#But again it’s abt the VARIETY yknow | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

boxwinebaddie · 3 months

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Hey Uncle Nina! I hope this doesn't sound rude, but why aren't you on AO3 anymore? I miss you :(

hi, anon! no this is not rude at all -- that is a very valid question! plus, it can be really confusing and disheartening when an author that you follow on ao3 randomly stops posting! i totally, totally get it! <3 :')

but for me, at least, posting my updates onto ao3 got suuuper stressful and unpleasant. like literally shredded my mental health.

but this!!! this is Fun for me <3 :) there's just somethin abt tumblr, idk.

i was holding myself to all these standards on ao3, stressing myself the fuck out...& i know i'm not supposed to delete the asks i respond to, but its nice that if i feel that compulsion, i can delete stuff/edit it without it being this big, gigantic thing i'm tampering w/.

...because an ask disappearing when i'm anxious is a bummer, but me deleting Entire Chapters and possibly entire fanfictions because of panic attacks i got...due largely in part to the ungodly Stress i incurred while writing them? not cute.

also, it was a little different when style/sp was super popular on ao3 and there were new fanfics/updates for stories everyday so when you posted something, it was very low stakes and if you just gave the tags a couple hours, your fic could be washed away onto page 2/3...

...but ohHHHHH my god its so SLOW right now!!! that i shit you not updates are sitting on the front page for like multiple days??? which is nice for people that want exposure ( and deserve it tbh! ) but a large part of the ao3 posting stress was me...watching my fic get views and not get kudosed or commented on so...if i was updating rn, i would be in hell. and i'm already in hell 25/8 doing my damn job.

which! i'm a working lady! i'm very busy and stressed! running a tumblr blog is waaaay less stressful than constantly updating a fanfiction tbh. and whats more? this is stress relieving for me. <333

i enjoy this little community of people who like my content on tumblr. its less vulnerable than a03 and way less aggressive than twitter. fr. you guys are super nice to me on here and i never feel stressed or pressured ever to post stuff. <33 its really fun for me to be able to answer really super specific questions about my fanfic for people who are actively seeking out that information! like its very...curated.

and its very specific in terms of my fanfics/ncuniverse stuff, but its nice for me because i can post a variety of diff content! like i can post up my little para things, snippets of dialogue, be silly and goofy in my ask memes, but also really serious in my ask memes, i can be in depth or mysterious, sad, funny, happy, really weird like idk you guys, i really enjoy the freedom i have on here to...create without limits? ig

it feels like i can give you a shit ton of information in different mediums without having to update my fanfics, like, idk, i guess its probably not as exciting to see my ask meme answers as it is to get fanfic updates, but i try to make them like little updates, yknow? it was also really annoying to have to keep you guys in the dark abt stuff in my fics/ideas i have bc i...havent updated, so now its like!! i can tell you stuff again which!!! AAAA!!! makes me so happy omg

but yeah, sorry for the sudden switch. sorry for not really writing but...this is much better for me. i feel a lot safer and comfortable doing this. i like answering my ask memes...i like talking to yall. in terms of my fanfics, i'm not entirely sure what that means...like if i'm going to update on ao3 or if i'm gonna just post experimental updates or pieces of my fics on here? if i'm just gonna tell all my stories thru elaborate answers to ur questions...

idk! IDK! and thats okay. i am having fun and i hope you have fun. thats all that matters. <3

-uncle nina in her healing idgaf era

#sorry tldr #ao3 was stressful #i dont like twitter #i like tumblr i like doing my asks i like answering ur specific questions and idk i feel like we built a lovely community on here #where like u guys ask me stuff u wanna know and i tell u idk i feel like we are having a little book club i like it here #i like that i can like make ooc posts like hey guys what do we think about the style yuri? when im off 3 ciders #or that i can in depth describe scenes to you through the hc asks and you get that info but in a less stressful and formal way #than it would be if i had to write that up as a para #but then the freedom to write para things or long form stuff or even just dialogue and post that to a group of people who are excited 4 it #like theres just so much possibility and its very low stakes #if i get overwhelmed answering the big ask memes i can take a break w/o consequence or do less serious asks #i can shoot you guys ideas and also talk about my life in a safe place where i feel supported #i can drop you guys experimental stuff i'm worried about and have it received by people who will be kind to me abt it in ways i am not ofte #with myself idk like this blog seriously saved my life a little #and i am very happy here and i love you guys and i love my stupid tumblr abt my stupid au style fics with the best readers in the world #i hope people are okay with me being a tumblr primary ff retired for now girlie i'm sorry if thats upsetting but i also try to keep it cute #on here like i feel like we can just do so much more like this and i can talk to you guys and be so specific idk i love this sm

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hollowknightinsanity · 6 months

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i have andra on the mind. im gonna talk abt her.

well specifically her and grimms daughter (who ive named timori, i cant remember if i said that or not) but yknow

mostly ive just been thinking about timori’s personality, and how she is with her baby siblings and the rest of the troupe

she’s a VERY chaotic character. loud and outgoing and not afraid to speak her mind, and willing to beat the ever loving fuck out of a mf for someone she cares about (or if she just doesn’t like them). she acts like a teenager despite being a fully grown adult half-god and i find that very funny

she’s a little overprotective of her siblings — some people who summon the troupe aren’t too trustworthy in her eyes, so sometimes she’ll follow the summoner around to make sure they’re taking proper care of the grimmchild, and if not, she’ll step in (and kick their ass, if she deems it necessary).

i like to think that timori helped run the performance during the events of the game, or at the very least that she was present while ghost was doing their thing. since andra knew holly (and genuinely really cared about them), she immediately pointed out ghost’s similarities to them to grimm, and bc he loves his wife, grimm assigned timori with keeping an eye on them to make sure there wasn’t anything they really needed to worry about.

timori, who adores her mom and dad with her whole heart and knows what went down in hallownest to make andra leave, agrees to do that, and so she spends most of her time in hallownest trying to keep tabs on ghost’s activities when she knows where the hell they are (that bastard is FAST, and REALLY good at hiding). by doing that, she found the variety of vessel corpses just laying around the kingdom, and she was like “oh shit, are there multiple???????”

and when she saw ghost going down into the abyss, she took a peek herself, saw the floor LITERALLY MADE OF MILLIONS OF VESSELS, and was like “oh shit, there are multiple”

this revelation made andra understandably upset and distressed. infanticide ain’t cool, man!

anyway. after the events of the game, andra feels kinda obligated to return to hallownest every once in a while to check up on ghost (holly and ghost looked almost exactly the same as kids, and andra loved holly with every fiber of her being, so she felt immediately attached to ghost when she met them), and also to see the grimmchild again, even though the troupe usually doesn’t do that. they do it this time, though, and andra had a mental breakdown when she saw holly again. and a panic attack when the shade lord appeared out of fuck-knows-where bc the grimmchild wanted to say hi.

after that unreasonably funny interaction, timori and her baby sibling are reunited and have a grand old time traveling the whole kingdom with their parents (and holly, because they missed andra and wanted to tag along)

all in all, timori is a great kid, she’s just like me fr, and she and her dad constantly joke about their shared transness and the fact that they traded genders.

timori is transfem, and i hc grimm as transmasc. this makes for some lovely goofs in the troupe tent.

ok im done now 👍

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bellflower-goat · 1 year

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Man I fucking hate te.rfs

And like, it's really frustrating how they put these weird rules as to what you can do, say, wear, identify as and feel based on geni.talia like why? It's genuinely so fucking dumb! And the people who have made me feel the worst about being a "wo.man" is bitches like them! Cause like, I almost fell down a nasty way with those ideas, and it was horrible really.it made me be ver damn rude to any guy near me, it just created that black-n-white sort of view and it wasn't good at all. Then I started realizing something was wrong when i started seeing features very common in gals around me as "indications of mal.eness" and that kinda made me realize how fucked up it was cause like. half the stuff they said was not fem.enine was shit me and the gir.ls around me had! And it was just sod amn disgusting. I started Tryna educate me n see stuff tru a different lens cause of that, and that's how I discovered another flavor o' que.erness I had that I didn't try to pay attention towards cause of said thinking. Doing that and also realizing that there really isn't one specific way to be a guy or a gal. Like at all! And I didn't learn it as much on the internet, it was more just. Seeing the world around me and the people in it and realizing that there's fe.minine women who have facial hair and big, unashamed bodies and that are completely cis and just. Even if they're not its just basic decency to realize that it's none of your fucking business! And that went the other way too! Just getting out of that internet spiral of thinking there's neat little boxes everyone must fit and just. Get out and put a bit more attention when I'm walking down the street, when I'm on the supermarket or la plaza, seeing the wide variety of people who are simply existing as they are, and minding their own damn business was so damn. It was a wakeup call really. That was a while ago, like 3 ish years ago I think? And I'll just think about it again, abt all the shit I had to unlearn and stuff and just. Seeing people still thinking the way I did that time ago is just. I won't try and tell em cause I value my sanity and wouldn't like to get death treats or something but just. I'd really hope they'll be able to understand what's wrong with thinking like that, seeing people as much less than they are, reducing them to shit that ain't your fucking business! I really hope they'll be able to understand, to learn and grow and heal, cause sometimes you fall into those nasty ways o' thinking cause of shit that happened to you, but still. Seeing in only black or white makes the people that hurt ya get away with it cause "it's only their nature" yknow?? Na d it frustrates me so much cause no it aint!! You're better than that and ya can be better, ya can learn to avoid being an asshole to ppl around ya and also it feels like a get away pass w being an absolute prick to others cause if they're men they deserve it cause "they're men n they have it good!!!" An thats just. It's rude and it's tiring and it disgusting and just. >:l

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nulltune · 2 years

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😳😳 if ur still accepting!!! with any of my muses 🥺🙏

send 😳 4 me 2 gush abt our muses!

i am.... snail but liSTEN HERE SOPHIE THERE IS NEVER EVER A TIME LIMIT FOR MY MEMES and for u especially okok 🥰🥰💖 i'm gonna go with some of the muses we haven't talked abt from your primaries from your multi here! just some rapid fire lynny thoughts hehehe 👀✨️ (and i hope u won't mind me tagging ur multi hereee 😳 @jiingweii hi 😳)

havria: OH SHE IS SO SWEETTT i think they're both the types to choose kindness even in a literal War and 🥺 oo sophie i'm grabbing u by the ankle (LOVINGLY...) bc i wanna know more abt xu feng wants too!! seeing her hobbies section rlly made me go 👀👀 bc call me simple but i am a sucker for charas bonding over lil activities.... music and origami in particular are rlly hakunocore (i hc her as a pianist, if they have that in genshin sgjdbs and the concept of origami is just,, Hakunocore! she's not the best at it tho <3) but i also wanna see em do painting or embroidery because hakuno would be pretty bad at thatt so ig she wants to teach hakuno or be frustrated by hakuno-- feel free! i just think it'd be neat idk idk!!

semiramis: THE WAY HER AND HAKUNO TO ME IS LIKE- queen ✨️ and.... some girl. sgkfhwd sorry hakunooo but pls!! it's interesting bc i see that semi views herself as superior to others as a ruler while hakuno's the opposite! sees herself as inferior to othera due to a variety of issues </3 another thing that i think is really neat abt them is how i'm 100% associating semi with black and hakuno with white but honestly...... they are both a widdle morally ambiguous! also has a lot of baggage with their pasts which i am 👀👀 at the prospect of them unpacking it maybeee ! hakuno's a huge history buff and fr is like an encyclopedia for history and myths so i think she's know of semi's life which i rlly wanna know how semi would feel abt tbh 😳

signora: HER BACKSTORY RLLY INTRIGUES ME TBH and hakuno's the naturally curious sort so 👀 she'd want to know about signora methinks.. YOU CAN KEEP HER IN THE DARK ABT IT FOR AS LONG AS U WANT THOO i feel like any positive relationship they could have would def be a slowburn! (hakuno's extremely patient tho, i will warn u that ✨️) idk why but i rlly wanna see em being forced into an alliance of some sort ngl 😳 i read from her wiki that she willingly cast aside and forgot her past tho so i think it'd be sooo interesting for her to interact with an amnesiac hakuno! hakuno was really really troubled over it so i personally think it'd be neat to see how signora would react to that too :thonk:

arlecchino: i barely know anything abt her but hNRRGH HI MISS MA'AM YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL AND COOL AND HHH?????? from that one fatui trailer she said "we don't want to make the children cry" so like. i'm sorry but i wanna see her forced into babysitting looking after some kiddos with hakuno. hakuno tries her best but she can be so awkward and i just think it'd be a fun scenario to throw em into ngl 😳✨️ again i baaarely know anything abt her bUT I WANT TO. consider this me being all grabby hands for more info abt ur arlecchino sophie (as well as any muse u feel like talking abt tbh!) i'm so ready to love her-

dehya: WHAT ARE THOSE THINGS ON HER HEAD ARE THEY ANIMAL EARS BC IF THEY ARE THEN HAKUNO "ANIMAL LUVR" KISHINAMI IS GOING TO STARE SO RESPECTFULLY- ok! i'm stuck in inazuma jail tbh and my genshin knowledge is lacking 😩 but i heard that she's very dedicated to her job? sooo what if she helps guide/escort hakuno thru sumeru..... i'm thinking a protector/protected kinda dynamic... at the start especially because hakuno's pretty lost in all this yknow! also in a place like sumeru i feel like she'd be so especially out of place because for all how logical and rational her thinking is, hakuno's veery emotionally-driven and always follows her heart in the end <3

al haitham: me talking about how emotional hakuno is and then googling al haitham and then seeing that he operates purely by rationality-- 😮😮😃😃✨️✨️✨️ I LOVE THAT ACTUALLYYYY hakuno can honestly be so frustrating because again, she Knows what's the rational thing do.. she just doesn't! she's always purposely giving herself the short end of the stick and honestly just being so damn selfless and self destructive,,, so i feel like he could maybe give her a reality check..??? idk but i think they're kind like opposites in that aspect so it'd be interesting to see how they'd interact ! i think forcing them to work together for something could be pretty fun too hohoo maybe they'll butt heads at times, maybe they won't, who knows 💃💃

raiden shogun: liSTENNN a huge part of hakuno's character is how,, impermanent it is (moon girls Do Not have a long lifespan!) and a lot of why she is the way she is the way she is is because of she's aware of her own mortality. the two of em could really have that immortal and mortal kinda dynamic i think! that said, i feel like there's some similarities between them..... hakuno can def see parts of herself in the shogun i think and would definitely try to bond or help her discover more of herself because of that! she does a liddol projecting... also this is a little silly idea but i hc hakuno to be scared of thunder so like. GSJCHSJD I NEED TO SEE THE GOD OF THUNDER REACT TO THIS INFORMATION???

#imarahuyo #jiingwei #&&. out of #q.#WANNA SCREAM ABT UR OTHER MUSES TOOO but idk i couldn't find a lot of info for them 😩#BUT HI I WANT 2 THROW A MOON LADY AT ALL UR MUSES WVFKSHDJD IM JUST!!! grabby hands grabby hands 😳💖✨️#OH AND IF U HAVE A SPECIFIC H.AKUNO AND UR MUSE COMBI THAT INTERESTS U; DO LMK !#ANDD TYSM FOR SENDING THIS IN S.OPHIEE ! <33

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sothischickshe · 3 years

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not last line tag

i was tagged by some ppl to do the last line tag recently @sdktrs12 @inyoursheets @pynkhues @missmaxime probs someone else idk this thing is unusable.

anyway, that was obvi v foolish and mean of them, so instead im going to have a what-write-next-breakdown which i think is def a better meme

so like ok on the one hand: i would quite like to write the incentive fic next cos ive been wanting to write it for ages & im very excited abt it.

BUT it’s presumably set in s3 & i’d need to go rewatch a bunch of s3 n im not sure i def wanna do that in the midst of s4 airing so maybe i’d rather wait till that’s done?? ALTHOUGH...how long is this hiatus when is the show back do we know?!

SO i thought maybe i actually wanna write the rio pov sequel to dirty dirty game next rather cos that doesn’t really require me to rewatch anything!

BUT it’s gonna be rio pov (duh) & probs longish & probs a bit angsty, and i just wrote something that was rio pov & longishish & angsty, SO like...if i do this next, am I gonna wanna write a long angsty rio pov incentive fic?! or will i just be putting that off forever??! *i* at least believe in flippage yknow?

SO! i thought maybe actually what i want to write next is the (hero) dean pov crackfic?! cos that’s gonna be short so fucking help me & only really involves rewatching a bit of the s1 finale/s2 opening probs. BUT that’s 3 crackfics in a row n i might need some variety in my life haha PLUS if it IS short (which it god damn will be grr), then im back to the same problem shortly?! ALTHOUGH i have no real idea what dean’s voice is like so maybe i can just write something like 600 words long n then fiddle with it for the rest of time hmmm

AND i do have a title idea i like for the dean pov fic, AND one i like ok for the dirty game follow up (& i guess an acceptable series title), whereas i dont have a great title idea for the incentive fic?! ugh. (maybe i should chop it into chapters or a series? hmm.)

IN CONCLUSION... yea does anyone know when this hiatus is over?! (i guess the beauty of a s3 setting is that i can ignore s4 canon if i wish hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmmmmm.)

i guess the OTHER thing is: some of the stuff from the 5 times rio asked beth to hit him again + 1 time he didnt fic was snipped from the incentive fic, n canon is making writing abt masochist rio less fun (though probs more accurate lol) n im not sure if i maybe wanna re-absorb them back into the incentive fic w/ less slapping n give up on the idea...? (BUT also jfc it’d probs end up so long i’d weep oof)

ALSO i think i know roughly how all 3 of them start but also.... i need the one documentary for rio to watch n then think he’s an expert for the 2 rio pov ones sooooooooooooo maybe i should go watch a bunch of docs n not write? yea sounds like a decent shout actually, thanks guys!

anyway, i tag all these ppl back to have a breakdown back bc i maintain it’s a much better meme plus @septiembrre @bourbon-ontherocks @riosnecktattoo n @mego42 who im pretty sure tagged me for a line at some point but wot is time, n also if you can read this n wanna screech, I TAG THEE!

#writing #fanfiction #i deffo think this is a better meme #im trying to catch up with tags n such n apparently i drafted this this morning so idk u can just deal with this ha #i do have a title source idea for the incentive fic i guess #hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

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prince-less · 3 years

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Workin on a series of doodles for a trans Arthur hc, so here's my lil tidbit list for that DHEHFBF

He's wearing a binder through the entirety of the videos even though he should've taken it off HOURS ago but he DIDN'T bc he FORGOT. Vivi would've reminded him if they weren't so busy being in constant danger.

After the events of the videos (the illusive 5th one as well that I won't elaborate on bc it don't exist. M just gonna say that everything is okay and all of them are together again :]) Arthur does not wear it for days bc ✨rib pain✨and takes a good couple days rest that he definitely deserves. Vivi n Lewis help take care of him cuz wowie he's been through a lot.

Plenty of time for heart to hearts and sweet wonderful moments then. Lewis probably spends a lot of time with him to just. Talk and get things straight. With permission, Lewis would warm up n massage Arthur's achy ribs n shoulders bc ouch :(

As per idea of a friend of mine: he has a wrench patterned binder along with a black half tank and white full tank.

He gets top surgery a handful of months after the canon events, with Lewis and Vivi helping cover it with all his previous and maybe current income from working at the Paradiso and some from a secret fund Vivi put together for Arthur bc "it's the least they could do". Artie does a lot of crying and group hugging cuz he's OVERJOYED !!! And very appreciative of it. Lance also chips in a bit bc he's proud of the boy and wants to support him

The gang was there with him through it all bc they love him very much :) tons of hugs and kisses and positivity for their special boy

Vivi is the one to hype Arthur up with all the silly alternative phrases to "getting top surgery". Yknow like "teetus deletus" and "titty guillotine time". She tries to change it every time to see if it'll make him laugh, and it surely does. Catches Lewis off guard sometimes too

Both Vivi and Lewis pool together their money for a surprise care package for Arthur's post-op. They crack open their own research for recovery care items and order a whole bunch of varieties for Artie to try out during recovery. They also throw in some comfort snacks and items they knew he liked.

They had a roadtrip to get to where they arranged to get the surgery, and it was a grand time. Artie is so excited and nervous and happy and the other two are just "we will park the van and hug u I love u so much plee"

When he's in the recovery room, he's loooy as shit like usual and Lewis n Vivi are waiting for him. When he wakes up he does nothing but blubber abt how flat his chest is and say how much he loves both of them. It's very sweet :)

Ok that's all m doin for now XJSHD emjoy :)

#prince speaks #mystery skulls animated #mystery skulls #Msa #msa arthur #arthur kingsmen #mystery skulls arthur #msa lewis #msa vivi #lewis pepper #vivi yukino #mystery skulls lewis #mystery skulls vivi #Lewvithur #Add this bc they're there #N also thus became less Arthur Is Trans And Cool to Arthur Is Trans And Cool And Loves His Bf And Gf SO MUCH.#Top Surgery Vlog with my partners :) (THEY ARE SO SWEET !! <:'O)#Ok that's gonna be the titkw for my doodle set that makes me very happy :)

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mothbug · 4 years

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maggie i’ve been trying to suss out the plot of ur bug lesbians for so long please tell me abt them. somehow it got into my head that they were?? like jaeger pilots? please confirm or deny

i can’t do a read more on mobile so i’m sorry in advance (coming back here after i’ve written this: it makes no sense. it’s all rambling. sorry. and i just put things everywhere randomly so this won’t even be typed chronologically)

yeah there’s giant fun robots! most of them are normal and fine but like a few of them are very fucked up

so there’s four pov characters and at the start of the story three of them are on the same ship and the fourth is the target they’re chasing? only one of them knows they even HAVE a target and is trying her best to stall because she and the target were roommates in fucked up robot catholic school. the other two are playing crazy 8s and being romantic and also terrified all the time but also doing a lot of theorizing about things because they know SOMETHING is up they just don’t know what’s going on. Bc you know. their commander won’t give them any information. and also avoids them because she hates narrative parallelism

also the one stalling is also having her blood drunk by her giant robot. and maybe being mildly possessed by it? so it’s maybe The most fucked up robot. it’s also a giant dog and a good boy. and an heirloom of a fucked up family. which may explain some stuff but honestly i think nisa’s mom was just a bitch and it didn’t have anything to do with the robot she’s just like that.

and she’s stalling bc she Knows she won’t turn perovskia in she knows she wouldn’t let her get hurt she Knows it’ll change her life forever if she finds her and she’s just not ready to face that. but yknow she has to so it was all just very silly of her but when something will change your life dramatically it’s terrifying even if you know that things currently Suck.

somewhere in here Arkansas’s family is threatened and it’s. upsetting. and i’m not sure what direction to go in with it but it will be important because her family means a Lot to her. she has two very good kind dads and a little sister named Tinsel. basically she has the only functional biological family out of all the characters and they make me :’) I also think they eventually meet Idabel and ADORE her and since she grew up without parents it’s just a very strange and emotional experience and. h. they r Wives. and the Trust family is all very sweet and kind even if Arkansas struggles a lot w gifted kid syndrome like i think her dads did their best even if they fucked up sometimes yknow. idabel goes fucking wild at the arcade like legitimately bloodthirsty and arkansas is just like i love my furious and powerful wife

anyway there’s some (a lot of) homoerotic space fighting (which perovskia usually wins BECAUSE she remembers when she and nisa used to spar and can predict what she’ll do. nisa ALSO remembers this bc. ofc she does. but perovskia had to learn how to adapt after Events bc her physical health changed a lot and she had to learn to be more careful about overexerting herself and also now knows how to swordfight. and moves more fluidly and confidently. so what nisa expects to happen often doesn’t bc perovskia’s fighting style has changed so much while nisa hasn’t really bothered to refine hers. anyway) perovskia (the gay little target that does a gay little crime and makes fun of you to piss you off) is like hey. what if you all committed treason it’s really fun and sexy. and then her adoptive mechanic mom gives everyone spinal surgery so their bodies don’t shut down and they won’t die :) that’s a thing by the way i won’t elaborate bc uhh :( but it is why perovskia has all the. nerve damage and chronic pain. i can elaborate on the actual Pre-story perovskia stuff later bc i think about it A Lot and it has a lot of bearing on her character but it’s also. before all this. but anyway if she hadn’t been bleeding out on Slice’s front lawn specifically she Would be dead. and there’s some fun narrative foil character shifts that happen four years before the main storyline but i will not say bc i’m tired

after this is Vague in my mind but a lot of it is Perovskia and Nisa reconnecting and just. talking. but being weird and repressed and deflective about anything Meaningful. And I have written a Lot about this so there’s more than I can condense but it’s very fucking good and. Idk. it’s a big shift in the narrative at this point and they’re just Agonizing about their dumb little feelings and it’s good. and P doing some work to make their giant fucking spaceship more stealthy. and Idabel and Arkansas being really cute and also going THROUGH it because i mean. a lot is happening. And it’s nothing either of them ever expected to happen but they’re like. hopeful for the future or whatever don’t look at me. It’s just like. put all of these characters on a spaceship in the middle of nowhere in transit and they all Have to have conversations even if they don’t want to because it’s HARD. nisa is forced by slice to learn how to make pancakes

Slice makes stew. They’re good at stew and contraptions and having a mild new england accent somehow. also canonically back in the scrapyard they would make things like the knife wielding tentacle constantly and perovskia would just stumble upon them. slice changed the live laugh love sign to say die cry hate because perovskia made fun of it. they r her mom.

so now they do some fun fun robberies and various crimes and it’s so sexy and i don’t think N and P are like. fully caught up at this point or know where they stand, so there’s a lot of very fun banter and having to work together despite really being afraid but also yearning to get to know each other again and just connect with one another honestly and openly after four fuckin years apart. because they’re both so different now but also very much the same. horse staring out into sea MAN. the thing is there’s no direct like. reason for them to avoid each other (at first P was shocked and overwhelmed and felt a little bit betrayed when she found out who was chasing her until she found out WHY. oh i forgot to mention Nisa BEGGED to be assigned commander for this mission bc she knew anyone else wouldn’t hesitate to get Perovskia killed. Forgot to mention that it’s IMPORTANT she fucking loves her so much god DAMMIT) but it’s just. tense and there’s a lot happening and it’s just. Ghhhdhbnm and ofc I and A have picked up on it since P showed up but it’s like. ok so what is Happening here. OH AND ONCE THEY START WORKING THINGS OUT IDABEL DOES START BEHAVING LIKE NISA’S SHITTY LITTLE SIBLING AND ACTING FUCKING DISGUSTED BY THEM ITS VERY FUNNY. they’re like perovskia you’re pretty cool what’s up with this. nisa sucks and also is a bitch. and perovskia says SHE CAN GET IT. and idabel says GET WHAT? BANNED FROM OLIVE GARDEN? and perovskia fans herself and is like yeah~ and idabel was just joking around but now is debating between mercilessly making fun of her and hitting her with a cricket bat. but god when P and N just get to hold each other in silence and security and just be. it’s . they. god. fuck. man.

oh i know this is a space story but perovskia just straight up has a sword (and some knives and maybe a gun idk) don’t ask me why idk but it’s very lesbian of her and she does gay little flourishes and is just. very annoying and i like her a lot. she’s very dramatic like her alias was madame revenant when she was living in the scrapyard and just doing some petty crimes like. she embroidered that jacket herself nobody calls her that she’s just a goofball. also warrior cats exist and she makes warrior cat fan animations. that just has to be true so warriors has been preserved for centuries. also she was presumed dead for a while uhh don’t think abt it too much but she likes that aesthetic.

Idabel takes the best to this new life of crime they are fucking FOR it she gets a FLAMETHROWER and Arkansas is like. wrow honestly my favorite thing abt them is that they’re both fucking INCREDIBLE pilots. like they know what they’re doing. and nisa is really really bad at it btw she cannot pilot a mech well. but this block of text isn’t about her i’m talking about THEM. Their chemistry is so good they r just. 🥺. and they both become Fast friends with perovskia because she’s just pretty likeable?? and ofc nisa’s jealous bc a) you guys don’t even like me :( but also b) that’s MY friend. it’s very funny. honey of course they didn’t like you you were being very unpleasant to be around. but arkansas does rlly wanna be friends with her and she and idabel have so much sibling energy it’s insane. i think they’d abel and cain each other for a scooby snack but also kill for each other. because they’re tiny girls who will growl at you solidarity and also probably hang out and just destroy things with bats sometimes. they all become closer and get a rlly sweet found family dynamic it just takes a While. oh also idabel is basically the chosen one and can set things on fire with her hands but it’s barely touched on because i think that’s a really funny thing to just ignore. but i also think it does become important because it’s largely fueled by anger and emotion and. h. i think idabel has a lot of feelings ok. Arkansas and Perovskia bond over having fucking anxiety disorders and have caprisun drinking competitions. i think it’s just like. these people all have similar trauma and need people to lean on when things are hard so they stick with each other once they have the option to split apart because by then they’re friends and work well together and Care. auto tuned baby crying mp3.

Alia and Agent Variety show up somewhere around here? They’re Slice’s very cool wives and Alia has a Vechicle Collection and own fucking stupid race cars and stuff and I love her. perovskia is afraid of being in vechiles so she has to take a fucking benadryl every time they have to make a getaway. Variety isn’t actually an Agent anymore and I also love HER because she’s very fucking good. they started out as just contacts slice had but it turns out they’re all in love <3 alia is also actually a sports car racer like. unprofessionally. illegally. which is just very cool of them.

Also i don’t think it has. a very BIG end, yknow? it’s like, they’re doing very good things and are up against a lot, and I don’t think they like.. singlehandedly take down the government or anything because they’re only a few people. but i think they get a happy ending and get to grow old while making positive changes to the world around them. like i don’t think they’ll be able to solve everything but they’re sure as hell gonna do what they can. But idk maybe they actually do get like. some good shit done. but again they’re not. an army. they’re a bunch of 20-somethings and their rube-goldberg-machine-creating chaperone. but i think they should get a fun climactic moment so i guess this is all to say i don’t. have an ending planned. but there should probably be one at some point.

OH AND the giant evil blood sucking dog vineyard vines robot Definitely almost kills Nisa (or at least fully destroys her in some way) and. it’s very narrowly avoided and she’s very very weak for a while because it took a lot out of her. also the dog robot does make grape vines grow and uhhhh any grapes that show up are 100% full of the pilot’s siphoned blood. also i think there’s still some remnants of that bitch in nisa’s mind afterwards bc an old mechanical god is hard to get rid of. but it’s mostly ok.

Also the bug people are just. a thing. like every person in the most recent generation in this specific society are at least a little bit genetically experimented on because. it sucks there. and i think if your parents bribe the government you can be a little Less fucked up but yknow. everyone’s a little weird. this was an excuse to put bug ppl in here they’re just the folks who were probably the most fucked with and i have many bug people here because i think bugs are cool and i want them to look like weird little bugs. This was all also an excuse to give the main characters fangs bc i’m gay. i don’t think randomly fucking with your genetics will make you a bug in real life so do not try this at home or at all PSA

SPEAKING of the society ok it’s very much obsessed with earth nostalgia and stuff and very yknow. basic cyperpunk shitty capitalism you know the drill you’ve seen space operas whatever but it’s also weirdly oligarchical? and like? it’s weird and bad and kind of a corporatocracy?? and. fuck. idk man they’re a fucked up space catgirl greeble-y amazon with catholic imagery. The Academy is also a thing but. idk how to describe it more than i already have it’s just kinda shitty boarding school. And after a certain point ppl can get sent on like. missions and stuff? in their fucking robots? but again i’m not sure what For. an option could be that there’s nearby Shit and nobody can tell if it’s safe because space is weird? also it’s only about 3200 so i’d say like. whole societies out in space is a relatively new thing and there’s some weird shit going on. so they sometimes send teenagers out in robots to see what’s up and that ends SUPER well for EVERYONE. hmm something SHOULD be going on actually there should be some weird eldritch space stuff. it should be connected to the more fucked up robots. it should also be Core’s fault somehow because uhhh capitalism and lack of foresight? anyway here’s women kissing i don’t know things. WAIT FUCK I FORGOT TO MENTION HOW SHADY SOME OF THE STUFF GOING ON IS LIKE THE DEATHS OF THE CREW PEROVSKIA WAS ON UHHH JUST TRUST ME DUDE like they are NOT afraid to get kids killed which was IMPLIED but also like it goes a little deeper than that and uhh i don’t know exactly what’s happening. but i’m sure it’ll all fall into place eventually. basically it’s very fatt shitty faction vibes idk how else to describe it. man it‘s like. just. there’s stuff happening they have goals and ideals and there’s probably more to it than i know so far bc stuff happens but i don’t KNOW what i’m tired and have been typing this for a year i don’t want to talk abt the bad capitalists i want to talk about tenderness and girls but unfortunately the ways in which the girls are tender are deeply informed by the environment they grew up in so i do have to think about it even if they all deserved better.

i think they all get a cat or a dog or something eventually. like they all deserve it. i think the final home they build together is actually pretty reminiscent of the scrapyard house. i think they get to live there for the rest of their lives and. just build something small and wonderful for themselves :’)

also i forgot to put men in the story they exist i just forgot about them. there’s nisa’s one ex i already forgot his name but he’s mentioned i think.

#IM SO SORRY FOR HOW INCOMPREHENSIBLE THIS IS I DONT HAVEA PLOT I HAVE CONCEPTS #ocs #long post #LONG FUCKING POST I CAN’T STRESS THIS ENOUGH #death ment #body horror cw #maybe #catholicism ment #again just to be safe #injury ment #possession tw

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penzyroamin · 3 years

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Food and sharing food continues to be a recurring motif in “tied together”. What was your thought process around that? How do you see that connecting to some of the central themes and concepts in the story as a whole? (And, if you would like to go into this, how do you see food and sharing food playing out in the messy au where David will also be cooking but in a completely different context/power dynamic?)

HAHAHAHA! I CAN FINALLY TALK ABT THIS WITHOUT SEEMING LIKE F SCOTT FITZGERALD BEGGING PEOPLE TO KNOW WHAT THE GREAT GATSBY WAS!!!!!

okay. im calm now.

so for a couple years now i have deeply and secretly loved the concept of food as a symbol for community. i didnt use it in fic for a long time for a variety of reasons. one, it just never really felt right. two, my love of this symbol is very much connected to my southern-ness, and while im sure many people have just as strong, if not stronger connections between food and community, i didnt really know if people reading my stuff would Get It or connect w it.

i finally decided to use it for tied together for two reasons. first, this is my most definitively southern fic. ive written other fics with Humid Small Town Energy but this is my first that i really let myself go “fuck it. crawfish boils. hurricanes. middle aged women with crushes on jim cantore.” as such, it felt like if i was going to go for this symbol at any point, it needed to be with this fic. the second is that due to Pandemic and also living across the country from the majority of the family i grew up with, i have been kind of starved of community experiences as of late. i wrote tied together entirely during a period when i havent spent time with anyone besides my immediate family, so i was really thinking about community and the nature of it and how fucking badly i wanna have a massive meal with people and hence... this symbol

with the background of my decision to include it covered, let’s get into how it appears in tied together!!

in chapter one, the majority of food’s appearances are... impersonal, if that makes sense? its all premade, whether its drive-through stuff, tv dinners, etc etc, and he doesnt know the person who made it. its also worth pointing out that around the time jack and his mom stop sharing meals is the point they become disconnected from each other. essentially, that’s the disconnect from community throughout jack’s early life

davey comes around and it. is pretty obvious from the start that, through this symbol, he is the Literal Embodiment Of Connection To The People Around Him. food was a really key way for me to show just how connected he is to his community-- he’s constantly cooking for other people, working for battalion, helping people get good food, contributing recipes to little cookbooks. the end chapter also nods to this in the scene w his family where esther mentions he made her teach him to cook for a group, and the conversation afterwards where he mentions that he wouldn’t be comfortable with people paying him to make them food or making food for strangers. cooking for other people is essentially davey’s way of nurturing the community around him and becoming closer with people, so to make food in an impersonal way goes against everything he knows about food and sharing it. the interactions he has through food represent the larger relationships and interactions he has within his community. juxtaposed to jack, he’s built this little world around him filled with people that he loves and cares for, even if that does lay a heavy burden on him at points. if i ever write something delving deeper into davey in this au, i’ll elaborate further-- but, essentially, davey’s role as The Provider of food for the people around him was a real stand-in for the way that he feels both within his family and his larger community.

think of it this way-- in all the scenes we see with davey cooking at a large event-- i.e., the crawfish boil-- he’s always pushed off to the side by that. there’s usually someone talking to him or checking in on the food, but he’s not able to be engaged in the larger hubbub and discussion of the party because he’s busy. it’s in providing food for people and sharing that with him that he gets fulfillment out of the experience. in his family, we see that davey is a little bit isolated. he was growing up at the exact time when mayer’s alcoholism was getting worse and hitting its peak, and he left before mayer ever really managed to get very far into recovery. his time in their house, essentially, was a lot of heavy lifting and few moments of solidarity and joy. he loves his family, of course, it’s just a very labor-intensive process. and then, of course, he has a similar experience to what a lot of southern marginalized people feel-- this intense need to care for and better your community when your community very frequently doesn’t care for you. davey has absolutely zero capacity for apathy in this au, and it definitely shines through with this whole dynamic. he works SO HARD to care for people, even if he isnt always able to fully enjoy being around them and being loved by them

and then, of course, you have the way davey and jack interact through this motif-- davey teaches jack how to cook, gives him a cookbook, invites him over for meals, etc etc. sharing that with him essentially represents welcoming jack into his community as a whole, and giving him a place there. jack mentions davey “clearing a spot at the table” for him, and that’s both literal and figurative.

additionally, while davey uses food as a way to bring jack into his community, jack also makes davey a little less isolated. in a lot of the scenes in chapter 5, theyre cooking together, in a very domestic, symbiotic sort of way. i wanted this to demonstrate how jack relieves some of the burden davey puts on himself and exists sort of Within davey’s bubble rather than just reaping the benefits

i also wanted to illustrate with this how jack repairing his relationship w food keys into this. obviously we have the disconnect that he has early on where his unfamiliarity w what he eats and who makes it represents a larger disconnect between him and the people around him, but jack does also absolutely use food as a coping mechanism and a crutch. not to get, again, TOTALLY gatsby here, but he’s chasing that sense of community and belonging and understanding in the wrong places. it’s once he begins to actually make food for himself and understand the process of it and be able to carry something through to completion that he’s able to actually Enjoy food, yknow? i wanted that to mirror the way throughout the earlier parts of his life that he tried to kind of slap up temporary relationships and make do with that.

side note about jack and food: jack has undiagnosed adhd (and some vague comorbidities rip) in this au, and his experiences with it i preeeetttty heavily lifted from my life and my special brand of fucked in the head. (for those of you who don’t know, carb and sugar cravings are a symptom of adhd, hence why food is often a coping mechanism for us fhskdhs). cooking and baking are processes that have REALLY helped me get a handle on myself-- it gives me an outlet for movement and stimulation, and its something that i can carry through till the end and get an actual end product that i can recognize and benefit from. plus, real time consequences if i let something do whatever for ten more minutes! so thats another element i added to the way that jack builds healthier coping mechanisms over time-- he moves away from food as a crutch and instead develops a new form of CREATING that gives him an outlet and a feeling of productivity

those are some Vague thoughts. i will probably elaborate in the future!

now, for the messy au, rather than food symbolizing community, i chose to have it represent vulnerability.

a quick review: jack married rich, and davey is jack’s new wife’s cook. on his wife, dorothy’s part, i wanted this to shine through in this squeaky clean, pristine image that a lot of rich people try to craft. she never cooks for herself, never pays much attention to davey, never draws attention to him. in essence, she is creating as few weak spots as possible-- she refuses to be vulnerable to the people and the society around her.

with davey, however, his and his family’s livelihood depends on him cooking for this woman, and later for her and her husband. he’s forced into this position of extreme vulnerability and weakness by his financial situation, and cant really regain his sense of privacy or self because of that. its also a point in this story that he has very little time or wherewithal to cook for his FAMILY. so, his job forces him into a vulnerable situation with complete strangers who hold an upper hand over him but denies him the opportunity to be vulnerable with his own family, only reinforcing this idea that he is the protector and the provider and as such cannot have weak spots and cannot, under any circumstances, break

it also really highlights the difference between jack’s relationship with his wife vs with davey and smalls-- all the scenes of he and dorothy eating together are in grand, fancy rooms, with a certain amount of pomp and circumstance and dignity attached. with davey and smalls, though, he’s usually in the kitchen, having conversation, enjoying their company, helping them with menial things. that’s an environment that he’s used to and comfortable with, the kind of relationships and interactions he grew up with, while the stuffiness of his life and interactions with dorothy are entirely less vulnerable and close

that’s just a brief overview, but its something to look for when i finally finish the fic! it definitely started as a very soapy sort of thing, but my damn instincts pushed me to delve deeper into the characters and their relationships and the fucked-up-ness of it all. so, here we are

i really hope this helped!!!! this is not organized AT ALL so please tell me if there’s anything else you wanted to know or any details you noticed

#holy FUCK is this long..#about writing #tied together #asks #thank u so much for giving me an excuse to positively SCREAM abt this

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unproduciblesmackdown · 4 years

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you said random number so.. gimme 5, 17, 24, 26, 38, and 43

#epic thank you!!!! sorry this is so long, gang, but you know me. press J if you have that keyboard shortcut option

5)favorite fics?

soph nothingunrealistic’s!! click the link & peruse any of the dozen gifts to this world on ao3. also just go right to her writing tag

17)a fandom you wish more people were in/you had more people to talk to about?

well i don’t Really have an answer for this one, but just yesterday it was once again time to talk abt how jaclyn moriarty’s 4-book ashbury/brookfield YA series is a lot of fun and unusual in good ways, but like, i guess what with being published throughout the aughts and like, not being super obscure but also not being explosively popular, and idk maybe they were also more Known in australia than the US, and, idk, but there’s not exactly what you’d call a Fandom online, or even very many traces of one. and i just like to mention the series as Fun To Read because they are very lively and focus on girls and have a real variety of Girl Characters (and also some boy characters who are also varied and fun but that’s just a bonus) and in particular i like to talk about how the third book has a really Unusual Choice Of Protagonist (the unfun unpopular Best Grades by-the-book overachiever etc etc etc nerd girl, kinda having the personality that ppl misinterpret alana beck’s personality to be lol, like something of a killjoy goody-two-shoes lol, but also with that earnestness and drivenness that alana has as well)......and the format of each book is Epistolary, but in different and creative ways each time, and it’s fun how like, the characters who are telling the story (the ones whose letters are used and etc) rotate with each book [tho emily and lydia are Storytellers in the 2nd And 4th books] and it’s very neat how like, you do get that sense that just b/c someone’s not being Focused On as much from different people’s perspectives doesn’t mean they aren’t still existing and present and doing stuff and having their own story, even when that’s not being mentioned by whoever’s writing down the events that we’re reading. we love that sentiment. anyways i just like to always Promote them.

24)who are you at the end of this decade?

hmmm!! i mean in many ways i am who i have been the whole time but yknow, 2009 - 2019 was a tumultuous period. i was always furiously trying to think through Who Am I As A Person for various reasons, even though like, when you’re in ur mid-teens that’s always In Progress rather than there being a really set answer to be discovered, and for a while it was a lot of frustration with myself all “why are you like [this], why can’t you do [that] right,” etc etc. but eventually i had like, a better frame of reference for a lot of what was going on, and even why i never quite felt like i had a great sense of Who I Am and What I Like and etc in the first place, and more understanding and respect for myself lol. even now it’s like, yknow i’m ~self-consious~ in ways often lol and i’ll sometimes Use that to be like, okay try to improve [this thing] about yourself!! and yknow on the one hand i feel like stuff i’ve been Working On for years Has paid off in ways, but then recently it’s like......okay hang on but like, it’s not a bad thing to like, have some traits that maybe aren’t gonna be seen as “perfect” or might be annoying or yknow, your Demeanor and Vibe isn’t always like, the most important thing to focus on lol or something where like, oh being sweet & saintly & coming across as utterly pleasant to everyone always gets to be The Objective Ideal. like, i’m opinionated and can be argumentative and sometimes impatient?? like, there’s a balance here between “good to be trying to Improve Yourself always or whatever lol” and “but also everyone is People with Traits and Different Personalities and everyone doesn’t have to just sand themselves down into an edgeless smooth sphere” and like, sure it’s like “haha i’m a bit more temperamental than i’d like still” but also i sure sympathize w/ the fact that like, oof, depression makes it tricky sometimes! and i do pretty okay at like, being Aware of when my mood is cursed and trying to be as chill about it as poss! or like, “haha wish i was better at conversation lmao” but yknow also understanding that like.....i’m just kinda Not great at it and that’s what’s Natural for me and like, again, a balance between “trying to be easier to talk to, lol” and “being okay with the fact that i’m not super easy to talk to and most ppl aren’t very easy for me to talk to either, lol”

im trying to be a bit less cagey lol which i guess might not be the first word someone might use to describe me for a variety of reasons, But......and but then also, i just like, for me there is no simple Be Yourself, Just Talk Naturally As U Would conversation mode lol, but you know. it’s hardly a pressing issue, and at the same time, like, sometimes when i find it hard to talk to people it’s like “well this is just you needing to Be Nicer” or whatever, or like, well you’re just not used talking to Anyone so like, push through it, and then it takes me a while to realize like, well no you just don’t love talking to them, lmao......and at the same time i’m Really slow to realize when people *do* actually enjoy talking to me, lmao, i am just not used to it And used to people like, not really being super interested in interacting with me even if they think i’m alright lol. lord! so i’m still slightly surprised whenever Anyone likes me, but also like, then again there’s sort of always these repeated scenarios where it’s like [Glum Trombone Noise] i’m also the recipient of various ppl’s various contempt for various reasons........which like, i sure don’t Absorb that as like “way 2 go, you deserve that” but also like, sure also never is the most fun experience of your life. but i have a way more solid sense of the fact that like, i don’t inherently deserve that, and an understanding of Why people will be Like That sometimes, and that’s all been acquired knowledge from the whole journey of this decade lol

also like, i have always been and continue to be like, Basically A Cat lol.....cats-sonas for everyone, ___ the ___ cat, But Seriously Folks........like, oh, there’s a lot of ppl and/or noise around?? unless i have chosen to put myself in that situation for fun, i’m probably gonna be finding whatever quiet / distant corner to hide out in and try to remain as undetected as possible.......kinda wary about interacting with people sometimes, though then also, i like to be friendly w/ strangers (if they’re friendly with me) and won’t necessarily mind spontaneous interactions but only if it’s Plausibly Expected in the situation, and even then, i might just prefer that Nobody Talk To Me......and i’ve yet to be Really comfortable in a group of ppl if i’m there *with* that group lmao, like, i don’t like to take the lead or compete for attention or anything and just kinda will try to do my own thing on the outskirts, whereas if i’m by myself it’s just like, i feel a lot more comfortable and like i can just do whatever lmao..........and also i don’t like to make noise lol. unless again, it’s deliberate, and it’s Fun. like at a concert? i will be the death of whatever nerd like, wants it to be like a solemn “listening to a record” occasion or wants everyone to yell out complete sentences if a performer asks an Arena full of people How Are You Doing 2nite or whatever. i’m gonna yell!!! anyways. idk. i am always like “oh i am Very Much [this way], except for all the times i am totally [the would-be Opposite way]”........i can’t really opt out of having Anxious Qualities and that’s alright, even though it does get in the way of things sometimes for sure. like, c’est la vie!!! i understand why i am like this, and that like, while for my own sake i can try to hold my own hand here and encourage myself to be a little bolder, it’s totally fine that like, i have Problems and Difficulties.

i’m also at like, maybe the lowest levels of Impending Dread that i’ve had since i was like, 8 or some shit lmao............like again kind of a Wild Decade and one where like, it was totally all like “wow am i even gonna make it to [a few yrs in the future] -> [a year in the future] -> [half a year from now]” aaand it hasn’t been a full year yet since i was last thinking like “lmfao oof i might not be alive by __, who knows!!” but even while that was going on it was at least an improvement from the times i thought i might like, hmm hope i don’t off myself. and like, this is probably the first Start Of A Year in like. well possibly the past decade lmao, where yknow, it hasn’t felt quite as dire. i mean im not really out here a cockeyed optimist about anything, and like, i’m aware that things are always a little tenuous and there’s other factors i’m always nervous about, but That’s nothing new, and i’m kinda more like, neutral about the future rn lol? feeling less Dread and Doom is new-ish lmao and like, allowing that yknow, despite how crappy the past decade has been re: how i felt in my Outlook, there’s been a bunch of surprising Good Things to come along, and i totally allow for the fact that that could easily continue to happen. having Less(ened) Bad Feelings about Things might not = Absolutely Thriving but i appreciate it!! i also try to be appreciative lmao. like, what with the dread and doom & (hope i don’t die this year, i guess,) feelings, it’s wildly hard nowadays for me to like, anticipate stuff in a ~fun~ way or at all, but yknow when anything nice, even a really small / unspectacular / ordinary moment and/or detail, is being experienced by me, i try to enjoy that. i like to be Appreciative. and i think i’m also sort of like, sharing more of myself than i’ve probably gotten to or felt capable of doing in the past, and i appreciate that a lot too. like, it can be really Depressing for sure to think of like, hmm i haven’t had the chance to like, feel in control of things and like things are Totally Fine and i feel Totally Okay & like i’m enjoying everything, and i can choose to pursue [things i might enjoy], and maybe i Won’t have that chance? [another glum trombone noise] but like. i appreciate the good experiences that i Do and Have gotten so far. and the fact i’ve ever been in situations to connect with people and enjoy things the ways that i can and like, it’s really nice that My Presence in other ppl’s lives, even as just like Some Online Rando re: some ppl lmao, has had some positive effect for them or even just been enjoyed is like, wow, this is pretty great lol.........not sure where i was taking this tangent but like, i am someone who appreciates this a lot.

hmm i am also a passionate person at the end of this decade lmao!!!! that has definitely always been true. i am Of That Temperament. it is funny b/c like, the fact that i am A Motormouth Actually But Often Not Saying Anything In The Least To People, they think i’m like, of this very mild disposition and Not someone with strong opinions that they will launch into, or else i would have been doing that already........but you know!!! here i am online, fully able to just dive into things and start talking about whatever for one million years. and i sure latch onto stuff in a Big Way sometimes, which is why anyone follows me at all lol, b/c if you like [whatever particular content] and i am just all about that too, it’s a beneficial situation for us both i guess lmao. i can get really excited and focused about stuff, obviously, and i sure Also Obviously like to explore the emotional aspects of things. which is a vague thing to say lmfao but you all know what i mean!!! it continues to be the only reason i draw lmaooo like i draw so much and like, Making Fanart And Sharing It Online has i think also been a journey of this decade for me, and i really only draw a) exactly that fanart that i feel like making, and b) what i feel like making is always also probably abt Feelings somehow, like the Three Emotions: kissing (aka gay), crying (sad), and angry (angry)........great news if you want to see the stuff i already happen to be drawing lol!!! bad news i guess if you were hoping i’d draw anything but whatever i end up wanting to draw. i cannot be diverted. and i don’t even draw for its own sake lol like, i’ve always doodled for fun and all that, but like, ive never been a “wow i want to make my own __ someday” or whatever, and if i’m trying to draw something which is anything other than [the exact thing i might feel like drawing] it is Such a chore that like, i just don’t do it except for like, total Exceptions. except exceptions lol. don’t ask!! anyways why did i get on that drawing tangent there........yeah it’s definitely lucky that i’ve been giving myself that Drawing Experience so that i can connect w/ ppl that way, cuz i’m godawful at like, necessarily providing other stuff lol Or at being the one to Make Connections Happen otherwise......and also of course sometimes it is easier to convey/communicate something via drawing. woohoo!!

anyways yeah i’m a bit excitable lol and i sure guess i’ve got that Chaotique energy at times, for better or worse lol........like sometimes my Contribution can be like, just an absolute wild card thrown into the pile, or just like, maybe adding some Boost to a situation that other people can run with if they so choose. just throw things out there sometimes and enjoy when other ppl find that fun lmao

what else is there about me??? lol.......oh yeah i’m always sort of an Office Goofaround (not actually in an office ever, though). like, when ppl Don’t have that sense of Collaborative Humor where like, if someone does something a bit silly u just roll with that bit, or if god forbid they have Exhausting Cishet Guy humor where they think everything is about Dry, “Intelligent” Sarcasm and that being “funny” is about making yourself look like the coolest or cleverest person there who Wins the Center Of Attention spot?? it’s like, eff that, where are my Get Silly gang. also puns are funny but also only b/c they are silly. you have to really lean into it lol.

well anyways!!!! and when i am asked to talk about myself i can be very extensive and yet not necessarily cover everything. here we are

26)favorite look you had?

my look hasn’t changed too much! Tees n Jeans (or shorts? or jorts? lol) are pretty much my thing altho you Know i have at times added in A Layer, or even accessories.......as always, part of the first few years of the decade for me was the whole “aha, yeah okay i’m trans” process, but before that i wasn’t ever really trying to be more “””””””””fashionable”””””””””” than the tees n jeans type of look anyway lmao, and even nowadays like, i have some Wardrobe Items that like, ppl might consider ”androgynous” or whatever when cis dudes wear them, like leggings or a v-neck sweater........really some of the only significant Changes was getting binder/s eventually (by 2012?? ugh idk) and also like, by 2011 i cut my hair relatively short, and from there on i just like, every year went “ugh god i need it to be shorter” and even now i’m like, hmm, do i want it shorter or is this fine?? but also i’m somewhat limited styling-wise b/c i just continually cut it myself in a bathroom mirror, true chaotic. and! i’ve been like, god i wish i had a baseball cap that’s just like, solid [my fave blue] or yknow, black or something, or idk. one that i like. and also someday it would be nice to like, not only have an updated prescription of lenses but also Multiple Glasses Frames to choose from, even though my current ones are alright still lol.......this is me just talking abt my past looks and how i’d like to potentially update my look lmao i did Not answer the question but, as usual, i also don’t have a great direct answer lol

38)a prediction you had for this decade that came true?

lol this was not a decade where i was ever looking ahead to 2020 and making any assumptions about this Block Of Time as a whole.......i mean like, i was Really starting to suspect byyyy 2012 for sure that like, i could not like, be able to exist And have my parents be in my life at all lol and by 2013 it was just like. increasing confirmation of that. and i last saw / spoke to them prior to me just effing out of there at the end of 2015. snaps for me

43)an important relationship (of any kind) you had?

well a couple i appreciated that might not be obvious were pretty brief and fairly impersonal lol. so in 2015 i had this Nightmare Job for five whole months which was obviously miserable in most ways, but there was this other guy who wasn’t even a Coworker, we just had the same job and had similar routes of Stores to go to, so we would run into each other a lot of mornings, and he would talk to me and i’d talk to him and he was totally good-humored about everything and that was helpful lmao b/c it’s great to have Someone you enjoy seeing. i also struck up a rapport with a baked-goods stocker at one particular store, and that could be an enjoyable 14 seconds. it was a godawful job lmao and like, Any pleasantness at all / decent treatment from other people was very helpful

also at this other job the next year which was a lot less hellish, there was this customer lady who like, i can’t remember at what point she started talking to me but yknow it got to be that if we’d run into each other she’d kind of update me on her life. and she would be like “sorry i’m talking to you, a stranger, about all this stuff all the time, but my life is a mess and i don’t really have anyone to talk to” and i would be like, lmfao mood, do not even worry about it, and yknow this was someone i only ran into usually once every few weeks at my job, and could only listen to for however long, but she was Going Tf Through It all the time and as much as i am a chatterbox who will go on for a century about myself b/c i can’t be concise abt anything ever, i’m also decent at being in Listening Mode lmao or yknow, i was like No Truly i don’t mind you venting, and also yknow, i’m like well i know how much it sucks to have Nobody to talk to about Big Problems. and i am this random restaurant worker and if i’m one of the only people this lady can talk to, you can bet i’m going to listen lol.......and she was really goin through it all One Thing After Another and yknow i’d catch her two weeks later and she’d be all like, well [this situation] has gotten worse, or This One Problem is over but now New Problem has replaced it, etc, and a whole issue that i got updated on was like lol. she had this boyfriend who she’d kinda mention early on when she was talking abt trying to find a job, or losing a new-but-terrible job and once again being back in that Job Hunt Stress, and idk like. i just sort of have decent Relationship Instincts lmfao of like “hmm this doesn’t sound great” but like, a month or two later she’s straightup Married to this dude, and i’m like oh congrats :) and then when a month or two after That she’s talking about how like, she’s maybe having Job Probs again and her now-husband is really giving her shit for like, not having found a new one yet, i’m like internally all [ :)))))) Not Surprised :))))))) ] but i’m like. yknow you Sympathize n Validate but if you just up and tell someone who’s being treated real bad like “you are being treated terribly, this person is acting terribly” then they might just want to defend them like oh it’s not That bad, or minimize it, and blame themselves for making their terrible partner “look bad”.......and by extension when she once was in our restaurant With said husband and introduced us i was like, just getting further confirmation abt this dude’s shittiness from his Immediate Vibe lmao like....whenever i feel uncomfortable enough in someone’s presence in a [not just universal level of Anxiety] way, it’s like, that instinct is pretty reliable & accurate lol.....but i had to pretend Not to hate him or act too standoffish towards him lmao cuz like!!! i figured i could “get away with it” but yknow, this lady had already said how isolated she was and the husband sure seemed Controlling and like, yknow, if you act like you don’t Like the shitty partner or said shitty partner catches wind of you maybe telling this person that “hey your partner is being shitty” then it’s all, them telling their partner “don’t go around that person who is so obviously Against me >:(” and like. yknow i figured as Random Restaurant Employee this dude wasn’t about to be super on guard about me but i still was not wanting to risk it but luckily i only met him the one time and only had to casually pretend i didn’t think he was shit that one time. and anyhow! soon enough the lady is talking to me about how she thinks getting married to him was a mistake but like, again, she was real isolated and didnt have family or friends or ppl in the area to talk to, and like, yknow she would be pretty sure her husband was cheating on her but of course He was the one all like, wanting to be controlling and invade her privacy and accuse Her of cheating on him, and i’m like, internally screaming but again yknow, i’m just letting her vent to Anyone (me) and sympathizing. and iirc her talking about her “uh oh my husband sucks” was like, i had come back from this delivery so we were in the parking lot lol and she was so upset about all of it and like, “sorry i’m just this random person talking to you for twenty minutes in a parking lot and crying lol” and i’m like. i mean yknow if the only person you can vent to about this terrible situation is me, this random person in a parking lot, absolutely i am glad to do it, even though i would’ve done it anyways lol...........and i was so mad at our General Manager this one time lmao b/c. yknow it’s a couple weeks later and wouldn’t you know it, The Lady is really stressed b/c her husband was yelling at her and broke a window in their apartment, and the Cost Of Repairs added to their monthly rent meant they might not be able to make that rent, and she was in that crappy situation that gets pulled on Tenants Who Probably Don’t Have Much Money, where you’re supposed to get 5 Days Notice or whatever when they’re like “get out b/c your rent is overdue” but you get that Notice on like, friday afternoon when your Last Day is supposed to be the following monday, and nobody is at the office all weekend, so obviously that’s not five days and it’s really only One Day and that Last Day that you’d even have a chance to talk to anyone, which is also a monday when you’d probably have work, and yknow, good luck finding help over the weekend, when probably ppl will just want to spend that time rushing to just pack their shit up and leave anyways.....ANYHOW it’s just some particular heinous bullshit and it was like, the saturday after it had happened to her, and i sympathized entirely b/c that had happened to me and i now lived in my car but i figured i wouldn’t bring that up lmfao.......and anyways i was sitting down with her to listen to her b/c it’s an Insanely Stressful Situation and again like, whenever she’d show up i’d let her talk to me abt her Problems for however long she felt like. and anyways of course eventually the one By-The-Books manager gives me shit all like “what are you doing daring to Sit Down and Not be doing restaurantly actions, ugh” and i’m like. i mean, unsurprising lecture to get lol, of course, but i was just so impatient like. well this person was having a crisis so i prioritized that above keeping the coffee stirrers fully stocked at all times, bite me. ENNYHOW and i didn’t see her for a minute after that and i Was a bit worried b/c like. of course i had every reason to be and she was just always looking so completely exhausted but then like, actually the last time i saw her she was actually more upbeat than ever b/c like! turns out that during an argument her husband had assaulted her and had been arrested. which is of course like. i was like oh i am completely sorry about that trauma but congratulations at this person being separated from you!!! and like, i wish i could have kept up with her beyond that, but i couldn’t, but like, that was the first Improvement in her life that i’d heard since i met her, and it was a way better last-thing-to-hear-from-her than her stressing out abt eviction thanks to her abusive husband breaking shit. and like, weird relationship lmao but!! idk i did feel lucky that i could be The One Person This Lady Gets To Talk With b/c like, god forbid she have absolutely nobody to talk to about this shit or treat her with any sympathy, even if it was just me, the rando she only got to see on occasion. and i hope she’s doing okay still! wish i knew for sure of course, but i’m glad i at least got to be there for her in a tiny way for a period of time and did eventually like, Know that she both knew that this was a bad person to be with, and got that Reason to be separated from him.

#imsocatastrophic

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