#Canon Fax Machines

[quietwingsinthesky]

the thing about me is that I have this need to pick up every angel on supernatural by their scruff and place them into an enclosure that will allow them to, if not heal and become better, than at least to be petty and vindictive in a way that causes less death and destruction and is just kind of annoying. which I would argue is also good for them. let angels make choices where the consequences of their actions are non-existent rather than world-ending. teaches them free will in a safe, healthy way.

#this is still about Zachariah to be clear #it’s about all of them. I’m putting them all in such nice enclosures. with so much enrichment #but mostly this is about Zachariah. just kind of want to put him in an actual office and watch him whirr away. maybe he prints things. #stands at a water cooler and makes awkward small talk. #I don’t know what happens in offices. what do I look like. I don’t think he does either really. he just likes the aesthetic #he’s constantly cosplaying and it makes all the other angels slightly uncomfortable like. Okay Zach We Get It. This Is Your Businessman OC. #Can We Please Go Back To Talking About How To Stop Castiel From Breaking Containment For The Fifth Time This Month. #(my integration of old and new angel rebellion canon is per s5 all angels have the capacity to rebel. and many do. often. and are punished #for it. and also per s8 Cas just does it the most because he is so sooo annoying <3 #also maybe because a combination of factors like. Anna is his boss for a lot of that time and she goes lighter on the reprogramming because #she’s already having doubts. and then also he’s paired with Uriel always. they make each other question things. but they also work #too well together for Heaven to separate them. the cost isn’t so high (yet) just toss them in the brain cleaner after each assignment #and they’re still useful.) #sorry this was supposed to be about Zachariah. #his enclosure has fax machines in it. he likes them. you know. the same way most angels like radio towers. he *likes* them. #spn #Zachariah spn

[radioactive-earthshine]

Yk what another good ship would be. Kon x Slobo. Bc we get SO MUCH

Rivals to lovers (that's Slobo w/ pretty much everyone but I digress)

T4T (you cannot tell me Lobo, and by extension Slobo, is not trans)

Clone4Clone

Punk4Punk

Kon can use his tactile telekinesis to shut of Slobo's pain receptors if he's having an especially bad pain flareup

And the INCREDIBLE bonus of Lobo and Clark seeing their clones kissing and going "let's not think about what this means about both of us."

It's everything I could want and I am ALWAYS up for T4T and Clone4Clone.

They can go back and forth about how unusual it is to just HAVE information in your head.

Kon: Hey Bo, what's the dumbest thing floating around in there?

Slobo: That's pretty subjective but prob'ly the time Lobo got a fax machine implanted in his mouth n' kept gettin' sexted across the galaxy.

Kon: .... Wow. Yeah. I would not have thought of that.

Slobo: Wut 'bout you?

Kon: .... I have the entire plot of M*A*S*H and its social implications and importance for its time just there.

Slobo: ...

Kon: ...

Slobo: The frag is MASH?

#Konbo #Kon-el #Slobo #i love them so much #i just need them to be happy i don't care with who #it is canon about the fax machine #btw

[mariasont]

Okay , so a smutty Spencer x reader fic where is very alternative with tattoos and piercings. Maybe she works with the team as an entomologist or something idk BUT she always wears her contacts and one day she comes in thick black frame glasses. Spencer goes feral, he's never seen her in glasses before and he just kinda drags her into a hall closet and just "keep the glasses on" there's a lot of fanfics about the reader going feral seeing Spencer in glasses for the first time but what if it was reversed.

Framed Fascination

A/N: omggggg i loved writing this, you just know spencer would sooo be a sucker for a woman with tats and piercings, so canon

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR REQUESTING xoxo

‧₊˚ ✩°｡⋆♡ ⋆˙⟡♡ ⋆˙⟡♡⋆｡°✩˚₊‧

pairings: spencer reid x alt!fem!reader

warnings: 18+ minors dni, glasses kink, praise, p in v, dirty talk, degrading sort of, office sex

wc: 2k

When you began dating Spencer, it raised a few eyebrows. Spencer Reid--reserved, a bit awkward, and endlessly knowledgeable--had ended up with someone who they thought was his complete opposite. And to that he would always say, "while the prevailing research suggests similarity is more common in relationships, there's an interesting phenomenon where sometimes, the very things that differ between two people can create a complementary dynamic, much like how two puzzle pieces with different notches fit."

At times, you would point out your differences solely to prompt this response. But, in truth, aside from your outward styles, you shared more similarities than not. Your tattoos and piercings were the first details Spencer noticed and quickly became his favorite as you strode into the morgue on a particularly demanding case. You were immersed in explaining how arsenic disrupted the body's functions, but Spencer was lost in the visual narrative of your ink, his gaze lingering on every etched symbol and shaded figure. From that moment, he was wholly engrossed, and vowed to eventually explore all the unseen tattoos that your clothes kept from view.

Spencer may have had the whole 'nerdy boy-next-door' aesthetic down to a science, but you? You took pride in being called 'intimidating', knowing it was just a first impression. You knew that beneath that surface lay as Spencer would say, 'a cinnamon roll'. Spencer seemed to see through it from the beginning, which is why he didn't hesitate to ask you out as soon as the case closed.

In the span of eight months, your life had been transformed into its healthiest chapter with Spencer as the culprit. He filled every day with thoughtful gesture--surprise art museum dates, breakfast in bed, flowers that would mysteriously find their way to your desk, notes you'd find tucked inside your coat pockets. In fact, if you had seen it in a cheesy rom-com, he probably had done it. You had been tackling each day with a little spring in your step.

Just like today--you bounded into your office humming—you were humming as you went over paperwork. Tasked with consulting for the consumer safety department, your focus was zeroed in on the pervasive issue of phthalates creeping into beauty products. You adjusted the unfamiliar weight of the thick black frames perched on your nose--an odd sensation since you habitually opted for contacts--as your eyes dragged over the papers.

The hum of the fax machine broke the silence, and you swiveled in your chair, a smile dawning as you recognized the documents from last week's BAU case--giving you a chance to steal a moment with your boyfriend.

Paperwork in hand, you made your way to the BAU office, the click of your heels on marble floors keeping time with your quickening pulse. The bullpen was a whirlwind of activity as you greeted Morgan and Prentiss with a nod and smile, your gaze sweeping through the room until it landed on him. 

"Hi there, handsome," you greeted with a playful lilt in your voice, your fingers rapping gently against the wood of his desk.

"Hi, sweetheart--," he began, but his words trailed off as his eyes met yours. There was a pause, a momentary lapse in his ever-flowing stream of thoughts, as he took in the sight of you.

Glasses? He couldn't recall you ever wearing glasses, yet there they were, and the effect was undeniable. The sight sent a wave of unexpected thrill through him--a visceral reaction that left him speechless, his lips parting in awe. 

Spencer's throat cleared, a subtle sound amid the bullpen's activity. His gaze flickered around the room, a silent plea that his colleagues were too engrossed in their work to notice the way he practically undressed you with his eyes. "Since when do you wear glasses?"

"Since I nearly scratched my eye out trying to get my contacts in this morning," you said with a laugh, though the action of straightening your glasses was more of a nervous tic.

His stare was unyielding--intense and almost piercing. It unsettled you slightly as you studied his expression, your head tilting inquisitively as he said nothing else. 

"Well, uh, anyway I have to drop this off to Hotch," you murmured, your voice trailing off as you felt the weight of Spencer's penetrating gaze. 

You lingered for a heartbeat too long, hoping for a word, a smile--anything. But nothing came. With a shaky breath, you turned away, hands trembling ever so slightly as you handed the paperwork to Hotch. You whisked yourself back to the comfort of your office. The was weird, right? I mean, sure, Spencer had never been one for being overly affectionate in public, but he at least had more to say than that.

You pushed the nagging doubts to the back of your mind, focusing on the monotony data and figures that sprawled across your reports. He was probably just having a bad day, too maybe theoretical thoughts brewing in the beautiful mind of his.

The hours crawled by, each minute punctuated by the drone of the office--uninteresting reports, pesky coworkers, and the persistent buzz of thoughts circling back to Spencer. When it was an appropriate time to take your lunch, you pushed your laptop aside with a little too much eagerness, hands diving into your bag for your food. 

But before you could do that, a soft interruption at the door caught your attention. Your head snapped up, meeting Spencer's gaze as he leaned causally against the frame of the door.

He stood there, watching as you glanced up at him, the rims of your glasses framing your eyes in a way that made an involuntary shiver down his spine, his gaze lingering on your face. You appeared tired, yes, but the image of you like this had been imprinted on his mind all day, rendering his work secondary to the thought of seeing you again. 

"Spence, hi," you greeted, a sweet smile blooming on your lips as you peered up at him. Your brows knit together slightly; his visits were rare unless case-related. "I was just about to take my lunch, wanna join?"

"No," he replied with a swift shake of his head, the corners of his mouth twitching into a knowing smirk. "Could I borrow you for a second?"

Your gaze returned to the lunch that lay before you, untouched and suddenly unappealing. Letting out a small sigh, you nodded. "Sure," you replied, still trying to piece together Spencer's odd behavior today.

He tilted his head back subtly, a silent cue for you to follow him. You obliged without hesitation, following after him, your steps echoing his through the hallway. Your confusion mounted, etched into the deepening furrow of your brows with each corner turned. 

"Spencer," you said, a giggle escaping your lips. "I trust you're not taking me down some ominous hallway to meet my untimely end?"

"Actually, it is an interesting fact that the majority people meet their 'untimely end' at the hands of someone they love." 

"Great, thank you for that, I think that's my cue," you joked, pivoting away in an attempt to make a dramatic exit. But Spencer's reflexes were quick, his grasp secure on your wrist as he steered you into the nearest supply closet. The small space muffled your surprised oomph as you nearly collided with a stack of supplies.

You stumbled into the warmth of his chest, your glasses skewing comically as you steadied them with a fingertip. "Spencer! What has gotten into you?"

"You," came his growl, rough and urgent, while his hands frantically sought your legs, pinning you against the wall.

A soft moan slipped through the surprise of parted lips as his lips found yours. Your fingers tangled in the soft locks of his hair, pulling him closer, your mouth meeting his with the same intensity. 

Your laughter mingles with the kiss as you pull back, lips brushing. "Not that I'm complaining, Agent Reid, but someone is definitely going to catch us."

His eyes meet yours, equally amused as he pins your hands over your head. He makes quick work of open-mouthed kisses on your neck, your body instantly melting into his as his teeth scrape along your sweet spot. "Don't care."

His lips trailed back to yours, his fingers fumbling to push your skirt up to your stomach. You let out a surprised gasp into his mouth, finding the sudden intensity of him incredibly hot. He pressed his thumb into your clit as you dug your fingers into the nape of his neck, your head lolling back as you all but thrusted into his hand. The room swirled with heat, your glasses misting up. You reached for the pesky frames, but his fingers intercepted, pining them against your chest.

"Those stay on, sweetheart." The words tickled your ear, intimate and close, as his fingers traced through your slick folds, coaxing a contented pant from you.

"That's what's got you all worked up, Spence?" You moaned out as his fingers glided over your skin, now slick, drawing a line of warmth up your body. 

He settled his thumb on your tongue, shutting you up as he grabbed a handful of your ass. You wrapped your lips around it, savoring the taste as your eyes locked with his over the foggy veil of your glasses. His gaze held a quiet pride as he smirked. 

"Drove me crazy seeing you like that this morning." He said as he ground his body into yours, his erection settling on your stomach. "Makes you look so fuckable. Couldn't focus on anything else."

Your mouth vibrated softly around his thumb, muffled as he drew it away with pop. He makes quick work of undoing his belt, shoving down his pants and boxers just enough to release his length.

Your mouth watered at the sight, your body instinctively lowering to your knees, but his hand was there stopping you with a firm, "No time."

He pinned your shoulders to the wall with his body, his mouth crashing with yours with desperate need. Your mouth fell open into his as you felt his length press into your opening, his fingers holding your panties aside.

"You feel so good, sweetheart."

You don't think you would ever get over the feeling of him inside you, the way he stretched you out just right. You let out an unrestrained moan as he proceeded to pump inside you, his movements ruthless.

His palm sealed over your lips, a sudden barrier that sent warmth spreading across your face, glasses clouding rapidly, obscuring your view. "Quiet, baby. You want everyone to know how much of a slut you are for me? Letting me fuck you in the office?"

You all but sobbed against his palm, your hands fisting the material of his sweater as he continued to abuse your pussy with deep strokes.

"Sp-Spence, please baby," you managed to breathe out as he released his hold on your mouth, grinding against him in an attempt at friction with your sensitive clit.

"What do you need, sweetheart?" He questioned, almost condescendingly as his fingers traced your cheek gently, a stark contrast to the way he pounded into you. "Need me to take care of you?"

"Please," you choked out.

"You're so good for me, baby." He said, his thrusts becoming sloppier and sloppier as he pressed his thumb to the part of you that ached most. You let out a sob of relief as you ground against his movements, the familiar coil in your stomach beginning to wind up as you clutched at Spencer's face.

"Spencer, shit, 'm so close," you babbled, tears welling in your eyes as each of his thrusts seemed to urge the ache.

"Go ahead, baby." He moaned as his you felt his thighs twitch against you. "Come on my cock, sweet girl."

His words were all you needed to push you off the edge, your back arching against the wall as your legs shook, threatening to collapse as a wave of pleasure washed over you. He came shortly after you, his form yielding to gravity as his head nestled into the crook of your shoulder, both of you panting softly as you tried to catch your breath.

After savoring a few heartbeats of content, he gently disentangled himself from you. His fingers deftly rearranging your skirt, with a touch so soft, so different from his demeanor two minutes ago. 

"Guess I need to wear the glasses more often, huh?"

A soft laughter bubbled up from him, his fingers lightly grazing under your eyes, brushing away the stray smudges of makeup. "Please do."

#spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid smut #spencer reid fic #criminal minds smut #spencer reid x you #mgg #matthew gray gubler #spencer reid fanfic

[seat-safety-switch]

Ever think your job is futile, about to be replaced by high technology? I'm Ted Dialtone, master salesman for the Brother fax machine division. That's right. Fax machines. I bet you thought you were done with those suckers, and that's just what we wanted our competition to think. They ran away and made some dumb shit like "computers" that nobody actually wants. We sell sixty million of them a quarter.

You might ask yourself, surely this guy is a little biased towards the product he sells? Padding his numbers just a bit? Let me explain it this way: my wife and kids, in whatever state I left them before I started crossing the world endlessly in my quest to become the ultimate salesman, are eating very well because I am such a strong believer in the humble facsimile. Don't worry, they see me at Christmas. I bring them the greatest gift a father can offer: the newest Brother fax machines.

Folks think that it's easy to sell fax machines. You just go to the nearest government office and get drunk with the boss. Then, when their judgment is incapacitated, you make them sign a contract to buy a whole wad of colour multitransmits. Maybe take a few pictures for blackmail if they decide to go back on the deal. That might be how they do things over at Canon, sure, but we're beyond that kind of petty, cheap-assed, penny-ante trickery. We give the boss a rail of cocaine.

Why am I telling you all this? I'm looking for a new assistant. I can't do this job forever. No, it's not because the field is becoming obsolete. Folks will buy these machines until the sun explodes, I swear to your mother. My liver is starting to make concerning noises every time I down four travel margs in fifteen minutes at the airport Chili's. How do you get in touch, start your life on this new, exciting adventure? Email me your resume.

[petitesmafia]

would be so funny if Verlaine’s first appearance in the canon manga is for the ADA-pm trade negotiation…all the pm execs in a meeting room discussing who from ADA they should take and then all you hear is a fax machine beep and one single page arrives saying “not Dazai. -Verlaine”

#ena.hc #enarchive: sb #bungou stray dogs #bsd verlaine #like i said Verlaine - Dazai beef is real to ME idc the concept is hilarious to me

[khytal]

little bit of everything (filler, canon cases,a movie, the bento fax machine,)

#khyt.detcoposting #the fax machine is hilarious. truly an invention of its time

[boldlyvoid]

I Can See You | Part Two

18+ Aaron Hotchner x Fem Reader | Part One

Summary: While away in California working on a case, Aaron needs his Media Liaison's help. When she gets there, she realizes that being in the field is a lot harder than she ever imagined... she leans on Aaron for support so much that when they get home, their relationship is so different from when she left.

Warnings: Canon Typical Violence (case involving rape and murder) flirting, falling in love, emotional heart-to-heart chats, car sex, public sex, angst, miss understandings. love confessions. making love, unprotected sex, creampies, dirty talk

a/n: thank you @hotchsdoormat for making this post and giving me an idea for this one <;3

word count: 9.1k

Facilities management gets her office completely cleaned out by the end of shift on Friday, they turn the phone in that room back on and set it to her extension. They get a nameplate for her door and slide it into place and then the room is officially hers. 

She sits down at her new desk with a sigh. It smells like paper and dust, the shelves are empty, and it lacks character. She’s requested new, more natural lights, but she knows that changing the fluorescents from blue to yellow is still going to give her a headache. She asked for her own fax machine and this weekend she has to clear out the filing cabinet in order to reorganize it with updated cases. She’s going to have her hands full but that’s good.

Maybe keeping busy will keep her mind off Aaron Hotchner and all the amazing sex she’s been having with him. 

She thinks about him all the way home, in bed before she goes to sleep and even when she wakes up early on Saturday. She makes her way back to the office, it’s only Anderson, a couple of the assistants and herself that are in. She can’t pass Aaron’s office without thinking about how intense her orgasm on his desk was… but she makes it to her own desk with a sigh. 

She’s sitting for maybe 30 seconds when the phone rings. “Agent Y/L/N.” 

“How fast can you be in California?” Aaron asks. “I need you here.” 

“Oh, why?” She can’t help but smile. 

“JJ and Kate are interviewing all the women so that they feel safer and more comfortable but with JJ busy I don’t have anyone here who can speak with the reporters and the Colleges PR people,” he explains. “I really need you here.”

“Uh, yeah, I can come… get Penelope to find me the best ticket out there and I can be at the airport within the hour.” 

“Thank you,” he says with a sigh of relief. “Text me when you get there, let me know when you’re on your way and when you land. I want to know you’re safe.” 

His voice is soft and quiet, he might be alone or at least not around the main team. She loves this voice, he’s so sweet with her sometimes it makes her melt.

“I will,” she smiles. “i’ll see you then.” 

“Bye,” he says before he hangs up. And then he’s gone. 

She brought her go bag home with her last night, repacked it with better outfits and cuter underwear and brought it back to the office with her. This was the last thing she expected when she packed it. She grabs it and her tablet, she has her phone and records an away message for her office phone before she heads out of her office. 

“Anderson,” she calls, getting his attention. “I’m headed to California to help with the media frenzy, I don’t know when I’ll be back. Can you make sure that everything that’s faxed to me gets filed and organized and left on my desk?” 

“Absolutely, have fun,” he says with a roll of his eyes, knowing she’s going to be stressed out more than anything. 

“Can you drive me to the airport?” She asks. 

“I can, I’ll meet you in the garage in 5.” 

She heads right down to Penelope's office and knocks gently before entering. “Did hotch call?” 

“He did, I have your boarding pass here,” she says, reaching to the printer and pulling the paper out as it finishes printing. “This is your fist away case, isn’t it.” 

She nods, “any advice?” 

“Take a moment to yourself whenever you can. It’ll get overwhelming and seeing the horror upfront will suck, so, maybe take this,” Penelope explains, looking through all her little gadgets and toys, she finally picks a little pink unicorn with a clip on it. She reaches out and clips it right onto her go bag. “She’ll keep you company.” 

“Thank you,” she does genuinely appreciate it. 

“The plane leaves in an hour and 45 minutes, I called ahead and said you’re a federal agent and It’s imperative that you make this flight even though you’ll be there in the middle of boarding and they will hold the plane as long as they can for you, so you better skedaddle,” she explains. “Go on, boss lady.” 

“Okay, okay,” she laughs, “I’m going, I’ll probably talk to you later!” 

And with that, she’s gone. Anderson drives her to the airport, she texts Hotch from the car and when she arrives at Ronald Reagan National Airport a half hour later. She still has an hour to spare before taking off, the staff are all incredibly kind to her and she’s handed some complimentary snacks and water at her seat. 

It takes 5 and a half hours for them to fly all the way across the county. She’s on her phone the second she de-boards the plane, she’s about to text Aaron to say she’s arrived when she looks up at the gate and see’s him.

“Hey,” she swoons, she can’t believe he’s there to pick her up. 

“Hi,” he opens his arms and she gladly hugs him. “Garcia told me when you’d be landing and I wasn’t about to let you take another taxi to work.”

She just holds him tighter, appreciating how he smells and how strong he is, she sighs as she pulls back. “I don’t mind… but I’m glad you’re here.” 

He reaches out for her bag, offering to carry it to the car for her. “We’ve got to get back to the precinct. We have a lot to go over, the media is already catching on to this being the second college rape and murder, we need to figure out a way to break the story without causing panic,” he explains as they weasel through the airport traffic, towards his car. 

“I had some time on the plane, I’ve drafted a press release I just need you and the team to approve it and I’m going to send each of the colleges our profile so they can put it on their websites,” she explains. “Who do you want going in front of the cameras?” 

“We can do it together,” he suggests. 

His SUV is parked out front, the lights still going so that he doesn’t get a ticket, he opens the door for her first and then the second door on the passenger side. He puts her bag behind her seat and shuts the door at the same time she shuts her own. He rushes over to the driver's side and gets in quickly, he fastens his seatbelt and keeps the lights on so he can rush out with traffic as fast as possible. 

“You passed your weapons qualifications, right?” He asks, unable to remember off the top of his head. 

“I have… but I don’t carry a weapon.” 

He sighs, “I’m going to give you my second gun when we arrive, I need you to protect yourself. Once we put you on the news you could become one of his targets.” 

“Are you serious?” 

“Unfortunately, you’re around his age preference and you’re beautiful, he’s going to be upset hearing the words you use to describe him to the world and he could lash out,” he explains. 

“Do you keep a second gun in your bag or something?” She asks, having no idea he even had one. 

He smirks, “No, I keep it holstered to my ankle. It’s discreet in case I’m in a situation where they’ve taken my weapon and haven’t patted me down, or when I’ve had my Glock knocked out of my hand. I like to be prepared.” 

“God, you’re so hot,” she says under her voice, shaking her head slightly. 

He laughs, “if you say so.” 

“Aaron,” she can’t believe he doesn’t think he’s hot. “You’ve gotta know you’re one of the most handsome men on earth, I mean come on?” 

He blushes, “I don’t have terrible self-esteem, but I’m also not full of myself.” 

“I’m sure as hell not full of you right now, either, but I still think you’re hot,” she teases. 

He laughs, reaching over he places his hand on her thigh, “You’ll be full of me soon enough, sweet thing. We just have to finish this case, first.” 

“They’re going to catch on,” she reminds him. “We have to be careful.” 

“Even if they figure it out, they won’t say anything unless I bring it up first. They’re still pretty respectful,” he assures her. “But I think we can keep it a secret a while longer.” 

“I hope so, 'cause this is fun.” 

“You think so?” 

“I really do,” she smiles at him. She takes ahold of his hand, interlocking their fingers, appreciating this little amount of affection before they arrive and have to act professionally again. 

—

She goes on national TV at 6pm with Aaron by her side while the rest of the team delivers the profile to the local cops. She’s nervous, but she gets through it without a stutter and she even answers a few reporter's questions. They expect the unsub to see the new reports and act out, either by killing again or by sending them a taunt. Either way, it’s going to be an interesting night. 

They get dinner as a team, enjoying takeout in the back room of the UC Davis police department, and she feels like she made it. When she joined the FBI she always wanted to see some action, she wanted to help in a real way and now she was getting her chance. She reviews the case with them, she gets to help Spencer organize the murder board and she even gets to put in her two cents about who she thinks this guy is. The team is proud of her, they praise her contributions and pat her on the back for a job well done with the media. 

The only hard part is seeing all the gore. The photos of the two dead girls are hard to look at, and the rape kit photos of the other 4 girls are even harder to see. They have to live with this for the rest of their lives… all of them are in the police station, too, all waiting for this to be over. They have 4 cots set up, and a police officer sat outside of the room at all times. They’re as protected as can be now, but not when it would’ve counted. It breaks her heart. 

By the time it hits 11pm, nothing has happened, everyone is tired because it’s 2 in the morning back in D.C. so Aaron calls it, “Let's head back to the hotel, they’ll call us if anything happens.” 

“Sounds good,” Derek is the first to agree. 

They all head out to the parking lot, splitting up to ride in two separate SUVs, she sits behind Aaron's seat because of course she’d want to ride with him but she’s not important enough to call shotgun. Spencer’s sitting beside him, tired and quiet, and JJ is beside her. Derek, Kate and Rossi are in the other SUV, just behind them. 

“Do we have another hotel for Y/N?” JJ asks. 

“I called the hotel and had my room switched to a double queen,” Aaron announces. “I thought it would be easier this way, now the bureau won’t get mad at us for changing another $400 to the credit card.” 

It doesn’t look that weird either, with JJ sharing with Kate, Derek sharing with Spencer and the leaders normally alone, partnering with Hotch isn’t too suspicious. She wonders if it’s even true, if he switched the rooms to have two beds or if that’s just what he’s telling people. Either way, they’ll probably end up sleeping in just the one. 

“Smart thinking,” JJ praises him. “I hope you don’t mind his snoring.” 

Y/N laughs, “I’m used to it— my ex snored a lot. Like so bad we took him to get a sleep study done to see if he had sleep apnea or something? But he didn’t, he just snored like mad. It was annoying,” she quickly makes up a story. Covering for the fact she’s already slept beside Hotch before, she heard his snoring. She didn’t mind it, she actually found it cute. But JJ didn’t need to know that.” 

“If you were still with him I’d suggest mouth taping,” Spencer suggests. “I’ve been reading studies about it, apparently it works.” 

“I’ll keep that in mind if I see another dude who snores, thanks.” 

“No problem,” Spencer says with a smile. 

It doesn’t take long for them to arrive, they park, grab their bags and all head inside. Y/N and Aaron head over to the main desk to switch room keys and the others head on up to their floor. The teams on floor 3, Y/N and Aaron on the other hand, they’re on floor 6. It was the only double queen that was available. 

They head to their room quickly, she’s actually exhausted and ready to sleep even if they were joking earlier about having sex again. And if she’s being honest… she’s a little too sad to do anything tonight. 

He opens the door for them, lets her inside and she places her bag right down on the closest mattress. She sighs as she undoes the zip and searches for her sleep shirt. 

“You tired?” Aaron asks. 

She nods, placing her shirt on the bed, she kicks off her shoes and starts to undress. “I’m so ready to go to sleep.” 

Aaron places his bag down on the other bed, also searching for something to wear but he turns back to her just in time to see her take her shirt off. He smiles at her, she’s just in normal underwear this time, nothing too fancy and cute because she didn’t expect to see him today. “You’re beautiful.” 

She can’t help but smile, “Thanks…” She tosses on her sleep shirt and takes her bra off from inside the shirt. She unclips the back, slips it off both arms and then pulls it out from under, putting it into her bag right away. She pushes her skirt down, takes off her nylons and shoves them in the bag too. 

Once she’s done changing, she grabs her makeup bag and heads into the bathroom to take off all her makeup. Aaron shows up beside her, in just his boxers and a shirt as well, ready to brush his teeth for the night. They get ready for bed silently, both clearly exhausted. He finishes brushing his teeth and watches as she takes off her makeup and applies her nighttime moisturizer, mesmerized by her beauty, he smiles at her through the mirror. 

“did you want to sleep with me?” 

“Like sex?” 

He laughs, “No, I mean do you want to sleep beside me?” 

“Oh, yeah, I’d like that… but I’m not in the mood at all after everything today.”

“Understandable,” he wraps his arm around her and rests his chin on her shoulder, staring at her through the mirror still. “You did a wonderful job today.” 

“Thank you,” she leans into him with a sigh. “can we go to bed now?” 

“Yeah, come on,” he takes her by the hand and walks with her back to the room. “Pick a bed.” 

She picks the one closer to the window, gets in on her normal side and lays back against the pillow. Aaron takes a moment to plug in his phone, moves his bag over to their spare bed and then he turns off the lights. He gets into bed beside her and snuggles in real close, resting his cheek on her chest and his arm slung around her stomach. 

“I’m really glad you’re here,” he whispers. “I slept like a baby on Thursday night.” 

“I know, I did too, I didn’t even hear you leave…”

“I’m sorry about that,” he apologizes again. “I had to be there when Jack woke up 'cause Jess had an early morning meeting with her boss, I kissed you before I left but you didn’t even stir.” 

Her heart melts at the thought of him kissing before slipping out, they had such a wonderful night that night, it’s hard to believe it was even real. “Hey, you’re a good dad. I’m never going to get upset with you for wanting to spend time with your son. I bet he’s incredible, too.” 

“He is, he’s doing this summer gifted program and at the end, he’ll have a certificate that he can put in his college applications, he wants to be an engineer,” he shares, pride just spilling out of him. “He’s so amazing.” 

“He gets it from his dad,” she teases. 

“It’s his mom's side, Haley was always good with science and math, her sister Jess is a computer engineer, and their mom was a nurse for 50 years,” he shares. He’s never opened up like this before. 

“What did your parents do?” She asks, taking advantage of how soft and honest he is late at night, she wants to know all about him. 

“My mom stayed at home with us and took care of the house, my dad was a defence attorney. He was good at telling a lie.”

“Oh,” she can tell there’s issues there. “And you have a brother, right?” 

He nods, “Same dad, different moms, but my mom raised him. My dad got his assistant pregnant and she was going to give the baby up so my dad convinced her to let us keep him.” 

“Wow… that’s intense.” 

He just sighs, “Yeah, it sucked being related to him.” 

“I’m sorry—

“No, no, you don’t have to be, it’s been a long time since he died, I’m not haunted by him or anything, I’m good with where I’m at in life… but you, you’ve never told me why you joined the FBI, or really anything personal?”

“There’s not really much to tell. I went to college and got a degree in criminal justice and took media and communications for fun and then applied to the academy and somehow made it to your team. I guess I’m just lucky,” she shrugs, not thinking too much of it. 

“Your grades were amazing and you were in the top 5 of your class at the academy, it certainly wasn’t luck,” he assures her. “You were the best pick for the team, Cruz was so excited to add you after he saw your application. We were severely lacking without a communications liaison, having you on the team has been so nice… and not just because we’re sleeping together.”

She laughs, “This is a bonus.” 

He sits up slightly to look at her in the darkness, “I think you were right before… about me being lonely. I didn’t realize how much I missed this.” 

She leans in and captures his lips against her own, sharing a sweet kiss with him. “I’m glad you did something about it. I thought with your job, with how often you see power dynamics gone wrong, you would never sleep with a younger co-worker.” 

“I didn’t think I would either,” he admits. He rests his head back down on her, caressing his cheek along her shirt. “It's not because you’re younger that I like you… I can’t even really place why I do. I don’t want to sound crazy, but something more powerful than your looks or your age drew me in. You’re so smart, you’re incredibly kind. This just feels right, doesn’t it?” 

“Aaron Hotchner, don’t make me cry,” she tries to make a joke or else she really will cry. 

“Sorry, I just hope you know this isn’t just a fling. I’m not going to get what I want and toss you aside. I thoroughly enjoy your company, if I met you anywhere else, I’d still want to be with you. It’s just tough when I’m your boss and you’re my employee. If you weren’t, I wouldn’t have asked to keep this a secret. I don’t want you to think I’m ashamed or hiding you. I just want to keep this as pure and just between us as possible. If I file the paperwork and we make it known with Cruz, then Penelope will see it in the file, and she’ll tell Derek and you know how they are. They teased you because I was careless and left a mark where they could see. I don’t want you to go through that. I don’t want people to think you’re doing better than them just because we have sex. I don’t want anyone to diminish your work simply because you’re close to me.” 

“The fact that you care, like genuinely, wholeheartedly care, means a lot. Not a lot of men would think this far ahead or want to protect their mistress,” she hates to use the word, but that’s how she feels. “I know I’m special to you and to this team… and it feels so good to know that. It’s all I wanted for so long, I have tried so hard to be good at everything I do, I try too hard sometimes. It feels so wonderful to know I’m appreciated for my hard work.” 

“you’re not my mistress,” he says, rolling onto his back and pulling her over to cuddle into him instead. “I’d have to have a wife for that.” 

She wants to ask what they are then. But she can’t bring the words to her mouth, they stay in her mind, rattling around and wreaking havoc. “Still, thank you.” 

He kisses the top of her head, resting his lips there longer than she thought he would. He runs his hand up and down her back in a gentle motion, soothing her. “You’re welcome.” 

He’s so warm and delicate with his touches, it makes her even sleepier. Her eyes get heavy to the point she can’t keep them open anymore, and before she knows it, she’s sound asleep against his chest. She twitches a few times as she falls deeper, her breathing changes, and she gets heavier, too. 

He knows she’s asleep now. Knows she can’t hear him. So he says it. 

“Goodnight, sweetheart… I love you.” 

—

Neither one of them set an alarm last night before bed. So, at 7:30am, someone knocks on their hotel door. They’re cuddled into each other, spooning, facing the window when Aaron hears it. He’s quick to rub his eyes and get out of bed, heading towards the door. He squints as he looks through the peephole to see Spencer, fully dressed and ready for the day. 

“Did something happen?” 

Spencer looks at him and then into the room to see Y/N sound asleep in her bed… but the other bed hasn’t been slept in. Not a crease to be found on the comforter, his eyes go wide but he keeps this newfound revelation to himself. “Uh, yeah, it’s almost 10 in Virginia, Penelope got a CODIS match on a set of fingerprints we picked up at the last murder, the guy's name is Michael Hawthorn, we’re just waiting on warrants to go through the courts. We’re supposed to meet with the state police in 45 minutes about it all.”

“Shit,” Aaron realizes they’ve slept in, “okay, you all can head in with Derek, Y/N and I will be leaving in a few minutes.” 

“Sounds good…” 

“Don’t,” Aaron points at him. “It’s not what it looks like. She was having a hard time dealing with guilt after speaking with the victims yesterday, I offered her some comfort, and we fell asleep in the same bed. Nothing more.” 

“Okay,” Spencer takes his word for it. “I’ll keep this between us… just be glad it was me who drew the short straw to come up and get you.” 

“Thank you, Reid,” he gives him a small smile. “Seriously, we’ll be leaving shortly.” 

She wakes up to all the talking, she sits up and rubs her eyes just as Aaron closes the door again, “what’s going on?” 

“We never set an alarm,” he simplifies it. “The team is headed to the precinct right now, they have a CODIS match on a fingerprint.” 

“Oh, shit, okay,” she gets out of bed quickly and grabs her bag, “can I use the bathroom first?” 

“Go for it,” he doesn’t mind, heading into his own go bag to get ready for the day. 

He wears the same suit pants and jacket, he gets a new dress shirt and tie from his bag and quickly puts it all on. He adds deodorant and a little cologne, he combs his hair and waits for the bathroom to be free again so he can brush his teeth. He holsters his gun to his belt last and checks his pocket to make sure he still has his wallet, badge and cuffs on his person. 

When she comes out, she’s in a pants suit as well, his gun holstered to her hip and everything. She looks amazing. He looks her up and down quickly, wishing they had more time so he could properly show he how much he likes this outfit, but they don’t. “Wow…” 

“Oh, hush,” she says with a smile, clearly appreciative. “Finish getting ready, I’m going to head downstairs and get us some coffee from the continental breakfast and I’ll meet you by the car.” 

She goes to walk by him but he stops her, pulling her in by her suit jacket until their chests touch, he takes her jaw in his hand and directs her attention to his eyes. “If I don’t get a chance to tell you again today, just know I think you’re beautiful.” 

He leans in and kisses her, too. She pulls away with a smile, she’s never kissed him with 2 days of scruff on his face, before, so it tickles her upper lip. “Go finish getting ready, the faster we get this guy, the faster we can go home and spend some time together…” 

“Okay,” he agrees but steals one last kiss, he lightly smacks her ass as she starts to walk away, “I’m going to show you what this little number does to me when we get home.” 

She just laughs, “Oh, I can’t wait… but we have a killer to catch, so chop-chop.” She grabs her bags and heads out after that. 

He’s quick to brush his teeth, check himself in the mirror and then he’s out too, barely 5 minutes behind her. He rushes down to the car, only to see Y/N has dropped her bags and the coffee, she’s got someone at gunpoint beside the car.

He drops his bag too, raising his go as he makes his way closer. “What’s going on?” 

“It’s the college rapist,” she says through gritted teeth. “I know those eyes from the drawing. He was waiting here by the car, he—

“I just wanted to ask for your number, you’re pretty!” The guy cuts her off, hands in the air, he looks scared. “I’m not a rapist!” 

“What’s your name?” Aaron asks. 

“Mike!”

“Mike what?” He asks again, getting closer and lowering his weapon so the man trusts him a bit. 

“Michael Hawthorn,” he states his full name. “I promise, I was just walking to my own car, thought she looked pretty, that’s all man.” 

He knows he’s lying. He knows this is the man the team is currently looking for. Maybe sleeping in was a good thing. Giving Y/N his second gun was even better. He can’t believe she recognized his eyes from the sketch of the unsub. She was quick to draw her gun, quick to defend herself, too. 

Aaron drops his gun, reaches out for the guy and gives him a fake smile, “I get it…” and then he has him pinned to the SUV and starts to cuff him. “But, you have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be provided for you. Do you understand the rights I have just read to you? With these rights in mind, do you wish to speak to me any further?” 

“I didn’t do anything!!” 

“Call Morgan,” he says to Y/N, “tell him we have Michael Hawthorn in custody.” 

“Aaron… we don’t have enough evidence,” she worries, holstering her gun again. 

“We do. That CODIS match that Penelope got this morning, the fingerprints matched a Michael Hawthorn. They’re about to issue a warrant for your arrest, anyway,” he explains. “You just couldn’t handle the fact that she went on the national news and started talking shit about you, could you? You’re such a weak little man you have to rape girls to feel control. You have to corner them in a parking lot to feel the power. You’re just a loser and you’re going to prison.” 

Y/N steps away and takes her phone out, she calls Derek right away and tells him everything. Hotch still has him pinned to the SUV, waiting for the inevitable slue of cop cars to come rushing to the scene, to take this man into their custody. 

Michael knows he fucked up. He got cocky, he thought he couldn’t get caught but here he is, cuffed and pinned to a fed’s SUV. “What were you even planning to do? Just talk to me?” 

“I’m not speaking without my lawyer,” he says. It’s probably the smartest decision he’s made today. 

“Derek said they are just waiting on the judge to pass the search warrant, it should happen in the next few minutes. That includes his car, which I imagine is here?” She explains. 

Hotch pats him down and finds his keys in his pocket. He hands them over to her. “When it goes through you can have the honours.” 

It doesn’t take long for them to hear the sirens approaching, and once they’re heard, they’re seen just as quickly. 4 cop cars and Derek's SUV come whipping around the corner and into the small hotel parking lot, surrounding them. They hand the unsub off to the police, Aaron advises them that he’s already been read his rights and they take him off to the jail to be booked. 

“how’d this happen?” Derek asks. 

“I came down to get us some coffee before we head out and he was waiting for me, he walked up to me and said ‘You’re just as pretty as you are on TV’ and I saw his eyes were just like the sketch that Amy drew, so I pulled my weapon and luckily Aaron was right behind me and was able to get his name and cuff him,” she explains. 

“if it wasn’t for Spencer telling me the guy's name, I would’ve just told him to fuck off,” Aaron adds.

“Why were you guys late to begin with?” JJ asks, it’s honestly unheard of for Hotch to be late. 

“We were talking when I was getting ready for bed and I never set an alarm,” he admits. 

“I was having a hard time sleeping knowing I get to live the rest of my life without the trauma these girls will have for the rest of their life,” she adds. It’s more than she told Aaron yesterday, but it’s the most believable because it’s true. 

Derek pulls her in for a side hug, “This job sucks sometimes but you saved a few more girls from going through it with your quick thinking… I didn’t even know you carried a gun?” 

“It’s Aarons…” she explains as she pulls away, referencing the small revolver at her hip. “He had a feeling this guy would see me on the news and contact me. He was right.” 

“He’s hardly ever wrong,” Kate teases. Having been on the team just a few months now, she knows everyone on the team is so good at their job, they could’ve all predicted this. 

Once the warrants go through, Y/N and Aaron check the unsubs car and the others head back to his house. She finds his rape kit but nothing else. “His souvenirs must be back at his apartment,” Y/N sighs, shaking her head. “I can’t believe how fast you got him pinned to the car?” 

“Why?” Aaron smirks. “You know I’m always going to protect you, right?” 

She nods, stepping in closer to him so none of the crime scene cops hear, “Yeah, I know… but it was hot. Like, really hot…” 

He takes off his plastic gloves and looks over to the cops, “are you guys good here without us?” 

“Yep, we’re basically done, we just need to take some photos and get his car towed,” the main detective explains. “Thanks for bringing him in, the colleges are going to be pleased to know their girls are a bit safer now.” 

“Anytime,” Hotch waves them off and has Y/N follow him back over to the SUV. 

She gets buckled into the passage side, watches him put on his seatbelt and throws the car in reverse, he peels out of the parking lot and she thinks they’re going to catch up with the others at the unsubs house… instead, he takes them down some random street and parks them in the ally behind an unoccupied storefront. “How hot?” 

“What?” She laughs. 

“How hot was me throwing that guy up against the SUV and cuffing him?” 

Heat rushes through her body as she realizes what’s happening, “Aaron…” 

“Answer me.” 

She unbuckles her seatbelt and kneels on the seat, unbuttoning her suit pants, “You know, if you’re going to be so sexy on the scene you should at least do it on days when I’m wearing a skirt.” 

His laugh is deep and dark, he undoes his belt and pushes the seat back so there’s enough room between his chest and the steering wheel for her to sit. He watches her push her pants down and as soon as just the one leg is free he hauls her into his lap. He helps her out of her suit jacket and tosses it onto the passenger seat, “I told you this outfit was doing something for me.” 

“Show me,” she begs. “You said you’d show me?” 

With one hand on her hip, he pushes her button-up shirt up to see what she’s wearing. It’s a 1 piece of lingerie, white to hide under her shirt and lacy as hell. “I will show you…. Just let me appreciate this a bit. I know you spent too much money to get these for me, I’m going to make it worth it, baby.” 

He doesn’t want to unbutton the whole shirt, he wants her to still be partially dressed if they get caught… he knows they won't but he’s careful, nonetheless. He unbuttons the first 4 buttons, allowing the shirt to cup her boobs. He leans in and kisses her neck, one hand on her back, helping her arch so he can press kisses down her chest as she grinds against him. 

“Please, Aaron,” she pleads. “Just move it to the side and fuck me.” 

He hums against her, “Take me out?” He whispers, moving up to kiss her on the mouth again. She reached between them, pulled his zipper apart and reached into his boxers. He was hard, so hard that as soon as he was free his erection slapped against his stomach and he moaned into her mouth. She stroked him gently, causing him to buck his hips up into her, clashing his teeth against hers as the kiss gets rougher. 

He pushes her panties to the side, and brushes past her clit which makes her gasp. Not wasting any time, Y/N moved back so she could angle her hips over him and slid right onto his cock. The feeling of being filled and the grip Aaron had on her waist was mesmerizing. Aaron took her face in his hands and pulled her in for another kiss, it wasn’t as rough as before but still full of want. 

Y/N started to rock her hips forward, picking up a rhythm as their mouths moved together as well. He’d never felt this way while having sex with another person, maybe it was just really good, or maybe this is what making love felt like… even if they were just having a quickie in a borrowed FBI SUV. 

Aaron’s never felt this many emotions during sex, never once had he got butterflies thinking about sleeping with someone, let alone had his stomach flip when he turned a corner and merely saw someone… Something about Y/N and all the things they did together was different. Even a week into sleeping with each other, it was all so different than any relationship he’d ever had with anyone in his life. 

He really loved her, he was sure of it. 

That thought rocked though his body like someone had punched him in the gut. He stopped moving and pulled away from Y/N’s mouth. Eyes wide and staring at him.

“What? Are you okay?” She asked in shock.

He blinked a few times and shook his head, “No, yeah, sorry I thought I heard something sorry.”

She kissed him again, lightly this time. “We can stop if you want?”

Aaron simply gripped her hips tighter, bit his lip while looking her dead in the eyes, “I really don’t want to stop.” 

“Good.” She moaned, pulling him in again and kissing him some more.

She moved one hand to be in the back little tuft of hair at the base of his neck, tugging gently. 

Y/N could stay in these motions for hours, the feeling of Aaron inside her, lightly hitting her G-spot. The feeling of his big hand on her hip as the other roamed around to the front to rub her clit, getting her closer to the finish. It was the best pleasure one could experience. All building to one massive crescendo. 

Y/N felt herself getting close, her hips bucking more erratically. Aaron’s breath on her mouth was a sign he was feeling it too, his breathing had picked up when he started to get close the last time as well. 

She breathes heavily into his mouth, moaning slightly as everything builds and builds and builds and “Oh,” she tosses her head back and rides out her orgasm over him. 

Her cunt flutters, sucking him in even deeper, he’s not that far behind her. He buries his face in her neck and sloppily kisses her, he grips her hips with both hands now and uses all his strength to keep her bouncing on his cock. He mumbles against her neck, “Feel so fuckin’ good, baby, oh my god, I’m right there….” 

“Please sir, cum in me, fill me up, I want to go back to work and feel you slowly dripping out of me for the rest of the day,” she eggs him on. 

He groans, deep from within himself, he had no idea something like that would get him going but here he is, finishing deep inside her. He kisses her neck again, up to her ear and then grips the back of her head, pushing her lips against his own. It’s hot and heavy again, still inside her, he wishes he could stay in her all day long… but then his phone rings. Bringing an end to their fun.  

He pulls back and brushes her hair off her face, looking deep in her eyes, “You’re nasty… I love it.” 

She simply smirks, “I know.” 

She reaches into his suit jacket and takes his phone, answering for him. “SSA Aaron Hotchner's Phone…”

He can’t believe she, answering his phone for him while sitting on his softening dick. He starts rebutting her shirt for her, pressing a kiss to the centre of her chest before doing the last button up 

“Yeah, he’s just driving right now, yep, sounds good, Derek. We’ll Meet you on the tarmac,” she smiles, hanging up on him. “They found his trophies, Hawthorn is royally fucked, now.”

“Good, now let’s get you home.” 

—

Agreeing to go to the bar after work with the main team wasn’t her smartest decision. You see, once Derek Morgan gets a couple drinks in his system, he’s even more of a teasing little shit than normal. 

So far, she’s been able to avoid his questions, he’s been kidding around with Penelope, asking JJ and Will about what it's like to have a sex life with a kid in the home and even teasing Kate about getting knocked up around Valentine's Day… Savannah seven shows up around the time gets a 3rd drink and she thinks the coast is clear, he’ll be too busy with the love of his life to ask Y/N any questions. 

She was wrong. 

“So,” he announces, letting everyone know he’s about to go off on another tangent. “Tell us about this new thing you’ve got going on, who is he… or is it a she?” 

She just laughs, “I’m not seeing anyone.” 

“Ooo so some random dude gave you a hickie on a Thursday night?” 

“What is with you and making the whole Thursday night thing such a big deal? I had free time after work, sue me!” 

“I’m not trying to be mean, I just wanna know what’s happening in your life! You’re hot and young, you’ve gotta be doing something fun with your time.” 

“You’re a poet,” she teases him for rhyming. “But no, it’s nothing serious. It's… a situationship at best. We fuck to blow off steam, it’s nothing more.” 

She hopes that that will get him off her case, she says exactly what she knows he wants to hear and nothing more… but then she turns to Aaron. He’s taking the last sip of his drink, he frowns and checks his phone. “Excuse me, everyone, I have to head home, Jack needs me.” 

“Oh, yeah, no problem boss man, have a good night,” Derek taps his shoulder as Aaron pushes through the crowd. 

Her heart breaks. She fucked up. Spencer looks at her, knowingly. He’s probably the only one on the team who’s clued in on them sleeping together, and it’s only because he was the one who came to their hotel room to fetch them during the case. 

“Um…” she’s so thrown now, she just stares at the door feeling like shit. “I think I should go home, too.” 

“Yeah, okay,” Derek rolls his eyes. “Go get dicked-down.” 

“Derek,” she stares him down, trying to stand her ground. “Please stop. I don’t like when you do this.” 

“Okay,” he backs down. “I’m sorry, I was just teasing—

“If it’s just you laughing, it’s not funny,” she snaps back. “Please, stop asking about it, stop teasing, stop digging. I’m not someone who likes to share.” 

“Okay, okay, I’m sorry, genuinely,” he truly means it. 

“I’ve gotta go,” she grabs her purse and all but runs out the door. She runs down the sidewalk all the way to the parking lot and blocks the exit so he can’t drive out. “Aaron!” 

He rolls the window down, yelling, “are you crazy?! I could’ve hit you?” 

She rushes around to the passenger side and reefs on the door, “Open up!” He clicks the unlock button and she gets in quickly. Cars honk behind him so he has to keep driving, rolling out onto the road, he follows traffic out. “I’m so sorry!” 

“No, it’s fine, I get it—

“No. You don’t. I only said that because then they’d stop asking about it! You’re more to me than some stupid guy that I just fuck for fun, I promise you, you mean so so so much to me.” 

He pulls the car over to the side of the road and looks at her. “How much?” 

“I-I… Aaron?” She pleads with her eyes, not wanting to embarrass herself by saying it if he doesn’t love her back. 

“Say it.” 

She opens her mouth, trying to say it but she can’t. 

“Fine,” he shakes his head and gives in. “I get it if you don’t feel the same but this isn’t just sex for me. I only started it as a sex thing because I couldn’t handle asking you out on a real date and romancing you and you just getting bored of me… I thought if we had sex, maybe, just maybe, you’d love me back too.” 

“Aaron—

“It’s fine if you—

“I do love you!” She shouts. “I love you so much it makes me feel fucking insane! I never imagined you loving me back…” 

“Why not?” He doesn’t understand that. “You’re everything to me? I haven’t felt this way about someone since I was a teenager. When I thought my first wife was going to be the love of my life…” 

She softens up, completely, looking at him with her whole heart in her expression, “Oh, Aaron, I-I… I’m sorry, I just never thought you’d love me, you’re so important and I’m just—

“You’re a crustal member of my team. Without you, we’d all be lost… but you’re so much more than just the media girl,” he admits. “When I rehired for that position I hoped I’d have someone who would help me but you’ve done so much more than that. You make me feel special. You make me feel handsome again… you make me feel loved and appreciated and like I’m good. I don’t often feel like a good person. You make me not only feel like I’m worthy of happiness but you bring me so so much. I love you. I don’t care if that affects how we do our jobs. I love you. And I don’t know if I can stop.” 

She unclips her seatbelt and reaches over, cupping his face in her hands, “I don’t ever want you to.” 

He presses their lips together a bit roughly and she smiles into the kiss, “take me home,” she whispers against his lips. “Please?” 

“Put your seatbelt back on,” he teases as he pulls away. He makes sure she’s safely buckled in before he merges back out with the traffic. He moves his light hand over to rest on her leg, rubbing circles with his thumb, he just likes to touch her all the time. 

She reaches down to the button of her suit pants and pops it, she pulls at the fabric making the zipper hiss as it’s ripped apart. She grips his wrist and redirects his hand into her panties. Sometime between the flight home and heading to the bar, she changed her underwear… what she was wearing got a little ruined from their previous antics in the car, but she didn’t care. 

“Eager, are we?” 

She nods, “Please?” She holds his wrist with her right hand and wraps her left around his bicep, holding onto him as his finger makes contact with her clit once more. “Oh, thank you,” she moans, relaxing into her seat finally. 

He smirks, watching the road but he can see her head lulled back in his peripheral vision. “Let me hear you, baby, it’s just us…” 

“I’ve missed your fingers,” she admits through bated breath. “Oh my god, Aaron,” she pushes her hips up into his touch for more, feeling him press into her harder, he uses his forefingers to rub her clit now. She’s so fucking wet he can hear it alongside her whimpers and moans for more.

“You’re just so desperate for me,” he teases her.  

“Feels, oh god, feels so good, I— oh,” she bucks her hips up against his hand he knows she’s close. She grips his bicep harder, “I wanna cum, please? Please? Can I cum?” 

He smirks, turning onto her street, he could either let her cum now or make her hold off until he’s inside her… “cum for me, baby,” he lets her go. She’s going to be so much more pliant and overstimulated once he gets her through the door, now.

Barely over her orgasm, she points at her usual parking spot and tells him to take it. He pulls in and parks, he takes his hand out of her pants and sucks his fingers clean. She doesn’t even bother buttoning her pants back up, she simply throws off her seatbelt and opens the door. He follows her lead, into the building and towards the elevator. 

Once the doors are closed he lunges for her, kissing her deeply he cups his hand at the back of her head to protect her as he slams her up against the wall. Her hands go inside his suit jacket, scratching at his skin through his dress shirt. The elevator dings on her floor, opening its doors, they pull apart and he holds her hand as she drags him down the hallway towards her apartment. She digs her keys from her purse and unlocks the door as quickly as possible. 

Once again, he gets her inside, she tosses her things to the ground and has her turn to push him up against the wall. He pushes her suit jacket off her shoulders and she undoes his belt, pulling it through the loops and then she tosses it to the floor beside her purse. He starts to walk he backwards, still making out, he follows the floor plan of her apartment and leads her towards what he assumes is her bedroom. She simply pulls away and laughs, “Taking me to do laundry?” 

“Sorry, I don’t know where we’re going?” He laughs, too. Smiling at her, he keeps both his hands on her hips. “Show me the way?” 

She takes his hand and tugs him the other way down the hall, into her bedroom she flicks the light on and feels a bit embarrassed, “Sorry it’s a mess in here.” 

“It’s fine… I’m going to end up making a mess of you anyway,” Aaron teases. 

He pulls her in close again and starts unbuttoning her dress shirt. She does the same for him, pushing both his shirt and his jacket to the floor once she’s done. She takes her own shirt off too and then starts pushing her pants down. She kicks her shoes off and once she’s in just her underwear she gets into bed. She watches him kick his shoes off too, he makes eye contact with her as he pushes his pants and boxers to the floor. 

Oh, she’s getting ruined tonight. 

He gets on the bed between her legs, “come on, get naked with me,” he says as he reached for her panties. He tugs them off and she reaches behind her back to unclasp her bra. As soon as she’s completely naked, he hovers over her, and runs his hand from her cheek down her neck and between her breasts, “you’re so beautiful.” 

“You’re not too bad yourself,” she teases, leaning in to steal a kiss. 

He drops his chest against hers, wraps his arms around her and completely engulfs her with himself. She wraps her legs around him, grinding his hardening cock against her core. Holding his face in her hands. He trails his hands over her stomach, along her sides up to cup her boobs. He grinds his hips against hers, cock pushing between her folds the head collides with her clit, making them moan into each other's mouths.  

“Aaron baby,” she runs her fingers through his hair, “make love to me?” 

He grips himself at the base of his cock and taps the head against her clit with a smirk, she moans slightly, reaching out for him to come back to her, equally just as needy as him. 

He slips into her slowly, pushing in little by little while his tongue explores her mouth. With her hands now in his hair, his all over her body, she wraps her legs around him as he bottoms out. He pulls his lips away just enough to whisper, “I love you.” He kisses her jaw, up to her ear as he starts to thrust lightly. 

“I love you,” she moans back, grinding up against him. His pelvis rubs against her clit, he’s so deep inside of her, he’s so tender with her and her body. He wraps an arm around her, under her back, and the other cups the back of her head while he kisses her neck, fucking into her with so much passion she could cry. 

Other than their subtle moans and the headboard hitting the wall again, they’re mostly quiet. She’s so close, her stomach is a flutter of fireflies, twinkling as they swirl around inside of her. “Please?” She mumbles, gripping his back like her life depends on it, “fuck, go a little harder, please?” 

He hums against her neck before pulling back, he settles on his knees, spreading hers apart as he fucks into her with more intent. He shoves a pillow under her lower back, getting even deeper inside than before while at a beautiful angle. He reaches between them, rubbing her clit for added pleasure and boy, does she love it. Her back arches and she writhes in the sheets with only one thought in her mind. 

“I love you, oh I love you,” she reminds him. “Right there, please, baby?” 

“Cum for me, my love,” he can’t help but smile, the sight unfolding under him was a dream come true. 

Her orgasm hits her suddenly, spreading through her body while she shook and trembled under him. “Holy shit,” he stumbled forward, resting against her again as he rutted his hips into her with vigour. She wrapped herself around him again, relishing in the pleasure that filled her body.

His rhythm falters, “I love you, baby, god, I’m— oh fuck, I love you,” he pants against her neck buried so deep inside of her, he lets go and finishes with a deep groan. 

He slumps against her, fucked out and exhausted. She holds him close, running her hands up and down his back. “I love you… I’m so glad I can say it now.” 

“I’m glad too,” he smiles against her. He snuggles in, not resting as much weight on her but still there, on her chest and still inside her. “I’m going to tell you all the time.” 

“Should we go see Cruz tomorrow?” She suggests. “I don't think I can keep it a secret anymore.” 

He nods, “Yeah… and you can tell everyone when you want to. I want you to be respected no matter what.” 

“Which is why I love you,” she teases. 

“We’re going to be okay,” he assures her. “I know it.” 

“I do too.” 

@dim-i-try @mrs-ssa-hotch 

General Taglist 

@ncsls0515 @stevesmunsons @reidsbookclub @sweetyyhippyy @manuosorioh @mrs-dr-reid @k-k0129 @squishyturtlee @katsukis1wife @babybisexual @marsmunson86 @buckleyhans

#aaron hotchner #aaron hotch hotchner #aaron hotch x reader #aaron hotch x you #hotch smut #hotch x reader #criminal minds smut #criminal minds imagine

[bucketsquid]

Religion in the World of Splatoon - An Analysis

A thought struck me when I was thinking about the Horrorboros and how it’s pretty strongly intended to be an Eastern dragon-- “there really isn’t much discussion on the topic of religion and spirituality in the Splatoon world, even though it’s quite There”. I think that’s really interesting, because while it’s not a detail that’s front-and-center, it’s still pretty present in aspects of the world.

So, I offer you: a quick look and breakdown of religious + spiritual aspects in the funny little squid game. It’s not catch-all, I may miss fine details or this or that, but there’s some stuff that people often miss or are surprised to hear when I bring it up.

The tl;dr is that “yeah, it’s there. Squid Shinto is alive and well and we have, at least, canonization that the Squids (and Octopuses) acknowledge Christianity existing”.

But that’s not nearly enough for me, so read on if you want to see the details!

With the whole game taking place in mollusc-era Japan, there’s a good deal of “leftover” spiritual and religious aspects that remain or have otherwise been adopted by its cephalopod residents. I have a pretty strong case to say that Shinto still very much exists, and is a part of life, for Inklings and Octolings. Shinto at its core isn’t something that people with only a Western experience with religion and spirituality might easily pick out, simply because it’s treated and integrated into society somewhat differently. It’s something you have to approach after discarding your expectations, experiences and baggage involving what you know of religion. But it’s there, and really smoothly woven into Inkopolis.

(Pic from Splatoonwiki, higher res here.)

Skipper Pavilion is pretty intensely and obviously a center of traditional Japanese celebration and Shinto spirituality. It’s a theater first and foremost, not necessarily a shrine, but it has Shinto aspects present. Its two mudskipper statues are direct parallels to komainu statues, which you’ll often find guarding a shrine; they even have the “one with closed mouth, one with an open mouth” detail found in paired komainu statues. Clever attention to detail!

(Pic from Splatoonwiki, higher res here.)

Note these little areas with the blue curtains, too. The boxes of objects being sold remind me quite strongly of windows at shrines where you obtain omamori! Shinto shrines regularly offer these to people who give a donation, and they provide the shrine’s blessing to those who carry them on their person. (We never say that you buy or sell omamori.)

Finally, while I can’t find visuals of them, Splatoonwiki also says that there’s collections of ema plaques on the Skipper Pavilion stage as well. These are small wooden plaques that one typically writes wishes or desires on, before hanging them up with other ema. Like with the omamori, you can regularly find these at Shinto shrines, both in terms of ones you can obtain, and in space for you to hang them up. (If someone can find a screencap of the ema in this stage, I’d really appreciate it!)

...

Moving on from the Pavilion, there’s some other small details and indications of Shinto or a derived form of it in Inkopolis culture. One familiar sight is the Splatfest fax machine.

It’s the super-special fax machine that delivers our Splatfest themes! And it’s also implied to have a divine nature: the NA localization names it The Voice on High according to Splatoonwiki, while in Japanese it’s Kami-sama. That’s a very esteemed title for a fax machine: this implies that it’s seen as a divine being, and quite respectfully too.

While kami is often a catchall word for “god”, “deity”, and so on in Japanese, it also refers to the inherently Shinto concept of kami: a spiritual being that may be anything as great as a deity of heavenly power, or something as modest as the soul of an ancient tree. It’s a kind of difficult concept to fully explain in a brief thing like this... but it’s a huge deal. Given the attention to detail with Shinto aspects in Inkopolis, I think it’s no coincidence that the fax machine is called this. And I think that’s incredibly charming that Inklings saw this still-functioning relic from the human age and attributed divinity to it and its abilities.

(More obvious, but note the ofuda (paper charms) attached to it in the photo; ofuda have a ton of different meanings and uses, but we can pretty safely assume it’s of a protective or otherwise spiritually-significant nature here.)

I’ll also go ahead and mention the message that comes with this Sunken Scroll: "Why are we here? For what purpose do we exist? We must not dwell on these questions. We can merely trust in the will of the universe and spend our days and nights in harmony with the world, celebrating this festival called Life."

Yeah, that feels very “practical Shinto thought” to me, speaking as a Shinto practitioner. While “contemplation of existence and purpose” are still perfectly good subjects, there’s also, often, an emphasis on living practically, focusing on the present day and your community, and being in harmony with the world. This fits in perfectly with that philosophy.

One more detail is that, originally, the Squid Sisters were meant to be shrine maidens of a sort. They were meant to pass on the messages of fax machine Kami-sama to everyone else... or in other words, announcing Splatfest themes. While you can’t see this shrine maiden DNA in their designs anymore, they kept the Splatfest announcement detail through development. In a sense, I guess all of the news announcers and Splatfest hosts have a relationship with the divine.

...

“Alright, that’s all super cool, Marine, but what about the other stuff? They have Squidmas and there’s those Sunken Scrolls too!”

Yup, they sure do. But from what we see in canon and from observations of the cephalopod world, these details feel like a case of “things that Inklings borrowed from humans and played with because they thought they were cool”, rather than “things Inklings kept and adopted because they were a part of the human culture in this region”. There doesn’t seem to be much of a presence of Squid Christianity much at all, at least in Inkopolis: Squidmas exists, but when discussed there’s absolutely no talk or evidence of any religious aspects that may have been lifted from humans. As far as we know, it’s “winter holiday that has some Christmas stage dressing”, which is a very Inkling thing to do with how much they like to borrow from humans. They love to do it so much.

Secondly, yeah, these two Sunken Scrolls do very much point at evidence of “the cephalopods found some traces of Christianity and made content based on it, or inspired by it”. The Book of Madai scroll is particularly pointed in its name, writing and artwork styles. But while this proves that this exists in some form, that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s particularly established in Inkopolis. We don’t have nearly as much evidence for Squid Christianity as we do for Squid Shinto, and it’s pretty safe to say that Squid Shinto is much more of a thing in Inkadia.

So what are we taking away from this? Mostly “yeah, religion and spirituality are very much a thing in the Mollusc Era, and it’s very elegantly woven into the setting”. Pretty cool if you ask me, it makes me really happy to find these thoughtfully-placed details where I then go “oh, I know what that is!”. It really adds to the hopeful post-human setting, that even after humans have long since gone extinct, their legacy still remains, and is celebrated and cared deeply for by the Earth’s new peoples.

I’ll probably add a small reblog to this later with my thoughts on the Inkantation and Salmonids, but this is definitely enough for one post.

#splatoon #worldbuilding #shinto #long post #anyone can reblog this! #in fact please do if you like it. i have a lot of warm thoughts about this topic in funny squid world :)

[rozcdust]

I don’t speak to whores

Pairing: Bonten x AroAce!GN!Reader

Genre: Crack, SMAU

Word Count: 1.2K

Warnings: Canon divergent, profanity, ooc, whore behaviour, qpp relatinship, NO ROMANCE, just reader bullying Bonten

pt. 1 | masterlist

“Oh, hello baby, here so early?” Rindou leaned against the fax machine, smugly sipping his coffee.

The break room was supposed to be silent at this time of day, but apparently, Satan had other ideas for you, because just as you were about to make yourself a smoothie, the brother of the harlot showed up.

Trying to contain the urge to spit in his face, you thought for a second about how you weren’t even sure an action as plain as a taking sip of coffee can be smug, yet here the jellyfish was.

Being smug.

His voice, like a fork on a glass window, drilling into your skull from 7:13 motherfucking a. in the m.

“Good morning mr…. Sorry, what is your name again?”

Rindou simply grinned.

Of course, you knew his name, you weren’t that stupid, but rather you just wanted to annoy him a little.

Give him a taste of his own fucking medicine.

Just as he opened his mouth, you turned the blender on.

“Rindou.”

Shutting the blender off, you threw him a confused look.

“Rando?”

He frowned, just a little, before trying again.

On the blender went, as you shamelessly stared him dead in the eye.

“Rindou. Or Rin.” He tried to out-talk the noisiness of the blender, but to no avail.

Off.

“Ran?”

On.

“That is my brother. I’m Rindou.”

Off.

“Rambo?

On.

“Rindou.”

Off, now paired with a cute tilt of your head, letting him know you were just an innocent little cretchure meaning no harm, except the broken shins.

“Jeremy?”

Rindou blinked.

“You know what, never mind,” He shook his head, decided from that moment on you were a fucking asshole, but mostly stupid, and clearly Kokonoi and Ran were losing their pick-up game, “Whatcha printing?

“Oh, nothing much,” You solemnly said, picking up the papers the printer spat out to straighten them out, “Just something for the meeting.”

Something small stirred in Rindou’s chest.

He has a bad feeling about this.

And oh, how right that bad feeling was.

“No, y/n, baby, that won’t make sense-“ Ran was silenced with a blast of water to the face, before you dramatically cleared your throat, picking up a piece of paper.

“Do cars run out of honk?”

No one said a word.

They would have laughed, probably, but you instilled the fear of God into their stupid little brains and they didn’t dare breathe and at this point, while Mikey was honestly considering if your next bonus should be a house.

Because you are a God-sent, and this morning, you rolled up into the meeting room with a Super Soaker and a stack of papers, all containing their search history.

The rules were simple.

If they interrupted you, touched you or in any other way behaved in a less than professional manner, depending on how much you hated them at that moment, they either get splashed, or their most embarrassing Google search read out.

In the case of Ran, he got both, because he was a slutty little man with a slutty little waist who needed to be taught a fucking lesson.

Continuing your presentation, you were interrupted at least another four times, which at this point, was an actual joy.

Maybe you were a little bit of a sadist, because watching them lose all of their arrogance and crumble away with shame brought a new joy you never knew could be possible in your life.

You almost wanted to do a Powerpoint on just the dumb shit they Googled when they thought no one could see or know.

But you knew.

You knew all their sins and you knew every single time they as much as sneezed and you knew everything they have ever done to wrong you and God both because they’re fucking idiots and obvious as fuck.

Like the bug they tried to plant on your jacket last week, thinking you wouldn’t notice the tiny device.

Oh, how wrong they were.

“Okay, y/n, seriously this is getting a little weird-“ Kakucho was interrupted by slamming papers and the dreaded sound of you, clearing your throat.

“Kakucho’s top dumbass search was ‘How to boil water?’ followed by ‘How to boil an egg?’”

Kakucho shrunk in his seat.

Rindou looked at Mikey, betrayal written all over his face.

“Boss, you won’t stop this? I mean- This is a cruel and unusual punishment! This is public humiliation-“

Mikey merely stared at his executive, not saying a word.

At this point, he was fearing for his life too.

And because you hated Rindou, by association mostly, he also got water sprayed on his face.

“How much cum do you need for your daily dose of protein?”

Rindou wanted Earth to swallow him right then and there when he saw Sanzu wink at him.

“Seriously, Mikey, stop them-“ Kokonoi was your next victim, and truly what a joy it was.

“Elon Musk x reader smut.”

At this point they gave up on complaining.

Which was a shame.

You still had ‘Can you circumcise yourself?’ and ‘Do women like nipple hair on me?’ on your list.

And you were truly saddened you’ll never get to reveal Mikey googled ‘Bing’.

Public humiliation worked.

For two fucking days.

Again.

Either all of them were extremely passionate about ruining lives, or there was some big money going around in the ‘Get the secretary to quit’ betting pool because these bitches were persistent, to a concerning degree.

It was getting kinda sad, honestly.

You would have felt a little bad, but as the weeks passed, another unfortunate issue arose.

None of them did any of their fucking paperwork, with the exception of Kokonoi, but you lost all respect for him already.

You had no idea if they didn’t do the paperwork because they didn’t want to, or because they genuinely had no idea on how to fucking read complex sentences, and honestly, you were starting to suspect it’s the latter.

And they naturally, tried to dump their work onto you, as if you didn’t have enough on your plate due to their absolute, universally recognised idiocy.

Which brings you to your new headache.

The pink gumball wannabe son of a bitch.

“Babe~” Sanzu whined like a child, sprawling across your desk, shoving everything you’ve been working to the side.

What a fucking attention whore.

“Sanzu, I am the secretary, not your personal assistant. Get off my damn desk.”

“Pwease?” He pleaded with a puppy like expression, getting way too close to your face, “I won’t bother you for a week!”

You sighed, rubbing your eyes.

“Pleaseeeeeee y/n?????”

He wasn’t getting on your nerves, he plucked them out and shook his head chewing them like a fucking dog.

“Y/n~” He let out a pornographic whine, finally pissing you off enough.

Professionalism, y/n.

“Fine! What documents?” You gritted out, pushing him off the damn desk onto the floor.

He perked up like a puppy.

At this point, expected.

“Here!” He happily handed you the pile, sitting cross-legged on the floor, swaying slightly in excitement.

You carefully accepted the documents, examining them once over.

And Sanzu had to observe as you wordlessly pulled out a lighter and lit his damn papers on fire.

The fire alarm blared above you as Sanzu stared at you, betrayal written all over his stupid face.

You merely smiled as the sprinklers turned on.

. . . next

🔖Taglist:

@1818cigarettes @nana-phobia @dilf-city @wakasa-wifey @rinsie @kisekihany @bajifairyy @cryszus @r-xochitl @levistiddies @sanzucide @graythecoffeebean @yukihime-mikeys-girl @mukounisuru-gashadokuro @sunahyejin @crybabylisa @yamaguccitadashi @minoozi @trashmemebitch @frogtits1 @sup-zfam @whydohumansss @xashiui @bontens-whore @nqctre @lumi-does-some-stuff @hana-patata @hxked @erza-uzumaki @sh4nn @sisnot @nahoyas-nymph @one-green-frog @justrandomlypassing @kio-kookie @haikyuu-simps-assemble @arlecchino-n-scara-k @ayhashi @tiredlattes @jeagerslutx @hayamirinrin @crown5 @medusalovessnakes @bblyerim @ohnoyouareasimp @sakinotfound @syddisheep @barcelona-sergei @solliver05 @ayamvirus @vanillaashakee (second tag list in comments. in bold are those who tumblr won’t let me tag. my apologies!)

#tokyorev #tokyo revengers #bonten #bonten x reader #rindou haitani #ran haitani #sanzu haruchiyo #kakucho hitto #kokonoi hajime #mikey sano

[vqnillaclouds]

although it sounds fun to be reincarnated into splatoon, I think I would have a panic attack immediately because how the heck did I teleport to Inkopolis square and oh my god why is my hand as large as my face WHERE ARE MY FINGERNAILS I can’t understand what anyone is saying and I’m probably homeless now the best I can do is to try and figure out my way through this sewer and SOMEHOW take the right way to octo canyon and HOW CAN I TURN INTO A SQUID PLEASE GOD HELP ME PEOPLE ARE LOOKING AT ME NOW WHAT DO I SAY I DONT SPEAK SQUID WHERE IS CALLIE AND MARIE PLEASE I NEED TO PLAY CHARADES TO TELL THEM I KNOW ABOUT THE NEW SQUIDBEAK SPLATOON AND THE NEW NEW SQUIDBEAK SPLATOON SO THEY WILL HELP ME IM CRYING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET IM IN EVERYONE’S WAY IM SO EMBARASSED I CANT EVEN GET HELP FROM THE SHOPKEEPERS BECAUSE IM NOT LEVEL 4 THEY WONT LET ME IN AND I DONT EVEN HAVE ACCESS TO A WEAPON TO GET A HIGHER LEVEL WHAT DO I DO???????????????????? PLEASEE FISH GOD OF THE SPLATOON CANON PLEASEE HELP MEEE (oh wait isn’t the splatoon god technically the fax machine thingy) HELLP MEE PLEASE SOMEONE HELP MEE THE CHARACTERS LOOKED CUTE IN THE INGAME ART STYLE THEY DONT LOOK CUTE IN REAL LIFEEE PEARL AND MARINAA PLEASEEE IM BANGING ON YOUR WINDOWW LET MEE INNNN LESBIANSSS PLEASEEEEE ISO PADRE HELP MEEE AAHWHAHAHABA ABBABABABWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHWHWHWHWHHEHEUEHEYEYEYEYGWGAGGWGEGEEYEYEEEEEEHAHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAHAHAHAHAAAAAA

#vqnillaclouds #splatoon #splatoon 3 #splatoon 2

[hungarianmudkip69]

grimmons fandom collectively forgetting that simmons canonically has a fax machine for an ass is a crime. where are all the fics of simmons accidentally faxing pics of grif's dick to blue team while they fuck

#i havent watched rvb in literal years but i think abt this at least once a month #rvb #grimmons #red vs blue #dick simmons #dexter grif

[batmanshole]

#if i got some of these wrong uh. well. creative liberties! #splatoon

[oceandiagonale]

Note: the big fence isn't actually a fence, it's just a visual reference for me to see which way the door swings open 😂

a LOT more acnh references + image descriptions under the cut

(images: guzma's room made in acnh, from various angles. most of the things from his canon room are still there -- round end tables, an iron shelf, his bed, his throne/chair, several small dressers, nice lamps, and paint-spattered walls+paintings -- but they're a lot more organized.

the bed is against the wall bookended by two dressers, the iron shelf is against the wall, and his chair is being used at an actual desk. there are small sitting areas in the upper middle and bottom right corners of the room now, and spaces are separated visually by a variety of rugs. it's the same components as before, but more people can hang out in the space now.)

(images: main part of floor 2F of the Ultra Flare base at aether, made in acnh. layout is a square instead of a rectangle due to size limitations, and the square is divided into 4 even sections: a gaudy, gold-covered bedroom for Ghetsis, an equally gaudy "common area" that's also for ghetsis but has a table in it, a room chock-full of gadgets and tech, including tools and specs of Celebi for Cyrus, and a cramped, but still cozy, office for Archie and Maxie, which crams in two desks and a couch. every single room has a pager on the wall. notably, archie and maxie's office is the only one of this bunch that has a security camera in it.)

(images: back part of UF base floor 2F, which consists of Giovanni's office, storage/employee training room, and assembly/meeting room. The walls are all red, except for in the assembly room, which has stark robotic walls.

the office has dark tile floors, a desk with two chairs at it, a small seating area, and a Team Rocket banner and paintings of Giovanni's team on the walls, much like his office and gym in Pokemon Let's Go. like the others' offices, Gio's has a pager on the wall next to his desk.

the training room has fluorescent lighting, a tatami floor, filing cabinets, a fax/printer machine, a whiteboard, a projector, and many black folding chairs in it. there are iron bars along the walls of the office and training room, indicating that they can close in the event of a lockdown. there are also security cameras everywhere except for Gio's office.

The assembly room is full of all the acnh machines and gears available, as well as a red control desk.)

(images: the main area of floor 3F, again confined in shape by limitations. there is a fancy white/golf dining area with a long table and red carpet and spiral chandelier for Lusamine, and a small kitchen area meant to be used by everyone, which includes a nice hanging wooden light, kitchen island with bar stools, and fridge.

there's also a break room area, which has clearly only been used by Guzma -- he's dragged in a pinball machine, pool table, and dartboard, and Team Skull brand clothes and paintings are scattered on the walls, couch, and in the closet. he's also tucked a hammock into a corner by the vending machines. understandable, since he doesn't have his own office. there's a pager in the break room, and security cameras in each area -- though there are blind spots, such as guzma's table directly underneath the camera in the break room.)

(images: the back area of floor 3F, which consists of Lysandre's office, storage room, and meeting room. the walls are all black except for a red accent wall in the meeting room, and there is only one security camera in the storage room and one in the hallway.

The storage room is full to the brim with papers, broken machinery, filing cabinets, and boxes. there's a ladder and a moving cart in it for ease of access, as well as a clipboard with a checklist on it. there's a pager in the room, as well as a broom+dustpan set on the wall. it's a veritable treasure trove of information, which guzma has access to as the person lugging it all around. the room has an ugly beige argyle rug, and harsh fluorescent lighting.

Lysandre's office has a modern red-wavy-striped rug in it. on one side, he has a nice desk with a golden tree next to it, a desktop computer, a coffee cup, and a filing cabinet. on the other side, he has a large machine + red button, and a sturdy project table with a blueprint and an espresso machine on it. there are tools on the wall, but also a nice painting and cabinet. Lysandre has his own pager.

The meeting room is a stark place, with only one desk, screens all over the walls, and a clock on the wall. another pager, obviously, and dramatic lighting. This is the place that Lysandre and the other villains initially interviewed Guzma to join Ultra Flare, and the lack of other chairs or comforts -- or anything, really -- is the most notable feature of it. Lysandre clearly wants to make anyone who comes into the room as uncomfortable as possible.)

#oceandi speaks #acnh #ultra flare #generic protagonist #long post #LONG. post. #naur I didn't finish my update for today I spent all weekend making these so I could have references for the general layouts of each area 😔 #guzma

[computer-fox]

Hi. :3 Do you have any Splatoon objectum headcanons? I know you ship Callie x Orca, but I’m curious what you think what some splatoon characters would be objectum for, if any! Thanks :)

Auaaa Sheldon absolutely for what i dont know I guess weapons but i Know that guy is objectum/posic

Marina is objectum for her headphones, laptop, piano, keytar, and dj turntable thingy

My own neo 3 is posic and considers orca one of her bestest friends

Iso padre and all his things he collects for sure

Raian abxy objectum for retro tech stuff

Octo samurai and his roller motorcycle thing

Octavio and his octobot kings...

The octoshower is also objectum to me! It's got its little rubber ducky wife, Quackers!

I cant think of any more canon characters but I know in my heart there is a splatoon out there who has a crush on the splatfest fax machine. There's someone out there in love with a plane at the new airport stage, there's someone who wants to be best friends with one of the robo rom-en waiter robots, there's someone who wants to always be with the copy machine in the lobby, there's a deepsea metro passenger who loves the metro, there's someone who thinks crusty sean's food truck was cute (i say was...cause...welll if you look in mincemeat..;-; ), there's a salmonid in love with its weapon (steel eel pilot was the first that came to mind lol), there's someone in love with one of the vending machines, someone in love with the ddr thing in inkopolis square, someone in love with inkopolis tower in inkopolis plaza, someone in love with the train that goes between splatsville and inkopolis, an octarian objectum for a flooder, someone who likes seeing hammerhead bridge, or someone who likes driving down it because they love seeing the nils statue, someone who waves at the mailbox (the one where you draw plaza posts) every time they pass by it, someone who is posic about ancient human artifacts and loves to visit shellendorf, someone who is in love with an entire turf war stage.....

That list is already So long sorry. But do you get my vision. Objectum Everywhere

#And ah. Also not canon but. My own oc chamelo😭is in love with that scooter in splatsville. And my alternan human oc that helped develop #orca and became its friend #ask #obj #objectum

[wackyrumble]

The☆Lukeman v.s. Roommate

The☆Lukeman - Yu-Gi-Oh! Sevens

An 11 year old boy's manga character who was somehow brought to life when his sister tried to put the manga through a fax machine to blackmail him and it jammed. It takes control of people like a parasite and has a toy story situation where it perceives everything like a manga character.

Roommate - Diary of a Tourney Kid

A clone of Adam Ruins Everything that came out wrong. He debunks things in the same way as his original, but completely incorrectly. Bill Cipher turned him into a hand puppet and fused him with a clone of another character. Fought Walter White and his evil shadow self, Walter Black. Read more about Roommate below.

Full description of Roommate:

"OK OK OK SO LIKE. HE'S FROM THIS MASHUP TOURNAMENT HOSTED ON SOUNDCLOUD & DISCORD CALLED "DIARY OF A TOURNEY KID, RIGHT? YES, IT IS BASED OFF OF DIARY OF A WIMPY KID IN NAME, THEMING, AND A BUNCH OF THE CHARACTERS IN IT. AND YES, THE ENTIRE PREMISE WAS STARTED BY GREG HEFFLEY TRAPPING A BUNCH OF PEOPLE IN THE DIARY. LOOK. OKAY. THAT ISN'T THE POINT HERE. (including a few real people but. roommate isn't one of those real people, LOL)

so Roommate is, like, a WEIRD case. he's a clone of a TV personality version of a real guy(adam conover specifically the whole thing he does in, like, adam ruins everything), but is SPECIFICALLY STATED TO BE A SEPERATE CHARACTER IN LORE. LIKE. HES A WHOLE OTHER GUY. HE DOESNT EVEN ACT LIKE HIM. HES LIKE. THE SCOOBY DOO VILLAIN EQUIVALENT OF A MAN. all he does is run around and "Debunk" shit but hes getting it all totally WRONG. It's like, if someone who never watched adam ruins everything before took one look at its name, the blonde, glasses wearing combover having guy on the cover, and went. "oh, this guy is gonna be HORRIBLE, isnt he". and in the shows case thatd be wrong but in roommate's case, he's...he's so pathetic. he's not even the same guy at this point. (and also literally isn't. but)

He never even manages to intimidate anyone even once. not even mr beast and ninja fortnite, (part of a team called Dubious Duo) who he just. VERY much annoyed via "ruining" twitch. He also got turned into a meaty handpuppet and fused to another clone of a different character by BILL CIPHER, of all characters but then immediately fell into a hole. He got his shit beaten out of him by a 19 year old punk catboy JUST before this, too. the punk catboys name is Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart BUT HE IS IN NO WAY RELATED TO THE REAL GUY. HES LITERALLY JUST. SOME RANDOM TEENAGER.

Also, extra fun facts about him include: during an event that happened on the discord, he canonically went ":3". He made his own ytp and posted it on the soundcloud account, too. he put a bunch of goofy wacky cartoon sounds in it. (his mashups use these sounds a lot outside of the ytp, too.) (incase you REALLY wanted to hear the ytp, though. here it is: https://soundcloud.com/doatk/ytpmv-02?in=doatk/sets/bonus )

P.S: extra information from a friend because they like to infodump this sort of thing & this isn't nescessary at all. but: He gets the fandom nickname of "Roommate" from his connection to Collegehumor & the Insane Clown Posse song In My Room, which he used in the tournament & is strongly associated with. He's so. He's so normal.

(P.S, P.S: THE IMAGE I SENT WITH THIS IS TECHNICALLY ART OF HIM FROM A CROSSOVER WITH ANOTHER SOUNDCLOUD TOURNAMENT THAT HAPPENED. BUT. its the best render i have that isnt done in like. ms paint LOL. IN SAID CROSSOVER (WITH A TOURNAMENT CALLED "THE PERFECT TOURNAMENT") HE ALSO FOUGHT WALTER WHITE AND HIS. EVIL SHADOW SELF, CALLED WALTER BLACK. WHO WAS LITERALLY HIS SHADOW.)

also: nobody in the fandom knows what his deal is, either. they literally just couldnt catch the real adam conover at first so they (In canon) just went "well! time to make a clone, i guess!" and then he came out WRONG."

#yugioh sevens #ygo #diary of a tourney kid #roommate #wacky round 1a

[autisdicksimmons]

Rvb character disabilities pt. 1

Going through the canon/my headcanoned disabilities of rvb characters, starting with Red Team. I may miss things, so please remind me if I do

Sarge

* Brain. Injury. At the very least from repeat concussions plus the time he was shot in the head

* HC— Hard of Hearing, unsure if from age or constant gunfire and explosions over the years

Simmons

* Literally had most if not all of his internal organs replaced with cybernetic equivalents

* Double amputee, again cyborg prosthetics but we see that they are not always reliable (he literally shot himself in the foot)

* HC— it isn’t confirmed that Simmons has a cyborg eye that I remember, but yes that

* Part of his brain is also robotic which is. Scary.

* Fax machine.

* I won’t be going into mental illnesses for the most part because that could honestly be another post entirely for Simmons alone, but his severe, unchecked anxiety disorder deserves an honorable mention

* HC— he has the most textbook autism ever. Of all time.

* HC— due to the severity of the surgery and Sarge’s incompetence, I believe Simmons is likely in some amount of chronic pain

* HC— Simmons mentions, angrily, that Grif doesn’t get headaches, which I am taking and giving him chronic migraines bc I have them too and no one can stop me

* HC— really really shitty vision, like, man is wearing bifocals in his early twenties type bad (helmets have gotta be able to be adjusted for vision, right???)

* HC— asthma. Bc I have it. And I can.

Grif

* Canonically (debatable, but still) has OCD

* Also a double amputee, but had the parts replaced with Simmons’s which, yikes, considering their canon (season 14 canon, anyway) height/body type differences

* HC/extrapolation off the last point— it’s highly likely that he has a moderate to severe difference in limb lengths, or that the Simmons side had to be MAJORLY fucked up which, ouch

* HC— also chronic pain based on that

* Most if not all of his current organs were received via Simmons transplant after being run over

* HC— again with the eyes, but I always draw/write him having a lazy eye w Simmons’s old eye, with it not seeing well and Sarge’s “skills”

* Had parts of his brain damaged enough by the tank that Sarge felt the need to replace them??? YIKES

* HC— Asthma bc Simmons had it and now he has his lungs lol

* HC— Hard of hearing, and honestly it’s amazing if all of them aren’t to some degree, actually

Donut

* Had half his face blown up. I take this to mean he is blind in one eye and fully Deaf in one ear, hard of hearing in the other, and some mild brain damage

* Had part of his hand CUT OFF when it got caught in the underside of a Warthog. I take this to mean that he’s missing most of his pinky, ring, and middle fingers on his right hand.

* HC— He’s almost died/actually died so many times but we don’t see any canon effects of this, at the very least he’s got some organ damage especially with the severe dehydration/heat exhaustion he’s suffered and being. You know. Shot point blank in the chest.

Lopez

* Decapitated. So many times

#red vs blue #rvb #red team #dick Simmons #Dexter grif #rvb sarge #franklin delano donut #lopez the heavy #I WILL make more of these for the others