for him for as long as I live.

Honorable mentions:

The entire Manyang gang, you expect me to choose? (beyond evil)

Yoon Donghoon (my name)

Jeon Pildo (my name)

Yooyi (deliver us from evil)

Kim Innam (deliver us from evil)

Player 062/the math teacher (squid game) -- i almost put this bitch on the main list, I cannot lie

Cho Sangwoo (squid game)

Hwang Inho (squid game)

Hong Namil (dr. brain)

Lee Kangmu (dr. brain)

Gong Soohyuk (the silent sea)

Perry Park (kill me heal me)

I will tag @hakjoos, @bobafvcks, @godotismissingx, @noxdwn, @aellanyx, and @leonnamc

#the kdrama life #the devil judge #beyond evil #my name #squid game #law school kdrama #dr. brain #the silent sea #the merciless #and yes yes i know there is a decided lack of women on this list #that's my own problem and not yours #move on #i'm addressing the fact that neither moonjo or jongwoo made it to the list at all #i'm pointing that out myself #and i'm also adding that i have no logical reason why #they just...didn't make the cut

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pure-kirarin · 3 years

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Slow & Steady [P6] [Sabo x f!reader] (+18)

A/N : Hello ! I wanted to start by thanking you guys for the AMAZING responses on chapter 5. This makes me want to continue investing in this story !! I read all of your messages and I cherish them, they make me want to continue. I'd also like to thank my beta reader for her hard work. I hope that you will enjoy this chapter as much as the others.

Please always tell me your opinion as it’s my kryptonite ! Also feel free to ask to get tagged.

Synopsis : Isn’t love a matter of timing after all ? That’s what Sabo has always thought. It was about finding the right tempo, making the right moves and hitting the right spot. Patience is a virtue after all, and he had a lot of it. It all started when your ex cheated on you. You were heartbroken, you needed someone and he was there. Was he always that hot ? You didn’t know. But after that night you have never seen him in the same way. Chapter Warning : Smoking (cigarettes) - mention of ex relationships AO3 : https://archiveofourown.org/works/31877203/chapters/81748033

P I - P2 - P3 - P4 - P5 - P6

I made a playlist for this chapter but I suggest you listen to it after ! https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3posJHlUg1XFJzQbPkjF0J

------

The crimson-haired man ceased to look at you, as if it hurt to do so. Your lack of response discouraged him. How could it be otherwise? You had created a narrative where he was a cheater, believed in it, ended the relationship - all of this without him knowing; without him even doubting it. It was ironic enough that he who saw so clearly in the future, he who knew how to read people’s moves so easily was totally blind when it came to love. Or maybe had he tried to blind himself? To overlook the fact that you weren’t answering your phone anymore? To find excuses upon excuses for you? He had always been that type of person after all. As a big brother, as a “responsible” person, it was second nature to him to bottle up his feelings and to never lose composure. And even in this moment, he couldn’t tell you how much your actions hurt him.

But for once, he accepted the fact that he saw a future that you weren’t a part of. Deep down, he knew that by overlooking the signs and hints, he has also played a role in the downfall of your relationship.

He saw it too clearly: you weren’t his anymore. Just like when you excluded him from the decision making, choosing to put an end to your relationship on your own - you didn’t even have the courage to tell him that yourself. He had to do the same: fill in the gaps and read between the lines. He remained silent for a moment. He got up from his seat when he gave up on you saying anything.

He moved towards the door, ready to leave all your shared memories behind his back.

People don’t always get the closure they need in order to move on, he knew that too well.

“Katakuri,” you called for his name weakly. He didn’t know if it was his imagination or if you had really pronounced his name. He turned his head towards you, unimpressed.

Your heart was pounding hard in your chest. You knew that if you let him go now you would regret it forever. You knew that you had to tell him about everything. He deserved it, after all. It was hard to be the bad guy of the story. But you had been a bitch and you had to face the consequences of your behavior. Wasn’t that what being an adult meant?

“There is something else that I think you need to know,” He seemed interested now. He was listening to you without turning your way.

“I apologize for everything that I have done and I know that you will probably not forgive me and honestly, if I were in your shoes, I wouldn't either.” You took a deep breath before going on. “What I am going to say might be hard to hear, but I feel like you need to know it.”

You don’t know exactly how the rest followed, nor how you found the courage to tell him about everything. You didn’t get to any details, it would have been too cruel, but you told him what he needed to know.

“I am really sorry, but I think that it’s best for us to split up. My feelings have changed, I have caused enough damage as it is. I think that it’s better for both of us. I am really sorry I hurt you.”

You looked down and from this angle you couldn’t see his smile. It was bitter, the smile of someone that had seen all of this coming. And yet, he was relieved that you confided in him. It was the closure he needed after all. At least now, he could move on.

* * *

The cigarette trembled between your index and middle finger. Your head was clouded. It took too much effort to try and empty your head, to try not to think of what was going to happen. You had lost so much already and what you were going to lose was beyond repair. With every breath you took, you felt your stomach contract and your legs get weaker. It was one of those days when you wished you hadn't woken up. Despite all of this, a feeling of peace submerged you. Peace? Maybe because you had been honest to your ex, maybe because you were trying to be honest to yourself. What got you into this situation was your indecision after all. You didn’t want to hide anymore.

If you can’t see it, then it doesn’t exist. This mentality of yours had to change and you were going to change it tonight. It was the best opportunity, it had to happen, you had to grow. Maybe to some extent, your “romantic” failures weren’t all to blame on others, maybe you also played a role, maybe you weren’t ready yet. Didn’t Sabo say the same thing?

“I thought that you stopped a long time ago.”

A firm voice broke your trance. His hand snitched the cigarette from your lips before putting it out with the sole of his shoe.

“Hey!” You whined in protest, features softening when you were met with his dark eyes.

“I did quit. But I was stressed,” you tried to justify yourself. “I needed it.” You mumbled.

“Bullshit. You always have the choice.” He shrugged and took place next to you on the sidewalk.

Choices, decisions, you were already done with all of this. An awkward silence swallowed the atmosphere, but it seemed as if it was only awkward for you.

Now that you had nothing to do with your fingers and mouth, you started scratching at your wrist slightly - a nervous tic.

The ambience of the park offered you, however, a feeling of safety. The darkness hid your embarrassment. He was now sitting next to you and it was as if words deserted your mind. He didn’t want to pressure you, he didn’t say anything. Under the moonlight, his blond hair took on a silvery shade. He kept looking in front of him, hands in his pockets. Silence didn’t bother him, he knew that something was wrong, otherwise you wouldn’t have texted him to come to the park at around midnight.

Truth is, you couldn’t calm down, you felt like you had to come clear about this whole situation, you felt like you had to make a decision. You felt that if you let today pass, then you would find one hundred excuses and hide again.

It was now or never.

“Sabo,” you started.

“Y/N,” he mirrored your answer.

“I’m going to tell you something... But please don’t judge me, alright?”

“Have I ever judged you?” He arched an eyebrow, his eyes meeting yours, making you switch your gaze almost instantly.

“Well... You have... Like that time I used the microwave at your place…”

“Y/N, you microwaved a fork…” You fake pouted as you playfully punched his arm.

“Well, the fork was in the bowl and Ace was there and he didn’t say anything! Not my fault.”

“And you trusted Ace?” he smiled and held your wrist to stop you. “He’s a living disaster. You guys can’t do anything without me, huh?”

“Yeah, yeah. What would I do without my Mr. know-it-all of a best friend?” you laughed it off.

Best friend. That word reminded you of the reason why you contacted him so late. You coughed two times, trying to switch his attention to you. Laughing things off helped ease the atmosphere. You twirled a hair strand around your finger then started as if you were going to give a speech.

“Hey, I’m gonna try to... be decisive…”

“That’s some character development.”

“Sabo!”

“Sorry, couldn’t help myself,” he said with a sweet smile. You sighed and started bouncing your leg nervously.

“So If I called you tonight it’s not to have the pleasure of your company… and it’s not to rip you off your precious hours of sleep... It’s also not to... ”

Noticing that you were starting to diverge from the topic, he held your hand in his softly and gave you an encouraging look. Honestly speaking, he didn’t have much patience around others but he had loads of it with you.

“I called you for something else. And don’t you dare hang up on me next time! I want to have a serious conversation about…everything, about us, and most importantly about…” you sighed before continuing “About my ex situation.”

He took his hand off yours now that you seemed calmer. He was surprised by your willingness to talk about such matters. It was a pleasant surprise to him, it meant that you wanted to take things in hand, that you were growing.

“I’m listening to you.”

“I thought that it was only fair for you to know as well... that I fucked up pretty badly. I assumed that my ex cheated on me and as it turns out, he didn’t. I just learned it this evening so I feel very confused and bad. It’s a long story. It was just me, assuming things because I was scared and because I feared confrontation. Then everything happened so fast between you and me... I shouldn’t have... I feel very ashamed. For him, for you, for acting so immature.”

Your voice cracked and you couldn’t hold your tears any more. You looked down and started wiping your tears with both hands on your face. You didn’t want to cry in front of him because you had caused him pain as well. Sometimes not taking action is also an action and it has consequences.

You didn’t dare look at him, did he look disappointed? Did he stop loving you? After all, you didn’t even know the reason behind his love. Maybe he was “playing games” too as that anon suggested on Reddit. No, you couldn’t afford to assume things again now. You had to be honest, raw, vulnerable. You couldn’t see his reaction through your tears, but you felt his hand on the top of your head, gently bringing you towards him, resting your head on his shoulder.

“Wow, this really sucks.” You were surprised by his reaction, but the fact that it wasn’t one of disappointment as well as his easy-going demeanour released your stress. You started sobbing, shoulders shaking. He didn’t know how to react at first, but one thing he knew for sure: you came first, and he hated to see you cry.

“Shh... Here, here... It’s okay to cry... Let it all out...” He then continued “It’s going to turn out just fine. You can count on me, okay?”

“I was a really bad person. I should’ve acted differently. I should’ve at least told you... or Nami or someone... but I just... assumed things... I was so scared that you’d stop... that you’d stop being my... friend... And stop loving me…”

His grip tightened around your shoulder as he pressed you a bit closer to him. He offered you a warm smile as he spoke in the same light note.

“Well, whatever happened, happened. I don’t think that you are a bad person. You’re human and you made a mistake that you’re now aware of. I know that you had no ill intentions. At least you learned something, hm? And about me... Aren’t you underestimating me a bit?” He smiled in an attempt to lighten the mood. “Did you forget that I’m Luffy and Ace’s brother? I’m tough, you know.”

You were overwhelmed by his kindness, and this just made you realize that it wasn’t only about your feelings, you couldn’t count on everyone else to put up with you and clear up your mess.

“Sabo, you’re so kind.” Despite your mascara running under your eyes and you looking like a total mess, he found you incredibly beautiful. He felt proud, he knew how hard it was for you to go through all of this. He felt like it was worth it that he had loved you for this long, you were honest and strong, even if you weren’t aware of that strength, you had proven it in this moment.

“I’m not being kind.” He meant it; after all, his intentions weren’t all that innocent towards you, he had wanted you from the start. “I’m just being truthful, as your best friend.”

Maybe he wanted more, but he was content being your friend as well. Since for him everything needed time, he had no right to rush you.

Love is a matter of timing after all. Too fast and all of his subtle efforts would go to waste.

“About that... I mean... The “best friends” part...” He could easily see your chest heaving with your breath. Your heartbeat raising little by little until it was unbearable, your lower lip slightly trembling as you dreaded the weight of the words you were going to pronounce. He looked at you with genuine interest and curiosity; he laid off a bit, turning your way.

“I don’t think that we could act this way anymore...” You dug your nails into the palm of your hand nervously.

“I... told Katakuri about everything. I told him that I couldn’t be with him anymore because of how things have changed. I can’t be here and pretend that nothing happened when so much did…”

“Nothing has changed for me.” He said in a stable voice, trying to anticipate your reaction. Despite being sure of himself, of every step he had taken till now, he felt a hint of uncertainty, for this was a variable that he hadn’t taken into consideration.

“But everything changed for me, and I can’t ignore it. I can’t continue to play pretend... Of course it was convenient for me... And I didn’t wanna lose... Whatever it is that we have. But I didn’t realize that it had already changed. I can’t be your friend anymore, Sabo. Not like this. Not with these thoughts in mind. Not after…” Y our eyes flicked from his lips to his eyes and back. “After... everything we did.”

You didn’t give more reasons, but your eyes gave one hundred more.

We can’t be friends because I touched myself to the thought of you. Because I can’t help but think about being with you. Because I don’t stand the thought of you being with someone else. Because I love the way your arms fit around me. Because I love everything about you, from the way you say my name to these stupid blond eyelashes that reflect the light everytime you blink. And most importantly... because I love your way of loving me unconditionally.

As much as I want you...

As much as you want me back...

I can’t be with you, not now, because it would hurt me and hurt you even more, because I have to make a decision, because I can’t draw the line between love and lust and because I am afraid to wrong you in the way I was wronged.

But just for a moment, just for this time, you wanted to kiss him just one last time. You wanted to get intoxicated by that mint smell that you have grown addicted to. He looked at you as he drank your words, eyes reflecting the darkness of the sky. His piercing gaze seemed to understand your dilemma. Suddenly, the emptiness of the park felt too weighty and the air too heavy.

“Say something,” you pleaded, almost begging him to break the silence.

To words, he preferred actions. Before you even realized, he captured your lips into the kiss you were longing for. His hand was fast to encircle your back, pressing your upper body against his. Your fingers instinctively reached for the fabric of his shirt, tugging on it as to pull him closer. For him to kiss you so passionately, it only made you realize his burning desire for you. The more you kissed in an attempt to ease your craving, the hungrier you got for his lips, for his stupid minty taste. But it wasn’t nearly enough for you, the growing warmth and tingles created a desire that you were unable to appease yet. You pressed your legs together when his free hand gently rubbed your thigh. He kissed you deeply, almost willing you into giving up on your decision to give in to his embrace. He was indeed that good of a kisser, making you want to shift into his lap and have him inside of you. You whined at this thought growing more eager, tongue chasing his, teeth nibbling on his lips. But you eventually had to break the kiss, even when you prayed for the seconds to last for hours, it was bound to end. You took a moment to collect your breath again. His eyes were demanding, pupils dilated and greedy, yours were more modest, shifty.

“Looked like you were dying for it.”

He broke the silence, finger tracing your neck before lifting up your chin, making you lose composure as you looked into his deep gaze. It was too late to deny it, you were indeed dying for it. But instead of satiating you, that kiss felt like the promise of something forbidden. You only groaned meekly as an answer, feeling too weak to actively protest. You indulged in his embrace, resting your head in the crease of his neck. You breathed in his scent, even his hair smelled fresh like mint. As you took in a bigger gulp of air, you could inhale the subtleties of a thyme or violet underlying smell. What shampoo did he use? Another diverging thought that you discarded.

You closed your eyes. “Can we stay like this for a little longer?” you asked, and who was he to deny you so little? He revelled in your desperate need for his touch. He felt needed, wanted, but he knew that he shouldn’t get carried away, he knew that it wasn’t the right timing yet. So he just let you sink into his warmth. For now.

You peeled yourself off of him reluctantly. Your eyes avoided his. Nice progress ,he thought, but there was still need for improvement.

“I can’t be selfish, not anymore. I have to make a decision. I am sorry I can’t make up my mind yet.” Your voice cut through the silence, firm, yet not devoid of sensitivity.

You needed time, it was clear, but he was nothing if not patient with you. He was ready to settle for your friendship for now while he worked for your love, but he liked your idea more. He wasn’t one to push his emotions onto you, he was there to lead the dance, to toss a bottle into the sea. If good news came then good for him, if nothing came out then he had gambled and lost. But he wasn’t as detached and passive as things might have seemed, as he took multiple variables into consideration to place his best bet.

“Take all the time you need.” Not an ounce of annoyance was to be detected in his voice. It was steady, a rock that couldn’t be moved. He had what it took, he knew what he wanted and he was ready to wait for it because he had the deep belief that you were worth the wait.

“Why are you so patient? Don’t you think you’re too confident? Aren’t you scared? ” It was genuine curiosity, but you bit your tongue realizing that your words might’ve seemed cocky or doubting. His lips stretched into a roguish smile, making him devastatingly handsome. And here he was, a Sabo that you had encountered a few times between two eyelash beats. It was so destabilizing, the way he morphed into a totally different person from one second to another, giving you a strange feeling. It was something that you couldn’t fully place yet. He kept escaping from your grip while being totally still. He was like sand between your fingers and you were fascinated by the prospect of catching him.

“I thought that it was obvious, doll.” Here he goes again, calling you sweet names and raising the rhythm of your heartbeats. How did he make everything sound good? You would’ve scoffed at anyone else calling you ‘doll’, but that voice of his made it sound oh so appealing. Or maybe it was the seed of desire that he had planted in your core, that was now growing and blossoming, vines intertwining with your lungs.

He got closer again, black eyes scrutinizing yours.

“You can have all the time you need. What I want is simple, non-negotiable, immutable.”

At first he was startled; your ex appearing out of nowhere seemed like an inconvenience, but after giving it some thought, he realized that he was in luck. He didn’t have to make you choose, the choice was there for you to make.

“And what is it that you want?”

“You. But all of you.” He looked you up and down as he said this then got up. He wasn’t the type to settle for less. He wanted no compromises, no half-open doors, no half assed answers. If he wanted something then it was all of it, out of respect for you and for himself. Another reason was probably that he knew: the longer the chase, the bigger the prize.

He got up since he considered that the conversation was over now and it was also getting late. You looked at him, eyes wide open, cheeks aflame. His voice trailed off, cutting through the silence.

“No rush, I think that it’s better for you to focus on your exams for now. Will you manage without my help?” Another charming smile, shifting back to that playful Sabo you have always known. The mood felt less serious now.

“I think I’ll do just fine this time…” you smiled gently, following his lead.

“Good, then. Good night.” He put his hand on your head, softly ruffling your hair before turning back. He seemed a bit more distant now, like he was plunged into some deep reverie. You instinctively got up, looking intensely at his back slowly fading into the darkness. Before his silhouette got completely enveloped, you shouted.

“Sabo!”

He turned back instantly and you threw something in the air towards him. He was quick to catch it.

“I don’t think I need these anymore. Take them!”

He opened his hands, looking at the packet of menthol cigarettes and a blue lighter. He put it into his back pocket prior to giving you a proud smile. He then continued his way back home, leaving you behind. You felt both relieved because things had gotten a bit clearer, yet apprehensive since your feelings were still very much unclear. But maybe what you felt above all was exhaustion. You looked for a moment at your empty hands. Did you make the right choice? Whether it was good or bad, you couldn’t care less. At least you had acted true to yourself.

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